Tag: friend

How General Conference is Shaping My Vote this Election

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and have been my entire life. Twice a year, my family and I spend a Saturday and Sunday watching several sessions of General Conference, a worldwide conference where we listen to prophets, apostles, and other men and women called of God speak to us regarding how we can be more like Jesus Christ through living His gospel.

We are always encouraged to prepare for Conference with a question to be answered. We are asked to pray for an answer to that question and then watch conference with an open heart and mind, listening for that answer.

This particular Conference my question was one weighing heavily on my heart: who should I vote for in the upcoming 2020 presidential election?

I knew that I would not hear a name in Conference, for my church does not endorse a particular political party. In fact, the first president just today reiterated that in a letter to American Latter-day Saints:

“Principles compatible with the gospel may be found in various political parties, and members should seek candidates who best embody those principles.”
The First Presidency

Regardless of that knowledge, I still wanted to hear what qualities and issues that would be most important for me to study and consider as I work diligently to choose the worthiest candidate.

I can tell you most emphatically that my prayer was answered over the weekend. I still don’t have the name, but I do know what I will be focusing on to make my decision as to who will best lead this country and change it for the good of all Americans.

These were the topics I found most poignant as I listened to conference. The question I am asking myself, and I hope you will ask yourself, is who will best take action on these important and essential issues that shape our society?

The ideal presidential candidate, based on teachings in General Conference, will be devoted to:

Rooting out Racism/Prejudice/Inequality

“As citizens and as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we must do better to help root out racism…This country should be better in eliminating racism, not only against Black Americans, who were most visible in the recent protests, but also against Latinos, Asians and other groups. This nation’s history of racism is not a happy one and we must do better.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

“The Savior’s ministry and message have consistently declared all races and colors are children of God. We are all brothers and sisters.”
Elder Quentin L. Cook

“Each of us has a divine potential because each is a child of God. Each is equal in His eyes. …Brothers and sisters, please listen carefully to what I
am about to say. God does not love one race more than another. His doctrine on this matter is clear. He invites all to come unto Him, ‘black and white, bond and free, male and female’ (2 Nephi 26:33). I assure you that your standing before God is not determined by the color of your
skin. Favor or disfavor with God is dependent upon your devotion to God and His commandments, and not the color of your skin.”
President Russel M. Nelson

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “…. It espouses the concept of equal worth…There is no prejudice……The worth of souls is great… It is inclusive, not exclusive… This dispels prejudice and hatred.”
Elder William K. Jackson

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “In the culture of Christ, women are elevated to their proper and eternal status. They are not subservient to men…but full and equal partners here and in the world to come.”
Elder William K. Jackson

Building Unity Not Division

“Unity doesn’t magically happen; it takes work. It’s messy, sometimes it’s uncomfortable, and it happens gradually when we clear away the bad as fast as the good can grow. We are never alone in our efforts to create unity.”
Sister Sharon Eubank

Speaking of the City of Enoch, “They were of one heart and of one mind.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson, quoting Moses 7:19

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “It unites rather than divides. [There is no] or us vs. them mentality…We are all ‘us.’ We are all ‘them…”
Elder William K. Jackson

“The millions who have accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ have committed themselves to achieving both righteousness and unity. We are all aware that we can do better, and that is our challenge in this day. We can be a force to lift and bless society as a whole…We can be an oasis of unity and celebrate diversity. Unity and diversity are not opposites. We can achieve greater unity as we foster an atmosphere of inclusion and respect for diversity.”
Elder Quentin L. Cook

“Unity is enhanced when people are treated with dignity and respect even when they are different in outward characteristics.”
Elder Quentin L. Cook

Respecting Rather than Hating Those Who Have Differing Opinions

“In a democratic government, we will always have differences over proposed candidates and policies. However, as followers of Christ we must forgo the anger and hatred with which political choices are debated or denounced in many settings.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

Spreading Optimism Rather than Panic and Fear

“As we face challenges, we can rely upon the promise of the Lord taught by Paul: ‘For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind’ ” (1 Timothy 1:7).
Elder Kelly R. Johnson

“‘Be of good cheer’ is the commandment from the Lord, not
be of good fear.”
Elder Jeremy R. Jaggi

Vocally and Actively Following Christ

“Of all the zealous social, religious and political endeavors of our day, let ‘disciple of Jesus Christ’ be our most pronounced and affirming affiliation.”
Elder Jeremy R. Jaggi

“As the world speaks less of Jesus Christ, let us speak more of Him…We care more about being His followers than being ‘liked’ by our own followers.”
Elder Neil L. Andersen

“By following Jesus’ example, we will avoid many tragedies and undesirable behaviors that might cause family problems and disagreements, negative emotions and inclinations, perpetrating injustices and abuses, enslavement by evil addictions, and anything else that would be against the Lord’s commandments.”
Elder Ulisses Soares

Eliminating Poverty

“I speak of the poor whom the Savior told us never to forget…”
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

“In the household of faith there are to be no strangers, no foreigners, no rich and poor, no outside others.”
Elder Gerrit W. Gong

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “There is no recognition of caste or class…”
Elder William K. Jackson

Speaking of the City of Enoch, “…and there was no poor among them.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson, quoting Moses 7:18

Helping Americans Get Through All the Difficulties of COVID-19

*Our church leaders set an excellent example during conference by sitting six feet apart and wearing masks when they weren’t speaking. There was no audience. Also, Elder Gerrit Gong recorded his talk in advance because he had possible been exposed to the virus. This shows just how seriously they are taking COVID-19 and how much they respect each other’s health, as we should.

“Amid social distancing, face masks and Zoom meetings, we have learned to do some things differently, and some even more effectively. Unusual times can bring unusual rewards.”
President Russel M. Nelson

“I doubt there is a person who hears my voice or reads my words who has not been affected by the world-wide pandemic. To those who mourn the loss of family and friends, we mourn with you. We plead with Heavenly Father to comfort and console you. The long-term consequences of this virus go beyond physical health. Many families have lost incomes and are threatened with hunger, uncertainty, and apprehension. We admire the selfless efforts of so many to prevent the spread of this disease. We are humbled by the quiet sacrifice and noble efforts of those who have risked their own safety to assist, heal and support people in need. Our hearts are full of gratitude for your goodness and compassion.”
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“We will endure this, yes. But we will do more than simply grit our teeth, hold on and wait for things to return to the old normal. We will move forward, and we will be better as a result.”
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Maintaining Law and Order

“[Obeying the laws of the land] does not mean that we agree with all that is done with the force of law. It means that we obey the current law and use peaceful means to change it. It also means that we peacefully accept the results of elections. We will not participate in the violence threatened by those disappointed with the outcome. In a democratic society we always have the opportunity and the duty to persist peacefully until the next election.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

“Abraham Lincoln was right when he said, ‘There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law.’ Redress of grievances by mobs is redress by illegal means. That is anarchy, a condition that has no effective governance and no formal police, which undermines rather than protects individual rights.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

“Though Jesus’s teachings were revolutionary, He did not teach revolution or law-breaking. He taught a better way.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

“Redress of grievances by mobs is redress by illegal means. That is anarchy, a condition that has no effective governance and no formal police, which undermines rather than protects individual rights.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

Showing Mercy and Compassion to Those He/She Serves

“We often think of substance in terms of food or money, but perhaps what we all need more of in our ministering is mercy.”
Sister Sharon Eubank

“The Lord is always looking for willing volunteers to be angels in others’ lives.”
Elder Carlos A. Godoy

“To be Christlike, a person loves mercy. People who love mercy are not judgmental; they manifest compassion for others, especially for those who are less fortunate. They are gracious, kind, and honorable. These individuals treat everyone with love and understanding, regardless of characteristics such as race, gender, religious affiliation, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, and tribal, clan, or national differences. These are superseded by Christlike love.”
Elder Dale G. Renlund

“Christ will enable us to see others as He does. And with His help, we can discern what is most needful…As with all gifts the Father so willingly
offers, seeing deeply requires us to ask Him — and then act.” By asking to see others and then acting by “loving, serving, and affirming their worth and potential as prompted.”
Sister Michelle Craig

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “It heals rather than harms… We believe we are responsible and accountable for ourselves, each other, the church, and our world. Charity, true Christ-like caring, is the bedrock of this culture. We feel real concern for the needs of our fellow man, temporal and spiritual, and act on those feelings.”
Elder William K. Jackson

“What are the fundamentals that sustain a flourishing society? One that promotes happiness, progress, peace, and well-being among its members.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Praying For His/Her Nation and Its People

*Conference was full of loving assurances that our leaders are praying for us. President Nelson’s below is just one of them.

