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  • The Recipe for Eternity

    I taught a class on building an eternal marriage to the women in my congregation, as well as in  a larger event for women in my church. I wanted to make the class interesting, easy to remember, and fun. I would like to share my lesson with you so you can have this discussion and do this activity with your spouse. 

    To create the tastiest concoctions, we must use the very best ingredients, taking our time to cook with love. The same is true to create the most joyous marriages, and the Lord has given us the perfect recipe to make our marriages eternal.

    The ingredients were created with the marriage relationship in mind, but the corresponding attributes and actions apply to all people, and to all relationships.

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    So, in any good baking recipe, you start with a bowl. Notice the roundness of the rim. This will represent the never-ending bond of marriage and family – the sealing covenant. The bowl must be clean, representing the holiness of that covenant.

    Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, “Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith: they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them. They must surrender unconditionally, obeying God and sacrificing for each other. Then they will discover what Alma called ‘incomprehensible joy.’”

    Elder Hafen also talked about the difference between a contract of marriage and a covenant.  Think about those differences as we discuss the recipe for eternity:

    Contract

    1. You walk away from your troubles.
    2. You do your part only when the other does.
    3. 50/50 effort

    Covenant:

    1. When troubles come, you endure them together.
    2. 100/100 effort.
    3. You sustain and lift each other in times of trial.
    4. You obey God and sacrifice for each other.
    5. You need and sustain each other.
    6. You are given the strength to give your life for your sheep (spouse, child)
    7. You are bound to each other and to the Lord.

    Ready for the ingredients? The first is: Well-packed Time. In the real recipe, it is packed brown sugar.

    Our days and weeks likely are packed. But, we can prioritize our time well to maximize the happiness for ourselves, and those in our homes.

    President Uchtdorf said: “Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home.”

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    Time is so hard, isn’t it? There is never enough time because there is so much to do from errands to keeping house to spending time with family to church responsibilities to work and more. So, what do we do when we have completely full schedules? How do we find time to do all of our chores and spend time with our spouses and families? Any ideas?

    Sometimes, it is more quality than quantity. Plan time, and make sure it is a relaxing time where you can focus on your love for each other and not outside distractions.

    You can also spend time together without being alone together, through:

    • Texts/phone calls
    • Stealing smiles and laughs while doing responsibilities together
    • Holding hands when out and about.

    Also, learn to simplify and say no. If you already have a full plate, be honest with yourself. Don’t add more on. Ask yourself: does this help my family or my marriage? Does this strengthen my testimony? Can someone else do this? Is this necessary?

    Talk to your spouse about priorities. What is most important? It should be God, spouse and family. Set expectations with each other and do your best.

    But, are the issues with time we talked about all there is? What about not having enough time for yourself? What about not having time to make yourself look the way you want to, or to do the hobbies you love, or to spend time with friends? Have you ever felt that way?

    So, we need time for those we love, but also for ourselves. Taking time for yourself can really help you be a better wife, mother and person. You have more to give when you are able to sustain yourself. Discuss this need with your spouse, and plan times for each of you to have “you” time.

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    The next ingredient is Softened Answers, or for the recipe, softened butter.

    The writer of Proverbs counsels, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

    What are some examples of soft communication?

    Ex: Compliments, showing interest, rejoicing in accomplishments, showing appreciation for labors, apologizing when wrong, saying I love you. In prayer, thanking Heavenly Father for spouse.

    There are so many things that we need to discuss as couples, things that could become arguments if not done with soft answers, from making/changing traditions, to important life decisions, to methods of raising children, to trouble with friends or family, to personal desires, thoughts, and dreams.

    When talking about all these things, we will have different opinions, which could lead to arguments if not done right.

    To avoid contention/fights:

    • Listen to each other’s opinions completely and without judgment. Validate those feelings rather than refute them.
    • Speak your mind, rather than stay silent, because silence can lead to future fights.
    • Study both options, and perhaps others.
    • Pray about the resolution and listen for the answer.

    Even with our best efforts, sometimes we won’t say the right things or react the right way. And sometimes our spouse won’t.

    Elder Bednar counseled, “When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.”

    We could explode in these situations, or we can breathe, express our feelings, and remember we love our spouse and are on the same team.

    Sometimes we will get irritated with our spouse’s behaviors and habits. We feel tempted to tell our friends about it, so they can tell us how right we are and how wrong he is. But this fills us with bitterness, pride, and blinds us from our own faults.

    Absolutely talk about your concerns, but only to the one person who needs to hear them. Take time and give space if needed, but always talk about it. Try to understand how each other feels, and don’t turn conversation around to dote on the other’s faults. Take responsibility for behavior and words, and apologize.

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    Next, you add in Pure Love of Christ, or pure vanilla extract.

    Pres Uchtdorf said, “…no matter how flat your relationship may be at the present, if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow.

    Whatever problems your family is facing…the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ. Without this love, even seemingly perfect families struggle. With it, even families with great challenges succeed.

    The great enemy of charity is pride. Pride is short-tempered, unkind, and envious. Pride exaggerates its own strength and ignores the virtues of others. Pride is selfish and easily provoked. Pride assumes evil intent where there is none and hides its own weaknesses behind clever excuses. Pride is cynical, pessimistic, angry, and impatient. Indeed, if charity is the pure love of Christ, then pride is the defining characteristic of Satan.

    Love in the fabric of the plan of salvation is selfless and seeks the well-being of others. That is the love our Heavenly Father has for us.”

    What are some charitable characteristics you love about your spouse?

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    The next ingredient is whole devotion, or whole milk.

     “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto
    her and none else. “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after
    her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents
    not he shall be cast out” (    Doctrine and Covenants 42:22-23).

    What are some methods you use to make sure you do not lust after other men?

    Examples – I will not compare my husband to other men and wish he was more like them/ I will not read books or magazines, watch movies or videos, or listen to music that spark sexual feelings from within.

    Pres Uchtdorf said,  “Somehow, as the days multiply and the color of romantic love changes, there are some who slowly stop thinking of each other’s happiness and start noticing the little faults. In such an environment, some are enticed by the tragic conclusion that their spouse isn’t smart enough, fun enough, or young enough. And somehow they get the idea that this gives them justification to start looking elsewhere.

    In God’s plan of happiness, we are not so much looking for someone perfect but for a person with whom, throughout a lifetime, we can join efforts to create a loving, lasting, and more perfect relationship. That is the goal.”

    How can you show your devotion to your spouse? Examples – trust and accept him, be honest with him always, always remember why you fell in love…

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    Next is the Salt of the Earth, as a representation for salt.

    Matthew 5:13 – Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.

    Christ is speaking to His covenant people who have been baptized in His name. They are called to be this salt of the earth.

