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Tag: humility

  • Good Humans

    I have always tried to be a kind, genuine person. I see good in others and love making new friends. Because of that, I have had many friends over the years who are very different from me in their beliefs, lifestyles, values, and goals. Now, I grew up in a very religious culture where we were often taught to be in the world but not of the world, and to surround ourselves with people who believe as we do. In theory, that can be good advice, but I think it’s incomplete because:

    1. Not everyone who claims to believe what you believe lives according to those beliefs.  
    2. A person’s set of beliefs doesn’t necessarily make them kind or easy to get along with.
    3. There are so many things you can learn from people who are different from you.
    4. You can be a good example and friend to others, and they can be a good example and friend to you, even with your differences.
    5. Some people are yearning for friendship, and if you feel led to them, you should go to them without any caveat that they must believe as you do.
    6. It’s hard to build strength of character, wisdom, critical thinking, sound judgment, and compassion if you live in a vacuum.

    So, though I do believe in being the best version of myself that I can be, I know that I can do that (and have done so) while conversing with and befriending people who are very different from me. That doesn’t mean that I always understand everything about another person’s experiences, but I have found that as I truly listen and care, I grow in empathy, love, support, and acceptance for that person. Some of the best friends I have ever had don’t go to my church (although many do), and some aren’t even religious at all. I feel so blessed to have been touched by the personalities, hearts, and lives of so many kinds of people.

    Sometimes we as humans are afraid of people who aren’t like us, especially if a part of who they are is seen as controversial. Because of that, some people are treated like issues to be solved rather than living, breathing humans who are worthy of love, respect, dignity, and equality.

    “Us versus them” is a harmful perspective that is perpetuated far too often in the media, whether we are discussing political parties, war, religious views, equal rights, sexual orientation, etc. So many groups and perspectives are presented as black or white, good or evil, right or wrong, while completely ignoring the good humans who make up these groups or have these perspectives.

    I like to read comments on articles to see how people react to information. The level-headed, thoughtful comments that address nuance, compassion, diversity, etc., are very few and far between, while the one-sided, fiery comments take flight. It’s definitely easier to let fear, anger, and disgust guide us. That way we don’t feel any need to change our hearts or minds. However, I have found that I feel a lot more peace about the views I hold when they have come from a lot of study, listening, and pondering.

    Most things don’t make me angry, fearful, or disgusted anymore. There are absolutely evil people who do evil deeds in this world, and those things do bother me, but there are far more good people in this world than bad people. It pains me when people I love are judged, stereotyped, vilified, and condemned by those who choose to see evil rather than look for the good.  

    I saw this image on Instagram yesterday. It’s called The Dignity Index. I love it and it fits perfectly with these thoughts that have been on my mind and heart. The goal is to grow beyond numbers 1-4 and develop the qualities and mindsets to move up the scale, all the way up to number 8. It’s a process, but it can (and should) be done, not only for the well-being of those who are different than us, but for our own well-being. As we open our minds and hearts, we will become more well-rounded, caring, humble, compassionate people, full of wisdom and truth.

    I truly believe that if we want to be good humans, we must treat those around us like good humans. I encourage each of us to think of and pray about how we change our hearts to see the divine nature and individual worth in people that we don’t yet. Peace and love will only increase as we do.

  • The Most Important New Year’s Resolution

    Today I had the very special opportunity to speak in church about how to strengthen our relationship with Jesus Christ in the coming new year.

    My Bishop gave me two weeks to prepare, and the first week I did spend quite a bit of time researching and pondering. But, the week before speaking, I was so busy preparing for Christmas, and was so tired, that I didn’t really sit down to finish my talk until after everyone went to bed Christmas night.

    I prayed before I began pulling my talk together that I would be able to focus on and write the most worthwhile things for everyone to hear. I cannot describe just how tired I was last night, but I was somehow able to write my talk in a matter of hours. I went to bed late and then got up early to shorten it. I was happy with it. I also knew I would cry since just by reading it aloud I teared up.

    Well, I got up to give my talk, and I cried many times. I felt the Spirit testify to me so strongly that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer. I ran out of time to finish my talk, but I hope and pray that people were touched today by the words God inspired me to put together. I am pasting the words to my talk below. I hope they bring joy and inspiration to you.

    Merry Christmas, brothers and sisters. I hope you have felt the love of your Heavenly Father and your Savior Jesus Christ as you have celebrated His birth this season. The new year is nearly here, and it’s a time to resolve to be better than we were this past year. Perhaps the most crucial resolve we can make is to nourish and strengthen our testimony of Jesus Christ.

    Elder Richard G. Scott taught that [a testimony]…is the very essence of character woven from threads born of countless correct decisions. It generates the conviction that as the teachings of the Savior are consistently obeyed, life will be beautiful, the future secure, and there will be capacity to overcome the challenges that cross our path.”

    No matter where we fall on the spectrum of our faith, there are so many ways to strengthen our testimonies of Christ. I would like to discuss some of them today.

    The first two are simple and go hand in hand. See if you can hear them in this quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: “Daily fervent prayers seeking forgiveness and direction are essential to our lives and the nourishment of our testimonies. Personal, sincere involvement in the scriptures produces faith, hope, and solutions to our daily challenges. Frequently reading, pondering, and applying the lessons of the scriptures, combined with prayer, become an irreplaceable part of gaining and sustaining a strong, vibrant testimony.”

    Have you ever studied your scriptures by focusing on the Savior? You can study the types of Christ in the Old Testament or read how the prophets prophesied of His birth, life, and atonement, especially Isaiah; you can highlight all instances where Jesus is mentioned in the scriptures, in the Book of Mormon especially; you can study each section of the topical guide that talks about Him and all the wonderful names by which He is called. You can read in the four gospels and in 3rd Nephi where Jesus actually walked with, talked with, prayed with, and healed real people. You can make those stories even more powerful and personal as you imagine that you are the blind man that he gave sight to, that you were the woman whose issue of blood was healed by touching his garment, that you were one of the children He sat upon His knee, that you were one of a member of the congregation when He gave His sermon on the mount, that you were one of the Nephites who felt the nail prints in his hands and feet. How would you have felt if you had been there – if you had seen the Savior? If you had touched Him? If you had heard Him speak? If you had seen His love for you through His eyes?

    And when you pray, you can thank Heavenly Father for the precious gift of His beloved son and you can focus on what your Savior has done for you, and what He can do for you. Offer up your thanks, your reverence, your love, and your praises so that He feels your love. Ask what you can do to be like Him, to share His light, to serve His children. Pray for forgiveness of your sins and for strength to overcome weakness through the powers of His atonement.

    That is another way to strengthen our testimonies of Christ – by better understanding and applying His infinite atonement to our lives. Through Christ’s atonement, we can be cleansed and redeemed as we repent.  

    President Russell M. Nelson has called repentance “a never-ending privilege. It is fundamental to progression and having peace of mind, comfort, and joy.”

    Some of us may feel that we have sinned so heavily that there is no hope for forgiveness. If you are feeling that now, please do not feel that way another moment. Take heart on this beautiful truth from Elder Truman G. Madsen: “If there are some of you who have been tricked into the conviction that you have gone too far, … that you have had the poison of sin which makes it impossible ever again to be what you could have been—then hear me. You cannot sink farther than the light and sweeping intelligence of Jesus Christ can reach. As long as there is one spark of the will to repent and to reach, he is there. He did not just descend to your condition; he descended below it, ‘that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth.’