“I grieve with each of you who has lost a loved one during this
time. And I pray for all who are currently suffering.”
President Russel M. Nation

“During the past few months I have had the impression come to me that the best way to help the current world situation is for all people to rely more fully upon God and to turn their hearts to Him through sincere prayer. Humbling ourselves and seeking heaven’s inspiration to endure or conquer what is before us will be our safest and surest way to move confidently forward through these troubling times. I invite you to pray always. Pray for your family. Pray for your leaders of nations. Pray for the courageous people who are at the front lines in this current battle against social, environmental, political, and biological plagues that impact the people throughout the world, the rich and the poor, the young and the old…No matter how you pray or to whom you pray, please
exercise your faith — whatever your faith may be — and
pray for your country and for your national leaders. … This
is not about politics or policy. This is about peace and the
healing that can come to individual souls as well as to the souls of countries.”
Elder M. Russell Ballard

Maintaining and Building Virtue in Society

“The institutions of family and religion have been crucial for endowing both individuals and communities with the virtues that sustain an enduring society…These virtues, rooted in scripture, include integrity, responsibility and accountability, compassion, marriage and fidelity in marriage, respect for others and the property of others, service and the necessity and dignity of work, among others.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson

“…When people turn from a sense of accountability to God and begin to trust instead in the arm of flesh, disaster lurks…is to ignore the divine author of human rights and human dignity and give the highest priority to riches, power, and the praise of the world while often mocking and persecuting those who follow a different standard.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “…It is a culture… of high moral standards, sacrifice, forgiveness…”
Elder William K. Jackson

“The institutions of family and religion have been crucial for endowing both individuals and communities with the virtues that sustain an enduring society.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Helping Americans Become Self-Reliant

“The more self-reliant we are — temporally, emotionally and
spiritually — the more prepared we are to thwart Satan’s
relentless assaults.”
President Russel M. Nelson

“In an ever-changing world, we must prepare for uncertainties. Even with better days ahead we know that the temporal peaks and valleys of mortality will continue. As we seek to become temporally prepared, we can face the trials of life with increased confidence, peace in our hearts, and like Joseph of Egypt, we will be able to say, even in stressful circumstances, ‘There was bread.’”
Bishop W. Christopher Waddell

“If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.”
President Russel M. Nelson quoting, Doctrine & Covenants 38:30

Respecting and Sustaining the Family

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “This culture sanctions the sanctity of the family…”
Elder William K. Jackson

“Adultery, promiscuity, elective abortion and out of wedlock births are but some of the bitter fruits that grow out of the immorality sanctioned by the sexual revolution. Follow-on consequences that work against the sustainability of a healthy society include growing numbers of children raised in poverty and without the positive influence of fathers, sometimes through multiple generations, women bearing alone what should be shared responsibilities, and seriously deficient education as schools, like other institutions, are tasked to compensate for failure in the home.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson

*If abortion has caused you to feel like you have no choice in who you vote for, read my most current blog post here.

As an honorable mention, in his talk, D. Todd Christofferson took the time to speak about the United Nations: “In 2015, the United Nations adopted what was called the 2030 Agenda for Sustainable Development. It was described as a shared blueprint for peace and prosperity for people and the planet now and into the future…includes 17 goals…such as no poverty, zero hunger, quality education, gender equality, clean water and sanitation, and decent work.” Please read this talk where he also discussed this initiative as a positive thing for our world.

Who am I going to vote for? Well, I will be studying each candidate’s (including the major 3rd party candidates’) platforms on each of these crucial principles. I believe that there are different ways to do many of these things, and I also believe that each candidate will embody some of these things. I hope to find one that embodies all, but if not, I will base my decision, after this research, on the answers I receive through fervent prayer.

I hope that my Latter-day Saint friends, or other friends who believe in these powerful principles, will do this exercise with me, having an open heart and mind. To believe one party or candidate is godly and another isn’t without truly studying and praying is doing a disservice to yourself, your country, and the candidates who wish to serve America the best way they know how.

I would love to hear your findings. I will be publishing comments from each candidate on as many of these points as I can to help myself and others choose the candidate who will embody what our church leaders spoke of passionately and frequently in Conference.

**Update: I spent the week researching each candidate’s views on the issues above. If you would like a copy of my PowerPoint presentation, just email me at mrsapplejelly@gmail.com and I would be happy to send it to you. Best wishes, and God bless you!

Please vote your conscience! And please respect others’ decisions!

October 6, 2020
We Didn’t Cry

Eight days ago we moved from our home of 8.25 years into a rental home in the next town over.

That night we ate Cook Out on the floor of our empty dining room and played outside together at our home, probably for the last time.

I thought I would cry that night, but I didn’t.

We went over a few more times to clean and collect things, and then the night before closing, the 12th, I left a gift for the new owners, as well as the keys. I knew that none of us would ever step foot into that home or yard again.

I thought I would cry that night, but I didn’t.

I talked to Jad on our date night on August 14, and he told me he hadn’t cried. Neither had I.

It surprised both of us that we hadn’t cried and neither had the kids. In fact, they love the rental home. They have a big family room up front, a long hallway for running, and a huge basement for playing. They are as happy as can be.

Tonight we took a walk down our street and realized just how close we are to the Haw River!

Do I miss my home? Absolutely. I miss the back yard most of all, and I know Jad does too. We don’t use the back yard here really because we couldn’t take our playground or trampoline with us. Maybe we will start running around in it when it gets less hot.

I realized the first day or two after we moved that my heart is not, and never was attached to the four walls of our house. My heart is attached to my husband, my children, our dog, and the memories we have made and will continue to make together.

Our belongings are mostly still with us, which also helps us connect to our new surroundings.

Perhaps what helps the most is that we know that this is a stepping stone to what we really want – a new home built in land we chose, in a town and location we want to always live in.

I am so grateful that Heavenly Father sent us to 110 Norwood Court in Collington Farms, Mebane, NC.

I know that we were sent to that particular cul-de-sac, for we have made wonderful, lifetime friends who we trust, admire, and value greatly.

Our downstairs floorplan was perfect for large family gatherings, so we had plenty of holiday celebrations there. I also loved hosting girls’ nights, which I hope to do again after we move into our new home.

The most exciting and memorable thing that happened in our home was that I had a baby in my master bathroom. But, I don’t have to have that bathroom in my life forever to remember the miracle that happened. And that applies to all the amazing things that happened there.

So, my heart is full of all kinds of emotions, but mostly gratitude, not grief, and excitement, not regret.

Perhaps it’s silly to write about this, but I know I will wonder how we all felt 10 years from now.

We hope the new owners love our home the way we did, and we hope that they love our neighbors as we always will!

