Category: Parenting

I learned, not failed
Have you ever prayed out loud pleading, sobbing, hoping, asking?

I did that recently. I had to. I was so confused, emotionally and physically exhausted, and feeling that I wasn’t doing my part well enough.

March 18-19 2016, my mom and I attended an event in Raleigh put on by Deseret Book called Time Out for Women (TOFW).

My feelings about this event are best summarized by my Facebook post on the 19^th: Last night and today have been one of the greatest experiences I have had for a long time. My mom is with me. We are seeing old friends, feeling the Spirit, laughing, learning, and crying. The music and speakers are all phenomenal, and I look forward to the rest of today!‪

This event changed my perspective, and possibly my life.

I took many notes during the event, as all the speakers and performers had such lovely and insightful things to say. Here are some of the points that meant the most to me:
1. John Bytheway, spoke of gardens. The garden was a metaphor for one’s testimony of Christ and His gospel. He said that all you have to do to lose your garden is nothing. Am I currently working to increase my testimony, or am I letting the weeds grow? Among many other important metaphors and points, he quoted this by Neal A. Maxwell: “In conclusion, the submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. The many other things we “give,” brothers and sisters, are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!” I do try to give my will to God. It was His will that I start my business, for example. I just wish I knew why…
2. Jenny Oaks Baker, the most beautiful violinist I have ever heard, said that we should have faith in the Lord, not in that certain things will happen in our lives. Am I dreaming too much, and not thinking enough about my faith?
3. Wendy Ulrich talked of failing verses learning. She said failure doesn’t define us or finish us. We learn instead of fail. She asked us to think to ourselves, “What risk do I need to take even though I am afraid to fail?” What if I quit my business? I would be a failure, right? If not, what on earth am I learning?
4. Mary Ellen Edmunds talked about an African saying – “I am well if you are well.” She said that love is the best medicine and that we should give another dose if one doesn’t work. She quoted Thoreau: “Love is the only investment that never fails.” She testified that kindness and love bring power over mind, heart and behavior. Am I giving enough love? If love is the only investment that never fails, I need to do more investing.
5. A sweet local from Cary said, “God gave us everything. All He asks is sacrifice from us.” Am I sacrificing enough for Him?
6. Eric Huntsman said that he learned about Jesus on his mother’s knee. This image struck me to the core, and I felt incredibly inadequate. Will my kids learn from my knee? I felt that my priorities should be teaching the gospel to my children. I starred a couple scriptures that he quoted:
  1. Alma 5:26 – And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now? Can I ?
  2. 1 John 3:2 – Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. All that matters is that I am like Him.
7. Calee Reed was the extremely talented singer on the second day. She spoke about how we should always remember we are daughters of God and that He loves us. She said that knowing that helps her feel better about herself and the mundane things she has to do as a mother. I struggle with the mundane. That is why I try so hard to make something of myself and do, do, do.
8. Sandra Turley quoted the song “We Must Sing” by Rob Gardner. My favorite verse was: “God made our voices, but we must make them sing. God gave us voices so we must sing.” She said we need to grow our testimony of Christ before our talents, and then use our talents to share our testimony. She said we must give our kids faith or we have given little. We must sing to defend God. I have talents, and I used to use them all the time for sharing my testimony and defending God. Now, I don’t have time to do my blogging…
  1. During her talk, when she was talking about praising God, I had a random thought, and that was that God doesn’t care about our weight or what we look like on the outside. Do we as women focus on that too much? My business focuses a lot on outside looks (well, inner health too).
9. Emily Belle Freeman gave a touching talk about true friendships and hospitality. During her talk, I had a few thoughts:
  1. We shouldn’t do something for what it will do for us, because we already have all we need with God and family. Wow, I really do, don’t I?
  2. Sometimes something is right, but not right now. What should wait?
  3. The mundane isn’t really mundane. Wow, I really haven’t had time to do the mundane lately. I wish I had more time to keep my home clean or cook nice meals…
These were my favorite points from TOFW, though the entire event nourished my soul, and helped me bond with my mom. As we drove home from Raleigh, I ended up in tears as I spoke to her. I told her of my concerns about not having enough time for my family and for the things that matter most. I told her many of the things that stuck out to me from TOFW, and that I felt like I wasn’t doing those things well enough.

My greatest concern was my business with It Works. I reminded her and myself of the strong, overwhelming spiritual prompting I had gotten to start my business less than six months before. I was just so confused. I couldn’t quit! Not when He had told me to do this. It has only been a short time!

Once we arrived back to her home, I said hello to my dad, and hugged my mom goodbye to drive my car home. During that ride home was when I gave my desperate and fervent vocal prayer to my Heavenly Father. I tried to be as in tune with the Spirit as possible as I communed with Him.

When I came home, I wrote down my thoughts:
1. The financial dreams my family wrote together don’t really matter.
2. We have ALL we need already.
3. I don’t have to do my book right now (a desire I have had for some time.)
4. I have no time for love, and that is what I need most.
5. My final thought was that my family needs to be together all the time – that was a worthwhile dream.
I saw number 5 as a somewhat comforting reason to remain with my business. And life went on for nearly a month. I continued working my business, but the joy wasn’t there. The motivation and inspiration wasn’t there. The success I had seen before wasn’t happening.

Then, the morning of April 12, I went to my church Institute class about the Savior.

The Spirit touched me to the very center when we read this scripture (Alma was quoting the prophet Zenos, and what he said about prayer):

And thou didst hear me because of mine afflictions and my sincerity ; and it is because of thy Son that thou hast been thus merciful unto me, therefore I will cry unto thee in all mine afflictions , for in thee is my joy; for thou hast turned thy judgments away from me, because of thy Son. Alma 33:11

What part struck me? The very small line: “For in thee is my joy.”

I was overcome with my lack of joy at that time. My business wasn’t bringing me joy. I was overworked physically and mentally. I had so much going on in my life that I couldn’t breathe. Where is my joy? Is should be in Christ, and I have not had time to focus on Him!

In the next lesson that same day, we talked about Christ’s second coming.

We read a powerful quote from Elder Dallin H. Oaks: “While we are powerless to alter the fact of the Second Coming and unable to know its exact time, we can accelerate our own preparation and try to influence the preparation of those around us. … “What if the day of His coming were tomorrow? If we knew that we would meet the Lord tomorrow—through our premature death or through His unexpected coming— what would we do today? What confessions would we make? What practices would we discontinue? What accounts would we settle? What forgiveness would we extend? What testimonies would we bear? “If we would do those things then, why not now? Why not seek peace while peace can be obtained? If our lamps of preparation are drawn down, let us start immediately to replenish them.”

