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Tag: love

  • A 3 A.M. Prompting

    It took me far too long to fall asleep last night. My heart was heavy with many things, but I finally went to sleep, hoping and praying that Asher, our six-month-old, actually slept well.

    I found myself being suddenly awakened during the 3:00 hour. I could hear movement in my bathroom. Then a light went on, and something dropped a little too loudly.

    I knew it was Eve, my six-year-old daughter. I was barely awake, but I dashed into the bathroom to try to quiet her and find out why she was there. I could hear what I dreaded most too – the baby waking up. Eve told me that she had planned to lay out the soft sleeping pad we have and sleep in our closet the rest of the night. This didn’t surprise me at all, and though this normally was a welcomed action, this time I whispered a little too harshly and told her to go back to her room.

    Jad took our baby, Asher, who was indeed awake, so I could go back to sleep. I, of course, didn’t, because I usually can’t when I know the baby is up. Instead, I sat at the edge of the bed on the verge of tears, so, tired and feeling bad about sending Eve away.

    A few minutes later, Jad gently placed the baby back in his bassinet. That was the fastest he had ever gone back to sleep. I should have felt relieved at that point- ready to drift back off to dreamland.

    But I just lay there. I was thinking about the little girl – my little girl – who I had sent upstairs feeling unloved. I felt prompted to go to her. I hesitated, but only for a moment. I knew what I had to do.

    It wasn’t easy to go up the stairs with my sore knee that I had hurt in a fall before church the day before, and then avoid the clutter in the long hallway, but I was nonetheless drawn to Eve’s room.

    I knelt by her bed, caressed her cheek, and gave her a kiss. She opened her eyes and tearfully told me she was sorry. I apologized to her, saying I had actually been the one in the wrong.

    She explained that she had had a bad dream and that she felt safer being around us, her parents. She knew she wouldn’t have any more bad dreams if she were with us. That melted my heart. I knew all along that was probably why she had come down. We said a prayer together, asking that Heavenly Father give her peace and comfort, and restful sleep until morning.

    I told her I would stay with her until she fell back asleep. I tucked her in, stroked her hair, gave her a doll, adjusted her pillow, and just stayed next to her, holding her hand until she drifted back to sleep. At one point she told me she was okay and that I could go, because she knew I was tired, but I felt the desire to stay with my sweet girl until she was again at rest. It didn’t take long.

    I felt so much better knowing that I had mended her little broken heart. Sleep did not come easily after that, but I was so grateful when little Asher slept until after 6am. I felt that was a little blessing that came to me from Heaven because I had listened to that spiritual prompting just a few hours before.

    As I am writing this, Eve just walked into the office and gave me a hug, thanking me for coming to her last night. Then a little while later, during breakfast, she told her brothers how sweet I was to go to her and help her go back to sleep last night.

    Imagine if I hadn’t listened to that prompting?

    I decided to write about this experience because I want to remember that the Still Small Voice reached out to me and prompted me to do the right thing by my little girl. I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost who helps me right my wrongs and be a better person every day.

    I’m also so grateful for my sweet Eve who is so loving, forgiving, and tender-hearted. She has so much love in her heart, and I hope to be as pure in my love as she is.

    As a parent, I need to make sure that I am always aware of what my children need from me to feel safe, happy, and thriving. I’m grateful for the lesson I learned early this morning.

  • A Onesie with Meaning

    This is Asher Jordan Al-Bjaly, our fifth born child, born on February 17, 2023.

    He is almost 2 and a half months old. Last week, I put him in a onesie that my sister gave me at my baby shower. It says, “I’m proof that God answers prayers.”

    When I opened the gift, she said how perfect it was for him, but I thought that it was a strange choice since we had not actually prayed to have another baby. Clothes like that surely belong to couples who have earnestly prayed for a child.

    I kept the onesie, though, since it was a thoughtful gift. And then I put it on Asher last week (it finally fits him now) and realized that it was actually a perfect piece of clothing for him.

    No, Jad and I never knelt down in tears asking God with all of our might for another child. On the contrary, Asher was an unplanned pregnancy. But, as I have thought carefully about it, I have realized that God has answered many prayers before and during my pregnancy, and after Asher’s birth.

