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  • Childhood in a Church

    The weekend after Christmas, we went to visit family in Virginia, where I grew up. On that Sunday morning, Jad, the kids and I attended The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on Bailey Bridge Road, the church building I attended for most of my childhood up until I went to college.

    I hadn’t stepped foot in that building in 12 years. When we drove up, I immediately was overcome with emotion. I spent so much time in that building growing up, with some of the best friends I ever had.

    We sat in the chapel for Sacrament meeting with my cousin, Lisa, and her mom, Emiko (I call her Emi), who came to that service just to see us. I hadn’t seen Emi in years either, and it was so wonderful to hug her and talk to her again. She was a very special aunt to me growing up. It is always a pleasure to see Lisa, as well, and as often as possible (I had seen her the night before too).

    This is Lisa, Emi, the kids and I in front of the church after Sacrament Meeting. 

    I also saw Richard, someone who was a very huge part of my life and that of my siblings and parents. I believe he entered my life when I was about 10. He was my dad’s best friend, and he came to every birthday party and family gathering. He babysat us, drove us to church activities, came on vacations with us even. I hadn’t seen him since my first wedding reception in 2003. He still looks the same, and sounds the same, and has the same laugh and gives the same hugs. He has a beard instead of a mustache, though.

    This is Richard, Teresa and I after Sacrament Meeting.

    I would talk to both Emi and Lisa, and Richard and his wife, Teresa (who I had only met once or twice), more later on, after Sacrament Meeting. During the meeting,though, Kamren got fussy, so I took him out into the hall.

    Normally I really dislike staying out in the hallway when I could be being spiritually uplifted, but this time I ended up being grateful to be in the hallway. I got to walk up and down the whole building, poking my head into the classrooms… and remembering my youth.

    I want to share with you a few memories that came to my mind as I wandered those halls with my little one.

    The chapel

    I have so many memories of the chapel. My family always sat on the left side of the chapel, about halfway back. For many years my Nana was the chorister and my Granddad was the organist. I always loved hearing her operatic voice and sensing his emotional ties to the music. My favorite song he played was”Come, Come Ye Saints” because on the last verse he would get very quiet and slow, and then end the song with volume and vigor. Nana usually stayed up in the stand during the meeting, but sometimes I remember Granddad sitting with us. I loved holding his hand.

    My first specific memory of the chapel was when the congregation sang “I am a Child of God” the Sunday after my baptism. I remember that I started to cry. I asked my mom why I would be crying, and she said I was feeling the Holy Ghost. That was a very special realization to me that I really had the gift of the Holy Ghost.

    Other memories of the chapel are when I was up in the stand singing a musical number, accompanying a friend singing a musical number, like Lauren, sharing my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, or even giving a talk in church. I remember one Sunday I had invited a good friend from school, named Scott, to come hear me speak, and I was so disappointed he didn’t come. 

     I remember my Dad sitting up in the stand while he was in the Bishopric. Sometimes he would nod off a bit.

    I also remember doing piano recitals in the chapel, most specifically the one where I played from memory “Memory” and “The Music of the Night.”

    At the beginning of my Senior year of high school, when we were about to start studying the Book of Mormon in seminary, our stake did a big program in the chapel where many youth sang songs from the musical From Cumorah’s Hill. I remember my friends Kristy and Lauren singing, and I did as well. A video also played of different youth sharing their testimonies of the Book of Mormon. I, as well as many of my friends, were also a part of that. It was a special day. I believe we did a similar program at the end of the year at Seminary graduation. I sang the same song again at that program. It’s a beautiful song called “I Never Stand Alone.”

    I remember being a new member of the Singles Ward when I graduated high school, and seeing a familiar face, Michael, that made me feel more comfortable.

    I remember singing in a huge Christmas concert as a member of the Richmond Mormon Chorale, where my uncle Danny was the pianist.

    I remember announcing my engagement from the pulpit. That was one of my last memories in that room.

    The couch outside the chapel.

    Just so you know, the couch, chairs, lamp and picture are all the same as they were when I was a kid. It was so cool to walk in from the parking lot and see that it hadn’t changed a bit.

    A lot of conversations happened on that couch. It was also a place where noisy, rambunctious children would have to sit until they calmed down and could go back to Sacrament Meeting. Sometimes that might have been me or my siblings.

    That foyer area was a great place to sit and wait for your parents, talk to friends, or people watch.

    The Primary Room

    This room is where children sing and learn more about Jesus and His gospel. My newest memory of this room (which was probably 13 years ago) was taking my little sister, Mariah, to Primary.

     My oldest and most fun memories include learning the words to Primary songs I still love today, like “My Heavenly Father Loves Me” and “A Child’s Prayer.”

     I also remember giving talks and reciting scriptures in that room. The Primary Room was always a happy place.

    This is me standing in front of the baptismal font.

    See where I am standing? Those doors behind me open up to reveal a baptismal font – not just any baptismal font, but one that is very special to me, for on June 21, 1992, my father baptized me in that very font. Seeing that location through the glass of the door brought tears to my eyes. Being baptized was one of the best decisions I ever made. I still have a little framed poem that an older girl I admired, Amy, gave to me, as well as a bright yellow journal I got from a Primary leader.

    The Young Women room bulletin boards, and the classroom for the young women ages 16-18 (Laurels).
    I remember playing the piano in that room as another friend led the music. I remember the bulletin boards. I always liked to read the little spiritual messages on them. 
    I also remember that part of the room because in that section, when I was 16-18, my mom taught my class. We had a lot of good lessons and discussions in there. I remember one story she read about bears and cake. I believe the moral of the story was to avoid temptation. 
    The small hallway with two rooms.

    I will never forget this hallway. It is so strange because it is short, and it has two rooms directly across from each other right by the Exit door. I once had a Sunday school class in the room on the right.

    The gym

    A lot of great times happened in that gym, mostly of a competitive nature. When I was a teenager, I played basketball with other girls in my ward. Though we worked really hard, we almost always lost our games. I think we won once against a team of four, and barely won at that. We always tried to have fun, though, and we did our best. Not all games would be played in that gym, but we did always practice in this one. I was a forward, and I was pretty good at defense. I was also good at shooting, but not under pressure.

    In addition to basketball, we would play other sports like volleyball (especially when I was a young single adult), kickball, and broom hockey. The teenage boys and girls would do joint activities about once a month, and my favorite one was by far broom hockey. I remember once I shattered a broom on a guy named Brad’s, leg. I remember feeling really tough that day, and a little concerned, but mostly tough.

    We didn’t always play sports. Sometimes youth would be able to conduct the activities. Once I had the group play a game I loved from theater class called 1776. I was really good at that game, and always loved playing it. I wonder if my peers liked the game as much as I did…

    We even did a fund raiser for girls camp one year where we did a dinner/dance for the adults and auctioned cakes off. 

    We also did really fun Halloween activities in the gym and surrounding classrooms.

    I was Princess Leia at our church’s Halloween party when I was 14.

    Also in that gym we would have youth dances, and when I was older, young single adult dances. 

    Can you tell this was an 80s-themed dance? I was 18.

    As a youth and young single adult, I participated in talent shows in the gym. I remember one of them happened during a youth conference. I am pretty sure I sang something from  Jekyll and Hyde. Another year when I was a young single adult, I sang “I Never Knew His Name” from The Civil War. My friend Jared suggested I sing that instead of “The Music of the Night” because it was a lot less scandalous. I remember saying that it was one of the most beautiful songs I had ever heard, and even now, that song, and the musical it comes from, bring me to tears and fill me with chills.

    The gym was a place for really fun times.

    The stage

    I remember five distinct occasions of using this stage as an actual stage. One memory was when our stake did a road show. Our ward’s performance was in the form of a talk show. Prince Charming was in a chair with Soaprah Winfrey, if I recall correctly. He was recounting his experiences with many princesses, and how they didn’t work out. I was Sleeping Beauty. Apparently, when I woke up to his kiss, I thought he was ugly and moved on. By the end of the show, Prince Charming meets Dorothy Gale, played by my friend, Rachel, and realizes she is the one for him. We got an award for best commercial, where the girls sang and danced about Mr. Sandman bringing us a ring. I was really annoyed by that award because we were the only show with a commercial.

    Another memory is when I was in charge of a youth activity on modesty. I planned a fashion show where the participants would model modest clothing. Boys and girls were included in it. I was the host  for the show. I remember how hard it was to get material from some of the boys so that I could announce their ensembles. It actually turned out to be a fun, and even spiritual night, as one of my friends gave a little talk on the importance of modesty after the fashion show.

    For a youth conference one year, youth were invited to perform a skit of the Good Samaritan. That skit was performed on this stage. I was one of the men who beat up the good Samaritan. I remember wanting to be a larger role (of course) but I couldn’t make the commitment because I worked often at CVS. I remember coming to one of the rehearsals on my lunch break even.

    The Good Samaritan cast, one being my friend, Courtney

    When I turned 18, I started going to the Singles Ward. At one of my first (or even my first) activities, we divided into groups and acted out different stories from the Bible. My group got the story of Hannah, Eli and Samuel. I  honestly and surprisingly don’t remember who I played. I do remember that my good friend, Shelly, was Hannah, and that Frank, who I met that night and was the first person I ever fell in love with (see the phone story), played Eli.

    Also while I was in the Singles ward, we did a talent show. I was fresh out of high school and still in my actress mode. I not only sang, I did a monologue before my song (that I think I made up), and I did it in costume. What did I sing? My favorite musical at the time was The Scarlet Pimpernel. I am pretty sure I sang “I’ll Forget You,” and I even did it acapella. Yeah, I am pretty embarrassed by that now. I went a little overboard.

    The stage was also a fun place to take pictures with good friends.

    Kate Reynolds, me, and Shelly Witt

    The water fountain and bathrooms.

    It might seem silly to have a picture of this little area, but when you have church for three hours each week, you are bound to stop by the bathroom and/or water fountain. Many good conversations with friends (I am recalling one with my friend, Becca) would happen right there. 

    The bathroom mirror.
    I would spend a lot of time fixing my hair and lipstick in this mirror, either so the boys wouldn’t have any reason to make fun of me, or so I would look extra good for the boys at the dances or activities.

    On a more serious note, I remember one day getting to church late when I was a teenager. I ran into the bathroom, trying to fix my hair. I had bangs then, and because of standing in the rain, they had parted down the middle awkwardly, and started to curl in random places. That had been a scary morning. My Nana and Granddad had picked my siblings and me up for church. There was a sharp curve not long after turning right out of my neighborhood. A car was driving in our lane, so my Nana moved into the left lane to avoid hitting the person, while at the same time the other driver moved back into his lane. That resulted in us driving into someone’s front yard. My Granddad, who was in early stages of Alzheimer’s, was pretty shaken up. I can still hear him crying out “Oh, oh” in worry. That was a sad day, but we were all okay.

    A fun memory of the bathroom was when I brought a whole bunch of costumes (many of them being my mom’s dresses from the 70s) to the church for the young women to try on so we could all get our pictures taken by a wonderful photographer in the ward, Brother Clay. We all had to make sure we looked beautiful in the mirror before we got our pictures taken.

    My little glamour shot. 

    The changing table.

    This is kind of a weird thing to have a memory about. However, the young women always used that table, and the area underneath, to store their purses for dances. I can remember girls always being crowded around that area to grab their brushes or powder to fix themselves up after dancing too hard and getting sweaty.

    The phone with the insanely long cord.

    That long corded phone is still there after all these years, and is the hallway just yonder of the bathrooms. I don’t have any stories about it, other than maybe calling a guy I was crazy about, Frank, who didn’t show up for a Singles activity. It was always in my view, though, for years as I wandered the halls of my church. Occasionally it would ring, and people passing would be confused, not knowing whether to answer it or not.  We didn’t get callers often.
    The kitchen

    This was a really fun room. When I was in Young Women’s, we would do a lot of activities in here. Imagine a bunch of girls together in one kitchen talking, laughing, and baking all at the same time. I remember decorating gingerbread houses once. We also did candy-making, and even served food for the ladies in the Relief Society when they had dinners.

    The Relief Society Room
    Everything looked the same to me when I peered in that Sunday.  I spent a lot of time being spiritually uplifted in that room as an early adult. We had Sunday School and Relief Society in there. I remember one Sunday sitting next to Frank, that boy I was head over heels for. I tried to get him to hold my hand, and he refused. He said, “Not a chance.” A little background information is that he and I were dating, but he would not show any affection in public.I didn’t like that much.
    Going back a few years, as an 11-year-old, I remember having a daddy-daughter dance in this room. I had made a t-shirt for my dad that said “Really Cool Dadn’t.” My dad used to say things, and then say “Unt” after it to show that he was kidding. I didn’t know how to spell it then, so I did it as a contraction. That was a really fun night with my dad.

    We always did our Activity Days in this room from age 8-11. The daddy-daughter dance wasn’t the only fun activity we did. I also remember one time learning how to do Spanish dances in big skirts from Sister Alarcon, and there were many other good times.  

    The Young Women always had their New Beginnings nights and Night in Excellence nights in this room too. These nights were for reviewing our values, displaying our accomplishments, eating good food, and dressing up nice with our parents. 

    A lot of other activities would happen in this room  when I was a single adult, like crocheting lessons (I still can’t crochet after going to a bunch of these type lessons) and Pictionary. 
    The Relief Society piano
    This piano is special to me because my first calling (church responsibility) I ever had as an adult was being the Relief Society pianist. I remember playing prelude before class started. More than once our Relief Society president would tell me to play more quietly. That was hard for me because I loved playing the hymns. One funny memory I have was of playing the introduction to “The Spirit of God.” I love playing that song, so I played the introduction way faster than we would ever be able to sing it. The chorister chuckled and said she would try to lead the song that fast. Everyone had a good laugh over that. I did too, while my face got really red. 

