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Tag: prayer

  • Cheer for the Home Team

    I recently mused: A house is a roof over your head, but a home is so much more. To me, home is a very special word. It indicates a place of belonging, a place of love, a place of safety, a place of sacrifice, and a place of peace.

    A house is something you build with your hands. It is tangible. A home is also built, but it takes much more intricate, ongoing effort of not only hands, but hearts as well.

    Each person who puts his heart and soul into the building of a home might be called a homemaker.

    We’ve all heard that word before. Most of us think of this term the way Merriam-Webster does: a wife who does work (such as sewing, cleaning, or cooking) at home and usually does not have another job outside the home.

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    Sewing, cleaning, and cooking are valuable skills, but alone, they cannot create this sacred place called home.

    No, it takes more than that, and it takes every member of the family. I like to think of my family as a team. For our team to be the best it can be, each member must be wholeheartedly devoted to winning the game of life and achieving the joyful victory of being an eternal family.

    Not every person in the home team will have the same obligations and roles, but each position, from father to toddler, is essential to win the game.

    In our family night last night, my husband and I asked our children what they can do to make our home a happier place.

    My ten-year-old, Casey, gave some good answers. He said that he can do nice things for his brothers instead of annoying them. He can help make mom and dad’s lives easier so we have more time to spend together. He can cooperate instead of argue, and let his brothers have their way sometimes.

    I loved his answers. He isn’t perfect at any of those things, but I can tell that he truly wants to make this positive contribution to the family he loves. Usually he is a wonderful member of the team, and is a huge helper.

    We asked our four-year-old, Rigel, the same question. My husband asked him how he could make Daddy happy, and he said, “Destroy you.” That is a game that they play together. We laughed about it, but to him, playing with his daddy is a way to make our home a happier place.

    Several times Rigel has picked flowers for me from outside. Jad asked him why he does that, and he said because he loves Mommy.

    He also holds his little brother’s hand sometimes. He often shares his toys, and he does help clean up. He likes to watch us cook, and he likes to play with us. He wants everyone to be happy, and gives good hugs and kisses. He is usually polite, and is good at saying “thank you.”

    Kamren, our two-year-old, did not answer the question, of course. He just smiled his adorable, yet mischievous smile. He makes our home a happier place by giving kisses and hugs, cuddling, desiring to learn and be taught, and by making us laugh.

    We asked Casey how we can make our home better, and he said to spend more time together. That is really so important. A family whose members are always separate don’t have a chance to talk together, laugh together, listen to each other, play together, cuddle together, or learn from each other. Spending time together shows we love each other and put each other first.

    Jad and I want our home to be a holy place, so do our best to have weekly family home evenings, pray as a family and individually, and study our scriptures daily.

    Everyone except Kamren takes turns praying for meals or family prayer, but even he knows to fold his arms and bow his head. Casey takes his turn reading scriptures each night. We try to get Rigel to repeat verses too. Even at young ages, our kids know that praying and scripture study are a part of our day to day lives. They remind us to do it too.

    Jad is a holder of the Melchizedek priesthood, and has the authority to give priesthood blessings. Our children have so much faith. They know that when they are sick or sad, they can ask for a blessing. Rigel is especially good at asking for blessings for himself or someone else who is sick. Casey and Rigel both received father’s blessings before they started school this year. These blessings offer them comfort and strength.

    Here are some other things that we encourage every member of our home team to do:

    1. Help clean and tidy the house.
    2. Pitch in during meal times, either by cooking, setting the table, or cleaning up.
    3. Show affection and respect to each member of the family.
    4. Be discerning of each other’s moods, needs, and desires. Be a good listener.
    5. Only bring in uplifting pictures, books, movies, and music into the house.
    6. Have a positive attitude, and try not to complain.
    7. Keep the commandments of God.

    There are countless ways each family member can help make the home a sacred place. If only the mother worked hard to be a homemaker, and nobody else participated, there would be less cheer and a lack of the Spirit.

    As Bonnie Oscarson said, “What a difference it would make in the world if all people would see themselves as makers of righteous homes.”

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    The next time you hear the term homemaker, smile with pride knowing that you are one.

    These bloggers are determined to elevate the term of homemaker! Read their posts in this blogger round-up.

    Lara @ Overstuffed Life | Heidi @ One Creative Mommy | Jessica @ Jessica Poe

    Jill @ LDS Scripture Literacy | Montserrat @ Cranial Hiccups

    Mandy @ A Bliss Complete | Jocelyn @ We Talk of Christ | Jen @ Moss Moments

  • A Dream with a Message

    Most of the dreams I have, I forget, or if I do remember them, they make no sense.

    Well, the night of July 21, 2015, I had a dream I will never forget. The power of the Holy Ghost was so overwhelming, that it consumed my thoughts and heart during the dream, and after I awoke.

    That particular night, I dreamt about Joseph Smith:

    A large group of church members were at gathered at church because a play was going to be done about the Prophet Joseph Smith.

    The setting of the dream was in modern times with modern conveniences.

    There were so many people, that not everyone could fit to view the play. I, and a group of other people, had to sit in a classroom and listen to the play. I was actually quite content with that, because that room was actually where the actors’ offstage was located.

    I remember being so excited to see the man playing Joseph Smith. After one scene, a mob scene, the actors ran into the classroom.

    I was so happy to meet him. Somehow, this man looked exactly like the actor from the Joseph Smith movie.

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    For the rest of my dream, though, he was no longer an actor, but the real Joseph Smith.

    I remember sitting at his feet and speaking to him. I talked to him about my favorite part of the gospel (In real life, the evening I had my dream, the missionaries were in my home and asked my husband and I to answer that very question). I told him it was the Holy Ghost because he testifies of truth, and because he can provide us with spiritual power to be able to testify of the truthfulness of the gospel and to do missionary work.

    The Prophet Joseph told me that I was missing something important, and that I needed to focus on Jesus Christ.

    He walked away then. I felt crushed and a little mad, since he didn’t offer any other explanation.

    Soon, everyone in the building heard many loud noises and screams. We found out that a real mob had come to find Joseph and kill him. The mob was going around to every room searching for him. The mob finally came to our classroom. A woman in the mob yelled angrily that she could tell one of us was hiding something, and she pointed right to my son, Casey.

    He fearfully said he had to go to the bathroom. I stood up with him, and took him there. The mob didn’t stop us.

    We were so scared. I wondered where Joseph was, and if he was okay. I was crying a lot, and praying with my son.

    I don’t know if the mob left, or if they just went elsewhere, but I soon saw Joseph again.I sat at his feet, tears streaming down my face. He stayed very calm, and asked me how I keep Heavenly Father fresh in my mind.

    I told him that I pray to Him, and also that I often ponder on the Plan of Salvation. He was pleased with my answers. I don’t remember what else I said, but the thought stayed with me of how important it is to always keep Heavenly Father in my mind.

    I felt so happy in Joseph’s presence. He told me that he would be okay, and that the mob would not hurt him.

    He had felt that this would happen, so long before he had come that night, a plan was formulated on how to hide him. A master carpenter had changed a large wooden cabinet into a wall, so Joseph could hide behind it as long as was necessary. Nobody would ever think to look behind a wall for him.

    He was prepared to stay in there as long as needed, and there were members who would have brought him food, water, and clothes.

    I felt a deep, abiding love for the man in my dream – a respect, a reverence and an admiration I cannot describe.

    When I awoke, I felt that the Holy Ghost had testified to me in my dream that Joseph Smith was a true prophet. He also had given me a small taste of the horror the early Saints went through as angry, hateful mobs – armed to kill – invaded their homes and lives.

