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  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 4 – What Mormons Believe

    In the last post I confirmed to you how I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. In part, it was because he translated and brought forth The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ.

    As a prophet, Joseph did so much more. He also received numerous revelations from Jesus himself. Christ gave him the absolute truth as to how His church was to be organized, and what His people must do to obtain eternal life.
    We know that Joseph was martyred at the young age of 38. Did prophets once again leave the earth, leaving us without answers? No, there have been many prophets called since Joseph Smith, and there are prophets and apostles on the earth today.
    Thomas S. Monson, President and Prophet of the LDS Church
    The members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe that prophets speak directly to Christ, and receive counsel and instruction from Him for the benefit of His people, and for the world. That is why we love, sustain, and follow the counsels of the Lord’s prophets and apostles.
    That is also one of the reasons why we so look forward to General Conference twice a year.
    One of our church’s Articles of Faith is: We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God.
    Yes, God is still speaking, and will continue to speak and give instruction until He comes again.
    All of the doctrines, beliefs and practices in the LDS church come from this revelation to the Lord’s prophets. I think I owe each of you the answers to the questions I asked in Part 2 of this blog series.
    As you read the answers I write, imagine that there are prophets on the earth, and they are in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If this is true, the answers below are the absolute truth as prescribed by Jesus Christ.
    The Commandments:
    1. Keep the Sabbath Day holy (Exodus 20:8) – The Sabbath Day is the Lord’s Day. We should attend church, yes, but we should also make the Sabbath a day of rest, a day of service, and a day of spiritual feasting. We should avoid causing others to have to work on the Lord’s day.
    2. Be baptized of water and of the Spirit (John 3:5) –
    a. Baptism of water: Baptism is essential to enter into the kingdom of God, as it shows our commitment to keeping God’s commandments and trying to become like Him. It must be done by someone with priesthood authority. Baptism must be done by immersion. Babies and young children do not sin and do not need to be baptized. Only when they reach the age of eight or older are they tempted by Satan and sufficiently know the difference between right and wrong.
    b. Baptism of the spirit: This means receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, an ordinance performed by the laying on of hands by one with priesthood authority. Once baptized, one receives this gift, which is a constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, dependent on one’s faithfulness.
    c. Baptism for the dead: Baptisms for the dead were performed during Paul’s time, and are done in the LDS church in temples. Since all people must be baptized to be saved, baptisms by proxy give the deceased an opportunity to have that saving ordinance, and then choose to take upon them the name of Christ.
    3. Do not commit adultery and flee fornication (Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:28, 1 Corinthians 6:18) – It is still a commandment to remain sexually pure until marriage, and then to maintain full loyalty to your spouse after marriage.
    4. Love one another (John 13:34)- Love one another means that we are kind, tolerant and nonjudgmental, and that we serve others. It does not mean that we condone or advocate for sinful behavior. Loving God means keeping His commandments. We should never purposely break commandments, or encourage others to break commandments in the name of loving one another.
    5. Let your light so shine (Matthew 5:14-16) – We should set good examples, and also share the gospel of Christ with others. Those of us who have been baptized have covenanted to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places. We should defend our beliefs, and declare them in love.
    6. Throw away the things that make you sin  (Matthew 5:29-30)- The abominations spoken of in the Bible are still abominations to Christ. His higher law is still valid today. Modern day prophets have revealed to us the Lord’s will regarding what is and is not sin as new technologies and practices are created. The definition of sin is not based on society’s acceptance of any practice.
    7. Pray to the father (Matthew 6:5-13)- You should pray to Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ. There is nobody else that you should pray to. Prayers should be done as a family and individually morning, night, and before meals. Prayers can be said aloud or in silence. They can be said anytime, anywhere. There are no prayers that need to be recited, except for prayers done for sacred ordinances, such as the Sacrament or baptism. Heavenly Father wants us to speak from the heart in sincere prayer. He wants us to talk to Him, to thank Him for our blessings, tell Him our fears, and ask Him questions.
    8. Partake of Christ’s body and blood in remembrance of Him (Luke 22:19-20) – When partaking of the emblems, you are not literally eating and drinking Christ’s body and blood. It is symbolic. When you partake, you are promising to remember Christ always. It does not matter what is used for the emblems, so long as you remember Christ. Mormons use bread and water. The emblems should be blessed and passed by those having priesthood authority. Only those who are worthy should partake.
    The Doctrines:
    1. The truthfulness of the Bible – The Bible is holy and true. It contains the word of God as given to His prophets and apostles. The Bible is one book with the word of God. The Book of Mormon is also the word of God, and the Lord still speaks truths to prophets today to bring peace and clarity in a changing, and increasingly wicked, world.
    2. The nature of God – Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are three separate and distinct beings. Heavenly Father and Jesus have bodies of flesh and bone, while the Holy Ghost is a spirit. They are all one in purpose and mission, and they all love us, but they are not one being.
    3. Salvation – The Lord commands that we follow Him and be baptized in His name. However, to be saved, this is not all we must do. When we make mistakes, we must repent. We must also keep God’s commandments, and work hard to become more like Him in word and in deed throughout our lives.
    4. The Second Coming – Jesus will come again in power and great glory. Nobody knows when it will happen. When He comes, the righteous will be caught up to meet Him.
    5. Life after death – When a person dies, his body and soul separate. Only little children who die will go straight to Heaven. Everyone else will go to the Spirit World to await the Lord’s second coming, the resurrection, and final judgment. Instruction occurs in the Spirit World. Those who did not have a chance to learn about Jesus Christ and His gospel will be taught it, and be given the opportunity to accept Him. After the final judgment, the Lord will assign each of us to a kingdom of glory in Heaven based on our faithfulness, or to Outer Darkness for the most wicked. Paul saw a third Heaven because there are three degrees of glory in Heaven (the many mansions Jesus spoke of).
    6. The priesthood – The priesthood is the authority to act in God’s name on the earth. Worthy males may be ordained to the priesthood, and receive it through the laying on of hands.
    Though not everyone holds the priesthood, everyone is blessed by it.
    The Practices:
    1. Abortion – Human life is a sacred gift. Abortion should not be promoted or encouraged. In most cases it is a practice contrary to the will of God, and is only acceptable in the rarest of circumstances. Even in cases when deemed acceptable, counseling and prayer should precede the decision to have one.
    2. Suicide and Euthanasia – Because of the sanctity of human life, suicide and euthanasia are both wrong. However, in the case of suicide, only the Lord can judge if a person is responsible for his/her actions.
    3. Contraception – Husbands and wives who are physically able have the privilege and responsibility to have children and rear them in righteousness. However, it is up to the spouses to determine when they wish to have children and how many they wish to have. Birth control is not discouraged, so long as children are not being postponed for selfish reasons.
    4. Death penalty – This is a matter that should be decided by civil law.
    5. War and military service – Peace is always the ideal. However, sometimes war is necessary to preserve life, liberty, and family. Citizen should follow the laws of the land regarding war.
    6. Eating of meat – For health reasons, meat should be eaten sparingly, but it is not wrong to eat it. In fact, animals were created for the use of humans, for food and for clothing.
    7. Marriage – The family is central to Heavenly Father’s plan. All children deserve to be born in a family with a mother and a father, and marriage should be between a man and a woman. Priests are not forbidden to marry.
    8. Divorce – Marriages are sacred contracts, and should not be taken lightly. Divorce, though not encouraged, is sometimes a necessary action. One who is divorced is able to remarry, and still remain in full fellowship in the church.
    As you read these answers, some may have made perfect sense to you, though you didn’t have a previous stance. Some you may already agree with because you have also been taught it. Others you may totally disagree with because of political/social views. There may be some that you just don’t understand or think are too complicated.
    Mormons feel very strongly about the safety and peace that comes from following the prophet. If prophets truly do speak to the Lord, then they will always convey the Lord’s will and truths. However, it is not always easy to understand or accept all doctrines and practices.
    That is where faith comes in. Heavenly Father has given us free agency. The truth is revealed, but it is up to each individual person to exercise faith in that truth, and find out through study and prayer if it be right. Nobody in the LDS faith is forced to do anything. Everyone is encouraged to build their own convictions, and doubts and questions are normal.
    I am grateful to have choice, but also to know the consequences of actions I may take and positions I may hold.
    I don’t understand everything, but little by little, my faith and testimony grow as I am prepared and willing to receive more light and knowledge.
    I have a strong testimony that Heavenly Father and Jesus love us. They love me and they love each of you. They wish for everyone to have eternal life. All we must do is follow the doctrines and commandments that Jesus has set forth.
    I share the gospel as I know it so passionately and lovingly because it means the world to me, and I am such a better person because of it. I would love to clarify anything I have written about thus far, or talk about something you have heard about Mormons that I haven’t addressed. I am here to help.
    I am a Christian and a disciple of Christ.

     

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 2: Why Are There So Many Churches?

    Have you ever wondered why there are so many Christian churches? Has that ever bothered you? Why would that be anyway? All Christians have access to the Bible. All (well, most) Christians believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ and accept Him as their Savior; yet, there are countless denominations, and even non-denominations.

    light-of-the-world-jesus-christ-1301483-gallery

    Some of you may say that it doesn’t matter which Christian church you go to, or what doctrines it teaches, because all that matters is loving Jesus and being kind to others. The rest is up to your personal feelings.

    The two greatest commandments are in fact to love God with all your heart, mind, might and strength, and also to love your neighbor as yourself.

    However, Jesus said that if we love Him, we will keep his commandments. Which commandments is he talking about? There are the ten commandments, of course, and the higher law for those commandments. There are also countless others.

    Do all Christians keep all the commandments? Do they agree on how to keep those commandments? Are there any Christians out there who think some commandments are outdated? Here are some examples of commandments Christians churches follow/don’t follow differently:

    1. Keep the Sabbath Day holy (Exodus 20:8) – Does this just mean go to church? Does this just mean think about Jesus more? Does it mean that you spend the whole day a little differently than every other day? Is this commandment even valid anymore?

    2. Be baptized of water and of the Spirit (John 3:5) – What age should people be baptized? Do little children need to be baptized? Should baptism be done by sprinkling or by immersion? What must we do to be worthy of baptism? Who has the authority to baptize? How does one get baptized of the Spirit? Is baptism really even necessary for salvation? What was Paul talking about when he spoke of baptism for the dead?

     

     

    3. Do not commit adultery and flee fornication (Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:28, 1 Corinthians 6:18) – Most Christians agree on not committing adultery, but what about fornication? It has become more and more common for Christian people to live together and engage in sexual relations before marriage. Is this an outdated commandment, or is it still valid?

    4. Love one another (John 13:34)- This one should be easy, but it isn’t. Does ‘love one another’ mean that we accept all behaviors around us, even if we don’t believe in them? Can we still love one another but not agree or condone or vote for causes that go against our beliefs, or does that mean we don’t love our neighbor? Does this commandment trump keeping the other commandments God has set?

    5. Let your light so shine (Matthew 5:14-16) – Does this just mean that we are good people, or does this mean that we share the gospel of Christ with others? Should we be vocal about our beliefs, or be quiet about them so as not to offend those who do not share our beliefs?

    6. Throw away the things that make you sin  (Matthew 5:29-30)- Well, what things are sins? Does the definition of sin change as times change or are all the abominations spoken of in scripture still abominations?

    7. Pray to the father (Matthew 6:5-13)- Should we only pray to the Father, or is it also acceptable and encouraged to pray to Mary? How often should we pray, and should we recite prayers, or speak from the heart?

    8. Partake of Christ’s body and blood in remembrance of Him (Luke 22:19-20) – Are we literally partaking of Christ’s body and blood, or is it symbolic? What are we promising to do when we do this? How often must we do this, and does it matter what we use as representation of the body and blood? How should the body and blood be blessed and passed?

     

    Each of these commandments, and many, many others, are interpreted and kept in diverse ways in the hundreds of Christian denominations in the world. It is not only the commandments, but also doctrines which are disagreed upon. Here are just a few of the doctrines that Christians do not agree upon:

    1. The truthfulness of the Bible – Is it inerrant, or is it just a book full of good ideas? Does it tell us everything we need to know, or are some parts no longer relevant due to the changes in the world? Did all the Bible stories actually happen, or are they just ways to teach us a message?

    2. The nature of God – Are God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost three separate beings or one being? Does God have a body or not?

    3. Salvation – If we accept Jesus and are baptized, are we guaranteed salvation, or can we lose it based on our deeds? Do we have to keep the faith? Do our works help us be saved? How does repentance work? How do we know if we are forgiven, or are we just automatically forgiven?

    4. The Second Coming – Is it going to happen? Will there be a rapture? What will happen if Christ comes again?

     

    5. Life after death – Will we really be resurrected? Do people go straight to Heaven or Hell after death, or is there a resting place before the final judgment? Is there even a Hell at all? Will everyone who didn’t accept Jesus on this earth go to Hell? What is the third Heaven that Paul saw?

    6. The priesthood – What is the priesthood? Are there guidelines as to who should be ordained to the priesthood? How is one conferred the priesthood? What does one with the priesthood do?

     

    It is true that there are many  doctrines that Christians generally agree on, such as the divinity of Christ, that he was born of a virgin, that he lived on earth and died for our sins, and was resurrected. These other doctrines are essential to know, however, because our understanding of them can completely change the way we live, how we interpret scripture, and how our churches function.

    Even in the early days of Christianity, Paul chastised the people for moving away from the doctrines of Christ. He said to the Galatians (1:1-6):

    I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel: Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ. But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed. For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man. For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.

     

    Unfortunately, I have only begun to scratch the surface of the differences in Christian denominations. Some other differences are how Christians feel about:

    1. Abortion – Even if we don’t agree with it, should we vote for it to be banned, or vote to give a woman choice?

    2. Suicide and Euthanasia – Is this the equivalent of murder or is it sometimes acceptable? Is it forgivable?

    3. Contraception – Is birth control always wrong to use, or is it okay in some or all circumstances? What kinds of contraception are acceptable?

    4. Death penalty – Is the killing of others for a crime committed ever justified? Should we be able to make that call?

    5. War and military service – Should war be avoided at all costs, or is it sometimes the right thing to do to defend our freedoms, lands, and families?