This quote hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew that I would do things so much differently if I knew that the Savior were to return tomorrow. Nothing was more clear to me at that moment than that I needed to quit my business. I knew that though it wasn’t a bad endeavor, it was stopping me from preparing myself, my family, and those around me spiritually for Christ. I had realized earlier that day that in Christ should be my joy. He is everything. What was I giving to Him?

So, I went home that day feeling that I really needed to get rid of something. I knew the first thing was definitely my business. I was a little scared, but I prayed for reassurance, and I got it. Within a few hours, I sent a sincere and heartfelt email to my upline and friend, Amber.

I told her how I had been struggling with my business for quite some time. Financially, it wasn’t providing for me, even though I was working hard. In the past months, if I ever felt discouraged and ready to quit, I could feel God bless me with a new customer or a new promotion or a new idea. But, that had not been happening. My distributors weren’t working, and potential customers weren’t signing. I had taken a blow just a couple weeks before realizing that even if I promote, I have to requalify for my rank each month. Where is the stability and consistency in that?

I gave her many reasons for thinking of quitting, like my joy and desire wavering. I told her that “this business has not done for me what is most important for my family and for my spirituality,” and “the time I have devoted has taken me away from things I love, including blogging.”

I said, “I know that to be really successful, I need this business to become my top priority, but if I have felt anything lately, it is that my family and my devotion to Christ must be my top priority. I don’t have to be wealthy and my husband doesn’t have to stay at home.”

I told her that I didn’t regret doing It Works, but I hadn’t felt peace with it for some time. I told her that “writing this email with my thoughts is bringing me a lot of peace.”

My initial thought was that I wouldn’t quit until the end of the week. I would give it some time to see if anything happened that would help me be successful. But, then, when my husband got home that evening, we had a tearful heart to heart. I told him about the email, and about my thoughts. I felt the Spirit as I told him that my priorities needed to shift and that our family and God is all that matters.

He told me he was proud of me and that he could tell I was making decisions with the Spirit. He reassured me that he is happy to work, and that we don’t have to be rich. Our dreams were good, but our family is what matters most.

So, that night, I emailed Amber again and told her that I would indeed be quitting. It felt so good.

She did not write me back right away, and after several days, I was worried that she was really angry with me. It turns out my email had gone to her spam folder, and I was so relieved and grateful that she was really supportive and understanding.

It has been a couple weeks since I decided to quit my business, and I have not felt regret. I reflected on the prayer I had on the way home from TOFW, and I realized my interpretation of the thought that my family needs to be together all the time was wrong. What Heavenly Father was telling me was that my family needed to be together eternally – that is all that matters.

That interpretation has inspired me. I am still catching up on many “to dos” since the musical has been over (something else that took much of my time, but was such a blessing), but soon that list will get smaller and smaller until I can focus my time and attention on loving my family, doing the mundane things that aren’t so mundane, giving service, and sharing the gospel through my blog.

I have asked myself a few times why did Heavenly Father want me to start my business in the first place if I was only going to quit in six months?

I wish I had a true answer for that. Jad thinks that maybe the skills I learned in networking will help me reach more people with my blog. I did learn a new skill and overcome a fear of videotaping myself speaking. Perhaps that will become useful someday. Or, maybe it is as Wendy Ulrich said : maybe it isn’t failing; it is learning.

Well, I have learned a lot. And the love I was missing is coming back to me. I thank God for His infinite wisdom, and for His hand in my life. I know He knows what is best for me, and that He desires my joy!

I must make a clarification that I am in no way saying that home businesses are not a good thing, or that dreams of financial freedom aren’t merited, or that an absence of joy in something is always a justified reason to move on. I simply mean that for me, and for my family, there is another plan at this time. The only thing I can continue to do is to follow where the Spirit leads me, and be willing to give my entire will to God (the only thing of mine I can truly give), no matter what.

If He is the guide on my journey and I always choose to follow Him, my destination will always be Heaven, either on earth or in the eternities.
April 28, 2016
When I am an adult I can…
You know the phrase “From the mouths of babes?” Most of the time, people use that phrase when children say something profoundly true or spiritual.

Well, I think it can also apply when they say something that shouldn’t be true, but it is too often – when they say something that causes reflection, and possibly change in one’s life.

This happened to me a few weeks ago. Rigel and I were sitting at the table eating lunch. All of a sudden he clearly articulated,

“When I am an adult, I can watch bad movies with bad words!”

I was taken aback, and wondered who told him that or why he thought that. I knew I hadn’t told him that, and I told him that Daddy and I don’t watch movies like that.

He then said, “Yes you do. There are movies you don’t let me watch. They are bad movies with bad words.”

He was right that there are movies he doesn’t watch that we watch, but I explained to him that some movies he wouldn’t understand or enjoy due to his young age. Jad and I actually don’t keep any movie in the house we wouldn’t want our kids to watch, and when we watch movies we don’t own, we use VidAngel to cut out language, nudity, and other things we aren’t comfortable watching.

I don’t think that Rigel’s definitions of “bad words” and “bad movies” match mine, but it still got me thinking a lot.

Then, the following day, I spoke to a friend whose nephew had called his sister a bad name. When she corrected him and asked him not to do that, he showed his understanding, by saying when he grew up he would be able to use that word. Where did he get that from?

These two interactions left my heart aching. My husband and I try really hard to practice what we preach. We do have very high morals when it comes to entertainment and speech. We aren’t perfect, but want our kids to fill their lives with things that are virtuous, lovely, of good report, and praiseworthy (Articles of Faith 1:13, Phillippians 4:8).

My heart was hurting as I thought of other children in the world whose parents do use bad language consistently around them but tell them not to do the same, or who do watch movies with content that they hide from their kids (or worse – don’t).

Kids are like sponges. They will hear what words you use, they will hear how you speak about others, they will find a way to view those movies or books you are hiding from them – and then they will adopt that behavior themselves.

I truly believe that as parents, we have been given a God-given responsibility to be righteous examples to our children. We should study the words of Christ, and carefully determine what things we will allow in our homes. I believe home should be a holy place – a haven from the world. We must make it that way through our our words, our actions, and the tangible objects we allow in.

