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  • Why I Call You Princess

    My beloved Eve, you are one year old today. Mommy and Daddy couldn’t love you more. You have brought so much sunshine to our lives. You are our Sweetheart, our Princess.

    Many parents call their daughters Princess. I actually vowed I would never call you that because it was so cliché and 2-dimensional. But then, as the months passed and I couldn’t come up with a name that suited you, you became Princess anyway.

    It isn’t because I want you to have a beautiful voice like Ariel, or a gorgeous face like Aurora.

    It isn’t because I want you to be artistic like Rapunzel or a master of the bow like Merida.

    It isn’t because I want you to have magical adventures like Jasmine or find your handsome prince like Snow White.

    No, this is not why I call you Princess.

    Ariel was full of wonder and saw the beauty in everything.

    Aurora was sweet and innocent.

    Rapunzel was trusting and found joy in the journey.

    Merida was completely comfortable with who she was.

    Jasmine was forgiving to one who had deceived her.

    Snow White was cheerful and had a strong connection with animals.

    Anna had faith in her sister and didn’t give up on her.

    Kiara saw the good in all lions, and wanted to unite them.

    These are all wonderful qualities, but it isn’t why I call you Princess.

    None of these princesses had perfect lives – they all had difficult trials to endure.

    Ariel had her sea witch, and Aurora a cursed spinning wheel.

    Rapunzel had a kidnapper who posed as her mother, and Merida a mother who she turned into a bear.

    Jasmine nearly had to marry a wicked man, and Snow White was nearly killed by a poisoned apple.

    Anna lost her parents, and almost lost her sister, and Kiara felt alone and untrusted by her father.

    They all made it through their trials stronger and happier than before, but that isn’t why I call you Princess.

    Most of these young princesses also had flaws, as we all do.

    Ariel lacked common sense and sought help from a sea witch, and Aurora trusted and fell in love with a stranger.

    Rapunzel was indecisive about being disobedient, and Merida was hot-headed enough to change her mother.

    Jasmine was rude to anyone who she didn’t agree with, and Snow White was naïve and unaware.

    Anna made a huge error in judgment, and Kiara snuck around.

    We can learn from these princesses’ flaws, as they did, but that isn’t why I call you Princess.

    Do you know why I call you princess?

    It is because you are one. YOU are the daughter of a King, a Heavenly King.

    His name is Heavenly Father. He is your father and mine, and the father of us all.

    He knows you by name, and He loves you more than you could ever imagine.

    He sent you to earth and to our family so that you can grow, learn, and choose to follow Him.

    He will watch over you and send angels (earthly and heavenly) to assist you in your earthly journey.

    I want you to always remember who you are. Being our daughter is something we hope you are always proud of, but more than that, we want you to truly feel that you are a spiritual young lady who has unlimited divine potential.

    Your Heavenly Father has given you spiritual gifts that you can use to bless the lives of those around you. Even at your young age, we recognize some of them:

    You are someone who makes people smile. Never stop doing that.

    You love to share your food. Keep on sharing your abundance.

    You are independent and try to be self-reliant. If you can help yourself, you can better help others.

    You are funny, always making people laugh – this will help lighten heavy hearts over and over again.

    You love yourself. If you can love yourself, you can love others even better.

    Using these gifts, and more, with a loving heart, will bring you much happiness now and in the life to come.

    My sweet daughter, Eve. You are named after our first mother. She was the first of God’s spirit daughters to come to this earth. She was the first princess. Follow her example of keeping the commandments. Just as she was chosen to live in the beginning, you have been chosen to live on earth at this time in this place for a reason.

    We knew that you would be a very special little girl, and we were right. We know you have a divine mission to fulfill on this earth. Embrace it and know that your earthly and Heavenly parents will be with you through it all.

    Happy birthday, Eve Marie.

     

  • A joyful but difficult year

    I remember the day I turned 22. It was only a couple months after my divorce was finalized, and a month after I had moved to North Carolina to live with my parents (along with my nearly 1-year-old son, Casey). At that point, I had been attending the LDS Singles Ward (congregation) in Chapel Hill, and had made a handful of friends. Some of them took me for ice cream that night, and I remember saying that I felt old being 22. As ridiculous as that sounds, I think I must have felt old because of all that had happened to me in my life up until that point.