    Another way we can more fully appreciate the redeeming power of Christ’s atonement is by treating the ordinance of the Sacrament as a holy ordinance, and the most important part of our church meetings. Elder Holland said that this sacred weekly ordinance “should be a powerful, reverent, reflective moment. It should encourage spiritual feelings and impressions.”

    In his talk “This Do in Remembrance of Me,” Elder Holland gives beautiful ideas of how we can reverently reflect on our Savior during the Sacrament. I recommend that everyone print those suggestions out and refer to them often. During the administration of this sacred ordinance, other ideas are to read the scriptures, conference talks, or sacrament hymns, and pray to Heavenly Father, thanking Him for the gift of His son, and asking for forgiveness and strength to be a better disciple of Christ.

    The most beautiful truth in Elder Holland’s talk, to me was this: “In his resurrected, otherwise perfected body, our Lord of this sacrament table has chosen to retain for the benefit of his disciples the wounds in his hands and his feet and his side—signs, if you will, that painful things happen even to the pure and perfect. Signs, if you will, that pain in this world is not evidence that God doesn’t love you. It is the wounded Christ who is the captain of our soul—he who yet bears the scars of sacrifice, the lesions of love and humility and forgiveness. Those wounds are what he invites young and old, then and now, to step forward and see and feel.”

    And may I now share a portion of the beautiful testimony of Elder Bruce R. McConkie: “I testify that Jesus Christ is the Son of the Living God and was crucified for the sins of the world. He is our Lord, our God, and our King. In a coming day I shall feel the nail marks in his hands and in his feet and shall wet his feet with my tears. But I shall not know any better than I know now that he is God’s Almighty Son, that he is our Savior and Redeemer, and that salvation comes in and through his atoning blood and in no other way. God grant that all of us may walk in the light as God our Father is in the light so that, according to the promises, the blood of Jesus Christ his Son will cleanse us from all sin.”

    Yes, through Christ’s atonement, we can be cleansed from our sins. And as Elder Bednar has explained, the Savior’s atonement has another wonderful power – the power to enable us to be better than we are.

    He said, “The Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to live in us—not only to direct us but also to empower us. … He can reach out, touch, and succor—literally run to us—and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power.”

    My favorite scripture in the Book of Mormon is Ether 12:27, which reads: “I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” Elder Bednar explained that grace is another word for Christ’s enabling power.

    We should take the time to ponder and self-reflect, thinking on our past weaknesses that we have seen improve through a righteous desire to change, coupled with fervent prayer and patience. We should express our gratitude through prayer for this divine help. We can then ponder on our current weaknesses honestly, humbly, and prayerfully. We can ask the question, “What lack I yet?” and we can trust in our Savior to help us make those weak things strong. As we trust in the Lord, we will recognize how callings, opportunities, and people who come our way can help us in that enabling process. I believe in Christ’s enabling power. I have seen that some weaknesses I had years ago have slowly and steadily become strengths, and I have nobody but my Savior to thank for that. It has changed my life, and I look forward to acting on His enabling powers to help me with more of my many weaknesses.

    When we fully grasp onto the Savior’s atonement, we can truly become more like Him, putting his divine attributes to the test, and can come to know that His way is the highest and holiest way.

    President Thomas S. Monson taught that “love is the very essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His life was a legacy of love.”

    In a world so full of judgment, anger, negativity, prejudice, and hate, it’s more important than ever that we resolve to stand apart from the world and exude light and love, compassion and forgiveness, empathy and understanding.

    President Nelson taught that Christ has given us many gifts, one being “an unlimited capacity to love. That includes the capacity to love the unlovable and those who not only do not love you but presently persecute and despitefully use you. You may even want to ask God for His angels to walk with you where you presently do not want to tread.” Another gift President Nelson shared was the ability to forgive. He said, “Through His infinite Atonement, you can forgive those who have hurt you and who may never accept responsibility for their cruelty to you. The Savior will grant you the ability to forgive anyone who has mistreated you in any way.”

    President Monson, speaking of the pure love of Christ taught that “Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others.”

    Sister Silvia Allred, adding onto that, said, “When we have charity, we are willing to serve and help others when it is inconvenient and with no thought of recognition or reciprocation. We don’t wait to be assigned to help, because it becomes our very nature.”

    Elder Dale G. Renlund speaking about Christ as our good shepherd, said, “The Savior’s mortal ministry was characterized by love, compassion, and empathy. He did not disdainfully walk the dusty roads of Galilee and Judea, flinching at the sight of sinners. No, He ate with them. He helped and blessed, lifted and edified, and replaced fear and despair with hope and joy. We, who are sinners, must, like the Savior, reach out to others with compassion and love. Our role is also to help and bless, lift and edify, and replace fear and despair with hope and joy. The Savior rebuked individuals who recoiled from others they viewed as unclean and who self-righteously judged others as more sinful than they. Jesus Christ set the example for us to follow—to show respect to all and hatred toward none. As His disciples, let us fully mirror His love and love one another so openly and completely that no one feels abandoned, alone, or hopeless.”

    These profound teachings can help us as we do our best to grow in our love for our fellow man in the coming year. I think the key to learning to love others unconditionally is to try to see them at God sees them and love them as God loves them. No matter how imperfect any person is, no matter how they identify or look like, no matter what they say, do, feel, or think, they are beloved children of Heavenly Father. He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to atone for all of us. He has His arms outstretched to everyone and He shuns none. Why then should we? If there are people in your life right now that you are struggling to like, love, or forgive, perhaps write down their names. Ask God to help you find good in them. Ask Him to help you soften your heart towards them. Ask Him to help you internalize that you do not know all that He knows. Ask Him to help you see what good you can do for others and what good they can do for you – even those that are most unlovable. Those who are hardest to love are often those who need love the most.

    Living a life of Christ-like love is a wonderful way to help increase our testimony, as is lovingly sharing our testimony with others.

    President Eyring promised, “You will be a light to the world as you share your testimony. You will reflect to others the Light of Christ in your life. The Lord will find ways for that light to touch those you love.”

    So, how can we better share our testimonies in this coming year? Truthfully, it is not always easy because we are sometimes worried about how people will react. But, as we pray for that desire to share the gospel of Christ with others, the Holy Ghost will help us know what to say and how to say it.

    Some ideas on how to share our testimonies are naturally talking about blessings and tender mercies in our lives, bearing our testimonies in testimony meeting, sending quotes, scriptures or videos to friends or family when we feel they may need it, having pictures of Christ in our homes so that when people come to visit they will know that we love Him, using our musical talents to sing praises to Him, and utilizing social media as a way to share spiritual insights, stories, and scriptures as we feel prompted. The Lord has given us all a unique combination of spiritual gifts, and with those gifts, we can truly share His gospel with others.

    The final way to increase our testimony of Christ I wish to discuss is by faithfully attending the temple regularly. Living worthy to attend the temple, and making and keeping covenants for ourselves and the dead there, will increase the presence of the Holy Ghost in our lives, leading to greater testimony.

    President Nelson recently taught: “The temple lies at the center of strengthening our faith and spiritual fortitude because the Savior and His doctrine are the very heart of the temple. Everything taught in the temple increases our understanding of Jesus Christ. His essential ordinances bind us to Him through sacred priesthood covenants. Then, as we keep our covenants, He endows us with His healing, strengthening power. The Lord is providing opportunities for each of us to bolster our spiritual foundations more effectively by centering our lives on Him and on the ordinances and covenants of His temple. When you bring your temple recommend, a contrite heart, and a seeking mind to the Lord’s house of learning, He will teach you.”

