Welcome

Tag: love

  • Childhood in a Church

    The weekend after Christmas, we went to visit family in Virginia, where I grew up. On that Sunday morning, Jad, the kids and I attended The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on Bailey Bridge Road, the church building I attended for most of my childhood up until I went to college.

    I hadn’t stepped foot in that building in 12 years. When we drove up, I immediately was overcome with emotion. I spent so much time in that building growing up, with some of the best friends I ever had.

    We sat in the chapel for Sacrament meeting with my cousin, Lisa, and her mom, Emiko (I call her Emi), who came to that service just to see us. I hadn’t seen Emi in years either, and it was so wonderful to hug her and talk to her again. She was a very special aunt to me growing up. It is always a pleasure to see Lisa, as well, and as often as possible (I had seen her the night before too).

    This is Lisa, Emi, the kids and I in front of the church after Sacrament Meeting. 

    I also saw Richard, someone who was a very huge part of my life and that of my siblings and parents. I believe he entered my life when I was about 10. He was my dad’s best friend, and he came to every birthday party and family gathering. He babysat us, drove us to church activities, came on vacations with us even. I hadn’t seen him since my first wedding reception in 2003. He still looks the same, and sounds the same, and has the same laugh and gives the same hugs. He has a beard instead of a mustache, though.

    This is Richard, Teresa and I after Sacrament Meeting.

    I would talk to both Emi and Lisa, and Richard and his wife, Teresa (who I had only met once or twice), more later on, after Sacrament Meeting. During the meeting,though, Kamren got fussy, so I took him out into the hall.

    Normally I really dislike staying out in the hallway when I could be being spiritually uplifted, but this time I ended up being grateful to be in the hallway. I got to walk up and down the whole building, poking my head into the classrooms… and remembering my youth.

    I want to share with you a few memories that came to my mind as I wandered those halls with my little one.

    The chapel

    I have so many memories of the chapel. My family always sat on the left side of the chapel, about halfway back. For many years my Nana was the chorister and my Granddad was the organist. I always loved hearing her operatic voice and sensing his emotional ties to the music. My favorite song he played was”Come, Come Ye Saints” because on the last verse he would get very quiet and slow, and then end the song with volume and vigor. Nana usually stayed up in the stand during the meeting, but sometimes I remember Granddad sitting with us. I loved holding his hand.

    My first specific memory of the chapel was when the congregation sang “I am a Child of God” the Sunday after my baptism. I remember that I started to cry. I asked my mom why I would be crying, and she said I was feeling the Holy Ghost. That was a very special realization to me that I really had the gift of the Holy Ghost.

    Other memories of the chapel are when I was up in the stand singing a musical number, accompanying a friend singing a musical number, like Lauren, sharing my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, or even giving a talk in church. I remember one Sunday I had invited a good friend from school, named Scott, to come hear me speak, and I was so disappointed he didn’t come. 

     I remember my Dad sitting up in the stand while he was in the Bishopric. Sometimes he would nod off a bit.

    I also remember doing piano recitals in the chapel, most specifically the one where I played from memory “Memory” and “The Music of the Night.”

    At the beginning of my Senior year of high school, when we were about to start studying the Book of Mormon in seminary, our stake did a big program in the chapel where many youth sang songs from the musical From Cumorah’s Hill. I remember my friends Kristy and Lauren singing, and I did as well. A video also played of different youth sharing their testimonies of the Book of Mormon. I, as well as many of my friends, were also a part of that. It was a special day. I believe we did a similar program at the end of the year at Seminary graduation. I sang the same song again at that program. It’s a beautiful song called “I Never Stand Alone.”

    I remember being a new member of the Singles Ward when I graduated high school, and seeing a familiar face, Michael, that made me feel more comfortable.

    I remember singing in a huge Christmas concert as a member of the Richmond Mormon Chorale, where my uncle Danny was the pianist.

    I remember announcing my engagement from the pulpit. That was one of my last memories in that room.

    The couch outside the chapel.

    Just so you know, the couch, chairs, lamp and picture are all the same as they were when I was a kid. It was so cool to walk in from the parking lot and see that it hadn’t changed a bit.

    A lot of conversations happened on that couch. It was also a place where noisy, rambunctious children would have to sit until they calmed down and could go back to Sacrament Meeting. Sometimes that might have been me or my siblings.

    That foyer area was a great place to sit and wait for your parents, talk to friends, or people watch.

    The Primary Room

    This room is where children sing and learn more about Jesus and His gospel. My newest memory of this room (which was probably 13 years ago) was taking my little sister, Mariah, to Primary.

     My oldest and most fun memories include learning the words to Primary songs I still love today, like “My Heavenly Father Loves Me” and “A Child’s Prayer.”

     I also remember giving talks and reciting scriptures in that room. The Primary Room was always a happy place.

    This is me standing in front of the baptismal font.

    See where I am standing? Those doors behind me open up to reveal a baptismal font – not just any baptismal font, but one that is very special to me, for on June 21, 1992, my father baptized me in that very font. Seeing that location through the glass of the door brought tears to my eyes. Being baptized was one of the best decisions I ever made. I still have a little framed poem that an older girl I admired, Amy, gave to me, as well as a bright yellow journal I got from a Primary leader.

    The Young Women room bulletin boards, and the classroom for the young women ages 16-18 (Laurels).
    I remember playing the piano in that room as another friend led the music. I remember the bulletin boards. I always liked to read the little spiritual messages on them. 
    I also remember that part of the room because in that section, when I was 16-18, my mom taught my class. We had a lot of good lessons and discussions in there. I remember one story she read about bears and cake. I believe the moral of the story was to avoid temptation. 
    The small hallway with two rooms.

    I will never forget this hallway. It is so strange because it is short, and it has two rooms directly across from each other right by the Exit door. I once had a Sunday school class in the room on the right.

    The gym

    A lot of great times happened in that gym, mostly of a competitive nature. When I was a teenager, I played basketball with other girls in my ward. Though we worked really hard, we almost always lost our games. I think we won once against a team of four, and barely won at that. We always tried to have fun, though, and we did our best. Not all games would be played in that gym, but we did always practice in this one. I was a forward, and I was pretty good at defense. I was also good at shooting, but not under pressure.

    In addition to basketball, we would play other sports like volleyball (especially when I was a young single adult), kickball, and broom hockey. The teenage boys and girls would do joint activities about once a month, and my favorite one was by far broom hockey. I remember once I shattered a broom on a guy named Brad’s, leg. I remember feeling really tough that day, and a little concerned, but mostly tough.

    We didn’t always play sports. Sometimes youth would be able to conduct the activities. Once I had the group play a game I loved from theater class called 1776. I was really good at that game, and always loved playing it. I wonder if my peers liked the game as much as I did…

    We even did a fund raiser for girls camp one year where we did a dinner/dance for the adults and auctioned cakes off. 

    We also did really fun Halloween activities in the gym and surrounding classrooms.

    I was Princess Leia at our church’s Halloween party when I was 14.

    Also in that gym we would have youth dances, and when I was older, young single adult dances. 

    Can you tell this was an 80s-themed dance? I was 18.

    As a youth and young single adult, I participated in talent shows in the gym. I remember one of them happened during a youth conference. I am pretty sure I sang something from  Jekyll and Hyde. Another year when I was a young single adult, I sang “I Never Knew His Name” from The Civil War. My friend Jared suggested I sing that instead of “The Music of the Night” because it was a lot less scandalous. I remember saying that it was one of the most beautiful songs I had ever heard, and even now, that song, and the musical it comes from, bring me to tears and fill me with chills.

    The gym was a place for really fun times.

    The stage

    I remember five distinct occasions of using this stage as an actual stage. One memory was when our stake did a road show. Our ward’s performance was in the form of a talk show. Prince Charming was in a chair with Soaprah Winfrey, if I recall correctly. He was recounting his experiences with many princesses, and how they didn’t work out. I was Sleeping Beauty. Apparently, when I woke up to his kiss, I thought he was ugly and moved on. By the end of the show, Prince Charming meets Dorothy Gale, played by my friend, Rachel, and realizes she is the one for him. We got an award for best commercial, where the girls sang and danced about Mr. Sandman bringing us a ring. I was really annoyed by that award because we were the only show with a commercial.

    Another memory is when I was in charge of a youth activity on modesty. I planned a fashion show where the participants would model modest clothing. Boys and girls were included in it. I was the host  for the show. I remember how hard it was to get material from some of the boys so that I could announce their ensembles. It actually turned out to be a fun, and even spiritual night, as one of my friends gave a little talk on the importance of modesty after the fashion show.

    For a youth conference one year, youth were invited to perform a skit of the Good Samaritan. That skit was performed on this stage. I was one of the men who beat up the good Samaritan. I remember wanting to be a larger role (of course) but I couldn’t make the commitment because I worked often at CVS. I remember coming to one of the rehearsals on my lunch break even.

    The Good Samaritan cast, one being my friend, Courtney

    When I turned 18, I started going to the Singles Ward. At one of my first (or even my first) activities, we divided into groups and acted out different stories from the Bible. My group got the story of Hannah, Eli and Samuel. I  honestly and surprisingly don’t remember who I played. I do remember that my good friend, Shelly, was Hannah, and that Frank, who I met that night and was the first person I ever fell in love with (see the phone story), played Eli.

    Also while I was in the Singles ward, we did a talent show. I was fresh out of high school and still in my actress mode. I not only sang, I did a monologue before my song (that I think I made up), and I did it in costume. What did I sing? My favorite musical at the time was The Scarlet Pimpernel. I am pretty sure I sang “I’ll Forget You,” and I even did it acapella. Yeah, I am pretty embarrassed by that now. I went a little overboard.

    The stage was also a fun place to take pictures with good friends.

    Kate Reynolds, me, and Shelly Witt

    The water fountain and bathrooms.