August 16, 2020
18 Years Since I Turned 18
I realized today, my 36th birthday, that it has been 18 years since I turned 18! Crazy!

And then I thought just how much my life as changed – how much I have changed – as a result of what has happened in my life the last 18 years.

June 21, 2002

June 21, 2020

I still remember my 18th birthday a little bit. It was at Nana’s house, just like most of my birthdays were, since my Granddad’s was one day after mine and my uncle’s was one day before mine. It was always very special.

At age 18, I had just graduated from high school. What kind of a person was I then? Well, I was a good person who did well in school who made relatively good choices and who befriended anyone who needed a friend. I went to church every Sunday. I was also obsessed with theater and musicals. I did not have the best self confidence due to being made fun of for so long for my pale skin and freckles. I also never had a lot of close friends my age in high school largely due to my values.

I was excited to go to college that January, but would work for six months to help me raise money. I was going to go to Southern Utah University in Cedar City and I was excited to get away and do my own thing.

So what happened the next 18 years? Allow me to highlight some of the biggest things from each year:

2002 – Graduated high school, worked two jobs (CVS and Walmart), and began going to the Singles Ward, where I met my first “love,” and thought I didn’t want children

2003 – Flew in an airplane for the first time, went off to college, started growing out my bangs for the first time, dated a lot, got engaged, went to the temple to make covenants with God, got married for time and all eternity

2004 – Got pregnant with my first born and going to school full time

2005 – Had my first baby, Casey Scott Lewis, and filed for divorce

2006 – Was greatly saddened by the deaths of my beloved Granddad and my two great grandmothers, got a divorce, graduated from SUU, moved to North Carolina for the first time, tried to fit in with singles again and had the worst self-esteem ever (see some of my struggles through being single from 2006-2010 here: https://ablisscomplete.com/finding-joy-in-my-circumstances/ )

2007 – Got a full time job at the AICPA, moved into my own apartment with Casey, put him in daycare (super hard for me), dated here and there

2008 – Fell madly in love with a man who loved me back but kept trying to get me to leave my church, met and fell for a Marine who would soon be deployed

2009 – Met Jad, decided between him and my marine (guess who won?), and made wonderful memories with this man I was falling in love with and felt was the one for me

2010 – Got engaged and then married to my true love, Jad, went on a belated honeymoon to Pigeon Forge, got pregnant with Rigel

2011 – Rigel was born, quit my successful career at the AICPA so I could raise him, started an Avon business, got sealed in the temple to Rigel and Jad, and Jad had major surgery to remove most of his liver due to having Echinococcus

2012 – Moved into our first home in Mebane, NC, got pregnant with Kamren

2013 – Kamren was born at home in the toilet – the scariest, yet most miraculous event in my life other than Jad’s surgery two years before, started teaching an Institute class on the Book of Mormon, Jad became a citizen of the United States, I performed in a musical with my church called Sing Down the Moon: Appalachian Wonder Tales

2014 – I started this blog, which I felt was a calling from the Lord! (See a summary of my blogs from that year here: https://ablisscomplete.com/a-blissful-anniversary/ ), we got a dog, celebrated my 30th birthday in DC, and Jad started IT school, which kept him very busy

2015 – Quit my Avon business, later started an It Works business, started doing book reviews for Cedar Fort Publishing and writing articles for Family Share, started singing in Messiah in Mebane (Just in case you want to know all about that year: https://ablisscomplete.com/2015-with-the-al-bjalys/ )

2016 – Won a trip to Disney world, went to Disney World for almost a week, got pregnant with my fourth, performed in my church’s musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, quit It Works, helped edit an author’s book for the first time (I would do so a few more times in the coming years, and I hope to do this as a job someday), found out I was having my first girl, attended the open house of the Philadelphia, PA temple, had my daughter, Eve, 5 weeks early

2017 – Started an online e-commerce store, lovingly called PB and Apple Jelly

2018 – Attended an elite training to help me scale our business, spent most of my time that year on my business, coached the next set of trainees at the same conference I went to earlier that year, started working with amazing women in the stake primary presidency (my first time working in the stake – district of smaller wards or congregations)

2019 -Performed in my church’s musical of Seussical, went to Palmyra, NY and got to see all the sacred sites of our early church history

2020 – Closed down PB and Apple Jelly, went on a wonderful 10 year anniversary trip with Jad to Asheville, NC, felt inspired to post Book of Mormon quotes on Facebook often, am still enduring Covid-19 and learning how to better stand up for the needs and rights of all my brothers and sisters in this world, and also working very hard to get our house ready to sell and build a new home on over 5 acres

I am sure I am missing a bunch of things, but these are important to how I have changed and developed as a person over this time.

From my experiences, I have:
1. Realized I can still be happy even in difficult circumstances, as my circumstances do not equate to my worth.
2. Learned more about love and what qualities I really needed in a lasting, eternal companion.
3. Increased in self-esteem as I decreased in envy and realized that God loves me for me.
4. Received a confirmation over and over that God is real and that He watches out for me through angels (on both sides of the veil) and that miracles still happen.
5. Learned that to be good you must act with goodness, not just believe in it. You must serve, share, and speak up boldly for the right.
6. Gained a stronger testimony over the years of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and of His role as my Savior and Redeemer.
7. Realized that really matters most in my life – not money or success or social media likes and shares, but the love I have for my family and my role as a disciple of Christ.
8. Grown in boldness in sharing the gospel of Christ with those around me and online.
9. Learned more about who I am – the good, bad and the ugly, and have worked hard to improve myself (an on-going project).
10. Learned what makes a good friend and how to be one, and appreciated so many friends, family, and acquaintances who have helped me become who I am today.
There are countless ways that I have learned and grown through these 18 years. I see God’s hand in refining me, and I pray in the next 18 years I will be closer to my true potential.
June 21, 2020
Of Race and Words
Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, I Don’t See Color, White Privilege…

These are just words, phrases. Yet, they elicit a strong response in most of us, and probably in different ways for different reasons.

Assumptions are made when people use these phrases, yet intentions may vary greatly. Assumptions are also made when people dislike these phrases, yet reasons may vary greatly.

I think it’s time that we stop making assumptions, and start seeking understanding when people say certain things.

Let’s go over these phrases together:

Black Lives Matter – I am ashamed to say that I used to be uncomfortable by this phrase because it seemed to be saying that black lives mattered more than other lives. Perhaps there are some few who do/did believe that, but, I have since learned that saying this does not, should not, mean that other lives do not matter. It simply means that black lives need more care, more protection, more change, and more hope because they are still seeing much inequality, injustice, and persecution in this country. They are seeing needless deaths over and over and they want to passionately express that their lives are just as important as everyone else’s. And you know what? This phrase is not just for black people – it’s for everyone who wants to see racism die. I know that I do. As long as this phrase is used to bring awareness and positive change to the issue of racism in this country, and not as a reason to justify violent protests and destruction, it is good.

All Lives Matter – The intention of using this phrase greatly affects the way people take it. Too many people say it because they don’t like to face the possibility that racism really exists – because it makes them uncomfortable to face the possibility of corruption. They want to stay color-blind and minimize the oppression black people in this country and other countries still face. There are also well-meaning people who say it because they really, truly believe in the sanctity of all lives, and that includes black lives. They feel it’s more helpful to use this phrase. Just remember, that in order for this phrase to be true, Black Lives Matter must also become true. So, to be passionate about one and not the other would be an oxymoron. Use the phrase in love for all and a desire to make the phrase true, and it can be good.