I hope I can help my children fill in the blank differently. Rather then, “When I am an adult, I can do bad things,” they will say, “When I am an adult, I can”:
1. Get a good college education.
2. Earn a job in my chosen career field, and try to change the world for the better.
3. Continue to share the gospel of Christ.
4. Marry my sweetheart and start a family.
5. Work hard to support my family physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
6. Love my children, my spouse and the Lord with all of my heart.
7. Be a good friend to all.
8. Use my talents and time to help others.
9. Learn new skills, such as gardening, fixing cars, or cooking new foods.
10. Continue to improve myself each and every day.
What do you want your kids to say?
March 29, 2016
More than just Terms of Endearment

Casey, Rigel, and Kamren, you mean more to me than I could ever express to you. You are the boys that Heavenly Father saw fit to send to me. You made me a mother, and I want you to know that I am your biggest fan, and that I see the divine worth and potential in each of you. When you were little, I gave each of you a term of endearment. I hope to show you there is more to these than just a name, and I pray that you will use the attributes of your special names to become good and righteous men:

Bumblebee

My first born, Casey, you are my Bumblebee. This name came from a yellow sleeper you wore when you were an infant. It was my favorite outfit of yours as it brought out your shining eyes and sweet smile. I knew it would characterize you perfectly.

I wish for you to be as your namesake – peaceful and unaggressive. Bumblebees do not harm others, unless they are defending themselves. I pray that you will be one who will defend righteous causes, but at the same time, desire peace and understanding with everyone around you.

I wish for you to focus on what matters most, and labor diligently to bring forth much good fruit.

You may not know, but one third all of all human food requires bee pollination. Without the bee, humans could not survive.

The crops bumblebees provide for humans, and the flowers they provide for other animals, bring them nourishment to live their lives to the fullest. I pray you will, through your good deeds and kind words, nourish the souls of those you meet and love.

Bumblebees have tiny wings, and shouldn’t be able to fly, but they do it anyway, and they do it so well. I admonish you to never allow anyone to tell you that you can’t do something. You can do anything. You are a child of the most High, and if you follow His counsel, and the counsel of your parents, you can fulfill all of your righteous and worthy desires.

I love you, my Bumblebee.

Shining Star

My second born, Rigel, you are my Shining Star. You are so named because yours is the name of the brightest star in the constellation Orion. A peace comes to my heart each time we look at your star in the night sky together.

I told you one night not long ago why you are my shining star. It is because of the light you bring to others through your good humor, your kindness, and your fun, friendly disposition. You are a friend to all.

The words of a song, “Every Star is Different,” I wish for you to emulate:

I can shine for others

And let them feel my love,

Follow the commandments

That come from God above.

I can help another

To learn to choose the right.

Having faith and courage

Will let my star shine bright.

Remember the most important and most brilliant star ever to shine was the Star of Bethlehem. This star represented the light of Christ. It was a sign of His birth, and led the wise men to Him.

You, through your words and deeds, can also lead others to Christ. I pray that you share the gospel every day of your life.

Never hide your light, my son. Always let it shine and do good works.

I love you, my Shining Star.

Angel

My third born, Kamren, you are my Angel. I call you this because I believe angels helped bring you to this earth.

Looking like an angel at 9 months old.

There are many accounts in the scriptures of angels. God has used them throughout time for many reasons – to show love, concern and mercy, to bring messages of great importance, to warn, or to provide guidance.

You may not be one of these angels, but as Jeffrey R. Holland, Apostle in the LDS church, said, “…not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with … Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.”

My Kamren, I pray that you will be kind, good and pure your whole life. You are already so sweet, affectionate and giving.

Angels on earth also use their words, my son. Nephi, in the Book of Mormon, spoke of speaking with a new tongue – the tongue of angels, after being baptized and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. He said, “Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ (2 Nephi 32:2-3).”

Kamren, how interesting it is that you do not speak many words now. However, the Spirit has testified to me, that someday, your voice will be strong and will ring with the Truth of Christ.

Jeffrey R. Holland said, “Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity…With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail.”

My Kamren, I know that you will bring hope, comfort, and peace to others as you exhibit these angelic qualities throughout your life.

I love you, my Angel.

************************************************************************************

Casey, Rigel, and Kamren – even if I do not always call you by these terms of endearment, these names and these hopes for you are always in my heart. I love you all with my whole soul, always and forever!

January 29, 2016
Murmurings and Medicine

Jad and I were very worried about Rigel Tuesday morning. He had a lot of swelling, discoloration, and pain on a sensitive part of his body. We strongly felt that we needed to take him to the doctor.

When we got there, I was unpleasantly surprised to find that I had to pay $100 for the visit, since our coinsurance didn’t kick in until after the deductible was met. That wasn’t fun, but I paid it knowing that my son would receive a sound diagnosis and treatment for his condition.

We love our pediatrician. She examined Rigel gently yet thoroughly, and surprisingly to me, didn’t see any cause for concern. She said most likely the cause was a bug bite, and that with some Benadryl, he would be fine.

I left the office with my little boys, suckers and stickers in hand. When I sat in the car after buckling them in, I sighed in distaste.

It was time to call Jad, who I knew was worried sick. Well, wait until he hears what a waste of time that was, I thought to myself.

Exasperated, I told him how much money I had to spend, and that there was nothing wrong with Rigel. All he needed was Benadryl. I sighed, and said I would be getting him his medicine. We got off the phone both annoyed at our new insurance.

The whole rest of the day, I found myself doubting the doctor. It must be something else – I mean, his condition just isn’t normal.

But, it hit me that night that my attitude had been all wrong. It was almost as if I wanted something to be wrong with Rigel to justify the doctor’s trip and the large bill. I had been feeling that my time and money wasn’t worth it because he was actually fine.

I am ashamed at how I acted! I should have been praising God that there was nothing to be worried about! Had the swelling been for a more serious reason, he likely would have needed surgery.

I should have been thanking people who prayed for him, and thanking my Heavenly Father for hearing my own prayers.

I should have hugged and kissed my child, and told him how much I loved him, and how happy I was that he was going to be alright.

My pride got the better of me that day, and someone didn’t want me to see the Lord’s hand, be grateful, or focus on what matters most.

Rigel is all better now. The swelling did go down with one dose of Benadryl.

Just as the doctor knows what medicines heal us physically, Heavenly Father knows what will heal us spiritually. He healed my hardened heart through the whisperings of the Spirit. I am eternally grateful for my renewed perspective, and for the safety and health of my precious Rigel.

Photo Credit: Nikki Miner Nichols

November 12, 2015
Because I know what’s best for you

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I was home with my two little ones by myself one night, and my 4-year-old was winning a debate at the dinner table. He was refusing to eat his dinner, no matter what bribes – or threats – I threw out.

