Can I first just say how much I adore writing? I have loved writing my whole life. Many of my friends in school would playfully scoff at me when I said I preferred writing essays over doing multiple choice questions for tests. I was in the minority for sure, but essays filled me with excitement (as long as I was familiar with the subject matter of course).
I self-published my first two books over the summer that you can find on my Amazon author page here. I have been so humbled by the very kind reviews I have received on Amazon and the sweet comments I have received from friends and library employees. It’s truly a labor of love to write books as well as format them and make them visually pleasing.
The past few months I have been working on a couple children’s books simultaneously, and one of them is done! It’s called The Prayer of a Little Hero and is a true story from my son, Rigel’s life. I actually felt recently that I should go through my blog posts and find things I have already written that would make inspiring and adorable children’s books. I found several, and this one was the inspiration for my new book.
The Prayer of a Little Hero will be available for purchase on Amazon.com as a paperback book and as a Kindle E-Book beginning November 18, 2024. You can preorder the e-book here.
This book will be a perfect Christmas gift for any kid (or kid at heart) who loves superheroes, the idea of protecting others, and has faith enough to pray for the tender desires of their heart.
Thank you for your support!
PS: If you have read any of my books and wouldn’t mind leaving a review, I would so appreciate it!
Before I begin writing what I wish to say, I want you to understand that what I share in this post can change your life if you allow it. My life has already been changed.
If you are someone who feels discomfort, or even fear, dread, or anger when discussing the LGBTQ+ community, this post is for you even if you feel like you’d rather stop reading. Instead, I’m asking you to trust me and to believe me when I share my feelings and experiences in this post.
This writing is directed to members of my church, but I believe what I say can touch and help others as well. First, I invite you to please watch this video I made a few months back with the help of my dear brother, Aaron.
*If you would like more details from my growth on this topic, you can read it here.
In the video I said, “I encourage each of us to ask God how we can contribute to the joy, hope, and belonging of the LGBTQ people all around us.”
I have been trying to do this in my life by reading/listening to the experiences of LGBTQ+ individuals, putting loving bumper stickers on my car like “Be Kind” and “Jesus Loves You,” and wearing shirts that say things like “You are Enough,” “Love Thy Neighbor,” and “God loves the people we don’t.” I have similar stickers on my favorite water bottles too. (Try The Happy Givers if you would like to get similar things.) I have lovingly corrected people as they have said insensitive things about the LGBTQ+ community (when I have had the courage and ability to do so). I have written blog posts expressing love for this community and encouraging others to learn to do the same. I have also been a part of a latter-day saint group that meets together to find ways to be better Christlike allies for this community. And finally, because of that ally group, I have had the opportunity and privilege for the past few months to help plan an event that just happened this past Saturday called Gather Conference Southeast.
This conference was a regional subset of the official Gather Conference which is held in Provo, Utah. The goal of Gather Conferences is “to create a hope filled & supportive event for Latter-day Saint LGBTQ individuals, family members, and friends—sharing stories, providing resources and education, creating a community of belonging and connection to Jesus Christ.”
I couldn’t assist in the planning very much once school started, and I almost decided not to go to the conference because I didn’t feel useful, but something told me that I needed to be there. So, I did.
The morning of the conference, I first attended the temple as a dear friend made covenants with God. Then I made my way to the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Raleigh, NC.
I was very late for the conference, but when I arrived, I was met with friendly faces who helped me get where I needed to be. I loved the venue that was chosen for this conference. It was evident all around how accepting and loving this fellowship was, making it a perfect place to gather. To help illustrate that, here is a picture I found on their website:
I arrived right before the next session of classes. I visited the registration table first, which had a lot of nice mementos. Everyone also got to write something they wanted to get out of the conference on a strip of colored paper. We made large paper chains with these papers. Here are some of the answers that were given:
It was soon time for the next class, and my friend Misa and I chose to go to the LGBTQ+ Community Listening Session. In retrospect, this class was probably more for members of the LGBTQ+ community than anyone else, but it was such a special, Spirit-filled class.
It started with a video that was so incredibly poignant, it left me breathless. It was called “Souled of Other Stars: A Story of Coming Out and Coming In.”
We all sat in awe for a moment, and then for the rest of the time, we sat in a circle listening to beautiful people share their stories. After each person shared, we all thanked that person by name for sharing. We all listened intently, and you could tell each person in the room really cared and was moved by each story. The stories, experiences, and identities were all so different, but what tied us all together was a desire to listen, love, lift, and understand. I shed tears many times during that session, but I also felt a great sense of hope and I felt God’s love surrounding all there. We ended the session with a group hug that most of us partook in. It was a tight hug, and it felt amazing. I felt so privileged to be amongst these children of God. Here is a picture of the whole group.
After a break, all conference attendees sat together in the sanctuary for an 8-person LGBTQ+ Panel Discussion. This was my favorite part of the day. I was heart-warmed to see that many of the people that were in the listening session were also on the panel. Meghan Decker, a prominent gay latter-day saint author, led the panel in a series of questions. On the panel were gay, lesbian, a-sexual, transgender, non-binary, bi-sexual, and genderqueer individuals.
