Tag: relationship

By Small and Simple Things

[bctt tweet=”These are the SMALLEST things. Nobody thinks they would ever matter.”] But in the right hands…in God’s hands…everything small becomes magnified. – JadaKaye

My friend’s words make me tear up every time I read them. Her words are true.

In her statement, Jada was specifically talking about the content of an inspirational documentary on BYUTV called “Turning Point.”

She said that the show mesmerized her: “The thing about it is the complete randomness of the things people do. Ordinary people take the simplest things and turn people’s lives around. It isn’t about preaching anything. It’s about helping them live.”

Her words reminded me of one of my favorite scriptures in the Book of Mormon. Alma the Younger, speaking to his son, Helaman, said:

“…behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; (Alma 37:6).”

Alma wasn’t speaking to his son about doing acts of service, but the point is still true. When we observe a need, and then do something about it, we can make all the difference in the joy, personal fulfillment, self-esteem, behavior, success, or hope of another.

We may not have the capacity to do some of the things people in the show have done, such as start a soccer team for the homeless, build a foster home for kids who never got adopted, or teach a large number of teens a trade to help them do better in school or dissuade from committing crime, but we can do something.

Look at your skills, your talents, your interests. How can you with your unique capabilities help others? What needs do you see in your friends, family members, neighbors, church, or community?

We can all do something. It might be visiting the sick or elderly. It might be donating food or clothing to the poor. It might be teaching a skill to those who would not otherwise have the ability or money to learn it. It might be listening to someone who really needs support. It might be giving rides, or babysitting someone’s kids, or sending cards to friends, or smiling at one who is sad.

All of these things are simple. They don’t usually take a lot of time or effort. But, they might help someone feel loved, important, and needed. They might bring hope to those who have lost it. They might renew faith in those who are doubting. They might save relationships. They might dry tears.

There is a lot of hate, bitterness, and violence in this world. But, there is a lot more good. Let’s focus on the good. Let’s be the good. That is how we can feel the love of God surrounding us. That is how we can live with peace, hope, and faith.

What will you do to be the good in the world?

November 4, 2015
Your last name is a part of you.
I wrote this article for a new website, mum.info. Before I submitted it, I had Casey read it. He said it was beautiful, and he started to cry. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he wasn’t sad, but that he had felt the Spirit. He said reading my words helped him remember the importance of family. He kept repeating over and over that it was the most beautiful thing he had ever read. His reaction penetrated my heart, and I never want to forget it.

You can read mum.info’s version here.

“Mommy, why is my last name different than yours? I want your last name!” My son, Casey, was only four when his little voice trembled out those piercing words. He and I had shared the same last name his whole life. It had just been me and him since before he was one year old. I had recently remarried, so my last name was different. And now, I was going to have a baby who would have my new last name. I wanted to cry with Casey, simply because he was sad.

That was six years ago, and I have done all I can to make sure he has no reason to cry over his last name again by:
- Encouraging Him to Cherish His Last Name
That was the first step – helping him see that his last name was wonderful. No, it wasn’t my last name, but with a name holds a legacy going back generations. By holding onto his last name, he would be showing pride in his rich heritage, and extending love and appreciation for not only his father, but his father’s extended family.
- Showing Him Love Daily
I think it hurt Casey a little when I got remarried. It was no longer just us. Then, when I had more children, he was no longer the only child. There are five of us in our household, and he has a different name than the rest of us. But, as I share my love, attention, and devotion to him daily, having a different name will never make him feel less cherished or important.
- Not Asking Him to Pick Sides
It isn’t me against his dad. It never has been. I don’t tell my son that he can’t love, respect, or have a relationship with his father. I don’t tell him that I am a better parent, or place any blame or bitterness in his father’s direction. I do not judge his dad, or speak ill of him to my child. We rather pray for him and his family. I always keep the mind-set that his father is on the same team as me, my husband, and all other family members working to help Casey have a happy life and be a good boy.
- Letting Him Spend Time with His Dad
Casey’s father lives far away, so he can’t see him often. However, I encourage regular phone conversations. He also flies to see his dad and extended family each year for several weeks. I have had people tell me that I shouldn’t have to do that because of the circumstances surrounding our divorce, but I feel very strongly that regardless of what happened in our marriage, Casey’s dad will always be Casey’s dad. They should have a relationship, and a strong one at that.
- Being Honest about the Divorce
I did not do this when he was four, but about a year ago, I told my son why his father and I divorced. I didn’t water it down, but I also didn’t place blame or judgment. I encouraged my son to continue to have a strong, loving relationship with his dad. I told him to forgive him, pray for him, and encourage him to change his life for the better. I told him I am not sad about the divorce anymore. Though I wish that Casey could always be near me and his dad, I know we are blessed and things have worked out well for us.
- Blending Our Family in Love
My husband of over five years is so wonderful to Casey. He always has been, and I knew he would be a wonderful father to him the first time they met. Casey doesn’t refer to him as his stepdad, but as his Daddy. He has two dads, and that is cool. He also thinks of his half-brothers as his brothers. That’s what they are to him. We are a family, and we love each other. There is no need to create those lines of division.

