Can I first just say how much I adore writing? I have loved writing my whole life. Many of my friends in school would playfully scoff at me when I said I preferred writing essays over doing multiple choice questions for tests. I was in the minority for sure, but essays filled me with excitement (as long as I was familiar with the subject matter of course).
I self-published my first two books over the summer that you can find on my Amazon author page here. I have been so humbled by the very kind reviews I have received on Amazon and the sweet comments I have received from friends and library employees. It’s truly a labor of love to write books as well as format them and make them visually pleasing.
The past few months I have been working on a couple children’s books simultaneously, and one of them is done! It’s called The Prayer of a Little Hero and is a true story from my son, Rigel’s life. I actually felt recently that I should go through my blog posts and find things I have already written that would make inspiring and adorable children’s books. I found several, and this one was the inspiration for my new book.
The Prayer of a Little Hero will be available for purchase on Amazon.com as a paperback book and as a Kindle E-Book beginning November 18, 2024. You can preorder the e-book here.
This book will be a perfect Christmas gift for any kid (or kid at heart) who loves superheroes, the idea of protecting others, and has faith enough to pray for the tender desires of their heart.
Thank you for your support!
PS: If you have read any of my books and wouldn’t mind leaving a review, I would so appreciate it!
Before I begin writing what I wish to say, I want you to understand that what I share in this post can change your life if you allow it. My life has already been changed.
If you are someone who feels discomfort, or even fear, dread, or anger when discussing the LGBTQ+ community, this post is for you even if you feel like you’d rather stop reading. Instead, I’m asking you to trust me and to believe me when I share my feelings and experiences in this post.
This writing is directed to members of my church, but I believe what I say can touch and help others as well. First, I invite you to please watch this video I made a few months back with the help of my dear brother, Aaron.
*If you would like more details from my growth on this topic, you can read it here.
In the video I said, “I encourage each of us to ask God how we can contribute to the joy, hope, and belonging of the LGBTQ people all around us.”
I have been trying to do this in my life by reading/listening to the experiences of LGBTQ+ individuals, putting loving bumper stickers on my car like “Be Kind” and “Jesus Loves You,” and wearing shirts that say things like “You are Enough,” “Love Thy Neighbor,” and “God loves the people we don’t.” I have similar stickers on my favorite water bottles too. (Try The Happy Givers if you would like to get similar things.) I have lovingly corrected people as they have said insensitive things about the LGBTQ+ community (when I have had the courage and ability to do so). I have written blog posts expressing love for this community and encouraging others to learn to do the same. I have also been a part of a latter-day saint group that meets together to find ways to be better Christlike allies for this community. And finally, because of that ally group, I have had the opportunity and privilege for the past few months to help plan an event that just happened this past Saturday called Gather Conference Southeast.
This conference was a regional subset of the official Gather Conference which is held in Provo, Utah. The goal of Gather Conferences is “to create a hope filled & supportive event for Latter-day Saint LGBTQ individuals, family members, and friends—sharing stories, providing resources and education, creating a community of belonging and connection to Jesus Christ.”
I couldn’t assist in the planning very much once school started, and I almost decided not to go to the conference because I didn’t feel useful, but something told me that I needed to be there. So, I did.
The morning of the conference, I first attended the temple as a dear friend made covenants with God. Then I made my way to the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Raleigh, NC.
I was very late for the conference, but when I arrived, I was met with friendly faces who helped me get where I needed to be. I loved the venue that was chosen for this conference. It was evident all around how accepting and loving this fellowship was, making it a perfect place to gather. To help illustrate that, here is a picture I found on their website:
I arrived right before the next session of classes. I visited the registration table first, which had a lot of nice mementos. Everyone also got to write something they wanted to get out of the conference on a strip of colored paper. We made large paper chains with these papers. Here are some of the answers that were given:
It was soon time for the next class, and my friend Misa and I chose to go to the LGBTQ+ Community Listening Session. In retrospect, this class was probably more for members of the LGBTQ+ community than anyone else, but it was such a special, Spirit-filled class.
It started with a video that was so incredibly poignant, it left me breathless. It was called “Souled of Other Stars: A Story of Coming Out and Coming In.”
We all sat in awe for a moment, and then for the rest of the time, we sat in a circle listening to beautiful people share their stories. After each person shared, we all thanked that person by name for sharing. We all listened intently, and you could tell each person in the room really cared and was moved by each story. The stories, experiences, and identities were all so different, but what tied us all together was a desire to listen, love, lift, and understand. I shed tears many times during that session, but I also felt a great sense of hope and I felt God’s love surrounding all there. We ended the session with a group hug that most of us partook in. It was a tight hug, and it felt amazing. I felt so privileged to be amongst these children of God. Here is a picture of the whole group.
After a break, all conference attendees sat together in the sanctuary for an 8-person LGBTQ+ Panel Discussion. This was my favorite part of the day. I was heart-warmed to see that many of the people that were in the listening session were also on the panel. Meghan Decker, a prominent gay latter-day saint author, led the panel in a series of questions. On the panel were gay, lesbian, a-sexual, transgender, non-binary, bi-sexual, and genderqueer individuals.
I cannot even begin to express how much hearing this panel answer questions meant to me. I have already known and cherished much of my brother’s story, but hearing these queer latter-day saints courageously, vulnerably, and honestly share so much about their life experiences and hardships touched my soul so deeply. Their identities, stories, struggles, dreams, testimonies, insights, and paths were all different, but it was clear that each of them loved God, loved their neighbor, and just wanted to be loved and welcomed, and to feel like they belong. I cried a lot during this panel discussion, and I learned what it really means to “mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. (Mosiah 18:9).” If any community needs that, it’s the LGBTQ+ community. My heart broke when panelists burst into tears, and sometimes even sobbed over how they had been treated by church members, friends, and often even their families when they did come out. Though this was sad, there were also happy tears as those in the room could feel the strength of a panelist’s testimony of God’s love for them, their individual worth, and their divine mission on the earth. These dear people knew, or are coming to know, that this was how God created them, and they are doing their best to use their unique gifts to help others.
After this discussion, I honestly didn’t want to leave because there was such a warmth in the room. I felt the Holy Ghost so strongly and a sense of unity that I rarely feel.
It was dinner time. Before that, I rehearsed a musical number that a group of us were singing before the keynote speaker, Richard Ostler. Then I rode with a couple of them to dinner at a delicious restaurant called David’s Dumpling and Noodle Bar. All the panelists, special speakers, and committee members who planned the conference sat together at a huge table.
I was sitting within talking distance of four of the panelists, and it was an amazing time. We were all sharing our food with each other and laughing and joking. Normally in a large group gathering like that, I am very uncomfortable, but this time, I was completely at ease. I smiled because I wouldn’t normally share food with people I don’t know, and I normally would be really self-conscious about food in my teeth or on my face. But in this atmosphere, I was happy and really felt at home. We had all come to the conference for a common goal, and we all felt safe with each other. I loved it and I was filled body and soul.
After dinner it was time to prepare for our keynote speaker, Richard Ostler, who is a very sweet older gentleman who is the host of the Listen, Learn, & Love Book and Podcast. Before he began, I sang “Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd” with three other talented singers. It felt wonderful to sing such a tender song about the Savior’s love to the audience. You can listen to it here or watch it here.
“Papa Ostler,” as he is affectionately called, gave a wonderful address along with a PowerPoint presentation. He shared current church teachings and how they have changed, some personal stories that illustrated how God called him to be an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, and many stories of LGBTQ+ people he has interviewed for his podcast. Three of the stories were about individuals who served on the panel discussion earlier in the day. I will link to their stories below:
Lindsey Sais (Her comments in my first class and in the panel discussion were some of my favorites. She is very wise and is truly a survivor.)
Jessop Oliver (He was the one I sang a duet with at the beginning of the musical number and sat next to at dinner. He’s a cheerful, kind, and caring young man who lives in Durham.)