    That year was one of the hardest of my life, trying to figure out who I was again, seeing where I fit in and who would accept me, and looking for the path that would lead me out of my current, difficult situation.

    I didn’t remember at that time that I was a beloved daughter of God, that He loved me no matter my circumstances, that I should be grateful for my experiences, and that I was indeed blessed. It took me a lot of time not to define myself by things I couldn’t control.

    I may have felt old at age 22, but since then, as I have aged, I haven’t concentrated on getting older, but rather, getting wiser.

    I am 33 today. Eleven years ago, I would have freaked out about turning this age. Honestly, though, these last 11 years have included some of the most important, difficult, and miraculous experiences of my life: finding an excellent job, dating and getting remarried, quitting the job I loved after having our first child together, having faith that my husband would survive a surgery that would remove a huge mass of his liver, buying our first house, bearing a son early and unexpectedly in the master bathroom at home, taking a leap of faith and taking steps for my husband to completely change careers by going back to school, and finally having our baby girl, though prematurely.

    Those are only some of the experiences I will never forget for the rest of my life that have happened in the last 11 years. I can’t express how much each of those experiences means to me. They have each strengthened my faith in Christ, and helped me remember how much God loves me, and how much His hand guides my life, and the lives of my family members.

    That being said, though, this past year has also been one of the hardest of my life. First, though, I must express how it has been one of the most joyful at the same time: I had the pleasure of planning for a baby girl to arrive in my home, and I got to deliver her, bond with her in the hospital, and then take her home and enjoy raising her. Eve has brought so much joy to our home, joy that we all truly needed. She has brought a tenderness to my boys that I didn’t realize they had.

    Why was year 32 so hard, then? Well, during pregnancy, I gained more weight than I ever have, while trying very hard not to do so. Since having Eve, I have tried to lose weight, and was successful in losing 20 pounds, only to find out I just gained nearly all of it back on vacation. It has been so hard for me to lose my baby weight, and I often feel so gross. My confidence has been low. For a while, I gained some confidence back after finding a clothing line I felt beautiful in. But then, I found myself buying way too much, and that turned into a temporary shopping addiction that I had to work really hard to overcome. Thankfully, I have.

    I also haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep at all this past year, not to mention I have also been busier than I have ever been in my life (hence why I never blog anymore). Having four kids is no joke, especially when you have two boys that fight all the time, and a baby girl, though precious, who wants you to hold her and give her attention all day long.

    Being busy and sleepy leads to more eating as a way to cope with stress, doesn’t it? Well, at least it does for me. I think that is why I am having such a hard time getting healthy again.

    I have been down quite a bit this year. I have never been one to be depressed. I am usually the type of person who is there cheering other people up and having a positive outlook on life. I can be that person still, but sometimes I find myself saying things I know aren’t true (like, I am the ugliest person on earth, for example) and I sometimes just cry and can’t deal with everything around me. Yes, life is hard right now.

    The good thing is, that in moments of peace and clarity, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that I will eventually get healthy again, as I always do. I know that as my kids continue to get older, that they will grow out of some very frustrating stages. I know that my husband loves me (even when I irrationally think otherwise), and that he will be there for me through it all. Most of all, I know what I learned years ago, that I am a beloved daughter of God, that He loves me and wants me to have joy.

    I pray that age 33 gets a little easier, but if it doesn’t, I know the Lord will help me endure what comes. I also know that through the lessons I learn, I can help others. I try to focus on the positives as much as I can. I have my beautiful family, my husband moving up in his career, loving friends and extended family, a good home and all the necessities of life, and most importantly, the gospel of Jesus Christ.

    If any of my friends or family is struggling right now, just know that though I am also struggling, I am here for you. I am always willing to lend an ear, a hand, or an embrace.

    Here is to another year. I look forward to what it will bring, good and bad. I know I can do anything with the Lord’s help, as can you.

  • I almost yelled at my husband yesterday

    I seem to always be in a hurry. Yesterday, I had my husband’s car, so it wasn’t nearly as easy to get the baby and my three-year-old into the car. I finally got them, and myself, strapped in exactly ten minutes before we had to be at Kamren’s speech class. That’s okay – that’s perfect, I thought.

