Can I first just say how much I adore writing? I have loved writing my whole life. Many of my friends in school would playfully scoff at me when I said I preferred writing essays over doing multiple choice questions for tests. I was in the minority for sure, but essays filled me with excitement (as long as I was familiar with the subject matter of course).
I self-published my first two books over the summer that you can find on my Amazon author page here. I have been so humbled by the very kind reviews I have received on Amazon and the sweet comments I have received from friends and library employees. It’s truly a labor of love to write books as well as format them and make them visually pleasing.
The past few months I have been working on a couple children’s books simultaneously, and one of them is done! It’s called The Prayer of a Little Hero and is a true story from my son, Rigel’s life. I actually felt recently that I should go through my blog posts and find things I have already written that would make inspiring and adorable children’s books. I found several, and this one was the inspiration for my new book.
The Prayer of a Little Hero will be available for purchase on Amazon.com as a paperback book and as a Kindle E-Book beginning November 18, 2024. You can preorder the e-book here.
This book will be a perfect Christmas gift for any kid (or kid at heart) who loves superheroes, the idea of protecting others, and has faith enough to pray for the tender desires of their heart.
Thank you for your support!
PS: If you have read any of my books and wouldn’t mind leaving a review, I would so appreciate it!
On August 18, 2024, I gave a brief talk in church about experiences I have had where I have felt the Holy Ghost comfort me. It was so beautiful to ponder on my life as well as read through old blog posts I have written to find some of those experiences. In my talk I shared five, all of which have a blog post that give all the details! I hope you enjoy reading about these five very important experiences in my life.
Just before I turned 22, I moved to NC to live with my parents, as a newly divorced single mom of an almost one-year-old named Casey. I had no friends, no confidence, and was constantly sad. I felt I had failed as a wife and mother. I adored my son but felt this constant need to change my circumstances so I could fit the ideals in the family proclamation. I felt hopeless for months, but then one day, as I was reading the proclamation again, my eyes fell on this statement: All human beings are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.
In large part because of my (emotionally) abusive marriage, I had forgotten that I was a daughter of God, and that I had a divine nature and destiny. I had made myself believe that I only had true worth if I had what I thought was the ideal life. But no, I always had divine worth, and I always had a friend in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
The Holy Ghost comforted me by reminding me of this divine truth, and it changed my life for the better.
One night in 2011, Jad had to go to the hospital because he felt like knives were stabbing him, and he could hardly stand the pain. Through a CT scan and a series of blood tests, we finally found out that he had echinococcus, a parasite that had been growing in, and eating away at, his liver for about 10 years. Jad was going to have to have major surgery that came with risks. The news was a little overwhelming, but somehow, we had faith all would be well. As the date approached for his surgery, Jad and I were not worried. We went into the hospital with a positive attitude. After 8 hours of surgery, I was able to see Jad. At first, I felt intense sympathy for him, but then I felt God’s love surrounding both of us. I knew that He was with us, and that Jad’s surgery had gone well because of much faith and prayers, and because Jad had a special mission to perform for the Lord in this life. He would recover, and he would go forward in faith.
The Holy Ghost comforted us by testifying of God’s hand in Jad’s life and God’s love for him and our family.
In 2016, when I was pregnant with Eve, I developed hypertension. At an appointment over five weeks before her due date, I was told I needed to go to the hospital right away. After I got to the car, I burst into tears and sobbed, praying for my baby. I checked into the hospital and was hooked up to the blood pressure machine. As I was lying on the bed in a moment alone, the tears started streaming down my face again. Just when I felt the tears would never stop, a soft but steady movement started in my tummy. My baby had woken up, and it was as if she was telling me that everything would be okay. I immediately felt that she was trying to comfort me, and that I could stop crying. I know that her moving for that long period of time was just for me.
The Holy Ghost comforted me through the movements of my unborn baby girl.
In 2020, someone I care deeply about strongly disagreed with some of my perspectives and decisions, which led to a huge rift in our relationship, something I never wanted or expected. For several months, I was in anguish over it. I spent a lot of time praying about the situation, but no answers or comfort came. But the next April, as I was watching General Conference, a message pierced my soul. I felt it was just for me, and everything in the message gave me comfort and peace knowing that the perspectives I had and the decisions I had made were good and led by the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Ghost comforted me by inspiring an apostle of the Lord to share a message I desperately needed to hear.
In 2022, my life was thrown for a loop when I found out I was pregnant with Asher. Normally one would be excited for a new baby, but because of our lives at the time, this was very difficult news filled with many worries and disappointment, and lots of tears. I prayed all the time for strength, guidance, courage, and a softened heart. Everything I prayed for, God blessed me with, including patience, long-suffering, and faithfulness. My attitude about my pregnancy completely shifted, and I was able to be cheerful and optimistic, even with all my health issues. I unfortunately developed preeclampsia and had to be induced almost 6 weeks early. But, God had helped me prepare for it by manifesting to me that this would happen in advance. He also gave me energy to prepare for my son’s birth and helped me stay calm so I wouldn’t worry. After I had Asher, God blessed Jad and me with the stamina to care for Asher in the NICU while also tending to the needs of our other four children, even while we were both healing -me from childbirth, and him from a bad fall. Most importantly, God blessed us with an overwhelming love for this little boy we never knew we needed.
The Holy Ghost comforted me during this time by helping me see how my prayers were being answered, and for helping me overcome my worries and disappointments and replace them with optimism, calm, strength, and love.
I’m so grateful for how the Holy Ghost has directly or through others, comforted me throughout my life. It has made all the difference in times of trial.
Update: Here is the link to my book! It is available as a paperback, hardback, and Kindle e-book. The e-book is exactly the same as the printed copy, but you will need a pen and paper to answer the reflection questions.
Nearly 11 years ago, I began teaching a Book of Mormon class for young mothers. I learned and grew as a person through studying the scriptures more thoroughly and sharing thoughts with the women in my class. My favorite chapters to teach were what latter-day saints call the war chapters (Alma 43-62). This really surprised me for two reasons: I had never liked Captain Moroni (the main hero of these chapters), and I had never really related to those chapters before, thinking they were boring and had nothing to do with my life! How wrong I was. I realized for the first time that these chapters can be likened to the spiritual wars in each of our lives. I wished I had known and understood that when I was a youth.
And then, I had an idea. It was more like a call from God, really. My oldest son, Casey, was a preteen at the time, and I felt so strongly that I needed to write a book for him and other young people to help them become valiant servants of the Lord.
So, almost eight years ago, I began researching and writing a book about the war chapters of the Book of Mormon. I knew I wanted to tell every story and highlight every hero and villain. I started with all my notes from teaching my class and went from there. It was a difficult process — I remember I had probably 100 pages of notes that I had to then organize and fashion into book form.
Now, my fourth child was a baby during this time, so life was crazy, and it took me a very long time to finish my first draft (more than four years actually). I sent it out to friends and family who were willing to read it. I didn’t end up with much feedback because people were busy with their lives, but I was especially grateful for the comments from my cousin, Brooke. Her words gave me confidence when I needed it most.
She said, “I loved it. Since I’m not Mormon, it was very informative and I learned a lot about it. It was simple and to the point but very detailed. I understood what you were saying and I know minimal about that religion. Everything flowed together. So for me, it was great. I don’t know how you found time to write it, but I’m proud of you.”
In early 2021, I was going to submit my manuscript to Cedar Fort Publishing, but I was shocked to find out that this publisher required more words than I had written. How was I going to get enough words? Well, at the time, my family had just started reading about the prophet Mormon as he led the Nephites through their final battles before they were destroyed by the Lamanites. One night, I saw something I had never seen before: those chapters coincided perfectly with the war chapters. I then knew what I had to do to make my book long enough. I truly felt God’s hand helping me know what to write and how —and my book became long enough to submit it to the publisher.
I ended up sending my manuscript to two publishers that spring, but sadly, neither one of them accepted it for publication. I felt so defeated. There are so few latter-day saint publishers anyway, and not all of them were accepting self-help, nonfiction, religious books. So, for a time, I gave up. Then in early 2023, I tried again. I found another publisher and submitted my manuscript. Well, this publisher didn’t accept it either. I was just beside myself with confusion and disappointment because I knew with all of my heart that God inspired me to write this book, and He had given me so much help along the way. I didn’t know what else to do except give up again.
Well, God gave me a good break (I’m thankful because I had a little baby at the time), before giving me a clear spiritual nudge last October that I needed to try again. A couple of friends had recently spoken to me about self-publishing, so that was my answer. Before I took that huge step, though, I asked for help from friends and family to read and edit my book. I got some feedback, but not as much as I would like (people are so busy, so it’s understandable). After waiting as long as I could, I asked for help again in February, this time with an incentive. I was finally blessed to get the help I really needed.
The past several months have been filled with more hours than I can count getting my book ready to be published, from setting everything up on Kindle Direct Publishing, to updating the manuscript with people’s edits, to working with a dear friend on cover art, to fixing major formatting issues and adding headers and footers, to adding important things like a copyright page, table of contents, acknowledgements, and about the author sections. By far, the formatting was the most frustrating, especially when paired with the headers and footers. I can’t tell you how many times I spent hours on one little thing. What you see in Word is not the same thing you will see once you upload the document to KDP, so yeah, there were many tears of frustration along with the little victories.
Last week I felt that I should go through all my scripture references to make sure they were accurate. I didn’t want to (there are tons), but I did. I’m glad because there were a few mistakes. And then, I read the entire book. I had hoped not to have to do that, but when I was going through my references, I found a super random paragraph in one of my chapters that made no sense. Since nobody had caught it (totally understandable since the book is so meaty), I went ahead and read the book from start to finish, which was super helpful. I found a couple redundant reflection questions, fixed some flow issues, and even added a few new things that I thought of as I was reading.
It has been a long but very fulfilling time (especially the last three months), and I am so incredibly grateful for all the friends who selflessly helped and encouraged me to finally get this book out to the public.
I received the author proof of my paperback version today, and it was really emotional for me. Here are some photos, as well as a video with some sneak peaks!
For more information about my book, here is the description:
You know about Captain Moroni, Helaman, and the stripling warriors already, but there is so much more to the war chapters of the Book of Mormon. In Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal, you will learn the stories of all the heroes, the villains, and even the deceived. You will be able to study the entire 14 years of the war in detail (Alma 43-Alma 62) while answering profound questions and taking heartfelt notes to help you apply these chapters to your life. You will also have a handy timeline of the entire war at your fingertips. That alone would be amazing, but that’s not all! As you study this book, you will dive into much deeper messages like overcoming fear, the seriousness of oaths and covenants, the pitfalls of flattery, anger versus righteous indignation, and so much more. You will even be able to compare and contrast the war chapters to the final battles of the Book of Mormon, led by the prophet Mormon! These deeper messages and analyses will change your perspectives and increase your faith. Let your study of the war chapters of the Book of Mormon help you better fight your own spiritual battles and wear the whole armor of God!
