Tag: children

We Didn’t Cry

Eight days ago we moved from our home of 8.25 years into a rental home in the next town over.

That night we ate Cook Out on the floor of our empty dining room and played outside together at our home, probably for the last time.

I thought I would cry that night, but I didn’t.

We went over a few more times to clean and collect things, and then the night before closing, the 12th, I left a gift for the new owners, as well as the keys. I knew that none of us would ever step foot into that home or yard again.

I thought I would cry that night, but I didn’t.

I talked to Jad on our date night on August 14, and he told me he hadn’t cried. Neither had I.

It surprised both of us that we hadn’t cried and neither had the kids. In fact, they love the rental home. They have a big family room up front, a long hallway for running, and a huge basement for playing. They are as happy as can be.

Tonight we took a walk down our street and realized just how close we are to the Haw River!

Do I miss my home? Absolutely. I miss the back yard most of all, and I know Jad does too. We don’t use the back yard here really because we couldn’t take our playground or trampoline with us. Maybe we will start running around in it when it gets less hot.

I realized the first day or two after we moved that my heart is not, and never was attached to the four walls of our house. My heart is attached to my husband, my children, our dog, and the memories we have made and will continue to make together.

Our belongings are mostly still with us, which also helps us connect to our new surroundings.

Perhaps what helps the most is that we know that this is a stepping stone to what we really want – a new home built in land we chose, in a town and location we want to always live in.

I am so grateful that Heavenly Father sent us to 110 Norwood Court in Collington Farms, Mebane, NC.

I know that we were sent to that particular cul-de-sac, for we have made wonderful, lifetime friends who we trust, admire, and value greatly.

Our downstairs floorplan was perfect for large family gatherings, so we had plenty of holiday celebrations there. I also loved hosting girls’ nights, which I hope to do again after we move into our new home.

The most exciting and memorable thing that happened in our home was that I had a baby in my master bathroom. But, I don’t have to have that bathroom in my life forever to remember the miracle that happened. And that applies to all the amazing things that happened there.

So, my heart is full of all kinds of emotions, but mostly gratitude, not grief, and excitement, not regret.

Perhaps it’s silly to write about this, but I know I will wonder how we all felt 10 years from now.

We hope the new owners love our home the way we did, and we hope that they love our neighbors as we always will!

August 16, 2020
18 Years Since I Turned 18
I realized today, my 36th birthday, that it has been 18 years since I turned 18! Crazy!

And then I thought just how much my life as changed – how much I have changed – as a result of what has happened in my life the last 18 years.

June 21, 2002

June 21, 2020

I still remember my 18th birthday a little bit. It was at Nana’s house, just like most of my birthdays were, since my Granddad’s was one day after mine and my uncle’s was one day before mine. It was always very special.

At age 18, I had just graduated from high school. What kind of a person was I then? Well, I was a good person who did well in school who made relatively good choices and who befriended anyone who needed a friend. I went to church every Sunday. I was also obsessed with theater and musicals. I did not have the best self confidence due to being made fun of for so long for my pale skin and freckles. I also never had a lot of close friends my age in high school largely due to my values.

I was excited to go to college that January, but would work for six months to help me raise money. I was going to go to Southern Utah University in Cedar City and I was excited to get away and do my own thing.

So what happened the next 18 years? Allow me to highlight some of the biggest things from each year:

2002 – Graduated high school, worked two jobs (CVS and Walmart), and began going to the Singles Ward, where I met my first “love,” and thought I didn’t want children

2003 – Flew in an airplane for the first time, went off to college, started growing out my bangs for the first time, dated a lot, got engaged, went to the temple to make covenants with God, got married for time and all eternity

2004 – Got pregnant with my first born and going to school full time

2005 – Had my first baby, Casey Scott Lewis, and filed for divorce

2006 – Was greatly saddened by the deaths of my beloved Granddad and my two great grandmothers, got a divorce, graduated from SUU, moved to North Carolina for the first time, tried to fit in with singles again and had the worst self-esteem ever (see some of my struggles through being single from 2006-2010 here: https://ablisscomplete.com/finding-joy-in-my-circumstances/ )

2007 – Got a full time job at the AICPA, moved into my own apartment with Casey, put him in daycare (super hard for me), dated here and there

2008 – Fell madly in love with a man who loved me back but kept trying to get me to leave my church, met and fell for a Marine who would soon be deployed

2009 – Met Jad, decided between him and my marine (guess who won?), and made wonderful memories with this man I was falling in love with and felt was the one for me

2010 – Got engaged and then married to my true love, Jad, went on a belated honeymoon to Pigeon Forge, got pregnant with Rigel

2011 – Rigel was born, quit my successful career at the AICPA so I could raise him, started an Avon business, got sealed in the temple to Rigel and Jad, and Jad had major surgery to remove most of his liver due to having Echinococcus

2012 – Moved into our first home in Mebane, NC, got pregnant with Kamren

2013 – Kamren was born at home in the toilet – the scariest, yet most miraculous event in my life other than Jad’s surgery two years before, started teaching an Institute class on the Book of Mormon, Jad became a citizen of the United States, I performed in a musical with my church called Sing Down the Moon: Appalachian Wonder Tales

2014 – I started this blog, which I felt was a calling from the Lord! (See a summary of my blogs from that year here: https://ablisscomplete.com/a-blissful-anniversary/ ), we got a dog, celebrated my 30th birthday in DC, and Jad started IT school, which kept him very busy

2015 – Quit my Avon business, later started an It Works business, started doing book reviews for Cedar Fort Publishing and writing articles for Family Share, started singing in Messiah in Mebane (Just in case you want to know all about that year: https://ablisscomplete.com/2015-with-the-al-bjalys/ )

2016 – Won a trip to Disney world, went to Disney World for almost a week, got pregnant with my fourth, performed in my church’s musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, quit It Works, helped edit an author’s book for the first time (I would do so a few more times in the coming years, and I hope to do this as a job someday), found out I was having my first girl, attended the open house of the Philadelphia, PA temple, had my daughter, Eve, 5 weeks early

2017 – Started an online e-commerce store, lovingly called PB and Apple Jelly

2018 – Attended an elite training to help me scale our business, spent most of my time that year on my business, coached the next set of trainees at the same conference I went to earlier that year, started working with amazing women in the stake primary presidency (my first time working in the stake – district of smaller wards or congregations)

2019 -Performed in my church’s musical of Seussical, went to Palmyra, NY and got to see all the sacred sites of our early church history

2020 – Closed down PB and Apple Jelly, went on a wonderful 10 year anniversary trip with Jad to Asheville, NC, felt inspired to post Book of Mormon quotes on Facebook often, am still enduring Covid-19 and learning how to better stand up for the needs and rights of all my brothers and sisters in this world, and also working very hard to get our house ready to sell and build a new home on over 5 acres

I am sure I am missing a bunch of things, but these are important to how I have changed and developed as a person over this time.

From my experiences, I have:
1. Realized I can still be happy even in difficult circumstances, as my circumstances do not equate to my worth.
2. Learned more about love and what qualities I really needed in a lasting, eternal companion.
3. Increased in self-esteem as I decreased in envy and realized that God loves me for me.
4. Received a confirmation over and over that God is real and that He watches out for me through angels (on both sides of the veil) and that miracles still happen.
5. Learned that to be good you must act with goodness, not just believe in it. You must serve, share, and speak up boldly for the right.
6. Gained a stronger testimony over the years of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and of His role as my Savior and Redeemer.
7. Realized that really matters most in my life – not money or success or social media likes and shares, but the love I have for my family and my role as a disciple of Christ.
8. Grown in boldness in sharing the gospel of Christ with those around me and online.
9. Learned more about who I am – the good, bad and the ugly, and have worked hard to improve myself (an on-going project).
10. Learned what makes a good friend and how to be one, and appreciated so many friends, family, and acquaintances who have helped me become who I am today.
There are countless ways that I have learned and grown through these 18 years. I see God’s hand in refining me, and I pray in the next 18 years I will be closer to my true potential.
June 21, 2020
Of Race and Words
Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, I Don’t See Color, White Privilege…

These are just words, phrases. Yet, they elicit a strong response in most of us, and probably in different ways for different reasons.