    6. Eating of meat – Is it murder to eat animal flesh, or is meat a gift from God for His children?

    7. Marriage – Should marriage be between only a man and a woman, or should any consenting adults be allowed to marry? Should priests remain celibate or be allowed to marry?

    8. Divorce – Is divorce ever acceptable? If one is divorced, can he/she remarry and remain part of the body of Christ?

    I am by no means the first person to realize the vast differences between Christian denominations. I read many articles discussing it. Most of these articles say that we should respect all Christians, regardless of disparity, and learn how to love each other. The people writing these articles usually also show sympathy that other Christians don’t know the full truth like they do.

     

    I totally agree that we should respect all Christians. However, look around. Do Christians really love and respect each other? Many do, yes. However, I am saddened at the flat out bashing and judging that goes on because of the differences Christians have. I read all the time where Christians call out other Christians and say they must not be true Christians, because Jesus wouldn’t think or do what they are thinking and doing.

    Most Christians believe they have the full truth, and they most closely follow the Lord, Jesus Christ. I fully and wholeheartedly believe there must be absolute truth in Christianity. There must be. All of the things we have discussed must have a true answer from God. He does have an answer for all the differing opinions of men and women. There is a pure doctrine. None of the doctrines I listed can be more than one way. There must be one answer. To be acceptable in the Lord’s eyes, we must keep his commandments as He intended for us to keep them. We must know the truth. How do we find it?

    The answer most commonly given amongst Christians is to use the Bible. Well, don’t most Christian denominations (and non-denominations) use the Bible? They definitely use it, and yet there are countless combinations of beliefs in Christianity. This doesn’t make sense. Don’t get me wrong –  I believe with all my heart that the Bible is true. Those who have a conviction of this are right.

     

    I have studied the Bible many times in my life, and it is a book I treasure. I know it is the word of God. To say there is not confusion, though, would be a lie. There are many verses in the Bible which are very difficult to comprehend, and many concepts are introduced but not elaborated upon. Have you ever come across a scripture you didn’t understand? The book of Revelation is incredibly difficult to fathom… there are many others as well.

    Did you know  there are over 100 English translations of the Bible? I definitely haven’t read all of these translations, but I do know from looking  at a few different ones that if you compare a scripture passage in different Bibles, often you will find that the meaning is not the same. Even more astonishing is that I have read interpretations of the same scripture from the same translation that didn’t match – in fact, they were opposites.

    An example of that is Luke 24:39:

    Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.

    I have seen religious articles that use this verse to prove that the resurrected Christ is a spirit, and in contrast, to prove that He has a body.

     There are also passages of scripture in the Bible that make perfect sense, but appear to be contradicted in other passages. Christian denominations tend to hold fast to a verse and make it part of doctrine, but do not always acknowledge the other verses that seem to say the opposite. Here are two examples of many:

    The Nature of God

    1. John 8:16-18, 28-29

    And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me. It is also written in your law,
     that the testimony of two men is true. I am one that bear witness of myself, and the Father that sent me beareth witness of me.

    Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these
     things. And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.

    2. John 1:1

    In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

    The Means of Salvation

    1. James 2:20-26

    But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead? Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar? Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God. Ye see then how that
    by works a man is justified, and not by faith only. Likewise also was not Rahab the harlot justified by works, when she had received the messengers, and had sent them out another way. For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

    2. Romans 10: 9 -10

    That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth
     unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
    There are also many positions and practices amongst Christians of all faiths that are not mentioned in the Bible at all. Individuals and denominations have had to infer God’s will based on their interpretations of the Bible – e.g. contraception, abortion. Then there are things that are condemned in the Bible, but are thought by some to now be irrelevant due to changing times – e.g. chastity, modesty, divorce, traditional marriage. There are others, though, that hold strong to what the Bible says. Who is right?
    Yes, the Bible is true, but alone it has not brought Christians together in one Lord, one faith, one baptism (Ephesians 4:5).

    Here is a scripture verse I want you to consider in the same chapter of Ephesians (vs 11-15):

    And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;

     For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
    Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:
    That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
    But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

    Is Paul talking about himself and the other apostles following Christ’s resurrection? He could be, but most Christian religions strive to follow the words of these apostles as found in the New Testament. Nearly 2000 years later, Christians still do not have a unity of faith, and are nowhere near accomplishing it.

    I have done a lot of reading on what Christians believe about prophets. I have read articles where individuals really want to believe in prophets, and feel they are needed. They just don’t know where to find them.

    There is an even stronger conviction, though, that prophets no longer exist, that they were no longer called after the twelve original apostles died, and will never be called again. After Christ gave the higher law, and completed his work on the earth, He stopped speaking to the world. All of His word is in the Bible, and no other word is ever needed to help His children live Christ-like lives.
    For those of you who do believe there could be prophets, you might be worried about the Lord’s caution to beware of false prophets. Many Christians believe that because the Lord said that, that means all men professing to be prophets in these days must be frauds. That would especially be true if Christ no longer speaks, and there is no further revelation to bring forth.
    There are Christian churches that believe their spiritual leaders, though not prophets, do receive inspiration for interpreting God’s word as in the Bible. Thus, their interpretations would be the correct ones.
    We run back into the same question again: Which church is true, and how can we tell? Let me tell you a story of someone who had this question.

    In 1820, in Manchester, New York, a 14-year-old boy was looking for truth. In his town, the Methodist, Baptist and Presbyterian churches were promoting their religions, looking for followers. They were all very convincing, but spoke harshly of each other. They tried everything to denounce the other religions.

    This boy was a believer in God, and he wanted to align himself with one of these Christian faiths. He was overwhelmed, and uncertain of which church to join, as each church interpreted the Bible so differently. He said,

    What is to be done? Who of all these parties are right; or, are they all wrong together? If any one of them be right, which is it, and how shall I know it?

    This boy started looking for an answer. One night, as he was studying his Bible, he found this verse in James 1:5-

    If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.


    This verse pierced him to the very soul, and he knew that if anyone needed wisdom from God, it was him. He decided that if James was right, he could receive his answer through prayer.

    Up until this point, the boy had never prayed vocally. He chose a beautiful, clear day in the Spring of that year to go out into the woods to pray aloud to God, and hopefully receive the answer he most desperately sought.

     

    The rest of the story is best told in his words:

    After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.

     But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being—just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.
     It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!


    My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)—and which I should join.

    I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: “they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof.

    My friends, this 14-year-old boy was Joseph Smith. He had a question and he asked of God. He asked with all the energy of his soul, yearning for an answer, willing to do what the Lord would ask of him. He received his answer – an answer he never expected, in a way he never would have dreamed. If Joseph, this poor, uneducated, farm boy, really did see God and Jesus Christ standing side by side, then Christianity could become one step closer to absolute truth, and to unity of faith, for the question of the nature of God was now answered. It was answered by Jesus Christ himself. I read through the most common Christian creeds, such as the Nicene Creed and the Apostolic Creed. They all claim the oneness of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. If untrue, those statements would be an abomination in the eyes of Christ and His father, though unbeknownst to the devout followers of Christ who lived by them.

    If this vision really happened, it shows a love of God and Christ for all people on the earth, that they want all people to be united, to know the full truth as God intended, and to bring forth  more knowledge to bring clarity, rather than continuous confusion.

    Joseph’s vision was not just for him. It would bring him great responsibility, as well as tremendous oppression and persecution for the remainder of his days. His name would be known for good and evil throughout the world, and still is to this day.

     

    Joseph Smith was called to be a prophet of God and to bring the fullness of Christ’s gospel to the world.

    This is the testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and mine. I do not ask you to believe it; I just ask you to open your minds to the fact that there could be prophets on the earth today. I believe God is a loving God and He does not want us to live in confusion. Christians today live in confusion, and often worry about how to respond to an increasingly wicked, godless world. Christians are not yet united in faith. The world is not yet united in faith.
    May God bless you in your search for truth.

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 1: My Life as a Mormon

    Many of my friends are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS church) just like me. However, I also have many treasured relationships with people not of my faith. For those of you who aren’t a part of my faith, but who know me well, you may have asked yourself at one time or another why I would be a part of such a religion. I know what people say about Mormons, and I know what preachers teach about them. You may have looked at me and thought, “Mandy is a smart, kind person. She has a good family life. I just don’t get how she is a member of such a church that believes such weird things.”

     I can appreciate that, and now,  I want to respond to this paradox by first telling you about my life as a Mormon.

    I was born to two parents who were both members of my church, so since birth, I have attended the LDS church. You may be interested to know, however, that my father joined the church in his early adulthood, while my mother grew up with parents who were members (though one of her parents also joined the church later in life).

    blessing day
    This is my mother and me when I was two months old, on the day my father gave me my baby blessing at church.

    My earliest memories of attending church include going to a wonderful place called Primary each Sunday, where we would sing songs about Jesus, prayer, Heaven, and sometimes even popcorn popping on the apricot tree. We learned lessons from teachers about many different things, such as prophets, families or the fact that we are all children of God. We, the kids, also sometimes got to go in front of the microphone and speak to the other kids about a topic like this. We had classes for our age groups, where we would learn scripture stories or ways to be more like Jesus. Primary was so much fun, but also helped me learn that I was special and that God loved me.

    baptism
    This is me on my eighth birthday right before my baptism.

    When I was eight years old I made the decision to be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My dad baptized me. I remember him taking me out into the hallway to practice how he would put me under the water. I actually had to be baptized twice because my foot came up a little the first time. My dad was also the one who laid his hands on my head and gave me the gift of the Holy Ghost.  I remember feeling so happy that day, and enjoying the loving attention I got from family, teachers and friends for my decision.

    The next day in church, we sang a hymn called I Am a Child of God. I had sung it many times before in Primary. That day, though, as I sang it, tears fell gently down my face. I asked my mom why I was crying, and she said it was because I was feeling the Holy Ghost.

    As a member of the church, I grew up praying before each meal, as a family, and on my own before bed. We read our scriptures around the table every night after dinner. We did family nights called Family Home Evening, where my parents would teach us a gospel lesson and then we would do a fun activity, like the “tasting game,” and would sometimes have a dessert. We also loved celebrating holidays together. Dressing up for Halloween was always so much fun. We gave special focus, though, to Christmas and Easter, so we could not only have fun, but remember our Savior.

    mary and joseph
    My brother, Aaron, and I pretending to be Mary and Joseph.

    Our family had so much fun spending time together. Sure, we as kids annoyed each other, and we didn’t always listen to our parents. But, we loved each other and made family a priority. I have many fond memories of going to the movie store and getting ice cream, playing make believe, having “school” on the chalkboard, riding bikes, and going to Nana’s house.

     

    12
    This is 12-year-old me on my first Sunday as a Young Woman.

    When I turned 12, I no longer attended Primary. I started a new program, called Young Women. I was in that program until I turned 18. It was a program where I learned how to love myself and love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Each Sunday we would stand as a group and recite something called the Young Women Theme. In it, we spoke of our knowledge that we are daughters of God and that he loves us. We promised to stand as his witnesses at all times and in all things and in all places. Then we would recite values we promised as Young Women to live by. There were many, but some of my favorites were individual worth, choice and accountability, good works and integrity. Throughout all my years as a young woman, I did assignments, projects and activities to help me learn more about, appreciate, and act upon these upstanding values.

    This is me with a group of young women, dressed up to perform the Parable of the Good Samaritan.

    Each year all the girls from a large geographical area would come together at a girls’ camp. Girls’ Camp was one of my favorite times of year. We were each secret sisters, and would do nice things for another girl each day. We did many activities and lessons to help us learn how to take care of ourselves physically and spiritually. We ate great food. We got to know each other better. Most importantly, we felt closer to our Savior as we bore testimony of Him.

     

    jesus

     

    I remember one year we followed a path through the camp site. We stopped at different areas where someone would speak to us. I don’t remember what they said, but I remember the final destination –  a tent. Inside that tent was a picture of Jesus Christ. I remember tears streaming down my cheeks. I knew the man in that picture really was my Savior and Redeemer, and through Him, I could be clean, and I could stand have the strength to always stand up for what was right.

    Additionally, once a year from age 14-17, I went to something called Youth Conference, meant for Young Women and Young Men. For a few days, we would come together as a large geographical group and focus on our spirituality. I always loved this time of year too. I left loving Christ a little more, and having a greater desire to do good.

     

    yc
    My friend, Kate, took this picture of my in our dorm room our second year of youth conference at SVC, now SVU.

    During all four of my high school years, I attended a class called Seminary. It was held at 6AM each morning before school. Each year we studied different books of scripture. It sounds crazy to get up at 4:30 in the morning to go to a spiritual class, doesn’t it? Why not sleep in a little more? I can tell you that Seminary was one of the best things I ever did as a youth. I learned and grew so much. I understood the scriptures better, I felt a desire to do what was right, and I felt the Spirit on a daily basis. I will always be grateful to my Seminary teachers who worked so hard to  prepare those lessons for us, and teach them so early in the morning, when they too, could have been sleeping.

    As a child, we sang a song in Primary called I Love to See the Temple. I always loved that song, and in the Young Women program, we focused so much more on the temple. We learned that our decisions and our chosen paths should lead us to the temple. In the temple, we make covenants with God and receive instruction for our spiritual benefit. As a Young Woman, I knew that I wanted to be married in the temple, for marriages in the temple were not just until death do us part, but rather, for all eternity. I knew I wanted nothing less.

    washington-dc-temple-spring-1160328-gallery
    The Washington, DC Temple

    I have such special, spiritual memories of attending the temple as a Young Woman. We would go to the temple in Washington, D.C. as a group of youth and perform baptisms on behalf of those who had died without having that ordinance. The Spirit was always so strong there. I knew that was the Lord’s house and that we were blessing lives.

    All of the things I have mentioned helped ground me in the gospel of Christ. Life wasn’t always easy in middle school and high school, because my friends were doing things I knew to be wrong, whether legally or morally. I knew I was supposed to have integrity. I didn’t always make the right decisions, though. Sometimes I gave in to peer pressure, and sometimes I wasn’t completely honest about my faith for fear of rejection. However, I always knew deep down in my soul what was right and what was wrong, and what the Lord wanted from me and for me.

    grad
    My family and me at my high school graduation.

    As I graduated from high school and entered my adulthood, I felt spiritually prepared for what the world had in store. All those years of spiritual education and experience had given me great faith, and a conviction to remain a member of the LDS church even after I left my parents’ home and went off on my own.

    vegas
    Mom and Nana went with me out West to get me settled at SUU. This is us visiting Las Vegas for a day.

