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Tag: change

  • Are they RIGHT about me?

    Compliments are meant to lift us up and make us feel good inside. But does criticism also have a place in our lives?

    Whether we realize it or not, people are constantly saying negative things about us, either to us or behind our backs. My son had a bad experience last week at recess when a boy was picking on him. He was getting in his face and telling him what an awful basketball player he was. He was mean and condescending. It hurt Casey’s feelings. When he told me about it, he said he knew what the boy said wasn’t true, but I heard a tinge of doubt in his voice.

    So, how do we know if a disapproving comment made to us about our skills, talents, character, etc., is true? How do we know if we should take it to heart, or change, or give up?

    I think the easiest way to know is to follow the “WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY HOW” method. I exclude small children from this method because pretty much anything they say is done without a filter, and the good, bad, even the ugly, is usually true, much to our embarrassment and dismay. (You know you are thinking of a time and nodding.)

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    WHO is the one making the comments about you? Is it someone who knows you well, someone who cares about you, someone who you trust, or is it someone who generally doesn’t speak to you or get along with you?

    Now, sometimes the WHO is tricky, because even the people who are supposed to love and care about us the most can say things that aren’t true.

    Another important thing to consider is WHO else has said these things about you? Was it just this person, or are there others? Has anyone told you the opposite, and do you trust that person? In my son’s basketball situation, two of his close friends comforted Casey by saying that they thought his basketball playing had readily improved over the year, and that he does a great job.

    WHAT is the person saying? Is the person using words like always and never? Is he using words that belittle or uplift? Is he saying things that you already know or suspect are true, or things you have never thought about before?

    The WHAT is also tricky, because when under extreme stress, sadness, etc., sometimes even the kindest people say hurtful things. Additionally, sometimes we are unaware of our own downfalls, weaknesses, and bad habits. Let’s keep thinking.

    WHEN is the person talking to you? Is it during a fight, or is it when you are speaking calmly to each other? Knowing the WHEN can help you determine if what the person said was rational, or just based on heightened emotions.

    Also, think about how many times a person has said the same thing to you. Oftentimes, especially if someone we love says something multiple times in different occasions, there is  truth to it. In those cases, even though the first couple times the person said it, he may have said it calmly, don’t be surprised if that calm becomes irritation or  anger.

    WHERE are you when the person says these comments? Are you in public where everyone can hear, or are you in private where discretion is appropriate?  Sincere compliments are often quite appropriate to be said in public settings, but criticism is normally best said in private. So, thinking of the WHERE can help you determine if the person is trying to help you or hurt you.

    HOW is the person making these comments? Is he angry and irrational, or is he trying to be objective and helpful? Is he in your face and yelling, or is he calm and focused? Is he engaged in the conversation, giving you eye contact? How is his inflection? Is he frowning, smiling, scowling, laughing?

    Someone who really wants to help you will act a certain way. I think you can guess how.

    WHY is perhaps the hardest of all, because that is something we often have to figure out on our own, based on past interactions with a person, and based on the other questions we just discussed.

    Since there are some cases when criticism is positive, and necessary for personal growth, then there must be people who offer it with the best intentions. I believe that the people who truly love us want to help us be the best we can be. So, in appropriate moments, they may gently mention opportunities for improvement.

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    On the other hand, someone who doesn’t care about your best interests doesn’t care if he hurts your feelings or if what he is saying is even true.

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    He may be saying those things because he is envious of you, because he has been treated similarly by others, because he is insecure or unhappy in his own skin, or maybe even because he has a mental illness and cannot control all he says.

    I went through a time in my life when the person who was supposed to love me the most, treated me the worst. I was often called worthless and unimportant. Was it true? To him, perhaps. To me? Well, it ate at me, and even though in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn’t true, I couldn’t believe that someone who loved me would talk to me that way. There must have been a WHY. For this person, I believe part of it was self-inflicted shame because of harmful choices he was making and hiding from me.

    I think the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE AND HOW are what help us know if what someone is saying is worth holding onto, but the WHY helps us understand, and hopefully have compassion on that person – enough compassion to forgive and move forward.

    Doesn’t all this seem obvious? Yet, it isn’t. I have spoken to so many people damaged, seemingly beyond repair, because of hateful, often repeated, attacks to their character, talents, education, relationships and lifestyle. Even when they know that something shouldn’t be true, hearing it makes them doubt themselves, and fear that it could be.

    If you are one of these people, know that you are doing better than you think you are, and certainly better than those who verbally abuse you.

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    Every person on this earth is a beloved child of God. We all have that going for us, and Christ atoned for us all. Nobody is better than anybody else. Pride is a big cause of verbal mistreatment.

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    Let us all try to be humble, and see our own weaknesses clearly before we point out others’. And if we do point out others’ faults, let us do it appropriately, in love and gentleness, with a true desire to bless the lives of others.

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  • I learned, not failed

    Have you ever prayed out loud pleading, sobbing, hoping, asking?

    I did that recently. I had to. I was so confused, emotionally and physically exhausted, and feeling that I wasn’t doing my part well enough.

    March 18-19 2016, my mom and I attended an event in Raleigh put on by Deseret Book called Time Out for Women (TOFW).

    My feelings about this event are best summarized by my Facebook post on the 19th: Last night and today have been one of the greatest experiences I have had for a long time. My mom is with me. We are seeing old friends, feeling the Spirit, laughing, learning, and crying. The music and speakers are all phenomenal, and I look forward to the rest of today!

    This event changed my perspective, and possibly my life.

    I took many notes during the event, as all the speakers and performers had such lovely and insightful things to say. Here are some of the points that meant the most to me:

    1. John Bytheway, spoke of gardens. The garden was a metaphor for one’s testimony of Christ and His gospel. He said that all you have to do to lose your garden is nothing. Am I currently working to increase my testimony, or am I letting the weeds grow? Among many other important metaphors and points, he quoted this by Neal A. Maxwell: “In conclusion, the submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. The many other things we “give,” brothers and sisters, are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!” I do try to give my will to God. It was His will that I start my business, for example. I just wish I knew why…
    2. Jenny Oaks Baker, the most beautiful violinist I have ever heard, said that we should have faith in the Lord, not in that certain things will happen in our lives. Am I dreaming too much, and not thinking enough about my faith?
    3. Wendy Ulrich talked of failing verses learning. She said failure doesn’t define us or finish us. We learn instead of fail. She asked us to think to ourselves, “What risk do I need to take even though I am afraid to fail?” What if I quit my business? I would be a failure, right? If not, what on earth am I learning?
    4. Mary Ellen Edmunds talked about an African saying – “I am well if you are well.” She said that love is the best medicine and that we should give another dose if one doesn’t work. She quoted Thoreau: “Love is the only investment that never fails.” She testified that kindness and love bring power over mind, heart and behavior. Am I giving enough love? If love is the only investment that never fails, I need to do more investing.  
    5. A sweet local from Cary said, “God gave us everything. All He asks is sacrifice from us.” Am I sacrificing enough for Him?
    6. Eric Huntsman said that he learned about Jesus on his mother’s knee. This image struck me to the core, and I felt incredibly inadequate. Will my kids learn from my knee? I felt that my priorities should be teaching the gospel to my children. I starred a couple scriptures that he quoted:
      1. Alma 5:26 – And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now? Can I ?
      2. 1 John 3:2 – Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. All that matters is that I am like Him.
    7. Calee Reed was the extremely talented singer on the second day. She spoke about how we should always remember we are daughters of God and that He loves us. She said that knowing that helps her feel better about herself and the mundane things she has to do as a mother. I struggle with the mundane. That is why I try so hard to make something of myself and do, do, do.
    8. Sandra Turley quoted the song “We Must Sing” by Rob Gardner. My favorite verse was: “God made our voices, but we must make them sing. God gave us voices so we must sing.” She said we need to grow our testimony of Christ before our talents, and then use our talents to share our testimony. She said we must give our kids faith or we have given little. We must sing to defend God. I have talents, and I used to use them all the time for sharing my testimony and defending God. Now, I don’t have time to do my blogging…
      1. During her talk, when she was talking about praising God, I had a random thought, and that was that God doesn’t care about our weight or what we look like on the outside. Do we as women focus on that too much? My business focuses a lot on outside looks (well, inner health too).
    9. Emily Belle Freeman gave a touching talk about true friendships and hospitality. During her talk, I had a few thoughts:
      1. We shouldn’t do something for what it will do for us, because we already have all we need with God and family. Wow, I really do, don’t I?
      2. Sometimes something is right, but not right now. What should wait?
      3. The mundane isn’t really mundane. Wow, I really haven’t had time to do the mundane lately. I wish I had more time to keep my home clean or cook nice meals…

    These were my favorite points from TOFW, though the entire event nourished my soul, and helped me bond with my mom. As we drove home from Raleigh, I ended up in tears as I spoke to her. I told her of my concerns about not having enough time for my family and for the things that matter most. I told her many of the things that stuck out to me from TOFW, and that I felt like I wasn’t doing those things well enough.