    One other memory I have of this piano is watching my good friend, Jared, play by ear. He had been called to be a pianist for another group, and he told me that he couldn’t even play the piano. He and I always had great conversations.
    The random water fountain.
    I don’t remember why seeing this water fountain again made me chuckle and smile, but it did. It must have significance. 🙂
    Jad and Rigel in the church hallway.
    It was so cool to have my husband and children walk the same halls I did for so many years.

    I really do love this church building. I hope I can visit more than once ever decade or so. It will always hold some of my most cherished childhood memories. 

    The church has grown a lot since then, so many of the people I went to church with on Bailey Bridge Road attend a different church building now. When I visited that Sunday, I actually only recognized a few people, like the Crowthers, who were an important part of my youth. 

    For those of you I grew up with, or became a young single adult with, I miss you. I hope you all are well and happy. Much love!

  • Christmas is all about a Gift

    I have been pondering a lot about gifts this Christmas season. That is the first thing many of us do once Thanksgiving comes to a close – we frantically start looking for gifts to buy our loved ones. We spend the month of December shopping, buying, wrapping, and often stressing.
    I personally have been spoiled with gifts for myself and my family this month. We have been receiving gifts for the past 12 days from secret “Jolly Friends.” We have also received an abundance of candy, cookies and fudge from other friends.
    It feels good to get gifts because it shows that people love us, care about us, and appreciate us.
    I feel good giving gifts too. I have baked, my husband has made white stockings, we have written Christmas cards, printed up family pictures to share, and bought gifts that our kids and friends would enjoy.
     I also have been helping the poor quite a bit this season, and I appreciate all the help I have received from my friends in this effort. Knowing that you can help bring the necessities of life to someone is so rewarding, and helps you realize just how blessed you really are.
    Have you wondered why we give gifts at Christmas? Up until this year, I have always attributed it to the three wise men who gave the young Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh.
    Some of us give gifts because that is what everyone talks about in December. That is what the stores are telling us to do, and that is what kids expect Santa to bring.
    Regardless of why we personally choose to give Christmas gifts, we put a lot of effort into making or buying them.
    For some of us, we use the time leading up to Christmas as a way to scare our kids into being good. Do we ever tell our kids they will only get their gifts, and Santa will only come if they are good? Do we tell them they have to earn their gifts, that they have to deserve them?
    I’ll admit I have often done that in the past, and it usually works, at least for a minute. I saw a quote on Facebook about a month ago, though, that stopped me in my tracks. I wish I could find it again, but in essence it said that we don’t give gifts to our children because they deserve them, but because we love them.
    It pierced my heart to read that. Telling my kids they don’t deserve gifts is like telling them they don’t deserve my love.
    Anything my kids do wrong, I probably do something else just as wrong. I am not anymore deserving of their love than they are of mine, yet we love each other just the same.
    What is even more humbling is that even though I, and you, and everyone, are imperfect and do things that aren’t right, we are always loved by the greatest of them all:
    “Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there.” – President Thomas S. Monson
     
     
    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
    Why do we give gifts at Christmas? It isn’t because of the wise men or Santa. It is because Heavenly Father gave us each His son. Jesus Christ was the first Christmas gift.
    We may go through some years when we can’t afford to buy gifts for our children and other loved ones. It is hard and can be sad, but the truest most everlasting joy and cheer comes from remembering that little baby who was born in a stable, and laid in a manger.
    That baby grew up to teach a higher law, set an example of love, forgiveness, hope, service, and selflessness, suffer for the sins and pains of all mankind, die a painful death on the cross, and rise again glorious on the third day. Jesus lives, and He is in Heaven with His and our Heavenly Father.
    Jesus, like Heavenly Father, loves each of us unconditionally. He smiles when we smile and weeps when we weep. He is always our friend and advocate. He knows how we feel. He wants to bless us. He wants us to return to live with Heavenly Father again. He has provided the way.
    We may not always have tangible gifts tied with pretty paper and ribbons, but we will always have the everlasting gift of our Savior. He will bring us everlasting life if we but follow Him.
    Luke 2:6–7, The virgin Mary with baby Jesus
    Merry Christmas to all. May we always keep the spirit of Christ in our lives.

  • My Favorite Piece of Jewelry

    For Christmas this year, I asked my husband to get me something I already have. It’s a type of ring that has very special meaning to me. Recently I have felt a very strong desire to wear this ring, or one like it, every day of my life. No longer do I want to have to choose between wearing this ring and wearing other rings I love. I want to have two rings like this that will fit on different fingers.

    What kind of ring am I talking about? 
    The one I have now looks like this:
    It’s a simple looking ring, but it is so special to me. It isn’t special because of who gave it to me (I love you, Mom), or because it was very expensive, or even one of a kind. 

    It is special to me for a very different reason – wearing it helps remind me of the kind of person I want to be.

    The center of the ring is a shield, and in it are the letters CTR, which stand for Choose the Right. This means when faced with decisions, big or small, we will choose to do what Heavenly Father and Jesus would want us to do. 

    I have had a CTR ring since I was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at 8 years old. All newly baptized children receive this exact ring:
    As a child, I often sang a song called “Choose the Right Way,” which reminded me of my the meaning of my CTR ring… Choose the right way, and be happy. I must always choose the right.

    The CTR logo was actually inspired from a different song that I love in my church, called “Choose the Right.” My favorite verse says:
    Choose the right! There is peace in righteous doing.
    Choose the right! There’s safety for the soul.
    Choose the right in all labors you’re pursuing;
    Let God and heaven be your goal.
    To me, the shield on the CTR ring represents a spiritual armor we choose to wear that provides us with safety from Satan’s influences. 
    Paul told the Ephesians to put on the whole armor of God. To him, the shield was of utmost importance:
    Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

    It takes a lot of faith in God to make the right choices, even when they aren’t popular or easy. As the definition of good and right changes in society, we can look to God to retain the pure definitions. 

    An apostle from my church, L. Tom Perry, said something I truly believe: 

    There is power in a tie tack, a CTR ring, or a white dress hanging in the closet if we associate them with our desires for purity and righteousness. Even more important than physical reminders is to have the conviction deep down in our hearts to live the kind of life that will cause us to make the right choices, not only for peace and happiness in the world right now, but also for peace and happiness eternally.

    I have always associated my CTR ring with righteousness, but for some reason, now more than ever I have this conviction to do what is right. That doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes (I make many), but I truly desire to do my best, and to help others find the light I have. I also have a greater desire to forgive and seek forgiveness  to serve others, and to make friends everywhere I go.

    This CTR ring is not just a representation of things I think are good, but my CTR ring has become a part of me. I don’t like being without it, just as I don’t like being without my wedding ring. They are a part of who I am, and sacred commitments I have promised to always keep. 

    Do you have jewelry that has special meaning for you?

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 4 – What Mormons Believe

    In the last post I confirmed to you how I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. In part, it was because he translated and brought forth The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ.

    As a prophet, Joseph did so much more. He also received numerous revelations from Jesus himself. Christ gave him the absolute truth as to how His church was to be organized, and what His people must do to obtain eternal life.
    We know that Joseph was martyred at the young age of 38. Did prophets once again leave the earth, leaving us without answers? No, there have been many prophets called since Joseph Smith, and there are prophets and apostles on the earth today.
    Thomas S. Monson, President and Prophet of the LDS Church
    The members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe that prophets speak directly to Christ, and receive counsel and instruction from Him for the benefit of His people, and for the world. That is why we love, sustain, and follow the counsels of the Lord’s prophets and apostles.
    That is also one of the reasons why we so look forward to General Conference twice a year.
    One of our church’s Articles of Faith is: We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God.
    Yes, God is still speaking, and will continue to speak and give instruction until He comes again.
    All of the doctrines, beliefs and practices in the LDS church come from this revelation to the Lord’s prophets. I think I owe each of you the answers to the questions I asked in Part 2 of this blog series.
    As you read the answers I write, imagine that there are prophets on the earth, and they are in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If this is true, the answers below are the absolute truth as prescribed by Jesus Christ.
    The Commandments:
    1. Keep the Sabbath Day holy (Exodus 20:8) – The Sabbath Day is the Lord’s Day. We should attend church, yes, but we should also make the Sabbath a day of rest, a day of service, and a day of spiritual feasting. We should avoid causing others to have to work on the Lord’s day.
    2. Be baptized of water and of the Spirit (John 3:5) –
    a. Baptism of water: Baptism is essential to enter into the kingdom of God, as it shows our commitment to keeping God’s commandments and trying to become like Him. It must be done by someone with priesthood authority. Baptism must be done by immersion. Babies and young children do not sin and do not need to be baptized. Only when they reach the age of eight or older are they tempted by Satan and sufficiently know the difference between right and wrong.
    b. Baptism of the spirit: This means receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, an ordinance performed by the laying on of hands by one with priesthood authority. Once baptized, one receives this gift, which is a constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, dependent on one’s faithfulness.
    c. Baptism for the dead: Baptisms for the dead were performed during Paul’s time, and are done in the LDS church in temples. Since all people must be baptized to be saved, baptisms by proxy give the deceased an opportunity to have that saving ordinance, and then choose to take upon them the name of Christ.
    3. Do not commit adultery and flee fornication (Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:28, 1 Corinthians 6:18) – It is still a commandment to remain sexually pure until marriage, and then to maintain full loyalty to your spouse after marriage.
    4. Love one another (John 13:34)- Love one another means that we are kind, tolerant and nonjudgmental, and that we serve others. It does not mean that we condone or advocate for sinful behavior. Loving God means keeping His commandments. We should never purposely break commandments, or encourage others to break commandments in the name of loving one another.
    5. Let your light so shine (Matthew 5:14-16) – We should set good examples, and also share the gospel of Christ with others. Those of us who have been baptized have covenanted to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places. We should defend our beliefs, and declare them in love.
    6. Throw away the things that make you sin  (Matthew 5:29-30)- The abominations spoken of in the Bible are still abominations to Christ. His higher law is still valid today. Modern day prophets have revealed to us the Lord’s will regarding what is and is not sin as new technologies and practices are created. The definition of sin is not based on society’s acceptance of any practice.
    7. Pray to the father (Matthew 6:5-13)- You should pray to Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ. There is nobody else that you should pray to. Prayers should be done as a family and individually morning, night, and before meals. Prayers can be said aloud or in silence. They can be said anytime, anywhere. There are no prayers that need to be recited, except for prayers done for sacred ordinances, such as the Sacrament or baptism. Heavenly Father wants us to speak from the heart in sincere prayer. He wants us to talk to Him, to thank Him for our blessings, tell Him our fears, and ask Him questions.
    8. Partake of Christ’s body and blood in remembrance of Him (Luke 22:19-20) – When partaking of the emblems, you are not literally eating and drinking Christ’s body and blood. It is symbolic. When you partake, you are promising to remember Christ always. It does not matter what is used for the emblems, so long as you remember Christ. Mormons use bread and water. The emblems should be blessed and passed by those having priesthood authority. Only those who are worthy should partake.
    The Doctrines:
    1. The truthfulness of the Bible – The Bible is holy and true. It contains the word of God as given to His prophets and apostles. The Bible is one book with the word of God. The Book of Mormon is also the word of God, and the Lord still speaks truths to prophets today to bring peace and clarity in a changing, and increasingly wicked, world.
    2. The nature of God – Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are three separate and distinct beings. Heavenly Father and Jesus have bodies of flesh and bone, while the Holy Ghost is a spirit. They are all one in purpose and mission, and they all love us, but they are not one being.
    3. Salvation – The Lord commands that we follow Him and be baptized in His name. However, to be saved, this is not all we must do. When we make mistakes, we must repent. We must also keep God’s commandments, and work hard to become more like Him in word and in deed throughout our lives.
    4. The Second Coming – Jesus will come again in power and great glory. Nobody knows when it will happen. When He comes, the righteous will be caught up to meet Him.
    5. Life after death – When a person dies, his body and soul separate. Only little children who die will go straight to Heaven. Everyone else will go to the Spirit World to await the Lord’s second coming, the resurrection, and final judgment. Instruction occurs in the Spirit World. Those who did not have a chance to learn about Jesus Christ and His gospel will be taught it, and be given the opportunity to accept Him. After the final judgment, the Lord will assign each of us to a kingdom of glory in Heaven based on our faithfulness, or to Outer Darkness for the most wicked. Paul saw a third Heaven because there are three degrees of glory in Heaven (the many mansions Jesus spoke of).
    6. The priesthood – The priesthood is the authority to act in God’s name on the earth. Worthy males may be ordained to the priesthood, and receive it through the laying on of hands.
    Though not everyone holds the priesthood, everyone is blessed by it.
    The Practices:
    1. Abortion – Human life is a sacred gift. Abortion should not be promoted or encouraged. In most cases it is a practice contrary to the will of God, and is only acceptable in the rarest of circumstances. Even in cases when deemed acceptable, counseling and prayer should precede the decision to have one.
    2. Suicide and Euthanasia – Because of the sanctity of human life, suicide and euthanasia are both wrong. However, in the case of suicide, only the Lord can judge if a person is responsible for his/her actions.
    3. Contraception – Husbands and wives who are physically able have the privilege and responsibility to have children and rear them in righteousness. However, it is up to the spouses to determine when they wish to have children and how many they wish to have. Birth control is not discouraged, so long as children are not being postponed for selfish reasons.
    4. Death penalty – This is a matter that should be decided by civil law.
    5. War and military service – Peace is always the ideal. However, sometimes war is necessary to preserve life, liberty, and family. Citizen should follow the laws of the land regarding war.
    6. Eating of meat – For health reasons, meat should be eaten sparingly, but it is not wrong to eat it. In fact, animals were created for the use of humans, for food and for clothing.
    7. Marriage – The family is central to Heavenly Father’s plan. All children deserve to be born in a family with a mother and a father, and marriage should be between a man and a woman. Priests are not forbidden to marry.
    8. Divorce – Marriages are sacred contracts, and should not be taken lightly. Divorce, though not encouraged, is sometimes a necessary action. One who is divorced is able to remarry, and still remain in full fellowship in the church.
    As you read these answers, some may have made perfect sense to you, though you didn’t have a previous stance. Some you may already agree with because you have also been taught it. Others you may totally disagree with because of political/social views. There may be some that you just don’t understand or think are too complicated.
    Mormons feel very strongly about the safety and peace that comes from following the prophet. If prophets truly do speak to the Lord, then they will always convey the Lord’s will and truths. However, it is not always easy to understand or accept all doctrines and practices.
    That is where faith comes in. Heavenly Father has given us free agency. The truth is revealed, but it is up to each individual person to exercise faith in that truth, and find out through study and prayer if it be right. Nobody in the LDS faith is forced to do anything. Everyone is encouraged to build their own convictions, and doubts and questions are normal.
    I am grateful to have choice, but also to know the consequences of actions I may take and positions I may hold.
    I don’t understand everything, but little by little, my faith and testimony grow as I am prepared and willing to receive more light and knowledge.
    I have a strong testimony that Heavenly Father and Jesus love us. They love me and they love each of you. They wish for everyone to have eternal life. All we must do is follow the doctrines and commandments that Jesus has set forth.
    I share the gospel as I know it so passionately and lovingly because it means the world to me, and I am such a better person because of it. I would love to clarify anything I have written about thus far, or talk about something you have heard about Mormons that I haven’t addressed. I am here to help.
    I am a Christian and a disciple of Christ.