I cannot even begin to express how much hearing this panel answer questions meant to me. I have already known and cherished much of my brother’s story, but hearing these queer latter-day saints courageously, vulnerably, and honestly share so much about their life experiences and hardships touched my soul so deeply. Their identities, stories, struggles, dreams, testimonies, insights, and paths were all different, but it was clear that each of them loved God, loved their neighbor, and just wanted to be loved and welcomed, and to feel like they belong. I cried a lot during this panel discussion, and I learned what it really means to “mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. (Mosiah 18:9).” If any community needs that, it’s the LGBTQ+ community. My heart broke when panelists burst into tears, and sometimes even sobbed over how they had been treated by church members, friends, and often even their families when they did come out. Though this was sad, there were also happy tears as those in the room could feel the strength of a panelist’s testimony of God’s love for them, their individual worth, and their divine mission on the earth. These dear people knew, or are coming to know, that this was how God created them, and they are doing their best to use their unique gifts to help others.
After this discussion, I honestly didn’t want to leave because there was such a warmth in the room. I felt the Holy Ghost so strongly and a sense of unity that I rarely feel.
It was dinner time. Before that, I rehearsed a musical number that a group of us were singing before the keynote speaker, Richard Ostler. Then I rode with a couple of them to dinner at a delicious restaurant called David’s Dumpling and Noodle Bar. All the panelists, special speakers, and committee members who planned the conference sat together at a huge table.
I was sitting within talking distance of four of the panelists, and it was an amazing time. We were all sharing our food with each other and laughing and joking. Normally in a large group gathering like that, I am very uncomfortable, but this time, I was completely at ease. I smiled because I wouldn’t normally share food with people I don’t know, and I normally would be really self-conscious about food in my teeth or on my face. But in this atmosphere, I was happy and really felt at home. We had all come to the conference for a common goal, and we all felt safe with each other. I loved it and I was filled body and soul.
After dinner it was time to prepare for our keynote speaker, Richard Ostler, who is a very sweet older gentleman who is the host of the Listen, Learn, & Love Book and Podcast. Before he began, I sang “Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd” with three other talented singers. It felt wonderful to sing such a tender song about the Savior’s love to the audience. You can listen to it here or watch it here.
“Papa Ostler,” as he is affectionately called, gave a wonderful address along with a PowerPoint presentation. He shared current church teachings and how they have changed, some personal stories that illustrated how God called him to be an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, and many stories of LGBTQ+ people he has interviewed for his podcast. Three of the stories were about individuals who served on the panel discussion earlier in the day. I will link to their stories below:
Lindsey Sais (Her comments in my first class and in the panel discussion were some of my favorites. She is very wise and is truly a survivor.)
Jessop Oliver (He was the one I sang a duet with at the beginning of the musical number and sat next to at dinner. He’s a cheerful, kind, and caring young man who lives in Durham.)
Meghan Decker (She is a calm, articulate, and intellectual woman who does a great job of leading a discussion.)
It amazes me how many people Papa Ostler has interviewed (almost 800 as of this writing). I love how he just listens and loves. He doesn’t judge or push anyone away. He also truly mourns with community, especially those who felt they had no other choice but to end their lives. We can learn a lot from him.
After his address concluded, we had a closing prayer and then our host, Lyric, who was hugely instrumental in planning this event, asked all the LGBTQ+ individuals in the audience (who felt comfortable) to stand in a circle at the front and hold hands. And then she asked the rest of us to stand around them, encircling them with our love and support. It was a truly sacred moment as there were smiles and tears from many members of the group, inside and outside the circle.
Here is the final group photo from most of us who came (some had to leave early).
It was hard to leave this conference. There was a sheen of tears in my eyes, and a whole lot of love in my heart. It occurred to me that this must be what Zion must feel like. Everyone at the conference was truly “of one heart and one mind (Moses 7:18).” I thought about why it felt that way, and I think it’s because we were without judgment that day. We just saw each other as beloved children of God and we wanted to help each other feel loved, welcome, valued, and heard.
There are so many nuggets of wisdom that touched my heart at this wonderful Gather Conference. Allow me to share some of them. You may notice that these points mirror what my brother said in the video very well:
Meghan Decker shared that when you find out someone is LGBTQ+, you get to take what you know about the person and what you know about their sexual orientation/gender identity and make a choice to either change how you feel about the person or how you feel about their sexual orientation/gender identity. In my brother’s case, most people chose to change how they felt about him, leading only to pain.
Many LGBTQ+ individuals feel like they don’t belong. We must do better at building relationships with them, giving them a safe space, and listening to their experiences. One way to do that is to stop making LGBTQ+ people a taboo topic. If we don’t then fear, distrust, and disgust will continue to abound instead of compassion, empathy, and love. It is very painful for LGBTQ+ individuals to have to hide who they really are because they feel unsafe. If we cultivate a more inclusive environment at church, then people will feel safe sharing who they really are. When I think about this, my mind goes to David Buckner’s talk during this past General Conference. When I heard the talk the first time, this quote stuck out to me: “Do we warmly welcome all who come through the doors? Brothers and sisters, it is not enough to just sit in the pews. We must heed the Savior’s call to build higher and holier relationships with all of God’s children. We must live our faith!” The entire talk is amazing, and I encourage all members of the Church to listen to this talk through the lens of the LGBTQ+ community.
For those of us who are cisgender and heterosexual, we may never truly understand how someone can have a different sexual orientation or gender identity. What we can do is listen, believe, learn, love, and embrace. We don’t have to understand to do any of that. This community needs us to amplify their voices by involving them, lovingly correcting others who make insensitive comments, and talking about their realities so that others can also learn and change their hearts.
Worth and love aren’t earned but are unlimited gifts from God to all His children. Nothing can remove anyone from that love. Jesus invites all into His fold. So should we. To help us love better, we need to see our LGBTQ+ siblings as part of us, and not an “other” group. Remember that “[Jesus] inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile (2 Nephi 26:33).”
