1. See it on the ledge of your stairwell, jump backwards, and scream!
2. Run as far away from it as you can.
3. Ask your four-year-old if he will kill it.
4. When he looks at you in horror and says no, you realize you must kill it.
5. Breathe deeply.
6. Say a prayer that the experience won’t be scary and that you will be unharmed.
7. Grab the vacuum from the hall closet and run upstairs as fast as you can, veering away from where the bug was.
8. Make sure the bug is in the same spot. It is.
9. You plug in the vacuum, and thoughts of how the bug is just sitting there minding its own business, and that it is one of God’s creations, run through your mind.
10. You are reminded bugs do not belong in the house, especially ones that are big and ugly, and you start to extend the vacuum hose.
11. You realize that may not be good enough, so you run to the laundry room and grab the first spray bottle you see: Windex.
12. You approach the bug and spray the Windex on it like a mad woman.
13. As the blue liquid starts to roll down the wall of your stairwell, the bug slowly starts to walk away.
14. You pick up the vacuum hose up again, trying to build courage to get close enough to the bug that the vacuum hose will suck it into its dark abyss.
15. Meanwhile, your toddler has come up the stairs and is happily playing right near the bug of death.
16. You scream frantically at him to get out of the way and near you. Why doesn’t he realize danger is right above his head???
17. He looks at you like you are strange, but finally comes to you.
18. You ask your 4-year-old one more time if he would like to come kill the bug.
19. He fearfully says that he wants to get in his jeep and drive to Daddy so he can come home and kill it.
20. Taking that as a no, you tell yourself that you have to do this. You can do this.
21. You spray more Windex for good measure, and the bug slowly inches itself further away from you.
22. You very carefully take the vacuum hose, and inch it as close as you can to the bug, still on the stair ledge.
23. He tries to flap his (he has wings?), and you are glad the Windex has weighed him down so he can’t fly away.
24. You bravely move the hose one more inch and watch the bug disappear into the black hole.
25. You scream and turn off the vacuum, watching the hose fall to the ground.
26. You ask yourself, is the bug really gone? What if he comes out the other end?
27. After a quick scan, you realize that it is really gone, and slowly put everything away.
28. You clean up the Windex from the ledge, wall, and carpet, because in your panic attack, you accidentally spilled some on the stairs.
29. You look one more time to make sure the bug is gone.
30. You reassure your 4-year-old and yourself that the bug really is gone and it is safe in your home once again. Your toddler continues to play happily as if this traumatizing experience never happened.
So, there you have it: a mere 30 steps to killing a really ugly, brown, flying, and large bug.
I realized these steps this morning before going downstairs for breakfast. I am not exaggerating the steps I took. I am really that scared of huge bugs in my home.
I think my fear came from my dad chasing me with dead bugs when I was a kid. I used to hide in the bathroom with the door locked until he gave up. He still occasionally tries to do the same thing, but now I just get angry and yell at him, and then run away.
Yes, I am a little crazy, in case you couldn’t tell before.
As I was pondering these moments later, I realized firstly, that I am a little over-dramatic, but secondly, that there are way scarier things that I could actively fear.
In general, though, despite the increasing violence, decreasing morals, more intolerance in the name of tolerance, and a push to remove God from our nation, I do not live my life in fear.
I attribute that to my faith in Jesus Christ and my relationship with Him and my Heavenly Father. Because of this faith that I have, I do my best to keep God’s commandments, fulfill my roles as a woman, mother, wife, sister, teacher and friend as best I can, and strive to make my home a holy place. Because I do that, in partnership with my husband, God is my partner too.
I have the Holy Spirit abundantly in my life helping me see truth, recognize falsehoods, remind me of what spiritual knowledge I have, and help me look at the eternal perspective. This life will be full of experiences that will test my faith, and that of my husband and children, and bring hurt and suffering to us. As long as we keep God first in our family, we will be able to endure those things and come out of them better people. We will also be able to withstand the temptations and deceitfulness of Satan.
Will my fear of bugs ever go away? I am thinking it may not, but that is okay. Bugs are a part of life, and I can’t completely control their presence in my home. But, I can control the presence of many other things in my home that could either strengthen or dampen faith, bring the Spirit or drive it away.
My realization of this control, and the implementation of it in my home, is what makes something simple like bugs my greatest fear. I’ll take it.