Meghan Decker (She is a calm, articulate, and intellectual woman who does a great job of leading a discussion.)
It amazes me how many people Papa Ostler has interviewed (almost 800 as of this writing). I love how he just listens and loves. He doesn’t judge or push anyone away. He also truly mourns with community, especially those who felt they had no other choice but to end their lives. We can learn a lot from him.
After his address concluded, we had a closing prayer and then our host, Lyric, who was hugely instrumental in planning this event, asked all the LGBTQ+ individuals in the audience (who felt comfortable) to stand in a circle at the front and hold hands. And then she asked the rest of us to stand around them, encircling them with our love and support. It was a truly sacred moment as there were smiles and tears from many members of the group, inside and outside the circle.
Here is the final group photo from most of us who came (some had to leave early).
It was hard to leave this conference. There was a sheen of tears in my eyes, and a whole lot of love in my heart. It occurred to me that this must be what Zion must feel like. Everyone at the conference was truly “of one heart and one mind (Moses 7:18).” I thought about why it felt that way, and I think it’s because we were without judgment that day. We just saw each other as beloved children of God and we wanted to help each other feel loved, welcome, valued, and heard.
There are so many nuggets of wisdom that touched my heart at this wonderful Gather Conference. Allow me to share some of them. You may notice that these points mirror what my brother said in the video very well:
Meghan Decker shared that when you find out someone is LGBTQ+, you get to take what you know about the person and what you know about their sexual orientation/gender identity and make a choice to either change how you feel about the person or how you feel about their sexual orientation/gender identity. In my brother’s case, most people chose to change how they felt about him, leading only to pain.
Many LGBTQ+ individuals feel like they don’t belong. We must do better at building relationships with them, giving them a safe space, and listening to their experiences. One way to do that is to stop making LGBTQ+ people a taboo topic. If we don’t then fear, distrust, and disgust will continue to abound instead of compassion, empathy, and love. It is very painful for LGBTQ+ individuals to have to hide who they really are because they feel unsafe. If we cultivate a more inclusive environment at church, then people will feel safe sharing who they really are. When I think about this, my mind goes to David Buckner’s talk during this past General Conference. When I heard the talk the first time, this quote stuck out to me: “Do we warmly welcome all who come through the doors? Brothers and sisters, it is not enough to just sit in the pews. We must heed the Savior’s call to build higher and holier relationships with all of God’s children. We must live our faith!” The entire talk is amazing, and I encourage all members of the Church to listen to this talk through the lens of the LGBTQ+ community.
For those of us who are cisgender and heterosexual, we may never truly understand how someone can have a different sexual orientation or gender identity. What we can do is listen, believe, learn, love, and embrace. We don’t have to understand to do any of that. This community needs us to amplify their voices by involving them, lovingly correcting others who make insensitive comments, and talking about their realities so that others can also learn and change their hearts.
Worth and love aren’t earned but are unlimited gifts from God to all His children. Nothing can remove anyone from that love. Jesus invites all into His fold. So should we. To help us love better, we need to see our LGBTQ+ siblings as part of us, and not an “other” group. Remember that “[Jesus] inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile (2 Nephi 26:33).”
When someone does come out to us, it takes a lot of courage and vulnerability. This should be a time for loving, listening, believing, and trusting. Too many people make light of their loved one’s experiences and feelings, only think about how the news will change their own lives, and even try to fix or change their loved one. The right thing to do is to be there for your loved one, meet them where they are, and trust them to receive their own personal revelation for their lives. Help them feel God’s love for them and internalize that this is how God created them. They have a divine purpose to fulfil on this earth just the way they are. Sometimes this news will change the dynamic of your home or relationship, but allow it to be a positive and creative experience as you make adjustments and new traditions.
One of the things we got in our swag bags at the conference was a bumper sticker and wristband that both say the word “Stonecatcher.” Elder Dale G. Renlund spoke of this concept in his General Conference talk from three years ago. Here is a portion of that talk (in this section he is quoting author Bryan Stevenson who wrote Just Mercy):
“…Mr. [Bryan] Stevenson observed that self-righteousness, fear, and anger have caused even Christians to hurl stones at people who stumble. He then said, ‘We can’t simply watch that happen,’ and he encouraged the congregants to become ‘stonecatchers.’ Brothers and sisters, not throwing stones is the first step in treating others with compassion. The second step is to try to catch stones thrown by others.
How we deal with advantages and disadvantages is part of life’s test. We will be judged not so much by what we say but by how we treat the vulnerable and disadvantaged. As Latter-day Saints, we seek to follow the Savior’s example, to go about doing good. We demonstrate our love for our neighbor by working to ensure the dignity of all Heavenly Father’s children.”
That is my ultimate purpose and prayer in writing this post: for all of us to become stonecatchers for the LGBTQ+ community, and for any other marginalized group of people. Please remember that every person, whether different from you or not, is equal to you in the sight of God. Every person laughs, cries, thinks, feels, make mistakes, and does good. Every person has unique quality traits that bless the lives of those they touch. I love every person I met at Gather Conference Southeast. I pray that all within the sound of my voice can feel such love in their lives.
I have always tried to be a kind, genuine person. I see good in others and love making new friends. Because of that, I have had many friends over the years who are very different from me in their beliefs, lifestyles, values, and goals. Now, I grew up in a very religious culture where we were often taught to be in the world but not of the world, and to surround ourselves with people who believe as we do. In theory, that can be good advice, but I think it’s incomplete because:
Not everyone who claims to believe what you believe lives according to those beliefs.
A person’s set of beliefs doesn’t necessarily make them kind or easy to get along with.
There are so many things you can learn from people who are different from you.
You can be a good example and friend to others, and they can be a good example and friend to you, even with your differences.
Some people are yearning for friendship, and if you feel led to them, you should go to them without any caveat that they must believe as you do.
It’s hard to build strength of character, wisdom, critical thinking, sound judgment, and compassion if you live in a vacuum.
So, though I do believe in being the best version of myself that I can be, I know that I can do that (and have done so) while conversing with and befriending people who are very different from me. That doesn’t mean that I always understand everything about another person’s experiences, but I have found that as I truly listen and care, I grow in empathy, love, support, and acceptance for that person. Some of the best friends I have ever had don’t go to my church (although many do), and some aren’t even religious at all. I feel so blessed to have been touched by the personalities, hearts, and lives of so many kinds of people.
Sometimes we as humans are afraid of people who aren’t like us, especially if a part of who they are is seen as controversial. Because of that, some people are treated like issues to be solved rather than living, breathing humans who are worthy of love, respect, dignity, and equality.
“Us versus them” is a harmful perspective that is perpetuated far too often in the media, whether we are discussing political parties, war, religious views, equal rights, sexual orientation, etc. So many groups and perspectives are presented as black or white, good or evil, right or wrong, while completely ignoring the good humans who make up these groups or have these perspectives.
I like to read comments on articles to see how people react to information. The level-headed, thoughtful comments that address nuance, compassion, diversity, etc., are very few and far between, while the one-sided, fiery comments take flight. It’s definitely easier to let fear, anger, and disgust guide us. That way we don’t feel any need to change our hearts or minds. However, I have found that I feel a lot more peace about the views I hold when they have come from a lot of study, listening, and pondering.
Most things don’t make me angry, fearful, or disgusted anymore. There are absolutely evil people who do evil deeds in this world, and those things do bother me, but there are far more good people in this world than bad people. It pains me when people I love are judged, stereotyped, vilified, and condemned by those who choose to see evil rather than look for the good.
I saw this image on Instagram yesterday. It’s called The Dignity Index. I love it and it fits perfectly with these thoughts that have been on my mind and heart. The goal is to grow beyond numbers 1-4 and develop the qualities and mindsets to move up the scale, all the way up to number 8. It’s a process, but it can (and should) be done, not only for the well-being of those who are different than us, but for our own well-being. As we open our minds and hearts, we will become more well-rounded, caring, humble, compassionate people, full of wisdom and truth.
