On August 18, 2024, I gave a brief talk in church about experiences I have had where I have felt the Holy Ghost comfort me. It was so beautiful to ponder on my life as well as read through old blog posts I have written to find some of those experiences. In my talk I shared five, all of which have a blog post that give all the details! I hope you enjoy reading about these five very important experiences in my life.
Just before I turned 22, I moved to NC to live with my parents, as a newly divorced single mom of an almost one-year-old named Casey. I had no friends, no confidence, and was constantly sad. I felt I had failed as a wife and mother. I adored my son but felt this constant need to change my circumstances so I could fit the ideals in the family proclamation. I felt hopeless for months, but then one day, as I was reading the proclamation again, my eyes fell on this statement: All human beings are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.
In large part because of my (emotionally) abusive marriage, I had forgotten that I was a daughter of God, and that I had a divine nature and destiny. I had made myself believe that I only had true worth if I had what I thought was the ideal life. But no, I always had divine worth, and I always had a friend in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
The Holy Ghost comforted me by reminding me of this divine truth, and it changed my life for the better.
One night in 2011, Jad had to go to the hospital because he felt like knives were stabbing him, and he could hardly stand the pain. Through a CT scan and a series of blood tests, we finally found out that he had echinococcus, a parasite that had been growing in, and eating away at, his liver for about 10 years. Jad was going to have to have major surgery that came with risks. The news was a little overwhelming, but somehow, we had faith all would be well. As the date approached for his surgery, Jad and I were not worried. We went into the hospital with a positive attitude. After 8 hours of surgery, I was able to see Jad. At first, I felt intense sympathy for him, but then I felt God’s love surrounding both of us. I knew that He was with us, and that Jad’s surgery had gone well because of much faith and prayers, and because Jad had a special mission to perform for the Lord in this life. He would recover, and he would go forward in faith.
The Holy Ghost comforted us by testifying of God’s hand in Jad’s life and God’s love for him and our family.
In 2016, when I was pregnant with Eve, I developed hypertension. At an appointment over five weeks before her due date, I was told I needed to go to the hospital right away. After I got to the car, I burst into tears and sobbed, praying for my baby. I checked into the hospital and was hooked up to the blood pressure machine. As I was lying on the bed in a moment alone, the tears started streaming down my face again. Just when I felt the tears would never stop, a soft but steady movement started in my tummy. My baby had woken up, and it was as if she was telling me that everything would be okay. I immediately felt that she was trying to comfort me, and that I could stop crying. I know that her moving for that long period of time was just for me.
The Holy Ghost comforted me through the movements of my unborn baby girl.
In 2020, someone I care deeply about strongly disagreed with some of my perspectives and decisions, which led to a huge rift in our relationship, something I never wanted or expected. For several months, I was in anguish over it. I spent a lot of time praying about the situation, but no answers or comfort came. But the next April, as I was watching General Conference, a message pierced my soul. I felt it was just for me, and everything in the message gave me comfort and peace knowing that the perspectives I had and the decisions I had made were good and led by the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Ghost comforted me by inspiring an apostle of the Lord to share a message I desperately needed to hear.
In 2022, my life was thrown for a loop when I found out I was pregnant with Asher. Normally one would be excited for a new baby, but because of our lives at the time, this was very difficult news filled with many worries and disappointment, and lots of tears. I prayed all the time for strength, guidance, courage, and a softened heart. Everything I prayed for, God blessed me with, including patience, long-suffering, and faithfulness. My attitude about my pregnancy completely shifted, and I was able to be cheerful and optimistic, even with all my health issues. I unfortunately developed preeclampsia and had to be induced almost 6 weeks early. But, God had helped me prepare for it by manifesting to me that this would happen in advance. He also gave me energy to prepare for my son’s birth and helped me stay calm so I wouldn’t worry. After I had Asher, God blessed Jad and me with the stamina to care for Asher in the NICU while also tending to the needs of our other four children, even while we were both healing -me from childbirth, and him from a bad fall. Most importantly, God blessed us with an overwhelming love for this little boy we never knew we needed.
The Holy Ghost comforted me during this time by helping me see how my prayers were being answered, and for helping me overcome my worries and disappointments and replace them with optimism, calm, strength, and love.
I’m so grateful for how the Holy Ghost has directly or through others, comforted me throughout my life. It has made all the difference in times of trial.
I hear many Christians say, “God doesn’t make mistakes.”
If used with loving tones and intentions, this can be a true and glorious statement. The key word is “if.” To help understand intent, we need to go further into the statement.
Let’s try using it in relation to many of God’s creations and gifts and see how we would continue the sentence like this: “God doesn’t make mistakes and so…_________________.”
God created the water, land, and all of the trees, herbs, grasses, plants, and flowers (See Genesis 1:9-12, 29). There is much beauty to behold on the earth because of these creations, as well as food and medicine for us to use. However, many areas of the earth suffer from famine, drought, and horrible natural disasters, such as earthquakes, fires, floods, and hurricanes. Some plants, trees, and flowers also bring pain and discomfort.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so… ___________________________.”
What would you say? I would say, “…in His wisdom, God gave us opposition to help us love and appreciate the beauty of nature on one hand, and on the other hand to turn to Him in faith when nature causes harm. To those who are not currently suffering by the hand of nature, He provides them with the opportunity to serve those who are.”
God created all of the fish, birds, beasts, and creeping things on this earth (see Genesis 1:20-25, 30). These animals bring joy, wonder, beauty, nutrition, and affection to us on the earth. But, some are dangerous, even deadly. Others are gross, destructive, or just plain annoying. We may wish they didn’t exist.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so… ___________________________.”
What would you say? I would say, “…in His wisdom, He gave us all kinds of animals not only for us to enjoy, but also to help us learn tolerance, each animal’s purpose, how to coexist with them, and in dangerous interactions with them, the ability to use our faith to turn to Him for help.”
God created male and female in His image and commanded them to multiply and replenish the earth (See Genesis 1:26-28). The human body is magnificent and works in miraculous ways. Being able to have children is one of those miracles. However, not all people are born with bodies and minds that function perfectly or properly. There are many born with mild to severe mental and/or physical disabilities. Some babies don’t even make it to birth because their bodies are unable to function outside the womb. There are also many couples who wish for nothing more than to be parents, and yet can never conceive or carry a child to term.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
These situations can be heartbreaking and very personal. The answer to this statement will be different for everyone, and may take much prayer, fasting and faith to accept and receive an answer that brings peace. When we know of people who suffer from these heartaches, we respond with love, compassion, and open arms.
