I have come to enjoy personality tests more and more over the years because they help me understand more about myself and others. The one that is the most accurate one, at least for me, is created from the Myers Briggs Theory, or 16 Personalities. I am an INFJ, or Advocate, like Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Nelson Mandela.
There are so many things I love about being an INFJ. As one, I am compassionate, empathetic, honest, highly principled and ethical, a deep and insightful thinker, creative and imaginative, and an authentic and genuine friend, colleague, neighbor, etc. I greatly value honesty and integrity, use my intuition and wisdom to figure out what really matters in life’s situations, and I work to fight for equity and fairness as I feel inspired to. Helping others is a huge priority for me and gives me a sense of purpose. But there are also hard things about being an INFJ. Almost my whole life I have felt different and that I don’t fit in, which is very common for this personality type. As an INFJ, I often don’t allow myself enough self-care and I don’t ask for help enough (which is why when I do, you can trust I really need it). At times I can be too much of a perfectionist, not always because I want everything to be a certain way or perfect, but often because I seriously consider how to make a situation, relationship, or process better than it is. Because I put so much care into my relationships, I often feel unappreciated when that care isn’t reciprocated. And finally, I am a very sensitive person. Because my values and ideals are so key to who I am, if I feel that I am being attacked because of them, it hurts a lot, sometimes leading to defensiveness or even anger if the treatment feels very unfounded. Most people around me are not INFJs as it is the rarest personality type, making up less than 2% of the world population.
To add even more complexity, each personality type has an A or a T after it, meaning Assertive or Turbulent. Assertive people are usually more confident, don’t get as stressed out, and worry a lot less about what they will do or what they have done in the past (they don’t focus on regrets). They can sometimes be overconfident, leading them to cross lines with people, and they can sometimes be overly positive, causing them to gloss over potential problems and details. Regardless, they tend to be happy with their lives and are assured they can handle what comes at them. In contrast, Turbulent people are more perfectionistic, always wanting to improve. They often struggle with self-doubt, so they push themselves to become better. They notice little problems and try to stop them from increasing. They often feel bad when comparing themselves to others. All of this can either bog down or motivate them depending on how they handle it. They are careful and attentive and work towards positive action in the world. As you can see, there are pros and cons to being either of these.
I am an INFJ-T. Many of the turbulent qualities are also found in the personality traits of INFJs. It’s great to have an extra dose of wanting to make positive change in the world. It’s way less great to have an extra dose of perfectionistic tendencies, sensitivity, and self-doubt (in an INFJ’s case, due to feeling different and misunderstood).
I have been thinking a lot about myself as a person lately and what God-given attributes that help me be a light for others around me. I feel good when I think about it, but then I start to think about all my perceived flaws. I think about what often bothers me. I wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong with me (INFJs really are a walking contradiction of sorts). I wonder if anyone really likes me, really wants to be my friend, or really believes in me. I find myself crying over this more often than I would like. It’s an inner struggle that is very difficult for me to navigate. Sometimes I feel guilty for even acknowledging my gifts, thinking it may be boasting. The other part of me really wants to share my gifts with others and make a difference, and most of the time, that’s my focus, and it brings me a lot of joy and fulfillment. But sometimes I get troubled when it seems like others don’t care about my contributions or see how much of my heart and soul I put into everything I create.
I know this is very personal, but I want to share this about myself to help people understand how complex individuals can be. Nobody can be put into a neat little box and figured out with a couple observations and interactions. I also want to share this to help us all think about things we criticize in others and realize that some traits are deeply rooted in someone’s natural makeup and are very difficult to abandon. Now, this doesn’t mean people are unable to improve their behaviors or expand their personalities, but their underlying personality types will remain, and we need to accept and honor that. It also bears mentioning that even with our specific personality types, we are still individuals and no two INFJ-Ts or any other personality type will be exactly the same (for example, I am much less private than other INFJs may be because I feel called to share my experiences to help others).
People can tell me all day long to stop helping/caring about someone who doesn’t appreciate me, stop talking to someone who isn’t nice to me, stop caring what people think about me, be quiet and keep the peace to avoid ruffling feathers (even if someone says or does something insensitive, cruel, or dishonest), say this thing that isn’t exactly true so I can get out of something, etc. For people of other personality types, or for more Assertive people, some of these things wouldn’t be a big deal at all. As for me, in most cases, these suggestions would seem completely unnatural and inauthentic to me. There are some rare occasions when I would listen to this kind of advice (or more likely, come to that conclusion on my own), but there would have to be extenuating circumstances or a sense that I had tried everything else for me to feel comfortable or right about it.
I know that I am different. I am also very aware of my strengths and my weaknesses. I realize how rare some of my strengths are, as well as how deeply some of my weaknesses flow. I only wish to be the best version of myself that I can be, but I will always be who God created me to be. I can work on my weaknesses (and I do), but I also know that there are many things about me that just make me who I am. If you look at the description of an INFJ, or probably any personality type, the weaknesses are not necessarily sins. They can become so if brought to an extreme or used with bad intentions (same for strengths), but for the most part they are just ingredients that make a person into the unique creation God intended them to be. I think there is room for all personalities and that a mixture of all brings a rainbow of color and light to the world.
Where we as humans sometimes falter is when we try to force teal to be purple and orange to be pink. It’s the mentality of “I’m teal. Why can’t you be more teal?” When we do that, we lose sight of the beauty of other colors and become prideful, thinking our way is the best. We are all guilty of that. I mean, to be fair, some qualities are top notch qualities and are very needed in this world. But we can’t all have every quality. We need each other to balance each other out and help each other rise to our potential and be the best version of ourselves we can be. I need to remember this too.
The title of this post is It’s Not Easy Being Turbulent. And it’s not. I know that sensitivity in a person is looked down upon a lot, but hopefully I have shown that it’s not just someone being a baby or a sissy. It is a quality that makes up many people, and yes, it can be hard to understand by some. It can be uncomfortable or annoying at times too, but that sensitivity can also bring a lot of positive change and improvements to the world. As a Turbulent person, sometimes overly Assertive people are hard for me to handle. I know I need to focus more on what is good about being Assertive and allow those Assertive people in my life to help me balance my natural inclinations and not allow my sensitivities to elevate to an extreme. Turbulent people can also help balance out Assertive people by helping them consider other people’s feelings more and the consequences of particular actions if not carefully chosen.
I saw this picture online while writing this post, and it definitely describes me. I love it.
There is no one right way to feel or to be. No matter our personality type, or the A or T behind our name, life can be beautiful, and it will always be hard. Let’s help each other have the most colorful life we can by appreciating each other for how God created us.
For all of the elections I have been old enough to vote in, I have used this conviction as a major and main factor in choosing my president. Thus, I have always voted Republican, and have felt a duty to do so as a defender of the unborn.
Earlier this year, though, Jad and I decided for multiple reasons to become unaffiliated. We mostly did it so we wouldn’t feel boxed into a party and so we could be more well-rounded and free-thinking. It has felt amazing because without guilt we can consider all parties equally and choose candidates who at this time fit our needs and desires, and the needs of our country, the most.
Because I am unaffiliated, but mostly because I have been unsure of who to vote for this election, I have taken the time to really learn about each of the four main candidates. I even prayed about the election before watching my church’s General Conference the first weekend in October. I heard so many profound and recurring themes to help me ponder on exactly what our country needs right now to thrive.
After really studying Conference in this way, I realized for the first time that to be pro-life, I must truly think about ALL life, including those in our country who are suffering for any reason, be it racism, inequality, poverty, etc. That means that in my research for the best presidential candidate, I can’t just look at each candidate’s abortion stances, but also at their stances for all living people who need a voice for positive change.
On October 6, I wrote this post on Facebook:
I want to make something incredibly clear, and this is coming from a person who is unequivocally Pro-life: It is unfair, unkind, and incredibly judgmental to say that people who are Pro-choice and/or Democrats are hateful, evil, baby-killers who are going to rot in Hell. It makes me cringe when I hear people be so hateful to the living while professing to be Pro-life. A Pro-life person should love all human life! It doesn’t make sense to defend the unborn and then make vicious accusations to the living – people who are all around you trying to do the best they can. If you are really Pro-life you will consider the BEST ways to prevent abortions. And you will make sure ALL babies, once born and throughout their whole lives, are treated with love, respect, equality, and dignity. It’s not just about the right to be born – it’s about the right to live your best life. God commanded us to love one another. He never said to only love those who agree with everything we do. I truly believe that most of us want what is best for humanity, but we just have different ways of fighting for it. But let us stand tall and set good examples rather than fan flames of anger and hatred. That will never help any good cause, no matter how passionate we are about it. Please, please, if you profess to be Pro-life, be Pro-life for all – the unborn and born, the young and the old, the male and the female, the gay and the straight, the black and the white, the poor and the rich, the healthy and the sick, the educated and the uneducated, the natural-born citizen and the immigrant, the Christian and the Atheist, and everybody in between. We are all worthy of God’s love because we are all His children. Let us spread His love.