    It might seem silly to have a picture of this little area, but when you have church for three hours each week, you are bound to stop by the bathroom and/or water fountain. Many good conversations with friends (I am recalling one with my friend, Becca) would happen right there. 

    The bathroom mirror.
    I would spend a lot of time fixing my hair and lipstick in this mirror, either so the boys wouldn’t have any reason to make fun of me, or so I would look extra good for the boys at the dances or activities.

    On a more serious note, I remember one day getting to church late when I was a teenager. I ran into the bathroom, trying to fix my hair. I had bangs then, and because of standing in the rain, they had parted down the middle awkwardly, and started to curl in random places. That had been a scary morning. My Nana and Granddad had picked my siblings and me up for church. There was a sharp curve not long after turning right out of my neighborhood. A car was driving in our lane, so my Nana moved into the left lane to avoid hitting the person, while at the same time the other driver moved back into his lane. That resulted in us driving into someone’s front yard. My Granddad, who was in early stages of Alzheimer’s, was pretty shaken up. I can still hear him crying out “Oh, oh” in worry. That was a sad day, but we were all okay.

    A fun memory of the bathroom was when I brought a whole bunch of costumes (many of them being my mom’s dresses from the 70s) to the church for the young women to try on so we could all get our pictures taken by a wonderful photographer in the ward, Brother Clay. We all had to make sure we looked beautiful in the mirror before we got our pictures taken.

    My little glamour shot. 

    The changing table.

    This is kind of a weird thing to have a memory about. However, the young women always used that table, and the area underneath, to store their purses for dances. I can remember girls always being crowded around that area to grab their brushes or powder to fix themselves up after dancing too hard and getting sweaty.

    The phone with the insanely long cord.

    That long corded phone is still there after all these years, and is the hallway just yonder of the bathrooms. I don’t have any stories about it, other than maybe calling a guy I was crazy about, Frank, who didn’t show up for a Singles activity. It was always in my view, though, for years as I wandered the halls of my church. Occasionally it would ring, and people passing would be confused, not knowing whether to answer it or not.  We didn’t get callers often.
    The kitchen

    This was a really fun room. When I was in Young Women’s, we would do a lot of activities in here. Imagine a bunch of girls together in one kitchen talking, laughing, and baking all at the same time. I remember decorating gingerbread houses once. We also did candy-making, and even served food for the ladies in the Relief Society when they had dinners.

    The Relief Society Room
    Everything looked the same to me when I peered in that Sunday.  I spent a lot of time being spiritually uplifted in that room as an early adult. We had Sunday School and Relief Society in there. I remember one Sunday sitting next to Frank, that boy I was head over heels for. I tried to get him to hold my hand, and he refused. He said, “Not a chance.” A little background information is that he and I were dating, but he would not show any affection in public.I didn’t like that much.
    Going back a few years, as an 11-year-old, I remember having a daddy-daughter dance in this room. I had made a t-shirt for my dad that said “Really Cool Dadn’t.” My dad used to say things, and then say “Unt” after it to show that he was kidding. I didn’t know how to spell it then, so I did it as a contraction. That was a really fun night with my dad.

    We always did our Activity Days in this room from age 8-11. The daddy-daughter dance wasn’t the only fun activity we did. I also remember one time learning how to do Spanish dances in big skirts from Sister Alarcon, and there were many other good times.  

    The Young Women always had their New Beginnings nights and Night in Excellence nights in this room too. These nights were for reviewing our values, displaying our accomplishments, eating good food, and dressing up nice with our parents. 

    A lot of other activities would happen in this room  when I was a single adult, like crocheting lessons (I still can’t crochet after going to a bunch of these type lessons) and Pictionary. 
    The Relief Society piano
    This piano is special to me because my first calling (church responsibility) I ever had as an adult was being the Relief Society pianist. I remember playing prelude before class started. More than once our Relief Society president would tell me to play more quietly. That was hard for me because I loved playing the hymns. One funny memory I have was of playing the introduction to “The Spirit of God.” I love playing that song, so I played the introduction way faster than we would ever be able to sing it. The chorister chuckled and said she would try to lead the song that fast. Everyone had a good laugh over that. I did too, while my face got really red. 

    One other memory I have of this piano is watching my good friend, Jared, play by ear. He had been called to be a pianist for another group, and he told me that he couldn’t even play the piano. He and I always had great conversations.
    The random water fountain.
    I don’t remember why seeing this water fountain again made me chuckle and smile, but it did. It must have significance. 🙂
    Jad and Rigel in the church hallway.
    It was so cool to have my husband and children walk the same halls I did for so many years.

    I really do love this church building. I hope I can visit more than once ever decade or so. It will always hold some of my most cherished childhood memories. 

    The church has grown a lot since then, so many of the people I went to church with on Bailey Bridge Road attend a different church building now. When I visited that Sunday, I actually only recognized a few people, like the Crowthers, who were an important part of my youth. 

    For those of you I grew up with, or became a young single adult with, I miss you. I hope you all are well and happy. Much love!

  • All my love always, Betsy

    I see at my dad a lot, so he doesn’t call me very often. He did today, though, at 11:08 AM. He proceeded to tell me something I never expected to hear: that my Aunt Betsy, his youngest sister, had passed away.

    When he told me, I was really surprised. I knew that she had a lot of health problems, such as symptomatic cirrhosis and hypo/hyper insomnia, but we had literally just seen her on December 27, not even two weeks ago. 

    I was so sorry to hear that she was gone, but mostly for my dad. I know he and Betsy had a very special relationship. 

    We talked about what a blessing it was that we were able to see her before she died, and also that we know that she is okay. We know she is in no pain. We know that she is happy. We know that she is safe. We know we will see her again.

    I told my dad I loved him and that I would help in any way I could. 

    It has been several hours since he called, and only now, at 3 in the afternoon, after I am at home and my kids are finally napping, is it hitting me. 

    I am really sad that Betsy is gone. The tears have come to me, and the grief.

    Over the years we have actually rarely seen Betsy. She hasn’t been a huge part of my life, at least in person. Up until a couple weeks ago, I don’t think I had seen her since I graduated from high school in 2002.

    However, she has become very special to me, especially this year as she has taken a loving interest in my family. She has been one of my most devoted Facebook followers. She has almost always commented on my pictures, read my blog posts, and sent me messages asking how my family and I were doing. 

    We talked a lot about faith too. Betsy was definitely a woman of God. I always felt uplifted talking to her. 

    I was just reading through some of the Facebook messages she has sent me since 2009, and I want to post some of the things she said. It might help you see what a wonderful woman she was:

    8/4/09 (Her first message to me) – Uh, Color Me a Little Blonde (and stupid)!!!
    Was going through facebook today and it occured to me as I was going through my “new friends request” that it was you that emailed some time ago and asked to be added!  Believe it or not, I did not remember that your last name was Lewis, so I never linked the 2 names together.  Boy do I feel stupid!  


    Meanwhile, I hope you visit with your friend was/is (not sure how long the stay was scheduled for) going well and that you learned even more about each other and that Casey enjoyed the visit just as well!  Give the little guy a big kiss and the rest of the family all of my love and best wishes!


    Love you all!
    Betsy

    8/8/09 (Here she is actually talking about a relationship I was in at the time) – I am so happy for you!  With all that you have to give (beauty, brains and a very loving heart), it was just a matter of time before you finally found the man that you deserve!  Meanwhile, I will be awaiting my invitation!!! You have a nice weekend too, and give the little man a big hug from me please!  And, once again, I am just so happy for you!  I wish you could see the great big smile I am wearing right now!

    8/10/09 – Hopefully, this New Year will be the beginning of the life you and Casey deserve and were  meant to live! Thanks for giving Casey my hug!  Now I’m sending one to you out of pure joy and happiness!

    8/12/09 – Happy the-day-before Friday’s Eve!  (Me and my friends used to have all kinds of ways of celebrating each and every day of the week that coiuld include the word Friday!”  I’ll let you know others as they come to me… Believe it or not, as useless as they were, and for reasons I cannot explain, they always made Friday appear so much more spectacular in the neighborhood!  LOL!  Hope the rest of your week is well!

    2/28/10 (This is right after Jad and I got engaged) – My first comment on the pending nuptuals…I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU, MANDY, AND FOR CASEY TOO!  You make a very beautiful couple!!  

    3/16/10 (This is not long after Jad and I got married) – I shall write a bit more down the road!  Wouldn’t dream of taking away one extra minute from your honeymoon phase!!!  After that, you are hereby required to provide details!!!!!  LOL!!!

    3/10/12 (This was a few months after Jad’s liver surgery) – With every passing day that I get the pleasure of seeing you on my screen, I am reminded just how stunningly beautiful you are!  I hope the family is well, and that Jad has gotten past the bumps in the road since his surgery!  Love you, Betsy

    4/22/14 – I wish we chatted more.  I read your posts all of the time, but figure you have enough to do to read too many comments.  I do try to always “like” them though.  

    5/6/14 – Believe it or not, I was there when you were born. and I was there for your first Birthday!  Your parents probably do not remember all of this, but these were very significant days in my life and watching over you and Aaron when you were so small meant the world to me!  It touches my heart deeply as you go through these experiences with your own children!  Again, I hold you high, Mandy!  You are a fine woman indeed!

    5/28/14 –  I just had to drop you a note to tell you what I ran across today…the booklet from your High School Graduation Ceremony.  If you think about it, the date on that goes against all things in time.  You graduated from High School year before last, and then there was that college thing, and then you had three very different sized triplet boys last year, and I turned 30 last month!  Hum…  LOL!  Had to share!  Time sure does fly!  … I only hope I am around to watch you smiling that way when you start having grandchildren and great grandchildren!… I am like a cat!  Nine lives and then some! 

    7/23/14 –  I will never be able to work again as long as I am alive.  But, I do not want you to feel sorry for me.  I was blessed enough to work at my life’s dream profession for 13 years and never had a bad day at work in my life!  

