My beloved Eve, you are one year old today. Mommy and Daddy couldn’t love you more. You have brought so much sunshine to our lives. You are our Sweetheart, our Princess.
Many parents call their daughters Princess. I actually vowed I would never call you that because it was so cliché and 2-dimensional. But then, as the months passed and I couldn’t come up with a name that suited you, you became Princess anyway.
It isn’t because I want you to have a beautiful voice like Ariel, or a gorgeous face like Aurora.
It isn’t because I want you to be artistic like Rapunzel or a master of the bow like Merida.
It isn’t because I want you to have magical adventures like Jasmine or find your handsome prince like Snow White.
No, this is not why I call you Princess.
Ariel was full of wonder and saw the beauty in everything.
Aurora was sweet and innocent.
Rapunzel was trusting and found joy in the journey.
Merida was completely comfortable with who she was.
Jasmine was forgiving to one who had deceived her.
Snow White was cheerful and had a strong connection with animals.
Anna had faith in her sister and didn’t give up on her.
Kiara saw the good in all lions, and wanted to unite them.
These are all wonderful qualities, but it isn’t why I call you Princess.
None of these princesses had perfect lives – they all had difficult trials to endure.
Ariel had her sea witch, and Aurora a cursed spinning wheel.
Rapunzel had a kidnapper who posed as her mother, and Merida a mother who she turned into a bear.
Jasmine nearly had to marry a wicked man, and Snow White was nearly killed by a poisoned apple.
Anna lost her parents, and almost lost her sister, and Kiara felt alone and untrusted by her father.
They all made it through their trials stronger and happier than before, but that isn’t why I call you Princess.
Most of these young princesses also had flaws, as we all do.
Ariel lacked common sense and sought help from a sea witch, and Aurora trusted and fell in love with a stranger.
Rapunzel was indecisive about being disobedient, and Merida was hot-headed enough to change her mother.
Jasmine was rude to anyone who she didn’t agree with, and Snow White was naïve and unaware.
Anna made a huge error in judgment, and Kiara snuck around.
We can learn from these princesses’ flaws, as they did, but that isn’t why I call you Princess.
Do you know why I call you princess?
It is because you are one. YOU are the daughter of a King, a Heavenly King.
His name is Heavenly Father. He is your father and mine, and the father of us all.
He knows you by name, and He loves you more than you could ever imagine.
He sent you to earth and to our family so that you can grow, learn, and choose to follow Him.
He will watch over you and send angels (earthly and heavenly) to assist you in your earthly journey.
I want you to always remember who you are. Being our daughter is something we hope you are always proud of, but more than that, we want you to truly feel that you are a spiritual young lady who has unlimited divine potential.
Your Heavenly Father has given you spiritual gifts that you can use to bless the lives of those around you. Even at your young age, we recognize some of them:
You are someone who makes people smile. Never stop doing that.
You love to share your food. Keep on sharing your abundance.
You are independent and try to be self-reliant. If you can help yourself, you can better help others.
You are funny, always making people laugh – this will help lighten heavy hearts over and over again.
You love yourself. If you can love yourself, you can love others even better.
Using these gifts, and more, with a loving heart, will bring you much happiness now and in the life to come.
My sweet daughter, Eve. You are named after our first mother. She was the first of God’s spirit daughters to come to this earth. She was the first princess. Follow her example of keeping the commandments. Just as she was chosen to live in the beginning, you have been chosen to live on earth at this time in this place for a reason.
We knew that you would be a very special little girl, and we were right. We know you have a divine mission to fulfill on this earth. Embrace it and know that your earthly and Heavenly parents will be with you through it all.
I started a blog because I felt that the Lord wanted me to share whatever experiences and wisdom and testimony I have for the betterment of others. I have felt Him guide my hand over and over again, and putting ideas into my mind and heart that I just knew I had to write down. A couple days ago, ideas started flowing into my brain, and continued to do so all day and all evening. Throughout the day, I emailed myself my little thoughts, around 30 times. Here is the message the Lord sent to me:
I believe with all my heart that we are all children of the most High God. We are brothers and sisters. We are born with goodness inside of us. We will make mistakes, but we can change through the atonement of Christ. We are heirs of the kingdom of God if we are worthy. This applies to all of us!
It even applies to the people we don’t like, the people we don’t agree with, the people whose actions we abhor, the people who care nothing about the sanctity of human life, born or unborn.
Because we are all God’s children, He loves us all. He loves us equally and individually, even when we don’t deserve it. Jesus Christ atoned for all of us. We are all given the opportunity to choose, to repent, and to change. No person who lives on this earth is denied these blessings, not even white supremacists or the President of the United States.
So, why do we hate each other so much? Why do we use so much energy in bringing each other down?
Why?
Does it bring change? Does it bring hope? Does it bring peace?
It feels natural, though, doesn’t it, to air our frustrations for all the world to see? Perhaps then, nobody can accuse us of being on the wrong side of the tracks, the wrong side of politics, the wrong side of religion, the wrong side of history.
I am no expert, but this doesn’t seem to be working. It seems that instead of our community, our country, our world becoming happier and more peaceful, it is becoming more corrupt, hateful, and wicked.
Who are our gods, meaning, who do we place the most faith in? Is it the media? Our friends? Facebook memes?
My friends, might I strongly suggest we move back to God. No, not everybody believes in God. Not everyone believes in Christ. But, regardless if you believe or not, the principles Christ taught, if followed, will bring peace and love back to this earth.
Let me tell you a story.
About 600 BC, there was a prophet named Lehi in Jerusalem. The people hated him and his preachings, because he told them that if they did not repent, Jerusalem would be destroyed. One night, he had a dream in which the Lord told him that he must gather his family and flee into the wilderness for their safety. Lehi obeyed, and took his family that very night, leaving behind his home and his riches. He had four sons at that time. Two of them, Nephi and Sam, loved their father dearly, believed he was truly a prophet, and followed his counsel. His other two sons, Laman and Lemuel, loathed their father. They murmured about having to leave their home, and they did not believe their father was inspired, but rather a mad man. They also hated their brother, Nephi, and often plotted and attempted to kill him, saying he thought he was superior over them, even though he was their younger brother. Each time they tried to kill Nephi, the Lord spared his life because of his faith. Going beyond natural reaction, Nephi always forgave his brothers and continued to teach them the gospel. Unfortunately, they did not want to understand. The family wandered in the wilderness for 8 years, until they finally reached the ocean. The Lord commanded Nephi to build a ship with his instructions so that they could sail to a promised land. Nephi obeyed, but once again, Laman and Lemuel taunted him and wanted to kill him again. Through the power of God, they were compelled to help build, along with the rest of the family. Once the ship was built, they sailed to the promised land, through the Lord’s direction. On the ship, they still did awful things. Their wickedness never stopped, regardless of the miracles they had seen and the blessings they had been given. Only when they saw that their families were going to die, did they stop and repent, and then the Lord led them the rest of the way. In the promised land, after their father, Lehi, died, Laman, Lemuel, and many members of their families plotted to kill all those who were righteous and followed Nephi. They decided to live by hate rather than trying to respect and understand those who were believed differently than them. Nephi was told by the Lord to flee with his people and settle somewhere else. They did. And thus there became two groups of people from the same family – the Nephites and the Lamanites. The Nephites had the truth and clung to it, while the Lamanites taught their children to hate the Nephites, proclaiming that there was no God, and lying about the truth (1 Nephi 1-2 Nephi 5).
Why did I tell you this story? Well, I did it to show the danger that comes from making assumptions about character, showing hate to others rather than love, plotting to kill or hurt others rather than trying to understand them, and holding grudges rather than forgiving. And I also did it to show that the opposite can happen – forgiving others who have grievously wronged us, and continuously shining light to others no matter how they treat us.
But, the story continues for centuries. Even though the Lamanites were generally a fearsome, dangerous, murderous people, not all of them remained that way. About 92 BC, there was a righteous Nephite king named Mosiah. He had four sons, and they had once been horrible influences, persecuting the church and those in it. But, through seeing an angel, they saw the light and repented of their sins. And then, they served many missions for the Lord. After years of serving, they decided that they wanted to preach to the Lamanites…
2 That perhaps they might bring them to the knowledge of the Lord their God, and convince them of the iniquity of their fathers; and that perhaps they might cure them of their hatred towards the Nephites, that they might also be brought to rejoice in the Lord their God, that they might become friendly to one another, and that there should be no more contentions in all the land which the Lord their God had given them.
3 Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble.
4 And thus did the Spirit of the Lord work upon them, for they were the very vilest of sinners. And the Lord saw fit in his infinite mercy to spare them; nevertheless they suffered much anguish of soul because of their iniquities, suffering much and fearing that they should be cast off forever. (Mosiah 28:2-4).
So, even though Aaron, Ammon, Omner and Himni, were the very vilest of sinners, they changed for the better. They became good men who wanted to do something nobody else would dare to do: bring truth, knowledge, friendship and rejoicing to the wicked Lamanites.
From their preaching, many of the Lamanites were converted to the gospel. Their hearts were changed and they wanted to do good and serve God the remainder of their lives. They even buried their weapons of war, covenanting with God never to shed blood again. Any time Lamanites accepted Christ, they stayed true their whole lives (Alma 24:19).
This is just one story of so many that shows how when people have a love of God and all people, have mercy, and a spirit of peace, miracles can happen.
These stories I told you are from a sacred scripture called The Book of Mormon. It is another testament of Jesus Christ, taking place in the ancient Americas.
About 82 BC, a man named Zeezrom was a devilish man, who tried to persuade a missionary of Christ, Amulek, to deny the existence of God with money. Amulek did not deny, but rather answered all of his questions and bore his testimony. Then Alma, the prophet, and missionary companion to Amulek, spoke to Zeezrom with power. They did not stand down, confessing what they knew to be the truth. And Zeezrom felt that power. Because of Zeezrom’s initial cries against them and their bold response, Alma and Amulek were imprisoned for a time by those angry at their words. They escaped their bonds with help from the Lord, and Zeezrom, meanwhile, lay ill with a high fever, sick with dread over what he had done. He asked to be healed, and through his new faith in Christ, he was. He was then baptized by Alma. (Alma 12-14).
So, this awful, evil man, ended up being a kind, good, righteous man.
Alma the Younger, from the story I just told, was best friends with the sons of Mosiah, and had been wicked just like them. His father prayed for him and continued to love him. Through an angelic visitor, and visions of Christ, he repented, and eventually became the high priest of the church (Mosiah 27).
Alma the Younger’s father, Alma, was not always righteous either. He was a priest of a wicked King named Noah. A prophet named Abinadi , around 148 BC, gave his life sharing the message of the gospel to the wicked king and his priests But it wasn’t in vain. Alma believed, and shared the gospel with many others, baptizing them in the name of Christ (Mosiah 17).
Around 62 BC, there was a Captain Moroni who hated shedding blood, and offered mercy whenever he could, even in the midst of war. He never forgot the humanity of his enemies, no matter how bloodthirsty they were (Alma 55:19).
Captain Moroni, though a wonderful, righteous man, was also sometimes harsh in his words, especially when he felt a sense of possible betrayal. He sent a very harsh epistle to the chief judge of the Nephites, Pahoran. Rather than being offended at the untrue accusations, Pahoran wrote back, “And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart” (Alma 61:9). We can all take example from the fact that he saw good in a situation where he could have easily been offended.
