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  • It’s Not Easy Being Turbulent

    I have come to enjoy personality tests more and more over the years because they help me understand more about myself and others. The one that is the most accurate one, at least for me, is created from the Myers Briggs Theory, or 16 Personalities. I am an INFJ, or Advocate, like Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Nelson Mandela.

                    There are so many things I love about being an INFJ. As one, I am compassionate, empathetic, honest, highly principled and ethical, a deep and insightful thinker, creative and imaginative, and an authentic and genuine friend, colleague, neighbor, etc. I greatly value honesty and integrity, use my intuition and wisdom to figure out what really matters in life’s situations, and I work to fight for equity and fairness as I feel inspired to. Helping others is a huge priority for me and gives me a sense of purpose. But there are also hard things about being an INFJ. Almost my whole life I have felt different and that I don’t fit in, which is very common for this personality type. As an INFJ, I often don’t allow myself enough self-care and I don’t ask for help enough (which is why when I do, you can trust I really need it). At times I can be too much of a perfectionist, not always because I want everything to be a certain way or perfect, but often because I seriously consider how to make a situation, relationship, or process better than it is. Because I put so much care into my relationships, I often feel unappreciated when that care isn’t reciprocated. And finally, I am a very sensitive person. Because my values and ideals are so key to who I am, if I feel that I am being attacked because of them, it hurts a lot, sometimes leading to defensiveness or even anger if the treatment feels very unfounded. Most people around me are not INFJs as it is the rarest personality type, making up less than 2% of the world population. 

                    To add even more complexity, each personality type has an A or a T after it, meaning Assertive or Turbulent. Assertive people are usually more confident, don’t get as stressed out, and worry a lot less about what they will do or what they have done in the past (they don’t focus on regrets). They can sometimes be overconfident, leading them to cross lines with people, and they can sometimes be overly positive, causing them to gloss over potential problems and details. Regardless, they tend to be happy with their lives and are assured they can handle what comes at them. In contrast, Turbulent people are more perfectionistic, always wanting to improve. They often struggle with self-doubt, so they push themselves to become better. They notice little problems and try to stop them from increasing. They often feel bad when comparing themselves to others. All of this can either bog down or motivate them depending on how they handle it. They are careful and attentive and work towards positive action in the world. As you can see, there are pros and cons to being either of these.

                    I am an INFJ-T. Many of the turbulent qualities are also found in the personality traits of INFJs. It’s great to have an extra dose of wanting to make positive change in the world. It’s way less great to have an extra dose of perfectionistic tendencies, sensitivity, and self-doubt (in an INFJ’s case, due to feeling different and misunderstood).

     

                    I have been thinking a lot about myself as a person lately and what God-given attributes that help me be a light for others around me. I feel good when I think about it, but then I start to think about all my perceived flaws. I think about what often bothers me. I wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong with me (INFJs really are a walking contradiction of sorts). I wonder if anyone really likes me, really wants to be my friend, or really believes in me. I find myself crying over this more often than I would like. It’s an inner struggle that is very difficult for me to navigate. Sometimes I feel guilty for even acknowledging my gifts, thinking it may be boasting. The other part of me really wants to share my gifts with others and make a difference, and most of the time, that’s my focus, and it brings me a lot of joy and fulfillment. But sometimes I get troubled when it seems like others don’t care about my contributions or see how much of my heart and soul I put into everything I create.

                    I know this is very personal, but I want to share this about myself to help people understand how complex individuals can be. Nobody can be put into a neat little box and figured out with a couple observations and interactions. I also want to share this to help us all think about things we criticize in others and realize that some traits are deeply rooted in someone’s natural makeup and are very difficult to abandon. Now, this doesn’t mean people are unable to improve their behaviors or expand their personalities, but their underlying personality types will remain, and we need to accept and honor that. It also bears mentioning that even with our specific personality types, we are still individuals and no two INFJ-Ts or any other personality type will be exactly the same (for example, I am much less private than other INFJs may be because I feel called to share my experiences to help others). 