I truly believe that if we want to be good humans, we must treat those around us like good humans. I encourage each of us to think of and pray about how we change our hearts to see the divine nature and individual worth in people that we don’t yet. Peace and love will only increase as we do.
“Love the sinner; hate the sin.” Have you ever heard that before? Of course, you have. Have you ever used it? If you are a Christian, most likely, and maybe even often.
I have heard this statement my whole life. To be honest, it has never sat well with me. I have never really thought about why before, but I recently saw it multiple times in comments on certain religious social media posts, and I decided to finally put my thoughts down.
I think the reason I have never liked it on a surface level is because I dislike the word “hate.” It is not a word that I associate with Jesus, so it isn’t something I have ever felt comfortable saying.
There are many more reasons this statement puts a bad taste in my mouth, and I feel the need to share. Please don’t think that I am judging anyone who says this. I know it isn’t used with ill intent. I just want us all to think about how it comes across, and if it is actually serving anyone.
Let’s break this down into two parts. Here is why I feel “Love the sinner” is troubling:
We are all sinners. Why not just say “love your neighbor,” which is what Christ asked us to do?
The reason number 1 above doesn’t happen is because we only say this statement when talking about certain people committing certain sins. That’s because in our minds we rank certain sins as worse than others, when in reality, we all fall short of perfection.
When we call someone a sinner, we are defining them by their sins. Because of that, we are not thinking of the person as a child of God first, or as one of our brothers and sisters first. We are thinking of the person as a sinner first, and sometimes only as such.
If you are calling someone a sinner, do you really love them? Do you truly feel the love of God for them when you call them that? It would definitely be hard to do so if that’s how you are defining them.
Now onto the second part, “hate the sin:”
When we say the word “hate,” that denotes anger, disdain, resentment, negative judgment, and more. It does not denote anything righteous or loving.
Do we “hate” our own sins or just the sins of others we think sin worse than us? That’s definitely something to ponder.
The definition of what is sin will vary depending upon belief systems, so is it fair to call someone a sinner who doesn’t believe his/her actions are a sin?
When using this statement, it takes away thoughts of anything other than the “what,” or the sin itself. There is no effort to try to understand what led someone to commit the so-called sin. There is no effort to encourage or support someone in changing if they desire to.
And now some thoughts about the whole statement, “Love the sinner; hate the sin.”
It is used as a way to simplify human existence and brush away the need to get to know people on a deeper level.
Nobody’s identity can be fully separated from their sins, for our sins help make us who we are at any given moment. Overcoming sin also helps us be better than we were before.
When we say this statement, we often are justifying doing what we say we aren’t doing: negatively judging others and loving only conditionally.
We are coming across as prideful as we call someone else a sinner but not ourselves.
This teaching is not found in scripture.
The second part gets the focus and disagreement with the sin is the reason we say this in the first place.
I believe that in order to love others the way God loves each of us, we have to stop defining people by their sins. We have to see their divine nature and individual worth. We need to allow each other the gifts God has given all of us: agency, the ability to gain wisdom and knowledge from our experiences, repentance, forgiveness, and redemption.
For all these reasons, and maybe some I haven’t even realized, I will not be using this statement in my life. This doesn’t mean I am perfect at not judging. It also doesn’t mean I condone all actions people take. No, I actually have a very strong moral compass and I also am not always completely merciful and understanding. However, I know I am a sinner just like everyone else. I know I wouldn’t want someone saying this statement when talking about me because it would be hurtful.
I listened to a little reel from Mr. Rogers yesterday and it touched my heart. He used to always say this to the child viewers. The world would be a much better place if we treated others with this sentiment:
I also adore this quote from Mr. Rogers:
I leave us all with the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8:
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
I hope and pray that we can all strive to see each other the way God sees us and that even if we don’t agree with something someone is doing, we can still befriend, love, respect, and show compassion for them. That is what I know Christ would do.
It took me far too long to fall asleep last night. My heart was heavy with many things, but I finally went to sleep, hoping and praying that Asher, our six-month-old, actually slept well.
I found myself being suddenly awakened during the 3:00 hour. I could hear movement in my bathroom. Then a light went on, and something dropped a little too loudly.
I knew it was Eve, my six-year-old daughter. I was barely awake, but I dashed into the bathroom to try to quiet her and find out why she was there. I could hear what I dreaded most too – the baby waking up. Eve told me that she had planned to lay out the soft sleeping pad we have and sleep in our closet the rest of the night. This didn’t surprise me at all, and though this normally was a welcomed action, this time I whispered a little too harshly and told her to go back to her room.
Jad took our baby, Asher, who was indeed awake, so I could go back to sleep. I, of course, didn’t, because I usually can’t when I know the baby is up. Instead, I sat at the edge of the bed on the verge of tears, so, tired and feeling bad about sending Eve away.
A few minutes later, Jad gently placed the baby back in his bassinet. That was the fastest he had ever gone back to sleep. I should have felt relieved at that point- ready to drift back off to dreamland.
But I just lay there. I was thinking about the little girl – my little girl – who I had sent upstairs feeling unloved. I felt prompted to go to her. I hesitated, but only for a moment. I knew what I had to do.
It wasn’t easy to go up the stairs with my sore knee that I had hurt in a fall before church the day before, and then avoid the clutter in the long hallway, but I was nonetheless drawn to Eve’s room.
I knelt by her bed, caressed her cheek, and gave her a kiss. She opened her eyes and tearfully told me she was sorry. I apologized to her, saying I had actually been the one in the wrong.
She explained that she had had a bad dream and that she felt safer being around us, her parents. She knew she wouldn’t have any more bad dreams if she were with us. That melted my heart. I knew all along that was probably why she had come down. We said a prayer together, asking that Heavenly Father give her peace and comfort, and restful sleep until morning.
I told her I would stay with her until she fell back asleep. I tucked her in, stroked her hair, gave her a doll, adjusted her pillow, and just stayed next to her, holding her hand until she drifted back to sleep. At one point she told me she was okay and that I could go, because she knew I was tired, but I felt the desire to stay with my sweet girl until she was again at rest. It didn’t take long.
I felt so much better knowing that I had mended her little broken heart. Sleep did not come easily after that, but I was so grateful when little Asher slept until after 6am. I felt that was a little blessing that came to me from Heaven because I had listened to that spiritual prompting just a few hours before.
As I am writing this, Eve just walked into the office and gave me a hug, thanking me for coming to her last night. Then a little while later, during breakfast, she told her brothers how sweet I was to go to her and help her go back to sleep last night.
Imagine if I hadn’t listened to that prompting?
I decided to write about this experience because I want to remember that the Still Small Voice reached out to me and prompted me to do the right thing by my little girl. I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost who helps me right my wrongs and be a better person every day.
I’m also so grateful for my sweet Eve who is so loving, forgiving, and tender-hearted. She has so much love in her heart, and I hope to be as pure in my love as she is.
As a parent, I need to make sure that I am always aware of what my children need from me to feel safe, happy, and thriving. I’m grateful for the lesson I learned early this morning.
It’s expected that everything about having a baby is exciting and full of blissful joy. I really wanted this post to be all that, but I also believe in keeping it real. Life is not always roses, not even when pregnant with a surprise baby. Allow me to explain.
Yesterday was the day of the gender reveal. The evening went a lot different than planned and resulted in feelings we didn’t expect or want to feel. I am going to share another video now. It’s a long one and it isn’t super pleasant, but in the vein of remaining authentic, I will share my emotional mess of a self.
I’m not proud of these feelings, and neither is Jad. It was really hard for him not to show disappointment in the time we were together before the rest of us also found out the gender. We went to bed last night feeling like this and it was hard. I even woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep for hours.