In desperation, I finally screamed out: “I’m in charge and you NEED TO LISTEN TO ME!”

I was taken aback when his little voice, rather than arguing, simply asked, “Why?”

My voice caught a little when I answered, “Because I know what’s best for you.”

When I said it, I felt like a huge hypocrite – no, the biggest hypocrite in the world.

It was time for self-reflection.

I inwardly asked myself, “If I really know what’s best for my son, does that include yelling, screaming, and demanding impatiently that he do something?”

My second question rolled off the first, “What is my real goal – to fill tummies and warm hearts, or to be right and obeyed?”

At that moment of anger and annoyance, the answer was clear. In my impatience, I had forgotten the real goal – the goal that would actually be what was best for him – and moved to the selfish goal of satisfying my pride.

I realized that night that Rigel just wanted to know why he had to eat his dinner before willingly doing it.

In my church’s General Conference this past weekend, I heard a message from Carole M. Stephens that completely affirms my feelings that night.

As she spoke of her granddaughter, Chloe, who had taken her seat belt off so many times, that she had to stop on the side of the road, unable to go any further, I was first so impressed and inspired by her continued patience with this small child, only a year younger than my Rigel.

After unsuccessfully re-buckling her granddaughter several times, and bribing her to keep her seat belt fastened, Sister Stephens prayed for guidance on what to do. She got the impression to teach her.

After expressing that wearing her seat belt would keep her safe, and that it would make her grandmother upset if her sweet granddaughter got hurt, Chloe finally understood:

“Grandma, you want me to wear my seat belt because you love me!”

After that, she kept her seat belt on.

Sister Stephens counseled, “We have rules to teach, guide, and protect children. Why? Because of the great love we have for them. But until Chloe understood that my desire for her to remain securely fastened in her car seat was because of my love for her, she was unwilling to submit to what she considered a restriction. She felt her seat belt limited her freedom.”

I really think that is why our kids don’t listen to us sometimes. It is because they don’t see a need to do something, or because they think that by doing it, they can no longer do what they want.

If our children see that we truly want what’s best for them, and decide what is best based on our love and concern for them, they will obey so much more willingly.

I know I am not the best mother. I have so much work to do to become the gentle, patient, tender mother I know my children need me to be. The simple experience I had with my wise son, Rigel, followed by this simple and tender message from Carole Stephens, has helped me refocus on a way that I can be a more worthy mother, wife, friend, and daughter of God.

Rigel, I promise you and your brothers that I will try harder to show you that I love you when I ask you to follow a rule. I truly do want what is best for you.

October 7, 2015
Finding Joy in My Circumstances

With apology in his eyes, he kissed my cheek and neck a little too warmly, and then told me how sorry he was for what he had done to me. He knew it was too late to change anything, but regret ached in his voice.

My new ex-husband was mourning the loss of his wife and baby already, as he watched us turn away, never again to live with us as a family.

My emotions were clouded. For the last three and a half years, I had lived in charming Cedar City, Utah, attending school at SUU. For more than two years of that time, I had been married. His family was my family, his church was my church, and his home was my home. We even had a child together, 11 months before the inconceivable day we would say goodbye.

Our sweet Casey

We had been married two years when he announced firmly that he was done trying, and that we were going to get a divorce. I was shocked at the finality of it, but not necessarily heartbroken, since my love for him had already slowly evaporated.

I over zealously filled out the divorce papers, and commanded that I would be keeping Casey. He did not fight me.

On April 26, he walked into the apartment, opened the mail, and nonchalantly said, “We are divorced now.” Oh.

Ironically I was relieved at the news, and felt freer. I immediately was excited at the prospect of dating again.

Casey helped me pack.

The plane ride to North Carolina went quickly, and Casey was a good boy. I was sad to leave my ward, home, friends, and in-laws, but I was so grateful for my parents’ selfless sacrifice to help Casey and I start our new life.

My dad with Casey

It felt good to have a clean, happy place to live, and I hoped that as long as I focused on making friends, dating, and being the best mom I could, life would be okay.

Except it wasn’t.

I was sad and emotional all the time, rarely smiling or laughing. I was frustrated at how difficult it was to make a happy life in North Carolina, a place I had never before lived.

I put on my best smile, though inwardly, I was crying.

Here is what my life was like with:

Making friends

I had a really hard time making friends. I admit I was ashamed of being divorced with a child, and I was always afraid to tell people about myself, for fear of judgment. Sometimes, it was a reality. Once I started bringing Casey to the Singles’ Ward with me, I noticed that several people stayed away from me, only speaking to me when they had to. I was different, and I stuck out like a sore thumb.

To make up for it, I worked to rekindle some of my friendships from Virginia. I did find some peace emailing good friends, and venting to them. It just didn’t fill the emptiness inside completely.

For months, I was “trying to make my life better than crappy,” and I longed for good friends to spend time with and talk to.

Dating

I wanted to date more that I could ever express to you. I knew that Casey needed a father, and that I needed a husband. That is the way God intended families to be. I couldn’t stand the idea of raising Casey alone.

Right after the divorce was finalized, I felt a huge impulse to reconnect with a young man I had really liked before I went to school. I drove up to Virginia once, and we had an awesome date. We talked all the time and had great chemistry. We were cherished friends. But…he didn’t want a relationship.

There was also a guy I met in my Singles’ Ward who I instantly connected with. I loved going dancing with him, and we hit it off swimmingly. We also had great chemistry. I was confused by how he treated me, though, and in the end, he said didn’t see a long-lasting relationship with me.

For months, those two dates were all I had. I ached for more dates, but I felt like an untouchable – undesirable, unattractive, and not confident.

I tried to look pretty when going to activities.

The only man who showed me that I was wonderful was someone who had loved me since I was 14 – someone who was on a mission, and ironically, someone I never had romantic feelings for. I broke his heart as I told him I would never love him, all the while I was alone with no prospects. It was a sad situation.

Being a good mom

Deciding how to be a good mom was not easy to figure out. My most passionate feelings were that I needed to be with Casey as much as possible – that I needed to be there to nurture him, teach him, and raise him in righteousness. But I knew I couldn’t just be a stay at home mom living in my parent’s house. No, I knew I had to work.

At that time, I felt comfortable working a part-time night job so I could be with my baby during the day, and then have my parents watch him at night. I remember the day I was immediately offered the job at Kerr Drug, my Dad shook his head with disappointment at how much I would be paid. He huffed, “That sucks!” He knew I could do so much better having a Bachelor’s Degree, but I was still confused at his reaction. I was Casey’s mother, and I needed to be the one to raise him.

