Can I first just say how much I adore writing? I have loved writing my whole life. Many of my friends in school would playfully scoff at me when I said I preferred writing essays over doing multiple choice questions for tests. I was in the minority for sure, but essays filled me with excitement (as long as I was familiar with the subject matter of course).
I self-published my first two books over the summer that you can find on my Amazon author page here. I have been so humbled by the very kind reviews I have received on Amazon and the sweet comments I have received from friends and library employees. It’s truly a labor of love to write books as well as format them and make them visually pleasing.
The past few months I have been working on a couple children’s books simultaneously, and one of them is done! It’s called The Prayer of a Little Hero and is a true story from my son, Rigel’s life. I actually felt recently that I should go through my blog posts and find things I have already written that would make inspiring and adorable children’s books. I found several, and this one was the inspiration for my new book.
The Prayer of a Little Hero will be available for purchase on Amazon.com as a paperback book and as a Kindle E-Book beginning November 18, 2024. You can preorder the e-book here.
This book will be a perfect Christmas gift for any kid (or kid at heart) who loves superheroes, the idea of protecting others, and has faith enough to pray for the tender desires of their heart.
Thank you for your support!
PS: If you have read any of my books and wouldn’t mind leaving a review, I would so appreciate it!
This is Asher Jordan Al-Bjaly, our fifth born child, born on February 17, 2023.
He is almost 2 and a half months old. Last week, I put him in a onesie that my sister gave me at my baby shower. It says, “I’m proof that God answers prayers.”
When I opened the gift, she said how perfect it was for him, but I thought that it was a strange choice since we had not actually prayed to have another baby. Clothes like that surely belong to couples who have earnestly prayed for a child.
I kept the onesie, though, since it was a thoughtful gift. And then I put it on Asher last week (it finally fits him now) and realized that it was actually a perfect piece of clothing for him.
No, Jad and I never knelt down in tears asking God with all of our might for another child. On the contrary, Asher was an unplanned pregnancy. But, as I have thought carefully about it, I have realized that God has answered many prayers before and during my pregnancy, and after Asher’s birth.
As I shared before, last March I thought I was pregnant, and then found out I wasn’t. I was surprised at how sad I was about that, but at the same time, Jad and I were not trying to have a baby and he knew he didn’t want another one.
Those moments shook me, though, and more than once I found myself praying to know if I should have another baby. I promised that I was willing, but I didn’t know if I should. I didn’t share this with Jad, but just prayed on my own at home and even in the temple (including the Wahington DC Temple open house in June 2022). Well, God answered my prayer not by telling me that I should have a baby, but by allowing me to become pregnant when I should not have been able to be.
1.I prayed that I would be able to overcome the huge disappointment of not being able to perform in my church’s musical. I had hoped that my whole family would perform in the musical this time, which was super important to me because it would be Eve’s first and Casey’s last. This prayer was answered in a unique way, by my son Casey receiving a significant role in the show. I felt so happy being able to see his growth as an actor and singer and then watch the show while glowing with pride at his performance and smiling adoringly at my daughter who was performing for the first time.
Eve as a dreamer child (JS Dudley Photography)
Casey as Dickon (JS Dudley Photography)
Proud mama after watching The Secret Garden
2. I prayed what to do about the new amazing job I had just gotten and was so excited about. I knew that I didn’t want to work if I had a baby at home in a few short months, and I also had been having a lot of morning sickness, but I still felt horrible about quitting. I prayed for courage, for my boss to be understanding, and for me to be okay changing my dream of going back into the workforce. When I told my boss I had to quit, she was super understanding and kind, which made me feel so much better. It was hard for a while knowing I would not be working again for many years, but I kept very busy volunteering, attending school functions, shopping for the baby, doing studies, exercising, and more. I was never bored my whole pregnancy even with all the kids in school.
3. I prayed about how to make room for a new baby. Our house is large, but we did not design it to have more children. It took research and prayers to figure out how to make room – where to put the baby, how to make sure Eve had a space, and what to get rid of and move around, all without spending a lot of money. It sounds like a simple problem, but it definitely caused some stress. I can say that it all worked out beautifully and we were able to help others as we purged, as well as repurpose things for new needs we had. We also were able to get several things for free to help us furnish Eve’s new room and the baby’s room.
Painting the old playroom to make it Eve’s bedroom
The baby’s nursery – Eve’s old room
My health was something else that could have plagued me throughout my pregnancy.
I wrote this post on Facebook when I was 30 weeks along:
It’s crazy to think I am 30 weeks pregnant today! I honestly would be extremely surprised if baby stays inside that long, though, and we are working hard to be prepared for him mentally and physically.
I have been thinking about all the difficulties or things going against me in this pregnancy:
1. Being overweight before pregnancy
2. Being 38 years old at pregnancy
3. Having a lost and likely migrated IUD [Note: Turns out it fell out but I had no idea – I found out when I had an x-ray after having the baby]
4. Developing pregnancy sleep apnea
5. Having a history of hypertension/preeclampsia with some elevated blood pressure this time already
6. Getting gestational diabetes for the first time (just found out yesterday)
7. Having a surprise pregnancy to begin with, which has taken a lot of adjustment and sacrifice.
Yep, it can be said many things are against me. I am keeping a positive attitude, though. I am staying as physically active as I can. I am trying to see the diabetes as a blessing in disguise to push me into eating better. I’m focusing on how healthy our baby has been this whole time. I’m cherishing every movement and kick. I’m looking forward to the wonderful blessing this little guy will be for all of us.
There is so much good even with all these issues, and I am so grateful for loving friends and family who have been there for me and will continue to be! I’m most importantly grateful to my Father in Heaven for helping me be more patient, long suffering, and faithful.
The only reason I was able to be more patient, longsuffering and faithful during my health issues was because I prayed for these things. And God answered my prayers.
He also helped prepare me for what was to come. I had a feeling around the time a friend was asking me about having a baby shower that our baby would be born around the same time as Eve – that my blood pressure would ultimately lead me to having preeclampsia again. I just felt it. I didn’t let it bother me, but Jad and I did pray daily for my health and the baby’s health. I know that God gave me the energy, and both Jad and I the time to prepare our baby’s nursery. I know that God also kept me calm as well so I could focus on the excitement of having a baby and not the worry of him likely coming early.
