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Tag: Heavenly Father

  • If she is the worst mother in America, so am I.

    A few days ago, I heard about a movement called #iStandWithCherish. I didn’t really know what it was, and wasn’t super interested in finding out. Then, I kept seeing it everywhere, and read my friends’ passionate posts about it.

    i stand with cherish

    I then decided to find out what this was all about. I read a quick news article summarizing that a mother of four from Gilbert, Arizona, accidentally left her 2-month-old son in a shopping cart outside of a hair salon after checking out from a local grocery store. When I read that she left him alone for 40 minutes, I immediately found myself pressing judgment. How can a mother leave her child for that long? Why didn’t she notice? How did this even happen??

    Then I decided to watch a video interview where Cherish Peterson told her story in detail. After I heard the whole story, and saw the clear hurt and regret she was experiencing, my heart changed. I felt compassion for her because it was clear that she loves her children, and that she just made a horrible mistake.

    My mind immediately went to two times in my life as a mother where I made horrible mistakes that either did cause harm, or could have caused harm, to one of my children.

    The first incident was in March 2012, when my second son, Rigel, was 14 months old. I had just given him a bath. I set him on the twin bed in his room, up against the wall. I then turned my back for mere seconds to get his clothes out.  A few seconds was enough time for him to scoot backwards to the edge of the bed, and fall with his arm behind his back onto the hard floor. His wrist had been fractured, and he had to wear a cast for weeks.

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    Because of my error, my son couldn’t crawl correctly. Because of my error, we had huge doctor bills.

    Thankfully, Rigel healed, and he never lost his cheerful disposition the whole time he was in the cast. I learned my lesson, though, and from then on I was much more careful, and didn’t put him on the bed unsupervised until he was old enough to walk and get on and off the bed on his own.

    The second time I put one of my children in danger was three years later, with the same child, on March 17, 2015. It was so devastating, I haven’t felt comfortable sharing it with others, but now I feel it is time.

    I had just taught that day’s church Institute class. I always had a lot of responsibilities after class, so occasionally, one or both of my little ones would end up in the hallway running around with other kids. One of the other moms told me that Rigel was walking around the church with her daughter.

    I was planning to go get him, but my youngest, Kamren, decided he wanted to go outside to the parking lot to play with the other children outside. I followed him out, thinking that Rigel and the other little girl would come out the same door (the only door we use for class) in the next couple minutes.

    The girl’s mother was still in the church, so I assumed she had found the kids and was playing with them, so as the minutes ticked by, I wasn’t worried at all. But when she poked her head outside and asked if I had seen the kids, I got a little concerned. She went back in to look for them in the gym.

    Soon, a police car pulled into the parking lot, and my heart sank. I didn’t know why, but I assumed they were there because of Rigel and his friend. They were. The officer asked me if anyone was missing some kids.

    I said that maybe I was. Then, he opened the door and there they were. I was grateful, concerned, and also confused as to how they got away from us.

    Apparently, they were seen walking on the sidewalk of the very busy main road right by the church. This didn’t make sense, because there is no easy access to this road from the church parking lot. After mulling it over with other women, we figured out that that the kids must have opened a different door to exit the church, walked through the woods, and down the steep hill the church was on to get to this road. This was something I never would have expected to happen in a million years, and it was surreal.

    For a few minutes, I was just totally involved in answering the officer’s questions and hoping I wouldn’t be charged with anything. When it finally hit me what had happened, and what could have happened, I broke down and wept.

    My child could have been hit by a car. My child could have died, and it was my fault. It was my fault because I assumed he was okay. I assumed he was safe in the church. I assumed someone else was keeping an eye on him. Because of my assumptions, I may have never seen my child again.

    My friends were so comforting and kind to me. They reassured me that I was a good mom, and that I couldn’t have known that would happen. I was so grateful for their sympathy, love and compassion. They helped me calm down enough to drive home. I sobbed the whole way there, and tried to talk to Rigel about the dangers of what he had done. He was so sweet and innocent, saying, “But Mommy, I stayed on the sidewalk.” I felt so incredibly grateful that he had remembered that rule. It could have saved his life.

    One of my class members, Stephanie, sent me this sweet email later that day: I hope you are doing well after today’s scary accident. I meant what I said that you are a good mother. This was an accident that we can learn and grow from and I don’t think any less of you and Heavenly Father doesn’t either. Your love for your children is evident in the way you are with them and the things you teach us. Peace be with you my friend. I’m so glad sweet Rigel and <> are happy and safe.  

    I thanked God over and over for this miracle. I felt strongly that angels were with these two precious children that day to protect them from a devastating fate. My faith was renewed because of this experience.

    I made this post on Facebook that day: I am feeling very thankful and aware of my Savior today, as well as how precious my children are, and what a great responsibility it is to be a mother. The Lord trusts me with these little angels. I must always be worthy of that trust.

    rigel
    This is Rigel the next day, safe, sound and happy.

    I learned from this mistake too. I brought a baby gate to class from then on. I implemented a rule that no child could be outside the classroom without a parent. I continue to watch much more carefully over my children, even months later.

    I felt like the worst mom in the world on both of these occasions – especially the latter. But, was I? Am I? I make mistakes. Cherish made a mistake. Thousands of mothers and fathers have made similar mistakes. We aren’t perfect. We do our best, but we falter. Then we learn and grow from these mistakes, and do so much better in the future.

    In Cherish’s interview, she said that nobody loves her children more than she does. I feel exactly the same way about my children. If you had been one of the staff at the Orthopedic office who saw a hurt baby, or one of the drivers on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd who saw two toddlers walking down the street alone, you might have judged me as a careless, stupid, irresponsible, unfit mother. But, you wouldn’t be right because you don’t know me. You don’t know that the thought of  any of my children getting hurt causes me to sob uncontrollably. You don’t know that I dedicate my life to their well-being and happiness. You don’t know the joy they bring me, or that I would willingly give my life for them.

    Similarly, judging Cherish Peterson for this mistake, which admittedly is horrible, and labeling her as an unfit mother, isn’t fair. If you have never made a mistake like this as a parent, you probably will. But, even if you don’t, please have compassion. Let God be the judge. Bashing someone’s name and dignity into the dirt on social media or in your heart is not helping anyone.

    The focus in this situation should be gratitude that her sweet baby was unharmed and is safe. If he had been harmed, I would hope we would be praying for their family’s peace and comfort. Hate and unkind judgments will never make the world a better place, and they will never undo what has already been done.

    Awareness of how to prevent these types of situations does help. Compassion and support do help. Prayers most definitely helps make the world a better place.

    Please stand with Cherish, as I and thousands of others do now.

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    *The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. -Margaret D. Nadauld*

    You can support Cherish on Facebook here and here.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Live in the Light

    Say the word house to yourself. Now say the word home. The words feel different, don’t they?

    A house is a roof over your head, but a home is so much more. To me, home is a very special word. It indicates a place of belonging, a place of love, a place of safety, a place of sacrifice, and a place of peace.

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    I want my family to always feel this way, and for their favorite place to be their home. I also wish for every visitor to my home to know they will be met with kindness, understanding, listening ears, fun, good food, safety, comfort, warmth, and hospitality.

    To be all these things, my home must shine brightly within and without, truly welcoming and embracing all that come to it.

    I love music. It soothes my soul, and enlightens my mind. I know five songs about light that remind me of how I can make my house a home and my home a heaven on earth:

    1. Like a Lighthouse, by Michael Webb

             Chorus: Like a lighthouse standing bold against the gray,

            Shining through the night to warn of dangers in our way.

            Like a lighthouse built on solid stone,

           Shedding light on weary seaman who have drifted far from home.

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     To help make their home a sacred place, families must stand together in righteousness. They must be courageous and have integrity. They must build their foundation on the Lord, Jesus Christ. If they do this, then as the world becomes more and more wicked, and as Satan continues to tempt and to deceive, the people in these homes will be able to withstand the storms of life, and endure together. If a member of a family does stray from his foundation, then the home he came from will be there to help him find his way back.

    Should my children ever leave their solid foundation, I will continue to love them, pray for them, and reach out to them. I will never abandon my family, and my home will always be open to them.

    1. Candle on the Water, by Al Kasha and Joel Hirschhorn

             Partial verse: A cold and friendless tide has found you
    Don’t let the stormy darkness pull you down
    I’ll paint a ray of hope around you
    Circling in the air
    Lighted by a prayer

     This song is also about a lighthouse, but is worth mentioning because the words hope and prayer are such essential characteristics of a sacred home. Families should never give up on each other. They should always hope for the well-being and safety of all. Each member of the family should be able to feel that hope, and also the hope that comes from the atonement of Jesus Christ.

    If I raise my children well, they will know that no matter what mistakes they make, or struggles they endure, Jesus Christ is their friend and advocate. Through Him, they may be made clean or whole again. We will be there for each other to bear testimony, and to offer encouragement and love.

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    Everyone has heard the term that “families that pray together, stay together.” I have seen in my own life the power that comes from prayer, personally, as spouses, and as a family. I have seen changes of heart, and great miracles.

    1. Teach Me to Walk in the Light, by Clara McMaster
    1.  (Child) Teach me to walk in the light of his love;

          Teach me to pray to my Father above;

          Teach me to know of the things that are right;

         Teach me, teach me to walk in the light.

    1. (Parent) Come, little child, and together we’ll learn

          Of his commandments, that we may return

          Home to his presence, to live in his sight

         Always, always to walk in the light.