Mormon, a prophet and general towards the end of the Book of Mormon (around 360 AD), prayed for, loved, and led his people even though he wept over their wickedness. Once, he stopped leading them, but chose to lead them again later on. He never hated them or stopped praying for them no matter how wicked they became (Mormon 3). How interesting that the people who were once so righteous, became so wicked that the Lord allowed them to be destroyed?
These are just a few of so many stories in the Book of Mormon of good and evil, but it wasn’t as clear as it seemed. Those who had known the truth their whole lives often rebelled, and those who started out wicked, oftentimes were more receptive to light than those who had been raised that way. And then, there were those stories of hope – stories of those who had rebelled but then again returned to the light.
I have seen a meme floating around Facebook that says “Nobody is born racist.” That’s true, and nobody is born greedy, selfish, hateful, or violent either.
On the contrary, children are born innocent and pure, each with divine potential. Even the most evil people that have ever lived were once little children, free of sin.
Moroni, a prophet in the Book of Mormon (and son of the prophet Mormon), said:
…little children are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world (Moroni 8:12).
So, hate is learned. Racism is learned. Violence is learned. And for it to be learned, it must be taught.
Before Lehi died, he spoke to all of his grandchildren. To the children of his wicked son, Laman, he said:
Wherefore, if ye are cursed, behold, I leave my blessing upon you, that the cursing may be taken from you and be answered upon the heads of your parents. (2 Nephi 4:6).
When we see people murdering, plundering, and doing other wicked things, we want to hate them. We want them to get the justice they deserve and we don’t care what happens to them. But think of this: how did they get the way they are? If people aren’t born evil, how do they become that way?
They are taught, and those people were taught, and those people were taught. It is a vicious cycle.
Who had the original thought then?
Who started it all?
The answer to that is the only enemy we really should have, and that is Satan. Satan is the one who puts evil thoughts into our minds. He is the one who wants to tear societies and families apart. He knows that contention isn’t Godlike. He knows that violence isn’t Godlike. He knows that hateful words aren’t Godlike. He knows so well. And that is why he has power over us, because we react to hate the way he wants us to react – with more hate and divisiveness.
Not all of us do this, but too many do.
I have read so many Facebook posts that point fingers and say that if you are or aren’t doing something, you are part of the problem. I don’t like those posts, not because I fit the descriptions and am denying it, but because it is still pointing fingers. It is fighting hate with hate. It doesn’t feel good. It also is making generalizations, assumptions, and stereotypes – and it is dividing us as people.
We aren’t the left verses the right, liberals verses conservatives, religious verses nonreligious, black verses white. We are all people worthy of safety, prosperity, and joy.
We have to realize that:
None of us is exempt from being tempted or sinning.
Someone we love, or even us, could someday do something deplorable if we allow Satan to permeate our characters.
Brainwashing is real.
Are people who were fed untruths over and over again until they believed it was right, beyond repair, beyond forgiveness?
As hate is learned, it can also be unlearned.
Who is going to help them unlearn? It isn’t going to be the ones that taught them to hate.
Hate is there, and it is scary. Every day the headlines blow our minds with the things people think are acceptable. Should we give in to hate? Should we allow it to consume us all?
I have been taught my whole life that The Book of Mormon was written for our day, and looking at the stories the way I did in this post, brought me a renewed clarity that it really was.
We will not let hate prevail (by not hating those it would be so easy and justifiable to hate). We will not let Satan win. We will not allow ourselves to be sucked into Satan’s lies. I believe with all of my heart that if we…
Look for the good in others (even those with whom we dislike or disagree);
Love, serve and pray for our enemies as Christ commanded us to (3 Nephi 12:44);
This can be very difficult, but if we pray for their hearts to be softened, for them to see the truth, and for understanding to come to them and to us, miracles can happen.
Are peacemakers and turn the other cheek, rather than seek revenge (3 Ne. 12:9, 39);
Forgive others for what they do to us, and for what they have done in the past to us or other people. This shows we know they can change, and don’t forever judge them on their pasts;
It always humbles me to remember that Christ asked His father to forgive those who crucified him. (3 Ne. 13:15, Luke 23:34).
Show compassion even when someone doesn’t deserve it -this is mercy (3 Nephi 12:7);
We should also remember to show compassion to those affected by acts of wickedness.
Live in meekness, meaning goodness and kindness. We will shine a light to the world through our good example and service (Matthew 5:16);
Teach our children to love the Lord and all their neighbors, regardless of color, religion, social status, sexual orientation, etc. (Isaiah 54:13);
And then live that way as well.
Spend time with people we aren’t like and care to find out what is important to them;
Care about others’ struggles and don’t minimize them, even if we don’t experience them ourselves;
Ask people to help us with our struggles, even if we don’t think they will understand. This is how they can understand;
As an example, many minorities feel threatened by #WhitePrivilege. White people may not understand what they mean, so they should tell them what they are feeling and what they have experienced. And in return, though white people may not empathize on a racial level, minorities will probably find white people can empathize because of other factors. Whites are not defined just by their race – nobody is. Most of us encounter some kind of prejudice in our lives that brings heartache and sorrow.
Self-reflect often and ask ourselves if our actions are leading us to be better people and inspiring others to be better too;
Choose not to judge others for things they cannot control, such as the color of their skin;
Are slow to anger and slow to be offended;
People are always going to be angry about something. Stand above it and seek for understanding.
Denounce sin but don’t equate the sinner with the sin;
See everyone as an individual with a story, rather than judging everyone in a group the same way;
There are outside pressures, and some people are looking for truth, but just don’t know where to find it (Doctrine and Covenants 123:12).
Also be careful not to judge a group by one person who may not represent the beliefs of said group.
Recognize that there is more good in the world than evil, and embrace the good;
Try to change hearts with love rather than force change through hate;
Care about the salvation of all people, even the wicked, like Ammon and his brothers did;
Before acting, think about how we would feel if someone did or said the same thing we are thinking about to us;
Are grateful for the freedoms of our great land, and realize that freedom belongs to everyone, even those we disagree with.
….then we will be a part of the solution. We can’t control what others do, but we can and should definitely control what we do. With that control, great things can come to pass.
Please remember, my friends that hate + hate does not equal change, hate + hate does not equal love, and hate + hate does not equal peace. Hate can only be overcome by love, and perfect love casteth out all fear.
I remember the day I turned 22. It was only a couple months after my divorce was finalized, and a month after I had moved to North Carolina to live with my parents (along with my nearly 1-year-old son, Casey). At that point, I had been attending the LDS Singles Ward (congregation) in Chapel Hill, and had made a handful of friends. Some of them took me for ice cream that night, and I remember saying that I felt old being 22. As ridiculous as that sounds, I think I must have felt old because of all that had happened to me in my life up until that point.
That year was one of the hardest of my life, trying to figure out who I was again, seeing where I fit in and who would accept me, and looking for the path that would lead me out of my current, difficult situation.
I didn’t remember at that time that I was a beloved daughter of God, that He loved me no matter my circumstances, that I should be grateful for my experiences, and that I was indeed blessed. It took me a lot of time not to define myself by things I couldn’t control.
I may have felt old at age 22, but since then, as I have aged, I haven’t concentrated on getting older, but rather, getting wiser.
I am 33 today. Eleven years ago, I would have freaked out about turning this age. Honestly, though, these last 11 years have included some of the most important, difficult, and miraculous experiences of my life: finding an excellent job, dating and getting remarried, quitting the job I loved after having our first child together, having faith that my husband would survive a surgery that would remove a huge mass of his liver, buying our first house, bearing a son early and unexpectedly in the master bathroom at home, taking a leap of faith and taking steps for my husband to completely change careers by going back to school, and finally having our baby girl, though prematurely.
Those are only some of the experiences I will never forget for the rest of my life that have happened in the last 11 years. I can’t express how much each of those experiences means to me. They have each strengthened my faith in Christ, and helped me remember how much God loves me, and how much His hand guides my life, and the lives of my family members.
That being said, though, this past year has also been one of the hardest of my life. First, though, I must express how it has been one of the most joyful at the same time: I had the pleasure of planning for a baby girl to arrive in my home, and I got to deliver her, bond with her in the hospital, and then take her home and enjoy raising her. Eve has brought so much joy to our home, joy that we all truly needed. She has brought a tenderness to my boys that I didn’t realize they had.
Why was year 32 so hard, then? Well, during pregnancy, I gained more weight than I ever have, while trying very hard not to do so. Since having Eve, I have tried to lose weight, and was successful in losing 20 pounds, only to find out I just gained nearly all of it back on vacation. It has been so hard for me to lose my baby weight, and I often feel so gross. My confidence has been low. For a while, I gained some confidence back after finding a clothing line I felt beautiful in. But then, I found myself buying way too much, and that turned into a temporary shopping addiction that I had to work really hard to overcome. Thankfully, I have.
I also haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep at all this past year, not to mention I have also been busier than I have ever been in my life (hence why I never blog anymore). Having four kids is no joke, especially when you have two boys that fight all the time, and a baby girl, though precious, who wants you to hold her and give her attention all day long.
Being busy and sleepy leads to more eating as a way to cope with stress, doesn’t it? Well, at least it does for me. I think that is why I am having such a hard time getting healthy again.
I have been down quite a bit this year. I have never been one to be depressed. I am usually the type of person who is there cheering other people up and having a positive outlook on life. I can be that person still, but sometimes I find myself saying things I know aren’t true (like, I am the ugliest person on earth, for example) and I sometimes just cry and can’t deal with everything around me. Yes, life is hard right now.
The good thing is, that in moments of peace and clarity, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that I will eventually get healthy again, as I always do. I know that as my kids continue to get older, that they will grow out of some very frustrating stages. I know that my husband loves me (even when I irrationally think otherwise), and that he will be there for me through it all. Most of all, I know what I learned years ago, that I am a beloved daughter of God, that He loves me and wants me to have joy.
I pray that age 33 gets a little easier, but if it doesn’t, I know the Lord will help me endure what comes. I also know that through the lessons I learn, I can help others. I try to focus on the positives as much as I can. I have my beautiful family, my husband moving up in his career, loving friends and extended family, a good home and all the necessities of life, and most importantly, the gospel of Jesus Christ.
If any of my friends or family is struggling right now, just know that though I am also struggling, I am here for you. I am always willing to lend an ear, a hand, or an embrace.
Here is to another year. I look forward to what it will bring, good and bad. I know I can do anything with the Lord’s help, as can you.
Home sweethome is what America is called in this familiar, beautiful, patriotic song. But, sweet isn’t the word I would use to describe it, at least based on the words and behaviors of many of my fellow Americans.
I must ask you with all respect to please stop. Stop the judging. Stop the hating. Stop the arguing. Stop the name-calling. Stop the gloating. And for a smaller minority, stop the violence.
The majority of what I see on social media, and in the news, involves most or all of those things. Unfortunately, I think most of the people doing it don’t realize the damage they are doing.
Today our new president, Donald J. Trump, was inaugurated. Before and after the election, up until now, I have witnessed alarming amounts of division, fear, and criticism. At times, my feelings have been hurt, but I have chosen not to participate in it.
I personally would not have chosen Donald Trump to be the Republican presidential nominee, and up until the week of election, I didn’t feel comfortable with any of the choices for president. But, I never publicly called any names, accused friends of different political parties of being racist or stupid, or tried to cause arguments or unrest of any kind.
