Tag: fear

A Message for Our Day
I started a blog because I felt that the Lord wanted me to share whatever experiences and wisdom and testimony I have for the betterment of others. I have felt Him guide my hand over and over again, and putting ideas into my mind and heart that I just knew I had to write down. A couple days ago, ideas started flowing into my brain, and continued to do so all day and all evening. Throughout the day, I emailed myself my little thoughts, around 30 times. Here is the message the Lord sent to me:

I believe with all my heart that we are all children of the most High God. We are brothers and sisters. We are born with goodness inside of us. We will make mistakes, but we can change through the atonement of Christ. We are heirs of the kingdom of God if we are worthy. This applies to all of us!

It even applies to the people we don’t like, the people we don’t agree with, the people whose actions we abhor, the people who care nothing about the sanctity of human life, born or unborn.

Because we are all God’s children, He loves us all. He loves us equally and individually, even when we don’t deserve it. Jesus Christ atoned for all of us. We are all given the opportunity to choose, to repent, and to change. No person who lives on this earth is denied these blessings, not even white supremacists or the President of the United States.

So, why do we hate each other so much? Why do we use so much energy in bringing each other down?

Why?

Does it bring change? Does it bring hope? Does it bring peace?

It feels natural, though, doesn’t it, to air our frustrations for all the world to see? Perhaps then, nobody can accuse us of being on the wrong side of the tracks, the wrong side of politics, the wrong side of religion, the wrong side of history.

I am no expert, but this doesn’t seem to be working. It seems that instead of our community, our country, our world becoming happier and more peaceful, it is becoming more corrupt, hateful, and wicked.

Who are our gods, meaning, who do we place the most faith in? Is it the media? Our friends? Facebook memes?

My friends, might I strongly suggest we move back to God. No, not everybody believes in God. Not everyone believes in Christ. But, regardless if you believe or not, the principles Christ taught, if followed, will bring peace and love back to this earth.

Let me tell you a story.

About 600 BC, there was a prophet named Lehi in Jerusalem. The people hated him and his preachings, because he told them that if they did not repent, Jerusalem would be destroyed. One night, he had a dream in which the Lord told him that he must gather his family and flee into the wilderness for their safety. Lehi obeyed, and took his family that very night, leaving behind his home and his riches. He had four sons at that time. Two of them, Nephi and Sam, loved their father dearly, believed he was truly a prophet, and followed his counsel. His other two sons, Laman and Lemuel, loathed their father. They murmured about having to leave their home, and they did not believe their father was inspired, but rather a mad man. They also hated their brother, Nephi, and often plotted and attempted to kill him, saying he thought he was superior over them, even though he was their younger brother. Each time they tried to kill Nephi, the Lord spared his life because of his faith. Going beyond natural reaction, Nephi always forgave his brothers and continued to teach them the gospel. Unfortunately, they did not want to understand. The family wandered in the wilderness for 8 years, until they finally reached the ocean. The Lord commanded Nephi to build a ship with his instructions so that they could sail to a promised land. Nephi obeyed, but once again, Laman and Lemuel taunted him and wanted to kill him again. Through the power of God, they were compelled to help build, along with the rest of the family. Once the ship was built, they sailed to the promised land, through the Lord’s direction. On the ship, they still did awful things. Their wickedness never stopped, regardless of the miracles they had seen and the blessings they had been given. Only when they saw that their families were going to die, did they stop and repent, and then the Lord led them the rest of the way. In the promised land, after their father, Lehi, died, Laman, Lemuel, and many members of their families plotted to kill all those who were righteous and followed Nephi. They decided to live by hate rather than trying to respect and understand those who were believed differently than them. Nephi was told by the Lord to flee with his people and settle somewhere else. They did. And thus there became two groups of people from the same family – the Nephites and the Lamanites. The Nephites had the truth and clung to it, while the Lamanites taught their children to hate the Nephites, proclaiming that there was no God, and lying about the truth (1 Nephi 1-2 Nephi 5).

Why did I tell you this story? Well, I did it to show the danger that comes from making assumptions about character, showing hate to others rather than love, plotting to kill or hurt others rather than trying to understand them, and holding grudges rather than forgiving. And I also did it to show that the opposite can happen – forgiving others who have grievously wronged us, and continuously shining light to others no matter how they treat us.

But, the story continues for centuries. Even though the Lamanites were generally a fearsome, dangerous, murderous people, not all of them remained that way. About 92 BC, there was a righteous Nephite king named Mosiah. He had four sons, and they had once been horrible influences, persecuting the church and those in it. But, through seeing an angel, they saw the light and repented of their sins. And then, they served many missions for the Lord. After years of serving, they decided that they wanted to preach to the Lamanites…

2 That perhaps they might bring them to the knowledge of the Lord their God, and convince them of the iniquity of their fathers; and that perhaps they might cure them of their hatred towards the Nephites, that they might also be brought to rejoice in the Lord their God, that they might become friendly to one another, and that there should be no more contentions in all the land which the Lord their God had given them.

3 Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble.

4 And thus did the Spirit of the Lord work upon them, for they were the very vilest of sinners. And the Lord saw fit in his infinite mercy to spare them; nevertheless they suffered much anguish of soul because of their iniquities, suffering much and fearing that they should be cast off forever. (Mosiah 28:2-4).

So, even though Aaron, Ammon, Omner and Himni, were the very vilest of sinners, they changed for the better. They became good men who wanted to do something nobody else would dare to do: bring truth, knowledge, friendship and rejoicing to the wicked Lamanites.

From their preaching, many of the Lamanites were converted to the gospel. Their hearts were changed and they wanted to do good and serve God the remainder of their lives. They even buried their weapons of war, covenanting with God never to shed blood again. Any time Lamanites accepted Christ, they stayed true their whole lives (Alma 24:19).

This is just one story of so many that shows how when people have a love of God and all people, have mercy, and a spirit of peace, miracles can happen.

These stories I told you are from a sacred scripture called The Book of Mormon. It is another testament of Jesus Christ, taking place in the ancient Americas.

About 82 BC, a man named Zeezrom was a devilish man, who tried to persuade a missionary of Christ, Amulek, to deny the existence of God with money. Amulek did not deny, but rather answered all of his questions and bore his testimony. Then Alma, the prophet, and missionary companion to Amulek, spoke to Zeezrom with power. They did not stand down, confessing what they knew to be the truth. And Zeezrom felt that power. Because of Zeezrom’s initial cries against them and their bold response, Alma and Amulek were imprisoned for a time by those angry at their words. They escaped their bonds with help from the Lord, and Zeezrom, meanwhile, lay ill with a high fever, sick with dread over what he had done. He asked to be healed, and through his new faith in Christ, he was. He was then baptized by Alma. (Alma 12-14).

So, this awful, evil man, ended up being a kind, good, righteous man.

Alma the Younger, from the story I just told, was best friends with the sons of Mosiah, and had been wicked just like them. His father prayed for him and continued to love him. Through an angelic visitor, and visions of Christ, he repented, and eventually became the high priest of the church (Mosiah 27).

Alma the Younger’s father, Alma, was not always righteous either. He was a priest of a wicked King named Noah. A prophet named Abinadi , around 148 BC, gave his life sharing the message of the gospel to the wicked king and his priests But it wasn’t in vain. Alma believed, and shared the gospel with many others, baptizing them in the name of Christ (Mosiah 17).

Around 62 BC, there was a Captain Moroni who hated shedding blood, and offered mercy whenever he could, even in the midst of war. He never forgot the humanity of his enemies, no matter how bloodthirsty they were (Alma 55:19).

Captain Moroni, though a wonderful, righteous man, was also sometimes harsh in his words, especially when he felt a sense of possible betrayal. He sent a very harsh epistle to the chief judge of the Nephites, Pahoran. Rather than being offended at the untrue accusations, Pahoran wrote back, “And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart” (Alma 61:9). We can all take example from the fact that he saw good in a situation where he could have easily been offended.

Mormon, a prophet and general towards the end of the Book of Mormon (around 360 AD), prayed for, loved, and led his people even though he wept over their wickedness. Once, he stopped leading them, but chose to lead them again later on. He never hated them or stopped praying for them no matter how wicked they became (Mormon 3). How interesting that the people who were once so righteous, became so wicked that the Lord allowed them to be destroyed?

These are just a few of so many stories in the Book of Mormon of good and evil, but it wasn’t as clear as it seemed. Those who had known the truth their whole lives often rebelled, and those who started out wicked, oftentimes were more receptive to light than those who had been raised that way. And then, there were those stories of hope – stories of those who had rebelled but then again returned to the light.

I have seen a meme floating around Facebook that says “Nobody is born racist.” That’s true, and nobody is born greedy, selfish, hateful, or violent either.

On the contrary, children are born innocent and pure, each with divine potential. Even the most evil people that have ever lived were once little children, free of sin.

Moroni, a prophet in the Book of Mormon (and son of the prophet Mormon), said:

…little children are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world (Moroni 8:12).

So, hate is learned. Racism is learned. Violence is learned. And for it to be learned, it must be taught.

Before Lehi died, he spoke to all of his grandchildren. To the children of his wicked son, Laman, he said:

Wherefore, if ye are cursed, behold, I leave my blessing upon you, that the cursing may be taken from you and be answered upon the heads of your parents. (2 Nephi 4:6).

When we see people murdering, plundering, and doing other wicked things, we want to hate them. We want them to get the justice they deserve and we don’t care what happens to them. But think of this: how did they get the way they are? If people aren’t born evil, how do they become that way?

They are taught, and those people were taught, and those people were taught. It is a vicious cycle.

Who had the original thought then?

Who started it all?

The answer to that is the only enemy we really should have, and that is Satan. Satan is the one who puts evil thoughts into our minds. He is the one who wants to tear societies and families apart. He knows that contention isn’t Godlike. He knows that violence isn’t Godlike. He knows that hateful words aren’t Godlike. He knows so well. And that is why he has power over us, because we react to hate the way he wants us to react – with more hate and divisiveness.

Not all of us do this, but too many do.

I have read so many Facebook posts that point fingers and say that if you are or aren’t doing something, you are part of the problem. I don’t like those posts, not because I fit the descriptions and am denying it, but because it is still pointing fingers. It is fighting hate with hate. It doesn’t feel good. It also is making generalizations, assumptions, and stereotypes – and it is dividing us as people.

We aren’t the left verses the right, liberals verses conservatives, religious verses nonreligious, black verses white. We are all people worthy of safety, prosperity, and joy.

We have to realize that:
- None of us is exempt from being tempted or sinning.
  - Someone we love, or even us, could someday do something deplorable if we allow Satan to permeate our characters.
- Brainwashing is real.
  - Are people who were fed untruths over and over again until they believed it was right, beyond repair, beyond forgiveness?
- As hate is learned, it can also be unlearned.
  - Who is going to help them unlearn? It isn’t going to be the ones that taught them to hate.
Hate is there, and it is scary. Every day the headlines blow our minds with the things people think are acceptable. Should we give in to hate? Should we allow it to consume us all?

I have been taught my whole life that The Book of Mormon was written for our day, and looking at the stories the way I did in this post, brought me a renewed clarity that it really was.

We will not let hate prevail (by not hating those it would be so easy and justifiable to hate). We will not let Satan win. We will not allow ourselves to be sucked into Satan’s lies. I believe with all of my heart that if we…
1. Look for the good in others (even those with whom we dislike or disagree);
2. Love, serve and pray for our enemies as Christ commanded us to (3 Nephi 12:44);
  1. This can be very difficult, but if we pray for their hearts to be softened, for them to see the truth, and for understanding to come to them and to us, miracles can happen.
3. Are peacemakers and turn the other cheek, rather than seek revenge (3 Ne. 12:9, 39);
4. Forgive others for what they do to us, and for what they have done in the past to us or other people. This shows we know they can change, and don’t forever judge them on their pasts;
  1. It always humbles me to remember that Christ asked His father to forgive those who crucified him. (3 Ne. 13:15, Luke 23:34).
5. Show compassion even when someone doesn’t deserve it -this is mercy (3 Nephi 12:7);
  1. We should also remember to show compassion to those affected by acts of wickedness.
6. Live in meekness, meaning goodness and kindness. We will shine a light to the world through our good example and service (Matthew 5:16);
7. Teach our children to love the Lord and all their neighbors, regardless of color, religion, social status, sexual orientation, etc. (Isaiah 54:13);
  1. And then live that way as well.
8. Spend time with people we aren’t like and care to find out what is important to them;
9. Care about others’ struggles and don’t minimize them, even if we don’t experience them ourselves;
10. Ask people to help us with our struggles, even if we don’t think they will understand. This is how they can understand;
  1. As an example, many minorities feel threatened by #WhitePrivilege. White people may not understand what they mean, so they should tell them what they are feeling and what they have experienced. And in return, though white people may not empathize on a racial level, minorities will probably find white people can empathize because of other factors. Whites are not defined just by their race – nobody is. Most of us encounter some kind of prejudice in our lives that brings heartache and sorrow.
11. Self-reflect often and ask ourselves if our actions are leading us to be better people and inspiring others to be better too;
12. Choose not to judge others for things they cannot control, such as the color of their skin;
13. Are slow to anger and slow to be offended;
  1. People are always going to be angry about something. Stand above it and seek for understanding.
14. Denounce sin but don’t equate the sinner with the sin;
15. See everyone as an individual with a story, rather than judging everyone in a group the same way;
  1. There are outside pressures, and some people are looking for truth, but just don’t know where to find it (Doctrine and Covenants 123:12).
  2. Also be careful not to judge a group by one person who may not represent the beliefs of said group.
16. Recognize that there is more good in the world than evil, and embrace the good;
17. Try to change hearts with love rather than force change through hate;
18. Care about the salvation of all people, even the wicked, like Ammon and his brothers did;
19. Before acting, think about how we would feel if someone did or said the same thing we are thinking about to us;
20. Are grateful for the freedoms of our great land, and realize that freedom belongs to everyone, even those we disagree with.
….then we will be a part of the solution. We can’t control what others do, but we can and should definitely control what we do. With that control, great things can come to pass.

Please remember, my friends that hate + hate does not equal change, hate + hate does not equal love, and hate + hate does not equal peace. Hate can only be overcome by love, and perfect love casteth out all fear.
August 19, 2017
Tender Mercies on a Trip

A little over a month ago, we went on a little family vacation to Williamsburg, VA. We had a lot of fun, as we always do, but what will be most memorable to me this time, are the tender mercies of the Lord that we saw all throughout our trip.

In case you don’t know what tender mercies are, Elder David A. Bednar, one of the twelve apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, defined them as thus:

“…the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.”

As I read that definition, tears came to my eyes at the love that my Savior has for my family and me. Some things just aren’t coincidences. Let me speak to you about some of the tender mercies we felt strongly on our last vacation:

Friday, March 31

Tire – One day before we left on vacation, Jad went to Sheetz to fill up the van tires with air. One of the tires was low on pressure. It was 7pm, and he was wondering if there was still time to get the tire checked out. He had a feeling something might happen. It was too late to take the van anywhere, but Jad made sure the spare tire was full of air. The next day, Jad had a feeling before we got to Virginia that something was going to happen with the car – it had been running a little weird. When we got to a toll near Richmond, Jad had a sudden feeling that the tire would soon blow up. He drove slowly after the toll. Not even a minute after that, the left rear tire blew up. We were about 100 feet from a bridge. Jad drove slowly under the bridge and stopped. It was pouring down rain, so he was able to stay dry while putting the spare tire on. While we were stopped, I was able to nurse Eve in just the right amount of time. And we were actually quite close to a Sam’s Club, where we were able to get all of the tires replaced for a good price. We had lunch, looked around, and got some books, etc. with a gift card we got as a deal for replacing all four tires. We were at Sam’s for a long time, but everything worked out.

Bounce House – There is a fun bounce house place in Williamsburg. The kids were having a blast. We had brought the baby carrier in to make it easier to carry Eve around. Jad volunteered to carry her around. At one point, he went to sit down in a plastic reclining chair. The chair must have had a crack in it, because he suddenly crashed to the ground with Eve. She cried out of fear, but was she was okay! Thank goodness she was strapped to her dad, or else who knows what could have happened.

Saturday, April 1

Deal – This was the day we went to Busch Gardens. We knew before we went to Williamsburg that we wanted to go to Busch Gardens, but because of price, I knew we needed to find a good deal. I looked for quite some time before our trip. At one point, there was a $20 off coupon per person online. I tried to get tickets that way, but the transaction didn’t go through. I am glad it didn’t, because a couple days later, a 50% off Groupon appeared!

