On August 18, 2024, I gave a brief talk in church about experiences I have had where I have felt the Holy Ghost comfort me. It was so beautiful to ponder on my life as well as read through old blog posts I have written to find some of those experiences. In my talk I shared five, all of which have a blog post that give all the details! I hope you enjoy reading about these five very important experiences in my life.
Just before I turned 22, I moved to NC to live with my parents, as a newly divorced single mom of an almost one-year-old named Casey. I had no friends, no confidence, and was constantly sad. I felt I had failed as a wife and mother. I adored my son but felt this constant need to change my circumstances so I could fit the ideals in the family proclamation. I felt hopeless for months, but then one day, as I was reading the proclamation again, my eyes fell on this statement: All human beings are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.
In large part because of my (emotionally) abusive marriage, I had forgotten that I was a daughter of God, and that I had a divine nature and destiny. I had made myself believe that I only had true worth if I had what I thought was the ideal life. But no, I always had divine worth, and I always had a friend in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
The Holy Ghost comforted me by reminding me of this divine truth, and it changed my life for the better.
One night in 2011, Jad had to go to the hospital because he felt like knives were stabbing him, and he could hardly stand the pain. Through a CT scan and a series of blood tests, we finally found out that he had echinococcus, a parasite that had been growing in, and eating away at, his liver for about 10 years. Jad was going to have to have major surgery that came with risks. The news was a little overwhelming, but somehow, we had faith all would be well. As the date approached for his surgery, Jad and I were not worried. We went into the hospital with a positive attitude. After 8 hours of surgery, I was able to see Jad. At first, I felt intense sympathy for him, but then I felt God’s love surrounding both of us. I knew that He was with us, and that Jad’s surgery had gone well because of much faith and prayers, and because Jad had a special mission to perform for the Lord in this life. He would recover, and he would go forward in faith.
The Holy Ghost comforted us by testifying of God’s hand in Jad’s life and God’s love for him and our family.
In 2016, when I was pregnant with Eve, I developed hypertension. At an appointment over five weeks before her due date, I was told I needed to go to the hospital right away. After I got to the car, I burst into tears and sobbed, praying for my baby. I checked into the hospital and was hooked up to the blood pressure machine. As I was lying on the bed in a moment alone, the tears started streaming down my face again. Just when I felt the tears would never stop, a soft but steady movement started in my tummy. My baby had woken up, and it was as if she was telling me that everything would be okay. I immediately felt that she was trying to comfort me, and that I could stop crying. I know that her moving for that long period of time was just for me.
The Holy Ghost comforted me through the movements of my unborn baby girl.
In 2020, someone I care deeply about strongly disagreed with some of my perspectives and decisions, which led to a huge rift in our relationship, something I never wanted or expected. For several months, I was in anguish over it. I spent a lot of time praying about the situation, but no answers or comfort came. But the next April, as I was watching General Conference, a message pierced my soul. I felt it was just for me, and everything in the message gave me comfort and peace knowing that the perspectives I had and the decisions I had made were good and led by the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Ghost comforted me by inspiring an apostle of the Lord to share a message I desperately needed to hear.
In 2022, my life was thrown for a loop when I found out I was pregnant with Asher. Normally one would be excited for a new baby, but because of our lives at the time, this was very difficult news filled with many worries and disappointment, and lots of tears. I prayed all the time for strength, guidance, courage, and a softened heart. Everything I prayed for, God blessed me with, including patience, long-suffering, and faithfulness. My attitude about my pregnancy completely shifted, and I was able to be cheerful and optimistic, even with all my health issues. I unfortunately developed preeclampsia and had to be induced almost 6 weeks early. But, God had helped me prepare for it by manifesting to me that this would happen in advance. He also gave me energy to prepare for my son’s birth and helped me stay calm so I wouldn’t worry. After I had Asher, God blessed Jad and me with the stamina to care for Asher in the NICU while also tending to the needs of our other four children, even while we were both healing -me from childbirth, and him from a bad fall. Most importantly, God blessed us with an overwhelming love for this little boy we never knew we needed.
The Holy Ghost comforted me during this time by helping me see how my prayers were being answered, and for helping me overcome my worries and disappointments and replace them with optimism, calm, strength, and love.
I’m so grateful for how the Holy Ghost has directly or through others, comforted me throughout my life. It has made all the difference in times of trial.
Last night before midnight, our family discussed our year and what events were most meaningful to us. It was no contest: Asher’s birth was the most wonderful and memorable event to happen in our 2023. And our lives have never been the same since he came home to us two weeks later. You can learn more about his birth and first month of life here: A Onesie with Meaning | Making Life a Bliss Complete
The other experiences that meant the most to me in 2023 were directly related to Casey. Seeing him graduate from high school, turn 18, prepare to serve a mission, leave for his mission, and then feeling of his spirit as he serves his mission have been life-changing for me. You can read more about Casey’s transition into adulthood and missionary here: A Month without My Missionary | Making Life a Bliss Complete
It’s interesting to me that the God saw fit for me to simultaneously begin raising a child and wrap up raising a child at the same time. I know I will always be Caseys’ mother no matter how old he gets, but it feels a lot different having an adult child than having a baby.
So for me, Asher coming into the world and Casey leaving the nest are my two major highlights of 2023. This past year has also been filled with many other challenging and fulfilling things, such as:
Rigel turning 12 and receiving the Aaronic Priesthood. Seeing him pass the Sacrament and speak in church have been so special to us.
Joining an LGBTQ ally group with other members of my church to cultivate love, education, and understanding around our LGBTQ siblings.
Attending monthly girls’ nights with friends, old and new. This is so therapeutic for me.
Enjoying having a son with a driver’s license and then six months later having to adjust to not having him there to run errands and drive people around. We definitely appreciated that while we had it.
Learning how to have a baby in the house again and bursting with love for my baby and for the rest of my kids as they adored their new brother.
Eve and Casey performing in our church’s musical of “The Secret Garden.” It was Eve’s first musical and Casey’s first musical playing a lead. I was so grateful to be able to experience this musical from the audience.
Joining a new book club and sometimes reading the books, ha!
Seeing my husband be called to the Bishopric of my congregation and noticing the changes in him for good, as well as feeling for him as he experienced more stress, less time, and more concern for his fellow man.
Making new friends through one of Casey’s best friends. I am so grateful for these new friends and all the memories we have made in half a year!
Learning how to help Casey as he suffered from depression.
Feeling inspired to go back to my book draft from years ago and get back to work on it so I can self-publish it. I will never put it down and give up on it again. I know I was directed to write it and I will publish it this year.
Mourning as my first son moved away from me for the first time in 18 years.
Feeling such joy and love for this same son as he faithfully serves the Lord each day.
Singing in the local Messiah concert for the first time in four years. It was wonderful to have the group back together. There is such a special spirit that comes from worshiping through song.
Kamren, Eve, and Rigel starting karate lessons. They absolutely love it!
Suing our builder over flooring issues and losing because of a technicality over the name. We will sue again this month under another business name. We hate doing it, but we know it’s the right thing to do.
Donating to the Light the World Giving Machine. It took only a few minutes of our time, but it is something we will never forget.
Sleeping poorly almost every night since Asher was born.
Adjusting to not being able to accomplish things nearly as often or quickly as I am used to.
Dealing with self-image issues due to my weight and health. I hope that I can work on this more in 2024 after Asher turns one and is weaned.
Having very little time with my husband since Asher won’t sleep until late at night.
Enjoying family fun times, like school concerts, birthday parties, Monster Jam, the Richmond, VA Temple Open House, strawberry picking, the Greensboro Science Center, a trip to Hendersonville, a day at Carolina Beach, tons of fun times in our pool, family visits, Chestnut Ridge, and Carowinds’ Winterfest.
There are so many other things I could mention about 2023. I have learned a lot about adapting, simplifying, managing my time, loving more deeply, being more present, following the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and more.
I’m so grateful for each year of my life. Some have been harder than others. All have been full of learning opportunities, blessings, and love.
I hope and pray that 2024 will be a fulfilling year and that my family, friends, and I can all progress in our lives and feel joy and peace throughout our successes and struggles.
This is Asher Jordan Al-Bjaly, our fifth born child, born on February 17, 2023.
He is almost 2 and a half months old. Last week, I put him in a onesie that my sister gave me at my baby shower. It says, “I’m proof that God answers prayers.”
When I opened the gift, she said how perfect it was for him, but I thought that it was a strange choice since we had not actually prayed to have another baby. Clothes like that surely belong to couples who have earnestly prayed for a child.
I kept the onesie, though, since it was a thoughtful gift. And then I put it on Asher last week (it finally fits him now) and realized that it was actually a perfect piece of clothing for him.
No, Jad and I never knelt down in tears asking God with all of our might for another child. On the contrary, Asher was an unplanned pregnancy. But, as I have thought carefully about it, I have realized that God has answered many prayers before and during my pregnancy, and after Asher’s birth.
As I shared before, last March I thought I was pregnant, and then found out I wasn’t. I was surprised at how sad I was about that, but at the same time, Jad and I were not trying to have a baby and he knew he didn’t want another one.
Those moments shook me, though, and more than once I found myself praying to know if I should have another baby. I promised that I was willing, but I didn’t know if I should. I didn’t share this with Jad, but just prayed on my own at home and even in the temple (including the Wahington DC Temple open house in June 2022). Well, God answered my prayer not by telling me that I should have a baby, but by allowing me to become pregnant when I should not have been able to be.
1.I prayed that I would be able to overcome the huge disappointment of not being able to perform in my church’s musical. I had hoped that my whole family would perform in the musical this time, which was super important to me because it would be Eve’s first and Casey’s last. This prayer was answered in a unique way, by my son Casey receiving a significant role in the show. I felt so happy being able to see his growth as an actor and singer and then watch the show while glowing with pride at his performance and smiling adoringly at my daughter who was performing for the first time.
Eve as a dreamer child (JS Dudley Photography)
Casey as Dickon (JS Dudley Photography)
Proud mama after watching The Secret Garden
2. I prayed what to do about the new amazing job I had just gotten and was so excited about. I knew that I didn’t want to work if I had a baby at home in a few short months, and I also had been having a lot of morning sickness, but I still felt horrible about quitting. I prayed for courage, for my boss to be understanding, and for me to be okay changing my dream of going back into the workforce. When I told my boss I had to quit, she was super understanding and kind, which made me feel so much better. It was hard for a while knowing I would not be working again for many years, but I kept very busy volunteering, attending school functions, shopping for the baby, doing studies, exercising, and more. I was never bored my whole pregnancy even with all the kids in school.
3. I prayed about how to make room for a new baby. Our house is large, but we did not design it to have more children. It took research and prayers to figure out how to make room – where to put the baby, how to make sure Eve had a space, and what to get rid of and move around, all without spending a lot of money. It sounds like a simple problem, but it definitely caused some stress. I can say that it all worked out beautifully and we were able to help others as we purged, as well as repurpose things for new needs we had. We also were able to get several things for free to help us furnish Eve’s new room and the baby’s room.
Painting the old playroom to make it Eve’s bedroom
The baby’s nursery – Eve’s old room
My health was something else that could have plagued me throughout my pregnancy.
I wrote this post on Facebook when I was 30 weeks along:
It’s crazy to think I am 30 weeks pregnant today! I honestly would be extremely surprised if baby stays inside that long, though, and we are working hard to be prepared for him mentally and physically.
I have been thinking about all the difficulties or things going against me in this pregnancy:
1. Being overweight before pregnancy
2. Being 38 years old at pregnancy
3. Having a lost and likely migrated IUD [Note: Turns out it fell out but I had no idea – I found out when I had an x-ray after having the baby]
4. Developing pregnancy sleep apnea
5. Having a history of hypertension/preeclampsia with some elevated blood pressure this time already
6. Getting gestational diabetes for the first time (just found out yesterday)
7. Having a surprise pregnancy to begin with, which has taken a lot of adjustment and sacrifice.
Yep, it can be said many things are against me. I am keeping a positive attitude, though. I am staying as physically active as I can. I am trying to see the diabetes as a blessing in disguise to push me into eating better. I’m focusing on how healthy our baby has been this whole time. I’m cherishing every movement and kick. I’m looking forward to the wonderful blessing this little guy will be for all of us.
There is so much good even with all these issues, and I am so grateful for loving friends and family who have been there for me and will continue to be! I’m most importantly grateful to my Father in Heaven for helping me be more patient, long suffering, and faithful.
The only reason I was able to be more patient, longsuffering and faithful during my health issues was because I prayed for these things. And God answered my prayers.