    1. (Both) Father in Heaven, we thank thee this day

         For loving guidance to show us the way.

        Grateful, we praise thee with songs of delight!

        Gladly, gladly we’ll walk in the light.

    This is a song that I grew up singing in church, and it always touches my heart. A child asks her parents to teach her to pray, choose the right ways, and to feel God’s love for her. A parent replies and says that they will learn together. If they follow the commandments, they will return to live with Him again. In the final verse, they pray to Heavenly Father and thank Him for His guidance. They willingly pledge to walk in His light.

    For a home to be filled with light, the members of that home must follow the light of Christ. As parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children in light and truth. If each member of a family strives to keep God’s commandments, and if pleasing Heavenly Father and praying to Him are a top priority, the Holy Spirit will dwell in that home.

    My home is not always a quiet, serene place. There is a lot of chaos, bickering, and complaining. However, there is also a lot of love for each other and for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. My husband and I may not be perfect examples all the time, but we do teach our children to serve others, love God, and keep His commandments. We teach them about the end goal of eternal life with our Heavenly Father. The Spirit is in our home, even if home life isn’t always serene. We have many sweet moments together.

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    1. When there’s Love at Home, by John. H. McNaughton

         4th verse: Jesus, show Thy mercy mine,
    Then there’s love at home;
    Sweetly whisper I am Thine,
    Then there’s love at home.
    Source of love, Thy cheering light
    Far exceeds the sun so bright—
    Can dispel the gloom of night;
    Then there’s love at home;
    Love at home, love at home,
    Can dispel the gloom of night;
    Then there’s love at home.

    My Nana always sang the first verse of this song to her children when they fought with each other. I recently discovered a fourth verse to this song that I had never heard before. It beautifully illustrates how there will be love at home as we receive of Jesus’ mercy, love, and light. We can do this as we display pictures of Jesus in our homes, read our scriptures, pray to Heavenly Father, and make Christ’s atonement a personal part of our lives. If we know who we are, and hold on to our Heavenly family, there will be love and light in our earthly homes.

    My children know that they are children of God. They know He loves them, knows their names, and wants them to be happy. Because we all know that we are beloved to God, we feel more love for each other at home.

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    1. A Light in the Heart, by Roger and Melanie Hoffman

         A light in the heart is a light in the home.

         A light in the home is a light in the town.

         A light in the town is a light in the nation.

        And light in the nations is light in the world.

        Keep the home light burning bright.

    This song is simple, but every time I listen to it, I feel the Holy Ghost, and tears fall down my cheeks. It helps me see that the goodness and light that come from one person, from one home, can affect the whole world. I believe this is true. I believe that to change the world, we need to start in the home. If the home is filled with love, sacrifice, spirituality, respect, and service, the people in that home will set the example for others. Then those people who are inspired by that example will help set the example for even more people.  It is a cycle that goes on forever. Witnessing kind acts and strong relationships will bring light to some, and then to the world.

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     I love the quote “Believe there is good in the world.” I love the idea of being the good in the world even more. That is what we try to teach our children.

    be the good

    Homes are not just meant to just protect us physically, but to protect us spiritually. Within the walls of our homes are members of a family that we love, support, and protect. With the light of Christ, our homes can be sacred places, and safe havens from the world.

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    My family was established March 6, 2010, and I want it to last forever. If we allow the Savior’s light to guide us, and make our homes reflect that light, our families can be eternal. I know this with all of my heart.

    This post is part of a blogger round-up! Read the tips and experiences these bloggers share in making their homes a sacred space.

    Defend the Sanctity of the Home Blogger Round-up: These bloggers offer their advice and experience on making their homes a sacred space.

    Mandy @ A Bliss Complete | Camille @ Chicken Scratch ‘n’ Sniff | Jen @ Lexical Creations

    Grace Lane @ Upheld | Jocelyn @ We Talk of Christ | Montserrat @ Cranial Hiccups

  • A Dream with a Message

    Most of the dreams I have, I forget, or if I do remember them, they make no sense.

    Well, the night of July 21, 2015, I had a dream I will never forget. The power of the Holy Ghost was so overwhelming, that it consumed my thoughts and heart during the dream, and after I awoke.

    That particular night, I dreamt about Joseph Smith:

    A large group of church members were at gathered at church because a play was going to be done about the Prophet Joseph Smith.

    The setting of the dream was in modern times with modern conveniences.

    There were so many people, that not everyone could fit to view the play. I, and a group of other people, had to sit in a classroom and listen to the play. I was actually quite content with that, because that room was actually where the actors’ offstage was located.

    I remember being so excited to see the man playing Joseph Smith. After one scene, a mob scene, the actors ran into the classroom.

    I was so happy to meet him. Somehow, this man looked exactly like the actor from the Joseph Smith movie.

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    For the rest of my dream, though, he was no longer an actor, but the real Joseph Smith.

    I remember sitting at his feet and speaking to him. I talked to him about my favorite part of the gospel (In real life, the evening I had my dream, the missionaries were in my home and asked my husband and I to answer that very question). I told him it was the Holy Ghost because he testifies of truth, and because he can provide us with spiritual power to be able to testify of the truthfulness of the gospel and to do missionary work.

    The Prophet Joseph told me that I was missing something important, and that I needed to focus on Jesus Christ.

    He walked away then. I felt crushed and a little mad, since he didn’t offer any other explanation.

    Soon, everyone in the building heard many loud noises and screams. We found out that a real mob had come to find Joseph and kill him. The mob was going around to every room searching for him. The mob finally came to our classroom. A woman in the mob yelled angrily that she could tell one of us was hiding something, and she pointed right to my son, Casey.

    He fearfully said he had to go to the bathroom. I stood up with him, and took him there. The mob didn’t stop us.

    We were so scared. I wondered where Joseph was, and if he was okay. I was crying a lot, and praying with my son.

    I don’t know if the mob left, or if they just went elsewhere, but I soon saw Joseph again.I sat at his feet, tears streaming down my face. He stayed very calm, and asked me how I keep Heavenly Father fresh in my mind.

    I told him that I pray to Him, and also that I often ponder on the Plan of Salvation. He was pleased with my answers. I don’t remember what else I said, but the thought stayed with me of how important it is to always keep Heavenly Father in my mind.

    I felt so happy in Joseph’s presence. He told me that he would be okay, and that the mob would not hurt him.

    He had felt that this would happen, so long before he had come that night, a plan was formulated on how to hide him. A master carpenter had changed a large wooden cabinet into a wall, so Joseph could hide behind it as long as was necessary. Nobody would ever think to look behind a wall for him.

    He was prepared to stay in there as long as needed, and there were members who would have brought him food, water, and clothes.

    I felt a deep, abiding love for the man in my dream – a respect, a reverence and an admiration I cannot describe.

    When I awoke, I felt that the Holy Ghost had testified to me in my dream that Joseph Smith was a true prophet. He also had given me a small taste of the horror the early Saints went through as angry, hateful mobs – armed to kill – invaded their homes and lives.

    I am grateful for this dream. The tears flowed during the dream, and as I wrote my memories of it. I already knew that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I have known that for a long time. Now, though, I feel like I know him, and I have received counsel from him that he would have told me had I lived when he did.

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    “The fundamental principles of our religion are the testimony of the Apostles and Prophets, concerning Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended into heaven; and all other things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it.” – President Joseph Smith, Jr.

     

  • The first time God saved my life, He saved my mother’s too.

    I was not my mom’s first pregnancy. She had lost a baby before me. That tragedy would make it even harder to handle the trauma of her second pregnancy: me.

    I was due around August 17, 1984, but I was born June 21, 1984. I was eight weeks early.

    On June 16, 1984, my mother was working the cash register at Kmart. By the time her shift ended, her ankles were completely swollen, and she was in so much pain, she could barely walk.

    My dad had come to pick her up from work, like he always did. Upon evaluating his wife’s condition, he told her manager firmly that this was her last day.

    My mom took it easy the rest of that day and the next. In the middle of the night on the 17th, she got up to go to the bathroom. On the way there, blood started gushing from her body.

    In a panic, my dad quickly drove her to Chippenham Hospital in Richmond. On the way, my mother was having painful contractions.

    At the hospital, she found out the reason why she was hemorrhaging: the placenta was tearing away from her uterus. (My mom actually has a misshapen uterus. It looks kind of like a heart because there is a wall going down the center of it.)

    She got medication to stop the contractions. Throughout the night, my mom also got multiple ultrasounds to check on her unborn baby’s lungs.

    She did not sleep at all that night.  She was put on complete bed rest, and had to stay in the hospital for the next four days.

    On the evening of the 21st, since she hadn’t had any issues, the doctors let her get up to use the bathroom on her own.

    Immediately after my mom got out of bed, she started hemorrhaging again. She was rushed back to bed, and the ultrasounds started again to check my lungs.  I can’t imagine how scared she must have been.

    My dad was not at the hospital during that time, because he was at school. While in class, he got a prompting to go to the hospital, so he left early.

    When he got there, he saw my Nana and Granddad (my mom’s parents), who had been there anyway for a visit. When he found out what was happening, phone calls were made to my aunt Kathy, my aunt Betsy, and my Grandma (my dad’s mom) to come to the hospital. Back then there were no cell phones, so it was a blessing that they all responded and could be there for my parents.

    Because of her intense hemorrhaging, my rapidly decreasing heart rate, and breech position, Dr. Crooks prepared for an emergency C-section, where my mother would have to go under general anesthesia.