    I am grateful for this dream. The tears flowed during the dream, and as I wrote my memories of it. I already knew that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I have known that for a long time. Now, though, I feel like I know him, and I have received counsel from him that he would have told me had I lived when he did.

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    “The fundamental principles of our religion are the testimony of the Apostles and Prophets, concerning Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended into heaven; and all other things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it.” – President Joseph Smith, Jr.

     

  • 7 clues that your terrible relationship could be your fault

    This is the version I submitted to Family Share before it was re-edited and published on their site. See which one you like better:

    Sometimes in a dating or marriage relationship, the commitment and happiness decline, and the relationship goes terribly south. When this happens to you, you wonder where the problems lie, and who is to blame. Truth be told, the fault is usually shared, though not necessarily equally.

    Reflect on these characteristics of a devoted partner to see how you are influencing your relationship for better or for worse:

    1. You are loyal.

    You do not participate in anything that would arouse lust. You do not flirt with anyone else. You are upfront and honest with your partner about what you do every day. When things are hard, you stick by the one you love, rather than go to someone, or something, else for comfort.

    Someone I loved wasn’t loyal to me, and it was really hard for me to trust him again, or even get over my feelings of disgust and betrayal. Trust can be rebuilt with change, but he sadly didn’t value our relationship enough to change.

    2. You show affection often, in word and in deed.

    You say “I love you,” kiss, hug, hold hands, and do sweet, tender gestures. You are thoughtful, and make holidays and occasions special. You spend quality time with your significant other, and do things that will strengthen your relationship. You are authentic, and do a lot of laughing and having fun. You reminisce about why you fell in love, and tell your partner often what you love about him/her. You share your dreams for your future together.

    I know that without this tender affection, the romantic spark can totally go out.

    3. You communicate with love, patience, and respect.

    You encourage and uplift, rather than nag or criticize. You compliment and show praise every day. You only speak kindly of your partner to your friends or family. You do your best to express your thoughts, feelings and concerns without yelling, fighting or calling names. Should you falter, you sincerely apologize. You say what is bothering you, rather than turning inward and pushing the other away. You never let your pride be more important than your love.

    Humility is something my husband and I are working on to improve our communication. It makes all the difference.

    4. You value your significant other’s thoughts, feelings, and interests.

    When you make decisions, you think of how they would affect the other. You respect your partner’s opinions, even more so than those of your parents and friends. You listen, and you validate. You would never ask your partner to do anything that makes him/her uncomfortable. You comfort when the other is sad; you support when the other struggles; you celebrate when the other succeeds. You appreciate the talents, skills and hobbies of the other, and try to learn from them. You are unselfish, and put your partner’s needs before your own.

    In my marriage, I get most upset when I feel that my husband isn’t listening or validating my feelings. I feel so loved, though, when he just sits with me, listens to me, hugs me, and tells me he loves me.

    5. You can be happy without your significant other.

    You do not base your self-worth solely on the fact that you are in a relationship. You can feel confident, fulfilled and happy when you are apart. You do not get insecure, or worried when you cannot talk to or see your significant other at all times. You love yourself, and know that no matter what happens, you are special, you are loved, and you have so much to offer.

    I have seen people be so clingy in their relationship, that they push the other person away. Then, if it doesn’t work out, they don’t know how to function. Please remember that your partner needs your trust, and also personal time.

    6. You are doing your best to be a good person.

    You choose your friends carefully. You want to associate with honest, unselfish, giving and loyal people who don’t break the law or play with hearts. You are not entertaining harmful addictions. When you make commitments, you keep them. You work hard, and you humbly recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and are constantly working to refine yourself.

    Though I don’t have personal experience with all of these things, I have seen someone I love struggle as she dated a young man who did break the law, pretend to care more than he did, and break commitments. She would try so hard to be loyal and stand by her boyfriend, while he would flirt with other women, do drugs, and even steal.

    I do have first-hand experience with what addictions can do to a relationship. One who has an addiction does not have freedom over his thoughts, emotions or actions. He is irrational, selfish, unproductive, dishonest, unkind, and sometimes violent.

    7. You love God and put Him first.

    You know who your Creator is, and you want to please Him. You strive to show you love Him and others by keeping His commandments. You take time to pray, read your scriptures, and ponder on all the blessings God has given you. You are a light to others as you serve them in love.

    This quality has been the most valuable to me in my relationship with my spouse. When we both are striving to put God first, we really are more patient, loving, and service-oriented.

    In contrast, my first marriage ended mostly because of sin and selfishness. I can promise you that individuals who strive for spiritual cleanliness, are much better suited for a healthy relationship.

    Because nobody is perfect, you won’t do all these things perfectly all the time. However, if your relationship with your spouse or significant other is taking a dark turn for the worse, reflect carefully on the part you are playing. Do the very best you can, and if nothing changes, it may be time to consider a change. God bless you in your relationship and in your life.


     

  • It isn’t easy being green…with envy

    Nobody wants to be accused of being envious, especially when it is true.

    I have often battled with this monster, and often I have given in. I have submerged my mind in bitterness, inadequacy, and irrationality.

    It is next to impossible to be true friends with someone whose skills, talents, looks, and achievements you envy.

    Throughout my young life, my problems have lain mostly with envy of talent, popularity, and praise. Growing up, the people I didn’t like were the ones most like me – the ones with the same talents and hobbies. I found myself being angry if someone got asked to sing more than me, got more praise than I thought I got for similar achievements, was  cast the part I wanted in the school play, or got a better grade than me even though I thought I worked just as hard.

    In my adult life, I sometimes still grapple with this. As I have prayed for this weakness to be made a strength, I have received witnesses of how to wash the green away:

    1. If someone gets something before you, or does better than you at something, that person may have more experience, know the right people, have more time to work on it, or have more resources. Perhaps God’s will for them is not the same for you, or at least not right now.
    2. Most of the time, your friends and peers are not trying to hurt you when they succeed. You should not expect them to halt their dreams or accomplishments for your sake.
    3. Recognize that even if people seem to have it all (or at least what you want), there are many things they may not have, or are struggling with, that you don’t know about. People aren’t defined by one facet of their lives, nor do they get their entire fulfillment from one thing.
    4. Remember that life has its ups and downs, and so have you. Maybe you are on the down side of the teeter totter right now, but you will be lifted up again in time. As you hope for your side to go up, never hope that someone else’s side goes down. Someone else’s fall will not lift you higher, nor will your envy.
    5. Life isn’t meant to be a competition. You should only compare yourself to others to motivate you to be better than you are now, not to be better than someone else is right now. In fact, you may never have exactly what someone else has or do what someone else does, and that is OK. That doesn’t mean you are less loved, less blessed, or less valued. It doesn’t mean you have lost at life.
    6. Sit down and count your blessings. When all you do is think of what you don’t have, you are missing out on the wonder that is your life. You may not have the fancy car, or the perfect relationship, but you have life. You have tremendously more than you even realize.
    7. Pray to God every day and night that He will help you recognize your potential, your worth, and your calling in life. Also make an effort to pray for those you envy. Pray that you can see their worth, and how they can play a positive role in your life.
    8. Instead of ignoring those you envy, sincerely compliment and praise them. Ask for their advice on how to be better, and humbly request an honest opinion of your skills. This vulnerable interaction can help build a rewarding friendship.
    9. Ponder on what really matters in life. The everlasting goal is to return to live with Heavenly Father someday. God doesn’t care how beautiful you are, or how much money you have, or how many people know your name. That is what Satan wants you to think. No, the true test is how you overcome your envy and learn to love others unconditionally.
    10. Find joy in yourself. Love yourself. You are blessed with many gifts and talents. Use them to help others. As you focus on serving with what you do have, you will be blessed with more.

