It took me far too long to fall asleep last night. My heart was heavy with many things, but I finally went to sleep, hoping and praying that Asher, our six-month-old, actually slept well.
I found myself being suddenly awakened during the 3:00 hour. I could hear movement in my bathroom. Then a light went on, and something dropped a little too loudly.
I knew it was Eve, my six-year-old daughter. I was barely awake, but I dashed into the bathroom to try to quiet her and find out why she was there. I could hear what I dreaded most too – the baby waking up. Eve told me that she had planned to lay out the soft sleeping pad we have and sleep in our closet the rest of the night. This didn’t surprise me at all, and though this normally was a welcomed action, this time I whispered a little too harshly and told her to go back to her room.
Jad took our baby, Asher, who was indeed awake, so I could go back to sleep. I, of course, didn’t, because I usually can’t when I know the baby is up. Instead, I sat at the edge of the bed on the verge of tears, so, tired and feeling bad about sending Eve away.
A few minutes later, Jad gently placed the baby back in his bassinet. That was the fastest he had ever gone back to sleep. I should have felt relieved at that point- ready to drift back off to dreamland.
But I just lay there. I was thinking about the little girl – my little girl – who I had sent upstairs feeling unloved. I felt prompted to go to her. I hesitated, but only for a moment. I knew what I had to do.
It wasn’t easy to go up the stairs with my sore knee that I had hurt in a fall before church the day before, and then avoid the clutter in the long hallway, but I was nonetheless drawn to Eve’s room.
I knelt by her bed, caressed her cheek, and gave her a kiss. She opened her eyes and tearfully told me she was sorry. I apologized to her, saying I had actually been the one in the wrong.
She explained that she had had a bad dream and that she felt safer being around us, her parents. She knew she wouldn’t have any more bad dreams if she were with us. That melted my heart. I knew all along that was probably why she had come down. We said a prayer together, asking that Heavenly Father give her peace and comfort, and restful sleep until morning.
I told her I would stay with her until she fell back asleep. I tucked her in, stroked her hair, gave her a doll, adjusted her pillow, and just stayed next to her, holding her hand until she drifted back to sleep. At one point she told me she was okay and that I could go, because she knew I was tired, but I felt the desire to stay with my sweet girl until she was again at rest. It didn’t take long.
I felt so much better knowing that I had mended her little broken heart. Sleep did not come easily after that, but I was so grateful when little Asher slept until after 6am. I felt that was a little blessing that came to me from Heaven because I had listened to that spiritual prompting just a few hours before.
As I am writing this, Eve just walked into the office and gave me a hug, thanking me for coming to her last night. Then a little while later, during breakfast, she told her brothers how sweet I was to go to her and help her go back to sleep last night.
Imagine if I hadn’t listened to that prompting?
I decided to write about this experience because I want to remember that the Still Small Voice reached out to me and prompted me to do the right thing by my little girl. I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost who helps me right my wrongs and be a better person every day.
I’m also so grateful for my sweet Eve who is so loving, forgiving, and tender-hearted. She has so much love in her heart, and I hope to be as pure in my love as she is.
As a parent, I need to make sure that I am always aware of what my children need from me to feel safe, happy, and thriving. I’m grateful for the lesson I learned early this morning.
For all of the elections I have been old enough to vote in, I have used this conviction as a major and main factor in choosing my president. Thus, I have always voted Republican, and have felt a duty to do so as a defender of the unborn.
Earlier this year, though, Jad and I decided for multiple reasons to become unaffiliated. We mostly did it so we wouldn’t feel boxed into a party and so we could be more well-rounded and free-thinking. It has felt amazing because without guilt we can consider all parties equally and choose candidates who at this time fit our needs and desires, and the needs of our country, the most.
Because I am unaffiliated, but mostly because I have been unsure of who to vote for this election, I have taken the time to really learn about each of the four main candidates. I even prayed about the election before watching my church’s General Conference the first weekend in October. I heard so many profound and recurring themes to help me ponder on exactly what our country needs right now to thrive.
After really studying Conference in this way, I realized for the first time that to be pro-life, I must truly think about ALL life, including those in our country who are suffering for any reason, be it racism, inequality, poverty, etc. That means that in my research for the best presidential candidate, I can’t just look at each candidate’s abortion stances, but also at their stances for all living people who need a voice for positive change.
On October 6, I wrote this post on Facebook:
I want to make something incredibly clear, and this is coming from a person who is unequivocally Pro-life: It is unfair, unkind, and incredibly judgmental to say that people who are Pro-choice and/or Democrats are hateful, evil, baby-killers who are going to rot in Hell. It makes me cringe when I hear people be so hateful to the living while professing to be Pro-life. A Pro-life person should love all human life! It doesn’t make sense to defend the unborn and then make vicious accusations to the living – people who are all around you trying to do the best they can. If you are really Pro-life you will consider the BEST ways to prevent abortions. And you will make sure ALL babies, once born and throughout their whole lives, are treated with love, respect, equality, and dignity. It’s not just about the right to be born – it’s about the right to live your best life. God commanded us to love one another. He never said to only love those who agree with everything we do. I truly believe that most of us want what is best for humanity, but we just have different ways of fighting for it. But let us stand tall and set good examples rather than fan flames of anger and hatred. That will never help any good cause, no matter how passionate we are about it. Please, please, if you profess to be Pro-life, be Pro-life for all – the unborn and born, the young and the old, the male and the female, the gay and the straight, the black and the white, the poor and the rich, the healthy and the sick, the educated and the uneducated, the natural-born citizen and the immigrant, the Christian and the Atheist, and everybody in between. We are all worthy of God’s love because we are all His children. Let us spread His love.
Does this new conviction mean that my goal is now to forget the unborn and only think of the living? Not at all, but I have realized that in order to choose my presidential candidate wisely, I have to better balance my conviction to protect the unborn with my conviction to make life better for every living human being, even if that balance means possibly choosing a pro-choice candidate.
This isn’t easy to do since, though I’m ashamed to admit it, I have often felt uncomfortable with Christians, especially members of my church, voting Democrat.
This is a clear point of concern and confusion for many people in my church, as was made evident as I read the comments on the letter our First Presidency wrote regarding its political neutrality and how there is good in each party. Sadly, for as many positive comments I saw, just as many were unkind and divisive. I saw too many people angrily accuse people voting Democrat as being un-Christlike and wicked, and that bothered me a lot. These reactions were the opposite of our leaders’ counsel to be kind in political discourse.
For all of these reasons, I have decided to take the time to research abortion – why women get abortions; what is Roe V. Wade really about and what has been done in the past to overturn it; what is the truth about pro-choice candidate’s views on partial-birth and late-term abortions; what do Joe Biden’s plans for Women’s Reproductive Health mean for abortion; and has the abortion rate gone down in recent years and why?
This research has greatly informed me and given me comfort and hope.
Firstly, why do women have abortions?
I read many articles about this, citing studies from multiple years, but the patterns remain overall the same:
The vast majority of women who get abortions are living in poverty and cannot afford a child (About 70-75%)
The vast majority of women having abortions are single mothers (about 65-70%).
Almost half of women who have abortions have already had an abortion previously.