Traffic – That morning was a slow morning, and we ended up leaving the resort later than we needed to. To add to that, there was awful traffic getting in. We waited for about 30 minutes to get into the park. Because we were going so slow, though, I was able to nurse Eve. We also scored free parking, which normally costs $15 (everyone got it to speed up entrance into the park). We were meeting my cousins there. I had been stressed out because they had gotten to the park way before us. We were quite surprised when we ended up parking at the same time in the same parking lot just a few rows from each other.

We were so happy to have them with us, and even though there was a ton of traffic going in, overall, the lines and crowds were not bad, and we had a great day!

The right place at the right time – Because of where we parked, we ended up on a different side of the park than usual. This ended up working perfectly, for when it was dark, we ended up at Sesame Street, where the kids were able to ride some of their favorite rides over and over again without lines.

Sunday, April 2

Nap – We missed the LDS General Conference sessions the day before, so were really happy to be able to watch the sessions this day. I was a little worried about watching conference with four kids, including a baby. Well, though Eve hardly ever naps, she actually napped all through the first session of conference. As a bonus, the boys were actually pretty good during both sessions.

Monday, April 3

Meeting someone new – Monday morning we went to eat at a restaurant for breakfast. I had chosen it based on reviews and location. Interestingly, we ended up being seated next to an LDS family. We could tell because the dad was wearing a BYU shirt. Of course, we had to ask if they were Mormon, and of course they were. We promptly started talking. We found out that they were from Wyoming, and also that they knew the family that were the main characters of The Cokeville Miracle, a movie Jad and I watched just the night before. “That’s just too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence (a popular line from the movie, and so true in this experience).” We had a great conversation with them and were so happy we got to meet them. Imagine if we had gone to a different restaurant or had come at a different time. Some things are meant to be.

Even though I had very little time to plan this trip, it turned out great and we did everything we had wanted to do. That was a first for us.

I hope you can see some of these experiences as true tender mercies. I know for sure that they were, and Jad agrees with me whole-heartedly. I know God loves His children, and I know that He cares about our joys and safety, even in the smallest of ways. I am grateful we had these marvelous experiences all in a row on this trip to Williamsburg!

May 1, 2017
God Bless America, My Home Sweet Home?
Home sweet home is what America is called in this familiar, beautiful, patriotic song. But, sweet isn’t the word I would use to describe it, at least based on the words and behaviors of many of my fellow Americans.

I must ask you with all respect to please stop. Stop the judging. Stop the hating. Stop the arguing. Stop the name-calling. Stop the gloating. And for a smaller minority, stop the violence.

The majority of what I see on social media, and in the news, involves most or all of those things. Unfortunately, I think most of the people doing it don’t realize the damage they are doing.

Today our new president, Donald J. Trump, was inaugurated. Before and after the election, up until now, I have witnessed alarming amounts of division, fear, and criticism. At times, my feelings have been hurt, but I have chosen not to participate in it.

I personally would not have chosen Donald Trump to be the Republican presidential nominee, and up until the week of election, I didn’t feel comfortable with any of the choices for president. But, I never publicly called any names, accused friends of different political parties of being racist or stupid, or tried to cause arguments or unrest of any kind.

I do not plan to do that now. But, what I do want to express loud and clear is that contention, pride, anger and fear are not of God. From God comes love, light, harmony and faith. I have seen a few people hold true to those, but too many have gone the other direction.

Doubts and disagreements, and expressions of triumph and defeat are acceptable when done in a peaceful, respectable manner – when we strive to understand the other side, when we give the benefit of the doubt, and when we realize that people can change.

People do change.

Yes, Donald Trump has done some bad things in his past. It is understandable to be concerned, even disgusted. But, we are not his judge. God is. I know that I would be devastated if people judged me solely on my past and never gave me a chance to dictate a brighter future for myself.

You may not agree with all of his ideas and perspectives, but you probably agree with some. You may not like everything about his character, but you probably like something about it. And you may not be a member of his party, but you are still an American.

Or, you may be on the opposite side of the spectrum where you are ecstatic he is president. Expressing your joy is great, but realizing others are hurting at the same time shows compassion. Gloating about it and putting down others’ feelings, on the other hand, shows a disregard for about half of your fellow Americans.

I thought President Trump’s speech today had some great points, one of which was the necessity for unity in our country. You may not be happy he is the President, but he is the President just the same – the president of your country and mine.

Concerns are valid, but something I have learned in my life is that yelling and complaining in themselves don’t bring change. Looking only to your own opinions doesn’t bring understanding of those with differing opinions either.

My heart-felt advice for what to do now, whether you love our new president or not is this:
1. Pray for him, that he will be open-hearted to the voice of the people, and that God will provide him with ongoing inspiration on how to lead this great land.
2. Talk to those of different political and social views respectfully. Find out what makes them tick, and in turn explain how you feel. Try to find common ground.
3. Vote in local elections to make your voice heard.
4. Help the poor whenever you can, for God will bless us for serving His children.
5. Try not to bash any party or person, for all it does is cause division and heartache.
6. Have a positive attitude and hold to your hope that America will continue to flourish regardless of who is president.
7. Most importantly, love and cherish your family, and teach them the principles that mean the most to you.
I truly believe that for our nation to be great, our citizens must be kind, service-oriented, and driven to action. It takes each and every one of us to spread light to the world.

A friend on Facebook today posted that the Quakers believe that the “Light is in all people and we should look for it in all people, ESPECIALLY those who are different than us.”

I believe with all of my heart that even people we dislike, disagree with, or disapprove of, have this light. Sometimes they need help to unlock it in themselves.

What helps you to be a better person? People showing you love, respect and encouragement, or people showing your hatred, disapproval, and unkind judgment?

We have two choices for the next four or more years:
1. Continue to dislike and reject each and every decision President Trump makes or will make -or –
2. Support him, pray for him, and set a positive example for him
Only one of these choices brings real, long-lasting, positive change. Christ brings light. Let’s be like Him.

And what did He do? He forgave, loved, and saw potential in everybody. That is what I choose to do today and always.
January 20, 2017
All About Baby Eve
For about 11 years I have wanted to name my first baby girl Raina after a beautiful 3-year-old girl I watched at my daycare job. Well, once I found out I was having a girl this pregnancy, I wasn’t so sure anymore. I wanted to make sure that Raina was the right name, so I went through hundreds of names as I usually do. Jad and I discussed them, and he didn’t like most of the names, not even the Arabic ones. I was shocked he had an opinion since he hadn’t had one with the boys. So, we kept looking and looking. We thought about Rose (or a name with Rose in it), a name with Belle/Bella in it, and more lovely names like Ariana, Ella, Ava, Adaline, and Alayna. Jad loved Rosalina, but I thought it was too long. We went back to Raina at one point and felt pretty good about it, until people at work started using it and Jad decided he didn’t like it. So, back to looking at the long list of maybes. My mom kept telling us names she liked, and one day she said she loved Evey. I liked it, but Jad wasn’t sure. Then we got a 4D ultrasound done for our baby girl on October 18.

As I looked at her pictures over and over, I knew she was someone special and needed a really lovely name. I thought of the most beautiful and important names of all time, and my mind went to the Bible. We had already said we liked Esther, but then Eve came to mind. I instantly loved it. Jad wasn’t so sure, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind. The 23rd at my mom’s house, I told her that we were strongly considering Eve. She was ecstatic. Jad still wasn’t sure, but on the way home we asked the kids if they liked the name Eve. Rigel had been wanting to call her Rose, and Casey loved Ella, but when we told them about why we wanted to name her Eve, they got really excited, and we knew she would become Eve Marie Al-Bjaly.

Let me tell you her story…

My due date for my fourth child: December 2, 2016

My actual delivery date of my fourth child: October 26, 2016 at 10:10PM.

Eve Marie Al-Bjaly was born at 34 weeks 5 days gestation at UNC Hospital via induced vaginal delivery. She was a tiny 4 pounds 14 ounces and 17 inches long.

All during my pregnancy, I had a small worry at the back of my mind that my baby girl would be born quite suddenly, just like Kamren was. His labor was around 20 minutes or so – how long would hers be?

Then there was the concern about Thanksgiving – could we have it? What if I had the baby right around then? Because of that, we decided as a family to cancel the holiday this year.

My pregnancy had been very normal the whole time, but then at my October 5 midwife appointment, I had very high blood pressure. I was told we needed to keep an eye on it, and then October 19, I had high blood pressure again. That time, I was told that I may have gestational hypertension and that I needed to go to UNC Hospital that day to get monitored. I was surprised because I have never had that problem before. I had to call Jad and ask him to leave work and get Kamren. After a quick lunch at Harris Teeter, I drove myself to UNC Hospital for the first time. I admit I was a little worried.

I thought I would be seen right away when I got to the hospital, but there were no rooms. I had to sit in the waiting room for quite some time. I was happy to have met another pregnant woman that day who I could talk to. She was there for pre-op for a c-section the next day. She was so nice, and we had a great conversation. She put me at ease. Finally, I was taken back. I honestly don’t remember much, just that I was told I do in fact have gestational hypertension and that I would be induced three weeks early. I got really no explanation of how they figured out I had that and why I had to be induced, but I just accepted it. The only silver lining to that day was I met a really nice woman named Karen who was in charge of a study for preeclamptic pregnant women – a study trying to find a blood test to figure out if a woman has preeclampsia. I got a $25 gift card before I left that day just for giving a little blood.

The following day I had to get an ultrasound at the hospital to check on the baby. She was totally healthy, which made me happy. So, I tried to prepare myself to have a baby early. Some friends told me I should question that, and I was prepared to. But then, October 25, at my appointment to plan my care leading up to the induction, my blood pressure was crazy high again.

An OBGYN came into my room, shook my hand, and basically looked at me in the eyes and told me I needed to go to Labor and Delivery right away. She didn’t clarify, and I immediately assumed I had to have an emergency induction. I cried out, “What? But she’s too tiny!”

I immediately started to cry and get really worried. She explained I would have to be monitored at the hospital, likely for 24 hours, and then a final determination would be made. I calmed down a little, and said I would need to make some phone calls and figure all this out. She told me I had to stay in the office (a monitored location) to make those arrangements, and then I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

The phone call I made to Jad wasn’t easy. I told him I needed him to leave work early and take care of the kids – that I may not be coming home that day – that I may be having a baby. My voice was quiet and weak, and Jad was worried. He talked to his boss, and then left work to take over with the kids for me.

I walked slowly to the car, shaken up. Could I even get myself there? As I sat down in the drivers’ seat, I burst into tears and sobbed. I prayed and I probably hyperventilated a little. The unknown had never been scarier.

This time when I checked myself into the hospital, they had a triage room ready for me. I got into a gown, and was hooked up to the blood pressure machine. As I was lying on the bed in a moment alone, the tears started streaming down my face again. I was scared and worried about my baby girl. Just when I felt the tears would never stop, a soft but steady movement started in my tummy. My baby had woken up, and it was as if she was telling me that everything would be okay. I immediately felt that she was trying to comfort me, and that I could stop crying. I know that her moving for that long period of time was just for me. The thought occurred to me that she was acting as if she were my mother. Mothers comfort, and she was doing that for me. At that moment, her name was confirmed to me: her name really would be Eve.

I had to get back to reality as nurses came in and out. My blood pressure was taken over and over. I was in that room for hours, and had nothing to do but flip the channels. I hadn’t eaten at all since 7:30AM, and got really hungry. Jad came to see me, and I finally got food after he left again.

My blood pressure wasn’t going down, so they decided I needed to stay in the hospital overnight. I was to start a 24-hour urine collection. I would give blood a few times, and my blood pressure would continue to be taken. I would also be given a steroid shot that day and the following day to help my baby’s lungs develop should I need to deliver her. I had to start making arrangements for my kids. Jad came to me that evening and brought me an overnight bag. After a little visit, I found company with the cast of Into the Woods on the TV.

The next day, as my pee bucket got fuller, and my blood pressure stayed high, I could feel it in my heart that I wasn’t going to be sent home. What would it help to send me home? My blood pressure would still be high, and who knows what could happen? What if I developed preeclampsia?

I finally just confronted the issue with the nurses. I was up front and said I wanted to know the truth. They said they would ask for me, and they agreed with my logic. Well, not a few minutes later, an OBGYN came to speak with me to address that very thing. She basically told me that it was time for me to have a baby. She said I did in fact have preeclampsia, even though I had no other symptoms, and that it is safer for the baby to be born than remain in the womb with a placenta not doing its job.

When she said that, I felt a little nervousness, but overall peace. I asked how much time I had to make phone calls and prepare. The doctor said they would start preparing a room for me, but that I had time. I called Jad and my mom. I wasn’t surprised that Jad wanted to finish a few things at work and make sure it was okay for him to leave. I gave him the job of packing some stuff for me at home, and reassured him we had some time. My mom wanted to come right away to be with me – that is just her personality, and I love her for it.

Well, she got there, and it turned out I had to wait a long time to move up to a room, even though I packed quickly and was told it was going to be much quicker. I called Jad and told him about the delay, and he decided he wanted to clean out the van really well before he came to prepare for our baby girl.

Finally, I got to go to a room and change into a gown. When Jad got there, he brought me lots of bags, and even rolled in the stroller. That was kind of funny to me, as I knew that Eve would not be coming home right away.

I really don’t remember a lot about the details of my labor. There was no clock in the room, oddly enough, so I don’t know when I was induced or how long the labor was. I believe I was induced sometime between 2:30 and 3:30PM, but I am not sure.

Some details of note are that I was given my second steroid shot and given continuous doses of magnesium to prevent seizures. The nurse recommended I have an epidural due to my blood pressure. I didn’t contest, though I was a little sad thinking of how my plans for a natural birth were no longer possible. I asked for the epidural before my pain got bad (around 4PM), and when the team came in, I jokingly asked if it would hurt like crap, knowing full well how much it hurts. They said it wouldn’t hurt badly, and I was surprised, though quickly realized they were lying as they pushed and fiddled around inside my back over and over trying to find the right spot. It was excruciating, but it did work, thankfully.

My sister-in-law, Laura, surprised me by coming to visit me in the hospital. I was so grateful to have her, my mom, and Jad there with me. It was pleasant just talking together.

The labor was steady and there were no issues. We were a little impatient, though, as the hours went on. Finally, my mom and Laura left to go home to their families, not long before 8PM.

By that time I was 4 CM dilated and 50% effaced. When they finally broke my water, hardly anything came out, but I knew she would come soon. I wasn’t scared, but excited instead. I could hear the stark contrast between this labor and Kamren’s. With Kamren, I was screaming bloody murder: “My baby, my baby!” With this delivery, I was excitedly exclaiming, “My baby is coming! She’s coming!” I had such joy, and no fear, even though she was going to be a premature baby.

Well, she came out after a few pushes, and after Jad cut the cord, she was put on my body for a few seconds and then taken from me to be examined. I couldn’t even see her the first time because they didn’t put her up high enough.

My first picture with Eve

https://youtu.be/ES4aT2QEkoQ

Put me back in!

Once they wiped her off, I got to hold her skin to skin for a few moments. The first thing I noticed was her long, slender fingers. I loved them, and her instantly.

Our first picture as a family

I wanted to snuggle with her forever, but she had to be taken. She did start to nuzzle my neck a little, so the crew in the room said I should try to nurse her. It was so hard. She was so small, and I was afraid of hurting her. She didn’t know how to suck, but at least we tried, and I got to hold her a little longer.

And then she was gone. I couldn’t be with her for 24 hours because I would continue to have the magnesium pumped into my body. I sent Jad after her, and he got to witness her first feeding, and adore her in the NICU.

https://youtu.be/nA8RqlRlEMQ

https://youtu.be/s406plgb244

The next day for me (Oct 27) was sleeping, attempting to express (with a nurse’s help) and pump, and trying to catch up on text messages and Facebook comments from friends. It was so hard to function because of the magnesium. I would get small spurts of energy throughout the day, and then suddenly feel nearly dead with exhaustion. I looked forward all day and night to get off that magnesium so I could eat, get out of that bed, and see my baby girl.

At least Jad got to visit with her. He even did a Skype call with me so I could see Eve: I couldn’t keep from crying tears of joy looking at her and talking to her peaceful, sleeping face. Oh, I can’t wait to snuggle her again.

