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  • A Mud Run to Remember

    Sometimes you sign up for something having no idea what you are really in for. That happened to me this past Saturday when I went with several members of my son, Casey’s, wrestling team, the wrestling coach and his wife, and one of their friends.

    I did look at the website to see what the Rugged Maniac was, and I did feel pumped up by the wrestling coach’s wife, thinking we would run as a mom group and have a great time in the rear doing our best. So, I went.

    I wasn’t too nervous until we got in the line about ready to start. We all stretched and did some jogging in place to warm up. And then it was finally time to start. It wasn’t so bad at first – a light jog, a very simple obstacle. But then it got harder – a lot harder.

    I found that I was the slowest out of the three of us moms. My legs were the shortest, so that did not help me with my stride or with a lot of the obstacles that seemed to be made for people with giant legs.

    The other moms were encouraging and rooted for me for the most part. They didn’t always wait for me, which made me feel extra slow, and I always was the last out of the three to do an obstacle, but I kept trucking along.

    We three muddy moms

    I am not very athletic at all, so you may be wondering, with my slowness and all, how I did. Well, I can say that I did the entire 5k and all 25 obstacles (though at times not exactly as designed – the modified version, if you will).

    Yep, I did it. I didn’t think I would. In fact, a couple times I thought I was going to die. A couple times I was about to give up. One time I even started tearing up because the other moms in my group left me behind. What helped me get through?

    It might seem strange to say, but I really felt like there were angels along my path – angels on earth. I wasn’t expecting that in a competitive, hard-core race like this that people would ever slow down to help others. But they did. They helped me.

    At one point, we had to climb up to a platform (one of the moms gave me a boost because it was really high with no steps) and then go down a fire fighter’s pole. That one was called the Pole Position. The pole was far enough away from me on the platform that I was scared to death that my legs wouldn’t reach and I would fall. The other moms in my group rooted for me. They told me I could do it, but I just didn’t feel it. I couldn’t just go back, though, since the platform had no steps. Then I heard a man’s voice who said something like, “It’s okay. You can do this. I’ll do it with you. Okay, ready? On the count of three, we jump on and slide down. One, two…” And you know what? His voice and his promise to go at the same time as me calmed me enough that I was able to accomplish the task. I was so grateful for him.

    Another time, we had to do a very difficult obstacle where we had to run and jump onto black squares on the water. They were tied together but they moved around a lot. That one was called the Frog Hop. The squares were unfortunately spread out enough that I knew I couldn’t jump from one group to the next without falling in the water. So, I just jumped in the water, hoisted myself (super gracefully) onto one of the squares, jumped into the water, and did it again. Unfortunately, the last time I jumped in the water, the water was too high for me to hoist myself out back onto dry ground. I knew I couldn’t get out. But, there was a very nice young woman who jumped back into the water and gave me a leg up. I was embarrassed, but she was more than happy to help. I can’t remember, but I think the other two moms in my group pulled my arms too. There was no way I would have gotten out without that help.  

    The absolute hardest obstacle for me was this very high angled rope ladder that you had to go up, over and down. It was called Vertigo. I was scared to death. I went a little less than halfway up, really felt like I was going to fall, and started going back down as I said, “I can’t do this.” I kept hearing voices say I could do it, and my son and his friends had finished by that point and were there to cheer me on. I wasn’t so sure, but then a lady who was at the very top said she would wait up there and talk me through my climbing. She was so kind and patient. She talked to me and smiled at me every step of the way. She told me how to get myself over to the other side and then she talked to me until I got down. I mean, what an angel!

    Coming down with my angel next to me. See how she is talking to me?
    I was mentally exhausted after getting off that rope obstacle. The next one was a relief but I was so tired I had to go slowly.

    Another thing that really helped was the fact that even though many of the obstacles freaked me out, some of them did not bother me that much or at all, like crawling under barbed wire, jumping over fire and trenches, using my strength to pull heavy objects, getting in cold, muddy water during multiple obstacles, going down very tall slides, and being in small spaces. Accomplishing those without help gave me just enough confidence to not give up and the courage to not let me fears overcome me. Interestingly, my favorite obstacle, the Fenced In, was my favorite even though it freaked a lot of people out (it did take me a minute to figure out how to get positioned right, but after that, I loved it).

    For whatever reason, I was cool with this. I remember doing this as a teenage a long time ago. Maybe that’s why.
    A little scary but also fun. And really, once you are up you have no choice but to come down!