The most common reason provided for having an abortion is that pregnancy would interfere with education, work or ability to care for dependents. Normally 2-3 reasons are chosen, though.
Most women who have had an abortion are already mothers.
Most women who have abortions are in their 20s.
About half of women who get an abortion had an unintended pregnancy, most often from not taking contraception or not taking it consistently.
Less than 1% of abortions occur because of rape, health of the mother, or incest.
I read this analysis from one study that I thought was very well-rounded and addressed these issues well:
“Identifying one single approach that will address every woman’s concerns and change her mind is difficult, given the multiplicity of the reasons and rationales given by women for seeking abortion. Some will be benefited by being connected to better support systems, while others need practical economic assistance. Anything making men more responsible for the children they father will go a long way towards helping many of these women care for their children. Yet abortion’s legality and the implied social sanction that comes with it is clearly a major part of the cultural machinery that forces these cruel choices on women, that lets men off the hook, that leaves women to care for households of children all alone, and that makes society less accommodating to the demands of motherhood. Collectively such factors may conspire to force many of these women to consider an option that goes totally against their nurturing natures and pit the needs of one or more of their children against another. If we believe the survey, most of the women seeking to abort here did so, not because they were triumphantly exercising their “power to choose,” but because they felt like–given the circumstances–they had no other realistic choice.”
Secondly, what is Roe vs Wade about, and can it be overturned?
History.com explains, “On Jan 22, 1973, the Supreme Court, in a 7-2 decision, struck down the Texas law banning abortion, effectively legalizing the procedure nationwide. In a majority opinion written by Justice Harry Blackmun, the court declared that a woman’s right to an abortion was implicit in the right to privacy protected by the 14th Amendment. The court divided pregnancy into three trimesters, and declared that the choice to end a pregnancy in the first trimester was solely up to the woman. In the second trimester, the government could regulate abortion, although not ban it, in order to protect the mother’s health. In the third trimester, the state could prohibit abortion to protect a fetus that could survive on its own outside the womb, except when a woman’s health was in danger.”
The decision for Roe V. Wade centered around the 14th Amendment’s right to privacy:
The 14th Amendment‘s Due Process clause states: No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
Overturning Roe v. Wade has been a hope of people like me (pro-lifers) for a long time, and many hope that President Trump will be the one to do it. I did quite a bit of research, and here is what I found out:
For 49 of the last 50 years, there has been a Republican majority on the Supreme Court. Even when Roe V. Wade was passed, there was a Republican majority on the Supreme Court. Five out of the six Republican justices were for it.
One perfect time presented to overturn Roe V Wade was in 1992 with the Planned Parenthood V. Casey case, but it did not happen. In fact, this case ended up outlawing restrictions putting an undue burden on women seeking abortions. Justices Sandra Day O’Connor, David Souter, and Anthony Kennedy, all nominated by Republican presidents, supported this action.
Another perfect time to overturn Roe V Wade was in 2005 with The Sanctity of Life Act. The Republicans were in the majority in both houses of Congress and many of these Republicans were endorsed by pro-life groups, as was the president. Yet this bill never passed.
In 2018, when Justice Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed to the Supreme Court, many wondered if he would help overturn Roe V. Wade. But, instead, during his confirmation hearings, Justice Kavanaugh reportedly told Senator Susan Collins that the Supreme Court’s decisions “become part of our legal framework with the passage of time.” He also said honoring prior Supreme Court decisions is essential to maintaining public confidence in the Court.
Even with all this past evidence of it not being overturned, if Roe V Wade is somehow overturned, abortion will not be illegal. The purpose of RVW was to prohibit states from banning abortion completely. Without it, some states could potentially ban abortion completely, but it would not end abortion in our country. Read what some states have done already here.
Thirdly, do Democrats and other pro-choice parties encourage and champion partial-birth and late-term abortion?
Firstly, it’s important to know how often these types of abortions happen. Based on the studies I read, over 90% of abortions occur during the first trimester. About 1% of abortions happen after 21 weeks.
Also, only 1% of pregnancies end in abortion. It’s still too many, but it’s comforting to know it isn’t as common a practice as some people think.
Joe Biden recently said, in response to the possible appointment of Amy Coney Barrett as the new Supreme Court justice: “The only responsible response to that would be to pass legislation making Roe the law of the land. That’s what I would do.”
President Trump’s response to this statement was, “Biden and Democrats just clarified the fact that they are fully in favor of (very) LATE TERM ABORTION, right up until the time of birth, and beyond – which would be execution.”
Biden also said, “It’s a woman’s right to do that. Period.”
Biden has made many points about Roe V. Wade and abortion over the years that may be helpful to review.
Jo Jorgensen, Libertarian candidate says this about abortion: “I am personally opposed to abortion, but I am unwilling to vote to use the power of the state to impose my views on other women.” She has also said, “Keep the government out of it, no subsidies, no regulations.”
And this is what Howie Hawkins’ view is: “I support the legal framework established in the Roe v. Wade decision. During the first trimester, it is up to the pregnant woman to decide whether to get an abortion. During the second trimester laws can only regulate abortion to protect the health of the mother. During the third trimester, or after fetal viability pursuant to Planned Parenthood v. Casey (1992), laws can restrict or prohibit abortions except in cases where it was necessary to protect the mother’s health. This framework should be codified into federal law by an act of Congress. I oppose targeted regulation of abortion clinics and providers through laws or policies that go beyond what is necessary to ensure patients’ safety. I support laws that allow physicians as well as non-physician health professionals, including physicians’ assistants, nurse practitioners, and certified nurse midwives, to perform abortion procedures.”
Hawkins also believes that providing birth control, sex education, and more social services will help reduce the number of abortions.
The rhetoric surrounding supporting partial birth abortions and late-term abortions seems to be more a reaction and interpretation rather than a reality for pro-choicers, especially since there is already a federal law in place to outlaw partial-birth abortions, called the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003.
Regarding late-term abortion, it is a term for abortions happening at 21 weeks gestation or more. As mentioned above, thankfully only 1% of abortions happen during this time span.
Dr. Barbara Levy explained, “Abortions later in pregnancy typically occur because of two general indications: lethal fetal anomalies or threats to the health of the mother.”
Fourthly, what do Joe Biden’s platforms for Women’s Reproductive Health mean for abortion?
Here is what his website states:
The Affordable Care Act made historic progress ensuring access to free preventive care, including contraception. The Biden Plan will build on that progress. Vice President Biden supports repealing the Hyde Amendment because health care is a right that should not be dependent on one’s zip code or income. And, the public option will cover contraception and a woman’s constitutional right under Roe v. Wade. Biden will also:
Stop state laws violating Roe v. Wade. Biden will work to codify Roe v. Wade, and his Justice Department will do everything in its power to stop the rash of state laws that so blatantly violate Roe v. Wade.
Restore federal funding for Planned Parenthood. The Obama-Biden Administration fought Republican attacks on funding for Planned Parenthood again and again. As President, Biden will reissue guidance specifying that states cannot refuse Medicaid funding for Planned Parenthood and other providers and reverse the Trump Administration’s rule preventing these organizations from obtaining Title X funds.
Just as the Obama-Biden Administration did, rescind the Mexico City Policy (also referred to as the global gag rule) that President Trump reinstated and expanded. This rule currently bars the U.S. federal government from supporting important global health efforts — including for malaria and HIV/AIDS — in developing countries simply because the organizations providing that aid also offer information on abortion services.
