Before I begin writing what I wish to say, I want you to understand that what I share in this post can change your life if you allow it. My life has already been changed.
If you are someone who feels discomfort, or even fear, dread, or anger when discussing the LGBTQ+ community, this post is for you even if you feel like you’d rather stop reading. Instead, I’m asking you to trust me and to believe me when I share my feelings and experiences in this post.
This writing is directed to members of my church, but I believe what I say can touch and help others as well. First, I invite you to please watch this video I made a few months back with the help of my dear brother, Aaron.
*If you would like more details from my growth on this topic, you can read it here.
In the video I said, “I encourage each of us to ask God how we can contribute to the joy, hope, and belonging of the LGBTQ people all around us.”
I have been trying to do this in my life by reading/listening to the experiences of LGBTQ+ individuals, putting loving bumper stickers on my car like “Be Kind” and “Jesus Loves You,” and wearing shirts that say things like “You are Enough,” “Love Thy Neighbor,” and “God loves the people we don’t.” I have similar stickers on my favorite water bottles too. (Try The Happy Givers if you would like to get similar things.) I have lovingly corrected people as they have said insensitive things about the LGBTQ+ community (when I have had the courage and ability to do so). I have written blog posts expressing love for this community and encouraging others to learn to do the same. I have also been a part of a latter-day saint group that meets together to find ways to be better Christlike allies for this community. And finally, because of that ally group, I have had the opportunity and privilege for the past few months to help plan an event that just happened this past Saturday called Gather Conference Southeast.
This conference was a regional subset of the official Gather Conference which is held in Provo, Utah. The goal of Gather Conferences is “to create a hope filled & supportive event for Latter-day Saint LGBTQ individuals, family members, and friends—sharing stories, providing resources and education, creating a community of belonging and connection to Jesus Christ.”
I couldn’t assist in the planning very much once school started, and I almost decided not to go to the conference because I didn’t feel useful, but something told me that I needed to be there. So, I did.
The morning of the conference, I first attended the temple as a dear friend made covenants with God. Then I made my way to the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Raleigh, NC.
I was very late for the conference, but when I arrived, I was met with friendly faces who helped me get where I needed to be. I loved the venue that was chosen for this conference. It was evident all around how accepting and loving this fellowship was, making it a perfect place to gather. To help illustrate that, here is a picture I found on their website:
I arrived right before the next session of classes. I visited the registration table first, which had a lot of nice mementos. Everyone also got to write something they wanted to get out of the conference on a strip of colored paper. We made large paper chains with these papers. Here are some of the answers that were given:
It was soon time for the next class, and my friend Misa and I chose to go to the LGBTQ+ Community Listening Session. In retrospect, this class was probably more for members of the LGBTQ+ community than anyone else, but it was such a special, Spirit-filled class.
It started with a video that was so incredibly poignant, it left me breathless. It was called “Souled of Other Stars: A Story of Coming Out and Coming In.”
We all sat in awe for a moment, and then for the rest of the time, we sat in a circle listening to beautiful people share their stories. After each person shared, we all thanked that person by name for sharing. We all listened intently, and you could tell each person in the room really cared and was moved by each story. The stories, experiences, and identities were all so different, but what tied us all together was a desire to listen, love, lift, and understand. I shed tears many times during that session, but I also felt a great sense of hope and I felt God’s love surrounding all there. We ended the session with a group hug that most of us partook in. It was a tight hug, and it felt amazing. I felt so privileged to be amongst these children of God. Here is a picture of the whole group.
After a break, all conference attendees sat together in the sanctuary for an 8-person LGBTQ+ Panel Discussion. This was my favorite part of the day. I was heart-warmed to see that many of the people that were in the listening session were also on the panel. Meghan Decker, a prominent gay latter-day saint author, led the panel in a series of questions. On the panel were gay, lesbian, a-sexual, transgender, non-binary, bi-sexual, and genderqueer individuals.
I cannot even begin to express how much hearing this panel answer questions meant to me. I have already known and cherished much of my brother’s story, but hearing these queer latter-day saints courageously, vulnerably, and honestly share so much about their life experiences and hardships touched my soul so deeply. Their identities, stories, struggles, dreams, testimonies, insights, and paths were all different, but it was clear that each of them loved God, loved their neighbor, and just wanted to be loved and welcomed, and to feel like they belong. I cried a lot during this panel discussion, and I learned what it really means to “mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. (Mosiah 18:9).” If any community needs that, it’s the LGBTQ+ community. My heart broke when panelists burst into tears, and sometimes even sobbed over how they had been treated by church members, friends, and often even their families when they did come out. Though this was sad, there were also happy tears as those in the room could feel the strength of a panelist’s testimony of God’s love for them, their individual worth, and their divine mission on the earth. These dear people knew, or are coming to know, that this was how God created them, and they are doing their best to use their unique gifts to help others.
After this discussion, I honestly didn’t want to leave because there was such a warmth in the room. I felt the Holy Ghost so strongly and a sense of unity that I rarely feel.
It was dinner time. Before that, I rehearsed a musical number that a group of us were singing before the keynote speaker, Richard Ostler. Then I rode with a couple of them to dinner at a delicious restaurant called David’s Dumpling and Noodle Bar. All the panelists, special speakers, and committee members who planned the conference sat together at a huge table.
I was sitting within talking distance of four of the panelists, and it was an amazing time. We were all sharing our food with each other and laughing and joking. Normally in a large group gathering like that, I am very uncomfortable, but this time, I was completely at ease. I smiled because I wouldn’t normally share food with people I don’t know, and I normally would be really self-conscious about food in my teeth or on my face. But in this atmosphere, I was happy and really felt at home. We had all come to the conference for a common goal, and we all felt safe with each other. I loved it and I was filled body and soul.
After dinner it was time to prepare for our keynote speaker, Richard Ostler, who is a very sweet older gentleman who is the host of the Listen, Learn, & Love Book and Podcast. Before he began, I sang “Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd” with three other talented singers. It felt wonderful to sing such a tender song about the Savior’s love to the audience. You can listen to it here or watch it here.
“Papa Ostler,” as he is affectionately called, gave a wonderful address along with a PowerPoint presentation. He shared current church teachings and how they have changed, some personal stories that illustrated how God called him to be an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, and many stories of LGBTQ+ people he has interviewed for his podcast. Three of the stories were about individuals who served on the panel discussion earlier in the day. I will link to their stories below:
Lindsey Sais (Her comments in my first class and in the panel discussion were some of my favorites. She is very wise and is truly a survivor.)
Jessop Oliver (He was the one I sang a duet with at the beginning of the musical number and sat next to at dinner. He’s a cheerful, kind, and caring young man who lives in Durham.)
Meghan Decker (She is a calm, articulate, and intellectual woman who does a great job of leading a discussion.)
It amazes me how many people Papa Ostler has interviewed (almost 800 as of this writing). I love how he just listens and loves. He doesn’t judge or push anyone away. He also truly mourns with community, especially those who felt they had no other choice but to end their lives. We can learn a lot from him.
After his address concluded, we had a closing prayer and then our host, Lyric, who was hugely instrumental in planning this event, asked all the LGBTQ+ individuals in the audience (who felt comfortable) to stand in a circle at the front and hold hands. And then she asked the rest of us to stand around them, encircling them with our love and support. It was a truly sacred moment as there were smiles and tears from many members of the group, inside and outside the circle.
Here is the final group photo from most of us who came (some had to leave early).
It was hard to leave this conference. There was a sheen of tears in my eyes, and a whole lot of love in my heart. It occurred to me that this must be what Zion must feel like. Everyone at the conference was truly “of one heart and one mind (Moses 7:18).” I thought about why it felt that way, and I think it’s because we were without judgment that day. We just saw each other as beloved children of God and we wanted to help each other feel loved, welcome, valued, and heard.
There are so many nuggets of wisdom that touched my heart at this wonderful Gather Conference. Allow me to share some of them. You may notice that these points mirror what my brother said in the video very well:
Meghan Decker shared that when you find out someone is LGBTQ+, you get to take what you know about the person and what you know about their sexual orientation/gender identity and make a choice to either change how you feel about the person or how you feel about their sexual orientation/gender identity. In my brother’s case, most people chose to change how they felt about him, leading only to pain.
Many LGBTQ+ individuals feel like they don’t belong. We must do better at building relationships with them, giving them a safe space, and listening to their experiences. One way to do that is to stop making LGBTQ+ people a taboo topic. If we don’t then fear, distrust, and disgust will continue to abound instead of compassion, empathy, and love. It is very painful for LGBTQ+ individuals to have to hide who they really are because they feel unsafe. If we cultivate a more inclusive environment at church, then people will feel safe sharing who they really are. When I think about this, my mind goes to David Buckner’s talk during this past General Conference. When I heard the talk the first time, this quote stuck out to me: “Do we warmly welcome all who come through the doors? Brothers and sisters, it is not enough to just sit in the pews. We must heed the Savior’s call to build higher and holier relationships with all of God’s children. We must live our faith!” The entire talk is amazing, and I encourage all members of the Church to listen to this talk through the lens of the LGBTQ+ community.
For those of us who are cisgender and heterosexual, we may never truly understand how someone can have a different sexual orientation or gender identity. What we can do is listen, believe, learn, love, and embrace. We don’t have to understand to do any of that. This community needs us to amplify their voices by involving them, lovingly correcting others who make insensitive comments, and talking about their realities so that others can also learn and change their hearts.
Worth and love aren’t earned but are unlimited gifts from God to all His children. Nothing can remove anyone from that love. Jesus invites all into His fold. So should we. To help us love better, we need to see our LGBTQ+ siblings as part of us, and not an “other” group. Remember that “[Jesus] inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile (2 Nephi 26:33).”
When someone does come out to us, it takes a lot of courage and vulnerability. This should be a time for loving, listening, believing, and trusting. Too many people make light of their loved one’s experiences and feelings, only think about how the news will change their own lives, and even try to fix or change their loved one. The right thing to do is to be there for your loved one, meet them where they are, and trust them to receive their own personal revelation for their lives. Help them feel God’s love for them and internalize that this is how God created them. They have a divine purpose to fulfil on this earth just the way they are. Sometimes this news will change the dynamic of your home or relationship, but allow it to be a positive and creative experience as you make adjustments and new traditions.