You may have noticed that I have missed something in relation to this gift of God: not all of God’s children are attracted to the opposite sex, which is needful in order to multiply and replenish the earth. Some are attracted to the same sex, others to both, some to none at all, and some even feel that their inside gender doesn’t match their outside sex. Let’s try to fill in the blank again:
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
At this point, many Christians would take pause. In all the other instances above, most Christians would respond with faith and positivity. Yet, this example is rarely treated the same way. On the contrary, when it comes to LGBTQ+ individuals, so often I have heard Christians judge unkindly, accusing them of wickedness and vile sin, thinking upon them with disgust and denying their humanity. They fill in the blank with words like this: “God doesn’t make mistakes, and so LGBTQ+ individuals are choosing these grotesque lifestyles and trying to destroy the divine nature of the family.”
These thoughts and feelings are often a product of ignorance, and are very damaging. Jesus certainly never spoke or felt this way about any of God’s children, and does not want us to do so either.
Before you think I have always been above thoughts like that, I have to make some confessions. In the early 2000s, people didn’t really talk about homosexuality or any other type of sexuality outside the heterosexual. I recall at least twice in high school when different teen boys told me they were gay. I am ashamed to say that I did not react with love. I did not acknowledge either boy’s courage for saying something that would likely cause persecution and ostracizing by their peers. No, I laughed it off each time and said that they were just making it up and that nobody was really gay. I didn’t mean any harm, but how harmful my responses must have been! I remember also in those teen years when my little brother told me that someone told him he could be a model that I scoffed and said, “Do you want people to think you are gay??” In my high school, I often heard and said the derogatory phrase, “That’s so gay” anytime something was deemed undesirable or dumb. I shudder to think about that now.
When I was in college, my same little brother who I scoffed at about possibly being a model told my family that he was gay. I was shocked when I heard because the girls always loved him. I just didn’t know how that could be possible. But as I talked to him, I found out that he had felt different ever since he was a young boy around age 8. He tried to hide who he was for a long time and pretend to be someone he wasn’t. He finally couldn’t do it anymore, and when he had the courage to speak out about who he really was, he was treated horribly by so many, including by church leadership who said he needed therapy to be fixed. Attitudes, knowledge, and acceptance towards LGBTQ+ individuals have changed a lot in my church since then, but I am so sorry for those like my brother who were not treated with the love they needed and deserved during their most vulnerable times.
My brother is one of the most remarkable people that I know. He is not grotesque. He is a beautiful person in every way imaginable. I have known many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people in my life and all of them have been kind, fun, smart, innovative, and amazing people. They are just as human and just as worthy of love as anybody else.
But, even knowing my brother was gay, and even having several gay and bisexual friends at work years ago, I haven’t always been at the point of loving and respecting them so much that I was always considerate of their feelings and of their experiences. That has come with time, and I am still working on that.
I do not know any transgender individuals yet, and the idea of transgenderism is still pretty new for me, though my feelings have changed quite a bit. I remember in 2015 when Bruce Jenner came out asking to be called Caitlyn, I was disgusted and weirded out. I remember thinking that there is no way that this was anything other than a publicity stunt. Someone on Facebook shared an article. It was written by a member of my church and it was entitled, “I’ll call you Caitlyn.” I was angry when I read it and thought this person was going against the gospel… but I have changed since then. Now when I read the article, I see someone trying to emulate the Savior and acting in accordance with His gospel.
If you have angry, judgmental feelings towards LGBTQ members of the human family – of God’s family, please get to know them. Treat them as human beings. Try to be able to fill in the blanks of the phrase “God doesn’t make mistakes and so…” in a more loving way, perhaps like this:
“God doesn’t make mistakes and so He wants me to learn to love others the way He loves them, no matter if they are different than me. He wants me to seek for understanding. He wants me to treat my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters with respect and dignity. He wants me to offer them friendship and support and to acknowledge the persecution they endure just for being them. He wants me to help them feel welcomed into society and into the church as equals.”
Let’s talk about just one more thing God has given us.
Heavenly Father gave each person who will ever live the gift of moral agency, or the gift to choose how we think, what we say, and how we act in any given situation. How many times have we secretly wished that God would force people to do the right thing? How many times have we hoped that He would stop people from using their agency for the wrong? But, that isn’t His plan. How can we fill in the blank about agency, even when we see and feel the tragic effects of bloodshed, racism, vicious lies, betrayal, and other horrible acts of cruelty? Perhaps we have used our agency to do some of these awful things too.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
How would you fill this one in? It’s a very difficult one sometimes to understand. I might say, “God doesn’t make mistakes, and so he gave us agency so that we would have an opportunity to prove our worthiness to Him. God wants us to choose Him even when we can’t see Him. He wants us to come to Him in prayer to help us make the right choices. He wants us to mourn with and comfort those who need it. He wants us to reach out and help victims of other people’s wickedness. He wants us to forgive those who hurt us and He wants us to live worthy of the presence of the Holy Ghost so we can avoid making decisions that hurt others. He wants us to gain enough spiritual strength that we can withstand the temptations of Satan. He wants us to trust in our Savior, that He can cleanse us when we have sinned and He can make us whole when we are broken. He wants us to have a choice in our own salvation and He wants us to embrace our individual worth and recognize our divine nature. All this is possible only through the gift of agency.”
To my fellow Christians, I ask you to use your God-given agency to make room in your hearts, in your friendships, and in your church for all people.
God does not make mistakes – we do. As we learn to see His wisdom in every gift, every creation, and every individual facet of a child of God, differences and all, we will make less mistakes and make more good choices. We will be more loving, more merciful, more compassionate, more like Him.
Eight days ago we moved from our home of 8.25 years into a rental home in the next town over.
That night we ate Cook Out on the floor of our empty dining room and played outside together at our home, probably for the last time.
I thought I would cry that night, but I didn’t.
We went over a few more times to clean and collect things, and then the night before closing, the 12th, I left a gift for the new owners, as well as the keys. I knew that none of us would ever step foot into that home or yard again.
I thought I would cry that night, but I didn’t.
I talked to Jad on our date night on August 14, and he told me he hadn’t cried. Neither had I.
It surprised both of us that we hadn’t cried and neither had the kids. In fact, they love the rental home. They have a big family room up front, a long hallway for running, and a huge basement for playing. They are as happy as can be.
Tonight we took a walk down our street and realized just how close we are to the Haw River!
Do I miss my home? Absolutely. I miss the back yard most of all, and I know Jad does too. We don’t use the back yard here really because we couldn’t take our playground or trampoline with us. Maybe we will start running around in it when it gets less hot.
I realized the first day or two after we moved that my heart is not, and never was attached to the four walls of our house. My heart is attached to my husband, my children, our dog, and the memories we have made and will continue to make together.
Our belongings are mostly still with us, which also helps us connect to our new surroundings.
Perhaps what helps the most is that we know that this is a stepping stone to what we really want – a new home built in land we chose, in a town and location we want to always live in.
I am so grateful that Heavenly Father sent us to 110 Norwood Court in Collington Farms, Mebane, NC.