    11/8/14 – As must share on “Are You There God?”  Not to long ago, I was having trouble with my blood pressure and I was alone.  I knew that my blood pressure machine needed batteries, but I needed to go to the drugstore to get my medication.  As I grabbed my keys and wallet (and my dog, of course), I felt this horrible tightness in my chest and did not know if I was safe to drive.  I came back in the house, laid flat on my bed with my blood pressure machine and asked God to give me just one more reading out of those batteries so that I would know what to do!  Well you know he answered my prayer and I got my reading!  That how awesome our God is!  But, the best part was when I tried to take it again.  The battery light flashed at me like a neon sign!  I looked up to the Heaven’s and spoke to God and started giggling a little bit, and said, you are not only an awesome God, you have a pretty good sense of humor too!  The tightness in my chest subsided a bit and I felt safe enough to go get my medication, and even went McDonald’s to get my baby her favorites:  Chicken Nuggets and an ice cream cone!  How does one go through life with all that evidence and not believe?  Meanwhile, you guys have a great time.  I love you.

    12/9/14 – after much consideration, prayer and thought, I have decided that while moving to Florida may very well contribute the “quality” of my life, the thought of maybe never seeing my Parents (I include Barb in this category for sure), my brothers, my nieces and nephews and the beautiful families that they have made together are just not worth me living maybe one extra year!  Your father and I are so much alike in so many ways, so I think you will understand that when my doctor told me that it was the best thing for me to do for my health, I immediately proceeded to do as I was told.  Made arrangements to move to Florida.  Well, at the end of the day, that is clearly not the right thing to do.  Without my loved ones, I have NO QUALITY of life,  Pain and side effects of various illnesses are something that I have been dealing with for a long, long time.  I can do that.  Leave Roy in Richmond with no one, leave everyone in NC, and maybe never see my Mom again?  I can’t do that! 

    12/11/14 – Enjoying you more and more each and every day!  I cannot put my emotions into words, but I sure do know how my heart feels.  Your life just changes when special people open their hearts whole-heartedly,  unconditionally and let you in! 

    12/30/14 – I just saw these pictures from the weekend.  I sure did have a good time!  And, I felt a million times better after I took that brace off of my stomach when me and your Dad got to the nursing home!  It makes me look pregnant, and is quite cumbersome.  It wraps around me like 2 and a half times!  You probably cannot tell where it is, but every third line in my shirt is one of the strips in the three, vertical layer brace.  All of the other pictures turned out great as well!  Looks like everybody had a great time!  And it especially looked like Grandma did some serious baking!  Yum!!!  I am so loving the baby feeding Aaron!  That is too sweet!  Good stuff!  Thanks for sharing!  Love you!

    1/1/15 (Her last message to me) – it was such joy, Mandy.  My heart was so full

    Not only was she loving, kind, funny, and encouraging, she also gave great advice on things like baking, sleep habits, and cross country road trips.

    Betsy was also so supportive of my blogging. On November 6, 2014, I asked my blog readers for input on a good subject to write about. Betsy was the only one who responded and she said this:

    WE have very little control over what happens in our life! But we are in charge of our Memories! Quit hanging on to the bad ones and take away everything positive that ever happened while you were being miserable. I am not going into detail, but I have a lot to be afraid of, people I should despise, blah, blah, blah. I still choose to only remember that they were in my life because I made that decision, and that is what I took with me when I walked away from the drama. The only memories I kept were the ones that I was fond of, and have even let some of them back into my life! Live today and every day differently than the one you lived yesterday! Otherwise, you have no chance to experience to experience something beautiful today, nor do you stand a chance for a better day tomorrow. I hope this helps you find a thought.

    This lovely comment from her sparked the idea for this blog post:

    http://makinglifeablisscomplete.blogspot.com/2014/11/let-memory-live-again.html?spref=fb

    After I posted it and thanked her for the inspiration, she lovingly remarked: 

    It was my pleasure! As I have said many times, in my life, I have experienced and witnessed a great deal of tragedy. Little did I know that they were the beginnings of some of my life’s greatest Blessings!

    So you see, though I don’t have a lot of memories physically being with my Aunt Betsy, she has been there for me for years. 

    On the ride home from my friend’s house today, Rigel spilled a lot of crackers and raisins on the floor. As I was cleaning them up, I came across a bag. I looked inside, and in it were Mike and Ikes that my dad gave the kids the day we saw Betsy at the park, and more preciously, the Christmas card Betsy had given my family. 

    I saw it as a tender mercy from Heavenly Father that I would find the card on the day I found out she died. I am so grateful that I was able to read it and look at it again. She told me that day we saw her that she chose the card just for us, and knew it was the perfect card. 

    Betsy, I am grateful that I have your love always. I know you are still with us now, cheering us on, and watching over us. I know I will see you again. All my love always, my dear aunt. 

  • Christmas is all about a Gift

    I have been pondering a lot about gifts this Christmas season. That is the first thing many of us do once Thanksgiving comes to a close – we frantically start looking for gifts to buy our loved ones. We spend the month of December shopping, buying, wrapping, and often stressing.
    I personally have been spoiled with gifts for myself and my family this month. We have been receiving gifts for the past 12 days from secret “Jolly Friends.” We have also received an abundance of candy, cookies and fudge from other friends.
    It feels good to get gifts because it shows that people love us, care about us, and appreciate us.
    I feel good giving gifts too. I have baked, my husband has made white stockings, we have written Christmas cards, printed up family pictures to share, and bought gifts that our kids and friends would enjoy.
     I also have been helping the poor quite a bit this season, and I appreciate all the help I have received from my friends in this effort. Knowing that you can help bring the necessities of life to someone is so rewarding, and helps you realize just how blessed you really are.
    Have you wondered why we give gifts at Christmas? Up until this year, I have always attributed it to the three wise men who gave the young Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh.
    Some of us give gifts because that is what everyone talks about in December. That is what the stores are telling us to do, and that is what kids expect Santa to bring.
    Regardless of why we personally choose to give Christmas gifts, we put a lot of effort into making or buying them.
    For some of us, we use the time leading up to Christmas as a way to scare our kids into being good. Do we ever tell our kids they will only get their gifts, and Santa will only come if they are good? Do we tell them they have to earn their gifts, that they have to deserve them?
    I’ll admit I have often done that in the past, and it usually works, at least for a minute. I saw a quote on Facebook about a month ago, though, that stopped me in my tracks. I wish I could find it again, but in essence it said that we don’t give gifts to our children because they deserve them, but because we love them.
    It pierced my heart to read that. Telling my kids they don’t deserve gifts is like telling them they don’t deserve my love.
    Anything my kids do wrong, I probably do something else just as wrong. I am not anymore deserving of their love than they are of mine, yet we love each other just the same.
    What is even more humbling is that even though I, and you, and everyone, are imperfect and do things that aren’t right, we are always loved by the greatest of them all:
    “Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there.” – President Thomas S. Monson
     
     
    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
    Why do we give gifts at Christmas? It isn’t because of the wise men or Santa. It is because Heavenly Father gave us each His son. Jesus Christ was the first Christmas gift.
    We may go through some years when we can’t afford to buy gifts for our children and other loved ones. It is hard and can be sad, but the truest most everlasting joy and cheer comes from remembering that little baby who was born in a stable, and laid in a manger.
    That baby grew up to teach a higher law, set an example of love, forgiveness, hope, service, and selflessness, suffer for the sins and pains of all mankind, die a painful death on the cross, and rise again glorious on the third day. Jesus lives, and He is in Heaven with His and our Heavenly Father.
    Jesus, like Heavenly Father, loves each of us unconditionally. He smiles when we smile and weeps when we weep. He is always our friend and advocate. He knows how we feel. He wants to bless us. He wants us to return to live with Heavenly Father again. He has provided the way.
    We may not always have tangible gifts tied with pretty paper and ribbons, but we will always have the everlasting gift of our Savior. He will bring us everlasting life if we but follow Him.
    Luke 2:6–7, The virgin Mary with baby Jesus
    Merry Christmas to all. May we always keep the spirit of Christ in our lives.

  • My Favorite Piece of Jewelry

    For Christmas this year, I asked my husband to get me something I already have. It’s a type of ring that has very special meaning to me. Recently I have felt a very strong desire to wear this ring, or one like it, every day of my life. No longer do I want to have to choose between wearing this ring and wearing other rings I love. I want to have two rings like this that will fit on different fingers.

    What kind of ring am I talking about? 
    The one I have now looks like this:
    It’s a simple looking ring, but it is so special to me. It isn’t special because of who gave it to me (I love you, Mom), or because it was very expensive, or even one of a kind. 

    It is special to me for a very different reason – wearing it helps remind me of the kind of person I want to be.

    The center of the ring is a shield, and in it are the letters CTR, which stand for Choose the Right. This means when faced with decisions, big or small, we will choose to do what Heavenly Father and Jesus would want us to do. 

    I have had a CTR ring since I was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at 8 years old. All newly baptized children receive this exact ring:
    As a child, I often sang a song called “Choose the Right Way,” which reminded me of my the meaning of my CTR ring… Choose the right way, and be happy. I must always choose the right.

    The CTR logo was actually inspired from a different song that I love in my church, called “Choose the Right.” My favorite verse says:
    Choose the right! There is peace in righteous doing.
    Choose the right! There’s safety for the soul.
    Choose the right in all labors you’re pursuing;
    Let God and heaven be your goal.
    To me, the shield on the CTR ring represents a spiritual armor we choose to wear that provides us with safety from Satan’s influences. 
    Paul told the Ephesians to put on the whole armor of God. To him, the shield was of utmost importance:
    Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

    It takes a lot of faith in God to make the right choices, even when they aren’t popular or easy. As the definition of good and right changes in society, we can look to God to retain the pure definitions. 