    Before the operation, Dr. Crooks allowed one person, other than my father, to visit my mother. My aunt Betsy (my dad’s sister), and my aunt Kathy (my mom’s sister), fought over who would get to see her.  My Nana remembers Kathy firmly saying,” She is my sister.” Needless to say, Kathy was the one who got to see my mom.

    Sadly, nobody, not even my dad, was able to be with her during the actual C -section, but my mom wasn’t afraid. She simply pled to Dr. Crooks, “Please save my baby.”

    He responded to her, “We are going to save you first.”

    That was when my mother realized that not only was my life in danger, hers was too. That thought was the last thing she remembered before going under.

    My dad wanted so badly to be with my mother, but he had to stay in the waiting area with everyone else. What made it even more traumatic, was that the doctor told everyone that they might lose one or both of us.

    My family gathered in a circle and prayed. My Nana said she believed it was Granddad who offered that prayer.

    My dad remembers crying bitterly, and then the warm embrace of his mother comforting him.

    All they could do was wait, with prayers in their hearts.

    Finally, they were told that I had been born, and that Mom was okay. I was born at 9:30 PM,  a mere 3 pounds 10 ounces, and 17 inches long.

    When my mom finally awoke from the general anesthesia, she got the wonderful news that I had survived. Her face fell, though, as she was told she wouldn’t be able to see me yet.

    Dad had seen me though, and held me.  He could cradle me in one large, strong hand.

    He, and the rest of my family, watched as I was prepped with needles, IVs, tubes, and a u-shaped tank over my head to provide me with oxygen. Right as they were about to attach something to my heart, the curtains were closed.

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    I had to be rushed to MCV because there was no NICU at Chippenham Hospital. My mom was not able to see me before I was taken away.

    Dad went with me in the ambulance, unable to visit my mom first.  She stayed behind, enduring her intense pain and exhaustion.

    When I got to MCV, I was put in an incubator. My dad was allowed to go beyond the glass in scrubs, but nobody else was.

    mandy newborn with dad

    Meanwhile, my mother’s good friend from work, Robin, also had her baby, full term. They were put in the same hospital room. The nurse brought Robin her baby and then asked my mom if she wanted hers.

    Her heart aching, she said, “My baby isn’t here.”

    me with Robin's baby
    This is a picture of me with Robin’s baby when we were about 2 months old.

    She wasn’t able to see or hold me, but her heart was with me. She also helped me survive by pumping milk for me to be fed through a feeding tube that went down my throat into my tiny stomach, because I had not yet developed my sucking reflex. I only ate about 2 CCs of milk at a time.

    newborn mandy fed through nose

    I also had acid reflux and couldn’t digest food on my own. Because of that, I had to take medication. Thankfully, I never was put on a respirator, but I was given oxygen to help me breathe.

    Two days after I was born, my mother finally got to go to MCV to see me. My dad drove her there, and wheeled her to me in a wheelchair.

    My Nana, who had been having a lot of hemorrhaging issues herself, was scheduled for a hysterectomy that same day. Before her surgery, she watched my mother go to my bassinet to hold me for the first time.

    mandy newborn with mom

    She recalls my mother’s initial look of horror at looking at me with all my wires attached. Then, the most precious moment happened: as soon as I was placed in her arms, it was as if a switch was flipped. Her horror, in an instant, transformed to “total, perfect, and complete love.” Nana had never seen anything like it in all her life. It was such a change.

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    While Dad was in the room with the two girls he loved most in the world, he watched the rest of the family “cry like a baby” behind the glass as they saw this true love unfold.

    Nine days after being in the hospital, my mom was finally able to go home. She and my dad came to visit me at MCV every day, and she continued to pump milk for me, until I was also healthy enough to go home.  My dad recalls what “a pain” it was to drive back and forth every day, not knowing when they would be able to take me home.

    mom feeding me

    They were told so many times that in just a day or so, they would be able to take me. Then, they would be told no because I wasn’t digesting well enough, and hadn’t gained enough weight.

    me in hospital

    As my parents visited MCV during that period of time, they met many families with premature babies. Babies passed away all the time. One day the parents would be there, and the next day they would be gone because their baby had not survived the night.  It was heartbreaking.

    After being at MCV for a month, my parents could finally take me home. I weighed in at a humble 4 pounds 5 ounces.

    dad sleeping with me

    That same day, my mom finally had her baby shower, while my dad and aunt Kathy watched over me.

    Everyone had to shop at a special preemie store to buy clothes and diapers for me. It was located right next to a friend’s, Steve Montrose’s, carpet store.  To give me an idea of how small I was, my dad said my diapers were about the size of a Cabbage Patch Kid’s.

    When my parents took me home, they also took home a heart monitor. I had a heart monitor at MCV too, and it constantly had to be re-calibrated, so my parents were a little anxious. There was a Velcro band that had to be wrapped around me, with wires attached. I slept with the wires underneath my little sleepers.

    The reason I need the monitor was because I had sleep apnea. My parents were told to shake my leg any time the monitor went off and I stopped pumping blood.

    me sleeping

    At first, the heart monitor went off all the time, scaring my parents to death. They got no sleep that first night because they were so worried about me. They were so relieved that I made it through that first night. It was actually hard for them to sleep any night. Every time that monitor went off, they ran and checked on me. I had this monitor for six months! My dad told me that my little chest was concaved from having that band around me all that time.

    My health was not the only thing that heavily burdened my parents. They also went into huge debt after my birth. My mom had gotten pregnant before their health insurance went into effect, so when she had me, her hospital bills were not covered. Luckily, mine were because I was an emergency delivery. My parents would receive many calls and letters from collection agencies, causing them a lot of stress.

    My mother reminisced with me about her feelings during this time of new motherhood. She had been only 22 years old, dealing with the anxiety of having a premature baby who needed so much care. She pondered on how she could have lost her life in the delivery room. She felt so blessed to be alive and to still have me. She said I wasn’t even as small as some of the babies born later term than me. She had been told that baby girls are stronger and fight more, so she was so glad I had been a daughter.

    mom and me

    She tried to nurse me after bringing me home, but it was so hard since I had never nursed before. By then, I had gotten used to a bottle. My mom was so worried I would lose weight and go back to the hospital, she started me on formula. Thankfully, I slowly started to thrive.

    When I was two months old, Dad gave me my baby blessing at church. My Nana and Granddad had purchased my beautiful blessing gown  from the preemie store. Of course, my family thought I looked beautiful, but my dad remembers an audible gasp in the congregation when he held me up.

    blessing day

    blessing day 2
    Nana, Mom, and aunt Kathy with me

    I continued to grow, though, and at six months old, I no longer needed my heart monitor.

    six months old
    For Christmas that year, my present, and my parent’s present, was no more wires for me!

    To celebrate my new freedom, Nana and Granddad presented me with a huge, and super soft polar bear – the softest stuffed animal they had ever felt.

    me and george

    Nana remembers when I first saw it, I looked at it like, “What am I supposed to do with that?” She chuckled softly as she thought about that moment.

    I thrived, and my mom said I ended up being as big and chunky as her friend, Robin’s, son, who had been born full term on the same day.

    chubbier me
    This is the first picture of me in photo albums where I started to look chunky.
    chubby mandy
    This picture makes me laugh!

    Apparently, I also got prettier. A friend of my family, Gisela Tetterton, said that I was the prettiest baby she had ever seen.

    pretty me

    Nana said that I grew quickly because I had a very strong spirit. Physically, because of my underdeveloped esophagus, I could have easily died. But, I didn’t. She is sure it is because of my spirit.

    me with Nana

    To her, it has been evident ever since. I have always been determined to be what I wanted. That strong spirit still remains, Nana says, a spirit equaled only by my mother’s spirit.

    mom and me 2

    Nana said that my mom was determined that I would survive so that she could love and rear me. She was willing to have more children, even though she had miscarried her first baby, and almost lost me.

    bigger family
    Mom, Dad, me, and my baby brother, Aaron.

    Nana confidently said that there was no way, with the combination of her daughter’s mental and spiritual capacities that things wouldn’t have turned out beautifully.

    She lovingly told me that I am spiritually strong like my mother. My mom had just come that way, just like me. Nana believes that is because she was pregnant with my mother the day she was sealed in the LDS temple to Granddad, and her first baby, Danny. She always felt having her there in the womb had something to do with mom’s spiritual side.

    My Nana knows how to make me cry. Her love is pure and strong. She told me that she treasures all of the pictures of me as a baby laughing and smiling, especially at her and Granddad. Because of the situation surrounding my birth, Nana has always had a sweet spot for me. My whole life, we have sung “I love you, a bushel and a peck” to each other. She is just as special to me as I am to her.

    me and gdad

    I know my parents were grateful for all the help my grandparents and other family members gave to them in my very difficult first several months of life.

    me and nana

     

    with granddad

    When I was 1 year old, MCV had a reunion at Maymont Park in Richmond. For my parents, it was wonderful to be reunited with the nurses that had loved me and taken such good care of me. I hadn’t even been the smallest baby they had ever seen, which only reiterated what a miracle it was that I lived.

    birthday
    I still have that bear I got on my first birthday.
    birthday 2
    My whole life, I celebrated my birthday with my Granddad, whose birthday was one day after mine.

    When I was in the hospital, my parents were told that I could have mental or physical disabilities from being born so early, but another miracle is, I never did. I grew up healthy and happy.

    happy

    To this day, I have scars on my hands and feet from the IVs. My mother still has a very crooked scar on her lower abdomen from her emergency C-section. My parents have a joke that Dr. Crooks “couldn’t cut a straight line.”