These artificial lines of division apply to me too. When I was first divorced, I thought it would be strange to continue having a relationship with my ex-husband’s extended family. I was uncomfortable by the phone calls and gifts at first, but finally I realized that they hadn’t abandoned me, and there was no rule that they had to. The fact that I wasn’t married to their family member anymore, didn’t all of a sudden erase the bond and love we had with each other. I still speak on the phone with my ex-husband often, and keep in contact with much of his extended family on social media and occasional emails and phone calls. It is a good thing, and it helps.

It is safe to say that my 10-year-old has a very happy life. He has three family trees to call his own. He is loved and cherished by all of them. He knows that there is so much more to family than a name. He knows all families look different, but as long as we are there for each other, we can always feel that we belong and that we are safe.

*I fully recognize this model may not work in its entirety for everyone. I strongly believe, though, that doing as much of this as possible will help your child feel that he belongs, and that life in any family situation can be grand.
September 2, 2015
7 clues that your terrible relationship could be your fault

This is the version I submitted to Family Share before it was re-edited and published on their site. See which one you like better:

Sometimes in a dating or marriage relationship, the commitment and happiness decline, and the relationship goes terribly south. When this happens to you, you wonder where the problems lie, and who is to blame. Truth be told, the fault is usually shared, though not necessarily equally.

Reflect on these characteristics of a devoted partner to see how you are influencing your relationship for better or for worse:

1. You are loyal.

You do not participate in anything that would arouse lust. You do not flirt with anyone else. You are upfront and honest with your partner about what you do every day. When things are hard, you stick by the one you love, rather than go to someone, or something, else for comfort.

Someone I loved wasn’t loyal to me, and it was really hard for me to trust him again, or even get over my feelings of disgust and betrayal. Trust can be rebuilt with change, but he sadly didn’t value our relationship enough to change.

2. You show affection often, in word and in deed.

You say “I love you,” kiss, hug, hold hands, and do sweet, tender gestures. You are thoughtful, and make holidays and occasions special. You spend quality time with your significant other, and do things that will strengthen your relationship. You are authentic, and do a lot of laughing and having fun. You reminisce about why you fell in love, and tell your partner often what you love about him/her. You share your dreams for your future together.

I know that without this tender affection, the romantic spark can totally go out.

3. You communicate with love, patience, and respect.

You encourage and uplift, rather than nag or criticize. You compliment and show praise every day. You only speak kindly of your partner to your friends or family. You do your best to express your thoughts, feelings and concerns without yelling, fighting or calling names. Should you falter, you sincerely apologize. You say what is bothering you, rather than turning inward and pushing the other away. You never let your pride be more important than your love.

Humility is something my husband and I are working on to improve our communication. It makes all the difference.

4. You value your significant other’s thoughts, feelings, and interests.

When you make decisions, you think of how they would affect the other. You respect your partner’s opinions, even more so than those of your parents and friends. You listen, and you validate. You would never ask your partner to do anything that makes him/her uncomfortable. You comfort when the other is sad; you support when the other struggles; you celebrate when the other succeeds. You appreciate the talents, skills and hobbies of the other, and try to learn from them. You are unselfish, and put your partner’s needs before your own.

In my marriage, I get most upset when I feel that my husband isn’t listening or validating my feelings. I feel so loved, though, when he just sits with me, listens to me, hugs me, and tells me he loves me.