Restore the Affordable Care Act’s contraception mandate in place before the U.S. Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby decision. The recent U.S. Supreme Court decision makes it easier for the Trump-Pence Administration to continue to strip health care from women — attempting to carve out broad exemptions to the Affordable Care Act’s commitment to giving all women free access to recommended contraception. Biden will restore the Obama-Biden policy that existed before the Hobby Lobby ruling: providing an exemption for houses of worship and an accommodation for nonprofit organizations with religious missions. The accommodation will allow women at these organizations to access contraceptive coverage, not through their employer-provided plan, but instead through their insurance company or a third-party administrator.
Let’s talk about each of these:
Repealing of the Hyde Amendment: The Hyde Amendment does not allow Medicaid federal funding to pay for abortions except in instances of rape, incest or to save the life of the mother. Biden supported the amendment for a long time, but has just recently changed his viewpoint because “I can’t justify leaving millions of women without access to the care they need and the ability … to exercise their constitutional protected right.” Biden had always been for this amendment until he started running for president and felt pressure from other Democratic runners. It remains to be seen if he will change his mind again. I personally am in favor of the Hyde amendment, as a pro-lifer, but also understand why someone who was concerned with women’s rights would disagree with my sentiment.
Codifying Roe V Wade: The goal is to create congressional legislation protecting a woman’s right to choose an abortion in each state, even if RVW is overturned. We already learned that overturning RVW would not make abortion illegal, and states would have their say on abortion laws. Based on this proposal, no state could flat-out ban abortion, but it does not specify the regulations that each state could make.
Reinstating federal funding for Planned Parenthood: Perfactcheck.org, Planned Parenthood “provides reproductive health care to women nationwide. It offers a variety of services, including abortions, birth control, emergency contraception, general health testing and screenings for sexually transmitted diseases.” I remember when Trump stopped funding Planned Parenthood, I was so happy. I remember as well many of my friends being horrified by it because they chose to focus on the life-saving good that Planned Parenthood does for women and men, especially those in poverty.I had seen charts back then regarding the very small percentage of PP’s work that goes towards abortions, but didn’t want to think about that. It remains true, however, that PP’s abortion services account only a small percentage of their health services, though the exact percentage has been up for debate (they say 3%,but by some it has been interpreted differently based on the costs surrounding each service). You can read this document and this document that help explain more of what they do.There are good, Christian people on both sides of this argument.
Rescinding the Mexico City Policy : The Mexico City Policy was introduced in 1985 and has been rescinded and reinstated multiple times (rescinded by Democrats and reinstated by Republicans). We must decide if supporting global health efforts for developing countries is worth it, even if such health efforts also sometimes include abortion.
Reinstating the ACA Contraception Mandate: Burwell vs. Hobby Lobby Stores in 2014 ruled that a for-profit company can refuse to provide free contraceptives to their employees based on their religious beliefs. Biden wants to go back to the original ACA policy that only churches and non-profit religious organizations can say no to providing free contraceptives based on their beliefs. We must decide what is most important to us: reducing abortions through access to free contraceptives, or religious liberty for for-profit organizations. It’s not an easy thing to weigh, but it must be weighed. *Note: a friend of mine reminded me that millions of women use birth control for non-contraceptive reasons, but rather for health-related reasons. With this ruling, women working for for-profit organizations who are against birth control, are unable to get the care they need at the cost the need– something else to consider.
Finally, has the abortion rate gone down in recent years, and why?
The best news that I found in my research is that yes, abortion rates have been in steady decline, which is wonderful! The CDC reported in 2018 that the national abortion rate declined 26% between 2006 and 2015, reaching a historic low.
As we talked about earlier, most abortions have been due to unwanted pregnancies. In the same study, the CDC reported that the number of unintended pregnancies decreased from 51% in 2008 to 45% between 2011 and 2013, noting that more women using contraception and more effective forms of contraception like intrauterine devices, might be factors.
Alina Salganicoff, director of women’s health policy for the nonpartisan Kaiser Family Foundation said, “If your priority is to reduce abortions, one of the best things you can do is make sure that women have access to high-quality, affordable and effective methods of birth control.”
The CDC also reported that the availability of abortion providers and regulations such as mandatory waiting periods and parental consent could also be contributing to fewer women having abortions.
Per the CDC, between 2006 and 2015, the abortion rate for girls between 15 and 19 plummeted 54%. Some reasons for that are more teens being abstinent, as well as teens who are sexually active more likely to use birth control. Some experts have also said that better sex education has reduced teen pregnancy. Teen pregnancy rates are also down, reaching a record low in 2017.
Colorado has been very successful at reducing teen pregnancy. You can read about what they have done here.
The Guttmacher Institute also reported on the decline in abortion rates last year, focusing on 2011-2017. Their research correlates well with that of the CDC, and they also reported: “While 32 states enacted 394 restrictions between 2011 and 2017, nearly every state had a lower abortion rate in 2017 than in 2011, regardless of whether it had restricted abortion access. Several states with new restrictions actually had abortion rate increases.”
To be fair, the Guttmacher Institute is a pro-choice institute, so I looked for a study/analysis of the abortion decrease from an educated. Christian pro-lifer named Joe Carter from 2018. He had some skepticism about both the CDC’s and Guttmacher Institute’s studies, but at the conclusion of his analysis on why abortion rates have decreased, he said,
“There seems to be no clear answer. If we had to hazard a guess, though, we could say that it’s likely a combination of fewer teens having sex, increased contraceptive use, lower rates of unintended pregnancies, increased opposition to abortion by the young, and a greater willingness to have a child after an unintended pregnancy.”
So, even with his initial skepticism, his findings match that of the CDC and Guttmacher Institute very well.
There are people in both major political parties that claim that their party has been better at helping the abortion rate decline based on their chosen approaches. What I hear a lot right now is that Republicans want to make abortion illegal and Democrats want to make it unnecessary.
Here is what Snopes has verified regarding the claim that abortion rates go down more under Democrat presidents:
What’s True
“The abortion rate has steadily declined since the 1980s throughout both Democratic and Republican administrations, with a greater rate of decline during the former.”
What’s False
“The reasons behind differing rates of decline in the abortion rate cannot be definitively tied to actions undertaken by the administrations of different political parties.”
So, yes, it is true that abortion rates decline more during Democratic presidents, but there is no clear reason why.
I think my favorite quote I found about reducing abortions is this: “The one strategy for reducing abortions that has been proven to work runs through love, not power: support for women who may not feel able to carry a pregnancy to term. This requires not blind allegiance to a political party but the promotion of a culture of life.”
So, what have I learned from all this research?
Women who choose to have an abortion most often do so because they don’t think there is another, better option. It isn’t because they are evil or heartless. They just need help. We must each responsibly research which candidates are addressing poverty, education, and easy access to contraceptives to help reduce the perceived need for abortions. Getting rid of the root causes for abortion will take away the need for them.