    An apostle from my church, L. Tom Perry, said something I truly believe: 

    There is power in a tie tack, a CTR ring, or a white dress hanging in the closet if we associate them with our desires for purity and righteousness. Even more important than physical reminders is to have the conviction deep down in our hearts to live the kind of life that will cause us to make the right choices, not only for peace and happiness in the world right now, but also for peace and happiness eternally.

    I have always associated my CTR ring with righteousness, but for some reason, now more than ever I have this conviction to do what is right. That doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes (I make many), but I truly desire to do my best, and to help others find the light I have. I also have a greater desire to forgive and seek forgiveness  to serve others, and to make friends everywhere I go.

    This CTR ring is not just a representation of things I think are good, but my CTR ring has become a part of me. I don’t like being without it, just as I don’t like being without my wedding ring. They are a part of who I am, and sacred commitments I have promised to always keep. 

    Do you have jewelry that has special meaning for you?

  • Let’s do what we can

    I wish we could travel more. Why don’t we ever go out to eat? My shoes are starting to look old. My coat is a little snug around the middle. My clothes don’t all fit quite right. Our van is disgusting; it has crumbs and dog hair all in it. The baby’s socks are stained from walking outside without shoes. The furniture in our house doesn’t match. Our TV is too small. We have to go to the store again? We have too much junk in this house. Let’s get another of that toy so the kids won’t fight over it.

    I could go on forever posting examples of complaints that I have made about life and possessions. As I look at these complaints today, I am ashamed. I realize the pettiness of it all.

    Yesterday, my perspective on material possessions changed. I am a member of a Facebook group where people in the area post things they are giving away for free, or ask for things they need.

    Recently there has been an outpouring of posts where people have been pleading for things I take for granted every day. There are people who have no heat in their homes, people who don’t have warm clothing, people whose babies need diapers, people who feel terrible that they can’t afford a Christmas tree or gifts for their kids, and people who are asking for food to eat because their cupboards are bare.

    Yesterday as I was looking at some of these posts, I felt very strongly that I needed to help who I could.

    I felt a very strong impression that I needed to specifically help  a mother of two boys who was on crutches and in desperate need of warm clothing, heat, and food.

    I reached out to my church and my neighborhood to see if anyone had clothes to spare. I felt that the need was more urgent than the length of time it would take to find help from others, so I actually went to Goodwill and picked out three shirts and two pairs of pants for each boy. Even as my boys were screaming and yelling and fighting in the store, I felt good inside knowing I was doing something to help this family. While I was shopping, Jad was at home cooking a hot meal for this family just because I asked him to. When I got home with the boys, I gathered some food storage items and the meal, which would feed them for a couple days.

    I had also agreed to help another family, one who was in desperate need of two sizes of diapers, and wipes. Before I left the house, I also gathered these items.

    I kissed my children and husband goodbye, leaving them to eat dinner, while I did something I had never done before – give to the poor face to face.

    I met the young mother at a gas station. I instantly liked her. She told me more about her situation, and was so grateful for the clothes and food. She had tears brimming in her eyes, and it was really humbling to me. A handful of clothes, one bag of random food items, and a meal was precious to her.
    I have been working to get more help for her with food, and some members of my neighborhood have been so gracious as to donate clothes to her sons. One thing that impressed me about her is that she didn’t ask for anything for herself, though it was obvious to me that she was also in need of warm clothing. All she had on that cold night was a very thin cotton jacket.

    The second interaction was much shorter. I met the family at a drugstore. They were sitting in a very old vehicle. The children’s grandmother got out of the car without a jacket on that cold night. She was kind to me and thanked me for the diapers and wipes. She showed me the kids in the back seat, and said that the son had just had major surgery, and has been sickly since birth. I told them I hoped they could get the other things they needed, we said goodnight, and they went on their way.

    Did they have warm beds to sleep in that night? Did they have full bellies? I don’t know, and it made me wish I had the money and resources to help needy families get on their feet.

    As I drove home that night, I felt a new desire to help the poor. I knew that I could do more than I had been. I have always been one to help others when they need it.  Most of the service I have done in my life, though, has been for people I know. I haven’t ventured out to touch the lives of people I have never met, who have such basic and crucial needs.

    Helping others brings me joy, and fills me with love for them and helps me see God’s love for them. To those that are recipients of help, I pray you also feel God’s love, hope for tomorrow, and peace to replace your sorrows.

    It takes so much humility to ask for assistance, and I have made a promise to myself to do all I can to bless other people’s lives.

    We don’t have much to spare in my family, but I know as we give of ourselves – our time, our love, our extra resources, that we will be blessed with what we need too.

    May we all do what we can to bring hope and solace to those who need it most.

  • Let the Memory Live Again


    As I have been writing this blog, I have felt this bold, and dutiful desire – even obligation – to share my past experiences, mistakes, trials and heartaches with  anyone in the world who would read my words.

    If you asked me last year if I would ever make a lot of these things public knowledge, I would have laughed and shook my head, thinking of how embarrassing and humiliating it would be.

    I have pondered this change in my perspective. Why am I now so comfortable talking about really personal parts of my life? Why do I desire to pour my heart out to people I may not even know?

    The conclusion I have come to is that by writing my memories down, I can help make the lives of others a little easier, and their hearts a little lighter, today.

    Somebody can benefit from knowing that I was too scared to stand up for my beliefs in high school, when someone made the claim that Mormons weren’t Christians – and that I regretted it for years.

    Somebody will find direction in knowing that I struggled many times in my life with modesty, and that lack of it led to many poor decisions.

    Somebody will find comfort in knowing that there is someone else who has felt the pains that come from a spouse with a pornography addiction, and that there is hope for those who want to change.

    Somebody needs to feel the necessity of forgiving someone after years of holding a grudge, and the freedom that comes from it..

    Somebody who feels overwhelmed as a parent may need to hear how their struggles can be for their ultimate good.

    Somebody needs to feel that miracles do still happen, that our trials can make us stronger as we see the Lord’s hand in helping us overcome, and that the Lord will lead us in the right direction as we seek His counsel.

    In my blog posts, I try to bring a spirit of hope to resonate out.I try to emulate a spirit of love and compassion. I try to show that I am not perfect, but that I have learned from my mistakes. I try to show that God knows us, loves us, and helps us, that He has a plan for us, and that He allows us to endure trials to bring us closer to Him.

    Sometimes we have control over what happens to us, and sometimes we don’t. We have a choice to hold on to the bad, and live life in fear, bitterness and despair. Or, we can find all the good that comes despite the bad.  I have been able to forgive myself for my faults more readily now that I know I can help others find their way. I can see the hand of God in my life more, and the purpose and plan He has for me as I delve down deep into my memories of adversity.

    I thank God for this new found desire to bring light to others through my thoughts and experiences.

    I truly believe that every single person on this planet has memories that could benefit, and even change the world.

    Tell your stories. I promise it is so rewarding. It can bring you freedom from regret and heartache. It can form friendships in unlikely places. It can save a life.

    I would love to hear your stories, and I know others would too.

    May God bless you in your efforts to open your mouths and hearts to your fellow brothers and sisters. 

  • Hate won’t make us Great

    Civility: polite, reasonable, and respectful behavior

    Most people see the value in civility. They try to be that way; they hope others do the same; they teach their children to be civil so they will be more successful in life.

    Yesterday was election day in the United States. I am sure many of you have read articles (or comments on those articles), or seen friends’ social media posts regarding the election.

    As I read these things, I wonder where civility has gone?

    Many people have been silent on the issue, or have simply expressed their gladness or sorrow over the results.

    What I have seen much more of, though, is gloating, name-calling, complaining, eye-rolling, bashing, blaming, cursing, and judging.


    Judge not, that ye be not judged (Matthew 7:1).

    Do we even know we are doing this? Do we realize when we do this we are alienating many of our friends, family and associates?

    Here are some of the statements I have inferred from my reading:

    1. My party is the supreme party and the only one that can do good for this country. 
    2. America is doomed and the world is coming to an end because someone got into office.
    3. The candidate that won is going to take away our freedoms and all our money.
    4. The Lord sanctions one political party, and frowns upon the other.
    5. Everyone who believes differently or is in a different party than me is inferior and unintelligent.

    My friends, please remember that all members and leaders of political parties are imperfect people. There is no supreme party, and everyone’s moral codes are to be respected. God does not choose our leaders for us, but wants us to choose with careful consideration.

    …every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand (Matthew 12:25).

    In order for our great country to succeed and continue to bloom, we must sustain, be respectful of, and be grateful for, our leaders. They need our support, whether we agree with everything they stand for and do, or not.

    We can’t afford to turn against each other. Anger and hate will never bring positive results, but love and tolerance can. Americans need to stand together. By doing this, our great country stays great.

    We are the land of the free, and the home of the brave. There may be times when there are laws passed that we don’t agree with. There may be policies put in place that don’t make sense to us.

    When that happens, we must remember and fall to our knees in gratitude that The United States of America is a choice land of diversity, freedom, and opportunity. Our government exists to serve us. We control our destinies. We can do anything we desire, and can rise up from our circumstances. We have wonderful schools, technology, and medicine. We have clean water, good food, easy access to supplies and shelter, and an advanced road system to travel on.  We have a strong and brave military, always ready to defend our liberties. We have beautiful and lush landscaping, and a rich history from which we can learn and draw inspiration.

    Americans are special people – each of us, not just those of a certain political party. Every American can contribute and make a difference.

    Please try to keep the golden rule in mind when discussing politics, or anything you are passionate about. It is good to take a stand. It is good to have morals and beliefs. Please just try not to judge others who are different, and instead think of how you would feel if someone bashed you, called you names, or spoke disrespectfully of you or one you revere.

    Therefore, all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them; for this is the law and the prophets (Matthew 7:12).

    I thank God every day that I live in this wonderful country. No matter who is in office, I will always pray for them, be grateful for my citizenship, and love my fellow Americans.