I do not plan to do that now. But, what I do want to express loud and clear is that contention, pride, anger and fear are not of God. From God comes love, light, harmony and faith. I have seen a few people hold true to those, but too many have gone the other direction.
Doubts and disagreements, and expressions of triumph and defeat are acceptable when done in a peaceful, respectable manner – when we strive to understand the other side, when we give the benefit of the doubt, and when we realize that people can change.
People do change.
Yes, Donald Trump has done some bad things in his past. It is understandable to be concerned, even disgusted. But, we are not his judge. God is. I know that I would be devastated if people judged me solely on my past and never gave me a chance to dictate a brighter future for myself.
You may not agree with all of his ideas and perspectives, but you probably agree with some. You may not like everything about his character, but you probably like something about it. And you may not be a member of his party, but you are still an American.
Or, you may be on the opposite side of the spectrum where you are ecstatic he is president. Expressing your joy is great, but realizing others are hurting at the same time shows compassion. Gloating about it and putting down others’ feelings, on the other hand, shows a disregard for about half of your fellow Americans.
I thought President Trump’s speech today had some great points, one of which was the necessity for unity in our country. You may not be happy he is the President, but he is the President just the same – the president of your country and mine.
Concerns are valid, but something I have learned in my life is that yelling and complaining in themselves don’t bring change. Looking only to your own opinions doesn’t bring understanding of those with differing opinions either.
My heart-felt advice for what to do now, whether you love our new president or not is this:
Pray for him, that he will be open-hearted to the voice of the people, and that God will provide him with ongoing inspiration on how to lead this great land.
Talk to those of different political and social views respectfully. Find out what makes them tick, and in turn explain how you feel. Try to find common ground.
Vote in local elections to make your voice heard.
Help the poor whenever you can, for God will bless us for serving His children.
Try not to bash any party or person, for all it does is cause division and heartache.
Have a positive attitude and hold to your hope that America will continue to flourish regardless of who is president.
Most importantly, love and cherish your family, and teach them the principles that mean the most to you.
I truly believe that for our nation to be great, our citizens must be kind, service-oriented, and driven to action. It takes each and every one of us to spread light to the world.
A friend on Facebook today posted that the Quakers believe that the “Light is in all people and we should look for it in all people, ESPECIALLY those who are different than us.”
I believe with all of my heart that even people we dislike, disagree with, or disapprove of, have this light. Sometimes they need help to unlock it in themselves.
What helps you to be a better person? People showing you love, respect and encouragement, or people showing your hatred, disapproval, and unkind judgment?
We have two choices for the next four or more years:
Continue to dislike and reject each and every decision President Trump makes or will make -or –
Support him, pray for him, and set a positive example for him
Only one of these choices brings real, long-lasting, positive change. Christ brings light. Let’s be like Him.
And what did He do? He forgave, loved, and saw potential in everybody. That is what I choose to do today and always.
Bad guys are a hot topic in our house, usually because our boys love to pretend to be heroes. Rigel is a little different, though. He doesn’t just pretend to be a hero – he really wants to be a hero. He wants to be a police officer when he grows up, and he always talks about protecting his little sister, Eve.
A few days ago, on the way home from the library, he was talking very seriously about bad guys and what they could do to our family. I told Rigel he doesn’t need to worry about that as long as he listens to, and stays close to Mommy and Daddy. But, Rigel wasn’t convinced.
He sweetly asked, “Mom, can I say a prayer?”
He said it so sincerely, like he just knew praying would fix everything. I wish I had recorded this prayer of my sweet Rigel, as it made me tear up one minute and giggle the next, but it went something like this:
“Dear Heavenly Father, please bless my muscles to be strong as bricks. Help me to be stronger than Dad so I can protect Eve. Bless me to be strong enough to destroy a tornado. In the name of Jesus Christ – wait, I forgot something! Bless me to be fast as lightning, and stronger and more powerful than anyone in the whole world. In the name of Jesus Christ amen.”
As he closed his prayer, he very confidently said, “See mom? Now I can protect everyone in the whole world.”
Even now, I feel the perfect faith of my almost six-year-old son. He truly believes with all of his heart that if he prays hard enough, he can do what he wants to do most – protect people.
Last year I asked him what his favorite characteristic of Jesus was, and he said that He healed people. My boy will be a protector and a healer of the weak and innocent. I just know it.
Will he have muscles as strong as bricks and the ability to destroy a tornado? I don’t know, but I do believe this scripture:
…for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you (Matthew 17:20).
I learn from the faith of my children every day. I am grateful that my Rigel knows that if he has a righteous desire, he can pray to his Heavenly Father for guidance and strength.
For about 11 years I have wanted to name my first baby girl Raina after a beautiful 3-year-old girl I watched at my daycare job. Well, once I found out I was having a girl this pregnancy, I wasn’t so sure anymore. I wanted to make sure that Raina was the right name, so I went through hundreds of names as I usually do. Jad and I discussed them, and he didn’t like most of the names, not even the Arabic ones. I was shocked he had an opinion since he hadn’t had one with the boys. So, we kept looking and looking. We thought about Rose (or a name with Rose in it), a name with Belle/Bella in it, and more lovely names like Ariana, Ella, Ava, Adaline, and Alayna. Jad loved Rosalina, but I thought it was too long. We went back to Raina at one point and felt pretty good about it, until people at work started using it and Jad decided he didn’t like it. So, back to looking at the long list of maybes. My mom kept telling us names she liked, and one day she said she loved Evey. I liked it, but Jad wasn’t sure. Then we got a 4D ultrasound done for our baby girl on October 18.
As I looked at her pictures over and over, I knew she was someone special and needed a really lovely name. I thought of the most beautiful and important names of all time, and my mind went to the Bible. We had already said we liked Esther, but then Eve came to mind. I instantly loved it. Jad wasn’t so sure, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind. The 23rd at my mom’s house, I told her that we were strongly considering Eve. She was ecstatic. Jad still wasn’t sure, but on the way home we asked the kids if they liked the name Eve. Rigel had been wanting to call her Rose, and Casey loved Ella, but when we told them about why we wanted to name her Eve, they got really excited, and we knew she would become Eve Marie Al-Bjaly.
Let me tell you her story…
My due date for my fourth child: December 2, 2016
My actual delivery date of my fourth child: October 26, 2016 at 10:10PM.
Eve Marie Al-Bjaly was born at 34 weeks 5 days gestation at UNC Hospital via induced vaginal delivery. She was a tiny 4 pounds 14 ounces and 17 inches long.
All during my pregnancy, I had a small worry at the back of my mind that my baby girl would be born quite suddenly, just like Kamren was. His labor was around 20 minutes or so – how long would hers be?
Then there was the concern about Thanksgiving – could we have it? What if I had the baby right around then? Because of that, we decided as a family to cancel the holiday this year.
My pregnancy had been very normal the whole time, but then at my October 5 midwife appointment, I had very high blood pressure. I was told we needed to keep an eye on it, and then October 19, I had high blood pressure again. That time, I was told that I may have gestational hypertension and that I needed to go to UNC Hospital that day to get monitored. I was surprised because I have never had that problem before. I had to call Jad and ask him to leave work and get Kamren. After a quick lunch at Harris Teeter, I drove myself to UNC Hospital for the first time. I admit I was a little worried.
I thought I would be seen right away when I got to the hospital, but there were no rooms. I had to sit in the waiting room for quite some time. I was happy to have met another pregnant woman that day who I could talk to. She was there for pre-op for a c-section the next day. She was so nice, and we had a great conversation. She put me at ease. Finally, I was taken back. I honestly don’t remember much, just that I was told I do in fact have gestational hypertension and that I would be induced three weeks early. I got really no explanation of how they figured out I had that and why I had to be induced, but I just accepted it. The only silver lining to that day was I met a really nice woman named Karen who was in charge of a study for preeclamptic pregnant women – a study trying to find a blood test to figure out if a woman has preeclampsia. I got a $25 gift card before I left that day just for giving a little blood.
The following day I had to get an ultrasound at the hospital to check on the baby. She was totally healthy, which made me happy. So, I tried to prepare myself to have a baby early. Some friends told me I should question that, and I was prepared to. But then, October 25, at my appointment to plan my care leading up to the induction, my blood pressure was crazy high again.
An OBGYN came into my room, shook my hand, and basically looked at me in the eyes and told me I needed to go to Labor and Delivery right away. She didn’t clarify, and I immediately assumed I had to have an emergency induction. I cried out, “What? But she’s too tiny!”
I immediately started to cry and get really worried. She explained I would have to be monitored at the hospital, likely for 24 hours, and then a final determination would be made. I calmed down a little, and said I would need to make some phone calls and figure all this out. She told me I had to stay in the office (a monitored location) to make those arrangements, and then I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible.
The phone call I made to Jad wasn’t easy. I told him I needed him to leave work early and take care of the kids – that I may not be coming home that day – that I may be having a baby. My voice was quiet and weak, and Jad was worried. He talked to his boss, and then left work to take over with the kids for me.
I walked slowly to the car, shaken up. Could I even get myself there? As I sat down in the drivers’ seat, I burst into tears and sobbed. I prayed and I probably hyperventilated a little. The unknown had never been scarier.
This time when I checked myself into the hospital, they had a triage room ready for me. I got into a gown, and was hooked up to the blood pressure machine. As I was lying on the bed in a moment alone, the tears started streaming down my face again. I was scared and worried about my baby girl. Just when I felt the tears would never stop, a soft but steady movement started in my tummy. My baby had woken up, and it was as if she was telling me that everything would be okay. I immediately felt that she was trying to comfort me, and that I could stop crying. I know that her moving for that long period of time was just for me. The thought occurred to me that she was acting as if she were my mother. Mothers comfort, and she was doing that for me. At that moment, her name was confirmed to me: her name really would be Eve.
I had to get back to reality as nurses came in and out. My blood pressure was taken over and over. I was in that room for hours, and had nothing to do but flip the channels. I hadn’t eaten at all since 7:30AM, and got really hungry. Jad came to see me, and I finally got food after he left again.
My blood pressure wasn’t going down, so they decided I needed to stay in the hospital overnight. I was to start a 24-hour urine collection. I would give blood a few times, and my blood pressure would continue to be taken. I would also be given a steroid shot that day and the following day to help my baby’s lungs develop should I need to deliver her. I had to start making arrangements for my kids. Jad came to me that evening and brought me an overnight bag. After a little visit, I found company with the cast of Into the Woods on the TV.
The next day, as my pee bucket got fuller, and my blood pressure stayed high, I could feel it in my heart that I wasn’t going to be sent home. What would it help to send me home? My blood pressure would still be high, and who knows what could happen? What if I developed preeclampsia?
I finally just confronted the issue with the nurses. I was up front and said I wanted to know the truth. They said they would ask for me, and they agreed with my logic. Well, not a few minutes later, an OBGYN came to speak with me to address that very thing. She basically told me that it was time for me to have a baby. She said I did in fact have preeclampsia, even though I had no other symptoms, and that it is safer for the baby to be born than remain in the womb with a placenta not doing its job.