When someone does come out to us, it takes a lot of courage and vulnerability. This should be a time for loving, listening, believing, and trusting. Too many people make light of their loved one’s experiences and feelings, only think about how the news will change their own lives, and even try to fix or change their loved one. The right thing to do is to be there for your loved one, meet them where they are, and trust them to receive their own personal revelation for their lives. Help them feel God’s love for them and internalize that this is how God created them. They have a divine purpose to fulfil on this earth just the way they are. Sometimes this news will change the dynamic of your home or relationship, but allow it to be a positive and creative experience as you make adjustments and new traditions.
One of the things we got in our swag bags at the conference was a bumper sticker and wristband that both say the word “Stonecatcher.” Elder Dale G. Renlund spoke of this concept in his General Conference talk from three years ago. Here is a portion of that talk (in this section he is quoting author Bryan Stevenson who wrote Just Mercy):
“…Mr. [Bryan] Stevenson observed that self-righteousness, fear, and anger have caused even Christians to hurl stones at people who stumble. He then said, ‘We can’t simply watch that happen,’ and he encouraged the congregants to become ‘stonecatchers.’ Brothers and sisters, not throwing stones is the first step in treating others with compassion. The second step is to try to catch stones thrown by others.
How we deal with advantages and disadvantages is part of life’s test. We will be judged not so much by what we say but by how we treat the vulnerable and disadvantaged. As Latter-day Saints, we seek to follow the Savior’s example, to go about doing good. We demonstrate our love for our neighbor by working to ensure the dignity of all Heavenly Father’s children.”
That is my ultimate purpose and prayer in writing this post: for all of us to become stonecatchers for the LGBTQ+ community, and for any other marginalized group of people. Please remember that every person, whether different from you or not, is equal to you in the sight of God. Every person laughs, cries, thinks, feels, make mistakes, and does good. Every person has unique quality traits that bless the lives of those they touch. I love every person I met at Gather Conference Southeast. I pray that all within the sound of my voice can feel such love in their lives.
My eyes have been wet for quite a while after reading comments from someone I love accusing me of indulging in “fake news.”
You may be wondering why that would bother me so much. Well, it bothers me deeply for two reasons:
I am incredibly passionate about the truth. I purposely seek out news sources that are nonpartisan and centrist or go directly to the source when applicable. I feel horrible about the idea of ever leading people astray with false information. If I ever inadvertently share false information, I apologize and share the correct information. I do not feel any sort of need to look for news stories that only further confirm my biases. I just want to know the truth regardless of what the implications are. I care so much about the truth, in fact, that in September of this year, I did a Facebook post offering to help others do research on topics that are important to them. At the end of that offer of help, I said: I think that it’s good that we all have different perspectives and experiences that lead us to different conclusions on things. I just truly believe that all of those conclusions should be based on truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
I believe that civility and respect are key to any trusting relationship. In today’s world we don’t care much about these qualities anymore. We dehumanize as easily as we eat our breakfast and insult others as often as we open a door. We hurt people’s hearts without a second thought. We care about our own needs and desires and don’t consider others. We also justify unkindness, lies, persecution, racism, violence, and other ungodly practices in the name of power and politics.
If you don’t believe that I really believe and value these things, please feel free to read the many posts I have written on both of those topics.
In addition, I believe with all of my heart that Jesus is very displeased with those who take the time during election seasons, tragedies, or other events, to divide instead of unite, bash instead up uplift, condemn instead of enlighten, dehumanize instead of show compassion, etc. My heart is heavy. I feel such a burden on my heart. Because truth, civility, and Christlike behavior are all so important to me, I feel a call to help spread these things to others. That is why I share so much on social media about these topics. I’m trying to make positive change. I have no ulterior motives. I care nothing about party loyalty. I just want all people to have freedom, dignity, respect, and love in this country and in this world. I want us to look for the good in others instead of assuming there is none. I want us to also be aware of lies so we don’t get sucked into them. Lies are one of Satan’s greatest tools to divide us. They bring hatred, prejudice, racism, and intolerance. Truth brings clarity, compassion, and love. I wrote this post last year about aligning my votes with Christlike principles and I plan to do the same thing this year: How General Conference is Shaping My Vote this Election | Making Life a Bliss Complete
So, no, I do not watch, listen to, or read “fake news.” I believe that the truth is the truth, not just if it aligns with what we want to believe or who we want to follow. Sometimes the truth hurts because we don’t want it to be true but lies always hurt people. Ultimately, the truth leads us on the right path and helps us learn and grow and be better people.
I am not perfect, but I am committed to growing in truth and love and being more like my Savior each and every day. I know this is something God wants me to do.
On August 18, 2024, I gave a brief talk in church about experiences I have had where I have felt the Holy Ghost comfort me. It was so beautiful to ponder on my life as well as read through old blog posts I have written to find some of those experiences. In my talk I shared five, all of which have a blog post that give all the details! I hope you enjoy reading about these five very important experiences in my life.
Just before I turned 22, I moved to NC to live with my parents, as a newly divorced single mom of an almost one-year-old named Casey. I had no friends, no confidence, and was constantly sad. I felt I had failed as a wife and mother. I adored my son but felt this constant need to change my circumstances so I could fit the ideals in the family proclamation. I felt hopeless for months, but then one day, as I was reading the proclamation again, my eyes fell on this statement: All human beings are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.