    About six months after high school, I left home to attend Southern Utah University. It wasn’t that difficult to stay an active member of the LDS church there, since so many people were members, but it was still an every day challenge to stand as a witness and keep God’s commandments. That challenge has never gone away, and never will.

    This is me with some of my college friends at a park in Cedar City in 2003.

    One thing that helped me stay a strong member of the church, without my parents, was becoming a member of  the world’s oldest and largest organization for women: the Relief Society. It is a place for sisterhood, charity,  faith-building, strengthening families, and  finding joy in our divine nature as daughters of God. Throughout the years, my love and appreciation for this great organization has increased, and my love for my fellow sisters has grown exponentially.

    dance
    A group of friends at a dance. My date later became my husband.

    While I was at school, I fell in love, and at age 19 and a half, I was married in the temple of God. The previous day I had made special covenants with the Lord in preparation for my marriage. Those two days I felt the Spirit of the Lord so strongly. I knew, as I had as a youth, that the temple was the house of the Lord. I knew that it was a sacred place, and I knew that if my husband and I stayed faithful, our marriage would last for eternity.

    Most of you know that my marriage did not last, for my husband did not stay faithful to the Lord. He did not put God and his family as a priority, but rather his own lusts. That was a very difficult time of life for me as a young divorcee and mother. However, I was able to get through it. It took me longer than it should have, and I know that is because I wallowed in self pity, and  I had forgotten the things I knew so well – that Heavenly Father loves me and knows my name. I am his daughter and he wants me to be happy. I can be happy and endure my trials if I pray to Him for help. My worth does not change as my circumstances change. Jesus Christ, who felt and suffered every sin, pain, sickness, and trial anyone on this earth would ever experience, can lift me up because He knows what I have been through. I always have a friend, and I am not alone. When I finally remembered and enveloped myself with these truths, and remembered that I was still so blessed, I was able to move on and be happy again with my little son.

    This is Casey and me in the fall of 2006.

    My marriage ended, but my membership in my church did not dwindle. My entire adult life I attended the LDS church every Sunday. I have never been one to skip church, and I can tell you that the times in my life when I have missed due to sickness, I have felt like something was missing. I have always longed to be there amongst my fellow brothers and sisters, to receive spiritual nourishment.

    There has only been one time in my life when I have questioned my faith. It was during a time when I put my own personal desires above God’s will, and above keeping His commandments. I was dating someone I shouldn’t have been dating, doing things I shouldn’t have been doing. I justified it by saying that I was sharing my faith with him, and that maybe he would join my church someday. You see, I still believed that marriage between and man and a woman was eternal. I still wanted to marry in the temple, but I couldn’t if I was dating someone not a member of my faith. Beyond that, he did not share in many of my values. I kept going on with it, though, because I was in love.

    One day, we were talking on the phone, and I was talking to him about my church. He suddenly threw out all these “facts” in my face, trying to prove that my church wasn’t true – that everything I had held dear my ENTIRE LIFE was a lie.

    I remember getting off the phone with him shaking. I could feel evil all around me,like a deep, dark cloud, and I wept. I can’t explain exactly how I felt, but it was definitely not the Holy Spirit. I truly questioned – is my church true? Is it?

    Through mighty prayer, reflection on my life, reflection on this person’s intentions, and reflection on my past and how my faith had guided me all those years, I learned what I already knew – that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is  and always will be true.

    I stayed a member, and I had to repent for sins I had committed. I had to get myself back on track. As I did that, and as I remembered what was truly important, the Lord brought Jad into my life, someone who just the year before had found his way into the LDS faith. He and I were married, and a year later, we were sealed in the temple. We know that if we are faithful throughout our lives, that our marriage and our family will be eternal.

    This is Jad, Casey and me on March 6, 2010, the day Jad and I were married.
    This is Jad, Rigel and me at the Raleigh, NC LDS Temple on March 12, 2011.

    We have been so blessed, and thank our Heavenly Father every day for all He does for us. Our lives are not perfect, though. In our family, we still have sickness, disagreements, financial trouble, etc., just like every other family.

    We do have a strong faith in Jesus Christ, and in the church we belong to. My oldest son, Casey has been the first of our children to make the decision to be baptized, a decision he is grateful for and finds joy in each day.

    This is Jad, Casey and me at our church on June 15, 2013, the day of Casey’s baptism.

    In the past few years I have made it a goal to share the gospel of Jesus Christ every day of my life. I strive to be a good example, a good friend, a good wife and mother, and a good missionary. I am stronger than ever in my faith.

    As a family, we do our Family Home Evenings, we study our scriptures, and we pray often. We have fun together, and show love for each other and our neighbors.

    This is my life. Does is sound weird? As I look at my life, maybe it is weird because I devote the vast majority of my life to my family and to Christ. The world around us tells us to follow self-serving pursuits, and do what feels good, what is comfortable, what is convenient. In that case, yes, I  and all the members of my church are indeed peculiar.

    You may be thinking, but what about your beliefs, though? Your life isn’t too weird, but some of your beliefs are.

    Think about this a bit, and I will talk about those beliefs and why they may not be so weird after all, in part two of this blog post. Much love!

  • One Step Enough for Me

    Last Saturday I went to Women’s Day, an annual event put on by my church, for women living in this area. Each sister that was there was able to sign up for three different classes of her choosing. I thoroughly enjoyed all of my classes, and am anxiously awaiting next year’s Women’s Day.In one of my classes, we learned about ways God speaks to us, how we receive the answers, how to recognize the answers, and what to do if we don’t think we have gotten an answer. It was such an uplifting class for me.

    As we went through these different points, my mind kept going back to a memory – an experience that happened to my family almost exactly a year ago. My husband had gotten a new job opportunity, which we felt was an answer to our prayers. We quickly realized, however, in just a short month’s time, that it was not the right path.

    For a while, we were confused. We thought we had received a spiritual prompting that Jad was supposed to take that retail management position.

    In class we talked about how sometimes we listen to our emotions, and assume it is the Holy Ghost speaking. I think in some ways this may have been the case with us. We didn’t do enough research on the job, and just blindly assumed everything would be  fine because we were so excited about the opportunity for change.

    In other ways, though, we really felt like the Lord brought that opportunity to Jad. He had been applying for jobs for years, and this was the first time he was contacted by a company (that wasn’t a sales company), was interviewed, and offered a job that fit his experience, with an ability for growth in the company.

    But it was the wrong decision, though…

    I learned a couple things in this class at Women’s Day that go along perfectly with this experience:

    The first is a quote by Elder Richard G. Scott, an apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who said, “When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, Go will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision”(Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer, Ensign, May 2007).

    It was true. Jad and I felt very strongly after his first day of work (after a month of training), that this job was not right. We felt prompted that he should quit. We thank the Lord for giving us that prompting, and giving Jad the strength to listen to it.

    So, why did the Spirit tell Jad to take the job if it wasn’t right? Well, we watched this beautiful video in  class called Wrong Roads, a true story from the life of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, another apostle in my church. Watch the video for the full spiritual message, but in essence, he said that sometimes the Lord takes us in a direction that isn’t right so that we can quickly discern what is right.

    It’s true. We learned so quickly that retail was not the path Jad should go down. We stopped applying for retail manager jobs after that experience, and instead, researched different career paths Jad could take.

    We also learned other wonderful lessons from him taking and quitting that job, two of which were to be grateful for what we have, and to make more quality use of our time as a family.

    The lesson doesn’t end there, though. We learned which path wasn’t right, but it took us almost a year to find out which path was right. Why so long?

    Elder David A. Bednar, another apostle in my church, said something that makes it all make sense: “Most frequently, revelation comes in small increments over time and is granted according to our desire, worthiness, and preparation” (The Spirit of Revelation, Ensign, May 2011).

    Heavenly Father wants us to be patient, to trust Him, to keep His commandments, and to continue to pray to Him earnestly.

    He also wants us to do our own work and research. In modern scripture to Joseph Smith, the Lord said, “But behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right” (Doctrine and Covenants 9:8).

    Jad and I had to do all of these things, and when we were ready, Heavenly Father prompted Jad on the next steps in his career.

    Retail wasn’t the answer, and getting another Bachelor’s degree wasn’t the answer. The answer Jad received was to go into the IT profession, in the field of networking. He searched out schools, and felt at peace with My Computer Career.

    It was a leap of faith, though. It is an expensive school. We had to take out a hefty loan. He had to figure out how to go to school but still run his store, knowing that he would not stay there much longer. He had to deal with family disgruntlement and lack of support. He and I knew, though, this was the right choice.

    Jad  has now been attending My Computer Career for two weeks. This is going to be at least a one-year schooling journey. It has been hard – the information has been coming quickly, and is a bit overwhelming for him. He is home much less and it is affecting time with our kids, and  with us as a couple. We are both much busier than ever before.

    There is a difference this time, though. In contrast with his retail position where we never saw any light ahead of us, we definitely know in this case that the Lord is there and lighting our way.

    In a video entitled Patterns of Light: Spirit of Revelation, Elder Bednar talked about three different patterns of light we receive as we get revelation. As Jad is in school, I can see that our pattern is that of a foggy day. There is just a little light ahead of us. If we just keep taking a few steps, though, the light will help us see far enough ahead that we can continue to press forward.

    We can’t see the end result yet. We don’t know when Jad will get an IT job, where, how much money, how it will affect our lives, etc., but we trust the Lord wholeheartedly that he will guide us in the right direction. We are so excited to see where this path leads our family.

    If you would like to read all about Jad’s retail management journey from 2013, read below:

    Have you ever called someone a quitter who left a job
    instead of sticking it out? Have you ever seen a messy store and assumed it was
    because of lazy employees and management? Have you ever thought badly about
    someone because of what someone else tells you? Well, I have a very interesting
    story to tell you about my husband, Jad.

    Ever since we have been married (four years next March), Jad
    has traveled out of town at least three days a week to work at his convenience
    store in Kinston. Though he has always been off work the other four days of the
    week, our family has found this arrangement very difficult, for several reasons.
    Because of this, for years we have prayed for another job to come along where
    Jad could have benefits and be home every night with his family.

    Well, in July and August, our dreams started to unfold.  Jad had an interview with a popular retail
    store to be the assistant manager at its Chapel Hill location. His interview
    process moved forward, and on August 12, he was offered the job. We prayed
    about it, and it just didn’t feel quite right. It wasn’t going to be quite
    enough money, and we thought his skills exceeded that of assistant manager.
     
    Jad told the district manager that he wasn’t going to take
    the job, and we were both surprised and excited when the district manager
    offered Jad to be the store manager of the Reidsville store. He told Jad that
    it was a large, lucrative store, full of loyal employees, and the best office
    manager around. Jad would be paid plenty of money as a manager, would have
    benefits, and would learn great skills he had not yet had the privilege of
    learning. We prayed about it and felt good about Jad accepting this job. So, he
    did.

    During the month of September, Jad trained to be a store
    manager in the Chapel Hill location. He was overwhelmed much of the time,
    worried he wouldn’t be trained in time. We didn’t see him much during
    September. We also couldn’t communicate with Jad during the day, but had to
    wait for him to call us and talk to us for maybe five minutes. We noticed both
    of us having less and less sleep, and less time together as a family. It wasn’t
    so bad, though, because Jad saw us each day, at least for a little while.
    Sometimes he only saw Casey for a few minutes before he went to school. The
    house got increasingly messier.  

    We kept reassuring ourselves it was going to be a raise and
    a good opportunity. Jad ended up needing an extra week to train. He completed
    his training successfully October 4.

    During the weeks Jad trained, we did not know how much money
    he would be paid once becoming a store manager. We didn’t know if he would be
    able to work with the retiring manager at the Reidsville store. We didn’t know
    what his schedule in Reidsville would be like. We didn’t like how we didn’t
    know these things in advance. At the conclusion of training, Jad was told that
    he would have one day with the newly retired manager and then the Reidsville
    store would be his starting the 8th of October.

    On the morning of the 7th, we were all excited
    for Jad to start his new job. I waited for him to call me all day to talk to me
    about it.  When he didn’t call me, I
    texted him instead. He said his day wasn’t going very well – that it was just
    too much. I encouraged him, saying I knew he could do it.
    That evening, I made his favorite dessert, knafeh, to
    celebrate. To my surprise and sadness, it was not a celebratory dessert after
    all, but more of a therapeutic one. The rest of the evening was filled with
    tears and sadness as we discussed the day’s events.

    Jad told me that the whole way home he just wanted to cry.
    The store was filthy beyond belief, with boxes everywhere, a disgusting carpet
    that wasn’t going to be replaced, a horrendous back room, no Christmas items
    set out, and a mess that would take weeks to clean up.

    At work, when the district manager for Reidsville walked him
    around the store, he pointed all these things out, all the while putting down
    the manager who just retired. Jad agreed there was much to be done, and felt
    confident he would be able to fix everything. Then, he talked to the manager
    himself. He got a different story.

    The newly retired manager told him how happy he was to be
    leaving that store. He said that he worked over 60 hours a week and worked hard
    all the time, but there weren’t enough employees to get anything done. Only a
    small percentage of store profit can go to Payroll, and the numbers are
    strictly enforced. Several of the employees at the Reidsville store have been
    there many years, and thus, make much more money than most cashiers would. Because
    of this, no extra help can be hired. Despite this, the retired manager had the
    same expectations put upon him, with no leniency or compassion of any kind.

    Jad got a different outlook then. After talking to the
    retired manager, he realized that this manager had to clean bathrooms and run a
    register, amongst other non-manager duties because there weren’t enough
    employees to do those things. A salary-paid employee gets paid the same no
    matter how many hours he works. Jad figured out that based on how many hours he
    would have to work, he’d only be making maybe $9 an hour. He’d also have to
    work at least two Sundays a month.
    In addition to working at least 60 hours a week (managers
    are only supposed to work 48-52 per week), he would have nearly an hour drive
    back and forth each day. Plus, he would only get a total of three days off
    during November and December each year, and would have no paid vacation until
    after his first year.

    Jad and I had a very long discussion about this whole
    situation. I told him he had to quit. As we kept talking, I knew that was what
    had to be done, and kept reiterating it. He was relieved, and told me he was
    worried that I would tell him to stick it out because of the money.