    I can say from personal experience that this shade of green is not a good color on anyone. I can also say that freeing yourself of this suffocating weight can make all the difference in how you feel, how you think, and how you act every day. You will feel wonderful, and free. Take off the green.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • This is how we do it.

    I took the boys to the library last Monday night. I don’t usually look forward to it because Kamren always opens the elevator, he and Rigel try to run upstairs, and one or both run in the aisles. When in line to check out, Rigel was trying to touch the big screen. I asked him to stop, and went to get him when he didn’t. I then heard a voice call my name, “Amanda.” I looked up to the other young man working. He asked: “How do you do it? How do you raise
    three boys?”
    I answered that they love each other very much and are usually good boys. I chuckled as I told him that they bring me much more joy than pain.
    As I walked to the car, I felt that I needed to give this young man a better answer, and I thought about it all evening. As I started to pay more attention and take notes, I was shocked at how much thought and work goes into raising kids. After over a week of pondering, here is “how I do it:”
    Make the most of my time.
    I speed walk around the house, doing everything as quickly as I can before the kids start fighting or something gets broken. On my way to do a task, I pick up toys and books from off the floor.
    I also multitask all the time, often using one arm to do one thing, and the other to hold a child. I help Casey with his homework while starting dinner and cleaning the kitchen, or make a phone call to an insurance company while playing outside with my kids. If I put something in the microwave, you better believe I am using that minute to wash a few dishes. When there are groceries to bring in the house, I use all my strength to make only one trip.
    Make the most of nap time.
    There are a lot of things that can’t be done well when the kids are awake. During these couple hours, I usually pick up the really messy things as quickly as possible, and then spend the rest of the time doing things that I need or want to do – church responsibilities, reading, shopping online, talking to friends, planning, and blogging. You would think I would nap during nap time…
    Get some me time.
    This helps rebuild my sanity, and also helps me miss my kids. I am with them most of the time, but when my husband is home, sometimes I go work out, go to a church activity, or go to the movies with friends. Sometimes, we get a babysitter, and go somewhere fun together!
    Deal with daily destruction.
    Boys are really rough and crazy. They are constantly jumping off things, pretending to fight with “swords”, throwing things, and tumbling around.
    Every week something in my home gets messed up. We try to learn from every destructive act by putting something up higher, locking more doors, listening for when it is “too quiet,” or buying more durable or less expensive
    stuff.
    My house is also a little greasy, and I have to be okay with the fact that I can’t keep it spotless. We often find dried up food on door knobs or the wall. There are always crumbs on the floor and smeared food on the couch. We just clean it up as we see it and move on. The kids will probably always have stains on their clothing, or messy hair.
    Making a mess often makes the kids so happy, so sometimes we sit back and let them do it (or help them in the process). Seeing them make memories and have fun is more important than avoiding a mess.
     Do a lot of physical activity.
    My boys love to have piggy back rides, play “run from mommy,” pretend to be super heroes on the trampoline, and spin around so much, everyone falls down in dizziness. They want to run, and run fast. They want to be outside all
    the time. I have to somehow find the energy to do all this physical activity. Luckily, I have their dad, who can take on that role a lot of the time.
    Do activities together.
    I want my boys to be best friends. My husband and I really think hard as to what toys to have inside and outside, and what special things we can do that all of the boys will enjoy, at their very different ages. We also encourage them to play together, to hug each other, and to help each other.
     Going places as a family helps us make fun memories, and learn more about each other’s interests. It also helps decrease boredom and irritability to have something to look forward to. The kids always enjoy going to the children’s museum, the library, the playground, the park, and play dates. Sometimes we take them out to eat, to a movie, or on a trip.
    Be flexible.
    Things aren’t always going to go according to plan. Kids can get sick or hurt. The weather might change. Someone might cancel a play date, or an activity might be postponed. It is important for me to stay positive and flexible, so I can help my children do that too.
     Be silly!
    When I am having fun, being silly, and laughing with the children, they enjoy life even more. The house is lit up in joy. We do a lot of tickling, and making goofy faces and funny sounds. Much giggling ensues.
    Show love and attention to each child. 
    Our boys have very different needs and personalities, so they all need individual attention. They want to show me what is important to them. I need to make sure I focus and show them I care.
    They also communicate in different ways. Kamren barely talks, so I have had to learn how to decipher him. I often tell him to “show me,” and he takes my hand.
    All of my boys really treasure affection. It could be by cuddling, giving hugs and kisses, playing with them, or saying “I love you.” It is so important that they feel equally loved.When they are in bad moods, it is usually because they need attention, so I give extra hugs, talk to them, or tell them I love them.
    Praise and reward them.
    My boys need to see their mother as their biggest fan. I congratulate them on their hard work, hang up their drawings, attend my oldest’s award ceremonies and performances, reward my oldest when he does well on a
    report card or gets an award, and do lots of high fives and fist bumps when they cooperate, do something nice, or learn to do something new.
    Celebrate special occasions and have family traditions.
    We make every child’s birthday special. We do a special meal and cake. We usually have family over, but also sometimes do parties. We also do special things for all other major holidays. They are definitely times to
    look forward to.
    We have some fun traditions too, like whenever we make pizza or get a fun snack, we eat it picnic style while watching a movie. Every Sunday, we eat dinner with our extended family, and when the weather is good, we take walks together.
    Capture adorable moments.
    We always need reminders of how much we love and cherish our children. I feel it the most during those quiet moments when they are reading together, watching a movie together, or sleeping. This is when they appear the
    most angelic. I treasure the pictures I take and the stories I write about my three boys.
    Teach them constantly.
    I do my best to answer their questions. I read them a lot of books. I point things out, and explain things when I see teachable moments. I help Casey with his homework daily.
    Jad and I also teach by letting the kids help us cook, fix things, fold laundry, vacuum, and garden. We share our talents and hobbies with them to build connections, and expand their capabilities. For example, I teach Casey
    piano, and Jad teaches the children Arabic.
    If one of the kids is trying to do something, but struggling, I don’t just take over. I give them some time to try again before I help. Often, they teach themselves.
    Manners are also something we constantly teach. I don’t know what it is about boys, but they think all kinds of bodily functions are funny. I try to teach my boys to say “excuse me” when they burp, etc. I also remind them to
    say “please (Kamren gives me a kiss instead),” “thank you,” “you’re welcome,” and “yes, ma’am/sir.”
    Give them responsibilities.
    I want my children to be self-reliant and learn the value of work. My oldest has the most responsibilities because he knows how to do the most. However, the little ones know they need to clean up their toys, put their dishes in the sink, and put their leftover drinks in the refrigerator. We sing the “clean up” song a lot in our house.
    Be strict and enforce the rules.
    My kids need to know who is boss. Having a lot of rules helps discipline them, and enforcing the rules helps them learn the value of obedience and respect. “Yes, you are always going to wash your hands after using the bathroom or eating.” “No, you are not going to play and run around until after you have eaten all your food.” “You can’t play with your friends if your room and bathroom are disgusting.”
    There are so many rules the kids, especially my little ones, ignore. My husband and I have to follow them and make sure they are following the rules, and if they aren’t, we have to redirect them. If my oldest breaks a rule on purpose, there are consequences.When they hurt each other, we always make sure they apologize and give each other hugs.
     Provide for their temporal needs.
    My husband and I make sure our children are fed, clothed, rested, bathed, warm, socialized, and happy. This includes in the home and outside it (got to keep the diaper bag well-stocked). As they get older, we help them learn how to do these things themselves, but we are always focused on their well-being. Most of the time, we make sure their needs are taken care of before our own.
     Keep them safe.
    There is a lot of looking around, holding of hands, calling of names, yelling to stop, and running to catch up in my mom life. Kids do not understand how dangerous the world is, so my husband and I are constantly teaching them about looking both ways before crossing the street, wearing seat belts, staying close to mom and dad at all times, not touching certain things, etc.
    Run errands with them, even though they are crazy.
    I always kind of dread going to the store, the library, or anywhere the kids need to reigned in and quiet. The opposite always happens. I could just wait until my husband is home to run all the errands, but time with him is limited. I want our family to have fun when Daddy is home, not worry about all the things we have to do.
    Don’t worry about what everyone else is thinking, but just do my best.
    People are going to judge me for having three kids, and for going out in public with them. They are going to judge my parenting by how my children behave. It is very important for my self-esteem, my sanity, my productivity,
    and my relationship with my children, to not care what other people think.
    Even without thinking of what others are thinking, I can sometimes be hard on myself when I can’t keep the house clean, stay patient, or have the time or energy to accomplish all my tasks. I try to remember to just do my best
    based on my capacity for that day, and then strive to be a little better the next day. My children know I love them. With faith and hard work, I know I can endure all the hardships of parenting.
    Ask for advice.
    There is no instruction manual for moms. It is really hard to know what to do in every situation that comes up. I ask for help from other moms who have gone through things I go through. Often, I get really good advice on how
    to help my kids, and even how to be a better mom.
    Be united with Daddy.
    It is so important for my husband and I to be united in rule-making, disciplining, traditions, and in all other aspects of raising our children. Children need a safe haven. If Mommy and Daddy show love for each other, they will know they are safe. They will feel loved, and want to be at home.
    Keep God in our home.
    We sing a lot of children’s hymns in our house. We also read the scriptures every night, and pray as a family often. We have pictures of Jesus around the house, and talk about how He loves us. We do family nights where we
    talk about how to be better children of God.  Our sweet kids find comfort in these routines, even if they don’t always seem to be paying attention. Love is stronger in our home as we make God a big part of it.
    Pray a lot.
    My husband and I aren’t perfect parents. We really struggle with stress, lack of sleep, and concerns about our children’s behavior and happiness. We pray constantly for patience, for guidance on how to better teach and show
    love to our children, and for the well-being and safety of our family.
     I don’t parent my children alone. My husband, God, and I raise them together. That is how we raise three boys.