    The stations of water (though few and far between), the encouragement and instruction from the volunteers, and the little prayers I said throughout the race, even if they were just as short as a “Please God, give me strength.” Or “Please help me through this,” also helped get me through.  I did a lot of those prayers.

    As I said before, I was the slowest person in our wrestling group. I probably needed the most help. But I did it, and I know it was because of the love and kindness of God and His children. It wasn’t me. I couldn’t have done it alone.

    The end of the last obstacle – a huge slide into cold, muddy water. Scary but exhilarating.

    We had a break after we ran to get “cleaned up” and refuel with food. Then we got to be volunteers for a while. I was at one of the obstacles with one of Casey’s friends, the Rinse and Repeat. I truly loved being able to encourage, instruct, and be a sounding board for the runners coming through. I thought about how much I had appreciated that help. It gave me a greater appreciation for the event as I saw people of all shapes, sizes, athletic abilities, and confidence. I saw so many emotions, and I realized that the Rugged Maniac experience was different for everyone. Everyone’s reasons for being there were different, but I hope everyone who participated was glad they did it.  

    All of us tired and muddy, but we did it.

    Am I glad? Well, I have endured many days of intense soreness and very ugly bruises due to participating (my soreness is just now about gone after 6 days), but I absolutely am glad that I did it. I conquered some of my fears. I realized I can do harder things than I give myself credit for. I built friendships. And most importantly, I saw the good and helpful nature of many children of God that day. And that made it worth all the bruises, mud, and soreness over and over again.

  • Are you done??

    So, most of you know I have four kids now: Casey (almost 12), Rigel (6), Kamren (almost 4), and Eve (nearly 5 months).

    When people see me with all of my kids, or when people talk to Jad and find out he has four kids, the question inevitably arises, “Are you done having kids?”

    Sometimes the tone sounds more like, “You are done having kids, right??” Other people will just smile and say, “Well, you have your girl now, so you can be done!”

    To me, this “Are you done” question is one of the hardest questions I have been asked, and continue to get asked. There is something so final if you say “Yes,” isn’t there?

    I find myself debating back and forth sometimes. For those of you who have been asked similar questions, here might be some of the arguments people give you for each stance:

    Be Done                                                                                                                                    Don’t Be Done

    You are getting older.

    Think of your past health and labor issues.

    Can you even handle all the kids you have?

    Kids are expensive.

    Don’t you want to lose weight and stay thin?

    Pregnancy is so hard on the body.

    You will be really old when your last kid goes off to college.

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    Notice how the Not Done list is blank? That’s because people don’t usually encourage you to have more when you already have four, or a perceived other large number of kids.

    Has anyone else had this experience? I mean, the reasons to be done are quite logical. The problem is, the feeling of whether or not you are done having kids isn’t necessarily logical. So, what should we do? Follow our brains or our hearts?

    For me, it isn’t as much about what my brain tells me, as it is about what I feel. My husband and I feel the same way.

    So, when people ask us, “Are you done?” we just say “We don’t know yet.” Really? Oh…

    I wish I could say that I have had a strong feeling one way or another about it. I haven’t, and neither has my husband. We may at some point in the next couple years, but we are leaving our options open.

    Would I like to be able to get past that baby phase of life? In some ways, yes. In others, no way. It would be nice to not have to change diapers anymore,  and be able to have consistent sleep. It would also be nice to get rid of all the baby stuff and have all my kids in school.

    But, then the other side of me is worried that this will be the last opportunity I will have to see what a new baby of ours looks like, to hold that baby in my arms for the first time, to snuggle and sing to that baby, and to teach him/her everything I know.

    That is why I am leaving it up to the Lord. I have always done that. I felt very strongly, after being married to my first husband for nine months, that it was time to have a baby. I thank the Lord I listened to that prompting, else my first born had never been born. Rigel was meant to be with us, as we got pregnant with him so quickly after marriage. With Kamren, we both felt it was time to have another baby. And with Eve, I knew before Jad, and once he knew, it took nine months to get pregnant with her. In each situation of conception, it was clear what God’s will was. It was also clear in each and every delivery, that God was with us all along the way.

    It is up to you, your spouse, and the Lord as to how many children you will have and when. If you have a large family, and feel pressured to stop having kids, don’t let it bother you. Perhaps that advice with help you, but if you aren’t feeling it, that is fine. Just be patient and wait on the Lord’s promptings.