    Then, I started the car. A message mocked me: Fuel levels low. Yep, the gas gauge was on empty.

    Great, I sarcastically thought. A negative thought instantly popped into my head about how irresponsible and inconsiderate my husband was for leaving me with a car that had no gas.

    And then, just as quickly as that thought entered my mind – along with the idea of calling him and loudly complaining about it – the thought left. It just…left.  That rarely happens, I am ashamed to say, as I am often quick to judgment.

    I surprised myself as I thought of my husband’s perspective. I knew that he wouldn’t have purposely done that. I realized he probably just didn’t have time to get gas the day before, or he decided not to do it so he could be home quicker to see his beloved family.

    I thought of how thoughtful he was to take my van to get tested (since the engine light had been on for a few days). I remembered how he had taken the car seats out of the van and left them for me, and how he had pulled the car into the driveway that morning because it had been raining.

    And then I thought about myself, and how I should have been more diligent about getting ready on time, rather than cutting it so close. Then I wouldn’t have a need to feel frustrated at all, because I would have had time to get gas and still get to speech class on time.

    My husband is my partner; he is on my team. As I embraced that comforting thought, instead of calling him out for not getting gas, and thus causing a fight, I gave him my gratitude when he got home. I praised him for getting the van tested and ordering the part that it needed.

    This is such a simple, seemingly insignificant story, yet, how often to the little things cause huge rifts in marriages?

    My husband and I have had many arguments over the years that stemmed from petty things. But, I want to end that. I don’t want to do that anymore.

    Reading Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive Ourselves in Relationshipsby Dr. Jason Whiting, has gotten me to see already how I need to better control my emotions, and how I need to think before I act, as well as think the best of my spouse.

    I have a lot to learn, but I am going to do my best (and keep trying over and over again) to have the best marriage possible.

    So, if you find yourself in a similar situation that I was in yesterday, ask yourself these questions:

    1. What was likely my spouse’s intention?
    2. Does my spouse love me and care for me? Would he/she do this on purpose?
    3. What does my spouse’s load look like right now?
    4. Have my actions played a role in my plight?
    5. What things can I be grateful for that my spouse does for me?

    As you reflect, you will hopefully feel more love, appreciation, and patience for your spouse.

    And don’t beat yourself up, either. I didn’t dwell on how I couldn’t get out the door faster. I am trying to come to peace with the fact that my life is very hard right now with a small baby and three other kids.

    I am doing the best I can, and so is my husband. Our best is going to look different based on our circumstances. I am going to work harder to give the benefit of the doubt, choose my battles wisely, and always remember that my spouse is my best friend, my protector, and the love of my eternity. I am complete with him by my side (because he is a good man who loves me, his family, and God), and NO fight is worth losing that completeness or that joy.

  • The meeting every family should have

    **Looks like I started this 7 years ago on January 9, 2017 and never finished it. Pushed publish by accident, and here we are! Sorry for any confusion haha!

    Our area of North Carolina got several inches of snow and ice this past Friday. Even three days later, it is still here preventing most from safely traveling outside their homes.

    You would think that being snowed in would get boring and annoying, and for many it probably does get that way. For us, it has been an opportunity to spend more time as a family, have fun in weather we don’t get often, hang out with neighbors, and most importantly, talk, learn and teach together.

    Our family attends church every Sunday, unless we are sick, have a baby, or are snowed in. Our meetings were canceled Sunday due to the hazardous road conditions. Keeping the Sabbath Day holy is important to us, so we wanted to do something that resembled a Sacrament Meeting.

    That particular Sunday would have been a Fast and Testimony meeting. We didn’t fast, but did decide to bear our testimonies to each other.

    We began with a song and prayer, and then Jad began by sharing his testimony. All of us shared, except for Eve and Kamren (he wasn’t too interested – maybe next time). It was a very sweet experience to hear what we truly believe in our hearts to be true about the gospel, Jesus Christ, eternal families, the scriptures, prayer and more. I really felt the Spirit when we all spoke. It was extra special because it was the first time Rigel had ever shared his beliefs. We may think our children don’t listen to us, or hear what is being taught at church, but they do. That was clear when Rigel talked about how he knew the church was true and that the scriptures were true. He shared his love for his family too, which in our church, is so essential to joy in this life and in the next.