Most of that day was very boring, but at least I got to see my beautiful sons. They were a little weirded out that I couldn’t cuddle them or get out of bed. I felt so bad, and was worried about Kamren especially, since until a day before, he had been my baby. They were so excited to meet their sister that night, though!

They took me off the magnesium about 9PM. All my tubes were removed, and I ordered a huge meal. I have never eaten faster – it had been 33 hours since I had last eaten. Standing up and moving around wasn’t so easy. My legs were literally like limp noodles. I had to have help going to the bathroom, and getting into my wheelchair. I didn’t let that stop me from seeing my baby, though. My nurse wheeled me to the NICU to see Eve before taking me to my new room.

She was so precious. The love I felt for her was indescribable. I watched her, and then held her, cuddled her, and tried to nurse her. She couldn’t nurse, so I just snuggled her some more. I didn’t want to leave her ever again, but I had to. Up to my new room I went to rest, and regain leg strength. Once I got my legs back, nothing could stop me from going to my baby as much as possible (every three hours to be exact).

On October 28 I wrote: I got to see my sweet baby a couple times late last night, once around 11 and the next time a little after 2. Both times we snuggled and tried latching/nursing. It wasn’t easy, and we tried different things so she could still eat and also be with me, and by the end of the second time, she was already latching on me as a pacifier. She cried unless she was with me. I see that as a great sign! I got a little sleep, am much steadier on my noodle feet than last night, and have the energy to get clean, eat, and spend as much time with Eve as possible today. Gosh, she is gorgeous and precious, and so full of personality.

Most of that day Eve was really sleepy and tube fed. I knew that she couldn’t go home until she was feeding via bottle or breast all the time, so that was a little disheartening. At least she was healthy otherwise with her temperature regulation and blood sugar. And I got to do a kangaroo hold with her – so special!

It was so helpful to my spirit having family visit me and Eve in the hospital those first couple days – Jad’s uncle Hani, my Nana, my sister, my mom, Jad’s brother, Tawfeeq, and his wife Aundrea and their son, Landon…I really appreciated their love and gifts.

Oct 29 started out well as I got back to my girl: I took one break from sweet Eve in the middle of the night to sleep, but sleep was so hard for me. When I went down at 5, I found out she had been fussy off and on since about 12:30am. I felt bad that I had missed her and she had missed me. But, with that came a lovely session of stares, lots of kisses, and even some good nursing, once we figured it out together. Then, oh, sweet snuggles commenced. I love my girl!

Overall, that day was really hard on me. It was the day of my discharge. Let me explain with a post I wrote the next morning: I must admit that yesterday was a really hard day for me. I was supposed to be discharged, but found myself waiting in vain nearly all day into the late afternoon. I was all alone in the hospital without my family, and the only solace came when I was with my sweet baby. My family finally came to get me not long before dinner time. I got to hug them all quickly, and then Jad brought each kid down to see Eve for a few minutes, I got to take the boys to the snack room for ice cream and juice, and that was the most fun I had had all day, haha. Finally, it was time to get the car and take all of our stuff down to check out of the hospital. Imagine packing up your car with all kinds of baby stuff, and not being able to put the baby in the car with you. Imagine having spent all your time for five days in the hospital, not being able to think of anything but having and taking care of a baby, and then knowing that your future is uncertain. When I got in the car, and we headed to the Ronald McDonald House, I was so overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to expect – I just knew I wouldn’t be sleeping in the same place as anyone I loved. We got there quickly, though it felt like an eternity. I had to dry my tears. Well, after paperwork and a tour, I was check into my new “home.” The boys and Jad had been eating tacos and playing while waiting for me. I could tell they were all irritable and struggling with the unknown too. The kids just wanted some normalcy and fun, like they are used to. As we drove home for me to simply pack and come right back, I couldn’t stop the sobs from coming. I am glad we had tissues, because I used so many of them. My throat, by the time we got home, felt like a cat had clawed at it. I just couldn’t function. I was so overwhelmed and sad. I needed time with my husband and kids, but barely got to spend any time with them at all. I didn’t know how much to pack to take to the RMH – how long will I be there? What will happen with Eve? Will my kids and husband be okay without me? I know that Jad has been working so hard while I have been gone since last Tuesday, and my family and friends have also stepped up graciously. When I walked into the house for that little time, I noticed how clean the house was, and how much care Jad had put into getting it ready for Eve. I felt guilty that I hadn’t been able to help at all in days, and I could tell how much my family needed me. After I packed, my boys were so sweet to say they loved me and give me hugs and kisses. Casey and Jad carefully put my stuff in the car, and Jad even had a couple falafel sandwiches ready for me to eat, since I had missed dinner. A couple kisses later, and I was on my way back to Chapel Hill. My exhaustion was strong, but I made it. Bringing everything in, and unpacking took me quite some time, but calmed me. I felt love for my husband as I saw how much food he carefully packed for me. I was happy to see a Bojangles biscuit and boberry biscuit in there. It was comforting to eat those before I went up to my room, unpacked, read my scriptures, pumped, and got a little sleep. I got up quite early to pump again and get ready to see my baby. I can’t express how inadequate I feel, but at the same time, I feel like I am being blessed with drive and energy, and hope. I am filled with love for my baby girl, and I yearn for when we can all be together. I am so grateful my baby will be okay, and that we are a family of six now. Life will be normal before we know it – for now it is just really hard. I appreciate the continued love and prayers. I really do.

I was in tears when I wrote all that. The only real joy I had was in being with my precious Eve. She got a real crib on the night of the 29^th, and just seeing her sweet face and holding her hand helped me get through the pain.

I realized later on the 30th what therapy I really needed as my husband came to visit: I cannot even tell you how therapeutic it was for Jad to come visit Eve and me today. We spent several hours together. It was our first time bonding we three. And I didn’t realize the sad fact Jad hadn’t held her since the night she was born. They are such a pair. She stayed awake for quite some time staring at her daddy.

(He would start coming to see Eve every day after that. Taking care of the kids and doing all the chores was hard on Jad, not to mention the cleaning and projects he was trying to do to prepare for our sweet girl to come home.)

Before I went to bed super late that night I wrote this:

Most cherished moments of today: spending time with Daddy

Funniest moment of the day: Eve pooping five incredibly smelly poops in about 30 minutes

Proudest moment of the day: this morning when my milk came in! It is going strong.

Warmest moment of the day (literally and figuratively): when Eve snuggled her head just under my neck, and lay content and wide awake. This was right after all her poops. She was really fussy until this time together.

October 31 was Halloween! I was feeling a little lonely that morning, when a lady came into the reference room I was sitting in, and asked if I was Eve’s mom. She then asked me if I had chosen a Halloween costume for her. I lit up and smiled broadly because I wished I had had a costume for her. This surprise made my day: Oh, how wonderful today is Halloween at the UNC NICU. I got a very special surprise for Eve this morning: the choice of a costume for her! I was so thrilled. Picking a costume and dressing her in it have been such a joy for me. She got her picture taken professionally and will be in a judging contest later today. 😀

My ballerina

But the day got even better because my mom and sister came to visit, and then Jad brought all the kids, picked me up, and we all went trick-or-treating together at Southern Village. It was a perfect neighborhood, and we all enjoyed being together as a family. You don’t fully appreciate your family unit until you can’t be together – at least that’s how I felt.

I went to being emotional again, though, as I missed a feeding with Eve by about 15 minutes. I didn’t make it back by 8PM because we had to drop by the RM House first for me to grab a few things and for us to eat a little bit of leftovers. Oh well, at least I got to snuggle with her!

November 1 was a good day. it started with Jad coming and bringing me roses!

Eve had a couple firsts today, like her first blow-out poop (super duper stinky one), and her first excellent nursing session. Progress is being made. Her nurse has no doubt she will fill out quickly, especially considering her mama’s amazing milk supply. 😉

Slender foot!

Tiny hand!

And here were the highlights of Eve’s day on November 1:
1. She got to snuggle with Daddy (but not before pooping on him!)
2. She got to spend time with each of her brothers (Casey held her for the first time/Rigel drew her a double-sided picture).
3. She got her IV taken out for good
4. She got a sponge bath and I got to help! She smells amazing.
The flower and the “awesome”

The picture was of Eve living in a house with spikes on it, surrounded by a force field so she could be safe. And I taught Rigel how to write her name.

November 2 was Eve’s one-week birthday. The morning started out wonderfully. She nursed amazingly, needing no supplemental feed. We snuggled for a long time after that.

My cousin, Lisa, came to visit me in the hospital that day, bringing me much needed newborn clothes, and we ate lunch together (which ended up being free somehow). She took lovely pictures of Eve and me.

Then Jad came to visit after Lisa went back with the kids (we were so grateful for her).

We celebrated Eve’s one-week birthday with cupcakes. Did I mention the food at UNC hospital is awesome!

I wrote down all the things about Eve as of a week old:

She loves to:
Look you in your eyes
Snuggle
Get her head rubbed
Hear your singing voice
Cross her eyes and stick out her tongue
Feel warm and bundled
Be kissed

She hates to:
Get her temperature taken
Get her diaper changed
Be poked at all
Be woken up

A comparison of Eve to Rigel and Kamren…

On November 3, Eve was really sleepy all day. I would nurse her for 10-12 minutes, and then Snoozeville for her each time.

Isn’t she gorgeous in pink?

But there was some great news that day:

Eve is gaining weight. She is 5 pounds 1 ounce today
1. We are doing less and less supplemental tube feeding, which means we are getting closer to going home.
2. Chick-Fil-A gave me my lunch free today because I had a baby in the NICU. I felt so special.
That night was also so wonderful: Jad and the boys came to visit tonight. Rigel and Kamren held baby Eve for the first time. We also got a Rainbow Bright stuffed animal from the Ronald McDonald room at UNC. There were lots of options but I had to get that one because I loved Rainbow Bright as a little girl.

https://youtu.be/kWkymAsefGY

Late that night she was finally awake, something I had yearned for all day!- I was about to take the shuttle back, but then little girl decided to be wide awake for the first time today with very squeaky hiccups. Another hour at the NICU waiting for the next shuttle it is (12:50AM)! I can’t complain…

I had lots of promising news and events on November 4: Today has been the opposite of yesterday so far. Little Eve has been very alert, and very interested in nursing. We aren’t worrying about a feed schedule anymore, but just listening to her cues. She is doing great, and as long as she has no issues, she will be going home Sunday! She passed her hearing test, is all set up with a pediatrician, and now just has to pass a car seat test. I get to room in with her at the hospital tomorrow night. I am so excited!

Here is another update from that day: I love this card Jad made for Eve. It has been a good day. I have had time with my hubby, and time with my dear cousin, who has been so helpful this week. Eve has been so alert and adorable today, and she got her feeding tube out today too! I feel so blessed in every way, even in just the days going by quickly.

feeding tube gone!

Her first smile!

As great as that day was, it ended sadly for me as I left Eve before 9PM so I could pack up at the RMH: I left Eve tonight 2-3 hours earlier than I usually do. It was so hard to leave – so hard, I got teary-eyed. I mean, are the nurses going to snuggle her enough? But, I have to start packing up and try to get some decent sleep for the first time in a week and a half. Sleep and eat well, my little love.

I was overjoyed to get to Eve the next morning, the 5^th. I can’t explain my excitement, and it was a great first meeting: This is the face of a baby girl who not only drank ridiculous amounts of milk overnight by bottle, but also just nursed strong for 35 minutes! That is like three times her average nursing time.

She also passed her car seat test last night.

And she might come home today because she is doing so well!

I left her quickly, though, to go to my baby shower. I was so excited for it. Getting out of the hospital and being around women I love was so needed. It was wonderful, from the food to the décor (mostly consisting of pictures of my precious girl) to the company to the gifts to the service project. There were tons of people there, and I was there having a fabulous time for hours. As a bonus, I got a voice mail during the shower saying that Eve could definitely come home! Yay~!

Jad picked me up with the kids to go to the hospital and get our baby girl. They went up to the Ronald McDonald floor while I got her ready to go. Ironically, it only took just a few minutes for her to get checked out, and they wanted to stay where they were because it was so fun. I had to understand the boys’ perspective, though I really just wanted to get my girl home!

I am grateful that Eve was well-taken care of at UNC Hospital. I never worried about her. She was constantly watched over by nurses and doctors, and they had her best interests in mind. I was given freedom to change her, take her temperature, help with her bath, and hold her whenever I liked. The hospital also helped make me comfortable by putting me in the Ronald McDonald House, giving me one free meal a day, providing limitless water bottles, giving me a manual breast pump, and sometimes providing a meal. It was as good of an experience as it could have been. I was thrilled to go home, but would somehow miss that special time at the hospital.

We finally got out of the hospital around 2:45 or so and ran into a lot of traffic: Even though it is a little frustrating not being able to get home as quickly as we would like, we are so blessed that our baby is healthy enough to go home.

It took forever to get to the RMH. Then I had to clean and check out, and then we had to drive home. We were so so blessed that Eve stayed asleep that whole time.

Entering my house after being gone for a week and a half felt like Heaven. We enjoyed our evening together as a family of six.

In her bassinet for the first time!

Even the night wasn’t so bad: I actually got more rest last night than I ever did when Eve was in the NICU. She woke up to eat three times, and went back to sleep. Twice she stirred a little as if to wake, but I was easily able to get her back to sleep the first time by looking at her and holding her hand, and the second time by stroking her cheek. She is so affectionate.

I won’t go through the next whole month of Eve’s life detail by detail because that would take forever, but here are some highlights and my favorite pictures of her:

Nov 6 – Our first morning at home!

Mariah got this cookie cake to celebrate her homecoming.

Nov 7 – First Dr appointment: Eve had her first pediatric doctor appointment today. Dr. Boylston said she is doing great and likely in a couple months, we won’t even be able to tell she was a preemie. We are also going to try not supplementing and see how she does! She has a weight check Thursday. Today she was up to 5 pounds 6 ounces.

Just some cute Nov 8 pics:

Eve and my doll

Eve and her unicorn

Nov 10 – Weight check – Eve had her weight check today. She is up three ounces in three days, which is perfect. At 5 pounds 9 ounces, this baby is healthy and needs no supplementation. Yay!

Nov 10 – First bathtub bath – she didn’t like it other than her hair being washed.

Nov 11 – The day I was supposed to be induced!

Cute pic from Nov 12 –

Cute pic from Nov 13 –

Nov 14 – Jad went back to work – can I handle it???

Spiky hair!

Nov 16 – I had just started nursing my baby.
The dog came into the room licking her lips but I hadn’t fed her anything.
It was quiet- too quiet.
I called for my son.
No answer, but the bathroom door promptly closed and locked.
Was it as I feared?
I unlocked the door. Yes, yes it was.
It was horrible. The smell. The mess. The pleading, yet guilty look in my son’s eyes. The squished brown substance on the floor and the wall and the toilet and his legs. The torn toilet paper everywhere.
I realized at that moment my dog was the most disgusting dog on earth and that the floor is my son’s new favorite place to poop.
Will he ever be potty trained? Will I ever let my dog kiss any of us again?

You can’t make this stuff up. This is the life of a nursing mother…

Nov 17 – loves her hair being brushed (three weeks old!).

Nov 18 – Eve’s first walk

Nov 19 – She has grown!

Nov 20 – First time at Nana and Papa’s house!

Cute pic from Nov 21 –

Nov 23 – Excellent sleep and 4 weeks old! – This beautiful girl made her parents very happy last night. She slept from just after midnight to 6:52AM without waking up at all! This was her first night sleeping through. She just drank lots of milk and went back to sleep too!

Nov 24 – Eve’s first Thanksgiving! – My house has 21 people in it right now. I am upstairs feeding Eve, and can hear talking, playing and laughter all around. I am so grateful for snuggles with my baby, my family, good food, a cozy house, and lovely weather. I am grateful for the great land I live in, for good friends, and most of all, for a loving Father in Heaven, His beloved son, and the Holy Ghost.

Nov 25 cute pic –

Nov 26 – One month old!!! – Eve Marie Al-Bjaly was born one month ago today. She was born at 34 weeks five days gestation at 4 pounds 14 ounces and 17 inches. Today we are thrilled to say that she is 7 pounds 9.6 ounces and 19 inches. That is a whole lot of growing in a month. We are so in love with her. Her favorite thing to do is eat. She also likes her hair brushed and her feet rubbed. She loves walking around and taking in the sites. She cries like a goat, squeaks like a mouse, and purrs like a kitten. She does not like to be cold or wet. Snuggles are always appreciated. And she gets like 5000 kisses a day.