    I certainly have had days where I feel I couldn’t feel any more joy than I feel right now with my beautiful, precious, Eve. She is truly the sunshine of my life. Then, there are other days when my husband asks me what another child of ours would look like, and I feel that wonder arise within me.

    We are taking it one day at a time. We don’t owe anybody an answer right now, and neither do you, if that is your situation. Only you and your spouse and the Lord know what is best for your family. I pray that my husband and I, and your spouse and you, make the decisions that will be most in line with God’s will, always.

     

     

  • I almost yelled at my husband yesterday

    I seem to always be in a hurry. Yesterday, I had my husband’s car, so it wasn’t nearly as easy to get the baby and my three-year-old into the car. I finally got them, and myself, strapped in exactly ten minutes before we had to be at Kamren’s speech class. That’s okay – that’s perfect, I thought.

    Then, I started the car. A message mocked me: Fuel levels low. Yep, the gas gauge was on empty.

    Great, I sarcastically thought. A negative thought instantly popped into my head about how irresponsible and inconsiderate my husband was for leaving me with a car that had no gas.

    And then, just as quickly as that thought entered my mind – along with the idea of calling him and loudly complaining about it – the thought left. It just…left.  That rarely happens, I am ashamed to say, as I am often quick to judgment.

    I surprised myself as I thought of my husband’s perspective. I knew that he wouldn’t have purposely done that. I realized he probably just didn’t have time to get gas the day before, or he decided not to do it so he could be home quicker to see his beloved family.

    I thought of how thoughtful he was to take my van to get tested (since the engine light had been on for a few days). I remembered how he had taken the car seats out of the van and left them for me, and how he had pulled the car into the driveway that morning because it had been raining.

    And then I thought about myself, and how I should have been more diligent about getting ready on time, rather than cutting it so close. Then I wouldn’t have a need to feel frustrated at all, because I would have had time to get gas and still get to speech class on time.

    My husband is my partner; he is on my team. As I embraced that comforting thought, instead of calling him out for not getting gas, and thus causing a fight, I gave him my gratitude when he got home. I praised him for getting the van tested and ordering the part that it needed.

    This is such a simple, seemingly insignificant story, yet, how often to the little things cause huge rifts in marriages?

    My husband and I have had many arguments over the years that stemmed from petty things. But, I want to end that. I don’t want to do that anymore.

    Reading Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive Ourselves in Relationships, by Dr. Jason Whiting, has gotten me to see already how I need to better control my emotions, and how I need to think before I act, as well as think the best of my spouse.

    I have a lot to learn, but I am going to do my best (and keep trying over and over again) to have the best marriage possible.

    So, if you find yourself in a similar situation that I was in yesterday, ask yourself these questions:

    1. What was likely my spouse’s intention?
    2. Does my spouse love me and care for me? Would he/she do this on purpose?
    3. What does my spouse’s load look like right now?
    4. Have my actions played a role in my plight?
    5. What things can I be grateful for that my spouse does for me?

    As you reflect, you will hopefully feel more love, appreciation, and patience for your spouse.

    And don’t beat yourself up, either. I didn’t dwell on how I couldn’t get out the door faster. I am trying to come to peace with the fact that my life is very hard right now with a small baby and three other kids.

    I am doing the best I can, and so is my husband. Our best is going to look different based on our circumstances. I am going to work harder to give the benefit of the doubt, choose my battles wisely, and always remember that my spouse is my best friend, my protector, and the love of my eternity. I am complete with him by my side (because he is a good man who loves me, his family, and God), and NO fight is worth losing that completeness or that joy.

  • Because I know what’s best for you

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    I was home with my two little ones by myself one night, and my 4-year-old was winning a debate at the dinner table. He was refusing to eat his dinner, no matter what bribes – or threats – I threw out.

    In desperation, I finally screamed out: “I’m in charge and you NEED TO LISTEN TO ME!”

    I was taken aback when his little voice, rather than arguing, simply asked, “Why?”

    My voice caught a little when I answered, “Because I know what’s best for you.”

    When I said it, I felt like a huge hypocrite – no, the biggest hypocrite in the world.

    It was time for self-reflection.

    I inwardly asked myself, “If I really know what’s best for my son, does that include yelling, screaming, and demanding impatiently that he do something?”

    My second question rolled off the first, “What is my real goal – to fill tummies and warm hearts, or to be right and obeyed?”