    It really wasn’t even an option for him to stay with this
    company. Jad wouldn’t be able to fulfill his church responsibilities – not his
    calling nor his home teaching. The kids and I would basically never see him.
    He’d miss out on all school and church activities. The house would stay messy
    forever… no, this was not going to work.

    We did consider the cons of him quitting. The only thing we
    could think of was how people would think about him for doing it. People might
    gossip. We decided that was not a good enough reason to stay with the company.

    Jad got excited about quitting. The next day was actually a
    big meeting with all the managers of his district, the district manager, and the
    district trainer. He said he would go to the meeting, get a final feel for if
    this job could work by talking to the district manager, and then quit if
    necessary.

    He left for Greensboro early Tuesday morning. On my way to
    the church class I teach, I got a phone call from Jad. He told me he was
    shaking from the inside and that he thought he caused a big stir. I asked him
    what happened. He then started to tell me of the morning’s events.

    When Jad first got to the meeting, he noticed all the
    managers were older. He found this peculiar. He had been told that he would
    have an opportunity for promotion. If that were the case, all the people in
    this room should have been promoted by now.

    After the first hour and half of the meeting, Jad felt
    prompted to start asking his fellow managers questions. He asked each of them
    how long they had been working at the company and how many hours they worked
    per week. On average, they had been working as managers for 15-20 years and
    were working about 60 hours a week or more. Jad asked them if they liked their
    job. Not one person said yes; they just looked at each other.

    One manager, who was a little younger, said she is at work
    more than she is at home. She has not been able to spend quality time with her
    children for 15 years.

    Jad went outside then to speak to the district manager. He
    asked the DM for 15% to use towards payroll or a significant pay increase. The
    DM said no, so Jad asked to speak to the whole group inside.

    He boldly stood up in front of everyone and said that he
    would not be working for this company because he would be a slave. He said he
    would rather spend time with his family than work all the time for more money.
    Throughout his speech, he told the managers to stop him if he said something
    wrong.

     Jad wasn’t afraid to
    tell everyone that this company wasn’t run in the right way.  There weren’t enough hours to give the employees,
    so the managers had to work for basically $9-$10 an hour.
    Jad firmly testified that money is not important. After we
    die, we only take our family and knowledge with us. His relationship with his
    family was much more important than any job. He reiterated that he would not be
    working for the company. He said it was nice to meet all of them, apologized
    for the trouble, and stated his name before handing the district manager the
    keys and heading to his van to come home.

    As he looked around the room before departing, he noticed
    the faces of those around him. He was surprised that the only person who looked
    upset was the district manager. Most of the other people had looks of
    understanding, or eye-opening awareness. One female manager even smiled at him
    and told him to go home to his family.

    I was proud of him, and we were both relieved for him to be
    going back to the job we so desperately wanted him to leave.

    Later we talked about all this. Why did we have to go
    through this experience? Why go through all that training just to quit a job
    after one day? Well, we actually learned much from this and are grateful we
    went through it:

    1.
    The grass isn’t always greener on the other
    side.
    2.
    What we had was actually good in many ways, and
    we should have acted more grateful instead of complaining. Jad’s work
    arrangement of going to Kinston three days a week is still not perfect, but we
    will be much more positive about it now.
    3.
    Quality family time is so important. Getting
    more money is not an excuse to take that away.
    4.
    Do sufficient research on what you are accepting
    before taking a job. Don’t just take someone’s word for it.
    5.
    Be careful of listening to the “flattering
    words” of others.
    6.
    Get both sides of all stories. Things are not
    always as they seem.
    7.
    When we thought we would not be spending much
    time together anymore, we thought of ways to spend more quality time as a
    family, and we will continue to implement those ideas.
    8.
    Only someone who was about to quit a job could
    speak so boldly as Jad did. Perhaps his words will influence a change in the
    company, or at least in the hearts of some who work there.


    Jad
    and I both thank our Heavenly Father for knowing what we need and how we need
    to be taught. 

  • Don’t try to be hot. Try to be you.

    My mind has been going to modesty lately, and I realize I have a lot of experiences and thoughts I would like to share with you to help you see just how crucial it is.

    Members of my church think about modesty on a daily basis. You usually won’t see active Mormons wearing short skirts, low-cut tops, saggy pants, or even sleeveless attire. Why?

    Here is some of the official reasoning from the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

    Your body is God’s sacred creation. Respect it as a gift from God, and do not defile it in any way. Through your dress and appearance, you can show the Lord that you know how precious your body is. You can show that you are a disciple of Jesus Christ.


    Prophets of God have always counseled His children to dress modestly. The way you dress is a reflection of what you are on the inside. Your dress and grooming send messages about you to others and influence the way you and others act. When you are well groomed and modestly dressed, you invite the companionship of the Spirit and can exercise a good influence on those around you.

    Never lower your dress standards for any occasion. Doing so sends the message that you are using your body to get attention and approval and that modesty is important only when it is convenient. (For the Strength of Youth: Dress and Appearance)

    I was also interested to see what the dictionary defines modestly as. A couple ways dictionary.com defines modesty are:

    1. Freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.
    2. Regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.
    I love these definitions, because they go so perfectly with the standards of my church. The way we dress does matter. It affects what others think about us; it reflects our own feelings of self-worth; it brings different kinds of attention.
    I really believe that vanity plays a huge part in how we choose to dress. There are certain ways to dress that will definitely be great for our egos. I like the second definition too, though, because modestly isn’t just about dress. Our speech and behavior can be immodest as well. Let me tell you some stories from my life to help illustrate this:
    As a little girl, there were certain clothes I liked better than others, and I would choose my clothing accordingly. All kids are that way. It wasn’t until middle school, however, that I felt pressured to dress and look and act differently than I would naturally choose to.
    I started 6th grade not really caring a whole lot how I looked. I remember wearing my mom’s old shirts that she didn’t want anymore. They were obviously too large for me. I also remember wearing some boy clothes because they were more comfortable. I was happy in this style (or lack thereof), until kids started to talk. I remember one day I wore a casual pink dress to school and paired it with dark blue Tweety Bird tennis shoes. A girl in Technology class laughed at me and said that my clothes didn’t match. On another occasion, I was wearing my favorite long-sleeved pink shirt with a satin pink bear on the front. Someone remarked rudely that I always wore the same shirt, and didn’t I have anything else to wear. I told that person I wore that shirt often because I loved it, but from that day on I made sure to wear it less.
    At 11 years old I was starting to learn that clothes mattered. People were going to either praise you or make fun of you for your clothing choices. At some point in that year I noticed that girls were starting to wear make up. I soon found some old blush of my mom’s in our hall closet, took it secretly, and then started to put blush on my cheeks after gym class every day so I would look prettier.
    Then after a summer, my parents took me to get new clothes and I started 7th grade. I remember sitting down in one of my classes and a boy saying a little too loudly for a whisper, “That’s Mandy? She looks different. She looks good!” I was wondering why that boy was saying that, but I blushed a little, excited to be looked at so differently than the year before. I recall that year making more certain I looked pretty at school. I even rolled up my shorts sometimes to make them just a little shorter. I wanted to get the attention the other pretty girls were getting. At that age, girls were starting to develop, and noticing I didn’t have much, I started to stuff my bra. I am not sure if someone told me to do that, or if I came up with it on my own, but I did it. I also took some large hoop earrings that my mom didn’t want me to wear, and wore them to school. I also remember on the days I wore button-down shirts, unbuttoning them from both ends so I showed way more skin that I should have. Why did I do all this? I knew it was wrong because on my walk home after getting off the bus, I would take off the earrings, remove the stuffing, and button my shirt. I was starting to learn that girls who dressed like that got more attention from the boys. That’s why. I liked not being the nerd anymore.
    I think I calmed down a bit in 8th grade. I wasn’t stuffing my bra anymore, but boys were still talking about breast sizes on the bus. I remember one day there were a couple boys pointing to different girls and yelling out a letter – a guess at cup size. I got embarrassed. I started thinking about it. I didn’t stuff my bra again, but I did make sure to pull my shirt down in the front whenever I could to make it look like I had something there. One day after school, right after I had gotten home from the bus, I got a phone call from a boy in my neighborhood. He told me I had looked extra hot that day, and he was wondering if I wanted to come to his house and make out. I was horrified. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t dressed like that so that boys would want to do stuff with me. I was doing it because I wanted to be pretty and just wanted attention from the boys. I didn’t know they were thinking about that. I turned him down saying I wasn’t like that. I never told my mom about it, but oh had I wished she had been home when I got home from school that day.
    In high school, I dressed pretty modestly. I think the incident in 8th grade woke me up a bit. Plus, in high school, kids just weren’t as mean. I actually was shocked when girls I knew from church would go to school and change their clothes in order to show off more skin. It really bothered me, actually. At the end of my junior year, I went to the Senior class dance because I was a Junior Marshall. One of my church friends, a Senior, came to the dance in a halter top and mini skirt. I couldn’t understand it, and I was upset by it.
    I was a little vain in high school, though. There was a time (Freshman year, maybe?) when I had to check my face almost constantly to make sure it looked good. I would hook my powder case to the drawstring in my gym shorts just so I could check my face periodically. Every time before I went up to the front of the class, I would have to check my face too. I didn’t want to look ugly and be laughed at.
    Though I dressed modestly in high school, my behavior didn’t stay so modest. Being in the theater program introduced me to a whole different way of behaving. I will say I was probably really good my Freshman through Junior year, but my Senior year was when I had my first kiss. I was in a musical called Pippin and I had to kiss the boy playing Pippin. I didn’t know this when I got the part, and freaked out when I realized I had to. I was also freaked out that I had to get under bedcovers with him in one scene. My parents laughed when I told them about it, probably because they knew I was so anxious about it and could be trusted;  I ended up performing in the musical.

    After having my first kiss during a rehearsal on stage, and then practicing kissing for months, I got pretty good at it. That opened me up to other boys wanting to kiss me, you know, just acting. I remember I would kiss random boys for fun. I just got way more comfortable with boys in general. That lead me to not always having modest behavior. Teenage boys like girls that will show them affection. Teens expect each other to have boyfriends or girlfriends. If you don’t, you are lame. Some of my friends had very immodest speech. They would talk about making out, and even sex. I couldn’t believe some of my friends were having sex. People would ask me about my sex life at school, and at work too. I was too afraid to say anything about it, so I would either be silent, or say that was personal. Was my speech modest? Well, it wasn’t immodest, but I probably led people to believe I was doing things I wasn’t.