Does this new conviction mean that my goal is now to forget the unborn and only think of the living? Not at all, but I have realized that in order to choose my presidential candidate wisely, I have to better balance my conviction to protect the unborn with my conviction to make life better for every living human being, even if that balance means possibly choosing a pro-choice candidate.
This isn’t easy to do since, though I’m ashamed to admit it, I have often felt uncomfortable with Christians, especially members of my church, voting Democrat.
This is a clear point of concern and confusion for many people in my church, as was made evident as I read the comments on the letter our First Presidency wrote regarding its political neutrality and how there is good in each party. Sadly, for as many positive comments I saw, just as many were unkind and divisive. I saw too many people angrily accuse people voting Democrat as being un-Christlike and wicked, and that bothered me a lot. These reactions were the opposite of our leaders’ counsel to be kind in political discourse.
For all of these reasons, I have decided to take the time to research abortion – why women get abortions; what is Roe V. Wade really about and what has been done in the past to overturn it; what is the truth about pro-choice candidate’s views on partial-birth and late-term abortions; what do Joe Biden’s plans for Women’s Reproductive Health mean for abortion; and has the abortion rate gone down in recent years and why?
This research has greatly informed me and given me comfort and hope.
Firstly, why do women have abortions?
I read many articles about this, citing studies from multiple years, but the patterns remain overall the same:
The vast majority of women who get abortions are living in poverty and cannot afford a child (About 70-75%)
The vast majority of women having abortions are single mothers (about 65-70%).
Almost half of women who have abortions have already had an abortion previously.
The most common reason provided for having an abortion is that pregnancy would interfere with education, work or ability to care for dependents. Normally 2-3 reasons are chosen, though.
Most women who have had an abortion are already mothers.
Most women who have abortions are in their 20s.
About half of women who get an abortion had an unintended pregnancy, most often from not taking contraception or not taking it consistently.
Less than 1% of abortions occur because of rape, health of the mother, or incest.
I read this analysis from one study that I thought was very well-rounded and addressed these issues well:
“Identifying one single approach that will address every woman’s concerns and change her mind is difficult, given the multiplicity of the reasons and rationales given by women for seeking abortion. Some will be benefited by being connected to better support systems, while others need practical economic assistance. Anything making men more responsible for the children they father will go a long way towards helping many of these women care for their children. Yet abortion’s legality and the implied social sanction that comes with it is clearly a major part of the cultural machinery that forces these cruel choices on women, that lets men off the hook, that leaves women to care for households of children all alone, and that makes society less accommodating to the demands of motherhood. Collectively such factors may conspire to force many of these women to consider an option that goes totally against their nurturing natures and pit the needs of one or more of their children against another. If we believe the survey, most of the women seeking to abort here did so, not because they were triumphantly exercising their “power to choose,” but because they felt like–given the circumstances–they had no other realistic choice.”
Secondly, what is Roe vs Wade about, and can it be overturned?
History.com explains, “On Jan 22, 1973, the Supreme Court, in a 7-2 decision, struck down the Texas law banning abortion, effectively legalizing the procedure nationwide. In a majority opinion written by Justice Harry Blackmun, the court declared that a woman’s right to an abortion was implicit in the right to privacy protected by the 14th Amendment. The court divided pregnancy into three trimesters, and declared that the choice to end a pregnancy in the first trimester was solely up to the woman. In the second trimester, the government could regulate abortion, although not ban it, in order to protect the mother’s health. In the third trimester, the state could prohibit abortion to protect a fetus that could survive on its own outside the womb, except when a woman’s health was in danger.”
The decision for Roe V. Wade centered around the 14th Amendment’s right to privacy:
The 14th Amendment‘s Due Process clause states: No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
Overturning Roe v. Wade has been a hope of people like me (pro-lifers) for a long time, and many hope that President Trump will be the one to do it. I did quite a bit of research, and here is what I found out:
For 49 of the last 50 years, there has been a Republican majority on the Supreme Court. Even when Roe V. Wade was passed, there was a Republican majority on the Supreme Court. Five out of the six Republican justices were for it.
One perfect time presented to overturn Roe V Wade was in 1992 with the Planned Parenthood V. Casey case, but it did not happen. In fact, this case ended up outlawing restrictions putting an undue burden on women seeking abortions. Justices Sandra Day O’Connor, David Souter, and Anthony Kennedy, all nominated by Republican presidents, supported this action.
Another perfect time to overturn Roe V Wade was in 2005 with The Sanctity of Life Act. The Republicans were in the majority in both houses of Congress and many of these Republicans were endorsed by pro-life groups, as was the president. Yet this bill never passed.
In 2018, when Justice Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed to the Supreme Court, many wondered if he would help overturn Roe V. Wade. But, instead, during his confirmation hearings, Justice Kavanaugh reportedly told Senator Susan Collins that the Supreme Court’s decisions “become part of our legal framework with the passage of time.” He also said honoring prior Supreme Court decisions is essential to maintaining public confidence in the Court.
Even with all this past evidence of it not being overturned, if Roe V Wade is somehow overturned, abortion will not be illegal. The purpose of RVW was to prohibit states from banning abortion completely. Without it, some states could potentially ban abortion completely, but it would not end abortion in our country. Read what some states have done already here.
Thirdly, do Democrats and other pro-choice parties encourage and champion partial-birth and late-term abortion?
Firstly, it’s important to know how often these types of abortions happen. Based on the studies I read, over 90% of abortions occur during the first trimester. About 1% of abortions happen after 21 weeks.
Also, only 1% of pregnancies end in abortion. It’s still too many, but it’s comforting to know it isn’t as common a practice as some people think.
Joe Biden recently said, in response to the possible appointment of Amy Coney Barrett as the new Supreme Court justice: “The only responsible response to that would be to pass legislation making Roe the law of the land. That’s what I would do.”
President Trump’s response to this statement was, “Biden and Democrats just clarified the fact that they are fully in favor of (very) LATE TERM ABORTION, right up until the time of birth, and beyond – which would be execution.”
Biden also said, “It’s a woman’s right to do that. Period.”
Biden has made many points about Roe V. Wade and abortion over the years that may be helpful to review.
Jo Jorgensen, Libertarian candidate says this about abortion: “I am personally opposed to abortion, but I am unwilling to vote to use the power of the state to impose my views on other women.” She has also said, “Keep the government out of it, no subsidies, no regulations.”
And this is what Howie Hawkins’ view is: “I support the legal framework established in the Roe v. Wade decision. During the first trimester, it is up to the pregnant woman to decide whether to get an abortion. During the second trimester laws can only regulate abortion to protect the health of the mother. During the third trimester, or after fetal viability pursuant to Planned Parenthood v. Casey (1992), laws can restrict or prohibit abortions except in cases where it was necessary to protect the mother’s health. This framework should be codified into federal law by an act of Congress. I oppose targeted regulation of abortion clinics and providers through laws or policies that go beyond what is necessary to ensure patients’ safety. I support laws that allow physicians as well as non-physician health professionals, including physicians’ assistants, nurse practitioners, and certified nurse midwives, to perform abortion procedures.”
Hawkins also believes that providing birth control, sex education, and more social services will help reduce the number of abortions.
The rhetoric surrounding supporting partial birth abortions and late-term abortions seems to be more a reaction and interpretation rather than a reality for pro-choicers, especially since there is already a federal law in place to outlaw partial-birth abortions, called the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003.
Regarding late-term abortion, it is a term for abortions happening at 21 weeks gestation or more. As mentioned above, thankfully only 1% of abortions happen during this time span.
Dr. Barbara Levy explained, “Abortions later in pregnancy typically occur because of two general indications: lethal fetal anomalies or threats to the health of the mother.”
Fourthly, what do Joe Biden’s platforms for Women’s Reproductive Health mean for abortion?