Republican presidents have been unable to overturn Roe V. Wade for the last almost 50 years, even though they tried multiple times and had a Republican majority in the Supreme Court. Supreme Court judges are supposed to be impartial in their rulings, though, which is likely why it has not been overturned. Even if somehow Roe V. Wade is overturned, the states would have power to make their own laws which could potentially be better than the current regulations, but could in other cases be less humane.
Partial-birth abortion is illegal in the United States. Late-term abortion is a term used for abortions over 21 weeks gestation, and only 1% of abortions happen beyond that time. It isn’t good, but it is not as huge of an issue as suggested.
Joe Biden’s platforms for Women’s Reproductive Health are food for thought as there is potential good in nearly all of them. We must just personally all weigh what is most important to us.
The abortion rate is decreasing every year, and it has many contributing factors. Democratic administrations have actually brought more decrease in abortions, but the reasons are unclear.
I didn’t know hardly any of this information before I started researching. I hope this analysis can help ease the minds of pro-lifers like myself who have held negative views about Christians who vote any other way than Republican. It has certainly helped me, and I hope that any pro-lifer who is unsure how to vote this election, or in any election, can feel at peace considering many candidates rather than just one.
I also want to say that I greatly respect Republican presidents for their devotion in protecting the lives of the unborn. They are using their convictions in the way they feel is best. This post was in no way meant to suggest otherwise.
No matter what stance you take on abortion rights, or who you choose to vote for, know that you have my respect and love. I hope we can all respect each other in the choices we make and convictions we hold.
I am pro-life and I am pro-living, and I’m proud of that!
I am thinking about it a lot right now. For much of this school year, I have been so very concerned and upset about one of my kids’ teachers. I have contacted the principal more times than I can count, and have felt so helpless thinking my son has a terrible teacher who never communicates and is incompetent. It has gotten to the point where I have almost had him put in another class.
I felt a very similar concern a few years ago, when another of my sons was in kindergarten. Once, after a particularly difficult incident of bullying, I contacted the principal expressing my concerns from the entire year, saying that I felt that my son wasn’t loved or praised at all, but rather always put down and targeted. I felt that no extra care had been taken with him to help him succeed in school, and I had actually not even been aware he was struggling until half the year was over. I really felt like his teacher didn’t have his best interests at heart.
In both situations, I felt that my boys’ teachers weren’t doing their jobs well, and I had plenty of evidence to prove it.
I was reminded of that kindergarten teacher today, and how after a meeting with her and the principal three years ago, she had pulled me aside, put her hand on my shoulder gently, and told me she was on my side and my son’s side. She even made sure he got the best teacher for his needs the following year. I ended up sending her a grateful email for her kindness. This experience had crossed my mind more than once this year, but I set it aside thinking this teacher was so much worse!
Now fast forward to today and the current teacher problem. I was so nervous to meet with her for my son’s parent/teacher conference. I wasn’t sure what she knew about my communications with the principal, and I was on edge. Well, as I approached the building, she was saying goodbye to another parent that she had just walked to the door.
She kindly greeted me and started a conversation about Halloween as we walked to her classroom. She even spoke of the weather last night as being appropriate for the night, which was cool because I had said the same thing to my family the night before.
We sat down, and though her desk and room were a bit messy and she wasn’t super organized, she spoke about my son’s strengths and needs articulately, and was very complimentary of his behavior. She even complimented Jad and I as parents due to how respectful and kind our son is at school.
Things were going better than I expected. I felt a little nudge to offer to help her by cutting things out or sharpening pencils. She laughed and said she will probably take me up on that since she is so busy and she isn’t too fond of cutting circles and sharpening pencils. I realized then that not once that year had she (or any teacher of my kids) sent a message asking for help with classroom needs. At my kids’ last school, we were asked on a weekly basis (sometimes more) to help the teachers.
After I offered this help, which I imagine she greatly needs, she opened up about different things, and a lot of the issues I had with her suddenly started to make sense. She had come from a different county and was getting used to how things work in this one. She expressed frustration with some of the same things I have been frustrated about, such as books that are sent home. As we talked, I offered some suggestions to help, and she liked what I had to say.
During our meeting she also apologized for some of the confusion that had happened with homework and she invited me to text her anytime I had a question.
Through talking to her, I realized that she isn’t incredibly technologically savvy, and she also thought she had to use her own data to send messages at school. I was able to offer some insight and suggestions there.
Finally, she solemnly told me that her sister is chronically ill, and that has kept her distracted somewhat. I felt such a sympathy for her. Life clearly is very hard for her right now, and look at me, a judgmental parent who has been complaining about her weekly to the principal.
As this teacher walked me to the door and said a warm goodbye, I felt like we had connected, and I felt a lot of peace and hope. I also felt humbled.
As I walked to the car, I realized how I had misjudged her. I should have learned from the first time I misjudged a teacher three years ago.
My concerns – have they been valid in both cases? Yes, absolutely. Were those concerns the complete fault of the teacher? Maybe not. Could some of the issues and bad feelings been solved and avoided with a face-to-face meeting? Absolutely!
I am not 100% sure that all of my many concerns with my son’s teacher will be resolved after this one meeting, but I now have had a chance to get to know his teacher some. I have seen her humanity and her struggles, as well as her good intentions. I now can be certain that I can contact her (in the way she is most comfortable) and she will do her best.
I don’t know if me writing this will help anyone, but it has helped me to get it out. I won’t pretend that these have been my only two instances of ever misjudging people, but perhaps these are the two that will always stay closest to my mind.
So, if you find yourself really frustrated with a teacher or someone else who is supposed to be a person of trust to you or your family members, perhaps the best thing to do would be to sit down and get to know that person better. You may find that you were mistaken in some ways, and that in the ways you weren’t, perhaps you can be a help. Rise to the occasion you want the other person to rise up to and try to be a team if you can.
I think at the end of the day, we are all doing our best – sometimes our best is quite different (maybe drastically different) than somebody else’s best, but I think if we all tried to see the potential in each other, we would care for and respect each other a lot more.
So, learn from my experiences, and talk to the source. That source probably isn’t as bad as you think. They just don’t know what you are feeling unless you tell them. Don’t be afraid like I have been – we are all human, after all.
My oldest son, Casey, started high school this year. It hit me not long ago that I only have FOUR MORE YEARS with my first born – with my precious son who made me a mother.
I know that time will fly by, and it’s been hurting my heart that my time with him is so short. He’s growing into a man, and in a few short years he will have his own life without his siblings and parents.
Casey just had his first high school band concert a few days ago. I burst with pride as I watched him passionately playing his trombone. He was part of two real bands with so much talent and drive. I was and am so incredibly proud of his efforts to become a musician.
After the concert was over, I was so happy to see him (my husband and other kids had already left because it was getting late). Casey helped clean up the stage with a smile. Once he was done, we walked towards the exit doors of the auditorium, and I told Casey I wanted to take a selfie with him. He was hesitantly willing, and as we walked into the empty vestibule, I pulled out my phone for a quick photo. We posed for the selfie, both smiling, but before the camera could even flash, Casey had bolted away from the camera and out of the auditorium, clearly afraid someone would come in and see us taking the photo.
The freshly taken picture of my smiling face and a blurry image of someone fleeing the scene burned a hole in my brain, and a pain in my heart. I was crushed, and I was speechless. I felt an instant loss of joy.