    These scars are something to be grateful for, to hold sacred. They are a memory of God saving two lives, one of them being mine. I will eternally be grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the opportunity to live on earth, and to be raised by such loving parents.

    me, mom and dad 2

    I have never been so grateful for my parents as I am now, now that I have finally heard all of their memories of my birth, and the first very difficult six months of my life.

    me, mom and dad

    My dad told me that when I was two, I never went to bed when I was told. I got out of bed so many times, and often I would be found sleeping at the foot of my parents’ bed. I remember doing that when I was older too. I am sure it was because of the true love I felt for my parents, knowing their love and devotion kept me alive and nourished me into a healthy little girl.

    getting out of bed

    I am so happy that they took a great leap of faith to have more babies after me. My life has been blessed beyond measure by having siblings.

    me and aaron

    Eddie and Laura Thacker have helped me become the woman I am today. I am so grateful for their examples and for all they do for me and my sweet family now.

    mom and kam dad

    Most of all, I am grateful to be alive, when it makes no sense that I am. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan and a mission for me. I owe it to Him to serve Him my whole life, and serve His children. I hope to help save souls just as He has saved my life.

    I know that miracles happen. I have had many of my own. I will be eternally grateful for all of them.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • It isn’t easy being green…with envy

    Nobody wants to be accused of being envious, especially when it is true.

    I have often battled with this monster, and often I have given in. I have submerged my mind in bitterness, inadequacy, and irrationality.

    It is next to impossible to be true friends with someone whose skills, talents, looks, and achievements you envy.

    Throughout my young life, my problems have lain mostly with envy of talent, popularity, and praise. Growing up, the people I didn’t like were the ones most like me – the ones with the same talents and hobbies. I found myself being angry if someone got asked to sing more than me, got more praise than I thought I got for similar achievements, was  cast the part I wanted in the school play, or got a better grade than me even though I thought I worked just as hard.

    In my adult life, I sometimes still grapple with this. As I have prayed for this weakness to be made a strength, I have received witnesses of how to wash the green away:

    1. If someone gets something before you, or does better than you at something, that person may have more experience, know the right people, have more time to work on it, or have more resources. Perhaps God’s will for them is not the same for you, or at least not right now.
    2. Most of the time, your friends and peers are not trying to hurt you when they succeed. You should not expect them to halt their dreams or accomplishments for your sake.
    3. Recognize that even if people seem to have it all (or at least what you want), there are many things they may not have, or are struggling with, that you don’t know about. People aren’t defined by one facet of their lives, nor do they get their entire fulfillment from one thing.
    4. Remember that life has its ups and downs, and so have you. Maybe you are on the down side of the teeter totter right now, but you will be lifted up again in time. As you hope for your side to go up, never hope that someone else’s side goes down. Someone else’s fall will not lift you higher, nor will your envy.
    5. Life isn’t meant to be a competition. You should only compare yourself to others to motivate you to be better than you are now, not to be better than someone else is right now. In fact, you may never have exactly what someone else has or do what someone else does, and that is OK. That doesn’t mean you are less loved, less blessed, or less valued. It doesn’t mean you have lost at life.
    6. Sit down and count your blessings. When all you do is think of what you don’t have, you are missing out on the wonder that is your life. You may not have the fancy car, or the perfect relationship, but you have life. You have tremendously more than you even realize.
    7. Pray to God every day and night that He will help you recognize your potential, your worth, and your calling in life. Also make an effort to pray for those you envy. Pray that you can see their worth, and how they can play a positive role in your life.
    8. Instead of ignoring those you envy, sincerely compliment and praise them. Ask for their advice on how to be better, and humbly request an honest opinion of your skills. This vulnerable interaction can help build a rewarding friendship.
    9. Ponder on what really matters in life. The everlasting goal is to return to live with Heavenly Father someday. God doesn’t care how beautiful you are, or how much money you have, or how many people know your name. That is what Satan wants you to think. No, the true test is how you overcome your envy and learn to love others unconditionally.
    10. Find joy in yourself. Love yourself. You are blessed with many gifts and talents. Use them to help others. As you focus on serving with what you do have, you will be blessed with more.

    I can say from personal experience that this shade of green is not a good color on anyone. I can also say that freeing yourself of this suffocating weight can make all the difference in how you feel, how you think, and how you act every day. You will feel wonderful, and free. Take off the green.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • My Greatest Fear

    How to Kill a Bug in Only 30 Steps:

    1. See it on the ledge of your stairwell, jump backwards, and scream!
    2. Run as far away from it as you can.
    3. Ask your four-year-old if he will kill it.
    4. When he looks at you in horror and says no, you realize you must kill it.
    5. Breathe deeply.
    6. Say a prayer that the experience won’t be scary and that you will be unharmed.
    7. Grab the vacuum from the hall closet and run upstairs as fast as you can, veering away from where the bug was.
    8. Make sure the bug is in the same spot. It is.
    9. You plug in the vacuum, and thoughts of how the bug is just sitting there minding its own business, and that it is one of God’s creations, run through your mind.
    10. You are reminded bugs do not belong in the house, especially ones that are big and ugly, and you start to extend the vacuum hose.
    11. You realize that may not be good enough, so you run to the laundry room and grab the first spray bottle you see: Windex.

    12. You approach the bug and spray the Windex on it like a mad woman.
    13. As the blue liquid starts to roll down the wall of your stairwell, the bug slowly starts to walk away.
    14. You pick up the vacuum hose up again, trying to build courage to get close enough to the bug that the vacuum hose will suck it into its dark abyss.
    15. Meanwhile, your toddler has come up the stairs and is happily playing right near the bug of death.
    16. You scream frantically at him to get out of the way and near you. Why doesn’t he realize danger is right above his head???
    17. He looks at you like you are strange, but finally comes to you.
    18. You ask your 4-year-old one more time if he would like to come kill the bug.
    19. He fearfully says that he wants to get in his jeep and drive to Daddy so he can come home and kill it.
    20. Taking that as a no, you tell yourself that you have to do this. You can do this.
    21. You spray more Windex for good measure, and the bug slowly inches itself further away from you.
    22. You very carefully take the vacuum hose, and inch it as close as you can to the bug, still on the stair ledge.

    23. He tries to flap his (he has wings?), and you are glad the Windex has weighed him down so he can’t fly away.
    24. You bravely move the hose one more inch and watch the bug disappear into the black hole.
    25. You scream and turn off the vacuum, watching the hose fall to the ground.
    26. You ask yourself, is the bug really gone? What if he comes out the other end?
    27. After a quick scan, you realize that it is really gone, and slowly put everything away.
    28. You clean up the Windex from the ledge, wall, and carpet, because in your panic attack, you accidentally spilled some on the stairs.
    29. You look one more time to make sure the bug is gone.

    30. You reassure your 4-year-old and yourself that the bug really is gone and it is safe in your home once again. Your toddler continues to play happily as if this traumatizing experience never happened.

    So, there you have it: a mere 30 steps to killing a really ugly, brown, flying, and large bug.

    I realized these steps this morning before going downstairs for breakfast. I am not exaggerating the steps I took. I am really that scared of huge bugs in my home.

    I think my fear came from my dad chasing me with dead bugs when I was a kid. I used to hide in the bathroom with the door locked until he gave up. He still occasionally tries to do the same thing, but now I just get angry and yell at him, and then run away.

    Yes, I am a little crazy, in case you couldn’t tell before.

    As I was pondering these moments later, I realized firstly, that I am a little over-dramatic, but secondly, that there are way scarier things that I could actively fear.

    In general, though, despite the increasing violence, decreasing morals, more intolerance in the name of tolerance, and a push to remove God from our nation, I do not live my life in fear.

    I attribute that to my faith in Jesus Christ and my relationship with Him and my Heavenly Father. Because of this faith that I have, I do my best to keep God’s commandments, fulfill my roles as a woman, mother, wife, sister, teacher and friend as best I can, and strive to make my home a holy place. Because I do that, in partnership with my husband, God is my partner too.

    I have the Holy Spirit abundantly in my life helping me see truth, recognize falsehoods, remind me of what spiritual knowledge I have, and help me look at the eternal perspective. This life will be full of experiences that will test my faith, and that of my husband and children, and bring hurt and suffering to us. As long as we keep God first in our family, we will be able to endure those things and come out of them better people. We will also be able to withstand the temptations and deceitfulness of Satan.

    Will my fear of bugs ever go away? I am thinking it may not, but that is okay. Bugs are a part of life, and I can’t completely control their presence in my home. But, I can control the presence of many other things in my home that could either strengthen or dampen faith, bring the Spirit or drive it away.

    My realization of this control, and the implementation of it in my home, is what makes something simple like bugs my greatest fear. I’ll take it.

  • A Blissful Anniversary!


    Today is a very special day. It is the one year anniversary of my first blog post. As I looked over my 47 posts from this past year, some were short, some were long, some were very long, and some were even longer than that. 

    Some tell many personal stories from my life. Some contain my fervent testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Some are funny, some are serious, but all have me in them. 

    Not every post had a lot of readers, but all of them came from my heart, and all are special to me. 

    I had liked the idea of starting a blog for a long time, but never had the real gumption to take that step. Then there was one day when I had all these ideas and messages flow into me that I knew I had to share. They were about the trials of parenthood, but how they really made you a better person. 