In large part because of my (emotionally) abusive marriage, I had forgotten that I was a daughter of God, and that I had a divine nature and destiny. I had made myself believe that I only had true worth if I had what I thought was the ideal life. But no, I always had divine worth, and I always had a friend in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
The Holy Ghost comforted me by reminding me of this divine truth, and it changed my life for the better.
One night in 2011, Jad had to go to the hospital because he felt like knives were stabbing him, and he could hardly stand the pain. Through a CT scan and a series of blood tests, we finally found out that he had echinococcus, a parasite that had been growing in, and eating away at, his liver for about 10 years. Jad was going to have to have major surgery that came with risks. The news was a little overwhelming, but somehow, we had faith all would be well. As the date approached for his surgery, Jad and I were not worried. We went into the hospital with a positive attitude. After 8 hours of surgery, I was able to see Jad. At first, I felt intense sympathy for him, but then I felt God’s love surrounding both of us. I knew that He was with us, and that Jad’s surgery had gone well because of much faith and prayers, and because Jad had a special mission to perform for the Lord in this life. He would recover, and he would go forward in faith.
The Holy Ghost comforted us by testifying of God’s hand in Jad’s life and God’s love for him and our family.
In 2016, when I was pregnant with Eve, I developed hypertension. At an appointment over five weeks before her due date, I was told I needed to go to the hospital right away. After I got to the car, I burst into tears and sobbed, praying for my baby. I checked into the hospital and was hooked up to the blood pressure machine. As I was lying on the bed in a moment alone, the tears started streaming down my face again. Just when I felt the tears would never stop, a soft but steady movement started in my tummy. My baby had woken up, and it was as if she was telling me that everything would be okay. I immediately felt that she was trying to comfort me, and that I could stop crying. I know that her moving for that long period of time was just for me.
The Holy Ghost comforted me through the movements of my unborn baby girl.
In 2020, someone I care deeply about strongly disagreed with some of my perspectives and decisions, which led to a huge rift in our relationship, something I never wanted or expected. For several months, I was in anguish over it. I spent a lot of time praying about the situation, but no answers or comfort came. But the next April, as I was watching General Conference, a message pierced my soul. I felt it was just for me, and everything in the message gave me comfort and peace knowing that the perspectives I had and the decisions I had made were good and led by the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Ghost comforted me by inspiring an apostle of the Lord to share a message I desperately needed to hear.
In 2022, my life was thrown for a loop when I found out I was pregnant with Asher. Normally one would be excited for a new baby, but because of our lives at the time, this was very difficult news filled with many worries and disappointment, and lots of tears. I prayed all the time for strength, guidance, courage, and a softened heart. Everything I prayed for, God blessed me with, including patience, long-suffering, and faithfulness. My attitude about my pregnancy completely shifted, and I was able to be cheerful and optimistic, even with all my health issues. I unfortunately developed preeclampsia and had to be induced almost 6 weeks early. But, God had helped me prepare for it by manifesting to me that this would happen in advance. He also gave me energy to prepare for my son’s birth and helped me stay calm so I wouldn’t worry. After I had Asher, God blessed Jad and me with the stamina to care for Asher in the NICU while also tending to the needs of our other four children, even while we were both healing -me from childbirth, and him from a bad fall. Most importantly, God blessed us with an overwhelming love for this little boy we never knew we needed.
The Holy Ghost comforted me during this time by helping me see how my prayers were being answered, and for helping me overcome my worries and disappointments and replace them with optimism, calm, strength, and love.
I’m so grateful for how the Holy Ghost has directly or through others, comforted me throughout my life. It has made all the difference in times of trial.
I have come to enjoy personality tests more and more over the years because they help me understand more about myself and others. The one that is the most accurate one, at least for me, is created from the Myers Briggs Theory, or 16 Personalities. I am an INFJ, or Advocate, like Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Nelson Mandela.
There are so many things I love about being an INFJ. As one, I am compassionate, empathetic, honest, highly principled and ethical, a deep and insightful thinker, creative and imaginative, and an authentic and genuine friend, colleague, neighbor, etc. I greatly value honesty and integrity, use my intuition and wisdom to figure out what really matters in life’s situations, and I work to fight for equity and fairness as I feel inspired to. Helping others is a huge priority for me and gives me a sense of purpose. But there are also hard things about being an INFJ. Almost my whole life I have felt different and that I don’t fit in, which is very common for this personality type. As an INFJ, I often don’t allow myself enough self-care and I don’t ask for help enough (which is why when I do, you can trust I really need it). At times I can be too much of a perfectionist, not always because I want everything to be a certain way or perfect, but often because I seriously consider how to make a situation, relationship, or process better than it is. Because I put so much care into my relationships, I often feel unappreciated when that care isn’t reciprocated. And finally, I am a very sensitive person. Because my values and ideals are so key to who I am, if I feel that I am being attacked because of them, it hurts a lot, sometimes leading to defensiveness or even anger if the treatment feels very unfounded. Most people around me are not INFJs as it is the rarest personality type, making up less than 2% of the world population.
To add even more complexity, each personality type has an A or a T after it, meaning Assertive or Turbulent. Assertive people are usually more confident, don’t get as stressed out, and worry a lot less about what they will do or what they have done in the past (they don’t focus on regrets). They can sometimes be overconfident, leading them to cross lines with people, and they can sometimes be overly positive, causing them to gloss over potential problems and details. Regardless, they tend to be happy with their lives and are assured they can handle what comes at them. In contrast, Turbulent people are more perfectionistic, always wanting to improve. They often struggle with self-doubt, so they push themselves to become better. They notice little problems and try to stop them from increasing. They often feel bad when comparing themselves to others. All of this can either bog down or motivate them depending on how they handle it. They are careful and attentive and work towards positive action in the world. As you can see, there are pros and cons to being either of these.