    After high school, I started going to the Singles Ward – a Mormon congregation for Singles. I met MEN there. No more boys. Immediately I got the attention of men 3-5 years older than me. In high school, you were lucky to get the attention of someone one year older. I started dating. There was one guy after an activity who told me, as he drove me home, that he would stop the car right then and make out with me. I told him no because I had already kissed a guy that day. No joke. I had actually threatened a guy I had talked to most of that activity that he was being annoying and that if he didn’t stop, I would kiss him. He didn’t believe me. Well, I am a woman of my word… That annoying man and I actually dated for a  few weeks, and he was the first man I ever “fell in love” with. He would spend time with me, kiss me, and take me out, only to break my heart when he went back to school.
    After my first love left, I started dating again here and there. One evening, a guy who I had just been out on a date with, and who had given me a ride to an activity, asked me if I wanted to fog up the windows. I didn’t even know what he meant at the time. If I had, I would have been tempted to smack him and never talk to him again. You can see from these early adult experiences, I was still pretty naïve. The immodest people were the men I was going out with. But, I was getting a feel for why they liked me. I started to assume again that men only liked girls who were attractive to them. During my time before I went off to college, I really fell for a guy. He was so funny and sweet, and good looking. I remember one time at an activity I gave him a hug and lifted my leg around his waist to be funny. Thinking back, I have no idea why I did that. That wasn’t appropriate at all, and he told me he didn’t want me to do it. Mixed messages. So hard to figure out what behavior was best.
    Then I went off to college in Utah. From my first day there, I had men flocking to me. I went out on a date my first night after Institute (scripture class). I dated a lot of guys my first semester in college. They would all tell me how pretty I was. Many of them would try to put their arm around me or kiss me way before I was ready – sometimes I wasn’t even attracted to them. One evening, I went to a guy’s house to play games with his other friends. During one of the games, it came out that one of the guys loved my legs. I wasn’t wearing a short skirt, but he still felt he had to mention that. After the games were over, everyone went home, but the guy whose house we were at asked me to stay to talk. He told me he cared about me. He spoke words that made me want to stay with him a little longer. He gave me clothes to change into to be more comfortable.  He took advantage of me – of my innocence, naivety and trustworthiness.
    During this first semester, there was one man, only one, who treated me like a real person. He admired me for my personality – for being me. He didn’t spend all the time telling me how pretty I was. I was not attracted to him for months, but he kept being my friend and helping me. He never pressured me to date him. Then one day, I realized that I was in love with him. He was someone who saw passed physicality. He didn’t try to get me to engage in immodest behavior. I ended up marrying him… and ironically, he had a pornography addiction. What a conundrum.
    So, after two years of marriage, I was single again. I felt the lowest self-esteem I had ever felt. I was heavier because of having a baby. I was way too young to be divorced. I was desperate to find someone else. I expressed that desperation probably more than I realized, and it turned men off.
    I worked hard to lose all my baby weight, and that helped my confidence a bit. I started to try to look prettier, “hot,” even. I dated around. That seemed to help some of the men look passed my past and go out with me. None of the men I dated were right for me, though.
    At work, I started noticing that I got some attention on the days when men around me liked the way I looked. I don’t know why, but these men had no filter and would tell me straight up if they liked the way my butt looked in certain jeans, etc. One Halloween, I dressed up as Miss Scarlett because the supervisors in my department were doing a live Clue game. One of the IT men, an older man in a wheel chair, told me how much he liked how I looked. I don’t remember his exact words, just that he really found me attractive, and that I threw up a little knowing that. The outfit I wore wasn’t revealing, but looking back, your clothes don’t have to be revealing to be immodest. They don’t have to be revealing to get men’s attention. There are certain colors, fits and fabrics that make the men look a little harder and a little longer.
    Towards the end of 2007, I became good friends with a couple new people I met at work. We called ourselves “The Trio.” By the beginning of 2008 I realized I had strong feelings for the male in this trio. He wasn’t a member of my church, and I figured his values weren’t the same, but I felt this overwhelming desire to be with him. One night, he and I went to an art show that my work told us about. He went willingly because he loved art and was an artist himself.
    We had a wonderful time, and decided to watch a movie at his apartment afterwards. I didn’t think anything of it because we were just friends. He was so nice and rubbed my feet for me during the whole movie, and afterwards, I was ready to go home. He told me how attracted he was to me. I found this as a complete shock because he had never told me he had feelings for me.
    Well, he ended up kissing me. It didn’t take long, though, before he said nobody could know because I was a supervisor and he wasn’t. For months, I went through a roller coaster “relationship” with him. He kept telling me that we weren’t right together, but he was just so attracted to me at the same time. I found myself not dressing as modestly as I should. It wasn’t that I was wearing really revealing clothing either. I just made sure to show just a little bit of cleavage, wear really beautiful and flattering clothes everyday, and walk, talk, speak and look at him just right. Where did I learn how to do all that? I still don’t know. But I knew how to swing my hips just right, bend over at the right moments, ask him about how hot I looked that day, smile with my eyebrow raised and my lips pursed. That was how I got him to stay along with me, and not totally let go.  Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t playing him. I was madly in love with him, in fact. I wanted to marry him. He knew my son and got along well with him. I helped him get a promotion at work. I talked to him about religion all the time. He, however, even though he said he loved me, treated me like a doll. He would put me on the shelf whenever he was done with me. He would act tenderly with me, and then turn around and tell me we couldn’t be together.  It was terrible. We ended up never really being together as a steady couple.
    I realized throughout that time, though, that other men looked at me a certain way when I looked good. They would follow me with their eyes, almost hungrily. It was a little creepy at first, but then I learned to relish it because at least I was getting attention. Maybe some of the other women at work were even jealous of me.
    I got out of this phase when I met another man (a member of my church) a couple months after my work love ended. I never felt a need to talk, act, or dress immodestly with him. However, I still tried to look “hot” most of the time so that he would stay attracted to me. I guess I never really realized he grew to love me for me, and not how I looked. My relationship with him didn’t work out, though, because of personality issues and goal differences.
     Then I met my wonderful future husband, Jad. When I first met him, we were at a church dance. He had a very strong accent and I didn’t understand him well. All I knew was he was really handsome, knew how to dress, and smelled amazing. My first attraction to Jad was looks (and smell). His first attraction to me was also looks, so he tells me.
    The thing that was different was that our relationship never dwelled on our looks. He fell in love with me and I him for reasons having nothing to do with looks. He accepted my past without judgment. I wanted to look beautiful for him when we were first getting to know each other, but I never felt I had to look perfect. We went out and did activities where I didn’t always look my best. He loved me anyway. I never dressed immodestly with him. I never spoke that way, or acted that way either. In fact, I never liked it when he would call me “hot” or some other word like that. I was different. I think after my work love, I realized that when someone said he loved you, it wasn’t always love. Sometimes it was lust, and it stemmed from immodesty.
    I have been married to my husband for 4 1/2 years. You might be wondering if I have let myself go. No, I haven’t , actually. I still care about my appearance, but I don’t wear make up every day, and I don’t take nearly as long to get ready anymore. I don’t leave the house every day making sure I look “hot” or “sexy” before I get in the car.
    No, I don’t care about looking “hot” anymore because I have learned from all the experiences I just told you that when someone’s goal is to look “hot,” a lot of things happen:
    She forgets who she really is and what makes her special, and starts to become something she isn’t. She starts to make looks a priority, becoming vain. She desires men to desire her, and is often successful. She is viewed outwardly so penetratingly, people assume that is who she is inwardly. She starts to make poor choices because she does not have the Holy Ghost right there with her warning her of temptation and testifying to her of truth.
    There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good, sophisticated, beautiful, or well-dressed. It is not vain to take care of yourself, and to help express on the outside who you are on the inside. There is something wrong, though, with turning away your self-respect just to gain attention. Your outside should match who you want to be on the inside.
    When I dressed immodestly, or acted or spoke as such, that wasn’t me. I am not by nature a vain, selfish, immoral person. I was starting to become that way, though.  I also found myself being different in different places. I was a hypocrite. I didn’t want my fellow church members, or my parents, seeing me act that way. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t care. I care now, and that is why I have written all this.
    The stories I told each of you are very personal, and at times embarrassing. I told them so that you can see what I have come to know. I want the young girls, just starting to feel the pressure, to know that they should remain true to themselves. Don’t change your clothes, speech, or behavior to try to be popular or to get attention. Be you, and be the best you!

  • What I told my son when he asked me about bullying

    Bully: a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

    Last week my 9-year-old approached me and asked me if a certain word was a bad word. He was asking because a kid on the bus last year used to call him that over and over. He hadn’t really known if it was bad, and that was why he hadn’t told me about it before.

    I told him it indeed was a bad word, and that it was wrong for the kid to say that to him. I told my son he should never use that word, and that if a kid says something like that again, that he should tell his bus driver immediately, and talk to me or his dad about it after school.

    Then, Sunday, he came up to me again and wanted to talk about it some more. I asked him what specifically he wanted to talk about, and he wasn’t sure. So, I took a deep breath, said a silent prayer for guidance, and found myself saying:

    You should have compassion on kids who use bad language,  are mean, or make fun of you.

    Why do kids do these things? There are many reasons: they have friends or family who set bad examples; they don’t feel loved or encouraged at home; they are abused by parents or other family members; they have been bullied before; their media choices champion bullying; they don’t have many friends;  they don’t know that you or they are children of God; they don’t realize that true joy comes from helping and loving others. It could be any of these reasons, or others.

    Look at the list. Though their behavior should not be excused, they are not just bullies. They have pain and struggles too.

    That being said…

    You are not what these kids say you are. You can get to a point where you won’t feel bad when kids are mean to you.

    It is so important not to believe what bullies say. They don’t know you. They either pinpoint one quality they don’t like about you and define you by it, or they make something up just for laughs and to see you flinch. Do not let someone who doesn’t care about you define who you are.

    Just say to yourself, I know that this isn’t who I am. I am a child of God. I have a family who loves me. I have good friends. I do my best in school. I am not going to let this bother me. I am not going to let them pull me down and try to change me. I know my self-worth.

    Don’t let someone else try to change you.

    Sometimes kids take it to heart when people say mean things. If they are bullied about their clothes, they want to wear cooler, nicer clothes. If they are bullied about being nice to an unpopular kid, they stop being nice to that kid. If they are bullied about being helpful in class, they stop helping their teacher. Some kids even think that if they become bullies, they can then escape bullying.

    Don’t bend to them. They will not suddenly be your friend if you change. They will just laugh and realize they have exercised power over you.

    Always remember you are special. Remember what matters. Remember who you are.

    Kids will always find a way to make fun, whether it is clothes, body type, intellect, values.
    Sometimes kids make fun of qualities that are good.

    Oftentimes, kids bully because they are jealous. That is why they sometimes make fun of good things, like being a nice person or doing well in school. Never assume that you are doing something wrong if you are bullied.

    Don’t lie to avoid being made fun of.

    As a teen I remember sometimes lying about silly things, like saying I had two pairs of the same jeans when in reality I wore the same pair two days in a row. I lied many times in high school when I was asked out on dates and I wasn’t 16 yet. Every time I lied it was because I was afraid of the mockery, the gossip and the finger-pointing at my expense.

    You should never lie. What I did was wrong. I may have avoided one wrong, but I invited another. Have integrity. Tell the truth and don’t be ashamed of it.

    Never pick a fight.

    If bullying goes beyond harsh words, and a kid wants to fight you, you should not engage in a fight. If a kid hits you, defend yourself if you must. Do not get angry and do not continue the fight. Make sure to tell a teacher and always tell the truth.

    Not all mean words are curse words. Never call kids bad names.

    Never use curse words, whether in conversation or to bully. There are other words that are not necessarily curse words, but are meant to put others down. For example, when I was in school, I was often called a “goody goody” because I got good grades and helped my teacher willingly. Basically, don’t use any words that have a damaging intent.

    When someone else is being bullied, you should take a stand.

    Sometimes when you see a kid being bullied, you might be afraid to do or say anything for fear of retaliation. You never have to be afraid to do the right thing, though, and showing support for a victim is always a good thing. Ask the mean kids to stop. If they don’t, talk to the kid and make sure he/she is okay. Be that kid’s friend, even if it means you are also made fun of. Think of what good you can do.

    If you set an example by not being mean, and not participating in bullying, others may follow.

    Not all kids want to bully, or be quiet when they see it. They are just afraid. If they see you standing up for others, you will be surprised how many will follow you instead of the bully. You be a force for good.

    You can talk to me and your dad any time, about anything.

    There is nothing that you can’t talk to us about. We will be understanding. We will listen. We will give you a hug. We will talk you through it. We will pray with you and for you.

    We love you. You are a good boy. Thank you for coming to me and talking about this today.

  • Pornography: I say it. I talk about it. You should too.

    Once upon a time, there was a young woman who went out to college. She met a young man. Though she for a long time only saw him as a friend, her feelings finally turned into something more and they fell in love. 

    They had many conversations about their pasts. He told her that he used to have a pornography addiction but he was over it. She believed him. 

    He visited her over the summer after that semester and asked her to marry him. She said yes. 

    One night, after she was back at school, he told her he had viewed pornographic images once during their engagement, while she was away for the summer.

    This was very hard for her, and she considered breaking off the engagement. But she ultimately decided she loved him and still wanted to marry him. They got married.

    Married life was good sometimes, and other times really hard. He often did not treat her with love and respect. He once told her he loved himself more than her. They had good times too, though, and during one of these good times, the young couple chose to have a baby. They had a baby boy.

    Having a baby did not heal their marriage woes. The marriage continued to decline. She finally found out that he had gotten back into pornography. That explained his declining grades, his secretiveness, his temper, their lack of intimacy.

    She was angry and heartbroken. She quickly realized, though, that even though her love for her husband was gone, she did not want to sever the relationship. For her child, she was willing to work hard to fix her marriage. They counseled with the bishop of their congregation. The young man started a 12-step addiction recovery program.

    There seemed to be some hope, but it soon faltered. He decided overcoming his addiction was too hard. His family was not worth all that trouble. He asked for a divorce. She obliged, but it was the hardest thing she had ever had to do in her life. 

    After college graduation, she and her son left him. They moved far away.

    And they lived happily ever after?

    Well, after years of self-esteem issues, guilt over leaving her son in daycare, and feelings of ostracism for being young and divorced with a child, she finally found happiness again. She is happier than ever. 

    His life has not changed for the better. 

    *******

    This story is not one that any of us would want to write into our histories, nor into the histories of our children. However, because this is a true story, and there are so many others like it, it is important to explore how this story could have been written very differently. 

    The first thing that is important for us to consider is that a pornography addiction can happen to anyone regardless of age, sex, religion, or marital status. In the story, he was the one with an addiction, but it could have just as easily have been her. 

    Because age is not a factor in whether or not someone will develop a pornography addiction, we need to start teaching our children about pornography from a young age. 

    Before we can tell our kids about pornography, we need to tell them about passions and feelings. 

    Sister Linda Reeves, the 2nd Counselor in the General Relief Society presidency in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS church) explained, “One reason we are here on earth is to learn to manage the passions and feelings of our mortal bodies. These God-given feelings help us want to marry and have children. The intimate marriage relationship between a man and a woman that brings children into mortality is also meant to be a beautiful, loving experience that binds together two devoted hearts, unites both spirit and body, and brings a fulness of joy and happiness as we learn to put each other first.”

    These same feelings aroused outside of marriage, however, are not characterized as love, but rather lust. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle in the LDS church spoke of the different between love and lust:

    “Why is lust such a deadly sin? Well, in addition to the completely Spirit-destroying impact it has upon our souls, I think it is a sin because it defiles the highest and holiest relationship God gives us in mortality—the love that a man and a woman have for each other and the desire that couple has to bring children into a family intended to be forever. Someone said once that true love must include the idea of permanence. True love endures. But lust changes as quickly as it can turn a pornographic page or glance at yet another potential object for gratification walking by, male or female. True love we are absolutely giddy about… But lust is characterized by shame and stealth and is almost pathologically clandestine—the later and darker the hour the better, with a double-bolted door just in case. Love makes us instinctively reach out to God and other people. Lust, on the other hand, is anything but godly and celebrates self-indulgence. Love comes with open hands and open heart; lust comes with only an open appetite.”

    Now that our kids know that participating in pornography is a poison to true love, we need to now tell them what pornography actually is. According to the Miriam-Webster dictionary it is movies, pictures, magazines, etc., that show or describe naked people or sex in a very open and direct way in order to cause sexual excitement. 

    As I ponder the “etc.” in the definition, I think of books (think romance novels, for example), TV shows, music, music videos, video games, photo advertisements, and sometimes even products. Anything created to induce sexual excitement can be considered pornography. It doesn’t have to be Playboys, movies from adult video stores, and naked images from porn websites. As long as the materials arouse a person sexually, they are considered pornography. Explicit nudity is not a prerequisite.

    Some might might call this a difference of “hard porn” and “soft porn.” Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle in the LDS church, said, “Some seek to justify their indulgence by arguing that they are only viewing “soft,” not “hard,” porn. A wise bishop called this refusing to see evil as evil. He quoted men seeking to justify their viewing choices by comparisons such as “not as bad as” or “only one bad scene.” But the test of what is evil is not its degree but its effect. When persons entertain evil thoughts long enough for the Spirit to withdraw, they lose their spiritual protection and they are subject to the power and direction of the evil one. When they use Internet or other pornography for what this bishop described as “arousal on demand” (letter of Mar. 13, 2005), they are deeply soiled by sin.”

    In this quote, we see some of the dangers from pornography: loss of the Spirit and subjection to the Devil’s power. 
    Sister Reeves explained how important it is to talk to our kids about these dangers: “We as parents and leaders need to counsel with our children and youth on an ongoing basis, listening with love and understanding. They need to know the dangers of pornography and how it overtakes lives, causing loss of the Spirit, distorted feelings, deceit, damaged relationships, loss of self-control, and nearly total consumption of time, thought, and energy.”
    It is so important that our conversations with our kids are ongoing, and even go beyond the damaging effects of pornography.