     

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    My greatest concern was my business with It Works. I reminded her and myself of the strong, overwhelming spiritual prompting I had gotten to start my business less than six months before. I was just so confused. I couldn’t quit! Not when He had told me to do this. It has only been a short time!

    Once we arrived back to her home, I said hello to my dad, and hugged my mom goodbye to drive my car home. During that ride home was when I gave my desperate and fervent vocal prayer to my Heavenly Father. I tried to be as in tune with the Spirit as possible as I communed with Him.

    When I came home, I wrote down my thoughts:

    1. The financial dreams my family wrote together don’t really matter.
    2. We have ALL we need already.
    3. I don’t have to do my book right now (a desire I have had for some time.)
    4. I have no time for love, and that is what I need most.
    5. My final thought was that my family needs to be together all the time – that was a worthwhile dream.

    I saw number 5 as a somewhat comforting reason to remain with my business. And life went on for nearly a month. I continued working my business, but the joy wasn’t there. The motivation and inspiration wasn’t there. The success I had seen before wasn’t happening.

    Then, the morning of April 12, I went to my church Institute class about the Savior.

    The Spirit touched me to the very center when we read this scripture (Alma was quoting the prophet Zenos, and what he said about prayer):

    And thou didst hear me because of mine afflictions and my sincerity ; and it is because of thy Son that thou hast been thus merciful unto me, therefore I will cry unto thee in all mine afflictions , for in thee is my joy; for thou hast turned thy judgments away from me, because of thy Son. Alma 33:11

    What part struck me? The very small line: “For in thee is my joy.”

    I was overcome with my lack of joy at that time. My business wasn’t bringing me joy. I was overworked physically and mentally. I had so much going on in my life that I couldn’t breathe. Where is my joy? Is should be in Christ, and I have not had time to focus on Him!

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    In the next lesson that same day, we talked about Christ’s second coming.

    We read a powerful quote from Elder Dallin H. Oaks: “While we are powerless to alter the fact of the Second Coming and unable to know its exact time, we can accelerate our own preparation and try to influence the preparation of those around us. … “What if the day of His coming were tomorrow? If we knew that we would meet the Lord tomorrow—through our premature death or through His unexpected coming— what would we do today? What confessions would we make? What practices would we discontinue? What accounts would we settle? What forgiveness would we extend? What testimonies would we bear? “If we would do those things then, why not now? Why not seek peace while peace can be obtained? If our lamps of preparation are drawn down, let us start immediately to replenish them.”

    This quote hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew that I would do things so much differently if I knew that the Savior were to return tomorrow. Nothing was more clear to me at that moment than that I needed to quit my business. I knew that though it wasn’t a bad endeavor, it was stopping me from preparing myself, my family, and those around me spiritually for Christ. I had realized earlier that day that in Christ should be my joy. He is everything. What was I giving to Him?

    So, I went home that day feeling that I really needed to get rid of something. I knew the first thing was definitely my business. I was a little scared, but I prayed for reassurance, and I got it. Within a few hours, I sent a sincere and heartfelt email to my upline and friend, Amber.

    I told her how I had been struggling with my business for quite some time. Financially, it wasn’t providing for me, even though I was working hard. In the past months, if I ever felt discouraged and ready to quit, I could feel God bless me with a new customer or a new promotion or a new idea. But, that had not been happening. My distributors weren’t working, and potential customers weren’t signing. I had taken a blow just a couple weeks before realizing that even if I promote, I have to requalify for my rank each month. Where is the stability and consistency in that?

    I gave her many reasons for thinking of quitting, like my joy and desire wavering. I told her that “this business has not done for me what is most important for my family and for my spirituality,” and “the time I have devoted has taken me away from things I love, including blogging.”

    I said, “I know that to be really successful, I need this business to become my top priority, but if I have felt anything lately, it is that my family and my devotion to Christ must be my top priority. I don’t have to be wealthy and my husband doesn’t have to stay at home.”

    I told her that I didn’t regret doing It Works, but I hadn’t felt peace with it for some time. I told her that “writing this email with my thoughts is bringing me a lot of peace.”

    My initial thought was that I wouldn’t quit until the end of the week. I would give it some time to see if anything happened that would help me be successful. But, then, when my husband got home that evening, we had a tearful heart to heart. I told him about the email, and about my thoughts. I felt the Spirit as I told him that my priorities needed to shift and that our family and God is all that matters.

    He told me he was proud of me and that he could tell I was making decisions with the Spirit. He reassured me that he is happy to work, and that we don’t have to be rich. Our dreams were good, but our family is what matters most.

    So, that night, I emailed Amber again and told her that I would indeed be quitting. It felt so good.

    She did not write me back right away, and after several days, I was worried that she was really angry with me. It turns out my email had gone to her spam folder, and I was so relieved and grateful that she was really supportive and understanding.

    It has been a couple weeks since I decided to quit my business, and I have not felt regret. I reflected on the prayer I had on the way home from TOFW, and I realized my interpretation of the thought that my family needs to be together all the time was wrong. What Heavenly Father was telling me was that my family needed to be together eternally – that is all that matters.

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    That interpretation has inspired me. I am still catching up on many “to dos” since the musical has been over (something else that took much of my time, but was such a blessing), but soon that list will get smaller and smaller until I can focus my time and attention on loving my family, doing the mundane things that aren’t so mundane, giving service, and sharing the gospel through my blog.

    I have asked myself a few times why did Heavenly Father want me to start my business in the first place if I was only going to quit in six months?

    I wish I had a true answer for that. Jad thinks that maybe the skills I learned in networking will help me reach more people with my blog. I did learn a new skill and overcome a fear of videotaping myself speaking. Perhaps that will become useful someday. Or, maybe it is as Wendy Ulrich said : maybe it isn’t failing; it is learning.

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    Well, I have learned a lot. And the love I was missing is coming back to me. I thank God for His infinite wisdom, and for His hand in my life. I know He knows what is best for me, and that He desires my joy!

    I must make a clarification that I am in no way saying that home businesses are not a good thing, or that dreams of financial freedom aren’t merited, or that an absence of joy in something is always a justified reason to move on. I simply mean that for me, and for my family, there is another plan at this time. The only thing I can continue to do is to follow where the Spirit leads me, and be willing to give my entire will to God (the only thing of mine I can truly give), no matter what.

    If He is the guide on my journey and I always choose to follow Him, my destination will always be Heaven, either on earth or in the eternities.

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  • Why Everyone should be in a Musical

    This past Saturday, ended a time of my life that was most precious – my time rehearsing for and performing in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with the Durham Stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

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    I wouldn’t trade that time for the world. There is something incredibly unique about participating in a musical. The experiences you have can’t be found in their entirety in any other way.

    I have loved musicals since I was 13. The first musical I ever heard was The Phantom of the Opera, in my 8th grade Drama class. Throughout my entire adolescence, I drank in as many musicals as I could. I would sing them as loudly as I could in my room, and play them on the piano (while also singing). I felt like I could be anybody when I sang from these musicals, and as I sang, I felt I was them.