     

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 3: How I Know Joseph Smith was a Prophet

    In my last post I left you with an image of a 14-year-old farm boy who prayed and saw a vision of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ Himself told Joseph that His church did not exist on the earth and not to join any of the existing churches.

    This boy would be prepared to become a prophet of God, and restore Jesus Christ’s church to the earth -the church He established when He was on the earth – a living church, with continuing revelation for the benefit of all mankind.

     

    God has always called prophets in his own due time to testify of Jesus Christ and His gospel, to help people  know God’s true character, and to denounce sin, warning of its consequences.

    The Lord has said to beware of false prophets. That is what I hear most often when people tell me that Joseph Smith couldn’t have been a prophet. It is true that there have been and will be false prophets on the earth. There are now. Jesus tells us how to know if one is a false prophet (Matthew 7:15-20):

    Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.  A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
     Notice where Christ says a corrupt tree cannot bring forth good fruit. To know if Joseph Smith was a false prophet (a corrupt tree), we must look at his fruits. What was he like? What did he do from the day of his vision at 14 years old to the day of his martyrdom when he was only 38?
    First and foremost, regardless of intense persecution from prominent religious leaders, peers and members of his community, Joseph never once denied that he had seen a vision. He wrote:
    It caused me serious reflection then, and often has since, how very strange it was that an obscure boy, of a little over fourteen years of age, and one, too, who was doomed to the necessity of obtaining a scanty maintenance by his daily labor, should be thought a character of sufficient importance to attract the attention of the great ones of the most popular sects of the day, and in a manner to create in them a spirit of the most bitter persecution and reviling. But strange or not, so it was, and it was often the cause of great sorrow to myself.

    However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a vision. I have thought since, that I felt much like Paul, when he made his defense before King Agrippa, and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light, and heard a voice; but still there were but few who believed him; some said he was dishonest, others said he was mad; and he was ridiculed and reviled. But all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the persecution under heaven could not make it otherwise; and though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew, and would know to his latest breath, that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise.
    So it was with me. I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation (Joseph Smith – History 1:23-25).
    This persecution would only get more hateful and severe as the years went on, including being tarred and feathered, unjustly imprisoned more than once, and finally martyred (along with his beloved brother, Hyrum) by a mob of over a hundred men. This isn’t to mention the devastating persecution that the early members of the church would endure, such as being forced to leave their homes or die. My heart aches whenever I read about the awful treatment of these peaceful people just trying to follow God’s will.

    Just as the original members of the church knew it, I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I just know it. I could talk to you about his character, about the people who loved him, about his faith in Jesus Christ to the end, about the legacy he has left, and I could never adequately describe how I know he is a prophet – how he must have been a prophet.

    The most compelling reason I can give you as to how I know Joseph was a prophet of God, is that  I know that the Book of Mormon is true.

    The Book of Mormon
    I know that many of you have heard of the Book of Mormon. I have heard some of the things people think about it. People assume that Joseph Smith wrote it, and that Mormons use it instead of the Bible.

    What if I told you he didn’t write it? Joseph Smith was not an educated man. He was in his early 20s when he translated the book. The Book of Mormon is 531 pages. If he wrote it, he wrote it in less than three months, at a rate of about 10 pages a day – ten times faster than a professional translator copying down text already written.

    I believe as Joseph Smith said, that an angel, named Moroni, appeared to him and told him where an ancient record, written on gold plates, was buried. These plates were written by prophets living in ancient America from 600 B.C. to around 400 A.D. Joseph was given sacred instruments to aid him in the translation of the records.

     

    It is easy to find fault in this story, and call it unrealistic. However, look inside your hearts and think about what you know from the Bible. Think about the workings of the Lord – angels appearing, sacred instruments – is that so out of the ordinary?

    There were also many witnesses who saw and touched the gold plates, whose testimonies are in the beginning of The Book of Mormon. Joseph also had help translating. Many would serve as scribes to his translation, such as his wife, Emma, and Oliver Cowdery.

     

     I also recognize that many Christians believe that God is done speaking, that the last messages came from the 12 apostles, and that the only written holy records are in the Bible.

    The best way to answer this concern is in a passage from the Book of Mormon where Jesus himself said (2 Nephi 29:7-11):

    7 Know ye not that there are more nations than one? Know ye not that I, the Lord your God, have created all men, and that I remember those who are upon the isles of the sea; and that I rule in the heavens above and in the earth beneath; and I bring forth my word unto the children of men, yea, even upon all the nations of the earth?

    8 Wherefore murmur ye, because that ye shall receive more of my word? Know ye not that the testimony of two nations is a witness unto you that I am God, that I remember one nation like unto another? Wherefore, I speak the same words unto one nation like unto another. And when the two nations shall run together the testimony of the two nations shall run together also.

    9 And I do this that I may prove unto many that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and that I speak forth my words according to mine own pleasure. And because that I have spoken one word ye need not suppose that I cannot speak another; for my work is not yet finished; neither shall it be until the end of man, neither from that time henceforth and forever.

    10 Wherefore, because that ye have a Bible ye need not suppose that it contains all my words; neither need ye suppose that I have not caused more to be written.

    11 For I command all men, both in the east and in the west, and in the north, and in the south, and in the islands of the sea, that they shall write the words which I speak unto them; for out of the books which shall be written I will judge the world, every man according to their works, according to that which is written.


     

    It makes so much sense to me, and offers me so much comfort, that Jesus loves all people in every nation, and that He wishes all of them to have the Truth.

    The Book of Mormon does not replace the Bible. It is a book meant to complement the Bible. It is a book meant to prove that the Bible is true! It is a book meant to prove to the world that Jesus is the Christ.

    Joseph Smith, if he were the fraud that people say he was, could not have written a book like this – a book where over half of the verses refer to Jesus Christ; a book filled with heroes and prophets who showed courage, faith, love, service, obedience and integrity; a book that brings clarity to the messages of the Bible;  a book that makes its humble reader feel closer to Christ.

     

     Did you know that in the Book of Mormon, the resurrected Jesus Christ visits the people of the Americas? Did you know that He lets every person touch His hands and His feet, blesses each and every child, heals every person with an infirmity, teaches the same gospel He taught to the Israelites, and ordains 12 apostles to preach His word and carry the authority to act in His name?

    With tears in my eyes, I ask you, would a false prophet, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, bring forth a book like this?

     Would he be able to write this? 2 Nephi 25:23, 26
    23 For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.
    26 And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.
     Or this? Mosiah 2:17
    And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.
     Or this? Ether 12:27
    And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
    I could quote hundreds of passages that are just as spiritually fulfilling as these.
    However, I know that I cannot prove to you that The Book of Mormon is true. The prophet Moroni, the one who appeared to Joseph Smith, also knew this. That is why he provided a promise to those who read the Book of Mormon (Moroni 10:3-5):
    3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.
    4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
    5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

    In the introduction to The Book of Mormon are these words:

    Those who gain this divine witness from the Holy Spirit will also come to know by the same power that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world, that Joseph Smith is His revelator and prophet in these last days, and that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord’s kingdom once again established on the earth, preparatory to the Second Coming of the Messiah.

    I have prayed, and I have received an answer that this book is the word of God, and truly is another testament of Jesus Christ. I have read it many times, and will continue to read it throughout my life, to enlarge my heart and nourish my soul.

    If you aren’t quite convinced you want to read The Book of Mormon, will you please watch this short video clip? Each time I watch it, I feel the Spirit testify truth to me. If nothing else, perhaps it will open your heart to want to find out for yourself.

    I am so grateful that Joseph Smith asked a question, and that he was willing to do what the Lord commanded him upon receiving the answer. He dedicated the remainder of his life to serving the Lord, and restoring His church to the earth. His life and death were not in vain, and he was most certainly not a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

    He was a true prophet of God.

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 2: Why Are There So Many Churches?

    Have you ever wondered why there are so many Christian churches? Has that ever bothered you? Why would that be anyway? All Christians have access to the Bible. All (well, most) Christians believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ and accept Him as their Savior; yet, there are countless denominations, and even non-denominations.

    light-of-the-world-jesus-christ-1301483-gallery

    Some of you may say that it doesn’t matter which Christian church you go to, or what doctrines it teaches, because all that matters is loving Jesus and being kind to others. The rest is up to your personal feelings.

    The two greatest commandments are in fact to love God with all your heart, mind, might and strength, and also to love your neighbor as yourself.

    However, Jesus said that if we love Him, we will keep his commandments. Which commandments is he talking about? There are the ten commandments, of course, and the higher law for those commandments. There are also countless others.

    Do all Christians keep all the commandments? Do they agree on how to keep those commandments? Are there any Christians out there who think some commandments are outdated? Here are some examples of commandments Christians churches follow/don’t follow differently:

    1. Keep the Sabbath Day holy (Exodus 20:8) – Does this just mean go to church? Does this just mean think about Jesus more? Does it mean that you spend the whole day a little differently than every other day? Is this commandment even valid anymore?

    2. Be baptized of water and of the Spirit (John 3:5) – What age should people be baptized? Do little children need to be baptized? Should baptism be done by sprinkling or by immersion? What must we do to be worthy of baptism? Who has the authority to baptize? How does one get baptized of the Spirit? Is baptism really even necessary for salvation? What was Paul talking about when he spoke of baptism for the dead?

     

     

    3. Do not commit adultery and flee fornication (Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:28, 1 Corinthians 6:18) – Most Christians agree on not committing adultery, but what about fornication? It has become more and more common for Christian people to live together and engage in sexual relations before marriage. Is this an outdated commandment, or is it still valid?

    4. Love one another (John 13:34)- This one should be easy, but it isn’t. Does ‘love one another’ mean that we accept all behaviors around us, even if we don’t believe in them? Can we still love one another but not agree or condone or vote for causes that go against our beliefs, or does that mean we don’t love our neighbor? Does this commandment trump keeping the other commandments God has set?

    5. Let your light so shine (Matthew 5:14-16) – Does this just mean that we are good people, or does this mean that we share the gospel of Christ with others? Should we be vocal about our beliefs, or be quiet about them so as not to offend those who do not share our beliefs?

    6. Throw away the things that make you sin  (Matthew 5:29-30)- Well, what things are sins? Does the definition of sin change as times change or are all the abominations spoken of in scripture still abominations?

    7. Pray to the father (Matthew 6:5-13)- Should we only pray to the Father, or is it also acceptable and encouraged to pray to Mary? How often should we pray, and should we recite prayers, or speak from the heart?

    8. Partake of Christ’s body and blood in remembrance of Him (Luke 22:19-20) – Are we literally partaking of Christ’s body and blood, or is it symbolic? What are we promising to do when we do this? How often must we do this, and does it matter what we use as representation of the body and blood? How should the body and blood be blessed and passed?

     

    Each of these commandments, and many, many others, are interpreted and kept in diverse ways in the hundreds of Christian denominations in the world. It is not only the commandments, but also doctrines which are disagreed upon. Here are just a few of the doctrines that Christians do not agree upon:

    1. The truthfulness of the Bible – Is it inerrant, or is it just a book full of good ideas? Does it tell us everything we need to know, or are some parts no longer relevant due to the changes in the world? Did all the Bible stories actually happen, or are they just ways to teach us a message?

    2. The nature of God – Are God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost three separate beings or one being? Does God have a body or not?

