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Tag: growth

  • Faith is the key

    *An abridged version can be found on familyshare.com.
    As someone who has many friends and family members who have questioned their faith, whether it be in their specific religion, or God Himself, this subject of losing faith has been consistently in my mind.I am someone who loves to help. Anyone who knows me knows that I constantly am looking for ways to serve. I feel one of the most important ways to serve is by helping others in spiritual matters.

    If you are one who has lost his/her faith, let me try to help you.

    Let’s start with a simple physical analogy. When you lose a key, or your phone, or your kid’s favorite teddy bear, what do you do?

    1. You realize you have lost it and slightly panic.
    2. You look around the immediate area.
    3. If you don’t see it there, you retrace your steps.
    4. If you still can’t find it, you ask other people who may have seen it to help you find it.
    5. You look for as long as it takes because that item is essential to you.
    6. If you don’t find it after all that, you may feel defeated and sad. Then, and only then, do you even consider replacing what it was you lost.

    Guess what? These same steps can be used for when you lose your testimony of one or all aspects of your faith.

    First, you will realize that something is missing. You don’t feel that fire like you used to. You find you have doubts, a lot of them. You wonder if you ever really knew God was real, or that Jesus is your Savior, or if certain books of scripture are true.

    There are many options you can choose as you realize you have lost your faith, but the best option, the only option that will lead you to your end goal of finding your faith, is to reflect on your life. Reflect on the blessings you have, on the goodness you see because of the faith you have lived by.

    If you can’t see that because you have been slowly detaching for a long time, you should retrace your steps, meaning look back upon your past. Think of special times that you exhibited faith, made a commitment to God, felt the Holy Spirit, felt a prayer answered. Perhaps you will want to write those things down.

    I have spoken to people who question if those special spiritual experiences of the past were a hoax. It saddens me to hear that. I think that we each have a conscience, we each have an inherent goodness, and we each have the light of Christ within us. If we felt peace and joy in those moments, it wasn’t a lie.

    Perhaps, though, you really struggle believing that what you once felt was really right. That is when you can talk to others. You can talk to friends and family who do have their faith, and who can testify to you. Most importantly, you can and should commune with your Heavenly Father. Pour out your heart to Him earnestly, sincerely, and humbly. Ask for His guidance, for His love, for His spirit to rest upon you and envelop you. Ask Him to help you remember, and to confirm to you the truth you once knew.

    You may lose heart if you try these things and nothing helps you find your faith. Be patient. Keep searching. Read your scriptures, continue to pray, fast, talk to those who help lead you back to your faith rather than push you away from it, for running away from what you lost will not help you find it. In fact, it most certainly guarantees you never will.

    I have had enough experience in my life with prayer, scripture study, and soul-searching to testify to you that this method will work if you are willing to hear God’s answer. If you already have your mind made up, you will never be able to hear His voice.

    I believe that in most cases, number 6, replacing your lost faith with something else, will not be a necessity as long as steps 1-5 are taken very seriously and sacredly. However, if you have done all of the other steps with full purpose of heart, and you still don’t find your faith, perhaps God is telling you there is more out there for you. Just remember that it is in God you must trust if you wish to find and nourish your faith once more.

    I am there for anyone who ever wishes to have conversations with me about faith. I want to help, and by so doing, I know my faith will also grow.

    Much love to all of you who are confused and unable to find your way. There is hope, and you can get the answers you seek.