    Carlos E. Asay said,  “The word savor denotes taste, pleasing flavor, interesting quality, and high repute. That is, it is clean, pure, uncontaminated, and useful…Savor is lost through mixture and contamination.”

    He gave examples of losing savor (or purity) – pornography, lies, drug, alcohol, bad language, etc. Then he gave advice:  “If it is not clean, do not think it; if it is not true, do not speak it; if it is not good, do not do it.” King Benjamin cautioned, “Watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God” (Mosiah 4:30).

    How can we help our spouses and ourselves become more pure?

    We should share our sins and weaknesses with each other to help us become one and help each other maintain our savor. If we don’t admit our faults, it is harder to overcome them, and we continue to lose our savor.

    If spouses are working hard to live the gospel and remain clean, then they will be more useful to the Lord, to each other, and to their families. And living righteously will help us come closer to God, and closer to eternal life.

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    Next we add the Bread of Life, or flour.

    John 6:35 – And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.

    Draw a triangle with wife on the bottom left, husband on the bottom right, and God on the top – The closer we come to the Lord, the closer we come to each other. Notice if one of us moves from the Lord, if we also move from the Lord, we go further away from our spouse, not closer.

     Elder John A. Widtsoe said, “True love of man for woman always includes love of God from whom all good things issue.”

    There are many desirable qualities in a spouse, but the ones that matter most are the ones that mirror the Savior.

    So, we need to put God first. How can we do that first individually and as a couple?

    Christ, through his atonement, not only can make us clean from our sins, but lighten our burdens and make our weaknesses strengths. But, we must go to Him for help.

    “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).

    As couples and families, we will go through trials over the years. If we come unto Christ together, pray for help, and keep the commandments, Christ will help us through all of our trials. I have a testimony that the trials my family and I have been through have only strengthened our testimonies and brought us closer together. Does anyone have any examples?

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    Add in Sweet Service, or chocolate chips.

    When you are married, your spouse’s needs, wants, and happiness should be as important to you as your own.

    What are some ways you serve your spouse?

    Examples:

    • Learn about and support your spouse’s interests and hobbies.
    • Do nice things for each other, like write love notes, plan a surprise, do something without being asked, give a massage, be the one to get up and do something when you are both tired. If you give what you want to receive, your spouse will feel your love and want to do likewise.
    • Be sensitive to moods, desires, energy levels, and work load. That way, you can discern each other’s needs better. (breaks, relaxing, give up time if something important needs to happen)
    • Stop what we are doing and just listen. Be interested in how your spouse’s day was. Talk about it. Offer comfort and support. Be positive.
    • Help each other with responsibilities. It could be tempting to say that it is his job, so I shouldn’t have to help. By getting up and helping with chores, your spouse can feel that you enjoy being with him regardless of what you are doing. If you see a need, do it rather than wait for your spouse to do it. This will be a load off of him, which will make you happy.
    • Pray for each other- thank God for each other, and pray for well-being and strength.
    • Show affection often.

    By putting your spouse first, you grow together in love, and you both stay humble, and as President Spencer W. Kimball promised: “. . . If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions.”

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    Also add in colorful differences, or M&Ms.

    Differences can at first glance seem to be an annoyance. “Why can’t he be more like this?” “Why can’t he do that?” “It is so obvious to me that..” “It would be so much easier if he would just…”

    When differences start to annoy, it would be wise to look within. “Am I perfect? Do I do everything excellently? Am I the best parent and spouse in the world? Am I better than my spouse?” What will the answer be?

    Pres Uchtdorf  said, “ If we look for imperfections in our spouse or irritations in our marriage, we will certainly find them, because everyone has some. On the other hand, if we look for the good, we will surely find it, because everyone has many good qualities too.” He also said, “Rather than attempting to force everyone into a mold of our own making, we can choose to celebrate these differences and appreciate them for adding richness and constant surprises to our lives.”

    If you look at differences in a positive way, you excitedly see that where you lack, he excels, and vice versa. You complete each other. You help each other grow. You give each other perspective.

    What are some good differences you and your spouse have?

    There are some things that aren’t easy with being different, like maybe how we communicate or show affection or handle conflict. If you talk together about your desires and needs, and go to the Lord for help, with a willingness to improve, you will both be blessed.

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    Now mix all the ingredients well – this spoon represents consistent hard work and effort to keep your family strong and provided for.  Both husband and wife must put in that effort.

    You may have a spouse that you admire for his work ethic, or you may have one you wish did more.

    If you are in the latter group, here is some advice:

    • Communicate expectations together for work and roles. Make sure they are fair and doable.
    • Say thank you for the things he does do well. This appreciation will motivate him to do more.
    • Help each other learn new skills so you can both help more where help is needed.

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    Notice how the dough is sticky. The ingredients are holding together, united in deliciousness.  You may say that the ingredients making up the recipe for eternity are cleaving, which means to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly.

    But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

    For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

    And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

    What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6-9).

    *twain means two

    Elder Henry B. Eyring made this profound statement, “Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.”

    The commandment to cleave is meant to help us be united in righteousness, providing us with the greatest joy we could ever imagine. As the Lord said, “where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Make sure your spouse is one of your greatest treasures. _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Now it is time to enjoy eating this fabulous confection together.

    I see the eating of the sweet as enjoying life together -being happy, laughing, finding joy in each other, and growing in love.

    President Uchtdorf said,  “Those who save marriages pull out the weeds and water the flowers. They celebrate the small acts of grace that spark tender feelings of charity. Remember why you fell in love. Work each day to make your marriage stronger and happier. It may be a gradual work, but it doesn’t have to be a cheerless one. In fact, at the risk of stating the obvious, divorce rarely happens when the husband and wife are happy. So be happy! Those who save their marriages choose happiness.”

    President Spencer W. Kimball promised:  “If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have . . . great happiness.”

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    I hope this lesson and activity help you and your spouse come closer together in love and righteousness. God bless!

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  • I Love to See the Temple

    This is one of my favorite children’s hymns, and has been since I was a child in Primary at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I can barely sing it without becoming emotional, and I certainly can’t hear a choir of children sing it without tears falling like a waterfall down my cheeks.

    To me, the temple is the house of God. It is the holiest place on earth. I know this with all of my heart, and it isn’t just because someone told me so. But before I explain my feelings, perhaps you might like to learn more about LDS temples. Please watch these brief, beautiful videos below.

     

    I could feel that there was something special about the temple when I was a little girl singing “I Love to See the Temple.” I could feel it even more when I went on a trip with fellow teenage girls and our leaders the weekend I turned 12 to the Washington, DC Temple. I got to stand in front of that magnificent structure, wearing a borrowed wedding dress, smiling at the thought of my future.