    In high school, I had the pleasure of playing Hodel in Fiddler on the Roof my Sophomore Year, and then Catherine in Pippin my Senior year.

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    A couple years ago, I was able to perform in another musical by my Stake called Sing Down the Moon: Appalachian Wonder Tales. That was a special experience because I got to perform with my son, Casey, for the first time, and also work with people of many different ages.

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    Now, after this performance of Chitty, I know that my love of musicals will always run through my veins, and I want to share with you now why I think everyone should be in a musical sometime in their lives:

    1. You get to go through the audition process!

    You might be thinking, “Isn’t that the least exciting, and scariest part?” Actually, to me, it is a huge motivator. Once I know what show is being done, I do my research. If I don’t know what the show is about already, I find out. I listen to the music. Then, I determine which role/roles I want to be considered for. Once I do that, I very carefully choose a song and monologue to showcase how I perceive the character.

    For Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I knew without a doubt I wanted to play the Baroness. I knew her role would be challenging because she has to have impeccable comedic timing, she has to be noticed at all times, and she has to be a likable character while also portraying clearly that she hates/fears children.

    It took me a long time to decide what song I wanted to audition with, but I finally chose “Let’s Go to the Movies” from Annie. With this song, I could move, be a little sassy, and show the richness of my voice. A monologue wasn’t required for the auditions, but I wanted to go above and beyond. I knew easily that I wanted to portray Helga Pataki from my favorite childhood show, Hey Arnold. She is one who has a cruel exterior, but a mushy heart for her true love. She is incredibly animated, and her voice goes quite high pitched, like how I imagined the Baroness speaking.

    Auditions were really fun. I loved having Casey with me for that. He chose to sing ”Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” from Mary Poppins because it was a song he loved and was comfortable doing. That was perfect for him.

    I was thrilled to receive a callback for the Baroness. We were given songs to practice and a couple scenes to go over. You better believe I practiced and practiced, and practiced some more. I asked my high school theater teacher, Carol Halbert, for advice, and she said to perform so that the director sees nobody else but me. I took that to heart, and erased all fear and reservations.

    For example, instead of just crawling around half-heartedly during a scene where the Baroness freaks out about children coming to Vulgaria, I thought out how a small child throws a tantrum, and did that myself – kicking, screaming, and rolling around.

    Everyone laughed their heads off, and I was pleased. By the same token, I also had a blast watching other people’s interpretations of the Baron, Baroness, and the Spies. Everyone was hilarious in their own ways, that it was really hard to guess who would be cast. I honestly would have been happy for anyone. I could see from that day that I was going to make some great friendships in the show.

    I truly believe that the audition and call back process is a premium way for you to get your head in the game, be completely committed, and to enter the realm of the musical.

    1. You can forget everything else about your life when you are at rehearsal.

    There aren’t that many places you can go where you can completely focus on something else, and let the rest of the world pass you by. Theater is one avenue you can do that, because you literally are in another place, and you are portraying another person other than yourself. Even though rehearsing is very hard work, it is also relaxing in that you can leave the rest of your cares behind for a couple hours.

    1. You get to wear clothes, and do your hair and makeup in a way you never would otherwise.

    I am not the type of person who would wear silky pajamas with a red feathery robe, or a soft pink night gown in public. I wouldn’t wear a skin tight dress that sparkles so much, it hurts your eyes either. But, I did in the musical, and rather than cause me embarrassment, it enhanced the character of the Baroness.

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    And the last night I wore that gold dress, my co-Baroness even told me I looked “hot.” It sure gave me the confidence to get on stage and do the “Bombie Samba” one last time.

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    I have a cool story about one of my costumes. In Chitty, I played Baroness Bomburst two out of the four nights, but the other nights I played a small part called Miss Phillips. She was a cold, biting, humorless woman, who was unwilling to help Caractacus Potts in any way. I was having the hardest time finding a costume that felt right for her. Well, something told me to look around my closet one more time, and I remembered a khaki dress I had. Yeah, I don’t wear khaki, but the dress was given to me, and I always felt I shouldn’t get rid of it. Well, I felt that this was the reason – I needed it for Miss Phillips. (Ironically, nobody took a picture of me in this costume.)

    I must give a special thank you to my sister, Mariah, for providing most of my big, blingy jewelry for the show. I can’t tell you how many times I got compliments on my earrings, bracelets, rings and necklaces for the show. It’s nice to have a sister who loves bling!

    I felt I definitely learned some new makeup skills from this show. It is funny – when I first started putting on the makeup for dress rehearsals, I was so embarrassed about it because it was so bright, but by the time the show was over, I thought that my normal amount of makeup was too light.

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    I asked a friend of mine, Sarah Jarvis, to do my hair for the Baroness because she is amazing with hair. I loved spending time with her as she did this act of service for me.

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    The kids in the show, who played Vulgarian children, took their hair and makeup very seriously as they rubbed brown all over their faces, and teased their hair up so much that I feared they would never be able to brush it again.

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    Choosing your costumes, and doing your hair and makeup right for a show takes creativity and artistic talent. It is so much fun to do!

    1. You have so much fun together, you form beautiful friendships and even feel like family.

    My church is huge, and I definitely don’t know all the church members in my area. Some people started out being acquaintances, and ended up being close friends. Others, who I had never met, became people who I will always feel comfortable with and will smile at in the future. I got to make friends with men, women, teens, and children. I just love youth so much, and bonding with them made me feel young and relevant.

    The cast really had so much fun together. One example is that while backstage before the “Bombie Samba,” all the Vulgarians would pretend to be the Baron and Baroness as they spoke and sang. It was extra funny and poignant to me because I knew that two nights of the four, they were doing that to my voice.

    My greatest friendship formed from Chitty was a result of giving rides to neighbors who were in the show. Katie Ricks, who is 16, is a young lady that I now call a close friend. She and I went to many rehearsals with just the two of us, and we had such fun, and sometimes, deep conversations, about important things like boys.  I am grateful for her friendship!

    It was so evident to me just how much the cast had become my family on closing night. Before the show started, the cast sang “Families Can Be Together Forever,” and as tears streamed down my face, I thought of how we really were like a family, and how I would cherish these memories and experiences for the rest of my life. That whole night, I kept tearing up because I knew it was the last time we could sing “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” together, help each other with hair and makeup, or talk with our Vulgarian or British accents.

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    I was so grateful to members of the cast during the show that night too. My son, Casey, came down with a bad earache, and so many people helped him, either by offering medicine, consoling him, or giving him direction to lie down and let his ear drain. Because these people cared about my son, they helped him and gave him the ability to continue on and finish out the show.

    1. You have to put your trust in others.

    The first type of trust I am thinking of is trust in one’s safety. In the show, I had to trust a lot of people when I was the Baroness. I had to trust Christian, who played the Baron, that he wouldn’t drop me when dipping me low to the ground, or that he wouldn’t hurt me right after that as he threw me on the stage. I had to trust that when I fainted into teenage girls and rolled across all of them, that they would hold me up, and not send me crashing down. I had to then trust the Baron to catch me right after that. I had to trust people to help the Baron and I get down the stage steps safely while we were tied together.

    The hardest thing for me was to trust a group of men to pick me up, as I fainted to the side, and carry me to the center of the stage. The first time I realized I had to do that, I freaked out a little, but I learned to trust them.

    I also had to trust that those I acted with would work hard, learn their lines, and desire for us to do our best. I had to trust that those who gave me advice were helping me look and sound even better. Thankfully, with this fine group of people, that wasn’t hard to do at all.

    One of the best pieces of advice I got had to do with the lift in the Samba, actually. Lisa, the stage manager, told me to fall to the side with one leg raised. After the men lifted me, I would then cross my other leg over. That piece of advice immediately changed everything – I was no longer afraid of the lift – in fact, I looked forward to it. I am grateful for all the advice I got from my director, the producer, and the music directors.

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    1. You have to be disciplined and focused.