    As I shared before, last March I thought I was pregnant, and then found out I wasn’t. I was surprised at how sad I was about that, but at the same time, Jad and I were not trying to have a baby and he knew he didn’t want another one.

    Those moments shook me, though, and more than once I found myself praying to know if I should have another baby. I promised that I was willing, but I didn’t know if I should. I didn’t share this with Jad, but just prayed on my own at home and even in the temple (including the Wahington DC Temple open house in June 2022). Well, God answered my prayer not by telling me that I should have a baby, but by allowing me to become pregnant when I should not have been able to be.

    August 14th – I’m pregnant!

    Obviously becoming pregnant came with a multitude of emotions and challenges. I shared my emotional roller coaster on previous blog posts here: The Fourth Was Not the Last… | Making Life a Bliss Complete and here: God gives you who you need: part 2 | Making Life a Bliss Complete. I had so many worries and disappointments and prayed for help with each. I will name just three, but there were many:

    1.I prayed that I would be able to overcome the huge disappointment of not being able to perform in my church’s musical. I had hoped that my whole family would perform in the musical this time, which was super important to me because it would be Eve’s first and Casey’s last. This prayer was answered in a unique way, by my son Casey receiving a significant role in the show. I felt so happy being able to see his growth as an actor and singer and then watch the show while glowing with pride at his performance and smiling adoringly at my daughter who was performing for the first time.

    Eve as a dreamer child (JS Dudley Photography)

    Casey as Dickon (JS Dudley Photography)

    Proud mama after watching The Secret Garden

    2. I prayed what to do about the new amazing job I had just gotten and was so excited about. I knew that I didn’t want to work if I had a baby at home in a few short months, and I also had been having a lot of morning sickness, but I still felt horrible about quitting. I prayed for courage, for my boss to be understanding, and for me to be okay changing my dream of going back into the workforce. When I told my boss I had to quit, she was super understanding and kind, which made me feel so much better. It was hard for a while knowing I would not be working again for many years, but I kept very busy volunteering, attending school functions, shopping for the baby, doing studies, exercising, and more. I was never bored my whole pregnancy even with all the kids in school.

    3. I prayed about how to make room for a new baby. Our house is large, but we did not design it to have more children. It took research and prayers to figure out how to make room – where to put the baby, how to make sure Eve had a space, and what to get rid of and move around, all without spending a lot of money. It sounds like a simple problem, but it definitely caused some stress. I can say that it all worked out beautifully and we were able to help others as we purged, as well as repurpose things for new needs we had. We also were able to get several things for free to help us furnish Eve’s new room and the baby’s room.

    Painting the old playroom to make it Eve’s bedroom

    The baby’s nursery – Eve’s old room

    My health was something else that could have plagued me throughout my pregnancy.

    I wrote this post on Facebook when I was 30 weeks along:

    It’s crazy to think I am 30 weeks pregnant today! I honestly would be extremely surprised if baby stays inside that long, though, and we are working hard to be prepared for him mentally and physically.
    I have been thinking about all the difficulties or things going against me in this pregnancy:
    1. Being overweight before pregnancy
    2. Being 38 years old at pregnancy
    3. Having a lost and likely migrated IUD [Note: Turns out it fell out but I had no idea – I found out when I had an x-ray after having the baby]
    4. Developing pregnancy sleep apnea
    5. Having a history of hypertension/preeclampsia with some elevated blood pressure this time already
    6. Getting gestational diabetes for the first time (just found out yesterday)
    7. Having a surprise pregnancy to begin with, which has taken a lot of adjustment and sacrifice.
    Yep, it can be said many things are against me. I am keeping a positive attitude, though. I am staying as physically active as I can. I am trying to see the diabetes as a blessing in disguise to push me into eating better. I’m focusing on how healthy our baby has been this whole time. I’m cherishing every movement and kick. I’m looking forward to the wonderful blessing this little guy will be for all of us.
    There is so much good even with all these issues, and I am so grateful for loving friends and family who have been there for me and will continue to be! I’m most importantly grateful to my Father in Heaven for helping me be more patient, long suffering, and faithful.

