Category: Personal Growth

How General Conference is Shaping My Vote this Election

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and have been my entire life. Twice a year, my family and I spend a Saturday and Sunday watching several sessions of General Conference, a worldwide conference where we listen to prophets, apostles, and other men and women called of God speak to us regarding how we can be more like Jesus Christ through living His gospel.

We are always encouraged to prepare for Conference with a question to be answered. We are asked to pray for an answer to that question and then watch conference with an open heart and mind, listening for that answer.

This particular Conference my question was one weighing heavily on my heart: who should I vote for in the upcoming 2020 presidential election?

I knew that I would not hear a name in Conference, for my church does not endorse a particular political party. In fact, the first president just today reiterated that in a letter to American Latter-day Saints:

“Principles compatible with the gospel may be found in various political parties, and members should seek candidates who best embody those principles.”
The First Presidency

Regardless of that knowledge, I still wanted to hear what qualities and issues that would be most important for me to study and consider as I work diligently to choose the worthiest candidate.

I can tell you most emphatically that my prayer was answered over the weekend. I still don’t have the name, but I do know what I will be focusing on to make my decision as to who will best lead this country and change it for the good of all Americans.

These were the topics I found most poignant as I listened to conference. The question I am asking myself, and I hope you will ask yourself, is who will best take action on these important and essential issues that shape our society?

The ideal presidential candidate, based on teachings in General Conference, will be devoted to:

Rooting out Racism/Prejudice/Inequality

“As citizens and as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we must do better to help root out racism…This country should be better in eliminating racism, not only against Black Americans, who were most visible in the recent protests, but also against Latinos, Asians and other groups. This nation’s history of racism is not a happy one and we must do better.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

“The Savior’s ministry and message have consistently declared all races and colors are children of God. We are all brothers and sisters.”
Elder Quentin L. Cook

“Each of us has a divine potential because each is a child of God. Each is equal in His eyes. …Brothers and sisters, please listen carefully to what I
am about to say. God does not love one race more than another. His doctrine on this matter is clear. He invites all to come unto Him, ‘black and white, bond and free, male and female’ (2 Nephi 26:33). I assure you that your standing before God is not determined by the color of your
skin. Favor or disfavor with God is dependent upon your devotion to God and His commandments, and not the color of your skin.”
President Russel M. Nelson

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “…. It espouses the concept of equal worth…There is no prejudice……The worth of souls is great… It is inclusive, not exclusive… This dispels prejudice and hatred.”
Elder William K. Jackson

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “In the culture of Christ, women are elevated to their proper and eternal status. They are not subservient to men…but full and equal partners here and in the world to come.”
Elder William K. Jackson

Building Unity Not Division

“Unity doesn’t magically happen; it takes work. It’s messy, sometimes it’s uncomfortable, and it happens gradually when we clear away the bad as fast as the good can grow. We are never alone in our efforts to create unity.”
Sister Sharon Eubank

Speaking of the City of Enoch, “They were of one heart and of one mind.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson, quoting Moses 7:19

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “It unites rather than divides. [There is no] or us vs. them mentality…We are all ‘us.’ We are all ‘them…”
Elder William K. Jackson

“The millions who have accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ have committed themselves to achieving both righteousness and unity. We are all aware that we can do better, and that is our challenge in this day. We can be a force to lift and bless society as a whole…We can be an oasis of unity and celebrate diversity. Unity and diversity are not opposites. We can achieve greater unity as we foster an atmosphere of inclusion and respect for diversity.”
Elder Quentin L. Cook

“Unity is enhanced when people are treated with dignity and respect even when they are different in outward characteristics.”
Elder Quentin L. Cook

Respecting Rather than Hating Those Who Have Differing Opinions

“In a democratic government, we will always have differences over proposed candidates and policies. However, as followers of Christ we must forgo the anger and hatred with which political choices are debated or denounced in many settings.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

Spreading Optimism Rather than Panic and Fear

“As we face challenges, we can rely upon the promise of the Lord taught by Paul: ‘For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind’ ” (1 Timothy 1:7).
Elder Kelly R. Johnson

“‘Be of good cheer’ is the commandment from the Lord, not
be of good fear.”
Elder Jeremy R. Jaggi

Vocally and Actively Following Christ

“Of all the zealous social, religious and political endeavors of our day, let ‘disciple of Jesus Christ’ be our most pronounced and affirming affiliation.”
Elder Jeremy R. Jaggi

“As the world speaks less of Jesus Christ, let us speak more of Him…We care more about being His followers than being ‘liked’ by our own followers.”
Elder Neil L. Andersen

“By following Jesus’ example, we will avoid many tragedies and undesirable behaviors that might cause family problems and disagreements, negative emotions and inclinations, perpetrating injustices and abuses, enslavement by evil addictions, and anything else that would be against the Lord’s commandments.”
Elder Ulisses Soares

Eliminating Poverty

“I speak of the poor whom the Savior told us never to forget…”
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

“In the household of faith there are to be no strangers, no foreigners, no rich and poor, no outside others.”
Elder Gerrit W. Gong

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “There is no recognition of caste or class…”
Elder William K. Jackson

Speaking of the City of Enoch, “…and there was no poor among them.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson, quoting Moses 7:18

Helping Americans Get Through All the Difficulties of COVID-19

*Our church leaders set an excellent example during conference by sitting six feet apart and wearing masks when they weren’t speaking. There was no audience. Also, Elder Gerrit Gong recorded his talk in advance because he had possible been exposed to the virus. This shows just how seriously they are taking COVID-19 and how much they respect each other’s health, as we should.

“Amid social distancing, face masks and Zoom meetings, we have learned to do some things differently, and some even more effectively. Unusual times can bring unusual rewards.”
President Russel M. Nelson

“I doubt there is a person who hears my voice or reads my words who has not been affected by the world-wide pandemic. To those who mourn the loss of family and friends, we mourn with you. We plead with Heavenly Father to comfort and console you. The long-term consequences of this virus go beyond physical health. Many families have lost incomes and are threatened with hunger, uncertainty, and apprehension. We admire the selfless efforts of so many to prevent the spread of this disease. We are humbled by the quiet sacrifice and noble efforts of those who have risked their own safety to assist, heal and support people in need. Our hearts are full of gratitude for your goodness and compassion.”
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“We will endure this, yes. But we will do more than simply grit our teeth, hold on and wait for things to return to the old normal. We will move forward, and we will be better as a result.”
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Maintaining Law and Order

“[Obeying the laws of the land] does not mean that we agree with all that is done with the force of law. It means that we obey the current law and use peaceful means to change it. It also means that we peacefully accept the results of elections. We will not participate in the violence threatened by those disappointed with the outcome. In a democratic society we always have the opportunity and the duty to persist peacefully until the next election.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

“Abraham Lincoln was right when he said, ‘There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law.’ Redress of grievances by mobs is redress by illegal means. That is anarchy, a condition that has no effective governance and no formal police, which undermines rather than protects individual rights.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