  • If couples cleave, they won’t want to leave

    An abridged version of this post can be found on familyshare.com.
    Cleave: To adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly
    But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
    For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
    And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
    What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6-9).
    *twain means two
    I have been pondering this verse, and the many other renditions of it throughout the scriptures. This
    word, cleave, has been burned into my mind.
    When spouses cleave to each other, they become united.
    Elder Henry B. Eyring made this profound statement, “Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together.
    That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.”
    After much studying, and pondering on my own life, here are some ways I have found to cleave to your spouse:
    Spend quality time together.
    Physically, we need to be close as husband and wife. We most likely cannot spend most of our day
    together, because of work, chores, our children’s needs and well-being,  but when we do have that time, we should make it a special time.
    For each couple, it could be different. In my marriage, I don’t count doing chores or necessary tasks as spending quality time together. Talking together about important issues or planning activities is a little better, but often times feels too business-like. The times when I feel closest to my husband are when we can put the stress of life behind us, and really relax, laugh, and enjoy each other. The love we share has time to shine through, and we are closer
    physically and emotionally.
    For example, recently we pulled out old photo albums and perused the pictures from our dating and early married life. It was so fun, and even tender, to revisit some of those beautiful memories.
    During the times we can’t be exclusively together, Jad and I still feel close as we talk to each other on the phone or text each other, letting each other know “you are in my thoughts.” When we are spending time with the kids at home or elsewhere, we still try to smile, laugh, and show affection so we feel close to each other.
    I wish I could say I was perfect in this aspect of cleaving. I am not. I have had to make a conscious effort to hold hands with my husband, or hug him and kiss him throughout the day, because by nature, I am not super affectionate or clingy.
    When we have company over (like my family), or we are at a large gathering, I often flit away to talk to my mom or chat with a friend, leaving Jad behind for sometimes extended periods. My husband has been good at telling me that he feels better if I hold his hand and stay near him on walks, or frequently come around him during large gatherings.
    This makes sense, because he should always feel he is the greatest company I could ever ask for. And he is.
    Sometimes, though, as a stay-at-home mom, I feel that I really need a break for my sanity. Occasionally I will go to a girl’s night, or book club, or church activity. It rejuvenates me, and lifts my spirits, helping me be a better wife and mother. I think it is healthy for husbands and wives to get some time away. As long as you discuss together your desires and expectations regarding time together and away, you are still cleaving to one another.
    Make your own traditions.
    It is so important to discuss what works best in your marriage and family for parenting, traditions, finances, etc. Sometimes you have to let go of traditions and ways set forth by your parents and grandparents, for though they may have been good, they may not be best for your family. Some traditions may not have been good, and also need to be left behind.
    Jad and I come from very different cultures. He is Jordanian and I am American. Americans are more likely to leave their parents and be independent. Jordanians feel strongly about taking care of their parents, and don’t think twice about living with them, even after they are married.
    When Jad and I were dating seriously, we took a walk one day and he seriously asked me if we got married, if I would consider letting his mother live with us. As you can imagine, I was strongly opposed, mostly because I felt we would need to focus on strengthening our new little family. He accepted my answer, and not long after, proposed to me.
    There has been quite a bit of tension with Jad’s family because he left behind the Greek Orthodox traditions that his family has followed for so long. He and I have decided together to raise our family in LDS traditions. We are at peace with this decision, but sometimes there can be awkwardness with members of his family who do not understand.
    Some other things we haven’t taken directly from our families are the things we do on Sundays, the shows we watch, the food we eat, the clothes we wear, what we put in our bodies, etc. We have different standards for many things.
    Jad and I discipline our kids differently than was done in my family and his family. We are harder on them in some ways and easier on them in others. Our kids are different. Our personalities are different. Our dynamics together are different.
    We have also gotten degrees and furthered our education, where many people in our families never did.
    Sometimes it can be hard to live differently than your parents taught you. It can be difficult to figure out which family traditions you will keep, which you will discard, and which you will combine. What will you make new?
    Some traditions we have held on to from our families are our love of eating big meals and socializing with our family and friends.
    Jad and I have both learned to love different sweets- for him, brownies, cookies and cakes, and for me, knafeh and baklava.
    We are great lovers of music. We help others and give of our time and excess. We are thrifty and work hard. We laugh hard and tell great stories – sometimes over and over again.
    We also embrace the Jordanian culture, and love wearing traditional clothing, eating traditional dishes, and listening to and dancing to traditional music.
    By counseling as a couple what works best for you, both of you will be satisfied with the changes that come.
    Be faithful and true to your spouse.
    “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto
    her and none else. “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after
    her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents
    not he shall be cast out” (    Doctrine and Covenants 42:22-23).
    This applies to me as much as it applies to my husband. Women and men can both be tempted to stray. I have thought a lot about how to prevent this. I don’t think any person wakes up one morning with the intent to commit adultery, nor do I think adultery is the only way to be unfaithful.
    I have created rules for myself to help me stay always faithful to my husband:
    1. I will not flirt with any other man. I won’t go to places or be a member of sites where there are men and women looking for companionship.
    2. I will not dote on how attractive another man is, even celebrities. I will not compare my husband to other men and wish he was more like them.
    3. I will not read books or magazines, watch movies or videos, or listen to music that spark sexual feelings from within. To me, it is wrong to be imagining sexual behavior that doesn’t involve me with my spouse.
    4. I will not be alone with another man, in a car or elsewhere, with the exception of church interviews.
    5. I will not confide in another man (or anybody) any problems I am having in my marriage, for that opens myself up to vulnerability. Those conversations are only meant for my husband and me.
    Some of you may think these rules are a little too strict, and some of the things I mentioned are harmless. I think that is up to the individual to determine, but for me, all of the rules above will help me avoid lustful temptation of any kind. That makes it worth it to me.
    Learn to love your differences.
    Differences can at first glance seem to be an annoyance. “Why can’t he be more like this?” “Why can’t she do that?” “It is so obvious to me that..” “It would be so much easier if he would just…”
    When differences start to annoy, it would be wise to look within. “Am I perfect? Do I do everything excellently? Am I the best parent and spouse in the world? Am I better than my spouse?”
    The answer will always be no, won’t it?
    If you look at differences in a positive way, you excitedly see that where you lack, he excels, and vice versa. You complete each other. You help each other grow. You give each other perspective.
    Jad can throw a fantastic meal together without a recipe. I need a recipe, so I am the better baker.