Here is what his website states:
The Affordable Care Act made historic progress ensuring access to free preventive care, including contraception. The Biden Plan will build on that progress. Vice President Biden supports repealing the Hyde Amendment because health care is a right that should not be dependent on one’s zip code or income. And, the public option will cover contraception and a woman’s constitutional right under Roe v. Wade. Biden will also:
Stop state laws violating Roe v. Wade. Biden will work to codify Roe v. Wade, and his Justice Department will do everything in its power to stop the rash of state laws that so blatantly violate Roe v. Wade.
Restore federal funding for Planned Parenthood. The Obama-Biden Administration fought Republican attacks on funding for Planned Parenthood again and again. As President, Biden will reissue guidance specifying that states cannot refuse Medicaid funding for Planned Parenthood and other providers and reverse the Trump Administration’s rule preventing these organizations from obtaining Title X funds.
Just as the Obama-Biden Administration did, rescind the Mexico City Policy (also referred to as the global gag rule) that President Trump reinstated and expanded. This rule currently bars the U.S. federal government from supporting important global health efforts — including for malaria and HIV/AIDS — in developing countries simply because the organizations providing that aid also offer information on abortion services.
Restore the Affordable Care Act’s contraception mandate in place before the U.S. Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby decision. The recent U.S. Supreme Court decision makes it easier for the Trump-Pence Administration to continue to strip health care from women — attempting to carve out broad exemptions to the Affordable Care Act’s commitment to giving all women free access to recommended contraception. Biden will restore the Obama-Biden policy that existed before the Hobby Lobby ruling: providing an exemption for houses of worship and an accommodation for nonprofit organizations with religious missions. The accommodation will allow women at these organizations to access contraceptive coverage, not through their employer-provided plan, but instead through their insurance company or a third-party administrator.
Let’s talk about each of these:
Repealing of the Hyde Amendment: The Hyde Amendment does not allow Medicaid federal funding to pay for abortions except in instances of rape, incest or to save the life of the mother. Biden supported the amendment for a long time, but has just recently changed his viewpoint because “I can’t justify leaving millions of women without access to the care they need and the ability … to exercise their constitutional protected right.” Biden had always been for this amendment until he started running for president and felt pressure from other Democratic runners. It remains to be seen if he will change his mind again. I personally am in favor of the Hyde amendment, as a pro-lifer, but also understand why someone who was concerned with women’s rights would disagree with my sentiment.
Codifying Roe V Wade: The goal is to create congressional legislation protecting a woman’s right to choose an abortion in each state, even if RVW is overturned. We already learned that overturning RVW would not make abortion illegal, and states would have their say on abortion laws. Based on this proposal, no state could flat-out ban abortion, but it does not specify the regulations that each state could make.
Reinstating federal funding for Planned Parenthood: Perfactcheck.org, Planned Parenthood “provides reproductive health care to women nationwide. It offers a variety of services, including abortions, birth control, emergency contraception, general health testing and screenings for sexually transmitted diseases.” I remember when Trump stopped funding Planned Parenthood, I was so happy. I remember as well many of my friends being horrified by it because they chose to focus on the life-saving good that Planned Parenthood does for women and men, especially those in poverty.I had seen charts back then regarding the very small percentage of PP’s work that goes towards abortions, but didn’t want to think about that. It remains true, however, that PP’s abortion services account only a small percentage of their health services, though the exact percentage has been up for debate (they say 3%,but by some it has been interpreted differently based on the costs surrounding each service). You can read this document and this document that help explain more of what they do.There are good, Christian people on both sides of this argument.
Rescinding the Mexico City Policy : The Mexico City Policy was introduced in 1985 and has been rescinded and reinstated multiple times (rescinded by Democrats and reinstated by Republicans). We must decide if supporting global health efforts for developing countries is worth it, even if such health efforts also sometimes include abortion.
Reinstating the ACA Contraception Mandate: Burwell vs. Hobby Lobby Stores in 2014 ruled that a for-profit company can refuse to provide free contraceptives to their employees based on their religious beliefs. Biden wants to go back to the original ACA policy that only churches and non-profit religious organizations can say no to providing free contraceptives based on their beliefs. We must decide what is most important to us: reducing abortions through access to free contraceptives, or religious liberty for for-profit organizations. It’s not an easy thing to weigh, but it must be weighed. *Note: a friend of mine reminded me that millions of women use birth control for non-contraceptive reasons, but rather for health-related reasons. With this ruling, women working for for-profit organizations who are against birth control, are unable to get the care they need at the cost the need– something else to consider.
Finally, has the abortion rate gone down in recent years, and why?
The best news that I found in my research is that yes, abortion rates have been in steady decline, which is wonderful! The CDC reported in 2018 that the national abortion rate declined 26% between 2006 and 2015, reaching a historic low.
As we talked about earlier, most abortions have been due to unwanted pregnancies. In the same study, the CDC reported that the number of unintended pregnancies decreased from 51% in 2008 to 45% between 2011 and 2013, noting that more women using contraception and more effective forms of contraception like intrauterine devices, might be factors.
Alina Salganicoff, director of women’s health policy for the nonpartisan Kaiser Family Foundation said, “If your priority is to reduce abortions, one of the best things you can do is make sure that women have access to high-quality, affordable and effective methods of birth control.”
The CDC also reported that the availability of abortion providers and regulations such as mandatory waiting periods and parental consent could also be contributing to fewer women having abortions.
Per the CDC, between 2006 and 2015, the abortion rate for girls between 15 and 19 plummeted 54%. Some reasons for that are more teens being abstinent, as well as teens who are sexually active more likely to use birth control. Some experts have also said that better sex education has reduced teen pregnancy. Teen pregnancy rates are also down, reaching a record low in 2017.
Colorado has been very successful at reducing teen pregnancy. You can read about what they have done here.
The Guttmacher Institute also reported on the decline in abortion rates last year, focusing on 2011-2017. Their research correlates well with that of the CDC, and they also reported: “While 32 states enacted 394 restrictions between 2011 and 2017, nearly every state had a lower abortion rate in 2017 than in 2011, regardless of whether it had restricted abortion access. Several states with new restrictions actually had abortion rate increases.”
To be fair, the Guttmacher Institute is a pro-choice institute, so I looked for a study/analysis of the abortion decrease from an educated. Christian pro-lifer named Joe Carter from 2018. He had some skepticism about both the CDC’s and Guttmacher Institute’s studies, but at the conclusion of his analysis on why abortion rates have decreased, he said,
“There seems to be no clear answer. If we had to hazard a guess, though, we could say that it’s likely a combination of fewer teens having sex, increased contraceptive use, lower rates of unintended pregnancies, increased opposition to abortion by the young, and a greater willingness to have a child after an unintended pregnancy.”
So, even with his initial skepticism, his findings match that of the CDC and Guttmacher Institute very well.
There are people in both major political parties that claim that their party has been better at helping the abortion rate decline based on their chosen approaches. What I hear a lot right now is that Republicans want to make abortion illegal and Democrats want to make it unnecessary.
Here is what Snopes has verified regarding the claim that abortion rates go down more under Democrat presidents:
What’s True
“The abortion rate has steadily declined since the 1980s throughout both Democratic and Republican administrations, with a greater rate of decline during the former.”
What’s False
“The reasons behind differing rates of decline in the abortion rate cannot be definitively tied to actions undertaken by the administrations of different political parties.”
So, yes, it is true that abortion rates decline more during Democratic presidents, but there is no clear reason why.
I think my favorite quote I found about reducing abortions is this: “The one strategy for reducing abortions that has been proven to work runs through love, not power: support for women who may not feel able to carry a pregnancy to term. This requires not blind allegiance to a political party but the promotion of a culture of life.”
So, what have I learned from all this research?
Women who choose to have an abortion most often do so because they don’t think there is another, better option. It isn’t because they are evil or heartless. They just need help. We must each responsibly research which candidates are addressing poverty, education, and easy access to contraceptives to help reduce the perceived need for abortions. Getting rid of the root causes for abortion will take away the need for them.
Republican presidents have been unable to overturn Roe V. Wade for the last almost 50 years, even though they tried multiple times and had a Republican majority in the Supreme Court. Supreme Court judges are supposed to be impartial in their rulings, though, which is likely why it has not been overturned. Even if somehow Roe V. Wade is overturned, the states would have power to make their own laws which could potentially be better than the current regulations, but could in other cases be less humane.
Partial-birth abortion is illegal in the United States. Late-term abortion is a term used for abortions over 21 weeks gestation, and only 1% of abortions happen beyond that time. It isn’t good, but it is not as huge of an issue as suggested.
Joe Biden’s platforms for Women’s Reproductive Health are food for thought as there is potential good in nearly all of them. We must just personally all weigh what is most important to us.
