To all the women out there who have chosen not to have children,
I am writing to you as a wife and a mother. You may expect me to judge you, and to tell you what you have probably heard many times – that you are selfish or must not value family.
It may be hard for me to understand how you chose not to be a mother, but rather than judge you for this personal decision, I instead will respect you as I would anyone else.
Because I know life certainly does get harder when you have kids, and that parenthood is a life-long sacrifice, I actually do understand many of the reasons why women do not want children:
I am sure you don’t like being pressured to have children. I agree that this choice should be made between husband and wife. Only peace and joy should surround you as you choose to conceive.
Fear of pregnancy, delivery and body changes
I admit that pregnancy can be uncomfortable, and delivery excruciating. Why then do women do it, and then do it again? For me, as I hold my new baby in my arms, I forget about everything but the overwhelming love I have for my little angel from Heaven. As a mom of three now, my body has changed a lot. However, I believe my stretch marks and stomach pudge are a testament to the loving sacrifice I made to bring my sweet babies to the world.
No more freedom
It is true that when you have kids, you have to think about their well-being in every decision you make, and every place you go. Your hobbies and interests can’t take center stage anymore. Even though this is one of the hardest parts of being a mom, I am grateful that I have learned to put others’ needs before my own, helping me be happier and humbler. I have also learned to balance my life so that I can still stimulate my mind, and do things I like to do. It is a matter of multitasking, prioritizing, and simplifying, all skills I have better developed being a mom.
Husband on back burner
You can still cleave to your husband when you have children. You may not have the quantity of alone time you want, but the quality of love you have for each other can be magnified as you observe each other loving, playing with, and teaching your children, and when you witness precious moments together.
Couples striving to be better parents will develop into better spouses.
You might believe the world is too wicked to bring more children into it. If so, I say, who better than couples who recognize the world is wicked to have and raise children? Your home would become a sanctuary from the outside forces. You would raise your children to be good, righteous people, who would be an influence for good amongst their peers and in the world. People will always have children. We need more good parents to raise them.
Already an aunt
Are you just happy being an aunt who can give the children back? I know that you must love your nieces and nephews dearly. I personally have loved many children in my life, but no love has ever come close to the true, pure love I feel for my own children who are half me and half my husband, who I helped create, who I had a bond with before they were born, who rely on me and their dad for everything, and who love me back, and trust me more than anyone else in the world.
Perhaps it is tempting to want to be able to give back a child so you don’t have to worry about the mundane things, or the tantrums, chaos and stress. Trust me, though – for you own children, you would love them enough to do anything, for they need you to help them thrive. When you are raising your own children, you are also able to better learn from their sweet, Christ-like examples of love, forgiveness, humility, and so much more.
Take heart if you are a woman who doesn’t think you have what it takes to be a good mother. Becoming a good parent is a journey for all mothers, even those who seem to know what it takes. Moms are supposed to be patient, temperate and gentle – all things I personally need to work on. There is no better way for me to develop those skills, and so many others, than by devoting much of my life to raising my children. With motivation, hard work, study, family support, and a lot of prayer, any woman can be a good mother.
You might simply be a woman who never felt she wanted children, so you haven’t.
I don’t want to pressure you to change your mind. My humble suggestion to you is to keep God close. Pray to Him for guidance and direction. Ask Him if the decisions you make, and have made, are right for you, for your husband and for your spiritual growth. Be open to His will, no matter how difficult.
I know as I keep God close to me, and make Him a partner in my marriage, I am able to make decisions that will most benefit me temporally and spiritually. I am able to endure well all of the trials and worries that come my way. I am able to magnify my callings and roles, including that of a mother. I think that is why even though being a mother is the hardest role I play, it is also one of the most beautiful, precious and growing opportunities of my life.
Perhaps, after praying sincerely, with an open heart, your mind will see things differently. No matter what God’s answers are for you, if you follow them, you can live your life with peace.
A woman once said she would rather regret not having children, than having children. By making your decisions with God, you won’t have to regret anything.
I believe the most wonderful influence we will ever have will be in our own homes. It is for you, your spouse, and God to determine who will live within those walls. May God bless you.
This post is part of a blogger round-up with these fabulous bloggers! Make sure to visit each to read what they are sharing about the divine roles of fathers and mothers.
Jocelyn @ We Talk of Christ | Karyn @ Teach Beside Me | Kerry @ My Random Sampler |
Heidi @ One Creative Mommy | Mandy @ A Bliss Complete | Montserrat @ Cranial Hiccups |
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Great post! Thanks for joining in the roundup. Being a mom is hard, but it is so worth it!
Thanks so much, and you are right!
My favorite thing to tell people is that I am a body builder. I have been blessed to build the bodies of my children. That is no small feat or easy task! I am also a soul builder as I try to teach them and raise them. Thank goodness for a good husband who complements me well to help in raising and teaching our kids!
I love that – a body builder and soul builder. 🙂
Ha! I love that!
Such a neat post! I really liked how you spoke to those who have chosen not to have children.
Thank you so much!
I think a lot of people honestly do not believe they are cut out for parenthood. And while I have respect for that because I think it’s a good thing to understand your limitations, I also think if they took the plunge they would learn and grow and expand in ways they could not have imagined before (as we all do!)