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Tag: growth

  • Goodbye for now, Grandpa.

    This morning at 6:12am I got a phone call from my dad. I didn’t want to answer it, not just because I didn’t want to wake Jad, but mostly because I knew what his call would mean: my grandpa had passed away.

    I didn’t cry then, but I lay in my bed wishing that if I went back to sleep, the news wouldn’t be true. But, instead I slowly got up and called my dad back.

    As I spoke with my dad and mom, we shared feelings of sadness, but also joy – joy that there is a lovely family reunion going on right now with Grandpa, my aunt Betsy, my Uncle Roy, and Grandpa’s other deceased family; relief – relief that he is no longer suffering; hope – hope in the gospel of Christ that promises that families exist beyond the grave and we will see each other again.

    No, I didn’t cry then. I stayed strong as I told Jad and the kids, all at different times. Everyone was solemn and sad at the news. And then, later that morning I cried. I was so sad. I felt horrible that I didn’t get to see Grandpa one last time – we had actually planned to go see him this morning (my parents, my sister, and myself). We didn’t expect him to die so soon after going into hospice a couple days ago, but I suppose God needed him home.

    I went back to bed for a little while to ease my sadness, and was awakened by a call from Barbara, who has been a grandmother to me my whole life. She is my grandpa’s devoted and faithful wife, who we all love dearly. She is so loving and strong, and I felt peace as we spoke today.

    The rest of the day has been hard. I have been keeping myself busy, but with the feeling of loss hanging over me. Jad has been good at helping me out and doing some of the many things I had to do today for me.

    But this post isn’t about me and my needs. I write this to honor my grandpa, Marvin Thacker.

    Grandpa served faithfully in the Air Force. In November 2012 he visited Casey’s school for Take a Vet to School Day and told of his service.

    Then in November 2021, the last time we visited him and Barbara (since after that he was too ill to be around the children), he told stories of his service to my kids. It was that time together that helped Rigel know that he also wanted to serve in the Air Force. He has faithfully stuck to that dream.

    He loved talking to my kids on Facebook Messenger, and he and Jad built up a relationship over the years as well.

    He was also so giving. He has given Casey and Jad very nice clothes and shoes that they greatly appreciate. He loved collecting nice things since he didn’t have them growing up.

    Grandpa always was so humorous and never lost that sense of humor. He loved sports and was an expert golfer.

    He and Barbara sent money to each of us every birthday and Christmas our whole lives, and we always looked forward to that along with a card. My kids have enjoyed those kind gestures since they have been born as well.

    I remember as a kid travelling down to NC (we lived in VA then) and visiting their home. I remember the smell of the honeysuckle and watching old movies like “The Apple Dumpling Gang.” I remember going to buffets every time we went to eat together. I remember eating out of the candy jar – Grandpa loved candy and chocolate.

    I’m grateful that my children had some special memories with their great grandpa as well.

    Grandpa loved to travel all over with Barbara. Their love of travelling and being together always brought a smile to my face. I will truly miss Grandpa, and the outstanding pair that he and Barbara has made for all these years.

    A friend of mine lost someone very close to her nine years ago, and as a way to comfort her, I sent her this link in hopes of bringing her peace: Life Has Purpose | ComeUntoChrist (churchofjesuschrist.org). I hope this same link can bring hope and peace to Marvin Thacker’s friends and loved ones at this very difficult time.

    I adore this poem by President Gordon B. Hinckley and I hope it also brings peace and hope for the future:

    What Is This Thing That Men Call Death?

    What is this thing that men call death?
    This quiet passing in the night?
    ‘Tis not the end but genesis
    Of better worlds and greater light

    O God, touch Thou my aching heart
    And calm my troubled, haunting fears
    Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure
    Give strength and peace beyond my tears.

    There is no death, but only change
    With recompense for vict’ry won
    The gift of Him who loved all men
    The Son of God, the Holy One.

    Goodbye for now, Grandpa, until we meet again. I know you will be watching over us and never far.

  • The Most Important New Year’s Resolution

    Today I had the very special opportunity to speak in church about how to strengthen our relationship with Jesus Christ in the coming new year.

    My Bishop gave me two weeks to prepare, and the first week I did spend quite a bit of time researching and pondering. But, the week before speaking, I was so busy preparing for Christmas, and was so tired, that I didn’t really sit down to finish my talk until after everyone went to bed Christmas night.

    I prayed before I began pulling my talk together that I would be able to focus on and write the most worthwhile things for everyone to hear. I cannot describe just how tired I was last night, but I was somehow able to write my talk in a matter of hours. I went to bed late and then got up early to shorten it. I was happy with it. I also knew I would cry since just by reading it aloud I teared up.

    Well, I got up to give my talk, and I cried many times. I felt the Spirit testify to me so strongly that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer. I ran out of time to finish my talk, but I hope and pray that people were touched today by the words God inspired me to put together. I am pasting the words to my talk below. I hope they bring joy and inspiration to you.