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    Washington, DC LDS Temple

    I remember my first time entering the Washington, DC temple. I was 12, and it was my first trip with the youth to do baptisms and confirmations for the dead. I can still smell the chlorine from the font. I remember looking down at my white-socked feet, fingering my white jump suit, waiting in silence on the benches, while staring at that beautiful font filled with blue water, standing on the strong backs of 12 oxen. I remember the man in the white suit who spoke us and told us the significance of what we were going to do. I remember feeling the comforting and peaceful presence of the Holy Ghost as I went under the water over and over for those who have gone before, and again as I sat in a chair which strong hands on my wet head, blessing me with the gift of the Holy Ghost on behalf of those who had been waiting for His companionship for many years.

    The DC Temple Visitors Center has always been a special place for me. As a youth, I remember opening a large book with pictures of all the operating temples. Each one was absolutely beautiful in its own way. My favorite at the time was the San Diego Temple. I still haven’t been there, but I hope to visit someday. It amazes me how there are so many more temples now than there were when I was a teenager.

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    San Diego LDS Temple

    I spoke in church when I was 17 about the temple, and I knew as I spoke that the temple really was a holy place, and that I wanted to make my own covenants there and be sealed in the temple to a worthy husband for time and all eternity. As a youth, I was taught the important of staying morally clean, and being the type of person I needed to be to be worthy of a righteous young man to take me by the hand, and be united with me forever in the house of the Lord.

    When I was 19 1/2 years old, I made personal covenants with my Heavenly Father, and the following day, I knelt across a sacred altar and covenanted to cleave to my new husband in righteousness. I felt that I was making a beautiful decision – the most important of my life. The Holy Ghost had confirmed to me that this man was the man I was to be with for eternity – to bear children with, and to grow closer to God with.

    Sadly, our marriage did not last. I would have kept my commitment to him forever, helping him with his weaknesses and vices, but he did not feel the same. It was a heart-wrenching time of my life, especially being young with a baby less than a year old. But, I always kept my faith that eternal marriage was a true principle, and that I wanted that again – this time truly for eternity.

    Several years later, I met that man. I knew after not much time that he was the one that I wanted to make those sacred covenants with in the temple. Due to unforseen circumstances, we were married civilly at first, rather than in the temple. It was heartbreaking for me, but I knew in one year we could be sealed. By the time that one year came upon us, we had a newborn son named Rigel. He was less than two months old when we were sealed in the Raleigh, NC Temple. I testify to you right now that I have never felt the presence of the Holy Ghost more strongly than I did the day Jad and I were sealed, and then our beautiful baby boy was brought in to be sealed to us. If I didn’t already have a testimony of eternal families, it was unbreakable that day. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my baby was bound to me and my husband not only for this life, but for eternity.

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    Raleigh LDS Temple

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    I have continued to have many spiritual experiences in the temple since that day more than five years ago. When I made covenants in the temple on behalf of my husband’s deceased grandmother, I felt a sure and distinct prompting that she had accepted those covenants. Jad and I both felt the Spirit so strongly when we knelt across the altar and sealed his grandmother to his grandfather, who had died many years before. I have had similar experiences with both family and strangers I have done work for.

    Because of my firm belief of the sacredness and importance of temple covenants, I was insistent on attending my cousin’s, Lisa’s, temple wedding to her sweetheart, Sam, in June of this year. There were obstacles in my way from attending, but I never considered for a moment staying home. I knew that this day would be the most important and happiest day of my beloved cousin’s life. I was going to be there. And I went, with my mom and nana. It was truly a blessed experience. My love for my cousin, and my new cousin-in-law increased, as well as my testimony of the divinity of the marriage and family unit.

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    A little over a month ago, Jad and I drove our kids to the Raleigh Temple to see it for the first time. We felt bad that was the first time we had taken them, but we were still excited. The boys really enjoyed themselves. They could tell there was something special about that building and those grounds. The flowers and grass were perfectly manicured. The feeling there was peaceful and warm. You could see the calmness in their eyes and the happiness they felt just being there walking around. It made an impression on them, and Casey mentioned how he couldn’t wait to someday enter the temple and do baptisms for the dead.

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    Most recently, we had the most wonderful temple family experience of all. Over Labor Day Weekend, we made the over six-hour trip to Philadelphia with the primary reason of visiting the LDS Philadelphia Temple Open House. It wasn’t something that we planned to do well in advance, but we had friends who were going, and then we heard of more and more friends going. Jad and I then started to think, “Should we go? Can we go?”

    As we thought about the possibilities, and started doing research, we both felt that it would be a wonderful and spiritual experience for our family. Our children would be able to not only see a temple, but walk inside of it. It was settled. We were going.

    Jad took a day off work so we could go September 2-5. I spent more hours planning our trip than I would like to admit, from getting a hotel, to researching food and attractions, to reserving a spot at the open house, to researching some more. Finally, the day came to go. We felt the blessings of the Lord that whole weekend, from leaving the house on time, encountering nearly no traffic on the way, and having a very pleasant and beautiful drive up. We also felt the Lord’s hand financially – we would not have been able to afford that trip had we not just received a large refund after refinancing our house the month before.

    That first night, we attended the Philadelphia Temple Open House. I was spiritually affected by the fact that the only place that whole day that we had really seen heavy traffic was right next to the temple. It took us over 15 minutes to approach a stoplight and then turn right to park. There were people everywhere who wanted to attend this open house – people from our church and people just curious to see it.

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    Philadelphia LDS Temple

    The temple was beautiful, and we lit up with excitement as we saw it from our car. We couldn’t wait to enter. We started out by going inside a brand new LDS chapel across the street. We were led to a classroom with a TV and sister missionaries, who introduced the temple to us. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as we watched the presentation that talked about the blessings that come from temples and what we do in them. I felt my testimony of temples renewed just in watching that video. Tears don’t stream down my face for no reason – I was feeling the presence of the Holy Ghost.

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    After the lovely video, and sincere and sweet testimonies from the missionaries, we were led to the temple. We put shoe protectors on our feet to keep the temple clean, and then we were all able to go in. I can’t begin to express to you the beauty and serenity of the temple.

    You can see pictures of the Philadelphia Temple here.

    Throughout the tour, we ended up climbing up four flights of gorgeous stairs. The furniture, light fixtures, and coloring was wonderful. But, there was more. As we visited rooms like the baptismal font, the bridal room, the instruction room, the sealing room, etc., we could feel peace and love everywhere. My favorite rooms were the Chapel and the Celestial Room. In the Chapel area, we sat and listened to beautiful hymns on a self-playing organ. In the Celestial Room, there was no music or speaking. The guides let us just sit and take in the atmosphere. We stared at the huge chandelier and took in the sacredness of this meditation room. There wasn’t a sound to be heard, even with children in the room.

    The whole experience was unforgettable. My children were entranced. Those of you who know my children know how wild they can be, but they were completely calm and obedient in the temple. They could feel it was a special place. When we exited, I felt so blessed to have been able to bring my children to the house of the Lord for the first time.