    If you do not have a temple recommend, please make a goal to get one next year. If you do have one, please make consistent appointments to attend, bringing family names when possible. We all can make time for the temple. Our eternal lives depend on it.

    To bring my thoughts together, I would like to share this lovely thought from Elder Timothy J. Dyches – “Just as sunlight daily bathes the earth to renew and sustain life, you can daily brighten the light within you when you choose to follow Jesus Christ. A drop of sunshine is added every time you seek God in prayer; study the scriptures to “hear Him”; act on guidance and revelation from our living prophets; and obey and keep the commandments. You will invite spiritual sunlight into your soul and peace into your life each time you repent. As you partake of the sacrament, His light will shine within you. There is sunshine in your soul every time you share the gospel and bear your testimony. Every time you serve one another as the Savior did, His warmth is felt in your heart. Heavenly Father’s light always resides within His holy temple and upon all who present themselves in the house of the Lord. His light in you is enhanced with your acts of kindness, patience, forgiveness, and charity and shows itself in your happy countenance. As you keep your face towards the sunshine, the shadows cannot help but fall behind you.”

    Brothers and sisters, I know that Jesus is my Savior and my Redeemer. I know that He lives, and He is in Heaven with His and our Heavenly Father. Jesus, like Heavenly Father, loves each of us unconditionally. He smiles when we smile and weeps when we weep. He is always our friend and advocate. He knows how we feel. He wants to bless us. He wants us to return to live with Heavenly Father again. He has provided the way. I pray that we can all more fully believe in Him, love Him, follow Him, and share His love in the coming year.

  • A Trip Just for Me

    My husband and I started an ecommerce business called PB and Apple Jelly a little over four months ago. It has been a ton of hard work with successes here and failures there, with a lot of learning and frustration in between.

    A little over a month ago, Fred Lam, the 29-year-old multi-millionaire entrepreneur who created the system we use to operate our store, announced that he would be choosing up to 25 people to come to an elite training in February to really scale up their businesses. It sounded great, and Jad and I thought it would be a good idea to fill out the application just in case. But, there were a lot of issues with the sign-up page, and we thought our opportunity was gone. Over a hundred people had already signed up before us, after all.

    But the page was fixed the next day and we were able to fill out the application and sign up for a phone interview. Long story short, the phone interview went very well, and the elite member I interviewed with said he was very impressed with our story and our store and wanted us to have the opportunity to go to this workshop. It would come with a cost, though. It was a BIG cost.

    I talked to Jad about it, and with thought, prayer, and reflection on what it really takes to make a business grow, we decided to go for it. There were preparations to be done. As the day drew upon us for me to leave the kids, it was really hard for me. I was afraid to drive to Maryland by myself, and I was worried about how Eve would do since I had never left her. I left my family on the morning of January 31 with many kisses and hugs, and got in the car to go to this Elite workshop.

    My day ended up being so wonderful. Here is my account:

    Today has been quite a day! I said goodbye to my babies and husband this morning so I could drive up to Maryland to do a four-day elite training workshop to help me scale up my little store. I hated saying goodbye to them, and I was very nervous about driving by myself up there, but Jad gave me a blessing and I found myself calm and at peace as I made the 4.5 hour trek.

    I decided to go to the Washington DC Temple before I headed to my hotel. I first spent some time in the beautiful visitors center where I got to watch two very spirit-filled videos about Oliver Cowdery and David Whitmer. Their stories are full of miracles and they truly had great missions to fulfill in the restoration of the gospel of Christ.

     

    Then I went to the temple. I was last there at my cousin’s wedding, but hadn’t done an endowment session there since I did my own in 2003. It was a very different experience being in such a huge temple, but everyone was so helpful. The beauty and spirit in the House of the Lord is unparalleled. I felt the presence of the Holy Ghost more strongly today than I have felt in a long time. I turned to a passage of scripture after my session that brought clarity to me, and gratitude. I didn’t want to leave the temple.

    I could have stayed there forever, but it was getting dark and I had to get to my hotel. Driving to Gaithersburg from Kensington was very scary. There was major traffic, blinding lights, and unfamiliar roads. I sang hymns all the way to the hotel and prayed in my heart that I would be safe. I was, and I am so grateful.

    I took a walk alone by the lake and shopping mall behind the hotel after checking in. It felt lonely, but I was able to reflect on my many blessings. I miss my family, but I know that this trip will be for my and my family’s good. I thank my Heavenly Father for His hand in my life.

    Here is the scripture I read in the temple:

    Mosiah 3:19 from the Book of Mormon: For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

    The part that stood out to me the most was ‘willing to submit to all the things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him…’

    The clarity came that I need to always submit to the Lord’s will, and accept and find peace in the trials that come my way instead of fighting them and being frustrated or impatient or downtrodden. If I am living righteously, then I must trust that all things that come my way, joyful or sorrowful, are for my benefit.

    It’s pretty cool to me that the hotel chosen for this training was a Marriott, and every Marriott hotel has a Bible and Book of Mormon in the bedside table drawer.

    I went to bed that night nervous about the next day, but filled with joy and peace. I made sure I made it to breakfast right at 8. There weren’t that many people there, but those that were already there told me about the assigned seats. I found my name tag, a notebook, and a white journal. I introduced myself to those there already, and we all admitted we were nervous and didn’t know what to expect. Breakfast was delicious. Finally, right before 9, Fred Lam came in. It was amazing to see him. He was a short man, but I knew how powerful he was.

    At the beginning of the day, after breakfast, an elite member named Jedi, got up and asked us to write down what was holding us back from being successful in our businesses. He told us to write in great detail and then rip it out of our books. Then he asked us to follow him outside. He had a bowl and asked us to put our papers in the bowl. He set the papers on fire. The ashes flew all around him and us, and then blew away with the wind.

    That exercise immediately helped us all calm down, find a way to connect with each other, and have the mindset that we can accomplish anything. Nothing can hold us back if we don’t let it.

    That first day was full of tons of hard work, and though we were supposed to be done by 5, most of us didn’t leave until almost 6. We were exhausted and overwhelmed.

    I was hungry and decided to get some dinner. I walked all around the huge strip mall behind our hotel, and found a diner. The food was delicious, but I knew I had to get back to work. So much for having relaxing evenings. Oh well.

    I won’t tell you about every single detail about every day because I know you don’t care. But, there are a few things I want to share that mean so much to me.

    I can’t remember exactly what day it was, but we were asked to write down our “perfect day,” a day that would exist when our businesses are thriving and money is no longer an issue. I surprised myself as I reflected and wrote. My perfect day looked very much like any other day. The difference was that Jad was with us, that we could do what we wished together without worrying about money, and that we could serve others around us, thinking first about their joy, and not about the financial burden. The end of my perfect day was Jad and I planning our family trip to Jordan. It amazed me just how much that means to me, to visit my husband’s homeland and have my children learn and appreciate the culture and history. That was my perfect day – not fancy vacations or going to the spa or shopping all day  – it was having a full, joyous day with the people I love most.

    Each day we had different motivational moments to help us get into different mindsets and know what is really most important to us. These moments were the smallest moments, but some of the sweetest.

    One day, we were shown an image with words starting at the bottom and going up. It read like this:

    Light=Reality

    Gravity

    Thought

    Feeling

    Acceptance

    I Am

    “I Am” refers to what I want for myself. The “Acceptance” is  knowing this can happen. The “Feeling” part is related directly to the “Thoughts.” If we think back to times where we had joy and prosperity, our thoughts will be positive and will weigh upon us so much that it can become our reality.