When she said that, I felt a little nervousness, but overall peace. I asked how much time I had to make phone calls and prepare. The doctor said they would start preparing a room for me, but that I had time. I called Jad and my mom. I wasn’t surprised that Jad wanted to finish a few things at work and make sure it was okay for him to leave. I gave him the job of packing some stuff for me at home, and reassured him we had some time. My mom wanted to come right away to be with me – that is just her personality, and I love her for it.
Well, she got there, and it turned out I had to wait a long time to move up to a room, even though I packed quickly and was told it was going to be much quicker. I called Jad and told him about the delay, and he decided he wanted to clean out the van really well before he came to prepare for our baby girl.
Finally, I got to go to a room and change into a gown. When Jad got there, he brought me lots of bags, and even rolled in the stroller. That was kind of funny to me, as I knew that Eve would not be coming home right away.
I really don’t remember a lot about the details of my labor. There was no clock in the room, oddly enough, so I don’t know when I was induced or how long the labor was. I believe I was induced sometime between 2:30 and 3:30PM, but I am not sure.
Some details of note are that I was given my second steroid shot and given continuous doses of magnesium to prevent seizures. The nurse recommended I have an epidural due to my blood pressure. I didn’t contest, though I was a little sad thinking of how my plans for a natural birth were no longer possible. I asked for the epidural before my pain got bad (around 4PM), and when the team came in, I jokingly asked if it would hurt like crap, knowing full well how much it hurts. They said it wouldn’t hurt badly, and I was surprised, though quickly realized they were lying as they pushed and fiddled around inside my back over and over trying to find the right spot. It was excruciating, but it did work, thankfully.
My sister-in-law, Laura, surprised me by coming to visit me in the hospital. I was so grateful to have her, my mom, and Jad there with me. It was pleasant just talking together.
The labor was steady and there were no issues. We were a little impatient, though, as the hours went on. Finally, my mom and Laura left to go home to their families, not long before 8PM.
By that time I was 4 CM dilated and 50% effaced. When they finally broke my water, hardly anything came out, but I knew she would come soon. I wasn’t scared, but excited instead. I could hear the stark contrast between this labor and Kamren’s. With Kamren, I was screaming bloody murder: “My baby, my baby!” With this delivery, I was excitedly exclaiming, “My baby is coming! She’s coming!” I had such joy, and no fear, even though she was going to be a premature baby.
Well, she came out after a few pushes, and after Jad cut the cord, she was put on my body for a few seconds and then taken from me to be examined. I couldn’t even see her the first time because they didn’t put her up high enough.
My first picture with Eve
https://youtu.be/ES4aT2QEkoQ
Put me back in!
Once they wiped her off, I got to hold her skin to skin for a few moments. The first thing I noticed was her long, slender fingers. I loved them, and her instantly.
Our first picture as a family
I wanted to snuggle with her forever, but she had to be taken. She did start to nuzzle my neck a little, so the crew in the room said I should try to nurse her. It was so hard. She was so small, and I was afraid of hurting her. She didn’t know how to suck, but at least we tried, and I got to hold her a little longer.
And then she was gone. I couldn’t be with her for 24 hours because I would continue to have the magnesium pumped into my body. I sent Jad after her, and he got to witness her first feeding, and adore her in the NICU.
https://youtu.be/nA8RqlRlEMQ
https://youtu.be/s406plgb244
The next day for me (Oct 27) was sleeping, attempting to express (with a nurse’s help) and pump, and trying to catch up on text messages and Facebook comments from friends. It was so hard to function because of the magnesium. I would get small spurts of energy throughout the day, and then suddenly feel nearly dead with exhaustion. I looked forward all day and night to get off that magnesium so I could eat, get out of that bed, and see my baby girl.
At least Jad got to visit with her. He even did a Skype call with me so I could see Eve: I couldn’t keep from crying tears of joy looking at her and talking to her peaceful, sleeping face. Oh, I can’t wait to snuggle her again.
Most of that day was very boring, but at least I got to see my beautiful sons. They were a little weirded out that I couldn’t cuddle them or get out of bed. I felt so bad, and was worried about Kamren especially, since until a day before, he had been my baby. They were so excited to meet their sister that night, though!
They took me off the magnesium about 9PM. All my tubes were removed, and I ordered a huge meal. I have never eaten faster – it had been 33 hours since I had last eaten. Standing up and moving around wasn’t so easy. My legs were literally like limp noodles. I had to have help going to the bathroom, and getting into my wheelchair. I didn’t let that stop me from seeing my baby, though. My nurse wheeled me to the NICU to see Eve before taking me to my new room.
She was so precious. The love I felt for her was indescribable. I watched her, and then held her, cuddled her, and tried to nurse her. She couldn’t nurse, so I just snuggled her some more. I didn’t want to leave her ever again, but I had to. Up to my new room I went to rest, and regain leg strength. Once I got my legs back, nothing could stop me from going to my baby as much as possible (every three hours to be exact).
On October 28 I wrote: I got to see my sweet baby a couple times late last night, once around 11 and the next time a little after 2. Both times we snuggled and tried latching/nursing. It wasn’t easy, and we tried different things so she could still eat and also be with me, and by the end of the second time, she was already latching on me as a pacifier. She cried unless she was with me. I see that as a great sign! I got a little sleep, am much steadier on my noodle feet than last night, and have the energy to get clean, eat, and spend as much time with Eve as possible today. Gosh, she is gorgeous and precious, and so full of personality.
Most of that day Eve was really sleepy and tube fed. I knew that she couldn’t go home until she was feeding via bottle or breast all the time, so that was a little disheartening. At least she was healthy otherwise with her temperature regulation and blood sugar. And I got to do a kangaroo hold with her – so special!
It was so helpful to my spirit having family visit me and Eve in the hospital those first couple days – Jad’s uncle Hani, my Nana, my sister, my mom, Jad’s brother, Tawfeeq, and his wife Aundrea and their son, Landon…I really appreciated their love and gifts.
Oct 29 started out well as I got back to my girl: I took one break from sweet Eve in the middle of the night to sleep, but sleep was so hard for me. When I went down at 5, I found out she had been fussy off and on since about 12:30am. I felt bad that I had missed her and she had missed me. But, with that came a lovely session of stares, lots of kisses, and even some good nursing, once we figured it out together. Then, oh, sweet snuggles commenced. I love my girl!
Overall, that day was really hard on me. It was the day of my discharge. Let me explain with a post I wrote the next morning: I must admit that yesterday was a really hard day for me. I was supposed to be discharged, but found myself waiting in vain nearly all day into the late afternoon. I was all alone in the hospital without my family, and the only solace came when I was with my sweet baby. My family finally came to get me not long before dinner time. I got to hug them all quickly, and then Jad brought each kid down to see Eve for a few minutes, I got to take the boys to the snack room for ice cream and juice, and that was the most fun I had had all day, haha. Finally, it was time to get the car and take all of our stuff down to check out of the hospital. Imagine packing up your car with all kinds of baby stuff, and not being able to put the baby in the car with you. Imagine having spent all your time for five days in the hospital, not being able to think of anything but having and taking care of a baby, and then knowing that your future is uncertain. When I got in the car, and we headed to the Ronald McDonald House, I was so overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to expect – I just knew I wouldn’t be sleeping in the same place as anyone I loved. We got there quickly, though it felt like an eternity. I had to dry my tears. Well, after paperwork and a tour, I was check into my new “home.” The boys and Jad had been eating tacos and playing while waiting for me. I could tell they were all irritable and struggling with the unknown too. The kids just wanted some normalcy and fun, like they are used to. As we drove home for me to simply pack and come right back, I couldn’t stop the sobs from coming. I am glad we had tissues, because I used so many of them. My throat, by the time we got home, felt like a cat had clawed at it. I just couldn’t function. I was so overwhelmed and sad. I needed time with my husband and kids, but barely got to spend any time with them at all. I didn’t know how much to pack to take to the RMH – how long will I be there? What will happen with Eve? Will my kids and husband be okay without me? I know that Jad has been working so hard while I have been gone since last Tuesday, and my family and friends have also stepped up graciously. When I walked into the house for that little time, I noticed how clean the house was, and how much care Jad had put into getting it ready for Eve. I felt guilty that I hadn’t been able to help at all in days, and I could tell how much my family needed me. After I packed, my boys were so sweet to say they loved me and give me hugs and kisses. Casey and Jad carefully put my stuff in the car, and Jad even had a couple falafel sandwiches ready for me to eat, since I had missed dinner. A couple kisses later, and I was on my way back to Chapel Hill. My exhaustion was strong, but I made it. Bringing everything in, and unpacking took me quite some time, but calmed me. I felt love for my husband as I saw how much food he carefully packed for me. I was happy to see a Bojangles biscuit and boberry biscuit in there. It was comforting to eat those before I went up to my room, unpacked, read my scriptures, pumped, and got a little sleep. I got up quite early to pump again and get ready to see my baby. I can’t express how inadequate I feel, but at the same time, I feel like I am being blessed with drive and energy, and hope. I am filled with love for my baby girl, and I yearn for when we can all be together. I am so grateful my baby will be okay, and that we are a family of six now. Life will be normal before we know it – for now it is just really hard. I appreciate the continued love and prayers. I really do.
I was in tears when I wrote all that. The only real joy I had was in being with my precious Eve. She got a real crib on the night of the 29th, and just seeing her sweet face and holding her hand helped me get through the pain.
I realized later on the 30th what therapy I really needed as my husband came to visit: I cannot even tell you how therapeutic it was for Jad to come visit Eve and me today. We spent several hours together. It was our first time bonding we three. And I didn’t realize the sad fact Jad hadn’t held her since the night she was born. They are such a pair. She stayed awake for quite some time staring at her daddy.
(He would start coming to see Eve every day after that. Taking care of the kids and doing all the chores was hard on Jad, not to mention the cleaning and projects he was trying to do to prepare for our sweet girl to come home.)
Before I went to bed super late that night I wrote this:
Most cherished moments of today: spending time with Daddy
Funniest moment of the day: Eve pooping five incredibly smelly poops in about 30 minutes
Proudest moment of the day: this morning when my milk came in! It is going strong.
Warmest moment of the day (literally and figuratively): when Eve snuggled her head just under my neck, and lay content and wide awake. This was right after all her poops. She was really fussy until this time together.
October 31 was Halloween! I was feeling a little lonely that morning, when a lady came into the reference room I was sitting in, and asked if I was Eve’s mom. She then asked me if I had chosen a Halloween costume for her. I lit up and smiled broadly because I wished I had had a costume for her. This surprise made my day: Oh, how wonderful today is Halloween at the UNC NICU. I got a very special surprise for Eve this morning: the choice of a costume for her! I was so thrilled. Picking a costume and dressing her in it have been such a joy for me. She got her picture taken professionally and will be in a judging contest later today. 😀
My ballerina
But the day got even better because my mom and sister came to visit, and then Jad brought all the kids, picked me up, and we all went trick-or-treating together at Southern Village. It was a perfect neighborhood, and we all enjoyed being together as a family. You don’t fully appreciate your family unit until you can’t be together – at least that’s how I felt.
I went to being emotional again, though, as I missed a feeding with Eve by about 15 minutes. I didn’t make it back by 8PM because we had to drop by the RM House first for me to grab a few things and for us to eat a little bit of leftovers. Oh well, at least I got to snuggle with her!
November 1 was a good day. it started with Jad coming and bringing me roses!