    Jeffrey J. Ford, MS, a marriage and family therapist in St. George, UT, advised to have many conversations with our kids about pornography to clarify our values, let our kids express opinions, instill truths about sexuality, and answer our kids’ questions. We should also discuss the “what if” scenarios with our kids so they know what to do if a friend tries to show them a dirty magazine, or if a teacher starts showing an inappropriate movie, etc. This way, if they do come in contact with pornography, they have already made the decision of how to get away from it. Dr. Ford stresses that kids need a safe place to talk about porn, and that should be in the home. 
    The Utah Coalition Against Pornography encourages us to tell our kids about our experiences with pornography. This way they can see that we also have struggles, and have empathy for theirs. We should encourage our kids to tell us within 10 minutes if they have had contact with pornography, and then praise them when they do.
    My friend let me borrow a CD of a sermon her pastor had given a few years back about sex and pornography. Several of his points were excellent. He said that we need to be the ones to tell our kids about sex and their bodies. (You may need to have the same conversations more than once and with varying detail – my son already forgot what sex is and I told him less than four months ago.) If you tell them about everything, they won’t feel the need to look up this information and, as a result, come in contact with pornography. We should always tell our kids the truth when they ask us, and look for teachable moments. Talking about pornography can be a little embarrassing, but we should remember it is the Devil who does not want us to talk about it. “Silence is a reckless option.” Our kids can only make good sexual choices if they know what they are. 

    As a young kid, maybe 10, I was exposed to pornography. A friend of mine showed me a copy of one of her father’s Playboy magazines while her mother was running an errand. On another occasion, she closed us up in one of the rooms of her house and showed me, on mute, parts of a pornographic movie. I never told my parents about it, probably because our family did not ever sit together and talk about pornography, how it is wrong, and what to do if you see it. As mentioned, it can be embarrassing to talk about pornography, but it must be done to protect our children, and to help them know how to react when porn comes into their grasp.

    I just had a conversation about pornography with my 9-year-old son on Sunday. I told him about the feelings and about what pornography is. At that age, he doesn’t really understand. However, he does understand our bodies are temples, that we are created in the image of God, and that bodies should be viewed and treated with such respect. He does know what to do if he sees naked images. He knows what to do if he hears a song that makes him uncomfortable. I also gave him the advice that if friends at school whisper for him to come look at something, he probably wouldn’t want to go over there. Any time a kid feels the need to be secretive about something, most likely he/she is breaking a rule.

    In our counsels with our children about pornography, we should decide what our media standards are going to be and why. These media standards should be kept by all members of the family. If you wouldn’t want your kid looking at it, reading it, or listening to it, then it most likely should not be in the house at all. Don’t think they won’t find it. Kids snoop around when you aren’t home. They find the romance novels and the dirty magazines. 
    Even with standards, we need to safeguard further by keeping our TVs and computers in common areas, as well as installing parental controls for our computers, TVs, and handheld devices, such as cell phones and tablets. (Sister Reeves mentioned that most kids get involved with porn through these handheld electronics.) This way members of the family will not accidentally, or be tempted to purposely, partake in pornography. 

    A couple good free internet filters are k9webprotection.com and opendns.com. For cell phones, you can install parental controls that can even disable the internet and texting, if you like. I recently downloaded Kids Place on my phone, and it has many options for safeguarding kids from inappropriate content.

    Social media is also a place where pornography is rampant. It would be beneficial for us to be friends with our kids on Facebook, Instagram, etc., to monitor what they are posting and liking.

    These filters are great at helping prevent the viewing, listening, and reading of pornography, but Sister Reeves has an even better filter option:  “…The greatest filter in the world, the only one that will ultimately work, is the personal internal filter that comes from a deep and abiding testimony of our Heavenly Father’s love and our Savior’s atoning sacrifice for each one of us.”

    Elder David A. Bednar, an apostle for the LDS church, said, “Such testimony fortifies faith and provides direction. Such testimony generates light in a world that grows increasingly dark. Such testimony is the source of an eternal perspective and of enduring peace…”

    Once Sister Reeves and her husband were praying because they were overwhelmed with their young children and all their other responsibilities. The answer to their prayer was, “It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”

    These spiritual filters – testimony, scripture study, prayer and Family Home Evening, bring an abundance of the Holy Spirit into the home, and can be a protection from the temptation of the Devil.
    Sister Reeves also spoke of the protection that can come from many other worthy practices:
    1. Doing family history work and attending the temple
    Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, in regards to participating in family history and temple work, “I can think of no greater protection from the influence of the adversary in your life” (“The Joy of Redeeming the Dead,”Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2012, 94).
    2. Following the prophet
    President Wilford Woodruff stated: “I say to Israel, the Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as president of the Church to lead you astray. It is not in the program. It is not in the mind of God.” (The Discourses of Wilford Woodruff, pp. 212–13.)
    3. Prayerfully studying the Book of Mormon
    The Book of Mormon - Another Testament of Jesus Christ
    Elder Boyd K Packer said, “The scriptures hold the keys to spiritual protection. They contain the doctrine and laws and ordinances that will bring each child of God to a testimony of Jesus Christ as the Savior and Redeemer.” (The Key to Spiritual Protection October 2013)
    It is the job of the parents to explain the sacred feelings given to us to use in our marriages, explain what pornography is and its dangers, set up regular times to discuss pornography with our kids, set family standards, install parental controls, and finally, make our homes safe havens by the spiritual deeds performed there. 
    Once we have done this, it is in our children’s hands to make the right choices. We have set the example and taught them the right way.We have to remember that they will be in other people’s homes. They will be around other people with different values at school and work. We can’t protect them from everything.

    For example, I used to babysit my cousins some nights while their parents were out. Their TV did not have parental controls. Once I was flipping through the channels and came across a very sexually charged movie. I was curious, the heat rose within me, and I secretly watched much of it. It was the wrong choice. I should have known better.

    Sister Reeves admonished, “Youth, take responsibility for your own spiritual well-being. Turn off your phone if necessary, sing a Primary song, pray for help, think of a scripture, walk out of a movie, picture the Savior, take the sacrament worthily, study For the Strength of Youth, be an example to your friends, confide in a parent, go see your bishop, ask for help, and seek professional counseling, if needed.”
    A person’s spiritual well-being relies on so much more than not participating in pornography. The standards must be much higher. 
    Sister Reeves mentioned the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, a guidebook on how youth (and all of us) should live our lives to be like Christ and return to Him. One of the standards in this book is Entertainment and Media. 
    It says: Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in anything that presents immorality or violence as acceptable. Have the courage to walk out of a movie, change your music, or turn off a computer, television, or mobile device if what you see or hear drives away the Spirit. 
    I also love the counsel given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle in the LDS church:
    1. “Above all, start by separating yourself from people, materials, and circumstances that will harm you.”
    2. “Along with filters on computers and a lock on affections, remember that the only real control in life is self-control. If a TV show is indecent, turn it off. If a movie is crude, walk out. If an improper relationship is developing, sever it. Many of these influences, at least initially, may not technically be evil, but they can blunt our judgment, dull our spirituality, and lead to something that could be evil.”
    3. “Like thieves in the night, unwelcome thoughts can and do seek entrance to our minds…Replace lewd thoughts with hopeful images and joyful memories; picture the faces of those who love you and would be shattered if you let them down.”
    4. “Cultivate and be where the Spirit of the Lord is. Make sure that includes your own home or apartment, dictating the kind of art, music, and literature you keep there. If you are endowed, go to the temple as often as your circumstances allow. And when you leave the temple, remember the symbols you take with you, never to be set aside or forgotten.”
    Parents lead the way, and then the children make their own choices. There will be times, though, when despite all the good direction you have given your kids, that they may still develop an addiction to pornography at some point in their lives. 
    Sister Reeves gave humbling counsel: “We would be wise not to react with shock, anger, or rejection, which may cause them to be silent again.”
    The natural reaction to finding out a loved one has a pornography addiction would be all the things she said not to do. I thought about it, and even if someone is engaged in such a horrifying sin, that person is still a child of God. That person still has the ability to change and become better. By showing compassion and care, we can help the person know that the change is possible and worth it. 
    A father sitting at a kitchen table with his teenage son. The father and son are talking with each other.
    For more advice about how to respond when you find out someone you love has a pornography addiction, click here. 
    The young woman in the story may not have reacted the best at first, but she did sincerely want her husband to overcome his addiction. She wanted to save her marriage and keep her family together.
    She suffered greatly because of her husband’s addiction. It made her feel betrayed, unloved, not good enough, and defeated. 
    woman pondering
    Sister Reeves has offered words of hope to people like this young woman: “We as leaders are also greatly concerned about the spouses and families of those suffering from pornography addiction. Elder Richard G. Scott has pleaded: “If you are free of serious sin yourself, don’t suffer needlessly the consequences of another’s sins. … You can feel compassion. … Yet you should not take upon yourself a feeling of responsibility for those acts.” Know that you are not alone. There is help. Addiction recovery meetings for spouses are available, including phone-in meetings, which allow spouses to call in to a meeting and participate from their own homes.”
    Elder C. Scott Grow has also provided comfort with his words: “The Savior felt the weight of the anguish of all mankind―the anguish of sin and of sorrow. “Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows.” Through His Atonement, He heals not only the transgressor, but He also heals the innocent who suffer because of those transgressions. As the innocent exercise faith in the Savior and in His Atonement and forgive the transgressor, they too can be healed” (“The Miracle of the Atonement,” April 2011 General Conference).
    If this young woman had realized that her husband’s addiction was not her fault, that there were support meetings for other spouses like her, that she could be healed as she exercised faith in her Savior and forgave her husband, her suffering would have been much less.
    Forgiveness. That is a very difficult thing to do when one has been betrayed so deliberately and painfully. President James E. Faust spoke about forgiveness in a way to make it more attainable. He said:
     1. Forgiveness is not always instantaneous.”
     2. “Most of us need time to work through pain and loss.”
     3. “Forgiveness comes more readily when … we have faith in God and trust in His word.”
     4. “If we will get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father for a feeling of forgiveness, He will help us.”
    Now what about the one with the pornography addiction? The young man in the story chose not to repent of his sins. He chose not to go through with the program. He chose to end his marriage. Maybe he just didn’t understand this, spoken by Sister Reeves:
    “Young people and adults, if you are caught in Satan’s trap of pornography, remember how merciful our beloved Savior is. Do you realize how deeply the Lord loves and cherishes you, even now? Our Savior has the power to cleanse and heal you. He can remove the pain and sorrow you feel and make you clean again through the power of His Atonement…He has paid the price for our sins, but we must kneel before our Father in Heaven, in deep humility, confessing our sins, and plead with Him for forgiveness. We must want to change our hearts and our desires and be humble enough to seek the help and forgiveness of those we may have hurt or forsaken.”

    No, as a youth, this young man must not have realized he had to repent to really get over his pornography addiction. Then as an adult facing divorce, he must not have known that forgiveness and purity was within his reach if he would only reach out to his Savior.

    There are so many wonderful resources to help those affected by pornography addictions. Anyone with an addiction, or spouses and family of one with an addiction, can find live or phone support meeting schedules at addictionrecovery.lds.org.    
    Much of the information I put in this blog post came from overcomingpornography.org. It is a site dedicated to educating, preventing, dealing, and healing. Everything you need to know about how to teach your children correct principles is there. Advice for how to safeguard your home is there. The signs of a pornography addiction are there. It is all there. Most importantly, this site is meant to help you or a loved one overcome pornography through the atonement of Jesus Christ. 
    Only Jesus Christ can make us clean. Only through Him can we live with our Father in Heaven again.
    Perhaps someday the young man in the story will feel Christ’s outstretched arms, beckoning him back, reaching to him, yearning to pull him into a warm, loving embrace.
    God bless this young man, and any other person who has fallen into Satan’s trap of pornography. It is not too late for you. You can overcome. You can find peace. You can be pure again. All you have to do is trust in the Lord. 

  • Pioneer: One that goes before, showing others the way to follow.