    If you have never acted, sung or danced in front of others, you may take for granted how difficult that really is. You can work for hours and weeks on a scene or song, and still not be satisfied with it. It takes repetition, analysis of scenes and characters, accepting and applying of feedback, and consistent effort to get good enough to perform. If you don’t believe it, the audience won’t. To be successful in theater, you must also stay focused on your character. No matter what happens on stage – a mistake in a line, the forgetting of a line, or even an unexpected trip or fall, you must stay in character, or else the audience will stop believing.

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    The last Friday I played the Baroness, the little Vulgarian children tied us up really tight in the Happy Birthday banner. They had to pull us to downstage right, and that night they pulled us too hard and the Baron and I both tumbled to the ground. We could have gasped, or laughed, or cried out in pain, but we stayed in character. What made it even harder to stay in character, was the adorable kids on stage who worriedly asked us if we were okay and extended loving arms to lift us up. Seeing as how they were playing characters who hated us, and I was playing a character who feared them, it was interesting to make that work. I accepted their help hesitantly, but out of necessity, all the while pretending like it was disgusting to have them touch me. And It wasn’t until after we got off stage that I burst out in uncontrollable laughter, and then realized my knee hurt.

    Speaking of the Baron, Christian was the definition of focused and disciplined. Sometimes I almost thought he was too focused on rehearsing. He liked to take every spare moment to run a song or lines. I came to really value that quality, though. Had he not done that, I am not sure our scenes would have been as polished.

    I have to tell a story of a tender mercy, too. There were times during the duration of the show that I was insanely busy and felt I was drowning. I was certainly focused and disciplined, but I just didn’t have the time to memorize all my lines by the date Taunja requested it. So, I did the best I could by memorizing only what I thought we would be rehearsing on a given night. Well, one rehearsal (the first off-book rehearsal, in fact), we were supposed to only go over the “Choochie Face” scene. I memorized that and practiced it quite a bit. But, because some other things got done more quickly than expected, Taunja wanted us to go over several other scenes. I nearly panicked. I said a little prayer, and asked Bethany if she could do the scenes before me. Well, with God’s help, I was able to memorize the lines to each scene in the few minutes while Bethany went over each one. I am not that fast of a memorizer – I know God helped me, and I believe He did because He knew my heart. He knew I was dedicated, but that I needed a little extra help. I find that is true in my life in general – when I do the best I can, God makes up the difference.

    1. You learn to be humble and work as a team, rather than competitors.

    No matter what, there will be someone who sees something you don’t, or has an idea you didn’t come up with, or does something better than you, or receives more praise than you. I have seen actors in the past, with lead roles, that are kind of snobby towards others because of it. They do themselves a disservice in doing so. I never felt that anyone was that way in Chitty, but rather took the opportunity to seek advice from others, and realize that alone, nobody can perform perfectly.

    I was the Baroness only half the time, and spent much of my time rehearsing alongside Bethany, the other Baroness. For the first couple months of rehearsal, we didn’t work together much, though, other than with learning songs. She and I both had a different Baron. Then, one day, we started sharing our Baron, and though it was hard at first, we made it work. We didn’t get jealous of each other, and Christian was so good to both of us.

    Rather than be competitive with each other, and try to prove that we were the better actress, we worked together. We helped each other, and gave each other tips. We accepted those tips graciously. It was a lovely partnership.

    One example of a victory that came from us working together, was when the three of us started researching tantrum videos for toddlers. We weren’t getting the tantrum scene just right, and wanted inspiration. Well, we found a video of a kid who was hitting irrationally, and we had an Aha moment. We spent quite a while taking turns trying new ways to do our tantrum, and by the end, we felt so much better about it! It ended up being one of the most fun and hilarious scenes of the show (maybe we are biased, but my friend, Kimberly, did say she was laughing so hard, she cried, when she saw that scene).

     

    bethany and me

    1. You rejoice in the success of others.

    I think this goes along with humility. In a musical, you can choose to only focus on yourself and how well you are doing, or you can take the time to observe others around you and appreciate their grand performances. It always meant so much to me when someone would smile at me and tell me I did a great job on a song I sang, or a tantrum I did. It really helped motivate me to continue on and do my best. I also tried to do that for the rest of my cast. I truly did admire everyone for their hard work, poise, professionalism, can-do attitudes, helping hands, and cheerful demeanors. We sure had a cast full of hilarity, awesome dance moves, and angelic singing voices.

    I remember a few times while watching the show from the sidelines (either during rehearsals or performances) that I felt just how wonderful people were. Some examples were:

    1. Hearing the audience cheer as they saw the tiny blimp carry Grandpa’s tiny laboratory across the sky (Lisa, our stage manager, spent many hours perfecting it, and it was perfect).
    2. Watching the bamboo dancers do acrobatics I could never do, and cheerfully too!
    3. Seeing our new turkey farmer for the first time do his scene, and how he did it perfectly.
    4. Hearing how Anjuli perfected her accent for Violet.
    5. Listening to the angelic music of “Hushabye Mountain” or “Lovely, Lonely Man.”
    6. Laughing hysterically at the inventors, or at the spies as they moved across the stage.
    7. Watching Bethany do the tantrum so perfectly, I laughed like I had never seen it before.
    8. Hearing Taunja excitedly praise the puppies for being so adorable, and the kids for making her cry when singing “Teamwork.”

    Bambooing Bethany Samba! Doll on a Music Box Haircut Roses Kick Line Sound!!! We swam all the way from Englandchitty

    1. You understand that each and every person plays an essential part in the success of the show.

    It would be a mistake to assume that the lead actors are the most important part of a musical, or that really any one group of people (cast or crew) is more important. All of us make those wheels turn, from the person who opens and closes the curtain, to the people who move the props, to the sound and light technicians, to anyone and everyone. We are all crucial to believability and enjoyability of the musical.

    Someone who cannot be missed is President Hansen, who not only played an inventor in the show, but also introduced the show each night, and gave the opening prayer. On opening night, when he gave the prayer, I felt a sudden calm and peace come over me. I knew that everything would be okay. Even if I, or anyone in my beloved cast, didn’t perform everything perfectly, the audience would still love the show. Because of his prayer, and the prayers of others, we were successful each and every night of the show.

    I hope nobody in Chitty every felt insignificant. I got to be on two sides of the acting spectrum, being a lead on two nights, and being ensemble, with a small speaking role, the other two nights. I may not have had as much to do on stage on my ensemble nights, but I sang my heart out on side stage, I was there for Bethany to help her change her clothes and make sure she had her props, I owned my little speaking part, and I reacted as much as possible when in the Vulgarian scenes. Were those little parts important? Of course! And every single person in the show who did anything, played an essential role.

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    1. You realize that the show isn’t about you.

    Our director, Taunja Ingram, helped us always remember that we were doing this show for God and for the benefit of our community. Through our performance, we would be lifting others’ spirits, and helping them feel God’s love. Our performance was for God, and it was for His children. It wasn’t for our own fame or accolades, but it could nourish our souls as we nourished others. I think the show meant so much more to us because of that.

    Before one of the shows we did, Taunja read this scripture, which touched us all:

    But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that they performance may be for the welfare of thy soul (2 Nephi 32:9).’

    It filled my heart with gladness when I saw the smiles on the faces of my family, friends, and people of the community after each show Their joy was evident and I am grateful that this cast and crew was able to bring laughter and love to each of them.

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    kam and me

    kimberly

    me and jada

     

    1. The music becomes a part of you forever.

    This goes for the actors, crew, and the audience. My children have not stopped singing the songs since they first saw it. My son, Rigel, will sing “Me Ol’Bamboo” almost all day long.

    Driving in the car to and from rehearsals and performances, Casey, Annika, Katie and I would have a blast singing the songs at the top of our lungs in our accents.

    I always would light up hearing children in the cast sing “The Bombie Samba” or “Choochie Face.” They would have so much light in their eyes as they imitated these fun songs. (As a side note, the first time I heard “The Bombie Samba,” I thought it was really dumb. Now, I know it will never leave my mind and heart as long as I live).