    At that moment of anger and annoyance, the answer was clear. In my impatience, I had forgotten the real goal – the goal that would actually be what was best for him – and moved to the selfish goal of satisfying my pride.

    yelling

    I realized that night that Rigel just wanted to know why he had to eat his dinner before willingly doing it.

    In my church’s General Conference this past weekend, I heard a message from Carole M. Stephens that completely affirms my feelings that night.

    As she spoke of her granddaughter, Chloe, who had taken her seat belt off so many times, that she had to stop on the side of the road, unable to go any further, I was first so impressed and inspired by her continued patience with this small child, only a year younger than my Rigel.

    After unsuccessfully re-buckling her granddaughter several times, and bribing her to keep her seat belt fastened, Sister Stephens prayed for guidance on what to do. She got the impression to teach her.

    After expressing that wearing her seat belt would keep her safe, and that it would make her grandmother upset if her sweet granddaughter got hurt, Chloe finally understood:

    “Grandma, you want me to wear my seat belt because you love me!”

    After that, she kept her seat belt on.

    Sister Stephens counseled, “We have rules to teach, guide, and protect children. Why? Because of the great love we have for them. But until Chloe understood that my desire for her to remain securely fastened in her car seat was because of my love for her, she was unwilling to submit to what she considered a restriction. She felt her seat belt limited her freedom.”

    I really think that is why our kids don’t listen to us sometimes. It is because they don’t see a need to do something, or because they think that by doing it, they can no longer do what they want.

    If our children see that we truly want what’s best for them, and decide what is best based on our love and concern for them, they will obey so much more willingly.

    I know I am not the best mother. I have so much work to do to become the gentle, patient, tender mother I know my children need me to be. The simple experience I had with my wise son, Rigel, followed by this simple and tender message from Carole Stephens, has helped me refocus on a way that I can be a more worthy mother, wife, friend, and daughter of God.

    Rigel, I promise you and your brothers that I will try harder to show you that I love you when I ask you to follow a rule. I truly do want what is best for you.

     

    love

  • 7 clues that your terrible relationship could be your fault

    This is the version I submitted to Family Share before it was re-edited and published on their site. See which one you like better:

    Sometimes in a dating or marriage relationship, the commitment and happiness decline, and the relationship goes terribly south. When this happens to you, you wonder where the problems lie, and who is to blame. Truth be told, the fault is usually shared, though not necessarily equally.

    Reflect on these characteristics of a devoted partner to see how you are influencing your relationship for better or for worse:

    1. You are loyal.

    You do not participate in anything that would arouse lust. You do not flirt with anyone else. You are upfront and honest with your partner about what you do every day. When things are hard, you stick by the one you love, rather than go to someone, or something, else for comfort.

    Someone I loved wasn’t loyal to me, and it was really hard for me to trust him again, or even get over my feelings of disgust and betrayal. Trust can be rebuilt with change, but he sadly didn’t value our relationship enough to change.

    2. You show affection often, in word and in deed.

    You say “I love you,” kiss, hug, hold hands, and do sweet, tender gestures. You are thoughtful, and make holidays and occasions special. You spend quality time with your significant other, and do things that will strengthen your relationship. You are authentic, and do a lot of laughing and having fun. You reminisce about why you fell in love, and tell your partner often what you love about him/her. You share your dreams for your future together.

    I know that without this tender affection, the romantic spark can totally go out.

    3. You communicate with love, patience, and respect.

    You encourage and uplift, rather than nag or criticize. You compliment and show praise every day. You only speak kindly of your partner to your friends or family. You do your best to express your thoughts, feelings and concerns without yelling, fighting or calling names. Should you falter, you sincerely apologize. You say what is bothering you, rather than turning inward and pushing the other away. You never let your pride be more important than your love.

    Humility is something my husband and I are working on to improve our communication. It makes all the difference.

    4. You value your significant other’s thoughts, feelings, and interests.

    When you make decisions, you think of how they would affect the other. You respect your partner’s opinions, even more so than those of your parents and friends. You listen, and you validate. You would never ask your partner to do anything that makes him/her uncomfortable. You comfort when the other is sad; you support when the other struggles; you celebrate when the other succeeds. You appreciate the talents, skills and hobbies of the other, and try to learn from them. You are unselfish, and put your partner’s needs before your own.