     

     

  • The Faith of a Child

    Bad guys are a hot topic in our house, usually because our boys love to pretend to be heroes. Rigel is a little different, though. He doesn’t just pretend to be a hero – he really wants to be a hero. He wants to be a police officer when he grows up, and he always talks about protecting his little sister, Eve.

    A few days ago, on the way home from the library, he was talking very seriously about bad guys and what they could do to our family. I told Rigel he doesn’t need to worry about that as long as he listens to, and stays close to Mommy and Daddy. But, Rigel wasn’t convinced.

    He sweetly asked, “Mom, can I say a prayer?”

    He said it so sincerely, like he just knew praying would fix everything. I wish I had recorded this prayer of my sweet Rigel, as it made me tear up one minute and giggle the next, but it went something like this:

    “Dear Heavenly Father, please bless my muscles to be strong as bricks. Help me to be stronger than Dad so I can protect Eve. Bless me to be strong enough to destroy a tornado. In the name of Jesus Christ – wait, I forgot something! Bless me to be fast as lightning, and stronger and more powerful than anyone in the whole world. In the name of Jesus Christ amen.”

    As he closed his prayer, he very confidently said, “See mom? Now I can protect everyone in the whole world.”

    Even now, I feel the perfect faith of my almost six-year-old son. He truly believes with all of his heart that if he prays hard enough, he can do what he wants to do most – protect people.

    Last year I asked him what his favorite characteristic of Jesus was, and he said that He healed people. My boy will be a protector and a healer of the weak and innocent. I just know it.

    Will he have muscles as strong as bricks and the ability to destroy a tornado? I don’t know, but I do believe this scripture:

     for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you (Matthew 17:20).

    I learn from the faith of my children every day. I am grateful that my Rigel knows that if he has a righteous desire, he can pray to his Heavenly Father for guidance and strength.

  • I Love Primary Children

    There are a lot of things that set my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, apart from other churches. One big one is that our church congregations are run by its members. We do not hire our spiritual leaders, teachers, choristers, custodians, pianists, etc. The members are asked to, or called, to do these responsibilities for a time. These callings are given through inspiration, and as members, we are given the opportunity to accept those calls.

    In December 2014, I was called to be the Primary Secretary in my ward (congregation). Primary is the organization for children in my church. We have a Nursery program for ages 18 months to 3, and then the official Primary program for ages 3-11.

    When I first was extended the call, I admit I wasn’t excited. I had done this calling before in another ward, and it was mostly paperwork and organizational stuff. But, I accepted the calling out of obedience, and a willingness to serve in whatever way I could.

    Fast forward to September 18, 2016, the day I, and the rest of the Primary presidency of my ward, got released from our duties. It was the day of our yearly Primary Program, where the children ages 3-11 get up in front of our congregation to sing songs they have learned all year, and present speaking parts about spiritual topics also learned that year. The day of the Primary Program is one of my favorite Sundays each year, and this past one was extra special because it would be my last one in the presidency.

    I was so proud of the children, and my love for them spilled out through my tears. I couldn’t hold back the emotion that day as I was released. I sat quietly during my last Sunday in the Primary room with them, sad I would be leaving them, and that I wouldn’t be able to teach them anymore.

    In the past year and nine months, I have learned so much from these wonderful Primary children, and from serving as Primary Secretary. It is a calling I am so grateful I had because, not only was I able to assist in keeping our Primary dealings organized, I was able to collaborate with the other sisters in my presidency on many issues, like activities, callings, and needs of children. I was also able to teach the children periodically (my favorite part), sing the songs with them, and just get to know and love each child.