As I got up this morning, I wish I could say that I felt 100% better and I’m full of joyous anticipation for the arrival of our baby. I would be lying if I said that, though the tears have stopped and I’m thinking straighter. I feel really bad that I was so distraught that I didn’t talk to each of my kids about their feelings. I will make sure to do so today. Talk about a mom fail.
I do believe, hope, and pray and in time, we will get there. I know a lot of good things in my head, which helps:
I know I will love this baby as much as I have loved all the others.
I know that this baby will be cared for just as much as all the others.
I know our family will be blessed by having this baby in our home.
I know this is what and who God wants for us.
I also have these concerns:
How can we best transition our home to work best for our growing family? (Already this morning when discussing it, I got major pushback from one of my kids.)
Will Eve, our sweet girl who deserves a little sibling so much, be fulfilled and satisfied with this sibling that we didn’t expect?
I have been really pondering why I feel so bad about this, and I think I know why. It’s partly because of the concerns I stated, but mostly I think it’s because I had such spiritual promptings about this baby. I felt so strongly about the name, the gender, and about the baby being a perfect gift for Eve. I don’t think those were just emotions. They felt so spiritual. And since the reality is the opposite of what I felt so strongly in the deepest part of my soul, I feel really shaken to the core. It will be hard, but as Jad and I were talking about this morning, we have to just try to understand that God’s ways are not our ways, and we don’t know all that He knows.
So, this is not the gender reveal post you expected. I’m so sorry it is nothing like the one we did with Eve. But this is the reality. And it will get better and better and happier and happier as time goes on. I just know it isn’t right to fake it. It’s better to be real, acknowledge my feelings, and work towards healthier ones.
If any of you have any similar stories you feel comfortable sharing with me, I would love to hear. I love learning from others and their experiences.
Thank you so much to my family who joined the Zoom call last night and were so supportive. And thank you to all of my family and friends who love us and are there for us throughout it all. Much love!
Krispy Kreme Doughnut with blue in the middleThe NIPS test resultI made these adorable pictures yesterday to announce the gender. We tried to take the picture last night, but as you can see, my heart was not in it. We will try again and do it right.The sweet note from Eve, written by Kamren
I hear many Christians say, “God doesn’t make mistakes.”
If used with loving tones and intentions, this can be a true and glorious statement. The key word is “if.” To help understand intent, we need to go further into the statement.
Let’s try using it in relation to many of God’s creations and gifts and see how we would continue the sentence like this: “God doesn’t make mistakes and so…_________________.”
God created the water, land, and all of the trees, herbs, grasses, plants, and flowers (See Genesis 1:9-12, 29). There is much beauty to behold on the earth because of these creations, as well as food and medicine for us to use. However, many areas of the earth suffer from famine, drought, and horrible natural disasters, such as earthquakes, fires, floods, and hurricanes. Some plants, trees, and flowers also bring pain and discomfort.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so… ___________________________.”
What would you say? I would say, “…in His wisdom, God gave us opposition to help us love and appreciate the beauty of nature on one hand, and on the other hand to turn to Him in faith when nature causes harm. To those who are not currently suffering by the hand of nature, He provides them with the opportunity to serve those who are.”
God created all of the fish, birds, beasts, and creeping things on this earth (see Genesis 1:20-25, 30). These animals bring joy, wonder, beauty, nutrition, and affection to us on the earth. But, some are dangerous, even deadly. Others are gross, destructive, or just plain annoying. We may wish they didn’t exist.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so… ___________________________.”
What would you say? I would say, “…in His wisdom, He gave us all kinds of animals not only for us to enjoy, but also to help us learn tolerance, each animal’s purpose, how to coexist with them, and in dangerous interactions with them, the ability to use our faith to turn to Him for help.”
God created male and female in His image and commanded them to multiply and replenish the earth (See Genesis 1:26-28). The human body is magnificent and works in miraculous ways. Being able to have children is one of those miracles. However, not all people are born with bodies and minds that function perfectly or properly. There are many born with mild to severe mental and/or physical disabilities. Some babies don’t even make it to birth because their bodies are unable to function outside the womb. There are also many couples who wish for nothing more than to be parents, and yet can never conceive or carry a child to term.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
These situations can be heartbreaking and very personal. The answer to this statement will be different for everyone, and may take much prayer, fasting and faith to accept and receive an answer that brings peace. When we know of people who suffer from these heartaches, we respond with love, compassion, and open arms.
You may have noticed that I have missed something in relation to this gift of God: not all of God’s children are attracted to the opposite sex, which is needful in order to multiply and replenish the earth. Some are attracted to the same sex, others to both, some to none at all, and some even feel that their inside gender doesn’t match their outside sex. Let’s try to fill in the blank again:
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
At this point, many Christians would take pause. In all the other instances above, most Christians would respond with faith and positivity. Yet, this example is rarely treated the same way. On the contrary, when it comes to LGBTQ+ individuals, so often I have heard Christians judge unkindly, accusing them of wickedness and vile sin, thinking upon them with disgust and denying their humanity. They fill in the blank with words like this: “God doesn’t make mistakes, and so LGBTQ+ individuals are choosing these grotesque lifestyles and trying to destroy the divine nature of the family.”
These thoughts and feelings are often a product of ignorance, and are very damaging. Jesus certainly never spoke or felt this way about any of God’s children, and does not want us to do so either.
Before you think I have always been above thoughts like that, I have to make some confessions. In the early 2000s, people didn’t really talk about homosexuality or any other type of sexuality outside the heterosexual. I recall at least twice in high school when different teen boys told me they were gay. I am ashamed to say that I did not react with love. I did not acknowledge either boy’s courage for saying something that would likely cause persecution and ostracizing by their peers. No, I laughed it off each time and said that they were just making it up and that nobody was really gay. I didn’t mean any harm, but how harmful my responses must have been! I remember also in those teen years when my little brother told me that someone told him he could be a model that I scoffed and said, “Do you want people to think you are gay??” In my high school, I often heard and said the derogatory phrase, “That’s so gay” anytime something was deemed undesirable or dumb. I shudder to think about that now.
When I was in college, my same little brother who I scoffed at about possibly being a model told my family that he was gay. I was shocked when I heard because the girls always loved him. I just didn’t know how that could be possible. But as I talked to him, I found out that he had felt different ever since he was a young boy around age 8. He tried to hide who he was for a long time and pretend to be someone he wasn’t. He finally couldn’t do it anymore, and when he had the courage to speak out about who he really was, he was treated horribly by so many, including by church leadership who said he needed therapy to be fixed. Attitudes, knowledge, and acceptance towards LGBTQ+ individuals have changed a lot in my church since then, but I am so sorry for those like my brother who were not treated with the love they needed and deserved during their most vulnerable times.
My brother is one of the most remarkable people that I know. He is not grotesque. He is a beautiful person in every way imaginable. I have known many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people in my life and all of them have been kind, fun, smart, innovative, and amazing people. They are just as human and just as worthy of love as anybody else.
But, even knowing my brother was gay, and even having several gay and bisexual friends at work years ago, I haven’t always been at the point of loving and respecting them so much that I was always considerate of their feelings and of their experiences. That has come with time, and I am still working on that.
I do not know any transgender individuals yet, and the idea of transgenderism is still pretty new for me, though my feelings have changed quite a bit. I remember in 2015 when Bruce Jenner came out asking to be called Caitlyn, I was disgusted and weirded out. I remember thinking that there is no way that this was anything other than a publicity stunt. Someone on Facebook shared an article. It was written by a member of my church and it was entitled, “I’ll call you Caitlyn.” I was angry when I read it and thought this person was going against the gospel… but I have changed since then. Now when I read the article, I see someone trying to emulate the Savior and acting in accordance with His gospel.