     

  • The Biggest lessons we learn come from the Smallest people we love

    “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3–4).
    Jesus loves and cherishes little children. God has commanded us to bear children when we are able. The greatest joys we will ever experience will be within our own homes with our little ones.
    As we conceive and bear children, we are creators of life. Our children come to us as soft, adorable, innocent babies. We love them with a true love we could never describe. As we feel this overwhelming love, we get a small taste of the love God must have for each of us.
    Our little ones rely on us for most everything they need, as we should rely on our Savior for our spiritual needs. Our children love us and trust us more than anyone, which is the relationship we should have with our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ.
    One of the reasons we are commanded to bear and raise children is so we learn firsthand how to become like little children, who:
    Find beauty and wonder in everything.
    Children never get so busy or distracted that they forget to gaze at the sky, listen to the birds sing, watch the bugs crawl, pet the animals, or smell the flowers. They are truly grateful for all of God’s creations.
    Value the simple things in life.
    Little kids don’t need much to be happy. They need food to fill their tummies, clothing to keep them warm, a bed to rest in, simple toys to play with, and most importantly, family to love and comfort them. They don’t find joy in material things, but rather in their experiences with those they love most. They smile and laugh more than anyone else because they are satisfied.
    Thirst for knowledge, and are teachable.
    Children are curious, and they always have questions. They want to learn new information.  My kids would read books all day if they could, for they are learning new words, learning about different animals, and learning how friends help each other.
    They also want to learn how to do more things – things we do.  When we are cooking dinner, they want to stir the noodles or crack the eggs.  When we are picking the tomatoes from the garden, they want to help pick them too. They want us to teach them how to play sports, how to do magic tricks, how to play the piano.
    Our kids trust us to teach them what they want and need to know. We have a great responsibility as parents to teach them the right things.
    Are Active.
    As parents, we wish our little ones would just sit still and not always want to do something. What a great trait, though, that they always want to be learning, doing, experimenting, accomplishing.  If we teach them to sit around and play video games and watch TV all day, they may learn to do that, but it is not in their natural characters to vegetate. They thrive off of physical and mental stimulation.
    Love themselves.
    Little children are comfortable in their own skins. They aren’t embarrassed by their traits or personalities. They are themselves, and they love it.
    They seem to most enjoy being themselves around their siblings. They can be anyone and do anything when they are with each other.
    Make friends wherever they go.
    Once children get to an age where they start playing with others, they make friends easily. They have conversations with, and play with any kid they meet. They don’t judge by looks, age, or circumstance, and they don’t think they are too good to play with certain kids. They just see a chance to have fun together.
    Love unconditionally, give willingly, and forgive immediately.
    Little children can love anyone. They do not hold grudges. They forgive as quickly as they get angry.
    One of the sweetest things about my kids is that when they get in trouble, they want me to hug and kiss them and hold them, even though I was the one doing the disciplining. It makes it impossible for me to stay angry, and their
    unconditional love permeates through me, softening my heart.
    They also are so sweet to share their food with us, or to do nice things for other family members, like draw pictures or just give sweet kisses. Casey has gotten to an age now where he wants to buy gifts for special occasions, when he can. He bought Rigel a toy for his birthday, and this past Valentine’s Day, he bought Jad and I some candy.
    Want to be around us all the time.
    Our children cherish us. They want to be with us. They want us around to help them with their needs, to give them kisses and hugs, and just to be in the same room as them. There is nobody they would rather cuddle with, nobody they would rather comfort them when they are sad, nobody they would rather sing to them, talk to them, or tell them stories.
    My children ask about their daddy every day when he is at work or school. They are sad when he won’t be with them that day, and they pray for him. They also don’t like it those times when I am not there to put them to bed. As parents, we are everything to our little ones.
    Desire our approval.
    They get upset when we are upset with them. They want us to be proud of them. That is why they proudly show us the picture they drew, or tell us the cool thing that happened at school that day, or show us their empty dinner plate when they eat all their food.
    Can tell when we are sad, and want to make it better.
    Children’s priorities and countenances change when they see that their strong mother or father is sad.
    All my kids, even my oldest, are so discerning. When I cry, or appear low, they will ask me what is wrong with the cutest concern in their tones and eyes. They then proceed to hug me, kiss me, and tell me they love me in the ways they know how. That really does make it all better.
    Teach us to be better.
    We often hear the phrase “From the mouths of babes.” It is true. Little ones say the most profound truths – truths that are so simple, but so essential.
    My son, Rigel, when I am upset, will always ask, “Mommy, can you please be happy?” or “Mommy, can you please be happy with me?” This always stops me in my tracks. If I am distracted with something unimportant, Kamren
    will take my hand and lead me to play with him or read him a book. My oldest, Casey, though not so little anymore, will have the most wonderful gospel conversations with me. He teaches me lessons he has learned from reading his scriptures.
    Are honest.
    Little children don’t say what they think we want to hear. They call things exactly as they see them.  They are still working on tact, but what a great example they bring. It is true sometimes children lie when they are afraid of getting in trouble, but they don’t do it for any other reason. They don’t want to hurt anyone, and they aren’t trying to betray trust. As a matter of fact, when they realize that is the reaction, they are usually heartbroken.
    Follow a lot of rules, just because we tell them to.
     
