I have come to enjoy personality tests more and more over the years because they help me understand more about myself and others. The one that is the most accurate one, at least for me, is created from the Myers Briggs Theory, or 16 Personalities. I am an INFJ, or Advocate, like Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Nelson Mandela.
There are so many things I love about being an INFJ. As one, I am compassionate, empathetic, honest, highly principled and ethical, a deep and insightful thinker, creative and imaginative, and an authentic and genuine friend, colleague, neighbor, etc. I greatly value honesty and integrity, use my intuition and wisdom to figure out what really matters in life’s situations, and I work to fight for equity and fairness as I feel inspired to. Helping others is a huge priority for me and gives me a sense of purpose. But there are also hard things about being an INFJ. Almost my whole life I have felt different and that I don’t fit in, which is very common for this personality type. As an INFJ, I often don’t allow myself enough self-care and I don’t ask for help enough (which is why when I do, you can trust I really need it). At times I can be too much of a perfectionist, not always because I want everything to be a certain way or perfect, but often because I seriously consider how to make a situation, relationship, or process better than it is. Because I put so much care into my relationships, I often feel unappreciated when that care isn’t reciprocated. And finally, I am a very sensitive person. Because my values and ideals are so key to who I am, if I feel that I am being attacked because of them, it hurts a lot, sometimes leading to defensiveness or even anger if the treatment feels very unfounded. Most people around me are not INFJs as it is the rarest personality type, making up less than 2% of the world population.
To add even more complexity, each personality type has an A or a T after it, meaning Assertive or Turbulent. Assertive people are usually more confident, don’t get as stressed out, and worry a lot less about what they will do or what they have done in the past (they don’t focus on regrets). They can sometimes be overconfident, leading them to cross lines with people, and they can sometimes be overly positive, causing them to gloss over potential problems and details. Regardless, they tend to be happy with their lives and are assured they can handle what comes at them. In contrast, Turbulent people are more perfectionistic, always wanting to improve. They often struggle with self-doubt, so they push themselves to become better. They notice little problems and try to stop them from increasing. They often feel bad when comparing themselves to others. All of this can either bog down or motivate them depending on how they handle it. They are careful and attentive and work towards positive action in the world. As you can see, there are pros and cons to being either of these.
I am an INFJ-T. Many of the turbulent qualities are also found in the personality traits of INFJs. It’s great to have an extra dose of wanting to make positive change in the world. It’s way less great to have an extra dose of perfectionistic tendencies, sensitivity, and self-doubt (in an INFJ’s case, due to feeling different and misunderstood).
I have been thinking a lot about myself as a person lately and what God-given attributes that help me be a light for others around me. I feel good when I think about it, but then I start to think about all my perceived flaws. I think about what often bothers me. I wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong with me (INFJs really are a walking contradiction of sorts). I wonder if anyone really likes me, really wants to be my friend, or really believes in me. I find myself crying over this more often than I would like. It’s an inner struggle that is very difficult for me to navigate. Sometimes I feel guilty for even acknowledging my gifts, thinking it may be boasting. The other part of me really wants to share my gifts with others and make a difference, and most of the time, that’s my focus, and it brings me a lot of joy and fulfillment. But sometimes I get troubled when it seems like others don’t care about my contributions or see how much of my heart and soul I put into everything I create.
I know this is very personal, but I want to share this about myself to help people understand how complex individuals can be. Nobody can be put into a neat little box and figured out with a couple observations and interactions. I also want to share this to help us all think about things we criticize in others and realize that some traits are deeply rooted in someone’s natural makeup and are very difficult to abandon. Now, this doesn’t mean people are unable to improve their behaviors or expand their personalities, but their underlying personality types will remain, and we need to accept and honor that. It also bears mentioning that even with our specific personality types, we are still individuals and no two INFJ-Ts or any other personality type will be exactly the same (for example, I am much less private than other INFJs may be because I feel called to share my experiences to help others).
People can tell me all day long to stop helping/caring about someone who doesn’t appreciate me, stop talking to someone who isn’t nice to me, stop caring what people think about me, be quiet and keep the peace to avoid ruffling feathers (even if someone says or does something insensitive, cruel, or dishonest), say this thing that isn’t exactly true so I can get out of something, etc. For people of other personality types, or for more Assertive people, some of these things wouldn’t be a big deal at all. As for me, in most cases, these suggestions would seem completely unnatural and inauthentic to me. There are some rare occasions when I would listen to this kind of advice (or more likely, come to that conclusion on my own), but there would have to be extenuating circumstances or a sense that I had tried everything else for me to feel comfortable or right about it.
I know that I am different. I am also very aware of my strengths and my weaknesses. I realize how rare some of my strengths are, as well as how deeply some of my weaknesses flow. I only wish to be the best version of myself that I can be, but I will always be who God created me to be. I can work on my weaknesses (and I do), but I also know that there are many things about me that just make me who I am. If you look at the description of an INFJ, or probably any personality type, the weaknesses are not necessarily sins. They can become so if brought to an extreme or used with bad intentions (same for strengths), but for the most part they are just ingredients that make a person into the unique creation God intended them to be. I think there is room for all personalities and that a mixture of all brings a rainbow of color and light to the world.
Where we as humans sometimes falter is when we try to force teal to be purple and orange to be pink. It’s the mentality of “I’m teal. Why can’t you be more teal?” When we do that, we lose sight of the beauty of other colors and become prideful, thinking our way is the best. We are all guilty of that. I mean, to be fair, some qualities are top notch qualities and are very needed in this world. But we can’t all have every quality. We need each other to balance each other out and help each other rise to our potential and be the best version of ourselves we can be. I need to remember this too.
The title of this post is It’s Not Easy Being Turbulent. And it’s not. I know that sensitivity in a person is looked down upon a lot, but hopefully I have shown that it’s not just someone being a baby or a sissy. It is a quality that makes up many people, and yes, it can be hard to understand by some. It can be uncomfortable or annoying at times too, but that sensitivity can also bring a lot of positive change and improvements to the world. As a Turbulent person, sometimes overly Assertive people are hard for me to handle. I know I need to focus more on what is good about being Assertive and allow those Assertive people in my life to help me balance my natural inclinations and not allow my sensitivities to elevate to an extreme. Turbulent people can also help balance out Assertive people by helping them consider other people’s feelings more and the consequences of particular actions if not carefully chosen.
I saw this picture online while writing this post, and it definitely describes me. I love it.
There is no one right way to feel or to be. No matter our personality type, or the A or T behind our name, life can be beautiful, and it will always be hard. Let’s help each other have the most colorful life we can by appreciating each other for how God created us.