If you have angry, judgmental feelings towards LGBTQ members of the human family – of God’s family, please get to know them. Treat them as human beings. Try to be able to fill in the blanks of the phrase “God doesn’t make mistakes and so…” in a more loving way, perhaps like this:
“God doesn’t make mistakes and so He wants me to learn to love others the way He loves them, no matter if they are different than me. He wants me to seek for understanding. He wants me to treat my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters with respect and dignity. He wants me to offer them friendship and support and to acknowledge the persecution they endure just for being them. He wants me to help them feel welcomed into society and into the church as equals.”
Let’s talk about just one more thing God has given us.
Heavenly Father gave each person who will ever live the gift of moral agency, or the gift to choose how we think, what we say, and how we act in any given situation. How many times have we secretly wished that God would force people to do the right thing? How many times have we hoped that He would stop people from using their agency for the wrong? But, that isn’t His plan. How can we fill in the blank about agency, even when we see and feel the tragic effects of bloodshed, racism, vicious lies, betrayal, and other horrible acts of cruelty? Perhaps we have used our agency to do some of these awful things too.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
How would you fill this one in? It’s a very difficult one sometimes to understand. I might say, “God doesn’t make mistakes, and so he gave us agency so that we would have an opportunity to prove our worthiness to Him. God wants us to choose Him even when we can’t see Him. He wants us to come to Him in prayer to help us make the right choices. He wants us to mourn with and comfort those who need it. He wants us to reach out and help victims of other people’s wickedness. He wants us to forgive those who hurt us and He wants us to live worthy of the presence of the Holy Ghost so we can avoid making decisions that hurt others. He wants us to gain enough spiritual strength that we can withstand the temptations of Satan. He wants us to trust in our Savior, that He can cleanse us when we have sinned and He can make us whole when we are broken. He wants us to have a choice in our own salvation and He wants us to embrace our individual worth and recognize our divine nature. All this is possible only through the gift of agency.”
To my fellow Christians, I ask you to use your God-given agency to make room in your hearts, in your friendships, and in your church for all people.
God does not make mistakes – we do. As we learn to see His wisdom in every gift, every creation, and every individual facet of a child of God, differences and all, we will make less mistakes and make more good choices. We will be more loving, more merciful, more compassionate, more like Him.
For there are many yet on the earth among all sects, parties, and denominations, who are blinded by the subtle craftiness of men, whereby they lie in wait to deceive, and who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it. (Doctrine and Covenants 123:12)
This verse of scripture by the prophet Joseph Smith weighs heavily on my heart today. This topic of truth and where to find it has been on my mind so much lately, and I feel strongly it’s time to write about it, particularly in relation to American politics in the media.
Americans across the political spectrum have very different opinions of where they can find truth. I see too often online where people blatantly scrutinize certain news sources and those who read them, while completely believing what they read from other news sources. Do you see the problem with this?
Let’s talk about what a biased news source is. Well, it’s a source of information that appeals to just one side. In order to do that, the news source has to withhold information that would go against the perspectives, stances, and values of the side it is writing for. It also has to withhold information that would show any uprightness and sense from the opposing side(s). Sometimes, depending on the news source, there is not only withholding of important contextual information, but telling of actual lies in order to bring fear, doubt, and panic. These biased new sources write for those who only want truth that confirms the beliefs they already hold. In so doing, they cause division and bad feelings that often are not merited.
If we only read and watch news media that pats us on the back for our beliefs and puts down those who are different, we will never seek or find understanding and common ground. We will always be divided and we will always negatively judge those who don’t align with us. That is not good!
I understand that if we are very passionate about our political stances that it can be alarming, disheartening, and even scary to read about happenings in the country that seemingly threaten our ideals and perspectives, or would cause us to question our loyalty to a person or party. But, are leaders we follow or a party we align with the most important parts of who we are? What does it say about us if we refuse to see reason or red flags? In contrast, what does it say about us when we put America, humanity, ethics, and common decency above party? Perhaps we should all think about the most important loyalties we should cleave to when we make our decisions about truths we look for and accept.
Now, are all media outlets biased, and how would we even know?
Well, I have read articles from news sources, and posts from people claiming to be experts on politics, all over the spectrum. Here are some signs I have found of bias and untruths (this is not all-inclusive, and not all biased news sources will have all):
Accusations and assumptions are made without any proof or without substantial proof.
There are no cited sources, or the sources cited are of only one side of the political spectrum.
The cited sources used to prove someone’s perspective or character are from years past, with no effort to cite current statements or analyze current character.
The writing is fueled by anger, hate, and insults.
The writer’s personal opinion takes precedent over fact-telling.
The information presented seems incomplete or doesn’t make sense, yet there is no mention of the holes or ongoing investigations to fill them.
There are only positive things written about one side, while facts about the other side are all negative.
Blanket statements are made about a party without recognizing individual beliefs and platforms of a leader or candidate.
Blame is always put on the other side.
The article justifies wrongdoings within one party and then condemns the wrongdoings of another.
Predictions of how awful life would be under the leadership of another party are rampant.
After reading it, readers will have no sense of positive understanding towards sides other than their own.
After reading it, readers will feel superior in their viewpoints, party, and leadership, feeling no need for growth.
I would say that all news outlets have some bias, as they do choose what to report on and what not to report on, based on what they feel is most important, but there will be a lot of differences in media that is trying to be balanced:
There will be many quotes from all sides of the political spectrum with sources cited.
Great detail about any event will be provided, usually from start to finish, with updates as they come in.
Opinions of the author will not be used. Any opinions will be quotes from those who would have influence over the situation.
Anger, hatred, and insults will not be involved in the writing, unless people relevant to the situation are being quoted. Quotes like this will come from all over the spectrum, not just one side.
Blanket statements are not made, but rather each leader and member of a party are recognized for individual beliefs and platforms.
Accusations and theories will be fact-checked in detail with sources cited.
What is written will sometimes trouble readers and make them uncomfortable, perhaps leading them to question things and people they have believed in and supported.
My aunt sent me a Media Bias Chart several months ago, and I have used it in my search for centered, and as unbiased as possible truth. It has been very helpful to me. Here it is:
This isn’t a perfect representation of bias, but I have found it to be pretty accurate. Where does your reading material fall? If you are reading items on one of the far sides, I would encourage you to add to it and read some more of the centered articles, as they are sure to include more fact, context, and relevant information to help you draw more balanced conclusions based on current events.
This chart does not analyze visual media or talk radio, but all we have talked about regarding bias still applies. And be very careful with videos and pictures that show alarming “truths.” Videos and pictures can easily be edited to present any desired message.
I want you to ask yourself if you are afraid of a political party. Ask yourself if you believe a political party is evil. Ask yourself if you think one political party only lies while your political party always tells the truth. Ask yourself if you think that your party is God’s party. Ask yourself if you think that leadership under a political party other than yours will destroy the country. And now ask yourself why you think that and if that is a fair assessment.
Do you really believe everyone who isn’t a part of your political party, or who didn’t vote for your candidate is evil, godless, lying, and a threat to our freedom as we enjoy it? Think of what that would imply and how that would affect your relationships with everyone around you.
Regardless of your political viewpoints, it is a fact that there will be good and bad to come from your party or your chosen leadership. I have said all along that there is good in all parties – they just have different views on what is best for our country and what the best means are to help and improve our country.
There will also be bad apples in every party and from leaders of those parties. If there is a bad apple in yours, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person, and people in other parties should not call names or judge you. It also doesn’t mean you have to continue to follow the bad apples simply because of your party choice. We are all more than our party and we have power to make positive change in our country and in our world. We just need to stand for truth and for goodness always. That can make us uncomfortable. It can stretch us. But that is a good thing. It shows humility, a desire for growth, and selflessness.
In order for us to make positive change, in order for us to seek understanding and unite with those who are different than us, in order for us to be a good example and persuade others to do good, we must seek for truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
After your study, if you still find yourself confused or lost, pray for help to recognize the truth and to accept it, regardless of how it may change you.
And after these prayers, when you finally find that balanced, detailed truth, free from omission, lies, and manipulation, what do you with it?