One of the things we got in our swag bags at the conference was a bumper sticker and wristband that both say the word “Stonecatcher.” Elder Dale G. Renlund spoke of this concept in his General Conference talk from three years ago. Here is a portion of that talk (in this section he is quoting author Bryan Stevenson who wrote Just Mercy):
“…Mr. [Bryan] Stevenson observed that self-righteousness, fear, and anger have caused even Christians to hurl stones at people who stumble. He then said, ‘We can’t simply watch that happen,’ and he encouraged the congregants to become ‘stonecatchers.’ Brothers and sisters, not throwing stones is the first step in treating others with compassion. The second step is to try to catch stones thrown by others.
How we deal with advantages and disadvantages is part of life’s test. We will be judged not so much by what we say but by how we treat the vulnerable and disadvantaged. As Latter-day Saints, we seek to follow the Savior’s example, to go about doing good. We demonstrate our love for our neighbor by working to ensure the dignity of all Heavenly Father’s children.”
That is my ultimate purpose and prayer in writing this post: for all of us to become stonecatchers for the LGBTQ+ community, and for any other marginalized group of people. Please remember that every person, whether different from you or not, is equal to you in the sight of God. Every person laughs, cries, thinks, feels, make mistakes, and does good. Every person has unique quality traits that bless the lives of those they touch. I love every person I met at Gather Conference Southeast. I pray that all within the sound of my voice can feel such love in their lives.
On August 18, 2024, I gave a brief talk in church about experiences I have had where I have felt the Holy Ghost comfort me. It was so beautiful to ponder on my life as well as read through old blog posts I have written to find some of those experiences. In my talk I shared five, all of which have a blog post that give all the details! I hope you enjoy reading about these five very important experiences in my life.
Just before I turned 22, I moved to NC to live with my parents, as a newly divorced single mom of an almost one-year-old named Casey. I had no friends, no confidence, and was constantly sad. I felt I had failed as a wife and mother. I adored my son but felt this constant need to change my circumstances so I could fit the ideals in the family proclamation. I felt hopeless for months, but then one day, as I was reading the proclamation again, my eyes fell on this statement: All human beings are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.
In large part because of my (emotionally) abusive marriage, I had forgotten that I was a daughter of God, and that I had a divine nature and destiny. I had made myself believe that I only had true worth if I had what I thought was the ideal life. But no, I always had divine worth, and I always had a friend in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
The Holy Ghost comforted me by reminding me of this divine truth, and it changed my life for the better.
One night in 2011, Jad had to go to the hospital because he felt like knives were stabbing him, and he could hardly stand the pain. Through a CT scan and a series of blood tests, we finally found out that he had echinococcus, a parasite that had been growing in, and eating away at, his liver for about 10 years. Jad was going to have to have major surgery that came with risks. The news was a little overwhelming, but somehow, we had faith all would be well. As the date approached for his surgery, Jad and I were not worried. We went into the hospital with a positive attitude. After 8 hours of surgery, I was able to see Jad. At first, I felt intense sympathy for him, but then I felt God’s love surrounding both of us. I knew that He was with us, and that Jad’s surgery had gone well because of much faith and prayers, and because Jad had a special mission to perform for the Lord in this life. He would recover, and he would go forward in faith.
The Holy Ghost comforted us by testifying of God’s hand in Jad’s life and God’s love for him and our family.
In 2016, when I was pregnant with Eve, I developed hypertension. At an appointment over five weeks before her due date, I was told I needed to go to the hospital right away. After I got to the car, I burst into tears and sobbed, praying for my baby. I checked into the hospital and was hooked up to the blood pressure machine. As I was lying on the bed in a moment alone, the tears started streaming down my face again. Just when I felt the tears would never stop, a soft but steady movement started in my tummy. My baby had woken up, and it was as if she was telling me that everything would be okay. I immediately felt that she was trying to comfort me, and that I could stop crying. I know that her moving for that long period of time was just for me.
The Holy Ghost comforted me through the movements of my unborn baby girl.
In 2020, someone I care deeply about strongly disagreed with some of my perspectives and decisions, which led to a huge rift in our relationship, something I never wanted or expected. For several months, I was in anguish over it. I spent a lot of time praying about the situation, but no answers or comfort came. But the next April, as I was watching General Conference, a message pierced my soul. I felt it was just for me, and everything in the message gave me comfort and peace knowing that the perspectives I had and the decisions I had made were good and led by the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Ghost comforted me by inspiring an apostle of the Lord to share a message I desperately needed to hear.
In 2022, my life was thrown for a loop when I found out I was pregnant with Asher. Normally one would be excited for a new baby, but because of our lives at the time, this was very difficult news filled with many worries and disappointment, and lots of tears. I prayed all the time for strength, guidance, courage, and a softened heart. Everything I prayed for, God blessed me with, including patience, long-suffering, and faithfulness. My attitude about my pregnancy completely shifted, and I was able to be cheerful and optimistic, even with all my health issues. I unfortunately developed preeclampsia and had to be induced almost 6 weeks early. But, God had helped me prepare for it by manifesting to me that this would happen in advance. He also gave me energy to prepare for my son’s birth and helped me stay calm so I wouldn’t worry. After I had Asher, God blessed Jad and me with the stamina to care for Asher in the NICU while also tending to the needs of our other four children, even while we were both healing -me from childbirth, and him from a bad fall. Most importantly, God blessed us with an overwhelming love for this little boy we never knew we needed.
The Holy Ghost comforted me during this time by helping me see how my prayers were being answered, and for helping me overcome my worries and disappointments and replace them with optimism, calm, strength, and love.
I’m so grateful for how the Holy Ghost has directly or through others, comforted me throughout my life. It has made all the difference in times of trial.
I know I just published my first novel less than a month ago (Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal), but I wanted to keep the momentum going. Besides, I had already written this children’s book, called The Dandelion, on April 26, 2020, after taking a walk with my family the day before.
Here are the thoughts I wrote down from that walk: Ithought about how my children have given me countless dandelions over the years as a way to show me they love me. I always have a choice to make – roll my eyes at the fact the dandelion is in fact a weed or see what my children see – a beautiful flower, perhaps just mistaken for a weed.
I love this little story. It’s sweet, tender, and thought-provoking despite its simpleness. I did not have an illustrator, but I found really lovely stock photos to use instead. It is best suited for ages 2-8, but I think it would give anyone a smile who chose to read it.
It is now available as a Kindle e-book to preorder on Amazon here for only $2.99. It will be available as a paperback no later than July 1, 2024.
I will be continuing to write children’s books. I have so many ideas and I am so excited to write them, hopefully bringing smiles to many children and their parents over the years. I thank God for this little gift He has given me.
Enjoy, and thank you for your support! I always love hearing how you like my writings and would greatly appreciate reviews on Amazon and Goodreads too!
Update: Here is the link to my book! It is available as a paperback, hardback, and Kindle e-book. The e-book is exactly the same as the printed copy, but you will need a pen and paper to answer the reflection questions.
Nearly 11 years ago, I began teaching a Book of Mormon class for young mothers. I learned and grew as a person through studying the scriptures more thoroughly and sharing thoughts with the women in my class. My favorite chapters to teach were what latter-day saints call the war chapters (Alma 43-62). This really surprised me for two reasons: I had never liked Captain Moroni (the main hero of these chapters), and I had never really related to those chapters before, thinking they were boring and had nothing to do with my life! How wrong I was. I realized for the first time that these chapters can be likened to the spiritual wars in each of our lives. I wished I had known and understood that when I was a youth.
And then, I had an idea. It was more like a call from God, really. My oldest son, Casey, was a preteen at the time, and I felt so strongly that I needed to write a book for him and other young people to help them become valiant servants of the Lord.
So, almost eight years ago, I began researching and writing a book about the war chapters of the Book of Mormon. I knew I wanted to tell every story and highlight every hero and villain. I started with all my notes from teaching my class and went from there. It was a difficult process — I remember I had probably 100 pages of notes that I had to then organize and fashion into book form.
Now, my fourth child was a baby during this time, so life was crazy, and it took me a very long time to finish my first draft (more than four years actually). I sent it out to friends and family who were willing to read it. I didn’t end up with much feedback because people were busy with their lives, but I was especially grateful for the comments from my cousin, Brooke. Her words gave me confidence when I needed it most.
She said, “I loved it. Since I’m not Mormon, it was very informative and I learned a lot about it. It was simple and to the point but very detailed. I understood what you were saying and I know minimal about that religion. Everything flowed together. So for me, it was great. I don’t know how you found time to write it, but I’m proud of you.”
In early 2021, I was going to submit my manuscript to Cedar Fort Publishing, but I was shocked to find out that this publisher required more words than I had written. How was I going to get enough words? Well, at the time, my family had just started reading about the prophet Mormon as he led the Nephites through their final battles before they were destroyed by the Lamanites. One night, I saw something I had never seen before: those chapters coincided perfectly with the war chapters. I then knew what I had to do to make my book long enough. I truly felt God’s hand helping me know what to write and how —and my book became long enough to submit it to the publisher.
I ended up sending my manuscript to two publishers that spring, but sadly, neither one of them accepted it for publication. I felt so defeated. There are so few latter-day saint publishers anyway, and not all of them were accepting self-help, nonfiction, religious books. So, for a time, I gave up. Then in early 2023, I tried again. I found another publisher and submitted my manuscript. Well, this publisher didn’t accept it either. I was just beside myself with confusion and disappointment because I knew with all of my heart that God inspired me to write this book, and He had given me so much help along the way. I didn’t know what else to do except give up again.
Well, God gave me a good break (I’m thankful because I had a little baby at the time), before giving me a clear spiritual nudge last October that I needed to try again. A couple of friends had recently spoken to me about self-publishing, so that was my answer. Before I took that huge step, though, I asked for help from friends and family to read and edit my book. I got some feedback, but not as much as I would like (people are so busy, so it’s understandable). After waiting as long as I could, I asked for help again in February, this time with an incentive. I was finally blessed to get the help I really needed.
The past several months have been filled with more hours than I can count getting my book ready to be published, from setting everything up on Kindle Direct Publishing, to updating the manuscript with people’s edits, to working with a dear friend on cover art, to fixing major formatting issues and adding headers and footers, to adding important things like a copyright page, table of contents, acknowledgements, and about the author sections. By far, the formatting was the most frustrating, especially when paired with the headers and footers. I can’t tell you how many times I spent hours on one little thing. What you see in Word is not the same thing you will see once you upload the document to KDP, so yeah, there were many tears of frustration along with the little victories.