I know that we were sent to that particular cul-de-sac, for we have made wonderful, lifetime friends who we trust, admire, and value greatly.
Our downstairs floorplan was perfect for large family gatherings, so we had plenty of holiday celebrations there. I also loved hosting girls’ nights, which I hope to do again after we move into our new home.
The most exciting and memorable thing that happened in our home was that I had a baby in my master bathroom. But, I don’t have to have that bathroom in my life forever to remember the miracle that happened. And that applies to all the amazing things that happened there.
So, my heart is full of all kinds of emotions, but mostly gratitude, not grief, and excitement, not regret.
Perhaps it’s silly to write about this, but I know I will wonder how we all felt 10 years from now.
We hope the new owners love our home the way we did, and we hope that they love our neighbors as we always will!
I was going through old papers on my desk today, and I was so happy to come across the story my Granddad told about the Washington, DC Temple Dedication in 1974.
I read it, and tears came to my eyes. I felt that I needed to share it with each of you to show that miracles are real.
The paper he wrote is entitled “Washington DC Temple Dedication Music,” and the top right of the paper has a drawing of the Washington DC Temple.
He began with a synopsis of the situation and then wrote his experience in his own words. Here is the entire paper from beginning to end, as written by my beloved granddad, Clifford D. Jordan:
The dedication of the Washington, D.C. temple was held in November of 1974 in the Solemn Assembly Room on the seventh floor of the temple. This room accommodates approximately 1300 people, with overflow facilities to handle a total of 4200. All sessions of the dedication were filled to capacity.
The Richmond Virginia Stake Music Committee was given the honor of furnishing the music for the second dedicatory session. Frances James and Clifford D. Jordan were called to select and train an eighty-voice choir from throughout the states of Virginia and West Virginia.
Individual auditions were required. The allocation for the Richmond Virginia Stake was twenty voices–five in each part.
The musical selections during the service were:
“I Know That My Redeemer Lives” (choir)
“An Angel From On High” (choir)
“Bless This House” with special words (solo by Betty Butterworth)
“Hosannah Anthem” (choir and congregation)
In early August 1974, I received official notification of my calling as organist for the Second Dedicatory Service of the Washington Temple on November 19, 1974 at 1:00 P.M. Detailed instructions were included relative to my responsibilities which included forty-five minutes of prelude/postlude music, and service music. The model number and specification of the Allen organ to be used were included. It was recommended that I try to find one of these organs in the Richmond area and familiarize myself with the instrument. Advanced preparation and practice was a must, as I would only have thirty minutes of use of the organ prior to the dedication. This included rehearsing with the soloist, Betty Butterworth.
I immediately began my search for this organ, and found the exact organ in Corley’s Music Store on Cary Street in Richmond. After explaining my needs to the store manager, I was delighted to learn that the instrument would be available at any time during normal business hours.
During the next three months I practiced almost every Saturday morning. The main purpose of this practice was to learn and memorize the geography of the console (location of stops, couplers, pre-set pistons, and tone characteristics for solo and blending purposes). This is the major concern of all organists, as no two consoles are alike and stop tones vary from instrument to instrument. A well-trained organist with strong manual and pedal technique cannot play effectively until he is totally familiar with the organ. This particular organ model had two manuals with approximately sixty stops, and was quite versatile.
On the evening of November 18, my wife (Lois), the soloist (Betty Butterworth), and I entered the Solemn Assembly Room at the appointed time for our allotted thirty minutes of practice on the organ. I felt thoroughly prepared, and looked forward to one of the most spiritual and exciting occasions in my life. I quickly discovered that the organ was not the same instrument on which I had practiced so many hours. In fact, it was twice the size–with three manuals and at least 150 stops, couplers, and pre-set pistons. The potentials of this magnificent instrument were limitless, and for fifteen minutes I studied, tested, took notes, and did everything possible to learn what I could in a short time. The last fifteen minutes were spend with the soloist.
Due to the many organists following me, it was not feasible to utilize pre-set pistons. There would be no time to do this prior to the service. Therefore, I had to rely solely on manual manipulation of the stops for desired sounds. This meant knowing where to find them instantly as I played. I knew this would be impossible of myself as the console was far more than I could absorb in a few minutes.
I returned to the hotel extremely troubled, knowing that I needed help and a lot of it. I got on my knees and fervently prayed to Heavenly Father that He would bless and help me as I played the next day, that I might be able to play at my optimum level and know where to find all the needed stops for the glory of His Holy Name. The same prayer was repeated during the night and the next morning.
I went to the organ the next day very nervous and insecure. After I sat down at this huge and complex console, I repeated my same prayer. I looked up at the console, and a miracle happened! The console was no longer complex to me. I knew exactly where every stop was located and the anticipated tonal quality of each. I performed far beyond my natural mental and technical ability, because I performed under the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord.
At the conclusion of the dedicatory service, the eighty-voice choir and congregation of 1500 plus joined together in singing the “Hosannah Anthem” (The Spirit of God). During the singing of this hymn, I heard a multitude of singing voices encircling me–which was not coming from the congregation! Tears were flowing down my face so rapidly that I could not see the music. I knew I was surrounded by a heavenly choir!
Once I posted this blog post, I got comments from people who were there:
From my beloved Nana, and Granddad’s wife, Lois Jordan:
Cliff was on his knees off and on the whole night before. He played so beautifully at our session of the dedication. There were several of us in the choir that heard those “extra” voices. The man recording the music for all the sessions contacted Cliff to apologize for the poor recording of the music for our session. All the others came out perfectly except that second session on the first day. He said he felt it was not meant to be heard outside the Temple for it was the best of all the music presented and he had recorded all sessions each day. These are my most vivid memories.
From my lovely mother, and Granddad’s daughter, Laura Thacker: I never tire of this beautiful story. I attended that solemn assembly as a young girl. No one would have ever known Dad hadn’t been playing that kind of organ for years. The music was perfect.♥️
From a family friend, Debbie Spivey: Your Grandfather was so amazing and talented! I was at that dedication and I remember your mom and dad sharing this experience. There was no doubt that the music was so glorious that day!
I adore our dear prophet, President Russell M. Nelson. Since he has become president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he has brought so much inspired counsel to the members of the church and the world.
As I listened to his talk, I could feel his tender love for we sisters, and for womanhood and motherhood. He gave each girl and woman four challenges to accomplish. I was so grateful he gave specific challenges with deadlines as he saw fit, because it helped me to be motivated to take real action, and not just think about how to be a better and more spiritual woman.
I would love to share his invitations in his own words, and my experiences with them, in hopes that you will also wish to take the challenges:
First, I invite you to participate in a 10-day fast from social media and from any other media that bring negative and impure thoughts to your mind. Pray to know which influences to remove during your fast. The effect of your 10-day fast may surprise you. What do you notice after taking a break from perspectives of the world that have been wounding your spirit? Is there a change in where you now want to spend your time and energy? Have any of your priorities shifted—even just a little? I urge you to record and follow through with each impression.