    In my marriage, I get most upset when I feel that my husband isn’t listening or validating my feelings. I feel so loved, though, when he just sits with me, listens to me, hugs me, and tells me he loves me.

    5. You can be happy without your significant other.

    You do not base your self-worth solely on the fact that you are in a relationship. You can feel confident, fulfilled and happy when you are apart. You do not get insecure, or worried when you cannot talk to or see your significant other at all times. You love yourself, and know that no matter what happens, you are special, you are loved, and you have so much to offer.

    I have seen people be so clingy in their relationship, that they push the other person away. Then, if it doesn’t work out, they don’t know how to function. Please remember that your partner needs your trust, and also personal time.

    6. You are doing your best to be a good person.

    You choose your friends carefully. You want to associate with honest, unselfish, giving and loyal people who don’t break the law or play with hearts. You are not entertaining harmful addictions. When you make commitments, you keep them. You work hard, and you humbly recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and are constantly working to refine yourself.

    Though I don’t have personal experience with all of these things, I have seen someone I love struggle as she dated a young man who did break the law, pretend to care more than he did, and break commitments. She would try so hard to be loyal and stand by her boyfriend, while he would flirt with other women, do drugs, and even steal.

    I do have first-hand experience with what addictions can do to a relationship. One who has an addiction does not have freedom over his thoughts, emotions or actions. He is irrational, selfish, unproductive, dishonest, unkind, and sometimes violent.

    7. You love God and put Him first.

    You know who your Creator is, and you want to please Him. You strive to show you love Him and others by keeping His commandments. You take time to pray, read your scriptures, and ponder on all the blessings God has given you. You are a light to others as you serve them in love.

    This quality has been the most valuable to me in my relationship with my spouse. When we both are striving to put God first, we really are more patient, loving, and service-oriented.

    In contrast, my first marriage ended mostly because of sin and selfishness. I can promise you that individuals who strive for spiritual cleanliness, are much better suited for a healthy relationship.

    Because nobody is perfect, you won’t do all these things perfectly all the time. However, if your relationship with your spouse or significant other is taking a dark turn for the worse, reflect carefully on the part you are playing. Do the very best you can, and if nothing changes, it may be time to consider a change. God bless you in your relationship and in your life.


     

  • How long should I wait to date after my divorce?

    I wrote this article for Family Share. It feels good to know I can help others through sharing my experiences and lessons learned during difficult times of my life:

    It is hard to know when you should date after a divorce. I was 21 years old and a recent college graduate, trying to raise my baby boy. I had just moved across the country to a place I had never been. For me, whether I was ready or not, the first thing I wanted to do was date.

    001

    Everyone who divorces has a different story, but most of us share feelings of failure, fear and desperation. We are trying to fill the void in our hearts caused by losing our spouse. While change is difficult, dating when you aren’t ready can make things even more challenging.

    I wish I had known then what I realize now about dating after a divorce. I know that I would have avoided tears, frustration, and a few heartbreaks. There is not a cookie cutter rule on when you should start dating again. The goal is for you to have healthy and happy dating relationships, but no one but you can say when that will be. However, you can get an idea of where you stand by answering “yes” to these eight questions:

    1. Do I live each day without wallowing in self-pity?

    If you spend most of your time weeping about all that has happened to you and can’t imagine moving on, you are not ready to date again. Divorce is horrible, I know. And it is okay to cry sometimes. But if you can’t see hope, dating will not help you find it.

    2. Have I moved on from my ex?

    If you are still in love with your ex, you will probably compare everyone you date to him or her. It will be impossible to find anyone who is good for you if you are only dating to compare. Stop measuring every date against your former spouse and treat dating as a fresh start.

    If you aren’t over your ex, you may also find yourself mentioning your ex one too many times which will push your date away. Take the time to be over your ex before you start dating again.

    3. Am I ready to talk about my past?

    When you are dating, at some point you will need to talk about your past. I remember when I was newly divorced, I was scared to death to tell any young man about it. I especially didn’t want to tell my date that I also had a baby boy. I was afraid that no man would accept me because of my past. Sometimes I would hide it until it became impossible to continue dodging questions.

    I realized that I needed to be ready to talk about my past. By the time I met my second husband, I was at a point where I could talk about my past almost right away. It went smoothly, and I didn’t regret it.