Last week I felt that I should go through all my scripture references to make sure they were accurate. I didn’t want to (there are tons), but I did. I’m glad because there were a few mistakes. And then, I read the entire book. I had hoped not to have to do that, but when I was going through my references, I found a super random paragraph in one of my chapters that made no sense. Since nobody had caught it (totally understandable since the book is so meaty), I went ahead and read the book from start to finish, which was super helpful. I found a couple redundant reflection questions, fixed some flow issues, and even added a few new things that I thought of as I was reading.
It has been a long but very fulfilling time (especially the last three months), and I am so incredibly grateful for all the friends who selflessly helped and encouraged me to finally get this book out to the public.
I received the author proof of my paperback version today, and it was really emotional for me. Here are some photos, as well as a video with some sneak peaks!
For more information about my book, here is the description:
You know about Captain Moroni, Helaman, and the stripling warriors already, but there is so much more to the war chapters of the Book of Mormon. In Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal, you will learn the stories of all the heroes, the villains, and even the deceived. You will be able to study the entire 14 years of the war in detail (Alma 43-Alma 62) while answering profound questions and taking heartfelt notes to help you apply these chapters to your life. You will also have a handy timeline of the entire war at your fingertips. That alone would be amazing, but that’s not all! As you study this book, you will dive into much deeper messages like overcoming fear, the seriousness of oaths and covenants, the pitfalls of flattery, anger versus righteous indignation, and so much more. You will even be able to compare and contrast the war chapters to the final battles of the Book of Mormon, led by the prophet Mormon! These deeper messages and analyses will change your perspectives and increase your faith. Let your study of the war chapters of the Book of Mormon help you better fight your own spiritual battles and wear the whole armor of God!
You can purchase Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life on Amazon starting June 1, 2024. I don’t have the link yet. I will post it when I do (here and on social media). If you have friends or family that you think would love this book, please tell them about it. I would be so grateful.
I really appreciate all the love and encouragement. I truly hope that everyone who reads it loves it.
Last night before midnight, our family discussed our year and what events were most meaningful to us. It was no contest: Asher’s birth was the most wonderful and memorable event to happen in our 2023. And our lives have never been the same since he came home to us two weeks later. You can learn more about his birth and first month of life here: A Onesie with Meaning | Making Life a Bliss Complete
The other experiences that meant the most to me in 2023 were directly related to Casey. Seeing him graduate from high school, turn 18, prepare to serve a mission, leave for his mission, and then feeling of his spirit as he serves his mission have been life-changing for me. You can read more about Casey’s transition into adulthood and missionary here: A Month without My Missionary | Making Life a Bliss Complete
It’s interesting to me that the God saw fit for me to simultaneously begin raising a child and wrap up raising a child at the same time. I know I will always be Caseys’ mother no matter how old he gets, but it feels a lot different having an adult child than having a baby.
So for me, Asher coming into the world and Casey leaving the nest are my two major highlights of 2023. This past year has also been filled with many other challenging and fulfilling things, such as:
Rigel turning 12 and receiving the Aaronic Priesthood. Seeing him pass the Sacrament and speak in church have been so special to us.
Joining an LGBTQ ally group with other members of my church to cultivate love, education, and understanding around our LGBTQ siblings.
Attending monthly girls’ nights with friends, old and new. This is so therapeutic for me.
Enjoying having a son with a driver’s license and then six months later having to adjust to not having him there to run errands and drive people around. We definitely appreciated that while we had it.
Learning how to have a baby in the house again and bursting with love for my baby and for the rest of my kids as they adored their new brother.
Eve and Casey performing in our church’s musical of “The Secret Garden.” It was Eve’s first musical and Casey’s first musical playing a lead. I was so grateful to be able to experience this musical from the audience.
Joining a new book club and sometimes reading the books, ha!
Seeing my husband be called to the Bishopric of my congregation and noticing the changes in him for good, as well as feeling for him as he experienced more stress, less time, and more concern for his fellow man.
Making new friends through one of Casey’s best friends. I am so grateful for these new friends and all the memories we have made in half a year!
Learning how to help Casey as he suffered from depression.
Feeling inspired to go back to my book draft from years ago and get back to work on it so I can self-publish it. I will never put it down and give up on it again. I know I was directed to write it and I will publish it this year.
Mourning as my first son moved away from me for the first time in 18 years.
Feeling such joy and love for this same son as he faithfully serves the Lord each day.
Singing in the local Messiah concert for the first time in four years. It was wonderful to have the group back together. There is such a special spirit that comes from worshiping through song.
Kamren, Eve, and Rigel starting karate lessons. They absolutely love it!
Suing our builder over flooring issues and losing because of a technicality over the name. We will sue again this month under another business name. We hate doing it, but we know it’s the right thing to do.
Donating to the Light the World Giving Machine. It took only a few minutes of our time, but it is something we will never forget.
Sleeping poorly almost every night since Asher was born.
Adjusting to not being able to accomplish things nearly as often or quickly as I am used to.
Dealing with self-image issues due to my weight and health. I hope that I can work on this more in 2024 after Asher turns one and is weaned.
Having very little time with my husband since Asher won’t sleep until late at night.
Enjoying family fun times, like school concerts, birthday parties, Monster Jam, the Richmond, VA Temple Open House, strawberry picking, the Greensboro Science Center, a trip to Hendersonville, a day at Carolina Beach, tons of fun times in our pool, family visits, Chestnut Ridge, and Carowinds’ Winterfest.
There are so many other things I could mention about 2023. I have learned a lot about adapting, simplifying, managing my time, loving more deeply, being more present, following the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and more.
I’m so grateful for each year of my life. Some have been harder than others. All have been full of learning opportunities, blessings, and love.
I hope and pray that 2024 will be a fulfilling year and that my family, friends, and I can all progress in our lives and feel joy and peace throughout our successes and struggles.
Today has been exactly one month since my first born, Casey Scott Lewis, left home to serve a service mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have so many thoughts and feelings to share. Before I do, I want to share Casey’s story leading up to his mission.
In the summer of 2022, as Casey’s senior year drew near, I was wondering what his future would look like after high school. We had talked off and on about him serving a mission, but he hadn’t committed. Rather than pressure him, I helped him research and tour schools. We felt really good about two schools, UNCG and SVU. Casey applied to both schools but didn’t know if he would be serving a mission. Jad and I hoped he would want to, but we never pushed him.
I am grateful to say things changed in Casey’s own time. Here is a Facebook post I wrote on November 3, 2022:
…in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, young men are encouraged to serve a 2-year mission to spread the gospel of Christ through teaching and service. This typically happens just out of high school. Casey had not spoken much about going on a mission, and I felt inspired not to push or pressure him to go. I did talk to him about it occasionally but was never overbearing about it. That’s one of the reasons why I started the college touring process – so that he could be better equipped to figure out his future on his own terms. Well, one day after church, maybe 2 months ago now (or less), he sat down with me and told me he had decided to serve a mission. He said he had felt the Holy Ghost testify to him that there were people on this earth that he could serve and teach who needed him personally. Oh, how I cried tears of joy. There were many events and experiences that helped lead to this final decision, but one thing he told me was that he had taken so long to decide partly because he didn’t like to be pressured to serve a mission, and he had been pressured by many family members for quite some time. He expressed appreciation for me not pressuring him, and once again, there was concrete evidence that mother’s intuition is real and divinely inspired.
…I’m so grateful to be a mother and I’m grateful that God has entrusted me to help lead and guide my children to their full potential. I don’t always answer that call successfully, but through these experiences, I feel so much more content that I can do it, and that it can help change my kids’ lives for the better.
Casey’s senior year continued, and I got excited about preparing for his future. I ordered a sign to post in our yard, honoring him as a senior in high school, and a future missionary! Here is the sign I put in our yard on January 19:
We waited a couple of months, and then Casey and I began diligent work on his mission paperwork. It was quite the process, but it felt so satisfying to submit his mission papers on April 16. I wrote this on Facebook that day:
In a few short months Casey will be a missionary! We submitted his mission papers today. We are excited for what’s next.
Our Bishop reviewed Casey’s papers a few days later, and then set up an interview with him. Casey’s papers were soon submitted to church headquarters. We were told that mission calls usually take two weeks to receive and come on Tuesdays, so we expected he would get his call on May 16. He didn’t, which was a bummer, so we waited as patiently as possible until the next week, and the next week, and you get the idea.
Time went on without his mission call, and Casey graduated high school on June 10. I wrote that morning:
I’m feeling a little emotional this morning. My baby is graduating from high school today! I have been really good at holding back the tears, and just being excited all this time, but there are definitely tears in my eyes this morning. I am so blessed and proud to be Casey’s mama. He gave me a long, tender hug last night and it felt like he was telling me thank you for being his mom and for helping get him to this point. It has been my honor. 💛💚🖤
And then later that day I wrote:
My first born is a high school graduate! I cried so much at the end. I am so proud of my baby and I’m so excited for what is to come. I’m also sad about the inevitable changes but I know he will go far and be a success whatever he does.
The next evening, Casey graduated from seminary (a scriptural class he took his four years of high school). I posted on Facebook that night:
Seminary graduation was tonight. It was such a thoughtful event and so special. Casey and five other senior students graduated. Studying the scriptures daily with other high school peers during all four years of high school was a sacrifice but so worth it. Casey gave a little talk about how seminary has helped prepare him to serve a mission. I love how much he is growing as a public speaker. I can’t wait for him to be a missionary.
Then on June 14, Casey turned 18! I wrote:
Today my first born turned 18. Casey made me a mother one week before I turned 21. I felt so strongly that I was supposed to be pregnant and I’m so grateful I did. It was a sacrifice to be such a young mother, especially with the trials that would come, but I would not trade it for the world.
Casey has his moments when he’s not always a picnic to be around, but he is honestly such a wonderful young man the vast majority of the time. He’s smart, mature, spiritual, compassionate, a good friend, a great listener who also gives great advice, a lover of small children and babies, a great helper, and so much more. I love having deep conversations with him. I love seeing him be friends with people of many ages and backgrounds without judgment. I love that he tries so hard to see the good in others and to reach out to the marginalized. I love how he understands spiritual matters with such insight. I love seeing him in love and thinking of someone else above himself. I love seeing him gush over his baby brother over and over again. I love thinking about him as a new adult and all the possibilities that come with that. He has a plan and it’s a good plan. He’s still waiting for his mission call and we are waiting as patiently as we can until that next step comes.