I am an INFJ-T. Many of the turbulent qualities are also found in the personality traits of INFJs. It’s great to have an extra dose of wanting to make positive change in the world. It’s way less great to have an extra dose of perfectionistic tendencies, sensitivity, and self-doubt (in an INFJ’s case, due to feeling different and misunderstood).
I have been thinking a lot about myself as a person lately and what God-given attributes that help me be a light for others around me. I feel good when I think about it, but then I start to think about all my perceived flaws. I think about what often bothers me. I wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong with me (INFJs really are a walking contradiction of sorts). I wonder if anyone really likes me, really wants to be my friend, or really believes in me. I find myself crying over this more often than I would like. It’s an inner struggle that is very difficult for me to navigate. Sometimes I feel guilty for even acknowledging my gifts, thinking it may be boasting. The other part of me really wants to share my gifts with others and make a difference, and most of the time, that’s my focus, and it brings me a lot of joy and fulfillment. But sometimes I get troubled when it seems like others don’t care about my contributions or see how much of my heart and soul I put into everything I create.
I know this is very personal, but I want to share this about myself to help people understand how complex individuals can be. Nobody can be put into a neat little box and figured out with a couple observations and interactions. I also want to share this to help us all think about things we criticize in others and realize that some traits are deeply rooted in someone’s natural makeup and are very difficult to abandon. Now, this doesn’t mean people are unable to improve their behaviors or expand their personalities, but their underlying personality types will remain, and we need to accept and honor that. It also bears mentioning that even with our specific personality types, we are still individuals and no two INFJ-Ts or any other personality type will be exactly the same (for example, I am much less private than other INFJs may be because I feel called to share my experiences to help others).
People can tell me all day long to stop helping/caring about someone who doesn’t appreciate me, stop talking to someone who isn’t nice to me, stop caring what people think about me, be quiet and keep the peace to avoid ruffling feathers (even if someone says or does something insensitive, cruel, or dishonest), say this thing that isn’t exactly true so I can get out of something, etc. For people of other personality types, or for more Assertive people, some of these things wouldn’t be a big deal at all. As for me, in most cases, these suggestions would seem completely unnatural and inauthentic to me. There are some rare occasions when I would listen to this kind of advice (or more likely, come to that conclusion on my own), but there would have to be extenuating circumstances or a sense that I had tried everything else for me to feel comfortable or right about it.
I know that I am different. I am also very aware of my strengths and my weaknesses. I realize how rare some of my strengths are, as well as how deeply some of my weaknesses flow. I only wish to be the best version of myself that I can be, but I will always be who God created me to be. I can work on my weaknesses (and I do), but I also know that there are many things about me that just make me who I am. If you look at the description of an INFJ, or probably any personality type, the weaknesses are not necessarily sins. They can become so if brought to an extreme or used with bad intentions (same for strengths), but for the most part they are just ingredients that make a person into the unique creation God intended them to be. I think there is room for all personalities and that a mixture of all brings a rainbow of color and light to the world.
Where we as humans sometimes falter is when we try to force teal to be purple and orange to be pink. It’s the mentality of “I’m teal. Why can’t you be more teal?” When we do that, we lose sight of the beauty of other colors and become prideful, thinking our way is the best. We are all guilty of that. I mean, to be fair, some qualities are top notch qualities and are very needed in this world. But we can’t all have every quality. We need each other to balance each other out and help each other rise to our potential and be the best version of ourselves we can be. I need to remember this too.
The title of this post is It’s Not Easy Being Turbulent. And it’s not. I know that sensitivity in a person is looked down upon a lot, but hopefully I have shown that it’s not just someone being a baby or a sissy. It is a quality that makes up many people, and yes, it can be hard to understand by some. It can be uncomfortable or annoying at times too, but that sensitivity can also bring a lot of positive change and improvements to the world. As a Turbulent person, sometimes overly Assertive people are hard for me to handle. I know I need to focus more on what is good about being Assertive and allow those Assertive people in my life to help me balance my natural inclinations and not allow my sensitivities to elevate to an extreme. Turbulent people can also help balance out Assertive people by helping them consider other people’s feelings more and the consequences of particular actions if not carefully chosen.
I saw this picture online while writing this post, and it definitely describes me. I love it.
There is no one right way to feel or to be. No matter our personality type, or the A or T behind our name, life can be beautiful, and it will always be hard. Let’s help each other have the most colorful life we can by appreciating each other for how God created us.
I know I just published my first novel less than a month ago (Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal), but I wanted to keep the momentum going. Besides, I had already written this children’s book, called The Dandelion, on April 26, 2020, after taking a walk with my family the day before.
Here are the thoughts I wrote down from that walk: Ithought about how my children have given me countless dandelions over the years as a way to show me they love me. I always have a choice to make – roll my eyes at the fact the dandelion is in fact a weed or see what my children see – a beautiful flower, perhaps just mistaken for a weed.
I love this little story. It’s sweet, tender, and thought-provoking despite its simpleness. I did not have an illustrator, but I found really lovely stock photos to use instead. It is best suited for ages 2-8, but I think it would give anyone a smile who chose to read it.
It is now available as a Kindle e-book to preorder on Amazon here for only $2.99. It will be available as a paperback no later than July 1, 2024.
I will be continuing to write children’s books. I have so many ideas and I am so excited to write them, hopefully bringing smiles to many children and their parents over the years. I thank God for this little gift He has given me.