You can purchase Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life on Amazon starting June 1, 2024. I don’t have the link yet. I will post it when I do (here and on social media). If you have friends or family that you think would love this book, please tell them about it. I would be so grateful.
I really appreciate all the love and encouragement. I truly hope that everyone who reads it loves it.
Today has been exactly one month since my first born, Casey Scott Lewis, left home to serve a service mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have so many thoughts and feelings to share. Before I do, I want to share Casey’s story leading up to his mission.
In the summer of 2022, as Casey’s senior year drew near, I was wondering what his future would look like after high school. We had talked off and on about him serving a mission, but he hadn’t committed. Rather than pressure him, I helped him research and tour schools. We felt really good about two schools, UNCG and SVU. Casey applied to both schools but didn’t know if he would be serving a mission. Jad and I hoped he would want to, but we never pushed him.
I am grateful to say things changed in Casey’s own time. Here is a Facebook post I wrote on November 3, 2022:
…in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, young men are encouraged to serve a 2-year mission to spread the gospel of Christ through teaching and service. This typically happens just out of high school. Casey had not spoken much about going on a mission, and I felt inspired not to push or pressure him to go. I did talk to him about it occasionally but was never overbearing about it. That’s one of the reasons why I started the college touring process – so that he could be better equipped to figure out his future on his own terms. Well, one day after church, maybe 2 months ago now (or less), he sat down with me and told me he had decided to serve a mission. He said he had felt the Holy Ghost testify to him that there were people on this earth that he could serve and teach who needed him personally. Oh, how I cried tears of joy. There were many events and experiences that helped lead to this final decision, but one thing he told me was that he had taken so long to decide partly because he didn’t like to be pressured to serve a mission, and he had been pressured by many family members for quite some time. He expressed appreciation for me not pressuring him, and once again, there was concrete evidence that mother’s intuition is real and divinely inspired.
…I’m so grateful to be a mother and I’m grateful that God has entrusted me to help lead and guide my children to their full potential. I don’t always answer that call successfully, but through these experiences, I feel so much more content that I can do it, and that it can help change my kids’ lives for the better.
Casey’s senior year continued, and I got excited about preparing for his future. I ordered a sign to post in our yard, honoring him as a senior in high school, and a future missionary! Here is the sign I put in our yard on January 19:
We waited a couple of months, and then Casey and I began diligent work on his mission paperwork. It was quite the process, but it felt so satisfying to submit his mission papers on April 16. I wrote this on Facebook that day:
In a few short months Casey will be a missionary! We submitted his mission papers today. We are excited for what’s next.
Our Bishop reviewed Casey’s papers a few days later, and then set up an interview with him. Casey’s papers were soon submitted to church headquarters. We were told that mission calls usually take two weeks to receive and come on Tuesdays, so we expected he would get his call on May 16. He didn’t, which was a bummer, so we waited as patiently as possible until the next week, and the next week, and you get the idea.
Time went on without his mission call, and Casey graduated high school on June 10. I wrote that morning:
I’m feeling a little emotional this morning. My baby is graduating from high school today! I have been really good at holding back the tears, and just being excited all this time, but there are definitely tears in my eyes this morning. I am so blessed and proud to be Casey’s mama. He gave me a long, tender hug last night and it felt like he was telling me thank you for being his mom and for helping get him to this point. It has been my honor. 💛💚🖤
And then later that day I wrote:
My first born is a high school graduate! I cried so much at the end. I am so proud of my baby and I’m so excited for what is to come. I’m also sad about the inevitable changes but I know he will go far and be a success whatever he does.
The next evening, Casey graduated from seminary (a scriptural class he took his four years of high school). I posted on Facebook that night:
Seminary graduation was tonight. It was such a thoughtful event and so special. Casey and five other senior students graduated. Studying the scriptures daily with other high school peers during all four years of high school was a sacrifice but so worth it. Casey gave a little talk about how seminary has helped prepare him to serve a mission. I love how much he is growing as a public speaker. I can’t wait for him to be a missionary.
Then on June 14, Casey turned 18! I wrote:
Today my first born turned 18. Casey made me a mother one week before I turned 21. I felt so strongly that I was supposed to be pregnant and I’m so grateful I did. It was a sacrifice to be such a young mother, especially with the trials that would come, but I would not trade it for the world.
Casey has his moments when he’s not always a picnic to be around, but he is honestly such a wonderful young man the vast majority of the time. He’s smart, mature, spiritual, compassionate, a good friend, a great listener who also gives great advice, a lover of small children and babies, a great helper, and so much more. I love having deep conversations with him. I love seeing him be friends with people of many ages and backgrounds without judgment. I love that he tries so hard to see the good in others and to reach out to the marginalized. I love how he understands spiritual matters with such insight. I love seeing him in love and thinking of someone else above himself. I love seeing him gush over his baby brother over and over again. I love thinking about him as a new adult and all the possibilities that come with that. He has a plan and it’s a good plan. He’s still waiting for his mission call and we are waiting as patiently as we can until that next step comes.
We are all so blessed to have Casey in our lives. I am so happy to be his mother.
So many wonderful things were happening that increased my love for my boy, but still no mission call. Finally, six weeks after he thought he would get his mission call, he finally got it on June 27.
We planned a get-together with friends and family under our church pavilion for the next night, with a Zoom call for all those who couldn’t attend in person. I was surprised by his call, and a little disappointed – at least at first. It didn’t take me long to change my tune as we talked to friends and family who had experience with, and love of, that mission, or ones close by. That night, I wrote on Facebook:
Casey finally got his mission call! He will be serving in the Salt Lake City West mission for the next two years. He reports to the missionary training center (MTC) on September 11. We are so excited for him!
On July 11, Casey wrote a little testimony to post to our congregation’s social media pages. He wrote:
I have a testimony of his Savior and his atonement and that I know the church is true and through my service during my mission I can help others come to the knowledge of that truth. I know that while it might seem hard at times I will serve and teach to the fullest of my ability.
I spent quite a bit of time after Casey got his call reading about his mission, following a Missionary Mama page on Facebook where I learned so much, instructing him on the preparations needed, and shopping, shopping, shopping. I shopped for weeks, ha! On July 13, I wrote this on Facebook:
Shopping for a 2-year mission is very time consuming and expensive. I have enjoyed it though. I lovefinding the best bang for the buck and checking things off lists.
Two of the most important things to do in preparation for Casey serving a mission were planning for him to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood and be ordained to the office of an Elder, and then for him to go through the temple to make sacred covenants with God.
Casey had to be interviewed and found worthy to participate in both sacred events. On July 26, our Stake President interviewed Casey and found him worthy of both. We also made the plan for Casey to be set apart as a missionary the night of September 10.
On Sunday, July 30, Casey was ordained. Here is my account of that day:
It amazes me as Casey goes through the steps to become a missionary how much more love I have for him. It’s a love of admiration and a new level of attachment.
Today my eyes were wet more than once because of my son.
During our second hour meeting today, the youth and adults were together. Casey was one of three youth asked to share spiritual experiences from recent camps or conferences. Casey shared about an experience from FSY where that Tuesday evening he got really overwhelmed and felt an intense sadness and darkness without real reason. Finally by Thursday he prayed for help to overcome this sadness he couldn’t pinpoint. It went away instantly, and he was able to participate in a discussion with other young men about our church’s young men theme. The first line says that “I am a beloved son of God.” He said (paraphrasing) that the reason it’s so important to know and internalize this truth is because it never changes. Life is full of difficult changes and uncertainties, but as long as we know that God loves us and that we are His children, we can get through all of them. I felt so much love for him as he spoke because he was speaking with the Holy Ghost. I also loved other comments he made in the meeting regarding bullying and how we treat others. My mom remarked that he will be a great missionary. I can’t wait to see how he helps others on his mission feel God’s love for them.
Jad gave a beautiful introduction about the oaths and covenants involved in this office and then ordained Casey, adding in a beautiful blessing and words of council. I felt the Holy Ghost so strongly. At the end of the blessing Jad talked about all those who love and support Casey. He saved me for last as the mostinfluential person in his life as he has grown up. I felt so honored and felt such a strong connection to him.
After the ordination, there were many hugs. Mine was extra long and sweet. I’m so grateful for the journey Casey is on and how we can be along for the spiritual ride. I’m even more grateful to be his mother now and forever.
The next sacred day was August 6 when Casey made sacred covenants in the House of the Lord. Here is what I wrote about it:
Yesterday was such a special and sacred day that I will always cherish. Casey attended the temple and made sacred covenants with Heavenly Father yesterday in what is called the endowment ordinance. You can learn more about it here: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/…/what-is-temple…
We felt the presence of the Holy Ghost as we were able to worship in the temple with Casey as he made these special covenants.
We are so grateful that my parents and much of the Christensen family could be a part of it, either by attending the endowment session or by watching Asher. My mother-in-law and her sister watched Eve, Kamren and Rigel all day for us as well.
After the temple we took photos and went to a nice lunch before heading home...
I will never forget how I felt yesterday. I am loving seeing my Casey grow spiritually and mentally as he prepares to serve his mission.
Everything was so wonderful as Casey was moving closer and closer to being a missionary for the Lord. Unfortunately, not long after Casey went through the temple, I started to notice him slowly withdrawing from the family. I first thought maybe he was just studying his scriptures more, or trying to get used to what life would be like away from home, but it kept getting worse where he rarely showed himself to the family. One afternoon, I went upstairs to his room to talk to him about my concerns. It was that day Casey and I realized that he was depressed. He told me he had been having some thoughts of self-harm, had not been sleeping well and was tired all the time, was more irritable, and was experiencing vomiting and even hyperventilation at times.
We had him go see his psychiatrist who put him on medication that didn’t work at all. It made the vomiting worse and didn’t help with the sleep or his mood. Casey tried another medication, which would ultimately be the right one, but it took quite a while to get the right dosage and for it to work.
This was a very difficult time in our family. Casey’s moods were difficult to navigate. I had to tell the kids to stay away from him as much as possible so as not to bother him. He didn’t have much of an appetite, and mostly he just stayed away from everyone and stayed in bed (when he wasn’t irritable about something).
I was so worried about Casey, and by the third week of August or so, we were worried that Casey’s mission would have to be postponed. I even called Missionary Medical to ask if someone with depression could serve a mission. I was told yes if the medication was only for depression and not psychosis. I was also told that we needed to keep our Stake President notified of all that was going on. We did notify him, and he was kind and hopeful.
The next week our Stake president told us that Casey needed to have a pre-mission health assessment to confirm that he could serve. I prayed and prayed that Casey would be able to get better quickly so he could serve his mission as planned.
The phone call happened, and unfortunately, Casey was not better by that call. Casey was honest with the counselor, telling him that he didn’t feel ready to serve at that time. Casey did tell me that he knew that it would be okay and that he would still serve a mission, even if it had to be delayed. **One thing Casey told me is that his depression had nothing to do with anxiety over going on a mission. He wanted to serve and knew it was the right thing to do. He never did pinpoint what caused his depression.**
A couple days later, on September 3, we had a conference call with our Stake President to talk about a possible delay in Casey’s mission call. Our Bishop was with us during the call. The Stake President told us that most likely Casey’s mission would be delayed 6 months to a year because of medication changes/additions he had recently had, and that he may be reassigned as a service missionary. Casey then got a blessing from our Bishop with my husband assisting. As we left our Bishop’s office together. I was sad, and Casey was too. Imagine being depressed and then being told everything you had been working so hard for wasn’t going to happen for maybe a long time, and it might not even be the same.