    Here are some of the things I  admire about the Mebane Ward Primary children:

    1. They are helpful. When something falls, or there are chairs to be put away, there are kids always willing to lend a hand.
    2. They love to participate. Some of the kids would come to me asking, sometimes practically begging, to say a prayer, recite a scripture, or give a talk. Others would get upset if not asked to participate enough as sticks were pulled out of the bucket to choose helpers.
    3. They like to tell stories about their lives – and usually those stories correlate with the lesson. I loved hearing about the kids’ missionary, service, or family experiences. They often brought tears to my eyes.
    4. They are loving and compassionate. One little boy always wanted to give me a hug each week. I always looked forward to those hugs and his sweet voice. I can think of a couple times, too, where I got emotional in Primary after teaching a lesson and bearing my testimony. There would inevitably be kids who wanted to make sure I was okay, and I loved them even more than I already had before.
    5. They work well in competitive scenarios. Once, I was substituting as chorister, and the kids were singing very quietly. I told them that I could hear myself over all of them. I admitted I sing loud, but with that big group, they should have been able to at least sing as loud as me. And you know what? They rose to the challenge and sang their little hearts out. After that time, I often reminded them they could sing as loud as Sister Al-Bjaly.
    6. They have a hard time sitting still and staying quiet sometimes. Why did I admire this? Well, in the moment, maybe I didn’t. But, it helped me gain some understanding and patience as I realized that these are good kids – it is just really hard to stay reverent for three hours at church. It brought perspective as I thought about adults who can’t sit still or stay quiet that long either. For all we expect of them, they really do a fine job.
    7. They try even when they are afraid. My heart melted over and over seeing the little ones get up, sometimes for the first time, to the podium to deliver their talks, prayers or scriptures. Sometimes, they wouldn’t say a word, but would lean on their parents for support. Even when their parents would say their part for them, I was so proud of them just for getting up there. I know adults who won’t give talks or prayers in church, but these little ones will at least get up and try.
    8. They find joy in singing. Well, maybe not all of them, but most of those kids really open up through song. They haven’t gotten to an age yet where their singing voices embarrass them, and they think they aren’t good enough to sing. No, regardless of singing talent or even knowing the words, most of the kids sing, sing, sing. And I love it!
    9. They have good parents who teach them the gospel of Christ. This was incredibly apparent to me, especially as I taught lessons. I was amazed at how knowledgeable the kids were about the scriptures and their heroes, how many answers they knew without thinking, and how many spiritual experiences they recognized in their lives and in the lives of their families.
    10. They feel and recognize the Holy Ghost. Even though there were definitely some days where the kids were loud and seemingly out of control, sometimes they would hush. They would become contemplative. They would get serene looks on their faces. I recall more than once at the end of a lesson (sharing time) or singing time, the kids would be uncharacteristically quiet. It was a beautiful noise, because it accompanied feelings of God’s love and peace. One time, (I think it was the last time I taught them), I ended my lesson by singing a duet of I’m Trying to Be Like Jesus with one of our talented young 10-year-old ladies. I felt the Spirit as I sang with her, and as we finished, you could hear a pin drop. It wasn’t necessarily our voices, but the praises we sang, that helped the children feel that Jesus really does love them, and that we can all be like Him.

    I just love Primary. I felt Heavenly Father’s and Jesus’s love for them and for me over and over again as I sat and watched them, helped them, taught them, or sang with them. It has been hard the last few weeks not being with them, but I know the Lord has another responsibility waiting for me. I will do my best to fulfill whatever it is, for I know it will be for my spiritual good.

    Thank you, dear Mebane Ward Primary children, for all you have done for me! You are special children of God!

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  • I Love to See the Temple

    This is one of my favorite children’s hymns, and has been since I was a child in Primary at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I can barely sing it without becoming emotional, and I certainly can’t hear a choir of children sing it without tears falling like a waterfall down my cheeks.

    To me, the temple is the house of God. It is the holiest place on earth. I know this with all of my heart, and it isn’t just because someone told me so. But before I explain my feelings, perhaps you might like to learn more about LDS temples. Please watch these brief, beautiful videos below.

     

    I could feel that there was something special about the temple when I was a little girl singing “I Love to See the Temple.” I could feel it even more when I went on a trip with fellow teenage girls and our leaders the weekend I turned 12 to the Washington, DC Temple. I got to stand in front of that magnificent structure, wearing a borrowed wedding dress, smiling at the thought of my future.