                    People can tell me all day long to stop helping/caring about someone who doesn’t appreciate me, stop talking to someone who isn’t nice to me, stop caring what people think about me, be quiet and keep the peace to avoid ruffling feathers (even if someone says or does something insensitive, cruel, or dishonest), say this thing that isn’t exactly true so I can get out of something, etc. For people of other personality types, or for more Assertive people, some of these things wouldn’t be a big deal at all. As for me, in most cases, these suggestions would seem completely unnatural and inauthentic to me. There are some rare occasions when I would listen to this kind of advice (or more likely, come to that conclusion on my own), but there would have to be extenuating circumstances or a sense that I had tried everything else for me to feel comfortable or right about it.

                    I know that I am different. I am also very aware of my strengths and my weaknesses. I realize how rare some of my strengths are, as well as how deeply some of my weaknesses flow. I only wish to be the best version of myself that I can be, but I will always be who God created me to be. I can work on my weaknesses (and I do), but I also know that there are many things about me that just make me who I am. If you look at the description of an INFJ, or probably any personality type, the weaknesses are not necessarily sins. They can become so if brought to an extreme or used with bad intentions (same for strengths), but for the most part they are just ingredients that make a person into the unique creation God intended them to be. I think there is room for all personalities and that a mixture of all brings a rainbow of color and light to the world.

                    Where we as humans sometimes falter is when we try to force teal to be purple and orange to be pink. It’s the mentality of “I’m teal. Why can’t you be more teal?” When we do that, we lose sight of the beauty of other colors and become prideful, thinking our way is the best. We are all guilty of that. I mean, to be fair, some qualities are top notch qualities and are very needed in this world. But we can’t all have every quality. We need each other to balance each other out and help each other rise to our potential and be the best version of ourselves we can be. I need to remember this too.

                    The title of this post is It’s Not Easy Being Turbulent. And it’s not. I know that sensitivity in a person is looked down upon a lot, but hopefully I have shown that it’s not just someone being a baby or a sissy. It is a quality that makes up many people, and yes, it can be hard to understand by some. It can be uncomfortable or annoying at times too, but that sensitivity can also bring a lot of positive change and improvements to the world. As a Turbulent person, sometimes overly Assertive people are hard for me to handle. I know I need to focus more on what is good about being Assertive and allow those Assertive people in my life to help me balance my natural inclinations and not allow my sensitivities to elevate to an extreme. Turbulent people can also help balance out Assertive people by helping them consider other people’s feelings more and the consequences of particular actions if not carefully chosen.

    I saw this picture online while writing this post, and it definitely describes me. I love it.

                    There is no one right way to feel or to be. No matter our personality type, or the A or T behind our name, life can be beautiful, and it will always be hard. Let’s help each other have the most colorful life we can by appreciating each other for how God created us.

     

  • A Statement of Love? Or Can We Do Better?

    “Love the sinner; hate the sin.” Have you ever heard that before? Of course, you have. Have you ever used it? If you are a Christian, most likely, and maybe even often.

    I have heard this statement my whole life. To be honest, it has never sat well with me. I have never really thought about why before, but I recently saw it multiple times in comments on certain religious social media posts, and I decided to finally put my thoughts down.

    I think the reason I have never liked it on a surface level is because I dislike the word “hate.” It is not a word that I associate with Jesus, so it isn’t something I have ever felt comfortable saying.

    There are many more reasons this statement puts a bad taste in my mouth, and I feel the need to share. Please don’t think that I am judging anyone who says this. I know it isn’t used with ill intent. I just want us all to think about how it comes across, and if it is actually serving anyone.