My beautiful one-month old

dancing with daddy

Nov 30 – One-month Dr appointment! – She was 7 pounds 15 ounces and 19 1/2 inches

Eve in my blessing gown and cape

Dec 2 – Her due date – today!

If it looks like there hasn’t been much excitement since Eve came home from the hospital, that’s because there hasn’t been. Eve and I have spent most of our time at home snuggling and nursing and watching Studio C. I am not going to be taking her anywhere public (except Dr appointments) until she is 2 months old, per doctor orders. Visits from friends and family have brought us much joy, however, and we have visitors often.

I must express my sincere gratitude for everyone who has been helping with my boys during this time, whether play dates or driving them to appointments. I am also so grateful for everyone who brought us meals when I was in the hospital and when we were first home. And how could I forget the kind women who donated clothes and other baby gear to me? Eve will be well-dressed and very warm for a long time.

Life has been quite hard, honestly. Even without much excitement, it is really hard to keep up with cleaning, projects, and just day-to-day responsibilities. Thus, our home is messier than we are used to, and our meals are pretty simple. But, we wouldn’t trade having four children for the world. Hopefully this phase won’t last too long.

You may wonder how the boys like their new sister. Each of them absolutely adores her. They love holding her, and kiss her and touch her so gently. I have never seen them so sweet. Eve brings such a special spirit to our home. Even Kamren, who had been the baby for so long, adjusted immediately to being a big brother. Sometimes Kamren and Rigel still need hugs, kisses, and snuggles, and we do our best to still oblige, but they understand sometimes we just have one arm instead of two now.

Our home also looks different. For several months, Jad and I worked hard to transform Kamren’s old room into Eve’s nursery. For the first time, we have pink in our home. We love her room!

We didn’t expect Eve to come so soon. We had some scary moments, some lonely ones, some overwhelmed ones, but also some faith-promoting ones. Would I have chosen for Eve to be born early and for her to be in the NICU for a week and a half? Maybe not, but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. Sometimes that plan involves adversity to make us better people, and bring us closer to Him. This experience has done just that. My prayers and yours were answered. They brought me peace, and Eve her health. Not to mention that I know that Eve and I would not have the bond we have, and will always have, without that time alone together in the hospital.

I love my baby girl more than I could ever tell you. I am honored to be her mother, and I am so excited to raise a little girl to womanhood. I hope we are best friends forever.
December 2, 2016
The Al-Bjalys in Disney World

Remember how we won a trip to Disney World? Well, February 29-March 6, 2016 was the week we got to visit the Happiest Place on Earth. Here is how it all went down:

Monday – Traveling to Orlando!

Riding the shuttle to the airport.

The magic started early – right after we checked our bags, in fact. As we turned around to ride the escalator to security, we saw my Dad taking a walk. He had no idea when we would be at the airport, and normally did not walk that part of the airport while at work. It was a very special and tender surprise to be able to see him before we left.

We all passed through security without a second glance, except our dear diaper bag. It had to be investigated. Upon a thorough inspection, it was clear to go to our gate.

While we waited to board, we wondered who else in the crowd was also going on an all-expense paid trip through My Computer Career.



When we finally boarded the plane, we decided that Casey would sit next to Rigel, and Jad, Kamren and I , would sit in the row behind. It seemed like a good idea, until Jad and I got sad that we couldn’t see Rigel’s reaction when he flew for the first time. I squeezed his hand through the seat and asked how he was. “I’m fine, Mom,” he reassured me. No fear whatsoever.

Rigel drew a picture of the plane.

Orlando, FL Airport

The flight wasn’t long, and for the most part, everyone was good. The Florida airport was huge. Our next stop was to take the Magical Disney bus to our resort – Disney Boardwalk Inn.

Even the ride there was fun for the kids. Kamren was running all around the bus, and Rigel and Casey liked looking out the window. I got into a conversation with the other family who won the video contest from Raleigh. They gave us some nice tips.

We finally got to our resort, and it was gorgeous. I was so excited to go in. My mouth opened wide when I saw the fabulous couch and carousel model when we first walked in. How gorgeous.

It took us a while to find our room, but when we did, the kids found solace in the soft beds. They were tired. Our bags weren’t delivered yet, so we decided to go get our first snacks on our meal plan and explore before the scheduled dinner that night.



The snacks were fab. Look at that rice krispie treat. We sat happily outside, overlooking the lake. Then we decided to walk the boardwalk. Casey thought it was boring, until we spotted a pair of mallard ducks. It was so fun to be so close to them. Another male mallard flew in, and started to fight with the other – over the girl, perhaps? It was fun to speculate.

After a little more exploring, we relaxed for a while, and then got freshened up to eat dinner. We met in a large ballroom where there were gorgeous tables set up. I was amazed at how many families were on this MyCC trip throughout the country. Tony Galati, the CEO of MyCC, and his daughter, Melanie, were delightful. It amazes me how down to earth all of the executives of MyCC were.

We had a very nice meal that night. Unfortunately, the kids barely ate a roll each, and found it very difficult to sit still. But, it was worth it. We got a packet of info for our trip, and also a surprise $200 gift card to spend at Disney. You should have seen our faces light up.

After the dinner was over, we had to take the kids to get food. We found a pizza place on the Boardwalk. It was really yummy, actually. Jad even fed a duck:

After watching a fun street performer, who made kazoo noises instead of spoke, we retired to our room to unpack and get ready for bed. We were really excited for Epcot the next day.

Tuesday

One thing that was really cool about our resort is that it was within walking distance to Epcot and Hollywood Studios. Even cooler is that we could also ride a ferry yacht to the parks. So, that morning, around 9, we took our first ride on the water. The kids loved it.

We arrived at Epcot and had no idea how to get around. Luckily, we recognized some people from MyCC, and followed them to our character breakfast at the Garden Grill. We had to wait a little bit to get in, but it was worth it! The food was amazing. They brought us drinks first (I got a pomegranate lemonade –nom), and then this moist, delicious pan of cinnamon rolls. Next, we got a platter of American breakfast food, like bacon, eggs, ham, and the best breakfast potatoes I have ever had. We left that restaurant full, and with pictures of us with Mickey, Pluto, and Chip.

Our first ride at Epcot, and at Disney World, was Living with the Land. It wasn’t particularly exciting, but it was interesting. The crops grown were absolutely gorgeous, and I wanted to eat some fruits and vegetables right then.



We did a few rides that morning, such as Mission: Space, which was Rigel’s favorite ride of the trip. I rode the more intense version with Casey (I couldn’t breathe), and Rigel with the less intense with Jad. If you have to do the swap thing with kids, this ride is perfect for that, because as you exit the ride, there is an Advanced Training Lab, that Casey did, and a little indoor playground, which kept Kamren occupied. Win win!

By noon, we had to walk really fast back to our hotel to do a “Tell Us Your Story” video interview. I was a little apprehensive about being videotaped after sweating, I mean glistening, all morning. I also figured the kids would be crazy, and they were. There was yelling, and slamming, and licking of mirrors. But, the interviewer and videographer were really down to earth and kind. It was a fun experience to hear Jad get excited about answering questions about his school experience and life, and also to answer questions myself.



After that was over, we quickly walked back to Epcot to catch our lunch reservation at Teppan Edo. It is a Japanese restaurant where the food is cooked in an entertaining way right in front of you. I had heard it was a great restaurant for kids. Yeah, it wasn’t. The kids didn’t like the food. Jad and I did like the food a lot, but I would not recommend it for picky children. The silver lining was that the vanilla ice cream was to die for.

We shopped at a Japanese store after eating, where Rigel got his first souvenir – a Sonic the Hedgehog toy. He was insistent. I thought of my Nana when there, so I called her and asked her what she might like. She wanted a hanky.

We tried to browse the rest of the countries after that, amidst the kids’ complaining. We got some cute pictures, and even went to a German Werthers shop to get some rich caramel treats. Kamren had requested popcorn, and got it.

There weren’t many rides in the World Showcase, but we did find one: Gran Fiesta Tour. It was a pretty cool boat ride and fun. The best part was riding on the water next to a huge volcano. I had tried earlier to get a reservation at the restaurant with the volcano, but couldn’t. I was thrilled there was a ride that brought me to the same location.

Since the kids weren’t too impressed with the countries, we went back to Future World.

Look at these adorable pictures at the large fountain that sprayed water. I think that may have been the cutest part of the day for me.

My very favorite ride at Epcot, and one of my favorite rides of the whole trip, was Spaceship Earth. That ride takes you up inside the Epcot geosphere. You are taken through time to explore the history of communication. The ride made me cry. I could feel God’s hand in all aspects of history that we passed through, and I felt so grateful to be a part of this wonderful world.

Other rides/attractions we did were:

Journey into Imagination with Figment – It wasn’t that great – air did blow in our faces once…

Innoventions – There were a few cool things to do in there, like the Sum of all Thrills ride. Casey and I waited in line to do that. Casey took charge, and chose the intensity and movements we would experience when sitting in a machine closed over our bodies. It actually wasn’t that fun, so really, if you skip the Innoventions building, you won’t be missing anything.

Ellen’s Energy Adventure – This was funny because Ellen DeGeneres was in it, but it definitely more of an educational experience – better for older kids.

Disney & Pixar Short Film Festival – This is a must see. The videos were either hilarious or touching, and the 3D effects were phenomenal.

After the film festival attraction, we rushed back to the World Showcase to get some food and watch Illuminations, the nighttime firework, water and light show at Epcot. We got a fabulous meal at La Cantina de San Angel in Mexico. The food was authentic, and Jad was super impressed. Kamren slept through it.

The light show began while we were still getting our food. We couldn’t see the whole thing, but from what we could see, it was lovely. The music was entrancing, and the colors were spell-binding. It was really well done.

After the show, we walked back, caught a glimpse of Baymax on the way, and got excited for our next day!!!

Wednesday – Magic Kingdom

We got up super early Wednesday morning to catch the bus to Magic Kingdom. We arrived before the 8:30AM opening ceremonies. While we waited, we were able to talk to people from MyComputerCareer. It was nice getting to know others in our group.

Finally, the opening ceremonies began. When the train came in that held so many beloved Disney characters, I got teary-eyed. Disney has a way of doing that to you.

Once it was over, we waited a while to get a group pic with the rest of our group, and then we entered the Magic Kingdom! My first thought when entering was, “Wow!”

Cinderella’s castle was breathtakingly gorgeous, and the whole place was charming and beautiful. We were greeted by people all along the sidewalks. I knew I was going to love this place.

Our first stop was the Crystal Palace, where I made a last minute breakfast reservation. I am so glad we went. The buffet was incredible. Everything you could ever want for breakfast was there, from healthy to super sweet. Not only that, the kids got to meet characters from Winnie the Pooh. What an enjoyable meal!!!

One thing I loved about Magic Kingdom was how there were several lands, and all we easy to get to. We started out at Frontierland. The first thing we did was ride a raft to go to Tom Sawyer Island. That was actually really cute, and the kids loved running around and exploring.

Next was Splash Mountain. I will be honest – some of it was fun (the parts where we got wet), but a lot of the ride we were floating slowly in our boat, looking at scenes with Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, and Brer Bear. I rode it first with Casey and Rigel, and then Jad rode it with them. Unfortunately, Kamren ended up being too short. It was so cute – he got in originally, but as we approached the ride, the attendant asked that he be measured again. Kamren stepped on his tippy toes to read the wood. It was adorable.

He was so good while we waited for Jad and the other kids. He liked to experiment with the magic band by scanning pictures.

Big Thunder Mountain Railroad was fun (I rode with Rigel, and Jad rode with Casey after). Rigel was a little scared, but it was a pretty mild roller coaster, actually.

We shopped at one of the gift shops (it was huge and had tons of stuff), and then hopped on the train. Kamren was super excited to ride the “Choo Choo,” so we rode it for him. We met an LDS family from Texas on that train ride. They were delightful people.



After we rode around the park on the train, we headed to Liberty Square. The riverboat was beautiful, but we didn’t ride it. Instead, we got in line for The Haunted Mansion. The line was fairly long, but that was okay because the closer you got to the mansion, the more stuff there was to touch and look at. The kids loved it – I would actually say the line went too fast for us to enjoy it fully. Unfortunately, when we got inside the mansion, we ended up standing really close to everyone in a hot room, waiting forever to get on the ride because it wasn’t working. When we got to a point where we all thought we would die, the ride finally started up again.

I must say, the Haunted Mansion was super cool. Rigel was my partner, and he was freaked out the whole time, but it was a silly kind of scary. It was very well done!

We headed over to Fantasyland after that to grab some lunch at Pinocchio’s Haus. The food was good, and it was a cute little set up.

After lunch, we had a little mishap. Kamren punched Rigel and he got a bloody nose. That was fun to clean up. He was fine, but wow, it was bloody.

There was tons to do in Fantasyland, and we wish we could have done it all. We didn’t stand in line to see any of the characters, but we did see glimpses of some.

And other than catching a small part of a parade, here is what we did do, not necessarily in order:



Under the Sea – Journey of The Little Mermaid – This was my favorite thing in Fantasyland. Seeing Eric’s castle up close, and then riding in a clam shell, reliving Ariel’s experiences, was breathtaking. For some reason, this one wasn’t just a slow boat ride for me. It brought back happy memories from my childhood.

Prince Charming Regal Carousel – This was just like any carousel, but it is always fun. Kamren didn’t want to get off.

Mickey’s Philhar Magic – This was so much fun! It was a 3D video and was hilarious. Some of my favorite attractions in all the parks were the 3D videos because cool things happen like water raining on you, or air blowing in your face. They are really interactive and fun.



We took a detour to Tomorrowland, and did the Tomorrowland Speedway, which was so much fun. I rode with Kamren and let him drive (don’t worry – you can’t veer off course), and it was a little crazy moving back and forth all the time. He had a blast, though. Jad let Rigel drive, and he kept bumping us. Casey rode on his own, and was thrilled.

Mad Tea Party – This was the traditional tea cup ride. My kids loved it, and Kamren didn’t want to get off.

It’s a Small World – This was one of my favorite rides because, even though it was yet another slow boat ride, it highlighted different people and cultures from around the world. I loved looking for Arabic people because it made me feel closer to Jad. It just helped me appreciate and have a greater love for the beauty and wonder each country of the world brings.

Peter Pan’s Flight – This was like all the rest of the boat rides, except you were suspended in the air on a slow ride. It was pretty cool. It takes you through the story of Peter Pan through life-like mannequins. I was so impressed by all the moving mannequins at Disney World. They were so lifelike.

After Fantasyland, we went back to Tomorrowland, and this is what we did:

Astro Orbiter – So, we were really excited about this one because you ride up an elevator, and get in these spaceships that fly in a circle high above the park. Casey got his own, Jad rode with Kamren, and I rode with Rigel, Let me tell you, I was scared to death. There is one big seat belt that holds both of you in (the littlest person rides in front of the bigger person). There is nothing to hold on to if you are the one in the back. Rigel was “steering,” and nearly the whole ride, we were slanted down right. I felt like I was going to fall out! I was so glad to be back on the ground when it was done. The kids loved it, though!

Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin – This ride was really fun. You have guns and you are supposed to shoot the aliens in different rooms. You can spin your seats around whenever you want, and the colors and sounds are exciting.

Monster, Inc. Laugh Floor – This show was a riot. A large part of it is done live. Mike is there, and different monsters are supposed to help make us laugh enough to fill this huge canister. Well, the other monsters were computer animated on screen, but were acted by live people, and random audience members were chosen to do certain things, like dance. It was hilarious. I am kind of glad I wasn’t chosen, but appreciated those who were and had fun with it.

We also got to see Buzz Lightyear from a distance, and saw Mr. and Mrs. Incredible at a dance party right by Space Mountain (we didn’t ride that because of the lines and a bad attitude from our 10-year-old).

For dinner, we got hot dogs for the little ones at a little place by the Astro Orbiter. (After we got back that night, Jad went to a restaurant on the Boardwalk called ESPN Club, and got food for the rest of us. It was fab.)

I think the most magical part of our day at Magic Kingdom was the Celebrate the Magic show. Cinderella’s castle was lit up with Disney characters while lovely music played. I got teary-eyed during the Frozen part. Gosh, I don’t even like that movie much – why does it make me cry? 😉

After the show was over, it was really hard to get out of there, but we finally did, and caught the bus home.