    3. Salvation – If we accept Jesus and are baptized, are we guaranteed salvation, or can we lose it based on our deeds? Do we have to keep the faith? Do our works help us be saved? How does repentance work? How do we know if we are forgiven, or are we just automatically forgiven?

    4. The Second Coming – Is it going to happen? Will there be a rapture? What will happen if Christ comes again?

     

    5. Life after death – Will we really be resurrected? Do people go straight to Heaven or Hell after death, or is there a resting place before the final judgment? Is there even a Hell at all? Will everyone who didn’t accept Jesus on this earth go to Hell? What is the third Heaven that Paul saw?

    6. The priesthood – What is the priesthood? Are there guidelines as to who should be ordained to the priesthood? How is one conferred the priesthood? What does one with the priesthood do?

     

    It is true that there are many  doctrines that Christians generally agree on, such as the divinity of Christ, that he was born of a virgin, that he lived on earth and died for our sins, and was resurrected. These other doctrines are essential to know, however, because our understanding of them can completely change the way we live, how we interpret scripture, and how our churches function.

    Even in the early days of Christianity, Paul chastised the people for moving away from the doctrines of Christ. He said to the Galatians (1:1-6):

    I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel: Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ. But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed. For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man. For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.

     

    Unfortunately, I have only begun to scratch the surface of the differences in Christian denominations. Some other differences are how Christians feel about:

    1. Abortion – Even if we don’t agree with it, should we vote for it to be banned, or vote to give a woman choice?

    2. Suicide and Euthanasia – Is this the equivalent of murder or is it sometimes acceptable? Is it forgivable?

    3. Contraception – Is birth control always wrong to use, or is it okay in some or all circumstances? What kinds of contraception are acceptable?

    4. Death penalty – Is the killing of others for a crime committed ever justified? Should we be able to make that call?

    5. War and military service – Should war be avoided at all costs, or is it sometimes the right thing to do to defend our freedoms, lands, and families?

    6. Eating of meat – Is it murder to eat animal flesh, or is meat a gift from God for His children?

    7. Marriage – Should marriage be between only a man and a woman, or should any consenting adults be allowed to marry? Should priests remain celibate or be allowed to marry?

    8. Divorce – Is divorce ever acceptable? If one is divorced, can he/she remarry and remain part of the body of Christ?

    I am by no means the first person to realize the vast differences between Christian denominations. I read many articles discussing it. Most of these articles say that we should respect all Christians, regardless of disparity, and learn how to love each other. The people writing these articles usually also show sympathy that other Christians don’t know the full truth like they do.

     

    I totally agree that we should respect all Christians. However, look around. Do Christians really love and respect each other? Many do, yes. However, I am saddened at the flat out bashing and judging that goes on because of the differences Christians have. I read all the time where Christians call out other Christians and say they must not be true Christians, because Jesus wouldn’t think or do what they are thinking and doing.

    Most Christians believe they have the full truth, and they most closely follow the Lord, Jesus Christ. I fully and wholeheartedly believe there must be absolute truth in Christianity. There must be. All of the things we have discussed must have a true answer from God. He does have an answer for all the differing opinions of men and women. There is a pure doctrine. None of the doctrines I listed can be more than one way. There must be one answer. To be acceptable in the Lord’s eyes, we must keep his commandments as He intended for us to keep them. We must know the truth. How do we find it?

    The answer most commonly given amongst Christians is to use the Bible. Well, don’t most Christian denominations (and non-denominations) use the Bible? They definitely use it, and yet there are countless combinations of beliefs in Christianity. This doesn’t make sense. Don’t get me wrong –  I believe with all my heart that the Bible is true. Those who have a conviction of this are right.

     

    I have studied the Bible many times in my life, and it is a book I treasure. I know it is the word of God. To say there is not confusion, though, would be a lie. There are many verses in the Bible which are very difficult to comprehend, and many concepts are introduced but not elaborated upon. Have you ever come across a scripture you didn’t understand? The book of Revelation is incredibly difficult to fathom… there are many others as well.

    Did you know  there are over 100 English translations of the Bible? I definitely haven’t read all of these translations, but I do know from looking  at a few different ones that if you compare a scripture passage in different Bibles, often you will find that the meaning is not the same. Even more astonishing is that I have read interpretations of the same scripture from the same translation that didn’t match – in fact, they were opposites.

    An example of that is Luke 24:39:

    Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.

    I have seen religious articles that use this verse to prove that the resurrected Christ is a spirit, and in contrast, to prove that He has a body.

     There are also passages of scripture in the Bible that make perfect sense, but appear to be contradicted in other passages. Christian denominations tend to hold fast to a verse and make it part of doctrine, but do not always acknowledge the other verses that seem to say the opposite. Here are two examples of many:

    The Nature of God

    1. John 8:16-18, 28-29

    And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me. It is also written in your law,
     that the testimony of two men is true. I am one that bear witness of myself, and the Father that sent me beareth witness of me.

    Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these
     things. And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.

    2. John 1:1

    In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

    The Means of Salvation

    1. James 2:20-26

    But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead? Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar? Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God. Ye see then how that
    by works a man is justified, and not by faith only. Likewise also was not Rahab the harlot justified by works, when she had received the messengers, and had sent them out another way. For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

    2. Romans 10: 9 -10

    That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth
     unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
    There are also many positions and practices amongst Christians of all faiths that are not mentioned in the Bible at all. Individuals and denominations have had to infer God’s will based on their interpretations of the Bible – e.g. contraception, abortion. Then there are things that are condemned in the Bible, but are thought by some to now be irrelevant due to changing times – e.g. chastity, modesty, divorce, traditional marriage. There are others, though, that hold strong to what the Bible says. Who is right?
    Yes, the Bible is true, but alone it has not brought Christians together in one Lord, one faith, one baptism (Ephesians 4:5).

    Here is a scripture verse I want you to consider in the same chapter of Ephesians (vs 11-15):

    And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;

     For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
    Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:
    That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
    But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

    Is Paul talking about himself and the other apostles following Christ’s resurrection? He could be, but most Christian religions strive to follow the words of these apostles as found in the New Testament. Nearly 2000 years later, Christians still do not have a unity of faith, and are nowhere near accomplishing it.

    I have done a lot of reading on what Christians believe about prophets. I have read articles where individuals really want to believe in prophets, and feel they are needed. They just don’t know where to find them.

    There is an even stronger conviction, though, that prophets no longer exist, that they were no longer called after the twelve original apostles died, and will never be called again. After Christ gave the higher law, and completed his work on the earth, He stopped speaking to the world. All of His word is in the Bible, and no other word is ever needed to help His children live Christ-like lives.
    For those of you who do believe there could be prophets, you might be worried about the Lord’s caution to beware of false prophets. Many Christians believe that because the Lord said that, that means all men professing to be prophets in these days must be frauds. That would especially be true if Christ no longer speaks, and there is no further revelation to bring forth.
    There are Christian churches that believe their spiritual leaders, though not prophets, do receive inspiration for interpreting God’s word as in the Bible. Thus, their interpretations would be the correct ones.
    We run back into the same question again: Which church is true, and how can we tell? Let me tell you a story of someone who had this question.

    In 1820, in Manchester, New York, a 14-year-old boy was looking for truth. In his town, the Methodist, Baptist and Presbyterian churches were promoting their religions, looking for followers. They were all very convincing, but spoke harshly of each other. They tried everything to denounce the other religions.

    This boy was a believer in God, and he wanted to align himself with one of these Christian faiths. He was overwhelmed, and uncertain of which church to join, as each church interpreted the Bible so differently. He said,

    What is to be done? Who of all these parties are right; or, are they all wrong together? If any one of them be right, which is it, and how shall I know it?

    This boy started looking for an answer. One night, as he was studying his Bible, he found this verse in James 1:5-

    If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.


    This verse pierced him to the very soul, and he knew that if anyone needed wisdom from God, it was him. He decided that if James was right, he could receive his answer through prayer.

    Up until this point, the boy had never prayed vocally. He chose a beautiful, clear day in the Spring of that year to go out into the woods to pray aloud to God, and hopefully receive the answer he most desperately sought.

     

    The rest of the story is best told in his words:

    After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.

     But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being—just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.
     It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!


    My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)—and which I should join.

    I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: “they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof.

    My friends, this 14-year-old boy was Joseph Smith. He had a question and he asked of God. He asked with all the energy of his soul, yearning for an answer, willing to do what the Lord would ask of him. He received his answer – an answer he never expected, in a way he never would have dreamed. If Joseph, this poor, uneducated, farm boy, really did see God and Jesus Christ standing side by side, then Christianity could become one step closer to absolute truth, and to unity of faith, for the question of the nature of God was now answered. It was answered by Jesus Christ himself. I read through the most common Christian creeds, such as the Nicene Creed and the Apostolic Creed. They all claim the oneness of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. If untrue, those statements would be an abomination in the eyes of Christ and His father, though unbeknownst to the devout followers of Christ who lived by them.

    If this vision really happened, it shows a love of God and Christ for all people on the earth, that they want all people to be united, to know the full truth as God intended, and to bring forth  more knowledge to bring clarity, rather than continuous confusion.

    Joseph’s vision was not just for him. It would bring him great responsibility, as well as tremendous oppression and persecution for the remainder of his days. His name would be known for good and evil throughout the world, and still is to this day.

     

    Joseph Smith was called to be a prophet of God and to bring the fullness of Christ’s gospel to the world.

    This is the testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and mine. I do not ask you to believe it; I just ask you to open your minds to the fact that there could be prophets on the earth today. I believe God is a loving God and He does not want us to live in confusion. Christians today live in confusion, and often worry about how to respond to an increasingly wicked, godless world. Christians are not yet united in faith. The world is not yet united in faith.
    May God bless you in your search for truth.

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 1: My Life as a Mormon

    Many of my friends are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS church) just like me. However, I also have many treasured relationships with people not of my faith. For those of you who aren’t a part of my faith, but who know me well, you may have asked yourself at one time or another why I would be a part of such a religion. I know what people say about Mormons, and I know what preachers teach about them. You may have looked at me and thought, “Mandy is a smart, kind person. She has a good family life. I just don’t get how she is a member of such a church that believes such weird things.”

     I can appreciate that, and now,  I want to respond to this paradox by first telling you about my life as a Mormon.

    I was born to two parents who were both members of my church, so since birth, I have attended the LDS church. You may be interested to know, however, that my father joined the church in his early adulthood, while my mother grew up with parents who were members (though one of her parents also joined the church later in life).

    blessing day
    This is my mother and me when I was two months old, on the day my father gave me my baby blessing at church.

    My earliest memories of attending church include going to a wonderful place called Primary each Sunday, where we would sing songs about Jesus, prayer, Heaven, and sometimes even popcorn popping on the apricot tree. We learned lessons from teachers about many different things, such as prophets, families or the fact that we are all children of God. We, the kids, also sometimes got to go in front of the microphone and speak to the other kids about a topic like this. We had classes for our age groups, where we would learn scripture stories or ways to be more like Jesus. Primary was so much fun, but also helped me learn that I was special and that God loved me.

    baptism
    This is me on my eighth birthday right before my baptism.

    When I was eight years old I made the decision to be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My dad baptized me. I remember him taking me out into the hallway to practice how he would put me under the water. I actually had to be baptized twice because my foot came up a little the first time. My dad was also the one who laid his hands on my head and gave me the gift of the Holy Ghost.  I remember feeling so happy that day, and enjoying the loving attention I got from family, teachers and friends for my decision.

    The next day in church, we sang a hymn called I Am a Child of God. I had sung it many times before in Primary. That day, though, as I sang it, tears fell gently down my face. I asked my mom why I was crying, and she said it was because I was feeling the Holy Ghost.

    As a member of the church, I grew up praying before each meal, as a family, and on my own before bed. We read our scriptures around the table every night after dinner. We did family nights called Family Home Evening, where my parents would teach us a gospel lesson and then we would do a fun activity, like the “tasting game,” and would sometimes have a dessert. We also loved celebrating holidays together. Dressing up for Halloween was always so much fun. We gave special focus, though, to Christmas and Easter, so we could not only have fun, but remember our Savior.

    mary and joseph
    My brother, Aaron, and I pretending to be Mary and Joseph.

    Our family had so much fun spending time together. Sure, we as kids annoyed each other, and we didn’t always listen to our parents. But, we loved each other and made family a priority. I have many fond memories of going to the movie store and getting ice cream, playing make believe, having “school” on the chalkboard, riding bikes, and going to Nana’s house.

     

    12
    This is 12-year-old me on my first Sunday as a Young Woman.

    When I turned 12, I no longer attended Primary. I started a new program, called Young Women. I was in that program until I turned 18. It was a program where I learned how to love myself and love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Each Sunday we would stand as a group and recite something called the Young Women Theme. In it, we spoke of our knowledge that we are daughters of God and that he loves us. We promised to stand as his witnesses at all times and in all things and in all places. Then we would recite values we promised as Young Women to live by. There were many, but some of my favorites were individual worth, choice and accountability, good works and integrity. Throughout all my years as a young woman, I did assignments, projects and activities to help me learn more about, appreciate, and act upon these upstanding values.

    This is me with a group of young women, dressed up to perform the Parable of the Good Samaritan.

    Each year all the girls from a large geographical area would come together at a girls’ camp. Girls’ Camp was one of my favorite times of year. We were each secret sisters, and would do nice things for another girl each day. We did many activities and lessons to help us learn how to take care of ourselves physically and spiritually. We ate great food. We got to know each other better. Most importantly, we felt closer to our Savior as we bore testimony of Him.