    Let’s break this down into two parts. Here is why I feel “Love the sinner” is troubling:

    1. We are all sinners. Why not just say “love your neighbor,” which is what Christ asked us to do?
    2. The reason number 1 above doesn’t happen is because we only say this statement when talking about certain people committing certain sins. That’s because in our minds we rank certain sins as worse than others, when in reality, we all fall short of perfection.
    3. When we call someone a sinner, we are defining them by their sins. Because of that, we are not thinking of the person as a child of God first, or as one of our brothers and sisters first. We are thinking of the person as a sinner first, and sometimes only as such.
    4. If you are calling someone a sinner, do you really love them? Do you truly feel the love of God for them when you call them that? It would definitely be hard to do so if that’s how you are defining them.

     

    Now onto the second part, “hate the sin:”

    1. When we say the word “hate,” that denotes anger, disdain, resentment, negative judgment, and more. It does not denote anything righteous or loving.
    2. Do we “hate” our own sins or just the sins of others we think sin worse than us? That’s definitely something to ponder.
    3. The definition of what is sin will vary depending upon belief systems, so is it fair to call someone a sinner who doesn’t believe his/her actions are a sin?
    4. When using this statement, it takes away thoughts of anything other than the “what,” or the sin itself. There is no effort to try to understand what led someone to commit the so-called sin. There is no effort to encourage or support someone in changing if they desire to.

     

    And now some thoughts about the whole statement, “Love the sinner; hate the sin.”

    1. It is used as a way to simplify human existence and brush away the need to get to know people on a deeper level.
    2. Nobody’s identity can be fully separated from their sins, for our sins help make us who we are at any given moment. Overcoming sin also helps us be better than we were before.
    3. When we say this statement, we often are justifying doing what we say we aren’t doing: negatively judging others and loving only conditionally.
    4. We are coming across as prideful as we call someone else a sinner but not ourselves.
    5. This teaching is not found in scripture.
    6. The second part gets the focus and disagreement with the sin is the reason we say this in the first place.

     

    I believe that in order to love others the way God loves each of us, we have to stop defining people by their sins. We have to see their divine nature and individual worth. We need to allow each other the gifts God has given all of us: agency, the ability to gain wisdom and knowledge from our experiences, repentance, forgiveness, and redemption.

     

     

    For all these reasons, and maybe some I haven’t even realized, I will not be using this statement in my life. This doesn’t mean I am perfect at not judging. It also doesn’t mean I condone all actions people take. No, I actually have a very strong moral compass and I also am not always completely merciful and understanding. However, I know I am a sinner just like everyone else. I know I wouldn’t want someone saying this statement when talking about me because it would be hurtful.

    I listened to a little reel from Mr. Rogers yesterday and it touched my heart. He used to always say this to the child viewers. The world would be a much better place if we treated others with this sentiment:

     

    I also adore this quote from Mr. Rogers:

    I leave us all with the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8:

    Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

    And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

    And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

    Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

    Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

    Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

    Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

    Charity never faileth

     

    I hope and pray that we can all strive to see each other the way God sees us and that even if we don’t agree with something someone is doing, we can still befriend, love, respect, and show compassion for them. That is what I know Christ would do.

     

  • When you start to feel too cool for your parents…

    My oldest son, Casey, started high school this year. It hit me not long ago that I only have FOUR MORE YEARS with my first born – with my precious son who made me a mother.

    I know that time will fly by, and it’s been hurting my heart that my time with him is so short. He’s growing into a man, and in a few short years he will have his own life without his siblings and parents.

    Casey just had his first high school band concert a few days ago. I burst with pride as I watched him passionately playing his trombone. He was part of two real bands with so much talent and drive. I was and am so incredibly proud of his efforts to become a musician.

    After the concert was over, I was so happy to see him (my husband and other kids had already left because it was getting late). Casey helped clean up the stage with a smile. Once he was done, we walked towards the exit doors of the auditorium, and I told Casey I wanted to take a selfie with him. He was hesitantly willing, and as we walked into the empty vestibule, I pulled out my phone for a quick photo. We posed for the selfie, both smiling, but before the camera could even flash, Casey had bolted away from the camera and out of the auditorium, clearly afraid someone would come in and see us taking the photo.