    Merry Christmas, brothers and sisters. I hope you have felt the love of your Heavenly Father and your Savior Jesus Christ as you have celebrated His birth this season. The new year is nearly here, and it’s a time to resolve to be better than we were this past year. Perhaps the most crucial resolve we can make is to nourish and strengthen our testimony of Jesus Christ.

    Elder Richard G. Scott taught that [a testimony]…is the very essence of character woven from threads born of countless correct decisions. It generates the conviction that as the teachings of the Savior are consistently obeyed, life will be beautiful, the future secure, and there will be capacity to overcome the challenges that cross our path.”

    No matter where we fall on the spectrum of our faith, there are so many ways to strengthen our testimonies of Christ. I would like to discuss some of them today.

    The first two are simple and go hand in hand. See if you can hear them in this quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: “Daily fervent prayers seeking forgiveness and direction are essential to our lives and the nourishment of our testimonies. Personal, sincere involvement in the scriptures produces faith, hope, and solutions to our daily challenges. Frequently reading, pondering, and applying the lessons of the scriptures, combined with prayer, become an irreplaceable part of gaining and sustaining a strong, vibrant testimony.”

    Have you ever studied your scriptures by focusing on the Savior? You can study the types of Christ in the Old Testament or read how the prophets prophesied of His birth, life, and atonement, especially Isaiah; you can highlight all instances where Jesus is mentioned in the scriptures, in the Book of Mormon especially; you can study each section of the topical guide that talks about Him and all the wonderful names by which He is called. You can read in the four gospels and in 3rd Nephi where Jesus actually walked with, talked with, prayed with, and healed real people. You can make those stories even more powerful and personal as you imagine that you are the blind man that he gave sight to, that you were the woman whose issue of blood was healed by touching his garment, that you were one of the children He sat upon His knee, that you were one of a member of the congregation when He gave His sermon on the mount, that you were one of the Nephites who felt the nail prints in his hands and feet. How would you have felt if you had been there – if you had seen the Savior? If you had touched Him? If you had heard Him speak? If you had seen His love for you through His eyes?

    And when you pray, you can thank Heavenly Father for the precious gift of His beloved son and you can focus on what your Savior has done for you, and what He can do for you. Offer up your thanks, your reverence, your love, and your praises so that He feels your love. Ask what you can do to be like Him, to share His light, to serve His children. Pray for forgiveness of your sins and for strength to overcome weakness through the powers of His atonement.

    That is another way to strengthen our testimonies of Christ – by better understanding and applying His infinite atonement to our lives. Through Christ’s atonement, we can be cleansed and redeemed as we repent.  

    President Russell M. Nelson has called repentance “a never-ending privilege. It is fundamental to progression and having peace of mind, comfort, and joy.”

    Some of us may feel that we have sinned so heavily that there is no hope for forgiveness. If you are feeling that now, please do not feel that way another moment. Take heart on this beautiful truth from Elder Truman G. Madsen: “If there are some of you who have been tricked into the conviction that you have gone too far, … that you have had the poison of sin which makes it impossible ever again to be what you could have been—then hear me. You cannot sink farther than the light and sweeping intelligence of Jesus Christ can reach. As long as there is one spark of the will to repent and to reach, he is there. He did not just descend to your condition; he descended below it, ‘that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth.’

    Another way we can more fully appreciate the redeeming power of Christ’s atonement is by treating the ordinance of the Sacrament as a holy ordinance, and the most important part of our church meetings. Elder Holland said that this sacred weekly ordinance “should be a powerful, reverent, reflective moment. It should encourage spiritual feelings and impressions.”

    In his talk “This Do in Remembrance of Me,” Elder Holland gives beautiful ideas of how we can reverently reflect on our Savior during the Sacrament. I recommend that everyone print those suggestions out and refer to them often. During the administration of this sacred ordinance, other ideas are to read the scriptures, conference talks, or sacrament hymns, and pray to Heavenly Father, thanking Him for the gift of His son, and asking for forgiveness and strength to be a better disciple of Christ.

    The most beautiful truth in Elder Holland’s talk, to me was this: “In his resurrected, otherwise perfected body, our Lord of this sacrament table has chosen to retain for the benefit of his disciples the wounds in his hands and his feet and his side—signs, if you will, that painful things happen even to the pure and perfect. Signs, if you will, that pain in this world is not evidence that God doesn’t love you. It is the wounded Christ who is the captain of our soul—he who yet bears the scars of sacrifice, the lesions of love and humility and forgiveness. Those wounds are what he invites young and old, then and now, to step forward and see and feel.”

    And may I now share a portion of the beautiful testimony of Elder Bruce R. McConkie: “I testify that Jesus Christ is the Son of the Living God and was crucified for the sins of the world. He is our Lord, our God, and our King. In a coming day I shall feel the nail marks in his hands and in his feet and shall wet his feet with my tears. But I shall not know any better than I know now that he is God’s Almighty Son, that he is our Savior and Redeemer, and that salvation comes in and through his atoning blood and in no other way. God grant that all of us may walk in the light as God our Father is in the light so that, according to the promises, the blood of Jesus Christ his Son will cleanse us from all sin.”