Kamren was wiped out by the time we got back! What a fun day at Magic Kingdom!!!

Thursday – Hollywood Studios

We didn’t have to rush out that morning, so we were a little lazier, and ordered room service. The food was good, but not the best ever. Kamren took some of my food, so I took his. Our biggest memory of that breakfast will always be how much butter they gave us. I think they gave us an entire stick. Not sure what we needed all that for!

After breakfast, we walked over to Hollywood Studios. It was a little bit of a ways out, but we made it. My first reaction to it, was that it wasn’t very pretty. It looked old and outdated in its faded baby blue paint. It was quite disappointing in comparison to Magic Kingdom. Luckily, the rides and attractions were 1000 times better than the looks of the park would suggest.

Our first stop was the For the First Time in Forever: A Frozen Sing-Along Celebration. Casey and Rigel complained about being there, and I explained to them that some things are for Mommy to enjoy. Well, by the end, those kids were all completely mesmerized. Don’t judge me when I say that was my favorite show of the entire week at Disney World. It wasn’t just a sing-along. It was a hilarious retelling of the story by two Arendelle historians. They were perfect in every way, and Anna, Kristoff, and Elsa were all in it. Elsa came out at the end, and we all sang a fabulous reprise of Let it Go. As we sang, snow fell onto our heads. I am pretty sure I cried. It must be that song!

It was the perfect start to a wonderful day. Hollywood Studios is a smaller park, so we got to do a lot of it! Here is what else we did:

Star Wars: Path of the Jedi – This was fun because it took you through all the movies, even the newest, to tell the story of the Jedi. I loved it, and the kids definitely did. There is something so nostalgic about Star Wars.

A costume from Brigadoon. So cool!

The Great Movie Ride – This ride made me happy. Even while waiting in line, we had fun because they were playing scenes from old movies. And even though it was another slow ride, it was so amazing to see sets and moving mannequin characters from movies I grew up with, like Mary Poppins and The Wizard of Oz. There was even a real person dressed as a gangster who took over our ride. It was pretty cool.

Indiana Jones: Epic Stunt Spectacular – This was so cool! They asked for people to volunteer to be extras in the beginning. I didn’t volunteer, and I was sad I didn’t, because they got to interact with the stunt actors as they did three major scenes from Raiders of the Lost Ark. This was so fun to watch, and some of the stunts are awesome!

Lights, Motors, Action! Extreme Stunt Show – This was another really cool show. We sat towards the back and could still see fine. Seeing cars do incredible stunts was more fun for Jad and Casey, but I still thought it was cool. They even had a car that was built to look like it was driving backwards, but it was really driving forwards.

Muppet Vision 3D – This was not my favorite 3D show. It was almost too cheesy, but it was cool to have the old sarcastic men up in a balcony laughing at the Muppets. The gift shop outside of it was also cool – worth going to if you love Muppets stuff.

Toy Story Midway Mania – This is the most popular ride at Hollywood Studios. After riding it, though, I say it isn’t worth the line. We had fast passes, and still had a long line. It wasn’t any better than the Buzz Lightyear ride at Magic Kingdom. In fact, the Buzz ride as more fun. Skip this ride – it really isn’t that fun. It is basically a life-size video game.

While we waited for Daddy and Casey to ride the same ride, Rigel and I walked around. He was mesmerized by this poster.

Star Tours – The Adventures Continue – This ride was awesome!! Rigel and Jad rode it together first, and while I waited with the other boys, we viewed a light saber show with kids right next to it. Then, I went to the restaurant next door to grab some food for hungry Kamren. By the time I got the food, and Jad and Rigel got out of the ride, it was time to meet our group for the Fantasmic show and dessert party. Casey and I rode it after the show was over. C3PO is with us as we go on a mission in space that he wasn’t expecting to go on. The ride was really bumpy with really cool graphics. It was almost like were in Space.

And just walking around Hollywood Studio was fun!

Now, let me tell you about the food we had that day before I tell you about Fantasmic.



For lunch, we went to a place called 50s Prime Time Café. It was set up, obviously, like a 50s home. The waiters were all supposed to act moody, and impatient, finding pleasure in yelling at guests.

We had the best waiter. He had this really nasally voice, and when he yelled, we couldn’t help but giggle. Jad ate this up, and deliberately did things to get yelled at for.

The food was really good. If you like home cooking, this restaurant is for you. I don’t like fried chicken much, but they had the best fried chicken ever! All the food was good, and they served huge milkshakes. Mine was raspberry white chocolate, and was a special, so it wasn’t quite as big, but boy was it amazingly tasty.

After we ate, a lady let the kids play with hula hoops outside the restaurant.

For dinner, as I said, we ate at a restaurant right next to Star Tours. Let me rephrase that – we wolfed down as much of our dinner as possible before running to our meeting place for Fantasmic.

A guide took us this weird Employees Only back way to the outdoor auditorium. We felt a little naughty going that way. We sat at a table, and even though we were stuffed from dinner, we got ice cream, punch and cookies.

The show finally started, and it was pretty good. It wasn’t my favorite light/music/fireworks show, but it has a lot of Disney characters in it. The first part was Pocahontas and the song Savages. Towards the end of the show, there were images of Disney villains in the water. The dragon from Sleeping Beauty was also there. It really was a pretty cool show.

After Fantasmic was over, and after we got free t-shirts from the school, Casey and I ran to Star Tours, while Jad took the little boys to the huge gift shop next to it. The kids all got something. Casey really wanted to build a light saber, so he did. Then Kamren also wanted one, so Casey helped him build one – it ended up being a double light saber. Rigel had gotten a large Storm Trooper toy, but after I reminded him of another toy he had seen at another gift shop – Mickey and friends dressed up as Star Wars characters – he decided to return it and wait to get that toy.

Unfortunately, the gift shop with that toy was closed, so we walked around to other shops. We couldn’t find it, and I was getting frustrated I couldn’t find anything for myself. I figured out of all parks, this park would be the place to buy something. Oh well.



At least the boys had fun playing with light sabers in the street.

We took the ferry yacht back to the resort.

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When we were walking back to our room, we saw a street performer on the Boardwalk and had to stop. Casey got to help him. It was hilarious!

Friday – Animal Kingdom

This was our last park, and though we were excited, the kids were pretty tired. The bus ride felt long, and when we first got there, the kids were ready to be carried. We prayed that the kids would be good!

Our first stop was breakfast at the Rainforest Café. If you ever go there, realize that it is located before you enter the park. We didn’t realize that, so we entered the park and promptly exited. It was a pretty cool restaurant. There were moving elephant mannequins. The ceiling had hanging vines. There were fish tanks in the back. Every few minutes, there would be a thunderstorm and monkeys would make noises. The food was not the best I had ever had, but it was good nonetheless. The gift shop was really neat too.

Animal Kingdom doesn’t stay open as long as the other parks, but that ended up being okay because it is also a smaller park. We did almost everything.

When you first walk in, you see a huge tree, called the tree of life. It was breathtaking.

Much of the park consisted of trails and animal sightings, like a zoo. Here is what we did:

Discovery Island Trails – The lemurs were the kids’ favorite.

Pangani Forest Exploration Trail – Of note, we saw meercats and gorillas.

Kilimanjaro Safaris – This was the coolest part of Animal Kingdom by far, and can’t be missed. You ride in a safari truck through a setting that looks exactly like Africa, and you continuously come across beloved African animals. We had a blast.

Festival of the Lion King – I was disappointed in this show. I expected it to be a retelling of the movie, but it wasn’t. It was a performance that the animals were putting on for King Simba. Only Timon was “real.” The rest of the animals were puppets. There were really talented acrobats, which was the only cool part. Skip this one if you don’t have time to do it.

Maharajah Jungle Trek – This was the Asian portion of the park. It was beautiful. There were humongous fruit bats, and even a tiger.

Expedition Everest (Roller coaster) – This was the scariest, most exciting roller coaster we rode in Disney World. If you love a thrill, this is it! Rigel was scared, but enjoyed it.

Finding Nemo – The Musical – This was my favorite part of the day. It was a mini-musical, so wasn’t overly long for children. The kids and I were mesmerized. The acting, music, set, and props were wonderful. I highly recommend this.

TriceraTop Spin – This was a little kid ride. Both Kamren and Rigel loved it.

Primeval Whirl – Only Casey and I rode this one. It was fun, but not scary at all. You got whirled and jerked around, and were sometimes high up. It was worth doing with a short line.

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Dinosaur – This ride was really fun. Jad and Rigel rode it together, and then Casey and I did. Jad didn’t love it, and Rigel was scared of it. I personally thought it was awesome, and so did Casey. The concept was really cool, and you could feel the urgency and the adrenaline pumping.

Before we left Animal Kingdom, we went to a nice gift shop and found that Mickey Star Wars set Rigel had really wanted at Hollywood Studios.

We left the park right when it closed, and we were hot and tired. The wait for the bus seemed long, and we were glad to get back to the resort.

But, we had found out at Animal Kingdom earlier that day that we were about out of meals for our meal plan, so we had to discuss the issue with the front desk. It turns out that Kamren wasn’t put on our meal plan at all, so any meal he got counted against the rest. As a courtesy, we were given plenty of extra meals to tide us over. We appreciated that kind gesture.

After that experience, the kids wanted to swim, and there was a cool pool at the resort. I wasn’t interested in swimming, and needed to go to Hollywood Studios to replace a broken lightsaber, so I took the ferry there while the boys took a dip in the pool.

I thought I would love being alone, but I honestly didn’t enjoy it very much. It felt weird riding on that crowded ferry with no one to talk to. I got to Hollywood Studios, promptly replaced the lightsaber, and then thought I would shop a little more. I really wanted to find myself a nice souvenir from Disney World.

But, I still couldn’t find anything! I had really wanted something that was reminiscent of The Great Movie ride, but an attendant told me there was no such store. So, instead, I bought the kids a Star Wars book that was written as if Darth Vader had raised Luke. It was cute. I also got them a CD of A New Hope.

When I got back to the Boardwalk, I went in the gift shop there to take one last look to find myself something. I still found nothing. So, I started walking to find myself something to eat. It was nearly 8, and I figured the kids had already eaten.

Surprisingly, I saw Jad on the Boardwalk. He was getting a pizza for the kids. They still hadn’t eaten. So, we ate together. Not long after, we crashed into bed, knowing we needed to get up early to pack up.

Saturday – Blizzard Beach and home

The original plan for Saturday was to go back to a park that we didn’t get a chance to get through. But later, we got a surprise – a free admission to one of four attractions. We chose the water park – Blizzard Beach.

We had to get up early Saturday to pack and get ready to fly home.

First, we had our final breakfast – this time at the Boardwalk’s restaurant Trattorio al Forno. Jad loved his breakfast, and ended up eating a lot of mine because I didn’t like it. The food was a little too fancy for me.

After our early breakfast, we finished packing. Luckily, instead of dragging all of our stuff with us all day, we got to check our suit cases, and have our carry ons held by the resort until we came back to take the bus to the airport that afternoon.

We took a shuttle to Blizzard Beach, and arrived not long after it opened. It wasn’t a huge park – we could tell from the beginning, but it ended up being one of the favorites. Why? Because it was a relaxed atmosphere. There weren’t that many people there, and everyone could go at their own pace.

Jad and Casey were really excited about the big, scary water slides. That definitely isn’t my thing, so I took the little ones to the kids’ water section. It was actually pretty cool. There were three slides, and plenty of splashing areas. Kam and Rigel went on the slides over and over, and had a wonderful time.

Later on, Jad relieved me so I could do a couple medium intensity slides with Casey. I really don’t like water slides, so it wasn’t much more fun than watching the little ones.

But then, we found a family tube ride, called Teamboat Springs. We all loved it. We got on a large tube as a family, and descended down a huge large slide, while turning and curving and getting splashed. It was perfect for all of us, and we rode it multiple times.

We really liked being at Blizzard Beach because we could do the slides as many times as we wanted, and there was no pressure to rush around. We finally left a little after 2 PM, so we could get to the shuttle bus in time.

But, first, we had to cash in all of our snacks at the gift shop. With a meal plan, you don’t want to leave any of your points behind. So, we stocked up on candy and other snacks.

We got to the resort in plenty of time to collect our stuff. Jad even went to one of the shops at the Boardwalk to collect nice free water bottles we didn’t know about until that day. And then it was time to get on the bus to go to the airport.

It was sad to say goodbye to our trip, but we were also happy to be going home. As we rode to the airport, we reflected on the blessing of Jad attending MyComputerCareer, winning the video contest, and being able to go on this once-in-a-lifetime trip. We were also so grateful for our hosts. Melanie, the CEO’s daughter, had placed this card by our door the night before.

We got to the airport in plenty of time, so got to shop around, and eat dinner leisurely.

We ate a lot of food at Disney World, but Jad and I both remarked that our food at the airport may have been our favorite. It was Italian food. The boys, however, got good old McDonald’s.

Kamren slept during much of our airport time, until not long before we boarded. He was so tuckered out from a week of nearly no naps.

We got to the airport late that night, and drove home, happy to get back to our routine.

Adjusting back to home life

Other than the endless laundry, we were all content to be home. And really, we realized that the happiest place on earth is really just wherever we are together.

We enjoyed eating and sharing our final snack spoils, and the boys quickly utilized their light sabers in the open space of our living room.

Later we talked about our overall favorites/least favorite things about Disney World:

Jad –

Favorite Park – Hollywood Studios

Favorite rides/attractions – Mission Space, car stunt show, family tube ride at the water park, the safari, 50s Prime Time Cafe, and running at the Boardwalk

Least favorite rides/attractions – Finding Nemo, Dinosaur, Fantasmic

Mandy –

Favorite Park – Hollywood Studios

Favorite rides/attractions – Spaceship Earth, Great Movie Ride, Frozen, Magic Kingdom light show, Star Tours, Everest coaster, Ariel ride, Laugh Floor, Pixar shorts, and Mickey’s Philmar

Least favorite rides/attractions – Lion King, Splash Mountain, Toy Story Mania, Astrospace, and all the whining and crying the kids did all week

Casey –

Favorite park – Hollywood Studios

Favorite rides/attractions – Indiana Jones show*, Magic Kingdom light show, Everest coaster, Splash Mountain, Mission: Space, car stunt show, Star Tours, 50’s Prime Time Cafe, Fantasmic, family tube ride at water park

Least favorite rides/attractions – Waiting in line and countries at Epcot

Rigel –

Favorite park – Blizzard Beach

Favorite rides/attractions – Mission: Space*, Finding Nemo, AstroSpace, water park (really tall slide), Star Tours, Pinocchio Haus mac and cheese, 50s Prime Time Cafe, and Star Wars toys

Least favorite rides/attractions – Everest coaster, Haunted Mansion, and Big Thunder Mountain (only because he was afraid of them, though ironically, he couldn’t stop talking about Haunted Mansion later)

Kamren –

Favorite park – Blizzard Beach

Favorite rides/attractions – kids’ slides at water park, hotel slide, tea cup ride, carousel

Last favorite rides/attractions – countries at Epcot, rushing around

We will never forget our time at Walt Disney World 2016!

June 7, 2016
Are they RIGHT about me?

Compliments are meant to lift us up and make us feel good inside. But does criticism also have a place in our lives?

Whether we realize it or not, people are constantly saying negative things about us, either to us or behind our backs. My son had a bad experience last week at recess when a boy was picking on him. He was getting in his face and telling him what an awful basketball player he was. He was mean and condescending. It hurt Casey’s feelings. When he told me about it, he said he knew what the boy said wasn’t true, but I heard a tinge of doubt in his voice.

So, how do we know if a disapproving comment made to us about our skills, talents, character, etc., is true? How do we know if we should take it to heart, or change, or give up?

I think the easiest way to know is to follow the “WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY HOW” method. I exclude small children from this method because pretty much anything they say is done without a filter, and the good, bad, even the ugly, is usually true, much to our embarrassment and dismay. (You know you are thinking of a time and nodding.)

WHO is the one making the comments about you? Is it someone who knows you well, someone who cares about you, someone who you trust, or is it someone who generally doesn’t speak to you or get along with you?

Now, sometimes the WHO is tricky, because even the people who are supposed to love and care about us the most can say things that aren’t true.

Another important thing to consider is WHO else has said these things about you? Was it just this person, or are there others? Has anyone told you the opposite, and do you trust that person? In my son’s basketball situation, two of his close friends comforted Casey by saying that they thought his basketball playing had readily improved over the year, and that he does a great job.