    The freshly taken picture of my smiling face and a blurry image of someone fleeing the scene burned a hole in my brain, and a pain in my heart. I was crushed, and I was speechless. I felt an instant loss of joy.

    As we got in the car, I expressed my sadness at him not taking the picture with me, and I started to weep, like really weep. I couldn’t talk about it, so I cried in silence.  

    You may think this was an overreaction on my part, but if you couple my sad realization about Casey leaving us in four years with him starting to be embarrassed of me, you may understand how this was more than my heart could bear.

    We drove in awkward silence for a while, but finally I did try to talk to him more about how he hurt me. He seemed to understand, and when we dropped by a friend’s house to pick up some pallets on the way home, he rolled up his tuxedo sleeves and helped me. He wouldn’t let me do it by myself.

    The rest of the way home, we were both feeling better and were able to talk about the concert as if nothing had happened. Then, when we got home, Casey made sure I didn’t unload the van by myself even though he had a lot of homework to do. He was very loving and hugged me, telling me he loved me.

    That’s the son that I have always adored.

    I am telling this story as a way to speak to all the teenagers out there. I won’t pretend I don’t remember what it is like to be a teen – I do. I remember wanting to fit in so much, wanting the popular kids to accept me, and I do remember sometimes being embarrassed to be around my parents.

    Believe me, I remember and I understand. But, there is something so much more important than all those things. I know that now that I am a mother myself.

    Mothers and fathers devote their lives to raising their children – to making sure they are healthy, happy, provided for, taught, and loved. Being a parent is a selfless job, and due to the love and service parents provide to their children every single day, they love them more than the children will ever know – at least until they also become parents.

    So, my teenager friends, when you start to have that feeling that your parents are too uncool for you, or that you look uncool with them, I ask you to please reconsider your thoughts.

    The truth is, your parents will always be there for you and will always love you. They support you more than any friend ever could. And to be honest, a true friend would want you to be close to your parents. It makes me sad to think that a friend would make fun of you for taking a selfie with your mom, or hugging your dad, or saying “I love you” to them both.

    It hurts your parents when you push them away. See, they have rocked you to sleep, kissed your booboos, played with you to see you laugh, comforted you when you were sad, celebrated every holiday and birthday with you, and taught you how to be a good person for so long. It has brought them so much joy – you have brought them so much joy.

    Continue to let them find joy in you and you in them. A parent/child bond is one that should never be compromised. It’s one of the most important relationships you will ever have. It should mirror your relationship with your Heavenly parents.

    So, talk to your parents about everything, and they will listen to you. Respect how they feel about things and they will respect you. Trust them and they will trust you. Show love and help them out as they have always done for you.

    As for my son: Casey, I love you. You will always be my little boy, but I also love the young man you have become, and will continue to develop into. I hope we will have a strong bond your whole life – it would make me the happiest mother in the world.

  • I may not be your friend right now, but I still love you

    Those of you who know me well know that I love people. I want to be friends with everyone I meet, and I do care what people think of me. I try to be honest, kind and service-oriented.  If you need anything, I will do my very best to help, and if I can’t, I feel bad about it and want to make it up to you. I am not perfect, but if I do something wrong, I will apologize.  The idea of someone thinking badly of me breaks my heart.

    I have many faults, but this is one area where I have strength.

    There have been a couple instances in my life where I have lost a friend. One I still don’t know why. I miss her and wish we could be friends again. I have reached out to her multiple times over the years without any type of explanation. It saddens me.

    In the other instance, I chose to end the friendship, at least temporarily. This person and I have been friends and have had great experiences together since we met several years ago. She said and did hurtful things multiple times in those years, but I always forgave her and moved on. However, a few months ago, she laid heavy accusations and unkind words at the feet of someone I love very much. This person was confused and upset by these accusations, and did not deserve them in any way.

    Due to this, I had to choose between one loved one and the other. I chose the one who was blameless, but said that if my friend would apologize and make things right, I would happily be her friend again.