    I knew that I needed to start my blog then. I thought for a long time about a name. I prayed for guidance. The words to the LDS hymn “Love at Home” came to my mind. One phrase in the song is “making life a bliss complete when there’s love at home.”

    That was it. That was my title, and that was my purpose. To describe my blog, I chose this phrase: My heartfelt thoughts and feelings about home, family, love, faith, and personal growth.

    I have remained true to this description.

    I realize that because my purpose is to help myself and others see that God is there, He loves us, and that He has given us this wonderful life on earth to learn, grow and become more like Him, I may not get the most readers. Though I know that we all can benefit from knowing that life really can be a bliss complete when we are kind, compassionate, forgiving and humble, not everyone wants to read about that. 

    I won’t lie to you, it hurts when I put my heart and soul into a post, and I get maybe a handful of likes, one share, and a couple comments. I want to uplift and help people, and hearing from my readers helps me know I am accomplishing that goal.

    When my readers share my posts, I can reach more people. This may sound prideful, and maybe it is if I focus on what people think of me, or how I compare to others. However, I truly feel from the bottom of my heart that Heavenly Father wants me to be His witness and a witness of His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, through my writings. The Holy Ghost has put words into my mind and through my fingertips so many times.

    I believe I was given my writing talent to share the gospel of Christ, to help others learn from my mistakes, and even to help preserve my family history. 

    No matter how discouraged I may get about not having much feedback on my posts, I have never felt that I should stop writing. I will write as long as I feel called to do so. Thank you to those of you who do express your appreciation for my words. It means the world to me. There is nothing kinder you could do for me than that. 

    In honor of my first year of blogging, I have come up with some superlatives. I hope you enjoy them, and take some time to read some of these posts if you haven’t already. 

    The Inspiration to Begin


    Parenthood: Change for the harder but truly for the better

    This posts contains the messages that inspired me to begin my blog. It was my second blog post because it took me so long to write and perfect. 

    The First 


    Sabbath Day Light: Forgiveness

    There was a message at church that Sunday that helped me lift a heavy burden from my life. That was when I decided to start my Sunday series: Sabbath Day Light. These posts meant so much to me spiritually, but as a new blogger, I decided to stop doing them because of the lack of interest. My testimony remains, however, that attending church truly does nourish your soul and enlighten your mind.

    The Most Popular


    The Monster and the Miracle


    This post has had the highest number of reads, and probably the most comments. I agonized over the title, and based on the number of reads, I think it was a winner. If you haven’t read it, this is a story about my husband and a parasite that had grown for 10 years in his body, threatening his life and claiming the vast majority of his liver. 

    The Least Popular


    Sabbath Day Light: A Promise to Receive Answers

    Why would I add this one, you ask? Well, because I still think it was a very uplifting post, and is very relevant to the first weekend in April, just a little over a week away. Check it out!

    The Longest


    To Cleave or Not to Cleave? There is No Question!

    I have many long posts, but there are only a few in the very long category. This one is my longest, with 15 pages, 4575 words, 19,854 characters without spaces, and 24, 312 characters with spaces.

    That post took me countless afternoons to write. I am really proud of it, though, and I really think that couples who study and contemplate these gospel-centered suggestions on how to cleave to each other, will find a benefit to their marriages. I know that because as I researched and wrote it, I found ways to strengthen my marriage. 

    The Most Researched


    You Aren’t Weird but Your Beliefs Are Part 2: Why Are There So Many Churches?


    I spent so many hours researching the beliefs, practices and doctrines of the different Christian churches. It was really interesting, and helped me illustrate why I believe there must be absolute Truth.

    The Cutest

    Meet Charlotte

    There are a lot of pictures of a puppy with cute kids…need I say more?

    The Most Fun

    Sabbath Day Light: A Perfectly Imperfect Father’s Day

    I had a lot of fun writing this one. Last Father’s Day was so different than what we are normally used to, but we made it special and fun anyway. We will never forget it. 

    The Most Tear-Inducing


    Reminiscing about a Miracle

    I actually wrote the birth story of my beloved Kamren before I started blogging, so on his first birthday, I posted that story on my blog. The story surrounding my youngest son’s birth is truly a miracle, and may make you cry – in a good way.

    The Most Influential

    Are Mormons Christians: A Question that can only be answered by a Mormon

    I put this one as the most influential because I originally published this on a fellow neighbor’s blog. It sparked many questions about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I was able to answer. I have also found many opportunities to share this blog post with others of and not of my faith, and have received feedback that it helped their perspectives, or that they would like to share it with more people who they think could learn from it. 

    The Most Eye-Opening

    Let’s do what we can

    Doing a little service for the less fortunate opened my eyes to how fortunate I really am, and I need to stop complaining.

    The Most Picturesque


    My Favorite Love Story

    This post, that I recently wrote to honor my husband’s and my 5th wedding anniversary, has a whopping 64 pictures. They are some good ones, too! 

    The Most Helpful for Kids

    What I told my son when he asked me about bullying

    This post was inspired from a conversation I had with my son about bullying. I know that the Spirit guided me to say what I said to him, and I wanted to share it so other parents could help their children too. 

    The Most Uncomfortably Personal

    Don’t try to be hot. Try to be you.

    I put a lot of personal things in this quote about modesty (in dress, speech and behavior), that apparently made at least one friend of mine and my husband uncomfortable. I put those things in to help other women see that they, and I, are better than I used to portray myself.

    The Most Scriptural


    100 Things the Book of Mormon Has Taught Me

    I really did post 100 things I have learned from this wonderful book, which is another testament of Jesus Christ. Looking at the 100 messages, it is clear that it is a work of God, and a complement to the Bible. 

    The Most Political

    Hate Won’t Make us Great

    I wrote this post right after election day last year, when I saw an alarming lack of civility. I tried to bring the point home that our country needs more love, tolerance, and support for its leaders and its citizens.

    The Most Crucial


    Pornography: I say it. I talk about it. You should too.

    There is a very sad story in this blog post, one that illustrates the poison that pornography is to individuals, spouses, and families. But there is hope, should one take hold of it!

    The One That Means the Most to Me

    You Aren’t Weird but Your Beliefs Are Part 3: How I Know Joseph Smith Was a Prophet

    It is hard to pick a favorite out of 47 posts, but I knew without looking it would be one of my four posts from this series. The series in total I felt very strongly I needed to write. This one means the most to me because my most heartfelt testimony flows through it. The Spirit touched my heart so much as I wrote, that tears streamed down my face. There is nothing more valuable to me than my testimony of Jesus Christ and His gospel. 

    The Last

    Lose. Seek. Find.

    I knew I wanted to write one more post before my 1-year anniversary of this blog. I had started one, knowing it had great stuff in it, but my fingers couldn’t bring it together like I wanted. I prayed for guidance for what to write, and this new post flowed through me without any hesitation. It hasn’t had many reads, but please read it. I know it is supposed to help someone. 

    There are so many more posts that I love because they are about my family or spiritual lessons I have learned in my life. 

    I am grateful for my Heavenly Father for giving me a gift with writing. I hope I can always be worthy of that gift. 

  • Faith is the key

    *An abridged version can be found on familyshare.com.
    As someone who has many friends and family members who have questioned their faith, whether it be in their specific religion, or God Himself, this subject of losing faith has been consistently in my mind.I am someone who loves to help. Anyone who knows me knows that I constantly am looking for ways to serve. I feel one of the most important ways to serve is by helping others in spiritual matters.

    If you are one who has lost his/her faith, let me try to help you.

    Let’s start with a simple physical analogy. When you lose a key, or your phone, or your kid’s favorite teddy bear, what do you do?

    1. You realize you have lost it and slightly panic.
    2. You look around the immediate area.
    3. If you don’t see it there, you retrace your steps.
    4. If you still can’t find it, you ask other people who may have seen it to help you find it.
    5. You look for as long as it takes because that item is essential to you.
    6. If you don’t find it after all that, you may feel defeated and sad. Then, and only then, do you even consider replacing what it was you lost.

    Guess what? These same steps can be used for when you lose your testimony of one or all aspects of your faith.

    First, you will realize that something is missing. You don’t feel that fire like you used to. You find you have doubts, a lot of them. You wonder if you ever really knew God was real, or that Jesus is your Savior, or if certain books of scripture are true.

    There are many options you can choose as you realize you have lost your faith, but the best option, the only option that will lead you to your end goal of finding your faith, is to reflect on your life. Reflect on the blessings you have, on the goodness you see because of the faith you have lived by.

    If you can’t see that because you have been slowly detaching for a long time, you should retrace your steps, meaning look back upon your past. Think of special times that you exhibited faith, made a commitment to God, felt the Holy Spirit, felt a prayer answered. Perhaps you will want to write those things down.

    I have spoken to people who question if those special spiritual experiences of the past were a hoax. It saddens me to hear that. I think that we each have a conscience, we each have an inherent goodness, and we each have the light of Christ within us. If we felt peace and joy in those moments, it wasn’t a lie.

    Perhaps, though, you really struggle believing that what you once felt was really right. That is when you can talk to others. You can talk to friends and family who do have their faith, and who can testify to you. Most importantly, you can and should commune with your Heavenly Father. Pour out your heart to Him earnestly, sincerely, and humbly. Ask for His guidance, for His love, for His spirit to rest upon you and envelop you. Ask Him to help you remember, and to confirm to you the truth you once knew.