    I was also so impressed at the calming and awesome effect being in the temple had for people not of our faith. Nobody was disrespectful or visibly disturbed or confused. Every person I saw in our group, a member of my church or not, was thoughtful and completely involved in the experience. It was hard to leave the safety of the temple. I almost wanted to go back in and go through it again. I am sure many people felt that way.

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    After our tour, we spent quite a lot of time in the visitors center next door, and then on the roof of that building looking at the shining temple before us. Out of the whole weekend, this was the premium experience.

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    But our special experiences with temples weren’t over that night. Monday, the day our Philadelphia vacation ended, we visited my beloved brother in Baltimore. We loved spending a few hours with him. Then, it was time to go home. Jad and I were both surprised when my GPS took us away from I-95 and onto I-495, a different route than on the way up.

    It wasn’t long before I looked up and saw a shining beacon approaching in the distance. “Jad, it’s the temple!” Our hearts were filled with indescribable excitement at the site of the Washington, DC LDS temple. I quickly checked the GPS to see how far away it was – only 4 minutes. “We have to take the kids!”

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    So, we did. We didn’t care that we wouldn’t get home until late. We knew that we wanted our children to see and experience this beautiful temple – the first temple I ever entered as a teenager.

    We started out at the large and amazing visitors center. The kids were so happy there. At first, I was worried they would be destructive or bored, but they weren’t. We spent well over an hour there, and could have easily stayed longer.

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    Casey loved looking at pictures of all the temples while Kamren couldn’t stop looking at the model of the temple. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the model of the inside of the temple. I recognized the paintings and chairs, and was completely in awe.

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    There was a new children’s section, and Rigel didn’t want to leave. He and Kamren both absolutely loved watching videos, listening to music, and playing games. Casey enjoyed learning more about the service our church does around the world, and watching videos about the experiences of different missionaries.

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    We even got our family picture taken in front of a backdrop of the beautiful temple. We had a marvelous time there. But, we couldn’t stop there. We had to walk down to actually look at this perfect, gorgeous structure.

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    The Angel Moroni was not on the temple because he was being cleaned and repaired. That was okay. The flowers, bees, and feelings around the temple brought the very same inner peace and joy as the Philadelphia Temple.

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    We got in the car again to finally go home, and we all felt completely blessed to have been able to be around two glorious houses of God in one weekend. Rigel said he didn’t want to leave, and it melted my heart.

    I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessings of temples. I am grateful most of all that through temple ordinances, families can be united eternally. The temple will always be a holy and revered place in my home and family. I am grateful that this past weekend, my children could start building their own testimonies of the Lord’s holy house.

     

  • Who will live within your walls?

    To all the women out there who have chosen not to have children,

    I am writing to you as a wife and a mother. You may expect me to judge you, and to tell you what you have probably heard many times – that you are selfish or must not value family.

    It may be hard for me to understand how you chose not to be a mother, but rather than judge you for this personal decision, I instead will respect you as I would anyone else.

    Because I know life certainly does get harder when you have kids, and that parenthood is a life-long sacrifice, I actually do understand many of the reasons why women do not want children:

    Social pressure

    I am sure you don’t like being pressured to have children. I agree that this choice should be made between husband and wife. Only peace and joy should surround you as you choose to conceive.

    Fear of pregnancy, delivery and body changes

    I admit that pregnancy can be uncomfortable, and delivery excruciating. Why then do women do it, and then do it again? For me, as I hold my new baby in my arms, I forget about everything but the overwhelming love I have for my little angel from Heaven. As a mom of three now, my body has changed a lot. However, I believe my stretch marks and stomach pudge are a testament to the loving sacrifice I made to bring my sweet babies to the world.

    Kamren 5-5-13 009

    No more freedom

    It is true that when you have kids, you have to think about their well-being in every decision you make, and every place you go. Your hobbies and interests can’t take center stage anymore. Even though this is one of the hardest parts of being a mom, I am grateful that I have learned to put others’ needs before my own, helping me be happier and humbler. I have also learned to balance my life so that I can still stimulate my mind, and do things I like to do. It is a matter of multitasking, prioritizing, and simplifying, all skills I have better developed being a mom.

    true love blooms

    Husband on back burner

    You can still cleave to your husband when you have children. You may not have the quantity of alone time you want, but the quality of love you have for each other can be magnified as you observe each other loving, playing with, and teaching your children, and when you witness precious moments together.

    jad and kam

    Couples striving to be better parents will develop into better spouses.

    Wicked world

    You might believe the world is too wicked to bring more children into it. If so, I say, who better than couples who recognize the world is wicked to have and raise children? Your home would become a sanctuary from the outside forces. You would raise your children to be good, righteous people, who would be an influence for good amongst their peers and in the world. People will always have children. We need more good parents to raise them.

    safe place

    Already an aunt

    Are you just happy being an aunt who can give the children back? I know that you must love your nieces and nephews dearly. I personally have loved many children in my life, but no love has ever come close to the true, pure love I feel for my own children who are half me and half my husband, who I helped create, who I had a bond with before they were born, who rely on me and their dad for everything, and who love me back, and trust me more than anyone else in the world.

    case, rigel, me

    Perhaps it is tempting to want to be able to give back a child so you don’t have to worry about the mundane things, or the tantrums, chaos and stress. Trust me, though – for you own children, you would love them enough to do anything, for they need you to help them thrive. When you are raising your own children, you are also able to better learn from their sweet, Christ-like examples of love, forgiveness, humility, and so much more.

    my boys

    Not qualified

    Take heart if you are a woman who doesn’t think you have what it takes to be a good mother. Becoming a good parent is a journey for all mothers, even those who seem to know what it takes. Moms are supposed to be patient, temperate and gentle – all things I personally need to work on. There is no better way for me to develop those skills, and so many others, than by devoting much of my life to raising my children. With motivation, hard work, study, family support, and a lot of prayer, any woman can be a good mother.

    kind and gentle

    You might simply be a woman who never felt she wanted children, so you haven’t.

    I don’t want to pressure you to change your mind. My humble suggestion to you is to keep God close. Pray to Him for guidance and direction. Ask Him if the decisions you make, and have made, are right for you, for your husband and for your spiritual growth. Be open to His will, no matter how difficult.

    spiritual questions

    I know as I keep God close to me, and make Him a partner in my marriage, I am able to make decisions that will most benefit me temporally and spiritually.  I am able to endure well all of the trials and worries that come my way. I am able to magnify my callings and roles, including that of a mother. I think that is why even though being a mother is the hardest role I play, it is also one of the most beautiful, precious and growing opportunities of my life.

    happy me

    Perhaps, after praying sincerely, with an open heart, your mind will see things differently. No matter what God’s answers are for you, if you follow them, you can live your life with peace.