5. You can be happy without your significant other.

You do not base your self-worth solely on the fact that you are in a relationship. You can feel confident, fulfilled and happy when you are apart. You do not get insecure, or worried when you cannot talk to or see your significant other at all times. You love yourself, and know that no matter what happens, you are special, you are loved, and you have so much to offer.

I have seen people be so clingy in their relationship, that they push the other person away. Then, if it doesn’t work out, they don’t know how to function. Please remember that your partner needs your trust, and also personal time.

6. You are doing your best to be a good person.

You choose your friends carefully. You want to associate with honest, unselfish, giving and loyal people who don’t break the law or play with hearts. You are not entertaining harmful addictions. When you make commitments, you keep them. You work hard, and you humbly recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and are constantly working to refine yourself.

Though I don’t have personal experience with all of these things, I have seen someone I love struggle as she dated a young man who did break the law, pretend to care more than he did, and break commitments. She would try so hard to be loyal and stand by her boyfriend, while he would flirt with other women, do drugs, and even steal.

I do have first-hand experience with what addictions can do to a relationship. One who has an addiction does not have freedom over his thoughts, emotions or actions. He is irrational, selfish, unproductive, dishonest, unkind, and sometimes violent.

7. You love God and put Him first.

You know who your Creator is, and you want to please Him. You strive to show you love Him and others by keeping His commandments. You take time to pray, read your scriptures, and ponder on all the blessings God has given you. You are a light to others as you serve them in love.

This quality has been the most valuable to me in my relationship with my spouse. When we both are striving to put God first, we really are more patient, loving, and service-oriented.

In contrast, my first marriage ended mostly because of sin and selfishness. I can promise you that individuals who strive for spiritual cleanliness, are much better suited for a healthy relationship.

Because nobody is perfect, you won’t do all these things perfectly all the time. However, if your relationship with your spouse or significant other is taking a dark turn for the worse, reflect carefully on the part you are playing. Do the very best you can, and if nothing changes, it may be time to consider a change. God bless you in your relationship and in your life.

June 23, 2015
How long should I wait to date after my divorce?

I wrote this article for Family Share. It feels good to know I can help others through sharing my experiences and lessons learned during difficult times of my life:

It is hard to know when you should date after a divorce. I was 21 years old and a recent college graduate, trying to raise my baby boy. I had just moved across the country to a place I had never been. For me, whether I was ready or not, the first thing I wanted to do was date.

Everyone who divorces has a different story, but most of us share feelings of failure, fear and desperation. We are trying to fill the void in our hearts caused by losing our spouse. While change is difficult, dating when you aren’t ready can make things even more challenging.

I wish I had known then what I realize now about dating after a divorce. I know that I would have avoided tears, frustration, and a few heartbreaks. There is not a cookie cutter rule on when you should start dating again. The goal is for you to have healthy and happy dating relationships, but no one but you can say when that will be. However, you can get an idea of where you stand by answering “yes” to these eight questions:

1. Do I live each day without wallowing in self-pity?

If you spend most of your time weeping about all that has happened to you and can’t imagine moving on, you are not ready to date again. Divorce is horrible, I know. And it is okay to cry sometimes. But if you can’t see hope, dating will not help you find it.

2. Have I moved on from my ex?

If you are still in love with your ex, you will probably compare everyone you date to him or her. It will be impossible to find anyone who is good for you if you are only dating to compare. Stop measuring every date against your former spouse and treat dating as a fresh start.

If you aren’t over your ex, you may also find yourself mentioning your ex one too many times which will push your date away. Take the time to be over your ex before you start dating again.

3. Am I ready to talk about my past?

When you are dating, at some point you will need to talk about your past. I remember when I was newly divorced, I was scared to death to tell any young man about it. I especially didn’t want to tell my date that I also had a baby boy. I was afraid that no man would accept me because of my past. Sometimes I would hide it until it became impossible to continue dodging questions.

I realized that I needed to be ready to talk about my past. By the time I met my second husband, I was at a point where I could talk about my past almost right away. It went smoothly, and I didn’t regret it.

4. Am I happy where I am now?

In my early divorced days, I thought I couldn’t be happy unless I was remarried. Especially as a single mother, I wanted my life to be a certain way. I was engulfed with an urgency to date and get married. I am sure I came off as desperate.