Enjoy, and thank you for your support! I always love hearing how you like my writings and would greatly appreciate reviews on Amazon and Goodreads too!
Update: Here is the link to my book! It is available as a paperback, hardback, and Kindle e-book. The e-book is exactly the same as the printed copy, but you will need a pen and paper to answer the reflection questions.
Nearly 11 years ago, I began teaching a Book of Mormon class for young mothers. I learned and grew as a person through studying the scriptures more thoroughly and sharing thoughts with the women in my class. My favorite chapters to teach were what latter-day saints call the war chapters (Alma 43-62). This really surprised me for two reasons: I had never liked Captain Moroni (the main hero of these chapters), and I had never really related to those chapters before, thinking they were boring and had nothing to do with my life! How wrong I was. I realized for the first time that these chapters can be likened to the spiritual wars in each of our lives. I wished I had known and understood that when I was a youth.
And then, I had an idea. It was more like a call from God, really. My oldest son, Casey, was a preteen at the time, and I felt so strongly that I needed to write a book for him and other young people to help them become valiant servants of the Lord.
So, almost eight years ago, I began researching and writing a book about the war chapters of the Book of Mormon. I knew I wanted to tell every story and highlight every hero and villain. I started with all my notes from teaching my class and went from there. It was a difficult process — I remember I had probably 100 pages of notes that I had to then organize and fashion into book form.
Now, my fourth child was a baby during this time, so life was crazy, and it took me a very long time to finish my first draft (more than four years actually). I sent it out to friends and family who were willing to read it. I didn’t end up with much feedback because people were busy with their lives, but I was especially grateful for the comments from my cousin, Brooke. Her words gave me confidence when I needed it most.
She said, “I loved it. Since I’m not Mormon, it was very informative and I learned a lot about it. It was simple and to the point but very detailed. I understood what you were saying and I know minimal about that religion. Everything flowed together. So for me, it was great. I don’t know how you found time to write it, but I’m proud of you.”
In early 2021, I was going to submit my manuscript to Cedar Fort Publishing, but I was shocked to find out that this publisher required more words than I had written. How was I going to get enough words? Well, at the time, my family had just started reading about the prophet Mormon as he led the Nephites through their final battles before they were destroyed by the Lamanites. One night, I saw something I had never seen before: those chapters coincided perfectly with the war chapters. I then knew what I had to do to make my book long enough. I truly felt God’s hand helping me know what to write and how —and my book became long enough to submit it to the publisher.
I ended up sending my manuscript to two publishers that spring, but sadly, neither one of them accepted it for publication. I felt so defeated. There are so few latter-day saint publishers anyway, and not all of them were accepting self-help, nonfiction, religious books. So, for a time, I gave up. Then in early 2023, I tried again. I found another publisher and submitted my manuscript. Well, this publisher didn’t accept it either. I was just beside myself with confusion and disappointment because I knew with all of my heart that God inspired me to write this book, and He had given me so much help along the way. I didn’t know what else to do except give up again.
Well, God gave me a good break (I’m thankful because I had a little baby at the time), before giving me a clear spiritual nudge last October that I needed to try again. A couple of friends had recently spoken to me about self-publishing, so that was my answer. Before I took that huge step, though, I asked for help from friends and family to read and edit my book. I got some feedback, but not as much as I would like (people are so busy, so it’s understandable). After waiting as long as I could, I asked for help again in February, this time with an incentive. I was finally blessed to get the help I really needed.
The past several months have been filled with more hours than I can count getting my book ready to be published, from setting everything up on Kindle Direct Publishing, to updating the manuscript with people’s edits, to working with a dear friend on cover art, to fixing major formatting issues and adding headers and footers, to adding important things like a copyright page, table of contents, acknowledgements, and about the author sections. By far, the formatting was the most frustrating, especially when paired with the headers and footers. I can’t tell you how many times I spent hours on one little thing. What you see in Word is not the same thing you will see once you upload the document to KDP, so yeah, there were many tears of frustration along with the little victories.
Last week I felt that I should go through all my scripture references to make sure they were accurate. I didn’t want to (there are tons), but I did. I’m glad because there were a few mistakes. And then, I read the entire book. I had hoped not to have to do that, but when I was going through my references, I found a super random paragraph in one of my chapters that made no sense. Since nobody had caught it (totally understandable since the book is so meaty), I went ahead and read the book from start to finish, which was super helpful. I found a couple redundant reflection questions, fixed some flow issues, and even added a few new things that I thought of as I was reading.
It has been a long but very fulfilling time (especially the last three months), and I am so incredibly grateful for all the friends who selflessly helped and encouraged me to finally get this book out to the public.
I received the author proof of my paperback version today, and it was really emotional for me. Here are some photos, as well as a video with some sneak peaks!
For more information about my book, here is the description:
You know about Captain Moroni, Helaman, and the stripling warriors already, but there is so much more to the war chapters of the Book of Mormon. In Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal, you will learn the stories of all the heroes, the villains, and even the deceived. You will be able to study the entire 14 years of the war in detail (Alma 43-Alma 62) while answering profound questions and taking heartfelt notes to help you apply these chapters to your life. You will also have a handy timeline of the entire war at your fingertips. That alone would be amazing, but that’s not all! As you study this book, you will dive into much deeper messages like overcoming fear, the seriousness of oaths and covenants, the pitfalls of flattery, anger versus righteous indignation, and so much more. You will even be able to compare and contrast the war chapters to the final battles of the Book of Mormon, led by the prophet Mormon! These deeper messages and analyses will change your perspectives and increase your faith. Let your study of the war chapters of the Book of Mormon help you better fight your own spiritual battles and wear the whole armor of God!