Eve had a couple firsts today, like her first blow-out poop (super duper stinky one), and her first excellent nursing session. Progress is being made. Her nurse has no doubt she will fill out quickly, especially considering her mama’s amazing milk supply. 😉
Slender foot!Tiny hand!
And here were the highlights of Eve’s day on November 1:
She got to snuggle with Daddy (but not before pooping on him!)
She got to spend time with each of her brothers (Casey held her for the first time/Rigel drew her a double-sided picture).
She got her IV taken out for good
She got a sponge bath and I got to help! She smells amazing.
The flower and the “awesome”The picture was of Eve living in a house with spikes on it, surrounded by a force field so she could be safe. And I taught Rigel how to write her name.
November 2 was Eve’s one-week birthday. The morning started out wonderfully. She nursed amazingly, needing no supplemental feed. We snuggled for a long time after that.
My cousin, Lisa, came to visit me in the hospital that day, bringing me much needed newborn clothes, and we ate lunch together (which ended up being free somehow). She took lovely pictures of Eve and me.
Then Jad came to visit after Lisa went back with the kids (we were so grateful for her).
We celebrated Eve’s one-week birthday with cupcakes. Did I mention the food at UNC hospital is awesome!
I wrote down all the things about Eve as of a week old:
She loves to: Look you in your eyes Snuggle Get her head rubbed Hear your singing voice Cross her eyes and stick out her tongue Feel warm and bundled Be kissed
She hates to: Get her temperature taken Get her diaper changed Be poked at all Be woken up
A comparison of Eve to Rigel and Kamren…
On November 3, Eve was really sleepy all day. I would nurse her for 10-12 minutes, and then Snoozeville for her each time.
Isn’t she gorgeous in pink?
But there was some great news that day:
Eve is gaining weight. She is 5 pounds 1 ounce today
We are doing less and less supplemental tube feeding, which means we are getting closer to going home.
Chick-Fil-A gave me my lunch free today because I had a baby in the NICU. I felt so special.
That night was also so wonderful: Jad and the boys came to visit tonight. Rigel and Kamren held baby Eve for the first time. We also got a Rainbow Bright stuffed animal from the Ronald McDonald room at UNC. There were lots of options but I had to get that one because I loved Rainbow Bright as a little girl.
https://youtu.be/kWkymAsefGY
Late that night she was finally awake, something I had yearned for all day!- I was about to take the shuttle back, but then little girl decided to be wide awake for the first time today with very squeaky hiccups. Another hour at the NICU waiting for the next shuttle it is (12:50AM)! I can’t complain…
I had lots of promising news and events on November 4: Today has been the opposite of yesterday so far. Little Eve has been very alert, and very interested in nursing. We aren’t worrying about a feed schedule anymore, but just listening to her cues. She is doing great, and as long as she has no issues, she will be going home Sunday! She passed her hearing test, is all set up with a pediatrician, and now just has to pass a car seat test. I get to room in with her at the hospital tomorrow night. I am so excited!
Here is another update from that day: I love this card Jad made for Eve. It has been a good day. I have had time with my hubby, and time with my dear cousin, who has been so helpful this week. Eve has been so alert and adorable today, and she got her feeding tube out today too! I feel so blessed in every way, even in just the days going by quickly.
feeding tube gone!
Her first smile!
As great as that day was, it ended sadly for me as I left Eve before 9PM so I could pack up at the RMH: I left Eve tonight 2-3 hours earlier than I usually do. It was so hard to leave – so hard, I got teary-eyed. I mean, are the nurses going to snuggle her enough? But, I have to start packing up and try to get some decent sleep for the first time in a week and a half. Sleep and eat well, my little love.
I was overjoyed to get to Eve the next morning, the 5th. I can’t explain my excitement, and it was a great first meeting: This is the face of a baby girl who not only drank ridiculous amounts of milk overnight by bottle, but also just nursed strong for 35 minutes! That is like three times her average nursing time.
She also passed her car seat test last night.
And she might come home today because she is doing so well!
I left her quickly, though, to go to my baby shower. I was so excited for it. Getting out of the hospital and being around women I love was so needed. It was wonderful, from the food to the décor (mostly consisting of pictures of my precious girl) to the company to the gifts to the service project. There were tons of people there, and I was there having a fabulous time for hours. As a bonus, I got a voice mail during the shower saying that Eve could definitely come home! Yay~!
Jad picked me up with the kids to go to the hospital and get our baby girl. They went up to the Ronald McDonald floor while I got her ready to go. Ironically, it only took just a few minutes for her to get checked out, and they wanted to stay where they were because it was so fun. I had to understand the boys’ perspective, though I really just wanted to get my girl home!
I am grateful that Eve was well-taken care of at UNC Hospital. I never worried about her. She was constantly watched over by nurses and doctors, and they had her best interests in mind. I was given freedom to change her, take her temperature, help with her bath, and hold her whenever I liked. The hospital also helped make me comfortable by putting me in the Ronald McDonald House, giving me one free meal a day, providing limitless water bottles, giving me a manual breast pump, and sometimes providing a meal. It was as good of an experience as it could have been. I was thrilled to go home, but would somehow miss that special time at the hospital.
We finally got out of the hospital around 2:45 or so and ran into a lot of traffic: Even though it is a little frustrating not being able to get home as quickly as we would like, we are so blessed that our baby is healthy enough to go home.
It took forever to get to the RMH. Then I had to clean and check out, and then we had to drive home. We were so so blessed that Eve stayed asleep that whole time.
Entering my house after being gone for a week and a half felt like Heaven. We enjoyed our evening together as a family of six.
In her bassinet for the first time!
Even the night wasn’t so bad: I actually got more rest last night than I ever did when Eve was in the NICU. She woke up to eat three times, and went back to sleep. Twice she stirred a little as if to wake, but I was easily able to get her back to sleep the first time by looking at her and holding her hand, and the second time by stroking her cheek. She is so affectionate.
I won’t go through the next whole month of Eve’s life detail by detail because that would take forever, but here are some highlights and my favorite pictures of her:
Nov 6 – Our first morning at home!
Mariah got this cookie cake to celebrate her homecoming.
Nov 7 – First Dr appointment: Eve had her first pediatric doctor appointment today. Dr. Boylston said she is doing great and likely in a couple months, we won’t even be able to tell she was a preemie. We are also going to try not supplementing and see how she does! She has a weight check Thursday. Today she was up to 5 pounds 6 ounces.
Just some cute Nov 8 pics:
Eve and my dollEve and her unicorn
Nov 10 – Weight check – Eve had her weight check today. She is up three ounces in three days, which is perfect. At 5 pounds 9 ounces, this baby is healthy and needs no supplementation. Yay!
Nov 10 – First bathtub bath – she didn’t like it other than her hair being washed.
Nov 11 – The day I was supposed to be induced!
Cute pic from Nov 12 –
Cute pic from Nov 13 –
Nov 14 – Jad went back to work – can I handle it???
Spiky hair!
Nov 16 – I had just started nursing my baby. The dog came into the room licking her lips but I hadn’t fed her anything. It was quiet- too quiet. I called for my son. No answer, but the bathroom door promptly closed and locked. Was it as I feared? I unlocked the door. Yes, yes it was. It was horrible. The smell. The mess. The pleading, yet guilty look in my son’s eyes. The squished brown substance on the floor and the wall and the toilet and his legs. The torn toilet paper everywhere. I realized at that moment my dog was the most disgusting dog on earth and that the floor is my son’s new favorite place to poop. Will he ever be potty trained? Will I ever let my dog kiss any of us again?
You can’t make this stuff up. This is the life of a nursing mother…
Nov 17 – loves her hair being brushed (three weeks old!).
Nov 18 – Eve’s first walk
Nov 19 – She has grown!
Nov 20 – First time at Nana and Papa’s house!
Cute pic from Nov 21 –
Nov 23 – Excellent sleep and 4 weeks old! – This beautiful girl made her parents very happy last night. She slept from just after midnight to 6:52AM without waking up at all! This was her first night sleeping through. She just drank lots of milk and went back to sleep too!
Nov 24 – Eve’s first Thanksgiving! – My house has 21 people in it right now. I am upstairs feeding Eve, and can hear talking, playing and laughter all around. I am so grateful for snuggles with my baby, my family, good food, a cozy house, and lovely weather. I am grateful for the great land I live in, for good friends, and most of all, for a loving Father in Heaven, His beloved son, and the Holy Ghost.
Nov 25 cute pic –
Nov 26 – One month old!!! – Eve Marie Al-Bjaly was born one month ago today. She was born at 34 weeks five days gestation at 4 pounds 14 ounces and 17 inches. Today we are thrilled to say that she is 7 pounds 9.6 ounces and 19 inches. That is a whole lot of growing in a month. We are so in love with her. Her favorite thing to do is eat. She also likes her hair brushed and her feet rubbed. She loves walking around and taking in the sites. She cries like a goat, squeaks like a mouse, and purrs like a kitten. She does not like to be cold or wet. Snuggles are always appreciated. And she gets like 5000 kisses a day.
My beautiful one-month old
dancing with daddy
Nov 30 – One-month Dr appointment! – She was 7 pounds 15 ounces and 19 1/2 inches
Eve in my blessing gown and cape
Dec 2 – Her due date – today!
If it looks like there hasn’t been much excitement since Eve came home from the hospital, that’s because there hasn’t been. Eve and I have spent most of our time at home snuggling and nursing and watching Studio C. I am not going to be taking her anywhere public (except Dr appointments) until she is 2 months old, per doctor orders. Visits from friends and family have brought us much joy, however, and we have visitors often.
I must express my sincere gratitude for everyone who has been helping with my boys during this time, whether play dates or driving them to appointments. I am also so grateful for everyone who brought us meals when I was in the hospital and when we were first home. And how could I forget the kind women who donated clothes and other baby gear to me? Eve will be well-dressed and very warm for a long time.
Life has been quite hard, honestly. Even without much excitement, it is really hard to keep up with cleaning, projects, and just day-to-day responsibilities. Thus, our home is messier than we are used to, and our meals are pretty simple. But, we wouldn’t trade having four children for the world. Hopefully this phase won’t last too long.
You may wonder how the boys like their new sister. Each of them absolutely adores her. They love holding her, and kiss her and touch her so gently. I have never seen them so sweet. Eve brings such a special spirit to our home. Even Kamren, who had been the baby for so long, adjusted immediately to being a big brother. Sometimes Kamren and Rigel still need hugs, kisses, and snuggles, and we do our best to still oblige, but they understand sometimes we just have one arm instead of two now.
Our home also looks different. For several months, Jad and I worked hard to transform Kamren’s old room into Eve’s nursery. For the first time, we have pink in our home. We love her room!
We didn’t expect Eve to come so soon. We had some scary moments, some lonely ones, some overwhelmed ones, but also some faith-promoting ones. Would I have chosen for Eve to be born early and for her to be in the NICU for a week and a half? Maybe not, but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. Sometimes that plan involves adversity to make us better people, and bring us closer to Him. This experience has done just that. My prayers and yours were answered. They brought me peace, and Eve her health. Not to mention that I know that Eve and I would not have the bond we have, and will always have, without that time alone together in the hospital.
I love my baby girl more than I could ever tell you. I am honored to be her mother, and I am so excited to raise a little girl to womanhood. I hope we are best friends forever.