He also helped prepare me for what was to come. I had a feeling around the time a friend was asking me about having a baby shower that our baby would be born around the same time as Eve – that my blood pressure would ultimately lead me to having preeclampsia again. I just felt it. I didn’t let it bother me, but Jad and I did pray daily for my health and the baby’s health. I know that God gave me the energy, and both Jad and I the time to prepare our baby’s nursery. I know that God also kept me calm as well so I could focus on the excitement of having a baby and not the worry of him likely coming early.
I know He helped me choose my baby’s name. I think I looked at hundreds of names and kept looking and kept looking because nobody seemed satisfied. Jad and I had been praying about what to name him. As I felt that our time to decide was drawing to a close, I had made a list of our favorite ideas, and Jad had made it into more of a chart form regarding first and middle name options. One night as we went through each name together, we were able to remove names, and then we typed a few first and middle name possibilities. As we read through them, tears came to my eyes as I read the name “Asher Jordan Al-Bjaly.” I knew at that moment that should be his name. We still didn’t decide for sure, but I knew, and we ultimately named him that.
I wish I could say that my pregnancy went full-term, or at least until the proposed 37-week induction due to my gestational diabetes. That would have been the best answer to mine and Jad’s daily prayers for my health and the health of our baby, but it was not to be.
On Valentines Day with my four kids not expecting to have a fifth in 3 short days
It was a very scary and unsettling experience to be told that I needed to be induced that day because my blood pressure was dangerously high. But, I felt God and his angels on earth help us. Our bishop came and gave me a blessing, and so many people prayed for Asher and me during the labor, and for all the time after his birth that he was in the NICU and I was recovering from childbirth. I know that God not only answered my prayers, but the prayers of those who love us.
In labor
Here is a little video I sent my kids when I was in labor:
I only got to hold him for a couple minutes before they took him to the NICU – so in love.
Our first picture with Asher.
In the NICU not long after birth on oxygen
Here is a video of me sharing Asher’s birth story:
I had no choice but to get up and get things done after I was discharged from the hospital. I was at the NICU as much as I could be while also doing my best to spend time with my other children. I had so many people ask me how I was doing all of that when I just had a baby, and I always answered that God was giving me strength. The same answer was true for Jad, who even though he was on paternity leave, was in constant pain due to falling off a ladder while painting just a day after I had the baby.
Even with Jad off work, we couldn’t balance life at the hospital and home all alone, so we prayed that we would be able to coordinate everybody’s needs. We were blessed with plenty of help from loving friends and family from meals to rides to childcare, and it brought us so much relief to be surrounded by this selfless love and care.
Asher was in the NICU (at UNC first and then Alamance Regional Hospital) for two weeks before he went home. Some days were harder than others, but we felt so blessed that he only had to be on oxygen for one day, and that he only had to be under the bilirubin light for a few days. We also felt blessed that he got the opportunity to be transferred to Alamance Regional, which was so much closer to us, and also a much better fit for Jad and I as involved parents.
On oxygen that first day
Under the bilirubin light at UNC
Being transported to ARMC
Under the bilirubin light right after arriving at ARMC
Some of the goodies we got at ARMC – we especially loved the flannel hearts for us to wear and then leave with Asher so he could smell us when we couldn’t be with him
It took Asher quite some time to be able to nurse with the stamina he needed, but he improved daily, and he was such a sweet, cuddly and good baby. Below are some of my favorite pictures of Asher when he was in the NICU, both at UNC and ARMC:
The time Asher was in the NICU was hard for Jad and me because we felt so horrible about having to choose between being with our baby at the hospital or with our other four children. We switched off the best we could, but it was hard for us. It was also really hard for the kids. They had to live with basically one parent at a time, and had to make a lot of life adjustments, all the while not being able to meet their baby brother.
A video call one night that Jad was at the NICU with Asher
Baby Asher on the other side of the call
One night, when Jad was at the NICU and I was at home, I felt just how big the strain was on them, and I was inspired to have a conversation with the children about it in hopes of helping them have hope and patience. Here is a video I recorded of that experience:
Thankfully Asher came home very soon after this on March 3rd. The nurses marveled at how fast he was able to come home, since many preemies don’t go home until their due dates. They said they knew he was going home so soon because we were so present with him. I know that was part of it, but I know an even greater part of it was God answering our fervent prayers.
And of course, Jad and I both hoped and prayed that when Asher came home, we would all be able to adjust to having him home and that everyone would love him. We were a little worried about Eve being jealous, since she had expressed concerns before about not having enough attention. We also prayed that we would be able to take care of and love all of our children as we added one more to our home. And that has been the greatest answer to prayer of all: every single one of us adores Asher more than we could ever describe. We have been able to adjust well to having him home with us, and it feels like he has always been a part of our family. Nobody has been jealous, and we are able to make time for everyone. We have all just had to learn to be more flexible and patient sometimes.
Here are the kids’ first interactions with their baby brother:
Here are my favorite photos of Asher and our family since then:
I was worried when I was pregnant that I wasn’t going to be able to get back into new motherhood, and that I wouldn’t be able to love this boy as much as I loved and cherished Eve who was my first girl and a preemie – the one I thought would be my youngest and last.
God has certainly answered those prayers. Jad and I have both remembered how to be parents of little ones, and we are cherishing each moment, with as much joy and laughter as we can muster through the lack of consistent sleep.
And do we love Asher as much as Eve and the rest? Well, of course we do. I often tear up thinking about how blessed I am. I don’t know if I deserve this special child of God, but I feel so honored that it was part of God’s plan that Asher should join our family and that I should be his mother.
It may sound like life is perfect. It’s not. It’s really challenging sometimes. We are always busy and tired and have a difficult time accomplishing what we used to do. Despite all that, I wouldn’t change a thing. I also wouldn’t wish that he came on time. It has actually been a tremendous blessing that he came early because it has provided almost six extra weeks for all of us to bond with him, especially Casey, who is graduating soon and will then be serving a two-year mission before going off to college. His relationship with Asher has been especially precious to watch.
So, yes, the onesie my dear sister got for Asher was perfect, and I cannot express enough gratitude to my Heavenly Father for hearing and answering so many prayers on the behalf of myself, my baby, and my beloved family. Our prayers keep coming, and He keeps answering. God is good.
Our family of seven:
We finally took our first family photo on March 12.
At the Richmond VA Temple Open House on April 7 (I teared up in the Celestial Room as I looked at Asher and pondered on how nearly a year before I prayed in the DC Celestial Room to know if I should have another baby.)
After church on Easter and the day of Asher’s baby blessing
Today I had the very special opportunity to speak in church about how to strengthen our relationship with Jesus Christ in the coming new year.
My Bishop gave me two weeks to prepare, and the first week I did spend quite a bit of time researching and pondering. But, the week before speaking, I was so busy preparing for Christmas, and was so tired, that I didn’t really sit down to finish my talk until after everyone went to bed Christmas night.
I prayed before I began pulling my talk together that I would be able to focus on and write the most worthwhile things for everyone to hear. I cannot describe just how tired I was last night, but I was somehow able to write my talk in a matter of hours. I went to bed late and then got up early to shorten it. I was happy with it. I also knew I would cry since just by reading it aloud I teared up.
Well, I got up to give my talk, and I cried many times. I felt the Spirit testify to me so strongly that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer. I ran out of time to finish my talk, but I hope and pray that people were touched today by the words God inspired me to put together. I am pasting the words to my talk below. I hope they bring joy and inspiration to you.
Merry Christmas, brothers and sisters. I hope you have felt the love of your Heavenly Father and your Savior Jesus Christ as you have celebrated His birth this season. The new year is nearly here, and it’s a time to resolve to be better than we were this past year. Perhaps the most crucial resolve we can make is to nourish and strengthen our testimony of Jesus Christ.
Elder Richard G. Scott taught that [a testimony]…is the very essence of character woven from threads born of countless correct decisions. It generates the conviction that as the teachings of the Savior are consistently obeyed, life will be beautiful, the future secure, and there will be capacity to overcome the challenges that cross our path.”
No matter where we fall on the spectrum of our faith, there are so many ways to strengthen our testimonies of Christ. I would like to discuss some of them today.
The first two are simple and go hand in hand. See if you can hear them in this quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: “Daily fervent prayers seeking forgiveness and direction are essential to our lives and the nourishment of our testimonies. Personal, sincere involvement in the scriptures produces faith, hope, and solutions to our daily challenges. Frequently reading, pondering, and applying the lessons of the scriptures, combined with prayer, become an irreplaceable part of gaining and sustaining a strong, vibrant testimony.”
Have you ever studied your scriptures by focusing on the Savior? You can study the types of Christ in the Old Testament or read how the prophets prophesied of His birth, life, and atonement, especially Isaiah; you can highlight all instances where Jesus is mentioned in the scriptures, in the Book of Mormon especially; you can study each section of the topical guide that talks about Him and all the wonderful names by which He is called. You can read in the four gospels and in 3rd Nephi where Jesus actually walked with, talked with, prayed with, and healed real people. You can make those stories even more powerful and personal as you imagine that you are the blind man that he gave sight to, that you were the woman whose issue of blood was healed by touching his garment, that you were one of the children He sat upon His knee, that you were one of a member of the congregation when He gave His sermon on the mount, that you were one of the Nephites who felt the nail prints in his hands and feet. How would you have felt if you had been there – if you had seen the Savior? If you had touched Him? If you had heard Him speak? If you had seen His love for you through His eyes?
And when you pray, you can thank Heavenly Father for the precious gift of His beloved son and you can focus on what your Savior has done for you, and what He can do for you. Offer up your thanks, your reverence, your love, and your praises so that He feels your love. Ask what you can do to be like Him, to share His light, to serve His children. Pray for forgiveness of your sins and for strength to overcome weakness through the powers of His atonement.
That is another way to strengthen our testimonies of Christ – by better understanding and applying His infinite atonement to our lives. Through Christ’s atonement, we can be cleansed and redeemed as we repent.
President Russell M. Nelson has called repentance “a never-ending privilege. It is fundamental to progression and having peace of mind, comfort, and joy.”
Some of us may feel that we have sinned so heavily that there is no hope for forgiveness. If you are feeling that now, please do not feel that way another moment. Take heart on this beautiful truth from Elder Truman G. Madsen: “If there are some of you who have been tricked into the conviction that you have gone too far, … that you have had the poison of sin which makes it impossible ever again to be what you could have been—then hear me. You cannot sink farther than the light and sweeping intelligence of Jesus Christ can reach. As long as there is one spark of the will to repent and to reach, he is there. He did not just descend to your condition; he descended below it, ‘that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth.’
Another way we can more fully appreciate the redeeming power of Christ’s atonement is by treating the ordinance of the Sacrament as a holy ordinance, and the most important part of our church meetings. Elder Holland said that this sacred weekly ordinance “should be a powerful, reverent, reflective moment. It should encourage spiritual feelings and impressions.”
In his talk “This Do in Remembrance of Me,” Elder Holland gives beautiful ideas of how we can reverently reflect on our Savior during the Sacrament. I recommend that everyone print those suggestions out and refer to them often. During the administration of this sacred ordinance, other ideas are to read the scriptures, conference talks, or sacrament hymns, and pray to Heavenly Father, thanking Him for the gift of His son, and asking for forgiveness and strength to be a better disciple of Christ.
The most beautiful truth in Elder Holland’s talk, to me was this: “In his resurrected, otherwise perfected body, our Lord of this sacrament table has chosen to retain for the benefit of his disciples the wounds in his hands and his feet and his side—signs, if you will, that painful things happen even to the pure and perfect. Signs, if you will, that pain in this world is not evidence that God doesn’t love you. It is the wounded Christ who is the captain of our soul—he who yet bears the scars of sacrifice, the lesions of love and humility and forgiveness. Those wounds are what he invites young and old, then and now, to step forward and see and feel.”
And may I now share a portion of the beautiful testimony of Elder Bruce R. McConkie: “I testify that Jesus Christ is the Son of the Living God and was crucified for the sins of the world. He is our Lord, our God, and our King. In a coming day I shall feel the nail marks in his hands and in his feet and shall wet his feet with my tears. But I shall not know any better than I know now that he is God’s Almighty Son, that he is our Savior and Redeemer, and that salvation comes in and through his atoning blood and in no other way. God grant that all of us may walk in the light as God our Father is in the light so that, according to the promises, the blood of Jesus Christ his Son will cleanse us from all sin.”
Yes, through Christ’s atonement, we can be cleansed from our sins. And as Elder Bednar has explained, the Savior’s atonement has another wonderful power – the power to enable us to be better than we are.
He said, “The Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to live in us—not only to direct us but also to empower us. … He can reach out, touch, and succor—literally run to us—and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power.”
My favorite scripture in the Book of Mormon is Ether 12:27, which reads: “I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” Elder Bednar explained that grace is another word for Christ’s enabling power.