    The only reason I was able to be more patient, longsuffering and faithful during my health issues was because I prayed for these things. And God answered my prayers.

    He also helped prepare me for what was to come. I had a feeling around the time a friend was asking me about having a baby shower that our baby would be born around the same time as Eve – that my blood pressure would ultimately lead me to having preeclampsia again. I just felt it. I didn’t let it bother me, but Jad and I did pray daily for my health and the baby’s health. I know that God gave me the energy, and both Jad and I the time to prepare our baby’s nursery. I know that God also kept me calm as well so I could focus on the excitement of having a baby and not the worry of him likely coming early.

    I know He helped me choose my baby’s name. I think I looked at hundreds of names and kept looking and kept looking because nobody seemed satisfied. Jad and I had been praying about what to name him. As I felt that our time to decide was drawing to a close, I had made a list of our favorite ideas, and Jad had made it into more of a chart form regarding first and middle name options. One night as we went through each name together, we were able to remove names, and then we typed a few first and middle name possibilities. As we read through them, tears came to my eyes as I read the name “Asher Jordan Al-Bjaly.” I knew at that moment that should be his name. We still didn’t decide for sure, but I knew, and we ultimately named him that.

    I wish I could say that my pregnancy went full-term, or at least until the proposed 37-week induction due to my gestational diabetes. That would have been the best answer to mine and Jad’s daily prayers for my health and the health of our baby, but it was not to be.

    On Valentines Day with my four kids not expecting to have a fifth in 3 short days

    It was a very scary and unsettling experience to be told that I needed to be induced that day because my blood pressure was dangerously high. But, I felt God and his angels on earth help us. Our bishop came and gave me a blessing, and so many people prayed for Asher and me during the labor, and for all the time after his birth that he was in the NICU and I was recovering from childbirth. I know that God not only answered my prayers, but the prayers of those who love us.

    In labor

    Here is a little video I sent my kids when I was in labor:

    I only got to hold him for a couple minutes before they took him to the NICU – so in love.

    Our first picture with Asher.

    In the NICU not long after birth on oxygen

    Here is a video of me sharing Asher’s birth story:

    I had no choice but to get up and get things done after I was discharged from the hospital. I was at the NICU as much as I could be while also doing my best to spend time with my other children. I had so many people ask me how I was doing all of that when I just had a baby, and I always answered that God was giving me strength. The same answer was true for Jad, who even though he was on paternity leave, was in constant pain due to falling off a ladder while painting just a day after I had the baby.

    Even with Jad off work, we couldn’t balance life at the hospital and home all alone, so we prayed that we would be able to coordinate everybody’s needs. We were blessed with plenty of help from loving friends and family from meals to rides to childcare, and it brought us so much relief to be surrounded by this selfless love and care.

    Asher was in the NICU (at UNC first and then Alamance Regional Hospital) for two weeks before he went home. Some days were harder than others, but we felt so blessed that he only had to be on oxygen for one day, and that he only had to be under the bilirubin light for a few days. We also felt blessed that he got the opportunity to be transferred to Alamance Regional, which was so much closer to us, and also a much better fit for Jad and I as involved parents.

    On oxygen that first day

    Under the bilirubin light at UNC

    Being transported to ARMC  

    Under the bilirubin light right after arriving at ARMC

    Some of the goodies we got at ARMC – we especially loved the flannel hearts for us to wear and then leave with Asher so he could smell us when we couldn’t be with him

    It took Asher quite some time to be able to nurse with the stamina he needed, but he improved daily, and he was such a sweet, cuddly and good baby. Below are some of my favorite pictures of Asher when he was in the NICU, both at UNC and ARMC:

    The time Asher was in the NICU was hard for Jad and me because we felt so horrible about having to choose between being with our baby at the hospital or with our other four children. We switched off the best we could, but it was hard for us. It was also really hard for the kids. They had to live with basically one parent at a time, and had to make a lot of life adjustments, all the while not being able to meet their baby brother.