    This exercise, and others like it, were not religious in nature at all. In fact, most of our visuals and videos were incredibly scientific in nature, but each and every time, I thought of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. With this visual, I thought about the fact that “I am a daughter of God.” As I accept this, I know that with God nothing is impossible for me. When I thought of my most joyous moments, my thoughts went to the day my husband and I were sealed in the temple, and I thought about the day each of my babies were born. I felt the Spirit so strongly so often during my trip.

    On another day, we had to write why we really want to be successful in our E-Commerce business. Once we wrote that, we had to keep asking ourselves why the previous statement was important until we drilled down to the heart of our “why.”  This exercise was so important to me and to others in the group. As many of us shared, I got teary-eyed. We came from so many different backgrounds and experiences, but our final “whys” were so similar most of the time. We aren’t doing our businesses because of money, cars, or big houses. Most of us deep down want to help others or spend more time with who matters most.

    Here are my “whys:”

    1. We needed more money. It was my husband’s idea after great research. He prayed about it and felt good about it. I wasn’t on board at first, but because I trusted him, I prayed about it too. I felt good about it as well, so we started. I put so much work into it, I wanted to succeed.
    2. The previous statement is important to me because I have faith in answers to prayer and because I love my husband and family. I also do not like to fail.
    3. I believe in God and that He loves me and my family and wants us to be happy. I believe I was given talents and skills for a reason.
    4. God gives me purpose to my life and I know He has a plan for me.
    5. If He has a plan for me, then He will tell me what it is and I will need to follow it.
    6. God has already given me answers in my life because of how I have already been blessed and have been able to bless others.
    7. I am kind, compassionate, hard-working and service-oriented, and through this endeavor, I can bless more lives through my store, and through the funds we get, we can help the poor and needy by helping them find success and joy in their lives. I want my children to be involved in blessing others so they can be the best they can be.

    None of this is about the money. It is about fulfilling my mission on this earth. It is about being like Christ and bearing one another’s burdens.

    Jedi, our motivational speaker each day, presented to us a “power move” that he does when he gets an order. He asked us to do his with him, and it felt great. The next day, the last day, he asked us to come up and do ours. I never went up because if I were to do one, it would be very different than what he was looking for. I told a colleague later that night that if I were to do a power move, it would be me looking up and thanking my Heavenly Father for this blessing. I get my power from Him.

    This trip did so much for me. I needed it, and God knew that. I was able to:

    • Remember good points of my childhood as I passed Kings Dominion, Potomac Mills, and see the temple.
    • I was able to have a wonderful time visiting my brother, Aaron, on Saturday. We had dinner, saw The Greatest Showman, and talked. We laughed a ton, and also had many poignant conversations.

    •  I was able to really miss my family. It made me love them more.
    • I had time alone to focus and to reflect on my life. I didn’t do much vegging like I thought I would, but then, that wasn’t what I needed.
    • I was able to learn from the best of the best. Fred Lam was very down-to-earth, and so easy to talk to. He answered all my questions, was very encouraging and patient, and celebrated each person’s victories as they happened. I never expected him to call me a “Ninja,” compliment my store and my children, or give me a big hug the last night.

    • I saw goodness in myself as I always acknowledged everyone with a “Good morning” and a smile. I talked to and complimented the food staff and other staff as much as I could, always being grateful. I was very aware of that gift in myself, and I am so grateful for it. The smiles from everyone meant so much to me.

    • I made new friends and had so many valuable conversations. Sometimes it was just about the job – helping people with their ads, etc. But I also got to encourage others, talk about parenting, memories, and most importantly, Heavenly Father. I had so many opportunities to talk about faith with other people, and I absolutely loved the experience.
    • I felt the presence of the Holy Ghost so abundantly when I was gone. I read my scriptures twice a day and prayed more. I am sure that helped me a lot. And when we did meditation exercises, I was just filled with light. It permeated through my body as I thought about my family, my blessings, and about my loving Heavenly Father, and my Savior, Jesus Christ.

    Saying goodbye to everyone Sunday night before retiring to my room was so hard. I had met some absolutely wonderful people from all around the world, such as Australia, Dubai, Canada, Africa, and more. At my table all week were Scott, Relfe and Ricardo. I had some great heart-to-heart conversations all week with them. I also had some lovely conversations with others (like Julie, Michael, Sanja) about God, about parenting, how to find joy in your life, and more. I feel so incredibly blessed to have met all of these people. Many people came up to me, even those I hadn’t really talked to much, saying how much I inspired them and how my story, enthusiasm, and success bring them hope. It touches my heart so deeply to think that my actions and words could really affect others so much.

    Yesterday morning, I got up very early and left the hotel a little after 6AM. The parking lot was very icy and it was incredibly cold outside. It was nerve-wracking to leave in the dark in these conditions. But, I said a heart-felt prayer. For a long time while I was driving in the dark through the huge cities, I kept singing one song over and over. It has always been a favorite, but now it is my absolute favorite and has brought me so much peace. It is called A Child’s Prayer and goes like this:

    1. Heavenly Father, are you really there? And do you hear and answer every child’s prayer?

    Some say that Heaven is far away, but I feel it close around me as I pray.

    Heavenly Father, I remember now, something that Jesus told disciples long ago:

    ‘Suffer the children to come to me.’ Father, in prayer I’m coming now to thee.

     2. Pray. He is there. Speak. He is listening.

    You are his child. His love now surrounds you.

    He hears your prayer. He loves the children.

    Of such is the kingdom – the kingdom of Heav’n.

    This song may be written for children, but it applies to us all. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Heavenly Father is really there. I know he answers my prayers. I truly felt Heaven all around me on my trip. His love filled my heart and soul, and permeated from my body. I felt God’s love for me and for His children. He helped me truly love others that I just met, and helped me have an even greater eternal love for my husband and children.

    I think they felt it too, as we had a very sweet am emotional reuniting.

    This trip was for business. Its purpose was to help me become more successful in my store. It already has, and will continue to as I apply the new knowledge and resources I have. But, what is more important to me is how it has changed my heart and changed my life for the better. I pray I always remember this experience.

  • A Man I Want to Be Like

    Tears are streaming down my face. I haven’t blogged in quite some time due to having no time, but I have felt that I needed to write a little about President Thomas S. Monson. He was the beloved President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for nearly 10 years, until his spirit left his body on January 2, 2018.

    I am crying because I just watched a short clip about him and his life. I loved this man. I never met him, but I loved him. I loved his example, his teachings, his amazing stories, and his loving and fun personality. He lit up every room and brought a smile to anyone around him.

    Watch the video and read more about him so you can feel his love surrounding you. I truly believe that he loved all of God’s children, whether he met them or not, because he truly loved God.

    By now, most people have heard that the New York Times obituary for President Monson was very unkind and disrespectful. It did not emulate who he was at all, and members of the LDS faith have been very saddened and upset by this display. Many have signed a petition for an apology to be written – I have also signed it.

    But, something I want to say is that no matter what a journalist at the NYT thinks, no matter what anyone who reads that obituary thinks, it doesn’t change who this great man was. It doesn’t change the love that his friends, family, and church family feel for him. It does not change the fact that He was a humble, devoted, ever-faithful servant to His Heavenly Father and to His Savior, Jesus Christ. And it certainly does not change or affect his eternal destiny in any way.

    Our beloved President Monson has been reunited with his beloved Frances. He is continuing his work on the other side, and he is happy.