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    Washington, DC LDS Temple

    I remember my first time entering the Washington, DC temple. I was 12, and it was my first trip with the youth to do baptisms and confirmations for the dead. I can still smell the chlorine from the font. I remember looking down at my white-socked feet, fingering my white jump suit, waiting in silence on the benches, while staring at that beautiful font filled with blue water, standing on the strong backs of 12 oxen. I remember the man in the white suit who spoke us and told us the significance of what we were going to do. I remember feeling the comforting and peaceful presence of the Holy Ghost as I went under the water over and over for those who have gone before, and again as I sat in a chair which strong hands on my wet head, blessing me with the gift of the Holy Ghost on behalf of those who had been waiting for His companionship for many years.

    The DC Temple Visitors Center has always been a special place for me. As a youth, I remember opening a large book with pictures of all the operating temples. Each one was absolutely beautiful in its own way. My favorite at the time was the San Diego Temple. I still haven’t been there, but I hope to visit someday. It amazes me how there are so many more temples now than there were when I was a teenager.

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    San Diego LDS Temple

    I spoke in church when I was 17 about the temple, and I knew as I spoke that the temple really was a holy place, and that I wanted to make my own covenants there and be sealed in the temple to a worthy husband for time and all eternity. As a youth, I was taught the important of staying morally clean, and being the type of person I needed to be to be worthy of a righteous young man to take me by the hand, and be united with me forever in the house of the Lord.

    When I was 19 1/2 years old, I made personal covenants with my Heavenly Father, and the following day, I knelt across a sacred altar and covenanted to cleave to my new husband in righteousness. I felt that I was making a beautiful decision – the most important of my life. The Holy Ghost had confirmed to me that this man was the man I was to be with for eternity – to bear children with, and to grow closer to God with.

    Sadly, our marriage did not last. I would have kept my commitment to him forever, helping him with his weaknesses and vices, but he did not feel the same. It was a heart-wrenching time of my life, especially being young with a baby less than a year old. But, I always kept my faith that eternal marriage was a true principle, and that I wanted that again – this time truly for eternity.

    Several years later, I met that man. I knew after not much time that he was the one that I wanted to make those sacred covenants with in the temple. Due to unforseen circumstances, we were married civilly at first, rather than in the temple. It was heartbreaking for me, but I knew in one year we could be sealed. By the time that one year came upon us, we had a newborn son named Rigel. He was less than two months old when we were sealed in the Raleigh, NC Temple. I testify to you right now that I have never felt the presence of the Holy Ghost more strongly than I did the day Jad and I were sealed, and then our beautiful baby boy was brought in to be sealed to us. If I didn’t already have a testimony of eternal families, it was unbreakable that day. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my baby was bound to me and my husband not only for this life, but for eternity.

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    Raleigh LDS Temple

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    I have continued to have many spiritual experiences in the temple since that day more than five years ago. When I made covenants in the temple on behalf of my husband’s deceased grandmother, I felt a sure and distinct prompting that she had accepted those covenants. Jad and I both felt the Spirit so strongly when we knelt across the altar and sealed his grandmother to his grandfather, who had died many years before. I have had similar experiences with both family and strangers I have done work for.

    Because of my firm belief of the sacredness and importance of temple covenants, I was insistent on attending my cousin’s, Lisa’s, temple wedding to her sweetheart, Sam, in June of this year. There were obstacles in my way from attending, but I never considered for a moment staying home. I knew that this day would be the most important and happiest day of my beloved cousin’s life. I was going to be there. And I went, with my mom and nana. It was truly a blessed experience. My love for my cousin, and my new cousin-in-law increased, as well as my testimony of the divinity of the marriage and family unit.

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    A little over a month ago, Jad and I drove our kids to the Raleigh Temple to see it for the first time. We felt bad that was the first time we had taken them, but we were still excited. The boys really enjoyed themselves. They could tell there was something special about that building and those grounds. The flowers and grass were perfectly manicured. The feeling there was peaceful and warm. You could see the calmness in their eyes and the happiness they felt just being there walking around. It made an impression on them, and Casey mentioned how he couldn’t wait to someday enter the temple and do baptisms for the dead.