We are all so blessed to have Casey in our lives. I am so happy to be his mother.
So many wonderful things were happening that increased my love for my boy, but still no mission call. Finally, six weeks after he thought he would get his mission call, he finally got it on June 27.
We planned a get-together with friends and family under our church pavilion for the next night, with a Zoom call for all those who couldn’t attend in person. I was surprised by his call, and a little disappointed – at least at first. It didn’t take me long to change my tune as we talked to friends and family who had experience with, and love of, that mission, or ones close by. That night, I wrote on Facebook:
Casey finally got his mission call! He will be serving in the Salt Lake City West mission for the next two years. He reports to the missionary training center (MTC) on September 11. We are so excited for him!
On July 11, Casey wrote a little testimony to post to our congregation’s social media pages. He wrote:
I have a testimony of his Savior and his atonement and that I know the church is true and through my service during my mission I can help others come to the knowledge of that truth. I know that while it might seem hard at times I will serve and teach to the fullest of my ability.
I spent quite a bit of time after Casey got his call reading about his mission, following a Missionary Mama page on Facebook where I learned so much, instructing him on the preparations needed, and shopping, shopping, shopping. I shopped for weeks, ha! On July 13, I wrote this on Facebook:
Shopping for a 2-year mission is very time consuming and expensive. I have enjoyed it though. I lovefinding the best bang for the buck and checking things off lists.
Two of the most important things to do in preparation for Casey serving a mission were planning for him to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood and be ordained to the office of an Elder, and then for him to go through the temple to make sacred covenants with God.
Casey had to be interviewed and found worthy to participate in both sacred events. On July 26, our Stake President interviewed Casey and found him worthy of both. We also made the plan for Casey to be set apart as a missionary the night of September 10.
On Sunday, July 30, Casey was ordained. Here is my account of that day:
It amazes me as Casey goes through the steps to become a missionary how much more love I have for him. It’s a love of admiration and a new level of attachment.
Today my eyes were wet more than once because of my son.
During our second hour meeting today, the youth and adults were together. Casey was one of three youth asked to share spiritual experiences from recent camps or conferences. Casey shared about an experience from FSY where that Tuesday evening he got really overwhelmed and felt an intense sadness and darkness without real reason. Finally by Thursday he prayed for help to overcome this sadness he couldn’t pinpoint. It went away instantly, and he was able to participate in a discussion with other young men about our church’s young men theme. The first line says that “I am a beloved son of God.” He said (paraphrasing) that the reason it’s so important to know and internalize this truth is because it never changes. Life is full of difficult changes and uncertainties, but as long as we know that God loves us and that we are His children, we can get through all of them. I felt so much love for him as he spoke because he was speaking with the Holy Ghost. I also loved other comments he made in the meeting regarding bullying and how we treat others. My mom remarked that he will be a great missionary. I can’t wait to see how he helps others on his mission feel God’s love for them.
Jad gave a beautiful introduction about the oaths and covenants involved in this office and then ordained Casey, adding in a beautiful blessing and words of council. I felt the Holy Ghost so strongly. At the end of the blessing Jad talked about all those who love and support Casey. He saved me for last as the mostinfluential person in his life as he has grown up. I felt so honored and felt such a strong connection to him.
After the ordination, there were many hugs. Mine was extra long and sweet. I’m so grateful for the journey Casey is on and how we can be along for the spiritual ride. I’m even more grateful to be his mother now and forever.
The next sacred day was August 6 when Casey made sacred covenants in the House of the Lord. Here is what I wrote about it:
Yesterday was such a special and sacred day that I will always cherish. Casey attended the temple and made sacred covenants with Heavenly Father yesterday in what is called the endowment ordinance. You can learn more about it here: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/…/what-is-temple…
We felt the presence of the Holy Ghost as we were able to worship in the temple with Casey as he made these special covenants.
We are so grateful that my parents and much of the Christensen family could be a part of it, either by attending the endowment session or by watching Asher. My mother-in-law and her sister watched Eve, Kamren and Rigel all day for us as well.
After the temple we took photos and went to a nice lunch before heading home...
I will never forget how I felt yesterday. I am loving seeing my Casey grow spiritually and mentally as he prepares to serve his mission.
Everything was so wonderful as Casey was moving closer and closer to being a missionary for the Lord. Unfortunately, not long after Casey went through the temple, I started to notice him slowly withdrawing from the family. I first thought maybe he was just studying his scriptures more, or trying to get used to what life would be like away from home, but it kept getting worse where he rarely showed himself to the family. One afternoon, I went upstairs to his room to talk to him about my concerns. It was that day Casey and I realized that he was depressed. He told me he had been having some thoughts of self-harm, had not been sleeping well and was tired all the time, was more irritable, and was experiencing vomiting and even hyperventilation at times.
We had him go see his psychiatrist who put him on medication that didn’t work at all. It made the vomiting worse and didn’t help with the sleep or his mood. Casey tried another medication, which would ultimately be the right one, but it took quite a while to get the right dosage and for it to work.
This was a very difficult time in our family. Casey’s moods were difficult to navigate. I had to tell the kids to stay away from him as much as possible so as not to bother him. He didn’t have much of an appetite, and mostly he just stayed away from everyone and stayed in bed (when he wasn’t irritable about something).
I was so worried about Casey, and by the third week of August or so, we were worried that Casey’s mission would have to be postponed. I even called Missionary Medical to ask if someone with depression could serve a mission. I was told yes if the medication was only for depression and not psychosis. I was also told that we needed to keep our Stake President notified of all that was going on. We did notify him, and he was kind and hopeful.
The next week our Stake president told us that Casey needed to have a pre-mission health assessment to confirm that he could serve. I prayed and prayed that Casey would be able to get better quickly so he could serve his mission as planned.
The phone call happened, and unfortunately, Casey was not better by that call. Casey was honest with the counselor, telling him that he didn’t feel ready to serve at that time. Casey did tell me that he knew that it would be okay and that he would still serve a mission, even if it had to be delayed. **One thing Casey told me is that his depression had nothing to do with anxiety over going on a mission. He wanted to serve and knew it was the right thing to do. He never did pinpoint what caused his depression.**
A couple days later, on September 3, we had a conference call with our Stake President to talk about a possible delay in Casey’s mission call. Our Bishop was with us during the call. The Stake President told us that most likely Casey’s mission would be delayed 6 months to a year because of medication changes/additions he had recently had, and that he may be reassigned as a service missionary. Casey then got a blessing from our Bishop with my husband assisting. As we left our Bishop’s office together. I was sad, and Casey was too. Imagine being depressed and then being told everything you had been working so hard for wasn’t going to happen for maybe a long time, and it might not even be the same.
A lovely woman in our congregation, who I am blessed to call my friend, saw Casey’s forlorn face as he walked in the hallway after that phone call. She sat down with him and spoke to him for a long time. That afternoon, I sent her this message:
Thanks for being an angel on earth. Casey came home with a peaceful look and a smile after speaking with you. He really is so grateful you spoke to him. It will be a journey but having compassionate friends makes it easier.
She replied and said: He’s a wonderful human being and this trial is only going to teach him more about himself so he can minister better to others.
I needed her words as much as Casey did, I think.
After the update about Casey’s mission, we were a bit antsy (or maybe it was just me). Three days after the conference call, I contacted our Stake President and asked for a mission update. By that time, I felt that Casey would be better off as a service missionary. I had read about them and felt good about the idea. I asked, though, if Casey had to live at home. Things had been very hard with him at home, and I was thinking that maybe he needed to serve elsewhere for everyone’s well-being. Jad agreed with me.
The next day, on September 7, the Stake President wrote me back saying that Casey’s mission was on paused status and that his mission call updates were going to be reviewed by an apostle within the next two weeks. He also said that Casey would indeed be reassigned as a service missionary. He had found out that it was a possibility that Casey could live somewhere else, but it would have to be with family who were active members of the church who didn’t have kids in the home.
My first thought was to contact my parents and ask them if they could take Casey in. Keep in mind at this time Casey was still depressed and very hard to live with. He had also blown up at me, I believe the day before, in a way that crushed my spirits and rocked me to the core. Our relationship was really strained, and at that point I was ready for him to leave. Now, I knew before my parents answered the phone that Casey living with them probably wouldn’t be a good fit, but I think I just needed to talk to them to feel comforted about the situation.
For the next two days, Casey and I talked a lot about everything. We had a very difficult heart-to-heart about our relationship, complete with a lot of tears and then hugs as we made amends. We also talked about what a service mission would entail and talked about some things he could do while he was waiting to leave (like maybe work, take some classes, volunteer, etc). We also discussed possible people he could live with. He made some phone calls, and the consensus was that Casey would request to live with his father and great grandpa in Cedar City, Utah. I provided this information to the Stake President so he could submit it for approval.
It is kind of miraculous to me that during those two days of trying to figure everything out, Casey started to improve. He was finally on the mend, and that brought me so much hope and comfort.
September 10 and September 11 came and went. Those were the days Casey was supposed to be set apart as a missionary and then begin his home training with the Missionary Training Center (MTC). That was a bit sad, as well as other personal events that happened around that time, but we pushed through with faith.
And then, after days of checking Casey’s missionary portal multiple times a day, I finally saw some changes on September 14. There was not much there, but I did see that Casey was going to be a service missionary and he would begin his service on October 16. This was shocking since we were told his mission would likely be delayed much longer. I was a little concerned that he wouldn’t be back to his old self by then, but I had faith.
The following day, our Stake President asked Casey to submit reasons why he wanted to live in Cedar City, UT for his mission, and not at home. He and I talked about his reasons, and ultimately, Casey wanted to be near his dad and be a support to his great grandpa. He knew that it would be easier to focus on being a missionary there because staying home would mean being around friends and other distractions. He wouldn’t have as many things around him to bring worry, overwhelm, or irritability. He felt his mental health would be better in a place that was familiar but also quieter and disassociated from where his depression began. He also loved the idea of being close to a temple. I also added to the email that Jad and I felt individually that Casey should serve outside of our home (at first those feelings were from frustration, but they remained with us even after life improved).
Casey’s request to serve in Cedar City was quickly approved. I was thrilled with this arrangement. I had always hoped that Casey would be able to spend more time with his dad and that side of his family. I had even thought maybe he would go to college in Cedar City. That wasn’t going to happen, but a mission was another perfect way to accomplish the same goal.