    We give our children many rules, ranging from cleanliness, to good manners, to safety, to kindness, to routine. We spend much of our day enforcing them. Our children sometimes choose not to obey the rules, but much of the time, they do what we ask, even if they don’t understand why, because they love us and trust us.
    Have the light of Christ in their eyes.
    Little children are the most precious angels in our lives. They are pure. They are the most like Christ of any other people on this earth. Their countenances shine with His light.
    Jesus has commanded us to be like little children for all of these reasons and more. He wants us to apply their sweet traits into our interactions with others, as well as our devotion to and trust in God.
    Sometimes we don’t see all the wonderful things about our little ones because, in our day-to-day lives, there may be an abundance of tantrums, messes and disobedience. I truly believe that these are mingled into our lives to help
    us feel a little of what our Father in Heaven feels when we do not listen to, obey, or show love to Him. However, His love never falters and He never gives up on us.
    We must always appreciate and love our children, as they are little, and as they grow. They bring us true happiness.

  • My Greatest Fear

    How to Kill a Bug in Only 30 Steps:

    1. See it on the ledge of your stairwell, jump backwards, and scream!
    2. Run as far away from it as you can.
    3. Ask your four-year-old if he will kill it.
    4. When he looks at you in horror and says no, you realize you must kill it.
    5. Breathe deeply.
    6. Say a prayer that the experience won’t be scary and that you will be unharmed.
    7. Grab the vacuum from the hall closet and run upstairs as fast as you can, veering away from where the bug was.
    8. Make sure the bug is in the same spot. It is.
    9. You plug in the vacuum, and thoughts of how the bug is just sitting there minding its own business, and that it is one of God’s creations, run through your mind.
    10. You are reminded bugs do not belong in the house, especially ones that are big and ugly, and you start to extend the vacuum hose.
    11. You realize that may not be good enough, so you run to the laundry room and grab the first spray bottle you see: Windex.

    12. You approach the bug and spray the Windex on it like a mad woman.
    13. As the blue liquid starts to roll down the wall of your stairwell, the bug slowly starts to walk away.
    14. You pick up the vacuum hose up again, trying to build courage to get close enough to the bug that the vacuum hose will suck it into its dark abyss.
    15. Meanwhile, your toddler has come up the stairs and is happily playing right near the bug of death.
    16. You scream frantically at him to get out of the way and near you. Why doesn’t he realize danger is right above his head???
    17. He looks at you like you are strange, but finally comes to you.
    18. You ask your 4-year-old one more time if he would like to come kill the bug.
    19. He fearfully says that he wants to get in his jeep and drive to Daddy so he can come home and kill it.
    20. Taking that as a no, you tell yourself that you have to do this. You can do this.
    21. You spray more Windex for good measure, and the bug slowly inches itself further away from you.
    22. You very carefully take the vacuum hose, and inch it as close as you can to the bug, still on the stair ledge.

    23. He tries to flap his (he has wings?), and you are glad the Windex has weighed him down so he can’t fly away.
    24. You bravely move the hose one more inch and watch the bug disappear into the black hole.
    25. You scream and turn off the vacuum, watching the hose fall to the ground.
    26. You ask yourself, is the bug really gone? What if he comes out the other end?
    27. After a quick scan, you realize that it is really gone, and slowly put everything away.
    28. You clean up the Windex from the ledge, wall, and carpet, because in your panic attack, you accidentally spilled some on the stairs.
    29. You look one more time to make sure the bug is gone.

    30. You reassure your 4-year-old and yourself that the bug really is gone and it is safe in your home once again. Your toddler continues to play happily as if this traumatizing experience never happened.

    So, there you have it: a mere 30 steps to killing a really ugly, brown, flying, and large bug.

    I realized these steps this morning before going downstairs for breakfast. I am not exaggerating the steps I took. I am really that scared of huge bugs in my home.

    I think my fear came from my dad chasing me with dead bugs when I was a kid. I used to hide in the bathroom with the door locked until he gave up. He still occasionally tries to do the same thing, but now I just get angry and yell at him, and then run away.

    Yes, I am a little crazy, in case you couldn’t tell before.

    As I was pondering these moments later, I realized firstly, that I am a little over-dramatic, but secondly, that there are way scarier things that I could actively fear.

    In general, though, despite the increasing violence, decreasing morals, more intolerance in the name of tolerance, and a push to remove God from our nation, I do not live my life in fear.

    I attribute that to my faith in Jesus Christ and my relationship with Him and my Heavenly Father. Because of this faith that I have, I do my best to keep God’s commandments, fulfill my roles as a woman, mother, wife, sister, teacher and friend as best I can, and strive to make my home a holy place. Because I do that, in partnership with my husband, God is my partner too.

    I have the Holy Spirit abundantly in my life helping me see truth, recognize falsehoods, remind me of what spiritual knowledge I have, and help me look at the eternal perspective. This life will be full of experiences that will test my faith, and that of my husband and children, and bring hurt and suffering to us. As long as we keep God first in our family, we will be able to endure those things and come out of them better people. We will also be able to withstand the temptations and deceitfulness of Satan.

    Will my fear of bugs ever go away? I am thinking it may not, but that is okay. Bugs are a part of life, and I can’t completely control their presence in my home. But, I can control the presence of many other things in my home that could either strengthen or dampen faith, bring the Spirit or drive it away.

    My realization of this control, and the implementation of it in my home, is what makes something simple like bugs my greatest fear. I’ll take it.

  • You are Replaceable

    On January 25, 2011, I had my sweet baby boy, Rigel. Up until that day, I had been working full time at the AICPA, and had been, ironically, since January 25, 2007. When Jad and I knew we were going to have a baby, we started discussing what should be done.

     

    Very pregnant me in January 2011

    By January, after much contemplation and prayer, I was pretty sure I would not be returning to work after Rigel was born. I planned to start working from home a couple weeks before my due date to avoid going into labor at work, which was a good excuse to clean out my desk and cubicle very well just in case I wouldn’t be back. I also was going to have three months of maternity leave, and wanted to give paperwork to the right people, and effectively train the two individuals who would be doing my humongous workload when I was gone.

    After Rigel was born, and I held him and cuddled him, it wasn’t long before I knew I really wanted to stay home with him and my older son, Casey. I wanted to be a full time mother, to see my children grow and be there for every special moment.

     

    Rigel and I right after he was born.

     

    Newborn Rigel and I at home.

    I sent an email to my senior manager a month into my leave, expressing that I would not be able to return full time, but that I was willing to come to work part time if there was an opening. I don’t have a copy of the reply, but it wasn’t what I was hoping to read. I was denied the opportunity to come back, and I don’t recall any warmth or appreciation being expressed either.

    This was my Facebook status after I got the reply. I was crushed, but I was so appreciative to my friends who commented on that status, helping me know that I would be missed.

     

    Mandy Al-Bjaly

     

    February 24, 2011 ·

    is thrilled to be able to stay home with her babies, but didn’t realize how hard it would be to say goodbye to good old AICPA. I was hoping for a part-time position, but was told no.
    Like · Comment · 

     

    April 11, 2011 was the day I went to the AICPA as an employee for the last time. That was the longest elevator ride I had ever taken,this time with my husband and infant. It was the day I would have to clean out my laptop and the rest of my desk, say goodbye to all my friends and associates, and turn in my badge. The exit interview was very emotional, and I felt a part of me was missing when I walked out of those doors to my car, knowing I would never go to another meeting, QA another call, write another page of documentation, or laugh (very loudly) with the people I had grown to admire and love so much.