The abortion rate is decreasing every year, and it has many contributing factors. Democratic administrations have actually brought more decrease in abortions, but the reasons are unclear.
I didn’t know hardly any of this information before I started researching. I hope this analysis can help ease the minds of pro-lifers like myself who have held negative views about Christians who vote any other way than Republican. It has certainly helped me, and I hope that any pro-lifer who is unsure how to vote this election, or in any election, can feel at peace considering many candidates rather than just one.
I also want to say that I greatly respect Republican presidents for their devotion in protecting the lives of the unborn. They are using their convictions in the way they feel is best. This post was in no way meant to suggest otherwise.
No matter what stance you take on abortion rights, or who you choose to vote for, know that you have my respect and love. I hope we can all respect each other in the choices we make and convictions we hold.
I am pro-life and I am pro-living, and I’m proud of that!
Since we have been at home so much due to the restrictions surrounding COVID-19, I thought it would be an awesome idea for us to take the kids on a little road trip to Troutman, NC to visit Zootastic.
We know a couple families whose kids recently called it the best place ever, so we knew we had to go!
So, yesterday, we left the house mid-morning to make the 1 hour 40 minute drive there. It was around lunchtime when we got to the area, so we dropped by Randy’s Barbeque to get lunch first.
Jad ordered the food from the car and we waited for him to go get it. The food was pretty good, though the order wasn’t all the way right. The cups of drink were gigantic, though. We were surprised, but sure grateful for that later. (Stay tuned.)
My brother-in-law and his family decided to go to Zootastic too, after our last minute invitation. They ended up “arriving” before us since we had stopped for lunch. We knew to expect some traffic as we got there, since we had seen a little when we passed it to go get lunch, but as we approached the entrance to the park, we stopped well down the road due to ridiculous amounts of traffic.
We knew it would be a while, so Jad turned on Bedtime Stories on his phone (thank you, Verizon, and thank you, Disney Plus!). We laughed hysterically as we waited in the super long line (thank you, Adam Sandler!).
We finally turned left onto the road the park was on, but we were still in bumper to bumper traffic. At that exact moment, Rigel cried out that he really had to go to the bathroom.
Well, we weren’t near any businesses. We just had a grassy area on our right, and I was not about to have him pee out there when there were cars everywhere. I explained that to him, but it wasn’t registering.
I looked at one of the gigantic styrofoam cups and said that he should pee in that. Rigel did not like that idea at all. He got panicky and begged for a place to go to the bathroom. He was freaking out about it. While he was doing that, I, being a most compassionate, sympathetic mother, was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face. Rigel was nothing but cries of agony, even after realizing the horrible truth that he would have to PEE IN A CUP. He then screamed out about not being able to unbutton his pants, and after we reminded him he didn’t need to, he yelled at Eve not to look. More panic came, but then only relief flooded over him as he finally let it go… and peed in his cup.
In the 10 years Jad and I have been married, we have NEVER had to have anyone pee in a cup in the car. So, when Eve then said she had to go potty, the joke was on me. Jad told me to handle it.
What??? What if she pees on me? And on herself? And on the car? Okay, I can handle this.
I pulled down her pants, told her to bend her knees and squat as much as possible. I held another gigantic cup under her, praying I had positioned it right and I wouldn’t drop it. I was awkwardly leaning down, holding part of her weight on me, and holding the cup. She kept saying that it was coming, but it wasn’t coming. But, then, finally, when I felt hope slipping away and resigned myself to being peed on while the cup cracked in my tired fingers, it finally did come out, and she peed perfectly into the cup. I didn’t drop it, and the day was saved.
Jad wanted to toss the pee outside, but I said that was gross and tacky, so we didn’t for a while. I heard they did it when I took Kamren to the porta potty a little while later, when we finally turned into the park. Stinkers.
We thought we were in the home stretch when we turned into Zootastic’s parking lot, but yeah, we could haven’t been more wrong! We were just starting the eternal, snail-paced zigzag of cars. The line was so long, we finished watching Bedtime Stories, and watched most of Tangled before we finally got to the part where we paid, and that’s with pausing the movies every time someone went to the bathroom (which was a lot). I was grateful for the porta potties, which I never thought I’d say, as well as for the extra baby wipes I had packed!
I found I was grateful for a lot during those hours of sitting in the car. The cell phone movies, cups and porta potties were just the beginning. I was grateful that the kids could unbuckle their seatbelts and move around due to the slow pace. I was grateful that people had their windows down and we could wave to each other and smile at the cute kids. I was grateful for Facebook messenger where we could see my brother-in-law’s family and talk to them. I was so grateful when we were able to wave to their car about three zig zags away. It’s so weird to say it felt amazing to just wave to them, but it did.
The sweetest experience of waiting in line was Eve being able to sit in her Daddy’s lap and help him “drive” the van. He taught her about turning the wheel, and it was adorable.
We were all exhausted by the time we paid to enter Zootastic, but also excited. A little ways in, Jad was able to get out and open the trunk so Casey and Rigel could sit in the back. Eve also was in the back occasionally (she kept moving around). It was a chance for my two oldest to bond.
When compared to how long we waited in the car before actually seeing the animals, the Zootastic experience was quite short, even with the cars going slowly.
But, we did see some beautiful animals, and some of us got to pet and try to feed them.
At one point, Kamren really had to go to the bathroom (again), so Jad took him to the portapotty that was right by where our van was at the moment. I didn’t feel right about it, suggesting he also pee in a cup (hey, we were experts by now), but he said they’d be able to catch up.
Well, the cars started moving faster, and when Jad and Kamren came out, they were going really slow and not catching up. Then Casey and Rigel told me they weren’t moving at all, but were talking to an employee.
Meanwhile, we kept going further and further away. I couldn’t turn around or pull over. Then, we noticed someone in a tractor drive up to them. Kamren and Jad got to ride in it across the bison field back to the safety of the van! I think they loved it. They may have had an initial scolding from one of the Zootastic workers, but it was an experience they wouldn’t have had otherwise!
When we finally were done with the drive through zoo, we got to park for the first time in hours to go into the general store. It was well past closing time, like almost 7pm, but we felt so happy to just get out and stretch our legs! And we were grateful they kept the store open. We didn’t get anything (except a gigantic $.99 pen for Kamren), but the kids loved looking around.
And then I was grateful for a cute picture of our kids outside of it!
None of us was super excited to get back in the car and go home, since we had been in the car since 10:30ish that morning, but we did. We also had to get food. We weren’t thrilled about going out to eat twice in one day, but at least we have been saving a lot of money on gas and entertainment lately!
I researched the closest Papa John’s, found one 15 minutes away in Mocksville, placed an online order quickly, and it was ready by the time we dropped by Sheetz to get drinks and then arrived to pick it up. I am grateful for modern technology that made the food ordering so easy! And I’m grateful Sheetz has gum, because Eve was having a huge tantrum about wanting gum right before we got there (she hadn’t had her “beauty rest”).
We didn’t watch any more movies on the way home. We just ate, listened to music, and relaxed the best we could. And we made it home, only having to stop once for Kamren to go to the bathroom. So, that day, people went to the bathroom one of four ways – in a cup, in a porta potty, in a real bathroom (thank goodness for one of those by the general store), and the side of the road. What a potty-tastic adventure!
Not long before getting home, we sang a hymn and read scriptures on my phone. I was grateful once again for cell phones.
Are you tired reading this? Imagine how we felt!
But, at least we can remember this day of trying to have fun during COVID-19 with fondness and hilarity.
And maybe we’ll just go back to hiking until this mess is over! Hiking is easy and we can get out of the car. 😀
My oldest son, Casey, started high school this year. It hit me not long ago that I only have FOUR MORE YEARS with my first born – with my precious son who made me a mother.
I know that time will fly by, and it’s been hurting my heart that my time with him is so short. He’s growing into a man, and in a few short years he will have his own life without his siblings and parents.
Casey just had his first high school band concert a few days ago. I burst with pride as I watched him passionately playing his trombone. He was part of two real bands with so much talent and drive. I was and am so incredibly proud of his efforts to become a musician.
After the concert was over, I was so happy to see him (my husband and other kids had already left because it was getting late). Casey helped clean up the stage with a smile. Once he was done, we walked towards the exit doors of the auditorium, and I told Casey I wanted to take a selfie with him. He was hesitantly willing, and as we walked into the empty vestibule, I pulled out my phone for a quick photo. We posed for the selfie, both smiling, but before the camera could even flash, Casey had bolted away from the camera and out of the auditorium, clearly afraid someone would come in and see us taking the photo.