    A woman once said she would rather regret not having children, than having children. By making your decisions with God, you won’t have to regret anything.

    I believe the most wonderful influence we will ever have will be in our own homes. It is for you, your spouse, and God to determine who will live within those walls. May God bless you.

    BC_TSM_mormeme_061713

     

     

    This post is part of a blogger round-up with these fabulous bloggers! Make sure to visit each to read what they are sharing about the divine roles of fathers and mothers.

    The Divine Roles of Fathers and Mothers - a round up of posts by these fabulous bloggers!

    Jocelyn @ We Talk of Christ | Karyn @ Teach Beside Me | Kerry @ My Random Sampler |

    Heidi @ One Creative Mommy | Mandy @ A Bliss Complete | Montserrat @ Cranial Hiccups |

  • A Blissful Anniversary!


    Today is a very special day. It is the one year anniversary of my first blog post. As I looked over my 47 posts from this past year, some were short, some were long, some were very long, and some were even longer than that. 

    Some tell many personal stories from my life. Some contain my fervent testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Some are funny, some are serious, but all have me in them. 

    Not every post had a lot of readers, but all of them came from my heart, and all are special to me. 

    I had liked the idea of starting a blog for a long time, but never had the real gumption to take that step. Then there was one day when I had all these ideas and messages flow into me that I knew I had to share. They were about the trials of parenthood, but how they really made you a better person. 

    I knew that I needed to start my blog then. I thought for a long time about a name. I prayed for guidance. The words to the LDS hymn “Love at Home” came to my mind. One phrase in the song is “making life a bliss complete when there’s love at home.”

    That was it. That was my title, and that was my purpose. To describe my blog, I chose this phrase: My heartfelt thoughts and feelings about home, family, love, faith, and personal growth.

    I have remained true to this description.

    I realize that because my purpose is to help myself and others see that God is there, He loves us, and that He has given us this wonderful life on earth to learn, grow and become more like Him, I may not get the most readers. Though I know that we all can benefit from knowing that life really can be a bliss complete when we are kind, compassionate, forgiving and humble, not everyone wants to read about that. 

    I won’t lie to you, it hurts when I put my heart and soul into a post, and I get maybe a handful of likes, one share, and a couple comments. I want to uplift and help people, and hearing from my readers helps me know I am accomplishing that goal.

    When my readers share my posts, I can reach more people. This may sound prideful, and maybe it is if I focus on what people think of me, or how I compare to others. However, I truly feel from the bottom of my heart that Heavenly Father wants me to be His witness and a witness of His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, through my writings. The Holy Ghost has put words into my mind and through my fingertips so many times.

    I believe I was given my writing talent to share the gospel of Christ, to help others learn from my mistakes, and even to help preserve my family history. 

    No matter how discouraged I may get about not having much feedback on my posts, I have never felt that I should stop writing. I will write as long as I feel called to do so. Thank you to those of you who do express your appreciation for my words. It means the world to me. There is nothing kinder you could do for me than that. 

    In honor of my first year of blogging, I have come up with some superlatives. I hope you enjoy them, and take some time to read some of these posts if you haven’t already. 

    The Inspiration to Begin


    Parenthood: Change for the harder but truly for the better

    This posts contains the messages that inspired me to begin my blog. It was my second blog post because it took me so long to write and perfect. 

    The First 


    Sabbath Day Light: Forgiveness

    There was a message at church that Sunday that helped me lift a heavy burden from my life. That was when I decided to start my Sunday series: Sabbath Day Light. These posts meant so much to me spiritually, but as a new blogger, I decided to stop doing them because of the lack of interest. My testimony remains, however, that attending church truly does nourish your soul and enlighten your mind.

    The Most Popular


    The Monster and the Miracle


    This post has had the highest number of reads, and probably the most comments. I agonized over the title, and based on the number of reads, I think it was a winner. If you haven’t read it, this is a story about my husband and a parasite that had grown for 10 years in his body, threatening his life and claiming the vast majority of his liver. 

    The Least Popular


    Sabbath Day Light: A Promise to Receive Answers

    Why would I add this one, you ask? Well, because I still think it was a very uplifting post, and is very relevant to the first weekend in April, just a little over a week away. Check it out!

    The Longest


    To Cleave or Not to Cleave? There is No Question!

    I have many long posts, but there are only a few in the very long category. This one is my longest, with 15 pages, 4575 words, 19,854 characters without spaces, and 24, 312 characters with spaces.

    That post took me countless afternoons to write. I am really proud of it, though, and I really think that couples who study and contemplate these gospel-centered suggestions on how to cleave to each other, will find a benefit to their marriages. I know that because as I researched and wrote it, I found ways to strengthen my marriage. 

    The Most Researched


    You Aren’t Weird but Your Beliefs Are Part 2: Why Are There So Many Churches?


    I spent so many hours researching the beliefs, practices and doctrines of the different Christian churches. It was really interesting, and helped me illustrate why I believe there must be absolute Truth.

    The Cutest

    Meet Charlotte

    There are a lot of pictures of a puppy with cute kids…need I say more?

    The Most Fun

    Sabbath Day Light: A Perfectly Imperfect Father’s Day

    I had a lot of fun writing this one. Last Father’s Day was so different than what we are normally used to, but we made it special and fun anyway. We will never forget it. 

    The Most Tear-Inducing


    Reminiscing about a Miracle

    I actually wrote the birth story of my beloved Kamren before I started blogging, so on his first birthday, I posted that story on my blog. The story surrounding my youngest son’s birth is truly a miracle, and may make you cry – in a good way.

    The Most Influential

    Are Mormons Christians: A Question that can only be answered by a Mormon

    I put this one as the most influential because I originally published this on a fellow neighbor’s blog. It sparked many questions about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I was able to answer. I have also found many opportunities to share this blog post with others of and not of my faith, and have received feedback that it helped their perspectives, or that they would like to share it with more people who they think could learn from it. 

    The Most Eye-Opening

    Let’s do what we can

    Doing a little service for the less fortunate opened my eyes to how fortunate I really am, and I need to stop complaining.

    The Most Picturesque


    My Favorite Love Story

    This post, that I recently wrote to honor my husband’s and my 5th wedding anniversary, has a whopping 64 pictures. They are some good ones, too! 

    The Most Helpful for Kids

    What I told my son when he asked me about bullying

    This post was inspired from a conversation I had with my son about bullying. I know that the Spirit guided me to say what I said to him, and I wanted to share it so other parents could help their children too. 

    The Most Uncomfortably Personal

    Don’t try to be hot. Try to be you.

    I put a lot of personal things in this quote about modesty (in dress, speech and behavior), that apparently made at least one friend of mine and my husband uncomfortable. I put those things in to help other women see that they, and I, are better than I used to portray myself.