I know He helped me choose my baby’s name. I think I looked at hundreds of names and kept looking and kept looking because nobody seemed satisfied. Jad and I had been praying about what to name him. As I felt that our time to decide was drawing to a close, I had made a list of our favorite ideas, and Jad had made it into more of a chart form regarding first and middle name options. One night as we went through each name together, we were able to remove names, and then we typed a few first and middle name possibilities. As we read through them, tears came to my eyes as I read the name “Asher Jordan Al-Bjaly.” I knew at that moment that should be his name. We still didn’t decide for sure, but I knew, and we ultimately named him that.
I wish I could say that my pregnancy went full-term, or at least until the proposed 37-week induction due to my gestational diabetes. That would have been the best answer to mine and Jad’s daily prayers for my health and the health of our baby, but it was not to be.
On Valentines Day with my four kids not expecting to have a fifth in 3 short days
It was a very scary and unsettling experience to be told that I needed to be induced that day because my blood pressure was dangerously high. But, I felt God and his angels on earth help us. Our bishop came and gave me a blessing, and so many people prayed for Asher and me during the labor, and for all the time after his birth that he was in the NICU and I was recovering from childbirth. I know that God not only answered my prayers, but the prayers of those who love us.
In labor
Here is a little video I sent my kids when I was in labor:
I only got to hold him for a couple minutes before they took him to the NICU – so in love.
Our first picture with Asher.
In the NICU not long after birth on oxygen
Here is a video of me sharing Asher’s birth story:
I had no choice but to get up and get things done after I was discharged from the hospital. I was at the NICU as much as I could be while also doing my best to spend time with my other children. I had so many people ask me how I was doing all of that when I just had a baby, and I always answered that God was giving me strength. The same answer was true for Jad, who even though he was on paternity leave, was in constant pain due to falling off a ladder while painting just a day after I had the baby.
Even with Jad off work, we couldn’t balance life at the hospital and home all alone, so we prayed that we would be able to coordinate everybody’s needs. We were blessed with plenty of help from loving friends and family from meals to rides to childcare, and it brought us so much relief to be surrounded by this selfless love and care.
Asher was in the NICU (at UNC first and then Alamance Regional Hospital) for two weeks before he went home. Some days were harder than others, but we felt so blessed that he only had to be on oxygen for one day, and that he only had to be under the bilirubin light for a few days. We also felt blessed that he got the opportunity to be transferred to Alamance Regional, which was so much closer to us, and also a much better fit for Jad and I as involved parents.
On oxygen that first day
Under the bilirubin light at UNC
Being transported to ARMC
Under the bilirubin light right after arriving at ARMC
Some of the goodies we got at ARMC – we especially loved the flannel hearts for us to wear and then leave with Asher so he could smell us when we couldn’t be with him
It took Asher quite some time to be able to nurse with the stamina he needed, but he improved daily, and he was such a sweet, cuddly and good baby. Below are some of my favorite pictures of Asher when he was in the NICU, both at UNC and ARMC:
The time Asher was in the NICU was hard for Jad and me because we felt so horrible about having to choose between being with our baby at the hospital or with our other four children. We switched off the best we could, but it was hard for us. It was also really hard for the kids. They had to live with basically one parent at a time, and had to make a lot of life adjustments, all the while not being able to meet their baby brother.
A video call one night that Jad was at the NICU with Asher
Baby Asher on the other side of the call
One night, when Jad was at the NICU and I was at home, I felt just how big the strain was on them, and I was inspired to have a conversation with the children about it in hopes of helping them have hope and patience. Here is a video I recorded of that experience:
Thankfully Asher came home very soon after this on March 3rd. The nurses marveled at how fast he was able to come home, since many preemies don’t go home until their due dates. They said they knew he was going home so soon because we were so present with him. I know that was part of it, but I know an even greater part of it was God answering our fervent prayers.
And of course, Jad and I both hoped and prayed that when Asher came home, we would all be able to adjust to having him home and that everyone would love him. We were a little worried about Eve being jealous, since she had expressed concerns before about not having enough attention. We also prayed that we would be able to take care of and love all of our children as we added one more to our home. And that has been the greatest answer to prayer of all: every single one of us adores Asher more than we could ever describe. We have been able to adjust well to having him home with us, and it feels like he has always been a part of our family. Nobody has been jealous, and we are able to make time for everyone. We have all just had to learn to be more flexible and patient sometimes.
Here are the kids’ first interactions with their baby brother:
Here are my favorite photos of Asher and our family since then:
I was worried when I was pregnant that I wasn’t going to be able to get back into new motherhood, and that I wouldn’t be able to love this boy as much as I loved and cherished Eve who was my first girl and a preemie – the one I thought would be my youngest and last.
God has certainly answered those prayers. Jad and I have both remembered how to be parents of little ones, and we are cherishing each moment, with as much joy and laughter as we can muster through the lack of consistent sleep.
And do we love Asher as much as Eve and the rest? Well, of course we do. I often tear up thinking about how blessed I am. I don’t know if I deserve this special child of God, but I feel so honored that it was part of God’s plan that Asher should join our family and that I should be his mother.
It may sound like life is perfect. It’s not. It’s really challenging sometimes. We are always busy and tired and have a difficult time accomplishing what we used to do. Despite all that, I wouldn’t change a thing. I also wouldn’t wish that he came on time. It has actually been a tremendous blessing that he came early because it has provided almost six extra weeks for all of us to bond with him, especially Casey, who is graduating soon and will then be serving a two-year mission before going off to college. His relationship with Asher has been especially precious to watch.
So, yes, the onesie my dear sister got for Asher was perfect, and I cannot express enough gratitude to my Heavenly Father for hearing and answering so many prayers on the behalf of myself, my baby, and my beloved family. Our prayers keep coming, and He keeps answering. God is good.
Our family of seven:
We finally took our first family photo on March 12.
At the Richmond VA Temple Open House on April 7 (I teared up in the Celestial Room as I looked at Asher and pondered on how nearly a year before I prayed in the DC Celestial Room to know if I should have another baby.)
After church on Easter and the day of Asher’s baby blessing
It’s expected that everything about having a baby is exciting and full of blissful joy. I really wanted this post to be all that, but I also believe in keeping it real. Life is not always roses, not even when pregnant with a surprise baby. Allow me to explain.