President Nelson made the challenge October 6, and I faithfully began my fast from Instagram and Facebook starting the 7th. I did not browse through, comment, or post anything during that time. I did have to use social media occasionally for my store (like answering customer questions), but that was all I did.
On October 17, when I was done with my fast, I said on Facebook:
Well, I am off my social media fast. I must say the last 10 days have been great. I have loved not having the temptation to keep checking my Facebook feed constantly, burning up precious time. I have significantly cleaned up my friend list, and will keep the app off my phone. I will be using FB primarily for adding photos of my kids and for doing business. I just want to stop spending time mindlessly scrolling, as I have found that was not helping my life in any way. I may not see everything important on Facebook posts now, so if there is something you really think I need to know, please tell me in person, or via text or messenger. I don’t want to miss it. Much love!
It’s January 4, now. How have I been doing, you ask? Well, I must admit that even though for a while I did a lot better, I started to do the mindless scrolling again. I had added the app back on my phone so I could upload pictures, and then it all started going back to the way it was. I noticed that a few days ago, and yesterday, I deleted the app off my phone again. I will try to find another simple way to upload my photos, because I miss the freedom I felt when Facebook was no longer on my phone.
Second, I invite you to read the Book of Mormon between now and the end of the year. As impossible as that may seem with all you are trying to manage in your life, if you will accept this invitation with full purpose of heart, the Lord will help you find a way to achieve it. And, as you prayerfully study, I promise that the heavens will open for you. The Lord will bless you with increased inspiration and revelation.
As you read, I would encourage you to mark each verse that speaks of or refers to the Savior. Then, be intentional about talking of Christ, rejoicing in Christ, and preaching of Christ with your families and friends. You and they will be drawn closer to the Savior through this process. And changes, even miracles, will begin to happen.
This invitation from President Nelson was my favorite. For years, I have read scriptures with my children every night, and with my husband every night, but I haven’t done regular individual study for a long time. This challenge got me to start delving into the scriptures by myself again.
I started off great, going off a reading chart a friend sent, but found myself skipping days and having to catch up frantically. I did end up finishing The Book of Mormon on December 31, and I am so grateful I was able to complete the prophet’s challenge.
As I read, I did as he suggested – underlining scriptures about Christ. I realized very quickly that The Book of Mormon is FULL of scriptures about Christ. He is interwoven into the entire book, and it increased my testimony of the truthfulness of it. I felt the Spirit so many times as I read The Book of Mormon, and by reading it quickly, I was able to get the connections between stories better, and get the full message of what a prophet was trying to teach. I felt like I underlined or starred half of the verses I read!
When I got to the war chapters in Alma, I was motivated to start working on my children’s book again. I was able to take lots of notes and start organizing my thoughts again. I hope to finish my book in the next few months.
The best part of my whole reading experience was on December 31. I hadn’t read my final reading yet, which was the book of Moroni. I was feeling really down about my store. It hadn’t been making much money since the Fall and I was about ready to just give up (I had told Jad previously that I was going to stop working on it if I wasn’t making money by the new year). I decided to give that thought a rest, since it was depressing, and start reading the book of Moroni.
I immediately felt the Spirit so strongly the minute I started reading. I loved the book, and read it with eagerness, underlining and starring so many verses. When I read the last verse, I felt so much peace and warmth. I decided to kneel down by my bed and pray so I could do Moroni’s challenge to ask if The Book of Mormon were true.
When I knelt to pray, I felt the Spirit so strongly, I didn’t even have to ask if it were true. I remember expressing gratitude for The Book of Mormon, and I felt the Spirit lead me to ask God how I can spread Christ’s gospel of love and peace to the world – messages that are so evident and clear in The Book of Mormon (I didn’t realize at the time, but that was part of President Nelson’s challenge too).
I felt the Spirit tell me I need to spread His message through my store. I didn’t know how at that moment, but I knew that it was something I needed to do, and that I shouldn’t give up on it.
I have since added links to mormon.org and The Book of Mormon to my store. I have started a Christian Collection that I am still adding to. I started an advertisement for a Christian t-shirt, and added a scripture verse from the Bible and Book of Mormon to the product description so I can share the gospel in a small and simple way. I significantly lowered the price for my inspirational jewelry, and all that is just the beginning. I am going to continue to ponder ways to spread the gospel through my store, as I know that this is what the Lord wants me to do.
These are not the only blessings that have come into my life from reading The Book of Mormon with this challenge. I also believe with all of my heart that because my mother, my nana, and I did this challenge faithfully, that it helped my sister-in-law open her heart to investigating the gospel of Christ. The past few weeks of meeting with the missionaries with her and answering her questions has brought so much joy into my life and into the life of my family. We are so overjoyed that she has chosen to be baptized on January 26!
I want everyone reading to know that I know The Book of Mormon is true. I have always known it, but by doing this challenge, I have grown to love it even more than I ever have. This book is holy scripture, and will bring you to Christ. That is its purpose – to bring souls to Christ and to testify that He lives, and that through Him we can be saved. I hope you will read it and cherish it as I, and millions around the world, already do.
Third, establish a pattern of regular temple attendance. This may require a little more sacrifice in your life. More regular time in the temple will allow the Lord to teach you how to draw upon His priesthood power with which you have been endowed in His temple. For those of you who don’t live near a temple, I invite you to study prayerfully about temples in the scriptures and in the words of living prophets. Seek to know more, to understand more, to feel more about temples than you ever have before.
Our temple is closed for renovation, so the closest temple to us right now is three hours away in South Carolina. However, I have had two beautiful experiences in the temple since President Nelson’s challenge. First was in October, when we went down with another family and took turns attending the temple. Jad and I did a sealing session, and there were so many names submitted, that the sealer kept going an extra half hour over the time. It was a wonderful occasion.
The second time I went was in November when I went with sisters from our Relief Society. I was able to be there with my mom and nana, as well as other lovely women from my ward (congregation). We had a wonderful time. It was so peaceful to be able to take a day to devote to spiritual nourishment and relationship-building.
Our schedules are very crazy the next few months, but I greatly hope to be able to go back to the temple soon, as it is the place I feel the most peace. I also want to help my sister-in-law with her family history after she is baptized so she can start doing temple work for her family.
My fourth invitation, for you who are of age, is to participate fully in Relief Society. I urge you to study the current Relief Society purpose statement. It is inspiring. It may guide you in developing your own purpose statement for your own life. I also entreat you to savor the truths in the Relief Society declaration published almost 20 years ago.
I read the Relief Society purpose and the declaration as the prophet challenged. By reading it, I know who I am, what my purpose is, and how I can best fulfill my potential as a daughter of God. Life isn’t all about me and my desires – there is so much more to it, including unity with, and love for, my fellow sisters in Christ. What a privilege it is to be a part of this wonderful organization of women, and how important it is to participate in it fully!