Assumptions are made when people use these phrases, yet intentions may vary greatly. Assumptions are also made when people dislike these phrases, yet reasons may vary greatly.

I think it’s time that we stop making assumptions, and start seeking understanding when people say certain things.

Let’s go over these phrases together:

Black Lives Matter – I am ashamed to say that I used to be uncomfortable by this phrase because it seemed to be saying that black lives mattered more than other lives. Perhaps there are some few who do/did believe that, but, I have since learned that saying this does not, should not, mean that other lives do not matter. It simply means that black lives need more care, more protection, more change, and more hope because they are still seeing much inequality, injustice, and persecution in this country. They are seeing needless deaths over and over and they want to passionately express that their lives are just as important as everyone else’s. And you know what? This phrase is not just for black people – it’s for everyone who wants to see racism die. I know that I do. As long as this phrase is used to bring awareness and positive change to the issue of racism in this country, and not as a reason to justify violent protests and destruction, it is good.

All Lives Matter – The intention of using this phrase greatly affects the way people take it. Too many people say it because they don’t like to face the possibility that racism really exists – because it makes them uncomfortable to face the possibility of corruption. They want to stay color-blind and minimize the oppression black people in this country and other countries still face. There are also well-meaning people who say it because they really, truly believe in the sanctity of all lives, and that includes black lives. They feel it’s more helpful to use this phrase. Just remember, that in order for this phrase to be true, Black Lives Matter must also become true. So, to be passionate about one and not the other would be an oxymoron. Use the phrase in love for all and a desire to make the phrase true, and it can be good.

Blue Lives Matter – Because of the ongoing list of examples in recent years of blacks being killed needlessly by corrupt police officers, this phrase can be a touchy one. Some feel that this phrase is in opposition to Black Lives Matter, and truthfully, it often is. But, to those with good intentions, they use this phrase not to minimize black lives or justify killing them. They just know, and have compassion for the fact, that police officers face danger on a daily basis too. They know that many fear going to work as they may face retaliation for something that corrupt police officers have done. Perhaps the most important reason for this phrase is to show that most police officers are good people who truly wish to protect their communities. Use it this way, and not in any way to minimalize Black Lives Matter or retaliate against it, and this phrase can be good.

I Don’t See Color – This phrase is usually used by well-intentioned white people. They are usually genuinely trying to express that color isn’t what motivates how they treat people. However, it’s important to understand that people of color want you to see their color – see it as beautiful, meaningful, and a part of who they are. They want you to see their struggles and support them in their fight to end racism. We cannot fix something we cannot, or choose not to see. Thus, we must choose to see color.

White Privilege – I used to hate this term. I don’t feel privileged. Nothing in my life has been handed to me on a silver platter. I have had to work hard for all I have. I have had many heartaches, disappointments, and unfairness in my life. Something I realized more recently than I care to admit, though, is that being “privileged” doesn’t mean that everything in my life is easy. It just means that I don’t experience some of the horrible hardships and persecutions and fear that others face who don’t have the color of my skin. It’s hard to admit because it’s not something I as a white person have any control over, want, or think I deserve. I don’t want to be judged harshly for being white, which is something I cannot control, or treated like I think I’m better than everyone else simply because I’m white. I cannot control what others think of me any more than I can control the color of my skin. But, what I can do is recognize that there is still a major gap in racial equality. We have come so far from Civil War times, and Civil Rights times, but to say racism is gone and that there is no white privilege is ignoring other people’s suffering because we don’t want to face it. It’s easier to ignore it. But ignoring it doesn’t help, and it doesn’t make life safer or happier for those who are less privileged than me. As someone who is privileged, I need to stand up and fight for a world where people are only privileged by merit and deed, not by the color of their skin. White friends and family, instead of being annoyed or offended at this term, let’s use it as a way to make change.

As you can see, all of these phrases can be forces for good if said and met with good intention.

But, we are not there yet! It’s refreshing right now to see so many well-intentioned, well-rounded, respectful posts and comments related to George Floyd’s murder and the subsequent protests and rioting. However, it is difficult and discouraging to read so many posts and comments that go far in the other direction.

I feel that I speak out against what I am reading. I feel that I must share what I know to be right.

Based on my experience as someone trying to be a good person, as a writer, as a Christian, and as a social media follower, I have learned that:
1. Speaking in condescending tones while calling names and cursing dramatically will not bring people to your side. It will simply solidify someone’s reasoning to disagree with you.
2. If you must speak in anger, you should do it with the intention to do good – not to shame, criticize, or show any form of hatred or prejudice. Anger intertwined with hate will only harm you and others who decide to join you in that hate.
3. Extreme sarcasm only gets positive reactions from those who already agree with you. Avoid it, as it makes you seem egotistical and unopen to others’ perspectives.
4. Judging people without knowing their hearts is playing God. Only God knows what is in someone’s heart. It is not up to us to decide who is evil or who deserved what they got.
5. Not speaking up due to fear will not help you or anyone else. We all have experiences, knowledge, and convictions to share. Perhaps you will be the one who can change someone’s heart. This is a hard one, but you will feel so much better as you try.
6. Blindly sharing what you see on Facebook makes you seem uneducated. Before you share “facts,” fact check. And make sure what you are sharing is helpful, not hurtful.
7. Not everything is a political issue, especially the value of someone’s life. This is a human issue, so stop making it so political. This can only divide us.
8. Calling out hypocrisy only helps if you are making plans to stop it, to change it, and make sure you aren’t also a hypocrite.
9. You can be well-rounded. Not everything is one way or the other. We shouldn’t compartmentalize groups of people because when we do, we forget that people are complex and have their own individualized views based on experience and conviction.
10. Labels are only good to help present and appreciate identity, not to deliberately try to divide others. Remember that we all wear the labels first of human being and children of God.
11. Stereotypes are a form of racism, as is ignoring the problem, justifying the problem, and ignoring history. Subtle racism is still racism, so be careful how you say things.
12. If you must condemn actions, provide a better choice so it’s not just judgment we are spreading, but motivation for change.
13. We need to think before we talk or post. Would we want someone to say those things to us, or our friend, or our family member? What message are we sending?
14. It’s so important to look outside our own perspective and try to step into someone else’s shoes. If we do this, we will find we are less judgmental, critical, careless, and skeptical. We will instead learn understanding and empathy.
15. Never minimize the experience of others. Their fear is real. Their anxiety is real. Their pain is real. Try to understand. Ask rather than assume something isn’t as bad as it seems.
16. If you want to make change, focus on the root of the problem. It may not be obvious. Seek it out. What can you do individually to help it? What can you say to persuade others to make better choices?
17. When you share a meme, it may seem powerful at the time, but think before you post it. The message may not be as it seems. It may hurt others.
18. Do not take the media so seriously. There are agendas and half-truths told all day long. It’s our responsibility to search for real, unbiased truth. You may realize there is a lot more goodness in this world than you realized. You may also realize how much change is needed, and how you can take a stand.
19. Not everybody will agree with you. You can’t make people believe what you believe. But, if you speak respectfully with good intentions and a passion for positive change, you will be a force for good for those who are ready to listen, understand, and find common ground.
20. Spread what will do the most good – love, kindness, understanding, acts of service, and inspirational messages. We have too much hate and negativity in this world.
Some of these things are hard to hear and even harder to do. I’m sure I am sometimes guilty of these things myself – being silent for too long is the one I regret the most. But I do make the best effort I can to spread love, not hate. I try very hard to speak to educate rather than denigrate. I work to understand others who are different than me rather than toss their views aside. I try to unite, not divide.

Imagine if we all did those things. Imagine if we used our influence to bring light and understanding and peace to the world. We can do it one person at a time. Truly we all have the God-given power to be a force for good. I know it.