Yesterday was the day of the gender reveal. The evening went a lot different than planned and resulted in feelings we didn’t expect or want to feel. I am going to share another video now. It’s a long one and it isn’t super pleasant, but in the vein of remaining authentic, I will share my emotional mess of a self.
I’m not proud of these feelings, and neither is Jad. It was really hard for him not to show disappointment in the time we were together before the rest of us also found out the gender. We went to bed last night feeling like this and it was hard. I even woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep for hours.
As I got up this morning, I wish I could say that I felt 100% better and I’m full of joyous anticipation for the arrival of our baby. I would be lying if I said that, though the tears have stopped and I’m thinking straighter. I feel really bad that I was so distraught that I didn’t talk to each of my kids about their feelings. I will make sure to do so today. Talk about a mom fail.
I do believe, hope, and pray and in time, we will get there. I know a lot of good things in my head, which helps:
I know I will love this baby as much as I have loved all the others.
I know that this baby will be cared for just as much as all the others.
I know our family will be blessed by having this baby in our home.
I know this is what and who God wants for us.
I also have these concerns:
How can we best transition our home to work best for our growing family? (Already this morning when discussing it, I got major pushback from one of my kids.)
Will Eve, our sweet girl who deserves a little sibling so much, be fulfilled and satisfied with this sibling that we didn’t expect?
I have been really pondering why I feel so bad about this, and I think I know why. It’s partly because of the concerns I stated, but mostly I think it’s because I had such spiritual promptings about this baby. I felt so strongly about the name, the gender, and about the baby being a perfect gift for Eve. I don’t think those were just emotions. They felt so spiritual. And since the reality is the opposite of what I felt so strongly in the deepest part of my soul, I feel really shaken to the core. It will be hard, but as Jad and I were talking about this morning, we have to just try to understand that God’s ways are not our ways, and we don’t know all that He knows.
So, this is not the gender reveal post you expected. I’m so sorry it is nothing like the one we did with Eve. But this is the reality. And it will get better and better and happier and happier as time goes on. I just know it isn’t right to fake it. It’s better to be real, acknowledge my feelings, and work towards healthier ones.
If any of you have any similar stories you feel comfortable sharing with me, I would love to hear. I love learning from others and their experiences.
Thank you so much to my family who joined the Zoom call last night and were so supportive. And thank you to all of my family and friends who love us and are there for us throughout it all. Much love!
Krispy Kreme Doughnut with blue in the middleThe NIPS test resultI made these adorable pictures yesterday to announce the gender. We tried to take the picture last night, but as you can see, my heart was not in it. We will try again and do it right.The sweet note from Eve, written by Kamren
This morning at 6:12am I got a phone call from my dad. I didn’t want to answer it, not just because I didn’t want to wake Jad, but mostly because I knew what his call would mean: my grandpa had passed away.
I didn’t cry then, but I lay in my bed wishing that if I went back to sleep, the news wouldn’t be true. But, instead I slowly got up and called my dad back.
As I spoke with my dad and mom, we shared feelings of sadness, but also joy – joy that there is a lovely family reunion going on right now with Grandpa, my aunt Betsy, my Uncle Roy, and Grandpa’s other deceased family; relief – relief that he is no longer suffering; hope – hope in the gospel of Christ that promises that families exist beyond the grave and we will see each other again.
No, I didn’t cry then. I stayed strong as I told Jad and the kids, all at different times. Everyone was solemn and sad at the news. And then, later that morning I cried. I was so sad. I felt horrible that I didn’t get to see Grandpa one last time – we had actually planned to go see him this morning (my parents, my sister, and myself). We didn’t expect him to die so soon after going into hospice a couple days ago, but I suppose God needed him home.
I went back to bed for a little while to ease my sadness, and was awakened by a call from Barbara, who has been a grandmother to me my whole life. She is my grandpa’s devoted and faithful wife, who we all love dearly. She is so loving and strong, and I felt peace as we spoke today.
The rest of the day has been hard. I have been keeping myself busy, but with the feeling of loss hanging over me. Jad has been good at helping me out and doing some of the many things I had to do today for me.
But this post isn’t about me and my needs. I write this to honor my grandpa, Marvin Thacker.
Grandpa served faithfully in the Air Force. In November 2012 he visited Casey’s school for Take a Vet to School Day and told of his service.
Then in November 2021, the last time we visited him and Barbara (since after that he was too ill to be around the children), he told stories of his service to my kids. It was that time together that helped Rigel know that he also wanted to serve in the Air Force. He has faithfully stuck to that dream.
He loved talking to my kids on Facebook Messenger, and he and Jad built up a relationship over the years as well.
He was also so giving. He has given Casey and Jad very nice clothes and shoes that they greatly appreciate. He loved collecting nice things since he didn’t have them growing up.
Grandpa always was so humorous and never lost that sense of humor. He loved sports and was an expert golfer.
He and Barbara sent money to each of us every birthday and Christmas our whole lives, and we always looked forward to that along with a card. My kids have enjoyed those kind gestures since they have been born as well.
I remember as a kid travelling down to NC (we lived in VA then) and visiting their home. I remember the smell of the honeysuckle and watching old movies like “The Apple Dumpling Gang.” I remember going to buffets every time we went to eat together. I remember eating out of the candy jar – Grandpa loved candy and chocolate.
I’m grateful that my children had some special memories with their great grandpa as well.
Grandpa loved to travel all over with Barbara. Their love of travelling and being together always brought a smile to my face. I will truly miss Grandpa, and the outstanding pair that he and Barbara has made for all these years.
A friend of mine lost someone very close to her nine years ago, and as a way to comfort her, I sent her this link in hopes of bringing her peace: Life Has Purpose | ComeUntoChrist (churchofjesuschrist.org). I hope this same link can bring hope and peace to Marvin Thacker’s friends and loved ones at this very difficult time.
I adore this poem by President Gordon B. Hinckley and I hope it also brings peace and hope for the future:
What Is This Thing That Men Call Death?
What is this thing that men call death? This quiet passing in the night? ‘Tis not the end but genesis Of better worlds and greater light
O God, touch Thou my aching heart And calm my troubled, haunting fears Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure Give strength and peace beyond my tears.
There is no death, but only change With recompense for vict’ry won The gift of Him who loved all men The Son of God, the Holy One.
Goodbye for now, Grandpa, until we meet again. I know you will be watching over us and never far.