A lovely woman in our congregation, who I am blessed to call my friend, saw Casey’s forlorn face as he walked in the hallway after that phone call. She sat down with him and spoke to him for a long time. That afternoon, I sent her this message:
Thanks for being an angel on earth. Casey came home with a peaceful look and a smile after speaking with you. He really is so grateful you spoke to him. It will be a journey but having compassionate friends makes it easier.
She replied and said: He’s a wonderful human being and this trial is only going to teach him more about himself so he can minister better to others.
I needed her words as much as Casey did, I think.
After the update about Casey’s mission, we were a bit antsy (or maybe it was just me). Three days after the conference call, I contacted our Stake President and asked for a mission update. By that time, I felt that Casey would be better off as a service missionary. I had read about them and felt good about the idea. I asked, though, if Casey had to live at home. Things had been very hard with him at home, and I was thinking that maybe he needed to serve elsewhere for everyone’s well-being. Jad agreed with me.
The next day, on September 7, the Stake President wrote me back saying that Casey’s mission was on paused status and that his mission call updates were going to be reviewed by an apostle within the next two weeks. He also said that Casey would indeed be reassigned as a service missionary. He had found out that it was a possibility that Casey could live somewhere else, but it would have to be with family who were active members of the church who didn’t have kids in the home.
My first thought was to contact my parents and ask them if they could take Casey in. Keep in mind at this time Casey was still depressed and very hard to live with. He had also blown up at me, I believe the day before, in a way that crushed my spirits and rocked me to the core. Our relationship was really strained, and at that point I was ready for him to leave. Now, I knew before my parents answered the phone that Casey living with them probably wouldn’t be a good fit, but I think I just needed to talk to them to feel comforted about the situation.
For the next two days, Casey and I talked a lot about everything. We had a very difficult heart-to-heart about our relationship, complete with a lot of tears and then hugs as we made amends. We also talked about what a service mission would entail and talked about some things he could do while he was waiting to leave (like maybe work, take some classes, volunteer, etc). We also discussed possible people he could live with. He made some phone calls, and the consensus was that Casey would request to live with his father and great grandpa in Cedar City, Utah. I provided this information to the Stake President so he could submit it for approval.
It is kind of miraculous to me that during those two days of trying to figure everything out, Casey started to improve. He was finally on the mend, and that brought me so much hope and comfort.
September 10 and September 11 came and went. Those were the days Casey was supposed to be set apart as a missionary and then begin his home training with the Missionary Training Center (MTC). That was a bit sad, as well as other personal events that happened around that time, but we pushed through with faith.
And then, after days of checking Casey’s missionary portal multiple times a day, I finally saw some changes on September 14. There was not much there, but I did see that Casey was going to be a service missionary and he would begin his service on October 16. This was shocking since we were told his mission would likely be delayed much longer. I was a little concerned that he wouldn’t be back to his old self by then, but I had faith.
The following day, our Stake President asked Casey to submit reasons why he wanted to live in Cedar City, UT for his mission, and not at home. He and I talked about his reasons, and ultimately, Casey wanted to be near his dad and be a support to his great grandpa. He knew that it would be easier to focus on being a missionary there because staying home would mean being around friends and other distractions. He wouldn’t have as many things around him to bring worry, overwhelm, or irritability. He felt his mental health would be better in a place that was familiar but also quieter and disassociated from where his depression began. He also loved the idea of being close to a temple. I also added to the email that Jad and I felt individually that Casey should serve outside of our home (at first those feelings were from frustration, but they remained with us even after life improved).
Casey’s request to serve in Cedar City was quickly approved. I was thrilled with this arrangement. I had always hoped that Casey would be able to spend more time with his dad and that side of his family. I had even thought maybe he would go to college in Cedar City. That wasn’t going to happen, but a mission was another perfect way to accomplish the same goal.
Just a couple days later, on September 17, Casey gave his missionary farewell talk. He gave it several weeks before leaving, but it just worked out better scheduling wise.
Here is the recording of the talk that Casey did that afternoon:
I said this on Facebook about the experience:
My dear first born gave his missionary farewell talk at church today. His mission is going to look a little different than originally planned and he explains all about that as well as his faith in Christ and his desire to serve the Lord. I was wiping my eyes the whole talk. Afterwards, he was overwhelmed and teary. We hugged for a long time. He will always be my baby no matter how old he gets. I love him so much and am so proud of him. (I didn’t add this to the FB post, but one of my church friends touched my arm while I was hugging Casey. She told me later in the bathroom that when she touched me she could literally feel my love for Casey through my arm. That was such a touching and profound compliment. I don’t ever want to forget it.)
Casey is so grateful for all those who have been such a support to him. He was blown away by all the sweet comments he got today as well. One of my friends also brought him warm peanut butter chocolate brownies tonight. He is so loved. I’m so grateful for his angels on earth.
Three days after his talk, we got more instructions from our Stake President (we were so grateful for him, by the way. He had been doing so much on Casey’s behalf). We were told to get a plane ticket for Casey anytime, as long as it was before October 31, and to establish a doctor for him in Cedar City.
I don’t like to delay anything, so the next day on September 21, we found him a doctor and made a doctor’s appointment, and also got a plane ticket. Casey wanted to fly out October 16, the day that was originally showing on his missionary portal. It was a little strange that his missionary portal was never updated with any other information. Proselyting missionaries have tons of instruction and information in their portals, but service missionaries do not.
One thing that did help was being able to speak with the service mission leaders in Raleigh as a sort of service mission orientation. We spoke with them on the phone on October 1. Casey initially didn’t think it was necessary, but we all left the call excited. It was so cool to find out some of the things Casey would be able to do as a service missionary, and also that starting in January, he would be able to go out proselyting sometimes with the regular missionaries.
It didn’t take long for Casey to start throwing himself into preparing to leave for his mission. The things that he had no desire to do before, he began doing willingly. He started going through all of his stuff, organizing things, getting rid of things, etc. I was proud of him and happy that he was excited.
We did our last family outing on October 7. I wanted it to be a nice fall activity and decided to go to Camp Chestnut Ridge. I feel like the fact it was our last family day hung over our heads – well, at least mine.
Things started to get more real about a week before Casey was set to fly out. On October 9, I wrote:
Exactly one week from today we will be having our last dinner together as a family before Casey flies out to his mission. I am so excited for him but will miss him terribly.
On October 12, Jad took a day off work so we could spend time with Casey. I wrote this about the day:
Jad took a day off work so we could spend the day with Casey. We had breakfast at NC Jelly Doughnuts and then headed to Greensboro to the International Civil Rights museum. If you have never been there, please go at least once in your life. I had tears behind my eyes the whole time and felt such a reverence for the brave souls who stood up for justice and equality sometimes at the cost of their lives. After that we went to Sams Club to have lunch and shop for Casey’s open house on Sunday.
Two days later, we had Eve’s birthday party with friends. It was still two weeks before her birthday, but she wanted to have one birthday party while Casey was still home. He gave her a Princess Peach Amiibo for her birthday.
October 15 was Casey’s last Sunday at church with us. Since he wasn’t going to be giving his farewell talk that day (since he already gave it), I asked him a couple weeks before if he would like to sing a duet with me. I was so happy when he said yes. We decided to sing his favorite song, “A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief.” We don’t have a recording of it. We did try to record it the next day, but Casey decided it wasn’t good enough to post and we would just have it for ourselves. It was so special to sing with my baby. He was emotional at the end. I gave him a squeeze before we sat down. It was a very full day. You can read all about it from my Facebook post the next day:
Yesterday was a very special yet exhausting day (emotionally and physically). It was Casey’s last day at church and last full day in NC.
At church, he and I sang “A Poor Wayfaring man of Grief” together. It’s his favorite hymn and we wanted to sing together as a way for him to say farewell as well as share a bit of himself with everyone.
After church Eve went up to Jad and gave him this giant hug where she sobbed in his shoulder saying shewas going to miss Casey and didn’t want him to leave. It was so precious and sweet. The only thing that calmed her was realizing she left snot all over her dad’s shirt, which made her laugh. Soon after, we rushed home to finish preparing for his open house from 2-5 (Jad and I had already stayed up until after midnight the night before to clean and prepare but we had to clean some and get the food out). We were ready right before 2 (phew).
For 3.5 hours straight, friends, family, and church family came to visit with Casey and wish him well. Many brought cards and gifts too, for which he is very grateful. Casey is an introvert so big crowds drain him. It was hard, but he felt so loved and supported by all who came by. He was also happy to have notes written by friends and loved ones in a little notebook. One of our church friends, Kay, touched my heart as she said she admires Casey so much because he is kind, a quality we don’t see as much nowadays. I’m so happy that we had this event for him and that so many came to wish him well.
We had just about half an hour to tidy up our very messy house, haha, before our stake president came over to set Casey apart as a missionary. First, he spoke to us, then we said a prayer (which Casey asked me to offer). I cried of course. Then we read some scriptures about serving the Lord and the qualities one needs to do so. We also all gave him a piece of advice. Here is what we said:
Rigel – if you listen to other service missionaries that have been there for a bit, think about what they post and learn from them
Mandy – try to find one thing to love about each person you serve and pray to find something if it’s hard
Kamren – be good
Eve – think about your own family when you are with other families and feel the spirit
Jad – hold onto your testimony of Book of Mormon and Joseph smith – gospel is true even if all the people aren’t
Finally, Casey was set apart. It was such a sacred experience. We all hugged him after that, with Kamren giving him the most tender and longest hug. Kamren had been quietly crying that day as well. Casey then put on his missionary name tag and we took photos.
The moment our stake president left, Casey’s best friend from school and his family showed up to eat dinner with us. Thankfully Jad had prepared most of dinner the night before. We were completely exhausted by then but were so glad to have our friends over to eat our last dinner at home with Casey.
And then everyone left and it was quiet. There was a reverent, anxious, and somber mood in the room as we all sat down to sing a hymn, read scriptures, and do family prayer for the last time in the same room for two years.
After the kids went to bed, I felt like going upstairs to give Casey a good night hug for the last time. He was journaling so I didn’t get to “tuck him in” but I did get a good night hug and kiss and that was enough for me.
So much love all around for my first born. 🥰
The next day, October 16, was the day my first born was going to leave our family to serve a 2-year mission for the Lord. He spent most of the morning packing. Seeing his suitcases ready to go was so hard.