    Yes, through Christ’s atonement, we can be cleansed from our sins. And as Elder Bednar has explained, the Savior’s atonement has another wonderful power – the power to enable us to be better than we are.

    He said, “The Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to live in us—not only to direct us but also to empower us. … He can reach out, touch, and succor—literally run to us—and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power.”

    My favorite scripture in the Book of Mormon is Ether 12:27, which reads: “I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” Elder Bednar explained that grace is another word for Christ’s enabling power.

    We should take the time to ponder and self-reflect, thinking on our past weaknesses that we have seen improve through a righteous desire to change, coupled with fervent prayer and patience. We should express our gratitude through prayer for this divine help. We can then ponder on our current weaknesses honestly, humbly, and prayerfully. We can ask the question, “What lack I yet?” and we can trust in our Savior to help us make those weak things strong. As we trust in the Lord, we will recognize how callings, opportunities, and people who come our way can help us in that enabling process. I believe in Christ’s enabling power. I have seen that some weaknesses I had years ago have slowly and steadily become strengths, and I have nobody but my Savior to thank for that. It has changed my life, and I look forward to acting on His enabling powers to help me with more of my many weaknesses.

    When we fully grasp onto the Savior’s atonement, we can truly become more like Him, putting his divine attributes to the test, and can come to know that His way is the highest and holiest way.

    President Thomas S. Monson taught that “love is the very essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His life was a legacy of love.”

    In a world so full of judgment, anger, negativity, prejudice, and hate, it’s more important than ever that we resolve to stand apart from the world and exude light and love, compassion and forgiveness, empathy and understanding.

    President Nelson taught that Christ has given us many gifts, one being “an unlimited capacity to love. That includes the capacity to love the unlovable and those who not only do not love you but presently persecute and despitefully use you. You may even want to ask God for His angels to walk with you where you presently do not want to tread.” Another gift President Nelson shared was the ability to forgive. He said, “Through His infinite Atonement, you can forgive those who have hurt you and who may never accept responsibility for their cruelty to you. The Savior will grant you the ability to forgive anyone who has mistreated you in any way.”

    President Monson, speaking of the pure love of Christ taught that “Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others.”

    Sister Silvia Allred, adding onto that, said, “When we have charity, we are willing to serve and help others when it is inconvenient and with no thought of recognition or reciprocation. We don’t wait to be assigned to help, because it becomes our very nature.”

    Elder Dale G. Renlund speaking about Christ as our good shepherd, said, “The Savior’s mortal ministry was characterized by love, compassion, and empathy. He did not disdainfully walk the dusty roads of Galilee and Judea, flinching at the sight of sinners. No, He ate with them. He helped and blessed, lifted and edified, and replaced fear and despair with hope and joy. We, who are sinners, must, like the Savior, reach out to others with compassion and love. Our role is also to help and bless, lift and edify, and replace fear and despair with hope and joy. The Savior rebuked individuals who recoiled from others they viewed as unclean and who self-righteously judged others as more sinful than they. Jesus Christ set the example for us to follow—to show respect to all and hatred toward none. As His disciples, let us fully mirror His love and love one another so openly and completely that no one feels abandoned, alone, or hopeless.”

    These profound teachings can help us as we do our best to grow in our love for our fellow man in the coming year. I think the key to learning to love others unconditionally is to try to see them at God sees them and love them as God loves them. No matter how imperfect any person is, no matter how they identify or look like, no matter what they say, do, feel, or think, they are beloved children of Heavenly Father. He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to atone for all of us. He has His arms outstretched to everyone and He shuns none. Why then should we? If there are people in your life right now that you are struggling to like, love, or forgive, perhaps write down their names. Ask God to help you find good in them. Ask Him to help you soften your heart towards them. Ask Him to help you internalize that you do not know all that He knows. Ask Him to help you see what good you can do for others and what good they can do for you – even those that are most unlovable. Those who are hardest to love are often those who need love the most.

    Living a life of Christ-like love is a wonderful way to help increase our testimony, as is lovingly sharing our testimony with others.

    President Eyring promised, “You will be a light to the world as you share your testimony. You will reflect to others the Light of Christ in your life. The Lord will find ways for that light to touch those you love.”

    So, how can we better share our testimonies in this coming year? Truthfully, it is not always easy because we are sometimes worried about how people will react. But, as we pray for that desire to share the gospel of Christ with others, the Holy Ghost will help us know what to say and how to say it.

    Some ideas on how to share our testimonies are naturally talking about blessings and tender mercies in our lives, bearing our testimonies in testimony meeting, sending quotes, scriptures or videos to friends or family when we feel they may need it, having pictures of Christ in our homes so that when people come to visit they will know that we love Him, using our musical talents to sing praises to Him, and utilizing social media as a way to share spiritual insights, stories, and scriptures as we feel prompted. The Lord has given us all a unique combination of spiritual gifts, and with those gifts, we can truly share His gospel with others.