We should take the time to ponder and self-reflect, thinking on our past weaknesses that we have seen improve through a righteous desire to change, coupled with fervent prayer and patience. We should express our gratitude through prayer for this divine help. We can then ponder on our current weaknesses honestly, humbly, and prayerfully. We can ask the question, “What lack I yet?” and we can trust in our Savior to help us make those weak things strong. As we trust in the Lord, we will recognize how callings, opportunities, and people who come our way can help us in that enabling process. I believe in Christ’s enabling power. I have seen that some weaknesses I had years ago have slowly and steadily become strengths, and I have nobody but my Savior to thank for that. It has changed my life, and I look forward to acting on His enabling powers to help me with more of my many weaknesses.
When we fully grasp onto the Savior’s atonement, we can truly become more like Him, putting his divine attributes to the test, and can come to know that His way is the highest and holiest way.
President Thomas S. Monson taught that “love is the very essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His life was a legacy of love.”
In a world so full of judgment, anger, negativity, prejudice, and hate, it’s more important than ever that we resolve to stand apart from the world and exude light and love, compassion and forgiveness, empathy and understanding.
President Nelson taught that Christ has given us many gifts, one being “an unlimited capacity to love. That includes the capacity to love the unlovable and those who not only do not love you but presently persecute and despitefully use you. You may even want to ask God for His angels to walk with you where you presently do not want to tread.” Another gift President Nelson shared was the ability to forgive. He said, “Through His infinite Atonement, you can forgive those who have hurt you and who may never accept responsibility for their cruelty to you. The Savior will grant you the ability to forgive anyone who has mistreated you in any way.”
President Monson, speaking of the pure love of Christ taught that “Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others.”
Sister Silvia Allred, adding onto that, said, “When we have charity, we are willing to serve and help others when it is inconvenient and with no thought of recognition or reciprocation. We don’t wait to be assigned to help, because it becomes our very nature.”
Elder Dale G. Renlund speaking about Christ as our good shepherd, said, “The Savior’s mortal ministry was characterized by love, compassion, and empathy. He did not disdainfully walk the dusty roads of Galilee and Judea, flinching at the sight of sinners. No, He ate with them. He helped and blessed, lifted and edified, and replaced fear and despair with hope and joy. We, who are sinners, must, like the Savior, reach out to others with compassion and love. Our role is also to help and bless, lift and edify, and replace fear and despair with hope and joy. The Savior rebuked individuals who recoiled from others they viewed as unclean and who self-righteously judged others as more sinful than they. Jesus Christ set the example for us to follow—to show respect to all and hatred toward none. As His disciples, let us fully mirror His love and love one another so openly and completely that no one feels abandoned, alone, or hopeless.”
These profound teachings can help us as we do our best to grow in our love for our fellow man in the coming year. I think the key to learning to love others unconditionally is to try to see them at God sees them and love them as God loves them. No matter how imperfect any person is, no matter how they identify or look like, no matter what they say, do, feel, or think, they are beloved children of Heavenly Father. He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to atone for all of us. He has His arms outstretched to everyone and He shuns none. Why then should we? If there are people in your life right now that you are struggling to like, love, or forgive, perhaps write down their names. Ask God to help you find good in them. Ask Him to help you soften your heart towards them. Ask Him to help you internalize that you do not know all that He knows. Ask Him to help you see what good you can do for others and what good they can do for you – even those that are most unlovable. Those who are hardest to love are often those who need love the most.
Living a life of Christ-like love is a wonderful way to help increase our testimony, as is lovingly sharing our testimony with others.
President Eyring promised, “You will be a light to the world as you share your testimony. You will reflect to others the Light of Christ in your life. The Lord will find ways for that light to touch those you love.”
So, how can we better share our testimonies in this coming year? Truthfully, it is not always easy because we are sometimes worried about how people will react. But, as we pray for that desire to share the gospel of Christ with others, the Holy Ghost will help us know what to say and how to say it.
Some ideas on how to share our testimonies are naturally talking about blessings and tender mercies in our lives, bearing our testimonies in testimony meeting, sending quotes, scriptures or videos to friends or family when we feel they may need it, having pictures of Christ in our homes so that when people come to visit they will know that we love Him, using our musical talents to sing praises to Him, and utilizing social media as a way to share spiritual insights, stories, and scriptures as we feel prompted. The Lord has given us all a unique combination of spiritual gifts, and with those gifts, we can truly share His gospel with others.
The final way to increase our testimony of Christ I wish to discuss is by faithfully attending the temple regularly. Living worthy to attend the temple, and making and keeping covenants for ourselves and the dead there, will increase the presence of the Holy Ghost in our lives, leading to greater testimony.
President Nelson recently taught: “The temple lies at the center of strengthening our faith and spiritual fortitude because the Savior and His doctrine are the very heart of the temple. Everything taught in the temple increases our understanding of Jesus Christ. His essential ordinances bind us to Him through sacred priesthood covenants. Then, as we keep our covenants, He endows us with His healing, strengthening power. The Lord is providing opportunities for each of us to bolster our spiritual foundations more effectively by centering our lives on Him and on the ordinances and covenants of His temple. When you bring your temple recommend, a contrite heart, and a seeking mind to the Lord’s house of learning, He will teach you.”
If you do not have a temple recommend, please make a goal to get one next year. If you do have one, please make consistent appointments to attend, bringing family names when possible. We all can make time for the temple. Our eternal lives depend on it.
To bring my thoughts together, I would like to share this lovely thought from Elder Timothy J. Dyches – “Just as sunlight daily bathes the earth to renew and sustain life, you can daily brighten the light within you when you choose to follow Jesus Christ. A drop of sunshine is added every time you seek God in prayer; study the scriptures to “hear Him”; act on guidance and revelation from our living prophets; and obey and keep the commandments. You will invite spiritual sunlight into your soul and peace into your life each time you repent. As you partake of the sacrament, His light will shine within you. There is sunshine in your soul every time you share the gospel and bear your testimony. Every time you serve one another as the Savior did, His warmth is felt in your heart. Heavenly Father’s light always resides within His holy temple and upon all who present themselves in the house of the Lord. His light in you is enhanced with your acts of kindness, patience, forgiveness, and charity and shows itself in your happy countenance. As you keep your face towards the sunshine, the shadows cannot help but fall behind you.”
Brothers and sisters, I know that Jesus is my Savior and my Redeemer. I know that He lives, and He is in Heaven with His and our Heavenly Father. Jesus, like Heavenly Father, loves each of us unconditionally. He smiles when we smile and weeps when we weep. He is always our friend and advocate. He knows how we feel. He wants to bless us. He wants us to return to live with Heavenly Father again. He has provided the way. I pray that we can all more fully believe in Him, love Him, follow Him, and share His love in the coming year.
I hear many Christians say, “God doesn’t make mistakes.”
If used with loving tones and intentions, this can be a true and glorious statement. The key word is “if.” To help understand intent, we need to go further into the statement.
Let’s try using it in relation to many of God’s creations and gifts and see how we would continue the sentence like this: “God doesn’t make mistakes and so…_________________.”
God created the water, land, and all of the trees, herbs, grasses, plants, and flowers (See Genesis 1:9-12, 29). There is much beauty to behold on the earth because of these creations, as well as food and medicine for us to use. However, many areas of the earth suffer from famine, drought, and horrible natural disasters, such as earthquakes, fires, floods, and hurricanes. Some plants, trees, and flowers also bring pain and discomfort.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so… ___________________________.”
What would you say? I would say, “…in His wisdom, God gave us opposition to help us love and appreciate the beauty of nature on one hand, and on the other hand to turn to Him in faith when nature causes harm. To those who are not currently suffering by the hand of nature, He provides them with the opportunity to serve those who are.”
God created all of the fish, birds, beasts, and creeping things on this earth (see Genesis 1:20-25, 30). These animals bring joy, wonder, beauty, nutrition, and affection to us on the earth. But, some are dangerous, even deadly. Others are gross, destructive, or just plain annoying. We may wish they didn’t exist.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so… ___________________________.”
What would you say? I would say, “…in His wisdom, He gave us all kinds of animals not only for us to enjoy, but also to help us learn tolerance, each animal’s purpose, how to coexist with them, and in dangerous interactions with them, the ability to use our faith to turn to Him for help.”
God created male and female in His image and commanded them to multiply and replenish the earth (See Genesis 1:26-28). The human body is magnificent and works in miraculous ways. Being able to have children is one of those miracles. However, not all people are born with bodies and minds that function perfectly or properly. There are many born with mild to severe mental and/or physical disabilities. Some babies don’t even make it to birth because their bodies are unable to function outside the womb. There are also many couples who wish for nothing more than to be parents, and yet can never conceive or carry a child to term.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
These situations can be heartbreaking and very personal. The answer to this statement will be different for everyone, and may take much prayer, fasting and faith to accept and receive an answer that brings peace. When we know of people who suffer from these heartaches, we respond with love, compassion, and open arms.
You may have noticed that I have missed something in relation to this gift of God: not all of God’s children are attracted to the opposite sex, which is needful in order to multiply and replenish the earth. Some are attracted to the same sex, others to both, some to none at all, and some even feel that their inside gender doesn’t match their outside sex. Let’s try to fill in the blank again:
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
At this point, many Christians would take pause. In all the other instances above, most Christians would respond with faith and positivity. Yet, this example is rarely treated the same way. On the contrary, when it comes to LGBTQ+ individuals, so often I have heard Christians judge unkindly, accusing them of wickedness and vile sin, thinking upon them with disgust and denying their humanity. They fill in the blank with words like this: “God doesn’t make mistakes, and so LGBTQ+ individuals are choosing these grotesque lifestyles and trying to destroy the divine nature of the family.”
These thoughts and feelings are often a product of ignorance, and are very damaging. Jesus certainly never spoke or felt this way about any of God’s children, and does not want us to do so either.
Before you think I have always been above thoughts like that, I have to make some confessions. In the early 2000s, people didn’t really talk about homosexuality or any other type of sexuality outside the heterosexual. I recall at least twice in high school when different teen boys told me they were gay. I am ashamed to say that I did not react with love. I did not acknowledge either boy’s courage for saying something that would likely cause persecution and ostracizing by their peers. No, I laughed it off each time and said that they were just making it up and that nobody was really gay. I didn’t mean any harm, but how harmful my responses must have been! I remember also in those teen years when my little brother told me that someone told him he could be a model that I scoffed and said, “Do you want people to think you are gay??” In my high school, I often heard and said the derogatory phrase, “That’s so gay” anytime something was deemed undesirable or dumb. I shudder to think about that now.
When I was in college, my same little brother who I scoffed at about possibly being a model told my family that he was gay. I was shocked when I heard because the girls always loved him. I just didn’t know how that could be possible. But as I talked to him, I found out that he had felt different ever since he was a young boy around age 8. He tried to hide who he was for a long time and pretend to be someone he wasn’t. He finally couldn’t do it anymore, and when he had the courage to speak out about who he really was, he was treated horribly by so many, including by church leadership who said he needed therapy to be fixed. Attitudes, knowledge, and acceptance towards LGBTQ+ individuals have changed a lot in my church since then, but I am so sorry for those like my brother who were not treated with the love they needed and deserved during their most vulnerable times.
My brother is one of the most remarkable people that I know. He is not grotesque. He is a beautiful person in every way imaginable. I have known many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people in my life and all of them have been kind, fun, smart, innovative, and amazing people. They are just as human and just as worthy of love as anybody else.
But, even knowing my brother was gay, and even having several gay and bisexual friends at work years ago, I haven’t always been at the point of loving and respecting them so much that I was always considerate of their feelings and of their experiences. That has come with time, and I am still working on that.
I do not know any transgender individuals yet, and the idea of transgenderism is still pretty new for me, though my feelings have changed quite a bit. I remember in 2015 when Bruce Jenner came out asking to be called Caitlyn, I was disgusted and weirded out. I remember thinking that there is no way that this was anything other than a publicity stunt. Someone on Facebook shared an article. It was written by a member of my church and it was entitled, “I’ll call you Caitlyn.” I was angry when I read it and thought this person was going against the gospel… but I have changed since then. Now when I read the article, I see someone trying to emulate the Savior and acting in accordance with His gospel.
If you have angry, judgmental feelings towards LGBTQ members of the human family – of God’s family, please get to know them. Treat them as human beings. Try to be able to fill in the blanks of the phrase “God doesn’t make mistakes and so…” in a more loving way, perhaps like this:
“God doesn’t make mistakes and so He wants me to learn to love others the way He loves them, no matter if they are different than me. He wants me to seek for understanding. He wants me to treat my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters with respect and dignity. He wants me to offer them friendship and support and to acknowledge the persecution they endure just for being them. He wants me to help them feel welcomed into society and into the church as equals.”