As we got in the car, I expressed my sadness at him not taking the picture with me, and I started to weep, like really weep. I couldn’t talk about it, so I cried in silence.
You may think this was an overreaction on my part, but if you couple my sad realization about Casey leaving us in four years with him starting to be embarrassed of me, you may understand how this was more than my heart could bear.
We drove in awkward silence for a while, but finally I did try to talk to him more about how he hurt me. He seemed to understand, and when we dropped by a friend’s house to pick up some pallets on the way home, he rolled up his tuxedo sleeves and helped me. He wouldn’t let me do it by myself.
The rest of the way home, we were both feeling better and were able to talk about the concert as if nothing had happened. Then, when we got home, Casey made sure I didn’t unload the van by myself even though he had a lot of homework to do. He was very loving and hugged me, telling me he loved me.
That’s the son that I have always adored.
I am telling this story as a way to speak to all the teenagers out there. I won’t pretend I don’t remember what it is like to be a teen – I do. I remember wanting to fit in so much, wanting the popular kids to accept me, and I do remember sometimes being embarrassed to be around my parents.
Believe me, I remember and I understand. But, there is something so much more important than all those things. I know that now that I am a mother myself.
Mothers and fathers devote their lives to raising their children – to making sure they are healthy, happy, provided for, taught, and loved. Being a parent is a selfless job, and due to the love and service parents provide to their children every single day, they love them more than the children will ever know – at least until they also become parents.
So, my teenager friends, when you start to have that feeling that your parents are too uncool for you, or that you look uncool with them, I ask you to please reconsider your thoughts.
The truth is, your parents will always be there for you and will always love you. They support you more than any friend ever could. And to be honest, a true friend would want you to be close to your parents. It makes me sad to think that a friend would make fun of you for taking a selfie with your mom, or hugging your dad, or saying “I love you” to them both.
It hurts your parents when you push them away. See, they have rocked you to sleep, kissed your booboos, played with you to see you laugh, comforted you when you were sad, celebrated every holiday and birthday with you, and taught you how to be a good person for so long. It has brought them so much joy – you have brought them so much joy.
Continue to let them find joy in you and you in them. A parent/child bond is one that should never be compromised. It’s one of the most important relationships you will ever have. It should mirror your relationship with your Heavenly parents.
So, talk to your parents about everything, and they will listen to you. Respect how they feel about things and they will respect you. Trust them and they will trust you. Show love and help them out as they have always done for you.
As for my son: Casey, I love you. You will always be my little boy, but I also love the young man you have become, and will continue to develop into. I hope we will have a strong bond your whole life – it would make me the happiest mother in the world.
Sunday afternoon was pretty quiet. The boys had just finished watching some gospel-oriented shows while Jad and I took a little nap on the couch. Then, Casey and Rigel went upstairs.
Casey came downstairs not long after, and told me that Rigel was making a card for his friend (we’ll call him Bob) that had his friend’s brother’s name (we’ll say his name is Will) on it crossed out. That didn’t sound good, so I went upstairs to talk to Rigel.
I asked him what he was doing, and he didn’t admit to anything. I then turned over the papers and saw the drawings. I told him to come into my room so we could talk.
He sat on the bed with me, and I stayed calm as I asked him why he had done that. Rigel explained that Will isn’t nice to him. I said I was sorry about that, and asked for examples of when he was mean. Rigel could only give one example from a while back, but said that Bob says Will is mean at home.
Staying calm, I explained to Rigel that we don’t judge others based on hearsay. I tried to tell him there are always two sides (or more) to every story, and we should base our judgments solely on how someone treats us directly. I also gave the suggestion that maybe Will was mean that one time because he was jealous of Rigel’s and Bob’s strong friendship.
If that weren’t the case, and Will really was being a bully, I made sure Rigel understood that just because someone may be a bully to us, that doesn’t give us a right to be a bully back. If we don’t like being bullied, why would we try to make others feel the way we hate to feel?
As part of our conversation I asked, “Would Jesus draw what you drew, Rigel?” He sighed and said “no.” I explained that Jesus would try to love and understand that person, and if He had a problem or concern with him, He would approach him and respectfully express it in hopes of reconciling.
I also felt the need to talk to Rigel about family. Bob and Will are brothers – pulling them apart is not good for either one of them. To illustrate my point, I wrote Rigel’s name on the paper and crossed his name out just as he had done to Will’s name. I then asked him how he would feel if one of Kamren’s friends gave Kamren a card that looked like that. He admitted he would be sad, and I added that Kamren would be sad too.
I reminded him that nobody in this world should be more important to him than his family. I want he, Casey, Kamren, and Eve to be close forever. I don’t want any of his friends to try to pull them apart, and I know that Bob’s mom doesn’t want anyone trying to pull her sons apart either.
I asked Rigel what he could do that would help Will. He wasn’t sure what to say because he was uncomfortable playing with Will, so I told him that it didn’t have to include being around him if that was too hard right now. I then gave him the suggestion to pray for him, to wish him well, and to encourage Bob to be close to Will, even if he might never be.
Rigel seemed to understand what I was saying, and we ended our conversation with me snuggling him, and telling him how much I loved him and what a good, loving boy he was. It was a special moment, and I am grateful I had the opportunity to influence him for good.
That’s what parenting is all about. I hope I can continue to have these calm, sweet teaching experiences with my children.
*Click here for a conversation I had with Casey about bullying four years ago.
Sometimes you just feel that you have to write about something. I feel that way tonight. I am writing about something I am completely passionate about. Why have I not written about it before, you ask? I didn’t feel compelled to. Now I do.
Many people who are passionate feel the need to spout out statistics, post sarcastic memes, name-call, or Bible bash. I am not going to do any of those things. I am going to speak from the heart, and defend the defenseless.
You know what I am talking about, don’t you?
In our modern world, we can’t go a day, or even an hour, without hearing about people’s rights to do or say or think something. Sometimes, people wish for their rights to be fulfilled by taking away the rights of others. In this case, I am referring to the rights of an unborn child to live, to love, to make decisions, to thrive, and even to fall.
I can’t think about abortion without tears coming to my eyes. I don’t wish to villainize any woman who chooses to abort her baby. I simply wish to speak the words of my heart, in hopes that someone will listen to the cries that go unheard.
There have been so many stories in books, movies, and real life, of people who reflect on their lives with regret and despair, who wish they had never been born. Inevitably, someone, whether an angelic being, or a loved one, will help them remember all they have done to affect people’s lives, their community, and even the world, for good.
George Bailey from It’s a Wonderful Life
Think, for a minute about the concept of never being born. There are millions, billions, of humans that will never be born due to the practice of abortion. Think of all they will never be able to do, or say, or think, or change. We don’t tell our loved ones that the world would be better had they never been born. Most people on this earth bring goodness, bring knowledge, bring ideas – who have we denied that opportunity to? And who and what are we missing out on through this denial?
What if the people who would discover the cure for cancer, or technology to travel to other planets, or advances in solar power, or ways to feed and water the world, were aborted by their mothers? Hopefully someone someday will find these answers, and more, that plague our world, but the more people that are born and given the opportunity to make a difference, the more likely these problems are to be solved.