    As a cast, we would sing Teamwork”  before each performance, and then chant “Oh yes! Go Go!” It really did bring us together and pump us up for the show.

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    1. You get to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

    I played a few characters in the show. Pulling from that, and also from past shows I have done, I have to say that I feel most satisfied with my performances when I am no longer pretending to be a character, but when I have stepped directly in that character’s shoes and become her. When I am on stage, I am not Mandy, and the actors around me are not known by their names. No, we are our characters. It makes all the difference in delivery. If you believe, the audience will believe. This is not easy to do. It takes so much preparation.

    This also includes learning their accents, and finding the intonation of voice that makes the most sense for them in different situations. I got to learn the Vulgarian accent, and also use the British accent on my off nights. Zometimes I find myself speaking in Vulgarian in mein head, and it delights me because it means I haven’t completely removed her shoes from my feet.

    me barone

    I always like to have heart to hearts with my characters and ask them their back stories, and why they feel the way they feel. Why are they compelled to do what they are going to do, or have done? Who do they love? Who do they hate? What do they fear? What do they love and loathe about themselves? What habits do they have and why?

    You can do this as a lead character or an ensemble member, and it will change you as a person as you build this empathy.

    1. You are the most honest version of yourself.

    Some people equate actors with being good liars. I don’t think that is true at all. I think actors are the most honest people there are. They are vulnerable and fearless. They portray emotions that others hide inside. It could be true love, irrational fears, insanity, childishness, sexy confidence, uncertainty, tenderness, utter hatred, and so much more. Actors have to find a way to dig deep inside themselves to find a memory, or a thought that will help them show the audience exactly what their character is thinking, feeling, or doing. This is hard, and it takes complete honesty.

    1. You can do things on stage people would think you were crazy for in real life.

    I chuckle as I think about some of the stuff I did as the Baroness. I am pretty sure if my face were that animated, my voice that high pitched, my singing notes that off, my movements that exaggerated, my vanity so apparent, that people would never talk to me or come around me again. That is one thing I absolutely love about theater. You can be completely over the top and nobody will get freaked out. Your movements, diction, and facial expressions are supposed to be more deliberate and expressive. As you learn to do this, it can be intimidating at first, but oh, how it enlivens you.

     

    tantrum

    me crazy face

    Now, I won’t do everything on stage. For example, Christian and I played husband and wife, but we knew without talking about it we wouldn’t kiss onstage because we were both happily married. We were still able to give a believable husband/wife relationship without kissing, which was a fun challenge to conquer.

    1. You gain a tremendous amount of confidence.

    I realized this early on in my life. I used to be so shy, and really uncomfortable in my own skin. But, once I started taking acting classes, and being challenged to do things I had never done before, I transformed. I no longer have anxiety about singing, speaking, or acting in public. I can do it. I can do humorous, tender, flirty, angry or devastated improvisations any time now because I have taught myself how to, and am not afraid to be vulnerable.

    If you work hard, and really own everything you do in theater, you will overcome shyness, and you will realize that you can do anything if you believe in yourself. I love not caring about what everyone thinks about me all the time. Theater helps with that. You just are you, and that is wonderful!

    The confidence also comes because if you are given a task in a show, you do it. You may be a little scared, but you take on the challenge, and practice it until you get it right. For the longest time, I was so nervous about dancing “The Bombie Samba” choreography. There was one part I didn’t get right for the longest time. A week or two before dress rehearsal, I finally got it because I kept asking for help. I didn’t give up. I also never thought I could sing and dance at the same time, but by performance time, I could do it, and I did, because I didn’t give up. I practiced and practiced, and had faith that if I was given the task, it was because I could accomplish it.

    My heart lit up after my final Baroness performance when Taunja excitedly told me that she thought my Samba was perfect that night. She said I owned it, and that it was mine. The one scene that always scared me I did perfectly? I thanked God for that blessing.

    samba

    You may wonder how one can be humble and also confident in theater. It is possible, and I can assure you, if that gets hard, God will have a sense of humor and help keep you humble. The same night I felt I did super well, I actually had burning, watery eyes all night. I had a fake lash blunder, so all night my eyes were swollen, and my eyes leaking. It kept me humble, but also gave me an opportunity to stay in character and continue to be confident no matter what. I thank God for that opportunity.

     

    Are 15 reasons enough to convince you to try musical theater someday? I know I could come up with more, but these are at the forefront of my heart and mind.

    I will cherish my time with the cast and crew of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for the rest of my life. I will never forget my love for the Baroness. She is a part of me now. I know her completely.

    love these people

    The people I worked with I will always admire and be grateful for. I am grateful for their talents, their advice, their encouragement, their smiles and laughter, their dedication, and their hearts. We were a good team. I am also so grateful for my family, who was a huge part of my team – especially my husband. With his support, I was able to consistently go to my rehearsals, that took up much of my time. And I am grateful for all who came to see the show – without an audience, the dream can’t be realized. Much love to you all!

    Teamwork, can make a dream work, if we all pitch in and try.
    Teamwork can make a dream work, and no mountain is too high!
    If the same great dream is beating in each heart,
    There’s no stopping what a fighting team can start.
    For, all together, a team can weather, any storm they may go through.
    Yes, teamwork, can make a dream work, can make the greatest dreams come true.

     

    vulgarian children

     

  • When I am an adult I can…

    You know the phrase “From the mouths of babes?” Most of the time, people use that phrase when children say something profoundly true or spiritual.

    Well, I think it can also apply when they say something that shouldn’t be true, but it is too often – when they say something that causes reflection, and possibly change in one’s life.

    This happened to me a few weeks ago. Rigel and I were sitting at the table eating lunch. All of a sudden he clearly articulated,

    “When I am an adult, I can watch bad movies with bad words!”

    I was taken aback, and wondered who told him that or why he thought that. I knew I hadn’t told him that, and I told him that Daddy and I don’t watch movies like that.

    He then said, “Yes you do. There are movies you don’t let me watch. They are bad movies with bad words.”

    He was right that there are movies he doesn’t watch that we watch, but I explained to him that some movies he wouldn’t understand or enjoy due to his young age. Jad and I actually don’t keep any movie in the house we wouldn’t want our kids to watch, and when we watch movies we don’t own, we use VidAngel to cut out language, nudity, and other things we aren’t comfortable watching.

    I don’t think that Rigel’s definitions of “bad words” and “bad movies” match mine, but it still got me thinking a lot.

    Then, the following day, I spoke to a friend whose nephew had called his sister a bad name. When she corrected him and asked him not to do that,  he showed his understanding, by saying when he grew up he would be able to use that word. Where did he get that from?

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    These two interactions left my heart aching. My husband and I try really hard to practice what we preach. We do have very high morals when it comes to entertainment and speech. We aren’t perfect, but want our kids to fill their lives with things that are virtuous, lovely, of good report, and praiseworthy (Articles of Faith 1:13, Phillippians 4:8).

    wholesome-RW-meme

    My heart was hurting as I thought of other children in the world whose parents do use bad language consistently around them but tell them not to do the same, or who do watch movies with content that they hide from their kids (or worse – don’t).

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    Kids are like sponges. They will hear what words you use, they will hear how you speak about others, they will find a way to view those movies or books you are hiding from them – and then they will adopt that behavior themselves.

    I truly believe that as parents, we have been given a God-given responsibility to be righteous examples to our children. We should study the words of Christ, and carefully determine what things we will allow in our homes. I believe home should be a holy place – a haven from the world. We must make it that way through our our words, our actions, and the tangible objects we allow in.

    children

    I hope I can help my children fill in the blank differently. Rather then, “When I am an adult, I can do bad things,” they will say, “When I am an adult, I can”:

    1. Get a good college education.
    2. Earn a job in my chosen career field, and try to change the world for the better.
    3. Continue to share the gospel of Christ.
    4. Marry my sweetheart and start a family.
    5. Work hard to support my family physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
    6. Love my children, my spouse and the Lord with all of my heart.
    7. Be a good friend to all.
    8. Use my talents and time to help others.
    9. Learn new skills, such as gardening, fixing cars, or cooking new foods.
    10. Continue to improve myself each and every day.