Blue Lives Matter – Because of the ongoing list of examples in recent years of blacks being killed needlessly by corrupt police officers, this phrase can be a touchy one. Some feel that this phrase is in opposition to Black Lives Matter, and truthfully, it often is. But, to those with good intentions, they use this phrase not to minimize black lives or justify killing them. They just know, and have compassion for the fact, that police officers face danger on a daily basis too. They know that many fear going to work as they may face retaliation for something that corrupt police officers have done. Perhaps the most important reason for this phrase is to show that most police officers are good people who truly wish to protect their communities. Use it this way, and not in any way to minimalize Black Lives Matter or retaliate against it, and this phrase can be good.

I Don’t See Color – This phrase is usually used by well-intentioned white people. They are usually genuinely trying to express that color isn’t what motivates how they treat people. However, it’s important to understand that people of color want you to see their color – see it as beautiful, meaningful, and a part of who they are. They want you to see their struggles and support them in their fight to end racism. We cannot fix something we cannot, or choose not to see. Thus, we must choose to see color.

White Privilege – I used to hate this term. I don’t feel privileged. Nothing in my life has been handed to me on a silver platter. I have had to work hard for all I have. I have had many heartaches, disappointments, and unfairness in my life. Something I realized more recently than I care to admit, though, is that being “privileged” doesn’t mean that everything in my life is easy. It just means that I don’t experience some of the horrible hardships and persecutions and fear that others face who don’t have the color of my skin. It’s hard to admit because it’s not something I as a white person have any control over, want, or think I deserve. I don’t want to be judged harshly for being white, which is something I cannot control, or treated like I think I’m better than everyone else simply because I’m white. I cannot control what others think of me any more than I can control the color of my skin. But, what I can do is recognize that there is still a major gap in racial equality. We have come so far from Civil War times, and Civil Rights times, but to say racism is gone and that there is no white privilege is ignoring other people’s suffering because we don’t want to face it. It’s easier to ignore it. But ignoring it doesn’t help, and it doesn’t make life safer or happier for those who are less privileged than me. As someone who is privileged, I need to stand up and fight for a world where people are only privileged by merit and deed, not by the color of their skin. White friends and family, instead of being annoyed or offended at this term, let’s use it as a way to make change.

As you can see, all of these phrases can be forces for good if said and met with good intention.

But, we are not there yet! It’s refreshing right now to see so many well-intentioned, well-rounded, respectful posts and comments related to George Floyd’s murder and the subsequent protests and rioting. However, it is difficult and discouraging to read so many posts and comments that go far in the other direction.

I feel that I speak out against what I am reading. I feel that I must share what I know to be right.

Based on my experience as someone trying to be a good person, as a writer, as a Christian, and as a social media follower, I have learned that:
1. Speaking in condescending tones while calling names and cursing dramatically will not bring people to your side. It will simply solidify someone’s reasoning to disagree with you.
2. If you must speak in anger, you should do it with the intention to do good – not to shame, criticize, or show any form of hatred or prejudice. Anger intertwined with hate will only harm you and others who decide to join you in that hate.
3. Extreme sarcasm only gets positive reactions from those who already agree with you. Avoid it, as it makes you seem egotistical and unopen to others’ perspectives.
4. Judging people without knowing their hearts is playing God. Only God knows what is in someone’s heart. It is not up to us to decide who is evil or who deserved what they got.
5. Not speaking up due to fear will not help you or anyone else. We all have experiences, knowledge, and convictions to share. Perhaps you will be the one who can change someone’s heart. This is a hard one, but you will feel so much better as you try.
6. Blindly sharing what you see on Facebook makes you seem uneducated. Before you share “facts,” fact check. And make sure what you are sharing is helpful, not hurtful.
7. Not everything is a political issue, especially the value of someone’s life. This is a human issue, so stop making it so political. This can only divide us.
8. Calling out hypocrisy only helps if you are making plans to stop it, to change it, and make sure you aren’t also a hypocrite.
9. You can be well-rounded. Not everything is one way or the other. We shouldn’t compartmentalize groups of people because when we do, we forget that people are complex and have their own individualized views based on experience and conviction.
10. Labels are only good to help present and appreciate identity, not to deliberately try to divide others. Remember that we all wear the labels first of human being and children of God.
11. Stereotypes are a form of racism, as is ignoring the problem, justifying the problem, and ignoring history. Subtle racism is still racism, so be careful how you say things.
12. If you must condemn actions, provide a better choice so it’s not just judgment we are spreading, but motivation for change.
13. We need to think before we talk or post. Would we want someone to say those things to us, or our friend, or our family member? What message are we sending?
14. It’s so important to look outside our own perspective and try to step into someone else’s shoes. If we do this, we will find we are less judgmental, critical, careless, and skeptical. We will instead learn understanding and empathy.
15. Never minimize the experience of others. Their fear is real. Their anxiety is real. Their pain is real. Try to understand. Ask rather than assume something isn’t as bad as it seems.
16. If you want to make change, focus on the root of the problem. It may not be obvious. Seek it out. What can you do individually to help it? What can you say to persuade others to make better choices?
17. When you share a meme, it may seem powerful at the time, but think before you post it. The message may not be as it seems. It may hurt others.
18. Do not take the media so seriously. There are agendas and half-truths told all day long. It’s our responsibility to search for real, unbiased truth. You may realize there is a lot more goodness in this world than you realized. You may also realize how much change is needed, and how you can take a stand.
19. Not everybody will agree with you. You can’t make people believe what you believe. But, if you speak respectfully with good intentions and a passion for positive change, you will be a force for good for those who are ready to listen, understand, and find common ground.
20. Spread what will do the most good – love, kindness, understanding, acts of service, and inspirational messages. We have too much hate and negativity in this world.
Some of these things are hard to hear and even harder to do. I’m sure I am sometimes guilty of these things myself – being silent for too long is the one I regret the most. But I do make the best effort I can to spread love, not hate. I try very hard to speak to educate rather than denigrate. I work to understand others who are different than me rather than toss their views aside. I try to unite, not divide.

Imagine if we all did those things. Imagine if we used our influence to bring light and understanding and peace to the world. We can do it one person at a time. Truly we all have the God-given power to be a force for good. I know it.

Now is the time to speak up for love and peace, not hate and violence, which is spreading all too quickly and furiously throughout our land. God will win this war of hate amongst His children, and we must help Him, whether it is by standing in peaceful protests, speaking up on social media, signing petitions, seeking reform, or talking to family and friends who have their own racial biases.

I feel so strongly that white people especially need to take a stand and join forces hand in hand with our black brothers and sisters, not just privately, but publicly. Let the world know that racism cannot and will not be tolerated any longer. If we do this, we can bring hope and lasting change. Perhaps less will feel like their only option is to loot, burn, and violently protest to get their message across. It’s a travesty that anyone should ever feel that way because it is not the answer – it only spreads more hate and creates more division. Hopefully we are waking up to the reality, and will use our words, influence, deeds, and hearts to help those who feel oppressed and afraid to feel only safety, joy, and fairness.

I stand with you wholeheartedly, my black friends and neighbors. I truly believe and know that Black Lives Matter.

************************************************************************

You may wish to read other posts I have read about this topic. Please share any and all that speak to you. Thank you for reading and for your support.

https://ablisscomplete.com/what-do-we-do/

https://ablisscomplete.com/a-message-for-our-day/
June 1, 2020
Granddad’s Organ Miracle

I was going through old papers on my desk today, and I was so happy to come across the story my Granddad told about the Washington, DC Temple Dedication in 1974.

I read it, and tears came to my eyes. I felt that I needed to share it with each of you to show that miracles are real.

The paper he wrote is entitled “Washington DC Temple Dedication Music,” and the top right of the paper has a drawing of the Washington DC Temple.