    The final way to increase our testimony of Christ I wish to discuss is by faithfully attending the temple regularly. Living worthy to attend the temple, and making and keeping covenants for ourselves and the dead there, will increase the presence of the Holy Ghost in our lives, leading to greater testimony.

    President Nelson recently taught: “The temple lies at the center of strengthening our faith and spiritual fortitude because the Savior and His doctrine are the very heart of the temple. Everything taught in the temple increases our understanding of Jesus Christ. His essential ordinances bind us to Him through sacred priesthood covenants. Then, as we keep our covenants, He endows us with His healing, strengthening power. The Lord is providing opportunities for each of us to bolster our spiritual foundations more effectively by centering our lives on Him and on the ordinances and covenants of His temple. When you bring your temple recommend, a contrite heart, and a seeking mind to the Lord’s house of learning, He will teach you.”

    If you do not have a temple recommend, please make a goal to get one next year. If you do have one, please make consistent appointments to attend, bringing family names when possible. We all can make time for the temple. Our eternal lives depend on it.

    To bring my thoughts together, I would like to share this lovely thought from Elder Timothy J. Dyches – “Just as sunlight daily bathes the earth to renew and sustain life, you can daily brighten the light within you when you choose to follow Jesus Christ. A drop of sunshine is added every time you seek God in prayer; study the scriptures to “hear Him”; act on guidance and revelation from our living prophets; and obey and keep the commandments. You will invite spiritual sunlight into your soul and peace into your life each time you repent. As you partake of the sacrament, His light will shine within you. There is sunshine in your soul every time you share the gospel and bear your testimony. Every time you serve one another as the Savior did, His warmth is felt in your heart. Heavenly Father’s light always resides within His holy temple and upon all who present themselves in the house of the Lord. His light in you is enhanced with your acts of kindness, patience, forgiveness, and charity and shows itself in your happy countenance. As you keep your face towards the sunshine, the shadows cannot help but fall behind you.”

    Brothers and sisters, I know that Jesus is my Savior and my Redeemer. I know that He lives, and He is in Heaven with His and our Heavenly Father. Jesus, like Heavenly Father, loves each of us unconditionally. He smiles when we smile and weeps when we weep. He is always our friend and advocate. He knows how we feel. He wants to bless us. He wants us to return to live with Heavenly Father again. He has provided the way. I pray that we can all more fully believe in Him, love Him, follow Him, and share His love in the coming year.

  • A “Kinder”garten Memory

    When I was at church on Sunday, I had to go to the bathroom (I know, TMI, but I have a point, I promise). When I entered, I saw the toilet seat up. I smiled a little, knowing it was freshly cleaned. At that moment, a memory from kindergarten came rushing back to my mind.

    I am almost 37 years old, so that was a long time ago. But, here is what I remember:

    A girl in my class came rushing into the classroom after going to the bathroom exclaiming something like, “Ew, Ross went into the girls’ bathroom. I can tell because the seat was up!”

    My little five-year-old self was shocked that this boy, Ross Wheeler, would go into the girls’ bathroom. The girl laughed at him, and I joined in because it was just so silly and gross.

    My teacher, Ms. Fisher, noticed this exchange, and came up to the girl and me, and perhaps others. She then informed us that when bathrooms are cleaned, the seat is left up to show that it is clean. Ross had not in fact used the girls’ bathroom and it was not nice of us to say that he did.

    I believed my teacher and moved on with my life, but I don’t remember if I apologized to Ross. To be honest, I probably didn’t. I was a good kid, but at that young age, I didn’t see any harm in what had happened. Ross was often the subject of jokes and laughter at his expense.

    Now, I don’t remember many things from kindergarten, and this memory is definitely an obscure one. But, as the memory came back to me on Sunday, I realized just how profound it really was and that God wanted me to remember it.

    I even talked to my kids in the van about it on the way home from church. I told the story and then I told them that we often make mean accusations out of ignorance, like the girl did. Some of us blindly believe those accusations without checking the facts, like I did. We are unkind to the accused, thinking we have that right because we have predetermined that the person’s worth is less than ours.

    Then there are the wise people who have found the truth and have the courage to kindly share it, thus giving us an opportunity to learn and grow from our mistakes in judgment, like my teacher did.

    We then have a choice – do we listen to the wise person who has the truth, or do we cling onto what we want to be true because it’s more fun or controversial?

    And then if we do listen, what do we do about it? Do we just quietly move on, or do we acknowledge our faults and make things right? Do we go a step farther and work to prevent further events like that from happening?

    I am pretty sure that since I don’t remember apologizing to Ross and then becoming his friend and advocate that I probably didn’t. I was only five, so I can’t be too hard on myself, but I truly wonder how Ross felt that day at school, and every other day.