Because I was so focused on wanting a life as a married woman, I missed out on some true friendships. I missed out on having fun and truly appreciating the joys and blessings that I still had in my life. Although this isn’t what you thought your life would be like, you can learn to be happy in your situation.

5. Do I love myself?

If you don’t love yourself, dating again can be a nightmare. You will feel like you have to keep secrets to maintain a perfect and unrealistic image of yourself. No matter how you hide it, low self-esteem shows and it isn’t attractive. Take time to learn to love yourself. If you have self-confidence and know your inner-worth, you will be able to talk honestly, listen better, and smile radiantly. If you love yourself, you will still have your self-worth even if a new relationship doesn’t work out.

6. Do I know what I want in a relationship?

Perhaps you were in a relationship where your spouse was selfish, or even abusive. Have you figured out what kinds of behaviors you want to avoid, and which qualities you want? Do you know what you really need to have a relationship that will last forever? It is a good thing to be picky if you are looking for life-long happiness, rather than another divorce.

7. Have I forgiven my ex?

It can take a long time to forgive your ex, especially if you felt that he or she was the main cause of your pain. I can testify of the great peace that comes from forgiveness, and how necessary it is. To find the right person for you, forgiveness must be a part of your process.

8. Would I want to date or be married to someone like me?

Though it would be nice if divorces were always your spouse’s fault, most of the time both people share some of the responsibility. Are you in a place where you would be a loving, caring, and devoted spouse? Or would another relationship only end in more heartache? If you aren’t as good as the person you want for yourself, it is time to improve.

Being divorced does not make you less of a human, or less worthy of love. I found a wonderful man who loves me, and cherishes our growing family. There is hope for all who have had the misfortune of divorce. Don’t rush the process. Take the time to heal. You will have your chance at love once again. It is worth it to be patient to find someone who will be with you forever.

June 16, 2015
It isn’t easy being green…with envy
Nobody wants to be accused of being envious, especially when it is true.

I have often battled with this monster, and often I have given in. I have submerged my mind in bitterness, inadequacy, and irrationality.

It is next to impossible to be true friends with someone whose skills, talents, looks, and achievements you envy.

Throughout my young life, my problems have lain mostly with envy of talent, popularity, and praise. Growing up, the people I didn’t like were the ones most like me – the ones with the same talents and hobbies. I found myself being angry if someone got asked to sing more than me, got more praise than I thought I got for similar achievements, was cast the part I wanted in the school play, or got a better grade than me even though I thought I worked just as hard.

In my adult life, I sometimes still grapple with this. As I have prayed for this weakness to be made a strength, I have received witnesses of how to wash the green away:
1. If someone gets something before you, or does better than you at something, that person may have more experience, know the right people, have more time to work on it, or have more resources. Perhaps God’s will for them is not the same for you, or at least not right now.
2. Most of the time, your friends and peers are not trying to hurt you when they succeed. You should not expect them to halt their dreams or accomplishments for your sake.
3. Recognize that even if people seem to have it all (or at least what you want), there are many things they may not have, or are struggling with, that you don’t know about. People aren’t defined by one facet of their lives, nor do they get their entire fulfillment from one thing.
4. Remember that life has its ups and downs, and so have you. Maybe you are on the down side of the teeter totter right now, but you will be lifted up again in time. As you hope for your side to go up, never hope that someone else’s side goes down. Someone else’s fall will not lift you higher, nor will your envy.
5. Life isn’t meant to be a competition. You should only compare yourself to others to motivate you to be better than you are now, not to be better than someone else is right now. In fact, you may never have exactly what someone else has or do what someone else does, and that is OK. That doesn’t mean you are less loved, less blessed, or less valued. It doesn’t mean you have lost at life.
6. Sit down and count your blessings. When all you do is think of what you don’t have, you are missing out on the wonder that is your life. You may not have the fancy car, or the perfect relationship, but you have life. You have tremendously more than you even realize.
7. Pray to God every day and night that He will help you recognize your potential, your worth, and your calling in life. Also make an effort to pray for those you envy. Pray that you can see their worth, and how they can play a positive role in your life.
8. Instead of ignoring those you envy, sincerely compliment and praise them. Ask for their advice on how to be better, and humbly request an honest opinion of your skills. This vulnerable interaction can help build a rewarding friendship.
9. Ponder on what really matters in life. The everlasting goal is to return to live with Heavenly Father someday. God doesn’t care how beautiful you are, or how much money you have, or how many people know your name. That is what Satan wants you to think. No, the true test is how you overcome your envy and learn to love others unconditionally.
10. Find joy in yourself. Love yourself. You are blessed with many gifts and talents. Use them to help others. As you focus on serving with what you do have, you will be blessed with more.
I can say from personal experience that this shade of green is not a good color on anyone. I can also say that freeing yourself of this suffocating weight can make all the difference in how you feel, how you think, and how you act every day. You will feel wonderful, and free. Take off the green.
May 29, 2015
My Greatest Fear