You share it. It takes courage to do it, and people will even oppose you for it.
Elder Lawrence E. Corbridge said, “Opposition, criticism, and antagonism are companions to the truth…Look for the biggest dust cloud billowing above the most dirt that is kicked at One who was most opposed, challenged, and rejected, beaten, abandoned, and crucified, One who descended below all things, and there you will find the truth, the Son of God, the Savior of all mankind. Why did they not leave Him alone? Why? Because He is the truth, and the truth will always be opposed.”
I love this quote. It’s heartbreaking, but so inspiring. Our Savior, Jesus Christ is the truth. To stand for truth, we must stand for Him. We must emulate Him. We must stand for events that emulate His qualities and goodness, and we must boldly stand against events that tear down all He stands for.
Bringing light to the world is what will help bring peace, healing and unity. It isn’t in the defending of darkness disguised as light.
If you hear me stand for truth and right, and against wrong, it is not because I am a hater of a particular person or party. That will never be my reasoning, as I do not define myself by a party and I do not align myself to any leader with unwavering loyalty. No, the only person who I must have unwavering loyalty to is God. If you aren’t a believer in God, then have unwavering loyalty to the cause of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all Americans. I also have an unwavering loyalty to that beautiful cause that should unite America because this cause aligns with God’s plan for His children.
I hope that my words have given food for thought. I am not an expert and I am continuously working on my own biases, but I don’t have hate or fear in my heart. For that I am so grateful. It brings a freedom that you can only describe if you have felt it. I want that freedom for all. It starts with finding truth. I wish you the best as you search for it and find it.
[bctt tweet=”Remember, my friends, truth does not always align with us, so maybe we should align ourselves with truth.” username=”mrsapplejelly”]
It may not always be easy, convenient, or politically correct to stand for truth and right, but it is the right thing to do. Always.
For all of the elections I have been old enough to vote in, I have used this conviction as a major and main factor in choosing my president. Thus, I have always voted Republican, and have felt a duty to do so as a defender of the unborn.
Earlier this year, though, Jad and I decided for multiple reasons to become unaffiliated. We mostly did it so we wouldn’t feel boxed into a party and so we could be more well-rounded and free-thinking. It has felt amazing because without guilt we can consider all parties equally and choose candidates who at this time fit our needs and desires, and the needs of our country, the most.
Because I am unaffiliated, but mostly because I have been unsure of who to vote for this election, I have taken the time to really learn about each of the four main candidates. I even prayed about the election before watching my church’s General Conference the first weekend in October. I heard so many profound and recurring themes to help me ponder on exactly what our country needs right now to thrive.
After really studying Conference in this way, I realized for the first time that to be pro-life, I must truly think about ALL life, including those in our country who are suffering for any reason, be it racism, inequality, poverty, etc. That means that in my research for the best presidential candidate, I can’t just look at each candidate’s abortion stances, but also at their stances for all living people who need a voice for positive change.
On October 6, I wrote this post on Facebook:
I want to make something incredibly clear, and this is coming from a person who is unequivocally Pro-life: It is unfair, unkind, and incredibly judgmental to say that people who are Pro-choice and/or Democrats are hateful, evil, baby-killers who are going to rot in Hell. It makes me cringe when I hear people be so hateful to the living while professing to be Pro-life. A Pro-life person should love all human life! It doesn’t make sense to defend the unborn and then make vicious accusations to the living – people who are all around you trying to do the best they can. If you are really Pro-life you will consider the BEST ways to prevent abortions. And you will make sure ALL babies, once born and throughout their whole lives, are treated with love, respect, equality, and dignity. It’s not just about the right to be born – it’s about the right to live your best life. God commanded us to love one another. He never said to only love those who agree with everything we do. I truly believe that most of us want what is best for humanity, but we just have different ways of fighting for it. But let us stand tall and set good examples rather than fan flames of anger and hatred. That will never help any good cause, no matter how passionate we are about it. Please, please, if you profess to be Pro-life, be Pro-life for all – the unborn and born, the young and the old, the male and the female, the gay and the straight, the black and the white, the poor and the rich, the healthy and the sick, the educated and the uneducated, the natural-born citizen and the immigrant, the Christian and the Atheist, and everybody in between. We are all worthy of God’s love because we are all His children. Let us spread His love.
Does this new conviction mean that my goal is now to forget the unborn and only think of the living? Not at all, but I have realized that in order to choose my presidential candidate wisely, I have to better balance my conviction to protect the unborn with my conviction to make life better for every living human being, even if that balance means possibly choosing a pro-choice candidate.
This isn’t easy to do since, though I’m ashamed to admit it, I have often felt uncomfortable with Christians, especially members of my church, voting Democrat.
This is a clear point of concern and confusion for many people in my church, as was made evident as I read the comments on the letter our First Presidency wrote regarding its political neutrality and how there is good in each party. Sadly, for as many positive comments I saw, just as many were unkind and divisive. I saw too many people angrily accuse people voting Democrat as being un-Christlike and wicked, and that bothered me a lot. These reactions were the opposite of our leaders’ counsel to be kind in political discourse.
For all of these reasons, I have decided to take the time to research abortion – why women get abortions; what is Roe V. Wade really about and what has been done in the past to overturn it; what is the truth about pro-choice candidate’s views on partial-birth and late-term abortions; what do Joe Biden’s plans for Women’s Reproductive Health mean for abortion; and has the abortion rate gone down in recent years and why?
This research has greatly informed me and given me comfort and hope.
Firstly, why do women have abortions?
I read many articles about this, citing studies from multiple years, but the patterns remain overall the same:
The vast majority of women who get abortions are living in poverty and cannot afford a child (About 70-75%)
The vast majority of women having abortions are single mothers (about 65-70%).
Almost half of women who have abortions have already had an abortion previously.
The most common reason provided for having an abortion is that pregnancy would interfere with education, work or ability to care for dependents. Normally 2-3 reasons are chosen, though.
Most women who have had an abortion are already mothers.
Most women who have abortions are in their 20s.
About half of women who get an abortion had an unintended pregnancy, most often from not taking contraception or not taking it consistently.
Less than 1% of abortions occur because of rape, health of the mother, or incest.
I read this analysis from one study that I thought was very well-rounded and addressed these issues well:
“Identifying one single approach that will address every woman’s concerns and change her mind is difficult, given the multiplicity of the reasons and rationales given by women for seeking abortion. Some will be benefited by being connected to better support systems, while others need practical economic assistance. Anything making men more responsible for the children they father will go a long way towards helping many of these women care for their children. Yet abortion’s legality and the implied social sanction that comes with it is clearly a major part of the cultural machinery that forces these cruel choices on women, that lets men off the hook, that leaves women to care for households of children all alone, and that makes society less accommodating to the demands of motherhood. Collectively such factors may conspire to force many of these women to consider an option that goes totally against their nurturing natures and pit the needs of one or more of their children against another. If we believe the survey, most of the women seeking to abort here did so, not because they were triumphantly exercising their “power to choose,” but because they felt like–given the circumstances–they had no other realistic choice.”
Secondly, what is Roe vs Wade about, and can it be overturned?
History.com explains, “On Jan 22, 1973, the Supreme Court, in a 7-2 decision, struck down the Texas law banning abortion, effectively legalizing the procedure nationwide. In a majority opinion written by Justice Harry Blackmun, the court declared that a woman’s right to an abortion was implicit in the right to privacy protected by the 14th Amendment. The court divided pregnancy into three trimesters, and declared that the choice to end a pregnancy in the first trimester was solely up to the woman. In the second trimester, the government could regulate abortion, although not ban it, in order to protect the mother’s health. In the third trimester, the state could prohibit abortion to protect a fetus that could survive on its own outside the womb, except when a woman’s health was in danger.”