I also felt dating and having a social life was essential to being a good mom. Casey deserved a father figure in his life, and that wouldn’t happen without me dating. But, it took a toll on my parents to watch him as I went to church activities.

Even though I hated the tension living at home was creating, I just couldn’t stand the idea of working full time. I did apply for other jobs, though, was offered an amazing full time writing position with the Mebane Enterprise. I turned it down when they wouldn’t let me work full time. Stupid decision? Maybe, but it wasn’t to me.

For a while, I placed all my faith in becoming a bus driver. It would be perfect – I could work full time, get good pay, keep my child with me, and have time for social things at night. I waited, followed up, and waited some more. I never got the job, and was crushed.

I was fresh out of ideas, and life wasn’t getting any happier.

My baby was the one who kept me going.

I confided to my missionary friend that “This lifestyle is not any better than my bad marriage. It’s just different, and slightly less damaging to my soul.”

What was I doing wrong? Why wasn’t life getting better?

The Family: A Proclamation to the World, has been a very special document to me. I remember hearing it read aloud for the first time when I was just 11 years old. I was entranced by it, and it helped me know the type of person I wanted to be, and what my priorities should be.

For the months following my divorce, I was determined to get to a point where I could follow the words of the Proclamation:

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity…

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

These words were so important to me. I wanted to have this sacred ordinance of marriage again. I wanted my child to be reared by a mother and a father. I wanted to fulfill my responsibility as a mother by primarily nurturing my child.

I even used this phrase to remind my parents that they should be helping me: Extended families should lend support when needed.

What was I supposed to do, when my parents got to a point that they wanted Casey and me to move out? I couldn’t do those things in the Proclamation without my parents.

But wait…I believe it was my mother who pointed out a phrase I had forgotten in the Proclamation: Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.

Other circumstances included my circumstance. Rather than being obsessed with changing my life as quickly as possible, I should have been thinking about what was best for Casey and me at that stage in our lives.

My job at Kerr Drug wasn’t helping me use my education, or gain experience in the workforce. Being obsessed with dating and making friends was only causing me disappointment, pain, and impatience. Focusing on my needs at the expense of my parents was only harming our relationship.

I had been doing it all wrong. I also had forgotten this from the Proclamation:

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.

For all these months, and even before that, as I was enduring the emotional abuse in my marriage, I had forgotten that I was a daughter of God, and that I had a divine nature and destiny. I had made myself believe that I only had true worth if I were married with the ideal life. No, I always had divine worth, and I always had a friend in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

I had been beating myself up for not being a worthy parent, but I had already been doing my best to fulfill these obligations outlined in the Proclamation: Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.

Pondering on these beautiful messages in the Proclamation helped make the inevitable finding of a full-time job, and putting my sweet son in daycare, more manageable.

It was scary to apply for, and eventually accept, a position at the AICPA in January 2007. Once I accepted the job, though, I felt it was the right thing to do, and I was excited.

The hardest part was finding childcare for my baby. I did, though, and it was my parents’ next door neighbor. I was so sad to leave Casey every day, but I knew in my heart that I was doing something good for us. By working, I would soon be able to support us and move us into our very own home.

Casey at daycare – 2nd birthday

Just a month after starting my job, I emailed this hopeful message to my friend:

Casey is so smart. He talks very well and picks up on things so quickly. His favorite activity is vacuuming. He has a toy vacuum at his day care. My next door neighbor is his child care provider and he loves her. It took him a while to get used to being away from me so much, but he learns a lot over there. It’s hard not being with Casey all day anymore, but it’s probably for the best. I have lost a lot of weight and feel much better about my looks. I have a lot of friends, and just recently met a guy…that I have sort of been dating… So, that’s my life right now. It’s pretty good; I haven’t felt this complete in a long time. I still have a lot of expanding to do in my life, but it’s definitely better than it was.

Life didn’t all of a sudden become perfect. Being a single mom was always hard. I was exhausted trying to run a household, work full time, raise a child, and try to be a good friend and date. But, my hope came back. My confidence came back. Most importantly, my joy came back. I was back to being me, and not who I thought I had to be to matter.

For the four years I was single, I accepted my circumstances, until I met the right man, and married again.

March 6, 2010 Wedding Day

The same Proclamation that helped me accept my circumstances, gave me the strength to leave my wonderful job at the AICPA to finally be able to concentrate on the nurture of [my] children.

Casey and Rigel, my second born

From my experiences being a single mom, I gained a strong testimony that God loves each and every one of His children, and He will bless all of us as we do our very best, whatever our circumstances may be.

September 22, 2015
Your last name is a part of you.
I wrote this article for a new website, mum.info. Before I submitted it, I had Casey read it. He said it was beautiful, and he started to cry. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he wasn’t sad, but that he had felt the Spirit. He said reading my words helped him remember the importance of family. He kept repeating over and over that it was the most beautiful thing he had ever read. His reaction penetrated my heart, and I never want to forget it.

You can read mum.info’s version here.

“Mommy, why is my last name different than yours? I want your last name!” My son, Casey, was only four when his little voice trembled out those piercing words. He and I had shared the same last name his whole life. It had just been me and him since before he was one year old. I had recently remarried, so my last name was different. And now, I was going to have a baby who would have my new last name. I wanted to cry with Casey, simply because he was sad.