    I don’t remember clearly why he was made fun of so often, but I know looking back there was no good reason. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment just because they may be a little different.

    I truly wish that I had befriended him – that I had had the courage to stand up to the bullies and be the friend Ross so desperately needed.

    How many Rosses are in our lives, either in our circle or just someone we hear about on the news? How do we help them? Do we help them? Do we even realize they need help?

    Tears are falling as I write this, because even though the story I am sharing isn’t earth-shattering, it teaches me such great lessons. I’m grateful that God helped me remember this.

    I have grown up a lot since age five, and I do truly want to be more like my teacher. I want to be an advocate of truth, and I want to be an advocate for the persecuted as well. It bring a lot of fulfillment, peace and joy, knowing that what you are spreading is good for you and those around you.

    I invite all of you to ponder on this little story as well! Search out those Rosses and give them the love and support they need. And help the truth of their worth, and other realities related to them, be known so they won’t be needless targets of unkindness.

  • 18 Years Since I Turned 18

    I realized today, my 36th birthday, that it has been 18 years since I turned 18! Crazy!

    And then I thought just how much my life as changed – how much I have changed – as a result of what has happened in my life the last 18 years.

    June 21, 2002

    June 21, 2020

    I still remember my 18th birthday a little bit. It was at Nana’s house, just like most of my birthdays were, since my Granddad’s was one day after mine and my uncle’s was one day before mine. It was always very special.

    At age 18, I had just graduated from high school. What kind of a person was I then? Well, I was a good person who did well in school who made relatively good choices and who befriended anyone who needed a friend. I went to church every Sunday. I was also obsessed with theater and musicals. I did not have the best self confidence due to being made fun of for so long for my pale skin and freckles. I also never had a lot of close friends my age in high school largely due to my values.

    I was excited to go to college that January, but would work for six months to help me raise money. I was going to go to Southern Utah University in Cedar City and I was excited to get away and do my own thing.

    So what happened the next 18 years? Allow me to highlight some of the biggest things from each year:

    2002 – Graduated high school, worked two jobs (CVS and Walmart), and began going to the Singles Ward, where I met my first “love,” and thought I didn’t want children

    2003 – Flew in an airplane for the first time, went off to college, started growing out my bangs for the first time, dated a lot, got engaged, went to the temple to make covenants with God, got married for time and all eternity

    2004 – Got pregnant with my first born and going to school full time

    2005 – Had my first baby, Casey Scott Lewis, and filed for divorce

    2006 – Was greatly saddened by the deaths of my beloved Granddad and my two great grandmothers, got a divorce, graduated from SUU, moved to North Carolina for the first time, tried to fit in with singles again and had the worst self-esteem ever (see some of my struggles through being single from 2006-2010 here: https://ablisscomplete.com/finding-joy-in-my-circumstances/ )

    2007 – Got a full time job at the AICPA, moved into my own apartment with Casey, put him in daycare (super hard for me), dated here and there

    2008 – Fell madly in love with a man who loved me back but kept trying to get me to leave my church, met and fell for a Marine who would soon be deployed

    2009 – Met Jad, decided between him and my marine (guess who won?), and made wonderful memories with this man I was falling in love with and felt was the one for me

    2010 – Got engaged and then married to my true love, Jad, went on a belated honeymoon to Pigeon Forge, got pregnant with Rigel

    2011 – Rigel was born, quit my successful career at the AICPA so I could raise him, started an Avon business, got sealed in the temple to Rigel and Jad, and Jad had major surgery to remove most of his liver due to having Echinococcus

    2012 – Moved into our first home in Mebane, NC, got pregnant with Kamren

    2013 – Kamren was born at home in the toilet – the scariest, yet most miraculous event in my life other than Jad’s surgery two years before, started teaching an Institute class on the Book of Mormon, Jad became a citizen of the United States, I performed in a musical with my church called Sing Down the Moon: Appalachian Wonder Tales

    2014 – I started this blog, which I felt was a calling from the Lord! (See a summary of my blogs from that year here: https://ablisscomplete.com/a-blissful-anniversary/ ), we got a dog, celebrated my 30th birthday in DC, and Jad started IT school, which kept him very busy

    2015 – Quit my Avon business, later started an It Works business, started doing book reviews for Cedar Fort Publishing and writing articles for Family Share, started singing in Messiah in Mebane (Just in case you want to know all about that year: https://ablisscomplete.com/2015-with-the-al-bjalys/ )

    2016 – Won a trip to Disney world, went to Disney World for almost a week, got pregnant with my fourth, performed in my church’s musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, quit It Works, helped edit an author’s book for the first time (I would do so a few more times in the coming years, and I hope to do this as a job someday), found out I was having my first girl, attended the open house of the Philadelphia, PA temple, had my daughter, Eve, 5 weeks early

    2017 – Started an online e-commerce store, lovingly called PB and Apple Jelly

    2018 – Attended an elite training to help me scale our business, spent most of my time that year on my business, coached the next set of trainees at the same conference I went to earlier that year, started working with amazing women in the stake primary presidency (my first time working in the stake – district of smaller wards or congregations)

    2019 -Performed in my church’s musical of Seussical, went to Palmyra, NY and got to see all the sacred sites of our early church history

    2020 – Closed down PB and Apple Jelly, went on a wonderful 10 year anniversary trip with Jad to Asheville, NC, felt inspired to post Book of Mormon quotes on Facebook often, am still enduring Covid-19 and learning how to better stand up for the needs and rights of all my brothers and sisters in this world, and also working very hard to get our house ready to sell and build a new home on over 5 acres

    I am sure I am missing a bunch of things, but these are important to how I have changed and developed as a person over this time.