The freshly taken picture of my smiling face and a blurry image of someone fleeing the scene burned a hole in my brain, and a pain in my heart. I was crushed, and I was speechless. I felt an instant loss of joy.
As we got in the car, I expressed my sadness at him not taking the picture with me, and I started to weep, like really weep. I couldn’t talk about it, so I cried in silence.
You may think this was an overreaction on my part, but if you couple my sad realization about Casey leaving us in four years with him starting to be embarrassed of me, you may understand how this was more than my heart could bear.
We drove in awkward silence for a while, but finally I did try to talk to him more about how he hurt me. He seemed to understand, and when we dropped by a friend’s house to pick up some pallets on the way home, he rolled up his tuxedo sleeves and helped me. He wouldn’t let me do it by myself.
The rest of the way home, we were both feeling better and were able to talk about the concert as if nothing had happened. Then, when we got home, Casey made sure I didn’t unload the van by myself even though he had a lot of homework to do. He was very loving and hugged me, telling me he loved me.
That’s the son that I have always adored.
I am telling this story as a way to speak to all the teenagers out there. I won’t pretend I don’t remember what it is like to be a teen – I do. I remember wanting to fit in so much, wanting the popular kids to accept me, and I do remember sometimes being embarrassed to be around my parents.
Believe me, I remember and I understand. But, there is something so much more important than all those things. I know that now that I am a mother myself.
Mothers and fathers devote their lives to raising their children – to making sure they are healthy, happy, provided for, taught, and loved. Being a parent is a selfless job, and due to the love and service parents provide to their children every single day, they love them more than the children will ever know – at least until they also become parents.
So, my teenager friends, when you start to have that feeling that your parents are too uncool for you, or that you look uncool with them, I ask you to please reconsider your thoughts.
The truth is, your parents will always be there for you and will always love you. They support you more than any friend ever could. And to be honest, a true friend would want you to be close to your parents. It makes me sad to think that a friend would make fun of you for taking a selfie with your mom, or hugging your dad, or saying “I love you” to them both.
It hurts your parents when you push them away. See, they have rocked you to sleep, kissed your booboos, played with you to see you laugh, comforted you when you were sad, celebrated every holiday and birthday with you, and taught you how to be a good person for so long. It has brought them so much joy – you have brought them so much joy.
Continue to let them find joy in you and you in them. A parent/child bond is one that should never be compromised. It’s one of the most important relationships you will ever have. It should mirror your relationship with your Heavenly parents.
So, talk to your parents about everything, and they will listen to you. Respect how they feel about things and they will respect you. Trust them and they will trust you. Show love and help them out as they have always done for you.
As for my son: Casey, I love you. You will always be my little boy, but I also love the young man you have become, and will continue to develop into. I hope we will have a strong bond your whole life – it would make me the happiest mother in the world.
I adore our dear prophet, President Russell M. Nelson. Since he has become president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he has brought so much inspired counsel to the members of the church and the world.
As I listened to his talk, I could feel his tender love for we sisters, and for womanhood and motherhood. He gave each girl and woman four challenges to accomplish. I was so grateful he gave specific challenges with deadlines as he saw fit, because it helped me to be motivated to take real action, and not just think about how to be a better and more spiritual woman.
I would love to share his invitations in his own words, and my experiences with them, in hopes that you will also wish to take the challenges:
First, I invite you to participate in a 10-day fast from social media and from any other media that bring negative and impure thoughts to your mind. Pray to know which influences to remove during your fast. The effect of your 10-day fast may surprise you. What do you notice after taking a break from perspectives of the world that have been wounding your spirit? Is there a change in where you now want to spend your time and energy? Have any of your priorities shifted—even just a little? I urge you to record and follow through with each impression.
President Nelson made the challenge October 6, and I faithfully began my fast from Instagram and Facebook starting the 7th. I did not browse through, comment, or post anything during that time. I did have to use social media occasionally for my store (like answering customer questions), but that was all I did.
On October 17, when I was done with my fast, I said on Facebook:
Well, I am off my social media fast. I must say the last 10 days have been great. I have loved not having the temptation to keep checking my Facebook feed constantly, burning up precious time. I have significantly cleaned up my friend list, and will keep the app off my phone. I will be using FB primarily for adding photos of my kids and for doing business. I just want to stop spending time mindlessly scrolling, as I have found that was not helping my life in any way. I may not see everything important on Facebook posts now, so if there is something you really think I need to know, please tell me in person, or via text or messenger. I don’t want to miss it. Much love!
It’s January 4, now. How have I been doing, you ask? Well, I must admit that even though for a while I did a lot better, I started to do the mindless scrolling again. I had added the app back on my phone so I could upload pictures, and then it all started going back to the way it was. I noticed that a few days ago, and yesterday, I deleted the app off my phone again. I will try to find another simple way to upload my photos, because I miss the freedom I felt when Facebook was no longer on my phone.
Second, I invite you to read the Book of Mormon between now and the end of the year. As impossible as that may seem with all you are trying to manage in your life, if you will accept this invitation with full purpose of heart, the Lord will help you find a way to achieve it. And, as you prayerfully study, I promise that the heavens will open for you. The Lord will bless you with increased inspiration and revelation.
As you read, I would encourage you to mark each verse that speaks of or refers to the Savior. Then, be intentional about talking of Christ, rejoicing in Christ, and preaching of Christ with your families and friends. You and they will be drawn closer to the Savior through this process. And changes, even miracles, will begin to happen.
This invitation from President Nelson was my favorite. For years, I have read scriptures with my children every night, and with my husband every night, but I haven’t done regular individual study for a long time. This challenge got me to start delving into the scriptures by myself again.
I started off great, going off a reading chart a friend sent, but found myself skipping days and having to catch up frantically. I did end up finishing The Book of Mormon on December 31, and I am so grateful I was able to complete the prophet’s challenge.
As I read, I did as he suggested – underlining scriptures about Christ. I realized very quickly that The Book of Mormon is FULL of scriptures about Christ. He is interwoven into the entire book, and it increased my testimony of the truthfulness of it. I felt the Spirit so many times as I read The Book of Mormon, and by reading it quickly, I was able to get the connections between stories better, and get the full message of what a prophet was trying to teach. I felt like I underlined or starred half of the verses I read!
When I got to the war chapters in Alma, I was motivated to start working on my children’s book again. I was able to take lots of notes and start organizing my thoughts again. I hope to finish my book in the next few months.
The best part of my whole reading experience was on December 31. I hadn’t read my final reading yet, which was the book of Moroni. I was feeling really down about my store. It hadn’t been making much money since the Fall and I was about ready to just give up (I had told Jad previously that I was going to stop working on it if I wasn’t making money by the new year). I decided to give that thought a rest, since it was depressing, and start reading the book of Moroni.
I immediately felt the Spirit so strongly the minute I started reading. I loved the book, and read it with eagerness, underlining and starring so many verses. When I read the last verse, I felt so much peace and warmth. I decided to kneel down by my bed and pray so I could do Moroni’s challenge to ask if The Book of Mormon were true.
When I knelt to pray, I felt the Spirit so strongly, I didn’t even have to ask if it were true. I remember expressing gratitude for The Book of Mormon, and I felt the Spirit lead me to ask God how I can spread Christ’s gospel of love and peace to the world – messages that are so evident and clear in The Book of Mormon (I didn’t realize at the time, but that was part of President Nelson’s challenge too).
I felt the Spirit tell me I need to spread His message through my store. I didn’t know how at that moment, but I knew that it was something I needed to do, and that I shouldn’t give up on it.
I have since added links to mormon.org and The Book of Mormon to my store. I have started a Christian Collection that I am still adding to. I started an advertisement for a Christian t-shirt, and added a scripture verse from the Bible and Book of Mormon to the product description so I can share the gospel in a small and simple way. I significantly lowered the price for my inspirational jewelry, and all that is just the beginning. I am going to continue to ponder ways to spread the gospel through my store, as I know that this is what the Lord wants me to do.
These are not the only blessings that have come into my life from reading The Book of Mormon with this challenge. I also believe with all of my heart that because my mother, my nana, and I did this challenge faithfully, that it helped my sister-in-law open her heart to investigating the gospel of Christ. The past few weeks of meeting with the missionaries with her and answering her questions has brought so much joy into my life and into the life of my family. We are so overjoyed that she has chosen to be baptized on January 26!