Let’s talk about just one more thing God has given us.
Heavenly Father gave each person who will ever live the gift of moral agency, or the gift to choose how we think, what we say, and how we act in any given situation. How many times have we secretly wished that God would force people to do the right thing? How many times have we hoped that He would stop people from using their agency for the wrong? But, that isn’t His plan. How can we fill in the blank about agency, even when we see and feel the tragic effects of bloodshed, racism, vicious lies, betrayal, and other horrible acts of cruelty? Perhaps we have used our agency to do some of these awful things too.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
How would you fill this one in? It’s a very difficult one sometimes to understand. I might say, “God doesn’t make mistakes, and so he gave us agency so that we would have an opportunity to prove our worthiness to Him. God wants us to choose Him even when we can’t see Him. He wants us to come to Him in prayer to help us make the right choices. He wants us to mourn with and comfort those who need it. He wants us to reach out and help victims of other people’s wickedness. He wants us to forgive those who hurt us and He wants us to live worthy of the presence of the Holy Ghost so we can avoid making decisions that hurt others. He wants us to gain enough spiritual strength that we can withstand the temptations of Satan. He wants us to trust in our Savior, that He can cleanse us when we have sinned and He can make us whole when we are broken. He wants us to have a choice in our own salvation and He wants us to embrace our individual worth and recognize our divine nature. All this is possible only through the gift of agency.”
To my fellow Christians, I ask you to use your God-given agency to make room in your hearts, in your friendships, and in your church for all people.
God does not make mistakes – we do. As we learn to see His wisdom in every gift, every creation, and every individual facet of a child of God, differences and all, we will make less mistakes and make more good choices. We will be more loving, more merciful, more compassionate, more like Him.
For all of the elections I have been old enough to vote in, I have used this conviction as a major and main factor in choosing my president. Thus, I have always voted Republican, and have felt a duty to do so as a defender of the unborn.
Earlier this year, though, Jad and I decided for multiple reasons to become unaffiliated. We mostly did it so we wouldn’t feel boxed into a party and so we could be more well-rounded and free-thinking. It has felt amazing because without guilt we can consider all parties equally and choose candidates who at this time fit our needs and desires, and the needs of our country, the most.
Because I am unaffiliated, but mostly because I have been unsure of who to vote for this election, I have taken the time to really learn about each of the four main candidates. I even prayed about the election before watching my church’s General Conference the first weekend in October. I heard so many profound and recurring themes to help me ponder on exactly what our country needs right now to thrive.
After really studying Conference in this way, I realized for the first time that to be pro-life, I must truly think about ALL life, including those in our country who are suffering for any reason, be it racism, inequality, poverty, etc. That means that in my research for the best presidential candidate, I can’t just look at each candidate’s abortion stances, but also at their stances for all living people who need a voice for positive change.
On October 6, I wrote this post on Facebook:
I want to make something incredibly clear, and this is coming from a person who is unequivocally Pro-life: It is unfair, unkind, and incredibly judgmental to say that people who are Pro-choice and/or Democrats are hateful, evil, baby-killers who are going to rot in Hell. It makes me cringe when I hear people be so hateful to the living while professing to be Pro-life. A Pro-life person should love all human life! It doesn’t make sense to defend the unborn and then make vicious accusations to the living – people who are all around you trying to do the best they can. If you are really Pro-life you will consider the BEST ways to prevent abortions. And you will make sure ALL babies, once born and throughout their whole lives, are treated with love, respect, equality, and dignity. It’s not just about the right to be born – it’s about the right to live your best life. God commanded us to love one another. He never said to only love those who agree with everything we do. I truly believe that most of us want what is best for humanity, but we just have different ways of fighting for it. But let us stand tall and set good examples rather than fan flames of anger and hatred. That will never help any good cause, no matter how passionate we are about it. Please, please, if you profess to be Pro-life, be Pro-life for all – the unborn and born, the young and the old, the male and the female, the gay and the straight, the black and the white, the poor and the rich, the healthy and the sick, the educated and the uneducated, the natural-born citizen and the immigrant, the Christian and the Atheist, and everybody in between. We are all worthy of God’s love because we are all His children. Let us spread His love.
Does this new conviction mean that my goal is now to forget the unborn and only think of the living? Not at all, but I have realized that in order to choose my presidential candidate wisely, I have to better balance my conviction to protect the unborn with my conviction to make life better for every living human being, even if that balance means possibly choosing a pro-choice candidate.
This isn’t easy to do since, though I’m ashamed to admit it, I have often felt uncomfortable with Christians, especially members of my church, voting Democrat.
This is a clear point of concern and confusion for many people in my church, as was made evident as I read the comments on the letter our First Presidency wrote regarding its political neutrality and how there is good in each party. Sadly, for as many positive comments I saw, just as many were unkind and divisive. I saw too many people angrily accuse people voting Democrat as being un-Christlike and wicked, and that bothered me a lot. These reactions were the opposite of our leaders’ counsel to be kind in political discourse.
For all of these reasons, I have decided to take the time to research abortion – why women get abortions; what is Roe V. Wade really about and what has been done in the past to overturn it; what is the truth about pro-choice candidate’s views on partial-birth and late-term abortions; what do Joe Biden’s plans for Women’s Reproductive Health mean for abortion; and has the abortion rate gone down in recent years and why?
This research has greatly informed me and given me comfort and hope.
Firstly, why do women have abortions?
I read many articles about this, citing studies from multiple years, but the patterns remain overall the same:
The vast majority of women who get abortions are living in poverty and cannot afford a child (About 70-75%)
The vast majority of women having abortions are single mothers (about 65-70%).
Almost half of women who have abortions have already had an abortion previously.
The most common reason provided for having an abortion is that pregnancy would interfere with education, work or ability to care for dependents. Normally 2-3 reasons are chosen, though.
Most women who have had an abortion are already mothers.
Most women who have abortions are in their 20s.
About half of women who get an abortion had an unintended pregnancy, most often from not taking contraception or not taking it consistently.
Less than 1% of abortions occur because of rape, health of the mother, or incest.
I read this analysis from one study that I thought was very well-rounded and addressed these issues well:
“Identifying one single approach that will address every woman’s concerns and change her mind is difficult, given the multiplicity of the reasons and rationales given by women for seeking abortion. Some will be benefited by being connected to better support systems, while others need practical economic assistance. Anything making men more responsible for the children they father will go a long way towards helping many of these women care for their children. Yet abortion’s legality and the implied social sanction that comes with it is clearly a major part of the cultural machinery that forces these cruel choices on women, that lets men off the hook, that leaves women to care for households of children all alone, and that makes society less accommodating to the demands of motherhood. Collectively such factors may conspire to force many of these women to consider an option that goes totally against their nurturing natures and pit the needs of one or more of their children against another. If we believe the survey, most of the women seeking to abort here did so, not because they were triumphantly exercising their “power to choose,” but because they felt like–given the circumstances–they had no other realistic choice.”
Secondly, what is Roe vs Wade about, and can it be overturned?
History.com explains, “On Jan 22, 1973, the Supreme Court, in a 7-2 decision, struck down the Texas law banning abortion, effectively legalizing the procedure nationwide. In a majority opinion written by Justice Harry Blackmun, the court declared that a woman’s right to an abortion was implicit in the right to privacy protected by the 14th Amendment. The court divided pregnancy into three trimesters, and declared that the choice to end a pregnancy in the first trimester was solely up to the woman. In the second trimester, the government could regulate abortion, although not ban it, in order to protect the mother’s health. In the third trimester, the state could prohibit abortion to protect a fetus that could survive on its own outside the womb, except when a woman’s health was in danger.”
The decision for Roe V. Wade centered around the 14th Amendment’s right to privacy:
The 14th Amendment‘s Due Process clause states: No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
Overturning Roe v. Wade has been a hope of people like me (pro-lifers) for a long time, and many hope that President Trump will be the one to do it. I did quite a bit of research, and here is what I found out:
For 49 of the last 50 years, there has been a Republican majority on the Supreme Court. Even when Roe V. Wade was passed, there was a Republican majority on the Supreme Court. Five out of the six Republican justices were for it.
One perfect time presented to overturn Roe V Wade was in 1992 with the Planned Parenthood V. Casey case, but it did not happen. In fact, this case ended up outlawing restrictions putting an undue burden on women seeking abortions. Justices Sandra Day O’Connor, David Souter, and Anthony Kennedy, all nominated by Republican presidents, supported this action.
Another perfect time to overturn Roe V Wade was in 2005 with The Sanctity of Life Act. The Republicans were in the majority in both houses of Congress and many of these Republicans were endorsed by pro-life groups, as was the president. Yet this bill never passed.
In 2018, when Justice Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed to the Supreme Court, many wondered if he would help overturn Roe V. Wade. But, instead, during his confirmation hearings, Justice Kavanaugh reportedly told Senator Susan Collins that the Supreme Court’s decisions “become part of our legal framework with the passage of time.” He also said honoring prior Supreme Court decisions is essential to maintaining public confidence in the Court.
Even with all this past evidence of it not being overturned, if Roe V Wade is somehow overturned, abortion will not be illegal. The purpose of RVW was to prohibit states from banning abortion completely. Without it, some states could potentially ban abortion completely, but it would not end abortion in our country. Read what some states have done already here.
Thirdly, do Democrats and other pro-choice parties encourage and champion partial-birth and late-term abortion?
Firstly, it’s important to know how often these types of abortions happen. Based on the studies I read, over 90% of abortions occur during the first trimester. About 1% of abortions happen after 21 weeks.
Also, only 1% of pregnancies end in abortion. It’s still too many, but it’s comforting to know it isn’t as common a practice as some people think.
Joe Biden recently said, in response to the possible appointment of Amy Coney Barrett as the new Supreme Court justice: “The only responsible response to that would be to pass legislation making Roe the law of the land. That’s what I would do.”
President Trump’s response to this statement was, “Biden and Democrats just clarified the fact that they are fully in favor of (very) LATE TERM ABORTION, right up until the time of birth, and beyond – which would be execution.”
Biden also said, “It’s a woman’s right to do that. Period.”
Biden has made many points about Roe V. Wade and abortion over the years that may be helpful to review.
Jo Jorgensen, Libertarian candidate says this about abortion: “I am personally opposed to abortion, but I am unwilling to vote to use the power of the state to impose my views on other women.” She has also said, “Keep the government out of it, no subsidies, no regulations.”
And this is what Howie Hawkins’ view is: “I support the legal framework established in the Roe v. Wade decision. During the first trimester, it is up to the pregnant woman to decide whether to get an abortion. During the second trimester laws can only regulate abortion to protect the health of the mother. During the third trimester, or after fetal viability pursuant to Planned Parenthood v. Casey (1992), laws can restrict or prohibit abortions except in cases where it was necessary to protect the mother’s health. This framework should be codified into federal law by an act of Congress. I oppose targeted regulation of abortion clinics and providers through laws or policies that go beyond what is necessary to ensure patients’ safety. I support laws that allow physicians as well as non-physician health professionals, including physicians’ assistants, nurse practitioners, and certified nurse midwives, to perform abortion procedures.”
Hawkins also believes that providing birth control, sex education, and more social services will help reduce the number of abortions.
The rhetoric surrounding supporting partial birth abortions and late-term abortions seems to be more a reaction and interpretation rather than a reality for pro-choicers, especially since there is already a federal law in place to outlaw partial-birth abortions, called the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003.
Regarding late-term abortion, it is a term for abortions happening at 21 weeks gestation or more. As mentioned above, thankfully only 1% of abortions happen during this time span.
Dr. Barbara Levy explained, “Abortions later in pregnancy typically occur because of two general indications: lethal fetal anomalies or threats to the health of the mother.”
Fourthly, what do Joe Biden’s platforms for Women’s Reproductive Health mean for abortion?
Here is what his website states:
The Affordable Care Act made historic progress ensuring access to free preventive care, including contraception. The Biden Plan will build on that progress. Vice President Biden supports repealing the Hyde Amendment because health care is a right that should not be dependent on one’s zip code or income. And, the public option will cover contraception and a woman’s constitutional right under Roe v. Wade. Biden will also:
Stop state laws violating Roe v. Wade. Biden will work to codify Roe v. Wade, and his Justice Department will do everything in its power to stop the rash of state laws that so blatantly violate Roe v. Wade.
Restore federal funding for Planned Parenthood. The Obama-Biden Administration fought Republican attacks on funding for Planned Parenthood again and again. As President, Biden will reissue guidance specifying that states cannot refuse Medicaid funding for Planned Parenthood and other providers and reverse the Trump Administration’s rule preventing these organizations from obtaining Title X funds.