    A video call one night that Jad was at the NICU with Asher

    Baby Asher on the other side of the call

    One night, when Jad was at the NICU and I was at home, I felt just how big the strain was on them, and I was inspired to have a conversation with the children about it in hopes of helping them have hope and patience. Here is a video I recorded of that experience:

    Thankfully Asher came home very soon after this on March 3rd. The nurses marveled at how fast he was able to come home, since many preemies don’t go home until their due dates. They said they knew he was going home so soon because we were so present with him. I know that was part of it, but I know an even greater part of it was God answering our fervent prayers.

    And of course, Jad and I both hoped and prayed that when Asher came home, we would all be able to adjust to having him home and that everyone would love him. We were a little worried about Eve being jealous, since she had expressed concerns before about not having enough attention. We also prayed that we would be able to take care of and love all of our children as we added one more to our home. And that has been the greatest answer to prayer of all: every single one of us adores Asher more than we could ever describe. We have been able to adjust well to having him home with us, and it feels like he has always been a part of our family. Nobody has been jealous, and we are able to make time for everyone. We have all just had to learn to be more flexible and patient sometimes.

    Here are the kids’ first interactions with their baby brother:

      

    Here are my favorite photos of Asher and our family since then:

    I was worried when I was pregnant that I wasn’t going to be able to get back into new motherhood, and that I wouldn’t be able to love this boy as much as I loved and cherished Eve who was my first girl and a preemie – the one I thought would be my youngest and last.

    God has certainly answered those prayers. Jad and I have both remembered how to be parents of little ones, and we are cherishing each moment, with as much joy and laughter as we can muster through the lack of consistent sleep.

    And do we love Asher as much as Eve and the rest? Well, of course we do. I often tear up thinking about how blessed I am. I don’t know if I deserve this special child of God, but I feel so honored that it was part of God’s plan that Asher should join our family and that I should be his mother.

    It may sound like life is perfect. It’s not. It’s really challenging sometimes. We are always busy and tired and have a difficult time accomplishing what we used to do. Despite all that, I wouldn’t change a thing. I also wouldn’t wish that he came on time. It has actually been a tremendous blessing that he came early because it has provided almost six extra weeks for all of us to bond with him, especially Casey, who is graduating soon and will then be serving a two-year mission before going off to college. His relationship with Asher has been especially precious to watch.

    So, yes, the onesie my dear sister got for Asher was perfect, and I cannot express enough gratitude to my Heavenly Father for hearing and answering so many prayers on the behalf of myself, my baby, and my beloved family.  Our prayers keep coming, and He keeps answering. God is good.

    Our family of seven:

    We finally took our first family photo on March 12.

    At the Richmond VA Temple Open House on April 7 (I teared up in the Celestial Room as I looked at Asher and pondered on how nearly a year before I prayed in the DC Celestial Room to know if I should have another baby.)

    After church on Easter and the day of Asher’s baby blessing

  • God gives you who you need: part 2

    It’s expected that everything about having a baby is exciting and full of blissful joy. I really wanted this post to be all that, but I also believe in keeping it real. Life is not always roses, not even when pregnant with a surprise baby. Allow me to explain.

    Yesterday was the day of the gender reveal. The evening went a lot different than planned and resulted in feelings we didn’t expect or want to feel. I am going to share another video now. It’s a long one and it isn’t super pleasant, but in the vein of remaining authentic, I will share my emotional mess of a self.

    I’m not proud of these feelings, and neither is Jad. It was really hard for him not to show disappointment in the time we were together before the rest of us also found out the gender. We went to bed last night feeling like this and it was hard. I even woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep for hours.

    As I got up this morning, I wish I could say that I felt 100% better and I’m full of joyous anticipation for the arrival of our baby. I would be lying if I said that, though the tears have stopped and I’m thinking straighter. I feel really bad that I was so distraught that I didn’t talk to each of my kids about their feelings. I will make sure to do so today. Talk about a mom fail. 