     

    My team decorated my cubicle the day I found out I was having a boy – 8/30/10

    I have been gone from the AICPA for four years, the same amount of time I worked there. When I see pictures of my old coworkers at work, I truly miss the conference rooms, cubicles, and the giving, fun-loving nature of my coworkers.

     

    Christine, a friend and member of my team, threw me a work baby shower at her home – 12/4/10

    I miss walking with members of my team during their 15-minute breaks. I miss sitting in the diner eating lunch, though sometimes I would only be there for a few minutes until I had another meeting. I miss team meetings, the birthday parties we celebrated, the one on ones. I even miss the meetings with management, from my department and others (except for the QA meetings. I never liked those).

    I learned so many things from my time at the AICPA – nine months as a specialist doing inbound calls, and over three years as a supervisor of different teams. I went from Phone Response supervisor, to Phone and Email Response supervisor, to Outbound Service and Retention supervisor, consisting of three groups doing three very different functions. It was challenging. At one point I had 13 specialists reporting to me. In my last supervisor role, I also worked very closely with the IT department and the Member Value department. I was constantly writing and editing documentation too.

    During those four years at the AICPA, I learned so many valuable lessons, many of which I continue to incorporate on a personal level:

    Always be kind to members/customers, even if they are unkind to you.

    I remember once a member was so mean to me that I started crying. My supervisor got on the phone and took over for me, defending me, saying I was doing all I could, and the member should not take his frustrations out on someone who was only trying to help him.

    In this job position, I was always taught to stay kind and respectful regardless of how I was being treated on the phone. Phone and email specialists are the face of the AICPA, and our professionalism weighs heavily on the perception people have of our organization.

    Ironically, the members and customers who got the angriest usually got what they wanted – something they didn’t deserve. At what cost, though? Crushing a specialist’s self-esteem, bullying your way to what you want, and being talked about in the office as a difficult member?

    Kindness and courtesy go a long way on both ends.

    If you hold yourself to a high standard of excellence, you will be asked to do more. As you take on more responsibilities, and do them well, this will lead to greater opportunities.

    I was thrilled to be promoted to supervisor after only nine months of being a specialist. It was such an honor, and I think one of the reasons I got promoted was because I was constantly asking for special projects to do. I expressed interest in learning more and doing more, all the while doing my best in my required functions.

    To be most efficient in a work environment, you must also have fun.

    This was something I feel I did well. I always had names for my teams. My first team was the Phunny Pharm. We had a Pheel Good Jar where we wrote kind notes to each other before every team meeting and passed them out. It really did lift spirits. We also had snacks at every team meeting, and a game, along with business. I often brought treats to work and passed them out to anyone who wanted them. We celebrated every specialist’s birthday on my team, and I did superlatives and other recognitions. We also talked socially as a team, and just had a good time. I held everyone to a high standard, but tried to make work fun too.

    Take a break. If you work too hard, you will be too stressed to be productive.

    There would literally be days when I was a supervisor when my entire Outlook calendar was filled with meetings and other responsibilities from 8-5. I wouldn’t even had time for lunch, so I would just wolf something down at my desk. Those were terrible days, and I would always go home in a bad mood. Taking a walk, eating a lunch without distraction, and having some breather room, makes so much of a difference in the quality of your day, and your capacity to give.

    Laugh a lot. It’s contagious.

    My team, and others, used to always tease me for my very loud, bell-like laugh, a laugh that They always knew when I was coming.

    Smile and speak kindly to everyone.

    Sometimes management can be intimidating, and seen as all work and numbers. If management is kind to everyone, it levels the playing field, and also builds relationships among teams, who often tend to be competitive.

    In contrast, as you are always friendly with your superiors, they know you trust them and would go to them for guidance and advice. That helps them feel that you like and respect them, but also that you want to know more and be more than you currently do and are.

    Even if you don’t like someone, do your best to be friendly and show appreciation. This will greatly improve collaboration and cooperation.

    There were a couple people here and there over the years I didn’t like very much at work. There was one in particular who annoyed me a lot. One day, I decided to implement a new strategy, which was showing interest in her interests, complimenting her, being kind and talking to her socially, and not just in meetings. That really improved how we worked together in the future, and my respect for her grew.

    When someone comes to talk to you, stop what you are doing, and give him/her your full attention. You should not multitask when someone is speaking to you about an urgent/important matter. 

    One of my managers taught me this, and though I had so much work to do, that it was really hard to take my fingers off the keyboard, I tried to implement that advice. I can’t say I was always successful, but I do know that when I did, I got the full message the first time, and did not have to clarify a question or concern.

    Respond to requests as quickly as you can. This builds trust, and helps those you serve know you are their advocate.

    Because I had had experience with a supervisor who was not timely in answering emails, and a manager who answered emails but didn’t always answer the question, I realized the value of reading and responding to my specialists’ emails as quickly as possible. I also encouraged them to just come to my desk and talk to me personally. I tried to be as helpful and positive as possible.

    If you care about those you supervise and make their success a priority, they will be more motivated, work harder, and enjoy work more.

    I really feel strongly about this. As a supervisor or manager, you have a responsibility to make sure your team performs at a high level of efficiency and quality. Sometimes it can be easy to concentrate only on numbers, and put individuals down when they don’t perform exactly right. When you change your approach, show them individually you care about their success, ask how you can help them every day, and work with them on a regular basis, while listening to their ideas and concerns, it makes so much of a difference.

    Provide feedback in a constructive manner. Always start with positive feedback and then move on to the opportunities. Let the person know you want to help him/her succeed.

    As a supervisor, I did one on ones with each of my specialists either bi-weekly or monthly, depending on their positions. Sometimes, I had to give feedback on performance that was less than satisfactory. That is hard and intimidating. I learned, though, that if I concentrated on what they did well first, it softened my tone enough that I could give the constructive criticism in a way that wasn’t offensive. I always expressed a desire to help my employees succeed, and offered , as well as asked for, suggestions to do so.

    When someone is performing at a very low level, you work as much as you can to help him/her start meeting expectations, rather than just turning your back.

    Sometimes you will have an employee who is just awful, either with a bad attitude or really poor skills. You can’t just give up and throw in the towel. You have to be patient and work with that person in every way you can, with specific, documented steps. Sometimes people will be let go, and if that happens, you should be perfectly satisfied that you did all you could, and that you stayed their advocate until the end.

    If you are annoyed or offended, do not send that nasty email. Save it as a draft, and go back to it later, after you have calmed down and gained some perspective.

    I never got in trouble formally at work, but once, when I was still a specialist, I had taken on an additional responsibility of writing a training quiz. I got some feedback on it from a manager, that offended me, and I felt wasn’t correct. I sent a passionate email expressing my feelings. My supervisor had to speak to me about it, and I promptly apologized. From then on, I always took a breather before responding to an email that I didn’t like, or I just spoke to the person in person.

    Another point about nasty emails: I had a manager that would periodically sent me a rude email asking why something was done or wasn’t done, or why it was done in the wrong way. It would inevitably upset me, but mostly annoy me, as he was almost always incorrect in his accusations. In my management role, I tried not to do that, but rather talk to a person one on one if I had a concern.

    Be passionate, but not too passionate; don’t sweat the small stuff; and look at the bigger picture. 