Now is the time to speak up for love and peace, not hate and violence, which is spreading all too quickly and furiously throughout our land. God will win this war of hate amongst His children, and we must help Him, whether it is by standing in peaceful protests, speaking up on social media, signing petitions, seeking reform, or talking to family and friends who have their own racial biases.

I feel so strongly that white people especially need to take a stand and join forces hand in hand with our black brothers and sisters, not just privately, but publicly. Let the world know that racism cannot and will not be tolerated any longer. If we do this, we can bring hope and lasting change. Perhaps less will feel like their only option is to loot, burn, and violently protest to get their message across. It’s a travesty that anyone should ever feel that way because it is not the answer – it only spreads more hate and creates more division. Hopefully we are waking up to the reality, and will use our words, influence, deeds, and hearts to help those who feel oppressed and afraid to feel only safety, joy, and fairness.

I stand with you wholeheartedly, my black friends and neighbors. I truly believe and know that Black Lives Matter.

************************************************************************

You may wish to read other posts I have read about this topic. Please share any and all that speak to you. Thank you for reading and for your support.

https://ablisscomplete.com/what-do-we-do/

https://ablisscomplete.com/a-message-for-our-day/
June 1, 2020
The New Normal (For Now)

Early this month, from March 5-8, Jad and I went to Asheville, NC to celebrate our 10^th anniversary. It was wonderful to go out and do exactly what we wanted and spend lots of time together, mostly stress-free. It was sweet, peaceful, and exciting – just what we needed.

But when we got back from our trip, we were hit hard with all the things we had to do, how busy our schedule was for that week and every week after, and how difficult the kids were to deal with. True, it was just our normal life again, but the contrast from the days before was astounding. We love our children to pieces and would do anything for them, but they weren’t making it easy for us!

Then, just a few days later we were told Orange County Schools would be closed from Monday, March 16 through at least April 3. But that wasn’t all – soccer was canceled, and then church, and as time has gone on, almost everything we would normally do with the kids or together has closed (i.e. children’s museums, movie theaters, libraries, restaurant dining rooms), with the exception of parks and nature trails.

What a whirlwind of a month! And yesterday we found out that school will be closed until at least May 15!

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings swirling around my head from the past couple weeks.

Regarding School: I am definitely learning a lot more about patience and multi-tasking now that I have to home school. It was really hard the first couple days, but I’ve gotten the hang of it. We’ve been lucky, too. The teachers have been providing lots of assignments, online and paper, so we know what we need to do, at least for now.

Even though home schooling is hard and not ideal in many ways, many of my concerns have been alleviated: no bullying, no bad influences or temptations at school, and no uncomfortable bus rides. That has actually been a great blessing.

Of course it’s hard not being around friends, and some classes, like band, just can’t be done online, but being at home for schooling reduces the amount of time away from home and each other, and being at home helps the kids (especially Rigel) focus more.

Regarding Activities: To be honest, I was not that sad when soccer got canceled. I was so overwhelmed at how much time soccer for Kamren and Rigel (him especially) would be taking from our time together as a family, especially on the weekends. The boys were sad at first, but they haven’t mentioned it. And they still play soccer in the back yard sometimes. Tae Kwon Do took longer to be canceled, but it hasn’t been that hard without it. It’s a wonderful skill the boys are learning, but our Monday through Wednesday evenings have been clear. We haven’t had to rush anywhere, and the boys still practice their moves at home. It isn’t completely ideal that we can’t go to the museum or the library or many parks anymore, but the kids have been playing outside a lot, reading a lot, and Casey has also been teaching his brothers Dungeons and Dragons, which they play daily, so they are still having fun. Piano is a little different – they can’t go in person, but Casey and Rigel are doing online lessons, which is not as easy, but still works! I’m glad they are still practicing.

I am so happy, through all these changes that my kids aren’t on electronics and TV all the time, which has been great! So, even though I think the activities we normally have are good, we now know we can have just as much fun doing things at home. We’ve been having lots of fun outside and making fun food and treats. We also are feeling how nice it is not to have to rush everywhere all the time.

The one thing that I don’t like about just about everywhere being closed is that Jad and I really can’t go on date nights right now. We can obviously do things at home, but I miss getting out and about. I look forward to when we can go out on dates again!

Regarding Church and Church Activities: This one has been harder. I truly miss my church family, and the kids miss their church friends. It isn’t ideal that all church activities are canceled for now, we can’t go to church Sundays, nor can we do choir, etc. However, having church at home the past couple weeks has been lovely. It hasn’t been perfect, but I have felt the Spirit strongly as we have sung, prayed, had the Sacrament, bore testimony, discussed the scriptures together, and more.

I have an even stronger testimony of our prophet, President Nelson, who I know communes with God. Our church’s Come, Follow Me program came out a little over a year ago, and because we have it, we can have meaningful gospel discussion and learning in the home. We haven’t been worried about growing spiritually because of the abundance of wonderful resources our church has from manuals to videos to magazines to activities.

https://www.facebook.com/russell.m.nelson/videos/199840471336927/

The biggest blow to me, out of all the closures, has been the temples being closed. I made a promise this year to attend the temple faithfully once a month. Due to the temple closures, I cannot keep that promise right now. There is no place I feel more peace than in the temple, and I have a strong testimony of the work that goes on there. I know that they will reopen soon enough, so I am waiting patiently for that day!

Regarding Social Distancing: This has also been so hard! We have so many friends, loved ones, and family in the area. Not being able to see them either not at all, or not as often, is really hard. I am so grateful, though, that we have modern technologies that allow us to text, call, send photos, and video chat. And since it is springtime, being outside together is usually pleasant!

So even though we don’t see many people right now, at least the six people in my house have each other to hold on to, and can feel the love from others through other means.

In General: I have gone from completely calm and full of faith, to overwhelmed, to a little worried, back to overwhelmed. There have been so many changes so fast, and there are so many unknowns. Yet, through it all, I still maintain my faith that God is with us and He knows exactly what’s going on. He’s there to help us through.

I know what my family is experiencing is only one of many experiences, and what is a blessing for me may actually be very difficult for someone else. I have compassion for those in very difficult situations at this time. I pray for you and wish the best for you. I do hope, though, that regardless of our circumstances surrounding this virus, that we can see blessings in it.

I have felt from the beginning of these temporary lifestyle changes that God is trying to wake us up, to tell us that we need to be prepared temporally and spiritually, because this is just the beginning of things that will happen on the earth in the last days. That doesn’t frighten me – it gives me hope because I know God is merciful.

Why is this virus here? Why has God allowed it? Perhaps that’s the biggest question for believers.

Well, there could be many reasons. It could be chastisement; it could be a please to turn back to Him; it could be a way to us to get our priorities straight and realize what really matters; it could be to unite us as people and families; it could be to encourage us to show compassion and give meaningful service to those who need it; or it could be all of those reasons and more.

All I know is, God is all-knowing and the circumstances surrounding this virus, though a nuisance and worrisome in many ways, have and will bring good fruits as we choose how we will react to them.

It may be a while before things go “back to normal,” and the question I have is, will there be a “new normal” when all is said and done? Perhaps, and it probably wouldn’t be a bad thing.

What have your experiences been during this time of quarantine? Have you seen blessings too? How has your life changed?

March 24, 2020
Goodbye, PB and Apple Jelly!
You know the end of the story based on the title, but let me start at the beginning: Back in October 2017, Jad and I excitedly and proudly opened our e-commerce store, PB and Apple Jelly.

We had spent tons of time and effort on it, and really loved what we came up with. We knew something good would come of it. Once we launched, I did the best I could to run the store with the knowledge I had, but I knew I needed some more help to really help my store thrive.

Then in February of 2018, I was thrilled to have the opportunity to go to an elite training in Maryland with the very successful creator of ZeroUp, Fred Lam, and his associates. It was such an empowering experience and my store began to quickly excel from the knowledge I gained.