There was a recent time when it was very difficult for me to attend Relief Society. I felt judged and that nobody liked me. I have since decided to move on from that, recognizing that God wants me there. I do my best to share my experiences and testimony, and to listen to other women and their experiences so I can learn from them. I try to go to Relief Society activities, volunteer to help others as asked by the Relief Society president, be a friend to the women I come in contact with, and minister to my sisters the best way I can. I know I can do more still, but being a devoted member of the Relief Society is very important to me.
As you can see, doing President Nelson’s challenges meant a great deal to me, and helped me a lot spiritually, and in other ways. My testimony has been so strengthened that he is a true prophet of God, that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s church, that The Book of Mormon is true, that the work done in the temple is crucial for our exaltation, and that I am so blessed to be a part of the largest women’s organization in the world – the Relief Society. Most importantly, I have an increased testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
I am so grateful that because of Christ, our lives are full of merciful beginnings. I can keep getting better. I can pick myself up when I fall. I can get myself back on the path when I stray. We all can, and I invite you to come unto Him. He will help you be the person you know you can be. Take these challenges and see for yourself!
I remember the day I turned 22. It was only a couple months after my divorce was finalized, and a month after I had moved to North Carolina to live with my parents (along with my nearly 1-year-old son, Casey). At that point, I had been attending the LDS Singles Ward (congregation) in Chapel Hill, and had made a handful of friends. Some of them took me for ice cream that night, and I remember saying that I felt old being 22. As ridiculous as that sounds, I think I must have felt old because of all that had happened to me in my life up until that point.
That year was one of the hardest of my life, trying to figure out who I was again, seeing where I fit in and who would accept me, and looking for the path that would lead me out of my current, difficult situation.
I didn’t remember at that time that I was a beloved daughter of God, that He loved me no matter my circumstances, that I should be grateful for my experiences, and that I was indeed blessed. It took me a lot of time not to define myself by things I couldn’t control.
I may have felt old at age 22, but since then, as I have aged, I haven’t concentrated on getting older, but rather, getting wiser.
I am 33 today. Eleven years ago, I would have freaked out about turning this age. Honestly, though, these last 11 years have included some of the most important, difficult, and miraculous experiences of my life: finding an excellent job, dating and getting remarried, quitting the job I loved after having our first child together, having faith that my husband would survive a surgery that would remove a huge mass of his liver, buying our first house, bearing a son early and unexpectedly in the master bathroom at home, taking a leap of faith and taking steps for my husband to completely change careers by going back to school, and finally having our baby girl, though prematurely.
Those are only some of the experiences I will never forget for the rest of my life that have happened in the last 11 years. I can’t express how much each of those experiences means to me. They have each strengthened my faith in Christ, and helped me remember how much God loves me, and how much His hand guides my life, and the lives of my family members.
That being said, though, this past year has also been one of the hardest of my life. First, though, I must express how it has been one of the most joyful at the same time: I had the pleasure of planning for a baby girl to arrive in my home, and I got to deliver her, bond with her in the hospital, and then take her home and enjoy raising her. Eve has brought so much joy to our home, joy that we all truly needed. She has brought a tenderness to my boys that I didn’t realize they had.
Why was year 32 so hard, then? Well, during pregnancy, I gained more weight than I ever have, while trying very hard not to do so. Since having Eve, I have tried to lose weight, and was successful in losing 20 pounds, only to find out I just gained nearly all of it back on vacation. It has been so hard for me to lose my baby weight, and I often feel so gross. My confidence has been low. For a while, I gained some confidence back after finding a clothing line I felt beautiful in. But then, I found myself buying way too much, and that turned into a temporary shopping addiction that I had to work really hard to overcome. Thankfully, I have.
I also haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep at all this past year, not to mention I have also been busier than I have ever been in my life (hence why I never blog anymore). Having four kids is no joke, especially when you have two boys that fight all the time, and a baby girl, though precious, who wants you to hold her and give her attention all day long.
Being busy and sleepy leads to more eating as a way to cope with stress, doesn’t it? Well, at least it does for me. I think that is why I am having such a hard time getting healthy again.
I have been down quite a bit this year. I have never been one to be depressed. I am usually the type of person who is there cheering other people up and having a positive outlook on life. I can be that person still, but sometimes I find myself saying things I know aren’t true (like, I am the ugliest person on earth, for example) and I sometimes just cry and can’t deal with everything around me. Yes, life is hard right now.
The good thing is, that in moments of peace and clarity, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that I will eventually get healthy again, as I always do. I know that as my kids continue to get older, that they will grow out of some very frustrating stages. I know that my husband loves me (even when I irrationally think otherwise), and that he will be there for me through it all. Most of all, I know what I learned years ago, that I am a beloved daughter of God, that He loves me and wants me to have joy.
I pray that age 33 gets a little easier, but if it doesn’t, I know the Lord will help me endure what comes. I also know that through the lessons I learn, I can help others. I try to focus on the positives as much as I can. I have my beautiful family, my husband moving up in his career, loving friends and extended family, a good home and all the necessities of life, and most importantly, the gospel of Jesus Christ.
If any of my friends or family is struggling right now, just know that though I am also struggling, I am here for you. I am always willing to lend an ear, a hand, or an embrace.
Here is to another year. I look forward to what it will bring, good and bad. I know I can do anything with the Lord’s help, as can you.
A little over a month ago, we went on a little family vacation to Williamsburg, VA. We had a lot of fun, as we always do, but what will be most memorable to me this time, are the tender mercies of the Lord that we saw all throughout our trip.
In case you don’t know what tender mercies are, Elder David A. Bednar, one of the twelve apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, defined them as thus:
“…the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.”
As I read that definition, tears came to my eyes at the love that my Savior has for my family and me. Some things just aren’t coincidences. Let me speak to you about some of the tender mercies we felt strongly on our last vacation:
Friday, March 31
Tire – One day before we left on vacation, Jad went to Sheetz to fill up the van tires with air. One of the tires was low on pressure. It was 7pm, and he was wondering if there was still time to get the tire checked out. He had a feeling something might happen. It was too late to take the van anywhere, but Jad made sure the spare tire was full of air. The next day, Jad had a feeling before we got to Virginia that something was going to happen with the car – it had been running a little weird. When we got to a toll near Richmond, Jad had a sudden feeling that the tire would soon blow up. He drove slowly after the toll. Not even a minute after that, the left rear tire blew up. We were about 100 feet from a bridge. Jad drove slowly under the bridge and stopped. It was pouring down rain, so he was able to stay dry while putting the spare tire on. While we were stopped, I was able to nurse Eve in just the right amount of time. And we were actually quite close to a Sam’s Club, where we were able to get all of the tires replaced for a good price. We had lunch, looked around, and got some books, etc. with a gift card we got as a deal for replacing all four tires. We were at Sam’s for a long time, but everything worked out.