    I do believe, hope, and pray and in time, we will get there. I know a lot of good things in my head, which helps:

    1. I know I will love this baby as much as I have loved all the others.
    2. I know that this baby will be cared for just as much as all the others.
    3. I know our family will be blessed by having this baby in our home.
    4. I know this is what and who God wants for us.

    I also have these concerns:

    1. How can we best transition our home to work best for our growing family? (Already this morning when discussing it, I got major pushback from one of my kids.)
    2. Will Eve, our sweet girl who deserves a little sibling so much, be fulfilled and satisfied with this sibling that we didn’t expect?

    I have been really pondering why I feel so bad about this, and I think I know why. It’s partly because of the concerns I stated, but mostly I think it’s because I had such spiritual promptings about this baby. I felt so strongly about the name, the gender, and about the baby being a perfect gift for Eve. I don’t think those were just emotions. They felt so spiritual. And since the reality is the opposite of what I felt so strongly in the deepest part of my soul, I feel really shaken to the core. It will be hard, but as Jad and I were talking about this morning, we have to just try to understand that God’s ways are not our ways, and we don’t know all that He knows.

    So, this is not the gender reveal post you expected. I’m so sorry it is nothing like the one we did with Eve. But this is the reality. And it will get better and better and happier and happier as time goes on. I just know it isn’t right to fake it. It’s better to be real, acknowledge my feelings, and work towards healthier ones.

    If any of you have any similar stories you feel comfortable sharing with me, I would love to hear. I love learning from others and their experiences.

    Thank you so much to my family who joined the Zoom call last night and were so supportive. And thank you to all of my family and friends who love us and are there for us throughout it all. Much love!

    Krispy Kreme Doughnut with blue in the middle
    The NIPS test result
    I made these adorable pictures yesterday to announce the gender. We tried to take the picture last night, but as you can see, my heart was not in it. We will try again and do it right.
    The sweet note from Eve, written by Kamren

     

  • The Fourth Was Not the Last…

    I have never done a blog post like this before, but I have a lot of important life updates that I hope to share, and to do it best, I have recorded videos of myself. The first is in March 2022 and may not seem to connect to the others that start in August, but it does! I hope you enjoy watching these videos and learning about my thought processes and experiences leading up to a huge life change coming to the Al-Bjaly family. We know God is leading and guiding us in the direction our family needs to go:

    If you watched all of these, thank you. It means so much. Below are just a few pictures that capture our pregnancy journey so far! Much love to you all and thank you for caring!

     

    These first two pictures are from August 14 when I found out I was pregnant.

    In this photo, taken August 15, Jad and I were feeling happy that I heard the baby’s heartbeat at my first appointment.

    I took these pictures August 16, because that day we realized that when Jad made this beautiful wall hanging years ago, he had left one open spot for a picture. He didn’t think anything of it at the time, but now it has new meaning for us.

    These are my first ultrasound pics, taken August 18, where I found out my due date is March 29.

    These pictures are from August 27 when I was blessed with free baby items. Eve picked out this red panda for the baby, but she’s keeping it safe for now in her room. 🙂

    Eve took this picture of me on September 7. I often get really tired and have to lie down. I can fall asleep almost instantly.

    Eve drew me this adorable picture yesterday, September 13. It’s the baby and me. She has been so sweet to me. She will be a wonderful big sister.

  • Goodbye for now, Grandpa.

    This morning at 6:12am I got a phone call from my dad. I didn’t want to answer it, not just because I didn’t want to wake Jad, but mostly because I knew what his call would mean: my grandpa had passed away.

    I didn’t cry then, but I lay in my bed wishing that if I went back to sleep, the news wouldn’t be true. But, instead I slowly got up and called my dad back.

    As I spoke with my dad and mom, we shared feelings of sadness, but also joy – joy that there is a lovely family reunion going on right now with Grandpa, my aunt Betsy, my Uncle Roy, and Grandpa’s other deceased family; relief – relief that he is no longer suffering; hope – hope in the gospel of Christ that promises that families exist beyond the grave and we will see each other again.