    The Most Scriptural


    100 Things the Book of Mormon Has Taught Me

    I really did post 100 things I have learned from this wonderful book, which is another testament of Jesus Christ. Looking at the 100 messages, it is clear that it is a work of God, and a complement to the Bible. 

    The Most Political

    Hate Won’t Make us Great

    I wrote this post right after election day last year, when I saw an alarming lack of civility. I tried to bring the point home that our country needs more love, tolerance, and support for its leaders and its citizens.

    The Most Crucial


    Pornography: I say it. I talk about it. You should too.

    There is a very sad story in this blog post, one that illustrates the poison that pornography is to individuals, spouses, and families. But there is hope, should one take hold of it!

    The One That Means the Most to Me

    You Aren’t Weird but Your Beliefs Are Part 3: How I Know Joseph Smith Was a Prophet

    It is hard to pick a favorite out of 47 posts, but I knew without looking it would be one of my four posts from this series. The series in total I felt very strongly I needed to write. This one means the most to me because my most heartfelt testimony flows through it. The Spirit touched my heart so much as I wrote, that tears streamed down my face. There is nothing more valuable to me than my testimony of Jesus Christ and His gospel. 

    The Last

    Lose. Seek. Find.

    I knew I wanted to write one more post before my 1-year anniversary of this blog. I had started one, knowing it had great stuff in it, but my fingers couldn’t bring it together like I wanted. I prayed for guidance for what to write, and this new post flowed through me without any hesitation. It hasn’t had many reads, but please read it. I know it is supposed to help someone. 

    There are so many more posts that I love because they are about my family or spiritual lessons I have learned in my life. 

    I am grateful for my Heavenly Father for giving me a gift with writing. I hope I can always be worthy of that gift. 

  • If couples cleave, they won’t want to leave

    An abridged version of this post can be found on familyshare.com.
    Cleave: To adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly
    But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
    For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
    And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
    What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6-9).
    *twain means two
    I have been pondering this verse, and the many other renditions of it throughout the scriptures. This
    word, cleave, has been burned into my mind.
    When spouses cleave to each other, they become united.
    Elder Henry B. Eyring made this profound statement, “Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together.
    That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.”
    After much studying, and pondering on my own life, here are some ways I have found to cleave to your spouse:
    Spend quality time together.
    Physically, we need to be close as husband and wife. We most likely cannot spend most of our day
    together, because of work, chores, our children’s needs and well-being,  but when we do have that time, we should make it a special time.
    For each couple, it could be different. In my marriage, I don’t count doing chores or necessary tasks as spending quality time together. Talking together about important issues or planning activities is a little better, but often times feels too business-like. The times when I feel closest to my husband are when we can put the stress of life behind us, and really relax, laugh, and enjoy each other. The love we share has time to shine through, and we are closer
    physically and emotionally.
    For example, recently we pulled out old photo albums and perused the pictures from our dating and early married life. It was so fun, and even tender, to revisit some of those beautiful memories.
    During the times we can’t be exclusively together, Jad and I still feel close as we talk to each other on the phone or text each other, letting each other know “you are in my thoughts.” When we are spending time with the kids at home or elsewhere, we still try to smile, laugh, and show affection so we feel close to each other.
    I wish I could say I was perfect in this aspect of cleaving. I am not. I have had to make a conscious effort to hold hands with my husband, or hug him and kiss him throughout the day, because by nature, I am not super affectionate or clingy.
    When we have company over (like my family), or we are at a large gathering, I often flit away to talk to my mom or chat with a friend, leaving Jad behind for sometimes extended periods. My husband has been good at telling me that he feels better if I hold his hand and stay near him on walks, or frequently come around him during large gatherings.
    This makes sense, because he should always feel he is the greatest company I could ever ask for. And he is.
    Sometimes, though, as a stay-at-home mom, I feel that I really need a break for my sanity. Occasionally I will go to a girl’s night, or book club, or church activity. It rejuvenates me, and lifts my spirits, helping me be a better wife and mother. I think it is healthy for husbands and wives to get some time away. As long as you discuss together your desires and expectations regarding time together and away, you are still cleaving to one another.
    Make your own traditions.
    It is so important to discuss what works best in your marriage and family for parenting, traditions, finances, etc. Sometimes you have to let go of traditions and ways set forth by your parents and grandparents, for though they may have been good, they may not be best for your family. Some traditions may not have been good, and also need to be left behind.
    Jad and I come from very different cultures. He is Jordanian and I am American. Americans are more likely to leave their parents and be independent. Jordanians feel strongly about taking care of their parents, and don’t think twice about living with them, even after they are married.
    When Jad and I were dating seriously, we took a walk one day and he seriously asked me if we got married, if I would consider letting his mother live with us. As you can imagine, I was strongly opposed, mostly because I felt we would need to focus on strengthening our new little family. He accepted my answer, and not long after, proposed to me.
    There has been quite a bit of tension with Jad’s family because he left behind the Greek Orthodox traditions that his family has followed for so long. He and I have decided together to raise our family in LDS traditions. We are at peace with this decision, but sometimes there can be awkwardness with members of his family who do not understand.
    Some other things we haven’t taken directly from our families are the things we do on Sundays, the shows we watch, the food we eat, the clothes we wear, what we put in our bodies, etc. We have different standards for many things.
    Jad and I discipline our kids differently than was done in my family and his family. We are harder on them in some ways and easier on them in others. Our kids are different. Our personalities are different. Our dynamics together are different.
    We have also gotten degrees and furthered our education, where many people in our families never did.
    Sometimes it can be hard to live differently than your parents taught you. It can be difficult to figure out which family traditions you will keep, which you will discard, and which you will combine. What will you make new?
    Some traditions we have held on to from our families are our love of eating big meals and socializing with our family and friends.
    Jad and I have both learned to love different sweets- for him, brownies, cookies and cakes, and for me, knafeh and baklava.
    We are great lovers of music. We help others and give of our time and excess. We are thrifty and work hard. We laugh hard and tell great stories – sometimes over and over again.
    We also embrace the Jordanian culture, and love wearing traditional clothing, eating traditional dishes, and listening to and dancing to traditional music.
    By counseling as a couple what works best for you, both of you will be satisfied with the changes that come.
    Be faithful and true to your spouse.
    “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto
    her and none else. “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after
    her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents
    not he shall be cast out” (    Doctrine and Covenants 42:22-23).
    This applies to me as much as it applies to my husband. Women and men can both be tempted to stray. I have thought a lot about how to prevent this. I don’t think any person wakes up one morning with the intent to commit adultery, nor do I think adultery is the only way to be unfaithful.
    I have created rules for myself to help me stay always faithful to my husband:
    1. I will not flirt with any other man. I won’t go to places or be a member of sites where there are men and women looking for companionship.
    2. I will not dote on how attractive another man is, even celebrities. I will not compare my husband to other men and wish he was more like them.
    3. I will not read books or magazines, watch movies or videos, or listen to music that spark sexual feelings from within. To me, it is wrong to be imagining sexual behavior that doesn’t involve me with my spouse.
    4. I will not be alone with another man, in a car or elsewhere, with the exception of church interviews.
    5. I will not confide in another man (or anybody) any problems I am having in my marriage, for that opens myself up to vulnerability. Those conversations are only meant for my husband and me.
    Some of you may think these rules are a little too strict, and some of the things I mentioned are harmless. I think that is up to the individual to determine, but for me, all of the rules above will help me avoid lustful temptation of any kind. That makes it worth it to me.
    Learn to love your differences.
    Differences can at first glance seem to be an annoyance. “Why can’t he be more like this?” “Why can’t she do that?” “It is so obvious to me that..” “It would be so much easier if he would just…”
    When differences start to annoy, it would be wise to look within. “Am I perfect? Do I do everything excellently? Am I the best parent and spouse in the world? Am I better than my spouse?”
    The answer will always be no, won’t it?
    If you look at differences in a positive way, you excitedly see that where you lack, he excels, and vice versa. You complete each other. You help each other grow. You give each other perspective.
    Jad can throw a fantastic meal together without a recipe. I need a recipe, so I am the better baker.