Wow. Church today was just about as beautiful as it could be. I personally felt the presence of the Holy Ghost during every congregational hymn, musical number, and talk given. That beautiful spirit, often manifested by involuntary tears, continued into Relief Society (a class for our church’s women’s organization). The main theme of the day centered around gathering Israel on both sides of the veil, most specifically through sharing the gospel and doing temple and family history work.
Our Bishop made the wise remark that nothing we do in our church, whether a mission, assignment, or calling, is about us. It’s about the people we serve. It’s about loving God and serving His children. I thought about this verse:
Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.
He also spoke about the paradox of losing verses finding our lives, mentioned several times in the Bible. Here is one version from the book of Matthew:
He who seeketh to save his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
The purpose of life is not just to have fun and do whatever we please for personal pleasure. Rather, it is making sacrifices of our time, talents, and heart in order to do God’s work will help us find out who we really are and who we have the potential of becoming.
The tears really flowed when our Relief Society President, Dori, got up to present her talk. Jad had sent her a very sacred experience surrounding the recent illness and death of his uncle. She didn’t have time to present her entire prepared message, but she made sure to share all of Jad’s story. That was what she felt was most important to share. There were many sniffles and tears in the congregation, including our own. Here is that story completely in Jad’s own words, written on May 16, 2021:
Due to COVID-19, My uncle William was admitted to a nearby hospital on Monday, April fifth. I would call him every other day to check on him when I am driving to work, and on the weekend I give him the chance to talk to my family. He has been asking to talk to the kids a lot lately those days. On April 17 Kamren spent more time talking to my uncle about his upcoming soccer game. at that time he took a selfie with my uncle that I did not know till later. later on, on the same day, my mother said that she had a bad dream about my uncle dying but I stopped her and I told her everything would be fine, don’t worry mother.
Mother came for a quick unexpected visit on Monday, April 19 and as soon she walked into our home she starts crying and we said what is wrong Teta “Grama in English”. your uncle William in the ICU. We all comforted her and said he is not going to die. And I assured her that he will be just fine. I didn’t think that he will die at all.
My mother left with my brother back to his house, and that night I had some bad dreams, that I was in Jordan near my uncle hospital and there was broken glass from the hospital windows everywhere, it was at unease all the time, and then I walk up to my brother calling me around at 1:30 AM. I had a feeling of very bad news. my brother said that our beloved uncle William died. I cried and cried for 2 hours then around 4 AM I drove to my brother’s home so I can be there before my mother walk up, but I soon parked by the home I can hear my mother screaming and crying from outside. I stayed beside almost all day to comfort each other.
A week later on May 1st after my mother spent the day with us, I drove here back to my brother’s home and on the way there she asked me Jad where is your uncle William now. For a moment I was wow I never thought my mother would ask me this question, I felt the spirit so strong and I took this opportunity and talked about the plan of salvation, She felt comforted knowing my uncle is still there and he is doing he learning the true gospel and eventually once his work is done in the gospel he will be helping the lord in his work. She may think this is to be good to be true but at least it makes her feel happy knowing so. In my mind what she did not ask her Brother in law or her sister who are preachers and study the religion for years or any other preacher from back home. See at one time in my life around 9-10 years old I asked my mother what are those feeling that I have about life and earth and our souls and what will happen to it the afterlife, and she did not know and referred me to the priest which he told not to think about such things, it will make you crazy.
after that on my mother said, “Jad I have not told you this, but 3 days before your uncle died I had a dream that I was at our old home overseas and I was looking for my brother everywhere and I can’t find him, then your deceased grandmother appear to me, so I asked her mother where is my brother William, and she said go ask Jad, and she repeated three times.”
That is why she asked me.
I and mandy did the work for my both of my grandparent from my mother side. and the spirit was so strong when we baptize and seal them together later.
My Uncle William was kind and charitable and very giving to all. a stranger will love and feel peace and trust him after they meet home. he was a father for us since our dad left us when we young and we forced to leave our home and live with my grandparent and our uncle and aunts.
He treated me like a son and reward me when I do great at school, took us to nice places, and taught us how to swim.
He was married late in his life and left behind a 10-year-old girl name Yara and a 12-year-old boy, Yousef “Joseph”. His kids are having a really tough time now, Mom arrived today to Jordan to comfort them.
William with his mother and with his sonWilliam with his wife, children, and Jad’s motherKamren with William
I had several people come up to me at church telling me how touched they were by Jad’s experiences. Dori told me she felt this was perfect representation to her of gathering Israel on both sides of the veil, and the miracles that can ensue. She said Jad’s story is now a part of her life, which really meant a lot to me.
Our Relief Society lesson helped continue this beautiful conversation as we focused on the phrase, “every nation, kindred, tongue, and people.”
We spoke about each word. It was emotional for me having a husband who is from Jordan – a country that is not open to the preaching of the gospel yet. I shared that I know with all my heart that Jad was sent to the United States when he was and how he was so he could find the Church and help his kindred also embrace it when they are ready. God cares about each and every family and wishes for them to be united eternally. He will and does provide a way for that to happen.
I read over Elder Gong’s talk (the talk we discussed in the lesson) after coming home, and these words hit me the most:
Our 2020 bicentennial proclamation begins with the profoundly inclusive promise that “God loves His children in every nation of the world.” To each of us in every nation, kindred, tongue, and people, God promises, covenants, and invites us to come partake of His abundant joy and goodness…
In the household of faith there are to be no strangers, no foreigners, no rich and poor, no outside “others.” As “fellowcitizens with the saints,” we are invited to change the world for the better, from the inside out, one person, one family, one neighborhood at a time.
Elder Gerrit W. Gong
Elder Gong also wisely said:
By small and simple means—in which we are each invited to participate—great things are brought to pass.
Elder Gerrit W. Gong
God has been refining me over the years in many ways, and one way He has done so is by helping me see goodness in all people – to help me realize and honor that all people on this planet, regardless of choices, beliefs, circumstances, or any other defining factor, are children of God and beloved by Him. There is nobody who does not need Christ and there is nobody that does not deserve to partake of His goodness and love. We have a choice as Saints to either push others away because we don’t think they are good enough, or realize none of us are good enough, but God loves us perfectly anyway, and wants us all to come unto Him. We then take that to action through our kindness, encouragement, service, compassion, and understanding.