    From my experiences, I have:

    1. Realized I can still be happy even in difficult circumstances, as my circumstances do not equate to my worth.
    2. Learned more about love and what qualities I really needed in a lasting, eternal companion.
    3. Increased in self-esteem as I decreased in envy and realized that God loves me for me.
    4. Received a confirmation over and over that God is real and that He watches out for me through angels (on both sides of the veil) and that miracles still happen.
    5. Learned that to be good you must act with goodness, not just believe in it. You must serve, share, and speak up boldly for the right.
    6. Gained a stronger testimony over the years of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and of His role as my Savior and Redeemer.
    7. Realized that really matters most in my life – not money or success or social media likes and shares, but the love I have for my family and my role as a disciple of Christ.
    8. Grown in boldness in sharing the gospel of Christ with those around me and online.
    9. Learned more about who I am – the good, bad and the ugly, and have worked hard to improve myself (an on-going project).
    10. Learned what makes a good friend and how to be one, and appreciated so many friends, family, and acquaintances who have helped me become who I am today.

    There are countless ways that I have learned and grown through these 18 years. I see God’s hand in refining me, and I pray in the next 18 years I will be closer to my true potential.

  • The New Normal (For Now)

    Early this month, from March 5-8, Jad and I went to Asheville, NC to celebrate our 10th anniversary. It was wonderful to go out and do exactly what we wanted and spend lots of time together, mostly stress-free. It was sweet, peaceful, and exciting – just what we needed.  

    But when we got back from our trip, we were hit hard with all the things we had to do, how busy our schedule was for that week and every week after, and how difficult the kids were to deal with. True, it was just our normal life again, but the contrast from the days before was astounding. We love our children to pieces and would do anything for them, but they weren’t making it easy for us!

    Then, just a few days later we were told Orange County Schools would be closed from Monday, March 16 through at least April 3. But that wasn’t all – soccer was canceled, and then church, and as time has gone on, almost everything we would normally do with the kids or together has closed (i.e. children’s museums, movie theaters, libraries, restaurant dining rooms), with the exception of parks and nature trails.

    What a whirlwind of a month! And yesterday we found out that school will be closed until at least May 15!

    I have a lot of thoughts and feelings swirling around my head from the past couple weeks.

    Regarding School: I am definitely learning a lot more about patience and multi-tasking now that I have to home school. It was really hard the first couple days, but I’ve gotten the hang of it. We’ve been lucky, too. The teachers have been providing lots of assignments, online and paper, so we know what we need to do, at least for now.

    Even though home schooling is hard and not ideal in many ways, many of my concerns have been alleviated: no bullying, no bad influences or temptations at school, and no uncomfortable bus rides. That has actually been a great blessing.

    Of course it’s hard not being around friends, and some classes, like band, just can’t be done online, but being at home for schooling reduces the amount of time away from home and each other, and being at home helps the kids (especially Rigel) focus more.

    Regarding Activities: To be honest, I was not that sad when soccer got canceled. I was so overwhelmed at how much time soccer for Kamren and Rigel (him especially) would be taking from our time together as a family, especially on the weekends. The boys were sad at first, but they haven’t mentioned it. And they still play soccer in the back yard sometimes. Tae Kwon Do took longer to be canceled, but it hasn’t been that hard without it. It’s a wonderful skill the boys are learning, but our Monday through Wednesday evenings have been clear. We haven’t had to rush anywhere, and the boys still practice their moves at home. It isn’t completely ideal that we can’t go to the museum or the library or many parks anymore, but the kids have been playing outside a lot, reading a lot, and Casey has also been teaching his brothers Dungeons and Dragons, which they play daily, so they are still having fun. Piano is a little different – they can’t go in person, but Casey and Rigel are doing online lessons, which is not as easy, but still works! I’m glad they are still practicing.

    I am so happy, through all these changes that my kids aren’t on electronics and TV all the time, which has been great! So, even though I think the activities we normally have are good, we now know we can have just as much fun doing things at home. We’ve been having lots of fun outside and making fun food and treats. We also are feeling how nice it is not to have to rush everywhere all the time.

    The one thing that I don’t like about just about everywhere being closed is that Jad and I really can’t go on date nights right now. We can obviously do things at home, but I miss getting out and about. I look forward to when we can go out on dates again!