    Picture-337

    4. Am I happy where I am now?

    In my early divorced days, I thought I couldn’t be happy unless I was remarried. Especially as a single mother, I wanted my life to be a certain way. I was engulfed with an urgency to date and get married. I am sure I came off as desperate.

    Because I was so focused on wanting a life as a married woman, I missed out on some true friendships. I missed out on having fun and truly appreciating the joys and blessings that I still had in my life. Although this isn’t what you thought your life would be like, you can learn to be happy in your situation.

    5. Do I love myself?

    If you don’t love yourself, dating again can be a nightmare. You will feel like you have to keep secrets to maintain a perfect and unrealistic image of yourself. No matter how you hide it, low self-esteem shows and it isn’t attractive. Take time to learn to love yourself. If you have self-confidence and know your inner-worth, you will be able to talk honestly, listen better, and smile radiantly. If you love yourself, you will still have your self-worth even if a new relationship doesn’t work out.

    6. Do I know what I want in a relationship?

    Perhaps you were in a relationship where your spouse was selfish, or even abusive. Have you figured out what kinds of behaviors you want to avoid, and which qualities you want? Do you know what you really need to have a relationship that will last forever? It is a good thing to be picky if you are looking for life-long happiness, rather than another divorce.

    7. Have I forgiven my ex?

    It can take a long time to forgive your ex, especially if you felt that he or she was the main cause of your pain. I can testify of the great peace that comes from forgiveness, and how necessary it is. To find the right person for you, forgiveness must be a part of your process.

    8. Would I want to date or be married to someone like me?

    Though it would be nice if divorces were always your spouse’s fault, most of the time both people share some of the responsibility. Are you in a place where you would be a loving, caring, and devoted spouse? Or would another relationship only end in more heartache? If you aren’t as good as the person you want for yourself, it is time to improve.

    Being divorced does not make you less of a human, or less worthy of love. I found a wonderful man who loves me, and cherishes our growing family. There is hope for all who have had the misfortune of divorce. Don’t rush the process. Take the time to heal. You will have your chance at love once again. It is worth it to be patient to find someone who will be with you forever.
    wedding-6

  • Faith is the key

    *An abridged version can be found on familyshare.com.
    As someone who has many friends and family members who have questioned their faith, whether it be in their specific religion, or God Himself, this subject of losing faith has been consistently in my mind.I am someone who loves to help. Anyone who knows me knows that I constantly am looking for ways to serve. I feel one of the most important ways to serve is by helping others in spiritual matters.

    If you are one who has lost his/her faith, let me try to help you.

    Let’s start with a simple physical analogy. When you lose a key, or your phone, or your kid’s favorite teddy bear, what do you do?

    1. You realize you have lost it and slightly panic.
    2. You look around the immediate area.
    3. If you don’t see it there, you retrace your steps.
    4. If you still can’t find it, you ask other people who may have seen it to help you find it.
    5. You look for as long as it takes because that item is essential to you.
    6. If you don’t find it after all that, you may feel defeated and sad. Then, and only then, do you even consider replacing what it was you lost.

    Guess what? These same steps can be used for when you lose your testimony of one or all aspects of your faith.

    First, you will realize that something is missing. You don’t feel that fire like you used to. You find you have doubts, a lot of them. You wonder if you ever really knew God was real, or that Jesus is your Savior, or if certain books of scripture are true.

    There are many options you can choose as you realize you have lost your faith, but the best option, the only option that will lead you to your end goal of finding your faith, is to reflect on your life. Reflect on the blessings you have, on the goodness you see because of the faith you have lived by.

    If you can’t see that because you have been slowly detaching for a long time, you should retrace your steps, meaning look back upon your past. Think of special times that you exhibited faith, made a commitment to God, felt the Holy Spirit, felt a prayer answered. Perhaps you will want to write those things down.

    I have spoken to people who question if those special spiritual experiences of the past were a hoax. It saddens me to hear that. I think that we each have a conscience, we each have an inherent goodness, and we each have the light of Christ within us. If we felt peace and joy in those moments, it wasn’t a lie.

    Perhaps, though, you really struggle believing that what you once felt was really right. That is when you can talk to others. You can talk to friends and family who do have their faith, and who can testify to you. Most importantly, you can and should commune with your Heavenly Father. Pour out your heart to Him earnestly, sincerely, and humbly. Ask for His guidance, for His love, for His spirit to rest upon you and envelop you. Ask Him to help you remember, and to confirm to you the truth you once knew.