    Unfortunately, since that time several months ago, this good friend of mine has said very unkind things about me on Facebook and to others. She has also contacted my husband many times with passive aggressive comments about me and my family.

    Most recently, she said that she forgave my loved one for what she did wrong. Perhaps this made me the most upset of all, as the whole reason why we stopped being friends is because she accused my loved one of doing something she absolutely did not do, and called her horrible names.

    I have tried very hard to forgive this person, and honestly, I want nothing more than to be her friend again. I love her, and I do think back to the wonderful interactions we have had, and the service we have rendered to one another. But, I can’t bring myself to be a friend with someone who thinks I am a hypocrite, talks about me behind my back, and continues to believe something about my loved one that isn’t true.

    Why am I telling you all this? Well, perhaps one of you have felt down-trodden due to something similar, where someone you care about has betrayed your friendship or trust, where someone puts hear-say or pride above truth and love.

    I feel for you. It is a horrible feeling. It is especially difficult when you cannot avoid that person’s presence.

    This whole situation eats at me, and I really want to make it right. Sometimes you can’t, though. When someone has made up her mind about you irrationally, what can you really do to change it?

    What I have to do is remember that the names I am called do not describe or define me. My conscience is clear and my intent true. I must defend what I know is right, and the ones I love.

    The Lord has commanded us to always forgive, and I will continue to forgive. This does not require me, however, to rebuild a relationship that will only cause harm to me.

    I felt that I must get this off my chest, and if any of my readers and friends needs to talk to someone about something similar, please feel free to contact me. I will do my best to listen and to reach out with love and encouragement.

    I do feel it is important for me not to condemn and judge this person with finality. I am still open to being her friend again, as I know that change can happen for anyone through the atonement of Christ. My door is always open if one chooses to knock gently.

    Each of us is a child of God and is of infinite value to Him. We all need friends and we all need love. We must choose our friends wisely, and for those who hurt us, may we pray for them and wish them understanding, comfort, and a softened heart.

    To this friend, I say that I love you, and have never stopped.  I am frustrated and hurt, but that can change if you wish it to.

  • Are they RIGHT about me?

    Compliments are meant to lift us up and make us feel good inside. But does criticism also have a place in our lives?

    Whether we realize it or not, people are constantly saying negative things about us, either to us or behind our backs. My son had a bad experience last week at recess when a boy was picking on him. He was getting in his face and telling him what an awful basketball player he was. He was mean and condescending. It hurt Casey’s feelings. When he told me about it, he said he knew what the boy said wasn’t true, but I heard a tinge of doubt in his voice.

    So, how do we know if a disapproving comment made to us about our skills, talents, character, etc., is true? How do we know if we should take it to heart, or change, or give up?

    I think the easiest way to know is to follow the “WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY HOW” method. I exclude small children from this method because pretty much anything they say is done without a filter, and the good, bad, even the ugly, is usually true, much to our embarrassment and dismay. (You know you are thinking of a time and nodding.)

    whowhatwhywhenwherehow

    WHO is the one making the comments about you? Is it someone who knows you well, someone who cares about you, someone who you trust, or is it someone who generally doesn’t speak to you or get along with you?

    Now, sometimes the WHO is tricky, because even the people who are supposed to love and care about us the most can say things that aren’t true.

    Another important thing to consider is WHO else has said these things about you? Was it just this person, or are there others? Has anyone told you the opposite, and do you trust that person? In my son’s basketball situation, two of his close friends comforted Casey by saying that they thought his basketball playing had readily improved over the year, and that he does a great job.

    WHAT is the person saying? Is the person using words like always and never? Is he using words that belittle or uplift? Is he saying things that you already know or suspect are true, or things you have never thought about before?

    The WHAT is also tricky, because when under extreme stress, sadness, etc., sometimes even the kindest people say hurtful things. Additionally, sometimes we are unaware of our own downfalls, weaknesses, and bad habits. Let’s keep thinking.

    WHEN is the person talking to you? Is it during a fight, or is it when you are speaking calmly to each other? Knowing the WHEN can help you determine if what the person said was rational, or just based on heightened emotions.