    Every year on July 24, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) celebrate Pioneer Day, the anniversary of the day that the first Mormon pioneers arrived in the Salt Lake Valley in 1847. It is a day to honor and remember the faith, courage, sacrifice, and perseverance of the early members of the church.
    The early Saints were such powerful examples of putting God first and following His will no matter what the circumstances. They endured more hardships than most could ever imagine, fearing for their lives, being driven from place to place, grieving over the martyrdom of their beloved prophet, and traveling hundreds of miles by foot (some with only handcarts in the bitter cold of winter), to finally find a resting place where they could worship the Lord, Jesus Christ, in peace.
    A pioneer is one that goes before, showing others the way to follow. Because of their commitment, unity, faith and selflessness, the pioneers paved a way for millions to find the joy and truth they had received.
    There is so much to be learned from these Mormon pioneers, and they actually still exist today. They don’t deal with the same hardships, but Mormons from all over the world strive to follow Jesus Christ as valiantly as the faithful men, women and children who crossed the plains.
    I love this video narrated by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He speaks of the idea of modern-day Mormon pioneers.
    One definition of a modern Mormon pioneer is one who is the first member of his/her family to join the LDS church.
    My husband, Jad, is one of these pioneers. He grew up in Jordan with a very large family, all who affiliated
    themselves with the teachings and traditions of the same Christian religion.
    Throughout his childhood, Jad had many questions. He would look up at the stars and wonder where he came from and what the purpose of life was.
    When he was about 9 or 10, he asked a priest these questions. He was quickly rebuked saying that he should not ask such questions as they would make him crazy.
    When Jad sadly learned that there were no answers to his questions, he slowly slipped away from his religion and
    God. He finally denounced religion all together when he stopped attending his Christian school at age 15.
    In his early adult years, after graduating from college in Jordan, he moved to the United States for a business opportunity with his uncle. A few years later, his friend told him of another opportunity in North Carolina.
    One night as he walked through Wal-Mart to shop for his store, he saw two young women and walked up to them. They were kind to him and invited him to a party. He accepted and was excited to attend.
    When Jad arrived at the party, he noticed it was much different than he expected. It was a family party, celebrating with family members who would soon move away. He stayed, though, and accepted an invitation to visit this family’s church, called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
    That Sunday he met many new, smiling faces. He felt good as he listened to the children of the congregation put on a musical presentation. He left church with an invitation to help someone in the congregation who needed a ramp built for his home.
    This was Jad’s first experience with the Mormon Church, but not the last. Over the course of the next nine months he would attend church every Sunday. He would have the missionaries in his home on a weekly basis, and feed them each time.
    He was full of questions, and sometimes skepticism. He asked for a long time that the missionaries only answer his questions through Bible verses. They were always able to do so.
    After one lesson with the missionaries, they challenged Jad to not drink the next time he went out socially. He took the challenge, and he was surprised at how different everyone acted when intoxicated. He didn’t like it. So, even though for years Jad had drank nearly every night, he never did again after that experience.
    Not everything came so easily for Jad, though. He found many Mormon beliefs to be strange, but he kept listening
    and studying and spending time with the members and missionaries.
    Though he resisted with his brain, his heart could not sever him from the church. Even when members of his family presented him with anti-Mormon materials to read and view, he did not stop investigating.
    Through the months he investigated the church, Jad got many answers to questions. The teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints made sense. It all made sense, but he was nervous it was too good to be true.
    One night, he prayed to Heavenly Father and told Him that if He answered Jad’s prayers on behalf of his friend, himself and his uncle, all with different needs, that he would know the church was true, and that he would join.
    The next morning, after talking to these two individuals that he had prayed about the night before, he joyfully
    realized that his prayers had indeed been answered. Jad knew that he would then accept the invitation to be baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
    He was baptized on his birthday, July 22, 2008. Soon he was called upon to be a ward missionary in his congregation, and then the ward mission leader.
    Jad had a testimony, and felt happy in his new faith. The questions he had had his whole life were answered. He still had more questions, though, and kept asking.
    Over time, Jad gained a stronger testimony of things that weren’t as clear when he got baptized. After the first General Conference he viewed, he knew that there was a living prophet. When he paid an honest tithe, he gained a testimony of tithing.
    Jad’s change of lifestyle, faith, and heart did not come without its struggles. Several members of his family ridiculed
    him for changing his lifestyle and no longer following the traditions he had always known. His own brother told him he would never talk to him again, though has since changed that stance.
    For the last six years, however, Jad has remained true to his baptismal covenants. He has tried his best to stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things and in all places (Mosiah 18:9).
    He has had numerous conversations with members of his family about the faith that he loves so dearly. He tries to set a good example for them, and help them find the full truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He has not given up, and will never do so. The gospel means that much to him.
    Jad and I truly believe that he was meant to live in the United States so that he could find the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. He never meant to live here, but instead wanted to be a pilot in Jordan. But, he is now one of very few Arabic members of the church. We believe that he has a great opportunity to help spread forth the kingdom of God
    to those of his heritage.
    Jad Al-Bjaly is a modern-day pioneer.
     Many members of our church have a long line of members in their family. However, all Mormons can be pioneers as
    they stand for what is right even when it isn’t popular, when they live their lives in service to God and to their fellow men, and when they share the light they have with others.
    Last Sunday, our worship services began with talks about the growth of the church in the Hillsborough and Mebane areas over the last several decades. Members of the church that grew up in these areas prayed and hoped for many years for an LDS chapel to be built closer to them so they could better serve and worship the Lord. That day has come.
    At the end of the meeting, our stake president gave a heartfelt and beautiful dedicatory prayer. The greatest desire emanated from the prayer was that the church members would work diligently with the missionaries, and dedicate their efforts to lovingly and boldly sharing their testimonies and spiritual knowledge with others. By so doing, our
    new church building can be filled with new faces to love and nourish with the good word of God.
    Mormons see beauty and truth in all religions, with respect for them all. We believe that there is much truth in all Christian religions about Jesus Christ and His gospel. The difference is that we believe that our church is the same church that Jesus established on the earth, with the same doctrines, the same priesthood authority, with the same focus on living the commandments as He presented them himself. We believe that God still speaks to a prophet today, and that we don’t have to be confused in today’s increasingly wicked world. We believe in loving and serving others every day of our lives, and we want with all of our hearts to share this joy and fulfillment that we enjoy every day.
    Every single member of the church who shares this light with others, in hopes that they join with us, is also a modern-day pioneer.
    I am a modern-day pioneer. My blog is dedicated to sharing my testimony, my faith, my hope with each of you. I want every person in this world to have the blessings of eternal families. I want everyone to know that God loves them and knows them. I want everyone to know what my husband wondered – where they came from and what this life is for.
    Another apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Elder Neil L. Andersen, narrated a very spiritual video about pioneers, old and new, and about their love for their Savior, Jesus Christ. Please watch it. I promise it
    will touch your heart, as it does mine each time I watch it.
    President Gordon B. Hinckley, our beloved prophet from 1995-2008, said, “We honor best those who have gone before when we serve well in the cause of truth.”
    Elder Oaks expounded on this by saying, “That cause of truth is the cause of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, whose servants they were, and whose servants we should strive to be.”
    I strive every day of my life to be the Lord’s servant. As the song “True to the Faith” says,
    True to the faith that our parents have cherished,
    True to the truth for which martyrs have perished,
    To God’s command, Soul, heart, and hand,
    Faithful and true we will ever stand.
    Faithful and true I will ever stand – soul, heart and hand. I am a modern-day pioneer. Thank you to all of you who are and will someday become a modern-day Mormon pioneer. May God bless you in your zeal and devotion to the cause of truth.

     

     

  • Gratitude can change your life for the best

    I shared this talk in my church congregation on December 17, 2006, not long after the hardest experiences I have ever had in my life up until that point, and probably ever in my life, until now.

    The talk’s topic was gratitude. I always thought that it was an inspired topic, for through studying it was I able to find some peace and a greater awareness of all of the gifts Heavenly Father has given me.

    I came across this talk today for the first time since 2006, and I thought that it might help someone who has been going through tough times, and is having a difficult time seeing God’s hand and feeling His love.

    Talk on Gratitude
    Doctrine and Covenants 59:21 reads, “And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none
    is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.” President James E. Faust said that this is “more than a social courtesy; it is a binding commandment.” Lastly, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reads, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”
    These statements are very clear. We must show gratitude for every occurrence and aspect of our lives.
    Much of this total gratitude includes our blessings. All of us are different and come from different backgrounds, but nevertheless all receive and have received countless blessings in our lives. Doctrine and Covenants 46:32 reads, “And ye must give thanks to God in the Spirit for whatsoever blessing ye are blessed with.”
    We have so many things to be thankful for. The well-known and beautiful primary song, “My Heavenly Father Loves Me,” illustrates gratitude for nature and our senses.
    Whenever I hear the song of a bird, or look at the blue, blue sky.
    Whenever I feel the rain on my face, or the wind as it rushes by.
    Whenever I touch a velvet rose, or walk by a lilac tree,
    I’m glad that I live in this beautiful world Heavenly Father created for me.
    He gave me my eyes that I might see the color of butterfly wings.
    He gave me my ears that I might hear the magical sound of things.
    He gave me my life, my mind, my heart, I thank him reverently
    for all his creations of which I’m a part. Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me.
     
    In addition to nature and creations, some of our greatest blessings in life include the people that we love and respect, such as family, friends, teachers, mentors, and leaders. Without our relationships, we would be empty souls, hungry for love, acceptance, guidance, and companionship. The hymn “Each Life that Touches Ours for Good” perfectly reflects the positive impact of strong relationships with others. The first verse reads:
    Each life that touches ours for good, reflects thine own great mercy, Lord.
    Thou sendest blessings from above through words and deeds of those who love.
    In this church, we are also especially grateful for the gospel and the resources we have to help us better learn of Christ and our Father in Heaven. We have the scriptures, beautiful hymns, missionaries, a wonderful prophet and general authorities, temples, church magazines, and there are so many other resources that we enjoy. We must
    ask ourselves where we would be without the knowledge that Jesus Christ is our Savior, that the Father sent him down to earth to atone for the sins of the world, that we may be forgiven of our sins and receive eternal life.
    At this time of year we reflect on Jesus’ birth. John 3:16 reads:
    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,
    that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
    President Hinckley declared,
    We love him. We honor him. We thank him. We worship him. He has done for each of us and for all mankind that which none other could have done. God be thanked for the gift of his Beloved Son, our Savior, the Redeemer of the world, the Lamb without blemish who was offered as a sacrifice for all mankind. Christ was the ultimate gift and blessing, and there are countless other blessings that we as individuals enjoy, including health, prosperity, education, accomplishments, and freedoms, along with many others.
    It is easy to see our blessings and have grateful minds when our lives are going well.  There are times, however, when we go through intense and difficult trials. During these times we may waver about our faith, see only the negative, complain, criticize, and place blame. At these times in our lives, it is difficult to have positive attitudes, least of all to feel grateful to our Lord for our blessings. Our problems seem to much outweigh any goodness in our lives. There is hope for these feelings of doubt and despair. We can still be happy despite our trials.
    One way to do this is to have a positive attitude; see the beauty in the darkness. President Monson
    offers this excellent insight:
    We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues.
    Some recognition of blessings will come during the course of the trial, and other recognition may come after the trial as you notice its positive outcomes.
    I think this talk was meant for me because this year of my life was the hardest that I have ever had to bear. This year I got divorced from my eternal companion, moved across the country, had to start my life completely over with friends, work, living arrangements, not to mention that I lost my in-laws and friends. That sounds pretty bad, and it is if you look at if from a negative perspective. But, even though my marriage failed, I am glad for the experience that it brought to my life. I have my beautiful son, who I love more than anything in the world. When I look at him, I see God’s divine hand in my life. During my two years of marriage I also had security, wonderful people to call my in-laws, my beautiful primary children whom I would not have taught if I hadn’t of been married and in a family ward.
    The most important thing I got out of my marriage was growth as an individual. I strengthened myself in ways of tolerance, forgiveness, communication skills, enduring to the end, hard work, love, and devotion. I went through my divorce during my last semester at SUU. That was a very difficult semester, but I did receive many blessings during that time. The sheer fact that I was able to graduate from college with high honors when I had a baby, family, work, church, and a divorce to worry about on top of school was a miracle in itself.
    My life since I have moved to North Carolina has been hard too, but I have had so many blessings. I have a loving family who helps me with everything I need, even though  I know sometimes Casey and I are a hardship; my ex-husband and I are friends and we keep in contact; I have made many friends in this ward, and I am so grateful for how many of you have opened your hearts to Casey. I am grateful that even though I will soon have to put my son in someone else’s care while I work, that he will be with a loving caregiver who has a son his age. Everything is going to be okay in my life. I just need to focus on the positive.
    The song “Count your Blessings” helps us to change our attitude and build our faith of enduring trials. The first two verses read:
    When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed, when you are discouraged thinking all is lost,
    count your many blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
    Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
    Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly, and you will be singing as the days go by.
     In the field of communication there is a theory dealing with costs and rewards. When a relationship brings more costs than rewards to our lives, we will end the relationship. But I testify to you today that no matter how many trials we have to face, in our relationship with the Savior, the rewards will always be higher than the costs. So, coming to the Lord in prayer, asking for help in your trials is perhaps the best way to have the strength to live life positively and
    with a grateful heart.
    Alma 37:37 reads:
    Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good;
    yea, when thou liest down at night, lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep;
    and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God;
    and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.
    We shall be exalted if we come unto Christ and thank him for all that he does for us in our every day lives. There is nothing greater for which we can be thankful.
    To show God how much we love him, we should serve others. These kind acts will also help us to overlook our own struggles by helping others with theirs. You could be the answer to someone else’s prayer and not even know it. You can stimulate gratitude in others through pure love and service. To show our gratitude to our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ we should be mindful of our brethren just as they are mindful of us. Then we can find joy in our sometimes dreary lives.
    We now know that we must be grateful for all things and thus we need to show this gratitude. The simplest way is just to say it. President Hinckley said:
    There are two little words in the English language that perhaps mean more than all others.
    They are “thank you.”
    President Monson counsels:
    “Think to thank. In these three words is the finest capsule course for a happy marriage, a formula for enduring friendship, and a pattern for personal happiness.”
    In Luke 17 we read about the ten lepers. Christ showed them the way to be healed, and only one of the ten lepers came back to thank him. Jesus said to the Samaritan:
    Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine? There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger. And he said unto him, Arise and go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole.
    The man who expressed his gratitude received Christ’s blessing, and the others’ ingratitude resulted only in disappointment.
    We can express our gratitude to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in our prayers, and also in our actions.
    President Monson offers this plea:
    Let us follow Him. Let us emulate his example. Let us obey His word.
    By so doing, we give to Him the divine gift of gratitude.
    Jesus himself said in John 14:21:
    He that hath my commandments and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me.
    We should also use the gospel resources that we have been given, such as studying the scriptures, praying, sustaining church leaders, paying our tithing and fast offering, singing hymns, going to the temple, and doing family history.
    We should show our gratitude to those who serve us on the earth. We can write thank you notes, make phone calls, show affection, and spend time with people. Remember, that even if someone does something for you that may not be exactly what you wanted, still show excitement and gratitude because that person worked really hard to make you happy. Also try not to take those who serve you for granted. Say thank you to your family, friends, and all others for everything, even the small things.
    I’d like to leave you with two quotes. The first was given by President Harold B. Lee:
    Life is God’s gift to man. What we do with our life is our gift to God.
    Doctrine and Covenants 78:19 reads:
    And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious;
    and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.
     What a promise. Just showing gratitude can bring about so many wonderful blessings. I am thankful so much for this ward and for your kindness to Casey and me. I hope that we can all remember Christ and his infinite love for each of us.

  • 100 Things the Book of Mormon Has Taught Me

    Last week I completed my fourth and final semester studying the Book of Mormon, along with other sisters who I have come to love dearly. The first two semesters, I was blessed to be taught by a wonderful sister. Then the last two semesters, I had the blessed responsibility of teaching the class. In both roles, I grew as a person and as a daughter of God. I also learned to love the Book of Mormon more than I ever had before in my life.

    I want to share with you 100 beautiful truths from the Book of Mormon that have helped, and continue to help me, in my journey to be more like my Savior.