If you read the stances of pro-life verses pro-choice advocates, you can see at least some sense in both sides, whether you agree with them or not. I do agree there are some instances when abortion might be necessary, though I believe that decision must be made with sincere thought and prayer. I can’t answer every question, and do not wish to refute the stances of those I disagree with.
Here is what I do know:
A baby is a work of creation between a man and a woman. Every child who is born is unique, with his/her own individual worth, and so much to offer if given the chance. How do I know this? Because I look at my own children with adoration. Each will do something different with his life. As long as I love and nurture each of them throughout their lives, and teach them what is right, they will be instruments for good in this world. I also know this from looking at each of my siblings and myself, by looking at my husband and his brother, and by looking at each and every person I have ever known. Everyone is different, interesting, and amazing. No human being is just disposable, and an unborn child becomes a human being just like you and me.
A fetus moves, a fetus feels, a fetus has a personality. I have felt it each and every time I have been pregnant with my three children (and one on the way). I had an ultrasound with my current pregnancy at about 12 weeks, and my husband and I smiled adoringly at each other as we saw our little baby jumping up and down in the womb. A fetus isn’t just a sack of cells, but a unique individual, a perfect blend of his father and mother.
A fetus may not be able to live outside of his mother’s womb until a certain time, but then, a small child cannot live on his own if abandoned either. A child, unborn or born, needs his mother to nurture, love, and protect him. This adds more value to him, not less!
Something that is wrong is wrong, whether legal or not. Laws should be there to protect, and to advocate for peace, rather than to bring convenience to those who would make unwise, and possibly unsafe, decisions.
Accountability is a trait that is admired, and expected in this world. It is important that it is consistently expected, especially since we can’t choose the consequences of our actions. Abortions are not necessary in most cases. It is true that there are many women who don’t want babies, or who can’t afford them, or who aren’t in a mental/emotional position to take care of them. However, with proper education, and safe practices, unwanted pregnancies in most cases, can be avoided. Without educating about, or expecting these precautions, society is telling girls and women that they do not have to be accountable for their actions, and that there is a painless, safe, easy way out. Except, there really isn’t if you look at the big picture.
Abortion affects not only the mother and baby, but the father of the baby, as well as immediate/extended family, and possibly others. If you abort your baby, you can’t take it back. It is permanent, and rather than taking away all your problems, it can cause so many more.
I believe with all of my heart that God weeps over every single child that is aborted. Those are His children, as are all of us. He created every soul, and wishes all to be able to live a life on earth, to have a body, to make choices, to love, to grow, to flourish. Why is it that most see the wickedness of murder and the tragedy of suicide, but often do not feel the lament of abortion?
It doesn’t matter when life begins and when it doesn’t. We cannot know that for certain, and it may be different for each baby. Government, people – we can’t make those decisions about when it is acceptable to abort a baby. What is “decided” makes no difference to the fetus who is being torn apart, and robbed of the rights, privileges, and blessings of living on this earth.
The world would be at peace if loving was what we did best – not arguing, not hating, not fighting for the sake of fighting. Nobody can argue that abortion is an act of love. Who can say that she loves her baby so much she will abort it? Living is always better than being denied life. Look at your own life. Even with all the trials and heartaches you go through, is there not sunshine? Is there not accomplishment, fulfillment, and joy? Is there not hope and faith?
10. Being a parent is the most rewarding role I have ever held in my life. My heart hurts for the women and men who cannot have children. I can only imagine how they must feel yearning for a child every day, and seeing how millions of women do not see the blessing that is right in front of them. God will provide a way for women to care for their babies if they have faith in Him, and take on the responsibility with real intent, but should they not wish for it, adoption provides a blessed opportunity for parenthood to those longing for it. Motherhood is really hard, and really taxing, but I would never even think to possibly imagine giving my children up. They are my joy, and they bring my husband and I closer together. Our children give us real purpose, help us be humble, help us see clearly, help us choose wisely, and help us love completely. They help us see God in our lives, because as He is the divine Creator, we are also co-creators with Him.
The unborn child cannot speak for himself, cannot protest, and cannot plead his cause. But, I always will. God expects it of me because of what I know.
Casey, you are 11 years old now, and as I have observed your actions lately with admiration, I wish to honor you with a tribute.
Are you always the perfect son? No, but I am not always the perfect mother, and nobody’s perfect. You and I both know where we need to improve, but that isn’t what a tribute is for. I wish to highlight and acknowledge your deeds and accomplishments so I can show you my gratitude, admiration and love.
One thing that I love about you, Casey, is that if I need you, you are there. You don’t complain when I ask you to help with your brothers, or with cleaning, or with dinner. You do it, and you do it the best way you know how. I can’t express to you how much I need this from you, and appreciate it.
I am not a perfect mother, Casey. You know that, but whether it is picking you up from school late because I forgot it was early release day, or raising my voice when I shouldn’t, or getting overly irritated with you, you love me anyway. You don’t scold me or get angry with me. You are understanding, and express that you know I have a lot on my plate, or that you understand that being a parent it hard. Thank you for loving me.
You are a service-oriented boy too. When I suggest you write a note to someone, or make a craft, you do it willingly, and from the heart. As of late, you have even written me cards as an apology for something you did, or as a way to cheer me up. I cherish those cards, and will always keep them. You are willing to use your own money to buy gifts for family members too, and you carefully choose those gifts. What a thoughtful boy you are.
I love seeing you develop your talents, skills and interests. I can’t tell you how much it pleases me to see how much you love what I love – instruments, singing, baking, acting. The first few months of the year, we worked on our second musical together, and you asked me to help you learn the ensemble songs so you could sing in the background. You were responsible and made sure you were on stage at the right time, and you did your best with your parts.
You took part in a theater club this year too, and as one of your teachers, I was always impressed with your willingness to try anything. You gave your all to everything, from games, to improvisations, to singing. At our performance showcase, you sang “Out There” from The Hunchback of Notre Dame beautifully. It isn’t an easy song, but you made sure to analyze your character and try to show what he was feeling. Tears came to my eyes when you sang.
This year as you learned a new instrument, the trombone, you always wanted to play songs for me, and you impressed me with your skills at your band concert.
You also did your best to memorize and perform “The Star Spangled Banner” for a group number at a recent Durham Bulls game. It made me smile to hear you practicing around the house, and I loved helping you practice too. Just a few days ago, you wanted to help me bake your birthday cake – you always want to help me bake. And going back to your service-oriented heart, you melted mine when you told me you set out the ingredients for me to make the icing. When I came downstairs later, I saw the ingredients lovingly laid out, and I smiled with adoration.
Your spirituality strengthens my testimony. I always tear up when you bear your testimony in church. When your teachers tell me how much you know about the scriptures, I am so proud of you, and I know it is true. Each night when we read together as family, you have comments and questions. You pay attention and want to learn. I can’t tell you how proud I have been of you lately as you have also begun to do personal scripture study before bed. I love it when you come to me and report what you have read. You will be a wonderful missionary someday – no, you already are.
School has always been a place you have excelled. I haven’t had to get on you about doing your homework or projects. You have your weaknesses in school, but overall, you are a good friend, someone your teachers love to have in class, and a really hard worker. Your final report card and EOG scores impressed me so much. You are a smart boy, but it isn’t just smarts that bring good grades. Dedication, motivation, high standards for yourself, team work, honesty, and humility are key elements too.