WHAT is the person saying? Is the person using words like always and never? Is he using words that belittle or uplift? Is he saying things that you already know or suspect are true, or things you have never thought about before?

The WHAT is also tricky, because when under extreme stress, sadness, etc., sometimes even the kindest people say hurtful things. Additionally, sometimes we are unaware of our own downfalls, weaknesses, and bad habits. Let’s keep thinking.

WHEN is the person talking to you? Is it during a fight, or is it when you are speaking calmly to each other? Knowing the WHEN can help you determine if what the person said was rational, or just based on heightened emotions.

Also, think about how many times a person has said the same thing to you. Oftentimes, especially if someone we love says something multiple times in different occasions, there is truth to it. In those cases, even though the first couple times the person said it, he may have said it calmly, don’t be surprised if that calm becomes irritation or anger.

WHERE are you when the person says these comments? Are you in public where everyone can hear, or are you in private where discretion is appropriate? Sincere compliments are often quite appropriate to be said in public settings, but criticism is normally best said in private. So, thinking of the WHERE can help you determine if the person is trying to help you or hurt you.

HOW is the person making these comments? Is he angry and irrational, or is he trying to be objective and helpful? Is he in your face and yelling, or is he calm and focused? Is he engaged in the conversation, giving you eye contact? How is his inflection? Is he frowning, smiling, scowling, laughing?

Someone who really wants to help you will act a certain way. I think you can guess how.

WHY is perhaps the hardest of all, because that is something we often have to figure out on our own, based on past interactions with a person, and based on the other questions we just discussed.

Since there are some cases when criticism is positive, and necessary for personal growth, then there must be people who offer it with the best intentions. I believe that the people who truly love us want to help us be the best we can be. So, in appropriate moments, they may gently mention opportunities for improvement.

On the other hand, someone who doesn’t care about your best interests doesn’t care if he hurts your feelings or if what he is saying is even true.

He may be saying those things because he is envious of you, because he has been treated similarly by others, because he is insecure or unhappy in his own skin, or maybe even because he has a mental illness and cannot control all he says.

I went through a time in my life when the person who was supposed to love me the most, treated me the worst. I was often called worthless and unimportant. Was it true? To him, perhaps. To me? Well, it ate at me, and even though in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn’t true, I couldn’t believe that someone who loved me would talk to me that way. There must have been a WHY. For this person, I believe part of it was self-inflicted shame because of harmful choices he was making and hiding from me.

I think the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE AND HOW are what help us know if what someone is saying is worth holding onto, but the WHY helps us understand, and hopefully have compassion on that person – enough compassion to forgive and move forward.

Doesn’t all this seem obvious? Yet, it isn’t. I have spoken to so many people damaged, seemingly beyond repair, because of hateful, often repeated, attacks to their character, talents, education, relationships and lifestyle. Even when they know that something shouldn’t be true, hearing it makes them doubt themselves, and fear that it could be.

If you are one of these people, know that you are doing better than you think you are, and certainly better than those who verbally abuse you.

Every person on this earth is a beloved child of God. We all have that going for us, and Christ atoned for us all. Nobody is better than anybody else. Pride is a big cause of verbal mistreatment.

Let us all try to be humble, and see our own weaknesses clearly before we point out others’. And if we do point out others’ faults, let us do it appropriately, in love and gentleness, with a true desire to bless the lives of others.

May 26, 2016
I learned, not failed
Have you ever prayed out loud pleading, sobbing, hoping, asking?

I did that recently. I had to. I was so confused, emotionally and physically exhausted, and feeling that I wasn’t doing my part well enough.

March 18-19 2016, my mom and I attended an event in Raleigh put on by Deseret Book called Time Out for Women (TOFW).

My feelings about this event are best summarized by my Facebook post on the 19^th: Last night and today have been one of the greatest experiences I have had for a long time. My mom is with me. We are seeing old friends, feeling the Spirit, laughing, learning, and crying. The music and speakers are all phenomenal, and I look forward to the rest of today!‪

This event changed my perspective, and possibly my life.

I took many notes during the event, as all the speakers and performers had such lovely and insightful things to say. Here are some of the points that meant the most to me:
1. John Bytheway, spoke of gardens. The garden was a metaphor for one’s testimony of Christ and His gospel. He said that all you have to do to lose your garden is nothing. Am I currently working to increase my testimony, or am I letting the weeds grow? Among many other important metaphors and points, he quoted this by Neal A. Maxwell: “In conclusion, the submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. The many other things we “give,” brothers and sisters, are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!” I do try to give my will to God. It was His will that I start my business, for example. I just wish I knew why…
2. Jenny Oaks Baker, the most beautiful violinist I have ever heard, said that we should have faith in the Lord, not in that certain things will happen in our lives. Am I dreaming too much, and not thinking enough about my faith?
3. Wendy Ulrich talked of failing verses learning. She said failure doesn’t define us or finish us. We learn instead of fail. She asked us to think to ourselves, “What risk do I need to take even though I am afraid to fail?” What if I quit my business? I would be a failure, right? If not, what on earth am I learning?
4. Mary Ellen Edmunds talked about an African saying – “I am well if you are well.” She said that love is the best medicine and that we should give another dose if one doesn’t work. She quoted Thoreau: “Love is the only investment that never fails.” She testified that kindness and love bring power over mind, heart and behavior. Am I giving enough love? If love is the only investment that never fails, I need to do more investing.
5. A sweet local from Cary said, “God gave us everything. All He asks is sacrifice from us.” Am I sacrificing enough for Him?
6. Eric Huntsman said that he learned about Jesus on his mother’s knee. This image struck me to the core, and I felt incredibly inadequate. Will my kids learn from my knee? I felt that my priorities should be teaching the gospel to my children. I starred a couple scriptures that he quoted:
  1. Alma 5:26 – And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now? Can I ?
  2. 1 John 3:2 – Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. All that matters is that I am like Him.
7. Calee Reed was the extremely talented singer on the second day. She spoke about how we should always remember we are daughters of God and that He loves us. She said that knowing that helps her feel better about herself and the mundane things she has to do as a mother. I struggle with the mundane. That is why I try so hard to make something of myself and do, do, do.
8. Sandra Turley quoted the song “We Must Sing” by Rob Gardner. My favorite verse was: “God made our voices, but we must make them sing. God gave us voices so we must sing.” She said we need to grow our testimony of Christ before our talents, and then use our talents to share our testimony. She said we must give our kids faith or we have given little. We must sing to defend God. I have talents, and I used to use them all the time for sharing my testimony and defending God. Now, I don’t have time to do my blogging…
  1. During her talk, when she was talking about praising God, I had a random thought, and that was that God doesn’t care about our weight or what we look like on the outside. Do we as women focus on that too much? My business focuses a lot on outside looks (well, inner health too).
9. Emily Belle Freeman gave a touching talk about true friendships and hospitality. During her talk, I had a few thoughts:
  1. We shouldn’t do something for what it will do for us, because we already have all we need with God and family. Wow, I really do, don’t I?
  2. Sometimes something is right, but not right now. What should wait?
  3. The mundane isn’t really mundane. Wow, I really haven’t had time to do the mundane lately. I wish I had more time to keep my home clean or cook nice meals…
These were my favorite points from TOFW, though the entire event nourished my soul, and helped me bond with my mom. As we drove home from Raleigh, I ended up in tears as I spoke to her. I told her of my concerns about not having enough time for my family and for the things that matter most. I told her many of the things that stuck out to me from TOFW, and that I felt like I wasn’t doing those things well enough.

My greatest concern was my business with It Works. I reminded her and myself of the strong, overwhelming spiritual prompting I had gotten to start my business less than six months before. I was just so confused. I couldn’t quit! Not when He had told me to do this. It has only been a short time!

Once we arrived back to her home, I said hello to my dad, and hugged my mom goodbye to drive my car home. During that ride home was when I gave my desperate and fervent vocal prayer to my Heavenly Father. I tried to be as in tune with the Spirit as possible as I communed with Him.

When I came home, I wrote down my thoughts:
1. The financial dreams my family wrote together don’t really matter.
2. We have ALL we need already.
3. I don’t have to do my book right now (a desire I have had for some time.)
4. I have no time for love, and that is what I need most.
5. My final thought was that my family needs to be together all the time – that was a worthwhile dream.
I saw number 5 as a somewhat comforting reason to remain with my business. And life went on for nearly a month. I continued working my business, but the joy wasn’t there. The motivation and inspiration wasn’t there. The success I had seen before wasn’t happening.

Then, the morning of April 12, I went to my church Institute class about the Savior.

The Spirit touched me to the very center when we read this scripture (Alma was quoting the prophet Zenos, and what he said about prayer):

And thou didst hear me because of mine afflictions and my sincerity ; and it is because of thy Son that thou hast been thus merciful unto me, therefore I will cry unto thee in all mine afflictions , for in thee is my joy; for thou hast turned thy judgments away from me, because of thy Son. Alma 33:11

What part struck me? The very small line: “For in thee is my joy.”

I was overcome with my lack of joy at that time. My business wasn’t bringing me joy. I was overworked physically and mentally. I had so much going on in my life that I couldn’t breathe. Where is my joy? Is should be in Christ, and I have not had time to focus on Him!

In the next lesson that same day, we talked about Christ’s second coming.

We read a powerful quote from Elder Dallin H. Oaks: “While we are powerless to alter the fact of the Second Coming and unable to know its exact time, we can accelerate our own preparation and try to influence the preparation of those around us. … “What if the day of His coming were tomorrow? If we knew that we would meet the Lord tomorrow—through our premature death or through His unexpected coming— what would we do today? What confessions would we make? What practices would we discontinue? What accounts would we settle? What forgiveness would we extend? What testimonies would we bear? “If we would do those things then, why not now? Why not seek peace while peace can be obtained? If our lamps of preparation are drawn down, let us start immediately to replenish them.”

This quote hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew that I would do things so much differently if I knew that the Savior were to return tomorrow. Nothing was more clear to me at that moment than that I needed to quit my business. I knew that though it wasn’t a bad endeavor, it was stopping me from preparing myself, my family, and those around me spiritually for Christ. I had realized earlier that day that in Christ should be my joy. He is everything. What was I giving to Him?

So, I went home that day feeling that I really needed to get rid of something. I knew the first thing was definitely my business. I was a little scared, but I prayed for reassurance, and I got it. Within a few hours, I sent a sincere and heartfelt email to my upline and friend, Amber.

I told her how I had been struggling with my business for quite some time. Financially, it wasn’t providing for me, even though I was working hard. In the past months, if I ever felt discouraged and ready to quit, I could feel God bless me with a new customer or a new promotion or a new idea. But, that had not been happening. My distributors weren’t working, and potential customers weren’t signing. I had taken a blow just a couple weeks before realizing that even if I promote, I have to requalify for my rank each month. Where is the stability and consistency in that?

I gave her many reasons for thinking of quitting, like my joy and desire wavering. I told her that “this business has not done for me what is most important for my family and for my spirituality,” and “the time I have devoted has taken me away from things I love, including blogging.”

I said, “I know that to be really successful, I need this business to become my top priority, but if I have felt anything lately, it is that my family and my devotion to Christ must be my top priority. I don’t have to be wealthy and my husband doesn’t have to stay at home.”

I told her that I didn’t regret doing It Works, but I hadn’t felt peace with it for some time. I told her that “writing this email with my thoughts is bringing me a lot of peace.”

My initial thought was that I wouldn’t quit until the end of the week. I would give it some time to see if anything happened that would help me be successful. But, then, when my husband got home that evening, we had a tearful heart to heart. I told him about the email, and about my thoughts. I felt the Spirit as I told him that my priorities needed to shift and that our family and God is all that matters.

He told me he was proud of me and that he could tell I was making decisions with the Spirit. He reassured me that he is happy to work, and that we don’t have to be rich. Our dreams were good, but our family is what matters most.

So, that night, I emailed Amber again and told her that I would indeed be quitting. It felt so good.

She did not write me back right away, and after several days, I was worried that she was really angry with me. It turns out my email had gone to her spam folder, and I was so relieved and grateful that she was really supportive and understanding.

It has been a couple weeks since I decided to quit my business, and I have not felt regret. I reflected on the prayer I had on the way home from TOFW, and I realized my interpretation of the thought that my family needs to be together all the time was wrong. What Heavenly Father was telling me was that my family needed to be together eternally – that is all that matters.

That interpretation has inspired me. I am still catching up on many “to dos” since the musical has been over (something else that took much of my time, but was such a blessing), but soon that list will get smaller and smaller until I can focus my time and attention on loving my family, doing the mundane things that aren’t so mundane, giving service, and sharing the gospel through my blog.

I have asked myself a few times why did Heavenly Father want me to start my business in the first place if I was only going to quit in six months?

I wish I had a true answer for that. Jad thinks that maybe the skills I learned in networking will help me reach more people with my blog. I did learn a new skill and overcome a fear of videotaping myself speaking. Perhaps that will become useful someday. Or, maybe it is as Wendy Ulrich said : maybe it isn’t failing; it is learning.

Well, I have learned a lot. And the love I was missing is coming back to me. I thank God for His infinite wisdom, and for His hand in my life. I know He knows what is best for me, and that He desires my joy!

I must make a clarification that I am in no way saying that home businesses are not a good thing, or that dreams of financial freedom aren’t merited, or that an absence of joy in something is always a justified reason to move on. I simply mean that for me, and for my family, there is another plan at this time. The only thing I can continue to do is to follow where the Spirit leads me, and be willing to give my entire will to God (the only thing of mine I can truly give), no matter what.

If He is the guide on my journey and I always choose to follow Him, my destination will always be Heaven, either on earth or in the eternities.
April 28, 2016
Why Everyone should be in a Musical
This past Saturday, ended a time of my life that was most precious – my time rehearsing for and performing in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with the Durham Stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I wouldn’t trade that time for the world. There is something incredibly unique about participating in a musical. The experiences you have can’t be found in their entirety in any other way.

I have loved musicals since I was 13. The first musical I ever heard was The Phantom of the Opera, in my 8^th grade Drama class. Throughout my entire adolescence, I drank in as many musicals as I could. I would sing them as loudly as I could in my room, and play them on the piano (while also singing). I felt like I could be anybody when I sang from these musicals, and as I sang, I felt I was them.

In high school, I had the pleasure of playing Hodel in Fiddler on the Roof my Sophomore Year, and then Catherine in Pippin my Senior year.

A couple years ago, I was able to perform in another musical by my Stake called Sing Down the Moon: Appalachian Wonder Tales. That was a special experience because I got to perform with my son, Casey, for the first time, and also work with people of many different ages.

Now, after this performance of Chitty, I know that my love of musicals will always run through my veins, and I want to share with you now why I think everyone should be in a musical sometime in their lives:
1. You get to go through the audition process!
You might be thinking, “Isn’t that the least exciting, and scariest part?” Actually, to me, it is a huge motivator. Once I know what show is being done, I do my research. If I don’t know what the show is about already, I find out. I listen to the music. Then, I determine which role/roles I want to be considered for. Once I do that, I very carefully choose a song and monologue to showcase how I perceive the character.

For Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I knew without a doubt I wanted to play the Baroness. I knew her role would be challenging because she has to have impeccable comedic timing, she has to be noticed at all times, and she has to be a likable character while also portraying clearly that she hates/fears children.

It took me a long time to decide what song I wanted to audition with, but I finally chose “Let’s Go to the Movies” from Annie. With this song, I could move, be a little sassy, and show the richness of my voice. A monologue wasn’t required for the auditions, but I wanted to go above and beyond. I knew easily that I wanted to portray Helga Pataki from my favorite childhood show, Hey Arnold. She is one who has a cruel exterior, but a mushy heart for her true love. She is incredibly animated, and her voice goes quite high pitched, like how I imagined the Baroness speaking.

Auditions were really fun. I loved having Casey with me for that. He chose to sing ”Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” from Mary Poppins because it was a song he loved and was comfortable doing. That was perfect for him.

I was thrilled to receive a callback for the Baroness. We were given songs to practice and a couple scenes to go over. You better believe I practiced and practiced, and practiced some more. I asked my high school theater teacher, Carol Halbert, for advice, and she said to perform so that the director sees nobody else but me. I took that to heart, and erased all fear and reservations.

For example, instead of just crawling around half-heartedly during a scene where the Baroness freaks out about children coming to Vulgaria, I thought out how a small child throws a tantrum, and did that myself – kicking, screaming, and rolling around.