Because my store had done so well, and because I had been such a “ninja” at my elite training, I was asked to be an elite trainer for the October 2018 ZeroUp Elite conference. That was such an honor. I got to sit and eat with Fred Lam many times, and I was his equal there. Can you imagine me, an equal to a multi-millionaire??

I loved training new e-commerce store owners who were eager to learn and succeed. At that point, my store wasn’t doing as well as it had before, but I was still working hard on it and learned some new things at the conference. In contrast to the conference in February where I was a student, I actually didn’t feel as happy at this conference. I missed my family more, and I felt like I didn’t fit in. Fred and his people had a different lifestyle that included lots of eating and drinking at fancy restaurants and focusing on making lots of money. Fred’s assistant and I had a good conversation one day at lunch, though, about her wanting a baby, and that was the one time I felt like I made an authentic connection with any of these successful people. Other than that, I really felt like a poseur. But, I did enjoy my time training, and I was sad to say goodbye to the students I helped.

I continued to work as hard as I could on my store, but then in 2019, when I was super busy learning lines, music, and dance moves for my church’s musical Seussical, I realized that I just didn’t have the time to put my all into my business at that time. So, I stopped doing ads, and either did less or no marketing emails. I kept the store open, but knew I couldn’t invest the time I had previously done.

There were many times during the beginning of 2019 and beyond that I felt maybe it was time to close the store down. But, every time I thought about it, like magic, I would get a really good order or two. To me, it was a sign from God that I needed to continue. So, I did.

Later in the year, though, I decided to turn off most of my store apps and only pay for the website monthly fee. I did try another ad once or twice, but no matter how good I thought they were or how awesome the products were, they surprisingly weren’t successful.

And finally, at the end of last month (January 2020), I made the difficult decision to completely shut down my beloved PB and Apple Jelly, a store that was built from my heart, a store that I had spent thousands of hours building and operating. I had a month from shutting it down to make the final decision whether or not to reopen it. I decided not to.

So, it’s gone now.

People often ask me how my store is doing, and the couple people I have told that I shut it down have been quite surprised. They knew how passionate I was about it, how successful it had been at one time, and how many people loved shopping on the site, especially for clothes.

So, let me explain a little more why I came to the decision I did:
1. Remember the miracles I talked about – how every time I talked about closing the store, I would get an awesome order? Well, that stopped happening.
2. We initially started the store to make extra income. Well, we got it for quite a while, but because of promotions at work, we no longer needed the extra income.
3. The store, though a very exciting endeavor for me, took up an incredible amount of time. I would wake up every morning early and work on it for a couple of hours. Then I would work on it here and there during the morning while I was with Eve. I would work super hard on it all during naptime too, and then when my boys got home from school, I would still be working. I would also work in the evenings sometimes too, which kept me from spending quality time with Jad. It was way more work than I ever anticipated – way more work than the gurus at ZeroUp said it would be. (PS – that’s the way it always is with home businesses. They always tell you that you make your own hours and work around your schedule, spending as little or as much time as you want, but that’s just not true!)
4. Because I spent so much time on the store, and thus energy, I would eat to curb exhaustion and to help me keep going. I’d often make myself bowls of edible cookie dough or eat a large cup or more of sugary cereal. It was bad, and definitely keeping me from losing weight.
5. I figured out too late that if you want to make a ton of money with an e-commerce store, you have to invest a ton of money in ads, in apps, in videos and pictures, and so much more. I didn’t have money to burn, so I couldn’t put a lot into it.
6. I realized from my training class and from the class I trained at, that almost nobody who takes the classes ends up being successful with e-commerce, and that frustrated me. We always had to be on top of the market, paying for more training and programs. Too many of us just couldn’t do it. We tried so hard and did what we had learned, but the money was scarce and so was time.
7. When I would get returns, it was hard to make that money back. I would lose all the profit, and sometimes I wouldn’t even get back the product cost because it was too hard to resell the item.
8. The store stopped bringing me joy. It brought me more frustration than anything towards the end. Even when I did no work on the store at all, and just let orders organically come in through google searches, it was still a lot of work to make sure all went through.
9. It just was no longer necessary. It had served its purpose. I learned a lot and met some cool people. But, it was keeping me from doing many things that were way more important to my life.
So what am I doing instead?

Well, I have spent quite a lot of time pondering and praying about what is best for me to do with my time. It has been a glorious exercise, and organically changes over time.
1. I have been trying very hard to focus on my children when they are around me and not doing other projects unless absolutely necessary.
2. I have been reading my scriptures and working out every morning.
3. I have been writing a book, blogging more, communicating with my extended family and friends more, doing more service, reading more spiritual messages, and working hard on my genealogy, which has been my favorite hobby. It brings me so much happiness!
So, looking above at what I have been doing, doesn’t that seem so much more rewarding than stressing about an online store all day and all evening? It is – so much more so!

I don’t feel like a failure. I know that I put my all into my store, and it was fun and rewarding for the time it was supposed to be there. I also truly experienced what it might be like to live life with completely different priorities, and it solidified in me just how precious my family is, as well as my physical and spiritual health.

If anyone reading is drowning in an endeavor that just isn’t bearing fruit the way you hoped, please ponder and pray to see if it’s right to continue. And don’t feel bad if it’s time to move on. I really think that we should often ponder our lives and reprioritize what’s most important. It is such a rewarding process.

Goodbye, PB and Apple Jelly. Thank you for the learning experiences you provided me!
February 29, 2020
A Simple List
Not long ago, I was starting to feel really bad about not accomplishing enough of the things I know are really important. Now, I do a lot in a given day (I won’t bore you with the details), but even so, there had been some things I just couldn’t fit in that kept coming up in my mind.

Well, one day about a month ago, I decided to make a list of things I wanted to get done every day that I wasn’t currently doing. It didn’t matter how much time I spent on them – I just had to do them to help me get into new good habits.

My list consisted of these four things:
1. Read my scriptures
2. Work out
3. Work on my book
4. Reach out to someone
I quickly added a fifth: Family History/Index

I took this little list so seriously, and it brought me such a sense of fulfillment to do each one of those items – things I knew were so important for me individually, but that I hadn’t been making time for.

As some weeks have gone by, I have made some alterations to how I use my list. I now alternate every other day for working on my book and doing family history so I get enough time to work on them. Every day now I read my scriptures individually, in addition to family and couple scripture study. Working out I was doing by myself daily (after I made the list), but now Jad and I are going to start working out at night again (once we are both over our current illnesses). And as far as reaching out to someone, I realized I was already doing that for the most part, so I decided to make sure I am reaching out to different members of my family each day to let them know I love them and see how they are. I’m not good at reaching out to people just to do it – I normally have a reason. But, I’m trying to reach out just because more.

I share this with you all because this little list truly has brought so much joy to my life in these few short weeks. I especially am so excited to sit down and work on family history. I have found so many people by looking at records, especially children who weren’t attached to their parents. I have shed tears more than once at connecting families together. I know this is the Lord’s work.

Working on my book has also brought me so much joy. I now know I will finish it! I have done major chunks of my first draft, and if ideas stop coming to me, I will be done with that in a month or so. 🙂

If you find there are things in your life you want to do, but aren’t currently doing due because you think you don’t have time, I promise you that you can find time if you first desire to do them, and then make a list to go by each day. You will find that those things become more important than some of the other things that had previously been filling up your time.

What are you waiting for? Make your simple list today. You will be so glad you did!
November 1, 2019
When you start to feel too cool for your parents…

My oldest son, Casey, started high school this year. It hit me not long ago that I only have FOUR MORE YEARS with my first born – with my precious son who made me a mother.

I know that time will fly by, and it’s been hurting my heart that my time with him is so short. He’s growing into a man, and in a few short years he will have his own life without his siblings and parents.

Casey just had his first high school band concert a few days ago. I burst with pride as I watched him passionately playing his trombone. He was part of two real bands with so much talent and drive. I was and am so incredibly proud of his efforts to become a musician.