He began with a synopsis of the situation and then wrote his experience in his own words. Here is the entire paper from beginning to end, as written by my beloved granddad, Clifford D. Jordan:

The dedication of the Washington, D.C. temple was held in November of 1974 in the Solemn Assembly Room on the seventh floor of the temple. This room accommodates approximately 1300 people, with overflow facilities to handle a total of 4200. All sessions of the dedication were filled to capacity.

The Richmond Virginia Stake Music Committee was given the honor of furnishing the music for the second dedicatory session. Frances James and Clifford D. Jordan were called to select and train an eighty-voice choir from throughout the states of Virginia and West Virginia.

Individual auditions were required. The allocation for the Richmond Virginia Stake was twenty voices–five in each part.

The musical selections during the service were:

“I Know That My Redeemer Lives” (choir)

“An Angel From On High” (choir)

“Bless This House” with special words (solo by Betty Butterworth)

“Hosannah Anthem” (choir and congregation)

In early August 1974, I received official notification of my calling as organist for the Second Dedicatory Service of the Washington Temple on November 19, 1974 at 1:00 P.M. Detailed instructions were included relative to my responsibilities which included forty-five minutes of prelude/postlude music, and service music. The model number and specification of the Allen organ to be used were included. It was recommended that I try to find one of these organs in the Richmond area and familiarize myself with the instrument. Advanced preparation and practice was a must, as I would only have thirty minutes of use of the organ prior to the dedication. This included rehearsing with the soloist, Betty Butterworth.

I immediately began my search for this organ, and found the exact organ in Corley’s Music Store on Cary Street in Richmond. After explaining my needs to the store manager, I was delighted to learn that the instrument would be available at any time during normal business hours.

During the next three months I practiced almost every Saturday morning. The main purpose of this practice was to learn and memorize the geography of the console (location of stops, couplers, pre-set pistons, and tone characteristics for solo and blending purposes). This is the major concern of all organists, as no two consoles are alike and stop tones vary from instrument to instrument. A well-trained organist with strong manual and pedal technique cannot play effectively until he is totally familiar with the organ. This particular organ model had two manuals with approximately sixty stops, and was quite versatile.

On the evening of November 18, my wife (Lois), the soloist (Betty Butterworth), and I entered the Solemn Assembly Room at the appointed time for our allotted thirty minutes of practice on the organ. I felt thoroughly prepared, and looked forward to one of the most spiritual and exciting occasions in my life. I quickly discovered that the organ was not the same instrument on which I had practiced so many hours. In fact, it was twice the size–with three manuals and at least 150 stops, couplers, and pre-set pistons. The potentials of this magnificent instrument were limitless, and for fifteen minutes I studied, tested, took notes, and did everything possible to learn what I could in a short time. The last fifteen minutes were spend with the soloist.

Due to the many organists following me, it was not feasible to utilize pre-set pistons. There would be no time to do this prior to the service. Therefore, I had to rely solely on manual manipulation of the stops for desired sounds. This meant knowing where to find them instantly as I played. I knew this would be impossible of myself as the console was far more than I could absorb in a few minutes.

I returned to the hotel extremely troubled, knowing that I needed help and a lot of it. I got on my knees and fervently prayed to Heavenly Father that He would bless and help me as I played the next day, that I might be able to play at my optimum level and know where to find all the needed stops for the glory of His Holy Name. The same prayer was repeated during the night and the next morning.

I went to the organ the next day very nervous and insecure. After I sat down at this huge and complex console, I repeated my same prayer. I looked up at the console, and a miracle happened! The console was no longer complex to me. I knew exactly where every stop was located and the anticipated tonal quality of each. I performed far beyond my natural mental and technical ability, because I performed under the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord.

At the conclusion of the dedicatory service, the eighty-voice choir and congregation of 1500 plus joined together in singing the “Hosannah Anthem” (The Spirit of God). During the singing of this hymn, I heard a multitude of singing voices encircling me–which was not coming from the congregation! Tears were flowing down my face so rapidly that I could not see the music. I knew I was surrounded by a heavenly choir!

This is my testimony of prayer, faith, and truth.

-Clifford D. Jordan

***************************************************

Once I posted this blog post, I got comments from people who were there:

From my beloved Nana, and Granddad’s wife, Lois Jordan:

Cliff was on his knees off and on the whole night before.
He played so beautifully at our session of the dedication. There were several of us in the choir that heard those “extra” voices.
The man recording the music for all the sessions contacted Cliff to apologize for the poor recording of the music for our session. All the others came out perfectly except that second session on the first day. He said he felt it was not meant to be heard outside the Temple for it was the best of all the music presented and he had recorded all sessions each day. These are my most vivid memories.

From my lovely mother, and Granddad’s daughter, Laura Thacker: I never tire of this beautiful story. I attended that solemn assembly as a young girl. No one would have ever known Dad hadn’t been playing that kind of organ for years. The music was perfect.♥️

From a family friend, Debbie Spivey: Your Grandfather was so amazing and talented! I was at that dedication and I remember your mom and dad sharing this experience. There was no doubt that the music was so glorious that day!

May 18, 2020
The New Normal (For Now)

Early this month, from March 5-8, Jad and I went to Asheville, NC to celebrate our 10^th anniversary. It was wonderful to go out and do exactly what we wanted and spend lots of time together, mostly stress-free. It was sweet, peaceful, and exciting – just what we needed.

But when we got back from our trip, we were hit hard with all the things we had to do, how busy our schedule was for that week and every week after, and how difficult the kids were to deal with. True, it was just our normal life again, but the contrast from the days before was astounding. We love our children to pieces and would do anything for them, but they weren’t making it easy for us!

Then, just a few days later we were told Orange County Schools would be closed from Monday, March 16 through at least April 3. But that wasn’t all – soccer was canceled, and then church, and as time has gone on, almost everything we would normally do with the kids or together has closed (i.e. children’s museums, movie theaters, libraries, restaurant dining rooms), with the exception of parks and nature trails.

What a whirlwind of a month! And yesterday we found out that school will be closed until at least May 15!

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings swirling around my head from the past couple weeks.

Regarding School: I am definitely learning a lot more about patience and multi-tasking now that I have to home school. It was really hard the first couple days, but I’ve gotten the hang of it. We’ve been lucky, too. The teachers have been providing lots of assignments, online and paper, so we know what we need to do, at least for now.

Even though home schooling is hard and not ideal in many ways, many of my concerns have been alleviated: no bullying, no bad influences or temptations at school, and no uncomfortable bus rides. That has actually been a great blessing.

Of course it’s hard not being around friends, and some classes, like band, just can’t be done online, but being at home for schooling reduces the amount of time away from home and each other, and being at home helps the kids (especially Rigel) focus more.

Regarding Activities: To be honest, I was not that sad when soccer got canceled. I was so overwhelmed at how much time soccer for Kamren and Rigel (him especially) would be taking from our time together as a family, especially on the weekends. The boys were sad at first, but they haven’t mentioned it. And they still play soccer in the back yard sometimes. Tae Kwon Do took longer to be canceled, but it hasn’t been that hard without it. It’s a wonderful skill the boys are learning, but our Monday through Wednesday evenings have been clear. We haven’t had to rush anywhere, and the boys still practice their moves at home. It isn’t completely ideal that we can’t go to the museum or the library or many parks anymore, but the kids have been playing outside a lot, reading a lot, and Casey has also been teaching his brothers Dungeons and Dragons, which they play daily, so they are still having fun. Piano is a little different – they can’t go in person, but Casey and Rigel are doing online lessons, which is not as easy, but still works! I’m glad they are still practicing.