Just as the Obama-Biden Administration did, rescind the Mexico City Policy (also referred to as the global gag rule) that President Trump reinstated and expanded. This rule currently bars the U.S. federal government from supporting important global health efforts — including for malaria and HIV/AIDS — in developing countries simply because the organizations providing that aid also offer information on abortion services.
Restore the Affordable Care Act’s contraception mandate in place before the U.S. Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby decision. The recent U.S. Supreme Court decision makes it easier for the Trump-Pence Administration to continue to strip health care from women — attempting to carve out broad exemptions to the Affordable Care Act’s commitment to giving all women free access to recommended contraception. Biden will restore the Obama-Biden policy that existed before the Hobby Lobby ruling: providing an exemption for houses of worship and an accommodation for nonprofit organizations with religious missions. The accommodation will allow women at these organizations to access contraceptive coverage, not through their employer-provided plan, but instead through their insurance company or a third-party administrator.
Let’s talk about each of these:
Repealing of the Hyde Amendment: The Hyde Amendment does not allow Medicaid federal funding to pay for abortions except in instances of rape, incest or to save the life of the mother. Biden supported the amendment for a long time, but has just recently changed his viewpoint because “I can’t justify leaving millions of women without access to the care they need and the ability … to exercise their constitutional protected right.” Biden had always been for this amendment until he started running for president and felt pressure from other Democratic runners. It remains to be seen if he will change his mind again. I personally am in favor of the Hyde amendment, as a pro-lifer, but also understand why someone who was concerned with women’s rights would disagree with my sentiment.
Codifying Roe V Wade: The goal is to create congressional legislation protecting a woman’s right to choose an abortion in each state, even if RVW is overturned. We already learned that overturning RVW would not make abortion illegal, and states would have their say on abortion laws. Based on this proposal, no state could flat-out ban abortion, but it does not specify the regulations that each state could make.
Reinstating federal funding for Planned Parenthood: Perfactcheck.org, Planned Parenthood “provides reproductive health care to women nationwide. It offers a variety of services, including abortions, birth control, emergency contraception, general health testing and screenings for sexually transmitted diseases.” I remember when Trump stopped funding Planned Parenthood, I was so happy. I remember as well many of my friends being horrified by it because they chose to focus on the life-saving good that Planned Parenthood does for women and men, especially those in poverty.I had seen charts back then regarding the very small percentage of PP’s work that goes towards abortions, but didn’t want to think about that. It remains true, however, that PP’s abortion services account only a small percentage of their health services, though the exact percentage has been up for debate (they say 3%,but by some it has been interpreted differently based on the costs surrounding each service). You can read this document and this document that help explain more of what they do.There are good, Christian people on both sides of this argument.
Rescinding the Mexico City Policy : The Mexico City Policy was introduced in 1985 and has been rescinded and reinstated multiple times (rescinded by Democrats and reinstated by Republicans). We must decide if supporting global health efforts for developing countries is worth it, even if such health efforts also sometimes include abortion.
Reinstating the ACA Contraception Mandate: Burwell vs. Hobby Lobby Stores in 2014 ruled that a for-profit company can refuse to provide free contraceptives to their employees based on their religious beliefs. Biden wants to go back to the original ACA policy that only churches and non-profit religious organizations can say no to providing free contraceptives based on their beliefs. We must decide what is most important to us: reducing abortions through access to free contraceptives, or religious liberty for for-profit organizations. It’s not an easy thing to weigh, but it must be weighed. *Note: a friend of mine reminded me that millions of women use birth control for non-contraceptive reasons, but rather for health-related reasons. With this ruling, women working for for-profit organizations who are against birth control, are unable to get the care they need at the cost the need– something else to consider.
Finally, has the abortion rate gone down in recent years, and why?
The best news that I found in my research is that yes, abortion rates have been in steady decline, which is wonderful! The CDC reported in 2018 that the national abortion rate declined 26% between 2006 and 2015, reaching a historic low.
As we talked about earlier, most abortions have been due to unwanted pregnancies. In the same study, the CDC reported that the number of unintended pregnancies decreased from 51% in 2008 to 45% between 2011 and 2013, noting that more women using contraception and more effective forms of contraception like intrauterine devices, might be factors.
Alina Salganicoff, director of women’s health policy for the nonpartisan Kaiser Family Foundation said, “If your priority is to reduce abortions, one of the best things you can do is make sure that women have access to high-quality, affordable and effective methods of birth control.”
The CDC also reported that the availability of abortion providers and regulations such as mandatory waiting periods and parental consent could also be contributing to fewer women having abortions.
Per the CDC, between 2006 and 2015, the abortion rate for girls between 15 and 19 plummeted 54%. Some reasons for that are more teens being abstinent, as well as teens who are sexually active more likely to use birth control. Some experts have also said that better sex education has reduced teen pregnancy. Teen pregnancy rates are also down, reaching a record low in 2017.
Colorado has been very successful at reducing teen pregnancy. You can read about what they have done here.
The Guttmacher Institute also reported on the decline in abortion rates last year, focusing on 2011-2017. Their research correlates well with that of the CDC, and they also reported: “While 32 states enacted 394 restrictions between 2011 and 2017, nearly every state had a lower abortion rate in 2017 than in 2011, regardless of whether it had restricted abortion access. Several states with new restrictions actually had abortion rate increases.”
To be fair, the Guttmacher Institute is a pro-choice institute, so I looked for a study/analysis of the abortion decrease from an educated. Christian pro-lifer named Joe Carter from 2018. He had some skepticism about both the CDC’s and Guttmacher Institute’s studies, but at the conclusion of his analysis on why abortion rates have decreased, he said,
“There seems to be no clear answer. If we had to hazard a guess, though, we could say that it’s likely a combination of fewer teens having sex, increased contraceptive use, lower rates of unintended pregnancies, increased opposition to abortion by the young, and a greater willingness to have a child after an unintended pregnancy.”
So, even with his initial skepticism, his findings match that of the CDC and Guttmacher Institute very well.
There are people in both major political parties that claim that their party has been better at helping the abortion rate decline based on their chosen approaches. What I hear a lot right now is that Republicans want to make abortion illegal and Democrats want to make it unnecessary.
Here is what Snopes has verified regarding the claim that abortion rates go down more under Democrat presidents:
What’s True
“The abortion rate has steadily declined since the 1980s throughout both Democratic and Republican administrations, with a greater rate of decline during the former.”
What’s False
“The reasons behind differing rates of decline in the abortion rate cannot be definitively tied to actions undertaken by the administrations of different political parties.”
So, yes, it is true that abortion rates decline more during Democratic presidents, but there is no clear reason why.
I think my favorite quote I found about reducing abortions is this: “The one strategy for reducing abortions that has been proven to work runs through love, not power: support for women who may not feel able to carry a pregnancy to term. This requires not blind allegiance to a political party but the promotion of a culture of life.”
So, what have I learned from all this research?
Women who choose to have an abortion most often do so because they don’t think there is another, better option. It isn’t because they are evil or heartless. They just need help. We must each responsibly research which candidates are addressing poverty, education, and easy access to contraceptives to help reduce the perceived need for abortions. Getting rid of the root causes for abortion will take away the need for them.
Republican presidents have been unable to overturn Roe V. Wade for the last almost 50 years, even though they tried multiple times and had a Republican majority in the Supreme Court. Supreme Court judges are supposed to be impartial in their rulings, though, which is likely why it has not been overturned. Even if somehow Roe V. Wade is overturned, the states would have power to make their own laws which could potentially be better than the current regulations, but could in other cases be less humane.
Partial-birth abortion is illegal in the United States. Late-term abortion is a term used for abortions over 21 weeks gestation, and only 1% of abortions happen beyond that time. It isn’t good, but it is not as huge of an issue as suggested.
Joe Biden’s platforms for Women’s Reproductive Health are food for thought as there is potential good in nearly all of them. We must just personally all weigh what is most important to us.
The abortion rate is decreasing every year, and it has many contributing factors. Democratic administrations have actually brought more decrease in abortions, but the reasons are unclear.
I didn’t know hardly any of this information before I started researching. I hope this analysis can help ease the minds of pro-lifers like myself who have held negative views about Christians who vote any other way than Republican. It has certainly helped me, and I hope that any pro-lifer who is unsure how to vote this election, or in any election, can feel at peace considering many candidates rather than just one.
I also want to say that I greatly respect Republican presidents for their devotion in protecting the lives of the unborn. They are using their convictions in the way they feel is best. This post was in no way meant to suggest otherwise.
No matter what stance you take on abortion rights, or who you choose to vote for, know that you have my respect and love. I hope we can all respect each other in the choices we make and convictions we hold.
I am pro-life and I am pro-living, and I’m proud of that!
This little line has brought an abundance of the Spirit and tears to my eyes this afternoon.
I was reading about the Prophet Abinadi and the beautiful truths he taught about Jesus Christ to wicked King Noah and his priests. Alma, one of the priests, believed Abinadi’s words, and after Abinadi was put to death for refusing to deny that Christ would come to the earth and redeem his people, Alma preached to the people privately, bringing many to the knowledge of the Messiah.
One day, he gathers with 204 other souls at the waters of Mormon to baptize them, having authority to do so. This is what he said:
And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn ; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the…
Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?
That is when the people clapped their hands with joy, and said This is the desire of our hearts.
I thought of the covenants I made at baptism as I read Alma’s admonitions to them. I made the same covenants these 204 people made at the waters of Mormon in around 147 BC!
I want it to always be a desire of my heart to be in the fold of God, to be His child, to bear burdens, mourn and comfort, and to stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things and in all places.
Friends, I am so very grateful that I have been reading The Book of Mormon as part of our prophet’s, Russell M. Nelson’s challenge to the women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I began this challenge October 7, and I feel so blessed and nourished to already be on page 183 in my reading. I have never read The Book of Mormon this fast, and I will be done just after Christmas.
I have never felt more strongly about my testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon until taking this challenge. I have always known it to be true, but, reading so much of it at once, I have been able to really get the meat of the messages and truly learn from them. Every time I read an account, I think that it can’t get much better than this, but then another account is just as precious.
Anyone who is a critic of The Book of Mormon has never read it with the right mindset or a softened heart. How can you read a book that is filled to the brim with scripture verses about faith, repentance, good works, commandments, obedience, forgiveness, sacrifice, good verses evil, and covenants that all surround teachings about Jesus Christ – his birth, miracles, teachings, death, resurrection, second coming, the judgement, and eternal life with Him- and not be touched to the very core? How can you say it isn’t the word of God?
The prophets of The Book of Mormon loved the words of Isaiah, and quoted him often because of his prophesies of Jesus Christ.
There is so much about the Jews and their scattering, and then gathering. There are prophesies about the promised land (the Americas), and how God orchestrated so many things in our history just so that His gospel could be restored and so that the Jews could someday come to a knowledge of their Redeemer.
The Book of Mormon was written to be a partner with the Bible in bringing the world to a knowledge that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that only through Him can we be saved. It does not replace the Bible. It is a perfect complement to the Bible.
I have so many verses underlined and starred from my reading so far, and I wish I could put all of them to memory or put them in frames on my walls. The Book of Mormon is a treasure to me, and I know if I live by the words of the prophets, most importantly the Savior Himself, who visited the people of Ancient America after his resurrection, that I will be able to withstand Satan’s temptations, stand spiritually strong in an increasingly wicked world, and share light with others.
Jesus visiting the Americas
The desire of my heart right now is to help others feel the joy I feel as I read The Book of Mormon. You can read it online, download the Gospel Library app and listen to it, or get a free copy.
There is a promise from the Prophet Moroni at the end of the Book of Mormon (Moroni 10:3-6):
3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.
4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truthof it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.
6 And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is.
The Book of Mormon is full of stories about how God is merciful, and it does nothing but acknowledge the Christ and that He lives. I promise you, as Moroni did, that if you prayerfully read The Book of Mormon with an open heart, that you will feel the Holy Ghost testify to you that it is true. You will know even more than you already do that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God, and that He lived, died, and rose again for you and me. We can be saved through Him. That is the key message of The Book of Mormon.
Please read it. I know you will love it as I do.
This is my favorite prophetic message about The Book of Mormon. Watch it, and feel the Spirit. You will want to read this powerful, true word of God.
For about 11 years I have wanted to name my first baby girl Raina after a beautiful 3-year-old girl I watched at my daycare job. Well, once I found out I was having a girl this pregnancy, I wasn’t so sure anymore. I wanted to make sure that Raina was the right name, so I went through hundreds of names as I usually do. Jad and I discussed them, and he didn’t like most of the names, not even the Arabic ones. I was shocked he had an opinion since he hadn’t had one with the boys. So, we kept looking and looking. We thought about Rose (or a name with Rose in it), a name with Belle/Bella in it, and more lovely names like Ariana, Ella, Ava, Adaline, and Alayna. Jad loved Rosalina, but I thought it was too long. We went back to Raina at one point and felt pretty good about it, until people at work started using it and Jad decided he didn’t like it. So, back to looking at the long list of maybes. My mom kept telling us names she liked, and one day she said she loved Evey. I liked it, but Jad wasn’t sure. Then we got a 4D ultrasound done for our baby girl on October 18.