Bounce House – There is a fun bounce house place in Williamsburg. The kids were having a blast. We had brought the baby carrier in to make it easier to carry Eve around. Jad volunteered to carry her around. At one point, he went to sit down in a plastic reclining chair. The chair must have had a crack in it, because he suddenly crashed to the ground with Eve. She cried out of fear, but was she was okay! Thank goodness she was strapped to her dad, or else who knows what could have happened.
Saturday, April 1
Deal – This was the day we went to Busch Gardens. We knew before we went to Williamsburg that we wanted to go to Busch Gardens, but because of price, I knew we needed to find a good deal. I looked for quite some time before our trip. At one point, there was a $20 off coupon per person online. I tried to get tickets that way, but the transaction didn’t go through. I am glad it didn’t, because a couple days later, a 50% off Groupon appeared!
Traffic – That morning was a slow morning, and we ended up leaving the resort later than we needed to. To add to that, there was awful traffic getting in. We waited for about 30 minutes to get into the park. Because we were going so slow, though, I was able to nurse Eve. We also scored free parking, which normally costs $15 (everyone got it to speed up entrance into the park). We were meeting my cousins there. I had been stressed out because they had gotten to the park way before us. We were quite surprised when we ended up parking at the same time in the same parking lot just a few rows from each other.
We were so happy to have them with us, and even though there was a ton of traffic going in, overall, the lines and crowds were not bad, and we had a great day!
The right place at the right time – Because of where we parked, we ended up on a different side of the park than usual. This ended up working perfectly, for when it was dark, we ended up at Sesame Street, where the kids were able to ride some of their favorite rides over and over again without lines.
Sunday, April 2
Nap – We missed the LDS General Conference sessions the day before, so were really happy to be able to watch the sessions this day. I was a little worried about watching conference with four kids, including a baby. Well, though Eve hardly ever naps, she actually napped all through the first session of conference. As a bonus, the boys were actually pretty good during both sessions.
Monday, April 3
Meeting someone new – Monday morning we went to eat at a restaurant for breakfast. I had chosen it based on reviews and location. Interestingly, we ended up being seated next to an LDS family. We could tell because the dad was wearing a BYU shirt. Of course, we had to ask if they were Mormon, and of course they were. We promptly started talking. We found out that they were from Wyoming, and also that they knew the family that were the main characters of The Cokeville Miracle, a movie Jad and I watched just the night before. “That’s just too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence (a popular line from the movie, and so true in this experience).” We had a great conversation with them and were so happy we got to meet them. Imagine if we had gone to a different restaurant or had come at a different time. Some things are meant to be.
Even though I had very little time to plan this trip, it turned out great and we did everything we had wanted to do. That was a first for us.
I hope you can see some of these experiences as true tender mercies. I know for sure that they were, and Jad agrees with me whole-heartedly. I know God loves His children, and I know that He cares about our joys and safety, even in the smallest of ways. I am grateful we had these marvelous experiences all in a row on this trip to Williamsburg!
Last June, I started to have this great desire to do something. I told my husband, but he wasn’t quite on board with it. I was a bit surprised, but patiently waited. Two months later, he decided that my idea was a worthy one. So, we set to work to accomplish this desire.
Except, it didn’t work out. Nothing happened. We knew it was a righteous desire, but apparently it wasn’t the right time.
Hope and anticipation turned to more and more months of disappointment, which started to creep into worry.
Then, in late March, I had an exciting realization that our desire might be coming to pass. We tested out my theory, and found that I was right. Jad was in disbelief at first, but then it hit him, and flutters of excitement and yearning took hold in both of us.
Over the last few weeks, we have told some of you about this reality, and Rigel has told every person he speaks to. But, now it is time for us to officially announce that:
A new Al-Bjaly will be joining our family at the end of this year! In case you couldn’t tell by my quick weight gain, and overly emotional and tired self, I am pregnant, and couldn’t be more thrilled.
The baby’s due date is December 2, 2016.
It was hard for us not to be pregnant when we desired it, but even with my limited understanding, I see God’s wisdom in it. Kamren, my youngest, still needs that tender, loving, ever watchful attention. He is a special child in many ways – and some of those ways have made him a more challenging child. I am grateful he will be older when his little brother or sister is born. I am also grateful I was able to participate in our church’s musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Had I been big and pregnant, I would not have been able to be a part of it, at least not in the capacity I was in.
We are so grateful for this blessing of a fourth baby. Our children are so excited, especially Rigel, who tells everyone he sees, “My mommy has a baby in her tummy.” I am excited to see Rigel in an active big brother role.
I am also so thrilled that so many of my friends are having babies in the latter part of this year. Something about being pregnant together brings women closer.
My ultrasound to confirm due date was today, and Jad and I held hands peacefully as we got our first glimpses of our sweet baby. He/she was bouncing up and down in the womb. We laughed and knew that was definitely something our child would do.
Here are some photos for your enjoyment:
As I saw my baby, I was quietly reminded of the true miracle of conceiving, growing, and birthing a child. God designed this, and there is nothing I can do that is more sacred. I am so honored at this privilege and responsibility.
It was a special moment as I showed some of the pictures to my children.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjT2JATQrmc
Wow, we are going to have four children before Christmas! And, even if it is another boy, we will still be completely in love!
After I told you the story of the first time God saved my life, I started to ponder the other times He has come to my rescue.
There have been four times in my life that I could have – should have – gotten into a car accident, being either horribly hurt, or maybe even killed.
These are memories that I will never forget. I felt divine intervention each time. Read them and see if you believe they were merely luck or coincidence:
In 2001, I was a pretty new teenage driver. I was driving myself to my job at CVS during rush hour, something I didn’t yet have experience with. I was in the lane just left of the far right lane, a lane that so happened to be merging into mine. I saw a car start to creep in front of me, even though there wasn’t room. I was confused about why he was doing that, and just kept inching forward, hoping he would move back. Well, he didn’t move back, and kept edging into the lane, so much so, that he was inches away from hitting my car. In a panic, I swerved into the lane to the left of me, without even checking to see if there was room. My car fit perfectly into the lane. I know this was a miracle. Surely the Lord inspired a driver in that lane to slow down and make room for a teenage girl in a white Hyundai hatchback.
The same year, when going home from work, my purse fell down under my accelerator. My car spun out of control as I was entering the freeway. Still being a new driver, I was scared to death, and anticipated going off the road and hitting either another car or a tree. Somehow, I was able to pick up my purse from under the accelerator, regain control, and go on my way without hitting anyone. I felt so blessed that nobody was in front or behind me, and that I was able to regain control so quickly, before I entered mainstream traffic.