    That was one of my biggest faults at the AICPA as a supervisor. When I saw injustices, especially in QA, I was very passionate about defending my cause, or the cause of one of my employees. There would inevitably be tension in the room, and often, I still didn’t get my way. You need to be passionate enough to care that things are done fairly, but also see that there are other perspectives out there other than your own. Sometimes I would sweat the small stuff by being mad that others were sweating the small stuff. That really isn’t productive.

    Don’t be afraid to express concerns, but always be respectful and provide proof to validate them.

    There were so many occasions, especially in my last supervisor role, when demands were made that just could not realistically be met. I had to speak with my senior manager often in his office about these things. I usually had reports to prove my concerns, many of which were made by one of my awesome employees. I strived to be respectful of what upper management said, but I still expressed my concerns rather than keeping them inside. I had my team to advocate for, and if I said nothing, and simply bowed down to every command, my specialists would not have respected me, and would not have wanted to come to work, knowing they couldn’t accomplish what was required of them.

    It isn’t us against them. We are all working together for a common goal. 

    I was in the Service Center during my whole four years. There would often be annoyances from my department toward the IT  department, and mostly the Member Value department. I had to learn to give the benefit of the doubt, realize every team has pressures of their own, and train myself to really believe we were all working toward a common goal. I made it a priority to just communicate better, and stay kind.

    The most profound truth I learned came after I left the AICPA, and that is that I was replaceable.

    It really hurt to know I put my heart and soul, and blood, sweat and tears into my job at the AICPA for years, and when I left, everyone moved on. Someone else took my position, and business continued as usual. I don’t know what I was expecting – management to beg me to stay perhaps.

    No matter how well you do at your job, no matter how many awards or bonuses you get, no matter how many policies and procedures you implement, no matter how many documents you write, no matter how many meetings you go to, no matter how many problems you identify and help fix, no matter how many people you train, no matter how much you are trusted to get the job done, you are replaceable in the workforce.

    It was like a punch in the gut to realize that. Now, though, I have found that truth to be a remarkable blessing. It has really reaffirmed and validated my husband’s and my decision for me to stay home and raise my children.

     

    To them, I am irreplaceable. Only I know what they desire, what they need, how to calm them down, what to sing to them, which books to read to them, what their favorite toys and blankets are. Nobody can kiss their boo boos like I can, or teach them that Jesus loves them like I can, or love them and cherish them like I can. They need me, they love me, and they miss me when I am not there. I am irreplaceable as their mother as long as I teach them in light and truth, show them love, and care for them body and soul.

    I will always cherish my time at the AICPA, especially the friendships I formed, and the lessons I learned. I will never forget any of you, and I love keeping up with you as best I can. Thank you for your examples that help me be a better person and mother.

     

  • Faith is the key

    *An abridged version can be found on familyshare.com.
    As someone who has many friends and family members who have questioned their faith, whether it be in their specific religion, or God Himself, this subject of losing faith has been consistently in my mind.I am someone who loves to help. Anyone who knows me knows that I constantly am looking for ways to serve. I feel one of the most important ways to serve is by helping others in spiritual matters.

    If you are one who has lost his/her faith, let me try to help you.

    Let’s start with a simple physical analogy. When you lose a key, or your phone, or your kid’s favorite teddy bear, what do you do?

    1. You realize you have lost it and slightly panic.
    2. You look around the immediate area.
    3. If you don’t see it there, you retrace your steps.
    4. If you still can’t find it, you ask other people who may have seen it to help you find it.
    5. You look for as long as it takes because that item is essential to you.
    6. If you don’t find it after all that, you may feel defeated and sad. Then, and only then, do you even consider replacing what it was you lost.

    Guess what? These same steps can be used for when you lose your testimony of one or all aspects of your faith.

    First, you will realize that something is missing. You don’t feel that fire like you used to. You find you have doubts, a lot of them. You wonder if you ever really knew God was real, or that Jesus is your Savior, or if certain books of scripture are true.

    There are many options you can choose as you realize you have lost your faith, but the best option, the only option that will lead you to your end goal of finding your faith, is to reflect on your life. Reflect on the blessings you have, on the goodness you see because of the faith you have lived by.

    If you can’t see that because you have been slowly detaching for a long time, you should retrace your steps, meaning look back upon your past. Think of special times that you exhibited faith, made a commitment to God, felt the Holy Spirit, felt a prayer answered. Perhaps you will want to write those things down.

    I have spoken to people who question if those special spiritual experiences of the past were a hoax. It saddens me to hear that. I think that we each have a conscience, we each have an inherent goodness, and we each have the light of Christ within us. If we felt peace and joy in those moments, it wasn’t a lie.

    Perhaps, though, you really struggle believing that what you once felt was really right. That is when you can talk to others. You can talk to friends and family who do have their faith, and who can testify to you. Most importantly, you can and should commune with your Heavenly Father. Pour out your heart to Him earnestly, sincerely, and humbly. Ask for His guidance, for His love, for His spirit to rest upon you and envelop you. Ask Him to help you remember, and to confirm to you the truth you once knew.

    You may lose heart if you try these things and nothing helps you find your faith. Be patient. Keep searching. Read your scriptures, continue to pray, fast, talk to those who help lead you back to your faith rather than push you away from it, for running away from what you lost will not help you find it. In fact, it most certainly guarantees you never will.

    I have had enough experience in my life with prayer, scripture study, and soul-searching to testify to you that this method will work if you are willing to hear God’s answer. If you already have your mind made up, you will never be able to hear His voice.

    I believe that in most cases, number 6, replacing your lost faith with something else, will not be a necessity as long as steps 1-5 are taken very seriously and sacredly. However, if you have done all of the other steps with full purpose of heart, and you still don’t find your faith, perhaps God is telling you there is more out there for you. Just remember that it is in God you must trust if you wish to find and nourish your faith once more.

    I am there for anyone who ever wishes to have conversations with me about faith. I want to help, and by so doing, I know my faith will also grow.

    Much love to all of you who are confused and unable to find your way. There is hope, and you can get the answers you seek.

  • The Pathway to Perfection

    President Harold B. Lee taught that: “Christ came not only into the world to make an atonement for the sins of mankind but to set an example before the world of the standard of perfection of God’s law and of obedience to the Father. In his Sermon on the Mount the Master has given us somewhat of a revelation of his own character, which was perfect,… and in so doing has given us a blueprint for our own lives.”

    The Sermon on the Mount is found in Matthew, Chapters 5-7 in the New Testament, and is filled with invaluable counsel from our Savior on how to live righteous lives, and to be more like Him.

    I wish to focus on the beatitudes, which are blessings we can receive if we come unto Christ. President Lee said that the beatitudes embody the “constitution for a perfect life.”

    The beatitudes are interrelated and progressive in their arrangement, each one building on the others. We can receive the blessings of each as we choose to come unto Christ.

    1. Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    When thinking of the poor in spirit, I first think of people who are sad, depressed, lonely, and without hope.

    President Lee explained that the poor in spirit, “means those who are spiritually needy, who feel so impoverished spiritually that they reach out with great yearning for help.”

    The Lord gave this invitation, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

    Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught: “This reliance upon the merciful nature of God is at the very center of the gospel Christ taught. I testify that the Savior’s Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair… Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, “Come unto me,” He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way…If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened. If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.”

    2. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

    It may at first glance seem strange that one who is feeling such a deep loss is considered blessed. However, through such loss, our hope of the resurrection is strengthened, we come to a greater understanding of the eternal perspective, and we become more aware that, as Elder Russell M. Nelson has said, “Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death.”