I want everyone reading to know that I know The Book of Mormon is true. I have always known it, but by doing this challenge, I have grown to love it even more than I ever have. This book is holy scripture, and will bring you to Christ. That is its purpose – to bring souls to Christ and to testify that He lives, and that through Him we can be saved. I hope you will read it and cherish it as I, and millions around the world, already do.
Third, establish a pattern of regular temple attendance. This may require a little more sacrifice in your life. More regular time in the temple will allow the Lord to teach you how to draw upon His priesthood power with which you have been endowed in His temple. For those of you who don’t live near a temple, I invite you to study prayerfully about temples in the scriptures and in the words of living prophets. Seek to know more, to understand more, to feel more about temples than you ever have before.
Our temple is closed for renovation, so the closest temple to us right now is three hours away in South Carolina. However, I have had two beautiful experiences in the temple since President Nelson’s challenge. First was in October, when we went down with another family and took turns attending the temple. Jad and I did a sealing session, and there were so many names submitted, that the sealer kept going an extra half hour over the time. It was a wonderful occasion.
The second time I went was in November when I went with sisters from our Relief Society. I was able to be there with my mom and nana, as well as other lovely women from my ward (congregation). We had a wonderful time. It was so peaceful to be able to take a day to devote to spiritual nourishment and relationship-building.
Our schedules are very crazy the next few months, but I greatly hope to be able to go back to the temple soon, as it is the place I feel the most peace. I also want to help my sister-in-law with her family history after she is baptized so she can start doing temple work for her family.
My fourth invitation, for you who are of age, is to participate fully in Relief Society. I urge you to study the current Relief Society purpose statement. It is inspiring. It may guide you in developing your own purpose statement for your own life. I also entreat you to savor the truths in the Relief Society declaration published almost 20 years ago.
I read the Relief Society purpose and the declaration as the prophet challenged. By reading it, I know who I am, what my purpose is, and how I can best fulfill my potential as a daughter of God. Life isn’t all about me and my desires – there is so much more to it, including unity with, and love for, my fellow sisters in Christ. What a privilege it is to be a part of this wonderful organization of women, and how important it is to participate in it fully!
There was a recent time when it was very difficult for me to attend Relief Society. I felt judged and that nobody liked me. I have since decided to move on from that, recognizing that God wants me there. I do my best to share my experiences and testimony, and to listen to other women and their experiences so I can learn from them. I try to go to Relief Society activities, volunteer to help others as asked by the Relief Society president, be a friend to the women I come in contact with, and minister to my sisters the best way I can. I know I can do more still, but being a devoted member of the Relief Society is very important to me.
As you can see, doing President Nelson’s challenges meant a great deal to me, and helped me a lot spiritually, and in other ways. My testimony has been so strengthened that he is a true prophet of God, that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s church, that The Book of Mormon is true, that the work done in the temple is crucial for our exaltation, and that I am so blessed to be a part of the largest women’s organization in the world – the Relief Society. Most importantly, I have an increased testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
I am so grateful that because of Christ, our lives are full of merciful beginnings. I can keep getting better. I can pick myself up when I fall. I can get myself back on the path when I stray. We all can, and I invite you to come unto Him. He will help you be the person you know you can be. Take these challenges and see for yourself!
My beloved Eve, you are one year old today. Mommy and Daddy couldn’t love you more. You have brought so much sunshine to our lives. You are our Sweetheart, our Princess.
Many parents call their daughters Princess. I actually vowed I would never call you that because it was so cliché and 2-dimensional. But then, as the months passed and I couldn’t come up with a name that suited you, you became Princess anyway.
It isn’t because I want you to have a beautiful voice like Ariel, or a gorgeous face like Aurora.
It isn’t because I want you to be artistic like Rapunzel or a master of the bow like Merida.
It isn’t because I want you to have magical adventures like Jasmine or find your handsome prince like Snow White.
No, this is not why I call you Princess.
Ariel was full of wonder and saw the beauty in everything.
Aurora was sweet and innocent.
Rapunzel was trusting and found joy in the journey.
Merida was completely comfortable with who she was.
Jasmine was forgiving to one who had deceived her.
Snow White was cheerful and had a strong connection with animals.
Anna had faith in her sister and didn’t give up on her.
Kiara saw the good in all lions, and wanted to unite them.
These are all wonderful qualities, but it isn’t why I call you Princess.
None of these princesses had perfect lives – they all had difficult trials to endure.
Ariel had her sea witch, and Aurora a cursed spinning wheel.
Rapunzel had a kidnapper who posed as her mother, and Merida a mother who she turned into a bear.
Jasmine nearly had to marry a wicked man, and Snow White was nearly killed by a poisoned apple.
Anna lost her parents, and almost lost her sister, and Kiara felt alone and untrusted by her father.
They all made it through their trials stronger and happier than before, but that isn’t why I call you Princess.
Most of these young princesses also had flaws, as we all do.
Ariel lacked common sense and sought help from a sea witch, and Aurora trusted and fell in love with a stranger.
Rapunzel was indecisive about being disobedient, and Merida was hot-headed enough to change her mother.
Jasmine was rude to anyone who she didn’t agree with, and Snow White was naïve and unaware.
Anna made a huge error in judgment, and Kiara snuck around.
We can learn from these princesses’ flaws, as they did, but that isn’t why I call you Princess.
Do you know why I call you princess?
It is because you are one. YOU are the daughter of a King, a Heavenly King.
His name is Heavenly Father. He is your father and mine, and the father of us all.
He knows you by name, and He loves you more than you could ever imagine.
He sent you to earth and to our family so that you can grow, learn, and choose to follow Him.
He will watch over you and send angels (earthly and heavenly) to assist you in your earthly journey.
I want you to always remember who you are. Being our daughter is something we hope you are always proud of, but more than that, we want you to truly feel that you are a spiritual young lady who has unlimited divine potential.
Your Heavenly Father has given you spiritual gifts that you can use to bless the lives of those around you. Even at your young age, we recognize some of them:
You are someone who makes people smile. Never stop doing that.
You love to share your food. Keep on sharing your abundance.
You are independent and try to be self-reliant. If you can help yourself, you can better help others.
You are funny, always making people laugh – this will help lighten heavy hearts over and over again.
You love yourself. If you can love yourself, you can love others even better.
Using these gifts, and more, with a loving heart, will bring you much happiness now and in the life to come.
My sweet daughter, Eve. You are named after our first mother. She was the first of God’s spirit daughters to come to this earth. She was the first princess. Follow her example of keeping the commandments. Just as she was chosen to live in the beginning, you have been chosen to live on earth at this time in this place for a reason.
We knew that you would be a very special little girl, and we were right. We know you have a divine mission to fulfill on this earth. Embrace it and know that your earthly and Heavenly parents will be with you through it all.
There are some very special people in my life who I love with my whole soul. One such person is my beloved Nana, Lois Jordan. Today, she turns 77 years young, and I want to express my appreciation and love for her today.
When I was growing up, one of my very favorite places to go was “Nana’s House.” There was just something magical about that place. There was the front yard that we loved to run around in. There was the attic, where I would find old clothes and collect them for costumes. There was the music room where Granddad taught us piano lessons. We often enjoyed the treats from the massive cookie jar in the room. There was the great room, so beautifully decorated, especially at Christmastime – Nana would have angels all around, and the most beautifully-decorated Christmas tree you ever did see. There was the dining room, where Nana would lay out the best silverware, tablecloths, and glasses for special occasions. My favorite room, though, was probably the kitchen. Nana almost always had cookies in the cookie jar, or Peppermint Patties stashed in one of the cupboards. She would make the best toast in the world for us whenever we wanted. Nana is one of the best cooks and bakers I have ever met. We were always spoiled each Thanksgiving and Christmas with the enormous amount of food she would make. For Christmas, she would make so many cookies and other treats that we didn’t even really need dinner (but we still ate it happily). I loved that house with all of my heart. Just sitting on the porch or back deck, looking at the trees, would bring me peace. Why? Because two people I loved dearly lived there and brought a beautiful spirit to it.
Because of my Nana, I found a great love for singing. Have you ever heard her sing? She says that her voice isn’t what it used to be, but every time I hear her sing next to me in church, my mind goes back to my childhood and how much I loved to hear her sing. She was the chorister in our ward (congregation) all during my childhood and adolescence, with Granddad at the organ. What a pair they were.
You will never meet anyone more generous than Nana. She would give you the shirt off her back. I can’t tell you how many times I would admire something of hers, and she would immediately offer it to me. She loves beautiful jewelry, clothes, shoes, and decorations, but the love she has for her family is so much stronger. When I was a little girl, I remember more than once Nana taking me into her large closet, and pulling out a special gift just for me. I always felt so special whenever my Nana would give me something, even if it was something very old she thought I would enjoy.