    You may lose heart if you try these things and nothing helps you find your faith. Be patient. Keep searching. Read your scriptures, continue to pray, fast, talk to those who help lead you back to your faith rather than push you away from it, for running away from what you lost will not help you find it. In fact, it most certainly guarantees you never will.

    I have had enough experience in my life with prayer, scripture study, and soul-searching to testify to you that this method will work if you are willing to hear God’s answer. If you already have your mind made up, you will never be able to hear His voice.

    I believe that in most cases, number 6, replacing your lost faith with something else, will not be a necessity as long as steps 1-5 are taken very seriously and sacredly. However, if you have done all of the other steps with full purpose of heart, and you still don’t find your faith, perhaps God is telling you there is more out there for you. Just remember that it is in God you must trust if you wish to find and nourish your faith once more.

    I am there for anyone who ever wishes to have conversations with me about faith. I want to help, and by so doing, I know my faith will also grow.

    Much love to all of you who are confused and unable to find your way. There is hope, and you can get the answers you seek.

  • My Favorite Love Story

    Today is Jad’s and my fifth wedding anniversary. I am so grateful to call him mine. When we were newlyweds, I wrote about our courtship. I think our story is grand. Here it is:
    Jad and Mandy met at a YSA dance in Apex, NC on April 3,
    2009. Mandy had a boyfriend at the time, but liked to go to the dances to have
    fun with friends and well, dance.  Jad
    didn’t really like going to dances, but his friends had gotten him to go a
    couple times before. He saw Mandy and was amazed at how beautiful she was. Her
    dancing also caught his attention and he knew he wanted to ask her to dance.
    They danced once that night. It was hard for Mandy to understand all that he
    said because it was loud and because he had a strong accent, but she did think
    he was cute and sweet. Jad asked Mandy for her phone number that night, but she
    said she couldn’t give it. They ended the night saying that they would
    hopefully see each other at the next dance.

    A picture of Casey and me around the time Jad and I met.

    May 1 was the next dance. Mandy had broken up with her boyfriend
    soon after the previous dance. She saw Jad as she was dancing that night, but
    he didn’t approach her for quite a while. He was pleasantly surprised when she
    remembered his name. This time Mandy paid more attention to Jad, noticing how
    good he smelled and how good-looking he was. They danced a lot that night; Jad
    asked her to dance as often as he could. He also pulled her out in the hallway
    to talk to her in the quiet and learn more about her. Mandy noticed that he
    liked to stare at her. They had a wonderful time together that night, and the
    night ended with them exchanging phone numbers.

    A few short days later, Jad and Mandy talked on the phone
    for the first time. He surprised her when he opened up quickly and told her he
    was divorced. She had been afraid to tell him about her divorce and child, but
    it was so easy to tell him. He didn’t judge her at all but told her that she
    was a wonderful person and shouldn’t be judged on her past. It was a good
    conversation. Mandy and Jad were eager to go out on their first date.

    Mandy took off work May 26 to meet Jad in Raleigh. It was a
    very exciting and fun day. They went to the Science Museum in Raleigh to see
    the Chocolate Exhibition. It was invigorating learning all about the history of
    chocolate, and the items in the gift shop were exciting and unique. Mandy got
    chocolate bubble bath and Jad got chocolate soap. They ate Chargrill for lunch
    and then went to the rose garden behind Raleigh Little Theater. 


    Jad took lots
    of pictures of Mandy with the flowers.

                       


    He thought she was beautiful.

      Mandy was flattered but embarrassed.
    She took a picture of him to make it even.
    The garden was fragrant and lovely, and helped both of them see how they liked each other.

    Then they went to the movies to see Star
    Trek. The mall was next. They looked at everything from furniture to legos.
    Then they ate at the Cheesecake Factory. Jad got Mandy to eat some of his
    dinner. This was the first time they shared a fork. Jad asked Mandy to hold his
    hand that night, and she did even though she wasn’t ready. The whole day was
    wonderful and both knew that the other was great. The night ended with a hug
    and a smile.

    Mandy and Jad continued to talk on the phone periodically.
    Jad got busy during the summer working double shifts, so they did not see each
    other at all in the summer. During that time Mandy got back together with her
    previous boyfriend when he came home on leave. She felt really bad when Jad
    emailed her about seeing her at a dance, as if he wanted to pick up where they
    had left off. She knew she had lost out on a great opportunity when he
    responded to her explanation with grace and said how he would never regret
    knowing her or spending time with her. 
    Mandy’s relationship didn’t last. She ended up telling Jad and they
    wanted to see each other again.