Everyone laughed their heads off, and I was pleased. By the same token, I also had a blast watching other people’s interpretations of the Baron, Baroness, and the Spies. Everyone was hilarious in their own ways, that it was really hard to guess who would be cast. I honestly would have been happy for anyone. I could see from that day that I was going to make some great friendships in the show.

I truly believe that the audition and call back process is a premium way for you to get your head in the game, be completely committed, and to enter the realm of the musical.
1. You can forget everything else about your life when you are at rehearsal.
There aren’t that many places you can go where you can completely focus on something else, and let the rest of the world pass you by. Theater is one avenue you can do that, because you literally are in another place, and you are portraying another person other than yourself. Even though rehearsing is very hard work, it is also relaxing in that you can leave the rest of your cares behind for a couple hours.
1. You get to wear clothes, and do your hair and makeup in a way you never would otherwise.
I am not the type of person who would wear silky pajamas with a red feathery robe, or a soft pink night gown in public. I wouldn’t wear a skin tight dress that sparkles so much, it hurts your eyes either. But, I did in the musical, and rather than cause me embarrassment, it enhanced the character of the Baroness.

And the last night I wore that gold dress, my co-Baroness even told me I looked “hot.” It sure gave me the confidence to get on stage and do the “Bombie Samba” one last time.

I have a cool story about one of my costumes. In Chitty, I played Baroness Bomburst two out of the four nights, but the other nights I played a small part called Miss Phillips. She was a cold, biting, humorless woman, who was unwilling to help Caractacus Potts in any way. I was having the hardest time finding a costume that felt right for her. Well, something told me to look around my closet one more time, and I remembered a khaki dress I had. Yeah, I don’t wear khaki, but the dress was given to me, and I always felt I shouldn’t get rid of it. Well, I felt that this was the reason – I needed it for Miss Phillips. (Ironically, nobody took a picture of me in this costume.)

I must give a special thank you to my sister, Mariah, for providing most of my big, blingy jewelry for the show. I can’t tell you how many times I got compliments on my earrings, bracelets, rings and necklaces for the show. It’s nice to have a sister who loves bling!

I felt I definitely learned some new makeup skills from this show. It is funny – when I first started putting on the makeup for dress rehearsals, I was so embarrassed about it because it was so bright, but by the time the show was over, I thought that my normal amount of makeup was too light.

I asked a friend of mine, Sarah Jarvis, to do my hair for the Baroness because she is amazing with hair. I loved spending time with her as she did this act of service for me.

The kids in the show, who played Vulgarian children, took their hair and makeup very seriously as they rubbed brown all over their faces, and teased their hair up so much that I feared they would never be able to brush it again.

Choosing your costumes, and doing your hair and makeup right for a show takes creativity and artistic talent. It is so much fun to do!
1. You have so much fun together, you form beautiful friendships and even feel like family.
My church is huge, and I definitely don’t know all the church members in my area. Some people started out being acquaintances, and ended up being close friends. Others, who I had never met, became people who I will always feel comfortable with and will smile at in the future. I got to make friends with men, women, teens, and children. I just love youth so much, and bonding with them made me feel young and relevant.

The cast really had so much fun together. One example is that while backstage before the “Bombie Samba,” all the Vulgarians would pretend to be the Baron and Baroness as they spoke and sang. It was extra funny and poignant to me because I knew that two nights of the four, they were doing that to my voice.

My greatest friendship formed from Chitty was a result of giving rides to neighbors who were in the show. Katie Ricks, who is 16, is a young lady that I now call a close friend. She and I went to many rehearsals with just the two of us, and we had such fun, and sometimes, deep conversations, about important things like boys. I am grateful for her friendship!

It was so evident to me just how much the cast had become my family on closing night. Before the show started, the cast sang “Families Can Be Together Forever,” and as tears streamed down my face, I thought of how we really were like a family, and how I would cherish these memories and experiences for the rest of my life. That whole night, I kept tearing up because I knew it was the last time we could sing “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” together, help each other with hair and makeup, or talk with our Vulgarian or British accents.

I was so grateful to members of the cast during the show that night too. My son, Casey, came down with a bad earache, and so many people helped him, either by offering medicine, consoling him, or giving him direction to lie down and let his ear drain. Because these people cared about my son, they helped him and gave him the ability to continue on and finish out the show.
1. You have to put your trust in others.
The first type of trust I am thinking of is trust in one’s safety. In the show, I had to trust a lot of people when I was the Baroness. I had to trust Christian, who played the Baron, that he wouldn’t drop me when dipping me low to the ground, or that he wouldn’t hurt me right after that as he threw me on the stage. I had to trust that when I fainted into teenage girls and rolled across all of them, that they would hold me up, and not send me crashing down. I had to then trust the Baron to catch me right after that. I had to trust people to help the Baron and I get down the stage steps safely while we were tied together.

The hardest thing for me was to trust a group of men to pick me up, as I fainted to the side, and carry me to the center of the stage. The first time I realized I had to do that, I freaked out a little, but I learned to trust them.

I also had to trust that those I acted with would work hard, learn their lines, and desire for us to do our best. I had to trust that those who gave me advice were helping me look and sound even better. Thankfully, with this fine group of people, that wasn’t hard to do at all.

One of the best pieces of advice I got had to do with the lift in the Samba, actually. Lisa, the stage manager, told me to fall to the side with one leg raised. After the men lifted me, I would then cross my other leg over. That piece of advice immediately changed everything – I was no longer afraid of the lift – in fact, I looked forward to it. I am grateful for all the advice I got from my director, the producer, and the music directors.
1. You have to be disciplined and focused.
If you have never acted, sung or danced in front of others, you may take for granted how difficult that really is. You can work for hours and weeks on a scene or song, and still not be satisfied with it. It takes repetition, analysis of scenes and characters, accepting and applying of feedback, and consistent effort to get good enough to perform. If you don’t believe it, the audience won’t. To be successful in theater, you must also stay focused on your character. No matter what happens on stage – a mistake in a line, the forgetting of a line, or even an unexpected trip or fall, you must stay in character, or else the audience will stop believing.

The last Friday I played the Baroness, the little Vulgarian children tied us up really tight in the Happy Birthday banner. They had to pull us to downstage right, and that night they pulled us too hard and the Baron and I both tumbled to the ground. We could have gasped, or laughed, or cried out in pain, but we stayed in character. What made it even harder to stay in character, was the adorable kids on stage who worriedly asked us if we were okay and extended loving arms to lift us up. Seeing as how they were playing characters who hated us, and I was playing a character who feared them, it was interesting to make that work. I accepted their help hesitantly, but out of necessity, all the while pretending like it was disgusting to have them touch me. And It wasn’t until after we got off stage that I burst out in uncontrollable laughter, and then realized my knee hurt.

Speaking of the Baron, Christian was the definition of focused and disciplined. Sometimes I almost thought he was too focused on rehearsing. He liked to take every spare moment to run a song or lines. I came to really value that quality, though. Had he not done that, I am not sure our scenes would have been as polished.

I have to tell a story of a tender mercy, too. There were times during the duration of the show that I was insanely busy and felt I was drowning. I was certainly focused and disciplined, but I just didn’t have the time to memorize all my lines by the date Taunja requested it. So, I did the best I could by memorizing only what I thought we would be rehearsing on a given night. Well, one rehearsal (the first off-book rehearsal, in fact), we were supposed to only go over the “Choochie Face” scene. I memorized that and practiced it quite a bit. But, because some other things got done more quickly than expected, Taunja wanted us to go over several other scenes. I nearly panicked. I said a little prayer, and asked Bethany if she could do the scenes before me. Well, with God’s help, I was able to memorize the lines to each scene in the few minutes while Bethany went over each one. I am not that fast of a memorizer – I know God helped me, and I believe He did because He knew my heart. He knew I was dedicated, but that I needed a little extra help. I find that is true in my life in general – when I do the best I can, God makes up the difference.
1. You learn to be humble and work as a team, rather than competitors.
No matter what, there will be someone who sees something you don’t, or has an idea you didn’t come up with, or does something better than you, or receives more praise than you. I have seen actors in the past, with lead roles, that are kind of snobby towards others because of it. They do themselves a disservice in doing so. I never felt that anyone was that way in Chitty, but rather took the opportunity to seek advice from others, and realize that alone, nobody can perform perfectly.

I was the Baroness only half the time, and spent much of my time rehearsing alongside Bethany, the other Baroness. For the first couple months of rehearsal, we didn’t work together much, though, other than with learning songs. She and I both had a different Baron. Then, one day, we started sharing our Baron, and though it was hard at first, we made it work. We didn’t get jealous of each other, and Christian was so good to both of us.

Rather than be competitive with each other, and try to prove that we were the better actress, we worked together. We helped each other, and gave each other tips. We accepted those tips graciously. It was a lovely partnership.

One example of a victory that came from us working together, was when the three of us started researching tantrum videos for toddlers. We weren’t getting the tantrum scene just right, and wanted inspiration. Well, we found a video of a kid who was hitting irrationally, and we had an Aha moment. We spent quite a while taking turns trying new ways to do our tantrum, and by the end, we felt so much better about it! It ended up being one of the most fun and hilarious scenes of the show (maybe we are biased, but my friend, Kimberly, did say she was laughing so hard, she cried, when she saw that scene).
1. You rejoice in the success of others.
I think this goes along with humility. In a musical, you can choose to only focus on yourself and how well you are doing, or you can take the time to observe others around you and appreciate their grand performances. It always meant so much to me when someone would smile at me and tell me I did a great job on a song I sang, or a tantrum I did. It really helped motivate me to continue on and do my best. I also tried to do that for the rest of my cast. I truly did admire everyone for their hard work, poise, professionalism, can-do attitudes, helping hands, and cheerful demeanors. We sure had a cast full of hilarity, awesome dance moves, and angelic singing voices.

I remember a few times while watching the show from the sidelines (either during rehearsals or performances) that I felt just how wonderful people were. Some examples were:
1. Hearing the audience cheer as they saw the tiny blimp carry Grandpa’s tiny laboratory across the sky (Lisa, our stage manager, spent many hours perfecting it, and it was perfect).
2. Watching the bamboo dancers do acrobatics I could never do, and cheerfully too!
3. Seeing our new turkey farmer for the first time do his scene, and how he did it perfectly.
4. Hearing how Anjuli perfected her accent for Violet.
5. Listening to the angelic music of “Hushabye Mountain” or “Lovely, Lonely Man.”
6. Laughing hysterically at the inventors, or at the spies as they moved across the stage.
7. Watching Bethany do the tantrum so perfectly, I laughed like I had never seen it before.
8. Hearing Taunja excitedly praise the puppies for being so adorable, and the kids for making her cry when singing “Teamwork.”
1. You understand that each and every person plays an essential part in the success of the show.
It would be a mistake to assume that the lead actors are the most important part of a musical, or that really any one group of people (cast or crew) is more important. All of us make those wheels turn, from the person who opens and closes the curtain, to the people who move the props, to the sound and light technicians, to anyone and everyone. We are all crucial to believability and enjoyability of the musical.

Someone who cannot be missed is President Hansen, who not only played an inventor in the show, but also introduced the show each night, and gave the opening prayer. On opening night, when he gave the prayer, I felt a sudden calm and peace come over me. I knew that everything would be okay. Even if I, or anyone in my beloved cast, didn’t perform everything perfectly, the audience would still love the show. Because of his prayer, and the prayers of others, we were successful each and every night of the show.

I hope nobody in Chitty every felt insignificant. I got to be on two sides of the acting spectrum, being a lead on two nights, and being ensemble, with a small speaking role, the other two nights. I may not have had as much to do on stage on my ensemble nights, but I sang my heart out on side stage, I was there for Bethany to help her change her clothes and make sure she had her props, I owned my little speaking part, and I reacted as much as possible when in the Vulgarian scenes. Were those little parts important? Of course! And every single person in the show who did anything, played an essential role.
1. You realize that the show isn’t about you.
Our director, Taunja Ingram, helped us always remember that we were doing this show for God and for the benefit of our community. Through our performance, we would be lifting others’ spirits, and helping them feel God’s love. Our performance was for God, and it was for His children. It wasn’t for our own fame or accolades, but it could nourish our souls as we nourished others. I think the show meant so much more to us because of that.

Before one of the shows we did, Taunja read this scripture, which touched us all:

But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that they performance may be for the welfare of thy soul (2 Nephi 32:9).’

It filled my heart with gladness when I saw the smiles on the faces of my family, friends, and people of the community after each show Their joy was evident and I am grateful that this cast and crew was able to bring laughter and love to each of them.
1. The music becomes a part of you forever.
This goes for the actors, crew, and the audience. My children have not stopped singing the songs since they first saw it. My son, Rigel, will sing “Me Ol’Bamboo” almost all day long.

Driving in the car to and from rehearsals and performances, Casey, Annika, Katie and I would have a blast singing the songs at the top of our lungs in our accents.

I always would light up hearing children in the cast sing “The Bombie Samba” or “Choochie Face.” They would have so much light in their eyes as they imitated these fun songs. (As a side note, the first time I heard “The Bombie Samba,” I thought it was really dumb. Now, I know it will never leave my mind and heart as long as I live).

As a cast, we would sing “Teamwork” before each performance, and then chant “Oh yes! Go Go!” It really did bring us together and pump us up for the show.
1. You get to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
I played a few characters in the show. Pulling from that, and also from past shows I have done, I have to say that I feel most satisfied with my performances when I am no longer pretending to be a character, but when I have stepped directly in that character’s shoes and become her. When I am on stage, I am not Mandy, and the actors around me are not known by their names. No, we are our characters. It makes all the difference in delivery. If you believe, the audience will believe. This is not easy to do. It takes so much preparation.

This also includes learning their accents, and finding the intonation of voice that makes the most sense for them in different situations. I got to learn the Vulgarian accent, and also use the British accent on my off nights. Zometimes I find myself speaking in Vulgarian in mein head, and it delights me because it means I haven’t completely removed her shoes from my feet.

I always like to have heart to hearts with my characters and ask them their back stories, and why they feel the way they feel. Why are they compelled to do what they are going to do, or have done? Who do they love? Who do they hate? What do they fear? What do they love and loathe about themselves? What habits do they have and why?

You can do this as a lead character or an ensemble member, and it will change you as a person as you build this empathy.
1. You are the most honest version of yourself.
Some people equate actors with being good liars. I don’t think that is true at all. I think actors are the most honest people there are. They are vulnerable and fearless. They portray emotions that others hide inside. It could be true love, irrational fears, insanity, childishness, sexy confidence, uncertainty, tenderness, utter hatred, and so much more. Actors have to find a way to dig deep inside themselves to find a memory, or a thought that will help them show the audience exactly what their character is thinking, feeling, or doing. This is hard, and it takes complete honesty.
1. You can do things on stage people would think you were crazy for in real life.
I chuckle as I think about some of the stuff I did as the Baroness. I am pretty sure if my face were that animated, my voice that high pitched, my singing notes that off, my movements that exaggerated, my vanity so apparent, that people would never talk to me or come around me again. That is one thing I absolutely love about theater. You can be completely over the top and nobody will get freaked out. Your movements, diction, and facial expressions are supposed to be more deliberate and expressive. As you learn to do this, it can be intimidating at first, but oh, how it enlivens you.

Now, I won’t do everything on stage. For example, Christian and I played husband and wife, but we knew without talking about it we wouldn’t kiss onstage because we were both happily married. We were still able to give a believable husband/wife relationship without kissing, which was a fun challenge to conquer.
1. You gain a tremendous amount of confidence.
I realized this early on in my life. I used to be so shy, and really uncomfortable in my own skin. But, once I started taking acting classes, and being challenged to do things I had never done before, I transformed. I no longer have anxiety about singing, speaking, or acting in public. I can do it. I can do humorous, tender, flirty, angry or devastated improvisations any time now because I have taught myself how to, and am not afraid to be vulnerable.

If you work hard, and really own everything you do in theater, you will overcome shyness, and you will realize that you can do anything if you believe in yourself. I love not caring about what everyone thinks about me all the time. Theater helps with that. You just are you, and that is wonderful!

The confidence also comes because if you are given a task in a show, you do it. You may be a little scared, but you take on the challenge, and practice it until you get it right. For the longest time, I was so nervous about dancing “The Bombie Samba” choreography. There was one part I didn’t get right for the longest time. A week or two before dress rehearsal, I finally got it because I kept asking for help. I didn’t give up. I also never thought I could sing and dance at the same time, but by performance time, I could do it, and I did, because I didn’t give up. I practiced and practiced, and had faith that if I was given the task, it was because I could accomplish it.