After the concert was over, I was so happy to see him (my husband and other kids had already left because it was getting late). Casey helped clean up the stage with a smile. Once he was done, we walked towards the exit doors of the auditorium, and I told Casey I wanted to take a selfie with him. He was hesitantly willing, and as we walked into the empty vestibule, I pulled out my phone for a quick photo. We posed for the selfie, both smiling, but before the camera could even flash, Casey had bolted away from the camera and out of the auditorium, clearly afraid someone would come in and see us taking the photo.

The freshly taken picture of my smiling face and a blurry image of someone fleeing the scene burned a hole in my brain, and a pain in my heart. I was crushed, and I was speechless. I felt an instant loss of joy.

As we got in the car, I expressed my sadness at him not taking the picture with me, and I started to weep, like really weep. I couldn’t talk about it, so I cried in silence.

You may think this was an overreaction on my part, but if you couple my sad realization about Casey leaving us in four years with him starting to be embarrassed of me, you may understand how this was more than my heart could bear.

We drove in awkward silence for a while, but finally I did try to talk to him more about how he hurt me. He seemed to understand, and when we dropped by a friend’s house to pick up some pallets on the way home, he rolled up his tuxedo sleeves and helped me. He wouldn’t let me do it by myself.

The rest of the way home, we were both feeling better and were able to talk about the concert as if nothing had happened. Then, when we got home, Casey made sure I didn’t unload the van by myself even though he had a lot of homework to do. He was very loving and hugged me, telling me he loved me.

That’s the son that I have always adored.

I am telling this story as a way to speak to all the teenagers out there. I won’t pretend I don’t remember what it is like to be a teen – I do. I remember wanting to fit in so much, wanting the popular kids to accept me, and I do remember sometimes being embarrassed to be around my parents.

Believe me, I remember and I understand. But, there is something so much more important than all those things. I know that now that I am a mother myself.

Mothers and fathers devote their lives to raising their children – to making sure they are healthy, happy, provided for, taught, and loved. Being a parent is a selfless job, and due to the love and service parents provide to their children every single day, they love them more than the children will ever know – at least until they also become parents.

So, my teenager friends, when you start to have that feeling that your parents are too uncool for you, or that you look uncool with them, I ask you to please reconsider your thoughts.

The truth is, your parents will always be there for you and will always love you. They support you more than any friend ever could. And to be honest, a true friend would want you to be close to your parents. It makes me sad to think that a friend would make fun of you for taking a selfie with your mom, or hugging your dad, or saying “I love you” to them both.

It hurts your parents when you push them away. See, they have rocked you to sleep, kissed your booboos, played with you to see you laugh, comforted you when you were sad, celebrated every holiday and birthday with you, and taught you how to be a good person for so long. It has brought them so much joy – you have brought them so much joy.

Continue to let them find joy in you and you in them. A parent/child bond is one that should never be compromised. It’s one of the most important relationships you will ever have. It should mirror your relationship with your Heavenly parents.

So, talk to your parents about everything, and they will listen to you. Respect how they feel about things and they will respect you. Trust them and they will trust you. Show love and help them out as they have always done for you.

As for my son: Casey, I love you. You will always be my little boy, but I also love the young man you have become, and will continue to develop into. I hope we will have a strong bond your whole life – it would make me the happiest mother in the world.

October 17, 2019
Want to Visit Palmyra? Read This!

My family just did a 1-week trip to Palmyra, NY the second week of July, 2019. We experienced and learned so much, so I wanted to share some tips, suggestions, and experiences to help anyone else who wants to visit this wonderful area!

For those of you who have no idea where Palmyra, NY is, it’s in upstate New York. It doesn’t look anything like you would expect. It’s green and gorgeous, with lovely mountains and valleys, and lots of farmland. You will love driving there if you do!

So, why is Palmyra important? Well, it’s the place where the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints began. There are many places in and around Palmyra that members of the church hold very sacred. It is a place I highly recommend anyone visit. Now that we know where it is and why it’s significant, let’s move on to my tips, shall we?

Planning your trip: I spent countless hours planning our trip to a T. We barely followed what I planned. We did go to the places I planned, but the order in which we did everything, and the days, changed based on weather, how long we were at certain places, etc. I do recommend if you are going to the church history sites and are able to spread them out, do it, especially if you have small children. It’s nice to do the spiritual, historical things and then do something more creative or fun. All the Palmyra places are close to each other, so it’s okay if you drive a little out of the way. It does not matter which order you do the church history sites, but you will probably want to go to the Priesthood Restoration Site on your way to your trip or on the way home. The only other site outside of Palmyra is the Peter Whitmer Farm. Just go first thing in the morning and then head back to Palmyra, or wherever you want to spend the rest of your day. Do not skip ANY of the sites if you can help it. Those two sites were two of our favorites.

Driving in the car with kids: I wish I had the magic answer for this, haha! I do know the kids did best when they had movies to watch (we just brought and hooked up our laptop), books to read, and fun music to listen to. They also liked having blankets and stuffed animals with them. Bring lots of food and snacks. We often ate lunch in the car throughout the trip. The more space the kids have, generally the better. Maybe put a bag in between them. That actually helped us!

Stops along the way: If traveling from the east coast (we are in NC), great stops going up or coming back from Palmyra are Hershey, PA and Gettysburg, PA. We stopped in Hershey on the way and Gettysburg on the way back.

Hotel Recommendation: Homewood Suites by Hilton in Victor, NY. We loved it because they served breakfast each morning (with variations on the menu), and they had a social M-Th from 5-7 that worked super well as dinner. We took advantage of the social three out of four nights. They also had a pool, hot tub, nice fitness room, and more. They even have fresh cookies at the front desk every morning. It was a very clean and comfortable place in a great location in between Palmyra and Rochester. As another note, we booked our hotel in January to stay in July. Book your hotel early!

Tolls: There are tolls around that area of upstate New York. The first toll you stop at you will get a ticket. At the second, you will pay the toll. It’s cash only, but isn’t super expensive. Just have cash and change on hand.

Weather and Bugs: Definitely pack the bug spray. There are tons of mosquitoes in the summertime. We heard it would be really humid there, but honestly, it was nothing compared to NC. It was actually sometimes too chilly, so maybe pack a light jacket or sweater.

Anti-Latter-day Saint Protesters and Sites: The church history sites of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are sacred places. They are places where you will feel the Spirit of the Lord very strongly, places where you will feel peace and a tugging at your heart. You will feel of God’s love so abundantly. Unfortunately, Satan is also at work. Near or at most of the sites you will see buildings that advertise websites, exhibits or videos that are meant to pull you away from that Spirit. At the pageant, it is no different. There were a group of people with signs, and one man on a megaphone saying some very hurtful, untrue things about Latter-day Saints. My best advice is to not listen to them. They are not trying to help, but rather to hurt. If you are a member of the church, just think about how you feel when you are in these sacred places and at church. Remember God’s love for you and don’t doubt it. If you aren’t a member of our church, please try to find out for yourself if what our church claims is true. Listen to your heart, study it out, and pray. You will not find truth about our church from those who hate it, but only through the Spirit as you read the Book of Mormon, learn about Joseph Smith, and pray fervently. Truth will always be opposed, and to find truth, we need to go to the source.

The Hill Cumorah Pageant:

This pageant is the biggest reason we went to Palmyra. The pageant ends after next year, sadly, so we highly recommend you go in 2020. It’s free, there is ample parking, and it’s right next to the Hill Cumorah Visitors Center. The stage is huge, and there really isn’t a bad seat. If you do wish to reserve a seat, you can do so from noon on. I do recommend doing it if you can, but it’s not required. Watch the weather and be prepared for rain. Bring blankets, ponchos, jackets, etc. It will not only be wet, but cold. The pageant is only canceled if there is thunder and lightning.