That was six years ago, and I have done all I can to make sure he has no reason to cry over his last name again by:
- Encouraging Him to Cherish His Last Name
That was the first step – helping him see that his last name was wonderful. No, it wasn’t my last name, but with a name holds a legacy going back generations. By holding onto his last name, he would be showing pride in his rich heritage, and extending love and appreciation for not only his father, but his father’s extended family.
- Showing Him Love Daily
I think it hurt Casey a little when I got remarried. It was no longer just us. Then, when I had more children, he was no longer the only child. There are five of us in our household, and he has a different name than the rest of us. But, as I share my love, attention, and devotion to him daily, having a different name will never make him feel less cherished or important.
- Not Asking Him to Pick Sides
It isn’t me against his dad. It never has been. I don’t tell my son that he can’t love, respect, or have a relationship with his father. I don’t tell him that I am a better parent, or place any blame or bitterness in his father’s direction. I do not judge his dad, or speak ill of him to my child. We rather pray for him and his family. I always keep the mind-set that his father is on the same team as me, my husband, and all other family members working to help Casey have a happy life and be a good boy.
- Letting Him Spend Time with His Dad
Casey’s father lives far away, so he can’t see him often. However, I encourage regular phone conversations. He also flies to see his dad and extended family each year for several weeks. I have had people tell me that I shouldn’t have to do that because of the circumstances surrounding our divorce, but I feel very strongly that regardless of what happened in our marriage, Casey’s dad will always be Casey’s dad. They should have a relationship, and a strong one at that.
- Being Honest about the Divorce
I did not do this when he was four, but about a year ago, I told my son why his father and I divorced. I didn’t water it down, but I also didn’t place blame or judgment. I encouraged my son to continue to have a strong, loving relationship with his dad. I told him to forgive him, pray for him, and encourage him to change his life for the better. I told him I am not sad about the divorce anymore. Though I wish that Casey could always be near me and his dad, I know we are blessed and things have worked out well for us.
- Blending Our Family in Love
My husband of over five years is so wonderful to Casey. He always has been, and I knew he would be a wonderful father to him the first time they met. Casey doesn’t refer to him as his stepdad, but as his Daddy. He has two dads, and that is cool. He also thinks of his half-brothers as his brothers. That’s what they are to him. We are a family, and we love each other. There is no need to create those lines of division.

These artificial lines of division apply to me too. When I was first divorced, I thought it would be strange to continue having a relationship with my ex-husband’s extended family. I was uncomfortable by the phone calls and gifts at first, but finally I realized that they hadn’t abandoned me, and there was no rule that they had to. The fact that I wasn’t married to their family member anymore, didn’t all of a sudden erase the bond and love we had with each other. I still speak on the phone with my ex-husband often, and keep in contact with much of his extended family on social media and occasional emails and phone calls. It is a good thing, and it helps.

It is safe to say that my 10-year-old has a very happy life. He has three family trees to call his own. He is loved and cherished by all of them. He knows that there is so much more to family than a name. He knows all families look different, but as long as we are there for each other, we can always feel that we belong and that we are safe.

*I fully recognize this model may not work in its entirety for everyone. I strongly believe, though, that doing as much of this as possible will help your child feel that he belongs, and that life in any family situation can be grand.
September 2, 2015
Cheer for the Home Team
I recently mused: A house is a roof over your head, but a home is so much more. To me, home is a very special word. It indicates a place of belonging, a place of love, a place of safety, a place of sacrifice, and a place of peace.

A house is something you build with your hands. It is tangible. A home is also built, but it takes much more intricate, ongoing effort of not only hands, but hearts as well.

Each person who puts his heart and soul into the building of a home might be called a homemaker.

We’ve all heard that word before. Most of us think of this term the way Merriam-Webster does: a wife who does work (such as sewing, cleaning, or cooking) at home and usually does not have another job outside the home.

Sewing, cleaning, and cooking are valuable skills, but alone, they cannot create this sacred place called home.

No, it takes more than that, and it takes every member of the family. I like to think of my family as a team. For our team to be the best it can be, each member must be wholeheartedly devoted to winning the game of life and achieving the joyful victory of being an eternal family.

Not every person in the home team will have the same obligations and roles, but each position, from father to toddler, is essential to win the game.

In our family night last night, my husband and I asked our children what they can do to make our home a happier place.

My ten-year-old, Casey, gave some good answers. He said that he can do nice things for his brothers instead of annoying them. He can help make mom and dad’s lives easier so we have more time to spend together. He can cooperate instead of argue, and let his brothers have their way sometimes.

I loved his answers. He isn’t perfect at any of those things, but I can tell that he truly wants to make this positive contribution to the family he loves. Usually he is a wonderful member of the team, and is a huge helper.

We asked our four-year-old, Rigel, the same question. My husband asked him how he could make Daddy happy, and he said, “Destroy you.” That is a game that they play together. We laughed about it, but to him, playing with his daddy is a way to make our home a happier place.

Several times Rigel has picked flowers for me from outside. Jad asked him why he does that, and he said because he loves Mommy.

He also holds his little brother’s hand sometimes. He often shares his toys, and he does help clean up. He likes to watch us cook, and he likes to play with us. He wants everyone to be happy, and gives good hugs and kisses. He is usually polite, and is good at saying “thank you.”

Kamren, our two-year-old, did not answer the question, of course. He just smiled his adorable, yet mischievous smile. He makes our home a happier place by giving kisses and hugs, cuddling, desiring to learn and be taught, and by making us laugh.

We asked Casey how we can make our home better, and he said to spend more time together. That is really so important. A family whose members are always separate don’t have a chance to talk together, laugh together, listen to each other, play together, cuddle together, or learn from each other. Spending time together shows we love each other and put each other first.

Jad and I want our home to be a holy place, so do our best to have weekly family home evenings, pray as a family and individually, and study our scriptures daily.

Everyone except Kamren takes turns praying for meals or family prayer, but even he knows to fold his arms and bow his head. Casey takes his turn reading scriptures each night. We try to get Rigel to repeat verses too. Even at young ages, our kids know that praying and scripture study are a part of our day to day lives. They remind us to do it too.

Jad is a holder of the Melchizedek priesthood, and has the authority to give priesthood blessings. Our children have so much faith. They know that when they are sick or sad, they can ask for a blessing. Rigel is especially good at asking for blessings for himself or someone else who is sick. Casey and Rigel both received father’s blessings before they started school this year. These blessings offer them comfort and strength.

Here are some other things that we encourage every member of our home team to do:
1. Help clean and tidy the house.
2. Pitch in during meal times, either by cooking, setting the table, or cleaning up.
3. Show affection and respect to each member of the family.
4. Be discerning of each other’s moods, needs, and desires. Be a good listener.
5. Only bring in uplifting pictures, books, movies, and music into the house.
6. Have a positive attitude, and try not to complain.
7. Keep the commandments of God.
There are countless ways each family member can help make the home a sacred place. If only the mother worked hard to be a homemaker, and nobody else participated, there would be less cheer and a lack of the Spirit.

As Bonnie Oscarson said, “What a difference it would make in the world if all people would see themselves as makers of righteous homes.”

The next time you hear the term homemaker, smile with pride knowing that you are one.

Lara @ Overstuffed Life | Heidi @ One Creative Mommy | Jessica @ Jessica Poe

Jill @ LDS Scripture Literacy | Montserrat @ Cranial Hiccups

Mandy @ A Bliss Complete | Jocelyn @ We Talk of Christ | Jen @ Moss Moments
September 2, 2015
If she is the worst mother in America, so am I.