As I looked at her pictures over and over, I knew she was someone special and needed a really lovely name. I thought of the most beautiful and important names of all time, and my mind went to the Bible. We had already said we liked Esther, but then Eve came to mind. I instantly loved it. Jad wasn’t so sure, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind. The 23rd at my mom’s house, I told her that we were strongly considering Eve. She was ecstatic. Jad still wasn’t sure, but on the way home we asked the kids if they liked the name Eve. Rigel had been wanting to call her Rose, and Casey loved Ella, but when we told them about why we wanted to name her Eve, they got really excited, and we knew she would become Eve Marie Al-Bjaly.
Let me tell you her story…
My due date for my fourth child: December 2, 2016
My actual delivery date of my fourth child: October 26, 2016 at 10:10PM.
Eve Marie Al-Bjaly was born at 34 weeks 5 days gestation at UNC Hospital via induced vaginal delivery. She was a tiny 4 pounds 14 ounces and 17 inches long.
All during my pregnancy, I had a small worry at the back of my mind that my baby girl would be born quite suddenly, just like Kamren was. His labor was around 20 minutes or so – how long would hers be?
Then there was the concern about Thanksgiving – could we have it? What if I had the baby right around then? Because of that, we decided as a family to cancel the holiday this year.
My pregnancy had been very normal the whole time, but then at my October 5 midwife appointment, I had very high blood pressure. I was told we needed to keep an eye on it, and then October 19, I had high blood pressure again. That time, I was told that I may have gestational hypertension and that I needed to go to UNC Hospital that day to get monitored. I was surprised because I have never had that problem before. I had to call Jad and ask him to leave work and get Kamren. After a quick lunch at Harris Teeter, I drove myself to UNC Hospital for the first time. I admit I was a little worried.
I thought I would be seen right away when I got to the hospital, but there were no rooms. I had to sit in the waiting room for quite some time. I was happy to have met another pregnant woman that day who I could talk to. She was there for pre-op for a c-section the next day. She was so nice, and we had a great conversation. She put me at ease. Finally, I was taken back. I honestly don’t remember much, just that I was told I do in fact have gestational hypertension and that I would be induced three weeks early. I got really no explanation of how they figured out I had that and why I had to be induced, but I just accepted it. The only silver lining to that day was I met a really nice woman named Karen who was in charge of a study for preeclamptic pregnant women – a study trying to find a blood test to figure out if a woman has preeclampsia. I got a $25 gift card before I left that day just for giving a little blood.
The following day I had to get an ultrasound at the hospital to check on the baby. She was totally healthy, which made me happy. So, I tried to prepare myself to have a baby early. Some friends told me I should question that, and I was prepared to. But then, October 25, at my appointment to plan my care leading up to the induction, my blood pressure was crazy high again.
An OBGYN came into my room, shook my hand, and basically looked at me in the eyes and told me I needed to go to Labor and Delivery right away. She didn’t clarify, and I immediately assumed I had to have an emergency induction. I cried out, “What? But she’s too tiny!”
I immediately started to cry and get really worried. She explained I would have to be monitored at the hospital, likely for 24 hours, and then a final determination would be made. I calmed down a little, and said I would need to make some phone calls and figure all this out. She told me I had to stay in the office (a monitored location) to make those arrangements, and then I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible.
The phone call I made to Jad wasn’t easy. I told him I needed him to leave work early and take care of the kids – that I may not be coming home that day – that I may be having a baby. My voice was quiet and weak, and Jad was worried. He talked to his boss, and then left work to take over with the kids for me.
I walked slowly to the car, shaken up. Could I even get myself there? As I sat down in the drivers’ seat, I burst into tears and sobbed. I prayed and I probably hyperventilated a little. The unknown had never been scarier.
This time when I checked myself into the hospital, they had a triage room ready for me. I got into a gown, and was hooked up to the blood pressure machine. As I was lying on the bed in a moment alone, the tears started streaming down my face again. I was scared and worried about my baby girl. Just when I felt the tears would never stop, a soft but steady movement started in my tummy. My baby had woken up, and it was as if she was telling me that everything would be okay. I immediately felt that she was trying to comfort me, and that I could stop crying. I know that her moving for that long period of time was just for me. The thought occurred to me that she was acting as if she were my mother. Mothers comfort, and she was doing that for me. At that moment, her name was confirmed to me: her name really would be Eve.
I had to get back to reality as nurses came in and out. My blood pressure was taken over and over. I was in that room for hours, and had nothing to do but flip the channels. I hadn’t eaten at all since 7:30AM, and got really hungry. Jad came to see me, and I finally got food after he left again.
My blood pressure wasn’t going down, so they decided I needed to stay in the hospital overnight. I was to start a 24-hour urine collection. I would give blood a few times, and my blood pressure would continue to be taken. I would also be given a steroid shot that day and the following day to help my baby’s lungs develop should I need to deliver her. I had to start making arrangements for my kids. Jad came to me that evening and brought me an overnight bag. After a little visit, I found company with the cast of Into the Woods on the TV.
The next day, as my pee bucket got fuller, and my blood pressure stayed high, I could feel it in my heart that I wasn’t going to be sent home. What would it help to send me home? My blood pressure would still be high, and who knows what could happen? What if I developed preeclampsia?
I finally just confronted the issue with the nurses. I was up front and said I wanted to know the truth. They said they would ask for me, and they agreed with my logic. Well, not a few minutes later, an OBGYN came to speak with me to address that very thing. She basically told me that it was time for me to have a baby. She said I did in fact have preeclampsia, even though I had no other symptoms, and that it is safer for the baby to be born than remain in the womb with a placenta not doing its job.
When she said that, I felt a little nervousness, but overall peace. I asked how much time I had to make phone calls and prepare. The doctor said they would start preparing a room for me, but that I had time. I called Jad and my mom. I wasn’t surprised that Jad wanted to finish a few things at work and make sure it was okay for him to leave. I gave him the job of packing some stuff for me at home, and reassured him we had some time. My mom wanted to come right away to be with me – that is just her personality, and I love her for it.
Well, she got there, and it turned out I had to wait a long time to move up to a room, even though I packed quickly and was told it was going to be much quicker. I called Jad and told him about the delay, and he decided he wanted to clean out the van really well before he came to prepare for our baby girl.
Finally, I got to go to a room and change into a gown. When Jad got there, he brought me lots of bags, and even rolled in the stroller. That was kind of funny to me, as I knew that Eve would not be coming home right away.
I really don’t remember a lot about the details of my labor. There was no clock in the room, oddly enough, so I don’t know when I was induced or how long the labor was. I believe I was induced sometime between 2:30 and 3:30PM, but I am not sure.
Some details of note are that I was given my second steroid shot and given continuous doses of magnesium to prevent seizures. The nurse recommended I have an epidural due to my blood pressure. I didn’t contest, though I was a little sad thinking of how my plans for a natural birth were no longer possible. I asked for the epidural before my pain got bad (around 4PM), and when the team came in, I jokingly asked if it would hurt like crap, knowing full well how much it hurts. They said it wouldn’t hurt badly, and I was surprised, though quickly realized they were lying as they pushed and fiddled around inside my back over and over trying to find the right spot. It was excruciating, but it did work, thankfully.
My sister-in-law, Laura, surprised me by coming to visit me in the hospital. I was so grateful to have her, my mom, and Jad there with me. It was pleasant just talking together.
The labor was steady and there were no issues. We were a little impatient, though, as the hours went on. Finally, my mom and Laura left to go home to their families, not long before 8PM.
By that time I was 4 CM dilated and 50% effaced. When they finally broke my water, hardly anything came out, but I knew she would come soon. I wasn’t scared, but excited instead. I could hear the stark contrast between this labor and Kamren’s. With Kamren, I was screaming bloody murder: “My baby, my baby!” With this delivery, I was excitedly exclaiming, “My baby is coming! She’s coming!” I had such joy, and no fear, even though she was going to be a premature baby.
Well, she came out after a few pushes, and after Jad cut the cord, she was put on my body for a few seconds and then taken from me to be examined. I couldn’t even see her the first time because they didn’t put her up high enough.
My first picture with Eve
https://youtu.be/ES4aT2QEkoQ
Put me back in!
Once they wiped her off, I got to hold her skin to skin for a few moments. The first thing I noticed was her long, slender fingers. I loved them, and her instantly.
Our first picture as a family
I wanted to snuggle with her forever, but she had to be taken. She did start to nuzzle my neck a little, so the crew in the room said I should try to nurse her. It was so hard. She was so small, and I was afraid of hurting her. She didn’t know how to suck, but at least we tried, and I got to hold her a little longer.
And then she was gone. I couldn’t be with her for 24 hours because I would continue to have the magnesium pumped into my body. I sent Jad after her, and he got to witness her first feeding, and adore her in the NICU.
https://youtu.be/nA8RqlRlEMQ
https://youtu.be/s406plgb244
The next day for me (Oct 27) was sleeping, attempting to express (with a nurse’s help) and pump, and trying to catch up on text messages and Facebook comments from friends. It was so hard to function because of the magnesium. I would get small spurts of energy throughout the day, and then suddenly feel nearly dead with exhaustion. I looked forward all day and night to get off that magnesium so I could eat, get out of that bed, and see my baby girl.
At least Jad got to visit with her. He even did a Skype call with me so I could see Eve: I couldn’t keep from crying tears of joy looking at her and talking to her peaceful, sleeping face. Oh, I can’t wait to snuggle her again.
Most of that day was very boring, but at least I got to see my beautiful sons. They were a little weirded out that I couldn’t cuddle them or get out of bed. I felt so bad, and was worried about Kamren especially, since until a day before, he had been my baby. They were so excited to meet their sister that night, though!
They took me off the magnesium about 9PM. All my tubes were removed, and I ordered a huge meal. I have never eaten faster – it had been 33 hours since I had last eaten. Standing up and moving around wasn’t so easy. My legs were literally like limp noodles. I had to have help going to the bathroom, and getting into my wheelchair. I didn’t let that stop me from seeing my baby, though. My nurse wheeled me to the NICU to see Eve before taking me to my new room.
She was so precious. The love I felt for her was indescribable. I watched her, and then held her, cuddled her, and tried to nurse her. She couldn’t nurse, so I just snuggled her some more. I didn’t want to leave her ever again, but I had to. Up to my new room I went to rest, and regain leg strength. Once I got my legs back, nothing could stop me from going to my baby as much as possible (every three hours to be exact).
On October 28 I wrote: I got to see my sweet baby a couple times late last night, once around 11 and the next time a little after 2. Both times we snuggled and tried latching/nursing. It wasn’t easy, and we tried different things so she could still eat and also be with me, and by the end of the second time, she was already latching on me as a pacifier. She cried unless she was with me. I see that as a great sign! I got a little sleep, am much steadier on my noodle feet than last night, and have the energy to get clean, eat, and spend as much time with Eve as possible today. Gosh, she is gorgeous and precious, and so full of personality.
Most of that day Eve was really sleepy and tube fed. I knew that she couldn’t go home until she was feeding via bottle or breast all the time, so that was a little disheartening. At least she was healthy otherwise with her temperature regulation and blood sugar. And I got to do a kangaroo hold with her – so special!
It was so helpful to my spirit having family visit me and Eve in the hospital those first couple days – Jad’s uncle Hani, my Nana, my sister, my mom, Jad’s brother, Tawfeeq, and his wife Aundrea and their son, Landon…I really appreciated their love and gifts.
Oct 29 started out well as I got back to my girl: I took one break from sweet Eve in the middle of the night to sleep, but sleep was so hard for me. When I went down at 5, I found out she had been fussy off and on since about 12:30am. I felt bad that I had missed her and she had missed me. But, with that came a lovely session of stares, lots of kisses, and even some good nursing, once we figured it out together. Then, oh, sweet snuggles commenced. I love my girl!