My heart lit up after my final Baroness performance when Taunja excitedly told me that she thought my Samba was perfect that night. She said I owned it, and that it was mine. The one scene that always scared me I did perfectly? I thanked God for that blessing.

You may wonder how one can be humble and also confident in theater. It is possible, and I can assure you, if that gets hard, God will have a sense of humor and help keep you humble. The same night I felt I did super well, I actually had burning, watery eyes all night. I had a fake lash blunder, so all night my eyes were swollen, and my eyes leaking. It kept me humble, but also gave me an opportunity to stay in character and continue to be confident no matter what. I thank God for that opportunity.

Are 15 reasons enough to convince you to try musical theater someday? I know I could come up with more, but these are at the forefront of my heart and mind.

I will cherish my time with the cast and crew of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for the rest of my life. I will never forget my love for the Baroness. She is a part of me now. I know her completely.

The people I worked with I will always admire and be grateful for. I am grateful for their talents, their advice, their encouragement, their smiles and laughter, their dedication, and their hearts. We were a good team. I am also so grateful for my family, who was a huge part of my team – especially my husband. With his support, I was able to consistently go to my rehearsals, that took up much of my time. And I am grateful for all who came to see the show – without an audience, the dream can’t be realized. Much love to you all!

Teamwork, can make a dream work, if we all pitch in and try.
Teamwork can make a dream work, and no mountain is too high!
If the same great dream is beating in each heart,
There’s no stopping what a fighting team can start.
For, all together, a team can weather, any storm they may go through.
Yes, teamwork, can make a dream work, can make the greatest dreams come true.
April 20, 2016
The Enemy

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; (Matthew 5:44).

“Lord, this is too hard,” many of you may say when you read those verses. How can we love, bless, do good to and pray for those who take advantage of us, speak badly of us, treat us like we are horrible people, criticize and argue with us, and even try to silence us?

I watched a movie called War Room a few months ago that stopped me in my tracks. My mind hasn’t been able to shake the messages of an old woman named Miss Clara, to a young wife and mother named Elizabeth.

Elizabeth, confiding to Miss Clara about her relationship with her husband, Tony, said, “If there’s one thing we do well, it’s fight.”

Miss Clara retorted, “No, I don’t think you do. Just because you argue a lot doesn’t mean you fight well. I bet you never feel like you’ve won.”

And why wouldn’t she ever win? Aren’t arguments something that people win or lose? Isn’t that what opposing forces do?

Miss Clara later proclaimed this, “Your husband has his own issues, but he’s not your enemy.”

Then who is the enemy?

A jolt of recognition and clarity rang through my entire body as she counseled that the Devil is the real enemy:

“He comes to steal, kill and destroy—stealing your joy, killing your faith and trying to destroy your family.”

Miss Clara also said, “Very few of us know how to fight the right way or understand who we are really fighting against.”

That is why Elizabeth could never win a fight with her husband: she was fighting the wrong way, and with the wrong person.

There is no question in my mind that we are fighting in a war daily. We think we are in a war with the people around us who argue with us, who put us down, who talk about us behind our backs, who persecute us, or who cause us to yell or cry out in frustration.

Yes, there is a fight to win, but we must always remember our real opponent, and figure out the right way to beat him. As James E. Faust clarified, “Satan is our greatest enemy and works night and day to destroy us. But we need not become paralyzed with fear of Satan’s power. He can have no power over us unless we permit it. He is really a coward, and if we stand firm he will retreat” (“Be Not Afraid,” Ensign,‍ Oct. 2002, 4).

I never really thought about the fact that Satan has power over us only if we allow it, but it makes so much sense. We are not Satan’s; we are God’s, and if we use His help, we can defeat Satan.

Miss Clara said to Elizabeth: “If you want victory, you’re going to have to first surrender.”

That would normally seem like a paradox, but not when we surrender to the one who knows what is best for us, who loves and knows us completely, and who wants nothing more than to bless us and free us from our enemy, Satan.

When we surrender to God, we seek Him, submit to His will, and promise to follow where He leads us, rather than where our natural and human weaknesses would take us. Miss Clara said, “It’s not my job to do the heavy lifting. No, that is something only He can do.”

I thought about why that is, and I believe it is because we can’t make anybody change. We can’t make people treat us right or see our worth. Only God can soften hearts and enlighten minds. Fighting with others will never accomplish this, because contention is of the Devil, not God.

For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another (3 Nephi 11:29).

Is there a way we can fight without contention and without anger? Miss Clara thinks so. She shows and teaches Elizabeth about her favorite room in her house, her War Room, where she does her spiritual fighting. She studies her scriptures, prays with real intent, expresses her gratitude, confesses her own faults, and pleads to God for forgiveness, understanding, and enlightenment not only for herself, but for the ones causing her pain.

We know who the enemy is, and we know we must fight him, but it is hard to remember this if we don’t know what we are fighting for.

Too often we fight for the sake of winning, being right, proving someone else wrong, shaming someone, or forcing a change.

Are those the causes we should be fighting for? Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon was the captain of the Nephite Army. He once tore his coat and wrote on it his cause for fighting. He fastened the fabric on a pole, raised it for all to see, and called it the Title of Liberty. These are the words he wrote:

In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children (Alma 46:12).

Moroni wasn’t fighting to satisfy pride, or to perpetrate the harshness he felt others deserved. No, he fought for what really mattered – family, freedom to worship God, and for peace.

When we fight, are we doing it for the right reasons, and is our method going to work? Have you noticed that Satan always attacks the family to fulfill his purposes? How much time do we spend attacking those we love most? Do we realize that is his influence in our lives? I know that I do not want to fight my family or friends, so I need to turn my attention to fighting the cause of the contention: Satan himself.

But to fight Satan, it isn’t a physical battle. It is a spiritual one. Remember, if we stand firm and tall, and unwavering, he will retreat. Satan may have the power to bruise our heels, but God gave Adam and Eve, and their offspring (us), the power to bruise his head (Genesis 3:15). How can we bruise his head? How can we make him crawl away from us in fear?

God has given us the way.

Dallin H. Oaks wisely said, “The blessings of the gospel are universal, and so is the formula for peace: keep the commandments of God. War and conflict are the result of wickedness; peace is the product of righteousness.”

Satan is the cause of war – inner war, social war, and physical wars. By fighting Satan, we can stop the wars and bring peace.

We do this by keeping God’s commandments, for as we do, He will bless us with the ability to do what we could never do alone. He gives us power through the Spirit to withstand Satan’s temptations as we pray sincerely, study our scriptures, attend church, serve our fellow man, forgive those who have trespassed against us, fast, express our gratitude to Him in all things, listen to the words of His prophets, repent of our sins, always strive to be better than we are now, and most importantly, keep our faith strong in the Lord, Jesus Christ.

Perhaps the Apostle Paul explained it best:

Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; (Ephesians 6:11-18).

Captain Moroni, the leader who flew the Title of Liberty, was a man who not only donned real armour in battle, but chose to wear his spiritual armour daily as well. He was always grateful, worked hard, served others, defended righteous causes, and was firm in the faith.

Speaking of Moroni, the prophet Mormon declared:

Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men (Alma 48:17).

Yes, these are the attributes we must have to vanquish the Devil’s power over us.

But what about the Devil’s power over others? We want our loved ones to have joy in their lives, and to make right choices. Shouldn’t we fight the Devil out of them too? We try, don’t we? But it doesn’t help, does it, because they must make that choice on their own.

Miss Clara explained to Elizabeth, “It’s your job to love him, to respect him, to pray for the man, [not to fix him].”

It may be excruciatingly difficult to do these things for those who hurt us, but Miss Clara taught Elizabeth that even in “light of all [their] wrongs…God still [loves them.]” And thus should we.

It doesn’t matter what we think they deserve – love, forgiveness, second chances – we should do our best to give it. Miss Clara preached, “Do you deserve grace? None of us deserve grace…He gives us grace, and He helps us give it to others even when they don’t deserve it.”

Through much prayer, scripture study, and reflection, Elizabeth finally realizes that she is not her husband’s judge – God is. She stops trying to change him and fight him. Instead, she promises to fight for him, and for their marriage.

One of the most poignant points in the movie is when Elizabeth, alone in her home, declares, “I don’t know where you are, devil. You have played with my man. … No more. You are done. Jesus is the Lord of this house, and that means there’s no place for you here anymore. So take your lies … your accusations and get out in Jesus’ name. … My joy is found in Jesus, and just in case you forgot, He has already defeated you, so go back to hell where you belong and leave my family alone!”

It was impossible not to feel the power of God as she made that shift to fighting Satan instead of her husband, and realizing where her true joy and peace comes from – Jesus Christ.

Satan does a lot to destroy lives, and sometimes he targets our confidence, feelings of self-worth, and divine nature. That is why we must recognize that our joy comes first and foremost from our Savior, not from any outside influences.

In the movie, Elizabeth and her husband are able to work through everything. Because of her love and support, he recognizes where he has gone wrong, and works to repent and be a better husband and father. Theirs is a happy ending, or at least, a fresh start. But, sometimes even if we fight the right way, and do everything we should, our relationships do not improve. What then?

Then, when you are vulnerable, Satan finds an opening to hurt your soul, bring you down, and make you forget God’s love for you. This has happened to me in my life. But, as I chose to consistently put on the whole armour of God, I was able to endure and move onward and upward. I learned that we can’t control how others fight the fight, but we can control how we do it.

Fighting those that hurt us will not make our circumstances better. Grudges, bitterness and withholding forgiveness will not bring us peace. They will not bring us closer to Christ. Sometimes we must move away from people, but not without first forgiving.

As He suffered a cruel and heartless death on the cross, Christ pleaded, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34).” If He willingly forgave those who persecuted Him, betrayed Him, whipped Him, and killed Him, then there is no other option for us but to also forgive.

If we prayed for others every time we noticed a flaw, felt the need to gossip, or were about to scream angrily at them, we would win each and every battle with Satan because love would overcome hate.

Fight on your knees, not with your words, behaviors, or fists. Be a warrior of God, and peace will come to your soul.

Why did Jesus command us to love, serve and pray for our enemies? Maybe it is so we, and they, can feel that [bctt tweet=”we aren’t enemies after all.”]

*If you enjoyed this post, you may enjoy my book, Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal: Amazon.com: Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal: 9798323208258: Al-Bjaly, Mandy: Books

January 15, 2016
Choose to Be a Gift Giver

Fear. Frustration. Depression. Fury. Loneliness.

We feel a lot of those feelings in today’s world:

Fear for our safety, and that of our families and friends.

Frustration at the blame games, racism, arguments, persecution, name calling, and lies of those around us, including our leaders.

Depression over the repercussions of wicked choices in this world.

Fury at the people making those wicked choices.

Loneliness when we feel we stand alone in our values, or that people don’t accept us.

Have you felt any of these things with recent world events? Do you experience these feelings when browsing social media? Do you worry about the future – yours, your country’s, and the world’s?

I have, and those dear to me have too. I have thought a lot about how to overpower those feelings with good ones.

Then on Wednesday night, when I was listening to “Santa” tell stories, he said something that struck me deep down:

[bctt tweet=”“The happiest people in the world are gift givers.””]

Being a representation of Santa, one might expect gift to mean tangible items wrapped in paper and ribbons. But no, he expressed that gifts could be as simple as saying “I love you.” Any time you use your heart for the benefit of someone else, you are giving a gift.

Sometimes we are the victims, and sometimes we are the perpetrators of negative influences. No matter the case, we can formulate our attitudes and change our behaviors so that we are gift givers rather than gift destroyers, gift takers, or gift withholders.

Instead of shunning, fearing or persecuting a group of people for any reason – whether because of the actions of a few or our upbringing, we should seek understanding, treat everyone as an individual, and have mercy and compassion. This is a gift.

Instead of discriminating against a group or organization because you don’t understand them, agree with them, or like them, check your facts, open your heart, get to know them, and try to see their perspectives. This is a gift.

Instead of name calling, blaming, hating, and arguing (on social media or in person), take a step back, breathe, realize you may not have all the answers or be right, and remember that everyone makes mistakes, including you. Likewise, everyone has worth – talk and write about that. This is a gift.

Instead of reserving your compassion, support and help for only the people you think deserve it most, remember we are all children of God. We all need help, and if we refuse, others will follow. Likewise, if we offer in love, others will follow. This is a gift.

Instead of vilifying individuals you don’t agree with, try to find good in them, and always keep in mind the good or damage your choice of words can do to others. This is a gift.

Instead of holding grudges and spreading negative gossip and judgments about others, recognize that people can change. Forgive and give second changes. This is a gift.

Now, why am I talking about this? As everyone knows, in recent weeks, there have been multiple terrorist attacks (Paris, Beirut, San Bernardino). There have been huge differences of opinion on how to, or if to help Syrian refugees. There have been strong political statements towards keeping Muslims out of the USA. All of these things have really hurt my heart.

You see, my husband, Jad, grew up in Jordan, a Middle Eastern Muslim country. He has always been a Christian, but grew up around many Muslim people. His very best friend, Ahmed, is Muslim. His mother’s best friends are also Muslim. I felt prompted to ask Ahmed’s Malaysian wife, Nurliyana (AKA Liyana), about how she has been treated since these attacks. I will share some of her comments in an effort to open our eyes to the ugly realities of racism, misinformation, hatred, and discrimination:

Liyana, Salma (my husband’s mother), and Ahmed (Edi).

It has been frustrating, humiliating, and nerve-racking to hear about the series of bloody massacre of innocent people for the past two months (i.e., San Bernardino and Paris attacks). Because the criminals/terrorists are Muslims or at least claimed to be (apparently in the name of Islam), the rest of approximately 2.08 billion Muslims in the world are deemed collectively responsible because we share something in common (word, names, fashion, appearance) with the perpetrators. As a result, the majority of good common people are petrified, concerned, and tend to build hatred, suspicion, and social stigma toward Islam specifically and toward Muslims at large.

As a Muslim wearing a headscarf in America, I am aware of this and understand the consequences. All of my sisters in other Western countries are also aware of this. Some are scared to be blamed for the things that they don’t do. After the Paris attack, I noticed some uneasy looks when I went to groceries, dentist, airports, and parks. I was queuing in line one time when I heard a lady whisper, “Why does she have to wear that (referring to my headscarf)?” and her daughter replied, “Because she’s stupid.” One time at a park, Ahmed and I noted a senior couple detour to take different route to avoid an encounter with us. There were several other events too, and it is totally understandable because people are scared and frustrated. This kind of “treatment” is expected and could happen anywhere, anytime. It could be seasonal or ongoing. When I was in Miami, the rear mirror of my van was splashed with someone’s vomit and not long after the incident, my next door neighbor put up a banner saying “We will never forget 9/11.” One time at Miami’s DMV, a guy at the counter held my passport with his two fingers, as if he was picking up something unpleasant.

No religion in the world values the act of terrorism and any sort of crime…With patience and love, I’ll face them in the best manner as possible. These people are not ignorant. They are victims. They are scared and have been fed with fear and hatred for such a long time. The world is becoming a small global village now with Internet and technology and hopefully, their future generations will be able to receive different, broader perspectives and understanding on what is going on. Let’s keep spreading the love!

Strawberry picking with our friends and their little Umar.

Liyana is a wonderful woman. I love her attitude of being patient and loving. She isn’t judging those that judge her. She knows they are victims of misinformation. Her example is inspiring in the midst of the terror in this world.

Let’s be like her. Instead of letting all of the above bring you down, be an example of what is right. Never stop being a light. Never stop sharing goodness, even if you think nobody is listening, because they are. As you do this, pray that others will feel your love. This is a gift.

All of these things will make us happy. True happiness, joy and comfort come from God. If we follow His footsteps, making Him our role model, and see worth in all people, we will find His peace, comfort and joy in ourselves. That peace, comfort and joy will resonate with the receivers of our gifts.

Never be discouraged, give up, or feel alone. Even if you tirelessly give of yourself, and those gifts seem not to be accepted or appreciated, they are still worth it because of the change they bring in your own heart.

The happiest people in the world are gift givers. Let’s choose to be happy through our peaceful, loving, compassionate deeds towards all of our fellow men and women.

The heart “Santa” gave the children to remind them to be gift givers.

December 18, 2015