    God bless the USA!

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 3: How I Know Joseph Smith was a Prophet

    In my last post I left you with an image of a 14-year-old farm boy who prayed and saw a vision of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ Himself told Joseph that His church did not exist on the earth and not to join any of the existing churches.

    This boy would be prepared to become a prophet of God, and restore Jesus Christ’s church to the earth -the church He established when He was on the earth – a living church, with continuing revelation for the benefit of all mankind.

     

    God has always called prophets in his own due time to testify of Jesus Christ and His gospel, to help people  know God’s true character, and to denounce sin, warning of its consequences.

    The Lord has said to beware of false prophets. That is what I hear most often when people tell me that Joseph Smith couldn’t have been a prophet. It is true that there have been and will be false prophets on the earth. There are now. Jesus tells us how to know if one is a false prophet (Matthew 7:15-20):

    Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.  A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
     Notice where Christ says a corrupt tree cannot bring forth good fruit. To know if Joseph Smith was a false prophet (a corrupt tree), we must look at his fruits. What was he like? What did he do from the day of his vision at 14 years old to the day of his martyrdom when he was only 38?
    First and foremost, regardless of intense persecution from prominent religious leaders, peers and members of his community, Joseph never once denied that he had seen a vision. He wrote:
    It caused me serious reflection then, and often has since, how very strange it was that an obscure boy, of a little over fourteen years of age, and one, too, who was doomed to the necessity of obtaining a scanty maintenance by his daily labor, should be thought a character of sufficient importance to attract the attention of the great ones of the most popular sects of the day, and in a manner to create in them a spirit of the most bitter persecution and reviling. But strange or not, so it was, and it was often the cause of great sorrow to myself.

    However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a vision. I have thought since, that I felt much like Paul, when he made his defense before King Agrippa, and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light, and heard a voice; but still there were but few who believed him; some said he was dishonest, others said he was mad; and he was ridiculed and reviled. But all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the persecution under heaven could not make it otherwise; and though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew, and would know to his latest breath, that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise.
    So it was with me. I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation (Joseph Smith – History 1:23-25).
    This persecution would only get more hateful and severe as the years went on, including being tarred and feathered, unjustly imprisoned more than once, and finally martyred (along with his beloved brother, Hyrum) by a mob of over a hundred men. This isn’t to mention the devastating persecution that the early members of the church would endure, such as being forced to leave their homes or die. My heart aches whenever I read about the awful treatment of these peaceful people just trying to follow God’s will.

    Just as the original members of the church knew it, I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I just know it. I could talk to you about his character, about the people who loved him, about his faith in Jesus Christ to the end, about the legacy he has left, and I could never adequately describe how I know he is a prophet – how he must have been a prophet.

    The most compelling reason I can give you as to how I know Joseph was a prophet of God, is that  I know that the Book of Mormon is true.

    The Book of Mormon
    I know that many of you have heard of the Book of Mormon. I have heard some of the things people think about it. People assume that Joseph Smith wrote it, and that Mormons use it instead of the Bible.

    What if I told you he didn’t write it? Joseph Smith was not an educated man. He was in his early 20s when he translated the book. The Book of Mormon is 531 pages. If he wrote it, he wrote it in less than three months, at a rate of about 10 pages a day – ten times faster than a professional translator copying down text already written.

    I believe as Joseph Smith said, that an angel, named Moroni, appeared to him and told him where an ancient record, written on gold plates, was buried. These plates were written by prophets living in ancient America from 600 B.C. to around 400 A.D. Joseph was given sacred instruments to aid him in the translation of the records.

     

    It is easy to find fault in this story, and call it unrealistic. However, look inside your hearts and think about what you know from the Bible. Think about the workings of the Lord – angels appearing, sacred instruments – is that so out of the ordinary?

    There were also many witnesses who saw and touched the gold plates, whose testimonies are in the beginning of The Book of Mormon. Joseph also had help translating. Many would serve as scribes to his translation, such as his wife, Emma, and Oliver Cowdery.

     

     I also recognize that many Christians believe that God is done speaking, that the last messages came from the 12 apostles, and that the only written holy records are in the Bible.

    The best way to answer this concern is in a passage from the Book of Mormon where Jesus himself said (2 Nephi 29:7-11):

    7 Know ye not that there are more nations than one? Know ye not that I, the Lord your God, have created all men, and that I remember those who are upon the isles of the sea; and that I rule in the heavens above and in the earth beneath; and I bring forth my word unto the children of men, yea, even upon all the nations of the earth?

    8 Wherefore murmur ye, because that ye shall receive more of my word? Know ye not that the testimony of two nations is a witness unto you that I am God, that I remember one nation like unto another? Wherefore, I speak the same words unto one nation like unto another. And when the two nations shall run together the testimony of the two nations shall run together also.

    9 And I do this that I may prove unto many that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and that I speak forth my words according to mine own pleasure. And because that I have spoken one word ye need not suppose that I cannot speak another; for my work is not yet finished; neither shall it be until the end of man, neither from that time henceforth and forever.

    10 Wherefore, because that ye have a Bible ye need not suppose that it contains all my words; neither need ye suppose that I have not caused more to be written.

    11 For I command all men, both in the east and in the west, and in the north, and in the south, and in the islands of the sea, that they shall write the words which I speak unto them; for out of the books which shall be written I will judge the world, every man according to their works, according to that which is written.


     

    It makes so much sense to me, and offers me so much comfort, that Jesus loves all people in every nation, and that He wishes all of them to have the Truth.

    The Book of Mormon does not replace the Bible. It is a book meant to complement the Bible. It is a book meant to prove that the Bible is true! It is a book meant to prove to the world that Jesus is the Christ.

    Joseph Smith, if he were the fraud that people say he was, could not have written a book like this – a book where over half of the verses refer to Jesus Christ; a book filled with heroes and prophets who showed courage, faith, love, service, obedience and integrity; a book that brings clarity to the messages of the Bible;  a book that makes its humble reader feel closer to Christ.

     

     Did you know that in the Book of Mormon, the resurrected Jesus Christ visits the people of the Americas? Did you know that He lets every person touch His hands and His feet, blesses each and every child, heals every person with an infirmity, teaches the same gospel He taught to the Israelites, and ordains 12 apostles to preach His word and carry the authority to act in His name?

    With tears in my eyes, I ask you, would a false prophet, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, bring forth a book like this?

     Would he be able to write this? 2 Nephi 25:23, 26
    23 For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.
    26 And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.
     Or this? Mosiah 2:17
    And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.
     Or this? Ether 12:27
    And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
    I could quote hundreds of passages that are just as spiritually fulfilling as these.
    However, I know that I cannot prove to you that The Book of Mormon is true. The prophet Moroni, the one who appeared to Joseph Smith, also knew this. That is why he provided a promise to those who read the Book of Mormon (Moroni 10:3-5):
    3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.
    4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
    5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

    In the introduction to The Book of Mormon are these words:

    Those who gain this divine witness from the Holy Spirit will also come to know by the same power that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world, that Joseph Smith is His revelator and prophet in these last days, and that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord’s kingdom once again established on the earth, preparatory to the Second Coming of the Messiah.

    I have prayed, and I have received an answer that this book is the word of God, and truly is another testament of Jesus Christ. I have read it many times, and will continue to read it throughout my life, to enlarge my heart and nourish my soul.

    If you aren’t quite convinced you want to read The Book of Mormon, will you please watch this short video clip? Each time I watch it, I feel the Spirit testify truth to me. If nothing else, perhaps it will open your heart to want to find out for yourself.

    I am so grateful that Joseph Smith asked a question, and that he was willing to do what the Lord commanded him upon receiving the answer. He dedicated the remainder of his life to serving the Lord, and restoring His church to the earth. His life and death were not in vain, and he was most certainly not a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

    He was a true prophet of God.

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 2: Why Are There So Many Churches?

    Have you ever wondered why there are so many Christian churches? Has that ever bothered you? Why would that be anyway? All Christians have access to the Bible. All (well, most) Christians believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ and accept Him as their Savior; yet, there are countless denominations, and even non-denominations.

    light-of-the-world-jesus-christ-1301483-gallery

    Some of you may say that it doesn’t matter which Christian church you go to, or what doctrines it teaches, because all that matters is loving Jesus and being kind to others. The rest is up to your personal feelings.

    The two greatest commandments are in fact to love God with all your heart, mind, might and strength, and also to love your neighbor as yourself.

    However, Jesus said that if we love Him, we will keep his commandments. Which commandments is he talking about? There are the ten commandments, of course, and the higher law for those commandments. There are also countless others.

    Do all Christians keep all the commandments? Do they agree on how to keep those commandments? Are there any Christians out there who think some commandments are outdated? Here are some examples of commandments Christians churches follow/don’t follow differently:

    1. Keep the Sabbath Day holy (Exodus 20:8) – Does this just mean go to church? Does this just mean think about Jesus more? Does it mean that you spend the whole day a little differently than every other day? Is this commandment even valid anymore?

    2. Be baptized of water and of the Spirit (John 3:5) – What age should people be baptized? Do little children need to be baptized? Should baptism be done by sprinkling or by immersion? What must we do to be worthy of baptism? Who has the authority to baptize? How does one get baptized of the Spirit? Is baptism really even necessary for salvation? What was Paul talking about when he spoke of baptism for the dead?

     

     

    3. Do not commit adultery and flee fornication (Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:28, 1 Corinthians 6:18) – Most Christians agree on not committing adultery, but what about fornication? It has become more and more common for Christian people to live together and engage in sexual relations before marriage. Is this an outdated commandment, or is it still valid?

    4. Love one another (John 13:34)- This one should be easy, but it isn’t. Does ‘love one another’ mean that we accept all behaviors around us, even if we don’t believe in them? Can we still love one another but not agree or condone or vote for causes that go against our beliefs, or does that mean we don’t love our neighbor? Does this commandment trump keeping the other commandments God has set?