I left church feeling so uplifted and inspired. On the way home, I got really emotional as I was talking to Jad. I have felt for many years that God has a very special purpose for my husband. It is so clear to me just how much God has been with Jad every step of the way in his life. There have been countless direction, miracles, and interventions that there is no doubt in my mind Jad has a very important mission to fulfil on this earth to help gather Israel. I choked up as I wondered why I was chosen to be his wife – his companion – on this earth and for eternity. It was a really sweet conversation as Jad shared clear examples with me of how I had been such a crucial part of his life in helping him make the best decisions, as well as accepting him and loving him in his circumstances early on.
When I got home from church, I felt prompted to share this to Facebook:
The best tears are those that freely flow when feeling the presence of the Holy Ghost all around you. As they wet your face, they cleanse and refresh your soul.
I really felt that. But it wasn’t only thinking of Jad’s experiences that brought so much emotion to my soul today. It’s also because I feel like God has been nudging me a while on this subject. I actually got really passionate about family history a year or so ago. I loved doing it so much, but because I have been so busy and distracted with things related to selling, renting, and building homes (among many other things), I have pretty much let it go, and have felt guilty about it. I have been passionate about some good things since, but not that.
The first nudge came in early June of this year as Jad and I sat together to watch a church broadcast about supporting children and youth. The most important part of the broadcast (to me) wasn’t even the main message, but it struck me like an arrow to the heart. It was a clip of President Russell M. Nelson saying this:
These surely are the latter days, and the Lord is hastening His work to gather Israel. That gathering is the most important thing taking place on earth today. Nothing else compares in magnitude, nothing else compares in importance, nothing else compares in majesty. And if you choose to, if you want to, you can be a big part of it. You can be a big part of something big, something grand, something majestic!
President Russell M. Nelson
He said “nothing else” three times! It hit me so hard. I had been focusing on several good things, but I had let the most important thing, where nothing else compares to it in importance, slip.
Then, I got two more nudges this past Friday. I was going to be able to go inside the Raleigh Temple for the first time since February 2020 (pre-pandemic) for a baptism trip. I wanted to bring family names, so I printed some female names off of my account and some male names off of my son, Casey’s account. But I couldn’t stop there. I kept printing and printing and printing names. I couldn’t help it – I just felt that there were so many ancestors waiting to receive their ordinances and make covenants with Heavenly Father. I printed as many as I could until Jad reminded me probably not all would be able to be completed that night.
Then the time came to go. I was going as an observer and helper, specifically for a new member of the church, Kourtney, who has become my good friend. I rode with her on the way to the Temple, and she couldn’t contain her excitement. I knew she was ready to be there. We walked the Temple grounds first, and I could tell that she and the other two new members (such sweet sisters as well) were so at peace looking at the temple and breathing in the beauty and peace that was there.
Kourtney was nervous about doing something wrong or not knowing what to do at first, and she made sure I would be with her or within her sight at all times. I saw a shift, though, as the baptism session went on, and I could tell she didn’t really need me anymore. She was just really loving the spiritual experience she was having.
I also loved being able to sit in the Temple and watch the youth and new converts help those who had not previously had the opportunity, to be baptized. I loved hearing names called out that I knew were from my ancestry.
As we left the Temple, there was a lasting peace and calm. I turned to Kourtney and asked her what her favorite part of the session was, and she said that as she was watching the first several young men be baptized on behalf of deceased persons, she realized that those were not just names – they were real people who had been hoping and praying for a long time that they could receive these ordinances. That rush of revelation prompted her to volunteer to be baptized next, but not before she studied each name in her hand and felt of their righteous desires. She said that she felt very strongly after being baptized and confirmed for them, that each of those sisters accepted their baptismal covenants.
I was amazed at her wisdom and I knew what she said was true. I was even more grateful because the women who she had been baptized for were all ancestors of mine.
The Holy Ghost has been giving me gentle nudges for a while now about how I need to refocus my greatest efforts on gathering Israel. That is the most important thing I can do on this earth. It’s the most important thing any follower of Christ can do. I’m grateful for those nudges as they have strengthened my testimony greatly.
I pray that I will be able to keep my sights in line with God’s will for me. I know that by doing this I will be happier and holier, and that I will find myself by losing it for His sake.
When I was at church on Sunday, I had to go to the bathroom (I know, TMI, but I have a point, I promise). When I entered, I saw the toilet seat up. I smiled a little, knowing it was freshly cleaned. At that moment, a memory from kindergarten came rushing back to my mind.
I am almost 37 years old, so that was a long time ago. But, here is what I remember:
A girl in my class came rushing into the classroom after going to the bathroom exclaiming something like, “Ew, Ross went into the girls’ bathroom. I can tell because the seat was up!”
My little five-year-old self was shocked that this boy, Ross Wheeler, would go into the girls’ bathroom. The girl laughed at him, and I joined in because it was just so silly and gross.
My teacher, Ms. Fisher, noticed this exchange, and came up to the girl and me, and perhaps others. She then informed us that when bathrooms are cleaned, the seat is left up to show that it is clean. Ross had not in fact used the girls’ bathroom and it was not nice of us to say that he did.
I believed my teacher and moved on with my life, but I don’t remember if I apologized to Ross. To be honest, I probably didn’t. I was a good kid, but at that young age, I didn’t see any harm in what had happened. Ross was often the subject of jokes and laughter at his expense.
Now, I don’t remember many things from kindergarten, and this memory is definitely an obscure one. But, as the memory came back to me on Sunday, I realized just how profound it really was and that God wanted me to remember it.
I even talked to my kids in the van about it on the way home from church. I told the story and then I told them that we often make mean accusations out of ignorance, like the girl did. Some of us blindly believe those accusations without checking the facts, like I did. We are unkind to the accused, thinking we have that right because we have predetermined that the person’s worth is less than ours.
Then there are the wise people who have found the truth and have the courage to kindly share it, thus giving us an opportunity to learn and grow from our mistakes in judgment, like my teacher did.
We then have a choice – do we listen to the wise person who has the truth, or do we cling onto what we want to be true because it’s more fun or controversial?
And then if we do listen, what do we do about it? Do we just quietly move on, or do we acknowledge our faults and make things right? Do we go a step farther and work to prevent further events like that from happening?
I am pretty sure that since I don’t remember apologizing to Ross and then becoming his friend and advocate that I probably didn’t. I was only five, so I can’t be too hard on myself, but I truly wonder how Ross felt that day at school, and every other day.