“Though Jesus’s teachings were revolutionary, He did not teach revolution or law-breaking. He taught a better way.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

“Redress of grievances by mobs is redress by illegal means. That is anarchy, a condition that has no effective governance and no formal police, which undermines rather than protects individual rights.”
President Dallin H. Oaks

Showing Mercy and Compassion to Those He/She Serves

“We often think of substance in terms of food or money, but perhaps what we all need more of in our ministering is mercy.”
Sister Sharon Eubank

“The Lord is always looking for willing volunteers to be angels in others’ lives.”
Elder Carlos A. Godoy

“To be Christlike, a person loves mercy. People who love mercy are not judgmental; they manifest compassion for others, especially for those who are less fortunate. They are gracious, kind, and honorable. These individuals treat everyone with love and understanding, regardless of characteristics such as race, gender, religious affiliation, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, and tribal, clan, or national differences. These are superseded by Christlike love.”
Elder Dale G. Renlund

“Christ will enable us to see others as He does. And with His help, we can discern what is most needful…As with all gifts the Father so willingly
offers, seeing deeply requires us to ask Him — and then act.” By asking to see others and then acting by “loving, serving, and affirming their worth and potential as prompted.”
Sister Michelle Craig

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “It heals rather than harms… We believe we are responsible and accountable for ourselves, each other, the church, and our world. Charity, true Christ-like caring, is the bedrock of this culture. We feel real concern for the needs of our fellow man, temporal and spiritual, and act on those feelings.”
Elder William K. Jackson

“What are the fundamentals that sustain a flourishing society? One that promotes happiness, progress, peace, and well-being among its members.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Praying For His/Her Nation and Its People

*Conference was full of loving assurances that our leaders are praying for us. President Nelson’s below is just one of them.

“I grieve with each of you who has lost a loved one during this
time. And I pray for all who are currently suffering.”
President Russel M. Nation

“During the past few months I have had the impression come to me that the best way to help the current world situation is for all people to rely more fully upon God and to turn their hearts to Him through sincere prayer. Humbling ourselves and seeking heaven’s inspiration to endure or conquer what is before us will be our safest and surest way to move confidently forward through these troubling times. I invite you to pray always. Pray for your family. Pray for your leaders of nations. Pray for the courageous people who are at the front lines in this current battle against social, environmental, political, and biological plagues that impact the people throughout the world, the rich and the poor, the young and the old…No matter how you pray or to whom you pray, please
exercise your faith — whatever your faith may be — and
pray for your country and for your national leaders. … This
is not about politics or policy. This is about peace and the
healing that can come to individual souls as well as to the souls of countries.”
Elder M. Russell Ballard

Maintaining and Building Virtue in Society

“The institutions of family and religion have been crucial for endowing both individuals and communities with the virtues that sustain an enduring society…These virtues, rooted in scripture, include integrity, responsibility and accountability, compassion, marriage and fidelity in marriage, respect for others and the property of others, service and the necessity and dignity of work, among others.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson

“…When people turn from a sense of accountability to God and begin to trust instead in the arm of flesh, disaster lurks…is to ignore the divine author of human rights and human dignity and give the highest priority to riches, power, and the praise of the world while often mocking and persecuting those who follow a different standard.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “…It is a culture… of high moral standards, sacrifice, forgiveness…”
Elder William K. Jackson

“The institutions of family and religion have been crucial for endowing both individuals and communities with the virtues that sustain an enduring society.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Helping Americans Become Self-Reliant

“The more self-reliant we are — temporally, emotionally and
spiritually — the more prepared we are to thwart Satan’s
relentless assaults.”
President Russel M. Nelson

“In an ever-changing world, we must prepare for uncertainties. Even with better days ahead we know that the temporal peaks and valleys of mortality will continue. As we seek to become temporally prepared, we can face the trials of life with increased confidence, peace in our hearts, and like Joseph of Egypt, we will be able to say, even in stressful circumstances, ‘There was bread.’”
Bishop W. Christopher Waddell

“If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.”
President Russel M. Nelson quoting, Doctrine & Covenants 38:30

Respecting and Sustaining the Family

Speaking of the Culture of Christ: “This culture sanctions the sanctity of the family…”
Elder William K. Jackson

“Adultery, promiscuity, elective abortion and out of wedlock births are but some of the bitter fruits that grow out of the immorality sanctioned by the sexual revolution. Follow-on consequences that work against the sustainability of a healthy society include growing numbers of children raised in poverty and without the positive influence of fathers, sometimes through multiple generations, women bearing alone what should be shared responsibilities, and seriously deficient education as schools, like other institutions, are tasked to compensate for failure in the home.”
Elder D. Todd Christofferson

*If abortion has caused you to feel like you have no choice in who you vote for, read my most current blog post here.

As an honorable mention, in his talk, D. Todd Christofferson took the time to speak about the United Nations: “In 2015, the United Nations adopted what was called the 2030 Agenda for Sustainable Development. It was described as a shared blueprint for peace and prosperity for people and the planet now and into the future…includes 17 goals…such as no poverty, zero hunger, quality education, gender equality, clean water and sanitation, and decent work.” Please read this talk where he also discussed this initiative as a positive thing for our world.

Who am I going to vote for? Well, I will be studying each candidate’s (including the major 3rd party candidates’) platforms on each of these crucial principles. I believe that there are different ways to do many of these things, and I also believe that each candidate will embody some of these things. I hope to find one that embodies all, but if not, I will base my decision, after this research, on the answers I receive through fervent prayer.

I hope that my Latter-day Saint friends, or other friends who believe in these powerful principles, will do this exercise with me, having an open heart and mind. To believe one party or candidate is godly and another isn’t without truly studying and praying is doing a disservice to yourself, your country, and the candidates who wish to serve America the best way they know how.

I would love to hear your findings. I will be publishing comments from each candidate on as many of these points as I can to help myself and others choose the candidate who will embody what our church leaders spoke of passionately and frequently in Conference.

**Update: I spent the week researching each candidate’s views on the issues above. If you would like a copy of my PowerPoint presentation, just email me at mrsapplejelly@gmail.com and I would be happy to send it to you. Best wishes, and God bless you!

Please vote your conscience! And please respect others’ decisions!

October 6, 2020
Compassion Transforms

I feel like I have written about judging others several times, but maybe that’s because I have lots of lessons to learn on it.

On August 23, I had a thought, and I feel it will stick with me forever. It was more or less this:

When you judge someone negatively, you may not necessarily be wrong in your judgment, but that judgment will keep you from having charity and respect for, and a strong relationship with that person.

Why did this come to mind? Well, for many years I have had difficulty really loving and building a bond with a certain person in my life. I always blamed that person but now I know it was my fault. I couldn’t get past certain problems I had with that person. I tried to look past them, and I prayed often, but I just couldn’t shake my negative judgments.

When talking about that person, I almost always would speak negatively, not even trying to. My feelings were just so imbedded inside me, I couldn’t see beyond them.