    He is the fun, silly, energetic, let them stay up dad. I am the organized, kiss their booboos, read them an endless amount of books, sing them songs, help them with their homework mom. We both have ideas on how best to teach and correct.

    He creates, builds, fixes, beautifies. I sing, write, speak publicly with ease.
    He would rather clean bathrooms and sweep and mop the floor. I prefer to put the toys away, wash the dishes, and do laundry.
    I help him with his grammar. He helps me remember to smile.
    Our differences are things to appreciate, to admire, and sometimes even to laugh at.
    There are some things that aren’t easy with being different, like maybe how we communicate or show affection or handle conflict. That is okay! It is a challenge, but if you talk together about your desires and needs, and go to the Lord for help, you will be blessed.
     Only speak kindly of your spouse to others.
    When you first get married, you feel blissful and complete. You see yourself as the luckiest person on earth, with the best spouse you could ever ask for.
    Then reality sets in.
    You get comfortable with each other, and faults and idiosyncrasies start to emerge. Witnessing a bad habit day after day, week after week, year after year, can be maddening.
    You start to expect more and see less as life gets busier. You start to take things for granted that you used to appreciate.
    You get less patient and less forgiving.
    Then you really want to tell your friends and family about it, so they can tell you how right you are and how wrong he is.
    This reaction is natural, but is it right? Does it help? Does it help us cleave to our spouse?
    I really try hard not to ever speak ill of my husband. It feels wrong. It fills me with feelings like bitterness, anger, and irritation. It fills me with thoughts that I am better than him, he isn’t good enough for me, I do more than he does for the family, and I don’t deserve  what he does to me. It blinds me from my own faults.
    When I hear other people talk badly about their spouses, I cringe. I wonder if the spouse knows any of this. I am someone who likes to hear all perspectives, and even then I try hard not to make a judgment. Many people, though, will hear one side of the story, and turn against someone, without knowing all the facts.
    friends talking outside opinion turning to friend
    I asked if speaking badly of your spouse helps you cleave to him. The answer is no; rather it helps you want to leave him. What is the other option, then?
    Speak kindly of him, even when it is hardest to do so.
    This isn’t lying and this isn’t bragging, but rather it is helping you refocus and remember all the wonderful things you love about your spouse.
    You shouldn’t ignore your concerns, though. Absolutely talk about them, but only to the one person who needs to hear them. Make sure those words are kind too.
    Communicate in a way to uplift, not degrade.
    To cleave to my husband, I need to speak well of him not only to others, but to him. I feel so happy and loved when my husband compliments me, shows an interest in my interests, rejoices in my accomplishments, and appreciates my hard labors on behalf of our family. He will often, in family prayer, ask Heavenly Father to bless me for all I do for the family and kids. I know he feels much closer to me when I do the same for him.
    L.Lionel Kendrick’s words ring so true: “Our communications reflect in our countenance. Therefore, we must be careful not only what we communicate, but also how we do so. Souls can be strengthened or shattered by the message and the manner in which we communicate.”
    Speaking well of your spouse is a way to strengthen his soul. What about when disagreements and irritations come?
    Jad and I don’t have that many arguments or fights. When we do, though, it can be hurtful for the both of us.
    Our problems mostly lie with wanting to be right, wanting to win, not wanting to admit fault, but rather finding fault in the other (why do you do this to me?), and  not wanting to be the first to apologize.
    I call this cleaving to myself. This is selfishness. That is the opposite of unity.
    Sometimes our spouses do things that are hurtful. In my relationship, my husband is a good husband. He isn’t abusive. However, sometimes the way we say things can hurt. I can choose to get offended and explode and fume out every issue I have ever had with him, or I can breathe, tell him how I feel, and tell him I know he didn’t mean to hurt me.
    I don’t think my husband ever hurts me on purpose. I don’t ever want to hurt him either. However, my temper sometimes gets the better of me. I may yell, I may call names, I may curse, I may roll my eyes, I may be sarcastic…there are many other worse things one can do too.
    Does any of that help? No, it adds fuel to the fire and a simple argument can turn into a war.
    When you start to feel like steam is going to come out of your ears, it is time to take a step back, and remember that you love your spouse and you are on the same team. It can help in that moment, and help repair your marriage.
    When you do something wrong, apologize as soon as you recognize it. Don’t justify it, for “shattering a soul” through your choice of communication is never justified.
    Make the important decisions together.
    There are many ways to make decisions, and some decisions to be made are more crucial than others. However, when a decision to be made, whether big or small, affects your family’s lives and well-being, you and your spouse should discuss and make those decisions together.
    Obviously both of you will have an opinion. You could get argumentative, and push until you get your way. Or, you could come up with a compromise, which would leave each of you partly satisfied.
    There is an even better way, and that is to seek out God’s will for your family, for what seems right to you may not actually be right. Study your scriptures together. Pray, even fast, together. Leave it up to God’s will. When you receive an answer, you will both be completely satisfied because you will know it is what God wants for you, even if it wasn’t what you originally thought.
    Jad and I have had to make many important decisions in our marriage. One of the first was what we were going to do when we had our first child together, Rigel. I had been working full time for four years at a company I loved. I was making good money, with excellent benefits, great coworkers, and definite potential to move up in the company. Jad had been the co-owner and manager of a convenience store in Kinston for many years, travelling several days a week. He made less money with no benefits, and his store wasn’t in the safest area.
    Looking at it in my perspective, I kind of wanted to keep working. I felt my job would have been better for our family in the long run. I didn’t like the idea of being away from Casey and Rigel (I had absolutely hated putting Casey in
    daycare a few years before), but I would have been okay with it if Jad stayed home with them. Jad was such a fun dad, it would be great.
    Jad didn’t agree with me at all. He felt because he was the man, it was his responsibility to take care of the family. He had also put so much work into his business, he didn’t want to give it up and leave his uncle hanging.
    It was tough. We couldn’t very well compromise on that one. I had looked into working part time, but was told that wasn’t an option.
    So, we decided to fast and pray about it. It didn’t take long for us to feel very peaceful about me quitting my job and staying home to raise my sweet boys. My decision surprised some who thought of my success, but didn’t surprise others who knew of my values. It was hard to leave, very hard, but I have never once regretted the decision.
    Because Jad and I chose to take the road God wanted for us, we were happy with the difficult decision we made. And we are still so happy.
    This decision-making method has blessed our lives so many times. We also feel more spiritually united, and come closer to God each time we earnestly reach out to him.
    Live by “What is yours is mine and what is mine is yours.”
    If we really live by this, than we know we will cleave to each other rather than our material possessions. This also brings equality to the marriage.
    I am a stay at home mom. I don’t work outside the home anymore. My husband is the breadwinner. However, the money he brings home is OUR money. He never tells me I can’t spend it. He trusts me to use it as I see fit for the family.
    The only things we really consider “mine” would be our toothbrushes and clothes. We share just about everything else.
    Because we share our financial and other temporal resources, we are respectful of each other’s opinions on how best to use them. We stay on the same page on how to budget money, what we need and what we can wait on, and what we choose to keep or discard as we consolidate.
    We don’t worry so much about small purchases or purges, but we definitely discuss the bigger things together.
    This saying of what is yours is mine can apply to anything, even heartaches, accomplishments, and joys. When my husband is discouraged or sad, I am too. When I am excited about something, he is too. We won’t always feel the same way, but when we do, we still help and support each other.
    Jad getting his citizenship was as much of a joy to me as it was to him.
    Put each other first.
    When you are married, your spouse’s needs, wants, and happiness should be as important to you as your own.
    One way to do this is to learn about and support your spouse’s interests and hobbies.
    I love acting and performing. My husband always supports me when I want to be in a show or sing in the choir. He never complains either.
    Jad loves to come up with ways to landscape our yard. I give him free artistic license to create our garden, move things around, paint, and plant.
    I have tried to immerse myself in Arabic culture as much as possible, with the food, clothes, music and dancing. It is important to me because it is a part of him.
    He reads all of my blog posts and comments on them because he wants me to know he is proud of me and is uplifted by my words.
    Another way to put each other first is to do nice things for each other, like write love notes, plan a surprise, do something without being asked, show affection often, give a massage, be the one to get up and do something when you are both tired.
    If you give what you want to receive, your spouse will feel your love and want to do likewise.
    To put your spouse first, it is important to be sensitive to moods, desires, energy levels, and work load. That way, you can discern each other’s needs better.
    For example, perhaps you had planned for you and your spouse to do a particular activity that evening, but you see your spouse is really tired or overwhelmed. You willingly and graciously discuss a new plan with your spouse, without being resentful.
    Jad is really good at giving me breaks when I am really tired after a long day with the kids. Sometimes he will suggest I get out of the house for a while. If I decline the offer, he will just invite me to relax on the couch while he cleans
    up the dishes and plays with the kids.
    Sometimes, even if I haven’t seen Jad all day, I will give up time with him if he feels like he really needs to study. This way he will feel more prepared for his upcoming exam, and feel less anxiety.
    It is also important as spouses to stop what we are doing and just listen. Be interested in how your spouse’s day was. Talk about it. Offer comfort and support. Give needed hugs and kisses.
    There may be days when your spouse comes home from work or another activity, where it is really tempting to vent about how awful your day was, and how you are so upset. Instead of doing that, which can provoke guilt in your spouse, try to keep a positive attitude so that he can keep a positive outlook on the he had.
    Help each other with responsibilities. It could be tempting to say that it is his job, so I shouldn’t have to help. By getting up and helping wash dishes, or fold laundry, or organize the closet, your spouse can feel that you enjoy being
    with him regardless of what you are doing.
    If you see a need, do it rather than wait for your spouse to do it. This will be a load off of him, which will make you happy.
    By putting your spouse first, you grow together in love, and you both stay humble, and as President Spencer W.
    Kimball     promised: “. . . If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions.”
    Love God above all else.
    This may seem contradictory to the concept of cleaving to your spouse. It isn’t!
    I looked up all the verses in the scriptures that use the word “cleave.” Not only does God command that we cleave to our spouse, He also commands:
    “Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good” (Romans 12:9).
    “Ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him” (Deuteronomy 13:4). 
    Jacob, a prophet in the Book of Mormon adds a beautiful truth to the command to cleave unto God. He says: “…cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you.”
     