    5. Let your light so shine (Matthew 5:14-16) – Does this just mean that we are good people, or does this mean that we share the gospel of Christ with others? Should we be vocal about our beliefs, or be quiet about them so as not to offend those who do not share our beliefs?

    6. Throw away the things that make you sin  (Matthew 5:29-30)- Well, what things are sins? Does the definition of sin change as times change or are all the abominations spoken of in scripture still abominations?

    7. Pray to the father (Matthew 6:5-13)- Should we only pray to the Father, or is it also acceptable and encouraged to pray to Mary? How often should we pray, and should we recite prayers, or speak from the heart?

    8. Partake of Christ’s body and blood in remembrance of Him (Luke 22:19-20) – Are we literally partaking of Christ’s body and blood, or is it symbolic? What are we promising to do when we do this? How often must we do this, and does it matter what we use as representation of the body and blood? How should the body and blood be blessed and passed?

     

    Each of these commandments, and many, many others, are interpreted and kept in diverse ways in the hundreds of Christian denominations in the world. It is not only the commandments, but also doctrines which are disagreed upon. Here are just a few of the doctrines that Christians do not agree upon:

    1. The truthfulness of the Bible – Is it inerrant, or is it just a book full of good ideas? Does it tell us everything we need to know, or are some parts no longer relevant due to the changes in the world? Did all the Bible stories actually happen, or are they just ways to teach us a message?

    2. The nature of God – Are God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost three separate beings or one being? Does God have a body or not?

    3. Salvation – If we accept Jesus and are baptized, are we guaranteed salvation, or can we lose it based on our deeds? Do we have to keep the faith? Do our works help us be saved? How does repentance work? How do we know if we are forgiven, or are we just automatically forgiven?

    4. The Second Coming – Is it going to happen? Will there be a rapture? What will happen if Christ comes again?

     

    5. Life after death – Will we really be resurrected? Do people go straight to Heaven or Hell after death, or is there a resting place before the final judgment? Is there even a Hell at all? Will everyone who didn’t accept Jesus on this earth go to Hell? What is the third Heaven that Paul saw?

    6. The priesthood – What is the priesthood? Are there guidelines as to who should be ordained to the priesthood? How is one conferred the priesthood? What does one with the priesthood do?

     

    It is true that there are many  doctrines that Christians generally agree on, such as the divinity of Christ, that he was born of a virgin, that he lived on earth and died for our sins, and was resurrected. These other doctrines are essential to know, however, because our understanding of them can completely change the way we live, how we interpret scripture, and how our churches function.

    Even in the early days of Christianity, Paul chastised the people for moving away from the doctrines of Christ. He said to the Galatians (1:1-6):

    I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel: Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ. But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed. For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man. For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.

     

    Unfortunately, I have only begun to scratch the surface of the differences in Christian denominations. Some other differences are how Christians feel about:

    1. Abortion – Even if we don’t agree with it, should we vote for it to be banned, or vote to give a woman choice?

    2. Suicide and Euthanasia – Is this the equivalent of murder or is it sometimes acceptable? Is it forgivable?

    3. Contraception – Is birth control always wrong to use, or is it okay in some or all circumstances? What kinds of contraception are acceptable?

    4. Death penalty – Is the killing of others for a crime committed ever justified? Should we be able to make that call?

    5. War and military service – Should war be avoided at all costs, or is it sometimes the right thing to do to defend our freedoms, lands, and families?

    6. Eating of meat – Is it murder to eat animal flesh, or is meat a gift from God for His children?

    7. Marriage – Should marriage be between only a man and a woman, or should any consenting adults be allowed to marry? Should priests remain celibate or be allowed to marry?

    8. Divorce – Is divorce ever acceptable? If one is divorced, can he/she remarry and remain part of the body of Christ?

    I am by no means the first person to realize the vast differences between Christian denominations. I read many articles discussing it. Most of these articles say that we should respect all Christians, regardless of disparity, and learn how to love each other. The people writing these articles usually also show sympathy that other Christians don’t know the full truth like they do.

     

    I totally agree that we should respect all Christians. However, look around. Do Christians really love and respect each other? Many do, yes. However, I am saddened at the flat out bashing and judging that goes on because of the differences Christians have. I read all the time where Christians call out other Christians and say they must not be true Christians, because Jesus wouldn’t think or do what they are thinking and doing.

    Most Christians believe they have the full truth, and they most closely follow the Lord, Jesus Christ. I fully and wholeheartedly believe there must be absolute truth in Christianity. There must be. All of the things we have discussed must have a true answer from God. He does have an answer for all the differing opinions of men and women. There is a pure doctrine. None of the doctrines I listed can be more than one way. There must be one answer. To be acceptable in the Lord’s eyes, we must keep his commandments as He intended for us to keep them. We must know the truth. How do we find it?

    The answer most commonly given amongst Christians is to use the Bible. Well, don’t most Christian denominations (and non-denominations) use the Bible? They definitely use it, and yet there are countless combinations of beliefs in Christianity. This doesn’t make sense. Don’t get me wrong –  I believe with all my heart that the Bible is true. Those who have a conviction of this are right.

     

    I have studied the Bible many times in my life, and it is a book I treasure. I know it is the word of God. To say there is not confusion, though, would be a lie. There are many verses in the Bible which are very difficult to comprehend, and many concepts are introduced but not elaborated upon. Have you ever come across a scripture you didn’t understand? The book of Revelation is incredibly difficult to fathom… there are many others as well.

    Did you know  there are over 100 English translations of the Bible? I definitely haven’t read all of these translations, but I do know from looking  at a few different ones that if you compare a scripture passage in different Bibles, often you will find that the meaning is not the same. Even more astonishing is that I have read interpretations of the same scripture from the same translation that didn’t match – in fact, they were opposites.

    An example of that is Luke 24:39:

    Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.

    I have seen religious articles that use this verse to prove that the resurrected Christ is a spirit, and in contrast, to prove that He has a body.

     There are also passages of scripture in the Bible that make perfect sense, but appear to be contradicted in other passages. Christian denominations tend to hold fast to a verse and make it part of doctrine, but do not always acknowledge the other verses that seem to say the opposite. Here are two examples of many:

    The Nature of God

    1. John 8:16-18, 28-29

    And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me. It is also written in your law,
     that the testimony of two men is true. I am one that bear witness of myself, and the Father that sent me beareth witness of me.

    Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these
     things. And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.

    2. John 1:1

    In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

    The Means of Salvation

    1. James 2:20-26

    But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead? Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar? Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God. Ye see then how that
    by works a man is justified, and not by faith only. Likewise also was not Rahab the harlot justified by works, when she had received the messengers, and had sent them out another way. For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

    2. Romans 10: 9 -10

    That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth
     unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
    There are also many positions and practices amongst Christians of all faiths that are not mentioned in the Bible at all. Individuals and denominations have had to infer God’s will based on their interpretations of the Bible – e.g. contraception, abortion. Then there are things that are condemned in the Bible, but are thought by some to now be irrelevant due to changing times – e.g. chastity, modesty, divorce, traditional marriage. There are others, though, that hold strong to what the Bible says. Who is right?
    Yes, the Bible is true, but alone it has not brought Christians together in one Lord, one faith, one baptism (Ephesians 4:5).

    Here is a scripture verse I want you to consider in the same chapter of Ephesians (vs 11-15):

    And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;

     For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
    Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:
    That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
    But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

    Is Paul talking about himself and the other apostles following Christ’s resurrection? He could be, but most Christian religions strive to follow the words of these apostles as found in the New Testament. Nearly 2000 years later, Christians still do not have a unity of faith, and are nowhere near accomplishing it.

    I have done a lot of reading on what Christians believe about prophets. I have read articles where individuals really want to believe in prophets, and feel they are needed. They just don’t know where to find them.

    There is an even stronger conviction, though, that prophets no longer exist, that they were no longer called after the twelve original apostles died, and will never be called again. After Christ gave the higher law, and completed his work on the earth, He stopped speaking to the world. All of His word is in the Bible, and no other word is ever needed to help His children live Christ-like lives.
    For those of you who do believe there could be prophets, you might be worried about the Lord’s caution to beware of false prophets. Many Christians believe that because the Lord said that, that means all men professing to be prophets in these days must be frauds. That would especially be true if Christ no longer speaks, and there is no further revelation to bring forth.
    There are Christian churches that believe their spiritual leaders, though not prophets, do receive inspiration for interpreting God’s word as in the Bible. Thus, their interpretations would be the correct ones.
    We run back into the same question again: Which church is true, and how can we tell? Let me tell you a story of someone who had this question.

    In 1820, in Manchester, New York, a 14-year-old boy was looking for truth. In his town, the Methodist, Baptist and Presbyterian churches were promoting their religions, looking for followers. They were all very convincing, but spoke harshly of each other. They tried everything to denounce the other religions.

    This boy was a believer in God, and he wanted to align himself with one of these Christian faiths. He was overwhelmed, and uncertain of which church to join, as each church interpreted the Bible so differently. He said,

    What is to be done? Who of all these parties are right; or, are they all wrong together? If any one of them be right, which is it, and how shall I know it?

    This boy started looking for an answer. One night, as he was studying his Bible, he found this verse in James 1:5-

    If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.


    This verse pierced him to the very soul, and he knew that if anyone needed wisdom from God, it was him. He decided that if James was right, he could receive his answer through prayer.

    Up until this point, the boy had never prayed vocally. He chose a beautiful, clear day in the Spring of that year to go out into the woods to pray aloud to God, and hopefully receive the answer he most desperately sought.

     

    The rest of the story is best told in his words:

    After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.

     But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being—just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.
     It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!


    My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)—and which I should join.

    I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: “they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof.