This may sound strange, but I know that my feelings weren’t intentional, but rather planted there by Satan because he knew just how important that relationship would be in my life. He didn’t want me to have it.

This person still has what I feel are significant flaws, but during a recent interaction with that person, something changed in me so drastically that I now feel nothing but love for, and a desire to help that person. I want to see that person happy!

My negative feelings are gone, just gone.

I cannot express the gratitude I have to my Heavenly Father for answering my prayers and helping me focus on how I could give to that person instead of criticize.

You see, criticizing people, whether internally or behind their backs, doesn’t help them get better. It doesn’t help them at all. And it certainly doesn’t help you. No, if you see opportunity for change in someone, the best thing to do is love that person, serve that person, and support that person.

I have always known that, but it took me finding compassion for that person within my heart, and thinking of that person’s perspective, as well as life hardships. That compassion transformed my feelings completely, and now I just want to help and love and cherish that person.

I am not sure if this person notices my change, since I have always been kind regardless of my feelings, but I can already see our relationship improving so much. It brings me so much joy.

Have you ever felt this way about someone? Maybe you do right now. I challenge you to reach deep within yourself. Think about how that person may be hurting, grasp onto the compassion that you have within your soul, and think about how you can help improve that person’s quality of life.

September 1, 2020
18 Years Since I Turned 18
I realized today, my 36th birthday, that it has been 18 years since I turned 18! Crazy!

And then I thought just how much my life as changed – how much I have changed – as a result of what has happened in my life the last 18 years.

June 21, 2002

June 21, 2020

I still remember my 18th birthday a little bit. It was at Nana’s house, just like most of my birthdays were, since my Granddad’s was one day after mine and my uncle’s was one day before mine. It was always very special.

At age 18, I had just graduated from high school. What kind of a person was I then? Well, I was a good person who did well in school who made relatively good choices and who befriended anyone who needed a friend. I went to church every Sunday. I was also obsessed with theater and musicals. I did not have the best self confidence due to being made fun of for so long for my pale skin and freckles. I also never had a lot of close friends my age in high school largely due to my values.

I was excited to go to college that January, but would work for six months to help me raise money. I was going to go to Southern Utah University in Cedar City and I was excited to get away and do my own thing.

So what happened the next 18 years? Allow me to highlight some of the biggest things from each year:

2002 – Graduated high school, worked two jobs (CVS and Walmart), and began going to the Singles Ward, where I met my first “love,” and thought I didn’t want children

2003 – Flew in an airplane for the first time, went off to college, started growing out my bangs for the first time, dated a lot, got engaged, went to the temple to make covenants with God, got married for time and all eternity

2004 – Got pregnant with my first born and going to school full time

2005 – Had my first baby, Casey Scott Lewis, and filed for divorce

2006 – Was greatly saddened by the deaths of my beloved Granddad and my two great grandmothers, got a divorce, graduated from SUU, moved to North Carolina for the first time, tried to fit in with singles again and had the worst self-esteem ever (see some of my struggles through being single from 2006-2010 here: https://ablisscomplete.com/finding-joy-in-my-circumstances/ )

2007 – Got a full time job at the AICPA, moved into my own apartment with Casey, put him in daycare (super hard for me), dated here and there

2008 – Fell madly in love with a man who loved me back but kept trying to get me to leave my church, met and fell for a Marine who would soon be deployed

2009 – Met Jad, decided between him and my marine (guess who won?), and made wonderful memories with this man I was falling in love with and felt was the one for me

2010 – Got engaged and then married to my true love, Jad, went on a belated honeymoon to Pigeon Forge, got pregnant with Rigel

2011 – Rigel was born, quit my successful career at the AICPA so I could raise him, started an Avon business, got sealed in the temple to Rigel and Jad, and Jad had major surgery to remove most of his liver due to having Echinococcus

2012 – Moved into our first home in Mebane, NC, got pregnant with Kamren

2013 – Kamren was born at home in the toilet – the scariest, yet most miraculous event in my life other than Jad’s surgery two years before, started teaching an Institute class on the Book of Mormon, Jad became a citizen of the United States, I performed in a musical with my church called Sing Down the Moon: Appalachian Wonder Tales

2014 – I started this blog, which I felt was a calling from the Lord! (See a summary of my blogs from that year here: https://ablisscomplete.com/a-blissful-anniversary/ ), we got a dog, celebrated my 30th birthday in DC, and Jad started IT school, which kept him very busy

2015 – Quit my Avon business, later started an It Works business, started doing book reviews for Cedar Fort Publishing and writing articles for Family Share, started singing in Messiah in Mebane (Just in case you want to know all about that year: https://ablisscomplete.com/2015-with-the-al-bjalys/ )

2016 – Won a trip to Disney world, went to Disney World for almost a week, got pregnant with my fourth, performed in my church’s musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, quit It Works, helped edit an author’s book for the first time (I would do so a few more times in the coming years, and I hope to do this as a job someday), found out I was having my first girl, attended the open house of the Philadelphia, PA temple, had my daughter, Eve, 5 weeks early

2017 – Started an online e-commerce store, lovingly called PB and Apple Jelly

2018 – Attended an elite training to help me scale our business, spent most of my time that year on my business, coached the next set of trainees at the same conference I went to earlier that year, started working with amazing women in the stake primary presidency (my first time working in the stake – district of smaller wards or congregations)

2019 -Performed in my church’s musical of Seussical, went to Palmyra, NY and got to see all the sacred sites of our early church history

2020 – Closed down PB and Apple Jelly, went on a wonderful 10 year anniversary trip with Jad to Asheville, NC, felt inspired to post Book of Mormon quotes on Facebook often, am still enduring Covid-19 and learning how to better stand up for the needs and rights of all my brothers and sisters in this world, and also working very hard to get our house ready to sell and build a new home on over 5 acres

I am sure I am missing a bunch of things, but these are important to how I have changed and developed as a person over this time.

From my experiences, I have:
1. Realized I can still be happy even in difficult circumstances, as my circumstances do not equate to my worth.
2. Learned more about love and what qualities I really needed in a lasting, eternal companion.
3. Increased in self-esteem as I decreased in envy and realized that God loves me for me.
4. Received a confirmation over and over that God is real and that He watches out for me through angels (on both sides of the veil) and that miracles still happen.
5. Learned that to be good you must act with goodness, not just believe in it. You must serve, share, and speak up boldly for the right.
6. Gained a stronger testimony over the years of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and of His role as my Savior and Redeemer.
7. Realized that really matters most in my life – not money or success or social media likes and shares, but the love I have for my family and my role as a disciple of Christ.
8. Grown in boldness in sharing the gospel of Christ with those around me and online.
9. Learned more about who I am – the good, bad and the ugly, and have worked hard to improve myself (an on-going project).
10. Learned what makes a good friend and how to be one, and appreciated so many friends, family, and acquaintances who have helped me become who I am today.
There are countless ways that I have learned and grown through these 18 years. I see God’s hand in refining me, and I pray in the next 18 years I will be closer to my true potential.
June 21, 2020
Of Race and Words
Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, I Don’t See Color, White Privilege…

These are just words, phrases. Yet, they elicit a strong response in most of us, and probably in different ways for different reasons.