The decision for Roe V. Wade centered around the 14th Amendment’s right to privacy:
The 14th Amendment‘s Due Process clause states: No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
Overturning Roe v. Wade has been a hope of people like me (pro-lifers) for a long time, and many hope that President Trump will be the one to do it. I did quite a bit of research, and here is what I found out:
For 49 of the last 50 years, there has been a Republican majority on the Supreme Court. Even when Roe V. Wade was passed, there was a Republican majority on the Supreme Court. Five out of the six Republican justices were for it.
One perfect time presented to overturn Roe V Wade was in 1992 with the Planned Parenthood V. Casey case, but it did not happen. In fact, this case ended up outlawing restrictions putting an undue burden on women seeking abortions. Justices Sandra Day O’Connor, David Souter, and Anthony Kennedy, all nominated by Republican presidents, supported this action.
Another perfect time to overturn Roe V Wade was in 2005 with The Sanctity of Life Act. The Republicans were in the majority in both houses of Congress and many of these Republicans were endorsed by pro-life groups, as was the president. Yet this bill never passed.
In 2018, when Justice Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed to the Supreme Court, many wondered if he would help overturn Roe V. Wade. But, instead, during his confirmation hearings, Justice Kavanaugh reportedly told Senator Susan Collins that the Supreme Court’s decisions “become part of our legal framework with the passage of time.” He also said honoring prior Supreme Court decisions is essential to maintaining public confidence in the Court.
Even with all this past evidence of it not being overturned, if Roe V Wade is somehow overturned, abortion will not be illegal. The purpose of RVW was to prohibit states from banning abortion completely. Without it, some states could potentially ban abortion completely, but it would not end abortion in our country. Read what some states have done already here.
Thirdly, do Democrats and other pro-choice parties encourage and champion partial-birth and late-term abortion?
Firstly, it’s important to know how often these types of abortions happen. Based on the studies I read, over 90% of abortions occur during the first trimester. About 1% of abortions happen after 21 weeks.
Also, only 1% of pregnancies end in abortion. It’s still too many, but it’s comforting to know it isn’t as common a practice as some people think.
Joe Biden recently said, in response to the possible appointment of Amy Coney Barrett as the new Supreme Court justice: “The only responsible response to that would be to pass legislation making Roe the law of the land. That’s what I would do.”
President Trump’s response to this statement was, “Biden and Democrats just clarified the fact that they are fully in favor of (very) LATE TERM ABORTION, right up until the time of birth, and beyond – which would be execution.”
Biden also said, “It’s a woman’s right to do that. Period.”
Biden has made many points about Roe V. Wade and abortion over the years that may be helpful to review.
Jo Jorgensen, Libertarian candidate says this about abortion: “I am personally opposed to abortion, but I am unwilling to vote to use the power of the state to impose my views on other women.” She has also said, “Keep the government out of it, no subsidies, no regulations.”
And this is what Howie Hawkins’ view is: “I support the legal framework established in the Roe v. Wade decision. During the first trimester, it is up to the pregnant woman to decide whether to get an abortion. During the second trimester laws can only regulate abortion to protect the health of the mother. During the third trimester, or after fetal viability pursuant to Planned Parenthood v. Casey (1992), laws can restrict or prohibit abortions except in cases where it was necessary to protect the mother’s health. This framework should be codified into federal law by an act of Congress. I oppose targeted regulation of abortion clinics and providers through laws or policies that go beyond what is necessary to ensure patients’ safety. I support laws that allow physicians as well as non-physician health professionals, including physicians’ assistants, nurse practitioners, and certified nurse midwives, to perform abortion procedures.”
Hawkins also believes that providing birth control, sex education, and more social services will help reduce the number of abortions.
The rhetoric surrounding supporting partial birth abortions and late-term abortions seems to be more a reaction and interpretation rather than a reality for pro-choicers, especially since there is already a federal law in place to outlaw partial-birth abortions, called the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003.
Regarding late-term abortion, it is a term for abortions happening at 21 weeks gestation or more. As mentioned above, thankfully only 1% of abortions happen during this time span.
Dr. Barbara Levy explained, “Abortions later in pregnancy typically occur because of two general indications: lethal fetal anomalies or threats to the health of the mother.”
Fourthly, what do Joe Biden’s platforms for Women’s Reproductive Health mean for abortion?
Here is what his website states:
The Affordable Care Act made historic progress ensuring access to free preventive care, including contraception. The Biden Plan will build on that progress. Vice President Biden supports repealing the Hyde Amendment because health care is a right that should not be dependent on one’s zip code or income. And, the public option will cover contraception and a woman’s constitutional right under Roe v. Wade. Biden will also:
Stop state laws violating Roe v. Wade. Biden will work to codify Roe v. Wade, and his Justice Department will do everything in its power to stop the rash of state laws that so blatantly violate Roe v. Wade.
Restore federal funding for Planned Parenthood. The Obama-Biden Administration fought Republican attacks on funding for Planned Parenthood again and again. As President, Biden will reissue guidance specifying that states cannot refuse Medicaid funding for Planned Parenthood and other providers and reverse the Trump Administration’s rule preventing these organizations from obtaining Title X funds.
Just as the Obama-Biden Administration did, rescind the Mexico City Policy (also referred to as the global gag rule) that President Trump reinstated and expanded. This rule currently bars the U.S. federal government from supporting important global health efforts — including for malaria and HIV/AIDS — in developing countries simply because the organizations providing that aid also offer information on abortion services.
Restore the Affordable Care Act’s contraception mandate in place before the U.S. Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby decision. The recent U.S. Supreme Court decision makes it easier for the Trump-Pence Administration to continue to strip health care from women — attempting to carve out broad exemptions to the Affordable Care Act’s commitment to giving all women free access to recommended contraception. Biden will restore the Obama-Biden policy that existed before the Hobby Lobby ruling: providing an exemption for houses of worship and an accommodation for nonprofit organizations with religious missions. The accommodation will allow women at these organizations to access contraceptive coverage, not through their employer-provided plan, but instead through their insurance company or a third-party administrator.
Let’s talk about each of these:
Repealing of the Hyde Amendment: The Hyde Amendment does not allow Medicaid federal funding to pay for abortions except in instances of rape, incest or to save the life of the mother. Biden supported the amendment for a long time, but has just recently changed his viewpoint because “I can’t justify leaving millions of women without access to the care they need and the ability … to exercise their constitutional protected right.” Biden had always been for this amendment until he started running for president and felt pressure from other Democratic runners. It remains to be seen if he will change his mind again. I personally am in favor of the Hyde amendment, as a pro-lifer, but also understand why someone who was concerned with women’s rights would disagree with my sentiment.
Codifying Roe V Wade: The goal is to create congressional legislation protecting a woman’s right to choose an abortion in each state, even if RVW is overturned. We already learned that overturning RVW would not make abortion illegal, and states would have their say on abortion laws. Based on this proposal, no state could flat-out ban abortion, but it does not specify the regulations that each state could make.
Reinstating federal funding for Planned Parenthood: Perfactcheck.org, Planned Parenthood “provides reproductive health care to women nationwide. It offers a variety of services, including abortions, birth control, emergency contraception, general health testing and screenings for sexually transmitted diseases.” I remember when Trump stopped funding Planned Parenthood, I was so happy. I remember as well many of my friends being horrified by it because they chose to focus on the life-saving good that Planned Parenthood does for women and men, especially those in poverty.I had seen charts back then regarding the very small percentage of PP’s work that goes towards abortions, but didn’t want to think about that. It remains true, however, that PP’s abortion services account only a small percentage of their health services, though the exact percentage has been up for debate (they say 3%,but by some it has been interpreted differently based on the costs surrounding each service). You can read this document and this document that help explain more of what they do.There are good, Christian people on both sides of this argument.
Rescinding the Mexico City Policy : The Mexico City Policy was introduced in 1985 and has been rescinded and reinstated multiple times (rescinded by Democrats and reinstated by Republicans). We must decide if supporting global health efforts for developing countries is worth it, even if such health efforts also sometimes include abortion.