You can purchase Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life on Amazon starting June 1, 2024. I don’t have the link yet. I will post it when I do (here and on social media). If you have friends or family that you think would love this book, please tell them about it. I would be so grateful.
I really appreciate all the love and encouragement. I truly hope that everyone who reads it loves it.
I have always tried to be a kind, genuine person. I see good in others and love making new friends. Because of that, I have had many friends over the years who are very different from me in their beliefs, lifestyles, values, and goals. Now, I grew up in a very religious culture where we were often taught to be in the world but not of the world, and to surround ourselves with people who believe as we do. In theory, that can be good advice, but I think it’s incomplete because:
Not everyone who claims to believe what you believe lives according to those beliefs.
A person’s set of beliefs doesn’t necessarily make them kind or easy to get along with.
There are so many things you can learn from people who are different from you.
You can be a good example and friend to others, and they can be a good example and friend to you, even with your differences.
Some people are yearning for friendship, and if you feel led to them, you should go to them without any caveat that they must believe as you do.
It’s hard to build strength of character, wisdom, critical thinking, sound judgment, and compassion if you live in a vacuum.
So, though I do believe in being the best version of myself that I can be, I know that I can do that (and have done so) while conversing with and befriending people who are very different from me. That doesn’t mean that I always understand everything about another person’s experiences, but I have found that as I truly listen and care, I grow in empathy, love, support, and acceptance for that person. Some of the best friends I have ever had don’t go to my church (although many do), and some aren’t even religious at all. I feel so blessed to have been touched by the personalities, hearts, and lives of so many kinds of people.
Sometimes we as humans are afraid of people who aren’t like us, especially if a part of who they are is seen as controversial. Because of that, some people are treated like issues to be solved rather than living, breathing humans who are worthy of love, respect, dignity, and equality.
“Us versus them” is a harmful perspective that is perpetuated far too often in the media, whether we are discussing political parties, war, religious views, equal rights, sexual orientation, etc. So many groups and perspectives are presented as black or white, good or evil, right or wrong, while completely ignoring the good humans who make up these groups or have these perspectives.
I like to read comments on articles to see how people react to information. The level-headed, thoughtful comments that address nuance, compassion, diversity, etc., are very few and far between, while the one-sided, fiery comments take flight. It’s definitely easier to let fear, anger, and disgust guide us. That way we don’t feel any need to change our hearts or minds. However, I have found that I feel a lot more peace about the views I hold when they have come from a lot of study, listening, and pondering.
Most things don’t make me angry, fearful, or disgusted anymore. There are absolutely evil people who do evil deeds in this world, and those things do bother me, but there are far more good people in this world than bad people. It pains me when people I love are judged, stereotyped, vilified, and condemned by those who choose to see evil rather than look for the good.
I saw this image on Instagram yesterday. It’s called The Dignity Index. I love it and it fits perfectly with these thoughts that have been on my mind and heart. The goal is to grow beyond numbers 1-4 and develop the qualities and mindsets to move up the scale, all the way up to number 8. It’s a process, but it can (and should) be done, not only for the well-being of those who are different than us, but for our own well-being. As we open our minds and hearts, we will become more well-rounded, caring, humble, compassionate people, full of wisdom and truth.
I truly believe that if we want to be good humans, we must treat those around us like good humans. I encourage each of us to think of and pray about how we change our hearts to see the divine nature and individual worth in people that we don’t yet. Peace and love will only increase as we do.
Last night before midnight, our family discussed our year and what events were most meaningful to us. It was no contest: Asher’s birth was the most wonderful and memorable event to happen in our 2023. And our lives have never been the same since he came home to us two weeks later. You can learn more about his birth and first month of life here: A Onesie with Meaning | Making Life a Bliss Complete
The other experiences that meant the most to me in 2023 were directly related to Casey. Seeing him graduate from high school, turn 18, prepare to serve a mission, leave for his mission, and then feeling of his spirit as he serves his mission have been life-changing for me. You can read more about Casey’s transition into adulthood and missionary here: A Month without My Missionary | Making Life a Bliss Complete
It’s interesting to me that the God saw fit for me to simultaneously begin raising a child and wrap up raising a child at the same time. I know I will always be Caseys’ mother no matter how old he gets, but it feels a lot different having an adult child than having a baby.
So for me, Asher coming into the world and Casey leaving the nest are my two major highlights of 2023. This past year has also been filled with many other challenging and fulfilling things, such as:
Rigel turning 12 and receiving the Aaronic Priesthood. Seeing him pass the Sacrament and speak in church have been so special to us.
Joining an LGBTQ ally group with other members of my church to cultivate love, education, and understanding around our LGBTQ siblings.
Attending monthly girls’ nights with friends, old and new. This is so therapeutic for me.
Enjoying having a son with a driver’s license and then six months later having to adjust to not having him there to run errands and drive people around. We definitely appreciated that while we had it.
Learning how to have a baby in the house again and bursting with love for my baby and for the rest of my kids as they adored their new brother.
Eve and Casey performing in our church’s musical of “The Secret Garden.” It was Eve’s first musical and Casey’s first musical playing a lead. I was so grateful to be able to experience this musical from the audience.
Joining a new book club and sometimes reading the books, ha!
Seeing my husband be called to the Bishopric of my congregation and noticing the changes in him for good, as well as feeling for him as he experienced more stress, less time, and more concern for his fellow man.