    No, I didn’t cry then. I stayed strong as I told Jad and the kids, all at different times. Everyone was solemn and sad at the news. And then, later that morning I cried. I was so sad. I felt horrible that I didn’t get to see Grandpa one last time – we had actually planned to go see him this morning (my parents, my sister, and myself). We didn’t expect him to die so soon after going into hospice a couple days ago, but I suppose God needed him home.

    I went back to bed for a little while to ease my sadness, and was awakened by a call from Barbara, who has been a grandmother to me my whole life. She is my grandpa’s devoted and faithful wife, who we all love dearly. She is so loving and strong, and I felt peace as we spoke today.

    The rest of the day has been hard. I have been keeping myself busy, but with the feeling of loss hanging over me. Jad has been good at helping me out and doing some of the many things I had to do today for me.

    But this post isn’t about me and my needs. I write this to honor my grandpa, Marvin Thacker.

    Grandpa served faithfully in the Air Force. In November 2012 he visited Casey’s school for Take a Vet to School Day and told of his service.

    Then in November 2021, the last time we visited him and Barbara (since after that he was too ill to be around the children), he told stories of his service to my kids. It was that time together that helped Rigel know that he also wanted to serve in the Air Force. He has faithfully stuck to that dream.

    He loved talking to my kids on Facebook Messenger, and he and Jad built up a relationship over the years as well.

    He was also so giving. He has given Casey and Jad very nice clothes and shoes that they greatly appreciate. He loved collecting nice things since he didn’t have them growing up.

    Grandpa always was so humorous and never lost that sense of humor. He loved sports and was an expert golfer.

    He and Barbara sent money to each of us every birthday and Christmas our whole lives, and we always looked forward to that along with a card. My kids have enjoyed those kind gestures since they have been born as well.

    I remember as a kid travelling down to NC (we lived in VA then) and visiting their home. I remember the smell of the honeysuckle and watching old movies like “The Apple Dumpling Gang.” I remember going to buffets every time we went to eat together. I remember eating out of the candy jar – Grandpa loved candy and chocolate.

    I’m grateful that my children had some special memories with their great grandpa as well.

    Grandpa loved to travel all over with Barbara. Their love of travelling and being together always brought a smile to my face. I will truly miss Grandpa, and the outstanding pair that he and Barbara has made for all these years.

    A friend of mine lost someone very close to her nine years ago, and as a way to comfort her, I sent her this link in hopes of bringing her peace: Life Has Purpose | ComeUntoChrist (churchofjesuschrist.org). I hope this same link can bring hope and peace to Marvin Thacker’s friends and loved ones at this very difficult time.

    I adore this poem by President Gordon B. Hinckley and I hope it also brings peace and hope for the future:

    What Is This Thing That Men Call Death?

    What is this thing that men call death?
    This quiet passing in the night?
    ‘Tis not the end but genesis
    Of better worlds and greater light

    O God, touch Thou my aching heart
    And calm my troubled, haunting fears
    Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure
    Give strength and peace beyond my tears.

    There is no death, but only change
    With recompense for vict’ry won
    The gift of Him who loved all men
    The Son of God, the Holy One.

    Goodbye for now, Grandpa, until we meet again. I know you will be watching over us and never far.

  • A Mud Run to Remember

    Sometimes you sign up for something having no idea what you are really in for. That happened to me this past Saturday when I went with several members of my son, Casey’s, wrestling team, the wrestling coach and his wife, and one of their friends.

    I did look at the website to see what the Rugged Maniac was, and I did feel pumped up by the wrestling coach’s wife, thinking we would run as a mom group and have a great time in the rear doing our best. So, I went.

    I wasn’t too nervous until we got in the line about ready to start. We all stretched and did some jogging in place to warm up. And then it was finally time to start. It wasn’t so bad at first – a light jog, a very simple obstacle. But then it got harder – a lot harder.

    I found that I was the slowest out of the three of us moms. My legs were the shortest, so that did not help me with my stride or with a lot of the obstacles that seemed to be made for people with giant legs.

    The other moms were encouraging and rooted for me for the most part. They didn’t always wait for me, which made me feel extra slow, and I always was the last out of the three to do an obstacle, but I kept trucking along.