     

    jesus

     

    I remember one year we followed a path through the camp site. We stopped at different areas where someone would speak to us. I don’t remember what they said, but I remember the final destination –  a tent. Inside that tent was a picture of Jesus Christ. I remember tears streaming down my cheeks. I knew the man in that picture really was my Savior and Redeemer, and through Him, I could be clean, and I could stand have the strength to always stand up for what was right.

    Additionally, once a year from age 14-17, I went to something called Youth Conference, meant for Young Women and Young Men. For a few days, we would come together as a large geographical group and focus on our spirituality. I always loved this time of year too. I left loving Christ a little more, and having a greater desire to do good.

     

    yc
    My friend, Kate, took this picture of my in our dorm room our second year of youth conference at SVC, now SVU.

    During all four of my high school years, I attended a class called Seminary. It was held at 6AM each morning before school. Each year we studied different books of scripture. It sounds crazy to get up at 4:30 in the morning to go to a spiritual class, doesn’t it? Why not sleep in a little more? I can tell you that Seminary was one of the best things I ever did as a youth. I learned and grew so much. I understood the scriptures better, I felt a desire to do what was right, and I felt the Spirit on a daily basis. I will always be grateful to my Seminary teachers who worked so hard to  prepare those lessons for us, and teach them so early in the morning, when they too, could have been sleeping.

    As a child, we sang a song in Primary called I Love to See the Temple. I always loved that song, and in the Young Women program, we focused so much more on the temple. We learned that our decisions and our chosen paths should lead us to the temple. In the temple, we make covenants with God and receive instruction for our spiritual benefit. As a Young Woman, I knew that I wanted to be married in the temple, for marriages in the temple were not just until death do us part, but rather, for all eternity. I knew I wanted nothing less.

    washington-dc-temple-spring-1160328-gallery
    The Washington, DC Temple

    I have such special, spiritual memories of attending the temple as a Young Woman. We would go to the temple in Washington, D.C. as a group of youth and perform baptisms on behalf of those who had died without having that ordinance. The Spirit was always so strong there. I knew that was the Lord’s house and that we were blessing lives.

    All of the things I have mentioned helped ground me in the gospel of Christ. Life wasn’t always easy in middle school and high school, because my friends were doing things I knew to be wrong, whether legally or morally. I knew I was supposed to have integrity. I didn’t always make the right decisions, though. Sometimes I gave in to peer pressure, and sometimes I wasn’t completely honest about my faith for fear of rejection. However, I always knew deep down in my soul what was right and what was wrong, and what the Lord wanted from me and for me.

    grad
    My family and me at my high school graduation.

    As I graduated from high school and entered my adulthood, I felt spiritually prepared for what the world had in store. All those years of spiritual education and experience had given me great faith, and a conviction to remain a member of the LDS church even after I left my parents’ home and went off on my own.

    vegas
    Mom and Nana went with me out West to get me settled at SUU. This is us visiting Las Vegas for a day.

    About six months after high school, I left home to attend Southern Utah University. It wasn’t that difficult to stay an active member of the LDS church there, since so many people were members, but it was still an every day challenge to stand as a witness and keep God’s commandments. That challenge has never gone away, and never will.

    This is me with some of my college friends at a park in Cedar City in 2003.

    One thing that helped me stay a strong member of the church, without my parents, was becoming a member of  the world’s oldest and largest organization for women: the Relief Society. It is a place for sisterhood, charity,  faith-building, strengthening families, and  finding joy in our divine nature as daughters of God. Throughout the years, my love and appreciation for this great organization has increased, and my love for my fellow sisters has grown exponentially.

    dance
    A group of friends at a dance. My date later became my husband.

    While I was at school, I fell in love, and at age 19 and a half, I was married in the temple of God. The previous day I had made special covenants with the Lord in preparation for my marriage. Those two days I felt the Spirit of the Lord so strongly. I knew, as I had as a youth, that the temple was the house of the Lord. I knew that it was a sacred place, and I knew that if my husband and I stayed faithful, our marriage would last for eternity.

    Most of you know that my marriage did not last, for my husband did not stay faithful to the Lord. He did not put God and his family as a priority, but rather his own lusts. That was a very difficult time of life for me as a young divorcee and mother. However, I was able to get through it. It took me longer than it should have, and I know that is because I wallowed in self pity, and  I had forgotten the things I knew so well – that Heavenly Father loves me and knows my name. I am his daughter and he wants me to be happy. I can be happy and endure my trials if I pray to Him for help. My worth does not change as my circumstances change. Jesus Christ, who felt and suffered every sin, pain, sickness, and trial anyone on this earth would ever experience, can lift me up because He knows what I have been through. I always have a friend, and I am not alone. When I finally remembered and enveloped myself with these truths, and remembered that I was still so blessed, I was able to move on and be happy again with my little son.

    This is Casey and me in the fall of 2006.

    My marriage ended, but my membership in my church did not dwindle. My entire adult life I attended the LDS church every Sunday. I have never been one to skip church, and I can tell you that the times in my life when I have missed due to sickness, I have felt like something was missing. I have always longed to be there amongst my fellow brothers and sisters, to receive spiritual nourishment.

    There has only been one time in my life when I have questioned my faith. It was during a time when I put my own personal desires above God’s will, and above keeping His commandments. I was dating someone I shouldn’t have been dating, doing things I shouldn’t have been doing. I justified it by saying that I was sharing my faith with him, and that maybe he would join my church someday. You see, I still believed that marriage between and man and a woman was eternal. I still wanted to marry in the temple, but I couldn’t if I was dating someone not a member of my faith. Beyond that, he did not share in many of my values. I kept going on with it, though, because I was in love.

    One day, we were talking on the phone, and I was talking to him about my church. He suddenly threw out all these “facts” in my face, trying to prove that my church wasn’t true – that everything I had held dear my ENTIRE LIFE was a lie.

    I remember getting off the phone with him shaking. I could feel evil all around me,like a deep, dark cloud, and I wept. I can’t explain exactly how I felt, but it was definitely not the Holy Spirit. I truly questioned – is my church true? Is it?

    Through mighty prayer, reflection on my life, reflection on this person’s intentions, and reflection on my past and how my faith had guided me all those years, I learned what I already knew – that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is  and always will be true.

    I stayed a member, and I had to repent for sins I had committed. I had to get myself back on track. As I did that, and as I remembered what was truly important, the Lord brought Jad into my life, someone who just the year before had found his way into the LDS faith. He and I were married, and a year later, we were sealed in the temple. We know that if we are faithful throughout our lives, that our marriage and our family will be eternal.

    This is Jad, Casey and me on March 6, 2010, the day Jad and I were married.
    This is Jad, Rigel and me at the Raleigh, NC LDS Temple on March 12, 2011.

    We have been so blessed, and thank our Heavenly Father every day for all He does for us. Our lives are not perfect, though. In our family, we still have sickness, disagreements, financial trouble, etc., just like every other family.

    We do have a strong faith in Jesus Christ, and in the church we belong to. My oldest son, Casey has been the first of our children to make the decision to be baptized, a decision he is grateful for and finds joy in each day.

    This is Jad, Casey and me at our church on June 15, 2013, the day of Casey’s baptism.

    In the past few years I have made it a goal to share the gospel of Jesus Christ every day of my life. I strive to be a good example, a good friend, a good wife and mother, and a good missionary. I am stronger than ever in my faith.

    As a family, we do our Family Home Evenings, we study our scriptures, and we pray often. We have fun together, and show love for each other and our neighbors.

    This is my life. Does is sound weird? As I look at my life, maybe it is weird because I devote the vast majority of my life to my family and to Christ. The world around us tells us to follow self-serving pursuits, and do what feels good, what is comfortable, what is convenient. In that case, yes, I  and all the members of my church are indeed peculiar.

    You may be thinking, but what about your beliefs, though? Your life isn’t too weird, but some of your beliefs are.

    Think about this a bit, and I will talk about those beliefs and why they may not be so weird after all, in part two of this blog post. Much love!

  • One Step Enough for Me

    Last Saturday I went to Women’s Day, an annual event put on by my church, for women living in this area. Each sister that was there was able to sign up for three different classes of her choosing. I thoroughly enjoyed all of my classes, and am anxiously awaiting next year’s Women’s Day.In one of my classes, we learned about ways God speaks to us, how we receive the answers, how to recognize the answers, and what to do if we don’t think we have gotten an answer. It was such an uplifting class for me.

    As we went through these different points, my mind kept going back to a memory – an experience that happened to my family almost exactly a year ago. My husband had gotten a new job opportunity, which we felt was an answer to our prayers. We quickly realized, however, in just a short month’s time, that it was not the right path.

    For a while, we were confused. We thought we had received a spiritual prompting that Jad was supposed to take that retail management position.

    In class we talked about how sometimes we listen to our emotions, and assume it is the Holy Ghost speaking. I think in some ways this may have been the case with us. We didn’t do enough research on the job, and just blindly assumed everything would be  fine because we were so excited about the opportunity for change.

    In other ways, though, we really felt like the Lord brought that opportunity to Jad. He had been applying for jobs for years, and this was the first time he was contacted by a company (that wasn’t a sales company), was interviewed, and offered a job that fit his experience, with an ability for growth in the company.

    But it was the wrong decision, though…

    I learned a couple things in this class at Women’s Day that go along perfectly with this experience:

    The first is a quote by Elder Richard G. Scott, an apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who said, “When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, Go will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision”(Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer, Ensign, May 2007).

    It was true. Jad and I felt very strongly after his first day of work (after a month of training), that this job was not right. We felt prompted that he should quit. We thank the Lord for giving us that prompting, and giving Jad the strength to listen to it.

    So, why did the Spirit tell Jad to take the job if it wasn’t right? Well, we watched this beautiful video in  class called Wrong Roads, a true story from the life of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, another apostle in my church. Watch the video for the full spiritual message, but in essence, he said that sometimes the Lord takes us in a direction that isn’t right so that we can quickly discern what is right.

    It’s true. We learned so quickly that retail was not the path Jad should go down. We stopped applying for retail manager jobs after that experience, and instead, researched different career paths Jad could take.

    We also learned other wonderful lessons from him taking and quitting that job, two of which were to be grateful for what we have, and to make more quality use of our time as a family.

    The lesson doesn’t end there, though. We learned which path wasn’t right, but it took us almost a year to find out which path was right. Why so long?

    Elder David A. Bednar, another apostle in my church, said something that makes it all make sense: “Most frequently, revelation comes in small increments over time and is granted according to our desire, worthiness, and preparation” (The Spirit of Revelation, Ensign, May 2011).

    Heavenly Father wants us to be patient, to trust Him, to keep His commandments, and to continue to pray to Him earnestly.

    He also wants us to do our own work and research. In modern scripture to Joseph Smith, the Lord said, “But behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right” (Doctrine and Covenants 9:8).

    Jad and I had to do all of these things, and when we were ready, Heavenly Father prompted Jad on the next steps in his career.

    Retail wasn’t the answer, and getting another Bachelor’s degree wasn’t the answer. The answer Jad received was to go into the IT profession, in the field of networking. He searched out schools, and felt at peace with My Computer Career.

    It was a leap of faith, though. It is an expensive school. We had to take out a hefty loan. He had to figure out how to go to school but still run his store, knowing that he would not stay there much longer. He had to deal with family disgruntlement and lack of support. He and I knew, though, this was the right choice.

    Jad  has now been attending My Computer Career for two weeks. This is going to be at least a one-year schooling journey. It has been hard – the information has been coming quickly, and is a bit overwhelming for him. He is home much less and it is affecting time with our kids, and  with us as a couple. We are both much busier than ever before.

    There is a difference this time, though. In contrast with his retail position where we never saw any light ahead of us, we definitely know in this case that the Lord is there and lighting our way.

    In a video entitled Patterns of Light: Spirit of Revelation, Elder Bednar talked about three different patterns of light we receive as we get revelation. As Jad is in school, I can see that our pattern is that of a foggy day. There is just a little light ahead of us. If we just keep taking a few steps, though, the light will help us see far enough ahead that we can continue to press forward.

    We can’t see the end result yet. We don’t know when Jad will get an IT job, where, how much money, how it will affect our lives, etc., but we trust the Lord wholeheartedly that he will guide us in the right direction. We are so excited to see where this path leads our family.

    If you would like to read all about Jad’s retail management journey from 2013, read below:

    Have you ever called someone a quitter who left a job
    instead of sticking it out? Have you ever seen a messy store and assumed it was
    because of lazy employees and management? Have you ever thought badly about
    someone because of what someone else tells you? Well, I have a very interesting
    story to tell you about my husband, Jad.

    Ever since we have been married (four years next March), Jad
    has traveled out of town at least three days a week to work at his convenience
    store in Kinston. Though he has always been off work the other four days of the
    week, our family has found this arrangement very difficult, for several reasons.
    Because of this, for years we have prayed for another job to come along where
    Jad could have benefits and be home every night with his family.

    Well, in July and August, our dreams started to unfold.  Jad had an interview with a popular retail
    store to be the assistant manager at its Chapel Hill location. His interview
    process moved forward, and on August 12, he was offered the job. We prayed
    about it, and it just didn’t feel quite right. It wasn’t going to be quite
    enough money, and we thought his skills exceeded that of assistant manager.
     
    Jad told the district manager that he wasn’t going to take
    the job, and we were both surprised and excited when the district manager
    offered Jad to be the store manager of the Reidsville store. He told Jad that
    it was a large, lucrative store, full of loyal employees, and the best office
    manager around. Jad would be paid plenty of money as a manager, would have
    benefits, and would learn great skills he had not yet had the privilege of
    learning. We prayed about it and felt good about Jad accepting this job. So, he
    did.