I don’t remember clearly why he was made fun of so often, but I know looking back there was no good reason. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment just because they may be a little different.
I truly wish that I had befriended him – that I had had the courage to stand up to the bullies and be the friend Ross so desperately needed.
How many Rosses are in our lives, either in our circle or just someone we hear about on the news? How do we help them? Do we help them? Do we even realize they need help?
Tears are falling as I write this, because even though the story I am sharing isn’t earth-shattering, it teaches me such great lessons. I’m grateful that God helped me remember this.
I have grown up a lot since age five, and I do truly want to be more like my teacher. I want to be an advocate of truth, and I want to be an advocate for the persecuted as well. It bring a lot of fulfillment, peace and joy, knowing that what you are spreading is good for you and those around you.
I invite all of you to ponder on this little story as well! Search out those Rosses and give them the love and support they need. And help the truth of their worth, and other realities related to them, be known so they won’t be needless targets of unkindness.
Eight days ago we moved from our home of 8.25 years into a rental home in the next town over.
That night we ate Cook Out on the floor of our empty dining room and played outside together at our home, probably for the last time.
I thought I would cry that night, but I didn’t.
We went over a few more times to clean and collect things, and then the night before closing, the 12th, I left a gift for the new owners, as well as the keys. I knew that none of us would ever step foot into that home or yard again.
I thought I would cry that night, but I didn’t.
I talked to Jad on our date night on August 14, and he told me he hadn’t cried. Neither had I.
It surprised both of us that we hadn’t cried and neither had the kids. In fact, they love the rental home. They have a big family room up front, a long hallway for running, and a huge basement for playing. They are as happy as can be.
Tonight we took a walk down our street and realized just how close we are to the Haw River!
Do I miss my home? Absolutely. I miss the back yard most of all, and I know Jad does too. We don’t use the back yard here really because we couldn’t take our playground or trampoline with us. Maybe we will start running around in it when it gets less hot.
I realized the first day or two after we moved that my heart is not, and never was attached to the four walls of our house. My heart is attached to my husband, my children, our dog, and the memories we have made and will continue to make together.
Our belongings are mostly still with us, which also helps us connect to our new surroundings.
Perhaps what helps the most is that we know that this is a stepping stone to what we really want – a new home built in land we chose, in a town and location we want to always live in.
I am so grateful that Heavenly Father sent us to 110 Norwood Court in Collington Farms, Mebane, NC.
I know that we were sent to that particular cul-de-sac, for we have made wonderful, lifetime friends who we trust, admire, and value greatly.
Our downstairs floorplan was perfect for large family gatherings, so we had plenty of holiday celebrations there. I also loved hosting girls’ nights, which I hope to do again after we move into our new home.
The most exciting and memorable thing that happened in our home was that I had a baby in my master bathroom. But, I don’t have to have that bathroom in my life forever to remember the miracle that happened. And that applies to all the amazing things that happened there.
So, my heart is full of all kinds of emotions, but mostly gratitude, not grief, and excitement, not regret.
Perhaps it’s silly to write about this, but I know I will wonder how we all felt 10 years from now.
We hope the new owners love our home the way we did, and we hope that they love our neighbors as we always will!
Rigel and I drove together, just him and me, to our dentist appointments last Thursday, July 23. We were both quiet, but then I asked him if there was something he wanted to talk about.
He thought for a moment, and then asked me to tell him more about my Granddad, a man I so love that he never had the privilege to meet in this life.
I always love talking about Granddad. I told Rigel the story about the Washington, DC Temple Dedicatory Session, and a few more things, and finally ended with I think of him often and have always felt that he is near us protecting our family.
Then Rigel said, “Like Eve.”
I had him explain exactly what he was talking about, and then it all came back to me. In fact, there had been three times in the first couple weeks of July that we felt Eve had been protected by angels.
I feel that I must share these to show the tender mercies of the Lord and the truth that we are protected by those beyond the grave, perhaps even by my own beloved Granddad.
The first experience happened at home when we had taken down most of our pictures and then were strategically hanging certain ones up to make our house look nice before putting it on the market. I was doing something in the loft, and all of a sudden, I noticed the power had gone out upstairs. Jad was working on hanging something in Eve’s room. He look around and gasped. Eve had just taken a wall hook that had two nails sticking out of it and had inserted it in to a wall socket! We were shaken up, knowing that she could have easily been electrocuted! We hugged her and comforted her, and we all felt that she had been protected in that moment.
The next experience was the one Rigel remembered. We were at my aunt Kathy’s house swimming. She and my uncle John have a great slide that goes right into the pool. Eve was climbing up the stairs to go down the slide, and she slipped off one of the steps towards the top. She could have easily fallen and hit her head on the concrete, but somehow, she fell on her bottom. She was scared, but not hurt. We all recognized the heavenly help she received.
The final experience was also at Kathy’s house. We were about to go back into the pool after putting on sunscreen. I told the kids to wait to get in the pool until their sunscreen dried and I was down by the pool with them. I was in the screened-in back porch putting my sunscreen on, and then I heard the kids talking about getting in the pool. I started to go down at that moment, reminding them they couldn’t get in without me, but I wasn’t fast enough because Eve had already walked into the pool without a life vest and without someone to watch her. Thankfully, Casey saw her as she went into water too deep for her, and he swam quickly to rescue her. We all thanked God that she didn’t drown.
As I mention all these three experiences, I must explain that Eve is not much of a risk taker normally, and she doesn’t get hurt often. She also is normally a rule follower who stays close to her parents (and we close to her). Why then, in the course of a week or so did she have so many close calls that could have ended up in great injury?
Perhaps it was so we could be reminded that God and His angels are near us and are watching over us. Perhaps it is for us to cherish our daughter a little harder. I don’t know, but this I do know – that in these three instances, my little girl received heavenly protection. I know this with all of my heart and I am so very grateful for those angels on the other side of the veil, which I believe also includes my Granddad, for taking care of my sweet baby girl.
Can you think of any times in your life where you or someone you love should have been hurt, but was protected by some unseen force? Write it down and share it with someone!
Since we have been at home so much due to the restrictions surrounding COVID-19, I thought it would be an awesome idea for us to take the kids on a little road trip to Troutman, NC to visit Zootastic.