Assumptions are made when people use these phrases, yet intentions may vary greatly. Assumptions are also made when people dislike these phrases, yet reasons may vary greatly.

I think it’s time that we stop making assumptions, and start seeking understanding when people say certain things.

Let’s go over these phrases together:

Black Lives Matter – I am ashamed to say that I used to be uncomfortable by this phrase because it seemed to be saying that black lives mattered more than other lives. Perhaps there are some few who do/did believe that, but, I have since learned that saying this does not, should not, mean that other lives do not matter. It simply means that black lives need more care, more protection, more change, and more hope because they are still seeing much inequality, injustice, and persecution in this country. They are seeing needless deaths over and over and they want to passionately express that their lives are just as important as everyone else’s. And you know what? This phrase is not just for black people – it’s for everyone who wants to see racism die. I know that I do. As long as this phrase is used to bring awareness and positive change to the issue of racism in this country, and not as a reason to justify violent protests and destruction, it is good.

All Lives Matter – The intention of using this phrase greatly affects the way people take it. Too many people say it because they don’t like to face the possibility that racism really exists – because it makes them uncomfortable to face the possibility of corruption. They want to stay color-blind and minimize the oppression black people in this country and other countries still face. There are also well-meaning people who say it because they really, truly believe in the sanctity of all lives, and that includes black lives. They feel it’s more helpful to use this phrase. Just remember, that in order for this phrase to be true, Black Lives Matter must also become true. So, to be passionate about one and not the other would be an oxymoron. Use the phrase in love for all and a desire to make the phrase true, and it can be good.

Blue Lives Matter – Because of the ongoing list of examples in recent years of blacks being killed needlessly by corrupt police officers, this phrase can be a touchy one. Some feel that this phrase is in opposition to Black Lives Matter, and truthfully, it often is. But, to those with good intentions, they use this phrase not to minimize black lives or justify killing them. They just know, and have compassion for the fact, that police officers face danger on a daily basis too. They know that many fear going to work as they may face retaliation for something that corrupt police officers have done. Perhaps the most important reason for this phrase is to show that most police officers are good people who truly wish to protect their communities. Use it this way, and not in any way to minimalize Black Lives Matter or retaliate against it, and this phrase can be good.

I Don’t See Color – This phrase is usually used by well-intentioned white people. They are usually genuinely trying to express that color isn’t what motivates how they treat people. However, it’s important to understand that people of color want you to see their color – see it as beautiful, meaningful, and a part of who they are. They want you to see their struggles and support them in their fight to end racism. We cannot fix something we cannot, or choose not to see. Thus, we must choose to see color.

White Privilege – I used to hate this term. I don’t feel privileged. Nothing in my life has been handed to me on a silver platter. I have had to work hard for all I have. I have had many heartaches, disappointments, and unfairness in my life. Something I realized more recently than I care to admit, though, is that being “privileged” doesn’t mean that everything in my life is easy. It just means that I don’t experience some of the horrible hardships and persecutions and fear that others face who don’t have the color of my skin. It’s hard to admit because it’s not something I as a white person have any control over, want, or think I deserve. I don’t want to be judged harshly for being white, which is something I cannot control, or treated like I think I’m better than everyone else simply because I’m white. I cannot control what others think of me any more than I can control the color of my skin. But, what I can do is recognize that there is still a major gap in racial equality. We have come so far from Civil War times, and Civil Rights times, but to say racism is gone and that there is no white privilege is ignoring other people’s suffering because we don’t want to face it. It’s easier to ignore it. But ignoring it doesn’t help, and it doesn’t make life safer or happier for those who are less privileged than me. As someone who is privileged, I need to stand up and fight for a world where people are only privileged by merit and deed, not by the color of their skin. White friends and family, instead of being annoyed or offended at this term, let’s use it as a way to make change.

As you can see, all of these phrases can be forces for good if said and met with good intention.

But, we are not there yet! It’s refreshing right now to see so many well-intentioned, well-rounded, respectful posts and comments related to George Floyd’s murder and the subsequent protests and rioting. However, it is difficult and discouraging to read so many posts and comments that go far in the other direction.

I feel that I speak out against what I am reading. I feel that I must share what I know to be right.

Based on my experience as someone trying to be a good person, as a writer, as a Christian, and as a social media follower, I have learned that:
1. Speaking in condescending tones while calling names and cursing dramatically will not bring people to your side. It will simply solidify someone’s reasoning to disagree with you.
2. If you must speak in anger, you should do it with the intention to do good – not to shame, criticize, or show any form of hatred or prejudice. Anger intertwined with hate will only harm you and others who decide to join you in that hate.
3. Extreme sarcasm only gets positive reactions from those who already agree with you. Avoid it, as it makes you seem egotistical and unopen to others’ perspectives.
4. Judging people without knowing their hearts is playing God. Only God knows what is in someone’s heart. It is not up to us to decide who is evil or who deserved what they got.
5. Not speaking up due to fear will not help you or anyone else. We all have experiences, knowledge, and convictions to share. Perhaps you will be the one who can change someone’s heart. This is a hard one, but you will feel so much better as you try.
6. Blindly sharing what you see on Facebook makes you seem uneducated. Before you share “facts,” fact check. And make sure what you are sharing is helpful, not hurtful.
7. Not everything is a political issue, especially the value of someone’s life. This is a human issue, so stop making it so political. This can only divide us.
8. Calling out hypocrisy only helps if you are making plans to stop it, to change it, and make sure you aren’t also a hypocrite.
9. You can be well-rounded. Not everything is one way or the other. We shouldn’t compartmentalize groups of people because when we do, we forget that people are complex and have their own individualized views based on experience and conviction.
10. Labels are only good to help present and appreciate identity, not to deliberately try to divide others. Remember that we all wear the labels first of human being and children of God.
11. Stereotypes are a form of racism, as is ignoring the problem, justifying the problem, and ignoring history. Subtle racism is still racism, so be careful how you say things.
12. If you must condemn actions, provide a better choice so it’s not just judgment we are spreading, but motivation for change.
13. We need to think before we talk or post. Would we want someone to say those things to us, or our friend, or our family member? What message are we sending?
14. It’s so important to look outside our own perspective and try to step into someone else’s shoes. If we do this, we will find we are less judgmental, critical, careless, and skeptical. We will instead learn understanding and empathy.
15. Never minimize the experience of others. Their fear is real. Their anxiety is real. Their pain is real. Try to understand. Ask rather than assume something isn’t as bad as it seems.
16. If you want to make change, focus on the root of the problem. It may not be obvious. Seek it out. What can you do individually to help it? What can you say to persuade others to make better choices?
17. When you share a meme, it may seem powerful at the time, but think before you post it. The message may not be as it seems. It may hurt others.
18. Do not take the media so seriously. There are agendas and half-truths told all day long. It’s our responsibility to search for real, unbiased truth. You may realize there is a lot more goodness in this world than you realized. You may also realize how much change is needed, and how you can take a stand.
19. Not everybody will agree with you. You can’t make people believe what you believe. But, if you speak respectfully with good intentions and a passion for positive change, you will be a force for good for those who are ready to listen, understand, and find common ground.
20. Spread what will do the most good – love, kindness, understanding, acts of service, and inspirational messages. We have too much hate and negativity in this world.
Some of these things are hard to hear and even harder to do. I’m sure I am sometimes guilty of these things myself – being silent for too long is the one I regret the most. But I do make the best effort I can to spread love, not hate. I try very hard to speak to educate rather than denigrate. I work to understand others who are different than me rather than toss their views aside. I try to unite, not divide.