A few days ago, I heard about a movement called #iStandWithCherish. I didn’t really know what it was, and wasn’t super interested in finding out. Then, I kept seeing it everywhere, and read my friends’ passionate posts about it.

I then decided to find out what this was all about. I read a quick news article summarizing that a mother of four from Gilbert, Arizona, accidentally left her 2-month-old son in a shopping cart outside of a hair salon after checking out from a local grocery store. When I read that she left him alone for 40 minutes, I immediately found myself pressing judgment. How can a mother leave her child for that long? Why didn’t she notice? How did this even happen??

Then I decided to watch a video interview where Cherish Peterson told her story in detail. After I heard the whole story, and saw the clear hurt and regret she was experiencing, my heart changed. I felt compassion for her because it was clear that she loves her children, and that she just made a horrible mistake.

My mind immediately went to two times in my life as a mother where I made horrible mistakes that either did cause harm, or could have caused harm, to one of my children.

The first incident was in March 2012, when my second son, Rigel, was 14 months old. I had just given him a bath. I set him on the twin bed in his room, up against the wall. I then turned my back for mere seconds to get his clothes out. A few seconds was enough time for him to scoot backwards to the edge of the bed, and fall with his arm behind his back onto the hard floor. His wrist had been fractured, and he had to wear a cast for weeks.

Because of my error, my son couldn’t crawl correctly. Because of my error, we had huge doctor bills.

Thankfully, Rigel healed, and he never lost his cheerful disposition the whole time he was in the cast. I learned my lesson, though, and from then on I was much more careful, and didn’t put him on the bed unsupervised until he was old enough to walk and get on and off the bed on his own.

The second time I put one of my children in danger was three years later, with the same child, on March 17, 2015. It was so devastating, I haven’t felt comfortable sharing it with others, but now I feel it is time.

I had just taught that day’s church Institute class. I always had a lot of responsibilities after class, so occasionally, one or both of my little ones would end up in the hallway running around with other kids. One of the other moms told me that Rigel was walking around the church with her daughter.

I was planning to go get him, but my youngest, Kamren, decided he wanted to go outside to the parking lot to play with the other children outside. I followed him out, thinking that Rigel and the other little girl would come out the same door (the only door we use for class) in the next couple minutes.

The girl’s mother was still in the church, so I assumed she had found the kids and was playing with them, so as the minutes ticked by, I wasn’t worried at all. But when she poked her head outside and asked if I had seen the kids, I got a little concerned. She went back in to look for them in the gym.

Soon, a police car pulled into the parking lot, and my heart sank. I didn’t know why, but I assumed they were there because of Rigel and his friend. They were. The officer asked me if anyone was missing some kids.

I said that maybe I was. Then, he opened the door and there they were. I was grateful, concerned, and also confused as to how they got away from us.

Apparently, they were seen walking on the sidewalk of the very busy main road right by the church. This didn’t make sense, because there is no easy access to this road from the church parking lot. After mulling it over with other women, we figured out that that the kids must have opened a different door to exit the church, walked through the woods, and down the steep hill the church was on to get to this road. This was something I never would have expected to happen in a million years, and it was surreal.

For a few minutes, I was just totally involved in answering the officer’s questions and hoping I wouldn’t be charged with anything. When it finally hit me what had happened, and what could have happened, I broke down and wept.

My child could have been hit by a car. My child could have died, and it was my fault. It was my fault because I assumed he was okay. I assumed he was safe in the church. I assumed someone else was keeping an eye on him. Because of my assumptions, I may have never seen my child again.

My friends were so comforting and kind to me. They reassured me that I was a good mom, and that I couldn’t have known that would happen. I was so grateful for their sympathy, love and compassion. They helped me calm down enough to drive home. I sobbed the whole way there, and tried to talk to Rigel about the dangers of what he had done. He was so sweet and innocent, saying, “But Mommy, I stayed on the sidewalk.” I felt so incredibly grateful that he had remembered that rule. It could have saved his life.

One of my class members, Stephanie, sent me this sweet email later that day: I hope you are doing well after today’s scary accident. I meant what I said that you are a good mother. This was an accident that we can learn and grow from and I don’t think any less of you and Heavenly Father doesn’t either. Your love for your children is evident in the way you are with them and the things you teach us. Peace be with you my friend. I’m so glad sweet Rigel and <> are happy and safe.

I thanked God over and over for this miracle. I felt strongly that angels were with these two precious children that day to protect them from a devastating fate. My faith was renewed because of this experience.

I made this post on Facebook that day: I am feeling very thankful and aware of my Savior today, as well as how precious my children are, and what a great responsibility it is to be a mother. The Lord trusts me with these little angels. I must always be worthy of that trust.

This is Rigel the next day, safe, sound and happy.

I learned from this mistake too. I brought a baby gate to class from then on. I implemented a rule that no child could be outside the classroom without a parent. I continue to watch much more carefully over my children, even months later.

I felt like the worst mom in the world on both of these occasions – especially the latter. But, was I? Am I? I make mistakes. Cherish made a mistake. Thousands of mothers and fathers have made similar mistakes. We aren’t perfect. We do our best, but we falter. Then we learn and grow from these mistakes, and do so much better in the future.

In Cherish’s interview, she said that nobody loves her children more than she does. I feel exactly the same way about my children. If you had been one of the staff at the Orthopedic office who saw a hurt baby, or one of the drivers on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd who saw two toddlers walking down the street alone, you might have judged me as a careless, stupid, irresponsible, unfit mother. But, you wouldn’t be right because you don’t know me. You don’t know that the thought of any of my children getting hurt causes me to sob uncontrollably. You don’t know that I dedicate my life to their well-being and happiness. You don’t know the joy they bring me, or that I would willingly give my life for them.

Similarly, judging Cherish Peterson for this mistake, which admittedly is horrible, and labeling her as an unfit mother, isn’t fair. If you have never made a mistake like this as a parent, you probably will. But, even if you don’t, please have compassion. Let God be the judge. Bashing someone’s name and dignity into the dirt on social media or in your heart is not helping anyone.

The focus in this situation should be gratitude that her sweet baby was unharmed and is safe. If he had been harmed, I would hope we would be praying for their family’s peace and comfort. Hate and unkind judgments will never make the world a better place, and they will never undo what has already been done.

Awareness of how to prevent these types of situations does help. Compassion and support do help. Prayers most definitely helps make the world a better place.

Please stand with Cherish, as I and thousands of others do now.