I presented him with a gift that morning. It was a piece of bumblebee decor and on the back I pasted some thoughts I wrote in this blog post years ago: More than just Terms of Endearment | Making Life a Bliss Complete. Bumblebee was his nickname when he was a baby. I accidentally put the words in the back upside down, but Casey loved it anyway and said it was okay and that I didn’t have to fix it. 😉
Casey also spent some time with Asher. I had noticed that as his mission drew near, that he was spending as much time with Asher as possible, looking at him more tenderly. I knew that he would miss his baby brother with all his heart.
I wrote more about this bittersweet day after we all took Casey to the airport that night:
My first born, Elder Casey Lewis, just boarded a plane to begin his 2-year service mission. There have been many tears and there will continue to be. We know he is doing something wonderful and we are so proud of him. Adjusting to life without him will be so incredibly difficult, though.
To tell a little about our day, I helped Casey finish last minute packing. We also shipped two giant boxes and picked up his siblings from school early. They were so thrilled to have time with Casey where they could play video games and a card game. He and I also recorded an a cappella version of the song we sang at church yesterday so we could remember it.
We were all starting to get sad as we loaded the van with his bags and left at 4:30. We had dinner at Bojangles, drove to the airport, and then took a sad walk to the terminal. After Casey checked his bags, everyone got hugs and pictures. It was so hard to let him go up those stairs and out of sight. One nice moment happened as he did, though. A couple saw him leaving us and they started asking him questions. He got to start sharing the gospel from that first moment. It gave me some comfort.
Walking to the van was really hard. We were all in tears. I prayed aloud for Casey before we drove off. Goodness, that was an emotional prayer. We were all sobbing. Rigel wanted to watch his flight take off but it wasn’t leaving for over an hour. Kamren sat in Casey’s seat on the way home to feel close to him and Rigel moved over to sit next to Eve to comfort her as she cried a lot on the way home.
I told them that Casey had left behind some of his stuffed animals. They were happy they could have a piece of him with them always, and they all took at least one.
We love you, Casey!
I also want to express my sincere gratitude to Casey’s dad and great grandpa for taking him in for the next two years. It helps to know that Casey will be in a place where he will be safe and well loved.
That is the whole story of Casey preparing to go, and leaving for his mission.
He has now been gone exactly a month, and I think this has been the longest month of my life, truly. It feels like Casey has been gone so much longer than he has. To give you a little idea how I was feeling the first few days after he left, I wrote this on October 19:
I’m really missing my boy today. I miss two things the most: being able to talk to him every day about anything and everything, and seeing him interact with his baby brother.
I know it will get easier but it’s really hard right now. I sure love him.
I had a conversation with a good friend of mine that day too. She always wants to know how I’m really doing, and it means so much. I said this to her:
I’m feeling pretty sad and missing being able to know how he is and what he’s doing. He doesn’t talk much so I know I won’t hear from him nearly as much as I want to. But I know he’s doing fine.
Speaking about the other kids I said: They are sad he’s gone. It is really hard on Eve and Kamren. Rigel is quieter about it. Asher probably doesn’t realize but I show him pics and videos of Casey.
I was suffering without my oldest son, and it had only been three days. But then we had our first video chat with him that night and it healed my broken heart. I wrote:
We had a video chat with Casey and it was so good for my soul!
That first week and half was the hardest by far. I was sad a lot, had tears in my eyes a lot, and just wanted so badly to talk to Casey and hug him and look into his blue eyes. It has thankfully gotten a bit easier over time.
On October 25, I wrote a little something for our church so they could know how Casey is and what he’s up to. It said:
Elder Casey Lewis was set apart as a service missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on October 15,2023 and set off for his mission in Cedar City, Utah the following day. He is staying busy joyfully helping his great grandpa around his house, and serving the Bishop’s Storehouse and the Family Search Center. He also just got ordained as a temple worker in the Cedar City Temple. Elder Lewis will also be making toys for needy children at the Happy Factory and volunteering with local children’s musical theater. He is really enjoying getting to know the other service missionaries and loves his mission so far. He will return from his mission in October 2025. His Dad is Jad Al-Bjaly and Mother is Mandy Al-Bjaly, they are in the Mebane Ward in the Durham, NC Stake.
Every time Casey has told me about something he is doing, I have lit up like a Christmas tree with pride and joy. I am tearing up just thinking about it.
On October 28, we had an oddly warm day and I was able to put Asher in one of Casey’s baby outfits. I wrote on Facebook:
I didn’t think Asher would ever be able to wear this outfit but we had a very hot day on Saturday. I almost cried when I put him in it because it was Casey’s.
I have noticed that I am more sentimental than normal about Asher using and wearing Casey’s baby stuff. I am so glad that I saved my favorite clothes, toys, and blankets of Casey’s. It makes me feel close to him.
I was thrilled beyond belief to receive a mission update email from Casey on October 29 (it’s still the only one he has done, ha). Here it is:
Hey everybody!,
The past two weeks have certainly been interesting and a really good experience.The first week was spent meeting other service missionaries and working with Elder and Sister Nakken (my service mission leaders) to figure out a schedule that will work and that would allow me to serve in ways that would be fulling to me. On my first Wednesday as a service missionary Elder Price invited me to go out to the Bishops storehouse and work there for a couple of hours. For those who don’t know what it looks like to serve there it is essentially a small grocery store and a warehouse full of food. When serving there you have to stock, bag and take out orders, and clean. It’s really fun and pretty much all of the service missionaries work there on Wednesdays and saturdays. Also that day and every wednesday there is district council which is where we go over the goals from last week and have a small devotional which was pretty nerve racking the first time as i knew pretty much nobody but it is really nice to have those discussions with the other missionaries. The next big thing was that I got to go to a YSA devotional with Elder Neil A Anderson on that sunday which was super cool and it was nice to see him more as a person and not just a figure in the church. He was really personable and funny and he talked about the conference talks from the first presidency from this last conference. This last monday I got to go to the Zone Conference — there are currently two zone conferences that take place for the service missionaries and one for the teaching missionaries but that will change in january– and it was really cool to meet all the other service missionaries from the saint george mission. The topic was how we can become more like Christ and how important repentance is in our role as missionaries. Tuesday I was interviewed and ordained as a ordinance worker in the temple and that was a great experience as I know how great of an opportunity it is for me and my personal growth as well as what a great service it is to the temple patrons. That evening I worked in the Stake family history center from 6-9 pm and it was really fun. Tuesday evenings are normally when they have youth groups come in so they need workers during that time. This service opportunity helps me get experience and knowledge as well as helping others to find their love for family history, I once again worked at the Bishop’s storehouse and I will be doing that every week Wednesdays and Saturdays. My favorite thing so far was working in the temple on Thursday (I’ll Also be working every Tuesday) . There’s something special about going to the temple as a worker and it’s nice to have no distractions and just to be completely away from the world. I’m still working on completely finishing my schedule but what I have been doing so far is certainly fullfing.Also i have a companion named Elder Price. He is really cool. I don’t have a picture of him or any pictures at all actually which I will remady otherwise my mom will end me. But anyways it’s been a great start to my mission and I am really excited for all the other opportunities I will receive. I was asked by my new bishop if I wanted to perform or give a talk so I gave a talk today and sang with the choir so I ended up doing both. That’s all for now everybody. Thank you all for your love and support. It’s been very nice to know that I have so many people supporting me back home. – Elder Lewis
My first reaction to his email, beyond being so happy to get one was, wow, my son doesn’t like to use punctuation. Then I laughed because he said I would “end him” if he didn’t send me pictures. I laughed because it was only kind of true. My response to his email was in part:
I will end you, lol? What a reputation you are giving me haha! But seriously, send pictures!
I was definitely thinking about Casey on Halloween night. One reason is because Asher was wearing his pumpkin costume from when he was a baby.
As a bonus, that night Casey also sent me his first picture from his mission.
I was ecstatic and also laughed! Here was my reaction:
Casey Lewis just sent me the first picture he has taken since starting his mission. Can you tell he’s not much of a picture taker? 😛
These are toy cars he helped make at the Happy Factory yesterday. They will go to underprivileged children. He said they are very fun to make.
Casey promised me more photos next week, maybe even some of himself ha.
On November 7, Casey did his first two Facebook posts. I was so proud of him. They even had pictures! On one of the posts, he said “there’s a picture mom.” I was over the moon.
I have only gotten one more picture since, on November 8, but it has made me happy to get any picture I can.
I also was thrilled to get a photo from Casey’s dad’s cousin, McCall, on November 10, showing me a picture of Casey with a new haircut. Goodness, I smiled. It made my day. I mean, look at that smile!
We do a video chat with Casey once a week. Normally he talks about what has been going on with him, and then he talks to everyone else one by one. I have cherished the times that he has stayed on the chat with me and talked to me longer than everyone else. It makes me feel special. Just this past Saturday, after everyone walked into Lidl to shop, I stayed in the car and talked to him as long as I could.
There is a light in Casey’s eyes that brings joyful tears down my cheeks. I have seen such a change in him in such a short time.
I am so grateful that he’s happy. I’m so grateful that he is bonding with his dad’s side of the family and that he’s making new friends. I love how he talks about his missionary companion and other fellow service missionaries. I am filled with such peace as he tells me how much he adores serving in the House of the Lord.
Casey has never been much of a texter, phone caller, picture taker or picture sender. He’s super introverted and only communicates when he feels it’s absolutely necessary. That was really hard for me when he first left because I felt this huge need to talk to him every day. It took quite a while for me to realize that’s not realistic for a busy service missionary, and it’s also not my son’s personality. But I have definitely seen effort on his part. The few pictures he has sent mean so much to me. The email he sent and the social media posts – I know he’s doing that more for me than anyone else.
I think about Casey every day, multiple times a day. I do not worry about him because I know he’s being well taken care of and he is being protected while he is on the Lord’s errands.
I still wish I could talk to him every day, but I’m getting better at not texting as much. I can wait patiently and I can settle for little sentences here and there until our video chat once a week.
I am 100% confident that Casey is where he needs to be. Is it hard for me and for our family not to have him around? Yes!
It’s hard because our family never feels complete at mealtimes, on family outings, at church, in the car, during scripture study and family home evening, or any other time – because he’s not with us. It’s hard because I don’t get his amazing hugs or hear him playing piano anymore. It’s hard because his baby brother no longer has his biggest brother with him to nurture the strong bond they have. It’s hard because we no longer have someone who can babysit or run errands when life it too crazy and we need help, or a break. It’s hard because we are missing his testimony, his wisdom, his wit, and his perspectives on life. It’s hard for so many reasons.
Yes, it’s so hard, but it’s so worth it! I think because of the distance, we all have come to appreciate and love him even more than before. The kids are always talking about him and want to make/write things for him. We have sent him many things already, from letters to packages. We will continue to do so because it brings us joy as we bring him joy.
Casey told me recently that he is having some homesickness. I have been sending him videos and pictures of our family to help with that and am looking at some ideas of things to send him to help him feel closer to us and home. He suggested the other day that I make a cookbook of family recipes. I have been working on that for him.