Overall, that day was really hard on me. It was the day of my discharge. Let me explain with a post I wrote the next morning: I must admit that yesterday was a really hard day for me. I was supposed to be discharged, but found myself waiting in vain nearly all day into the late afternoon. I was all alone in the hospital without my family, and the only solace came when I was with my sweet baby. My family finally came to get me not long before dinner time. I got to hug them all quickly, and then Jad brought each kid down to see Eve for a few minutes, I got to take the boys to the snack room for ice cream and juice, and that was the most fun I had had all day, haha. Finally, it was time to get the car and take all of our stuff down to check out of the hospital. Imagine packing up your car with all kinds of baby stuff, and not being able to put the baby in the car with you. Imagine having spent all your time for five days in the hospital, not being able to think of anything but having and taking care of a baby, and then knowing that your future is uncertain. When I got in the car, and we headed to the Ronald McDonald House, I was so overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to expect – I just knew I wouldn’t be sleeping in the same place as anyone I loved. We got there quickly, though it felt like an eternity. I had to dry my tears. Well, after paperwork and a tour, I was check into my new “home.” The boys and Jad had been eating tacos and playing while waiting for me. I could tell they were all irritable and struggling with the unknown too. The kids just wanted some normalcy and fun, like they are used to. As we drove home for me to simply pack and come right back, I couldn’t stop the sobs from coming. I am glad we had tissues, because I used so many of them. My throat, by the time we got home, felt like a cat had clawed at it. I just couldn’t function. I was so overwhelmed and sad. I needed time with my husband and kids, but barely got to spend any time with them at all. I didn’t know how much to pack to take to the RMH – how long will I be there? What will happen with Eve? Will my kids and husband be okay without me? I know that Jad has been working so hard while I have been gone since last Tuesday, and my family and friends have also stepped up graciously. When I walked into the house for that little time, I noticed how clean the house was, and how much care Jad had put into getting it ready for Eve. I felt guilty that I hadn’t been able to help at all in days, and I could tell how much my family needed me. After I packed, my boys were so sweet to say they loved me and give me hugs and kisses. Casey and Jad carefully put my stuff in the car, and Jad even had a couple falafel sandwiches ready for me to eat, since I had missed dinner. A couple kisses later, and I was on my way back to Chapel Hill. My exhaustion was strong, but I made it. Bringing everything in, and unpacking took me quite some time, but calmed me. I felt love for my husband as I saw how much food he carefully packed for me. I was happy to see a Bojangles biscuit and boberry biscuit in there. It was comforting to eat those before I went up to my room, unpacked, read my scriptures, pumped, and got a little sleep. I got up quite early to pump again and get ready to see my baby. I can’t express how inadequate I feel, but at the same time, I feel like I am being blessed with drive and energy, and hope. I am filled with love for my baby girl, and I yearn for when we can all be together. I am so grateful my baby will be okay, and that we are a family of six now. Life will be normal before we know it – for now it is just really hard. I appreciate the continued love and prayers. I really do.
I was in tears when I wrote all that. The only real joy I had was in being with my precious Eve. She got a real crib on the night of the 29th, and just seeing her sweet face and holding her hand helped me get through the pain.
I realized later on the 30th what therapy I really needed as my husband came to visit: I cannot even tell you how therapeutic it was for Jad to come visit Eve and me today. We spent several hours together. It was our first time bonding we three. And I didn’t realize the sad fact Jad hadn’t held her since the night she was born. They are such a pair. She stayed awake for quite some time staring at her daddy.
(He would start coming to see Eve every day after that. Taking care of the kids and doing all the chores was hard on Jad, not to mention the cleaning and projects he was trying to do to prepare for our sweet girl to come home.)
Before I went to bed super late that night I wrote this:
Most cherished moments of today: spending time with Daddy
Funniest moment of the day: Eve pooping five incredibly smelly poops in about 30 minutes
Proudest moment of the day: this morning when my milk came in! It is going strong.
Warmest moment of the day (literally and figuratively): when Eve snuggled her head just under my neck, and lay content and wide awake. This was right after all her poops. She was really fussy until this time together.
October 31 was Halloween! I was feeling a little lonely that morning, when a lady came into the reference room I was sitting in, and asked if I was Eve’s mom. She then asked me if I had chosen a Halloween costume for her. I lit up and smiled broadly because I wished I had had a costume for her. This surprise made my day: Oh, how wonderful today is Halloween at the UNC NICU. I got a very special surprise for Eve this morning: the choice of a costume for her! I was so thrilled. Picking a costume and dressing her in it have been such a joy for me. She got her picture taken professionally and will be in a judging contest later today. 😀
My ballerina
But the day got even better because my mom and sister came to visit, and then Jad brought all the kids, picked me up, and we all went trick-or-treating together at Southern Village. It was a perfect neighborhood, and we all enjoyed being together as a family. You don’t fully appreciate your family unit until you can’t be together – at least that’s how I felt.
I went to being emotional again, though, as I missed a feeding with Eve by about 15 minutes. I didn’t make it back by 8PM because we had to drop by the RM House first for me to grab a few things and for us to eat a little bit of leftovers. Oh well, at least I got to snuggle with her!
November 1 was a good day. it started with Jad coming and bringing me roses!
Eve had a couple firsts today, like her first blow-out poop (super duper stinky one), and her first excellent nursing session. Progress is being made. Her nurse has no doubt she will fill out quickly, especially considering her mama’s amazing milk supply. 😉
Slender foot!
Tiny hand!
And here were the highlights of Eve’s day on November 1:
She got to snuggle with Daddy (but not before pooping on him!)
She got to spend time with each of her brothers (Casey held her for the first time/Rigel drew her a double-sided picture).
She got her IV taken out for good
She got a sponge bath and I got to help! She smells amazing.
The flower and the “awesome”
The picture was of Eve living in a house with spikes on it, surrounded by a force field so she could be safe. And I taught Rigel how to write her name.
November 2 was Eve’s one-week birthday. The morning started out wonderfully. She nursed amazingly, needing no supplemental feed. We snuggled for a long time after that.
My cousin, Lisa, came to visit me in the hospital that day, bringing me much needed newborn clothes, and we ate lunch together (which ended up being free somehow). She took lovely pictures of Eve and me.
Then Jad came to visit after Lisa went back with the kids (we were so grateful for her).
We celebrated Eve’s one-week birthday with cupcakes. Did I mention the food at UNC hospital is awesome!
I wrote down all the things about Eve as of a week old:
She loves to: Look you in your eyes Snuggle Get her head rubbed Hear your singing voice Cross her eyes and stick out her tongue Feel warm and bundled Be kissed
She hates to: Get her temperature taken Get her diaper changed Be poked at all Be woken up
A comparison of Eve to Rigel and Kamren…
On November 3, Eve was really sleepy all day. I would nurse her for 10-12 minutes, and then Snoozeville for her each time.
Isn’t she gorgeous in pink?
But there was some great news that day:
Eve is gaining weight. She is 5 pounds 1 ounce today
We are doing less and less supplemental tube feeding, which means we are getting closer to going home.
Chick-Fil-A gave me my lunch free today because I had a baby in the NICU. I felt so special.
That night was also so wonderful: Jad and the boys came to visit tonight. Rigel and Kamren held baby Eve for the first time. We also got a Rainbow Bright stuffed animal from the Ronald McDonald room at UNC. There were lots of options but I had to get that one because I loved Rainbow Bright as a little girl.
https://youtu.be/kWkymAsefGY
Late that night she was finally awake, something I had yearned for all day!- I was about to take the shuttle back, but then little girl decided to be wide awake for the first time today with very squeaky hiccups. Another hour at the NICU waiting for the next shuttle it is (12:50AM)! I can’t complain…
I had lots of promising news and events on November 4: Today has been the opposite of yesterday so far. Little Eve has been very alert, and very interested in nursing. We aren’t worrying about a feed schedule anymore, but just listening to her cues. She is doing great, and as long as she has no issues, she will be going home Sunday! She passed her hearing test, is all set up with a pediatrician, and now just has to pass a car seat test. I get to room in with her at the hospital tomorrow night. I am so excited!
Here is another update from that day: I love this card Jad made for Eve. It has been a good day. I have had time with my hubby, and time with my dear cousin, who has been so helpful this week. Eve has been so alert and adorable today, and she got her feeding tube out today too! I feel so blessed in every way, even in just the days going by quickly.
feeding tube gone!
Her first smile!
As great as that day was, it ended sadly for me as I left Eve before 9PM so I could pack up at the RMH: I left Eve tonight 2-3 hours earlier than I usually do. It was so hard to leave – so hard, I got teary-eyed. I mean, are the nurses going to snuggle her enough? But, I have to start packing up and try to get some decent sleep for the first time in a week and a half. Sleep and eat well, my little love.
I was overjoyed to get to Eve the next morning, the 5th. I can’t explain my excitement, and it was a great first meeting: This is the face of a baby girl who not only drank ridiculous amounts of milk overnight by bottle, but also just nursed strong for 35 minutes! That is like three times her average nursing time.
She also passed her car seat test last night.
And she might come home today because she is doing so well!
I left her quickly, though, to go to my baby shower. I was so excited for it. Getting out of the hospital and being around women I love was so needed. It was wonderful, from the food to the décor (mostly consisting of pictures of my precious girl) to the company to the gifts to the service project. There were tons of people there, and I was there having a fabulous time for hours. As a bonus, I got a voice mail during the shower saying that Eve could definitely come home! Yay~!
Jad picked me up with the kids to go to the hospital and get our baby girl. They went up to the Ronald McDonald floor while I got her ready to go. Ironically, it only took just a few minutes for her to get checked out, and they wanted to stay where they were because it was so fun. I had to understand the boys’ perspective, though I really just wanted to get my girl home!
I am grateful that Eve was well-taken care of at UNC Hospital. I never worried about her. She was constantly watched over by nurses and doctors, and they had her best interests in mind. I was given freedom to change her, take her temperature, help with her bath, and hold her whenever I liked. The hospital also helped make me comfortable by putting me in the Ronald McDonald House, giving me one free meal a day, providing limitless water bottles, giving me a manual breast pump, and sometimes providing a meal. It was as good of an experience as it could have been. I was thrilled to go home, but would somehow miss that special time at the hospital.
We finally got out of the hospital around 2:45 or so and ran into a lot of traffic: Even though it is a little frustrating not being able to get home as quickly as we would like, we are so blessed that our baby is healthy enough to go home.
It took forever to get to the RMH. Then I had to clean and check out, and then we had to drive home. We were so so blessed that Eve stayed asleep that whole time.
Entering my house after being gone for a week and a half felt like Heaven. We enjoyed our evening together as a family of six.
In her bassinet for the first time!
Even the night wasn’t so bad: I actually got more rest last night than I ever did when Eve was in the NICU. She woke up to eat three times, and went back to sleep. Twice she stirred a little as if to wake, but I was easily able to get her back to sleep the first time by looking at her and holding her hand, and the second time by stroking her cheek. She is so affectionate.
I won’t go through the next whole month of Eve’s life detail by detail because that would take forever, but here are some highlights and my favorite pictures of her:
Nov 6 – Our first morning at home!
Mariah got this cookie cake to celebrate her homecoming.
Nov 7 – First Dr appointment: Eve had her first pediatric doctor appointment today. Dr. Boylston said she is doing great and likely in a couple months, we won’t even be able to tell she was a preemie. We are also going to try not supplementing and see how she does! She has a weight check Thursday. Today she was up to 5 pounds 6 ounces.
Just some cute Nov 8 pics:
Eve and my doll
Eve and her unicorn
Nov 10 – Weight check – Eve had her weight check today. She is up three ounces in three days, which is perfect. At 5 pounds 9 ounces, this baby is healthy and needs no supplementation. Yay!
Nov 10 – First bathtub bath – she didn’t like it other than her hair being washed.
Nov 11 – The day I was supposed to be induced!
Cute pic from Nov 12 –
Cute pic from Nov 13 –
Nov 14 – Jad went back to work – can I handle it???
Spiky hair!
Nov 16 – I had just started nursing my baby. The dog came into the room licking her lips but I hadn’t fed her anything. It was quiet- too quiet. I called for my son. No answer, but the bathroom door promptly closed and locked. Was it as I feared? I unlocked the door. Yes, yes it was. It was horrible. The smell. The mess. The pleading, yet guilty look in my son’s eyes. The squished brown substance on the floor and the wall and the toilet and his legs. The torn toilet paper everywhere. I realized at that moment my dog was the most disgusting dog on earth and that the floor is my son’s new favorite place to poop. Will he ever be potty trained? Will I ever let my dog kiss any of us again?
You can’t make this stuff up. This is the life of a nursing mother…
Nov 17 – loves her hair being brushed (three weeks old!).
Nov 18 – Eve’s first walk
Nov 19 – She has grown!
Nov 20 – First time at Nana and Papa’s house!
Cute pic from Nov 21 –
Nov 23 – Excellent sleep and 4 weeks old! – This beautiful girl made her parents very happy last night. She slept from just after midnight to 6:52AM without waking up at all! This was her first night sleeping through. She just drank lots of milk and went back to sleep too!