How to Kill a Bug in Only 30 Steps:

1. See it on the ledge of your stairwell, jump backwards, and scream!
2. Run as far away from it as you can.
3. Ask your four-year-old if he will kill it.
4. When he looks at you in horror and says no, you realize you must kill it.
5. Breathe deeply.
6. Say a prayer that the experience won’t be scary and that you will be unharmed.
7. Grab the vacuum from the hall closet and run upstairs as fast as you can, veering away from where the bug was.
8. Make sure the bug is in the same spot. It is.
9. You plug in the vacuum, and thoughts of how the bug is just sitting there minding its own business, and that it is one of God’s creations, run through your mind.
10. You are reminded bugs do not belong in the house, especially ones that are big and ugly, and you start to extend the vacuum hose.
11. You realize that may not be good enough, so you run to the laundry room and grab the first spray bottle you see: Windex.

12. You approach the bug and spray the Windex on it like a mad woman.
13. As the blue liquid starts to roll down the wall of your stairwell, the bug slowly starts to walk away.
14. You pick up the vacuum hose up again, trying to build courage to get close enough to the bug that the vacuum hose will suck it into its dark abyss.
15. Meanwhile, your toddler has come up the stairs and is happily playing right near the bug of death.
16. You scream frantically at him to get out of the way and near you. Why doesn’t he realize danger is right above his head???
17. He looks at you like you are strange, but finally comes to you.
18. You ask your 4-year-old one more time if he would like to come kill the bug.
19. He fearfully says that he wants to get in his jeep and drive to Daddy so he can come home and kill it.
20. Taking that as a no, you tell yourself that you have to do this. You can do this.
21. You spray more Windex for good measure, and the bug slowly inches itself further away from you.
22. You very carefully take the vacuum hose, and inch it as close as you can to the bug, still on the stair ledge.

23. He tries to flap his (he has wings?), and you are glad the Windex has weighed him down so he can’t fly away.
24. You bravely move the hose one more inch and watch the bug disappear into the black hole.
25. You scream and turn off the vacuum, watching the hose fall to the ground.
26. You ask yourself, is the bug really gone? What if he comes out the other end?
27. After a quick scan, you realize that it is really gone, and slowly put everything away.
28. You clean up the Windex from the ledge, wall, and carpet, because in your panic attack, you accidentally spilled some on the stairs.
29. You look one more time to make sure the bug is gone.

30. You reassure your 4-year-old and yourself that the bug really is gone and it is safe in your home once again. Your toddler continues to play happily as if this traumatizing experience never happened.

So, there you have it: a mere 30 steps to killing a really ugly, brown, flying, and large bug.

I realized these steps this morning before going downstairs for breakfast. I am not exaggerating the steps I took. I am really that scared of huge bugs in my home.

I think my fear came from my dad chasing me with dead bugs when I was a kid. I used to hide in the bathroom with the door locked until he gave up. He still occasionally tries to do the same thing, but now I just get angry and yell at him, and then run away.

Yes, I am a little crazy, in case you couldn’t tell before.

As I was pondering these moments later, I realized firstly, that I am a little over-dramatic, but secondly, that there are way scarier things that I could actively fear.

In general, though, despite the increasing violence, decreasing morals, more intolerance in the name of tolerance, and a push to remove God from our nation, I do not live my life in fear.