    I don’t believe that President Monson would want us to vilify this journalist, either. He would instead offer us this gentle reminder:

    Those of us who love him don’t have to worry. The Lord’s church will continue to roll forth, despite misconception, hate and lies. The Lord has already won, and we must remember what our Savior said in the Sermon on the Mount:

    Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Matt. 5:10.)

    It will be alright. I know it will. I know that as members of our faith truly live as Christ lived – humbly and obediently with love, mercy, compassion and forgiveness, that the true nature of our religion and those good men who lead and guide our church, will be brought forth to those who are searching and willing to hear.

    Take this example of President Monson and apply it to your own life. People may think unkind things of you. They may even persecute you, but always remember that God loves you no matter what. Remember that you have nobody to answer to except Him. You are a Child of God with individual worth, and a divine destiny to fulfil. Nobody you know, or don’t know, can take that away from you, even if they are powerful members of society.

    Thomas S. Monson’s legacy will live on, and his life will continue to touch others for many years to come. I pray that I can be half the person that he was, and still is.

    The last message he was able to give to the people of the church and the world was this:

    My family has always studied the Book of Mormon each night, but since April 2017, we have begun our study with a prayer. We know it has blessed our family, and we will continue to do it forever.

    I love and sustain those that the Lord calls to lead and guide His church, and I will strive to emulate their example. I will not let negativity take away the joy and peace I feel at President Monson’s memory, or anyone else who I revere.

    God be with you ’til we meet again, dear President Monson!

     

     

  • The Recipe for Eternity

    I taught a class on building an eternal marriage to the women in my congregation, as well as in  a larger event for women in my church. I wanted to make the class interesting, easy to remember, and fun. I would like to share my lesson with you so you can have this discussion and do this activity with your spouse. 

    To create the tastiest concoctions, we must use the very best ingredients, taking our time to cook with love. The same is true to create the most joyous marriages, and the Lord has given us the perfect recipe to make our marriages eternal.

    The ingredients were created with the marriage relationship in mind, but the corresponding attributes and actions apply to all people, and to all relationships.

    ____________________________________________________________________________

    So, in any good baking recipe, you start with a bowl. Notice the roundness of the rim. This will represent the never-ending bond of marriage and family – the sealing covenant. The bowl must be clean, representing the holiness of that covenant.

    Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, “Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith: they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them. They must surrender unconditionally, obeying God and sacrificing for each other. Then they will discover what Alma called ‘incomprehensible joy.’”

    Elder Hafen also talked about the difference between a contract of marriage and a covenant.  Think about those differences as we discuss the recipe for eternity:

    Contract

    1. You walk away from your troubles.
    2. You do your part only when the other does.
    3. 50/50 effort

    Covenant:

    1. When troubles come, you endure them together.
    2. 100/100 effort.
    3. You sustain and lift each other in times of trial.
    4. You obey God and sacrifice for each other.
    5. You need and sustain each other.
    6. You are given the strength to give your life for your sheep (spouse, child)
    7. You are bound to each other and to the Lord.

    Ready for the ingredients? The first is: Well-packed Time. In the real recipe, it is packed brown sugar.

    Our days and weeks likely are packed. But, we can prioritize our time well to maximize the happiness for ourselves, and those in our homes.

    President Uchtdorf said: “Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home.”

    meme-uchtdorf-time-1282482-gallery

    Time is so hard, isn’t it? There is never enough time because there is so much to do from errands to keeping house to spending time with family to church responsibilities to work and more. So, what do we do when we have completely full schedules? How do we find time to do all of our chores and spend time with our spouses and families? Any ideas?

    Sometimes, it is more quality than quantity. Plan time, and make sure it is a relaxing time where you can focus on your love for each other and not outside distractions.

    You can also spend time together without being alone together, through:

    • Texts/phone calls
    • Stealing smiles and laughs while doing responsibilities together
    • Holding hands when out and about.

    Also, learn to simplify and say no. If you already have a full plate, be honest with yourself. Don’t add more on. Ask yourself: does this help my family or my marriage? Does this strengthen my testimony? Can someone else do this? Is this necessary?

    Talk to your spouse about priorities. What is most important? It should be God, spouse and family. Set expectations with each other and do your best.

    But, are the issues with time we talked about all there is? What about not having enough time for yourself? What about not having time to make yourself look the way you want to, or to do the hobbies you love, or to spend time with friends? Have you ever felt that way?

    So, we need time for those we love, but also for ourselves. Taking time for yourself can really help you be a better wife, mother and person. You have more to give when you are able to sustain yourself. Discuss this need with your spouse, and plan times for each of you to have “you” time.

    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    The next ingredient is Softened Answers, or for the recipe, softened butter.

    The writer of Proverbs counsels, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

    What are some examples of soft communication?

    Ex: Compliments, showing interest, rejoicing in accomplishments, showing appreciation for labors, apologizing when wrong, saying I love you. In prayer, thanking Heavenly Father for spouse.

    There are so many things that we need to discuss as couples, things that could become arguments if not done with soft answers, from making/changing traditions, to important life decisions, to methods of raising children, to trouble with friends or family, to personal desires, thoughts, and dreams.

    When talking about all these things, we will have different opinions, which could lead to arguments if not done right.

    To avoid contention/fights:

    • Listen to each other’s opinions completely and without judgment. Validate those feelings rather than refute them.
    • Speak your mind, rather than stay silent, because silence can lead to future fights.
    • Study both options, and perhaps others.
    • Pray about the resolution and listen for the answer.

    Even with our best efforts, sometimes we won’t say the right things or react the right way. And sometimes our spouse won’t.

    Elder Bednar counseled, “When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.”

    We could explode in these situations, or we can breathe, express our feelings, and remember we love our spouse and are on the same team.

    Sometimes we will get irritated with our spouse’s behaviors and habits. We feel tempted to tell our friends about it, so they can tell us how right we are and how wrong he is. But this fills us with bitterness, pride, and blinds us from our own faults.

    Absolutely talk about your concerns, but only to the one person who needs to hear them. Take time and give space if needed, but always talk about it. Try to understand how each other feels, and don’t turn conversation around to dote on the other’s faults. Take responsibility for behavior and words, and apologize.

    ___________________________________________________________________________________

    Next, you add in Pure Love of Christ, or pure vanilla extract.

    Pres Uchtdorf said, “…no matter how flat your relationship may be at the present, if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow.

    Whatever problems your family is facing…the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ. Without this love, even seemingly perfect families struggle. With it, even families with great challenges succeed.

    The great enemy of charity is pride. Pride is short-tempered, unkind, and envious. Pride exaggerates its own strength and ignores the virtues of others. Pride is selfish and easily provoked. Pride assumes evil intent where there is none and hides its own weaknesses behind clever excuses. Pride is cynical, pessimistic, angry, and impatient. Indeed, if charity is the pure love of Christ, then pride is the defining characteristic of Satan.

    Love in the fabric of the plan of salvation is selfless and seeks the well-being of others. That is the love our Heavenly Father has for us.”

    What are some charitable characteristics you love about your spouse?

    ____________________________________________________________________________

    The next ingredient is whole devotion, or whole milk.

     “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto
    her and none else. “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after
    her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents
    not he shall be cast out” (    Doctrine and Covenants 42:22-23).

    What are some methods you use to make sure you do not lust after other men?

    Examples – I will not compare my husband to other men and wish he was more like them/ I will not read books or magazines, watch movies or videos, or listen to music that spark sexual feelings from within.