    What do you want your kids to say?

    quotes about parenting

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  • The Enemy

    But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; (Matthew 5:44).

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    “Lord, this is too hard,” many of you may say when you read those verses. How can we love, bless, do good to and pray for those who take advantage of us, speak badly of us, treat us like we are horrible people, criticize and argue with us, and even try to silence us?

    I watched a movie called War Room a few months ago that stopped me in my tracks. My mind hasn’t been able to shake the messages of an old woman named Miss Clara, to a young wife and mother named Elizabeth.

    Elizabeth, confiding to Miss Clara about her relationship with her husband, Tony, said, “If there’s one thing we do well, it’s fight.”

    Miss Clara retorted, “No, I don’t think you do. Just because you argue a lot doesn’t mean you fight well. I bet you never feel like you’ve won.”

    And why wouldn’t she ever win? Aren’t arguments something that people win or lose? Isn’t that what opposing forces do?

    Miss Clara later proclaimed this, “Your husband has his own issues, but he’s not your enemy.”

    Then who is the enemy?

    A jolt of recognition and clarity rang through my entire body as she counseled that the Devil is the real enemy:

    “He comes to steal, kill and destroy—stealing your joy, killing your faith and trying to destroy your family.”

    Miss Clara also said, “Very few of us know how to fight the right way or understand who we are really fighting against.”

    That is why Elizabeth could never win a fight with her husband: she was fighting the wrong way, and with the wrong person.

    There is no question in my mind that we are fighting in a war daily. We think we are in a war with the people around us who argue with us, who put us down, who talk about us behind our backs, who persecute us, or who cause us to yell or cry out in frustration.

    Yes, there is a fight to win, but we must always remember our real opponent, and figure out the right way to beat him.  As James E. Faust clarified, “Satan is our greatest enemy and works night and day to destroy us. But we need not become paralyzed with fear of Satan’s power. He can have no power over us unless we permit it. He is really a coward, and if we stand firm he will retreat” (“Be Not Afraid,” Ensign,‍ Oct. 2002, 4).

    get thee hence

    I never really thought about the fact that Satan has power over us only if we allow it, but it makes so much sense. We are not Satan’s; we are God’s, and if we use His help, we can defeat Satan.

    to win the fight

    Miss Clara said to Elizabeth: “If you want victory, you’re going to have to first surrender.”

    That would normally seem like a paradox, but not when we surrender to the one who knows what is best for us, who loves and knows us completely, and who wants nothing more than to bless us and free us from our enemy, Satan.

    When we surrender to God, we seek Him, submit to His will, and promise to follow where He leads us, rather than where our natural and human weaknesses would take us.  Miss Clara said, “It’s not my job to do the heavy lifting. No, that is something only He can do.”

    you need to plead

    I thought about why that is, and I believe it is because we can’t make anybody change. We can’t make people treat us right or see our worth. Only God can soften hearts and enlighten minds. Fighting with others will never accomplish this, because contention is of the Devil, not God.

    For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another (3 Nephi 11:29).

    Is there a way we can fight without contention and without anger? Miss Clara thinks so. She shows and teaches Elizabeth about her favorite room in her house, her War Room, where she does her spiritual fighting. She studies her scriptures, prays with real intent, expresses her gratitude, confesses her own faults, and pleads to God for forgiveness,  understanding, and enlightenment not only for herself, but for the ones causing her pain.

    We know who the enemy is, and we know we must fight him, but it is hard to remember this if we don’t know what we are fighting for.

    Too often we fight for the sake of winning, being right, proving someone else wrong, shaming someone, or forcing a change.

    Are those the causes we should be fighting for? Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon was the captain of the Nephite Army. He once tore his coat and wrote on it his cause for fighting. He fastened the fabric on a pole, raised it for all to see, and called it the Title of Liberty. These are the words he wrote:

    In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children (Alma 46:12).

    Moroni wasn’t fighting to satisfy pride, or to perpetrate the harshness he felt others deserved. No, he fought for what really mattered – family, freedom to worship God, and for peace.

    captain moroni

    When we fight, are we doing it for the right reasons, and is our method going to work? Have you noticed that Satan always attacks the family to fulfill his purposes? How much time do we spend attacking those we love most? Do we realize that is his influence in our lives? I know that I do not want to fight my family or friends, so I need to turn my attention to fighting the cause of the contention: Satan himself.

    But to fight Satan, it isn’t a physical battle. It is a spiritual one. Remember, if we stand firm and tall, and unwavering, he will retreat. Satan may have the power to bruise our heels, but God gave Adam and Eve, and their offspring (us), the power to bruise his head (Genesis 3:15). How can we bruise his head? How can we make him crawl away from us in fear?

    God has given us the way.

    Dallin H. Oaks wisely said, “The blessings of the gospel are universal, and so is the formula for peace: keep the commandments of God. War and conflict are the result of wickedness; peace is the product of righteousness.”

    Satan is the cause of war – inner war, social war, and physical wars. By fighting Satan, we can stop the wars and bring peace.

    We do this by keeping God’s commandments, for as we do, He will bless us with the ability to do what we could never do alone. He gives us power through the Spirit to withstand Satan’s temptations as we pray sincerely, study our scriptures, attend church, serve our fellow man, forgive those who have trespassed against us, fast, express our gratitude to Him in all things, listen to the words of His prophets, repent of our sins, always strive to be better than we are now, and most importantly, keep our faith strong in the Lord, Jesus Christ.

    Perhaps the Apostle Paul explained it best:

    Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

    For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

    Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

    Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

    And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

    Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

    And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

    Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; (Ephesians 6:11-18).

    full-armour-of-God

    Captain Moroni, the leader who flew the Title of Liberty, was a man who not only donned real armour in battle, but chose to wear his spiritual armour daily as well. He was always grateful, worked hard, served others, defended righteous causes, and was firm in the faith.

    Speaking of Moroni, the prophet Mormon declared:

    Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men (Alma 48:17).

    Yes, these are the attributes we must have to vanquish the Devil’s power over us.

    But what about the Devil’s power over others? We want our loved ones to have joy in their lives, and to make right choices. Shouldn’t we fight the Devil out of them too? We try, don’t we? But it doesn’t help, does it, because they must make that choice on their own.

    Miss Clara explained to Elizabeth, “It’s your job to love him, to respect him, to pray for the man, [not to fix him].”

    It may be excruciatingly difficult to do these things for those who hurt us, but Miss Clara taught Elizabeth that even in “light of all [their] wrongs…God still [loves them.]” And thus should we.

    It doesn’t matter what we think they deserve – love, forgiveness, second chances – we should do our best to give it. Miss Clara preached, “Do you deserve grace? None of us deserve grace…He gives us grace, and He helps us give it to others even when they don’t deserve it.”

    Through much prayer, scripture study, and reflection, Elizabeth finally realizes that she is not her husband’s judge – God is. She stops trying to change him and fight him. Instead, she promises to fight for him, and for their marriage.

    blame keeps wounds open

    One of the most poignant points in the movie is when Elizabeth, alone in her home, declares, “I don’t know where you are, devil. You have played with my man. … No more. You are done. Jesus is the Lord of this house, and that means there’s no place for you here anymore. So take your lies … your accusations and get out in Jesus’ name. … My joy is found in Jesus, and just in case you forgot, He has already defeated you, so go back to hell where you belong and leave my family alone!”

    It was impossible not to feel the power of God as she made that shift to fighting Satan instead of her husband, and realizing where her true joy and peace comes from – Jesus Christ.

    Satan does a lot to destroy lives, and sometimes he targets our confidence, feelings of self-worth, and divine nature. That is why we must recognize that our joy comes first and foremost from our Savior, not from any outside influences.