    During the month of September, Jad trained to be a store
    manager in the Chapel Hill location. He was overwhelmed much of the time,
    worried he wouldn’t be trained in time. We didn’t see him much during
    September. We also couldn’t communicate with Jad during the day, but had to
    wait for him to call us and talk to us for maybe five minutes. We noticed both
    of us having less and less sleep, and less time together as a family. It wasn’t
    so bad, though, because Jad saw us each day, at least for a little while.
    Sometimes he only saw Casey for a few minutes before he went to school. The
    house got increasingly messier.  

    We kept reassuring ourselves it was going to be a raise and
    a good opportunity. Jad ended up needing an extra week to train. He completed
    his training successfully October 4.

    During the weeks Jad trained, we did not know how much money
    he would be paid once becoming a store manager. We didn’t know if he would be
    able to work with the retiring manager at the Reidsville store. We didn’t know
    what his schedule in Reidsville would be like. We didn’t like how we didn’t
    know these things in advance. At the conclusion of training, Jad was told that
    he would have one day with the newly retired manager and then the Reidsville
    store would be his starting the 8th of October.

    On the morning of the 7th, we were all excited
    for Jad to start his new job. I waited for him to call me all day to talk to me
    about it.  When he didn’t call me, I
    texted him instead. He said his day wasn’t going very well – that it was just
    too much. I encouraged him, saying I knew he could do it.
    That evening, I made his favorite dessert, knafeh, to
    celebrate. To my surprise and sadness, it was not a celebratory dessert after
    all, but more of a therapeutic one. The rest of the evening was filled with
    tears and sadness as we discussed the day’s events.

    Jad told me that the whole way home he just wanted to cry.
    The store was filthy beyond belief, with boxes everywhere, a disgusting carpet
    that wasn’t going to be replaced, a horrendous back room, no Christmas items
    set out, and a mess that would take weeks to clean up.

    At work, when the district manager for Reidsville walked him
    around the store, he pointed all these things out, all the while putting down
    the manager who just retired. Jad agreed there was much to be done, and felt
    confident he would be able to fix everything. Then, he talked to the manager
    himself. He got a different story.

    The newly retired manager told him how happy he was to be
    leaving that store. He said that he worked over 60 hours a week and worked hard
    all the time, but there weren’t enough employees to get anything done. Only a
    small percentage of store profit can go to Payroll, and the numbers are
    strictly enforced. Several of the employees at the Reidsville store have been
    there many years, and thus, make much more money than most cashiers would. Because
    of this, no extra help can be hired. Despite this, the retired manager had the
    same expectations put upon him, with no leniency or compassion of any kind.

    Jad got a different outlook then. After talking to the
    retired manager, he realized that this manager had to clean bathrooms and run a
    register, amongst other non-manager duties because there weren’t enough
    employees to do those things. A salary-paid employee gets paid the same no
    matter how many hours he works. Jad figured out that based on how many hours he
    would have to work, he’d only be making maybe $9 an hour. He’d also have to
    work at least two Sundays a month.
    In addition to working at least 60 hours a week (managers
    are only supposed to work 48-52 per week), he would have nearly an hour drive
    back and forth each day. Plus, he would only get a total of three days off
    during November and December each year, and would have no paid vacation until
    after his first year.

    Jad and I had a very long discussion about this whole
    situation. I told him he had to quit. As we kept talking, I knew that was what
    had to be done, and kept reiterating it. He was relieved, and told me he was
    worried that I would tell him to stick it out because of the money.

    It really wasn’t even an option for him to stay with this
    company. Jad wouldn’t be able to fulfill his church responsibilities – not his
    calling nor his home teaching. The kids and I would basically never see him.
    He’d miss out on all school and church activities. The house would stay messy
    forever… no, this was not going to work.

    We did consider the cons of him quitting. The only thing we
    could think of was how people would think about him for doing it. People might
    gossip. We decided that was not a good enough reason to stay with the company.

    Jad got excited about quitting. The next day was actually a
    big meeting with all the managers of his district, the district manager, and the
    district trainer. He said he would go to the meeting, get a final feel for if
    this job could work by talking to the district manager, and then quit if
    necessary.

    He left for Greensboro early Tuesday morning. On my way to
    the church class I teach, I got a phone call from Jad. He told me he was
    shaking from the inside and that he thought he caused a big stir. I asked him
    what happened. He then started to tell me of the morning’s events.

    When Jad first got to the meeting, he noticed all the
    managers were older. He found this peculiar. He had been told that he would
    have an opportunity for promotion. If that were the case, all the people in
    this room should have been promoted by now.

    After the first hour and half of the meeting, Jad felt
    prompted to start asking his fellow managers questions. He asked each of them
    how long they had been working at the company and how many hours they worked
    per week. On average, they had been working as managers for 15-20 years and
    were working about 60 hours a week or more. Jad asked them if they liked their
    job. Not one person said yes; they just looked at each other.

    One manager, who was a little younger, said she is at work
    more than she is at home. She has not been able to spend quality time with her
    children for 15 years.

    Jad went outside then to speak to the district manager. He
    asked the DM for 15% to use towards payroll or a significant pay increase. The
    DM said no, so Jad asked to speak to the whole group inside.

    He boldly stood up in front of everyone and said that he
    would not be working for this company because he would be a slave. He said he
    would rather spend time with his family than work all the time for more money.
    Throughout his speech, he told the managers to stop him if he said something
    wrong.

     Jad wasn’t afraid to
    tell everyone that this company wasn’t run in the right way.  There weren’t enough hours to give the employees,
    so the managers had to work for basically $9-$10 an hour.
    Jad firmly testified that money is not important. After we
    die, we only take our family and knowledge with us. His relationship with his
    family was much more important than any job. He reiterated that he would not be
    working for the company. He said it was nice to meet all of them, apologized
    for the trouble, and stated his name before handing the district manager the
    keys and heading to his van to come home.

    As he looked around the room before departing, he noticed
    the faces of those around him. He was surprised that the only person who looked
    upset was the district manager. Most of the other people had looks of
    understanding, or eye-opening awareness. One female manager even smiled at him
    and told him to go home to his family.

    I was proud of him, and we were both relieved for him to be
    going back to the job we so desperately wanted him to leave.

    Later we talked about all this. Why did we have to go
    through this experience? Why go through all that training just to quit a job
    after one day? Well, we actually learned much from this and are grateful we
    went through it:

    1.
    The grass isn’t always greener on the other
    side.
    2.
    What we had was actually good in many ways, and
    we should have acted more grateful instead of complaining. Jad’s work
    arrangement of going to Kinston three days a week is still not perfect, but we
    will be much more positive about it now.
    3.
    Quality family time is so important. Getting
    more money is not an excuse to take that away.
    4.
    Do sufficient research on what you are accepting
    before taking a job. Don’t just take someone’s word for it.
    5.
    Be careful of listening to the “flattering
    words” of others.
    6.
    Get both sides of all stories. Things are not
    always as they seem.
    7.
    When we thought we would not be spending much
    time together anymore, we thought of ways to spend more quality time as a
    family, and we will continue to implement those ideas.
    8.
    Only someone who was about to quit a job could
    speak so boldly as Jad did. Perhaps his words will influence a change in the
    company, or at least in the hearts of some who work there.


    Jad
    and I both thank our Heavenly Father for knowing what we need and how we need
    to be taught. 

  • The Monster and the Miracle

    August 28, 2011 was just like any normal Sunday. We went to church as usual, and had dinner at my parents’ house. Everything seemed fine. Then, that night, after we put the kids to bed, Jad started to get stomach pain. He said he felt like knives were stabbing him. He started to throw up, and he kept wailing in pain. He was freezing cold, but sweating too. He couldn’t even stand up. He just kneeled over the toilet and screamed that he needed to go to the hospital.

    I was very worried. I knew Jad wouldn’t say that unless something was really wrong. I couldn’t take him there because I had two children (one a young baby) asleep in their beds. I then thought of calling my brother, Aaron. He graciously accepted my plea to take Jad to the emergency room.

    When Aaron arrived, I had managed to get Jad down the stairs, but he was kneeling over the steps moaning, with a bucket nearby. It would have been comical, had it not been so disconcerting. I watched, feeling helpless, as Aaron slowly led Jad to his car and off to Durham Regional Hospital. Aaron told me he drove as fast as he could, recognizing just how bad it must be… Jad was a very tough person, and he could barely talk.

    I didn’t sleep well that night. I keep waiting for my phone to ring with an update. The only comfort was in knowing my brother was with him.

    Aaron related to me the events of that first night, and it made me even more grateful he was there. When they first got to the emergency room, nobody seemed to notice Jad could barely stand. While he was bombarded with paperwork, Aaron gingerly held up his body weight.

    When Jad got to a room, he was given an IV to remove the pain. Ridiculously, though, the nurse had to stab him many times before finding a vein. She kept apologizing, saying she was new. Jad didn’t seem to notice at first, but finally grunted in displeasure.

    Jad saw a doctor soon after, and after explaining his symptoms, the doctor recommended that he get a CT scan. Aaron and Jad were then told to sit tight until the doctors transferred shifts. That ended up being several hours. When the second doctor finally arrived, he confirmed the need for a CT scan. Jad had to drink a liquid in three doses to cleanse his body. A nurse was supposed to check on him to give him each dose, but she didn’t. Aaron took it upon himself to administer the liquid to Jad.

    Finally, he got the CT scan. Brian McDonald, someone we didn’t know then but do now from church, gave him this scan. The doctor came in to show Jad the x-ray, which showed a large growth on his liver. He told Jad grimly that he most likely had a cancerous tumor.

    At receiving this news, Jad wept. He did not want to die and leave his family alone. What would they do? He wasn’t ready to leave this earth yet.

    I am so grateful Aaron was with him to comfort him during this heartbreaking time.

    I came to the hospital the next morning after taking Casey to school. I asked for prayers from my friends and family, and held on to faith that all would be well. After all, they had not yet confirmed it was cancer.

     

    Rigel and I visiting Jad in the hospital.

     

    We were so blessed and grateful to soon hear that cancer was out of the list of possible diagnoses. If that huge growth were a malignant tumor, Jad would have been dead long ago. We breathed a sigh of relief, but longed to know what was really wrong.

    That whole day, we waited to know what was in his body. At one point, a whole room of doctors came in, and said they didn’t have an answer but were still working on it. All they knew was that he had something large, living, and growing inside of his liver. They said that Jad would have to have a lot of blood taken. Some of the blood would be sent to Maryland to be tested.

    We were so grateful for the visitors we received during all this waiting. It made it a little easier to endure.

    The following day, August 30, the doctors had a theory: Jad had a Middle-Eastern parasite that had been growing inside his body for years. They said his condition must be very rare since none of them had ever seen it before.

    Once the blood tests were sent off, Jad was able to return home to await a diagnosis. He would have to return to the hospital once the blood tests came back. The doctors said if the blood tests were inconclusive, he would have to have a liver biopsy.

    Exactly one week later, on September 6, Jad and I went to Duke University Hospital to get the news from Dr. Luke Chen, the Infectious Disease Specialist there. After about four hours at the hospital (most of it spent waiting), we got our answer: Jad had Echinococcus.

    Dr. Chen, a Chinese man with an Australian accent, drew pictures for us of what was going on in Jad’s liver. He had never actually seen anyone with Echinococcus before, but he said Jad must have had the disease for at least 10 years, based on the size of the cystic matter. He told us how this parasite can infect many organs, and that Jad was very lucky it was the liver, because the liver is the only body part that can regenerate itself. He also expressed relief that the infection manifested itself when it did, because it could have ruptured at any time, ending Jad’s life.

    A doctor in the Northeast told Dr. Chen about a patient she had had with Echinococcus. She said that if Jad needed surgery, it would be best for a cancer surgeon to operate. Dr. Chen told Jad that if he had surgery, Dr. Bryan Clary would be his surgeon. He had never operated on someone with this condition, but he was one of the best out there.

    He put Jad on a pill that is supposed to cure Echinoccocus (it had to be specially ordered), in the off chance that he could be cured. More realistically, though, Dr. Chen expected the medicine to just stop the cyst from growing. Jad had to be on this pill for two months before he could have surgery

    We left the office that day a little overwhelmed, but with faith all would be well. We really liked Dr. Chen, and knew Jad was in good hands. He was so interested in Jad’s case, and wanted to learn everything he could. He was also very friendly, helpful, and offered us as much information as possible. We could tell he cared about Jad’s well-being.

    After that appointment, we were really curious to find out how Jad got this infectious disease.

    Well, after some reflection with his mother, Salma, Jad figured it out:

    In the Spring of 1999, when Jad was 17 years old, he and many members of his family went to have a barbecue near a farming community on the Dead Sea. There were people on the street selling lettuce from their farms. Jad’s family ended up buying a large box of lettuce. Jad loves lettuce, so naturally, he started to eat it. One of his mother’s cousins said that the lettuce should probably be washed before it was eaten, but the consensus of the group was that if they just shook the lettuce off, it would be fine. His whole family ate the lettuce without a problem. That evening, though, Jad started to get very itchy. He also had bumps all over his body, and swelling. Salma took Jad to an urgent care to be checked out. The doctor attributed the bumps and itching to an allergic reaction. He gave Jad a shot to help with the itching and swelling. The shot worked, so Jad went home.