One winter, around 2009, the roads were icy because of recent snow. I had just left my apartment in Hillsborough, and was starting to go around a downhill curve. My car started to slide a lot and I lost control. Almost immediately, before I had time to panic, I felt my wheel regain control. It wasn’t my hands that did so. I felt like there were other hands controlling my steering wheel. I have always believed that angels put my car back on a safe path.
Around 2011 or 2012, I was driving in Durham on 15-501. There is a road that runs parallel to it. To get to that road, one has to turn left across several lanes. I got in the left lane to turn, but instead of going across the traffic onto the parallel road, I actually turned into the oncoming traffic. I was supposed to cross over several lanes of traffic onto a parallel road. Instead, I turned into oncoming traffic. Suddenly, everything went into slow motion. I knew that at any moment I could be hit by a car and killed, but I wasn’t alarmed and didn’t lose control. I calmly backed up into the lane I had just come from. I know this was a miracle. I should have been hit by a car, because as I turned into the traffic, several cars were headed my way. Not only did those cars not hit me, the cars behind me, who had also gotten into the turning lane, were far enough back that I could go back to safety.
I do not know why my life was spared in all these situations, as well in situations where I actually was in an accident. Perhaps it is because I am supposed to share my testimony that God is real, and that angels are real. Perhaps it is because I have a mission on this earth I am yet to fulfill. Perhaps it is simply so I can see God’s hand in my life, and always be grateful to Him for blessing me, for protecting me.
Behind the wheel is just one way in which God has been there for me. I testify He is there for you too. How have you felt God’s protection in your life?
I was not my mom’s first pregnancy. She had lost a baby before me. That tragedy would make it even harder to handle the trauma of her second pregnancy: me.
I was due around August 17, 1984, but I was born June 21, 1984. I was eight weeks early.
On June 16, 1984, my mother was working the cash register at Kmart. By the time her shift ended, her ankles were completely swollen, and she was in so much pain, she could barely walk.
My dad had come to pick her up from work, like he always did. Upon evaluating his wife’s condition, he told her manager firmly that this was her last day.
My mom took it easy the rest of that day and the next. In the middle of the night on the 17th, she got up to go to the bathroom. On the way there, blood started gushing from her body.
In a panic, my dad quickly drove her to Chippenham Hospital in Richmond. On the way, my mother was having painful contractions.
At the hospital, she found out the reason why she was hemorrhaging: the placenta was tearing away from her uterus. (My mom actually has a misshapen uterus. It looks kind of like a heart because there is a wall going down the center of it.)
She got medication to stop the contractions. Throughout the night, my mom also got multiple ultrasounds to check on her unborn baby’s lungs.
She did not sleep at all that night. She was put on complete bed rest, and had to stay in the hospital for the next four days.
On the evening of the 21st, since she hadn’t had any issues, the doctors let her get up to use the bathroom on her own.
Immediately after my mom got out of bed, she started hemorrhaging again. She was rushed back to bed, and the ultrasounds started again to check my lungs. I can’t imagine how scared she must have been.
My dad was not at the hospital during that time, because he was at school. While in class, he got a prompting to go to the hospital, so he left early.
When he got there, he saw my Nana and Granddad (my mom’s parents), who had been there anyway for a visit. When he found out what was happening, phone calls were made to my aunt Kathy, my aunt Betsy, and my Grandma (my dad’s mom) to come to the hospital. Back then there were no cell phones, so it was a blessing that they all responded and could be there for my parents.
Because of her intense hemorrhaging, my rapidly decreasing heart rate, and breech position, Dr. Crooks prepared for an emergency C-section, where my mother would have to go under general anesthesia.
Before the operation, Dr. Crooks allowed one person, other than my father, to visit my mother. My aunt Betsy (my dad’s sister), and my aunt Kathy (my mom’s sister), fought over who would get to see her. My Nana remembers Kathy firmly saying,” She is my sister.” Needless to say, Kathy was the one who got to see my mom.
Sadly, nobody, not even my dad, was able to be with her during the actual C -section, but my mom wasn’t afraid. She simply pled to Dr. Crooks, “Please save my baby.”
He responded to her, “We are going to save you first.”
That was when my mother realized that not only was my life in danger, hers was too. That thought was the last thing she remembered before going under.
My dad wanted so badly to be with my mother, but he had to stay in the waiting area with everyone else. What made it even more traumatic, was that the doctor told everyone that they might lose one or both of us.
My family gathered in a circle and prayed. My Nana said she believed it was Granddad who offered that prayer.
My dad remembers crying bitterly, and then the warm embrace of his mother comforting him.
All they could do was wait, with prayers in their hearts.
Finally, they were told that I had been born, and that Mom was okay. I was born at 9:30 PM, a mere 3 pounds 10 ounces, and 17 inches long.
When my mom finally awoke from the general anesthesia, she got the wonderful news that I had survived. Her face fell, though, as she was told she wouldn’t be able to see me yet.
Dad had seen me though, and held me. He could cradle me in one large, strong hand.
He, and the rest of my family, watched as I was prepped with needles, IVs, tubes, and a u-shaped tank over my head to provide me with oxygen. Right as they were about to attach something to my heart, the curtains were closed.
I had to be rushed to MCV because there was no NICU at Chippenham Hospital. My mom was not able to see me before I was taken away.
Dad went with me in the ambulance, unable to visit my mom first. She stayed behind, enduring her intense pain and exhaustion.
When I got to MCV, I was put in an incubator. My dad was allowed to go beyond the glass in scrubs, but nobody else was.
Meanwhile, my mother’s good friend from work, Robin, also had her baby, full term. They were put in the same hospital room. The nurse brought Robin her baby and then asked my mom if she wanted hers.
Her heart aching, she said, “My baby isn’t here.”
This is a picture of me with Robin’s baby when we were about 2 months old.
She wasn’t able to see or hold me, but her heart was with me. She also helped me survive by pumping milk for me to be fed through a feeding tube that went down my throat into my tiny stomach, because I had not yet developed my sucking reflex. I only ate about 2 CCs of milk at a time.
I also had acid reflux and couldn’t digest food on my own. Because of that, I had to take medication. Thankfully, I never was put on a respirator, but I was given oxygen to help me breathe.
Two days after I was born, my mother finally got to go to MCV to see me. My dad drove her there, and wheeled her to me in a wheelchair.
My Nana, who had been having a lot of hemorrhaging issues herself, was scheduled for a hysterectomy that same day. Before her surgery, she watched my mother go to my bassinet to hold me for the first time.
She recalls my mother’s initial look of horror at looking at me with all my wires attached. Then, the most precious moment happened: as soon as I was placed in her arms, it was as if a switch was flipped. Her horror, in an instant, transformed to “total, perfect, and complete love.” Nana had never seen anything like it in all her life. It was such a change.
While Dad was in the room with the two girls he loved most in the world, he watched the rest of the family “cry like a baby” behind the glass as they saw this true love unfold.