    Also, think about how many times a person has said the same thing to you. Oftentimes, especially if someone we love says something multiple times in different occasions, there is  truth to it. In those cases, even though the first couple times the person said it, he may have said it calmly, don’t be surprised if that calm becomes irritation or  anger.

    WHERE are you when the person says these comments? Are you in public where everyone can hear, or are you in private where discretion is appropriate?  Sincere compliments are often quite appropriate to be said in public settings, but criticism is normally best said in private. So, thinking of the WHERE can help you determine if the person is trying to help you or hurt you.

    HOW is the person making these comments? Is he angry and irrational, or is he trying to be objective and helpful? Is he in your face and yelling, or is he calm and focused? Is he engaged in the conversation, giving you eye contact? How is his inflection? Is he frowning, smiling, scowling, laughing?

    Someone who really wants to help you will act a certain way. I think you can guess how.

    WHY is perhaps the hardest of all, because that is something we often have to figure out on our own, based on past interactions with a person, and based on the other questions we just discussed.

    Since there are some cases when criticism is positive, and necessary for personal growth, then there must be people who offer it with the best intentions. I believe that the people who truly love us want to help us be the best we can be. So, in appropriate moments, they may gently mention opportunities for improvement.

    strong woman

    On the other hand, someone who doesn’t care about your best interests doesn’t care if he hurts your feelings or if what he is saying is even true.

    constructive-criticism

    He may be saying those things because he is envious of you, because he has been treated similarly by others, because he is insecure or unhappy in his own skin, or maybe even because he has a mental illness and cannot control all he says.

    I went through a time in my life when the person who was supposed to love me the most, treated me the worst. I was often called worthless and unimportant. Was it true? To him, perhaps. To me? Well, it ate at me, and even though in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn’t true, I couldn’t believe that someone who loved me would talk to me that way. There must have been a WHY. For this person, I believe part of it was self-inflicted shame because of harmful choices he was making and hiding from me.

    I think the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE AND HOW are what help us know if what someone is saying is worth holding onto, but the WHY helps us understand, and hopefully have compassion on that person – enough compassion to forgive and move forward.

    Doesn’t all this seem obvious? Yet, it isn’t. I have spoken to so many people damaged, seemingly beyond repair, because of hateful, often repeated, attacks to their character, talents, education, relationships and lifestyle. Even when they know that something shouldn’t be true, hearing it makes them doubt themselves, and fear that it could be.

    If you are one of these people, know that you are doing better than you think you are, and certainly better than those who verbally abuse you.

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    Every person on this earth is a beloved child of God. We all have that going for us, and Christ atoned for us all. Nobody is better than anybody else. Pride is a big cause of verbal mistreatment.

    Domenico_Fetti_-_The_Parable_of_the_Mote_and_the_Beam

    Let us all try to be humble, and see our own weaknesses clearly before we point out others’. And if we do point out others’ faults, let us do it appropriately, in love and gentleness, with a true desire to bless the lives of others.

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  • Murmurings and Medicine

    Jad and I were very worried about Rigel Tuesday morning. He had a lot of swelling, discoloration, and pain on a sensitive part of his body. We strongly felt that we needed to take him to the doctor.

    When we got there, I was unpleasantly surprised to find that I had to pay $100 for the visit, since our coinsurance didn’t kick in until after the deductible was met. That wasn’t fun, but I paid it knowing that my son would receive a sound diagnosis and treatment for his condition.

    We love our pediatrician. She examined Rigel gently yet thoroughly, and surprisingly to me, didn’t see any cause for concern. She said most likely the cause was a bug bite, and that with some Benadryl, he would be fine.

    seriously

    I left the office with my little boys, suckers and stickers in hand. When I sat in the car after buckling them in, I sighed in distaste.

    It was time to call Jad, who I knew was worried sick. Well, wait until he hears what a waste of time that was, I thought to myself.