    Psalms30-52

    In the movie, Elizabeth and her husband are able to work through everything. Because of her love and support, he recognizes where he has gone wrong, and works to repent and be a better husband and father. Theirs is a happy ending, or at least, a fresh start. But, sometimes even if we fight the right way, and do everything we should, our relationships do not improve. What then?

    poor in spirit

    Then, when you are vulnerable, Satan finds an opening to hurt your soul,  bring you down, and make you forget God’s love for you. This has happened to me in my life. But, as I chose to consistently put on the whole armour of God, I was able to endure and move onward and upward. I learned that we can’t control how others fight the fight, but we can control how we do it.

    raise up warriors

    Fighting those that hurt us will not make our circumstances better. Grudges, bitterness and withholding forgiveness will not bring us peace. They will not bring us closer to Christ. Sometimes we must move away from people, but not without first forgiving.

    As He suffered a cruel and heartless death on the cross, Christ pleaded, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34).” If He willingly forgave those who persecuted Him, betrayed Him, whipped Him, and killed Him, then there is no other option for us but to also forgive.

    If we prayed for others every time we noticed a flaw, felt the need to gossip, or were about to scream angrily at them, we would win each and every battle with Satan because love would overcome hate.

    fight all your battles on your knees

    Fight on your knees, not with your words, behaviors, or fists. Be a warrior of God, and peace will come to your soul.

    what wings are

    Why did Jesus command us to love, serve and pray for our enemies? Maybe it is so we, and they, can feel that [bctt tweet=”we aren’t enemies after all.”]

    *If you enjoyed this post, you may enjoy my book, Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal: Amazon.com: Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal: 9798323208258: Al-Bjaly, Mandy: Books

  • 2015 with the Al-Bjalys

    I am 100% sure I am missing things, but I did my best! Here is how 2015 went for the Al-Bjaly family!

    School:

    1. On April 17, Casey got to go on a big field trip to the beach. His favorite part was being at the beach. 😉
    2. Casey graduated from fourth grade June 12 and got many awards that made me proud. He started fifth grade on August 3 at a fairly new charter school called The Expedition School. He has really loved it. He is taking band, learning the trombone. He also did a science fair on October 1 using paper airplanes. We really enjoyed working on it together.
    3. Rigel started preschool at Mum’s Weekday School on August 31. He loves it. His best friend is Avarie. He also did a really lovely Christmas program on December 17.
    4. Jad graduated from MyComputerCareer on May 28. He got the most certifications of anyone in his class (8/10).

    science fair

    Church:

    1. Rigel transitioned from Nursery to Sunbeams in January. I may have gotten a little teary-eyed, and been way too excited and proud at the same time.
    2. Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles, came to North Carolina. Jad and I went with our friends, the Newtons, to a completely full couples’ conference with him, his wife, and other leaders of our church on Feb 19. He also spoke at a special Stake conference that Sunday. Jad was so excited to see him and meet him.
    3. March 28, we had our ward Christ-centered Easter activity. With the Primary Presidency, I helped plan and put that on. I loved helping facilitate our charades of Christ’s parables.
    4. After two years of teaching Institute, my favorite calling ever, I was released. My last official day of teaching was April 21.
    5. I spent my first full year as Primary Secretary. I love working with the presidency, and I love working with the kids, especially by teaching sharing time.
    6. After more than four years of serving as Ward Executive Secretary, Jad was released. He was promptly called to be the Elders Quorum Secretary. Jad really enjoys working with the EQ presidency.
    7. I had the privilege of teaching a large chunk of the Cooking Merit Badge to the boy scouts in our ward over the course of two evenings in September and October. It was a really fun experience, and I learned a lot.
    8. On December 4, our church participated in the Mebane Christmas Parade. I had such a sweet experience riding on the float with Casey, Rigel, and many other children, youth and parents.
    9. December 12, I participated in our ward’s second-annual multi-faith Christmas concert. I loved being in the choir with my mom, and many of my ward members. It was so special to make conversation with people of other faiths, as well as hear them sing praises. We strengthened each other.

    christofferson

    parade

    Scouts:

    1. I helped plan and put on our Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquet on February 28. Casey earned his Bear badge that night too!
    2. Casey went to Cub Scout Day Camp June 15-19. It was his first time attending. I was there for the last three days helping with the toddlers. I was able to be with Rigel, Kamren, and other adorable kids all day.
    3. Casey and Jad went to his first 11-year-old Boy Scout camp at Camp Cherokee September 25-26.

    blue and gold

    cherokee

    Blog:

    1. I celebrated the one-year anniversary of my blog on March 24.
    2. Not long after, I decided it was time to expand my blog and make a more professional-looking site. With the help of my friend, Kirk, I was able to migrate my blog to WordPress. I launched May 29. I have been so happy with my new blog.
    3. While I was working on migration, I thought it would be nice to start writing for other sites to expand my reach. From April to July, I wrote a lot for familyshare.com. My experience was often frustrating because some editors would change my posts too much, and I didn’t feel I had the freedom to write what was in my heart. I rarely write for the site now. My most popular post was my first.
    4. From June-August, I participated in a four-part blogger round-up meant to celebrate the Family Proclamation. My first post in the round-up went viral, and I am very pleased with the reaction to it.
    5. At the beginning of September, I started doing book reviews for Cedar Fort Publishing. It has been a really fun experience to read books from often first-time authors. Some of the books I have read have been stellar. From September to December, I did 18 book reviews (a couple weren’t Cedar Fort). Luckily, Casey read three of them and helped me do the reviews. Still, it got very overwhelming in December, when I did five book reviews. I also did one CD review this year.

    Work:

    1. Jad worked for HCL for a few months, starting March 30, as a Senior Analyst. He didn’t really like it because he wasn’t using his skills, and it was really far away. We were thrilled and felt so blessed when he got the position of Network Specialist with Alamance County. His first day of work was September 9, and it has been fabulous having him so close to home.
    2. On October 19, I started my own business with It Works. My direct upline is one of my good friends from middle school, Amber Tretick. I got to see her when she did my launch party November 21. She is such a great mentor and friend, and I hope to be the same for all who join my team. My website is matchingmyinside.itworks.com.

    Travel:

    1. May 2, my parents treated us to the Discovery Place in Charlotte. It was so fun! And you can’t go to Charlotte without going to Ikea and getting cinnamon rolls. We did that too!
    2. Casey went on a month-long trip to Utah from June 30-July 29. He went to Las Vegas, Lagoon, Yellowstone National Park. Zion National Park, attended a cousin’s wedding reception, saw tons of family at a family reunion, went swimming a lot, and spent a lot of quality time with his family. I was so happy when he came home!
    3. We surprised the kids with a trip to Myrtle Beach on Labor Day weekend this year. We had a wonderful time together. The kids love the ocean. It was also really nice to see Jad’s brother, Tawfeeq, and his family.

    discovery

    airport

    surprise

    beach

    Social/Community:

    1. I joined my neighborhood’s Community Relations Committee. I helped plan and put on our Easter Egg Hunt (March), and our neighborhood barbeque, even though I was too sick to attend (August). Both went really well, and I gained a very dear friend, Fatima, from the connections.
    2. Three of my good friends – Ashley, Cecilia and Kerry – moved away this year. I miss them dearly, but I am grateful for the new friends I have made as new people keep moving into our community.
    3. We attended three wedding receptions/vow renewals of our friends this year. We are so happy for these couples!
    4. Jad and I planned and executed some of our own events too. Jad and I both did girls/guys nights, and I did a baby shower for my friend, Kimberly (Feb 8), and a bridal shower for my friend, Cecilia(Aug 22)

    vow renewal

    kimberly

    Performing:

    1. Casey and I auditioned for our church’s stake musical of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on October 10. I was overjoyed to be given the opportunity to do a call back for the part of the Baroness, the part I wanted more than anything. I talked to my high school drama teacher, Carol Halbert, for advice, and she said that I want them to remember only my performance. Alright, no holding back. And I didn’t. (Thanks, Casey, for rehearsing with me.) Guess what? I got the role for 2/4 performances!!!! I can’t wait to start rehearsal soon with my sweet Casey, and so many other friends and talented folks.
    2. In November, I started planning a theater enrichment club for Casey’s school. Next quarter, I will be teaching this club with Lucas, a faculty member at TES. I cannot be more excited!
    3. On December 6, I sang in Handel’s Messiah for the first time in my life with the Mebane Community Choir. I plan to do this every year!