Just a couple days later, on September 17, Casey gave his missionary farewell talk. He gave it several weeks before leaving, but it just worked out better scheduling wise.
Here is the recording of the talk that Casey did that afternoon:
I said this on Facebook about the experience:
My dear first born gave his missionary farewell talk at church today. His mission is going to look a little different than originally planned and he explains all about that as well as his faith in Christ and his desire to serve the Lord. I was wiping my eyes the whole talk. Afterwards, he was overwhelmed and teary. We hugged for a long time. He will always be my baby no matter how old he gets. I love him so much and am so proud of him. (I didn’t add this to the FB post, but one of my church friends touched my arm while I was hugging Casey. She told me later in the bathroom that when she touched me she could literally feel my love for Casey through my arm. That was such a touching and profound compliment. I don’t ever want to forget it.)
Casey is so grateful for all those who have been such a support to him. He was blown away by all the sweet comments he got today as well. One of my friends also brought him warm peanut butter chocolate brownies tonight. He is so loved. I’m so grateful for his angels on earth.
Three days after his talk, we got more instructions from our Stake President (we were so grateful for him, by the way. He had been doing so much on Casey’s behalf). We were told to get a plane ticket for Casey anytime, as long as it was before October 31, and to establish a doctor for him in Cedar City.
I don’t like to delay anything, so the next day on September 21, we found him a doctor and made a doctor’s appointment, and also got a plane ticket. Casey wanted to fly out October 16, the day that was originally showing on his missionary portal. It was a little strange that his missionary portal was never updated with any other information. Proselyting missionaries have tons of instruction and information in their portals, but service missionaries do not.
One thing that did help was being able to speak with the service mission leaders in Raleigh as a sort of service mission orientation. We spoke with them on the phone on October 1. Casey initially didn’t think it was necessary, but we all left the call excited. It was so cool to find out some of the things Casey would be able to do as a service missionary, and also that starting in January, he would be able to go out proselyting sometimes with the regular missionaries.
It didn’t take long for Casey to start throwing himself into preparing to leave for his mission. The things that he had no desire to do before, he began doing willingly. He started going through all of his stuff, organizing things, getting rid of things, etc. I was proud of him and happy that he was excited.
We did our last family outing on October 7. I wanted it to be a nice fall activity and decided to go to Camp Chestnut Ridge. I feel like the fact it was our last family day hung over our heads – well, at least mine.
Things started to get more real about a week before Casey was set to fly out. On October 9, I wrote:
Exactly one week from today we will be having our last dinner together as a family before Casey flies out to his mission. I am so excited for him but will miss him terribly.
On October 12, Jad took a day off work so we could spend time with Casey. I wrote this about the day:
Jad took a day off work so we could spend the day with Casey. We had breakfast at NC Jelly Doughnuts and then headed to Greensboro to the International Civil Rights museum. If you have never been there, please go at least once in your life. I had tears behind my eyes the whole time and felt such a reverence for the brave souls who stood up for justice and equality sometimes at the cost of their lives. After that we went to Sams Club to have lunch and shop for Casey’s open house on Sunday.
Two days later, we had Eve’s birthday party with friends. It was still two weeks before her birthday, but she wanted to have one birthday party while Casey was still home. He gave her a Princess Peach Amiibo for her birthday.
October 15 was Casey’s last Sunday at church with us. Since he wasn’t going to be giving his farewell talk that day (since he already gave it), I asked him a couple weeks before if he would like to sing a duet with me. I was so happy when he said yes. We decided to sing his favorite song, “A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief.” We don’t have a recording of it. We did try to record it the next day, but Casey decided it wasn’t good enough to post and we would just have it for ourselves. It was so special to sing with my baby. He was emotional at the end. I gave him a squeeze before we sat down. It was a very full day. You can read all about it from my Facebook post the next day:
Yesterday was a very special yet exhausting day (emotionally and physically). It was Casey’s last day at church and last full day in NC.
At church, he and I sang “A Poor Wayfaring man of Grief” together. It’s his favorite hymn and we wanted to sing together as a way for him to say farewell as well as share a bit of himself with everyone.
After church Eve went up to Jad and gave him this giant hug where she sobbed in his shoulder saying shewas going to miss Casey and didn’t want him to leave. It was so precious and sweet. The only thing that calmed her was realizing she left snot all over her dad’s shirt, which made her laugh. Soon after, we rushed home to finish preparing for his open house from 2-5 (Jad and I had already stayed up until after midnight the night before to clean and prepare but we had to clean some and get the food out). We were ready right before 2 (phew).
For 3.5 hours straight, friends, family, and church family came to visit with Casey and wish him well. Many brought cards and gifts too, for which he is very grateful. Casey is an introvert so big crowds drain him. It was hard, but he felt so loved and supported by all who came by. He was also happy to have notes written by friends and loved ones in a little notebook. One of our church friends, Kay, touched my heart as she said she admires Casey so much because he is kind, a quality we don’t see as much nowadays. I’m so happy that we had this event for him and that so many came to wish him well.
We had just about half an hour to tidy up our very messy house, haha, before our stake president came over to set Casey apart as a missionary. First, he spoke to us, then we said a prayer (which Casey asked me to offer). I cried of course. Then we read some scriptures about serving the Lord and the qualities one needs to do so. We also all gave him a piece of advice. Here is what we said:
Rigel – if you listen to other service missionaries that have been there for a bit, think about what they post and learn from them
Mandy – try to find one thing to love about each person you serve and pray to find something if it’s hard
Kamren – be good
Eve – think about your own family when you are with other families and feel the spirit
Jad – hold onto your testimony of Book of Mormon and Joseph smith – gospel is true even if all the people aren’t
Finally, Casey was set apart. It was such a sacred experience. We all hugged him after that, with Kamren giving him the most tender and longest hug. Kamren had been quietly crying that day as well. Casey then put on his missionary name tag and we took photos.
The moment our stake president left, Casey’s best friend from school and his family showed up to eat dinner with us. Thankfully Jad had prepared most of dinner the night before. We were completely exhausted by then but were so glad to have our friends over to eat our last dinner at home with Casey.
And then everyone left and it was quiet. There was a reverent, anxious, and somber mood in the room as we all sat down to sing a hymn, read scriptures, and do family prayer for the last time in the same room for two years.
After the kids went to bed, I felt like going upstairs to give Casey a good night hug for the last time. He was journaling so I didn’t get to “tuck him in” but I did get a good night hug and kiss and that was enough for me.
So much love all around for my first born. 🥰
The next day, October 16, was the day my first born was going to leave our family to serve a 2-year mission for the Lord. He spent most of the morning packing. Seeing his suitcases ready to go was so hard.
I presented him with a gift that morning. It was a piece of bumblebee decor and on the back I pasted some thoughts I wrote in this blog post years ago: More than just Terms of Endearment | Making Life a Bliss Complete. Bumblebee was his nickname when he was a baby. I accidentally put the words in the back upside down, but Casey loved it anyway and said it was okay and that I didn’t have to fix it. 😉
Casey also spent some time with Asher. I had noticed that as his mission drew near, that he was spending as much time with Asher as possible, looking at him more tenderly. I knew that he would miss his baby brother with all his heart.
I wrote more about this bittersweet day after we all took Casey to the airport that night:
My first born, Elder Casey Lewis, just boarded a plane to begin his 2-year service mission. There have been many tears and there will continue to be. We know he is doing something wonderful and we are so proud of him. Adjusting to life without him will be so incredibly difficult, though.
To tell a little about our day, I helped Casey finish last minute packing. We also shipped two giant boxes and picked up his siblings from school early. They were so thrilled to have time with Casey where they could play video games and a card game. He and I also recorded an a cappella version of the song we sang at church yesterday so we could remember it.
We were all starting to get sad as we loaded the van with his bags and left at 4:30. We had dinner at Bojangles, drove to the airport, and then took a sad walk to the terminal. After Casey checked his bags, everyone got hugs and pictures. It was so hard to let him go up those stairs and out of sight. One nice moment happened as he did, though. A couple saw him leaving us and they started asking him questions. He got to start sharing the gospel from that first moment. It gave me some comfort.
Walking to the van was really hard. We were all in tears. I prayed aloud for Casey before we drove off. Goodness, that was an emotional prayer. We were all sobbing. Rigel wanted to watch his flight take off but it wasn’t leaving for over an hour. Kamren sat in Casey’s seat on the way home to feel close to him and Rigel moved over to sit next to Eve to comfort her as she cried a lot on the way home.
I told them that Casey had left behind some of his stuffed animals. They were happy they could have a piece of him with them always, and they all took at least one.
We love you, Casey!
I also want to express my sincere gratitude to Casey’s dad and great grandpa for taking him in for the next two years. It helps to know that Casey will be in a place where he will be safe and well loved.
That is the whole story of Casey preparing to go, and leaving for his mission.
He has now been gone exactly a month, and I think this has been the longest month of my life, truly. It feels like Casey has been gone so much longer than he has. To give you a little idea how I was feeling the first few days after he left, I wrote this on October 19:
I’m really missing my boy today. I miss two things the most: being able to talk to him every day about anything and everything, and seeing him interact with his baby brother.
I know it will get easier but it’s really hard right now. I sure love him.
I had a conversation with a good friend of mine that day too. She always wants to know how I’m really doing, and it means so much. I said this to her:
I’m feeling pretty sad and missing being able to know how he is and what he’s doing. He doesn’t talk much so I know I won’t hear from him nearly as much as I want to. But I know he’s doing fine.
Speaking about the other kids I said: They are sad he’s gone. It is really hard on Eve and Kamren. Rigel is quieter about it. Asher probably doesn’t realize but I show him pics and videos of Casey.
I was suffering without my oldest son, and it had only been three days. But then we had our first video chat with him that night and it healed my broken heart. I wrote:
We had a video chat with Casey and it was so good for my soul!
That first week and half was the hardest by far. I was sad a lot, had tears in my eyes a lot, and just wanted so badly to talk to Casey and hug him and look into his blue eyes. It has thankfully gotten a bit easier over time.