We know a couple families whose kids recently called it the best place ever, so we knew we had to go!
So, yesterday, we left the house mid-morning to make the 1 hour 40 minute drive there. It was around lunchtime when we got to the area, so we dropped by Randy’s Barbeque to get lunch first.
Jad ordered the food from the car and we waited for him to go get it. The food was pretty good, though the order wasn’t all the way right. The cups of drink were gigantic, though. We were surprised, but sure grateful for that later. (Stay tuned.)
My brother-in-law and his family decided to go to Zootastic too, after our last minute invitation. They ended up “arriving” before us since we had stopped for lunch. We knew to expect some traffic as we got there, since we had seen a little when we passed it to go get lunch, but as we approached the entrance to the park, we stopped well down the road due to ridiculous amounts of traffic.
We knew it would be a while, so Jad turned on Bedtime Stories on his phone (thank you, Verizon, and thank you, Disney Plus!). We laughed hysterically as we waited in the super long line (thank you, Adam Sandler!).
We finally turned left onto the road the park was on, but we were still in bumper to bumper traffic. At that exact moment, Rigel cried out that he really had to go to the bathroom.
Well, we weren’t near any businesses. We just had a grassy area on our right, and I was not about to have him pee out there when there were cars everywhere. I explained that to him, but it wasn’t registering.
I looked at one of the gigantic styrofoam cups and said that he should pee in that. Rigel did not like that idea at all. He got panicky and begged for a place to go to the bathroom. He was freaking out about it. While he was doing that, I, being a most compassionate, sympathetic mother, was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face. Rigel was nothing but cries of agony, even after realizing the horrible truth that he would have to PEE IN A CUP. He then screamed out about not being able to unbutton his pants, and after we reminded him he didn’t need to, he yelled at Eve not to look. More panic came, but then only relief flooded over him as he finally let it go… and peed in his cup.
In the 10 years Jad and I have been married, we have NEVER had to have anyone pee in a cup in the car. So, when Eve then said she had to go potty, the joke was on me. Jad told me to handle it.
What??? What if she pees on me? And on herself? And on the car? Okay, I can handle this.
I pulled down her pants, told her to bend her knees and squat as much as possible. I held another gigantic cup under her, praying I had positioned it right and I wouldn’t drop it. I was awkwardly leaning down, holding part of her weight on me, and holding the cup. She kept saying that it was coming, but it wasn’t coming. But, then, finally, when I felt hope slipping away and resigned myself to being peed on while the cup cracked in my tired fingers, it finally did come out, and she peed perfectly into the cup. I didn’t drop it, and the day was saved.
Jad wanted to toss the pee outside, but I said that was gross and tacky, so we didn’t for a while. I heard they did it when I took Kamren to the porta potty a little while later, when we finally turned into the park. Stinkers.
We thought we were in the home stretch when we turned into Zootastic’s parking lot, but yeah, we could haven’t been more wrong! We were just starting the eternal, snail-paced zigzag of cars. The line was so long, we finished watching Bedtime Stories, and watched most of Tangled before we finally got to the part where we paid, and that’s with pausing the movies every time someone went to the bathroom (which was a lot). I was grateful for the porta potties, which I never thought I’d say, as well as for the extra baby wipes I had packed!
I found I was grateful for a lot during those hours of sitting in the car. The cell phone movies, cups and porta potties were just the beginning. I was grateful that the kids could unbuckle their seatbelts and move around due to the slow pace. I was grateful that people had their windows down and we could wave to each other and smile at the cute kids. I was grateful for Facebook messenger where we could see my brother-in-law’s family and talk to them. I was so grateful when we were able to wave to their car about three zig zags away. It’s so weird to say it felt amazing to just wave to them, but it did.
The sweetest experience of waiting in line was Eve being able to sit in her Daddy’s lap and help him “drive” the van. He taught her about turning the wheel, and it was adorable.
We were all exhausted by the time we paid to enter Zootastic, but also excited. A little ways in, Jad was able to get out and open the trunk so Casey and Rigel could sit in the back. Eve also was in the back occasionally (she kept moving around). It was a chance for my two oldest to bond.
When compared to how long we waited in the car before actually seeing the animals, the Zootastic experience was quite short, even with the cars going slowly.
But, we did see some beautiful animals, and some of us got to pet and try to feed them.
At one point, Kamren really had to go to the bathroom (again), so Jad took him to the portapotty that was right by where our van was at the moment. I didn’t feel right about it, suggesting he also pee in a cup (hey, we were experts by now), but he said they’d be able to catch up.
Well, the cars started moving faster, and when Jad and Kamren came out, they were going really slow and not catching up. Then Casey and Rigel told me they weren’t moving at all, but were talking to an employee.
Meanwhile, we kept going further and further away. I couldn’t turn around or pull over. Then, we noticed someone in a tractor drive up to them. Kamren and Jad got to ride in it across the bison field back to the safety of the van! I think they loved it. They may have had an initial scolding from one of the Zootastic workers, but it was an experience they wouldn’t have had otherwise!
When we finally were done with the drive through zoo, we got to park for the first time in hours to go into the general store. It was well past closing time, like almost 7pm, but we felt so happy to just get out and stretch our legs! And we were grateful they kept the store open. We didn’t get anything (except a gigantic $.99 pen for Kamren), but the kids loved looking around.
And then I was grateful for a cute picture of our kids outside of it!
None of us was super excited to get back in the car and go home, since we had been in the car since 10:30ish that morning, but we did. We also had to get food. We weren’t thrilled about going out to eat twice in one day, but at least we have been saving a lot of money on gas and entertainment lately!
I researched the closest Papa John’s, found one 15 minutes away in Mocksville, placed an online order quickly, and it was ready by the time we dropped by Sheetz to get drinks and then arrived to pick it up. I am grateful for modern technology that made the food ordering so easy! And I’m grateful Sheetz has gum, because Eve was having a huge tantrum about wanting gum right before we got there (she hadn’t had her “beauty rest”).
We didn’t watch any more movies on the way home. We just ate, listened to music, and relaxed the best we could. And we made it home, only having to stop once for Kamren to go to the bathroom. So, that day, people went to the bathroom one of four ways – in a cup, in a porta potty, in a real bathroom (thank goodness for one of those by the general store), and the side of the road. What a potty-tastic adventure!