*The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. -Margaret D. Nadauld*

You can support Cherish on Facebook here and here.

August 31, 2015
Live in the Light
Say the word house to yourself. Now say the word home. The words feel different, don’t they?

A house is a roof over your head, but a home is so much more. To me, home is a very special word. It indicates a place of belonging, a place of love, a place of safety, a place of sacrifice, and a place of peace.

I want my family to always feel this way, and for their favorite place to be their home. I also wish for every visitor to my home to know they will be met with kindness, understanding, listening ears, fun, good food, safety, comfort, warmth, and hospitality.

To be all these things, my home must shine brightly within and without, truly welcoming and embracing all that come to it.

I love music. It soothes my soul, and enlightens my mind. I know five songs about light that remind me of how I can make my house a home and my home a heaven on earth:
1. Like a Lighthouse, by Michael Webb
Chorus: Like a lighthouse standing bold against the gray,

Shining through the night to warn of dangers in our way.

Like a lighthouse built on solid stone,

Shedding light on weary seaman who have drifted far from home.

To help make their home a sacred place, families must stand together in righteousness. They must be courageous and have integrity. They must build their foundation on the Lord, Jesus Christ. If they do this, then as the world becomes more and more wicked, and as Satan continues to tempt and to deceive, the people in these homes will be able to withstand the storms of life, and endure together. If a member of a family does stray from his foundation, then the home he came from will be there to help him find his way back.

Should my children ever leave their solid foundation, I will continue to love them, pray for them, and reach out to them. I will never abandon my family, and my home will always be open to them.
1. Candle on the Water, by Al Kasha and Joel Hirschhorn
Partial verse: A cold and friendless tide has found you
Don’t let the stormy darkness pull you down
I’ll paint a ray of hope around you
Circling in the air
Lighted by a prayer

This song is also about a lighthouse, but is worth mentioning because the words hope and prayer are such essential characteristics of a sacred home. Families should never give up on each other. They should always hope for the well-being and safety of all. Each member of the family should be able to feel that hope, and also the hope that comes from the atonement of Jesus Christ.

If I raise my children well, they will know that no matter what mistakes they make, or struggles they endure, Jesus Christ is their friend and advocate. Through Him, they may be made clean or whole again. We will be there for each other to bear testimony, and to offer encouragement and love.

Everyone has heard the term that “families that pray together, stay together.” I have seen in my own life the power that comes from prayer, personally, as spouses, and as a family. I have seen changes of heart, and great miracles.
1. Teach Me to Walk in the Light, by Clara McMaster
1. (Child) Teach me to walk in the light of his love;
Teach me to pray to my Father above;

Teach me to know of the things that are right;

Teach me, teach me to walk in the light.
1. (Parent) Come, little child, and together we’ll learn
Of his commandments, that we may return

Home to his presence, to live in his sight

Always, always to walk in the light.
1. (Both) Father in Heaven, we thank thee this day
For loving guidance to show us the way.

Grateful, we praise thee with songs of delight!

Gladly, gladly we’ll walk in the light.

This is a song that I grew up singing in church, and it always touches my heart. A child asks her parents to teach her to pray, choose the right ways, and to feel God’s love for her. A parent replies and says that they will learn together. If they follow the commandments, they will return to live with Him again. In the final verse, they pray to Heavenly Father and thank Him for His guidance. They willingly pledge to walk in His light.

For a home to be filled with light, the members of that home must follow the light of Christ. As parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children in light and truth. If each member of a family strives to keep God’s commandments, and if pleasing Heavenly Father and praying to Him are a top priority, the Holy Spirit will dwell in that home.

My home is not always a quiet, serene place. There is a lot of chaos, bickering, and complaining. However, there is also a lot of love for each other and for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. My husband and I may not be perfect examples all the time, but we do teach our children to serve others, love God, and keep His commandments. We teach them about the end goal of eternal life with our Heavenly Father. The Spirit is in our home, even if home life isn’t always serene. We have many sweet moments together.
1. When there’s Love at Home, by John. H. McNaughton
4^th verse: Jesus, show Thy mercy mine,
Then there’s love at home;
Sweetly whisper I am Thine,
Then there’s love at home.
Source of love, Thy cheering light
Far exceeds the sun so bright—
Can dispel the gloom of night;
Then there’s love at home;
Love at home, love at home,
Can dispel the gloom of night;
Then there’s love at home.

My Nana always sang the first verse of this song to her children when they fought with each other. I recently discovered a fourth verse to this song that I had never heard before. It beautifully illustrates how there will be love at home as we receive of Jesus’ mercy, love, and light. We can do this as we display pictures of Jesus in our homes, read our scriptures, pray to Heavenly Father, and make Christ’s atonement a personal part of our lives. If we know who we are, and hold on to our Heavenly family, there will be love and light in our earthly homes.

My children know that they are children of God. They know He loves them, knows their names, and wants them to be happy. Because we all know that we are beloved to God, we feel more love for each other at home.
1. A Light in the Heart, by Roger and Melanie Hoffman
A light in the heart is a light in the home.

A light in the home is a light in the town.

A light in the town is a light in the nation.

And light in the nations is light in the world.

Keep the home light burning bright.

This song is simple, but every time I listen to it, I feel the Holy Ghost, and tears fall down my cheeks. It helps me see that the goodness and light that come from one person, from one home, can affect the whole world. I believe this is true. I believe that to change the world, we need to start in the home. If the home is filled with love, sacrifice, spirituality, respect, and service, the people in that home will set the example for others. Then those people who are inspired by that example will help set the example for even more people. It is a cycle that goes on forever. Witnessing kind acts and strong relationships will bring light to some, and then to the world.

I love the quote “Believe there is good in the world.” I love the idea of being the good in the world even more. That is what we try to teach our children.

Homes are not just meant to just protect us physically, but to protect us spiritually. Within the walls of our homes are members of a family that we love, support, and protect. With the light of Christ, our homes can be sacred places, and safe havens from the world.

My family was established March 6, 2010, and I want it to last forever. If we allow the Savior’s light to guide us, and make our homes reflect that light, our families can be eternal. I know this with all of my heart.

This post is part of a blogger round-up! Read the tips and experiences these bloggers share in making their homes a sacred space.

Mandy @ A Bliss Complete | Camille @ Chicken Scratch ‘n’ Sniff | Jen @ Lexical Creations

Grace Lane @ Upheld | Jocelyn @ We Talk of Christ | Montserrat @ Cranial Hiccups
August 12, 2015