I have always thought my Nana was one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. She doesn’t see that, but I truly have always thought that. From her fluffy hair to her lovely nails to her pink cheeks to her stylish shoes, she was and is beautiful. What makes her even more beautiful is her smile and her jolly laugh , complete with her tongue on her upper lip.
She is also so dainty. I love her sneeze. She usually sneezes three times in the row in a little high pitched tone, and then says “Excuse me” sweetly. She always has handkerchiefs with her. I have a couple hankies of hers, and I will always keep them.
Nana always has gum and red cream to keep hands soft. I remember growing up when would take my hand very gently in hers and rub the red cream onto my hands. It was so tender, and my hands were always so soft afterwards.
Nana is very smart and well-traveled. I love hearing her tell about her experiences, specifically to Egypt, Israel, and Jordan. I think that is why she has such a special connection with Jad. She liked him from the very beginning.
She also has a great knowledge of the scriptures. Speaking of her scriptures, she carries dried flowers in them as well as pictures of her loved ones, and even special papers, such as a poem I wrote for her when I was young. It means so much to me that she has kept it all these years.
My Nana and I share so many memories, and we also share a tradition. When we say goodbye to each other, we alternate saying the words to a song called “A Bushel and a Peck.” Ever since I was a little girl, Nana has smiled at me and playfully said, “I love you a bushel and a peck.” Then I will say, “And a hug around the neck.” Then she will say, “A Barrel in a heap.” Then it is my turn with, “Talkin’ in my sleep.” To end, we both say, “About you!” and hug each other.
This tradition means so much to me. Perhaps I didn’t realize how much until my baby shower in November 2016. I wasn’t expecting a gift from her because she had already given me one, but there it was. I opened it, and burst into tears. It was a large wall-hanging that said, ” I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.” At the bottom were pictures with her and me in them when I was little and then a picture of my baby girl with my mother. It was, by far, the most sentimental gift I received at my shower, or perhaps ever.
I have always considered my Nana one of my best friends. I feel safe with her, and happy. I love spending time with her. We get together most Wednesdays at her apartment to chat and maybe watch some TV. I love watching old movies, and when I was a teenager she turned me on to them. She loves movies, and there are so many amazing ones from long ago still worth watching.
She is a wonderful Nana to me and my siblings, and a wonderful Big Nana to her great grandchildren – my children. Casey, Rigel, Kamren and Eve are so blessed to have their Big Nana near them. She loves them so much. As she sits next to them, or reads them books, or gives them little treats, I am reminded of my childhood and how much I enjoyed my Nana.
She is a passionate and opinionated woman, and always speaks her mind. She will tell you exactly what she thinks. But, even in those rare instances where I don’t agree or relate to everything she is saying, I can still hold onto the image and memories of the woman who has filled my life with indescribable joy.
We spoiled her yesterday by making her a lovely meal and ice cream cake, and giving her gifts. She was so excited about the cute things from the boys, and her camel pin. She loves camels, maybe even more than Jad does.
Nana, I love you. You are one of the most extraordinary people I know. You have been through so much in your life, and are stronger than you realize. You are more loved and respected then you will probably ever know. We are so blessed to have you in our lives. There is so much more I could say about you if I had more time to ponder and write. Granddad called you his queen. That is one of my favorite memories of him, for it showed his true love and devotion to you. Never forget how much you are loved.
Sometimes you just feel that you have to write about something. I feel that way tonight. I am writing about something I am completely passionate about. Why have I not written about it before, you ask? I didn’t feel compelled to. Now I do.
Many people who are passionate feel the need to spout out statistics, post sarcastic memes, name-call, or Bible bash. I am not going to do any of those things. I am going to speak from the heart, and defend the defenseless.
You know what I am talking about, don’t you?
In our modern world, we can’t go a day, or even an hour, without hearing about people’s rights to do or say or think something. Sometimes, people wish for their rights to be fulfilled by taking away the rights of others. In this case, I am referring to the rights of an unborn child to live, to love, to make decisions, to thrive, and even to fall.
I can’t think about abortion without tears coming to my eyes. I don’t wish to villainize any woman who chooses to abort her baby. I simply wish to speak the words of my heart, in hopes that someone will listen to the cries that go unheard.
There have been so many stories in books, movies, and real life, of people who reflect on their lives with regret and despair, who wish they had never been born. Inevitably, someone, whether an angelic being, or a loved one, will help them remember all they have done to affect people’s lives, their community, and even the world, for good.
George Bailey from It’s a Wonderful Life
Think, for a minute about the concept of never being born. There are millions, billions, of humans that will never be born due to the practice of abortion. Think of all they will never be able to do, or say, or think, or change. We don’t tell our loved ones that the world would be better had they never been born. Most people on this earth bring goodness, bring knowledge, bring ideas – who have we denied that opportunity to? And who and what are we missing out on through this denial?
What if the people who would discover the cure for cancer, or technology to travel to other planets, or advances in solar power, or ways to feed and water the world, were aborted by their mothers? Hopefully someone someday will find these answers, and more, that plague our world, but the more people that are born and given the opportunity to make a difference, the more likely these problems are to be solved.
If you read the stances of pro-life verses pro-choice advocates, you can see at least some sense in both sides, whether you agree with them or not. I do agree there are some instances when abortion might be necessary, though I believe that decision must be made with sincere thought and prayer. I can’t answer every question, and do not wish to refute the stances of those I disagree with.
Here is what I do know:
A baby is a work of creation between a man and a woman. Every child who is born is unique, with his/her own individual worth, and so much to offer if given the chance. How do I know this? Because I look at my own children with adoration. Each will do something different with his life. As long as I love and nurture each of them throughout their lives, and teach them what is right, they will be instruments for good in this world. I also know this from looking at each of my siblings and myself, by looking at my husband and his brother, and by looking at each and every person I have ever known. Everyone is different, interesting, and amazing. No human being is just disposable, and an unborn child becomes a human being just like you and me.
A fetus moves, a fetus feels, a fetus has a personality. I have felt it each and every time I have been pregnant with my three children (and one on the way). I had an ultrasound with my current pregnancy at about 12 weeks, and my husband and I smiled adoringly at each other as we saw our little baby jumping up and down in the womb. A fetus isn’t just a sack of cells, but a unique individual, a perfect blend of his father and mother.
A fetus may not be able to live outside of his mother’s womb until a certain time, but then, a small child cannot live on his own if abandoned either. A child, unborn or born, needs his mother to nurture, love, and protect him. This adds more value to him, not less!
Something that is wrong is wrong, whether legal or not. Laws should be there to protect, and to advocate for peace, rather than to bring convenience to those who would make unwise, and possibly unsafe, decisions.
Accountability is a trait that is admired, and expected in this world. It is important that it is consistently expected, especially since we can’t choose the consequences of our actions. Abortions are not necessary in most cases. It is true that there are many women who don’t want babies, or who can’t afford them, or who aren’t in a mental/emotional position to take care of them. However, with proper education, and safe practices, unwanted pregnancies in most cases, can be avoided. Without educating about, or expecting these precautions, society is telling girls and women that they do not have to be accountable for their actions, and that there is a painless, safe, easy way out. Except, there really isn’t if you look at the big picture.
Abortion affects not only the mother and baby, but the father of the baby, as well as immediate/extended family, and possibly others. If you abort your baby, you can’t take it back. It is permanent, and rather than taking away all your problems, it can cause so many more.
I believe with all of my heart that God weeps over every single child that is aborted. Those are His children, as are all of us. He created every soul, and wishes all to be able to live a life on earth, to have a body, to make choices, to love, to grow, to flourish. Why is it that most see the wickedness of murder and the tragedy of suicide, but often do not feel the lament of abortion?
It doesn’t matter when life begins and when it doesn’t. We cannot know that for certain, and it may be different for each baby. Government, people – we can’t make those decisions about when it is acceptable to abort a baby. What is “decided” makes no difference to the fetus who is being torn apart, and robbed of the rights, privileges, and blessings of living on this earth.
The world would be at peace if loving was what we did best – not arguing, not hating, not fighting for the sake of fighting. Nobody can argue that abortion is an act of love. Who can say that she loves her baby so much she will abort it? Living is always better than being denied life. Look at your own life. Even with all the trials and heartaches you go through, is there not sunshine? Is there not accomplishment, fulfillment, and joy? Is there not hope and faith?