     

    Regarding Church and Church Activities: This one has been harder. I truly miss my church family, and the kids miss their church friends. It isn’t ideal that all church activities are canceled for now, we can’t go to church Sundays, nor can we do choir, etc. However, having church at home the past couple weeks has been lovely. It hasn’t been perfect, but I have felt the Spirit strongly as we have sung, prayed, had the Sacrament, bore testimony, discussed the scriptures together, and more.

    I have an even stronger testimony of our prophet, President Nelson, who I know communes with God. Our church’s Come, Follow Me program came out a little over a year ago, and because we have it, we can have meaningful gospel discussion and learning in the home. We haven’t been worried about growing spiritually because of the abundance of wonderful resources our church has from manuals to videos to magazines to activities.

    https://www.facebook.com/russell.m.nelson/videos/199840471336927/

    The biggest blow to me, out of all the closures, has been the temples being closed. I made a promise this year to attend the temple faithfully once a month. Due to the temple closures, I cannot keep that promise right now. There is no place I feel more peace than in the temple, and I have a strong testimony of the work that goes on there. I know that they will reopen soon enough, so I am waiting patiently for that day!

    Regarding Social Distancing: This has also been so hard! We have so many friends, loved ones, and family in the area. Not being able to see them either not at all, or not as often, is really hard. I am so grateful, though, that we have modern technologies that allow us to text, call, send photos, and video chat. And since it is springtime, being outside together is usually pleasant!

    So even though we don’t see many people right now, at least the six people in my house have each other to hold on to, and can feel the love from others through other means.

     

    In General: I have gone from completely calm and full of faith, to overwhelmed, to a little worried, back to overwhelmed. There have been so many changes so fast, and there are so many unknowns. Yet, through it all, I still maintain my faith that God is with us and He knows exactly what’s going on. He’s there to help us through.

    I know what my family is experiencing is only one of many experiences, and what is a blessing for me may actually be very difficult for someone else. I have compassion for those in very difficult situations at this time. I pray for you and wish the best for you.  I do hope, though, that regardless of our circumstances surrounding this virus, that we can see blessings in it.

    I have felt from the beginning of these temporary lifestyle changes that God is trying to wake us up, to tell us that we need to be prepared temporally and spiritually, because this is just the beginning of things that will happen on the earth in the last days. That doesn’t frighten me – it gives me hope because I know God is merciful.

    Why is this virus here? Why has God allowed it? Perhaps that’s the biggest question for believers.

    Well, there could be many reasons. It could be chastisement; it could be a please to turn back to Him; it could be a way to us to get our priorities straight and realize what really matters; it could be to unite us as people and families; it could be to encourage us to show compassion and give meaningful service to those who need it; or it could be all of those reasons and more.

    All I know is, God is all-knowing and the circumstances surrounding this virus, though a nuisance and worrisome in many ways, have and will bring good fruits as we choose how we will react to them.

     

    It may be a while before things go “back to normal,” and the question I have is, will there be a “new normal” when all is said and done? Perhaps, and it probably wouldn’t be a bad thing.

    What have your experiences been during this time of quarantine? Have you seen blessings too? How has your life changed?

  • When you start to feel too cool for your parents…

    My oldest son, Casey, started high school this year. It hit me not long ago that I only have FOUR MORE YEARS with my first born – with my precious son who made me a mother.

    I know that time will fly by, and it’s been hurting my heart that my time with him is so short. He’s growing into a man, and in a few short years he will have his own life without his siblings and parents.

    Casey just had his first high school band concert a few days ago. I burst with pride as I watched him passionately playing his trombone. He was part of two real bands with so much talent and drive. I was and am so incredibly proud of his efforts to become a musician.

    After the concert was over, I was so happy to see him (my husband and other kids had already left because it was getting late). Casey helped clean up the stage with a smile. Once he was done, we walked towards the exit doors of the auditorium, and I told Casey I wanted to take a selfie with him. He was hesitantly willing, and as we walked into the empty vestibule, I pulled out my phone for a quick photo. We posed for the selfie, both smiling, but before the camera could even flash, Casey had bolted away from the camera and out of the auditorium, clearly afraid someone would come in and see us taking the photo.

    The freshly taken picture of my smiling face and a blurry image of someone fleeing the scene burned a hole in my brain, and a pain in my heart. I was crushed, and I was speechless. I felt an instant loss of joy.

    As we got in the car, I expressed my sadness at him not taking the picture with me, and I started to weep, like really weep. I couldn’t talk about it, so I cried in silence.  

    You may think this was an overreaction on my part, but if you couple my sad realization about Casey leaving us in four years with him starting to be embarrassed of me, you may understand how this was more than my heart could bear.

    We drove in awkward silence for a while, but finally I did try to talk to him more about how he hurt me. He seemed to understand, and when we dropped by a friend’s house to pick up some pallets on the way home, he rolled up his tuxedo sleeves and helped me. He wouldn’t let me do it by myself.