    September 5 was the next time they saw each other. That was
    the evening Jad met Casey. He was wonderful with Casey and Mandy loved the time
    they spent together. She learned a lot about his country’s food that day too.
    She kissed him on the cheek that night after feeling overwhelmed with how
    wonderful he was.

    The courtship continued for five months. Mandy and Jad spent
    nearly every weekend together. They took turns traveling to either Kinston or
    Hillsborough.


    Mandy knew she loved Jad October 23, the day they went to the
    state fair together.  That day she, Jad
    and Casey had such a fun time and felt like a family.  Mandy could see herself being with Jad always,
    but it took him a little longer to know.



    Mandy and Jad got to know each other’s families and spent a
    lot of time eating and doing fun activities together like going to see Phantom,



    visiting Battleship, NC and Wilmington,


    celebrating Christmas together, 
    I got custom wind chimes made for Jad. The bottom said Just like music, you soothe my soul. I love you, Jad.

    Jad got Casey a soccer ball.

    I giggled that he put From the Kitchen of Mandy and Jad. It must come true now!

    Jad drew this picture for me.
    I thought Jad’s interaction with my Nana was so adorable. If she liked him, it was even more confirmation he was wonderful.
     going to a
    formal New Year’s dance,


     bowling,


     and ice skating. 

    They had little rough patches
    along the way, but never doubted how much they cared about each other.


    After New Year’s, Mandy and Jad knew they wanted to be
    married and talked about it often. He even indicated that he had looked at
    rings. Mandy hoped every weekend that he would ask her to marry him, but for
    weeks he didn’t. She got a little upset that he was taking so long since they
    knew they wanted to be together, but he always smiled his beautiful smile and
    told her to be patient.

    February 6 was the day. It was freezing cold and snowing.
    Mandy had suggested going to Duke Gardens as they were planning what to do that
    day. They almost didn’t go because of the snow, but still went after a strong
    suggestion from Mandy’s mom. They both took their cameras in to take pictures
    of the scenery and each other.

     It was freezing, but kind of romantic. Mandy
    didn’t know this, but as they were walking, Jad was trying to find the perfect
    spot to propose. They had stood under a lovely gazebo earlier, and Jad led her
    back up there to take a different route later on. 


    Outside of the gazebo was a
    quote from Francis Bacon: God almighty first planted a garden. And
    indeed, it is the purest of human pleasures.  After reading it, Jad pulled three red roses
    from his jacket. The roses, all varying in the amount of bloom, represented the
    past, present and future or their relationship. Jad said some poetic words
    about him and Mandy and how much he loved her. At that moment, a huge crowd of
    people walked by. It was very embarrassing, so Mandy and Jad walked into the
    gazebo as they were passing by. Then Jad continued. He talked about how their
    relationship started out in a garden and implied that they were going to take their
    next major steps in a garden as well. He said many beautiful things, but did
    not get to the point quickly. It embarrassed Mandy and she shyly nodded and
    smiled, adding little interjections. He did not get on his knee when he made it
    known that he wanted to marry Mandy, but she was very willing. Then, he said
    that he also had something for her in his pocket that he’d had for about a
    month now. Jad took it out of his pocket, and got down on his knee to present
    it to Mandy. She wanted to take the ring out, but he put it on her. It was
    beautiful and Mandy was overwhelmed with happiness. She started to tear up and
    realized the wait was worth it.

    Our first picture together as an engaged couple.


    Mandy and Jad started their married life together March 6,
    2010 and were married by President Milton under the same gazebo where Jad had
    proposed exactly a month earlier.


    Though getting married at that time and that place was unexpected, Mandy and Jad were still so happy to be married and start their lives together. 

                It was a perfect day to become the Al-Bjaly family.


                                 

     
    Our little Al-Bjaly family has grown by two in the last five years, with the births of Rigel and Kamren. We have also been sealed in the temple for all eternity, put Jad through life-threatening surgery, bought our first house, seen Jad become a citizen of our great nation, gotten a dog, started a blog, put Jad in school onto a new career path, and mourned the loss of family members, including his grandmother and my aunt. 
    I am amazed that we have gone through so many trials, tests of faith, and triumphs. I love my husband and my family with all my heart, and look forward to the next five, and fifty years.