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    Most recently, we had the most wonderful temple family experience of all. Over Labor Day Weekend, we made the over six-hour trip to Philadelphia with the primary reason of visiting the LDS Philadelphia Temple Open House. It wasn’t something that we planned to do well in advance, but we had friends who were going, and then we heard of more and more friends going. Jad and I then started to think, “Should we go? Can we go?”

    As we thought about the possibilities, and started doing research, we both felt that it would be a wonderful and spiritual experience for our family. Our children would be able to not only see a temple, but walk inside of it. It was settled. We were going.

    Jad took a day off work so we could go September 2-5. I spent more hours planning our trip than I would like to admit, from getting a hotel, to researching food and attractions, to reserving a spot at the open house, to researching some more. Finally, the day came to go. We felt the blessings of the Lord that whole weekend, from leaving the house on time, encountering nearly no traffic on the way, and having a very pleasant and beautiful drive up. We also felt the Lord’s hand financially – we would not have been able to afford that trip had we not just received a large refund after refinancing our house the month before.

    That first night, we attended the Philadelphia Temple Open House. I was spiritually affected by the fact that the only place that whole day that we had really seen heavy traffic was right next to the temple. It took us over 15 minutes to approach a stoplight and then turn right to park. There were people everywhere who wanted to attend this open house – people from our church and people just curious to see it.

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    Philadelphia LDS Temple

    The temple was beautiful, and we lit up with excitement as we saw it from our car. We couldn’t wait to enter. We started out by going inside a brand new LDS chapel across the street. We were led to a classroom with a TV and sister missionaries, who introduced the temple to us. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as we watched the presentation that talked about the blessings that come from temples and what we do in them. I felt my testimony of temples renewed just in watching that video. Tears don’t stream down my face for no reason – I was feeling the presence of the Holy Ghost.

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    After the lovely video, and sincere and sweet testimonies from the missionaries, we were led to the temple. We put shoe protectors on our feet to keep the temple clean, and then we were all able to go in. I can’t begin to express to you the beauty and serenity of the temple.

    You can see pictures of the Philadelphia Temple here.

    Throughout the tour, we ended up climbing up four flights of gorgeous stairs. The furniture, light fixtures, and coloring was wonderful. But, there was more. As we visited rooms like the baptismal font, the bridal room, the instruction room, the sealing room, etc., we could feel peace and love everywhere. My favorite rooms were the Chapel and the Celestial Room. In the Chapel area, we sat and listened to beautiful hymns on a self-playing organ. In the Celestial Room, there was no music or speaking. The guides let us just sit and take in the atmosphere. We stared at the huge chandelier and took in the sacredness of this meditation room. There wasn’t a sound to be heard, even with children in the room.

    The whole experience was unforgettable. My children were entranced. Those of you who know my children know how wild they can be, but they were completely calm and obedient in the temple. They could feel it was a special place. When we exited, I felt so blessed to have been able to bring my children to the house of the Lord for the first time.

    I was also so impressed at the calming and awesome effect being in the temple had for people not of our faith. Nobody was disrespectful or visibly disturbed or confused. Every person I saw in our group, a member of my church or not, was thoughtful and completely involved in the experience. It was hard to leave the safety of the temple. I almost wanted to go back in and go through it again. I am sure many people felt that way.

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    After our tour, we spent quite a lot of time in the visitors center next door, and then on the roof of that building looking at the shining temple before us. Out of the whole weekend, this was the premium experience.

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    But our special experiences with temples weren’t over that night. Monday, the day our Philadelphia vacation ended, we visited my beloved brother in Baltimore. We loved spending a few hours with him. Then, it was time to go home. Jad and I were both surprised when my GPS took us away from I-95 and onto I-495, a different route than on the way up.

    It wasn’t long before I looked up and saw a shining beacon approaching in the distance. “Jad, it’s the temple!” Our hearts were filled with indescribable excitement at the site of the Washington, DC LDS temple. I quickly checked the GPS to see how far away it was – only 4 minutes. “We have to take the kids!”

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    So, we did. We didn’t care that we wouldn’t get home until late. We knew that we wanted our children to see and experience this beautiful temple – the first temple I ever entered as a teenager.