    You may lose heart if you try these things and nothing helps you find your faith. Be patient. Keep searching. Read your scriptures, continue to pray, fast, talk to those who help lead you back to your faith rather than push you away from it, for running away from what you lost will not help you find it. In fact, it most certainly guarantees you never will.

    I have had enough experience in my life with prayer, scripture study, and soul-searching to testify to you that this method will work if you are willing to hear God’s answer. If you already have your mind made up, you will never be able to hear His voice.

    I believe that in most cases, number 6, replacing your lost faith with something else, will not be a necessity as long as steps 1-5 are taken very seriously and sacredly. However, if you have done all of the other steps with full purpose of heart, and you still don’t find your faith, perhaps God is telling you there is more out there for you. Just remember that it is in God you must trust if you wish to find and nourish your faith once more.

    I am there for anyone who ever wishes to have conversations with me about faith. I want to help, and by so doing, I know my faith will also grow.

    Much love to all of you who are confused and unable to find your way. There is hope, and you can get the answers you seek.

  • If couples cleave, they won’t want to leave

    An abridged version of this post can be found on familyshare.com.
    Cleave: To adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly
    But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
    For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
    And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
    What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6-9).
    *twain means two
    I have been pondering this verse, and the many other renditions of it throughout the scriptures. This
    word, cleave, has been burned into my mind.
    When spouses cleave to each other, they become united.
    Elder Henry B. Eyring made this profound statement, “Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together.
    That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.”
    After much studying, and pondering on my own life, here are some ways I have found to cleave to your spouse:
    Spend quality time together.
    Physically, we need to be close as husband and wife. We most likely cannot spend most of our day
    together, because of work, chores, our children’s needs and well-being,  but when we do have that time, we should make it a special time.
    For each couple, it could be different. In my marriage, I don’t count doing chores or necessary tasks as spending quality time together. Talking together about important issues or planning activities is a little better, but often times feels too business-like. The times when I feel closest to my husband are when we can put the stress of life behind us, and really relax, laugh, and enjoy each other. The love we share has time to shine through, and we are closer
    physically and emotionally.
    For example, recently we pulled out old photo albums and perused the pictures from our dating and early married life. It was so fun, and even tender, to revisit some of those beautiful memories.
    During the times we can’t be exclusively together, Jad and I still feel close as we talk to each other on the phone or text each other, letting each other know “you are in my thoughts.” When we are spending time with the kids at home or elsewhere, we still try to smile, laugh, and show affection so we feel close to each other.
    I wish I could say I was perfect in this aspect of cleaving. I am not. I have had to make a conscious effort to hold hands with my husband, or hug him and kiss him throughout the day, because by nature, I am not super affectionate or clingy.
    When we have company over (like my family), or we are at a large gathering, I often flit away to talk to my mom or chat with a friend, leaving Jad behind for sometimes extended periods. My husband has been good at telling me that he feels better if I hold his hand and stay near him on walks, or frequently come around him during large gatherings.
    This makes sense, because he should always feel he is the greatest company I could ever ask for. And he is.
    Sometimes, though, as a stay-at-home mom, I feel that I really need a break for my sanity. Occasionally I will go to a girl’s night, or book club, or church activity. It rejuvenates me, and lifts my spirits, helping me be a better wife and mother. I think it is healthy for husbands and wives to get some time away. As long as you discuss together your desires and expectations regarding time together and away, you are still cleaving to one another.
    Make your own traditions.
    It is so important to discuss what works best in your marriage and family for parenting, traditions, finances, etc. Sometimes you have to let go of traditions and ways set forth by your parents and grandparents, for though they may have been good, they may not be best for your family. Some traditions may not have been good, and also need to be left behind.
    Jad and I come from very different cultures. He is Jordanian and I am American. Americans are more likely to leave their parents and be independent. Jordanians feel strongly about taking care of their parents, and don’t think twice about living with them, even after they are married.
    When Jad and I were dating seriously, we took a walk one day and he seriously asked me if we got married, if I would consider letting his mother live with us. As you can imagine, I was strongly opposed, mostly because I felt we would need to focus on strengthening our new little family. He accepted my answer, and not long after, proposed to me.
    There has been quite a bit of tension with Jad’s family because he left behind the Greek Orthodox traditions that his family has followed for so long. He and I have decided together to raise our family in LDS traditions. We are at peace with this decision, but sometimes there can be awkwardness with members of his family who do not understand.
    Some other things we haven’t taken directly from our families are the things we do on Sundays, the shows we watch, the food we eat, the clothes we wear, what we put in our bodies, etc. We have different standards for many things.
    Jad and I discipline our kids differently than was done in my family and his family. We are harder on them in some ways and easier on them in others. Our kids are different. Our personalities are different. Our dynamics together are different.
    We have also gotten degrees and furthered our education, where many people in our families never did.
    Sometimes it can be hard to live differently than your parents taught you. It can be difficult to figure out which family traditions you will keep, which you will discard, and which you will combine. What will you make new?
    Some traditions we have held on to from our families are our love of eating big meals and socializing with our family and friends.
    Jad and I have both learned to love different sweets- for him, brownies, cookies and cakes, and for me, knafeh and baklava.
    We are great lovers of music. We help others and give of our time and excess. We are thrifty and work hard. We laugh hard and tell great stories – sometimes over and over again.
    We also embrace the Jordanian culture, and love wearing traditional clothing, eating traditional dishes, and listening to and dancing to traditional music.
    By counseling as a couple what works best for you, both of you will be satisfied with the changes that come.
    Be faithful and true to your spouse.
    “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto
    her and none else. “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after
    her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents
    not he shall be cast out” (
    Doctrine and Covenants 42:22-23).
    This applies to me as much as it applies to my husband. Women and men can both be tempted to stray. I have thought a lot about how to prevent this. I don’t think any person wakes up one morning with the intent to commit adultery, nor do I think adultery is the only way to be unfaithful.
    I have created rules for myself to help me stay always faithful to my husband:
    1. I will not flirt with any other man. I won’t go to places or be a member of sites where there are men and women looking for companionship.
    2. I will not dote on how attractive another man is, even celebrities. I will not compare my husband to other men and wish he was more like them.
    3. I will not read books or magazines, watch movies or videos, or listen to music that spark sexual feelings from within. To me, it is wrong to be imagining sexual behavior that doesn’t involve me with my spouse.
    4. I will not be alone with another man, in a car or elsewhere, with the exception of church interviews.
    5. I will not confide in another man (or anybody) any problems I am having in my marriage, for that opens myself up to vulnerability. Those conversations are only meant for my husband and me.
    Some of you may think these rules are a little too strict, and some of the things I mentioned are harmless. I think that is up to the individual to determine, but for me, all of the rules above will help me avoid lustful temptation of any kind. That makes it worth it to me.
    Learn to love your differences.
    Differences can at first glance seem to be an annoyance. “Why can’t he be more like this?” “Why can’t she do that?” “It is so obvious to me that..” “It would be so much easier if he would just…”
    When differences start to annoy, it would be wise to look within. “Am I perfect? Do I do everything excellently? Am I the best parent and spouse in the world? Am I better than my spouse?”
    The answer will always be no, won’t it?
    If you look at differences in a positive way, you excitedly see that where you lack, he excels, and vice versa. You complete each other. You help each other grow. You give each other perspective.
    Jad can throw a fantastic meal together without a recipe. I need a recipe, so I am the better baker.

    He is the fun, silly, energetic, let them stay up dad. I am the organized, kiss their booboos, read them an endless amount of books, sing them songs, help them with their homework mom. We both have ideas on how best to teach and correct.