I taught a class on building an eternal marriage to the women in my congregation, as well as in a larger event for women in my church. I wanted to make the class interesting, easy to remember, and fun. I would like to share my lesson with you so you can have this discussion and do this activity with your spouse.
To create the tastiest concoctions, we must use the very best ingredients, taking our time to cook with love. The same is true to create the most joyous marriages, and the Lord has given us the perfect recipe to make our marriages eternal.
The ingredients were created with the marriage relationship in mind, but the corresponding attributes and actions apply to all people, and to all relationships.
So, in any good baking recipe, you start with a bowl. Notice the roundness of the rim. This will represent the never-ending bond of marriage and family – the sealing covenant. The bowl must be clean, representing the holiness of that covenant.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, “Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith: they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them. They must surrender unconditionally, obeying God and sacrificing for each other. Then they will discover what Alma called ‘incomprehensible joy.’”
Elder Hafen also talked about the difference between a contract of marriage and a covenant. Think about those differences as we discuss the recipe for eternity:
Contract
You walk away from your troubles.
You do your part only when the other does.
50/50 effort
Covenant:
When troubles come, you endure them together.
100/100 effort.
You sustain and lift each other in times of trial.
You obey God and sacrifice for each other.
You need and sustain each other.
You are given the strength to give your life for your sheep (spouse, child)
You are bound to each other and to the Lord.
Ready for the ingredients? The first is: Well-packed Time. In the real recipe, it is packed brown sugar.
Our days and weeks likely are packed. But, we can prioritize our time well to maximize the happiness for ourselves, and those in our homes.
President Uchtdorf said: “Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home.”
Time is so hard, isn’t it? There is never enough time because there is so much to do from errands to keeping house to spending time with family to church responsibilities to work and more. So, what do we do when we have completely full schedules? How do we find time to do all of our chores and spend time with our spouses and families? Any ideas?
Sometimes, it is more quality than quantity. Plan time, and make sure it is a relaxing time where you can focus on your love for each other and not outside distractions.
You can also spend time together without being alone together, through:
Texts/phone calls
Stealing smiles and laughs while doing responsibilities together
Holding hands when out and about.
Also, learn to simplify and say no. If you already have a full plate, be honest with yourself. Don’t add more on. Ask yourself: does this help my family or my marriage? Does this strengthen my testimony? Can someone else do this? Is this necessary?
Talk to your spouse about priorities. What is most important? It should be God, spouse and family. Set expectations with each other and do your best.
But, are the issues with time we talked about all there is? What about not having enough time for yourself? What about not having time to make yourself look the way you want to, or to do the hobbies you love, or to spend time with friends? Have you ever felt that way?
So, we need time for those we love, but also for ourselves. Taking time for yourself can really help you be a better wife, mother and person. You have more to give when you are able to sustain yourself. Discuss this need with your spouse, and plan times for each of you to have “you” time.
The next ingredient is Softened Answers, or for the recipe, softened butter.
The writer of Proverbs counsels, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
What are some examples of soft communication?
Ex: Compliments, showing interest, rejoicing in accomplishments, showing appreciation for labors, apologizing when wrong, saying I love you. In prayer, thanking Heavenly Father for spouse.
There are so many things that we need to discuss as couples, things that could become arguments if not done with soft answers, from making/changing traditions, to important life decisions, to methods of raising children, to trouble with friends or family, to personal desires, thoughts, and dreams.
When talking about all these things, we will have different opinions, which could lead to arguments if not done right.
To avoid contention/fights:
Listen to each other’s opinions completely and without judgment. Validate those feelings rather than refute them.
Speak your mind, rather than stay silent, because silence can lead to future fights.
Study both options, and perhaps others.
Pray about the resolution and listen for the answer.
Even with our best efforts, sometimes we won’t say the right things or react the right way. And sometimes our spouse won’t.
Elder Bednar counseled, “When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.”
We could explode in these situations, or we can breathe, express our feelings, and remember we love our spouse and are on the same team.
Sometimes we will get irritated with our spouse’s behaviors and habits. We feel tempted to tell our friends about it, so they can tell us how right we are and how wrong he is. But this fills us with bitterness, pride, and blinds us from our own faults.
Absolutely talk about your concerns, but only to the one person who needs to hear them. Take time and give space if needed, but always talk about it. Try to understand how each other feels, and don’t turn conversation around to dote on the other’s faults. Take responsibility for behavior and words, and apologize.
Next, you add in Pure Love of Christ, or pure vanilla extract.
Pres Uchtdorf said, “…no matter how flat your relationship may be at the present, if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow.
Whatever problems your family is facing…the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ. Without this love, even seemingly perfect families struggle. With it, even families with great challenges succeed.
The great enemy of charity is pride. Pride is short-tempered, unkind, and envious. Pride exaggerates its own strength and ignores the virtues of others. Pride is selfish and easily provoked. Pride assumes evil intent where there is none and hides its own weaknesses behind clever excuses. Pride is cynical, pessimistic, angry, and impatient. Indeed, if charity is the pure love of Christ, then pride is the defining characteristic of Satan.
Love in the fabric of the plan of salvation is selfless and seeks the well-being of others. That is the love our Heavenly Father has for us.”
What are some charitable characteristics you love about your spouse?
The next ingredient is whole devotion, or whole milk.
“Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto
her and none else. “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after
her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents
not he shall be cast out” (Doctrine and Covenants 42:22-23).
What are some methods you use to make sure you do not lust after other men?
Examples – I will not compare my husband to other men and wish he was more like them/ I will not read books or magazines, watch movies or videos, or listen to music that spark sexual feelings from within.
Pres Uchtdorf said, “Somehow, as the days multiply and the color of romantic love changes, there are some who slowly stop thinking of each other’s happiness and start noticing the little faults. In such an environment, some are enticed by the tragic conclusion that their spouse isn’t smart enough, fun enough, or young enough. And somehow they get the idea that this gives them justification to start looking elsewhere.
In God’s plan of happiness, we are not so much looking for someone perfect but for a person with whom, throughout a lifetime, we can join efforts to create a loving, lasting, and more perfect relationship. That is the goal.”
How can you show your devotion to your spouse? Examples – trust and accept him, be honest with him always, always remember why you fell in love…
Next is the Salt of the Earth, as a representation for salt.
Matthew 5:13 – Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.
Christ is speaking to His covenant people who have been baptized in His name. They are called to be this salt of the earth.
Carlos E. Asay said, “The word savor denotes taste, pleasing flavor, interesting quality, and high repute. That is, it is clean, pure, uncontaminated, and useful…Savor is lost through mixture and contamination.”
He gave examples of losing savor (or purity) – pornography, lies, drug, alcohol, bad language, etc. Then he gave advice: “If it is not clean, do not think it; if it is not true, do not speak it; if it is not good, do not do it.” King Benjamin cautioned, “Watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God” (Mosiah 4:30).
How can we help our spouses and ourselves become more pure?
We should share our sins and weaknesses with each other to help us become one and help each other maintain our savor. If we don’t admit our faults, it is harder to overcome them, and we continue to lose our savor.
If spouses are working hard to live the gospel and remain clean, then they will be more useful to the Lord, to each other, and to their families. And living righteously will help us come closer to God, and closer to eternal life.
John 6:35 – And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.
Draw a triangle with wife on the bottom left, husband on the bottom right, and God on the top – The closer we come to the Lord, the closer we come to each other. Notice if one of us moves from the Lord, if we also move from the Lord, we go further away from our spouse, not closer.
Elder John A. Widtsoe said, “True love of man for woman always includes love of God from whom all good things issue.”
There are many desirable qualities in a spouse, but the ones that matter most are the ones that mirror the Savior.
So, we need to put God first. How can we do that first individually and as a couple?
Christ, through his atonement, not only can make us clean from our sins, but lighten our burdens and make our weaknesses strengths. But, we must go to Him for help.
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).
As couples and families, we will go through trials over the years. If we come unto Christ together, pray for help, and keep the commandments, Christ will help us through all of our trials. I have a testimony that the trials my family and I have been through have only strengthened our testimonies and brought us closer together. Does anyone have any examples?
When you are married, your spouse’s needs, wants, and happiness should be as important to you as your own.
What are some ways you serve your spouse?
Examples:
Learn about and support your spouse’s interests and hobbies.
Do nice things for each other, like write love notes, plan a surprise, do something without being asked, give a massage, be the one to get up and do something when you are both tired. If you give what you want to receive, your spouse will feel your love and want to do likewise.
Be sensitive to moods, desires, energy levels, and work load. That way, you can discern each other’s needs better. (breaks, relaxing, give up time if something important needs to happen)
Stop what we are doing and just listen. Be interested in how your spouse’s day was. Talk about it. Offer comfort and support. Be positive.
Help each other with responsibilities. It could be tempting to say that it is his job, so I shouldn’t have to help. By getting up and helping with chores, your spouse can feel that you enjoy being with him regardless of what you are doing. If you see a need, do it rather than wait for your spouse to do it. This will be a load off of him, which will make you happy.
Pray for each other- thank God for each other, and pray for well-being and strength.
Show affection often.
By putting your spouse first, you grow together in love, and you both stay humble, and as President Spencer W. Kimball promised: “. . . If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions.”
Differences can at first glance seem to be an annoyance. “Why can’t he be more like this?” “Why can’t he do that?” “It is so obvious to me that..” “It would be so much easier if he would just…”
When differences start to annoy, it would be wise to look within. “Am I perfect? Do I do everything excellently? Am I the best parent and spouse in the world? Am I better than my spouse?” What will the answer be?
Pres Uchtdorf said, “ If we look for imperfections in our spouse or irritations in our marriage, we will certainly find them, because everyone has some. On the other hand, if we look for the good, we will surely find it, because everyone has many good qualities too.” He also said, “Rather than attempting to force everyone into a mold of our own making, we can choose to celebrate these differences and appreciate them for adding richness and constant surprises to our lives.”
If you look at differences in a positive way, you excitedly see that where you lack, he excels, and vice versa. You complete each other. You help each other grow. You give each other perspective.
What are some good differences you and your spouse have?
There are some things that aren’t easy with being different, like maybe how we communicate or show affection or handle conflict. If you talk together about your desires and needs, and go to the Lord for help, with a willingness to improve, you will both be blessed.
Now mix all the ingredients well – this spoon represents consistent hard work and effort to keep your family strong and provided for. Both husband and wife must put in that effort.
You may have a spouse that you admire for his work ethic, or you may have one you wish did more.
If you are in the latter group, here is some advice:
Communicate expectations together for work and roles. Make sure they are fair and doable.
Say thank you for the things he does do well. This appreciation will motivate him to do more.
Help each other learn new skills so you can both help more where help is needed.
Notice how the dough is sticky. The ingredients are holding together, united in deliciousness. You may say that the ingredients making up the recipe for eternity are cleaving, which means to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly.
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6-9).
*twain means two
Elder Henry B. Eyring made this profound statement, “Our Heavenly Fatherwants our hearts to be knit together. That union inlove is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.”
The commandment to cleave is meant to help us be united in righteousness, providing us with the greatest joy we could ever imagine. As the Lord said, “where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Make sure your spouse is one of your greatest treasures. _____________________________________________________________________________________
Now it is time to enjoy eating this fabulous confection together.
I see the eating of the sweet as enjoying life together -being happy, laughing, finding joy in each other, and growing in love.