    We three muddy moms

    I am not very athletic at all, so you may be wondering, with my slowness and all, how I did. Well, I can say that I did the entire 5k and all 25 obstacles (though at times not exactly as designed – the modified version, if you will).

    Yep, I did it. I didn’t think I would. In fact, a couple times I thought I was going to die. A couple times I was about to give up. One time I even started tearing up because the other moms in my group left me behind. What helped me get through?

    It might seem strange to say, but I really felt like there were angels along my path – angels on earth. I wasn’t expecting that in a competitive, hard-core race like this that people would ever slow down to help others. But they did. They helped me.

    At one point, we had to climb up to a platform (one of the moms gave me a boost because it was really high with no steps) and then go down a fire fighter’s pole. That one was called the Pole Position. The pole was far enough away from me on the platform that I was scared to death that my legs wouldn’t reach and I would fall. The other moms in my group rooted for me. They told me I could do it, but I just didn’t feel it. I couldn’t just go back, though, since the platform had no steps. Then I heard a man’s voice who said something like, “It’s okay. You can do this. I’ll do it with you. Okay, ready? On the count of three, we jump on and slide down. One, two…” And you know what? His voice and his promise to go at the same time as me calmed me enough that I was able to accomplish the task. I was so grateful for him.

    Another time, we had to do a very difficult obstacle where we had to run and jump onto black squares on the water. They were tied together but they moved around a lot. That one was called the Frog Hop. The squares were unfortunately spread out enough that I knew I couldn’t jump from one group to the next without falling in the water. So, I just jumped in the water, hoisted myself (super gracefully) onto one of the squares, jumped into the water, and did it again. Unfortunately, the last time I jumped in the water, the water was too high for me to hoist myself out back onto dry ground. I knew I couldn’t get out. But, there was a very nice young woman who jumped back into the water and gave me a leg up. I was embarrassed, but she was more than happy to help. I can’t remember, but I think the other two moms in my group pulled my arms too. There was no way I would have gotten out without that help.  

    The absolute hardest obstacle for me was this very high angled rope ladder that you had to go up, over and down. It was called Vertigo. I was scared to death. I went a little less than halfway up, really felt like I was going to fall, and started going back down as I said, “I can’t do this.” I kept hearing voices say I could do it, and my son and his friends had finished by that point and were there to cheer me on. I wasn’t so sure, but then a lady who was at the very top said she would wait up there and talk me through my climbing. She was so kind and patient. She talked to me and smiled at me every step of the way. She told me how to get myself over to the other side and then she talked to me until I got down. I mean, what an angel!

    Coming down with my angel next to me. See how she is talking to me?
    I was mentally exhausted after getting off that rope obstacle. The next one was a relief but I was so tired I had to go slowly.

    Another thing that really helped was the fact that even though many of the obstacles freaked me out, some of them did not bother me that much or at all, like crawling under barbed wire, jumping over fire and trenches, using my strength to pull heavy objects, getting in cold, muddy water during multiple obstacles, going down very tall slides, and being in small spaces. Accomplishing those without help gave me just enough confidence to not give up and the courage to not let me fears overcome me. Interestingly, my favorite obstacle, the Fenced In, was my favorite even though it freaked a lot of people out (it did take me a minute to figure out how to get positioned right, but after that, I loved it).

    For whatever reason, I was cool with this. I remember doing this as a teenage a long time ago. Maybe that’s why.
    A little scary but also fun. And really, once you are up you have no choice but to come down!

    The stations of water (though few and far between), the encouragement and instruction from the volunteers, and the little prayers I said throughout the race, even if they were just as short as a “Please God, give me strength.” Or “Please help me through this,” also helped get me through.  I did a lot of those prayers.

    As I said before, I was the slowest person in our wrestling group. I probably needed the most help. But I did it, and I know it was because of the love and kindness of God and His children. It wasn’t me. I couldn’t have done it alone.

    The end of the last obstacle – a huge slide into cold, muddy water. Scary but exhilarating.