    He creates, builds, fixes, beautifies. I sing, write, speak publicly with ease.
    He would rather clean bathrooms and sweep and mop the floor. I prefer to put the toys away, wash the dishes, and do laundry.
    I help him with his grammar. He helps me remember to smile.
    Our differences are things to appreciate, to admire, and sometimes even to laugh at.
    There are some things that aren’t easy with being different, like maybe how we communicate or show affection or handle conflict. That is okay! It is a challenge, but if you talk together about your desires and needs, and go to the Lord for help, you will be blessed.
     Only speak kindly of your spouse to others.
    When you first get married, you feel blissful and complete. You see yourself as the luckiest person on earth, with the best spouse you could ever ask for.
    Then reality sets in.
    You get comfortable with each other, and faults and idiosyncrasies start to emerge. Witnessing a bad habit day after day, week after week, year after year, can be maddening.
    You start to expect more and see less as life gets busier. You start to take things for granted that you used to appreciate.
    You get less patient and less forgiving.
    Then you really want to tell your friends and family about it, so they can tell you how right you are and how wrong he is.
    This reaction is natural, but is it right? Does it help? Does it help us cleave to our spouse?
    I really try hard not to ever speak ill of my husband. It feels wrong. It fills me with feelings like bitterness, anger, and irritation. It fills me with thoughts that I am better than him, he isn’t good enough for me, I do more than he does for the family, and I don’t deserve  what he does to me. It blinds me from my own faults.
    When I hear other people talk badly about their spouses, I cringe. I wonder if the spouse knows any of this. I am someone who likes to hear all perspectives, and even then I try hard not to make a judgment. Many people, though, will hear one side of the story, and turn against someone, without knowing all the facts.
    friends talking outside opinion turning to friend
    I asked if speaking badly of your spouse helps you cleave to him. The answer is no; rather it helps you want to leave him. What is the other option, then?
    Speak kindly of him, even when it is hardest to do so.
    This isn’t lying and this isn’t bragging, but rather it is helping you refocus and remember all the wonderful things you love about your spouse.
    You shouldn’t ignore your concerns, though. Absolutely talk about them, but only to the one person who needs to hear them. Make sure those words are kind too.
    Communicate in a way to uplift, not degrade.
    To cleave to my husband, I need to speak well of him not only to others, but to him. I feel so happy and loved when my husband compliments me, shows an interest in my interests, rejoices in my accomplishments, and appreciates my hard labors on behalf of our family. He will often, in family prayer, ask Heavenly Father to bless me for all I do for the family and kids. I know he feels much closer to me when I do the same for him.
    L.Lionel Kendrick’s words ring so true: “Our communications reflect in our countenance. Therefore, we must be careful not only what we communicate, but also how we do so. Souls can be strengthened or shattered by the message and the manner in which we communicate.”
    Speaking well of your spouse is a way to strengthen his soul. What about when disagreements and irritations come?
    Jad and I don’t have that many arguments or fights. When we do, though, it can be hurtful for the both of us.
    Our problems mostly lie with wanting to be right, wanting to win, not wanting to admit fault, but rather finding fault in the other (why do you do this to me?), and  not wanting to be the first to apologize.
    I call this cleaving to myself. This is selfishness. That is the opposite of unity.
    Sometimes our spouses do things that are hurtful. In my relationship, my husband is a good husband. He isn’t abusive. However, sometimes the way we say things can hurt. I can choose to get offended and explode and fume out every issue I have ever had with him, or I can breathe, tell him how I feel, and tell him I know he didn’t mean to hurt me.
    I don’t think my husband ever hurts me on purpose. I don’t ever want to hurt him either. However, my temper sometimes gets the better of me. I may yell, I may call names, I may curse, I may roll my eyes, I may be sarcastic…there are many other worse things one can do too.
    Does any of that help? No, it adds fuel to the fire and a simple argument can turn into a war.
    When you start to feel like steam is going to come out of your ears, it is time to take a step back, and remember that you love your spouse and you are on the same team. It can help in that moment, and help repair your marriage.
    When you do something wrong, apologize as soon as you recognize it. Don’t justify it, for “shattering a soul” through your choice of communication is never justified.
    Make the important decisions together.
    There are many ways to make decisions, and some decisions to be made are more crucial than others. However, when a decision to be made, whether big or small, affects your family’s lives and well-being, you and your spouse should discuss and make those decisions together.
    Obviously both of you will have an opinion. You could get argumentative, and push until you get your way. Or, you could come up with a compromise, which would leave each of you partly satisfied.
    There is an even better way, and that is to seek out God’s will for your family, for what seems right to you may not actually be right. Study your scriptures together. Pray, even fast, together. Leave it up to God’s will. When you receive an answer, you will both be completely satisfied because you will know it is what God wants for you, even if it wasn’t what you originally thought.
    Jad and I have had to make many important decisions in our marriage. One of the first was what we were going to do when we had our first child together, Rigel. I had been working full time for four years at a company I loved. I was making good money, with excellent benefits, great coworkers, and definite potential to move up in the company. Jad had been the co-owner and manager of a convenience store in Kinston for many years, travelling several days a week. He made less money with no benefits, and his store wasn’t in the safest area.
    Looking at it in my perspective, I kind of wanted to keep working. I felt my job would have been better for our family in the long run. I didn’t like the idea of being away from Casey and Rigel (I had absolutely hated putting Casey in
    daycare a few years before), but I would have been okay with it if Jad stayed home with them. Jad was such a fun dad, it would be great.
    Jad didn’t agree with me at all. He felt because he was the man, it was his responsibility to take care of the family. He had also put so much work into his business, he didn’t want to give it up and leave his uncle hanging.
    It was tough. We couldn’t very well compromise on that one. I had looked into working part time, but was told that wasn’t an option.
    So, we decided to fast and pray about it. It didn’t take long for us to feel very peaceful about me quitting my job and staying home to raise my sweet boys. My decision surprised some who thought of my success, but didn’t surprise others who knew of my values. It was hard to leave, very hard, but I have never once regretted the decision.
    Because Jad and I chose to take the road God wanted for us, we were happy with the difficult decision we made. And we are still so happy.
    This decision-making method has blessed our lives so many times. We also feel more spiritually united, and come closer to God each time we earnestly reach out to him.
    Live by “What is yours is mine and what is mine is yours.”
    If we really live by this, than we know we will cleave to each other rather than our material possessions. This also brings equality to the marriage.
    I am a stay at home mom. I don’t work outside the home anymore. My husband is the breadwinner. However, the money he brings home is OUR money. He never tells me I can’t spend it. He trusts me to use it as I see fit for the family.
    The only things we really consider “mine” would be our toothbrushes and clothes. We share just about everything else.
    Because we share our financial and other temporal resources, we are respectful of each other’s opinions on how best to use them. We stay on the same page on how to budget money, what we need and what we can wait on, and what we choose to keep or discard as we consolidate.
    We don’t worry so much about small purchases or purges, but we definitely discuss the bigger things together.
    This saying of what is yours is mine can apply to anything, even heartaches, accomplishments, and joys. When my husband is discouraged or sad, I am too. When I am excited about something, he is too. We won’t always feel the same way, but when we do, we still help and support each other.
    Jad getting his citizenship was as much of a joy to me as it was to him.
    Put each other first.
    When you are married, your spouse’s needs, wants, and happiness should be as important to you as your own.
    One way to do this is to learn about and support your spouse’s interests and hobbies.
    I love acting and performing. My husband always supports me when I want to be in a show or sing in the choir. He never complains either.
    Jad loves to come up with ways to landscape our yard. I give him free artistic license to create our garden, move things around, paint, and plant.
    I have tried to immerse myself in Arabic culture as much as possible, with the food, clothes, music and dancing. It is important to me because it is a part of him.
    He reads all of my blog posts and comments on them because he wants me to know he is proud of me and is uplifted by my words.
    Another way to put each other first is to do nice things for each other, like write love notes, plan a surprise, do something without being asked, show affection often, give a massage, be the one to get up and do something when you are both tired.
    If you give what you want to receive, your spouse will feel your love and want to do likewise.
    To put your spouse first, it is important to be sensitive to moods, desires, energy levels, and work load. That way, you can discern each other’s needs better.
    For example, perhaps you had planned for you and your spouse to do a particular activity that evening, but you see your spouse is really tired or overwhelmed. You willingly and graciously discuss a new plan with your spouse, without being resentful.
    Jad is really good at giving me breaks when I am really tired after a long day with the kids. Sometimes he will suggest I get out of the house for a while. If I decline the offer, he will just invite me to relax on the couch while he cleans
    up the dishes and plays with the kids.
    Sometimes, even if I haven’t seen Jad all day, I will give up time with him if he feels like he really needs to study. This way he will feel more prepared for his upcoming exam, and feel less anxiety.
    It is also important as spouses to stop what we are doing and just listen. Be interested in how your spouse’s day was. Talk about it. Offer comfort and support. Give needed hugs and kisses.
    There may be days when your spouse comes home from work or another activity, where it is really tempting to vent about how awful your day was, and how you are so upset. Instead of doing that, which can provoke guilt in your spouse, try to keep a positive attitude so that he can keep a positive outlook on the he had.
    Help each other with responsibilities. It could be tempting to say that it is his job, so I shouldn’t have to help. By getting up and helping wash dishes, or fold laundry, or organize the closet, your spouse can feel that you enjoy being
    with him regardless of what you are doing.
    If you see a need, do it rather than wait for your spouse to do it. This will be a load off of him, which will make you happy.
    By putting your spouse first, you grow together in love, and you both stay humble, and as President Spencer W.
    Kimball
    promised: “. . . If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions.”
    Love God above all else.
    This may seem contradictory to the concept of cleaving to your spouse. It isn’t!
    I looked up all the verses in the scriptures that use the word “cleave.” Not only does God command that we cleave to our spouse, He also commands:
    “Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good” (Romans 12:9).
    “Ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him” (Deuteronomy 13:4)
    Jacob, a prophet in the Book of Mormon adds a beautiful truth to the command to cleave unto God. He says: “…cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you.”
     
    Moroni, another prophet in the Book of Mormon, counsels us to “cleave unto charity,” which is the “pure love of Christ,” because “charity never faileth” (Moroni 7:46-47).
    Elder John A. Widtsoe said, “True love of man for woman always includes love of God from whom all good things issue.”
    All good things come from God. For a marriage to be strong, it needs the Lord’s blessings.
    If I love God, I want to keep His commandments. More importantly, I want to be like Him. If I am like Him, I will be a kind, compassionate, forgiving, humble, gentle, righteous, giving, understanding, patient, loving spouse.
    Isn’t that what we all need to be happy? There are many desirable qualities in a spouse, but the ones that matter most are the ones that mirror the Savior.
    Loving God above all else is the journey of a lifetime. Jad and I are working hard to cleave to God. We pray to Him sincerely night and day. We study our scriptures and the words of the prophets daily. We do our best to keep Jesus’ commandments. We attend church every Sunday, and willingly do our church responsibilities. We serve others every chance we get. We love our friends and family. We teach our children to love God and keep His commandments. We attend the temple as often as we can, and we strive to keep the covenants we have made with our Father in Heaven. We share the gospel of Christ with others. When we fall short, we repent and seek forgiveness from God and each other.
    We can always do more, and as we are spiritually united, we can help each other in the pathway to perfection.  Jad and I want to live with God eternally, and we want to be together forever as husband and wife.
    President Spencer W. Kimball promised:  “If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have . . . great happiness.”
    I know that Jad and I are most happy with each other when we are spiritually in tune, and living righteously.
    The Lord has commanded that husbands and wives to cleave to each other. This commandment is meant to help us be united in righteousness, providing us with the greatest joy we could ever imagine. I love my husband, and I promise to always do my best to cleave to him, from now and through all eternity. As the Lord said, “where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Jad is one of my greatest treasures, and I thank God for him every day.
    us
  • The Pathway to Perfection

    President Harold B. Lee taught that: “Christ came not only into the world to make an atonement for the sins of mankind but to set an example before the world of the standard of perfection of God’s law and of obedience to the Father. In his Sermon on the Mount the Master has given us somewhat of a revelation of his own character, which was perfect,… and in so doing has given us a blueprint for our own lives.”