10. Being a parent is the most rewarding role I have ever held in my life. My heart hurts for the women and men who cannot have children. I can only imagine how they must feel yearning for a child every day, and seeing how millions of women do not see the blessing that is right in front of them. God will provide a way for women to care for their babies if they have faith in Him, and take on the responsibility with real intent, but should they not wish for it, adoption provides a blessed opportunity for parenthood to those longing for it. Motherhood is really hard, and really taxing, but I would never even think to possibly imagine giving my children up. They are my joy, and they bring my husband and I closer together. Our children give us real purpose, help us be humble, help us see clearly, help us choose wisely, and help us love completely. They help us see God in our lives, because as He is the divine Creator, we are also co-creators with Him.
The unborn child cannot speak for himself, cannot protest, and cannot plead his cause. But, I always will. God expects it of me because of what I know.
Casey, you are 11 years old now, and as I have observed your actions lately with admiration, I wish to honor you with a tribute.
Are you always the perfect son? No, but I am not always the perfect mother, and nobody’s perfect. You and I both know where we need to improve, but that isn’t what a tribute is for. I wish to highlight and acknowledge your deeds and accomplishments so I can show you my gratitude, admiration and love.
One thing that I love about you, Casey, is that if I need you, you are there. You don’t complain when I ask you to help with your brothers, or with cleaning, or with dinner. You do it, and you do it the best way you know how. I can’t express to you how much I need this from you, and appreciate it.
I am not a perfect mother, Casey. You know that, but whether it is picking you up from school late because I forgot it was early release day, or raising my voice when I shouldn’t, or getting overly irritated with you, you love me anyway. You don’t scold me or get angry with me. You are understanding, and express that you know I have a lot on my plate, or that you understand that being a parent it hard. Thank you for loving me.
You are a service-oriented boy too. When I suggest you write a note to someone, or make a craft, you do it willingly, and from the heart. As of late, you have even written me cards as an apology for something you did, or as a way to cheer me up. I cherish those cards, and will always keep them. You are willing to use your own money to buy gifts for family members too, and you carefully choose those gifts. What a thoughtful boy you are.
I love seeing you develop your talents, skills and interests. I can’t tell you how much it pleases me to see how much you love what I love – instruments, singing, baking, acting. The first few months of the year, we worked on our second musical together, and you asked me to help you learn the ensemble songs so you could sing in the background. You were responsible and made sure you were on stage at the right time, and you did your best with your parts.
You took part in a theater club this year too, and as one of your teachers, I was always impressed with your willingness to try anything. You gave your all to everything, from games, to improvisations, to singing. At our performance showcase, you sang “Out There” from The Hunchback of Notre Dame beautifully. It isn’t an easy song, but you made sure to analyze your character and try to show what he was feeling. Tears came to my eyes when you sang.
This year as you learned a new instrument, the trombone, you always wanted to play songs for me, and you impressed me with your skills at your band concert.
You also did your best to memorize and perform “The Star Spangled Banner” for a group number at a recent Durham Bulls game. It made me smile to hear you practicing around the house, and I loved helping you practice too. Just a few days ago, you wanted to help me bake your birthday cake – you always want to help me bake. And going back to your service-oriented heart, you melted mine when you told me you set out the ingredients for me to make the icing. When I came downstairs later, I saw the ingredients lovingly laid out, and I smiled with adoration.
Your spirituality strengthens my testimony. I always tear up when you bear your testimony in church. When your teachers tell me how much you know about the scriptures, I am so proud of you, and I know it is true. Each night when we read together as family, you have comments and questions. You pay attention and want to learn. I can’t tell you how proud I have been of you lately as you have also begun to do personal scripture study before bed. I love it when you come to me and report what you have read. You will be a wonderful missionary someday – no, you already are.
School has always been a place you have excelled. I haven’t had to get on you about doing your homework or projects. You have your weaknesses in school, but overall, you are a good friend, someone your teachers love to have in class, and a really hard worker. Your final report card and EOG scores impressed me so much. You are a smart boy, but it isn’t just smarts that bring good grades. Dedication, motivation, high standards for yourself, team work, honesty, and humility are key elements too.
On the last day of school, you presented a project on homelessness in North Carolina at the Orange County Library. You clearly did your research, and your concern for the homeless was evident. You really want to help them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkgZ10uq_gU
After school when you told me you want to help in soup kitchens, and really hold true to your word to help, you brought tears to my eyes. And when you said you wanted to use the money you would have received for your good grades to help the homeless, I was once again in awe of the goodness of your heart.
How wonderful is it that you love projects too, especially when you get to spend time with your dad or me. I love how you want to help in the garden, paint, or assist with other projects. Just this past Saturday, you jumped at the chance to help me build a bathroom cabinet. It was such a fun experience to spend time together, make mistakes together, and then fix them together. You have an eye for building, and your observations were right on. The finished product was awesome, and it is because you were building it with me.
And finally, Casey, you are one affectionate young man. Your hugs, kisses and soft words can really calm a person. You know what gentleness brings peace, something that many people do not realize.
Casey, I am so blessed to be your mother. Heavenly Father knew I needed you when I needed you, and you will always be one of the most special people in my life. I love you, my dear son.
Casey, Rigel, and Kamren, you mean more to me than I could ever express to you. You are the boys that Heavenly Father saw fit to send to me. You made me a mother, and I want you to know that I am your biggest fan, and that I see the divine worth and potential in each of you. When you were little, I gave each of you a term of endearment. I hope to show you there is more to these than just a name, and I pray that you will use the attributes of your special names to become good and righteous men:
Bumblebee
My first born, Casey, you are my Bumblebee. This name came from a yellow sleeper you wore when you were an infant. It was my favorite outfit of yours as it brought out your shining eyes and sweet smile. I knew it would characterize you perfectly.
I wish for you to be as your namesake – peaceful and unaggressive. Bumblebees do not harm others, unless they are defending themselves. I pray that you will be one who will defend righteous causes, but at the same time, desire peace and understanding with everyone around you.
I wish for you to focus on what matters most, and labor diligently to bring forth much good fruit.
You may not know, but one third all of all human food requires bee pollination. Without the bee, humans could not survive.
The crops bumblebees provide for humans, and the flowers they provide for other animals, bring them nourishment to live their lives to the fullest. I pray you will, through your good deeds and kind words, nourish the souls of those you meet and love.
Bumblebees have tiny wings, and shouldn’t be able to fly, but they do it anyway, and they do it so well. I admonish you to never allow anyone to tell you that you can’t do something. You can do anything. You are a child of the most High, and if you follow His counsel, and the counsel of your parents, you can fulfill all of your righteous and worthy desires.
I love you, my Bumblebee.
Shining Star
My second born, Rigel, you are my Shining Star. You are so named because yours is the name of the brightest star in the constellation Orion. A peace comes to my heart each time we look at your star in the night sky together.
I told you one night not long ago why you are my shining star. It is because of the light you bring to others through your good humor, your kindness, and your fun, friendly disposition. You are a friend to all.
Remember the most important and most brilliant star ever to shine was the Star of Bethlehem. This star represented the light of Christ. It was a sign of His birth, and led the wise men to Him.
You, through your words and deeds, can also lead others to Christ. I pray that you share the gospel every day of your life.
Never hide your light, my son. Always let it shine and do good works.
I love you, my Shining Star.
Angel
My third born, Kamren, you are my Angel. I call you this because I believe angels helped bring you to this earth.
Looking like an angel at 9 months old.
There are many accounts in the scriptures of angels. God has used them throughout time for many reasons – to show love, concern and mercy, to bring messages of great importance, to warn, or to provide guidance.
You may not be one of these angels, but as Jeffrey R. Holland, Apostle in the LDS church, said, “…not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with … Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.”
My Kamren, I pray that you will be kind, good and pure your whole life. You are already so sweet, affectionate and giving.
Angels on earth also use their words, my son. Nephi, in the Book of Mormon, spoke of speaking with a new tongue – the tongue of angels, after being baptized and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. He said, “Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ (2 Nephi 32:2-3).”
Kamren, how interesting it is that you do not speak many words now. However, the Spirit has testified to me, that someday, your voice will be strong and will ring with the Truth of Christ.
Jeffrey R. Holland said, “Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity…With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail.”
My Kamren, I know that you will bring hope, comfort, and peace to others as you exhibit these angelic qualities throughout your life.
Casey, Rigel, and Kamren – even if I do not always call you by these terms of endearment, these names and these hopes for you are always in my heart. I love you all with my whole soul, always and forever!