Reinstating the ACA Contraception Mandate: Burwell vs. Hobby Lobby Stores in 2014 ruled that a for-profit company can refuse to provide free contraceptives to their employees based on their religious beliefs. Biden wants to go back to the original ACA policy that only churches and non-profit religious organizations can say no to providing free contraceptives based on their beliefs. We must decide what is most important to us: reducing abortions through access to free contraceptives, or religious liberty for for-profit organizations. It’s not an easy thing to weigh, but it must be weighed. *Note: a friend of mine reminded me that millions of women use birth control for non-contraceptive reasons, but rather for health-related reasons. With this ruling, women working for for-profit organizations who are against birth control, are unable to get the care they need at the cost the need– something else to consider.
Finally, has the abortion rate gone down in recent years, and why?
The best news that I found in my research is that yes, abortion rates have been in steady decline, which is wonderful! The CDC reported in 2018 that the national abortion rate declined 26% between 2006 and 2015, reaching a historic low.
As we talked about earlier, most abortions have been due to unwanted pregnancies. In the same study, the CDC reported that the number of unintended pregnancies decreased from 51% in 2008 to 45% between 2011 and 2013, noting that more women using contraception and more effective forms of contraception like intrauterine devices, might be factors.
Alina Salganicoff, director of women’s health policy for the nonpartisan Kaiser Family Foundation said, “If your priority is to reduce abortions, one of the best things you can do is make sure that women have access to high-quality, affordable and effective methods of birth control.”
The CDC also reported that the availability of abortion providers and regulations such as mandatory waiting periods and parental consent could also be contributing to fewer women having abortions.
Per the CDC, between 2006 and 2015, the abortion rate for girls between 15 and 19 plummeted 54%. Some reasons for that are more teens being abstinent, as well as teens who are sexually active more likely to use birth control. Some experts have also said that better sex education has reduced teen pregnancy. Teen pregnancy rates are also down, reaching a record low in 2017.
Colorado has been very successful at reducing teen pregnancy. You can read about what they have done here.
The Guttmacher Institute also reported on the decline in abortion rates last year, focusing on 2011-2017. Their research correlates well with that of the CDC, and they also reported: “While 32 states enacted 394 restrictions between 2011 and 2017, nearly every state had a lower abortion rate in 2017 than in 2011, regardless of whether it had restricted abortion access. Several states with new restrictions actually had abortion rate increases.”
To be fair, the Guttmacher Institute is a pro-choice institute, so I looked for a study/analysis of the abortion decrease from an educated. Christian pro-lifer named Joe Carter from 2018. He had some skepticism about both the CDC’s and Guttmacher Institute’s studies, but at the conclusion of his analysis on why abortion rates have decreased, he said,
“There seems to be no clear answer. If we had to hazard a guess, though, we could say that it’s likely a combination of fewer teens having sex, increased contraceptive use, lower rates of unintended pregnancies, increased opposition to abortion by the young, and a greater willingness to have a child after an unintended pregnancy.”
So, even with his initial skepticism, his findings match that of the CDC and Guttmacher Institute very well.
There are people in both major political parties that claim that their party has been better at helping the abortion rate decline based on their chosen approaches. What I hear a lot right now is that Republicans want to make abortion illegal and Democrats want to make it unnecessary.
Here is what Snopes has verified regarding the claim that abortion rates go down more under Democrat presidents:
What’s True
“The abortion rate has steadily declined since the 1980s throughout both Democratic and Republican administrations, with a greater rate of decline during the former.”
What’s False
“The reasons behind differing rates of decline in the abortion rate cannot be definitively tied to actions undertaken by the administrations of different political parties.”
So, yes, it is true that abortion rates decline more during Democratic presidents, but there is no clear reason why.
I think my favorite quote I found about reducing abortions is this: “The one strategy for reducing abortions that has been proven to work runs through love, not power: support for women who may not feel able to carry a pregnancy to term. This requires not blind allegiance to a political party but the promotion of a culture of life.”
So, what have I learned from all this research?
Women who choose to have an abortion most often do so because they don’t think there is another, better option. It isn’t because they are evil or heartless. They just need help. We must each responsibly research which candidates are addressing poverty, education, and easy access to contraceptives to help reduce the perceived need for abortions. Getting rid of the root causes for abortion will take away the need for them.
Republican presidents have been unable to overturn Roe V. Wade for the last almost 50 years, even though they tried multiple times and had a Republican majority in the Supreme Court. Supreme Court judges are supposed to be impartial in their rulings, though, which is likely why it has not been overturned. Even if somehow Roe V. Wade is overturned, the states would have power to make their own laws which could potentially be better than the current regulations, but could in other cases be less humane.
Partial-birth abortion is illegal in the United States. Late-term abortion is a term used for abortions over 21 weeks gestation, and only 1% of abortions happen beyond that time. It isn’t good, but it is not as huge of an issue as suggested.
Joe Biden’s platforms for Women’s Reproductive Health are food for thought as there is potential good in nearly all of them. We must just personally all weigh what is most important to us.
The abortion rate is decreasing every year, and it has many contributing factors. Democratic administrations have actually brought more decrease in abortions, but the reasons are unclear.
I didn’t know hardly any of this information before I started researching. I hope this analysis can help ease the minds of pro-lifers like myself who have held negative views about Christians who vote any other way than Republican. It has certainly helped me, and I hope that any pro-lifer who is unsure how to vote this election, or in any election, can feel at peace considering many candidates rather than just one.
I also want to say that I greatly respect Republican presidents for their devotion in protecting the lives of the unborn. They are using their convictions in the way they feel is best. This post was in no way meant to suggest otherwise.
No matter what stance you take on abortion rights, or who you choose to vote for, know that you have my respect and love. I hope we can all respect each other in the choices we make and convictions we hold.
I am pro-life and I am pro-living, and I’m proud of that!
I feel like I have written about judging others several times, but maybe that’s because I have lots of lessons to learn on it.
On August 23, I had a thought, and I feel it will stick with me forever. It was more or less this:
When you judge someone negatively, you may not necessarily be wrong in your judgment, but that judgment will keep you from having charity and respect for, and a strong relationship with that person.
Why did this come to mind? Well, for many years I have had difficulty really loving and building a bond with a certain person in my life. I always blamed that person but now I know it was my fault. I couldn’t get past certain problems I had with that person. I tried to look past them, and I prayed often, but I just couldn’t shake my negative judgments.
When talking about that person, I almost always would speak negatively, not even trying to. My feelings were just so imbedded inside me, I couldn’t see beyond them.
This may sound strange, but I know that my feelings weren’t intentional, but rather planted there by Satan because he knew just how important that relationship would be in my life. He didn’t want me to have it.
This person still has what I feel are significant flaws, but during a recent interaction with that person, something changed in me so drastically that I now feel nothing but love for, and a desire to help that person. I want to see that person happy!
My negative feelings are gone, just gone.
I cannot express the gratitude I have to my Heavenly Father for answering my prayers and helping me focus on how I could give to that person instead of criticize.
You see, criticizing people, whether internally or behind their backs, doesn’t help them get better. It doesn’t help them at all. And it certainly doesn’t help you. No, if you see opportunity for change in someone, the best thing to do is love that person, serve that person, and support that person.
I have always known that, but it took me finding compassion for that person within my heart, and thinking of that person’s perspective, as well as life hardships. That compassion transformed my feelings completely, and now I just want to help and love and cherish that person.
I am not sure if this person notices my change, since I have always been kind regardless of my feelings, but I can already see our relationship improving so much. It brings me so much joy.
Have you ever felt this way about someone? Maybe you do right now. I challenge you to reach deep within yourself. Think about how that person may be hurting, grasp onto the compassion that you have within your soul, and think about how you can help improve that person’s quality of life.