    The Sermon on the Mount is found in Matthew, Chapters 5-7 in the New Testament, and is filled with invaluable counsel from our Savior on how to live righteous lives, and to be more like Him.

    I wish to focus on the beatitudes, which are blessings we can receive if we come unto Christ. President Lee said that the beatitudes embody the “constitution for a perfect life.”

    The beatitudes are interrelated and progressive in their arrangement, each one building on the others. We can receive the blessings of each as we choose to come unto Christ.

    1. Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    When thinking of the poor in spirit, I first think of people who are sad, depressed, lonely, and without hope.

    President Lee explained that the poor in spirit, “means those who are spiritually needy, who feel so impoverished spiritually that they reach out with great yearning for help.”

    The Lord gave this invitation, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

    Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught: “This reliance upon the merciful nature of God is at the very center of the gospel Christ taught. I testify that the Savior’s Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair… Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, “Come unto me,” He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way…If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened. If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.”

    2. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

    It may at first glance seem strange that one who is feeling such a deep loss is considered blessed. However, through such loss, our hope of the resurrection is strengthened, we come to a greater understanding of the eternal perspective, and we become more aware that, as Elder Russell M. Nelson has said, “Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death.”

    Robert E. Wells of the first quorum of the 70, taught,”When we can see the Lord’s purposes fulfilled in that which gives us sorrow, the Holy Ghost can give us full consolation, and the atonement and resurrection truly become to us the cornerstone of our faith. In the midst of mourning one discovers deeper dimensions of love, friendship, and brotherhood…It is in the midst of mourning that one discovers the personal closeness of his Heavenly Father and his Savior Jesus Christ and the comfort of the Holy Ghost… We will be blessed in mourning and be comforted as we reflect on eternal marriage, eternal families, eternal values.”

    This is one way that we mourn in this life. Elder Spencer J. Condie of the 70 also reminds us that we should mourn, especially for our sins, as “godly sorrow worketh repentance tosalvation.” This is an important step in our journey to perfection.

    3. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

    When I hear the word meek, I always think about Christ, for that is how he was described. He was gentle, submissive, kind, selfless and humble.

    Elder Neal A. Maxwell said that “one cannot develop those other crucial virtues—faith, hope, and charity—without meekness…Meekness…is more than self-restraint; it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness, reflecting certitude, strength, serenity, and a healthy self-esteem and self-control. Without meekness, the conversational points we insist on making often take the form of “I”—that spearlike, vertical pronoun.”

    If we do most often only think about ourselves, like Elder Maxwell warned, we are not humble. President Spencer W. Kimball said that to be meek one must be humble. He asked, “How does one get humble? To me, one must constantly be reminded of his dependence. On whom dependent? On the Lord. How remind one’s self? By real, constant, worshipful, grateful prayer.”

    4. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.


    If I hunger or thirst for something, that means I desire it, and I need it for my health. Those who desire righteousness, consistently look for opportunities to do good so they can stay spiritually healthy. They work hard to find ways to be more like Christ, who is the bread of life and the living water.

    Sheri L Dew explained: “Hungering and thirsting translate to sheer spiritual labor. Worshiping in the temple, repenting to become increasingly pure, forgiving and seeking forgiveness, and earnest fasting and prayer all increase our receptivity to the Spirit. Spiritual work works and is the key to learning to hear the voice of the Lord.”

    The Lord promises us that if we do these things we will be filled with the Holy Ghost. I know I have felt an abundance of the Spirit when I do these things, and I would also add studying my scriptures, serving others, and sharing the gospel with others.

    With this gift, comes great responsibility. Elder Robert D Hales counseled that “We who have the gift of the Holy Ghost must be true to its promptings so we can be a light to others. “‘Let your light so shine before men,’ said the Lord, ‘that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.’”

    5. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

    When I think of being merciful, I think of being kind to someone who isn’t kind back. I think of, instead of judging someone or disliking someone, trying to see into their hearts, and realize we don’t know all that people go through. I think of turning the other cheek, rather than seeking revenge, when you have been wronged.

    From the scriptures, I think of Captain Moroni, who commanded the Nephite army to stop slaying the Lamanites, and rather call a truce, when he saw their terror at being surrounded on all sides. I think of the good Samaritan, seeing only a person in need, and not taking thought to his race, culture, or background. I think, most of all, of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, who have provided a way for we imperfect people to be clean and return to live with God again.

    President Dieter F. Uchtdorf reminds us that …”that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. …How can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven? Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive.”

    I know that as I have chosen to let go of grudges and judgment, that I have been able to really see God’s love for others, and also for imperfect me. I have seen His tender mercies in my life the more compassionate I am to others, whether it be giving to the poor and needy, helping someone who doesn’t show me appreciation, or just choosing not to be offended, but rather to forgive.

    6. Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

    When I think of being pure in heart, I think of having “no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.” I think of “[shaking] at the appearance of sin.” I think of having a strong conviction that there is no other option but to do what is right.

    Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin defines being pure in heart this way: “To be without guile is to be pure in heart, an essential virtue of those who would be counted among true followers of Christ. … “If we are without guile, we are honest, true, and righteous. Those who are honest are fair and truthful in their speech, straightforward in their dealings, free of deceit…Honesty is of God; dishonesty of the devil, who was a liar from the beginning. Righteousness means living a life that is in harmony with the laws, principles, and ordinances of the gospel.”

    L. Whitney Clayton of the 70 added that “The condition of our heart determines how much evidence of divinity we see in the world now and qualifies us for the eventual realization of the promise that the pure “shall see God.” Ours is a quest for purity.”

    President Joseph Smith said that if we strive for this purity, we “will be able to more perfectly understand the difference between right and wrong—between the things of God and the things of men; and [our] path[s] will be like that of the just, which shineth brighter and brighter unto the perfect day.”

    7. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

    Within His sermon, Jesus warns us against anger, which is of the Devil. He instead councils us to love our neighbors, and even love our enemies – to pray for them and do good for them. This makes sense, for we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. That is the golden rule.

    In a recent news conference on religious freedom and nondiscrimination, Elder Holland wisely said: “Every citizen’s rights are best guarded when each person and group guards for others those rights they wish guarded for themselves.”

    A large part of being peacemakers is being merciful to our fellow citizens, neighbors, friends, and family.
    There is more being a peacemaker, though. Elder Bruce R. McConkie said that “only those who believe and spread the fulness of the gospel are peacemakers within the perfect meaning of this Beatitude. The gospel is the message of peace to all mankind.”

    When I first read this quote as I taught Institute, my testimony of missionary work grew exponentially. Elder Dallin H Oaks said that “…peace can only come through the gospel of Jesus Christ.” President Joseph F.Smith added to this truth, saying that to bring peace, the gospel must be “understood, obeyed, and practiced by rulers and people alike.”

    What an essential mission we followers of Christ have. He trusts us to help bring peace to our homes, communities, and even the world. I can only hope I can always be worthy of that sacred trust.

    8. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    If we are being true peacemakers and sharing the light of the gospel, we will be persecuted, for as Elder Lawrence Corbridge said, “The truth will always be opposed.”

    We know this is true. Jesus brought the Truth to the world – He was the Truth – and he was rejected, betrayed, scourged, abandoned, crucified.

    Christ was persecuted more than we will ever be, but he still loved and forgave those who hurt him. He endured the persecution without retaliation, but rather turned the other cheek.

    Elder Hales said that when our beliefs are criticized, we need to follow the Savior’s example. He said, “Some people mistakenly think responses such as silence, meekness, forgiveness, and bearing humble testimony are passive or weak… But to “love [our] enemies…takes faith, strength, and, most of all, Christian courage.”

    Elder Holland counseled, “Defend your beliefs with courtesy and with compassion, but defend them. In courageously pursuing such a course, you will forge unshakable faith, you will find safety against ill winds that blow, even shafts in the whirlwind, and you will feel the rock-like strength of our Redeemer, upon whom if you build your unflagging discipleship, you cannot fall.”

    This promise brings me so much peace. I will continue to defend my faith throughout my life, with as much courtesy and compassion as I can. I am grateful that if I do this, the Lord will not let me fail.

    Just as President Lee said that the beatitudes embody the constitution for a perfect life, Christ, in His sermon asked us to “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”

    President James E. Faust explained that “Perfection is an eternal goal. While we cannot be perfect in mortality, striving for it is a commandment which ultimately, through the Atonement, we can keep.”

    I thank my Savior for giving us the course we need for perfection. I know that as we strive to follow the principles in the beatitudes, and utilize the Lord’s atonement for forgiveness and spiritual strength throughout our lives, that we will receive the blessings God has promised us, most importantly, a place in His kingdom for all eternity.