    Pres Uchtdorf said,  “Somehow, as the days multiply and the color of romantic love changes, there are some who slowly stop thinking of each other’s happiness and start noticing the little faults. In such an environment, some are enticed by the tragic conclusion that their spouse isn’t smart enough, fun enough, or young enough. And somehow they get the idea that this gives them justification to start looking elsewhere.

    In God’s plan of happiness, we are not so much looking for someone perfect but for a person with whom, throughout a lifetime, we can join efforts to create a loving, lasting, and more perfect relationship. That is the goal.”

    How can you show your devotion to your spouse? Examples – trust and accept him, be honest with him always, always remember why you fell in love…

    ______________________________________________________________________________

    Next is the Salt of the Earth, as a representation for salt.

    Matthew 5:13 – Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.

    Christ is speaking to His covenant people who have been baptized in His name. They are called to be this salt of the earth.

    Carlos E. Asay said,  “The word savor denotes taste, pleasing flavor, interesting quality, and high repute. That is, it is clean, pure, uncontaminated, and useful…Savor is lost through mixture and contamination.”

    He gave examples of losing savor (or purity) – pornography, lies, drug, alcohol, bad language, etc. Then he gave advice:  “If it is not clean, do not think it; if it is not true, do not speak it; if it is not good, do not do it.” King Benjamin cautioned, “Watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God” (Mosiah 4:30).

    How can we help our spouses and ourselves become more pure?

    We should share our sins and weaknesses with each other to help us become one and help each other maintain our savor. If we don’t admit our faults, it is harder to overcome them, and we continue to lose our savor.

    If spouses are working hard to live the gospel and remain clean, then they will be more useful to the Lord, to each other, and to their families. And living righteously will help us come closer to God, and closer to eternal life.

    ___________________________________________________________________________________

    Next we add the Bread of Life, or flour.

    John 6:35 – And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.

    Draw a triangle with wife on the bottom left, husband on the bottom right, and God on the top – The closer we come to the Lord, the closer we come to each other. Notice if one of us moves from the Lord, if we also move from the Lord, we go further away from our spouse, not closer.

     Elder John A. Widtsoe said, “True love of man for woman always includes love of God from whom all good things issue.”

    There are many desirable qualities in a spouse, but the ones that matter most are the ones that mirror the Savior.

    So, we need to put God first. How can we do that first individually and as a couple?

    Christ, through his atonement, not only can make us clean from our sins, but lighten our burdens and make our weaknesses strengths. But, we must go to Him for help.

    “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).

    As couples and families, we will go through trials over the years. If we come unto Christ together, pray for help, and keep the commandments, Christ will help us through all of our trials. I have a testimony that the trials my family and I have been through have only strengthened our testimonies and brought us closer together. Does anyone have any examples?

    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Add in Sweet Service, or chocolate chips.

    When you are married, your spouse’s needs, wants, and happiness should be as important to you as your own.

    What are some ways you serve your spouse?

    Examples:

    • Learn about and support your spouse’s interests and hobbies.
    • Do nice things for each other, like write love notes, plan a surprise, do something without being asked, give a massage, be the one to get up and do something when you are both tired. If you give what you want to receive, your spouse will feel your love and want to do likewise.
    • Be sensitive to moods, desires, energy levels, and work load. That way, you can discern each other’s needs better. (breaks, relaxing, give up time if something important needs to happen)
    • Stop what we are doing and just listen. Be interested in how your spouse’s day was. Talk about it. Offer comfort and support. Be positive.
    • Help each other with responsibilities. It could be tempting to say that it is his job, so I shouldn’t have to help. By getting up and helping with chores, your spouse can feel that you enjoy being with him regardless of what you are doing. If you see a need, do it rather than wait for your spouse to do it. This will be a load off of him, which will make you happy.
    • Pray for each other- thank God for each other, and pray for well-being and strength.
    • Show affection often.

    By putting your spouse first, you grow together in love, and you both stay humble, and as President Spencer W. Kimball promised: “. . . If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions.”

    _________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Also add in colorful differences, or M&Ms.

    Differences can at first glance seem to be an annoyance. “Why can’t he be more like this?” “Why can’t he do that?” “It is so obvious to me that..” “It would be so much easier if he would just…”

    When differences start to annoy, it would be wise to look within. “Am I perfect? Do I do everything excellently? Am I the best parent and spouse in the world? Am I better than my spouse?” What will the answer be?

    Pres Uchtdorf  said, “ If we look for imperfections in our spouse or irritations in our marriage, we will certainly find them, because everyone has some. On the other hand, if we look for the good, we will surely find it, because everyone has many good qualities too.” He also said, “Rather than attempting to force everyone into a mold of our own making, we can choose to celebrate these differences and appreciate them for adding richness and constant surprises to our lives.”

    If you look at differences in a positive way, you excitedly see that where you lack, he excels, and vice versa. You complete each other. You help each other grow. You give each other perspective.

    What are some good differences you and your spouse have?

    There are some things that aren’t easy with being different, like maybe how we communicate or show affection or handle conflict. If you talk together about your desires and needs, and go to the Lord for help, with a willingness to improve, you will both be blessed.

    ______________________________________________________________________________

    Now mix all the ingredients well – this spoon represents consistent hard work and effort to keep your family strong and provided for.  Both husband and wife must put in that effort.

    You may have a spouse that you admire for his work ethic, or you may have one you wish did more.

    If you are in the latter group, here is some advice:

    • Communicate expectations together for work and roles. Make sure they are fair and doable.
    • Say thank you for the things he does do well. This appreciation will motivate him to do more.
    • Help each other learn new skills so you can both help more where help is needed.

    ___________________________________________________________________________

    Notice how the dough is sticky. The ingredients are holding together, united in deliciousness.  You may say that the ingredients making up the recipe for eternity are cleaving, which means to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly.

    But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

    For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

    And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

    What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6-9).

    *twain means two

    Elder Henry B. Eyring made this profound statement, “Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.”

    The commandment to cleave is meant to help us be united in righteousness, providing us with the greatest joy we could ever imagine. As the Lord said, “where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Make sure your spouse is one of your greatest treasures. _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Now it is time to enjoy eating this fabulous confection together.

    I see the eating of the sweet as enjoying life together -being happy, laughing, finding joy in each other, and growing in love.

    President Uchtdorf said,  “Those who save marriages pull out the weeds and water the flowers. They celebrate the small acts of grace that spark tender feelings of charity. Remember why you fell in love. Work each day to make your marriage stronger and happier. It may be a gradual work, but it doesn’t have to be a cheerless one. In fact, at the risk of stating the obvious, divorce rarely happens when the husband and wife are happy. So be happy! Those who save their marriages choose happiness.”

    President Spencer W. Kimball promised:  “If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have . . . great happiness.”

    __________________________________________________________________________________________

    I hope this lesson and activity help you and your spouse come closer together in love and righteousness. God bless!

    recipe

     

  • Wonderful

    Today is my husband’s, Jad Al-Bjaly’s, 34th birthday. He will probably tell you he is only 33 or 32. That is a joke that never gets old in our house, at least to him, haha.

    Since it is his birthday, and since I have never done so before, I want to write a post that will honor him. I want the reader to get to know Jad from the inside out. I want my husband to know how wonderful I think he is, but most of all, I want him to know that he is wonderful. Sometimes I don’t think he realizes it, even when people tell him so.

    jad

    Jad is from Amman, Jordan, so his first language is Arabic. When he came to the United States for the first time, he could barely speak any English. But, he immersed himself in it and learned little by little. He has continued to perfect his grammar since I met him in 2009. I hope everyone will think in their minds how difficult it is to learn another language. My husband has a strong accent and his spelling isn’t the best, but I admire him so much because he is bi-lingual. He knows two extremely difficult languages. It always makes me smile when he meets someone else on the phone or in person who speaks Arabic. They both seem to light up and become instant friends as they engage in the language of their birth.