    This would not be the only time Jad had a reaction over the next few years.

    In summer 2002, when Jad was living in Port St. Lucie, FL, he had another reaction. He had gone out to eat and eaten a tuna salad. Late that night, he got very itchy, with bumps and swelling. His uncle Hani took him to the hospital, and the doctor said he probably had food poisoning. He was treated for that, and sent on his way.

    Jad’s uncle Hani complained to the restaurant about the food poisoning, but the restaurant did not want to take responsibility. The hospital recommended that Jad to go to an allergist to try to find an explanation for his symptoms. After the tests, the allergist told him he had no allergies at all. The restaurant still claimed it wasn’t food poisoning, but offered to pay for the allergist appointment.

    The following summer, something much worse happened. Jad had eaten dinner at home with his uncles William and Hani, and his other roommate, Ihan. Hani had made chicken wraps with large amounts of onion. After dinner, Jad felt bloated. That night, while he was sleeping, Jad got a huge stabbing pain in the right side of his body. He was terrified because he couldn’t feel or move his right side at all. William and Ihan quickly took him to the same hospital as the year before. The doctor was not that concerned about Jad’s condition, and said he just had bad gas. He gave him a lot of pain medication and pills for bloating.

    In late summer 2004, when Jad was in Jordan, something else happened. He got something called a Christmas Tree rash. It lasted for about 45 days. The doctor said it was very common and not dangerous – just an allergic reaction.

    Following that summer, Jad did not have any serious symptoms. He would just occasionally have pain under his ribcage. He always assumed it was gas.

    After we told Jad’s family that the issues he had all those years were due to Echinococcus, they started to do some research. They said that many people in Jordan over the years had gotten the same infection – many in their lungs – and there had been many deaths. Only in the past 6-7 years had Jordanian doctors finally started to get familiar with the disease.

    Did it bother you that all of these doctors just made assumptions instead of finding out the issue? Did you recognize, as we did, that had any of these hospitals done a CT scan, Jad could have easily been cured, with no need for surgery? We had a little frustration over this, but mostly just held on to our hopes that the Lord would bless Jad to make it through this, and that our family would come out stronger with lessons learned.

    Before surgery was scheduled, Jad had another CT scan, just to see what was going on in his liver. The cysts, as anticipated, were still there, as big as ever, but there had been no progression. Yes, Jad definitely needed surgery.

    He met with Dr. Clary to get options for the surgery, and to set a date. I wasn’t there for that appointment, but Jad’s brother, Tawfeeq, accompanied him. Dr. Clary gave Jad two options: robotic surgery or invasive surgery. With robotic surgery, Jad would only have a couple small scars, but his risks of dying were higher. In contrast, invasive surgery would be less risky, but he would end up with a huge scar, and cold weather would cause him pain going forward. Dr. Clary let Jad choose, but made it clear which was the safer choice. Jad chose the invasive surgery option.

    Surgery was scheduled for November 10, 2011.

    You may wonder how Jad and I were feeling as the date approached. It’s interesting. Jad and I were never really that scared. We both knew everything was going to work out. We even went into it all with a positive attitude, looking for the benefits for our family. For example, here is my Facebook status post from November 4, 2011:

    Ah, I love my family so much! I can’t wait for Jad to come home tomorrow. Then we’ll be together every day for at least a month while Jad heals from surgery, which is next Thursday. I’m sure this experience will only bring us closer.

     

    A picture of our happy family just a couple weeks before the surgery.

    November 9 arrived, and I asked for my friends and family to pray that Jad’s surgery would go smoothly the following day. I received an outpouring of support, love and prayers. My friend, Jada, put a post on Facebook that brought me great peace. She said:

    Much love to Jad and the entire Al-Bjaly family. God has an army of angels to watch over you all. I pray with all my heart that His grace and mercy will be with you and that you will have peace throughout the entire process of surgery and recovery. Much love. Let me know if you need anything.

    We went to bed that night ready to face the day. We had to be at Duke Hospital really early in the morning, like around 5:30 AM. My mother was an angel to come to our home before we left, and take care of my sleeping children. She would get Casey off to school and then bring Rigel to the hospital to wait with me until the surgery was over.

    I remember riding the elevator together when we got to the hospital. We were going up into the unknown. We had only been married for less than two years, and here we were, going through something so serious, something we never would have expected. After Jad was prepped for surgery, I was taken back to wish him well and give him my love. The anesthesiologist said I needed to give him his “goodnight kiss.” I did just that, and then turned to leave him in the surgeon’s hands.

    It was amazing how many people were in the waiting room. They were all waiting for a loved one to come out of surgery. My mom and Rigel were with me the whole time, and we watched people. We even had a conversation here and there. I was never afraid. I was a little impatient, though, especially as the four-hour mark went by. He should have been done with his surgery by then. The minutes kept ticking, and I yearned to hear my name over the loud speaker to come get an update. At one point, I did go up and ask. The person at the desk inquired with Dr. Clary for me, and he just said the surgery was taking longer than expected.

    Tick tock. Tick tock. Late in the afternoon, Jad’s mom, Salma, aunt Rania, grandmother, Nada, and uncle Hani, came from Kinston to sit in the waiting room and show their support. They brought lots of Arabic cookies. Aaron came to visit too.

    After about eight hours, I got called up to the desk. The surgery was finally over. I gave a huge sigh of relief and contentment.

    Dr. Clary called all of us into this office to explain what he had found during the surgery. He said that he removed a mass about the size of a football from Jad’s body. The cysts had been attached to Jad’s diaphragm and gallbladder as well. Not only was most of Jad’s liver removed, but also his gallbladder. Removing the cystic matter from the diaphragm was very intricate work, causing the surgery to last so much longer than planned. We were shocked at all this, and even more grateful Jad was alive and well.

    My mom and Aaron headed home with Rigel, and I stayed behind with Jad’s family to be able to hopefully see him. After about an hour, I was the first to be able to see Jad. I was a little nervous walking down the long, cold hallway. When I approached my husband, he was moaning and could barely talk or keep his eyes open. He didn’t seem to quite know what was going on. Jad may not have realized I was there, but regardless, I held his hand, spoke sweetly to him, told him I loved him, and sweetly kissed his forehead.

    When I was with him, my first feelings were that of sympathy for my poor husband…but then I felt God’s love surrounding both of us. I knew that He was with us, and that Jad’s surgery went well because of faith and prayers, and because Jad had a special mission to perform for the Lord in this life. He would recover, and he would go forward in faith.

    It was hard to leave him, but I promised I would be back the next day. Jad’s family members took turns visiting him too. I saw tears as they re-entered the waiting room. We said our goodbyes, and left Jad at the hospital.
    He did not remember any of us visiting him that evening. Late that night, though, after I put the kids to bed, I got a phone call. A nurse from Duke told me that Jad had woken up and was asking for his wife. My heart broke a little, and I wished I could be with him. I promised I would be there the next morning.

    My cousin, Lisa, yet another angel in this story, came down from Virginia for several days to help watch my kids so that I could be with Jad as often as possible. I drove back and forth to Duke way more times than I ever thought I would in my life during the next six days. Often, Salma came with me. Other times, when Lisa wasn’t able to watch the kids, I would take Salma to the hospital, go home, and come get her later. I wanted someone with Jad as often as possible.

    When I first saw Jad that first day after surgery, I was so humbled. Seeing him that way, I realized how much we take our bodies for granted. He needed help with everything – eating, drinking, adjusting pillows – moving at all. As I observed his difficulty, I started to giggle – something I do when I am nervous or unsure. I think the nurse thought I was either really crazy or really insensitive. I actually was a little alarmed. I hadn’t expected him to be so bad off.

    Jad told me that the previous night he had a dream. I won’t recount the details, but it was a confirmation to him that there is life after death, and that it was not his time to go.

    Throughout the next few days, Jad slept a lot, and I read more books than I had in a long time. He also had to practice walking. The first time I walked with him, both Salma and I helped him, and he literally walked as slowly as a turtle. It was hard to walk that slowly, but I always held his hand.

    To quickly summarize Jad’s progress through November 16, the day he went home, here are my Facebook statuses for those days:

    Saturday, Nov 12 – For those of you who want an update on Jad, here it is: He will be in the hospital until at least Tuesday. He is lucid, but is still very tired and weak. He is also still in a lot of pain. He has gotten up and walked around a couple times, but it’s really hard for him. We were told this is the worst day for him, so hopefully it only goes up from here. He can have visitors any time, as long as they are 12 or older. He is in room 4115 at Duke University Hospital.

    Sunday, Nov 13 – Jad was feeling much better today. He isn’t hooked up to all the tubes anymore. It is still really hard to get up and walk, and he still sleeps a lot, but he is definitely getting better. Hopefully tomorrow he can get out of the hospital gown and put on some real clothes. I know he’s looking forward to it.

    I believe this was the only day Jad saw Casey and Rigel during his hospital stay. My mom brought them to Duke, and we talked to Jad in the hallway. He was still in his hospital gown. The kids couldn’t go into his room, which is why he had to venture out. It was so nice to have us all together, even just for a little while.

    Tuesday, Nov 15 – Jad is feeling much better today and after today, no more tubes. He should be going home tomorrow or Thursday. It’s still hard to walk and move a lot because of pain, but hopefully that will get better in a couple weeks.

    Wednesday, Nov 16 – I am so proud of Jad. I walked into his hospital room this morning, and he had gotten a shower, shaved, gotten dressed, and done his hair all by himself. AND, he is coming home today!!!!

    It sounds kind of silly to say I was proud of him for doing normal things, but honestly, after such an intense surgery, the ability for him to do anything on his own was impressive.

    Later that day, I was able to bring Jad home. I was thrilled. I had longed for our family to be together again. I remember going to get the van, and waiting by the front for him to come out. I kept looking and looking. Such joy overcame me as I saw him being wheeled out of the hospital. After being assisted into the van very slowly, we started our journey back home and to recovery. I felt bad because I know that he was in so much pain the whole way home, but he tried to be strong. When we got home, it took us several minutes to get him out of the car, down the steps, and down the walkway to our townhome. Each step was a victory.

    The first thing he wanted once he got situated on the couch was Jello with pineapple in it. He had really enjoyed his Jello at the hospital. He had been on the “bland diet”, so that was the most exciting food he had eaten there.

    The next week or two were very hard on me. I was taking care of my husband and my two children by myself. We so appreciated the meals our friends brought to us, as well as the love and support from everyone. Going up the stairs was really hard for Jad for a while, and he had to sleep sitting up with lots of pillows around him. Slowly, though, the pain started to lessen and the wounds started to heal.

     

    The first picture of Jad holding Rigel after his surgery.

     

    The family on Thanksgiving Day, not long after the surgery.

    Now, Jad is healthy and life is back to normal. We will never forget that time of our lives, though, for we learned so many lessons:

    We knew that the scare that Jad had was a blessing from God, for without it, he may have eventually died from a ruptured cyst.

    We gained a stronger testimony of the Word of Wisdom. Jad quit drinking in 2008, when he was investigating the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He used to drink every night. Had he kept drinking, he very well may have died from his infection, because his liver would have been completely destroyed.

    We received a second confirmation that leaving my job was the right thing to do. It had been really hard for me to adjust to not working, but, had I still been working when all this was going on with Jad, I would not have been able to be with him and help him through it. Those times in the hospital, and the weeks following, were such a tender experience for us. I needed to be with him during that time.

    We found one more reason that Jad was supposed to live in North Carolina: excellent doctors and surgeons who would take the time to properly diagnose him and operate on him.

    We felt so much love from family and friends. We will always remember the kindness, generosity, faith and prayers.

    Most importantly, we felt God’s love for us. We knew He was with Jad, that He was always with Jad. This was all part of the plan, and He prepared a way for him to survive, from moving to United States, to joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to moving to North Carolina. This trial he faced was only a test. It would make him stronger, and was for his good.

    Maybe it is a good thing Jad has such a large scar. It is a constant and profound reminder that miracles do happen.

     

    ***If you would like to see pictures of Jad’s liver, see below. If you get queasy easily, you probably shouldn’t scroll any further. Enjoy!***

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Don’t try to be hot. Try to be you.

    My mind has been going to modesty lately, and I realize I have a lot of experiences and thoughts I would like to share with you to help you see just how crucial it is.

    Members of my church think about modesty on a daily basis. You usually won’t see active Mormons wearing short skirts, low-cut tops, saggy pants, or even sleeveless attire. Why?

    Here is some of the official reasoning from the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

    Your body is God’s sacred creation. Respect it as a gift from God, and do not defile it in any way. Through your dress and appearance, you can show the Lord that you know how precious your body is. You can show that you are a disciple of Jesus Christ.


    Prophets of God have always counseled His children to dress modestly. The way you dress is a reflection of what you are on the inside. Your dress and grooming send messages about you to others and influence the way you and others act. When you are well groomed and modestly dressed, you invite the companionship of the Spirit and can exercise a good influence on those around you.