I attribute that to my faith in Jesus Christ and my relationship with Him and my Heavenly Father. Because of this faith that I have, I do my best to keep God’s commandments, fulfill my roles as a woman, mother, wife, sister, teacher and friend as best I can, and strive to make my home a holy place. Because I do that, in partnership with my husband, God is my partner too.

I have the Holy Spirit abundantly in my life helping me see truth, recognize falsehoods, remind me of what spiritual knowledge I have, and help me look at the eternal perspective. This life will be full of experiences that will test my faith, and that of my husband and children, and bring hurt and suffering to us. As long as we keep God first in our family, we will be able to endure those things and come out of them better people. We will also be able to withstand the temptations and deceitfulness of Satan.

Will my fear of bugs ever go away? I am thinking it may not, but that is okay. Bugs are a part of life, and I can’t completely control their presence in my home. But, I can control the presence of many other things in my home that could either strengthen or dampen faith, bring the Spirit or drive it away.

My realization of this control, and the implementation of it in my home, is what makes something simple like bugs my greatest fear. I’ll take it.

April 13, 2015
My Favorite Love Story

Today is Jad’s and my fifth wedding anniversary. I am so grateful to call him mine. When we were newlyweds, I wrote about our courtship. I think our story is grand. Here it is:

Jad and Mandy met at a YSA dance in Apex, NC on April 3,
2009. Mandy had a boyfriend at the time, but liked to go to the dances to have
fun with friends and well, dance. Jad
didn’t really like going to dances, but his friends had gotten him to go a
couple times before. He saw Mandy and was amazed at how beautiful she was. Her
dancing also caught his attention and he knew he wanted to ask her to dance.
They danced once that night. It was hard for Mandy to understand all that he
said because it was loud and because he had a strong accent, but she did think
he was cute and sweet. Jad asked Mandy for her phone number that night, but she
said she couldn’t give it. They ended the night saying that they would
hopefully see each other at the next dance.

A picture of Casey and me around the time Jad and I met.

May 1 was the next dance. Mandy had broken up with her boyfriend
soon after the previous dance. She saw Jad as she was dancing that night, but
he didn’t approach her for quite a while. He was pleasantly surprised when she
remembered his name. This time Mandy paid more attention to Jad, noticing how
good he smelled and how good-looking he was. They danced a lot that night; Jad
asked her to dance as often as he could. He also pulled her out in the hallway
to talk to her in the quiet and learn more about her. Mandy noticed that he
liked to stare at her. They had a wonderful time together that night, and the
night ended with them exchanging phone numbers.

A few short days later, Jad and Mandy talked on the phone
for the first time. He surprised her when he opened up quickly and told her he
was divorced. She had been afraid to tell him about her divorce and child, but
it was so easy to tell him. He didn’t judge her at all but told her that she
was a wonderful person and shouldn’t be judged on her past. It was a good
conversation. Mandy and Jad were eager to go out on their first date.

Mandy took off work May 26 to meet Jad in Raleigh. It was a
very exciting and fun day. They went to the Science Museum in Raleigh to see
the Chocolate Exhibition. It was invigorating learning all about the history of
chocolate, and the items in the gift shop were exciting and unique. Mandy got
chocolate bubble bath and Jad got chocolate soap. They ate Chargrill for lunch
and then went to the rose garden behind Raleigh Little Theater.

Jad took lots
of pictures of Mandy with the flowers.

He thought she was beautiful.

Mandy was flattered but embarrassed.

She took a picture of him to make it even.

The garden was fragrant and lovely, and helped both of them see how they liked each other.

Then they went to the movies to see Star
Trek. The mall was next. They looked at everything from furniture to legos.
Then they ate at the Cheesecake Factory. Jad got Mandy to eat some of his
dinner. This was the first time they shared a fork. Jad asked Mandy to hold his
hand that night, and she did even though she wasn’t ready. The whole day was
wonderful and both knew that the other was great. The night ended with a hug
and a smile.

Mandy and Jad continued to talk on the phone periodically.
Jad got busy during the summer working double shifts, so they did not see each
other at all in the summer. During that time Mandy got back together with her
previous boyfriend when he came home on leave. She felt really bad when Jad
emailed her about seeing her at a dance, as if he wanted to pick up where they
had left off. She knew she had lost out on a great opportunity when he
responded to her explanation with grace and said how he would never regret
knowing her or spending time with her.
Mandy’s relationship didn’t last. She ended up telling Jad and they
wanted to see each other again.