Imagine if we all did those things. Imagine if we used our influence to bring light and understanding and peace to the world. We can do it one person at a time. Truly we all have the God-given power to be a force for good. I know it.

Now is the time to speak up for love and peace, not hate and violence, which is spreading all too quickly and furiously throughout our land. God will win this war of hate amongst His children, and we must help Him, whether it is by standing in peaceful protests, speaking up on social media, signing petitions, seeking reform, or talking to family and friends who have their own racial biases.

I feel so strongly that white people especially need to take a stand and join forces hand in hand with our black brothers and sisters, not just privately, but publicly. Let the world know that racism cannot and will not be tolerated any longer. If we do this, we can bring hope and lasting change. Perhaps less will feel like their only option is to loot, burn, and violently protest to get their message across. It’s a travesty that anyone should ever feel that way because it is not the answer – it only spreads more hate and creates more division. Hopefully we are waking up to the reality, and will use our words, influence, deeds, and hearts to help those who feel oppressed and afraid to feel only safety, joy, and fairness.

I stand with you wholeheartedly, my black friends and neighbors. I truly believe and know that Black Lives Matter.

************************************************************************

You may wish to read other posts I have read about this topic. Please share any and all that speak to you. Thank you for reading and for your support.

https://ablisscomplete.com/what-do-we-do/

https://ablisscomplete.com/a-message-for-our-day/
June 1, 2020
A New Hat I Feel Called to Wear

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, every six months, we have a conference led by the leaders of our church. The messages are meant to inspire us to learn and be better followers of Jesus Christ.

All of the messages in this April’s conference were meaningful and wonderful. I felt the Spirit so many times, but there were two particular points that stood out to me more than anything.

The first was a quote by Joy Jones, that said: “Women wear many hats, but it is impossible, and unnecessary, to wear them all at once. The Spirit helps us determine which work to focus on today.”

I felt like she was talking to me. I am always juggling many hats, trying to unsuccessfully wear all of them, or trying to figure out which are more important. It was comforting to hear that it’s not necessary to wear them all, and that the Spirit would help me know which to focus on.

Hold that thought.

The second quote, or really full talk, that really spoke to me was from Elder D. Todd Christofferson. He spoke about how to share the good news of the restoration of the gospel with the world. He said we need to share love, a good example, and the Book of Mormon. He said two particular sentences that really hit me: ” The Book of Mormon is the possession of mankind.” and “When you share the Book of Mormon, you share the Restoration. “

I had gotten a nudge from Heavenly Father a little while back to start blogging again, and I had begun doing so about once a week. Then I started running out of inspirational ideas, but the thought kept coming to me that I needed to share the Book of Mormon with people through my blog.

After Elder Christofferson’s talk, and so many other talks referencing this book I hold most dear, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to start highlighting verses from the Book of Mormon on my blog page, along with an explanation and my testimony. The Spirit was telling me to put on this hat, just as Sister Jones suggested.

I fully understand that to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you must receive a spiritual witness through study, reflection, and earnest prayer that Joseph Smith was a prophet, that God still speaks through a living prophet today, that the priesthood has been restored, and that the Book of Mormon is true.

These are not things to be taken lightly, and they are also not things that people will blindly believe. I am aware that many people think Joseph Smith wrote the Book of Mormon, or that it is a work of the adversary. I can understand why people might think that who know nothing about it, or who have been misinformed. But, I can tell you with so much conviction, that even if it were a work of fiction, its words will bring you closer to Jesus Christ. Any book that does that is worth reading. And then after reading, it’s worth figuring out if it’s more than fiction – if it’s the true word of God.

Is the Book of Mormon a book of scripture? I believe wholeheartedly it is. But I had to read it, study it, and pray about it. I know that not everyone is ready to do that. That is why I feel the call to highlight passages one small chunk at a time. There are thousands of passages I could highlight that would help people learn more about Christ and about His gospel. I have started doing this and intend to keep doing it as long as the Spirit tells me I need to wear that hat. It has already been such a special experience for me.

I hope that anyone reading this post who has never read The Book of Mormon, but who is a Christian, or even just curious, will try to have an open mind. If you know me, you know I am a genuine and giving person. I would never do anything knowingly to anyone that would hurt them or lead them away from God. I live my life trying to bring myself and those I love closer to Him and His Son, Jesus Christ. I hope, knowing what you know about me, that you would give this wonderful book a chance. It’s a true companion to the Bible, for it provides evidence that Jesus really did live, die, and was resurrected. It proclaims that He is the Savior of the world!

If you would like to follow my blog page to see the Book of Mormon posts I am doing, you can follow me here: https://www.facebook.com/makinglifeablisscomplete/

I would love you to comment or share. If you ever have questions, please ask! I am here! Much love from a sister in Christ!

April 15, 2020
The New Normal (For Now)

Early this month, from March 5-8, Jad and I went to Asheville, NC to celebrate our 10^th anniversary. It was wonderful to go out and do exactly what we wanted and spend lots of time together, mostly stress-free. It was sweet, peaceful, and exciting – just what we needed.

But when we got back from our trip, we were hit hard with all the things we had to do, how busy our schedule was for that week and every week after, and how difficult the kids were to deal with. True, it was just our normal life again, but the contrast from the days before was astounding. We love our children to pieces and would do anything for them, but they weren’t making it easy for us!

Then, just a few days later we were told Orange County Schools would be closed from Monday, March 16 through at least April 3. But that wasn’t all – soccer was canceled, and then church, and as time has gone on, almost everything we would normally do with the kids or together has closed (i.e. children’s museums, movie theaters, libraries, restaurant dining rooms), with the exception of parks and nature trails.

What a whirlwind of a month! And yesterday we found out that school will be closed until at least May 15!

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings swirling around my head from the past couple weeks.

Regarding School: I am definitely learning a lot more about patience and multi-tasking now that I have to home school. It was really hard the first couple days, but I’ve gotten the hang of it. We’ve been lucky, too. The teachers have been providing lots of assignments, online and paper, so we know what we need to do, at least for now.

Even though home schooling is hard and not ideal in many ways, many of my concerns have been alleviated: no bullying, no bad influences or temptations at school, and no uncomfortable bus rides. That has actually been a great blessing.