President Uchtdorf said, “Those who save marriages pull out the weeds and water the flowers. They celebrate the small acts of grace that spark tender feelings of charity. Remember why you fell in love. Work each day to make your marriage stronger and happier. It may be a gradual work, but it doesn’t have to be a cheerless one. In fact, at the risk of stating the obvious, divorce rarely happens when the husband and wife are happy. So be happy! Those who save their marriages choose happiness.”
President Spencer W. Kimball promised: “If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have . . . great happiness.”
This is one of my favorite children’s hymns, and has been since I was a child in Primary at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I can barely sing it without becoming emotional, and I certainly can’t hear a choir of children sing it without tears falling like a waterfall down my cheeks.
To me, the temple is the house of God. It is the holiest place on earth. I know this with all of my heart, and it isn’t just because someone told me so. But before I explain my feelings, perhaps you might like to learn more about LDS temples. Please watch these brief, beautiful videos below.
I could feel that there was something special about the temple when I was a little girl singing “I Love to See the Temple.” I could feel it even more when I went on a trip with fellow teenage girls and our leaders the weekend I turned 12 to the Washington, DC Temple. I got to stand in front of that magnificent structure, wearing a borrowed wedding dress, smiling at the thought of my future.
Washington, DC LDS Temple
I remember my first time entering the Washington, DC temple. I was 12, and it was my first trip with the youth to do baptisms and confirmations for the dead. I can still smell the chlorine from the font. I remember looking down at my white-socked feet, fingering my white jump suit, waiting in silence on the benches, while staring at that beautiful font filled with blue water, standing on the strong backs of 12 oxen. I remember the man in the white suit who spoke us and told us the significance of what we were going to do. I remember feeling the comforting and peaceful presence of the Holy Ghost as I went under the water over and over for those who have gone before, and again as I sat in a chair which strong hands on my wet head, blessing me with the gift of the Holy Ghost on behalf of those who had been waiting for His companionship for many years.
The DC Temple Visitors Center has always been a special place for me. As a youth, I remember opening a large book with pictures of all the operating temples. Each one was absolutely beautiful in its own way. My favorite at the time was the San Diego Temple. I still haven’t been there, but I hope to visit someday. It amazes me how there are so many more temples now than there were when I was a teenager.
San Diego LDS Temple
I spoke in church when I was 17 about the temple, and I knew as I spoke that the temple really was a holy place, and that I wanted to make my own covenants there and be sealed in the temple to a worthy husband for time and all eternity. As a youth, I was taught the important of staying morally clean, and being the type of person I needed to be to be worthy of a righteous young man to take me by the hand, and be united with me forever in the house of the Lord.
When I was 19 1/2 years old, I made personal covenants with my Heavenly Father, and the following day, I knelt across a sacred altar and covenanted to cleave to my new husband in righteousness. I felt that I was making a beautiful decision – the most important of my life. The Holy Ghost had confirmed to me that this man was the man I was to be with for eternity – to bear children with, and to grow closer to God with.
Sadly, our marriage did not last. I would have kept my commitment to him forever, helping him with his weaknesses and vices, but he did not feel the same. It was a heart-wrenching time of my life, especially being young with a baby less than a year old. But, I always kept my faith that eternal marriage was a true principle, and that I wanted that again – this time truly for eternity.
Several years later, I met that man. I knew after not much time that he was the one that I wanted to make those sacred covenants with in the temple. Due to unforseen circumstances, we were married civilly at first, rather than in the temple. It was heartbreaking for me, but I knew in one year we could be sealed. By the time that one year came upon us, we had a newborn son named Rigel. He was less than two months old when we were sealed in the Raleigh, NC Temple. I testify to you right now that I have never felt the presence of the Holy Ghost more strongly than I did the day Jad and I were sealed, and then our beautiful baby boy was brought in to be sealed to us. If I didn’t already have a testimony of eternal families, it was unbreakable that day. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my baby was bound to me and my husband not only for this life, but for eternity.
Raleigh LDS Temple
I have continued to have many spiritual experiences in the temple since that day more than five years ago. When I made covenants in the temple on behalf of my husband’s deceased grandmother, I felt a sure and distinct prompting that she had accepted those covenants. Jad and I both felt the Spirit so strongly when we knelt across the altar and sealed his grandmother to his grandfather, who had died many years before. I have had similar experiences with both family and strangers I have done work for.
Because of my firm belief of the sacredness and importance of temple covenants, I was insistent on attending my cousin’s, Lisa’s, temple wedding to her sweetheart, Sam, in June of this year. There were obstacles in my way from attending, but I never considered for a moment staying home. I knew that this day would be the most important and happiest day of my beloved cousin’s life. I was going to be there. And I went, with my mom and nana. It was truly a blessed experience. My love for my cousin, and my new cousin-in-law increased, as well as my testimony of the divinity of the marriage and family unit.
A little over a month ago, Jad and I drove our kids to the Raleigh Temple to see it for the first time. We felt bad that was the first time we had taken them, but we were still excited. The boys really enjoyed themselves. They could tell there was something special about that building and those grounds. The flowers and grass were perfectly manicured. The feeling there was peaceful and warm. You could see the calmness in their eyes and the happiness they felt just being there walking around. It made an impression on them, and Casey mentioned how he couldn’t wait to someday enter the temple and do baptisms for the dead.
Most recently, we had the most wonderful temple family experience of all. Over Labor Day Weekend, we made the over six-hour trip to Philadelphia with the primary reason of visiting the LDS Philadelphia Temple Open House. It wasn’t something that we planned to do well in advance, but we had friends who were going, and then we heard of more and more friends going. Jad and I then started to think, “Should we go? Can we go?”
As we thought about the possibilities, and started doing research, we both felt that it would be a wonderful and spiritual experience for our family. Our children would be able to not only see a temple, but walk inside of it. It was settled. We were going.
Jad took a day off work so we could go September 2-5. I spent more hours planning our trip than I would like to admit, from getting a hotel, to researching food and attractions, to reserving a spot at the open house, to researching some more. Finally, the day came to go. We felt the blessings of the Lord that whole weekend, from leaving the house on time, encountering nearly no traffic on the way, and having a very pleasant and beautiful drive up. We also felt the Lord’s hand financially – we would not have been able to afford that trip had we not just received a large refund after refinancing our house the month before.
That first night, we attended the Philadelphia Temple Open House. I was spiritually affected by the fact that the only place that whole day that we had really seen heavy traffic was right next to the temple. It took us over 15 minutes to approach a stoplight and then turn right to park. There were people everywhere who wanted to attend this open house – people from our church and people just curious to see it.
Philadelphia LDS Temple
The temple was beautiful, and we lit up with excitement as we saw it from our car. We couldn’t wait to enter. We started out by going inside a brand new LDS chapel across the street. We were led to a classroom with a TV and sister missionaries, who introduced the temple to us. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as we watched the presentation that talked about the blessings that come from temples and what we do in them. I felt my testimony of temples renewed just in watching that video. Tears don’t stream down my face for no reason – I was feeling the presence of the Holy Ghost.
After the lovely video, and sincere and sweet testimonies from the missionaries, we were led to the temple. We put shoe protectors on our feet to keep the temple clean, and then we were all able to go in. I can’t begin to express to you the beauty and serenity of the temple.
You can see pictures of the Philadelphia Temple here.
Throughout the tour, we ended up climbing up four flights of gorgeous stairs. The furniture, light fixtures, and coloring was wonderful. But, there was more. As we visited rooms like the baptismal font, the bridal room, the instruction room, the sealing room, etc., we could feel peace and love everywhere. My favorite rooms were the Chapel and the Celestial Room. In the Chapel area, we sat and listened to beautiful hymns on a self-playing organ. In the Celestial Room, there was no music or speaking. The guides let us just sit and take in the atmosphere. We stared at the huge chandelier and took in the sacredness of this meditation room. There wasn’t a sound to be heard, even with children in the room.
The whole experience was unforgettable. My children were entranced. Those of you who know my children know how wild they can be, but they were completely calm and obedient in the temple. They could feel it was a special place. When we exited, I felt so blessed to have been able to bring my children to the house of the Lord for the first time.
I was also so impressed at the calming and awesome effect being in the temple had for people not of our faith. Nobody was disrespectful or visibly disturbed or confused. Every person I saw in our group, a member of my church or not, was thoughtful and completely involved in the experience. It was hard to leave the safety of the temple. I almost wanted to go back in and go through it again. I am sure many people felt that way.
After our tour, we spent quite a lot of time in the visitors center next door, and then on the roof of that building looking at the shining temple before us. Out of the whole weekend, this was the premium experience.
But our special experiences with temples weren’t over that night. Monday, the day our Philadelphia vacation ended, we visited my beloved brother in Baltimore. We loved spending a few hours with him. Then, it was time to go home. Jad and I were both surprised when my GPS took us away from I-95 and onto I-495, a different route than on the way up.
It wasn’t long before I looked up and saw a shining beacon approaching in the distance. “Jad, it’s the temple!” Our hearts were filled with indescribable excitement at the site of the Washington, DC LDS temple. I quickly checked the GPS to see how far away it was – only 4 minutes. “We have to take the kids!”
So, we did. We didn’t care that we wouldn’t get home until late. We knew that we wanted our children to see and experience this beautiful temple – the first temple I ever entered as a teenager.
We started out at the large and amazing visitors center. The kids were so happy there. At first, I was worried they would be destructive or bored, but they weren’t. We spent well over an hour there, and could have easily stayed longer.
Casey loved looking at pictures of all the temples while Kamren couldn’t stop looking at the model of the temple. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the model of the inside of the temple. I recognized the paintings and chairs, and was completely in awe.
There was a new children’s section, and Rigel didn’t want to leave. He and Kamren both absolutely loved watching videos, listening to music, and playing games. Casey enjoyed learning more about the service our church does around the world, and watching videos about the experiences of different missionaries.
We even got our family picture taken in front of a backdrop of the beautiful temple. We had a marvelous time there. But, we couldn’t stop there. We had to walk down to actually look at this perfect, gorgeous structure.
The Angel Moroni was not on the temple because he was being cleaned and repaired. That was okay. The flowers, bees, and feelings around the temple brought the very same inner peace and joy as the Philadelphia Temple.
We got in the car again to finally go home, and we all felt completely blessed to have been able to be around two glorious houses of God in one weekend. Rigel said he didn’t want to leave, and it melted my heart.
I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessings of temples. I am grateful most of all that through temple ordinances, families can be united eternally. The temple will always be a holy and revered place in my home and family. I am grateful that this past weekend, my children could start building their own testimonies of the Lord’s holy house.
Today is my husband’s, Jad Al-Bjaly’s, 34th birthday. He will probably tell you he is only 33 or 32. That is a joke that never gets old in our house, at least to him, haha.
Since it is his birthday, and since I have never done so before, I want to write a post that will honor him. I want the reader to get to know Jad from the inside out. I want my husband to know how wonderful I think he is, but most of all, I want him to know that he is wonderful. Sometimes I don’t think he realizes it, even when people tell him so.
Jad is from Amman, Jordan, so his first language is Arabic. When he came to the United States for the first time, he could barely speak any English. But, he immersed himself in it and learned little by little. He has continued to perfect his grammar since I met him in 2009. I hope everyone will think in their minds how difficult it is to learn another language. My husband has a strong accent and his spelling isn’t the best, but I admire him so much because he is bi-lingual. He knows two extremely difficult languages. It always makes me smile when he meets someone else on the phone or in person who speaks Arabic. They both seem to light up and become instant friends as they engage in the language of their birth.