I am so happy, through all these changes that my kids aren’t on electronics and TV all the time, which has been great! So, even though I think the activities we normally have are good, we now know we can have just as much fun doing things at home. We’ve been having lots of fun outside and making fun food and treats. We also are feeling how nice it is not to have to rush everywhere all the time.

The one thing that I don’t like about just about everywhere being closed is that Jad and I really can’t go on date nights right now. We can obviously do things at home, but I miss getting out and about. I look forward to when we can go out on dates again!

Regarding Church and Church Activities: This one has been harder. I truly miss my church family, and the kids miss their church friends. It isn’t ideal that all church activities are canceled for now, we can’t go to church Sundays, nor can we do choir, etc. However, having church at home the past couple weeks has been lovely. It hasn’t been perfect, but I have felt the Spirit strongly as we have sung, prayed, had the Sacrament, bore testimony, discussed the scriptures together, and more.

I have an even stronger testimony of our prophet, President Nelson, who I know communes with God. Our church’s Come, Follow Me program came out a little over a year ago, and because we have it, we can have meaningful gospel discussion and learning in the home. We haven’t been worried about growing spiritually because of the abundance of wonderful resources our church has from manuals to videos to magazines to activities.

https://www.facebook.com/russell.m.nelson/videos/199840471336927/

The biggest blow to me, out of all the closures, has been the temples being closed. I made a promise this year to attend the temple faithfully once a month. Due to the temple closures, I cannot keep that promise right now. There is no place I feel more peace than in the temple, and I have a strong testimony of the work that goes on there. I know that they will reopen soon enough, so I am waiting patiently for that day!

Regarding Social Distancing: This has also been so hard! We have so many friends, loved ones, and family in the area. Not being able to see them either not at all, or not as often, is really hard. I am so grateful, though, that we have modern technologies that allow us to text, call, send photos, and video chat. And since it is springtime, being outside together is usually pleasant!

So even though we don’t see many people right now, at least the six people in my house have each other to hold on to, and can feel the love from others through other means.

In General: I have gone from completely calm and full of faith, to overwhelmed, to a little worried, back to overwhelmed. There have been so many changes so fast, and there are so many unknowns. Yet, through it all, I still maintain my faith that God is with us and He knows exactly what’s going on. He’s there to help us through.

I know what my family is experiencing is only one of many experiences, and what is a blessing for me may actually be very difficult for someone else. I have compassion for those in very difficult situations at this time. I pray for you and wish the best for you. I do hope, though, that regardless of our circumstances surrounding this virus, that we can see blessings in it.

I have felt from the beginning of these temporary lifestyle changes that God is trying to wake us up, to tell us that we need to be prepared temporally and spiritually, because this is just the beginning of things that will happen on the earth in the last days. That doesn’t frighten me – it gives me hope because I know God is merciful.

Why is this virus here? Why has God allowed it? Perhaps that’s the biggest question for believers.

Well, there could be many reasons. It could be chastisement; it could be a please to turn back to Him; it could be a way to us to get our priorities straight and realize what really matters; it could be to unite us as people and families; it could be to encourage us to show compassion and give meaningful service to those who need it; or it could be all of those reasons and more.

All I know is, God is all-knowing and the circumstances surrounding this virus, though a nuisance and worrisome in many ways, have and will bring good fruits as we choose how we will react to them.

It may be a while before things go “back to normal,” and the question I have is, will there be a “new normal” when all is said and done? Perhaps, and it probably wouldn’t be a bad thing.

What have your experiences been during this time of quarantine? Have you seen blessings too? How has your life changed?

March 24, 2020
Try Something New – Stretch Yourself

I’m turning 36 this year, and I have had some sort of an awakening recently – there are a lot of things I have never done and don’t know how to do that would be super cool to learn about and to do.

I’ve always had my core interests, such as singing, acting, reading, writing, public speaking, cooking and baking, spending time with friends and family, and going to museums, and while those things still bring me joy, I realized there is so much more out there, and I have been limiting myself.

It’s easy to say things like, “I’m not athletic,” or “I can’t even boil water,” or “I don’t have a green thumb,” or “I’m too shy to do that.” But is it true? Why can’t we get better at certain things? Why can’t we just try a little harder?

Some things definitely come more naturally to me. But even as someone who love to act, sing, and speak, these were things I had to build up the courage to do and to do well. I am naturally very shy, and still am in large groups, especially when I am not in control of what’s happening. But, I stretched myself in middle school, and tried out a drama class. It changed my life.

That’s not the only time I have done something out of my nature – I actually held a snake once, and this year I got some color in my hair. I’m sure there are other examples, but generally, I have stuck with what’s comfortable and natural, as I’m sure most of us have.

I have decided that this year going forward I will be trying new and interesting things to see what new hobbies and skills I can come up with. I want to be a more complete version of myself, and do better at reaching my potential as a person.

For example, for Valentine’s Day this year, instead of Jad and I going out to dinner or a movie or something obvious like that, we did an intro to fencing couple’s class. We had an absolute blast, and it’s a night we will never forget. I hope to go back and do it again.

With Jad at Mid-South Fencers’ Club in Durham, NC on February 14, 2020

Jad and I also just got back from our 10-year anniversary trip to Asheville, NC. I wanted our trip to be there because I was so excited about the Downton Abbey exhibits at the Biltmore Estate. I spent many, many hours researching other things to do in our time there, and surprisingly, I felt drawn to more outdoor activities, like hiking to a waterfall, going horseback riding, and going whitewater rafting. And guess what? Those were my absolute favorite activities of the whole trip! It wasn’t the shopping or food or exhibits that made me happiest – it was the experience of doing something new and exciting.

At Catawba Falls March 5, 2020

At Sandy Bottom Trail Rides in Marshall, NC on March 7, 2020

With Jad on the French Broad River in Marshall, NC on March 7, 2020

To be fair, I had hiked to a waterfall before, but hiking is a fairly new love of mine (going to Chimney Rock with the kids last year was what brought that on). But, I had never ridden a horse before, unless you count me sitting on one while someone led me around in a square like 20 years ago. So, I went from that to riding up in the mountains with many steep hills and windy curves. And I had never thought in my life I would white water raft, but I knew my husband had done it, and I thought it would be fun to try. It was more than fun – it is something I want to do every year and eventually take my kids to do.

I fully admit that I was scared to death for some of the horseback riding. We got awful close to the edge sometimes, and one time I thought I was going to fall off while going down a very steep hill. But I didn’t! And the seemingly endless instructions for whitewater rafting freaked me out a little, thinking I would forget everything and fall out of the raft and die, but then everything worked out just fine. I gave my all, and it was quite the adventure!

I haven’t built up to zip-lining yet, but that’s next on my list. And then maybe rock climbing. Who knows? It is exhilarating to do new things, and then realize you love them!

I know that part of my desire to stretch myself is because I have gotten healthier in the past year due to working out regularly and eating healthy (most of the time). That has also been quite the stretch, honestly.

So, if you are reading this, think of something you have never thought you could do, and find a way to go do it! Maybe it’s shooting at a shooting range, learning how to garden, taking a dance class, learning an instrument – the sky’s the limit!

Don’t tell yourself you can’t do something or you wouldn’t be good at it. If you say it and believe it, you’ll be right. But, if you decide that you can do hard things, then you can. You will just need to take that first step! It may take several steps and lots of work, but just get started and see where you’ll go!

You are worth it – stretch yourself!

March 11, 2020
Goodbye, PB and Apple Jelly!
You know the end of the story based on the title, but let me start at the beginning: Back in October 2017, Jad and I excitedly and proudly opened our e-commerce store, PB and Apple Jelly.