    My husband has one older brother, Tawfeeq. His father left his family when he was only seven, so he was mostly raised by his mother, Salma, with the help of his grandmother and aunts and uncles. His family was very poor. I am humbled every time he tells me about how often they bathed (or didn’t), how they had to conserve water, how they didn’t have air conditioning, how a huge amount of people lived in one small house with one bathroom and mattresses strewn all over the floor to sleep on. Sometimes Jad would even sleep under the stars on the balcony. I think having grown up with such hardship helped refine Jad into a self-reliant, giving, thankful, person who is determined to be a good father, husband, brother and son.

    jad t

    Jad loves the heat and the outdoors. Rock climbing, zip lining, running, playing soccer, camping (to name a few) are all loves of his. Unfortunately for him, I don’t like doing any of that, but he never complains. He has sons he will, and has experienced, these things with.

    jad on mountain

    Most people that know Jad even a little, know he is a wonderful cook. Interestingly, though, he didn’t used to be. The first time he tried to make spaghetti, he didn’t realize he had to boil the noodles. He just had the dry noodles in a pot and kept adding sauce, hoping the noodles would cook. We always laugh at that story. To think that he learned how to cook mostly over the phone from his dear mother, Salma, is just amazing! Our family and friends simply love eating Jad’s cooking. He can whip anything up. He chops vegetables faster than anyone I know, and he knows just how to season anything from meat to pasta. He is so comfortable in the kitchen, and uses his talents to bless others’ lives. And he even cleans up his messes, which can be many. He can’t bake but that is okay. We make that my job, and joke at his expense about his baking capabilities (don’t worry, he laughs too).

    chicken-salad

    He is not musically talented per se (we will call that my talent), but he still proudly sings in church meetings and with our children. He is wonderful at Arabic dancing, and finds so much joy in teaching our sons to do the same. Some of his favorite music is from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. He is constantly listening to beautiful music while he cleans or does projects around the house.

    Jad is a very hard worker. When he gets started on a project, he just keeps going for hours on end, never tiring. From landscaping, to gardening, to painting, to organizing, to building, he puts his all into it. This work ethic continues into his job and education. He is someone who wants to continue to progress throughout his life. He is currently studying for his CCNA certification. It is extremely difficult. He studies two nights a week on average (after having worked a full day at his job), and has a plan to achieve this certification by the Fall. He wants to support our family so that we have everything we need. He never stops learning. At work, his colleagues and superiors can count on him to find an answer when there isn’t one, or to volunteer for something that nobody else has ever attempted to do, like organize the server room (have you ever seen a server room? It can be scary).

    myc

    He is also a very spiritual man. I am amazed at his knowledge of the gospel of Christ even after just eight years of being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (I was impressed when I first met him before his 1-year mark). Today is his baptism anniversary. He is a wonderful spiritual leader in our home. Together, we make sure we study scriptures as a family, as a couple and individually daily. We pray together,  do our family home evenings each week, share spiritual messages on social media often, do service as often as we can, go to the temple every month we can, and strive to set a righteous example for our children in word and in deed.

    jad script

    My kids have the best dad in the world. Casey is not Jad’s biological son, but he has raised him from the age of four. He loves Casey as his own, and teaches him how to be a good person.

    casey jad

    No matter how tired Jad is after work, he will play with our kids until they get tired (which is usually never). His smile and laughter are just as precious as those of our children. He is such a fun dad in every way, and he takes his responsibility as a father incredibly seriously. He plays with them, teaches them, disciplines them, and most importantly, loves them. He gives as many kisses, provides as many snuggles, and says “I love you” as much as I do. The boys have no doubt that their daddy cherishes them. And soon, he will be able to raise his very own little girl. He is more excited about it than even I know.

    jad and boyd

    Jad is also a wonderful husband. Sometimes I don’t see the big picture, and that is usually when we have quarreled in some way. Jad and I are both stubborn and sensitive. That doesn’t always work when there are feelings hurt or buttons pushed. But, I can’t imagine spending my eternity with anyone else. All the reasons above should be enough reasons, but he is so good to me. When he comes home and not everything is done, I usually am apologetic or annoyed at myself. But he always tells me that it’s okay, and gives me a kiss. He knows that I work hard every day, and he immediately offers to help me finish all that needs to be done. If I need a nap or need to get out of the house, he says, “Go ahead, honey.” He never accuses me of laziness or of making excuses. He knows that I am not that way, and he is completely understanding. He trusts me completely with our finances and with planning our weeks and months. He trusts my judgment on things. If he has concerns, he will express them, but ultimately trusts me because he knows that I make my decisions thoughtfully and prayerfully. He supports me in my endeavors, from starting (or quitting) a business to participating in a musical. We make big decisions together as a couple, and he never tries to be in charge of me or tell me what to do. He sees me as an equal partner, and we work together with God to do what is best for our family. He also does nice things for me and makes me feel special. He has made so many beautiful things for me with his hands, things I will cherish forever. He genuinely loves me, appreciates me, and thinks I am beautiful. We have also endured some scary trials and witnessed beautiful miracles together that have increased our faith.

    jad and me

    I didn’t have to think very hard to write all this, and as I wrote from my heart, tears have streamed down my face the whole time. I am not creative like my husband, but I can write the words of my heart. He would never talk about himself the way I have just spoken about him. He is too humble and doesn’t see himself as more than ordinary. But, to me, he is extraordinary and the perfect father and husband to our family.

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    I love you, Jad, and I hope this birthday is your most precious yet.

  • A Tribute to My First Born

    Casey, you are 11 years old now, and as I have observed your actions lately with admiration, I wish to honor you with a tribute.

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    Are you always the perfect son? No, but I am not always the perfect mother, and nobody’s perfect. You and I both know where we need to improve, but that isn’t what a tribute is for. I wish to highlight and acknowledge your deeds and accomplishments so I can show you my gratitude, admiration and love.

    One thing that I love about you, Casey, is that if I need you, you are there. You don’t complain when I ask you to help with your brothers, or with cleaning, or with dinner. You do it, and you do it the best way you know how. I can’t express to you how much I need this from you, and appreciate it.

    I am not a perfect mother, Casey. You know that, but whether it is picking you up from school late because I forgot it was early release day, or raising my voice when I shouldn’t, or getting overly irritated with you, you love me anyway. You don’t scold me or get angry with me. You are understanding, and express that you know I have a lot on my plate, or that you understand that being a parent it hard. Thank you for loving me.

    You are a service-oriented boy too. When I suggest you write a note to someone, or make a craft, you do it willingly, and from the heart. As of late, you have even written me cards as an apology for something you did, or as a way to cheer me up. I cherish those cards, and will always keep them. You are willing to use your own money to buy gifts for family members too, and you carefully choose those gifts. What a thoughtful boy you are.

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    I love seeing you develop your talents, skills and interests. I can’t tell you how much it pleases me to see how much you love what I love – instruments, singing, baking, acting. The first few months of the year, we worked on our second musical together, and you asked me to help you learn the ensemble songs so you could sing in the background. You were responsible and made sure you were on stage at the right time, and you did your best with your parts.