Making new friends through one of Casey’s best friends. I am so grateful for these new friends and all the memories we have made in half a year!
Learning how to help Casey as he suffered from depression.
Feeling inspired to go back to my book draft from years ago and get back to work on it so I can self-publish it. I will never put it down and give up on it again. I know I was directed to write it and I will publish it this year.
Mourning as my first son moved away from me for the first time in 18 years.
Feeling such joy and love for this same son as he faithfully serves the Lord each day.
Singing in the local Messiah concert for the first time in four years. It was wonderful to have the group back together. There is such a special spirit that comes from worshiping through song.
Kamren, Eve, and Rigel starting karate lessons. They absolutely love it!
Suing our builder over flooring issues and losing because of a technicality over the name. We will sue again this month under another business name. We hate doing it, but we know it’s the right thing to do.
Donating to the Light the World Giving Machine. It took only a few minutes of our time, but it is something we will never forget.
Sleeping poorly almost every night since Asher was born.
Adjusting to not being able to accomplish things nearly as often or quickly as I am used to.
Dealing with self-image issues due to my weight and health. I hope that I can work on this more in 2024 after Asher turns one and is weaned.
Having very little time with my husband since Asher won’t sleep until late at night.
Enjoying family fun times, like school concerts, birthday parties, Monster Jam, the Richmond, VA Temple Open House, strawberry picking, the Greensboro Science Center, a trip to Hendersonville, a day at Carolina Beach, tons of fun times in our pool, family visits, Chestnut Ridge, and Carowinds’ Winterfest.
There are so many other things I could mention about 2023. I have learned a lot about adapting, simplifying, managing my time, loving more deeply, being more present, following the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and more.
I’m so grateful for each year of my life. Some have been harder than others. All have been full of learning opportunities, blessings, and love.
I hope and pray that 2024 will be a fulfilling year and that my family, friends, and I can all progress in our lives and feel joy and peace throughout our successes and struggles.
“Love the sinner; hate the sin.” Have you ever heard that before? Of course, you have. Have you ever used it? If you are a Christian, most likely, and maybe even often.
I have heard this statement my whole life. To be honest, it has never sat well with me. I have never really thought about why before, but I recently saw it multiple times in comments on certain religious social media posts, and I decided to finally put my thoughts down.
I think the reason I have never liked it on a surface level is because I dislike the word “hate.” It is not a word that I associate with Jesus, so it isn’t something I have ever felt comfortable saying.
There are many more reasons this statement puts a bad taste in my mouth, and I feel the need to share. Please don’t think that I am judging anyone who says this. I know it isn’t used with ill intent. I just want us all to think about how it comes across, and if it is actually serving anyone.
Let’s break this down into two parts. Here is why I feel “Love the sinner” is troubling:
We are all sinners. Why not just say “love your neighbor,” which is what Christ asked us to do?
The reason number 1 above doesn’t happen is because we only say this statement when talking about certain people committing certain sins. That’s because in our minds we rank certain sins as worse than others, when in reality, we all fall short of perfection.
When we call someone a sinner, we are defining them by their sins. Because of that, we are not thinking of the person as a child of God first, or as one of our brothers and sisters first. We are thinking of the person as a sinner first, and sometimes only as such.
If you are calling someone a sinner, do you really love them? Do you truly feel the love of God for them when you call them that? It would definitely be hard to do so if that’s how you are defining them.
Now onto the second part, “hate the sin:”
When we say the word “hate,” that denotes anger, disdain, resentment, negative judgment, and more. It does not denote anything righteous or loving.
Do we “hate” our own sins or just the sins of others we think sin worse than us? That’s definitely something to ponder.
The definition of what is sin will vary depending upon belief systems, so is it fair to call someone a sinner who doesn’t believe his/her actions are a sin?
When using this statement, it takes away thoughts of anything other than the “what,” or the sin itself. There is no effort to try to understand what led someone to commit the so-called sin. There is no effort to encourage or support someone in changing if they desire to.
And now some thoughts about the whole statement, “Love the sinner; hate the sin.”
It is used as a way to simplify human existence and brush away the need to get to know people on a deeper level.
Nobody’s identity can be fully separated from their sins, for our sins help make us who we are at any given moment. Overcoming sin also helps us be better than we were before.
When we say this statement, we often are justifying doing what we say we aren’t doing: negatively judging others and loving only conditionally.
We are coming across as prideful as we call someone else a sinner but not ourselves.
This teaching is not found in scripture.
The second part gets the focus and disagreement with the sin is the reason we say this in the first place.
I believe that in order to love others the way God loves each of us, we have to stop defining people by their sins. We have to see their divine nature and individual worth. We need to allow each other the gifts God has given all of us: agency, the ability to gain wisdom and knowledge from our experiences, repentance, forgiveness, and redemption.
For all these reasons, and maybe some I haven’t even realized, I will not be using this statement in my life. This doesn’t mean I am perfect at not judging. It also doesn’t mean I condone all actions people take. No, I actually have a very strong moral compass and I also am not always completely merciful and understanding. However, I know I am a sinner just like everyone else. I know I wouldn’t want someone saying this statement when talking about me because it would be hurtful.
I listened to a little reel from Mr. Rogers yesterday and it touched my heart. He used to always say this to the child viewers. The world would be a much better place if we treated others with this sentiment:
I also adore this quote from Mr. Rogers:
I leave us all with the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8:
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
I hope and pray that we can all strive to see each other the way God sees us and that even if we don’t agree with something someone is doing, we can still befriend, love, respect, and show compassion for them. That is what I know Christ would do.