    Birthdays:

    1. Rigel turned 4 on January 25. On January 24, he had a humongous super hero party – we had 17 kids filling our downstairs!
    2. Kamren turned 2 on May 5. He got a birthday doughnut, got a haircut, went to the children’s museum, and had a small Big Hero 6 party with family and our friend, Ashley. He got a Barney blanket that night, and he still sleeps with it every night.
    3. Casey turned 10 on June 14. He had a big water party with friends on the 12th. He was so excited to get his first tablet this year!
    4. I turned 31 on June 21, and got to celebrate my birthday the same day as Father’s Day! My favorite part of my birthday was discussing the details of my birth with my parents.
    5. Jad turned 33 on July 22, though, if you ask him, he will deny it. I got him a suit for his birthday, and surprised him with it early so he could use it for his second interview with Alamance County. We did Golden Corral as a family that night, and then a week later celebrated with family. He made his own birthday meal of wings, shawarmas, and veggies. I made him a cinnamon roll cake.

    rigel birthday

     

    casey party

    jad bday

    Health and Wellness:

    1. I won an 8-week weight loss challenge from August-October, and got $200, which helped me start my business!
    2. Jad got his wisdom teeth removed October 29.
    3. Jad and I both joined Planet Fitness this year. We are loving it, especially when we have our work out buddies with us.

    Extended Family:

    1. My aunt Betsy, my father’s youngest sister, passed away unexpectedly on January 8, just over one week after we saw her. We had a memorial service for her with family on April 18.
    2. Jad’s cousin, Christeen, had twin a boy and girl on April 2. We got to visit them in the hospital the following day. I loved cuddling them! We were sad when they all went back to Jordan in June. We will miss them, and Christeen’s sweet little daughter, Sarah.
    3. Jad’s mother Salma, and his aunt Rania received their U.S. citizenships on May 22. We were happy to be able to witness that special occasion.
    4. Jad’s uncle Hani and his cousin Husam also received their S. citizenships this year!
    5. In July, my beloved Nana moved to Hillsborough, NC. She lives really close to my parents, and we love seeing her every week.
    6. My brother, Aaron, got into Peabody Conservatory. He moved to Baltimore this August. He is doing great there on his double major of vocal accompanying and opera.

    betsy memorial service

    babies

    citizenship

    Milestones:

    1. Kamren had his first unofficial dentist appointment in June.
    2. Kamren moved from his crib into a toddler bed in June.

    Fun Times:

    ***We had way too many to talk about and show pictures for here, but we are members of two museums now and go often. We went to a lot of fun community and library events throughout the year.  Jad’s and my favorite event we went to was seeing The Illusionists at DPAC in November.

    corn ma

    The Kids’ Personalities:

    1. Casey is really into Legos, Star Wars, paper airplanes, and reading. He also likes playing the Wii and playing with friends. He is very social and bright, and loves talking about the scriptures and other things he is learning. He is overall very helpful around the house. We can tell he is heading towards adolescence, and hope it won’t be too hard. 😉
    2. Rigel is obsessed with super heroes. Most of the year it was Superman, but towards the end of the year, everything has become about Batman. He is a social butterfly, asks a lot of questions, and loves quesadillas. He loves singing too, and his favorite things to sing are Angels We Have Heard on High and the Star Wars Theme Song. He really wants a Batman guitar, but we can’t find one.
    3. Kamren is very tough, a super fast runner, an excellent climber, a lover of TV and sweets, sneaky beyond belief, and quite destructive actually. We often find horrid messes in his wake. He is still our baby, and our angel, though. We love cuddling with him. He doesn’t speak much, but is a whiz with technology. He also melts our hearts every time he shares toys or food with others, even strangers.

    flour

    We had a great year, and we feel so incredibly blessed. We are grateful for each of you, too. Happy New Year!

    Al-Bajaly2015_1

  • Matching My Inside

    I must be crazy. I am a super busy mother of three, with a husband, a house to keep in order, a church I worship in and provide service to, a blog I love, books to read and book reviews to write, an aspiration to write my own book, and more.

    Al-Bajaly2015_1
    Photo credit: Nikki Miner Nichols

    Phew. That is a lot of stuff. Why would anyone want to add something else on?

    A few months ago, I joined Planet Fitness Gym. In my free personal training session, the trainer told me nonchalantly about greens I could use as a nutritional supplement to help me stay nourished when I work out. He gave me a website to look at, called It Works. I was kind of interested, but decided not to buy them.

    Throughout this year, I have brushed shoulders with multiple women who are consultants/distributors for a variety of marketing companies. All of the products are great. I have used many of the brands. These people seem to be doing very well for themselves, and more than once I have been told I would be great in such a business.

    I always appreciated the compliments, but felt that I was too busy for such things, and probably wouldn’t be good at it. After all, I had tried Avon, and I never did well.

    Last week, something changed. My friend Amber, who was one of my best buddies in middle school, posted something on Instagram about her business, and I lit up in excitement. I told her I was interested, and asked her questions.

    My biggest concerns were about time commitment, and also if I had to do a lot outside of the home. She told me that she does almost all of her work with social media, and that she rarely does parties. I love being on social media. I am a fast typer, and I am a good writer. I could do this! I set up a time to have a phone call with her and get started with It Works.

    But then a thought came to me yesterday afternoon: Mandy, you haven’t prayed about this to see if it is the right thing to do.

    I knew I needed to pray, so I slowly knelt in my closet and started to do so. Immediately, I felt a swelling all around me, as if my body was engulfed in spirit. I felt warm, and tears came to my eyes, then started flowing. The answer was clear. Yes, this is the right thing to do.

    So, last night, I signed up to be a distributor with It Works Global.

    I don’t know why Heavenly Father wants me to do this. The obvious reason is to bring extra income to my family – we want to have more children, and Jad wants to go back to school. Perhaps it is also a way to bring more readers to my blog. Perhaps there is someone who would only be persuaded by my voice and my story to change his/her life.

    I don’t know, but I have realized something: To do well in a business such as this, you have to be passionate about the products you are selling.

    There are people who are passionate about makeup or cleaning supplies or oils. Me? Well, I am passionate about products that are going to help me minimize my physical flaws. I have brittle nails that never look nice. I have belly pudge that I just can’t get rid of, no matter how much weight I lose. I have issues with unhealthy food cravings. I have stretch marks, and have always struggled with skin dryness. I can see how the It Works products can change my life for the better. I also love that the market includes men. They care about their health and appearance too, and I want to be able to serve them as much as I serve women.

    Al-Bajaly2015_2
    Photo Credit: Nikki Miner Nichols 

    The name I chose for my website is www.matchingmyinside.itworks.com.

    The reason I chose it is that I truly believe that we all have individual worth. Each person on this earth is special and unique, with a multitude of talents and skills to share with the world. Unfortunately, as in my case, our confidence to do so can waver as we are uncomfortable with how we look and feel.

    Some might think that becoming healthier and improving our flaws means we are proud, and focus too much on the outward appearance. On the contrary – if done without pride, doing this can help us shift our focus to what’s wrong with our outside to how wonderful we are on the inside.

    That is my goal for myself and for others. I don’t want anyone to feel bad about himself/herself. I want people to have faith in themselves and better hopes for their futures.

    Our spirits and bodies are interconnected. As we take care of our bodies, our spirits will shine forth as a light to those around us.

    So, this is a new journey I am on. Should you like to join me in any way, to use the products, or sell them, please let me know. I would love to work with you.

    God knows us and what we need. I am grateful for this opportunity. It will be hard to add this on to my plate, but it will be worth it!