I am a mom who is really invested in my kids. I teach them to be self-reliant, but I also want to be involved in helping them make right decisions, feel comfortable in their surroundings, succeed in their endeavors, understand their emotions, and grow spiritually, all the while showing them as much love as I can. I know I’m not a perfect mom – I’m not nearly as patient as I should be, and I have high expectations for my children.
But what I have realized about myself since my first child has grown up and left home, is that I truly adore and cherish my children. They make up so much of my heart and my reason for living. Even with all of the frustrations that come with parenting, I wouldn’t trade my time with my children for anything. I have been a mom almost half of my life, and I can’t imagine my life without any of my babies.
Casey is my first born, and I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to raise him for the first 18 years of his life. I will be his mother forever, and I feel so much tenderness for him when I speak to him and hear how he is doing. My motherly influence is changing, but our relationship will only grow over time. His mission is going to bless his life and his family’s lives more than we can imagine.
We have now made it through the first month of Casey’s mission. There are 23 months to go. Each and every day during those months, our whole family will continue to think of and pray for him. We will not stop missing him until the day he comes home, but we will be his biggest cheerleaders as he continues to serve God and His children. I’m grateful for the example Casey is setting for his siblings and for all of us.
I thank God above to be the mother of Elder Casey Scott Lewis.
I have never done a blog post like this before, but I have a lot of important life updates that I hope to share, and to do it best, I have recorded videos of myself. The first is in March 2022 and may not seem to connect to the others that start in August, but it does! I hope you enjoy watching these videos and learning about my thought processes and experiences leading up to a huge life change coming to the Al-Bjaly family. We know God is leading and guiding us in the direction our family needs to go:
If you watched all of these, thank you. It means so much. Below are just a few pictures that capture our pregnancy journey so far! Much love to you all and thank you for caring!
These first two pictures are from August 14 when I found out I was pregnant.
In this photo, taken August 15, Jad and I were feeling happy that I heard the baby’s heartbeat at my first appointment.
I took these pictures August 16, because that day we realized that when Jad made this beautiful wall hanging years ago, he had left one open spot for a picture. He didn’t think anything of it at the time, but now it has new meaning for us.
These are my first ultrasound pics, taken August 18, where I found out my due date is March 29.
These pictures are from August 27 when I was blessed with free baby items. Eve picked out this red panda for the baby, but she’s keeping it safe for now in her room. 🙂
Eve took this picture of me on September 7. I often get really tired and have to lie down. I can fall asleep almost instantly.
Eve drew me this adorable picture yesterday, September 13. It’s the baby and me. She has been so sweet to me. She will be a wonderful big sister.
Today is an anniversary of a very important date. Normally when we think of anniversaries, we think of a happy occasion. Sadly, today’s anniversary is anything but happy. Today, January 6, 2022, is the one-year anniversary of the horrifying attack on our nation’s Capitol by armed insurrectionists who violently attempted to overthrow the peaceful counting of electoral votes and thus the peaceful transfer of power to a new president of the United States.
One year ago, as I heard about this, I wrote this on Facebook:
It’s getting very scary in our country. I feel sick to my stomach. Why are people acting like animals? Where is our humanity? What has happened to decency and ethics? We are better than this, America!
I wrote two other posts that day. Here is one I wrote:
Let me just say emphatically that you cannot justify wrong by bringing up other wrong. Wrong is wrong. Own it. Don’t justify it. If you love peace, be peaceful. If you are disgusted by past acts of violence, still be peaceful. Set the example and be a light. That’s how we make positive change.
Why did I write that? Well, it’s because people were immediately downplaying the horrifying events of that day, saying that other events that had happened the past summer regarding some destructive protests were just as bad or worse. I learned a new word not long after that called “whataboutism.” It’s when you ignore, justify, or deflect from a current horrible situation by bringing up another horrible situation performed by people of an unrelated, often opposing group. It doesn’t work in relationships, and it doesn’t work regarding the insurrection.
My thoughts, as well as the thoughts of so many, were running rampant that day. My thoughts went back to a very powerful talk given by President Dallin H. Oaks in October 2020, called “Love Your Enemies.” This quote was particularly poignant on January 6, and I posted it with a refreshed testimony of modern-day prophets and apostles:
“[Obeying the laws of the land] …also means that we peacefully accept the results of elections. We will not participate in the violence threatened by those disappointed with the outcome. In a democratic society we always have the opportunity and the duty to persist peacefully until the next election.”
It’s like he knew…
A friend of mine argued about this post saying that it was actually Antifa that stormed the Capitol (People often incorrectly define Antifa as a domestic terrorist group when in fact it is a movement devoted to anti-fascism and anti-racism). She definitely wasn’t the only one who thought that, though. It was a strange theory – that the individuals dressed up as, speaking as, and acting as Trump supporters were actually not who they said they were, but were just trying to make pro-Trump people look bad.
But, that was not the truth – not even close. The day after the breech of the Capitol, and beyond, the identities of the insurrectionists came into play. The first was the infamous horned who was in many pictures of that day. I wrote this Facebook post on January 7:
I am a huge supporter of facts and truth-finding. When I hear an accusation, I research it. Here are just two articles, among many, that identify the horned man from the Capitol yesterday. He is Jake Angeli and a popular member of QAnon. Hopefully this helps bring light to those who were using this man as a reason to believe that Antifa stormed the Capitol yesterday. He isn’t shy about it, but very proud of his membership in QAnon.
The lady who was shot and killed yesterday was also a supporter of QAnon. Ashli Babbit tweeted the day before she died: “Nothing will stop us. they can try and try and try but the storm is here and it is descending upon DC in less than 24 hours…dark to light.” Here is an article more about her: Ashli Babbitt Retweeted Lin Wood the Day She Died | Law&Crime (lawandcrime.com)
It can be hard to accept truth when it shatters some of your own ideals and loyalties. My heart hurts for those who didn’t want this to be true. Nobody wanted this to happen or be true, except those who did it. America is hurting. This isn’t about parties or politics. It’s about human decency. May we take this experience and learn from it.
I had become an avid advocate for the truth months before, during election season, as I read and heard so many inflammatory things in articles, in the news, in debates, in social media, etc. That conviction in me was renewed after the events of January 6. I didn’t jump to conclusions and make angry accusations with no proof. No – my heart was hurting, and I just wanted the truth because the truth brings peace and clarity. And when I shared my findings, I did so out of a place of responsibility and love with a desire to enlighten as I had been enlightened. I still have that motivation when I post and always will.
I have realized that there are many different types of people when it comes to truth. There are the people who don’t want to know what’s going on so don’t engage in truth-finding at all; the people who think they are getting truth from their chosen news sources but don’t do any fact-checking and can thus be easily fooled; the people who keep searching until they find “truth” that supports their narrative; and the people who really want to know the absolute truth no matter what that means for their current views and loyalties. And then there’s everything in between.
I have been a little bit of all of these in my life. At this point, I feel very strongly that the last one is the most responsible and helpful, and adopting that form of finding truth has changed my life for the better.
The first Sunday after the insurrection, January 9, my family was watching a long-time program put on by my church called “Music and the Spoken Word.” In that particular episode, the spoken message was all about truth-finding. It was such a breath of fresh air and brought peace to my soul. I was even happier when I saw the published article. I shared it for all to read: Music and the Spoken Word: Seek out the true and trustworthy – Church News (thechurchnews.com)
I knew that my blog didn’t reach that many, but I truly hoped that my post would reach people and bring positive change. Much to my chagrin, that didn’t happen. Social media (including posts from my friends) was still overwhelmingly rampant with lies, conspiracy theories, and false accusations, as well as loud cries of election fraud. I posted my blog again on social media the following day and said:
My friends, truth does not always align with us, so maybe we should align ourselves with truth.
I feel like that comment I made was inspired. I was taking a walk the other day pondering on what I wanted to say at this one-year anniversary, and that same thought came to me again: Align your views to the truth, not align the truth to your views.
Over time I shared several unbiased, nonpartisan analyses and updates about the facts surrounding the insurrection because I wanted to help be a truth-teller. (I learned through this that telling the truth, even respectfully, can get you enemies. I have had to prayerfully, at that time and since then, consider when to post and how to post, and to whom. It has been a process and I’m grateful for the Spirit which guides me as my heart and mind are open.)
Despite Trump’s and many of his supporters’ continued, yet unfounded belief that the election was stolen, Joe Biden was inaugurated on January 20, 2021. It was a beautiful event with really inspiring music, a poignant poem, and uplifting speeches. It was a breath of fresh air in a nation filled with turmoil and hate.
And then social media shifted from constantly talking about the insurrection to bashing our new president. I saw one post being widely shared on social media just two days after inauguration, and I felt that I had to say something:
Friends, I have a piece of friendly and helpful advice: if you see an article, picture, or video posted whose sole purpose is to demean and belittle someone, question the source before you question the person the post is about. Most likely, the person who created the post is just trying to cause trouble and knows he/she is sharing untruths.
For example, tons of people have posted a video of President Biden where he is supposedly being told through his earpiece to salute the Marines and then he says it instead of salutes them. These video postings are obviously meant to make Biden look stupid and disrespectful of the military.
And yet, if you actually listen to the video, you will find that he did not say that. He actually said, “Good looking Marine.” He also was not wearing an earpiece. I looked up information about saluting too, and the Marines would need to salute him before he would salute back. The Marines in the video did not salute him at that moment.
Please understand that by sharing posts like this that division will only get worse in our country, as will unfounded disrespect for our leaders.
Is Joe Biden perfect? No. Will he make mistakes and impose some policies we don’t like or agree with? Sometimes, yes. But does he deserve our respect and support as Commander in Chief? Absolutely! And with our support and prayers he will thrive as president.
If he actually does something deplorable, please talk about it. Otherwise, leave him be. It’s wrong regardless who is president. Thanks for listening!
I can honestly say that I would share the exact sentiments no matter who the unkind and untrue post/video was about. I would hope everyone would, but it takes the truth being more important to us than what we want to be true.
Even with the shift in focus to making our new president look bad, the insurrection did not just fade into the shadows.
President Trump had been impeached by the House of Representatives on January 13, and the trial went to the Senate in February 2021 after he had left office (they tried to go to trial sooner, while Trump was still president but the request was denied). I was not able to listen to all of the trial, but I listened to/watched a great deal of it and then read updates during times I couldn’t watch. I had no preconceived notions and was there simply to hear the truth. I remember feeling incredibly shocked and terrified as the context of the events leading up to January 6 unfolded, as I heard comments made by the former president and many of his strongest and powerful allies calling for violence, as I saw images and videos of the destruction and treatment of the brave police officers, etc. My heart was heavy as my mind came to a clearer knowledge of the truth. Even though there were many accusations of this being a hyper-partisan witch hunt, I never once felt that – I could see the emotion and the pain, and the strong desire for truth to be told and accountability to be met. The day of the vote, on February 13, I pulled over to the side of the road to listen – I was probably holding my breath most of the time. I was astonished when so many senators said “not guilty.” By the end, even though a majority did vote for “guilty,” only 7 out of 17 Republicans that were needed to make a guilty verdict voted in that way. Several Republicans said they knew Trump was responsible but refused to vote guilty because he was no longer president. Others remained his supporters no matter what. I definitely wrote down the names of the 7 brave Republicans who I felt put country over party that day, regardless of the consequences which would come.