On October 25, I wrote a little something for our church so they could know how Casey is and what he’s up to. It said:
Elder Casey Lewis was set apart as a service missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on October 15,2023 and set off for his mission in Cedar City, Utah the following day. He is staying busy joyfully helping his great grandpa around his house, and serving the Bishop’s Storehouse and the Family Search Center. He also just got ordained as a temple worker in the Cedar City Temple. Elder Lewis will also be making toys for needy children at the Happy Factory and volunteering with local children’s musical theater. He is really enjoying getting to know the other service missionaries and loves his mission so far. He will return from his mission in October 2025. His Dad is Jad Al-Bjaly and Mother is Mandy Al-Bjaly, they are in the Mebane Ward in the Durham, NC Stake.
Every time Casey has told me about something he is doing, I have lit up like a Christmas tree with pride and joy. I am tearing up just thinking about it.
On October 28, we had an oddly warm day and I was able to put Asher in one of Casey’s baby outfits. I wrote on Facebook:
I didn’t think Asher would ever be able to wear this outfit but we had a very hot day on Saturday. I almost cried when I put him in it because it was Casey’s.
I have noticed that I am more sentimental than normal about Asher using and wearing Casey’s baby stuff. I am so glad that I saved my favorite clothes, toys, and blankets of Casey’s. It makes me feel close to him.
I was thrilled beyond belief to receive a mission update email from Casey on October 29 (it’s still the only one he has done, ha). Here it is:
Hey everybody!,
The past two weeks have certainly been interesting and a really good experience.The first week was spent meeting other service missionaries and working with Elder and Sister Nakken (my service mission leaders) to figure out a schedule that will work and that would allow me to serve in ways that would be fulling to me. On my first Wednesday as a service missionary Elder Price invited me to go out to the Bishops storehouse and work there for a couple of hours. For those who don’t know what it looks like to serve there it is essentially a small grocery store and a warehouse full of food. When serving there you have to stock, bag and take out orders, and clean. It’s really fun and pretty much all of the service missionaries work there on Wednesdays and saturdays. Also that day and every wednesday there is district council which is where we go over the goals from last week and have a small devotional which was pretty nerve racking the first time as i knew pretty much nobody but it is really nice to have those discussions with the other missionaries. The next big thing was that I got to go to a YSA devotional with Elder Neil A Anderson on that sunday which was super cool and it was nice to see him more as a person and not just a figure in the church. He was really personable and funny and he talked about the conference talks from the first presidency from this last conference. This last monday I got to go to the Zone Conference — there are currently two zone conferences that take place for the service missionaries and one for the teaching missionaries but that will change in january– and it was really cool to meet all the other service missionaries from the saint george mission. The topic was how we can become more like Christ and how important repentance is in our role as missionaries. Tuesday I was interviewed and ordained as a ordinance worker in the temple and that was a great experience as I know how great of an opportunity it is for me and my personal growth as well as what a great service it is to the temple patrons. That evening I worked in the Stake family history center from 6-9 pm and it was really fun. Tuesday evenings are normally when they have youth groups come in so they need workers during that time. This service opportunity helps me get experience and knowledge as well as helping others to find their love for family history, I once again worked at the Bishop’s storehouse and I will be doing that every week Wednesdays and Saturdays. My favorite thing so far was working in the temple on Thursday (I’ll Also be working every Tuesday) . There’s something special about going to the temple as a worker and it’s nice to have no distractions and just to be completely away from the world. I’m still working on completely finishing my schedule but what I have been doing so far is certainly fullfing.Also i have a companion named Elder Price. He is really cool. I don’t have a picture of him or any pictures at all actually which I will remady otherwise my mom will end me. But anyways it’s been a great start to my mission and I am really excited for all the other opportunities I will receive. I was asked by my new bishop if I wanted to perform or give a talk so I gave a talk today and sang with the choir so I ended up doing both. That’s all for now everybody. Thank you all for your love and support. It’s been very nice to know that I have so many people supporting me back home. – Elder Lewis
My first reaction to his email, beyond being so happy to get one was, wow, my son doesn’t like to use punctuation. Then I laughed because he said I would “end him” if he didn’t send me pictures. I laughed because it was only kind of true. My response to his email was in part:
I will end you, lol? What a reputation you are giving me haha! But seriously, send pictures!
I was definitely thinking about Casey on Halloween night. One reason is because Asher was wearing his pumpkin costume from when he was a baby.
As a bonus, that night Casey also sent me his first picture from his mission.
I was ecstatic and also laughed! Here was my reaction:
Casey Lewis just sent me the first picture he has taken since starting his mission. Can you tell he’s not much of a picture taker? 😛
These are toy cars he helped make at the Happy Factory yesterday. They will go to underprivileged children. He said they are very fun to make.
Casey promised me more photos next week, maybe even some of himself ha.
On November 7, Casey did his first two Facebook posts. I was so proud of him. They even had pictures! On one of the posts, he said “there’s a picture mom.” I was over the moon.
I have only gotten one more picture since, on November 8, but it has made me happy to get any picture I can.
I also was thrilled to get a photo from Casey’s dad’s cousin, McCall, on November 10, showing me a picture of Casey with a new haircut. Goodness, I smiled. It made my day. I mean, look at that smile!
We do a video chat with Casey once a week. Normally he talks about what has been going on with him, and then he talks to everyone else one by one. I have cherished the times that he has stayed on the chat with me and talked to me longer than everyone else. It makes me feel special. Just this past Saturday, after everyone walked into Lidl to shop, I stayed in the car and talked to him as long as I could.
There is a light in Casey’s eyes that brings joyful tears down my cheeks. I have seen such a change in him in such a short time.
I am so grateful that he’s happy. I’m so grateful that he is bonding with his dad’s side of the family and that he’s making new friends. I love how he talks about his missionary companion and other fellow service missionaries. I am filled with such peace as he tells me how much he adores serving in the House of the Lord.
Casey has never been much of a texter, phone caller, picture taker or picture sender. He’s super introverted and only communicates when he feels it’s absolutely necessary. That was really hard for me when he first left because I felt this huge need to talk to him every day. It took quite a while for me to realize that’s not realistic for a busy service missionary, and it’s also not my son’s personality. But I have definitely seen effort on his part. The few pictures he has sent mean so much to me. The email he sent and the social media posts – I know he’s doing that more for me than anyone else.
I think about Casey every day, multiple times a day. I do not worry about him because I know he’s being well taken care of and he is being protected while he is on the Lord’s errands.
I still wish I could talk to him every day, but I’m getting better at not texting as much. I can wait patiently and I can settle for little sentences here and there until our video chat once a week.
I am 100% confident that Casey is where he needs to be. Is it hard for me and for our family not to have him around? Yes!
It’s hard because our family never feels complete at mealtimes, on family outings, at church, in the car, during scripture study and family home evening, or any other time – because he’s not with us. It’s hard because I don’t get his amazing hugs or hear him playing piano anymore. It’s hard because his baby brother no longer has his biggest brother with him to nurture the strong bond they have. It’s hard because we no longer have someone who can babysit or run errands when life it too crazy and we need help, or a break. It’s hard because we are missing his testimony, his wisdom, his wit, and his perspectives on life. It’s hard for so many reasons.
Yes, it’s so hard, but it’s so worth it! I think because of the distance, we all have come to appreciate and love him even more than before. The kids are always talking about him and want to make/write things for him. We have sent him many things already, from letters to packages. We will continue to do so because it brings us joy as we bring him joy.
Casey told me recently that he is having some homesickness. I have been sending him videos and pictures of our family to help with that and am looking at some ideas of things to send him to help him feel closer to us and home. He suggested the other day that I make a cookbook of family recipes. I have been working on that for him.
I am a mom who is really invested in my kids. I teach them to be self-reliant, but I also want to be involved in helping them make right decisions, feel comfortable in their surroundings, succeed in their endeavors, understand their emotions, and grow spiritually, all the while showing them as much love as I can. I know I’m not a perfect mom – I’m not nearly as patient as I should be, and I have high expectations for my children.
But what I have realized about myself since my first child has grown up and left home, is that I truly adore and cherish my children. They make up so much of my heart and my reason for living. Even with all of the frustrations that come with parenting, I wouldn’t trade my time with my children for anything. I have been a mom almost half of my life, and I can’t imagine my life without any of my babies.
Casey is my first born, and I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to raise him for the first 18 years of his life. I will be his mother forever, and I feel so much tenderness for him when I speak to him and hear how he is doing. My motherly influence is changing, but our relationship will only grow over time. His mission is going to bless his life and his family’s lives more than we can imagine.
We have now made it through the first month of Casey’s mission. There are 23 months to go. Each and every day during those months, our whole family will continue to think of and pray for him. We will not stop missing him until the day he comes home, but we will be his biggest cheerleaders as he continues to serve God and His children. I’m grateful for the example Casey is setting for his siblings and for all of us.
I thank God above to be the mother of Elder Casey Scott Lewis.
This is Asher Jordan Al-Bjaly, our fifth born child, born on February 17, 2023.
He is almost 2 and a half months old. Last week, I put him in a onesie that my sister gave me at my baby shower. It says, “I’m proof that God answers prayers.”
When I opened the gift, she said how perfect it was for him, but I thought that it was a strange choice since we had not actually prayed to have another baby. Clothes like that surely belong to couples who have earnestly prayed for a child.
I kept the onesie, though, since it was a thoughtful gift. And then I put it on Asher last week (it finally fits him now) and realized that it was actually a perfect piece of clothing for him.
No, Jad and I never knelt down in tears asking God with all of our might for another child. On the contrary, Asher was an unplanned pregnancy. But, as I have thought carefully about it, I have realized that God has answered many prayers before and during my pregnancy, and after Asher’s birth.
As I shared before, last March I thought I was pregnant, and then found out I wasn’t. I was surprised at how sad I was about that, but at the same time, Jad and I were not trying to have a baby and he knew he didn’t want another one.
Those moments shook me, though, and more than once I found myself praying to know if I should have another baby. I promised that I was willing, but I didn’t know if I should. I didn’t share this with Jad, but just prayed on my own at home and even in the temple (including the Wahington DC Temple open house in June 2022). Well, God answered my prayer not by telling me that I should have a baby, but by allowing me to become pregnant when I should not have been able to be.
1.I prayed that I would be able to overcome the huge disappointment of not being able to perform in my church’s musical. I had hoped that my whole family would perform in the musical this time, which was super important to me because it would be Eve’s first and Casey’s last. This prayer was answered in a unique way, by my son Casey receiving a significant role in the show. I felt so happy being able to see his growth as an actor and singer and then watch the show while glowing with pride at his performance and smiling adoringly at my daughter who was performing for the first time.