    Robert E. Wells of the first quorum of the 70, taught,”When we can see the Lord’s purposes fulfilled in that which gives us sorrow, the Holy Ghost can give us full consolation, and the atonement and resurrection truly become to us the cornerstone of our faith. In the midst of mourning one discovers deeper dimensions of love, friendship, and brotherhood…It is in the midst of mourning that one discovers the personal closeness of his Heavenly Father and his Savior Jesus Christ and the comfort of the Holy Ghost… We will be blessed in mourning and be comforted as we reflect on eternal marriage, eternal families, eternal values.”

    This is one way that we mourn in this life. Elder Spencer J. Condie of the 70 also reminds us that we should mourn, especially for our sins, as “godly sorrow worketh repentance tosalvation.” This is an important step in our journey to perfection.

    3. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

    When I hear the word meek, I always think about Christ, for that is how he was described. He was gentle, submissive, kind, selfless and humble.

    Elder Neal A. Maxwell said that “one cannot develop those other crucial virtues—faith, hope, and charity—without meekness…Meekness…is more than self-restraint; it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness, reflecting certitude, strength, serenity, and a healthy self-esteem and self-control. Without meekness, the conversational points we insist on making often take the form of “I”—that spearlike, vertical pronoun.”

    If we do most often only think about ourselves, like Elder Maxwell warned, we are not humble. President Spencer W. Kimball said that to be meek one must be humble. He asked, “How does one get humble? To me, one must constantly be reminded of his dependence. On whom dependent? On the Lord. How remind one’s self? By real, constant, worshipful, grateful prayer.”

    4. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.


    If I hunger or thirst for something, that means I desire it, and I need it for my health. Those who desire righteousness, consistently look for opportunities to do good so they can stay spiritually healthy. They work hard to find ways to be more like Christ, who is the bread of life and the living water.

    Sheri L Dew explained: “Hungering and thirsting translate to sheer spiritual labor. Worshiping in the temple, repenting to become increasingly pure, forgiving and seeking forgiveness, and earnest fasting and prayer all increase our receptivity to the Spirit. Spiritual work works and is the key to learning to hear the voice of the Lord.”

    The Lord promises us that if we do these things we will be filled with the Holy Ghost. I know I have felt an abundance of the Spirit when I do these things, and I would also add studying my scriptures, serving others, and sharing the gospel with others.

    With this gift, comes great responsibility. Elder Robert D Hales counseled that “We who have the gift of the Holy Ghost must be true to its promptings so we can be a light to others. “‘Let your light so shine before men,’ said the Lord, ‘that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.’”

    5. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

    When I think of being merciful, I think of being kind to someone who isn’t kind back. I think of, instead of judging someone or disliking someone, trying to see into their hearts, and realize we don’t know all that people go through. I think of turning the other cheek, rather than seeking revenge, when you have been wronged.

    From the scriptures, I think of Captain Moroni, who commanded the Nephite army to stop slaying the Lamanites, and rather call a truce, when he saw their terror at being surrounded on all sides. I think of the good Samaritan, seeing only a person in need, and not taking thought to his race, culture, or background. I think, most of all, of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, who have provided a way for we imperfect people to be clean and return to live with God again.

    President Dieter F. Uchtdorf reminds us that …”that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. …How can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven? Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive.”

    I know that as I have chosen to let go of grudges and judgment, that I have been able to really see God’s love for others, and also for imperfect me. I have seen His tender mercies in my life the more compassionate I am to others, whether it be giving to the poor and needy, helping someone who doesn’t show me appreciation, or just choosing not to be offended, but rather to forgive.

    6. Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

    When I think of being pure in heart, I think of having “no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.” I think of “[shaking] at the appearance of sin.” I think of having a strong conviction that there is no other option but to do what is right.

    Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin defines being pure in heart this way: “To be without guile is to be pure in heart, an essential virtue of those who would be counted among true followers of Christ. … “If we are without guile, we are honest, true, and righteous. Those who are honest are fair and truthful in their speech, straightforward in their dealings, free of deceit…Honesty is of God; dishonesty of the devil, who was a liar from the beginning. Righteousness means living a life that is in harmony with the laws, principles, and ordinances of the gospel.”

    L. Whitney Clayton of the 70 added that “The condition of our heart determines how much evidence of divinity we see in the world now and qualifies us for the eventual realization of the promise that the pure “shall see God.” Ours is a quest for purity.”

    President Joseph Smith said that if we strive for this purity, we “will be able to more perfectly understand the difference between right and wrong—between the things of God and the things of men; and [our] path[s] will be like that of the just, which shineth brighter and brighter unto the perfect day.”

    7. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

    Within His sermon, Jesus warns us against anger, which is of the Devil. He instead councils us to love our neighbors, and even love our enemies – to pray for them and do good for them. This makes sense, for we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. That is the golden rule.

    In a recent news conference on religious freedom and nondiscrimination, Elder Holland wisely said: “Every citizen’s rights are best guarded when each person and group guards for others those rights they wish guarded for themselves.”

    A large part of being peacemakers is being merciful to our fellow citizens, neighbors, friends, and family.
    There is more being a peacemaker, though. Elder Bruce R. McConkie said that “only those who believe and spread the fulness of the gospel are peacemakers within the perfect meaning of this Beatitude. The gospel is the message of peace to all mankind.”

    When I first read this quote as I taught Institute, my testimony of missionary work grew exponentially. Elder Dallin H Oaks said that “…peace can only come through the gospel of Jesus Christ.” President Joseph F.Smith added to this truth, saying that to bring peace, the gospel must be “understood, obeyed, and practiced by rulers and people alike.”

    What an essential mission we followers of Christ have. He trusts us to help bring peace to our homes, communities, and even the world. I can only hope I can always be worthy of that sacred trust.

    8. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    If we are being true peacemakers and sharing the light of the gospel, we will be persecuted, for as Elder Lawrence Corbridge said, “The truth will always be opposed.”

    We know this is true. Jesus brought the Truth to the world – He was the Truth – and he was rejected, betrayed, scourged, abandoned, crucified.

    Christ was persecuted more than we will ever be, but he still loved and forgave those who hurt him. He endured the persecution without retaliation, but rather turned the other cheek.

    Elder Hales said that when our beliefs are criticized, we need to follow the Savior’s example. He said, “Some people mistakenly think responses such as silence, meekness, forgiveness, and bearing humble testimony are passive or weak… But to “love [our] enemies…takes faith, strength, and, most of all, Christian courage.”

    Elder Holland counseled, “Defend your beliefs with courtesy and with compassion, but defend them. In courageously pursuing such a course, you will forge unshakable faith, you will find safety against ill winds that blow, even shafts in the whirlwind, and you will feel the rock-like strength of our Redeemer, upon whom if you build your unflagging discipleship, you cannot fall.”

    This promise brings me so much peace. I will continue to defend my faith throughout my life, with as much courtesy and compassion as I can. I am grateful that if I do this, the Lord will not let me fail.

    Just as President Lee said that the beatitudes embody the constitution for a perfect life, Christ, in His sermon asked us to “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”

    President James E. Faust explained that “Perfection is an eternal goal. While we cannot be perfect in mortality, striving for it is a commandment which ultimately, through the Atonement, we can keep.”

    I thank my Savior for giving us the course we need for perfection. I know that as we strive to follow the principles in the beatitudes, and utilize the Lord’s atonement for forgiveness and spiritual strength throughout our lives, that we will receive the blessings God has promised us, most importantly, a place in His kingdom for all eternity.