    Never lower your dress standards for any occasion. Doing so sends the message that you are using your body to get attention and approval and that modesty is important only when it is convenient. (For the Strength of Youth: Dress and Appearance)

    I was also interested to see what the dictionary defines modestly as. A couple ways dictionary.com defines modesty are:

    1. Freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.
    2. Regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.
    I love these definitions, because they go so perfectly with the standards of my church. The way we dress does matter. It affects what others think about us; it reflects our own feelings of self-worth; it brings different kinds of attention.
    I really believe that vanity plays a huge part in how we choose to dress. There are certain ways to dress that will definitely be great for our egos. I like the second definition too, though, because modestly isn’t just about dress. Our speech and behavior can be immodest as well. Let me tell you some stories from my life to help illustrate this:
    As a little girl, there were certain clothes I liked better than others, and I would choose my clothing accordingly. All kids are that way. It wasn’t until middle school, however, that I felt pressured to dress and look and act differently than I would naturally choose to.
    I started 6th grade not really caring a whole lot how I looked. I remember wearing my mom’s old shirts that she didn’t want anymore. They were obviously too large for me. I also remember wearing some boy clothes because they were more comfortable. I was happy in this style (or lack thereof), until kids started to talk. I remember one day I wore a casual pink dress to school and paired it with dark blue Tweety Bird tennis shoes. A girl in Technology class laughed at me and said that my clothes didn’t match. On another occasion, I was wearing my favorite long-sleeved pink shirt with a satin pink bear on the front. Someone remarked rudely that I always wore the same shirt, and didn’t I have anything else to wear. I told that person I wore that shirt often because I loved it, but from that day on I made sure to wear it less.
    At 11 years old I was starting to learn that clothes mattered. People were going to either praise you or make fun of you for your clothing choices. At some point in that year I noticed that girls were starting to wear make up. I soon found some old blush of my mom’s in our hall closet, took it secretly, and then started to put blush on my cheeks after gym class every day so I would look prettier.
    Then after a summer, my parents took me to get new clothes and I started 7th grade. I remember sitting down in one of my classes and a boy saying a little too loudly for a whisper, “That’s Mandy? She looks different. She looks good!” I was wondering why that boy was saying that, but I blushed a little, excited to be looked at so differently than the year before. I recall that year making more certain I looked pretty at school. I even rolled up my shorts sometimes to make them just a little shorter. I wanted to get the attention the other pretty girls were getting. At that age, girls were starting to develop, and noticing I didn’t have much, I started to stuff my bra. I am not sure if someone told me to do that, or if I came up with it on my own, but I did it. I also took some large hoop earrings that my mom didn’t want me to wear, and wore them to school. I also remember on the days I wore button-down shirts, unbuttoning them from both ends so I showed way more skin that I should have. Why did I do all this? I knew it was wrong because on my walk home after getting off the bus, I would take off the earrings, remove the stuffing, and button my shirt. I was starting to learn that girls who dressed like that got more attention from the boys. That’s why. I liked not being the nerd anymore.
    I think I calmed down a bit in 8th grade. I wasn’t stuffing my bra anymore, but boys were still talking about breast sizes on the bus. I remember one day there were a couple boys pointing to different girls and yelling out a letter – a guess at cup size. I got embarrassed. I started thinking about it. I didn’t stuff my bra again, but I did make sure to pull my shirt down in the front whenever I could to make it look like I had something there. One day after school, right after I had gotten home from the bus, I got a phone call from a boy in my neighborhood. He told me I had looked extra hot that day, and he was wondering if I wanted to come to his house and make out. I was horrified. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t dressed like that so that boys would want to do stuff with me. I was doing it because I wanted to be pretty and just wanted attention from the boys. I didn’t know they were thinking about that. I turned him down saying I wasn’t like that. I never told my mom about it, but oh had I wished she had been home when I got home from school that day.
    In high school, I dressed pretty modestly. I think the incident in 8th grade woke me up a bit. Plus, in high school, kids just weren’t as mean. I actually was shocked when girls I knew from church would go to school and change their clothes in order to show off more skin. It really bothered me, actually. At the end of my junior year, I went to the Senior class dance because I was a Junior Marshall. One of my church friends, a Senior, came to the dance in a halter top and mini skirt. I couldn’t understand it, and I was upset by it.
    I was a little vain in high school, though. There was a time (Freshman year, maybe?) when I had to check my face almost constantly to make sure it looked good. I would hook my powder case to the drawstring in my gym shorts just so I could check my face periodically. Every time before I went up to the front of the class, I would have to check my face too. I didn’t want to look ugly and be laughed at.
    Though I dressed modestly in high school, my behavior didn’t stay so modest. Being in the theater program introduced me to a whole different way of behaving. I will say I was probably really good my Freshman through Junior year, but my Senior year was when I had my first kiss. I was in a musical called Pippin and I had to kiss the boy playing Pippin. I didn’t know this when I got the part, and freaked out when I realized I had to. I was also freaked out that I had to get under bedcovers with him in one scene. My parents laughed when I told them about it, probably because they knew I was so anxious about it and could be trusted;  I ended up performing in the musical.

    After having my first kiss during a rehearsal on stage, and then practicing kissing for months, I got pretty good at it. That opened me up to other boys wanting to kiss me, you know, just acting. I remember I would kiss random boys for fun. I just got way more comfortable with boys in general. That lead me to not always having modest behavior. Teenage boys like girls that will show them affection. Teens expect each other to have boyfriends or girlfriends. If you don’t, you are lame. Some of my friends had very immodest speech. They would talk about making out, and even sex. I couldn’t believe some of my friends were having sex. People would ask me about my sex life at school, and at work too. I was too afraid to say anything about it, so I would either be silent, or say that was personal. Was my speech modest? Well, it wasn’t immodest, but I probably led people to believe I was doing things I wasn’t.

    After high school, I started going to the Singles Ward – a Mormon congregation for Singles. I met MEN there. No more boys. Immediately I got the attention of men 3-5 years older than me. In high school, you were lucky to get the attention of someone one year older. I started dating. There was one guy after an activity who told me, as he drove me home, that he would stop the car right then and make out with me. I told him no because I had already kissed a guy that day. No joke. I had actually threatened a guy I had talked to most of that activity that he was being annoying and that if he didn’t stop, I would kiss him. He didn’t believe me. Well, I am a woman of my word… That annoying man and I actually dated for a  few weeks, and he was the first man I ever “fell in love” with. He would spend time with me, kiss me, and take me out, only to break my heart when he went back to school.
    After my first love left, I started dating again here and there. One evening, a guy who I had just been out on a date with, and who had given me a ride to an activity, asked me if I wanted to fog up the windows. I didn’t even know what he meant at the time. If I had, I would have been tempted to smack him and never talk to him again. You can see from these early adult experiences, I was still pretty naïve. The immodest people were the men I was going out with. But, I was getting a feel for why they liked me. I started to assume again that men only liked girls who were attractive to them. During my time before I went off to college, I really fell for a guy. He was so funny and sweet, and good looking. I remember one time at an activity I gave him a hug and lifted my leg around his waist to be funny. Thinking back, I have no idea why I did that. That wasn’t appropriate at all, and he told me he didn’t want me to do it. Mixed messages. So hard to figure out what behavior was best.
    Then I went off to college in Utah. From my first day there, I had men flocking to me. I went out on a date my first night after Institute (scripture class). I dated a lot of guys my first semester in college. They would all tell me how pretty I was. Many of them would try to put their arm around me or kiss me way before I was ready – sometimes I wasn’t even attracted to them. One evening, I went to a guy’s house to play games with his other friends. During one of the games, it came out that one of the guys loved my legs. I wasn’t wearing a short skirt, but he still felt he had to mention that. After the games were over, everyone went home, but the guy whose house we were at asked me to stay to talk. He told me he cared about me. He spoke words that made me want to stay with him a little longer. He gave me clothes to change into to be more comfortable.  He took advantage of me – of my innocence, naivety and trustworthiness.
    During this first semester, there was one man, only one, who treated me like a real person. He admired me for my personality – for being me. He didn’t spend all the time telling me how pretty I was. I was not attracted to him for months, but he kept being my friend and helping me. He never pressured me to date him. Then one day, I realized that I was in love with him. He was someone who saw passed physicality. He didn’t try to get me to engage in immodest behavior. I ended up marrying him… and ironically, he had a pornography addiction. What a conundrum.
    So, after two years of marriage, I was single again. I felt the lowest self-esteem I had ever felt. I was heavier because of having a baby. I was way too young to be divorced. I was desperate to find someone else. I expressed that desperation probably more than I realized, and it turned men off.
    I worked hard to lose all my baby weight, and that helped my confidence a bit. I started to try to look prettier, “hot,” even. I dated around. That seemed to help some of the men look passed my past and go out with me. None of the men I dated were right for me, though.
    At work, I started noticing that I got some attention on the days when men around me liked the way I looked. I don’t know why, but these men had no filter and would tell me straight up if they liked the way my butt looked in certain jeans, etc. One Halloween, I dressed up as Miss Scarlett because the supervisors in my department were doing a live Clue game. One of the IT men, an older man in a wheel chair, told me how much he liked how I looked. I don’t remember his exact words, just that he really found me attractive, and that I threw up a little knowing that. The outfit I wore wasn’t revealing, but looking back, your clothes don’t have to be revealing to be immodest. They don’t have to be revealing to get men’s attention. There are certain colors, fits and fabrics that make the men look a little harder and a little longer.
    Towards the end of 2007, I became good friends with a couple new people I met at work. We called ourselves “The Trio.” By the beginning of 2008 I realized I had strong feelings for the male in this trio. He wasn’t a member of my church, and I figured his values weren’t the same, but I felt this overwhelming desire to be with him. One night, he and I went to an art show that my work told us about. He went willingly because he loved art and was an artist himself.
    We had a wonderful time, and decided to watch a movie at his apartment afterwards. I didn’t think anything of it because we were just friends. He was so nice and rubbed my feet for me during the whole movie, and afterwards, I was ready to go home. He told me how attracted he was to me. I found this as a complete shock because he had never told me he had feelings for me.
    Well, he ended up kissing me. It didn’t take long, though, before he said nobody could know because I was a supervisor and he wasn’t. For months, I went through a roller coaster “relationship” with him. He kept telling me that we weren’t right together, but he was just so attracted to me at the same time. I found myself not dressing as modestly as I should. It wasn’t that I was wearing really revealing clothing either. I just made sure to show just a little bit of cleavage, wear really beautiful and flattering clothes everyday, and walk, talk, speak and look at him just right. Where did I learn how to do all that? I still don’t know. But I knew how to swing my hips just right, bend over at the right moments, ask him about how hot I looked that day, smile with my eyebrow raised and my lips pursed. That was how I got him to stay along with me, and not totally let go.  Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t playing him. I was madly in love with him, in fact. I wanted to marry him. He knew my son and got along well with him. I helped him get a promotion at work. I talked to him about religion all the time. He, however, even though he said he loved me, treated me like a doll. He would put me on the shelf whenever he was done with me. He would act tenderly with me, and then turn around and tell me we couldn’t be together.  It was terrible. We ended up never really being together as a steady couple.
    I realized throughout that time, though, that other men looked at me a certain way when I looked good. They would follow me with their eyes, almost hungrily. It was a little creepy at first, but then I learned to relish it because at least I was getting attention. Maybe some of the other women at work were even jealous of me.
    I got out of this phase when I met another man (a member of my church) a couple months after my work love ended. I never felt a need to talk, act, or dress immodestly with him. However, I still tried to look “hot” most of the time so that he would stay attracted to me. I guess I never really realized he grew to love me for me, and not how I looked. My relationship with him didn’t work out, though, because of personality issues and goal differences.
     Then I met my wonderful future husband, Jad. When I first met him, we were at a church dance. He had a very strong accent and I didn’t understand him well. All I knew was he was really handsome, knew how to dress, and smelled amazing. My first attraction to Jad was looks (and smell). His first attraction to me was also looks, so he tells me.
    The thing that was different was that our relationship never dwelled on our looks. He fell in love with me and I him for reasons having nothing to do with looks. He accepted my past without judgment. I wanted to look beautiful for him when we were first getting to know each other, but I never felt I had to look perfect. We went out and did activities where I didn’t always look my best. He loved me anyway. I never dressed immodestly with him. I never spoke that way, or acted that way either. In fact, I never liked it when he would call me “hot” or some other word like that. I was different. I think after my work love, I realized that when someone said he loved you, it wasn’t always love. Sometimes it was lust, and it stemmed from immodesty.
    I have been married to my husband for 4 1/2 years. You might be wondering if I have let myself go. No, I haven’t , actually. I still care about my appearance, but I don’t wear make up every day, and I don’t take nearly as long to get ready anymore. I don’t leave the house every day making sure I look “hot” or “sexy” before I get in the car.
    No, I don’t care about looking “hot” anymore because I have learned from all the experiences I just told you that when someone’s goal is to look “hot,” a lot of things happen:
    She forgets who she really is and what makes her special, and starts to become something she isn’t. She starts to make looks a priority, becoming vain. She desires men to desire her, and is often successful. She is viewed outwardly so penetratingly, people assume that is who she is inwardly. She starts to make poor choices because she does not have the Holy Ghost right there with her warning her of temptation and testifying to her of truth.
    There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good, sophisticated, beautiful, or well-dressed. It is not vain to take care of yourself, and to help express on the outside who you are on the inside. There is something wrong, though, with turning away your self-respect just to gain attention. Your outside should match who you want to be on the inside.
    When I dressed immodestly, or acted or spoke as such, that wasn’t me. I am not by nature a vain, selfish, immoral person. I was starting to become that way, though.  I also found myself being different in different places. I was a hypocrite. I didn’t want my fellow church members, or my parents, seeing me act that way. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t care. I care now, and that is why I have written all this.
    The stories I told each of you are very personal, and at times embarrassing. I told them so that you can see what I have come to know. I want the young girls, just starting to feel the pressure, to know that they should remain true to themselves. Don’t change your clothes, speech, or behavior to try to be popular or to get attention. Be you, and be the best you!