Here is our experience: As we walked to our seats, it was wonderful to speak to cast members before we sat down. They were all so nice. Right before the show was to begin, sadly, it started pouring down rain. It was a cold and fat rain. Luckily, we had ponchos and rain jackets. The show began anyway, and even though the weather made it a little hard to focus, it was still a beautiful production. The rain let up occasionally, but always started to pour back down after a few minutes. Just when I felt I could no longer take the cold and wet (I had given my poncho to one of my sons), the rain stopped and stayed stopped. It stopped around the time the Savior was introduced into the story. It was poignant for me. My little girl ended up next to me at one point when Jesus was on stage. I whispered to her that Jesus loves her, and not long after that, she fell asleep on me. I felt the Spirit so strongly at the pageant, especially closer to the end with Christ visiting the Americas, Moroni burying the plates, and then finally the miraculous events leading to the restoration of the gospel. Oh, it was so worth seeing. Once it was over, we followed thousands of people to the parking lot. My husband was able to help get a car out of the mud. Our hearts were full that night.

Our experience with the historical sites of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

Priesthood Restoration Site in Oakland Township, PA (used to be called Harmony) – As we got closer to the site, and were driving along the river, My husband and I both felt such a peace. We felt that the place we would soon arrive at was a sacred place, and that miraculous events truly happened there. The whole experience was wonderful, from the video to the Visitors center, to the walk to the Hale and Smith home, to the cemetery visit where Joseph and Emma’s first sweet baby is buried, to actually being at the river near where John the Baptist appeared to Joseph and Oliver and gave them the priesthood authority to baptize. We loved our visit to this wonderful place.

The Hill Cumorah – The Visitors center was beautiful and we felt so happy there. We loved sitting in front of the Christus and hearing Christ’s words. There were so many things to read and watch there. My husband was so full of the Spirit there. He sat and contemplated alone for a bit. We then walked up to the actual hill, the Hill Cumorah, where the prophet Moroni buried the gold plates hundreds of years ago, and where he, as an angel, would show them to Joseph Smith with a sacred charge to translate them. I loved being there. We didn’t want to go down. Walking back down, we felt so much joy and peace.

Grandin Building, the Book of Mormon Publication Site – It wasn’t easy in there because nothing was really touchable, and our little ones wanted to touch everything and run around. Regardless, we gained so much appreciation for the time and care that went into publishing this sacred work. It took two years and $3000 up front to publish 5000 books. The whole process was painstaking. I think I would have lost my mind doing any one part of it. We got to take home a replica of the first 16 pages printed. One of our sons was so excited about that. I was too! We also loved seeing the gorgeous original works of art. We felt the Spirit so much.

Peter Whitmer Farm – This site is about 35 minutes from Palmyra in Waterloo. We watched a wonderful video. The kids were good the whole time and very quiet. I felt the Spirit so strongly. This farm was where Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery finished translating the plates. It’s where the three and eight witnesses were chosen. And it’s where the church was founded. The first Sacrament meeting was in the Whitmer home. It was such a beautiful and special place to be. I loved how excited one of my sons was to hold a replica of the first edition of The Book of Mormon. He wanted me.to take photos of every angle.

The Sacred Grove and Smith Family Farm – This is where the restoration all began. It wasn’t my favorite site, mostly because there was no video in the welcome center and the tour wasn’t very organized, but ultimately, it felt amazing to be able to walk into the grove where Joseph Smith as a 14-year-old boy knelt to pray vocally for the first time. He was not sure which church he should join, and somewhere in that grove of trees by his home, he was visited by two Heavenly personages, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Walking in that grove only further solidified my testimony, and that of my family. I was so proud of my boys for individually going off, finding a spot in the grove, and praying to their Heavenly Father. It was so precious, and an experience I will never forget.

Places other than the church history sites that we went to and loved:

Palmyra:

Park down the road from EB Grandin Building – I don’t know the address, but if you are walking past the Grandin building as it’s on your right, you will see a cute little park with old-fashioned play equipment. My kids had so much fun there and it was a great place to relax for a while. It was hot, but pretty shady.

Pal-Mac Aqueduct County Park –The Eerie Canal runs through it and there is a small waterfall. There isn’t much there, but the kids had a lot of fun in the open field and jumping off rocks. It was a nice place to just relax and run for a bit.

Palmyra Community Library – I am so glad I found this library! They do lots of fun activities all summer, and they also served free lunch to all children up to age 18 from 12-12:30 M-Th. We ate lunch there twice on our stay. It’s also a great library in general – it’s big and there’s a great children’s section with toys and books.

Alvin Smith’s Gravesite – Alvin Smith was Joseph Smith’s brother who died in his 25^th year. It was tender to talk to the kids about how Alvin hadn’t been baptized, which worried his family, but what a blessing it was when the Lord revealed to Joseph Smith about baptisms for the dead in the house of the Lord.

Palmyra New York Temple – My husband did a session at the temple one day while the kids and I were at a storytime at the library. If you aren’t an endowed member of the church, it’s still wonderful to walk the temple grounds. It was so humbling and beautiful to think that on the Smiths’ very farmland now stands a glorious temple of the Lord. Did Joseph forsee that day? We felt so happy at the temple.

Macedon:

Long Acre Farms – This town is super close to Palmyra. It was hot and we were almost the only ones at the farm, but there is so much for kids to do, like jumping pillows, playgrounds, a huge tube to slide down, and much more. All of my kids had a blast, and it’s affordable to go there.

Rochester:

Highland Park Playground – We went here to play for a bit before going to the Strong Museum. It’s a great place to climb, practice balance, and use your imagination. We loved it.

The Strong Museum of Play – If you are ever in upstate NY, and have kids, you must take them here. We were there for a super long time and barely got through the whole thing. It’s probably the coolest, most fun museum we have ever been to in our lives. All of my kids found things they loved. My husband and I also had a blast. Little tip- if you spend $20 on tokens to play in the arcade, you will be able to play 100 games. That was a great deal, lol. It was so cool to see how toys have changed throughout time. Talk about nostalgia. I loved every second there. They also have a great food court, as well as a Bill Gray’s, a gift shop (don’t bother shopping there as it’s way pricey), and a carousel.

Seabreeze Amusement Park – The park is an amusement park and water park. It hosts the oldest running roller coaster in the US, the Jack Rabbit. It was cool to ride it. The park isn’t huge, but we were there from 11-6:30 anyway. It was almost too chilly for the water park, but we managed. Maybe try going on a hotter, or at least sunny day. We went on a cloudy day – hint, even if it’s super cloudy, wear sunscreen. The price was pretty affordable – get your tickets online for a discount.

Ontario Beach Park – This was not like beaches we usually swim at because it was a lake rather than an ocean, but I loved it because the water was calm, the sand was soft, the only things we saw in the water were algae and rocks, and it doesn’t get deep quickly. It was great for all my kids. The water was a little chilly, but we got used to it. The bathrooms were gross and there was lots of bad language and some making out seen, but overall, we loved being there. Sometimes they do outdoor concerts. They also have a huge pier you can walk on, a carousel, and a playground. It’s free to park and swim. They also have lifeguards on site.

Must-Visit Restaurants:

Palmyra – Chill and Grill – This is a small restaurant with hamburgers, hot dogs, junk plates, and lots of awesome ice cream flavors. It was pricey, but really good. In case you didn’t know (I didn’t), NY has something called a garbage plate, or junk plate, or great plate. It usually includes a layer of baked beans and mac (macaroni) salad on the bottom, and is topped with two cheeseburgers, hamburgers, or hot dogs (or a combination of any). It also has lots of toppings and condiments. You can customize to your liking. It sounds gross, but I loved it. One junk plate here fed my husband and I very well. This restaurant is very close to the Grandin Building, Pal-Mac County Park, and the Palmyra County Library.

Rochester – Bill Gray’s – This restaurant is right behind Seabreeze, so is a perfect place to eat dinner after you leave. It was delicious! They have a large menu, and also a kids’ menu. I got my second junk plate here (they call it a great plate). They also had Abbott’s Frozen Custard, which was so silky, creamy, and downright fabulous! We all left with full, happy bellies!