Nov 24 – Eve’s first Thanksgiving! – My house has 21 people in it right now. I am upstairs feeding Eve, and can hear talking, playing and laughter all around. I am so grateful for snuggles with my baby, my family, good food, a cozy house, and lovely weather. I am grateful for the great land I live in, for good friends, and most of all, for a loving Father in Heaven, His beloved son, and the Holy Ghost.
Nov 25 cute pic –
Nov 26 – One month old!!! – Eve Marie Al-Bjaly was born one month ago today. She was born at 34 weeks five days gestation at 4 pounds 14 ounces and 17 inches. Today we are thrilled to say that she is 7 pounds 9.6 ounces and 19 inches. That is a whole lot of growing in a month. We are so in love with her. Her favorite thing to do is eat. She also likes her hair brushed and her feet rubbed. She loves walking around and taking in the sites. She cries like a goat, squeaks like a mouse, and purrs like a kitten. She does not like to be cold or wet. Snuggles are always appreciated. And she gets like 5000 kisses a day.
My beautiful one-month old
dancing with daddy
Nov 30 – One-month Dr appointment! – She was 7 pounds 15 ounces and 19 1/2 inches
Eve in my blessing gown and cape
Dec 2 – Her due date – today!
If it looks like there hasn’t been much excitement since Eve came home from the hospital, that’s because there hasn’t been. Eve and I have spent most of our time at home snuggling and nursing and watching Studio C. I am not going to be taking her anywhere public (except Dr appointments) until she is 2 months old, per doctor orders. Visits from friends and family have brought us much joy, however, and we have visitors often.
I must express my sincere gratitude for everyone who has been helping with my boys during this time, whether play dates or driving them to appointments. I am also so grateful for everyone who brought us meals when I was in the hospital and when we were first home. And how could I forget the kind women who donated clothes and other baby gear to me? Eve will be well-dressed and very warm for a long time.
Life has been quite hard, honestly. Even without much excitement, it is really hard to keep up with cleaning, projects, and just day-to-day responsibilities. Thus, our home is messier than we are used to, and our meals are pretty simple. But, we wouldn’t trade having four children for the world. Hopefully this phase won’t last too long.
You may wonder how the boys like their new sister. Each of them absolutely adores her. They love holding her, and kiss her and touch her so gently. I have never seen them so sweet. Eve brings such a special spirit to our home. Even Kamren, who had been the baby for so long, adjusted immediately to being a big brother. Sometimes Kamren and Rigel still need hugs, kisses, and snuggles, and we do our best to still oblige, but they understand sometimes we just have one arm instead of two now.
Our home also looks different. For several months, Jad and I worked hard to transform Kamren’s old room into Eve’s nursery. For the first time, we have pink in our home. We love her room!
We didn’t expect Eve to come so soon. We had some scary moments, some lonely ones, some overwhelmed ones, but also some faith-promoting ones. Would I have chosen for Eve to be born early and for her to be in the NICU for a week and a half? Maybe not, but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. Sometimes that plan involves adversity to make us better people, and bring us closer to Him. This experience has done just that. My prayers and yours were answered. They brought me peace, and Eve her health. Not to mention that I know that Eve and I would not have the bond we have, and will always have, without that time alone together in the hospital.
I love my baby girl more than I could ever tell you. I am honored to be her mother, and I am so excited to raise a little girl to womanhood. I hope we are best friends forever.
Today is my husband’s, Jad Al-Bjaly’s, 34th birthday. He will probably tell you he is only 33 or 32. That is a joke that never gets old in our house, at least to him, haha.
Since it is his birthday, and since I have never done so before, I want to write a post that will honor him. I want the reader to get to know Jad from the inside out. I want my husband to know how wonderful I think he is, but most of all, I want him to know that he is wonderful. Sometimes I don’t think he realizes it, even when people tell him so.
Jad is from Amman, Jordan, so his first language is Arabic. When he came to the United States for the first time, he could barely speak any English. But, he immersed himself in it and learned little by little. He has continued to perfect his grammar since I met him in 2009. I hope everyone will think in their minds how difficult it is to learn another language. My husband has a strong accent and his spelling isn’t the best, but I admire him so much because he is bi-lingual. He knows two extremely difficult languages. It always makes me smile when he meets someone else on the phone or in person who speaks Arabic. They both seem to light up and become instant friends as they engage in the language of their birth.
My husband has one older brother, Tawfeeq. His father left his family when he was only seven, so he was mostly raised by his mother, Salma, with the help of his grandmother and aunts and uncles. His family was very poor. I am humbled every time he tells me about how often they bathed (or didn’t), how they had to conserve water, how they didn’t have air conditioning, how a huge amount of people lived in one small house with one bathroom and mattresses strewn all over the floor to sleep on. Sometimes Jad would even sleep under the stars on the balcony. I think having grown up with such hardship helped refine Jad into a self-reliant, giving, thankful, person who is determined to be a good father, husband, brother and son.
Jad loves the heat and the outdoors. Rock climbing, zip lining, running, playing soccer, camping (to name a few) are all loves of his. Unfortunately for him, I don’t like doing any of that, but he never complains. He has sons he will, and has experienced, these things with.
Most people that know Jad even a little, know he is a wonderful cook. Interestingly, though, he didn’t used to be. The first time he tried to make spaghetti, he didn’t realize he had to boil the noodles. He just had the dry noodles in a pot and kept adding sauce, hoping the noodles would cook. We always laugh at that story. To think that he learned how to cook mostly over the phone from his dear mother, Salma, is just amazing! Our family and friends simply love eating Jad’s cooking. He can whip anything up. He chops vegetables faster than anyone I know, and he knows just how to season anything from meat to pasta. He is so comfortable in the kitchen, and uses his talents to bless others’ lives. And he even cleans up his messes, which can be many. He can’t bake but that is okay. We make that my job, and joke at his expense about his baking capabilities (don’t worry, he laughs too).
He is not musically talented per se (we will call that my talent), but he still proudly sings in church meetings and with our children. He is wonderful at Arabic dancing, and finds so much joy in teaching our sons to do the same. Some of his favorite music is from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. He is constantly listening to beautiful music while he cleans or does projects around the house.
Jad is a very hard worker. When he gets started on a project, he just keeps going for hours on end, never tiring. From landscaping, to gardening, to painting, to organizing, to building, he puts his all into it. This work ethic continues into his job and education. He is someone who wants to continue to progress throughout his life. He is currently studying for his CCNA certification. It is extremely difficult. He studies two nights a week on average (after having worked a full day at his job), and has a plan to achieve this certification by the Fall. He wants to support our family so that we have everything we need. He never stops learning. At work, his colleagues and superiors can count on him to find an answer when there isn’t one, or to volunteer for something that nobody else has ever attempted to do, like organize the server room (have you ever seen a server room? It can be scary).
He is also a very spiritual man. I am amazed at his knowledge of the gospel of Christ even after just eight years of being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (I was impressed when I first met him before his 1-year mark). Today is his baptism anniversary. He is a wonderful spiritual leader in our home. Together, we make sure we study scriptures as a family, as a couple and individually daily. We pray together, do our family home evenings each week, share spiritual messages on social media often, do service as often as we can, go to the temple every month we can, and strive to set a righteous example for our children in word and in deed.
My kids have the best dad in the world. Casey is not Jad’s biological son, but he has raised him from the age of four. He loves Casey as his own, and teaches him how to be a good person.
No matter how tired Jad is after work, he will play with our kids until they get tired (which is usually never). His smile and laughter are just as precious as those of our children. He is such a fun dad in every way, and he takes his responsibility as a father incredibly seriously. He plays with them, teaches them, disciplines them, and most importantly, loves them. He gives as many kisses, provides as many snuggles, and says “I love you” as much as I do. The boys have no doubt that their daddy cherishes them. And soon, he will be able to raise his very own little girl. He is more excited about it than even I know.
Jad is also a wonderful husband. Sometimes I don’t see the big picture, and that is usually when we have quarreled in some way. Jad and I are both stubborn and sensitive. That doesn’t always work when there are feelings hurt or buttons pushed. But, I can’t imagine spending my eternity with anyone else. All the reasons above should be enough reasons, but he is so good to me. When he comes home and not everything is done, I usually am apologetic or annoyed at myself. But he always tells me that it’s okay, and gives me a kiss. He knows that I work hard every day, and he immediately offers to help me finish all that needs to be done. If I need a nap or need to get out of the house, he says, “Go ahead, honey.” He never accuses me of laziness or of making excuses. He knows that I am not that way, and he is completely understanding. He trusts me completely with our finances and with planning our weeks and months. He trusts my judgment on things. If he has concerns, he will express them, but ultimately trusts me because he knows that I make my decisions thoughtfully and prayerfully. He supports me in my endeavors, from starting (or quitting) a business to participating in a musical. We make big decisions together as a couple, and he never tries to be in charge of me or tell me what to do. He sees me as an equal partner, and we work together with God to do what is best for our family. He also does nice things for me and makes me feel special. He has made so many beautiful things for me with his hands, things I will cherish forever. He genuinely loves me, appreciates me, and thinks I am beautiful. We have also endured some scary trials and witnessed beautiful miracles together that have increased our faith.
I didn’t have to think very hard to write all this, and as I wrote from my heart, tears have streamed down my face the whole time. I am not creative like my husband, but I can write the words of my heart. He would never talk about himself the way I have just spoken about him. He is too humble and doesn’t see himself as more than ordinary. But, to me, he is extraordinary and the perfect father and husband to our family.
I love you, Jad, and I hope this birthday is your most precious yet.
Casey, Rigel, and Kamren, you mean more to me than I could ever express to you. You are the boys that Heavenly Father saw fit to send to me. You made me a mother, and I want you to know that I am your biggest fan, and that I see the divine worth and potential in each of you. When you were little, I gave each of you a term of endearment. I hope to show you there is more to these than just a name, and I pray that you will use the attributes of your special names to become good and righteous men:
Bumblebee
My first born, Casey, you are my Bumblebee. This name came from a yellow sleeper you wore when you were an infant. It was my favorite outfit of yours as it brought out your shining eyes and sweet smile. I knew it would characterize you perfectly.
I wish for you to be as your namesake – peaceful and unaggressive. Bumblebees do not harm others, unless they are defending themselves. I pray that you will be one who will defend righteous causes, but at the same time, desire peace and understanding with everyone around you.
I wish for you to focus on what matters most, and labor diligently to bring forth much good fruit.
You may not know, but one third all of all human food requires bee pollination. Without the bee, humans could not survive.
The crops bumblebees provide for humans, and the flowers they provide for other animals, bring them nourishment to live their lives to the fullest. I pray you will, through your good deeds and kind words, nourish the souls of those you meet and love.
Bumblebees have tiny wings, and shouldn’t be able to fly, but they do it anyway, and they do it so well. I admonish you to never allow anyone to tell you that you can’t do something. You can do anything. You are a child of the most High, and if you follow His counsel, and the counsel of your parents, you can fulfill all of your righteous and worthy desires.
I love you, my Bumblebee.
Shining Star
My second born, Rigel, you are my Shining Star. You are so named because yours is the name of the brightest star in the constellation Orion. A peace comes to my heart each time we look at your star in the night sky together.
I told you one night not long ago why you are my shining star. It is because of the light you bring to others through your good humor, your kindness, and your fun, friendly disposition. You are a friend to all.
Remember the most important and most brilliant star ever to shine was the Star of Bethlehem. This star represented the light of Christ. It was a sign of His birth, and led the wise men to Him.
You, through your words and deeds, can also lead others to Christ. I pray that you share the gospel every day of your life.
Never hide your light, my son. Always let it shine and do good works.
I love you, my Shining Star.
Angel
My third born, Kamren, you are my Angel. I call you this because I believe angels helped bring you to this earth.
Looking like an angel at 9 months old.
There are many accounts in the scriptures of angels. God has used them throughout time for many reasons – to show love, concern and mercy, to bring messages of great importance, to warn, or to provide guidance.
You may not be one of these angels, but as Jeffrey R. Holland, Apostle in the LDS church, said, “…not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with … Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.”
My Kamren, I pray that you will be kind, good and pure your whole life. You are already so sweet, affectionate and giving.
Angels on earth also use their words, my son. Nephi, in the Book of Mormon, spoke of speaking with a new tongue – the tongue of angels, after being baptized and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. He said, “Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ (2 Nephi 32:2-3).”
Kamren, how interesting it is that you do not speak many words now. However, the Spirit has testified to me, that someday, your voice will be strong and will ring with the Truth of Christ.
Jeffrey R. Holland said, “Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity…With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail.”
My Kamren, I know that you will bring hope, comfort, and peace to others as you exhibit these angelic qualities throughout your life.
Casey, Rigel, and Kamren – even if I do not always call you by these terms of endearment, these names and these hopes for you are always in my heart. I love you all with my whole soul, always and forever!