September 5 was the next time they saw each other. That was
the evening Jad met Casey. He was wonderful with Casey and Mandy loved the time
they spent together. She learned a lot about his country’s food that day too.
She kissed him on the cheek that night after feeling overwhelmed with how
wonderful he was.

The courtship continued for five months. Mandy and Jad spent
nearly every weekend together. They took turns traveling to either Kinston or
Hillsborough.

Mandy knew she loved Jad October 23, the day they went to the
state fair together. That day she, Jad
and Casey had such a fun time and felt like a family. Mandy could see herself being with Jad always,
but it took him a little longer to know.

Mandy and Jad got to know each other’s families and spent a
lot of time eating and doing fun activities together like going to see Phantom,

visiting Battleship, NC and Wilmington,

celebrating Christmas together,

I got custom wind chimes made for Jad. The bottom said Just like music, you soothe my soul. I love you, Jad.

Jad got Casey a soccer ball.

I giggled that he put From the Kitchen of Mandy and Jad. It must come true now!

Jad drew this picture for me.

I thought Jad’s interaction with my Nana was so adorable. If she liked him, it was even more confirmation he was wonderful.

going to a
formal New Year’s dance,

bowling,

and ice skating.

They had little rough patches
along the way, but never doubted how much they cared about each other.

After New Year’s, Mandy and Jad knew they wanted to be
married and talked about it often. He even indicated that he had looked at
rings. Mandy hoped every weekend that he would ask her to marry him, but for
weeks he didn’t. She got a little upset that he was taking so long since they
knew they wanted to be together, but he always smiled his beautiful smile and
told her to be patient.

February 6 was the day. It was freezing cold and snowing.
Mandy had suggested going to Duke Gardens as they were planning what to do that
day. They almost didn’t go because of the snow, but still went after a strong
suggestion from Mandy’s mom. They both took their cameras in to take pictures
of the scenery and each other.

It was freezing, but kind of romantic. Mandy
didn’t know this, but as they were walking, Jad was trying to find the perfect
spot to propose. They had stood under a lovely gazebo earlier, and Jad led her
back up there to take a different route later on.

Outside of the gazebo was a
quote from Francis Bacon: God almighty first planted a garden. And
indeed, it is the purest of human pleasures. After reading it, Jad pulled three red roses
from his jacket. The roses, all varying in the amount of bloom, represented the
past, present and future or their relationship. Jad said some poetic words
about him and Mandy and how much he loved her. At that moment, a huge crowd of
people walked by. It was very embarrassing, so Mandy and Jad walked into the
gazebo as they were passing by. Then Jad continued. He talked about how their
relationship started out in a garden and implied that they were going to take their
next major steps in a garden as well. He said many beautiful things, but did
not get to the point quickly. It embarrassed Mandy and she shyly nodded and
smiled, adding little interjections. He did not get on his knee when he made it
known that he wanted to marry Mandy, but she was very willing. Then, he said
that he also had something for her in his pocket that he’d had for about a
month now. Jad took it out of his pocket, and got down on his knee to present
it to Mandy. She wanted to take the ring out, but he put it on her. It was
beautiful and Mandy was overwhelmed with happiness. She started to tear up and
realized the wait was worth it.

Our first picture together as an engaged couple.

Mandy and Jad started their married life together March 6,
2010 and were married by President Milton under the same gazebo where Jad had
proposed exactly a month earlier.

Though getting married at that time and that place was unexpected, Mandy and Jad were still so happy to be married and start their lives together.

It was a perfect day to become the Al-Bjaly family.

Our little Al-Bjaly family has grown by two in the last five years, with the births of Rigel and Kamren. We have also been sealed in the temple for all eternity, put Jad through life-threatening surgery, bought our first house, seen Jad become a citizen of our great nation, gotten a dog, started a blog, put Jad in school onto a new career path, and mourned the loss of family members, including his grandmother and my aunt.

I am amazed that we have gone through so many trials, tests of faith, and triumphs. I love my husband and my family with all my heart, and look forward to the next five, and fifty years.

March 6, 2015