I have reflected on the effects of the impeachment results a lot. Even while the trial was going on, I had dear friends tell me they thought the impeachment trial was unnecessary and saw no need to do it since Trump was no longer president. Apparently many senators felt the same, or at least claimed to. But, as I think about what has happened over the past year, and what is continuing to happen, I’m not so sure. Had former President Trump been impeached, then maybe, just maybe, his influence would have steadily waned, especially with the Republican members of Congress. Maybe people would finally have stopped saying that the election was stolen when it had been proven over and over again that it wasn’t anyway. Maybe people wouldn’t still be hanging Trump flags and speaking horrible, unfounded things about our current president. Maybe Republican politicians wouldn’t feel like they have to choose party over principle due to fear and/or immense pressure from their shifting party values and loyalties. Maybe there wouldn’t be states adopting suppressive voting restrictions (that make voting harder for many), and excessive gerrymandering (that allows politicians to choose their voters instead of voters choosing them), in the name of someone who still claims there was massive voter fraud in the last election when there absolutely was not. And maybe friend and family relationships would now be healing that had been previously severed because of devout loyalty to the former president at all costs (I know of several people this has happened to and it truly pains my heart).
I’m so sorry if what I just said sounds negative. I’m not trying to be. This is simply the reality that has been looming over our nation for a year now, and even longer in some cases. I truly hope that the bipartisan House panel investigating the events of January 6 and leading up to it will help bring the accountability and closure our nation so desperately needs. I continue to be enlightened and shocked at the same time at their continuous findings.
After this difficult year, it would be easy for people who just want the truth to be believed and goodness to prevail, to be fearful, discouraged, and forlorn over this situation that seems like will never end.
Though my heart is sometimes heavy with how divided our country is over many politically-charged issues, the most common being something that shouldn’t even be political – COVID-19 and the vaccine – I find solace in my faith in Jesus Christ and His servants.
The most compelling thing I can share with you today is that I know that God still speaks through prophets, seers, and revelators. I have always known this, but I today I share it with you in direct relation to our current political climate in America.
Yesterday, I went back to review a blog post I wrote in October 2020 regarding my prayerful search to find out who to vote for in the presidential election. I searched for answers from my church’s 2020 General Conference and then documented my findings with specific quotes that fit the patterns I saw the most. As I looked through those yesterday, I was struck with the wisdom shared three months before the insurrection that had the counsel been followed by all, it never would have happened. These words also lead and guide us on how we need to behave now and, in the future so history does not repeat itself. Read these quotes and see how you feel reading them:
“In a democratic government, we will always have differences over proposed candidates and policies. However, as followers of Christ we must forgo the anger and hatred with which political choices are debated or denounced in many settings.”
“[Obeying the laws of the land] does not mean that we agree with all that is done with the force of law. It means that we obey the current law and use peaceful means to change it. It also means that we peacefully accept the results of elections. We will not participate in the violence threatened by those disappointed with the outcome. In a democratic society we always have the opportunity and the duty to persist peacefully until the next election.”
“Abraham Lincoln was right when he said, ‘There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law.’ Redress of grievances by mobs is redress by illegal means. That is anarchy, a condition that has no effective governance and no formal police, which undermines rather than protects individual rights.”
“Though Jesus’s teachings were revolutionary, He did not teach revolution or law-breaking. He taught a better way.”
“During the past few months I have had the impression come to me that the best way to help the current world situation is for all people to rely more fully upon God and to turn their hearts to Him through sincere prayer. Humbling ourselves and seeking heaven’s inspiration to endure or conquer what is before us will be our safest and surest way to move confidently forward through these troubling times. I invite you to pray always. Pray for your family. Pray for your leaders of nations. Pray for the courageous people who are at the front lines in this current battle against social, environmental, political, and biological plagues that impact the people throughout the world, the rich and the poor, the young and the old…No matter how you pray or to whom you pray, please exercise your faith — whatever your faith may be — and pray for your country and for your national leaders. … This is not about politics or policy. This is about peace and the healing that can come to individual souls as well as to the souls of countries.”
“It unites rather than divides. [There is no] or us vs. them mentality…We are all ‘us.’ We are all ‘them…”
“It heals rather than harms… We believe we are responsible and accountable for ourselves, each other, the church, and our world. Charity, true Christ-like caring, is the bedrock of this culture. We feel real concern for the needs of our fellow man, temporal and spiritual, and act on those feelings.”
“…It is a culture… of high moral standards, sacrifice, forgiveness…”
“It espouses the concept of equal worth…There is no prejudice……The worth of souls is great… It is inclusive, not exclusive… This dispels prejudice and hatred.”
Quoting Moses 7:19, “They were of one heart and of one mind.”
“What are the fundamentals that sustain a flourishing society? One that promotes happiness, progress, peace, and well-being among its members.”
“The institutions of family and religion have been crucial for endowing both individuals and communities with the virtues that sustain an enduring society…These virtues, rooted in scripture, include integrity, responsibility and accountability, compassion, marriage and fidelity in marriage, respect for others and the property of others, service and the necessity and dignity of work, among others.”
“…When people turn from a sense of accountability to God and begin to trust instead in the arm of flesh, disaster lurks…is to ignore the divine author of human rights and human dignity and give the highest priority to riches, power, and the praise of the world while often mocking and persecuting those who follow a different standard.”
“Of all the zealous social, religious and political endeavors of our day, let ‘disciple of Jesus Christ’ be our most pronounced and affirming affiliation.”
“‘Be of good cheer’ is the commandment from the Lord, not be of good fear.”
“Unity doesn’t magically happen; it takes work. It’s messy, sometimes it’s uncomfortable, and it happens gradually when we clear away the bad as fast as the good can grow. We are never alone in our efforts to create unity.”
“The millions who have accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ have committed themselves to achieving both righteousness and unity. We are all aware that we can do better, and that is our challenge in this day. We can be a force to lift and bless society as a whole…We can be an oasis of unity and celebrate diversity. Unity and diversity are not opposites. We can achieve greater unity as we foster an atmosphere of inclusion and respect for diversity.”
“Unity is enhanced when people are treated with dignity and respect even when they are different in outward characteristics.”
“By following Jesus’ example, we will avoid many tragedies and undesirable behaviors that might cause family problems and disagreements, negative emotions and inclinations, perpetrating injustices and abuses, enslavement by evil addictions, and anything else that would be against the Lord’s commandments.”
“Christ will enable us to see others as He does. And with His help, we can discern what is most needful…As with all gifts the Father so willingly offers, seeing deeply requires us to ask Him — and then act.” By asking to see others and then acting by “loving, serving, and affirming their worth and potential as prompted.”
“As we face challenges, we can rely upon the promise of the Lord taught by Paul: ‘For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind’ ” (1 Timothy 1:7).
I am so incredibly grateful that I did this exercise during General Conference. It meant a lot to me then, and it means even more to me now.
In my blog post about my findings, I also expressed this sentiment: To believe one party or candidate is godly and another isn’t without truly studying and praying is doing a disservice to yourself, your country, and the candidates who wish to serve America the best way they know how.
Unfortunately, by committing to doing this research rather than automatically voting for the current president’s reelection, a relationship with someone I love dearly was severely damaged and has not recovered even with much love and service on my part. There is very little in my life that has hurt me more than this reality.
In the midst of this pain, I did feel so much peace as I listened to President Dallin H. Oaks’ talk in the April 2021 General Conference, which was three months after the insurrection. His talk was about the inspired Constitution of the United States. I’m so grateful for his talk because not only did it indirectly denounce the insurrection on January 6, 2021, it also brought me confirmation that my prayerful research, and my desire to do my research and possibly vote for a different party than normal, was righteous and acceptable before God. Here are some important quotes from the talk that illustrate that:
“Sovereign power in the people does not mean that mobs or other groups of people can intervene to intimidate or force government action.”
“…I see divine inspiration in the vital purpose of the entire Constitution. We are to be governed by law and not by individuals, and our loyalty is to the Constitution and its principles and processes, not to any office holder. In this way, all persons are to be equal before the law. These principles block the autocratic ambitions that have corrupted democracy in some countries. They also mean that none of the three branches of government should be dominant over the others or prevent the others from performing their proper constitutional functions to check one another.”
“The dignity and force of the Constitution is reduced by those who refer to it like a loyalty test or a political slogan, instead of its lofty status as a source of authorization for and limits on government authority.”
“What else are faithful Latter-day Saints to do? We must pray for the Lord to guide and bless all nations and their leaders. This is part of our article of faith. Being subject to presidents or rulers of course poses no obstacle to our opposing individual laws or policies. It does require that we exercise our influence civilly and peacefully within the framework of our constitutions and applicable laws. On contested issues, we should seek to moderate and unify. There are other duties that are part of upholding the inspired Constitution. We should learn and advocate the inspired principles of the Constitution. We should seek out and support wise and good persons who will support those principles in their public actions. We should be knowledgeable citizens who are active in making our influence felt in civic affairs.”
“There are many political issues, and no party, platform, or individual candidate can satisfy all personal preferences. Each citizen must therefore decide which issues are most important to him or her at any particular time. Then members should seek inspiration on how to exercise their influence according to their individual priorities. This process will not be easy. It may require changing party support or candidate choices, even from election to election. Such independent actions will sometimes require voters to support candidates or political parties or platforms whose other positions they cannot approve. That is one reason we encourage our members to refrain from judging one another in political matters. We should never assert that a faithful Latter-day Saint cannot belong to a particular party or vote for a particular candidate. We teach correct principles and leave our members to choose how to prioritize and apply those principles on the issues presented from time to time. We also insist, and we ask our local leaders to insist, that political choices and affiliations not be the subject of teachings or advocacy in any of our Church meetings.”
We can all learn so much from President Oaks’ words. We learn that there is a danger is putting an elected official above the law of the land or the laws of God, and that we must elect wise and good individuals to serve in our government. We learn that we must follow the law and remain peaceful when we disagree. We learn that it is acceptable and righteous to vote our consciences on the issues we feel are most important, regardless of political party, which brings further clarity to me that God doesn’t align with, or expect us to be a part of, any particular political party. And there is so much more we can learn.
I know I have taken many directions in this post, but I hope it is of help to someone. I know that even though January 6, 2021 is a day we wish never happened, we must never forget it. We must learn from it. We must be better from it. We must unite as Americans to fight for and do what is right for our country, regardless of any party, platform, policy, or politician. Maintaining the cause of freedom, and life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all Americans is not about any of that. It’s about spreading the light of Christ (or goodness in general) so all feel included, respected, and cared for. This cannot be done in a spirit of anger, choosing to only see your side as right and the other as completely wrong. It cannot be done by name-calling or spreading hateful gossip, exaggerations, and lies to make others look bad. No, that does nothing but cause division and hurt. Instead, to share this goodness and light that our nation so desperately needs, we must do so with unity, temperance, brotherly kindness, equity, and peaceful methods. We must strive for compromise and collaboration, set high standards for ourselves and those we elect, denounce all wrongdoing, regardless of who is doing it, and be wholly committed to embracing and sharing the TRUTH.