We had spent tons of time and effort on it, and really loved what we came up with. We knew something good would come of it. Once we launched, I did the best I could to run the store with the knowledge I had, but I knew I needed some more help to really help my store thrive.

Then in February of 2018, I was thrilled to have the opportunity to go to an elite training in Maryland with the very successful creator of ZeroUp, Fred Lam, and his associates. It was such an empowering experience and my store began to quickly excel from the knowledge I gained.

Because my store had done so well, and because I had been such a “ninja” at my elite training, I was asked to be an elite trainer for the October 2018 ZeroUp Elite conference. That was such an honor. I got to sit and eat with Fred Lam many times, and I was his equal there. Can you imagine me, an equal to a multi-millionaire??

I loved training new e-commerce store owners who were eager to learn and succeed. At that point, my store wasn’t doing as well as it had before, but I was still working hard on it and learned some new things at the conference. In contrast to the conference in February where I was a student, I actually didn’t feel as happy at this conference. I missed my family more, and I felt like I didn’t fit in. Fred and his people had a different lifestyle that included lots of eating and drinking at fancy restaurants and focusing on making lots of money. Fred’s assistant and I had a good conversation one day at lunch, though, about her wanting a baby, and that was the one time I felt like I made an authentic connection with any of these successful people. Other than that, I really felt like a poseur. But, I did enjoy my time training, and I was sad to say goodbye to the students I helped.

I continued to work as hard as I could on my store, but then in 2019, when I was super busy learning lines, music, and dance moves for my church’s musical Seussical, I realized that I just didn’t have the time to put my all into my business at that time. So, I stopped doing ads, and either did less or no marketing emails. I kept the store open, but knew I couldn’t invest the time I had previously done.

There were many times during the beginning of 2019 and beyond that I felt maybe it was time to close the store down. But, every time I thought about it, like magic, I would get a really good order or two. To me, it was a sign from God that I needed to continue. So, I did.

Later in the year, though, I decided to turn off most of my store apps and only pay for the website monthly fee. I did try another ad once or twice, but no matter how good I thought they were or how awesome the products were, they surprisingly weren’t successful.

And finally, at the end of last month (January 2020), I made the difficult decision to completely shut down my beloved PB and Apple Jelly, a store that was built from my heart, a store that I had spent thousands of hours building and operating. I had a month from shutting it down to make the final decision whether or not to reopen it. I decided not to.

So, it’s gone now.

People often ask me how my store is doing, and the couple people I have told that I shut it down have been quite surprised. They knew how passionate I was about it, how successful it had been at one time, and how many people loved shopping on the site, especially for clothes.

So, let me explain a little more why I came to the decision I did:
1. Remember the miracles I talked about – how every time I talked about closing the store, I would get an awesome order? Well, that stopped happening.
2. We initially started the store to make extra income. Well, we got it for quite a while, but because of promotions at work, we no longer needed the extra income.
3. The store, though a very exciting endeavor for me, took up an incredible amount of time. I would wake up every morning early and work on it for a couple of hours. Then I would work on it here and there during the morning while I was with Eve. I would work super hard on it all during naptime too, and then when my boys got home from school, I would still be working. I would also work in the evenings sometimes too, which kept me from spending quality time with Jad. It was way more work than I ever anticipated – way more work than the gurus at ZeroUp said it would be. (PS – that’s the way it always is with home businesses. They always tell you that you make your own hours and work around your schedule, spending as little or as much time as you want, but that’s just not true!)
4. Because I spent so much time on the store, and thus energy, I would eat to curb exhaustion and to help me keep going. I’d often make myself bowls of edible cookie dough or eat a large cup or more of sugary cereal. It was bad, and definitely keeping me from losing weight.
5. I figured out too late that if you want to make a ton of money with an e-commerce store, you have to invest a ton of money in ads, in apps, in videos and pictures, and so much more. I didn’t have money to burn, so I couldn’t put a lot into it.
6. I realized from my training class and from the class I trained at, that almost nobody who takes the classes ends up being successful with e-commerce, and that frustrated me. We always had to be on top of the market, paying for more training and programs. Too many of us just couldn’t do it. We tried so hard and did what we had learned, but the money was scarce and so was time.
7. When I would get returns, it was hard to make that money back. I would lose all the profit, and sometimes I wouldn’t even get back the product cost because it was too hard to resell the item.
8. The store stopped bringing me joy. It brought me more frustration than anything towards the end. Even when I did no work on the store at all, and just let orders organically come in through google searches, it was still a lot of work to make sure all went through.
9. It just was no longer necessary. It had served its purpose. I learned a lot and met some cool people. But, it was keeping me from doing many things that were way more important to my life.
So what am I doing instead?

Well, I have spent quite a lot of time pondering and praying about what is best for me to do with my time. It has been a glorious exercise, and organically changes over time.
1. I have been trying very hard to focus on my children when they are around me and not doing other projects unless absolutely necessary.
2. I have been reading my scriptures and working out every morning.
3. I have been writing a book, blogging more, communicating with my extended family and friends more, doing more service, reading more spiritual messages, and working hard on my genealogy, which has been my favorite hobby. It brings me so much happiness!
So, looking above at what I have been doing, doesn’t that seem so much more rewarding than stressing about an online store all day and all evening? It is – so much more so!

I don’t feel like a failure. I know that I put my all into my store, and it was fun and rewarding for the time it was supposed to be there. I also truly experienced what it might be like to live life with completely different priorities, and it solidified in me just how precious my family is, as well as my physical and spiritual health.

If anyone reading is drowning in an endeavor that just isn’t bearing fruit the way you hoped, please ponder and pray to see if it’s right to continue. And don’t feel bad if it’s time to move on. I really think that we should often ponder our lives and reprioritize what’s most important. It is such a rewarding process.

Goodbye, PB and Apple Jelly. Thank you for the learning experiences you provided me!
February 29, 2020
Lessons from Watching Elena of Avalor
My daughter’s favorite show is currently Elena of Avalor. I don’t blame her – it’s funny, has some really interesting characters and stories, has catchy songs, and also teaches some really awesome life lessons. All of my boys even like it.
I was watching an episode with her today, an episode we have already seen, in fact, where Princess Elena and her best friend, Naomi, are busy planning an important festival for the entire kingdom. Then, a cousin of one of their royal staff, a young woman named Rita, shows up and has a keen desire to help with the festival. Things start going wrong all over the place, and Naomi has a sneaky suspicion that Rita is responsible.

When Naomi finally accuses Rita of specific wrongdoings, Rita sweetly denies it, and Princess Elena, rather than agree with her friend, expresses genuine worry about Naomi’s stress levels.

The audience knows that Rita is in fact not who she appears – she is actually an evil young woman named Carla who wants to steal a special crown from the treasury, and has only been pretending to be helpful so she could get to it.

Now, in real life we might have trouble figuring out if “Rita” were genuine or fake, friend or foe. Naomi probably should have gotten proof before attacking Rita’s intentions, and Elena probably should have been more supportive of her friend’s gut instincts.

This episode made me think about judgment. I know people who think that having any constructive opinion or concern about someone is wrong because “you are just being judgmental.”

But judging isn’t necessarily wrong – we have to do it all the time. We have to judge people and situations for our own well-being and safety.