    The rest of the way home, we were both feeling better and were able to talk about the concert as if nothing had happened. Then, when we got home, Casey made sure I didn’t unload the van by myself even though he had a lot of homework to do. He was very loving and hugged me, telling me he loved me.

    That’s the son that I have always adored.

    I am telling this story as a way to speak to all the teenagers out there. I won’t pretend I don’t remember what it is like to be a teen – I do. I remember wanting to fit in so much, wanting the popular kids to accept me, and I do remember sometimes being embarrassed to be around my parents.

    Believe me, I remember and I understand. But, there is something so much more important than all those things. I know that now that I am a mother myself.

    Mothers and fathers devote their lives to raising their children – to making sure they are healthy, happy, provided for, taught, and loved. Being a parent is a selfless job, and due to the love and service parents provide to their children every single day, they love them more than the children will ever know – at least until they also become parents.

    So, my teenager friends, when you start to have that feeling that your parents are too uncool for you, or that you look uncool with them, I ask you to please reconsider your thoughts.

    The truth is, your parents will always be there for you and will always love you. They support you more than any friend ever could. And to be honest, a true friend would want you to be close to your parents. It makes me sad to think that a friend would make fun of you for taking a selfie with your mom, or hugging your dad, or saying “I love you” to them both.

    It hurts your parents when you push them away. See, they have rocked you to sleep, kissed your booboos, played with you to see you laugh, comforted you when you were sad, celebrated every holiday and birthday with you, and taught you how to be a good person for so long. It has brought them so much joy – you have brought them so much joy.

    Continue to let them find joy in you and you in them. A parent/child bond is one that should never be compromised. It’s one of the most important relationships you will ever have. It should mirror your relationship with your Heavenly parents.

    So, talk to your parents about everything, and they will listen to you. Respect how they feel about things and they will respect you. Trust them and they will trust you. Show love and help them out as they have always done for you.

    As for my son: Casey, I love you. You will always be my little boy, but I also love the young man you have become, and will continue to develop into. I hope we will have a strong bond your whole life – it would make me the happiest mother in the world.

  • Must They Grow Up?

    As the thunder roared and shook our house Sunday night, my husband went to check on our little Eve, who is two months shy of turning two years old.

    She was, as he suspected, frightened by the storm. He lovingly brought her to our bed, snuggled with her for a bit, and then left her to fall asleep peacefully.

    This is actually a photo of her sleeping in our bed a few nights before. She was sleeping in nearly the same position Sunday night too.

    As we went upstairs later to get ready for bed ourselves, I asked soon Jad if he wanted to put her back in her bed. He was sitting next to her on the bed just staring at her, and said that he just wanted to enjoy her for a while longer because these moments wouldn’t last forever.

    I don’t know why, but his comments hit me like a ton of bricks. I got emotional to the point that I started weeping.

    Eve is my fourth, and most likely last, child. She is my only daughter, and the love I have for her is indescribable.

    All of my babies have been like therapy for me – their softness, their innocence, their playfulness, their hilarious idiosyncrasies – everything about them brings me to life.

    I guess it hit me in that moment that all the things I love about having babies would someday be going away, never to be replaced by the appearance of another little one.

    I cried and cried for a while. I couldn’t explain it, but I did ask Jad, “What if when she grows up, she doesn’t remember? What if she doesn’t love me the way she does now? What if we don’t have the bond we do now? What if she never realizes all that I have done for her and how much I love her?”

    At that moment, I caught a glimpse of what parents of adult children may go through sometimes, and I appreciated my parents even more. They loved me so much that they raised me from infancy to adulthood. There is very little love that comes close to the love of parents for their children.

    Another thought came to me the next day – that even though I cherish each moment with my squishy, perfect, baby girl, if she stayed young forever I would miss out on so much. I would never get to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her, or comfort her when she had a bad day, or give her advice about a hard situation. I would never be able to teach her how to read, how to cook, or how to flirt with boys. I would never be able to help her make and grow her testimony of Jesus Christ. I would never be able to see her marry her sweetheart or have a baby of her own. I would never be able to truly have a best friend in her, which is what I  want more than anything.

    I took these photos of her Monday morning as all my thoughts were still fresh in my mind. She looked so beautiful to me in those moments.

    I am still struggling with the idea of her growing up. She brings a joy to our family I could never describe. She is absolutely perfect for me, and for our family, from her hair, to her smile, to her love of cleaning,to her interesting food choices, to her sassiness. We can’t imagine life without her.

    A part of me really wishes she could stay little forever, and then another part of me is excited for the future. As I sit here typing with a stray tear rolling down my cheek, I am mostly sad about the idea, but I know that it will be okay. God will fulfill that part of me in other ways, and I will be able to help raise my beloved daughter into the young woman she has the potential to become.

    My dearest Eve, if you ever read this, just know that you are one of my greatest gifts and joys. I look forward to our years together.