Not long before getting home, we sang a hymn and read scriptures on my phone. I was grateful once again for cell phones.
Are you tired reading this? Imagine how we felt!
But, at least we can remember this day of trying to have fun during COVID-19 with fondness and hilarity.
And maybe we’ll just go back to hiking until this mess is over! Hiking is easy and we can get out of the car. 😀
Early this month, from March 5-8, Jad and I went to Asheville, NC to celebrate our 10th anniversary. It was wonderful to go out and do exactly what we wanted and spend lots of time together, mostly stress-free. It was sweet, peaceful, and exciting – just what we needed.
But when we got back from our trip, we were hit hard with all the things we had to do, how busy our schedule was for that week and every week after, and how difficult the kids were to deal with. True, it was just our normal life again, but the contrast from the days before was astounding. We love our children to pieces and would do anything for them, but they weren’t making it easy for us!
Then, just a few days later we were told Orange County Schools would be closed from Monday, March 16 through at least April 3. But that wasn’t all – soccer was canceled, and then church, and as time has gone on, almost everything we would normally do with the kids or together has closed (i.e. children’s museums, movie theaters, libraries, restaurant dining rooms), with the exception of parks and nature trails.
What a whirlwind of a month! And yesterday we found out that school will be closed until at least May 15!
I have a lot of thoughts and feelings swirling around my head from the past couple weeks.
Regarding School: I am definitely learning a lot more about patience and multi-tasking now that I have to home school. It was really hard the first couple days, but I’ve gotten the hang of it. We’ve been lucky, too. The teachers have been providing lots of assignments, online and paper, so we know what we need to do, at least for now.
Even though home schooling is hard and not ideal in many ways, many of my concerns have been alleviated: no bullying, no bad influences or temptations at school, and no uncomfortable bus rides. That has actually been a great blessing.
Of course it’s hard not being around friends, and some classes, like band, just can’t be done online, but being at home for schooling reduces the amount of time away from home and each other, and being at home helps the kids (especially Rigel) focus more.
Regarding Activities: To be honest, I was not that sad when soccer got canceled. I was so overwhelmed at how much time soccer for Kamren and Rigel (him especially) would be taking from our time together as a family, especially on the weekends. The boys were sad at first, but they haven’t mentioned it. And they still play soccer in the back yard sometimes. Tae Kwon Do took longer to be canceled, but it hasn’t been that hard without it. It’s a wonderful skill the boys are learning, but our Monday through Wednesday evenings have been clear. We haven’t had to rush anywhere, and the boys still practice their moves at home. It isn’t completely ideal that we can’t go to the museum or the library or many parks anymore, but the kids have been playing outside a lot, reading a lot, and Casey has also been teaching his brothers Dungeons and Dragons, which they play daily, so they are still having fun. Piano is a little different – they can’t go in person, but Casey and Rigel are doing online lessons, which is not as easy, but still works! I’m glad they are still practicing.
I am so happy, through all these changes that my kids aren’t on electronics and TV all the time, which has been great! So, even though I think the activities we normally have are good, we now know we can have just as much fun doing things at home. We’ve been having lots of fun outside and making fun food and treats. We also are feeling how nice it is not to have to rush everywhere all the time.
The one thing that I don’t like about just about everywhere being closed is that Jad and I really can’t go on date nights right now. We can obviously do things at home, but I miss getting out and about. I look forward to when we can go out on dates again!
Regarding Church and Church Activities: This one has been harder. I truly miss my church family, and the kids miss their church friends. It isn’t ideal that all church activities are canceled for now, we can’t go to church Sundays, nor can we do choir, etc. However, having church at home the past couple weeks has been lovely. It hasn’t been perfect, but I have felt the Spirit strongly as we have sung, prayed, had the Sacrament, bore testimony, discussed the scriptures together, and more.
I have an even stronger testimony of our prophet, President Nelson, who I know communes with God. Our church’s Come, Follow Me program came out a little over a year ago, and because we have it, we can have meaningful gospel discussion and learning in the home. We haven’t been worried about growing spiritually because of the abundance of wonderful resources our church has from manuals to videos to magazines to activities.
The biggest blow to me, out of all the closures, has been the temples being closed. I made a promise this year to attend the temple faithfully once a month. Due to the temple closures, I cannot keep that promise right now. There is no place I feel more peace than in the temple, and I have a strong testimony of the work that goes on there. I know that they will reopen soon enough, so I am waiting patiently for that day!
Regarding Social Distancing: This has also been so hard! We have so many friends, loved ones, and family in the area. Not being able to see them either not at all, or not as often, is really hard. I am so grateful, though, that we have modern technologies that allow us to text, call, send photos, and video chat. And since it is springtime, being outside together is usually pleasant!
So even though we don’t see many people right now, at least the six people in my house have each other to hold on to, and can feel the love from others through other means.
In General: I have gone from completely calm and full of faith, to overwhelmed, to a little worried, back to overwhelmed. There have been so many changes so fast, and there are so many unknowns. Yet, through it all, I still maintain my faith that God is with us and He knows exactly what’s going on. He’s there to help us through.
I know what my family is experiencing is only one of many experiences, and what is a blessing for me may actually be very difficult for someone else. I have compassion for those in very difficult situations at this time. I pray for you and wish the best for you. I do hope, though, that regardless of our circumstances surrounding this virus, that we can see blessings in it.
I have felt from the beginning of these temporary lifestyle changes that God is trying to wake us up, to tell us that we need to be prepared temporally and spiritually, because this is just the beginning of things that will happen on the earth in the last days. That doesn’t frighten me – it gives me hope because I know God is merciful.
Why is this virus here? Why has God allowed it? Perhaps that’s the biggest question for believers.
Well, there could be many reasons. It could be chastisement; it could be a please to turn back to Him; it could be a way to us to get our priorities straight and realize what really matters; it could be to unite us as people and families; it could be to encourage us to show compassion and give meaningful service to those who need it; or it could be all of those reasons and more.
All I know is, God is all-knowing and the circumstances surrounding this virus, though a nuisance and worrisome in many ways, have and will bring good fruits as we choose how we will react to them.
It may be a while before things go “back to normal,” and the question I have is, will there be a “new normal” when all is said and done? Perhaps, and it probably wouldn’t be a bad thing.
What have your experiences been during this time of quarantine? Have you seen blessings too? How has your life changed?