    We started out at the large and amazing visitors center. The kids were so happy there. At first, I was worried they would be destructive or bored, but they weren’t. We spent well over an hour there, and could have easily stayed longer.

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    Casey loved looking at pictures of all the temples while Kamren couldn’t stop looking at the model of the temple. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the model of the inside of the temple. I recognized the paintings and chairs, and was completely in awe.

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    There was a new children’s section, and Rigel didn’t want to leave. He and Kamren both absolutely loved watching videos, listening to music, and playing games. Casey enjoyed learning more about the service our church does around the world, and watching videos about the experiences of different missionaries.

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    We even got our family picture taken in front of a backdrop of the beautiful temple. We had a marvelous time there. But, we couldn’t stop there. We had to walk down to actually look at this perfect, gorgeous structure.

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    The Angel Moroni was not on the temple because he was being cleaned and repaired. That was okay. The flowers, bees, and feelings around the temple brought the very same inner peace and joy as the Philadelphia Temple.

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    We got in the car again to finally go home, and we all felt completely blessed to have been able to be around two glorious houses of God in one weekend. Rigel said he didn’t want to leave, and it melted my heart.

    I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessings of temples. I am grateful most of all that through temple ordinances, families can be united eternally. The temple will always be a holy and revered place in my home and family. I am grateful that this past weekend, my children could start building their own testimonies of the Lord’s holy house.

     

  • When you feel like you just don’t belong

            I don’t belong here. 

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    Have you ever felt that way? I have. It feels terrible. You just want to crawl into a hole to hide from embarrassment, shame, or ostracism. And then after you crawl into the hole, you want to dig your way out so you are far, far away from the place or situation or group that makes you feel uncomfortable, unliked, or unwelcome.

    You hope where you end up, or who you end up with, will be better than your previous experience… But what if it isn’t? What if you feel the same?

    Is there a better way? Does that hole really need to be dug? Sometimes it might, especially in circumstances where there is real cruelty, corruption, blatant dishonesty, moral degradation, or imminent danger.

    During the times where I have felt I don’t belong, in most cases, none of those things were the case. I have found in retrospect, that when I feel that way, it is usually because of issues with my own self-esteem based on my current circumstances. Either that, or I just feel too different to fit in.

    I have learned much from these types of experiences, and I can say with fervor that there are ways to overcome these feelings that don’t involve hiding or leaving.

    There are two things that come to mind – learning the real truths about life, and focusing more on giving than receiving.

    First, for the truths of life:

    When you feel like you are too different, the truth is that diversity is interesting, and is necessary to increase understanding, broaden perspectives, and create better ideas. Life should not be lived in a bubble. If everyone around you seems to be the same, they need you!

    When you feel like nobody likes you, the truth is that if you put the real, best you out there, people absolutely will like you. You just have to make eye contact, say hello, have engaging conversations, and smile! If you assume nobody will like you, and you avoid people at all costs, they won’t know that they can like you because you don’t let them try.

    When you feel like you have no talent, the truth is that talents come in all forms. Not all are obvious, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t just as valuable.

    When you feel like you have more flaws than everyone else, the truth is everybody on this earth has flaws. Just like not all talents are seen, not all flaws are seen. We all have them, and we can help each other feel special despite those flaws. Not only that, those who become our true friends can help us overcome said flaws.

    And the most important TRUTH to remember through all of these feelings is:

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    You always belong in God’s eyes, because you are His. In the happy and the difficult times, let that soothe your soul.

    Secondly, for focusing on giving, not receiving:

    There will be times when you feel like you aren’t getting anything out of your surroundings – whether the people, the places, or the resources. In those cases, I would invite you to contemplate on what you can give. Ask yourself these questions:

    What makes me special?

    What talents do I have that I can share – that I should share?

    Is there someone feeling like me who I can take under my wing?

    Who needs my smile today, or my friendly hello?

    If you look around, and step outside of yourself, you will find ample and valuable opportunities to give. Through giving, you will realize that you belong after all.

    If you are feeling bad right now, and planning your escape from the place you feel you don’t belong, please take the time to truly contemplate that decision. You may think that nobody will notice or care if you leave, but the truth is,  there will be people who will be affected by your absence. They will miss you, and they will want you back.

    You are important. Never forget that.