On the last day of school, you presented a project on homelessness in North Carolina at the Orange County Library. You clearly did your research, and your concern for the homeless was evident. You really want to help them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkgZ10uq_gU
After school when you told me you want to help in soup kitchens, and really hold true to your word to help, you brought tears to my eyes. And when you said you wanted to use the money you would have received for your good grades to help the homeless, I was once again in awe of the goodness of your heart.
How wonderful is it that you love projects too, especially when you get to spend time with your dad or me. I love how you want to help in the garden, paint, or assist with other projects. Just this past Saturday, you jumped at the chance to help me build a bathroom cabinet. It was such a fun experience to spend time together, make mistakes together, and then fix them together. You have an eye for building, and your observations were right on. The finished product was awesome, and it is because you were building it with me.
And finally, Casey, you are one affectionate young man. Your hugs, kisses and soft words can really calm a person. You know what gentleness brings peace, something that many people do not realize.
Casey, I am so blessed to be your mother. Heavenly Father knew I needed you when I needed you, and you will always be one of the most special people in my life. I love you, my dear son.
I wrote this article for a new website, mum.info. Before I submitted it, I had Casey read it. He said it was beautiful, and he started to cry. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he wasn’t sad, but that he had felt the Spirit. He said reading my words helped him remember the importance of family. He kept repeating over and over that it was the most beautiful thing he had ever read. His reaction penetrated my heart, and I never want to forget it.
“Mommy, why is my last name different than yours? I want your last name!” My son, Casey, was only four when his little voice trembled out those piercing words. He and I had shared the same last name his whole life. It had just been me and him since before he was one year old. I had recently remarried, so my last name was different. And now, I was going to have a baby who would have my new last name. I wanted to cry with Casey, simply because he was sad.
That was six years ago, and I have done all I can to make sure he has no reason to cry over his last name again by:
Encouraging Him to Cherish His Last Name
That was the first step – helping him see that his last name was wonderful. No, it wasn’t my last name, but with a name holds a legacy going back generations. By holding onto his last name, he would be showing pride in his rich heritage, and extending love and appreciation for not only his father, but his father’s extended family.
Showing Him Love Daily
I think it hurt Casey a little when I got remarried. It was no longer just us. Then, when I had more children, he was no longer the only child. There are five of us in our household, and he has a different name than the rest of us. But, as I share my love, attention, and devotion to him daily, having a different name will never make him feel less cherished or important.
Not Asking Him to Pick Sides
It isn’t me against his dad. It never has been. I don’t tell my son that he can’t love, respect, or have a relationship with his father. I don’t tell him that I am a better parent, or place any blame or bitterness in his father’s direction. I do not judge his dad, or speak ill of him to my child. We rather pray for him and his family. I always keep the mind-set that his father is on the same team as me, my husband, and all other family members working to help Casey have a happy life and be a good boy.
Letting Him Spend Time with His Dad
Casey’s father lives far away, so he can’t see him often. However, I encourage regular phone conversations. He also flies to see his dad and extended family each year for several weeks. I have had people tell me that I shouldn’t have to do that because of the circumstances surrounding our divorce, but I feel very strongly that regardless of what happened in our marriage, Casey’s dad will always be Casey’s dad. They should have a relationship, and a strong one at that.
Being Honest about the Divorce
I did not do this when he was four, but about a year ago, I told my son why his father and I divorced. I didn’t water it down, but I also didn’t place blame or judgment. I encouraged my son to continue to have a strong, loving relationship with his dad. I told him to forgive him, pray for him, and encourage him to change his life for the better. I told him I am not sad about the divorce anymore. Though I wish that Casey could always be near me and his dad, I know we are blessed and things have worked out well for us.
Blending Our Family in Love
My husband of over five years is so wonderful to Casey. He always has been, and I knew he would be a wonderful father to him the first time they met. Casey doesn’t refer to him as his stepdad, but as his Daddy. He has two dads, and that is cool. He also thinks of his half-brothers as his brothers. That’s what they are to him. We are a family, and we love each other. There is no need to create those lines of division.
These artificial lines of division apply to me too. When I was first divorced, I thought it would be strange to continue having a relationship with my ex-husband’s extended family. I was uncomfortable by the phone calls and gifts at first, but finally I realized that they hadn’t abandoned me, and there was no rule that they had to. The fact that I wasn’t married to their family member anymore, didn’t all of a sudden erase the bond and love we had with each other. I still speak on the phone with my ex-husband often, and keep in contact with much of his extended family on social media and occasional emails and phone calls. It is a good thing, and it helps.
It is safe to say that my 10-year-old has a very happy life. He has three family trees to call his own. He is loved and cherished by all of them. He knows that there is so much more to family than a name. He knows all families look different, but as long as we are there for each other, we can always feel that we belong and that we are safe.
*I fully recognize this model may not work in its entirety for everyone. I strongly believe, though, that doing as much of this as possible will help your child feel that he belongs, and that life in any family situation can be grand.
Say the word house to yourself. Now say the word home. The words feel different, don’t they?
A house is a roof over your head, but a home is so much more. To me, home is a very special word. It indicates a place of belonging, a place of love, a place of safety, a place of sacrifice, and a place of peace.
I want my family to always feel this way, and for their favorite place to be their home. I also wish for every visitor to my home to know they will be met with kindness, understanding, listening ears, fun, good food, safety, comfort, warmth, and hospitality.
To be all these things, my home must shine brightly within and without, truly welcoming and embracing all that come to it.
I love music. It soothes my soul, and enlightens my mind. I know five songs about light that remind me of how I can make my house a home and my home a heaven on earth:
Chorus: Like a lighthouse standing bold against the gray,
Shining through the night to warn of dangers in our way.
Like a lighthouse built on solid stone,
Shedding light on weary seaman who have drifted far from home.
To help make their home a sacred place, families must stand together in righteousness. They must be courageous and have integrity. They must build their foundation on the Lord, Jesus Christ. If they do this, then as the world becomes more and more wicked, and as Satan continues to tempt and to deceive, the people in these homes will be able to withstand the storms of life, and endure together. If a member of a family does stray from his foundation, then the home he came from will be there to help him find his way back.
Should my children ever leave their solid foundation, I will continue to love them, pray for them, and reach out to them. I will never abandon my family, and my home will always be open to them.
Partial verse: A cold and friendless tide has found you
Don’t let the stormy darkness pull you down
I’ll paint a ray of hope around you
Circling in the air
Lighted by a prayer
This song is also about a lighthouse, but is worth mentioning because the words hope and prayer are such essential characteristics of a sacred home. Families should never give up on each other. They should always hope for the well-being and safety of all. Each member of the family should be able to feel that hope, and also the hope that comes from the atonement of Jesus Christ.
If I raise my children well, they will know that no matter what mistakes they make, or struggles they endure, Jesus Christ is their friend and advocate. Through Him, they may be made clean or whole again. We will be there for each other to bear testimony, and to offer encouragement and love.
Everyone has heard the term that “families that pray together, stay together.” I have seen in my own life the power that comes from prayer, personally, as spouses, and as a family. I have seen changes of heart, and great miracles.