Gift Shop Ideas:

Palmyra – Latter-Day Harvest – We didn’t get a chance to go in because their hours were limited, but it is right by the Grandin building and sells wonderful gifts and things to help you remember the spiritual history of Palmyra. They also have a website – oldnauvoo.com.

Rochester – Simply New York Marketplace & Gifts – This store was very clean and well-organized. The lady working was super friendly and patient with my kids. The store has tons of things made in NY, and everything is made in the USA. Some things are pricey and other things are more affordable. It’s a great place to shop if you want to bring a little bit of NY home with you. It’s right down the road from Seabreeze.

Places we considered going but didn’t go to, but are still awesome:

Niagara Falls – We didn’t go because we don’t have passports and the Canada side is much better. Also, we wanted to stay close to where we stayed. Finally, it didn’t seem to be a good activity for our toddler.

Watkins Glen Park – It looked so lovely, but we didn’t go because we felt the hike would be too hard for our toddler, and it wasn’t really close enough to go to, or on our way to anything else.

Genesee Country Village & Museum –It looked really fun and interesting, but it was pricey, was a little out of the way of where we were, and we were already doing a ton of history stuff. My kids weren’t super interested.

George Eastman Museum – This looked like a really interesting and lovely museum, but it didn’t seem very kid-friendly, at least not for littles.

Rochester Museum and Science Center – Due to time, it was either go to this or the Strong Museum of Play, and the Strong Museum looked way cooler to us.

Chimney Bluffs State Park – This looked like an amazing landscape, but the kids weren’t super interested.

Pittsford Farms Dairy – It looked like a fabulous ice cream place, but since we found Abbott’s, we didn’t feel we needed to go. We also didn’t do anything else in Pittsford.

Six Flags Darien Lake – Of course this would be a fabulous park, but we almost felt it would be too big, and thus too hard, to keep up with all of our kids there. It was also out of the way and pricey.

Roseland Water Park – We had to decide between this and Seabreeze. Because some of us really preferred roller coasters and non-water rides, we chose Seabreeze. Roseland would be better on a hot, sunny day when all you want to do is water rides.

Historic Palmyra – These are five museums showing Palmyra history. Because we were already going to so many historical sites, we decided not to go. The price is really good, though!

Nick Tahou Hots – This is the home of the garbage plate. We didn’t go, though, because the reviews weren’t super good, and we were able to get the same thing at other restaurants.

Wegmans – Apparently this is the best grocery store ever. We passed one but never had time to go in one. We did see a play one at the Strong Museum, though!

Dinosaur Barbeque – This restaurant came highly recommended. It looks fabulous for people who love barbeque, ribs, wings etc. It didn’t look so appetizing for the kids, and was pretty expensive, though.

There is so much to do in this area, and that’s not even most of it – these are just the places I was most interested in! There is something for everyone.

As you can see, this was a full trip. We came home better people with stronger testimonies of Christ. We will truly miss upstate New York. It changed us and filled our hearts with joy!

July 18, 2019
Challenges That Have Changed My Life, That Can Change Yours Too!

I adore our dear prophet, President Russell M. Nelson. Since he has become president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he has brought so much inspired counsel to the members of the church and the world.

This past October, in the Women’s session of General Conference, President Nelson gave a very poignant and beautiful talk called Sisters’ Participation in the Gathering of Israel.

As I listened to his talk, I could feel his tender love for we sisters, and for womanhood and motherhood. He gave each girl and woman four challenges to accomplish. I was so grateful he gave specific challenges with deadlines as he saw fit, because it helped me to be motivated to take real action, and not just think about how to be a better and more spiritual woman.

I would love to share his invitations in his own words, and my experiences with them, in hopes that you will also wish to take the challenges:

First, I invite you to participate in a 10-day fast from social media and from any other media that bring negative and impure thoughts to your mind. Pray to know which influences to remove during your fast. The effect of your 10-day fast may surprise you. What do you notice after taking a break from perspectives of the world that have been wounding your spirit? Is there a change in where you now want to spend your time and energy? Have any of your priorities shifted—even just a little? I urge you to record and follow through with each impression.

President Nelson made the challenge October 6, and I faithfully began my fast from Instagram and Facebook starting the 7th. I did not browse through, comment, or post anything during that time. I did have to use social media occasionally for my store (like answering customer questions), but that was all I did.

On October 17, when I was done with my fast, I said on Facebook:

Well, I am off my social media fast. I must say the last 10 days have been great. I have loved not having the temptation to keep checking my Facebook feed constantly, burning up precious time. I have significantly cleaned up my friend list, and will keep the app off my phone. I will be using FB primarily for adding photos of my kids and for doing business. I just want to stop spending time mindlessly scrolling, as I have found that was not helping my life in any way. I may not see everything important on Facebook posts now, so if there is something you really think I need to know, please tell me in person, or via text or messenger. I don’t want to miss it. Much love!

It’s January 4, now. How have I been doing, you ask? Well, I must admit that even though for a while I did a lot better, I started to do the mindless scrolling again. I had added the app back on my phone so I could upload pictures, and then it all started going back to the way it was. I noticed that a few days ago, and yesterday, I deleted the app off my phone again. I will try to find another simple way to upload my photos, because I miss the freedom I felt when Facebook was no longer on my phone.

Second, I invite you to read the Book of Mormon between now and the end of the year. As impossible as that may seem with all you are trying to manage in your life, if you will accept this invitation with full purpose of heart, the Lord will help you find a way to achieve it. And, as you prayerfully study, I promise that the heavens will open for you. The Lord will bless you with increased inspiration and revelation.

As you read, I would encourage you to mark each verse that speaks of or refers to the Savior. Then, be intentional about talking of Christ, rejoicing in Christ, and preaching of Christ with your families and friends. You and they will be drawn closer to the Savior through this process. And changes, even miracles, will begin to happen.

This invitation from President Nelson was my favorite. For years, I have read scriptures with my children every night, and with my husband every night, but I haven’t done regular individual study for a long time. This challenge got me to start delving into the scriptures by myself again.

I started off great, going off a reading chart a friend sent, but found myself skipping days and having to catch up frantically. I did end up finishing The Book of Mormon on December 31, and I am so grateful I was able to complete the prophet’s challenge.

As I read, I did as he suggested – underlining scriptures about Christ. I realized very quickly that The Book of Mormon is FULL of scriptures about Christ. He is interwoven into the entire book, and it increased my testimony of the truthfulness of it. I felt the Spirit so many times as I read The Book of Mormon, and by reading it quickly, I was able to get the connections between stories better, and get the full message of what a prophet was trying to teach. I felt like I underlined or starred half of the verses I read!

When I got to the war chapters in Alma, I was motivated to start working on my children’s book again. I was able to take lots of notes and start organizing my thoughts again. I hope to finish my book in the next few months.

The best part of my whole reading experience was on December 31. I hadn’t read my final reading yet, which was the book of Moroni. I was feeling really down about my store. It hadn’t been making much money since the Fall and I was about ready to just give up (I had told Jad previously that I was going to stop working on it if I wasn’t making money by the new year). I decided to give that thought a rest, since it was depressing, and start reading the book of Moroni.

I immediately felt the Spirit so strongly the minute I started reading. I loved the book, and read it with eagerness, underlining and starring so many verses. When I read the last verse, I felt so much peace and warmth. I decided to kneel down by my bed and pray so I could do Moroni’s challenge to ask if The Book of Mormon were true.

When I knelt to pray, I felt the Spirit so strongly, I didn’t even have to ask if it were true. I remember expressing gratitude for The Book of Mormon, and I felt the Spirit lead me to ask God how I can spread Christ’s gospel of love and peace to the world – messages that are so evident and clear in The Book of Mormon (I didn’t realize at the time, but that was part of President Nelson’s challenge too).