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    You took part in a theater club this year too, and as one of your teachers, I was always impressed with your willingness to try anything. You gave your all to everything, from games, to improvisations, to singing. At our performance showcase, you sang “Out There” from The Hunchback of Notre Dame beautifully. It isn’t an easy song, but you made sure to analyze your character and try to show what he was feeling. Tears came to my eyes when you sang.

    This year as you learned a new instrument, the trombone, you always wanted to play songs for me, and you impressed me with your skills at your band concert.

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    You also did your best to memorize and perform “The Star Spangled Banner” for a group number at a recent Durham Bulls game. It made me smile to hear you practicing around the house, and I loved helping you practice too. Just a few days ago, you wanted to help me bake your birthday cake – you always want to help me bake. And going back to your service-oriented heart, you melted mine when you told me you set out the ingredients for me to make the icing. When I came downstairs later, I saw the ingredients lovingly laid out, and I smiled with adoration.

    Your spirituality strengthens my testimony. I always tear up when you bear your testimony in church. When your teachers tell me how much you know about the scriptures, I am so proud of you, and I know it is true. Each night when we read together as family, you have comments and questions. You pay attention and want to learn. I can’t tell you how proud I have been of you lately as you have also begun to do personal scripture study before bed. I love it when you come to me and report what you have read. You will be a wonderful missionary someday – no, you already are.

    School has always been a place you have excelled. I haven’t had to get on you about doing your homework or projects. You have your weaknesses in school, but overall, you are a good friend, someone your teachers love to have in class, and a really hard worker. Your final report card and EOG scores impressed me so much. You are a smart boy, but it isn’t just smarts that bring good grades. Dedication, motivation, high standards for yourself, team work, honesty, and humility are key elements too.

    On the last day of school, you presented a project on homelessness in North Carolina at the Orange County Library. You clearly did your research, and your concern for the homeless was evident. You really want to help them.

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    After school when you told me you want to help in soup kitchens, and really hold true to your word to help, you brought tears to my eyes. And when you said you wanted to use the money you would have received for your good grades to help the homeless, I was once again in awe of the goodness of your heart.

    How wonderful is it that you love projects too, especially when you get to spend time with your dad or me. I love how you want to help in the garden, paint, or assist with other projects. Just this past Saturday, you jumped at the chance to help me build a bathroom cabinet. It was such a fun experience to spend time together, make mistakes together, and then fix them together. You have an eye for building, and your observations were right on. The finished product was awesome, and it is because you were building it with me.

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    And finally, Casey, you are one affectionate young man. Your hugs, kisses and soft words can really calm a person. You know what gentleness brings peace, something that many people do not realize.

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    Casey, I am so blessed to be your mother. Heavenly Father knew I needed you when I needed you, and you will always be one of the most special people in my life. I love you, my dear son.

  • Are they RIGHT about me?

    Compliments are meant to lift us up and make us feel good inside. But does criticism also have a place in our lives?

    Whether we realize it or not, people are constantly saying negative things about us, either to us or behind our backs. My son had a bad experience last week at recess when a boy was picking on him. He was getting in his face and telling him what an awful basketball player he was. He was mean and condescending. It hurt Casey’s feelings. When he told me about it, he said he knew what the boy said wasn’t true, but I heard a tinge of doubt in his voice.

    So, how do we know if a disapproving comment made to us about our skills, talents, character, etc., is true? How do we know if we should take it to heart, or change, or give up?

    I think the easiest way to know is to follow the “WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY HOW” method. I exclude small children from this method because pretty much anything they say is done without a filter, and the good, bad, even the ugly, is usually true, much to our embarrassment and dismay. (You know you are thinking of a time and nodding.)

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    WHO is the one making the comments about you? Is it someone who knows you well, someone who cares about you, someone who you trust, or is it someone who generally doesn’t speak to you or get along with you?

    Now, sometimes the WHO is tricky, because even the people who are supposed to love and care about us the most can say things that aren’t true.

    Another important thing to consider is WHO else has said these things about you? Was it just this person, or are there others? Has anyone told you the opposite, and do you trust that person? In my son’s basketball situation, two of his close friends comforted Casey by saying that they thought his basketball playing had readily improved over the year, and that he does a great job.

    WHAT is the person saying? Is the person using words like always and never? Is he using words that belittle or uplift? Is he saying things that you already know or suspect are true, or things you have never thought about before?

    The WHAT is also tricky, because when under extreme stress, sadness, etc., sometimes even the kindest people say hurtful things. Additionally, sometimes we are unaware of our own downfalls, weaknesses, and bad habits. Let’s keep thinking.

    WHEN is the person talking to you? Is it during a fight, or is it when you are speaking calmly to each other? Knowing the WHEN can help you determine if what the person said was rational, or just based on heightened emotions.

    Also, think about how many times a person has said the same thing to you. Oftentimes, especially if someone we love says something multiple times in different occasions, there is  truth to it. In those cases, even though the first couple times the person said it, he may have said it calmly, don’t be surprised if that calm becomes irritation or  anger.

    WHERE are you when the person says these comments? Are you in public where everyone can hear, or are you in private where discretion is appropriate?  Sincere compliments are often quite appropriate to be said in public settings, but criticism is normally best said in private. So, thinking of the WHERE can help you determine if the person is trying to help you or hurt you.

    HOW is the person making these comments? Is he angry and irrational, or is he trying to be objective and helpful? Is he in your face and yelling, or is he calm and focused? Is he engaged in the conversation, giving you eye contact? How is his inflection? Is he frowning, smiling, scowling, laughing?

    Someone who really wants to help you will act a certain way. I think you can guess how.

    WHY is perhaps the hardest of all, because that is something we often have to figure out on our own, based on past interactions with a person, and based on the other questions we just discussed.

    Since there are some cases when criticism is positive, and necessary for personal growth, then there must be people who offer it with the best intentions. I believe that the people who truly love us want to help us be the best we can be. So, in appropriate moments, they may gently mention opportunities for improvement.

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    On the other hand, someone who doesn’t care about your best interests doesn’t care if he hurts your feelings or if what he is saying is even true.

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    He may be saying those things because he is envious of you, because he has been treated similarly by others, because he is insecure or unhappy in his own skin, or maybe even because he has a mental illness and cannot control all he says.

    I went through a time in my life when the person who was supposed to love me the most, treated me the worst. I was often called worthless and unimportant. Was it true? To him, perhaps. To me? Well, it ate at me, and even though in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn’t true, I couldn’t believe that someone who loved me would talk to me that way. There must have been a WHY. For this person, I believe part of it was self-inflicted shame because of harmful choices he was making and hiding from me.

    I think the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE AND HOW are what help us know if what someone is saying is worth holding onto, but the WHY helps us understand, and hopefully have compassion on that person – enough compassion to forgive and move forward.

    Doesn’t all this seem obvious? Yet, it isn’t. I have spoken to so many people damaged, seemingly beyond repair, because of hateful, often repeated, attacks to their character, talents, education, relationships and lifestyle. Even when they know that something shouldn’t be true, hearing it makes them doubt themselves, and fear that it could be.

    If you are one of these people, know that you are doing better than you think you are, and certainly better than those who verbally abuse you.

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    Every person on this earth is a beloved child of God. We all have that going for us, and Christ atoned for us all. Nobody is better than anybody else. Pride is a big cause of verbal mistreatment.

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    Let us all try to be humble, and see our own weaknesses clearly before we point out others’. And if we do point out others’ faults, let us do it appropriately, in love and gentleness, with a true desire to bless the lives of others.

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