Of course it’s hard not being around friends, and some classes, like band, just can’t be done online, but being at home for schooling reduces the amount of time away from home and each other, and being at home helps the kids (especially Rigel) focus more.

Regarding Activities: To be honest, I was not that sad when soccer got canceled. I was so overwhelmed at how much time soccer for Kamren and Rigel (him especially) would be taking from our time together as a family, especially on the weekends. The boys were sad at first, but they haven’t mentioned it. And they still play soccer in the back yard sometimes. Tae Kwon Do took longer to be canceled, but it hasn’t been that hard without it. It’s a wonderful skill the boys are learning, but our Monday through Wednesday evenings have been clear. We haven’t had to rush anywhere, and the boys still practice their moves at home. It isn’t completely ideal that we can’t go to the museum or the library or many parks anymore, but the kids have been playing outside a lot, reading a lot, and Casey has also been teaching his brothers Dungeons and Dragons, which they play daily, so they are still having fun. Piano is a little different – they can’t go in person, but Casey and Rigel are doing online lessons, which is not as easy, but still works! I’m glad they are still practicing.

I am so happy, through all these changes that my kids aren’t on electronics and TV all the time, which has been great! So, even though I think the activities we normally have are good, we now know we can have just as much fun doing things at home. We’ve been having lots of fun outside and making fun food and treats. We also are feeling how nice it is not to have to rush everywhere all the time.

The one thing that I don’t like about just about everywhere being closed is that Jad and I really can’t go on date nights right now. We can obviously do things at home, but I miss getting out and about. I look forward to when we can go out on dates again!

Regarding Church and Church Activities: This one has been harder. I truly miss my church family, and the kids miss their church friends. It isn’t ideal that all church activities are canceled for now, we can’t go to church Sundays, nor can we do choir, etc. However, having church at home the past couple weeks has been lovely. It hasn’t been perfect, but I have felt the Spirit strongly as we have sung, prayed, had the Sacrament, bore testimony, discussed the scriptures together, and more.

I have an even stronger testimony of our prophet, President Nelson, who I know communes with God. Our church’s Come, Follow Me program came out a little over a year ago, and because we have it, we can have meaningful gospel discussion and learning in the home. We haven’t been worried about growing spiritually because of the abundance of wonderful resources our church has from manuals to videos to magazines to activities.

https://www.facebook.com/russell.m.nelson/videos/199840471336927/

The biggest blow to me, out of all the closures, has been the temples being closed. I made a promise this year to attend the temple faithfully once a month. Due to the temple closures, I cannot keep that promise right now. There is no place I feel more peace than in the temple, and I have a strong testimony of the work that goes on there. I know that they will reopen soon enough, so I am waiting patiently for that day!

Regarding Social Distancing: This has also been so hard! We have so many friends, loved ones, and family in the area. Not being able to see them either not at all, or not as often, is really hard. I am so grateful, though, that we have modern technologies that allow us to text, call, send photos, and video chat. And since it is springtime, being outside together is usually pleasant!

So even though we don’t see many people right now, at least the six people in my house have each other to hold on to, and can feel the love from others through other means.

In General: I have gone from completely calm and full of faith, to overwhelmed, to a little worried, back to overwhelmed. There have been so many changes so fast, and there are so many unknowns. Yet, through it all, I still maintain my faith that God is with us and He knows exactly what’s going on. He’s there to help us through.

I know what my family is experiencing is only one of many experiences, and what is a blessing for me may actually be very difficult for someone else. I have compassion for those in very difficult situations at this time. I pray for you and wish the best for you. I do hope, though, that regardless of our circumstances surrounding this virus, that we can see blessings in it.

I have felt from the beginning of these temporary lifestyle changes that God is trying to wake us up, to tell us that we need to be prepared temporally and spiritually, because this is just the beginning of things that will happen on the earth in the last days. That doesn’t frighten me – it gives me hope because I know God is merciful.

Why is this virus here? Why has God allowed it? Perhaps that’s the biggest question for believers.

Well, there could be many reasons. It could be chastisement; it could be a please to turn back to Him; it could be a way to us to get our priorities straight and realize what really matters; it could be to unite us as people and families; it could be to encourage us to show compassion and give meaningful service to those who need it; or it could be all of those reasons and more.

All I know is, God is all-knowing and the circumstances surrounding this virus, though a nuisance and worrisome in many ways, have and will bring good fruits as we choose how we will react to them.

It may be a while before things go “back to normal,” and the question I have is, will there be a “new normal” when all is said and done? Perhaps, and it probably wouldn’t be a bad thing.

What have your experiences been during this time of quarantine? Have you seen blessings too? How has your life changed?

March 24, 2020
Try Something New – Stretch Yourself

I’m turning 36 this year, and I have had some sort of an awakening recently – there are a lot of things I have never done and don’t know how to do that would be super cool to learn about and to do.

I’ve always had my core interests, such as singing, acting, reading, writing, public speaking, cooking and baking, spending time with friends and family, and going to museums, and while those things still bring me joy, I realized there is so much more out there, and I have been limiting myself.

It’s easy to say things like, “I’m not athletic,” or “I can’t even boil water,” or “I don’t have a green thumb,” or “I’m too shy to do that.” But is it true? Why can’t we get better at certain things? Why can’t we just try a little harder?

Some things definitely come more naturally to me. But even as someone who love to act, sing, and speak, these were things I had to build up the courage to do and to do well. I am naturally very shy, and still am in large groups, especially when I am not in control of what’s happening. But, I stretched myself in middle school, and tried out a drama class. It changed my life.

That’s not the only time I have done something out of my nature – I actually held a snake once, and this year I got some color in my hair. I’m sure there are other examples, but generally, I have stuck with what’s comfortable and natural, as I’m sure most of us have.

I have decided that this year going forward I will be trying new and interesting things to see what new hobbies and skills I can come up with. I want to be a more complete version of myself, and do better at reaching my potential as a person.

For example, for Valentine’s Day this year, instead of Jad and I going out to dinner or a movie or something obvious like that, we did an intro to fencing couple’s class. We had an absolute blast, and it’s a night we will never forget. I hope to go back and do it again.

With Jad at Mid-South Fencers’ Club in Durham, NC on February 14, 2020

Jad and I also just got back from our 10-year anniversary trip to Asheville, NC. I wanted our trip to be there because I was so excited about the Downton Abbey exhibits at the Biltmore Estate. I spent many, many hours researching other things to do in our time there, and surprisingly, I felt drawn to more outdoor activities, like hiking to a waterfall, going horseback riding, and going whitewater rafting. And guess what? Those were my absolute favorite activities of the whole trip! It wasn’t the shopping or food or exhibits that made me happiest – it was the experience of doing something new and exciting.