I felt the Spirit tell me I need to spread His message through my store. I didn’t know how at that moment, but I knew that it was something I needed to do, and that I shouldn’t give up on it.

I have since added links to mormon.org and The Book of Mormon to my store. I have started a Christian Collection that I am still adding to. I started an advertisement for a Christian t-shirt, and added a scripture verse from the Bible and Book of Mormon to the product description so I can share the gospel in a small and simple way. I significantly lowered the price for my inspirational jewelry, and all that is just the beginning. I am going to continue to ponder ways to spread the gospel through my store, as I know that this is what the Lord wants me to do.

These are not the only blessings that have come into my life from reading The Book of Mormon with this challenge. I also believe with all of my heart that because my mother, my nana, and I did this challenge faithfully, that it helped my sister-in-law open her heart to investigating the gospel of Christ. The past few weeks of meeting with the missionaries with her and answering her questions has brought so much joy into my life and into the life of my family. We are so overjoyed that she has chosen to be baptized on January 26!

I want everyone reading to know that I know The Book of Mormon is true. I have always known it, but by doing this challenge, I have grown to love it even more than I ever have. This book is holy scripture, and will bring you to Christ. That is its purpose – to bring souls to Christ and to testify that He lives, and that through Him we can be saved. I hope you will read it and cherish it as I, and millions around the world, already do.

Third, establish a pattern of regular temple attendance. This may require a little more sacrifice in your life. More regular time in the temple will allow the Lord to teach you how to draw upon His priesthood power with which you have been endowed in His temple. For those of you who don’t live near a temple, I invite you to study prayerfully about temples in the scriptures and in the words of living prophets. Seek to know more, to understand more, to feel more about temples than you ever have before.

Our temple is closed for renovation, so the closest temple to us right now is three hours away in South Carolina. However, I have had two beautiful experiences in the temple since President Nelson’s challenge. First was in October, when we went down with another family and took turns attending the temple. Jad and I did a sealing session, and there were so many names submitted, that the sealer kept going an extra half hour over the time. It was a wonderful occasion.

The second time I went was in November when I went with sisters from our Relief Society. I was able to be there with my mom and nana, as well as other lovely women from my ward (congregation). We had a wonderful time. It was so peaceful to be able to take a day to devote to spiritual nourishment and relationship-building.

Our schedules are very crazy the next few months, but I greatly hope to be able to go back to the temple soon, as it is the place I feel the most peace. I also want to help my sister-in-law with her family history after she is baptized so she can start doing temple work for her family.

My fourth invitation, for you who are of age, is to participate fully in Relief Society. I urge you to study the current Relief Society purpose statement. It is inspiring. It may guide you in developing your own purpose statement for your own life. I also entreat you to savor the truths in the Relief Society declaration published almost 20 years ago.

I read the Relief Society purpose and the declaration as the prophet challenged. By reading it, I know who I am, what my purpose is, and how I can best fulfill my potential as a daughter of God. Life isn’t all about me and my desires – there is so much more to it, including unity with, and love for, my fellow sisters in Christ. What a privilege it is to be a part of this wonderful organization of women, and how important it is to participate in it fully!

There was a recent time when it was very difficult for me to attend Relief Society. I felt judged and that nobody liked me. I have since decided to move on from that, recognizing that God wants me there. I do my best to share my experiences and testimony, and to listen to other women and their experiences so I can learn from them. I try to go to Relief Society activities, volunteer to help others as asked by the Relief Society president, be a friend to the women I come in contact with, and minister to my sisters the best way I can. I know I can do more still, but being a devoted member of the Relief Society is very important to me.

As you can see, doing President Nelson’s challenges meant a great deal to me, and helped me a lot spiritually, and in other ways. My testimony has been so strengthened that he is a true prophet of God, that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s church, that The Book of Mormon is true, that the work done in the temple is crucial for our exaltation, and that I am so blessed to be a part of the largest women’s organization in the world – the Relief Society. Most importantly, I have an increased testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am so grateful that because of Christ, our lives are full of merciful beginnings. I can keep getting better. I can pick myself up when I fall. I can get myself back on the path when I stray. We all can, and I invite you to come unto Him. He will help you be the person you know you can be. Take these challenges and see for yourself!

January 4, 2019
This Is The Desire Of My Heart

This is the desire of our hearts. (Mosiah 18:11)

This little line has brought an abundance of the Spirit and tears to my eyes this afternoon.

I was reading about the Prophet Abinadi and the beautiful truths he taught about Jesus Christ to wicked King Noah and his priests. Alma, one of the priests, believed Abinadi’s words, and after Abinadi was put to death for refusing to deny that Christ would come to the earth and redeem his people, Alma preached to the people privately, bringing many to the knowledge of the Messiah.

One day, he gathers with 204 other souls at the waters of Mormon to baptize them, having authority to do so. This is what he said:

And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn ; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the…

Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

That is when the people clapped their hands with joy, and said This is the desire of our hearts.

I thought of the covenants I made at baptism as I read Alma’s admonitions to them. I made the same covenants these 204 people made at the waters of Mormon in around 147 BC!

I want it to always be a desire of my heart to be in the fold of God, to be His child, to bear burdens, mourn and comfort, and to stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things and in all places.

Friends, I am so very grateful that I have been reading The Book of Mormon as part of our prophet’s, Russell M. Nelson’s challenge to the women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I began this challenge October 7, and I feel so blessed and nourished to already be on page 183 in my reading. I have never read The Book of Mormon this fast, and I will be done just after Christmas.

I have never felt more strongly about my testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon until taking this challenge. I have always known it to be true, but, reading so much of it at once, I have been able to really get the meat of the messages and truly learn from them. Every time I read an account, I think that it can’t get much better than this, but then another account is just as precious.

Anyone who is a critic of The Book of Mormon has never read it with the right mindset or a softened heart. How can you read a book that is filled to the brim with scripture verses about faith, repentance, good works, commandments, obedience, forgiveness, sacrifice, good verses evil, and covenants that all surround teachings about Jesus Christ – his birth, miracles, teachings, death, resurrection, second coming, the judgement, and eternal life with Him- and not be touched to the very core? How can you say it isn’t the word of God?

The prophets of The Book of Mormon loved the words of Isaiah, and quoted him often because of his prophesies of Jesus Christ.

There is so much about the Jews and their scattering, and then gathering. There are prophesies about the promised land (the Americas), and how God orchestrated so many things in our history just so that His gospel could be restored and so that the Jews could someday come to a knowledge of their Redeemer.

The Book of Mormon was written to be a partner with the Bible in bringing the world to a knowledge that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that only through Him can we be saved. It does not replace the Bible. It is a perfect complement to the Bible.

I have so many verses underlined and starred from my reading so far, and I wish I could put all of them to memory or put them in frames on my walls. The Book of Mormon is a treasure to me, and I know if I live by the words of the prophets, most importantly the Savior Himself, who visited the people of Ancient America after his resurrection, that I will be able to withstand Satan’s temptations, stand spiritually strong in an increasingly wicked world, and share light with others.

Jesus visiting the Americas

The desire of my heart right now is to help others feel the joy I feel as I read The Book of Mormon. You can read it online, download the Gospel Library app and listen to it, or get a free copy.

There is a promise from the Prophet Moroni at the end of the Book of Mormon (Moroni 10:3-6):

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truthof it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

6 And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is.

The Book of Mormon is full of stories about how God is merciful, and it does nothing but acknowledge the Christ and that He lives. I promise you, as Moroni did, that if you prayerfully read The Book of Mormon with an open heart, that you will feel the Holy Ghost testify to you that it is true. You will know even more than you already do that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God, and that He lived, died, and rose again for you and me. We can be saved through Him. That is the key message of The Book of Mormon.

Please read it. I know you will love it as I do.

This is my favorite prophetic message about The Book of Mormon. Watch it, and feel the Spirit. You will want to read this powerful, true word of God.

November 2, 2018