    My friends, this 14-year-old boy was Joseph Smith. He had a question and he asked of God. He asked with all the energy of his soul, yearning for an answer, willing to do what the Lord would ask of him. He received his answer – an answer he never expected, in a way he never would have dreamed. If Joseph, this poor, uneducated, farm boy, really did see God and Jesus Christ standing side by side, then Christianity could become one step closer to absolute truth, and to unity of faith, for the question of the nature of God was now answered. It was answered by Jesus Christ himself. I read through the most common Christian creeds, such as the Nicene Creed and the Apostolic Creed. They all claim the oneness of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. If untrue, those statements would be an abomination in the eyes of Christ and His father, though unbeknownst to the devout followers of Christ who lived by them.

    If this vision really happened, it shows a love of God and Christ for all people on the earth, that they want all people to be united, to know the full truth as God intended, and to bring forth  more knowledge to bring clarity, rather than continuous confusion.

    Joseph’s vision was not just for him. It would bring him great responsibility, as well as tremendous oppression and persecution for the remainder of his days. His name would be known for good and evil throughout the world, and still is to this day.

     

    Joseph Smith was called to be a prophet of God and to bring the fullness of Christ’s gospel to the world.

    This is the testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and mine. I do not ask you to believe it; I just ask you to open your minds to the fact that there could be prophets on the earth today. I believe God is a loving God and He does not want us to live in confusion. Christians today live in confusion, and often worry about how to respond to an increasingly wicked, godless world. Christians are not yet united in faith. The world is not yet united in faith.
    May God bless you in your search for truth.

  • The Monster and the Miracle

    August 28, 2011 was just like any normal Sunday. We went to church as usual, and had dinner at my parents’ house. Everything seemed fine. Then, that night, after we put the kids to bed, Jad started to get stomach pain. He said he felt like knives were stabbing him. He started to throw up, and he kept wailing in pain. He was freezing cold, but sweating too. He couldn’t even stand up. He just kneeled over the toilet and screamed that he needed to go to the hospital.

    I was very worried. I knew Jad wouldn’t say that unless something was really wrong. I couldn’t take him there because I had two children (one a young baby) asleep in their beds. I then thought of calling my brother, Aaron. He graciously accepted my plea to take Jad to the emergency room.

    When Aaron arrived, I had managed to get Jad down the stairs, but he was kneeling over the steps moaning, with a bucket nearby. It would have been comical, had it not been so disconcerting. I watched, feeling helpless, as Aaron slowly led Jad to his car and off to Durham Regional Hospital. Aaron told me he drove as fast as he could, recognizing just how bad it must be… Jad was a very tough person, and he could barely talk.

    I didn’t sleep well that night. I keep waiting for my phone to ring with an update. The only comfort was in knowing my brother was with him.

    Aaron related to me the events of that first night, and it made me even more grateful he was there. When they first got to the emergency room, nobody seemed to notice Jad could barely stand. While he was bombarded with paperwork, Aaron gingerly held up his body weight.

    When Jad got to a room, he was given an IV to remove the pain. Ridiculously, though, the nurse had to stab him many times before finding a vein. She kept apologizing, saying she was new. Jad didn’t seem to notice at first, but finally grunted in displeasure.

    Jad saw a doctor soon after, and after explaining his symptoms, the doctor recommended that he get a CT scan. Aaron and Jad were then told to sit tight until the doctors transferred shifts. That ended up being several hours. When the second doctor finally arrived, he confirmed the need for a CT scan. Jad had to drink a liquid in three doses to cleanse his body. A nurse was supposed to check on him to give him each dose, but she didn’t. Aaron took it upon himself to administer the liquid to Jad.

    Finally, he got the CT scan. Brian McDonald, someone we didn’t know then but do now from church, gave him this scan. The doctor came in to show Jad the x-ray, which showed a large growth on his liver. He told Jad grimly that he most likely had a cancerous tumor.

    At receiving this news, Jad wept. He did not want to die and leave his family alone. What would they do? He wasn’t ready to leave this earth yet.

    I am so grateful Aaron was with him to comfort him during this heartbreaking time.

    I came to the hospital the next morning after taking Casey to school. I asked for prayers from my friends and family, and held on to faith that all would be well. After all, they had not yet confirmed it was cancer.

     

    Rigel and I visiting Jad in the hospital.

     

    We were so blessed and grateful to soon hear that cancer was out of the list of possible diagnoses. If that huge growth were a malignant tumor, Jad would have been dead long ago. We breathed a sigh of relief, but longed to know what was really wrong.

    That whole day, we waited to know what was in his body. At one point, a whole room of doctors came in, and said they didn’t have an answer but were still working on it. All they knew was that he had something large, living, and growing inside of his liver. They said that Jad would have to have a lot of blood taken. Some of the blood would be sent to Maryland to be tested.

    We were so grateful for the visitors we received during all this waiting. It made it a little easier to endure.

    The following day, August 30, the doctors had a theory: Jad had a Middle-Eastern parasite that had been growing inside his body for years. They said his condition must be very rare since none of them had ever seen it before.

    Once the blood tests were sent off, Jad was able to return home to await a diagnosis. He would have to return to the hospital once the blood tests came back. The doctors said if the blood tests were inconclusive, he would have to have a liver biopsy.

    Exactly one week later, on September 6, Jad and I went to Duke University Hospital to get the news from Dr. Luke Chen, the Infectious Disease Specialist there. After about four hours at the hospital (most of it spent waiting), we got our answer: Jad had Echinococcus.

    Dr. Chen, a Chinese man with an Australian accent, drew pictures for us of what was going on in Jad’s liver. He had never actually seen anyone with Echinococcus before, but he said Jad must have had the disease for at least 10 years, based on the size of the cystic matter. He told us how this parasite can infect many organs, and that Jad was very lucky it was the liver, because the liver is the only body part that can regenerate itself. He also expressed relief that the infection manifested itself when it did, because it could have ruptured at any time, ending Jad’s life.

    A doctor in the Northeast told Dr. Chen about a patient she had had with Echinococcus. She said that if Jad needed surgery, it would be best for a cancer surgeon to operate. Dr. Chen told Jad that if he had surgery, Dr. Bryan Clary would be his surgeon. He had never operated on someone with this condition, but he was one of the best out there.

    He put Jad on a pill that is supposed to cure Echinoccocus (it had to be specially ordered), in the off chance that he could be cured. More realistically, though, Dr. Chen expected the medicine to just stop the cyst from growing. Jad had to be on this pill for two months before he could have surgery

    We left the office that day a little overwhelmed, but with faith all would be well. We really liked Dr. Chen, and knew Jad was in good hands. He was so interested in Jad’s case, and wanted to learn everything he could. He was also very friendly, helpful, and offered us as much information as possible. We could tell he cared about Jad’s well-being.

    After that appointment, we were really curious to find out how Jad got this infectious disease.

    Well, after some reflection with his mother, Salma, Jad figured it out:

    In the Spring of 1999, when Jad was 17 years old, he and many members of his family went to have a barbecue near a farming community on the Dead Sea. There were people on the street selling lettuce from their farms. Jad’s family ended up buying a large box of lettuce. Jad loves lettuce, so naturally, he started to eat it. One of his mother’s cousins said that the lettuce should probably be washed before it was eaten, but the consensus of the group was that if they just shook the lettuce off, it would be fine. His whole family ate the lettuce without a problem. That evening, though, Jad started to get very itchy. He also had bumps all over his body, and swelling. Salma took Jad to an urgent care to be checked out. The doctor attributed the bumps and itching to an allergic reaction. He gave Jad a shot to help with the itching and swelling. The shot worked, so Jad went home.

    This would not be the only time Jad had a reaction over the next few years.

    In summer 2002, when Jad was living in Port St. Lucie, FL, he had another reaction. He had gone out to eat and eaten a tuna salad. Late that night, he got very itchy, with bumps and swelling. His uncle Hani took him to the hospital, and the doctor said he probably had food poisoning. He was treated for that, and sent on his way.

    Jad’s uncle Hani complained to the restaurant about the food poisoning, but the restaurant did not want to take responsibility. The hospital recommended that Jad to go to an allergist to try to find an explanation for his symptoms. After the tests, the allergist told him he had no allergies at all. The restaurant still claimed it wasn’t food poisoning, but offered to pay for the allergist appointment.

    The following summer, something much worse happened. Jad had eaten dinner at home with his uncles William and Hani, and his other roommate, Ihan. Hani had made chicken wraps with large amounts of onion. After dinner, Jad felt bloated. That night, while he was sleeping, Jad got a huge stabbing pain in the right side of his body. He was terrified because he couldn’t feel or move his right side at all. William and Ihan quickly took him to the same hospital as the year before. The doctor was not that concerned about Jad’s condition, and said he just had bad gas. He gave him a lot of pain medication and pills for bloating.

    In late summer 2004, when Jad was in Jordan, something else happened. He got something called a Christmas Tree rash. It lasted for about 45 days. The doctor said it was very common and not dangerous – just an allergic reaction.

    Following that summer, Jad did not have any serious symptoms. He would just occasionally have pain under his ribcage. He always assumed it was gas.

    After we told Jad’s family that the issues he had all those years were due to Echinococcus, they started to do some research. They said that many people in Jordan over the years had gotten the same infection – many in their lungs – and there had been many deaths. Only in the past 6-7 years had Jordanian doctors finally started to get familiar with the disease.

    Did it bother you that all of these doctors just made assumptions instead of finding out the issue? Did you recognize, as we did, that had any of these hospitals done a CT scan, Jad could have easily been cured, with no need for surgery? We had a little frustration over this, but mostly just held on to our hopes that the Lord would bless Jad to make it through this, and that our family would come out stronger with lessons learned.

    Before surgery was scheduled, Jad had another CT scan, just to see what was going on in his liver. The cysts, as anticipated, were still there, as big as ever, but there had been no progression. Yes, Jad definitely needed surgery.