My husband has one older brother, Tawfeeq. His father left his family when he was only seven, so he was mostly raised by his mother, Salma, with the help of his grandmother and aunts and uncles. His family was very poor. I am humbled every time he tells me about how often they bathed (or didn’t), how they had to conserve water, how they didn’t have air conditioning, how a huge amount of people lived in one small house with one bathroom and mattresses strewn all over the floor to sleep on. Sometimes Jad would even sleep under the stars on the balcony. I think having grown up with such hardship helped refine Jad into a self-reliant, giving, thankful, person who is determined to be a good father, husband, brother and son.
Jad loves the heat and the outdoors. Rock climbing, zip lining, running, playing soccer, camping (to name a few) are all loves of his. Unfortunately for him, I don’t like doing any of that, but he never complains. He has sons he will, and has experienced, these things with.
Most people that know Jad even a little, know he is a wonderful cook. Interestingly, though, he didn’t used to be. The first time he tried to make spaghetti, he didn’t realize he had to boil the noodles. He just had the dry noodles in a pot and kept adding sauce, hoping the noodles would cook. We always laugh at that story. To think that he learned how to cook mostly over the phone from his dear mother, Salma, is just amazing! Our family and friends simply love eating Jad’s cooking. He can whip anything up. He chops vegetables faster than anyone I know, and he knows just how to season anything from meat to pasta. He is so comfortable in the kitchen, and uses his talents to bless others’ lives. And he even cleans up his messes, which can be many. He can’t bake but that is okay. We make that my job, and joke at his expense about his baking capabilities (don’t worry, he laughs too).
He is not musically talented per se (we will call that my talent), but he still proudly sings in church meetings and with our children. He is wonderful at Arabic dancing, and finds so much joy in teaching our sons to do the same. Some of his favorite music is from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. He is constantly listening to beautiful music while he cleans or does projects around the house.
Jad is a very hard worker. When he gets started on a project, he just keeps going for hours on end, never tiring. From landscaping, to gardening, to painting, to organizing, to building, he puts his all into it. This work ethic continues into his job and education. He is someone who wants to continue to progress throughout his life. He is currently studying for his CCNA certification. It is extremely difficult. He studies two nights a week on average (after having worked a full day at his job), and has a plan to achieve this certification by the Fall. He wants to support our family so that we have everything we need. He never stops learning. At work, his colleagues and superiors can count on him to find an answer when there isn’t one, or to volunteer for something that nobody else has ever attempted to do, like organize the server room (have you ever seen a server room? It can be scary).
He is also a very spiritual man. I am amazed at his knowledge of the gospel of Christ even after just eight years of being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (I was impressed when I first met him before his 1-year mark). Today is his baptism anniversary. He is a wonderful spiritual leader in our home. Together, we make sure we study scriptures as a family, as a couple and individually daily. We pray together, do our family home evenings each week, share spiritual messages on social media often, do service as often as we can, go to the temple every month we can, and strive to set a righteous example for our children in word and in deed.
My kids have the best dad in the world. Casey is not Jad’s biological son, but he has raised him from the age of four. He loves Casey as his own, and teaches him how to be a good person.
No matter how tired Jad is after work, he will play with our kids until they get tired (which is usually never). His smile and laughter are just as precious as those of our children. He is such a fun dad in every way, and he takes his responsibility as a father incredibly seriously. He plays with them, teaches them, disciplines them, and most importantly, loves them. He gives as many kisses, provides as many snuggles, and says “I love you” as much as I do. The boys have no doubt that their daddy cherishes them. And soon, he will be able to raise his very own little girl. He is more excited about it than even I know.
Jad is also a wonderful husband. Sometimes I don’t see the big picture, and that is usually when we have quarreled in some way. Jad and I are both stubborn and sensitive. That doesn’t always work when there are feelings hurt or buttons pushed. But, I can’t imagine spending my eternity with anyone else. All the reasons above should be enough reasons, but he is so good to me. When he comes home and not everything is done, I usually am apologetic or annoyed at myself. But he always tells me that it’s okay, and gives me a kiss. He knows that I work hard every day, and he immediately offers to help me finish all that needs to be done. If I need a nap or need to get out of the house, he says, “Go ahead, honey.” He never accuses me of laziness or of making excuses. He knows that I am not that way, and he is completely understanding. He trusts me completely with our finances and with planning our weeks and months. He trusts my judgment on things. If he has concerns, he will express them, but ultimately trusts me because he knows that I make my decisions thoughtfully and prayerfully. He supports me in my endeavors, from starting (or quitting) a business to participating in a musical. We make big decisions together as a couple, and he never tries to be in charge of me or tell me what to do. He sees me as an equal partner, and we work together with God to do what is best for our family. He also does nice things for me and makes me feel special. He has made so many beautiful things for me with his hands, things I will cherish forever. He genuinely loves me, appreciates me, and thinks I am beautiful. We have also endured some scary trials and witnessed beautiful miracles together that have increased our faith.
I didn’t have to think very hard to write all this, and as I wrote from my heart, tears have streamed down my face the whole time. I am not creative like my husband, but I can write the words of my heart. He would never talk about himself the way I have just spoken about him. He is too humble and doesn’t see himself as more than ordinary. But, to me, he is extraordinary and the perfect father and husband to our family.
I love you, Jad, and I hope this birthday is your most precious yet.
Sometimes you just feel that you have to write about something. I feel that way tonight. I am writing about something I am completely passionate about. Why have I not written about it before, you ask? I didn’t feel compelled to. Now I do.
Many people who are passionate feel the need to spout out statistics, post sarcastic memes, name-call, or Bible bash. I am not going to do any of those things. I am going to speak from the heart, and defend the defenseless.
You know what I am talking about, don’t you?
In our modern world, we can’t go a day, or even an hour, without hearing about people’s rights to do or say or think something. Sometimes, people wish for their rights to be fulfilled by taking away the rights of others. In this case, I am referring to the rights of an unborn child to live, to love, to make decisions, to thrive, and even to fall.
I can’t think about abortion without tears coming to my eyes. I don’t wish to villainize any woman who chooses to abort her baby. I simply wish to speak the words of my heart, in hopes that someone will listen to the cries that go unheard.
There have been so many stories in books, movies, and real life, of people who reflect on their lives with regret and despair, who wish they had never been born. Inevitably, someone, whether an angelic being, or a loved one, will help them remember all they have done to affect people’s lives, their community, and even the world, for good.
George Bailey from It’s a Wonderful Life
Think, for a minute about the concept of never being born. There are millions, billions, of humans that will never be born due to the practice of abortion. Think of all they will never be able to do, or say, or think, or change. We don’t tell our loved ones that the world would be better had they never been born. Most people on this earth bring goodness, bring knowledge, bring ideas – who have we denied that opportunity to? And who and what are we missing out on through this denial?
What if the people who would discover the cure for cancer, or technology to travel to other planets, or advances in solar power, or ways to feed and water the world, were aborted by their mothers? Hopefully someone someday will find these answers, and more, that plague our world, but the more people that are born and given the opportunity to make a difference, the more likely these problems are to be solved.
If you read the stances of pro-life verses pro-choice advocates, you can see at least some sense in both sides, whether you agree with them or not. I do agree there are some instances when abortion might be necessary, though I believe that decision must be made with sincere thought and prayer. I can’t answer every question, and do not wish to refute the stances of those I disagree with.
Here is what I do know:
A baby is a work of creation between a man and a woman. Every child who is born is unique, with his/her own individual worth, and so much to offer if given the chance. How do I know this? Because I look at my own children with adoration. Each will do something different with his life. As long as I love and nurture each of them throughout their lives, and teach them what is right, they will be instruments for good in this world. I also know this from looking at each of my siblings and myself, by looking at my husband and his brother, and by looking at each and every person I have ever known. Everyone is different, interesting, and amazing. No human being is just disposable, and an unborn child becomes a human being just like you and me.
A fetus moves, a fetus feels, a fetus has a personality. I have felt it each and every time I have been pregnant with my three children (and one on the way). I had an ultrasound with my current pregnancy at about 12 weeks, and my husband and I smiled adoringly at each other as we saw our little baby jumping up and down in the womb. A fetus isn’t just a sack of cells, but a unique individual, a perfect blend of his father and mother.
A fetus may not be able to live outside of his mother’s womb until a certain time, but then, a small child cannot live on his own if abandoned either. A child, unborn or born, needs his mother to nurture, love, and protect him. This adds more value to him, not less!
Something that is wrong is wrong, whether legal or not. Laws should be there to protect, and to advocate for peace, rather than to bring convenience to those who would make unwise, and possibly unsafe, decisions.
Accountability is a trait that is admired, and expected in this world. It is important that it is consistently expected, especially since we can’t choose the consequences of our actions. Abortions are not necessary in most cases. It is true that there are many women who don’t want babies, or who can’t afford them, or who aren’t in a mental/emotional position to take care of them. However, with proper education, and safe practices, unwanted pregnancies in most cases, can be avoided. Without educating about, or expecting these precautions, society is telling girls and women that they do not have to be accountable for their actions, and that there is a painless, safe, easy way out. Except, there really isn’t if you look at the big picture.
Abortion affects not only the mother and baby, but the father of the baby, as well as immediate/extended family, and possibly others. If you abort your baby, you can’t take it back. It is permanent, and rather than taking away all your problems, it can cause so many more.
I believe with all of my heart that God weeps over every single child that is aborted. Those are His children, as are all of us. He created every soul, and wishes all to be able to live a life on earth, to have a body, to make choices, to love, to grow, to flourish. Why is it that most see the wickedness of murder and the tragedy of suicide, but often do not feel the lament of abortion?
It doesn’t matter when life begins and when it doesn’t. We cannot know that for certain, and it may be different for each baby. Government, people – we can’t make those decisions about when it is acceptable to abort a baby. What is “decided” makes no difference to the fetus who is being torn apart, and robbed of the rights, privileges, and blessings of living on this earth.
The world would be at peace if loving was what we did best – not arguing, not hating, not fighting for the sake of fighting. Nobody can argue that abortion is an act of love. Who can say that she loves her baby so much she will abort it? Living is always better than being denied life. Look at your own life. Even with all the trials and heartaches you go through, is there not sunshine? Is there not accomplishment, fulfillment, and joy? Is there not hope and faith?
10. Being a parent is the most rewarding role I have ever held in my life. My heart hurts for the women and men who cannot have children. I can only imagine how they must feel yearning for a child every day, and seeing how millions of women do not see the blessing that is right in front of them. God will provide a way for women to care for their babies if they have faith in Him, and take on the responsibility with real intent, but should they not wish for it, adoption provides a blessed opportunity for parenthood to those longing for it. Motherhood is really hard, and really taxing, but I would never even think to possibly imagine giving my children up. They are my joy, and they bring my husband and I closer together. Our children give us real purpose, help us be humble, help us see clearly, help us choose wisely, and help us love completely. They help us see God in our lives, because as He is the divine Creator, we are also co-creators with Him.
The unborn child cannot speak for himself, cannot protest, and cannot plead his cause. But, I always will. God expects it of me because of what I know.