At Catawba Falls March 5, 2020

At Sandy Bottom Trail Rides in Marshall, NC on March 7, 2020

With Jad on the French Broad River in Marshall, NC on March 7, 2020

To be fair, I had hiked to a waterfall before, but hiking is a fairly new love of mine (going to Chimney Rock with the kids last year was what brought that on). But, I had never ridden a horse before, unless you count me sitting on one while someone led me around in a square like 20 years ago. So, I went from that to riding up in the mountains with many steep hills and windy curves. And I had never thought in my life I would white water raft, but I knew my husband had done it, and I thought it would be fun to try. It was more than fun – it is something I want to do every year and eventually take my kids to do.

I fully admit that I was scared to death for some of the horseback riding. We got awful close to the edge sometimes, and one time I thought I was going to fall off while going down a very steep hill. But I didn’t! And the seemingly endless instructions for whitewater rafting freaked me out a little, thinking I would forget everything and fall out of the raft and die, but then everything worked out just fine. I gave my all, and it was quite the adventure!

I haven’t built up to zip-lining yet, but that’s next on my list. And then maybe rock climbing. Who knows? It is exhilarating to do new things, and then realize you love them!

I know that part of my desire to stretch myself is because I have gotten healthier in the past year due to working out regularly and eating healthy (most of the time). That has also been quite the stretch, honestly.

So, if you are reading this, think of something you have never thought you could do, and find a way to go do it! Maybe it’s shooting at a shooting range, learning how to garden, taking a dance class, learning an instrument – the sky’s the limit!

Don’t tell yourself you can’t do something or you wouldn’t be good at it. If you say it and believe it, you’ll be right. But, if you decide that you can do hard things, then you can. You will just need to take that first step! It may take several steps and lots of work, but just get started and see where you’ll go!

You are worth it – stretch yourself!

March 11, 2020
Lessons from Watching Elena of Avalor
My daughter’s favorite show is currently Elena of Avalor. I don’t blame her – it’s funny, has some really interesting characters and stories, has catchy songs, and also teaches some really awesome life lessons. All of my boys even like it.
I was watching an episode with her today, an episode we have already seen, in fact, where Princess Elena and her best friend, Naomi, are busy planning an important festival for the entire kingdom. Then, a cousin of one of their royal staff, a young woman named Rita, shows up and has a keen desire to help with the festival. Things start going wrong all over the place, and Naomi has a sneaky suspicion that Rita is responsible.

When Naomi finally accuses Rita of specific wrongdoings, Rita sweetly denies it, and Princess Elena, rather than agree with her friend, expresses genuine worry about Naomi’s stress levels.

The audience knows that Rita is in fact not who she appears – she is actually an evil young woman named Carla who wants to steal a special crown from the treasury, and has only been pretending to be helpful so she could get to it.

Now, in real life we might have trouble figuring out if “Rita” were genuine or fake, friend or foe. Naomi probably should have gotten proof before attacking Rita’s intentions, and Elena probably should have been more supportive of her friend’s gut instincts.

This episode made me think about judgment. I know people who think that having any constructive opinion or concern about someone is wrong because “you are just being judgmental.”

But judging isn’t necessarily wrong – we have to do it all the time. We have to judge people and situations for our own well-being and safety.

Are we wrong sometimes? Absolutely. I can think of plenty of times I have been wrong, for better or for worse. Here are some examples:
- I have blindly trusted someone for years, believing she was a victim of so much familial hatred, and it was only years later that I realized her true colors, that she was the prime source of the hatred, and that her family didn’t actually hate her at all. They just felt they had to keep their distance for their own well-being.
- I have misjudged when someone was trying to hurt me, even my friends. Rather than give the benefit of the doubt, I have assumed the worst, letting my irrational hurt feelings cloud my sound logic.
- I have taken sides in situations where I know for sure one person has done bad things and I have listened only to the words of the person who was hurt, not realizing that hurt often goes both ways.
- I have had bad feelings toward someone, getting very frustrated at their seeming inadequacies, only to get context later that humbled me greatly.
- On the other hand, I have judged someone more correctly than I would ever want to, only to be treated horribly for thinking about the safety of my family above all else.
Judgment can hurt whether you are correct or incorrect in your judgments. Does that mean we should never judge anyone and just assume everyone is always a good person who will only do good to you?

No, for that would be misguided. As I have thought over the years, I have learned some tips to help me in making appropriate judgments (something that will be a lifelong struggle for most of us, including myself):
1. When something doesn’t sound right or feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust your gut and do some investigating to confirm.
2. Look at a person’s fruits. Words aren’t nearly as powerful as someone’s actions over time (See St. Matthew 7:16-20).
3. It’s okay to be concerned about a person’s past. Just don’t let it define how you think about them forever. Let their present actions speak for them. People can, and often do change.
4. If someone you love has deeply hurt you, talk to that person. Don’t wait. Don’t stew. Don’t assume. Talk to that person. If he/she loved you before you got hurt, most likely that love didn’t just disappear into thin air.
5. When you are caught in the middle of two or more people and are not sure who to trust, talk to all of them. Get all perspectives. Make the best judgment you can and try to be supportive in whatever ways coincide with your values.
6. Be understanding if someone feels like they need to make constructive judgments about you or someone you care about. If someone is misinformed, please kindly and respectfully inform them, but if that person has valid concerns, respect them, realizing judgments in and of themselves are not bad.
7. Try not to make judgments based on looks alone, just one interaction, or solely the opinions of others. You should definitely the opinions of others into account, but don’t blindly believe everything you hear either.
8. When you make a judgment, ask yourself if you are being fair or kind. Do you really have enough information to make a fair judgment? If not, it would be best to postpone judgment.
9. Always remember that you are not perfect so you can’t expect others to be perfect. By the same token, some actions are far worse than others, and bad enough that precautions must be taken.
10. Pray for help to know how to handle and judge a particular person or situation when you just aren’t sure what to do.
I love the Savior’s Sermon on the Mount. In St. Matthew Chapter 7, he talks about judging. First, he says to “judge not.” Then he says that we will be judged the way we judge. He goes on to say we should worry about our own imperfections before pointing out everyone else’s. Finally, he said that we will know a person by his fruits, or his deeds.

These are wonderful words of wisdom from our Master, but can be a little confusing, for he seems to at first be saying not to judge at all, but then says how we should judge.

I love a talk that Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave at BYU in 1998. He discusses this very thing, and he makes it clear that final judgments are what are wrong, where we look at one particular part of someone’s life and decide what type of person they are and always will be. That is not up to us – only God can make final judgments. But, it is acceptable to make righteous “intermediate” judgments. Please read his talk linked above. It helps so much!

The most important thing I take from all this it is that we need to remember that Christ atoned for all of us. We all have our moral agency to do wrong, but we also have the moral agency to turn our lives around and do better. That is a gift we all have, and it isn’t our place to determine what someone deserves eternally. And even if we make an intermediate judgment that someone or something isn’t good for our well-being and safety at this time, it’s important to keep our minds and hearts open to the possibility of change later. That’s why we need to continuously pray for what to do, and how to handle people and situations.

I pray that people forgive me when I do wrong and do not judge me on one thing I have done, or the way I was at one time of my life. If that is what I want for myself, then I must do my best to give that same courtesy to others.