Eve as a dreamer child (JS Dudley Photography)
Casey as Dickon (JS Dudley Photography)
Proud mama after watching The Secret Garden
2. I prayed what to do about the new amazing job I had just gotten and was so excited about. I knew that I didn’t want to work if I had a baby at home in a few short months, and I also had been having a lot of morning sickness, but I still felt horrible about quitting. I prayed for courage, for my boss to be understanding, and for me to be okay changing my dream of going back into the workforce. When I told my boss I had to quit, she was super understanding and kind, which made me feel so much better. It was hard for a while knowing I would not be working again for many years, but I kept very busy volunteering, attending school functions, shopping for the baby, doing studies, exercising, and more. I was never bored my whole pregnancy even with all the kids in school.
3. I prayed about how to make room for a new baby. Our house is large, but we did not design it to have more children. It took research and prayers to figure out how to make room – where to put the baby, how to make sure Eve had a space, and what to get rid of and move around, all without spending a lot of money. It sounds like a simple problem, but it definitely caused some stress. I can say that it all worked out beautifully and we were able to help others as we purged, as well as repurpose things for new needs we had. We also were able to get several things for free to help us furnish Eve’s new room and the baby’s room.
Painting the old playroom to make it Eve’s bedroom
The baby’s nursery – Eve’s old room
My health was something else that could have plagued me throughout my pregnancy.
I wrote this post on Facebook when I was 30 weeks along:
It’s crazy to think I am 30 weeks pregnant today! I honestly would be extremely surprised if baby stays inside that long, though, and we are working hard to be prepared for him mentally and physically.
I have been thinking about all the difficulties or things going against me in this pregnancy:
1. Being overweight before pregnancy
2. Being 38 years old at pregnancy
3. Having a lost and likely migrated IUD [Note: Turns out it fell out but I had no idea – I found out when I had an x-ray after having the baby]
4. Developing pregnancy sleep apnea
5. Having a history of hypertension/preeclampsia with some elevated blood pressure this time already
6. Getting gestational diabetes for the first time (just found out yesterday)
7. Having a surprise pregnancy to begin with, which has taken a lot of adjustment and sacrifice.
Yep, it can be said many things are against me. I am keeping a positive attitude, though. I am staying as physically active as I can. I am trying to see the diabetes as a blessing in disguise to push me into eating better. I’m focusing on how healthy our baby has been this whole time. I’m cherishing every movement and kick. I’m looking forward to the wonderful blessing this little guy will be for all of us.
There is so much good even with all these issues, and I am so grateful for loving friends and family who have been there for me and will continue to be! I’m most importantly grateful to my Father in Heaven for helping me be more patient, long suffering, and faithful.
The only reason I was able to be more patient, longsuffering and faithful during my health issues was because I prayed for these things. And God answered my prayers.
He also helped prepare me for what was to come. I had a feeling around the time a friend was asking me about having a baby shower that our baby would be born around the same time as Eve – that my blood pressure would ultimately lead me to having preeclampsia again. I just felt it. I didn’t let it bother me, but Jad and I did pray daily for my health and the baby’s health. I know that God gave me the energy, and both Jad and I the time to prepare our baby’s nursery. I know that God also kept me calm as well so I could focus on the excitement of having a baby and not the worry of him likely coming early.
I know He helped me choose my baby’s name. I think I looked at hundreds of names and kept looking and kept looking because nobody seemed satisfied. Jad and I had been praying about what to name him. As I felt that our time to decide was drawing to a close, I had made a list of our favorite ideas, and Jad had made it into more of a chart form regarding first and middle name options. One night as we went through each name together, we were able to remove names, and then we typed a few first and middle name possibilities. As we read through them, tears came to my eyes as I read the name “Asher Jordan Al-Bjaly.” I knew at that moment that should be his name. We still didn’t decide for sure, but I knew, and we ultimately named him that.
I wish I could say that my pregnancy went full-term, or at least until the proposed 37-week induction due to my gestational diabetes. That would have been the best answer to mine and Jad’s daily prayers for my health and the health of our baby, but it was not to be.
On Valentines Day with my four kids not expecting to have a fifth in 3 short days
It was a very scary and unsettling experience to be told that I needed to be induced that day because my blood pressure was dangerously high. But, I felt God and his angels on earth help us. Our bishop came and gave me a blessing, and so many people prayed for Asher and me during the labor, and for all the time after his birth that he was in the NICU and I was recovering from childbirth. I know that God not only answered my prayers, but the prayers of those who love us.
In labor
Here is a little video I sent my kids when I was in labor:
I only got to hold him for a couple minutes before they took him to the NICU – so in love.
Our first picture with Asher.
In the NICU not long after birth on oxygen
Here is a video of me sharing Asher’s birth story:
I had no choice but to get up and get things done after I was discharged from the hospital. I was at the NICU as much as I could be while also doing my best to spend time with my other children. I had so many people ask me how I was doing all of that when I just had a baby, and I always answered that God was giving me strength. The same answer was true for Jad, who even though he was on paternity leave, was in constant pain due to falling off a ladder while painting just a day after I had the baby.
Even with Jad off work, we couldn’t balance life at the hospital and home all alone, so we prayed that we would be able to coordinate everybody’s needs. We were blessed with plenty of help from loving friends and family from meals to rides to childcare, and it brought us so much relief to be surrounded by this selfless love and care.
Asher was in the NICU (at UNC first and then Alamance Regional Hospital) for two weeks before he went home. Some days were harder than others, but we felt so blessed that he only had to be on oxygen for one day, and that he only had to be under the bilirubin light for a few days. We also felt blessed that he got the opportunity to be transferred to Alamance Regional, which was so much closer to us, and also a much better fit for Jad and I as involved parents.
On oxygen that first day
Under the bilirubin light at UNC
Being transported to ARMC
Under the bilirubin light right after arriving at ARMC
Some of the goodies we got at ARMC – we especially loved the flannel hearts for us to wear and then leave with Asher so he could smell us when we couldn’t be with him
It took Asher quite some time to be able to nurse with the stamina he needed, but he improved daily, and he was such a sweet, cuddly and good baby. Below are some of my favorite pictures of Asher when he was in the NICU, both at UNC and ARMC:
The time Asher was in the NICU was hard for Jad and me because we felt so horrible about having to choose between being with our baby at the hospital or with our other four children. We switched off the best we could, but it was hard for us. It was also really hard for the kids. They had to live with basically one parent at a time, and had to make a lot of life adjustments, all the while not being able to meet their baby brother.
A video call one night that Jad was at the NICU with Asher
Baby Asher on the other side of the call
One night, when Jad was at the NICU and I was at home, I felt just how big the strain was on them, and I was inspired to have a conversation with the children about it in hopes of helping them have hope and patience. Here is a video I recorded of that experience:
Thankfully Asher came home very soon after this on March 3rd. The nurses marveled at how fast he was able to come home, since many preemies don’t go home until their due dates. They said they knew he was going home so soon because we were so present with him. I know that was part of it, but I know an even greater part of it was God answering our fervent prayers.
And of course, Jad and I both hoped and prayed that when Asher came home, we would all be able to adjust to having him home and that everyone would love him. We were a little worried about Eve being jealous, since she had expressed concerns before about not having enough attention. We also prayed that we would be able to take care of and love all of our children as we added one more to our home. And that has been the greatest answer to prayer of all: every single one of us adores Asher more than we could ever describe. We have been able to adjust well to having him home with us, and it feels like he has always been a part of our family. Nobody has been jealous, and we are able to make time for everyone. We have all just had to learn to be more flexible and patient sometimes.
Here are the kids’ first interactions with their baby brother:
Here are my favorite photos of Asher and our family since then:
I was worried when I was pregnant that I wasn’t going to be able to get back into new motherhood, and that I wouldn’t be able to love this boy as much as I loved and cherished Eve who was my first girl and a preemie – the one I thought would be my youngest and last.
God has certainly answered those prayers. Jad and I have both remembered how to be parents of little ones, and we are cherishing each moment, with as much joy and laughter as we can muster through the lack of consistent sleep.
And do we love Asher as much as Eve and the rest? Well, of course we do. I often tear up thinking about how blessed I am. I don’t know if I deserve this special child of God, but I feel so honored that it was part of God’s plan that Asher should join our family and that I should be his mother.
It may sound like life is perfect. It’s not. It’s really challenging sometimes. We are always busy and tired and have a difficult time accomplishing what we used to do. Despite all that, I wouldn’t change a thing. I also wouldn’t wish that he came on time. It has actually been a tremendous blessing that he came early because it has provided almost six extra weeks for all of us to bond with him, especially Casey, who is graduating soon and will then be serving a two-year mission before going off to college. His relationship with Asher has been especially precious to watch.
So, yes, the onesie my dear sister got for Asher was perfect, and I cannot express enough gratitude to my Heavenly Father for hearing and answering so many prayers on the behalf of myself, my baby, and my beloved family. Our prayers keep coming, and He keeps answering. God is good.
Our family of seven:
We finally took our first family photo on March 12.
At the Richmond VA Temple Open House on April 7 (I teared up in the Celestial Room as I looked at Asher and pondered on how nearly a year before I prayed in the DC Celestial Room to know if I should have another baby.)
After church on Easter and the day of Asher’s baby blessing
Are you excited to vote in the upcoming mid-term elections?? Well, maybe excitement isn’t the right term, but I hope we think about it as an opportunity to make positive change. I honestly didn’t used to care much about voting. I usually skipped the mid-terms and all other local elections. I would only vote in the presidential ones, and even then, I wouldn’t really do any research. I would just vote straight one party and call it a day.
I know many people are probably that way. I want to write today because I have been on an enlightening journey for the past few years that has changed the way I think about voting and when and how to vote. It has changed my life, and I expect it will continue to as I continue learn and grow.
Who am I to offer any insight, you may ask? I’m just a regular person, that is true. I just feel like I’m supposed to share some of the things I have learned. Elections are far more important and crucial to our well-being than many people realize, and it’s not just because of who gets elected.
I have learned many things in my soul-search to be a more principled voter and citizen of our great country. Here are some of those things:
There is no supreme political party that has all the right answers, and none always has the moral high ground.
There are corrupt politicians in every political party, and there are also politicians with integrity and courage in every political party.