    We had a break after we ran to get “cleaned up” and refuel with food. Then we got to be volunteers for a while. I was at one of the obstacles with one of Casey’s friends, the Rinse and Repeat. I truly loved being able to encourage, instruct, and be a sounding board for the runners coming through. I thought about how much I had appreciated that help. It gave me a greater appreciation for the event as I saw people of all shapes, sizes, athletic abilities, and confidence. I saw so many emotions, and I realized that the Rugged Maniac experience was different for everyone. Everyone’s reasons for being there were different, but I hope everyone who participated was glad they did it.  

    All of us tired and muddy, but we did it.

    Am I glad? Well, I have endured many days of intense soreness and very ugly bruises due to participating (my soreness is just now about gone after 6 days), but I absolutely am glad that I did it. I conquered some of my fears. I realized I can do harder things than I give myself credit for. I built friendships. And most importantly, I saw the good and helpful nature of many children of God that day. And that made it worth all the bruises, mud, and soreness over and over again.

  • A “Kinder”garten Memory

    When I was at church on Sunday, I had to go to the bathroom (I know, TMI, but I have a point, I promise). When I entered, I saw the toilet seat up. I smiled a little, knowing it was freshly cleaned. At that moment, a memory from kindergarten came rushing back to my mind.

    I am almost 37 years old, so that was a long time ago. But, here is what I remember:

    A girl in my class came rushing into the classroom after going to the bathroom exclaiming something like, “Ew, Ross went into the girls’ bathroom. I can tell because the seat was up!”

    My little five-year-old self was shocked that this boy, Ross Wheeler, would go into the girls’ bathroom. The girl laughed at him, and I joined in because it was just so silly and gross.

    My teacher, Ms. Fisher, noticed this exchange, and came up to the girl and me, and perhaps others. She then informed us that when bathrooms are cleaned, the seat is left up to show that it is clean. Ross had not in fact used the girls’ bathroom and it was not nice of us to say that he did.

    I believed my teacher and moved on with my life, but I don’t remember if I apologized to Ross. To be honest, I probably didn’t. I was a good kid, but at that young age, I didn’t see any harm in what had happened. Ross was often the subject of jokes and laughter at his expense.

    Now, I don’t remember many things from kindergarten, and this memory is definitely an obscure one. But, as the memory came back to me on Sunday, I realized just how profound it really was and that God wanted me to remember it.

    I even talked to my kids in the van about it on the way home from church. I told the story and then I told them that we often make mean accusations out of ignorance, like the girl did. Some of us blindly believe those accusations without checking the facts, like I did. We are unkind to the accused, thinking we have that right because we have predetermined that the person’s worth is less than ours.

    Then there are the wise people who have found the truth and have the courage to kindly share it, thus giving us an opportunity to learn and grow from our mistakes in judgment, like my teacher did.

    We then have a choice – do we listen to the wise person who has the truth, or do we cling onto what we want to be true because it’s more fun or controversial?

    And then if we do listen, what do we do about it? Do we just quietly move on, or do we acknowledge our faults and make things right? Do we go a step farther and work to prevent further events like that from happening?

    I am pretty sure that since I don’t remember apologizing to Ross and then becoming his friend and advocate that I probably didn’t. I was only five, so I can’t be too hard on myself, but I truly wonder how Ross felt that day at school, and every other day.

    I don’t remember clearly why he was made fun of so often, but I know looking back there was no good reason. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment just because they may be a little different.

    I truly wish that I had befriended him – that I had had the courage to stand up to the bullies and be the friend Ross so desperately needed.

    How many Rosses are in our lives, either in our circle or just someone we hear about on the news? How do we help them? Do we help them? Do we even realize they need help?

    Tears are falling as I write this, because even though the story I am sharing isn’t earth-shattering, it teaches me such great lessons. I’m grateful that God helped me remember this.

    I have grown up a lot since age five, and I do truly want to be more like my teacher. I want to be an advocate of truth, and I want to be an advocate for the persecuted as well. It bring a lot of fulfillment, peace and joy, knowing that what you are spreading is good for you and those around you.

    I invite all of you to ponder on this little story as well! Search out those Rosses and give them the love and support they need. And help the truth of their worth, and other realities related to them, be known so they won’t be needless targets of unkindness.