Judging is a tricky business, and Satan uses it to bring contention, pain, and hopelessness. I hope we can all try to judge righteously so we can still feel love and hope for others regardless of the intermediate judgments we must make each and every day.
February 18, 2020
Misjudging

Have you ever misjudged someone? I have.

I am thinking about it a lot right now. For much of this school year, I have been so very concerned and upset about one of my kids’ teachers. I have contacted the principal more times than I can count, and have felt so helpless thinking my son has a terrible teacher who never communicates and is incompetent. It has gotten to the point where I have almost had him put in another class.

I felt a very similar concern a few years ago, when another of my sons was in kindergarten. Once, after a particularly difficult incident of bullying, I contacted the principal expressing my concerns from the entire year, saying that I felt that my son wasn’t loved or praised at all, but rather always put down and targeted. I felt that no extra care had been taken with him to help him succeed in school, and I had actually not even been aware he was struggling until half the year was over. I really felt like his teacher didn’t have his best interests at heart.

In both situations, I felt that my boys’ teachers weren’t doing their jobs well, and I had plenty of evidence to prove it.

I was reminded of that kindergarten teacher today, and how after a meeting with her and the principal three years ago, she had pulled me aside, put her hand on my shoulder gently, and told me she was on my side and my son’s side. She even made sure he got the best teacher for his needs the following year. I ended up sending her a grateful email for her kindness. This experience had crossed my mind more than once this year, but I set it aside thinking this teacher was so much worse!

Now fast forward to today and the current teacher problem. I was so nervous to meet with her for my son’s parent/teacher conference. I wasn’t sure what she knew about my communications with the principal, and I was on edge. Well, as I approached the building, she was saying goodbye to another parent that she had just walked to the door.

She kindly greeted me and started a conversation about Halloween as we walked to her classroom. She even spoke of the weather last night as being appropriate for the night, which was cool because I had said the same thing to my family the night before.

We sat down, and though her desk and room were a bit messy and she wasn’t super organized, she spoke about my son’s strengths and needs articulately, and was very complimentary of his behavior. She even complimented Jad and I as parents due to how respectful and kind our son is at school.

Things were going better than I expected. I felt a little nudge to offer to help her by cutting things out or sharpening pencils. She laughed and said she will probably take me up on that since she is so busy and she isn’t too fond of cutting circles and sharpening pencils. I realized then that not once that year had she (or any teacher of my kids) sent a message asking for help with classroom needs. At my kids’ last school, we were asked on a weekly basis (sometimes more) to help the teachers.

After I offered this help, which I imagine she greatly needs, she opened up about different things, and a lot of the issues I had with her suddenly started to make sense. She had come from a different county and was getting used to how things work in this one. She expressed frustration with some of the same things I have been frustrated about, such as books that are sent home. As we talked, I offered some suggestions to help, and she liked what I had to say.

During our meeting she also apologized for some of the confusion that had happened with homework and she invited me to text her anytime I had a question.

Through talking to her, I realized that she isn’t incredibly technologically savvy, and she also thought she had to use her own data to send messages at school. I was able to offer some insight and suggestions there.

Finally, she solemnly told me that her sister is chronically ill, and that has kept her distracted somewhat. I felt such a sympathy for her. Life clearly is very hard for her right now, and look at me, a judgmental parent who has been complaining about her weekly to the principal.

As this teacher walked me to the door and said a warm goodbye, I felt like we had connected, and I felt a lot of peace and hope. I also felt humbled.

As I walked to the car, I realized how I had misjudged her. I should have learned from the first time I misjudged a teacher three years ago.

My concerns – have they been valid in both cases? Yes, absolutely. Were those concerns the complete fault of the teacher? Maybe not. Could some of the issues and bad feelings been solved and avoided with a face-to-face meeting? Absolutely!

I am not 100% sure that all of my many concerns with my son’s teacher will be resolved after this one meeting, but I now have had a chance to get to know his teacher some. I have seen her humanity and her struggles, as well as her good intentions. I now can be certain that I can contact her (in the way she is most comfortable) and she will do her best.

I don’t know if me writing this will help anyone, but it has helped me to get it out. I won’t pretend that these have been my only two instances of ever misjudging people, but perhaps these are the two that will always stay closest to my mind.

So, if you find yourself really frustrated with a teacher or someone else who is supposed to be a person of trust to you or your family members, perhaps the best thing to do would be to sit down and get to know that person better. You may find that you were mistaken in some ways, and that in the ways you weren’t, perhaps you can be a help. Rise to the occasion you want the other person to rise up to and try to be a team if you can.

I think at the end of the day, we are all doing our best – sometimes our best is quite different (maybe drastically different) than somebody else’s best, but I think if we all tried to see the potential in each other, we would care for and respect each other a lot more.

So, learn from my experiences, and talk to the source. That source probably isn’t as bad as you think. They just don’t know what you are feeling unless you tell them. Don’t be afraid like I have been – we are all human, after all.

November 1, 2019
A Simple List
Not long ago, I was starting to feel really bad about not accomplishing enough of the things I know are really important. Now, I do a lot in a given day (I won’t bore you with the details), but even so, there had been some things I just couldn’t fit in that kept coming up in my mind.

Well, one day about a month ago, I decided to make a list of things I wanted to get done every day that I wasn’t currently doing. It didn’t matter how much time I spent on them – I just had to do them to help me get into new good habits.

My list consisted of these four things:
1. Read my scriptures
2. Work out
3. Work on my book
4. Reach out to someone
I quickly added a fifth: Family History/Index

I took this little list so seriously, and it brought me such a sense of fulfillment to do each one of those items – things I knew were so important for me individually, but that I hadn’t been making time for.

As some weeks have gone by, I have made some alterations to how I use my list. I now alternate every other day for working on my book and doing family history so I get enough time to work on them. Every day now I read my scriptures individually, in addition to family and couple scripture study. Working out I was doing by myself daily (after I made the list), but now Jad and I are going to start working out at night again (once we are both over our current illnesses). And as far as reaching out to someone, I realized I was already doing that for the most part, so I decided to make sure I am reaching out to different members of my family each day to let them know I love them and see how they are. I’m not good at reaching out to people just to do it – I normally have a reason. But, I’m trying to reach out just because more.

I share this with you all because this little list truly has brought so much joy to my life in these few short weeks. I especially am so excited to sit down and work on family history. I have found so many people by looking at records, especially children who weren’t attached to their parents. I have shed tears more than once at connecting families together. I know this is the Lord’s work.

Working on my book has also brought me so much joy. I now know I will finish it! I have done major chunks of my first draft, and if ideas stop coming to me, I will be done with that in a month or so. 🙂

If you find there are things in your life you want to do, but aren’t currently doing due because you think you don’t have time, I promise you that you can find time if you first desire to do them, and then make a list to go by each day. You will find that those things become more important than some of the other things that had previously been filling up your time.

What are you waiting for? Make your simple list today. You will be so glad you did!
November 1, 2019