Are we wrong sometimes? Absolutely. I can think of plenty of times I have been wrong, for better or for worse. Here are some examples:
- I have blindly trusted someone for years, believing she was a victim of so much familial hatred, and it was only years later that I realized her true colors, that she was the prime source of the hatred, and that her family didn’t actually hate her at all. They just felt they had to keep their distance for their own well-being.
- I have misjudged when someone was trying to hurt me, even my friends. Rather than give the benefit of the doubt, I have assumed the worst, letting my irrational hurt feelings cloud my sound logic.
- I have taken sides in situations where I know for sure one person has done bad things and I have listened only to the words of the person who was hurt, not realizing that hurt often goes both ways.
- I have had bad feelings toward someone, getting very frustrated at their seeming inadequacies, only to get context later that humbled me greatly.
- On the other hand, I have judged someone more correctly than I would ever want to, only to be treated horribly for thinking about the safety of my family above all else.
Judgment can hurt whether you are correct or incorrect in your judgments. Does that mean we should never judge anyone and just assume everyone is always a good person who will only do good to you?

No, for that would be misguided. As I have thought over the years, I have learned some tips to help me in making appropriate judgments (something that will be a lifelong struggle for most of us, including myself):
1. When something doesn’t sound right or feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust your gut and do some investigating to confirm.
2. Look at a person’s fruits. Words aren’t nearly as powerful as someone’s actions over time (See St. Matthew 7:16-20).
3. It’s okay to be concerned about a person’s past. Just don’t let it define how you think about them forever. Let their present actions speak for them. People can, and often do change.
4. If someone you love has deeply hurt you, talk to that person. Don’t wait. Don’t stew. Don’t assume. Talk to that person. If he/she loved you before you got hurt, most likely that love didn’t just disappear into thin air.
5. When you are caught in the middle of two or more people and are not sure who to trust, talk to all of them. Get all perspectives. Make the best judgment you can and try to be supportive in whatever ways coincide with your values.
6. Be understanding if someone feels like they need to make constructive judgments about you or someone you care about. If someone is misinformed, please kindly and respectfully inform them, but if that person has valid concerns, respect them, realizing judgments in and of themselves are not bad.
7. Try not to make judgments based on looks alone, just one interaction, or solely the opinions of others. You should definitely the opinions of others into account, but don’t blindly believe everything you hear either.
8. When you make a judgment, ask yourself if you are being fair or kind. Do you really have enough information to make a fair judgment? If not, it would be best to postpone judgment.
9. Always remember that you are not perfect so you can’t expect others to be perfect. By the same token, some actions are far worse than others, and bad enough that precautions must be taken.
10. Pray for help to know how to handle and judge a particular person or situation when you just aren’t sure what to do.
I love the Savior’s Sermon on the Mount. In St. Matthew Chapter 7, he talks about judging. First, he says to “judge not.” Then he says that we will be judged the way we judge. He goes on to say we should worry about our own imperfections before pointing out everyone else’s. Finally, he said that we will know a person by his fruits, or his deeds.

These are wonderful words of wisdom from our Master, but can be a little confusing, for he seems to at first be saying not to judge at all, but then says how we should judge.

I love a talk that Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave at BYU in 1998. He discusses this very thing, and he makes it clear that final judgments are what are wrong, where we look at one particular part of someone’s life and decide what type of person they are and always will be. That is not up to us – only God can make final judgments. But, it is acceptable to make righteous “intermediate” judgments. Please read his talk linked above. It helps so much!

The most important thing I take from all this it is that we need to remember that Christ atoned for all of us. We all have our moral agency to do wrong, but we also have the moral agency to turn our lives around and do better. That is a gift we all have, and it isn’t our place to determine what someone deserves eternally. And even if we make an intermediate judgment that someone or something isn’t good for our well-being and safety at this time, it’s important to keep our minds and hearts open to the possibility of change later. That’s why we need to continuously pray for what to do, and how to handle people and situations.

I pray that people forgive me when I do wrong and do not judge me on one thing I have done, or the way I was at one time of my life. If that is what I want for myself, then I must do my best to give that same courtesy to others.

Judging is a tricky business, and Satan uses it to bring contention, pain, and hopelessness. I hope we can all try to judge righteously so we can still feel love and hope for others regardless of the intermediate judgments we must make each and every day.
February 18, 2020
When you start to feel too cool for your parents…

My oldest son, Casey, started high school this year. It hit me not long ago that I only have FOUR MORE YEARS with my first born – with my precious son who made me a mother.

I know that time will fly by, and it’s been hurting my heart that my time with him is so short. He’s growing into a man, and in a few short years he will have his own life without his siblings and parents.

Casey just had his first high school band concert a few days ago. I burst with pride as I watched him passionately playing his trombone. He was part of two real bands with so much talent and drive. I was and am so incredibly proud of his efforts to become a musician.

After the concert was over, I was so happy to see him (my husband and other kids had already left because it was getting late). Casey helped clean up the stage with a smile. Once he was done, we walked towards the exit doors of the auditorium, and I told Casey I wanted to take a selfie with him. He was hesitantly willing, and as we walked into the empty vestibule, I pulled out my phone for a quick photo. We posed for the selfie, both smiling, but before the camera could even flash, Casey had bolted away from the camera and out of the auditorium, clearly afraid someone would come in and see us taking the photo.

The freshly taken picture of my smiling face and a blurry image of someone fleeing the scene burned a hole in my brain, and a pain in my heart. I was crushed, and I was speechless. I felt an instant loss of joy.

As we got in the car, I expressed my sadness at him not taking the picture with me, and I started to weep, like really weep. I couldn’t talk about it, so I cried in silence.

You may think this was an overreaction on my part, but if you couple my sad realization about Casey leaving us in four years with him starting to be embarrassed of me, you may understand how this was more than my heart could bear.

We drove in awkward silence for a while, but finally I did try to talk to him more about how he hurt me. He seemed to understand, and when we dropped by a friend’s house to pick up some pallets on the way home, he rolled up his tuxedo sleeves and helped me. He wouldn’t let me do it by myself.

The rest of the way home, we were both feeling better and were able to talk about the concert as if nothing had happened. Then, when we got home, Casey made sure I didn’t unload the van by myself even though he had a lot of homework to do. He was very loving and hugged me, telling me he loved me.

That’s the son that I have always adored.

I am telling this story as a way to speak to all the teenagers out there. I won’t pretend I don’t remember what it is like to be a teen – I do. I remember wanting to fit in so much, wanting the popular kids to accept me, and I do remember sometimes being embarrassed to be around my parents.

Believe me, I remember and I understand. But, there is something so much more important than all those things. I know that now that I am a mother myself.

Mothers and fathers devote their lives to raising their children – to making sure they are healthy, happy, provided for, taught, and loved. Being a parent is a selfless job, and due to the love and service parents provide to their children every single day, they love them more than the children will ever know – at least until they also become parents.

So, my teenager friends, when you start to have that feeling that your parents are too uncool for you, or that you look uncool with them, I ask you to please reconsider your thoughts.

The truth is, your parents will always be there for you and will always love you. They support you more than any friend ever could. And to be honest, a true friend would want you to be close to your parents. It makes me sad to think that a friend would make fun of you for taking a selfie with your mom, or hugging your dad, or saying “I love you” to them both.

It hurts your parents when you push them away. See, they have rocked you to sleep, kissed your booboos, played with you to see you laugh, comforted you when you were sad, celebrated every holiday and birthday with you, and taught you how to be a good person for so long. It has brought them so much joy – you have brought them so much joy.

Continue to let them find joy in you and you in them. A parent/child bond is one that should never be compromised. It’s one of the most important relationships you will ever have. It should mirror your relationship with your Heavenly parents.

So, talk to your parents about everything, and they will listen to you. Respect how they feel about things and they will respect you. Trust them and they will trust you. Show love and help them out as they have always done for you.

As for my son: Casey, I love you. You will always be my little boy, but I also love the young man you have become, and will continue to develop into. I hope we will have a strong bond your whole life – it would make me the happiest mother in the world.

October 17, 2019