Wow. Church today was just about as beautiful as it could be. I personally felt the presence of the Holy Ghost during every congregational hymn, musical number, and talk given. That beautiful spirit, often manifested by involuntary tears, continued into Relief Society (a class for our church’s women’s organization). The main theme of the day centered around gathering Israel on both sides of the veil, most specifically through sharing the gospel and doing temple and family history work.
Our Bishop made the wise remark that nothing we do in our church, whether a mission, assignment, or calling, is about us. It’s about the people we serve. It’s about loving God and serving His children. I thought about this verse:
Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.
He also spoke about the paradox of losing verses finding our lives, mentioned several times in the Bible. Here is one version from the book of Matthew:
He who seeketh to save his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
The purpose of life is not just to have fun and do whatever we please for personal pleasure. Rather, it is making sacrifices of our time, talents, and heart in order to do God’s work will help us find out who we really are and who we have the potential of becoming.
The tears really flowed when our Relief Society President, Dori, got up to present her talk. Jad had sent her a very sacred experience surrounding the recent illness and death of his uncle. She didn’t have time to present her entire prepared message, but she made sure to share all of Jad’s story. That was what she felt was most important to share. There were many sniffles and tears in the congregation, including our own. Here is that story completely in Jad’s own words, written on May 16, 2021:
Due to COVID-19, My uncle William was admitted to a nearby hospital on Monday, April fifth. I would call him every other day to check on him when I am driving to work, and on the weekend I give him the chance to talk to my family. He has been asking to talk to the kids a lot lately those days. On April 17 Kamren spent more time talking to my uncle about his upcoming soccer game. at that time he took a selfie with my uncle that I did not know till later. later on, on the same day, my mother said that she had a bad dream about my uncle dying but I stopped her and I told her everything would be fine, don’t worry mother.
Mother came for a quick unexpected visit on Monday, April 19 and as soon she walked into our home she starts crying and we said what is wrong Teta “Grama in English”. your uncle William in the ICU. We all comforted her and said he is not going to die. And I assured her that he will be just fine. I didn’t think that he will die at all.
My mother left with my brother back to his house, and that night I had some bad dreams, that I was in Jordan near my uncle hospital and there was broken glass from the hospital windows everywhere, it was at unease all the time, and then I walk up to my brother calling me around at 1:30 AM. I had a feeling of very bad news. my brother said that our beloved uncle William died. I cried and cried for 2 hours then around 4 AM I drove to my brother’s home so I can be there before my mother walk up, but I soon parked by the home I can hear my mother screaming and crying from outside. I stayed beside almost all day to comfort each other.
A week later on May 1st after my mother spent the day with us, I drove here back to my brother’s home and on the way there she asked me Jad where is your uncle William now. For a moment I was wow I never thought my mother would ask me this question, I felt the spirit so strong and I took this opportunity and talked about the plan of salvation, She felt comforted knowing my uncle is still there and he is doing he learning the true gospel and eventually once his work is done in the gospel he will be helping the lord in his work. She may think this is to be good to be true but at least it makes her feel happy knowing so. In my mind what she did not ask her Brother in law or her sister who are preachers and study the religion for years or any other preacher from back home. See at one time in my life around 9-10 years old I asked my mother what are those feeling that I have about life and earth and our souls and what will happen to it the afterlife, and she did not know and referred me to the priest which he told not to think about such things, it will make you crazy.
after that on my mother said, “Jad I have not told you this, but 3 days before your uncle died I had a dream that I was at our old home overseas and I was looking for my brother everywhere and I can’t find him, then your deceased grandmother appear to me, so I asked her mother where is my brother William, and she said go ask Jad, and she repeated three times.”
That is why she asked me.
I and mandy did the work for my both of my grandparent from my mother side. and the spirit was so strong when we baptize and seal them together later.
My Uncle William was kind and charitable and very giving to all. a stranger will love and feel peace and trust him after they meet home. he was a father for us since our dad left us when we young and we forced to leave our home and live with my grandparent and our uncle and aunts.
He treated me like a son and reward me when I do great at school, took us to nice places, and taught us how to swim.
He was married late in his life and left behind a 10-year-old girl name Yara and a 12-year-old boy, Yousef “Joseph”. His kids are having a really tough time now, Mom arrived today to Jordan to comfort them.
William with his mother and with his sonWilliam with his wife, children, and Jad’s motherKamren with William
I had several people come up to me at church telling me how touched they were by Jad’s experiences. Dori told me she felt this was perfect representation to her of gathering Israel on both sides of the veil, and the miracles that can ensue. She said Jad’s story is now a part of her life, which really meant a lot to me.
Our Relief Society lesson helped continue this beautiful conversation as we focused on the phrase, “every nation, kindred, tongue, and people.”
We spoke about each word. It was emotional for me having a husband who is from Jordan – a country that is not open to the preaching of the gospel yet. I shared that I know with all my heart that Jad was sent to the United States when he was and how he was so he could find the Church and help his kindred also embrace it when they are ready. God cares about each and every family and wishes for them to be united eternally. He will and does provide a way for that to happen.
I read over Elder Gong’s talk (the talk we discussed in the lesson) after coming home, and these words hit me the most:
Our 2020 bicentennial proclamation begins with the profoundly inclusive promise that “God loves His children in every nation of the world.” To each of us in every nation, kindred, tongue, and people, God promises, covenants, and invites us to come partake of His abundant joy and goodness…
In the household of faith there are to be no strangers, no foreigners, no rich and poor, no outside “others.” As “fellowcitizens with the saints,” we are invited to change the world for the better, from the inside out, one person, one family, one neighborhood at a time.
Elder Gerrit W. Gong
Elder Gong also wisely said:
By small and simple means—in which we are each invited to participate—great things are brought to pass.
Elder Gerrit W. Gong
God has been refining me over the years in many ways, and one way He has done so is by helping me see goodness in all people – to help me realize and honor that all people on this planet, regardless of choices, beliefs, circumstances, or any other defining factor, are children of God and beloved by Him. There is nobody who does not need Christ and there is nobody that does not deserve to partake of His goodness and love. We have a choice as Saints to either push others away because we don’t think they are good enough, or realize none of us are good enough, but God loves us perfectly anyway, and wants us all to come unto Him. We then take that to action through our kindness, encouragement, service, compassion, and understanding.
I left church feeling so uplifted and inspired. On the way home, I got really emotional as I was talking to Jad. I have felt for many years that God has a very special purpose for my husband. It is so clear to me just how much God has been with Jad every step of the way in his life. There have been countless direction, miracles, and interventions that there is no doubt in my mind Jad has a very important mission to fulfil on this earth to help gather Israel. I choked up as I wondered why I was chosen to be his wife – his companion – on this earth and for eternity. It was a really sweet conversation as Jad shared clear examples with me of how I had been such a crucial part of his life in helping him make the best decisions, as well as accepting him and loving him in his circumstances early on.
When I got home from church, I felt prompted to share this to Facebook:
The best tears are those that freely flow when feeling the presence of the Holy Ghost all around you. As they wet your face, they cleanse and refresh your soul.
I really felt that. But it wasn’t only thinking of Jad’s experiences that brought so much emotion to my soul today. It’s also because I feel like God has been nudging me a while on this subject. I actually got really passionate about family history a year or so ago. I loved doing it so much, but because I have been so busy and distracted with things related to selling, renting, and building homes (among many other things), I have pretty much let it go, and have felt guilty about it. I have been passionate about some good things since, but not that.
The first nudge came in early June of this year as Jad and I sat together to watch a church broadcast about supporting children and youth. The most important part of the broadcast (to me) wasn’t even the main message, but it struck me like an arrow to the heart. It was a clip of President Russell M. Nelson saying this:
These surely are the latter days, and the Lord is hastening His work to gather Israel. That gathering is the most important thing taking place on earth today. Nothing else compares in magnitude, nothing else compares in importance, nothing else compares in majesty. And if you choose to, if you want to, you can be a big part of it. You can be a big part of something big, something grand, something majestic!
President Russell M. Nelson
He said “nothing else” three times! It hit me so hard. I had been focusing on several good things, but I had let the most important thing, where nothing else compares to it in importance, slip.
Then, I got two more nudges this past Friday. I was going to be able to go inside the Raleigh Temple for the first time since February 2020 (pre-pandemic) for a baptism trip. I wanted to bring family names, so I printed some female names off of my account and some male names off of my son, Casey’s account. But I couldn’t stop there. I kept printing and printing and printing names. I couldn’t help it – I just felt that there were so many ancestors waiting to receive their ordinances and make covenants with Heavenly Father. I printed as many as I could until Jad reminded me probably not all would be able to be completed that night.
Then the time came to go. I was going as an observer and helper, specifically for a new member of the church, Kourtney, who has become my good friend. I rode with her on the way to the Temple, and she couldn’t contain her excitement. I knew she was ready to be there. We walked the Temple grounds first, and I could tell that she and the other two new members (such sweet sisters as well) were so at peace looking at the temple and breathing in the beauty and peace that was there.
Kourtney was nervous about doing something wrong or not knowing what to do at first, and she made sure I would be with her or within her sight at all times. I saw a shift, though, as the baptism session went on, and I could tell she didn’t really need me anymore. She was just really loving the spiritual experience she was having.
I also loved being able to sit in the Temple and watch the youth and new converts help those who had not previously had the opportunity, to be baptized. I loved hearing names called out that I knew were from my ancestry.
As we left the Temple, there was a lasting peace and calm. I turned to Kourtney and asked her what her favorite part of the session was, and she said that as she was watching the first several young men be baptized on behalf of deceased persons, she realized that those were not just names – they were real people who had been hoping and praying for a long time that they could receive these ordinances. That rush of revelation prompted her to volunteer to be baptized next, but not before she studied each name in her hand and felt of their righteous desires. She said that she felt very strongly after being baptized and confirmed for them, that each of those sisters accepted their baptismal covenants.
I was amazed at her wisdom and I knew what she said was true. I was even more grateful because the women who she had been baptized for were all ancestors of mine.
The Holy Ghost has been giving me gentle nudges for a while now about how I need to refocus my greatest efforts on gathering Israel. That is the most important thing I can do on this earth. It’s the most important thing any follower of Christ can do. I’m grateful for those nudges as they have strengthened my testimony greatly.
I pray that I will be able to keep my sights in line with God’s will for me. I know that by doing this I will be happier and holier, and that I will find myself by losing it for His sake.
I hear many Christians say, “God doesn’t make mistakes.”
If used with loving tones and intentions, this can be a true and glorious statement. The key word is “if.” To help understand intent, we need to go further into the statement.
Let’s try using it in relation to many of God’s creations and gifts and see how we would continue the sentence like this: “God doesn’t make mistakes and so…_________________.”