(Child) Teach me to walk in the light of his love;
Teach me to pray to my Father above;
Teach me to know of the things that are right;
Teach me, teach me to walk in the light.
(Parent) Come, little child, and together we’ll learn
Of his commandments, that we may return
Home to his presence, to live in his sight
Always, always to walk in the light.
(Both) Father in Heaven, we thank thee this day
For loving guidance to show us the way.
Grateful, we praise thee with songs of delight!
Gladly, gladly we’ll walk in the light.
This is a song that I grew up singing in church, and it always touches my heart. A child asks her parents to teach her to pray, choose the right ways, and to feel God’s love for her. A parent replies and says that they will learn together. If they follow the commandments, they will return to live with Him again. In the final verse, they pray to Heavenly Father and thank Him for His guidance. They willingly pledge to walk in His light.
For a home to be filled with light, the members of that home must follow the light of Christ. As parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children in light and truth. If each member of a family strives to keep God’s commandments, and if pleasing Heavenly Father and praying to Him are a top priority, the Holy Spirit will dwell in that home.
My home is not always a quiet, serene place. There is a lot of chaos, bickering, and complaining. However, there is also a lot of love for each other and for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. My husband and I may not be perfect examples all the time, but we do teach our children to serve others, love God, and keep His commandments. We teach them about the end goal of eternal life with our Heavenly Father. The Spirit is in our home, even if home life isn’t always serene. We have many sweet moments together.
4th verse: Jesus, show Thy mercy mine,
Then there’s love at home;
Sweetly whisper I am Thine,
Then there’s love at home.
Source of love, Thy cheering light
Far exceeds the sun so bright—
Can dispel the gloom of night;
Then there’s love at home;
Love at home, love at home,
Can dispel the gloom of night;
Then there’s love at home.
My Nana always sang the first verse of this song to her children when they fought with each other. I recently discovered a fourth verse to this song that I had never heard before. It beautifully illustrates how there will be love at home as we receive of Jesus’ mercy, love, and light. We can do this as we display pictures of Jesus in our homes, read our scriptures, pray to Heavenly Father, and make Christ’s atonement a personal part of our lives. If we know who we are, and hold on to our Heavenly family, there will be love and light in our earthly homes.
My children know that they are children of God. They know He loves them, knows their names, and wants them to be happy. Because we all know that we are beloved to God, we feel more love for each other at home.
This song is simple, but every time I listen to it, I feel the Holy Ghost, and tears fall down my cheeks. It helps me see that the goodness and light that come from one person, from one home, can affect the whole world. I believe this is true. I believe that to change the world, we need to start in the home. If the home is filled with love, sacrifice, spirituality, respect, and service, the people in that home will set the example for others. Then those people who are inspired by that example will help set the example for even more people. It is a cycle that goes on forever. Witnessing kind acts and strong relationships will bring light to some, and then to the world.
I love the quote “Believe there is good in the world.” I love the idea of being the good in the world even more. That is what we try to teach our children.
Homes are not just meant to just protect us physically, but to protect us spiritually. Within the walls of our homes are members of a family that we love, support, and protect. With the light of Christ, our homes can be sacred places, and safe havens from the world.
My family was established March 6, 2010, and I want it to last forever. If we allow the Savior’s light to guide us, and make our homes reflect that light, our families can be eternal. I know this with all of my heart.
This post is part of a blogger round-up! Read the tips and experiences these bloggers share in making their homes a sacred space.
When I was a young adult, moving into the marriage and family mindset, I had some ideas of what I would and wouldn’t do or allow as a parent.
I always figured my kids would stay up late sometimes, and eat junk food on a regular basis. But, I never thought I would do or allow these things:
1. Let the kids eat food in the car, or while walking around the house.
To be fair, I still don’t prefer this, but sometimes, the only way to keep kids happy on long car trips is to let them eat. And keeping the kids sitting at the table sometimes takes more energy than I have left for the day.
2. Eat and drink after the kids.
If you have ever really just watched little kids eat, there is a lot of drool, double dipping, and backwash going on. It is kind of gross. For some reason, though, when it is your kid, it isn’t so gross. And, in my case, I hate wasting food. If my kids don’t want to finish something yummy, like ice cream, or cake, you better believe I am finishing it up.
3. Take the kids places when they are in disarray.
I used to judge the parents who took sticky and stained kids out in public. Now, I understand. Little kids don’t let you clean them up well. Plus, it takes like 30 minutes just to get them ready to get out of the house. Sometimes you just don’t have that kind of time. And shoes? Well, sometimes I assume my husband put them on, and sometimes he assumes I did, and well, sometimes neither of us did it. They’ll be fine.
4. Let them make huge messes.
I don’t do this often, but sometimes, I allow the kids to do messy, chaotic things because I know it will be a memory we will all laugh at later. I used to just stop them and get mad. Now, I see the joy in their faces, and the bonds they make with each other as they spray each other with the hose, throw rice in the air, or paint themselves instead of a picture.
5. Make contact with my kids’ snot and boogers.
Sometimes, your kids need a tissue and you just don’t have it. My fingers more than once have been used to swipe away snot, and to pick out big boogers.
I know, gross. Well, other times my little ones are really sad, and they want to snuggle and give me kisses when they have snot running down their faces. Do I push them away? I couldn’t do that, so I go ahead and kiss their snotty faces, and let them wipe the rest on my sleeve.
6. Roughhouse with them.
I always thought this would be their dad’s job. It is when Daddy’s home, but my three boys want to wrestle, ride on shoulders, and swing around just as much when Daddy isn’t home. My shoulders, arms, legs and back are much stronger than they would be without my boys.
7. Let them sleep with my husband and me.
The kids never start out in bed with us. Sometimes, though, they wake up in the middle of the night. The little ones always come to our room for comfort. We are usually way too tired to sing to them, talk to them, get them stuff, and then put them back to bed. So, we usually hoist them up and lay them in between us. Only when they start kicking us, rolling on top of us, or smacking us, do we put them back in their rooms.
8. Give in to their cuteness.
In our house, we have rules that we try to enforce. It is much easier to enforce these rules when the kids are school-aged. When they are little, though, they are still so adorable. I usually can see past it, but my husband is a sucker for their little eyes, smiles, and pouts. So, sometimes I give in because he does.
I am ashamed to say that sometimes, I even go so far as to laugh when I am reprimanding them, just because they are so adorable.
9. Be the disciplinarian.
This is another one I expected Daddy would do, since that was how it was in my house growing up. But, since I am like my dad, this is more my thing. As I mentioned above, I don’t give in as easily as my husband. I have always been a rule follower, so I expect my kids to do the same. I am not always proud of how I discipline, but I see this as a growing opportunity to help me control my temper, and be gentler.
10. Talk about uncomfortable things in great detail.
I have two little ones, but I also have an older child. I have talked to him about many serious issues in great detail, like sex, pornography, puberty, bullying, etc. I got the watered down version of most of this at school and church, probably because family and teachers hoped the less I knew, the less I would do. Though some of these things can be uncomfortable to talk about, I have realized that as I educate my child about these important issues before outside forces do, he is better prepared for what will come up outside of the home.
At the end of the day, are my kids healthy and happy? Are they educated, loved, and looked after? Yes! So, it is just fine with me that I am a different kind of parent than I thought I would be.