    Exasperated, I told him how much money I had to spend, and that there was nothing wrong with Rigel. All he needed was Benadryl. I sighed, and said I would be getting him his medicine. We got off the phone both annoyed at our new insurance.

    The whole rest of the day, I found myself doubting the doctor. It must be something else – I mean, his condition just isn’t normal.

    But, it hit me that night that my attitude had been all wrong. It was almost as if I wanted something to be wrong with Rigel to justify the doctor’s trip and the large bill. I had been feeling that my time and money wasn’t worth it because he was actually fine.

    I am ashamed at how I acted! I should have been praising God that there was nothing to be worried about! Had the swelling been for a more serious reason, he likely would have needed surgery.

    I should have been thanking people who prayed for him, and thanking my Heavenly Father for hearing my own prayers.

    I should have hugged and kissed my child, and told him how much I loved him, and how happy I was that he was going to be alright.

    My pride got the better of me that day, and someone didn’t want me to see the Lord’s hand, be grateful, or focus on what matters most.

    Rigel is all better now. The swelling did go down with one dose of Benadryl.

    Just as the doctor knows what medicines heal us physically, Heavenly Father knows what will heal us spiritually. He healed my hardened heart through the whisperings of the Spirit. I am eternally grateful for my renewed perspective, and for the safety and health of my precious Rigel.

    rigel
    Photo Credit: Nikki Miner Nichols

  • Matching My Inside

    I must be crazy. I am a super busy mother of three, with a husband, a house to keep in order, a church I worship in and provide service to, a blog I love, books to read and book reviews to write, an aspiration to write my own book, and more.

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    Photo credit: Nikki Miner Nichols

    Phew. That is a lot of stuff. Why would anyone want to add something else on?

    A few months ago, I joined Planet Fitness Gym. In my free personal training session, the trainer told me nonchalantly about greens I could use as a nutritional supplement to help me stay nourished when I work out. He gave me a website to look at, called It Works. I was kind of interested, but decided not to buy them.

    Throughout this year, I have brushed shoulders with multiple women who are consultants/distributors for a variety of marketing companies. All of the products are great. I have used many of the brands. These people seem to be doing very well for themselves, and more than once I have been told I would be great in such a business.

    I always appreciated the compliments, but felt that I was too busy for such things, and probably wouldn’t be good at it. After all, I had tried Avon, and I never did well.

    Last week, something changed. My friend Amber, who was one of my best buddies in middle school, posted something on Instagram about her business, and I lit up in excitement. I told her I was interested, and asked her questions.

    My biggest concerns were about time commitment, and also if I had to do a lot outside of the home. She told me that she does almost all of her work with social media, and that she rarely does parties. I love being on social media. I am a fast typer, and I am a good writer. I could do this! I set up a time to have a phone call with her and get started with It Works.

    But then a thought came to me yesterday afternoon: Mandy, you haven’t prayed about this to see if it is the right thing to do.

    I knew I needed to pray, so I slowly knelt in my closet and started to do so. Immediately, I felt a swelling all around me, as if my body was engulfed in spirit. I felt warm, and tears came to my eyes, then started flowing. The answer was clear. Yes, this is the right thing to do.

    So, last night, I signed up to be a distributor with It Works Global.

    I don’t know why Heavenly Father wants me to do this. The obvious reason is to bring extra income to my family – we want to have more children, and Jad wants to go back to school. Perhaps it is also a way to bring more readers to my blog. Perhaps there is someone who would only be persuaded by my voice and my story to change his/her life.

    I don’t know, but I have realized something: To do well in a business such as this, you have to be passionate about the products you are selling.

    There are people who are passionate about makeup or cleaning supplies or oils. Me? Well, I am passionate about products that are going to help me minimize my physical flaws. I have brittle nails that never look nice. I have belly pudge that I just can’t get rid of, no matter how much weight I lose. I have issues with unhealthy food cravings. I have stretch marks, and have always struggled with skin dryness. I can see how the It Works products can change my life for the better. I also love that the market includes men. They care about their health and appearance too, and I want to be able to serve them as much as I serve women.