God created the water, land, and all of the trees, herbs, grasses, plants, and flowers (See Genesis 1:9-12, 29). There is much beauty to behold on the earth because of these creations, as well as food and medicine for us to use. However, many areas of the earth suffer from famine, drought, and horrible natural disasters, such as earthquakes, fires, floods, and hurricanes. Some plants, trees, and flowers also bring pain and discomfort.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so… ___________________________.”
What would you say? I would say, “…in His wisdom, God gave us opposition to help us love and appreciate the beauty of nature on one hand, and on the other hand to turn to Him in faith when nature causes harm. To those who are not currently suffering by the hand of nature, He provides them with the opportunity to serve those who are.”
God created all of the fish, birds, beasts, and creeping things on this earth (see Genesis 1:20-25, 30). These animals bring joy, wonder, beauty, nutrition, and affection to us on the earth. But, some are dangerous, even deadly. Others are gross, destructive, or just plain annoying. We may wish they didn’t exist.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so… ___________________________.”
What would you say? I would say, “…in His wisdom, He gave us all kinds of animals not only for us to enjoy, but also to help us learn tolerance, each animal’s purpose, how to coexist with them, and in dangerous interactions with them, the ability to use our faith to turn to Him for help.”
God created male and female in His image and commanded them to multiply and replenish the earth (See Genesis 1:26-28). The human body is magnificent and works in miraculous ways. Being able to have children is one of those miracles. However, not all people are born with bodies and minds that function perfectly or properly. There are many born with mild to severe mental and/or physical disabilities. Some babies don’t even make it to birth because their bodies are unable to function outside the womb. There are also many couples who wish for nothing more than to be parents, and yet can never conceive or carry a child to term.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
These situations can be heartbreaking and very personal. The answer to this statement will be different for everyone, and may take much prayer, fasting and faith to accept and receive an answer that brings peace. When we know of people who suffer from these heartaches, we respond with love, compassion, and open arms.
You may have noticed that I have missed something in relation to this gift of God: not all of God’s children are attracted to the opposite sex, which is needful in order to multiply and replenish the earth. Some are attracted to the same sex, others to both, some to none at all, and some even feel that their inside gender doesn’t match their outside sex. Let’s try to fill in the blank again:
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
At this point, many Christians would take pause. In all the other instances above, most Christians would respond with faith and positivity. Yet, this example is rarely treated the same way. On the contrary, when it comes to LGBTQ+ individuals, so often I have heard Christians judge unkindly, accusing them of wickedness and vile sin, thinking upon them with disgust and denying their humanity. They fill in the blank with words like this: “God doesn’t make mistakes, and so LGBTQ+ individuals are choosing these grotesque lifestyles and trying to destroy the divine nature of the family.”
These thoughts and feelings are often a product of ignorance, and are very damaging. Jesus certainly never spoke or felt this way about any of God’s children, and does not want us to do so either.
Before you think I have always been above thoughts like that, I have to make some confessions. In the early 2000s, people didn’t really talk about homosexuality or any other type of sexuality outside the heterosexual. I recall at least twice in high school when different teen boys told me they were gay. I am ashamed to say that I did not react with love. I did not acknowledge either boy’s courage for saying something that would likely cause persecution and ostracizing by their peers. No, I laughed it off each time and said that they were just making it up and that nobody was really gay. I didn’t mean any harm, but how harmful my responses must have been! I remember also in those teen years when my little brother told me that someone told him he could be a model that I scoffed and said, “Do you want people to think you are gay??” In my high school, I often heard and said the derogatory phrase, “That’s so gay” anytime something was deemed undesirable or dumb. I shudder to think about that now.
When I was in college, my same little brother who I scoffed at about possibly being a model told my family that he was gay. I was shocked when I heard because the girls always loved him. I just didn’t know how that could be possible. But as I talked to him, I found out that he had felt different ever since he was a young boy around age 8. He tried to hide who he was for a long time and pretend to be someone he wasn’t. He finally couldn’t do it anymore, and when he had the courage to speak out about who he really was, he was treated horribly by so many, including by church leadership who said he needed therapy to be fixed. Attitudes, knowledge, and acceptance towards LGBTQ+ individuals have changed a lot in my church since then, but I am so sorry for those like my brother who were not treated with the love they needed and deserved during their most vulnerable times.
My brother is one of the most remarkable people that I know. He is not grotesque. He is a beautiful person in every way imaginable. I have known many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people in my life and all of them have been kind, fun, smart, innovative, and amazing people. They are just as human and just as worthy of love as anybody else.
But, even knowing my brother was gay, and even having several gay and bisexual friends at work years ago, I haven’t always been at the point of loving and respecting them so much that I was always considerate of their feelings and of their experiences. That has come with time, and I am still working on that.
I do not know any transgender individuals yet, and the idea of transgenderism is still pretty new for me, though my feelings have changed quite a bit. I remember in 2015 when Bruce Jenner came out asking to be called Caitlyn, I was disgusted and weirded out. I remember thinking that there is no way that this was anything other than a publicity stunt. Someone on Facebook shared an article. It was written by a member of my church and it was entitled, “I’ll call you Caitlyn.” I was angry when I read it and thought this person was going against the gospel… but I have changed since then. Now when I read the article, I see someone trying to emulate the Savior and acting in accordance with His gospel.
If you have angry, judgmental feelings towards LGBTQ members of the human family – of God’s family, please get to know them. Treat them as human beings. Try to be able to fill in the blanks of the phrase “God doesn’t make mistakes and so…” in a more loving way, perhaps like this:
“God doesn’t make mistakes and so He wants me to learn to love others the way He loves them, no matter if they are different than me. He wants me to seek for understanding. He wants me to treat my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters with respect and dignity. He wants me to offer them friendship and support and to acknowledge the persecution they endure just for being them. He wants me to help them feel welcomed into society and into the church as equals.”
Let’s talk about just one more thing God has given us.
Heavenly Father gave each person who will ever live the gift of moral agency, or the gift to choose how we think, what we say, and how we act in any given situation. How many times have we secretly wished that God would force people to do the right thing? How many times have we hoped that He would stop people from using their agency for the wrong? But, that isn’t His plan. How can we fill in the blank about agency, even when we see and feel the tragic effects of bloodshed, racism, vicious lies, betrayal, and other horrible acts of cruelty? Perhaps we have used our agency to do some of these awful things too.
“God doesn’t make mistakes, and so…____________________________.”
How would you fill this one in? It’s a very difficult one sometimes to understand. I might say, “God doesn’t make mistakes, and so he gave us agency so that we would have an opportunity to prove our worthiness to Him. God wants us to choose Him even when we can’t see Him. He wants us to come to Him in prayer to help us make the right choices. He wants us to mourn with and comfort those who need it. He wants us to reach out and help victims of other people’s wickedness. He wants us to forgive those who hurt us and He wants us to live worthy of the presence of the Holy Ghost so we can avoid making decisions that hurt others. He wants us to gain enough spiritual strength that we can withstand the temptations of Satan. He wants us to trust in our Savior, that He can cleanse us when we have sinned and He can make us whole when we are broken. He wants us to have a choice in our own salvation and He wants us to embrace our individual worth and recognize our divine nature. All this is possible only through the gift of agency.”
To my fellow Christians, I ask you to use your God-given agency to make room in your hearts, in your friendships, and in your church for all people.
God does not make mistakes – we do. As we learn to see His wisdom in every gift, every creation, and every individual facet of a child of God, differences and all, we will make less mistakes and make more good choices. We will be more loving, more merciful, more compassionate, more like Him.
This has been such a hard year for all of us. For some it has been harder than others. Today, though, I felt the Holy Ghost remind me that my Savior loves me, and I can truly feel His love all around me.
Not everyone feels His love – not everyone knows it is there. I can help others feel His love and warmth, and one great way to do that is to lovingly participate in #LighttheWorld.
I’m inviting everyone who needs to feel joy, hope, and love, and everyone who already feels it, to take a little time each day this month to make someone’s day a little brighter.
Here is the calendar for Light the World, or you can just text LIGHT to 71234.
Thank you for the light you shine already. I know God loves each of you and has high hopes and wishes for you. He knows you have God-given gifts and abilities to shine your light to the world.
Rigel and I drove together, just him and me, to our dentist appointments last Thursday, July 23. We were both quiet, but then I asked him if there was something he wanted to talk about.
He thought for a moment, and then asked me to tell him more about my Granddad, a man I so love that he never had the privilege to meet in this life.
I always love talking about Granddad. I told Rigel the story about the Washington, DC Temple Dedicatory Session, and a few more things, and finally ended with I think of him often and have always felt that he is near us protecting our family.
Then Rigel said, “Like Eve.”
I had him explain exactly what he was talking about, and then it all came back to me. In fact, there had been three times in the first couple weeks of July that we felt Eve had been protected by angels.
I feel that I must share these to show the tender mercies of the Lord and the truth that we are protected by those beyond the grave, perhaps even by my own beloved Granddad.
The first experience happened at home when we had taken down most of our pictures and then were strategically hanging certain ones up to make our house look nice before putting it on the market. I was doing something in the loft, and all of a sudden, I noticed the power had gone out upstairs. Jad was working on hanging something in Eve’s room. He look around and gasped. Eve had just taken a wall hook that had two nails sticking out of it and had inserted it in to a wall socket! We were shaken up, knowing that she could have easily been electrocuted! We hugged her and comforted her, and we all felt that she had been protected in that moment.
The next experience was the one Rigel remembered. We were at my aunt Kathy’s house swimming. She and my uncle John have a great slide that goes right into the pool. Eve was climbing up the stairs to go down the slide, and she slipped off one of the steps towards the top. She could have easily fallen and hit her head on the concrete, but somehow, she fell on her bottom. She was scared, but not hurt. We all recognized the heavenly help she received.
The final experience was also at Kathy’s house. We were about to go back into the pool after putting on sunscreen. I told the kids to wait to get in the pool until their sunscreen dried and I was down by the pool with them. I was in the screened-in back porch putting my sunscreen on, and then I heard the kids talking about getting in the pool. I started to go down at that moment, reminding them they couldn’t get in without me, but I wasn’t fast enough because Eve had already walked into the pool without a life vest and without someone to watch her. Thankfully, Casey saw her as she went into water too deep for her, and he swam quickly to rescue her. We all thanked God that she didn’t drown.
As I mention all these three experiences, I must explain that Eve is not much of a risk taker normally, and she doesn’t get hurt often. She also is normally a rule follower who stays close to her parents (and we close to her). Why then, in the course of a week or so did she have so many close calls that could have ended up in great injury?
Perhaps it was so we could be reminded that God and His angels are near us and are watching over us. Perhaps it is for us to cherish our daughter a little harder. I don’t know, but this I do know – that in these three instances, my little girl received heavenly protection. I know this with all of my heart and I am so very grateful for those angels on the other side of the veil, which I believe also includes my Granddad, for taking care of my sweet baby girl.
Can you think of any times in your life where you or someone you love should have been hurt, but was protected by some unseen force? Write it down and share it with someone!