Most people want and value similar things – they just may go about it in a different way or have a different understanding. We have so much more in common than there will ever be differences.
Not all media is honest and not everyone who claims to be an expert or to be telling the truth is credible or has good intentions. Thus, we can’t believe everything we see, read, or hear (i.e.: flyers in the mail, radio/tv ads, news articles, etc.).
Pointing fingers, being judgmental, dehumanizing, and assuming the worst of organizations, parties, or groups of people, particularly when no credible research has been done, is not productive, kind, or right.
Talking to people of opposing viewpoints and learning more about the experiences of others we do not feel we relate to is a wonderful way to gain understanding and build compassion.
Voting is a privilege, and we should take it very seriously. Researching candidates and making informed decisions is our moral obligation and should be a top priority. Straight party voting is not the best way to handle voting as not all candidates in one party are people of honesty, courage, and integrity.
Loyalty to party and specific leaders above all else does a disservice to all of us. It hurts relationships, fills us with unhealthy anger, fear, and dread, and often causes us to ignore and withdraw from our moral compasses.
We must decide what is a dealbreaker for us in voting and what is not. Before deciding that, we should do our homework and make sure we know all the many facets and complexities of a platform or issue.
To really be balanced in our political thinking, and to ensure our perspectives are backed up by sound logic, we must avoid logical fallacies, such as name-calling, whataboutism, generalizations, straw man arguments, red herrings, etc.
There are so many more things I could share, but these are super important. I used to do a lot of these, and I know now that I was wrong about a lot of things.
So, how do we do this?
Work on your heart. To me, this is the most important step, and helps us feel the crucial importance of the others.
Ponder on groups/organizations/people that you feel an anger/hatred/prejudice towards. Think about why and consider that you may be wrong. Reach out, do your research, and talk to people to help you ease those feelings.
Look for the good everywhere you go. There is good in all races, ethnicities, cultures, sexual orientations, genders, economic and educational statuses, and political parties. Never let yourself believe otherwise.
Assume that when you say or do something that isn’t kind and that is fueled by anger, hatred, intolerance or fear, that someone will be negatively affected. There is always someone reading, listening, or watching who can either be hurt by you or helped and uplifted by you.
Be very careful and choosy about the media you read and watch. Media that tells you what to think rather than just presents the facts is biased. Media that focuses only on the faults of one party and only the virtues and victimhood of the other is biased. Media that fuels your fear and anger is biased. Media that does not report on major events that should matter to all Americans is biased. Media that never shows the other side of an issue is biased. Every media platform will have some bias, as it chooses what to report on and how. However, there are plenty of options that are fact-based that either do not include opinion at all or present the opinion/perspectives of several sides. The virtues and faults of all leaders/parties will be shown. Fact checking will be done when appropriate. You can find some very helpful charts that show media bias. I personally choose to only watch/read media that is presented as very close to the middle or in the middle.
Do your research about candidates – don’t let the opposing party tell you what is true about a candidate in the other party. I have listened to and seen enough propaganda to know that this is not an effective way to learn. Instead, you can do this:
Follow candidate social media pages. See how they communicate and how they serve in their communities.
Go to candidate websites and read about their backgrounds, who endorses them, and what their priorities are.
Look at the criminal records of candidates and compare those records to current lifestyle/attitudes.
Go to websites like ballotpedia.com to see real statements from the candidates about issues that matter. Oftentimes local newspapers will also interview candidates for local positions.
Do your research about issues that matter to you AND just as importantly, issues that don’t matter to you but that matter to others. Most of the time, in order to get votes, parties will say the worst about each other’s platforms/perspectives to scare you into voting a certain way. There are definitely times when viewpoints are scary and unsound, but more often than not, they are just being misrepresented.
Talk to your friends and family who have certain beliefs, perspectives, experiences and lifestyles that are different than yours. Have a respectful conversation about your differences and seek understanding.
Look up the topic at hand, referencing studies, statistics, scholarly articles, court cases, and interviews. Do not rely on the statements of politicians alone. They are often either misinformed or are purposely trying to mislead.
Work on your preconceived notions of assuming the worst about a party or candidate. Wait until after doing thorough, objective research to determine how you feel about something.
Educate yourself on American history and current American events. It should all matter to you – the full truth, even if it doesn’t align with what you want or who you like or follow.
Watch documentaries about American/world history, particularly related to political/social issues.
Read objective history books/textbooks.
Study the Constitution and what it really says, as well as what the framers intended.
Keep abreast of current investigations and court cases related to political figures. Also read current articles about them – what they are saying and doing.
Read about Supreme Court cases, past and present, to help you know the full extent of decisions and what they mean., as they are often misrepresented.
To help supplement your research, follow knowledgeable influencers on social media who dedicate their lives not to spreading hate and misinformation, but the exact opposite – spreading truth, hope, inspiration, facts, and unbiased analysis.
My favorite group to follow is Mormon Women for Ethical Government (MWEG). Its purpose is to help women of faith build a “more peaceful, just, and ethical world.” You can follow this wonderful group on Facebook or Instagram, as well as visit the website: Mormon Women for Ethical Government. I actually volunteer with this organization, and the nonpartisan dedication to Christlike, peaceful, ethical politics is so refreshing. They have also put out this wonderful voting resource that can really help everyone be a more principled vote. I highly recommend reviewing it: Know Your Vote (mormonwomenforethicalgovernment.org)
My favorite person to follow is Sharon McMahon. Her Instagram page is @Sharonsaysso and her website is www.sharonmcmahon.com. She is a magnificent, knowledgeable, honest, and compassionate woman who has really helped me be a better American. I always look forward to her Instagram stories, which are full of information as well as nonpartisan, compassionate, moral analysis. Below are some images I took screenshots of recently that really helped me learn more about voting, democracy, and what matters.
There is more I wish to say to Christians like myself, and I do so in this video. I hope you find some helpful direction and cause for self-reflection in these words that I felt prompted to record:
Here are a few references for my latter-day Saint readers that have helped me shape a lot of my viewpoints expressed above:
I also found a couple videos I made two years ago regarding these same issues. I will share one. Here I focus on the humanity of each of us. It mirrors the video above very well, and it was refreshing to watch it again knowing that I have grown even more since then.
I truly hope that we can all take some time to honor our moral obligation to vote in the most ethical, peaceful, law-abiding, democratic, and compassionate way. God bless everyone!
It’s expected that everything about having a baby is exciting and full of blissful joy. I really wanted this post to be all that, but I also believe in keeping it real. Life is not always roses, not even when pregnant with a surprise baby. Allow me to explain.
Yesterday was the day of the gender reveal. The evening went a lot different than planned and resulted in feelings we didn’t expect or want to feel. I am going to share another video now. It’s a long one and it isn’t super pleasant, but in the vein of remaining authentic, I will share my emotional mess of a self.
I’m not proud of these feelings, and neither is Jad. It was really hard for him not to show disappointment in the time we were together before the rest of us also found out the gender. We went to bed last night feeling like this and it was hard. I even woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep for hours.
As I got up this morning, I wish I could say that I felt 100% better and I’m full of joyous anticipation for the arrival of our baby. I would be lying if I said that, though the tears have stopped and I’m thinking straighter. I feel really bad that I was so distraught that I didn’t talk to each of my kids about their feelings. I will make sure to do so today. Talk about a mom fail.
I do believe, hope, and pray and in time, we will get there. I know a lot of good things in my head, which helps:
I know I will love this baby as much as I have loved all the others.
I know that this baby will be cared for just as much as all the others.
I know our family will be blessed by having this baby in our home.
I know this is what and who God wants for us.
I also have these concerns:
How can we best transition our home to work best for our growing family? (Already this morning when discussing it, I got major pushback from one of my kids.)
Will Eve, our sweet girl who deserves a little sibling so much, be fulfilled and satisfied with this sibling that we didn’t expect?
I have been really pondering why I feel so bad about this, and I think I know why. It’s partly because of the concerns I stated, but mostly I think it’s because I had such spiritual promptings about this baby. I felt so strongly about the name, the gender, and about the baby being a perfect gift for Eve. I don’t think those were just emotions. They felt so spiritual. And since the reality is the opposite of what I felt so strongly in the deepest part of my soul, I feel really shaken to the core. It will be hard, but as Jad and I were talking about this morning, we have to just try to understand that God’s ways are not our ways, and we don’t know all that He knows.
So, this is not the gender reveal post you expected. I’m so sorry it is nothing like the one we did with Eve. But this is the reality. And it will get better and better and happier and happier as time goes on. I just know it isn’t right to fake it. It’s better to be real, acknowledge my feelings, and work towards healthier ones.
If any of you have any similar stories you feel comfortable sharing with me, I would love to hear. I love learning from others and their experiences.
Thank you so much to my family who joined the Zoom call last night and were so supportive. And thank you to all of my family and friends who love us and are there for us throughout it all. Much love!
Krispy Kreme Doughnut with blue in the middleThe NIPS test resultI made these adorable pictures yesterday to announce the gender. We tried to take the picture last night, but as you can see, my heart was not in it. We will try again and do it right.The sweet note from Eve, written by Kamren
I have never done a blog post like this before, but I have a lot of important life updates that I hope to share, and to do it best, I have recorded videos of myself. The first is in March 2022 and may not seem to connect to the others that start in August, but it does! I hope you enjoy watching these videos and learning about my thought processes and experiences leading up to a huge life change coming to the Al-Bjaly family. We know God is leading and guiding us in the direction our family needs to go:
If you watched all of these, thank you. It means so much. Below are just a few pictures that capture our pregnancy journey so far! Much love to you all and thank you for caring!
These first two pictures are from August 14 when I found out I was pregnant.
In this photo, taken August 15, Jad and I were feeling happy that I heard the baby’s heartbeat at my first appointment.
I took these pictures August 16, because that day we realized that when Jad made this beautiful wall hanging years ago, he had left one open spot for a picture. He didn’t think anything of it at the time, but now it has new meaning for us.
These are my first ultrasound pics, taken August 18, where I found out my due date is March 29.
These pictures are from August 27 when I was blessed with free baby items. Eve picked out this red panda for the baby, but she’s keeping it safe for now in her room. 🙂
Eve took this picture of me on September 7. I often get really tired and have to lie down. I can fall asleep almost instantly.
Eve drew me this adorable picture yesterday, September 13. It’s the baby and me. She has been so sweet to me. She will be a wonderful big sister.