    1. The Lord provides a way for us to follow His commands (1 Nephi 3:7).
    2. The Lord can do all things for us, that are His will,  if we have faith in Him (1 Nephi 7:12).
    3. Sometimes the Lord commands us to do things for a purpose we don’t understand (1 Nephi 9:5).
    4. If we listen to the word of God, and follow it, the devil can’t overpower us (1 Nephi 15:24).
    5. We receive strength as we obey God’s commandments (1 Nephi 17:3).
    6. Regardless of our afflictions, we should praise God and not murmur (1 Nephi 18:16).
    7. Jesus Christ offered himself as a sacrifice for sin. Only through His mercy and grace, can those who believe return to God’s presence (2 Nephi 2:6-8).
    8. Everything must have its opposite. You cannot have one without the other (2 Nephi 2:11-13).
    9. We all have our free agency to choose to follow Christ or the devil (2 Nephi 2:27, 2 Nephi 10:23).
    10. Those who trust man instead of God are cursed (2 Nephi 4:34).
    11. The Lord admonishes us to listen to Him and not be afraid of men, for they die. The Lord and His righteousness are forever (2 Nephi 8:7-8, 12).
    12. The Lord will bless you and give you knowledge if you are humble. He despises those who  value riches and knowledge of men more than His counsel (2 Nephi 9:28-30, 42).
    13.  We are saved by grace after all we can do (2 Nephi 25:23).
    14. People will say they have a bible and don’t need another bible. The Lord answers by saying He loves His people all over the world and He will visit all nations after His resurrection. A written testimony of two nations is a witness of Him, and that He remembers all nations (2 Nephi 29:-78).
    15. The Lamb of God was holy, yet He was baptized to fulfill all righteousness. We who are unholy, must be baptized to show obedience to God and His commandments (2 Nephi 31:5-7).
    16. After we are baptized, we still have work to do to receive eternal life. We must stay faithful, love God and our neighbors, follow the word of Christ, etc. (2 Nephi 19-20).
    17. After we are baptized and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, we can speak by the power of the Holy Ghost. As we study our scriptures, we will know what we should do (2 Nephi 32:2-3, 5).
    18. Pray always. Don’t do anything unto the Lord without praying first for help (2 Nephi 32:9).
    19. Seek for the kingdom of God before you seek for riches. If you do obtain riches, use them to do good to others, for we are all precious to God (Jacob 2:18-21).
    20. When we serve others, we are serving God. If we praise, thank and serve God all our lives with our whole souls, we will still be unprofitable servants. All we have to do is keep His commandments, and we are blessed. We will always be indebted to Christ, and have no reason to ever boast of ourselves (Mosiah 2:17, 20-24).
    21. We must be like little children and put off the natural man, else we are an enemy to God (Mosiah 3:18-19).
    22. God created all things, has all wisdom, and all power. We can’t comprehend what He can (Mosiah 4:9).
    23. We should teach our children to keep God’s commandments and to love and serve others. We should not withhold our help from those who need it, saying they deserve what they get. We are all beggars and rely on God for all (Mosiah 4:14-19).
    24. We must watch our thoughts, words and deeds, and keep God’s commandments, else we will perish (Mosiah 4:30).
    25. When we are baptized, we make a covenant to be obedient to all of God’s commands, all our lives. When we make this covenant, we are called the children of Christ. We must remember Him always. How can we know Him if we do not serve Him and keep Him in our hearts? (Mosiah 4:5-13).
    26. When we are baptized, we promise to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places (Mosiah 18:9).
    27. The Lord will forgive those who repent. We should forgive each other as well. If we don’t, then we will not be forgiven of our sins (Mosiah 26:30-31).
    28. The judgments of God are always just, but the judgments of man are not (Mosiah 29:12).
    29. Alma asks many questions to see if his people are prepared for salvation. These are great questions to ponder and see how you are doing in your path of righteousness (Alma 5:14-32).
    30. The word of God must be fulfilled, regardless if people reject it (Alma 5:58).
    31. To walk blameless before God, we must be humble, gentle, patient, grateful, etc (Alma 7:23-24).
    32. Christ has loosed the bands of temporal death. All will be resurrected (Alma 11:43-44).
    33. Those with soft hearts receive more of God’s word than those who harden their hearts (Alma 12:10).
    34. This life is a time to prepare to meet God (Alma 12:24).
    35. Do not procrastinate the day of your repentance, but instead watch and pray continually and have faith, and a hope of eternal life. (Alma 13:27-30)
    36. Who can glory too much in the Lord? (Alma 26:16).
    37. God is mindful of all people and is merciful unto them (Alma 26:37).
    38. What profit is it to labor in a church if you don’t get paid? It is to rejoice in the joy of others (Alma 30:34-35).
    39. All things denote there is a God (Alma 30:44).
    40. The Lord provides strength, comfort and patience to those who suffer afflictions, as long as they pray in faith (Alma 31:30-38).
    41. It is better to humble yourself because of God’s word than to be compelled to be humble (Alma 32:12-16).
    42. Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge, but a hope for things which are not seen, which are true (Alma 32:21).
    43. Faith begins with a desire to believe. Alma the younger, a prophet, compares the word of God unto a seed and explains how it can grow and bring forth fruit to you (Alma 32:27-43).
    44. By small and simple things God brings about great things, including the salvation of souls (Alma 37:6-7).
    45.  The Lord keeps His promises, and always has (Alma 37:17).
    46. If you counsel with the Lord, He will direct you. Those who pray daily and have hearts filled with gratitude daily will be lifted up at the last day (Alma 37:37).
    47. You cannot hide your crimes from God. You must repent of your sins (Alma 39:8).
    48. Do not seek after riches, for you can’t take them with you (Alma 39:14).
    49. Wickedness never was happiness. Those who do not follow God cannot be happy (Alma 41:10-11).
    50. Christ’s atonement has brought about the plan of mercy and appeases the demands of justice by allowing us to repent of our sins (Alma 42:13-15).
    51. War is justified to protect families, lands, rights and religion (Alma 43:46-47).
    52. God will preserve the faithful. The Lord will not allow a people to be destroyed unless they fall into transgression and deny their faith (Alma 44:4).
    53. Captain Moroni’s character is explained, and then it issaid that if all people were like him, the devil could have no power over anyone (Alma 48:11-13, 17).
    54. If you do not doubt, God will deliver you from your enemies (Alma 56:47-48).
    55. Joy  and pureness of heart comes from humility and giving your heart to God (Helaman 3:35).
    56. If you build your foundation on the rock of Christ, the devil cannot drag you  down into misery and despair. Those who build a sure foundation cannot fall (Helaman 5:12).
    57. Samuel, a Lamanite prophet, prophesies that the night before Christ is born, there will be no darkness, but a day and a night and a day of only light. A new star will arise and signs and wonders will come from Heaven (Helaman 14:3-6).
    58. Jesus must die so that the dead can be resurrected. His death redeems mankind and, through repentance, allows all to enter back into the presence of God (Helaman 14: 15-18).
    59. Samuel prophesies that upon Christ’s death, there will be darkness until He is resurrected. During this period of darkness, there will be terrible natural disasters, changing the face of the whole earth, above and beneath (Helaman 14:20-27).
    60. The words of the prophets are fulfilled every whit (3 Nephi 1:20).
    61. Christ extends His mercy to all who come to Him (3 Nephi 9:14).
    62. Heavenly Father speaks to the Nephites in the land Bountiful, and testifies of His beloved son. Jesus descends out of heaven and stands in their midst. He speaks of his atoning sacrifice and invites the multitude to thrust their hands into His side, and feel the prints in His hands and feet (3 Nephi 11:7-15).
    63. Jesus instructs the prophet Nephi on how baptism should be done – in His name, having proper authority, and by immersion (3 Nephi 11:21-26).
    64. Contention and anger are of the devil (3 Nephi 11:29-30).
    65. Jesus speaks the Beatitudes to the Nephites, just as He did at the Sermon on the Mount (3 Nephi
    12:3-12).
    66. The Father knows what you need before you ask Him (3 Nephi 13:8).
    67. If you first seek the kingdom of Heaven, you will be blessed with your temporal needs (3 Nephi 13:33).
    68. Do not judge others. First look at yourself and what you need to change before you point out others’ faults (3 Nephi 14:1-5).
    69. Only those who do the will of the Father will enter the kingdom of Heaven (3 Nephi 14:21).
    70. When Christ told the Jews that He had other sheep which were not of this fold, they thought He meant the Gentiles. However, Jesus tells the Nephites that this is not so; that the other sheep are them and other people around the world that He would visit after His resurrection  (3 Nephi 15:16-24).
    71. Just as in His mortal ministry, Jesus, full of compassion, heals the sick. He then blesses the children one by one and prays for them. Angels descend out of heaven and minister to the little ones (3 Nephi 17:6-25).
    72. Jesus ordains a disciple with power to bless and administer the bread and wine to all those who are baptized in His name. Partaking of the bread and wine shows Heavenly Father that we remember Jesus and keep His commandments. He promises that if the people remember Him, they will always have His Spirit to be with them. Those who partake worthily of these emblems are built upon His rock (3 Nephi 18:5-12).
    73. Jesus commands us to watch and pray always to avoid temptation. Satan want to overtake us. Anything we ask the Father in Christ’s name will be given to us as long as we ask in faith and it is God’s will. Jesus commands us to pray in our families (3 Nephi 18:15-21).
    74. Jesus says to meet together often and to accept all people into the congregation of the church. Pray for them. Set an example for them, as He has set for us (3 Nephi 18:22-24).
    75. The words of Isaiah are great, and all things that he prophesied have been and shall be (3 Nephi 23:1-3).
    76. Jesus Christ’s church should bear His name, and should be built upon His gospel, or else it be another man’s church (3 Nephi 27:3-8).
    77. All will be judged by Jesus Christ according to their works. All who repent, are baptized, and endure to the end will be held guiltless before the Father on judgment day (3 Nephi 27:13-17).
    78. We should do what Jesus would and did do. We should be like Him (3 Nephi 27:21, 27).
    79. The way to eternal life is strait and narrow. Few will find it (3 Nephi 27:33).
    80. The judgments of God will overtake the wicked. (Mormon 4:5).
    81. The Book of Mormon shall be hidden until the Lord sees fit for it to be brought forth. Its purpose will be to persuade the House of Israel that Jesus is the Christ, the son of God (Mormon 5:12-14).
    82. God has all power, and at His command anything can come to pass (Mormon 5:23).
    83. Mormon invites the Lamanites of the latter days to repent, to be baptized and to take hold of the gospel of Christ, set forth in the Bible and the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon is written to help people believe in the Bible. If you will believe the Bible, you will believe the Book of Mormon too (Mormon 7:8-9).
    84. Moroni prophesies about the coming forth of the Book of Mormon. It will only be able to come forth by the power of God by one whose eye is single to His glory. It shall come forth in a time where people no longer believe in miracles, when churches and teachers are lifted up in pride, when there are wars and rumors of wars, great pollutions and sin upon the earth, etc. (Mormon 8:14-33).
    85. Miracles have not ceased. Because God is the same yesterday, today and forever, miracles still happen for the faithful. They only cease for the wicked (Mormon 9:15-21).
    86. The promised land (the Americas) will be free from bondage from all other nations as long as its people serve Jesus Christ (Ether 2:9-10, 12).
    87. Anything that persuades to do good is from God (Ether 4:12).
    88. Do not say something doesn’t exist because you can’t see it or have proof. You will not receive a witness until after your faith is tried  (Ether 12: 6).
    89. Miracles only occur when one first has faith in the son of God (Ether 12:12-18).
    90. God gives us weakness so we will be humble. If we are humble and have faith, God will make our weaknesses strengths (Ether 12:27).
    91. In the church of Christ, members will fellowship each other and help each other keep the faith. They will meet often to fast, pray, help each other, and to partake of the Sacrament in remembrance of the Lord, Jesus Christ (Moroni 6:4-6).
    92. A good person will do good things. When offering a gift or praying, we must do so with real intent to do good (Moroni 7: 5-10).
    93. All things of God invite one to do good. We all have been given the light of Christ, which helps us discern between good and evil. The devil never persuades anyone to do good (Moroni 7:12-17).
    94. We must have charity. It is the pure love of Christ, and never fails. We must pray to the Father to be filled with His love, and be like Christ (Moroni 7:45-48).
    95. Little children are not capable of committing sin. They are not accountable and need no repentance. Thus, they do not need to be baptized. They are alive in Christ (Moroni 8).
    96. Perfect love removes all fear (Moroni 8:16).
    97. As we are forgiven of our sins, we become more gentle and not easily offended. With these traits, we are filled with the Holy Ghost, which brings hope and perfect love. This love can endure through diligent prayer (Moroni 8:26).
    98. Moroni promises that those who ask Heavenly Father in sincere, faithful prayer if the Book of Mormon is true, will receive an answer through the Holy Ghost, who testifies of all truth (Moroni 10:4-5).
    99. God has given us many different spiritual gifts. They are manifested to us by the Holy Spirit to help us and others draw closer to Christ (Moroni 10:8-18).
    100. If we come unto Christ and deny ourselves of all ungodliness, loving the Lord with all our hearts, we can be perfected and made holy through His grace (Moroni 10:32-33).

    This is by no means an all-inclusive list. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of precious truths we can pull from this perfect book. Throughout it, we read of  prophets of God who were courageous, bold, true, always obedient, filled with love for their brethren, all having a pure love of God and a desire to share His light and gospel with others.

    The most perfect example from the Book of Mormon is Jesus Christ Himself. The words he spoke to the Nephite people, whom He visited in the Americas following His resurrection, are of supreme value.

    As I went through the Book of Mormon’s 531 pages, making this list, I was overwhelmed with how often Jesus Christ is mentioned, praised, prophesied of, and reverenced. The Book of Mormon truly is a companion to the Bible – another testament of Jesus Christ.


    I know it is true. I invite you to read it and to pray about it to see if it is true for yourself. Let the Spirit of the Lord work within you, and testify to you of its truthfulness.

    You can read it online here or you can request a free hard copy here.

    Of all the self-help books you could ever choose to read, choose The Book of Mormon.

    ***This post is featured in my new book, Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal. Like this post, my book was inspired in part by the class that I was blessed to facilitate so many years ago. If you would like to learn more about my book, you can do so here. You can purchase it here.