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    Photo Credit: Nikki Miner Nichols 

    The name I chose for my website is www.matchingmyinside.itworks.com.

    The reason I chose it is that I truly believe that we all have individual worth. Each person on this earth is special and unique, with a multitude of talents and skills to share with the world. Unfortunately, as in my case, our confidence to do so can waver as we are uncomfortable with how we look and feel.

    Some might think that becoming healthier and improving our flaws means we are proud, and focus too much on the outward appearance. On the contrary – if done without pride, doing this can help us shift our focus to what’s wrong with our outside to how wonderful we are on the inside.

    That is my goal for myself and for others. I don’t want anyone to feel bad about himself/herself. I want people to have faith in themselves and better hopes for their futures.

    Our spirits and bodies are interconnected. As we take care of our bodies, our spirits will shine forth as a light to those around us.

    So, this is a new journey I am on. Should you like to join me in any way, to use the products, or sell them, please let me know. I would love to work with you.

    God knows us and what we need. I am grateful for this opportunity. It will be hard to add this on to my plate, but it will be worth it!

  • Because I know what’s best for you

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    I was home with my two little ones by myself one night, and my 4-year-old was winning a debate at the dinner table. He was refusing to eat his dinner, no matter what bribes – or threats – I threw out.

    In desperation, I finally screamed out: “I’m in charge and you NEED TO LISTEN TO ME!”

    I was taken aback when his little voice, rather than arguing, simply asked, “Why?”

    My voice caught a little when I answered, “Because I know what’s best for you.”

    When I said it, I felt like a huge hypocrite – no, the biggest hypocrite in the world.

    It was time for self-reflection.

    I inwardly asked myself, “If I really know what’s best for my son, does that include yelling, screaming, and demanding impatiently that he do something?”

    My second question rolled off the first, “What is my real goal – to fill tummies and warm hearts, or to be right and obeyed?”

    At that moment of anger and annoyance, the answer was clear. In my impatience, I had forgotten the real goal – the goal that would actually be what was best for him – and moved to the selfish goal of satisfying my pride.

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    I realized that night that Rigel just wanted to know why he had to eat his dinner before willingly doing it.

    In my church’s General Conference this past weekend, I heard a message from Carole M. Stephens that completely affirms my feelings that night.

    As she spoke of her granddaughter, Chloe, who had taken her seat belt off so many times, that she had to stop on the side of the road, unable to go any further, I was first so impressed and inspired by her continued patience with this small child, only a year younger than my Rigel.

    After unsuccessfully re-buckling her granddaughter several times, and bribing her to keep her seat belt fastened, Sister Stephens prayed for guidance on what to do. She got the impression to teach her.

    After expressing that wearing her seat belt would keep her safe, and that it would make her grandmother upset if her sweet granddaughter got hurt, Chloe finally understood:

    “Grandma, you want me to wear my seat belt because you love me!”

    After that, she kept her seat belt on.

    Sister Stephens counseled, “We have rules to teach, guide, and protect children. Why? Because of the great love we have for them. But until Chloe understood that my desire for her to remain securely fastened in her car seat was because of my love for her, she was unwilling to submit to what she considered a restriction. She felt her seat belt limited her freedom.”

    I really think that is why our kids don’t listen to us sometimes. It is because they don’t see a need to do something, or because they think that by doing it, they can no longer do what they want.

    If our children see that we truly want what’s best for them, and decide what is best based on our love and concern for them, they will obey so much more willingly.

    I know I am not the best mother. I have so much work to do to become the gentle, patient, tender mother I know my children need me to be. The simple experience I had with my wise son, Rigel, followed by this simple and tender message from Carole Stephens, has helped me refocus on a way that I can be a more worthy mother, wife, friend, and daughter of God.

    Rigel, I promise you and your brothers that I will try harder to show you that I love you when I ask you to follow a rule. I truly do want what is best for you.

     

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