Nine days after being in the hospital, my mom was finally able to go home. She and my dad came to visit me at MCV every day, and she continued to pump milk for me, until I was also healthy enough to go home. My dad recalls what “a pain” it was to drive back and forth every day, not knowing when they would be able to take me home.
They were told so many times that in just a day or so, they would be able to take me. Then, they would be told no because I wasn’t digesting well enough, and hadn’t gained enough weight.
As my parents visited MCV during that period of time, they met many families with premature babies. Babies passed away all the time. One day the parents would be there, and the next day they would be gone because their baby had not survived the night. It was heartbreaking.
After being at MCV for a month, my parents could finally take me home. I weighed in at a humble 4 pounds 5 ounces.
That same day, my mom finally had her baby shower, while my dad and aunt Kathy watched over me.
Everyone had to shop at a special preemie store to buy clothes and diapers for me. It was located right next to a friend’s, Steve Montrose’s, carpet store. To give me an idea of how small I was, my dad said my diapers were about the size of a Cabbage Patch Kid’s.
When my parents took me home, they also took home a heart monitor. I had a heart monitor at MCV too, and it constantly had to be re-calibrated, so my parents were a little anxious. There was a Velcro band that had to be wrapped around me, with wires attached. I slept with the wires underneath my little sleepers.
The reason I need the monitor was because I had sleep apnea. My parents were told to shake my leg any time the monitor went off and I stopped pumping blood.
At first, the heart monitor went off all the time, scaring my parents to death. They got no sleep that first night because they were so worried about me. They were so relieved that I made it through that first night. It was actually hard for them to sleep any night. Every time that monitor went off, they ran and checked on me. I had this monitor for six months! My dad told me that my little chest was concaved from having that band around me all that time.
My health was not the only thing that heavily burdened my parents. They also went into huge debt after my birth. My mom had gotten pregnant before their health insurance went into effect, so when she had me, her hospital bills were not covered. Luckily, mine were because I was an emergency delivery. My parents would receive many calls and letters from collection agencies, causing them a lot of stress.
My mother reminisced with me about her feelings during this time of new motherhood. She had been only 22 years old, dealing with the anxiety of having a premature baby who needed so much care. She pondered on how she could have lost her life in the delivery room. She felt so blessed to be alive and to still have me. She said I wasn’t even as small as some of the babies born later term than me. She had been told that baby girls are stronger and fight more, so she was so glad I had been a daughter.
She tried to nurse me after bringing me home, but it was so hard since I had never nursed before. By then, I had gotten used to a bottle. My mom was so worried I would lose weight and go back to the hospital, she started me on formula. Thankfully, I slowly started to thrive.
When I was two months old, Dad gave me my baby blessing at church. My Nana and Granddad had purchased my beautiful blessing gown from the preemie store. Of course, my family thought I looked beautiful, but my dad remembers an audible gasp in the congregation when he held me up.
Nana, Mom, and aunt Kathy with me
I continued to grow, though, and at six months old, I no longer needed my heart monitor.
For Christmas that year, my present, and my parent’s present, was no more wires for me!
To celebrate my new freedom, Nana and Granddad presented me with a huge, and super soft polar bear – the softest stuffed animal they had ever felt.
Nana remembers when I first saw it, I looked at it like, “What am I supposed to do with that?” She chuckled softly as she thought about that moment.
I thrived, and my mom said I ended up being as big and chunky as her friend, Robin’s, son, who had been born full term on the same day.
This is the first picture of me in photo albums where I started to look chunky.
This picture makes me laugh!
Apparently, I also got prettier. A friend of my family, Gisela Tetterton, said that I was the prettiest baby she had ever seen.
Nana said that I grew quickly because I had a very strong spirit. Physically, because of my underdeveloped esophagus, I could have easily died. But, I didn’t. She is sure it is because of my spirit.
To her, it has been evident ever since. I have always been determined to be what I wanted. That strong spirit still remains, Nana says, a spirit equaled only by my mother’s spirit.
Nana said that my mom was determined that I would survive so that she could love and rear me. She was willing to have more children, even though she had miscarried her first baby, and almost lost me.
Mom, Dad, me, and my baby brother, Aaron.
Nana confidently said that there was no way, with the combination of her daughter’s mental and spiritual capacities that things wouldn’t have turned out beautifully.
She lovingly told me that I am spiritually strong like my mother. My mom had just come that way, just like me. Nana believes that is because she was pregnant with my mother the day she was sealed in the LDS temple to Granddad, and her first baby, Danny. She always felt having her there in the womb had something to do with mom’s spiritual side.
My Nana knows how to make me cry. Her love is pure and strong. She told me that she treasures all of the pictures of me as a baby laughing and smiling, especially at her and Granddad. Because of the situation surrounding my birth, Nana has always had a sweet spot for me. My whole life, we have sung “I love you, a bushel and a peck” to each other. She is just as special to me as I am to her.
I know my parents were grateful for all the help my grandparents and other family members gave to them in my very difficult first several months of life.
When I was 1 year old, MCV had a reunion at Maymont Park in Richmond. For my parents, it was wonderful to be reunited with the nurses that had loved me and taken such good care of me. I hadn’t even been the smallest baby they had ever seen, which only reiterated what a miracle it was that I lived.
I still have that bear I got on my first birthday.
My whole life, I celebrated my birthday with my Granddad, whose birthday was one day after mine.
When I was in the hospital, my parents were told that I could have mental or physical disabilities from being born so early, but another miracle is, I never did. I grew up healthy and happy.
To this day, I have scars on my hands and feet from the IVs. My mother still has a very crooked scar on her lower abdomen from her emergency C-section. My parents have a joke that Dr. Crooks “couldn’t cut a straight line.”
These scars are something to be grateful for, to hold sacred. They are a memory of God saving two lives, one of them being mine. I will eternally be grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the opportunity to live on earth, and to be raised by such loving parents.
I have never been so grateful for my parents as I am now, now that I have finally heard all of their memories of my birth, and the first very difficult six months of my life.
My dad told me that when I was two, I never went to bed when I was told. I got out of bed so many times, and often I would be found sleeping at the foot of my parents’ bed. I remember doing that when I was older too. I am sure it was because of the true love I felt for my parents, knowing their love and devotion kept me alive and nourished me into a healthy little girl.
I am so happy that they took a great leap of faith to have more babies after me. My life has been blessed beyond measure by having siblings.
Eddie and Laura Thacker have helped me become the woman I am today. I am so grateful for their examples and for all they do for me and my sweet family now.
Most of all, I am grateful to be alive, when it makes no sense that I am. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan and a mission for me. I owe it to Him to serve Him my whole life, and serve His children. I hope to help save souls just as He has saved my life.
I know that miracles happen. I have had many of my own. I will be eternally grateful for all of them.