    He met with Dr. Clary to get options for the surgery, and to set a date. I wasn’t there for that appointment, but Jad’s brother, Tawfeeq, accompanied him. Dr. Clary gave Jad two options: robotic surgery or invasive surgery. With robotic surgery, Jad would only have a couple small scars, but his risks of dying were higher. In contrast, invasive surgery would be less risky, but he would end up with a huge scar, and cold weather would cause him pain going forward. Dr. Clary let Jad choose, but made it clear which was the safer choice. Jad chose the invasive surgery option.

    Surgery was scheduled for November 10, 2011.

    You may wonder how Jad and I were feeling as the date approached. It’s interesting. Jad and I were never really that scared. We both knew everything was going to work out. We even went into it all with a positive attitude, looking for the benefits for our family. For example, here is my Facebook status post from November 4, 2011:

    Ah, I love my family so much! I can’t wait for Jad to come home tomorrow. Then we’ll be together every day for at least a month while Jad heals from surgery, which is next Thursday. I’m sure this experience will only bring us closer.

     

    A picture of our happy family just a couple weeks before the surgery.

    November 9 arrived, and I asked for my friends and family to pray that Jad’s surgery would go smoothly the following day. I received an outpouring of support, love and prayers. My friend, Jada, put a post on Facebook that brought me great peace. She said:

    Much love to Jad and the entire Al-Bjaly family. God has an army of angels to watch over you all. I pray with all my heart that His grace and mercy will be with you and that you will have peace throughout the entire process of surgery and recovery. Much love. Let me know if you need anything.

    We went to bed that night ready to face the day. We had to be at Duke Hospital really early in the morning, like around 5:30 AM. My mother was an angel to come to our home before we left, and take care of my sleeping children. She would get Casey off to school and then bring Rigel to the hospital to wait with me until the surgery was over.

    I remember riding the elevator together when we got to the hospital. We were going up into the unknown. We had only been married for less than two years, and here we were, going through something so serious, something we never would have expected. After Jad was prepped for surgery, I was taken back to wish him well and give him my love. The anesthesiologist said I needed to give him his “goodnight kiss.” I did just that, and then turned to leave him in the surgeon’s hands.

    It was amazing how many people were in the waiting room. They were all waiting for a loved one to come out of surgery. My mom and Rigel were with me the whole time, and we watched people. We even had a conversation here and there. I was never afraid. I was a little impatient, though, especially as the four-hour mark went by. He should have been done with his surgery by then. The minutes kept ticking, and I yearned to hear my name over the loud speaker to come get an update. At one point, I did go up and ask. The person at the desk inquired with Dr. Clary for me, and he just said the surgery was taking longer than expected.

    Tick tock. Tick tock. Late in the afternoon, Jad’s mom, Salma, aunt Rania, grandmother, Nada, and uncle Hani, came from Kinston to sit in the waiting room and show their support. They brought lots of Arabic cookies. Aaron came to visit too.

    After about eight hours, I got called up to the desk. The surgery was finally over. I gave a huge sigh of relief and contentment.

    Dr. Clary called all of us into this office to explain what he had found during the surgery. He said that he removed a mass about the size of a football from Jad’s body. The cysts had been attached to Jad’s diaphragm and gallbladder as well. Not only was most of Jad’s liver removed, but also his gallbladder. Removing the cystic matter from the diaphragm was very intricate work, causing the surgery to last so much longer than planned. We were shocked at all this, and even more grateful Jad was alive and well.

    My mom and Aaron headed home with Rigel, and I stayed behind with Jad’s family to be able to hopefully see him. After about an hour, I was the first to be able to see Jad. I was a little nervous walking down the long, cold hallway. When I approached my husband, he was moaning and could barely talk or keep his eyes open. He didn’t seem to quite know what was going on. Jad may not have realized I was there, but regardless, I held his hand, spoke sweetly to him, told him I loved him, and sweetly kissed his forehead.

    When I was with him, my first feelings were that of sympathy for my poor husband…but then I felt God’s love surrounding both of us. I knew that He was with us, and that Jad’s surgery went well because of faith and prayers, and because Jad had a special mission to perform for the Lord in this life. He would recover, and he would go forward in faith.

    It was hard to leave him, but I promised I would be back the next day. Jad’s family members took turns visiting him too. I saw tears as they re-entered the waiting room. We said our goodbyes, and left Jad at the hospital.
    He did not remember any of us visiting him that evening. Late that night, though, after I put the kids to bed, I got a phone call. A nurse from Duke told me that Jad had woken up and was asking for his wife. My heart broke a little, and I wished I could be with him. I promised I would be there the next morning.

    My cousin, Lisa, yet another angel in this story, came down from Virginia for several days to help watch my kids so that I could be with Jad as often as possible. I drove back and forth to Duke way more times than I ever thought I would in my life during the next six days. Often, Salma came with me. Other times, when Lisa wasn’t able to watch the kids, I would take Salma to the hospital, go home, and come get her later. I wanted someone with Jad as often as possible.

    When I first saw Jad that first day after surgery, I was so humbled. Seeing him that way, I realized how much we take our bodies for granted. He needed help with everything – eating, drinking, adjusting pillows – moving at all. As I observed his difficulty, I started to giggle – something I do when I am nervous or unsure. I think the nurse thought I was either really crazy or really insensitive. I actually was a little alarmed. I hadn’t expected him to be so bad off.

    Jad told me that the previous night he had a dream. I won’t recount the details, but it was a confirmation to him that there is life after death, and that it was not his time to go.

    Throughout the next few days, Jad slept a lot, and I read more books than I had in a long time. He also had to practice walking. The first time I walked with him, both Salma and I helped him, and he literally walked as slowly as a turtle. It was hard to walk that slowly, but I always held his hand.

    To quickly summarize Jad’s progress through November 16, the day he went home, here are my Facebook statuses for those days:

    Saturday, Nov 12 – For those of you who want an update on Jad, here it is: He will be in the hospital until at least Tuesday. He is lucid, but is still very tired and weak. He is also still in a lot of pain. He has gotten up and walked around a couple times, but it’s really hard for him. We were told this is the worst day for him, so hopefully it only goes up from here. He can have visitors any time, as long as they are 12 or older. He is in room 4115 at Duke University Hospital.

    Sunday, Nov 13 – Jad was feeling much better today. He isn’t hooked up to all the tubes anymore. It is still really hard to get up and walk, and he still sleeps a lot, but he is definitely getting better. Hopefully tomorrow he can get out of the hospital gown and put on some real clothes. I know he’s looking forward to it.

    I believe this was the only day Jad saw Casey and Rigel during his hospital stay. My mom brought them to Duke, and we talked to Jad in the hallway. He was still in his hospital gown. The kids couldn’t go into his room, which is why he had to venture out. It was so nice to have us all together, even just for a little while.

    Tuesday, Nov 15 – Jad is feeling much better today and after today, no more tubes. He should be going home tomorrow or Thursday. It’s still hard to walk and move a lot because of pain, but hopefully that will get better in a couple weeks.

    Wednesday, Nov 16 – I am so proud of Jad. I walked into his hospital room this morning, and he had gotten a shower, shaved, gotten dressed, and done his hair all by himself. AND, he is coming home today!!!!

    It sounds kind of silly to say I was proud of him for doing normal things, but honestly, after such an intense surgery, the ability for him to do anything on his own was impressive.

    Later that day, I was able to bring Jad home. I was thrilled. I had longed for our family to be together again. I remember going to get the van, and waiting by the front for him to come out. I kept looking and looking. Such joy overcame me as I saw him being wheeled out of the hospital. After being assisted into the van very slowly, we started our journey back home and to recovery. I felt bad because I know that he was in so much pain the whole way home, but he tried to be strong. When we got home, it took us several minutes to get him out of the car, down the steps, and down the walkway to our townhome. Each step was a victory.

    The first thing he wanted once he got situated on the couch was Jello with pineapple in it. He had really enjoyed his Jello at the hospital. He had been on the “bland diet”, so that was the most exciting food he had eaten there.

    The next week or two were very hard on me. I was taking care of my husband and my two children by myself. We so appreciated the meals our friends brought to us, as well as the love and support from everyone. Going up the stairs was really hard for Jad for a while, and he had to sleep sitting up with lots of pillows around him. Slowly, though, the pain started to lessen and the wounds started to heal.

     

    The first picture of Jad holding Rigel after his surgery.

     

    The family on Thanksgiving Day, not long after the surgery.

    Now, Jad is healthy and life is back to normal. We will never forget that time of our lives, though, for we learned so many lessons:

    We knew that the scare that Jad had was a blessing from God, for without it, he may have eventually died from a ruptured cyst.

    We gained a stronger testimony of the Word of Wisdom. Jad quit drinking in 2008, when he was investigating the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He used to drink every night. Had he kept drinking, he very well may have died from his infection, because his liver would have been completely destroyed.

    We received a second confirmation that leaving my job was the right thing to do. It had been really hard for me to adjust to not working, but, had I still been working when all this was going on with Jad, I would not have been able to be with him and help him through it. Those times in the hospital, and the weeks following, were such a tender experience for us. I needed to be with him during that time.

    We found one more reason that Jad was supposed to live in North Carolina: excellent doctors and surgeons who would take the time to properly diagnose him and operate on him.

    We felt so much love from family and friends. We will always remember the kindness, generosity, faith and prayers.

    Most importantly, we felt God’s love for us. We knew He was with Jad, that He was always with Jad. This was all part of the plan, and He prepared a way for him to survive, from moving to United States, to joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to moving to North Carolina. This trial he faced was only a test. It would make him stronger, and was for his good.

    Maybe it is a good thing Jad has such a large scar. It is a constant and profound reminder that miracles do happen.

     

    ***If you would like to see pictures of Jad’s liver, see below. If you get queasy easily, you probably shouldn’t scroll any further. Enjoy!***