    Moroni, another prophet in the Book of Mormon, counsels us to “cleave unto charity,” which is the “pure love of Christ,” because “charity never faileth” (Moroni 7:46-47).
    Elder John A. Widtsoe said, “True love of man for woman always includes love of God from whom all good things issue.”
    All good things come from God. For a marriage to be strong, it needs the Lord’s blessings.
    If I love God, I want to keep His commandments. More importantly, I want to be like Him. If I am like Him, I will be a kind, compassionate, forgiving, humble, gentle, righteous, giving, understanding, patient, loving spouse.
    Isn’t that what we all need to be happy? There are many desirable qualities in a spouse, but the ones that matter most are the ones that mirror the Savior.
    Loving God above all else is the journey of a lifetime. Jad and I are working hard to cleave to God. We pray to Him sincerely night and day. We study our scriptures and the words of the prophets daily. We do our best to keep Jesus’ commandments. We attend church every Sunday, and willingly do our church responsibilities. We serve others every chance we get. We love our friends and family. We teach our children to love God and keep His commandments. We attend the temple as often as we can, and we strive to keep the covenants we have made with our Father in Heaven. We share the gospel of Christ with others. When we fall short, we repent and seek forgiveness from God and each other.
    We can always do more, and as we are spiritually united, we can help each other in the pathway to perfection.  Jad and I want to live with God eternally, and we want to be together forever as husband and wife.
    President Spencer W. Kimball promised:  “If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have . . . great happiness.”
    I know that Jad and I are most happy with each other when we are spiritually in tune, and living righteously.
    The Lord has commanded that husbands and wives to cleave to each other. This commandment is meant to help us be united in righteousness, providing us with the greatest joy we could ever imagine. I love my husband, and I promise to always do my best to cleave to him, from now and through all eternity. As the Lord said, “where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Jad is one of my greatest treasures, and I thank God for him every day.
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