    He is the fun, silly, energetic, let them stay up dad. I am the organized, kiss their booboos, read them an endless amount of books, sing them songs, help them with their homework mom. We both have ideas on how best to teach and correct.

    He creates, builds, fixes, beautifies. I sing, write, speak publicly with ease.
    He would rather clean bathrooms and sweep and mop the floor. I prefer to put the toys away, wash the dishes, and do laundry.
    I help him with his grammar. He helps me remember to smile.
    Our differences are things to appreciate, to admire, and sometimes even to laugh at.
    There are some things that aren’t easy with being different, like maybe how we communicate or show affection or handle conflict. That is okay! It is a challenge, but if you talk together about your desires and needs, and go to the Lord for help, you will be blessed.
     Only speak kindly of your spouse to others.
    When you first get married, you feel blissful and complete. You see yourself as the luckiest person on earth, with the best spouse you could ever ask for.
    Then reality sets in.
    You get comfortable with each other, and faults and idiosyncrasies start to emerge. Witnessing a bad habit day after day, week after week, year after year, can be maddening.
    You start to expect more and see less as life gets busier. You start to take things for granted that you used to appreciate.
    You get less patient and less forgiving.
    Then you really want to tell your friends and family about it, so they can tell you how right you are and how wrong he is.
    This reaction is natural, but is it right? Does it help? Does it help us cleave to our spouse?
    I really try hard not to ever speak ill of my husband. It feels wrong. It fills me with feelings like bitterness, anger, and irritation. It fills me with thoughts that I am better than him, he isn’t good enough for me, I do more than he does for the family, and I don’t deserve  what he does to me. It blinds me from my own faults.
    When I hear other people talk badly about their spouses, I cringe. I wonder if the spouse knows any of this. I am someone who likes to hear all perspectives, and even then I try hard not to make a judgment. Many people, though, will hear one side of the story, and turn against someone, without knowing all the facts.
    friends talking outside opinion turning to friend
    I asked if speaking badly of your spouse helps you cleave to him. The answer is no; rather it helps you want to leave him. What is the other option, then?
    Speak kindly of him, even when it is hardest to do so.
    This isn’t lying and this isn’t bragging, but rather it is helping you refocus and remember all the wonderful things you love about your spouse.
    You shouldn’t ignore your concerns, though. Absolutely talk about them, but only to the one person who needs to hear them. Make sure those words are kind too.
    Communicate in a way to uplift, not degrade.
    To cleave to my husband, I need to speak well of him not only to others, but to him. I feel so happy and loved when my husband compliments me, shows an interest in my interests, rejoices in my accomplishments, and appreciates my hard labors on behalf of our family. He will often, in family prayer, ask Heavenly Father to bless me for all I do for the family and kids. I know he feels much closer to me when I do the same for him.
    L.Lionel Kendrick’s words ring so true: “Our communications reflect in our countenance. Therefore, we must be careful not only what we communicate, but also how we do so. Souls can be strengthened or shattered by the message and the manner in which we communicate.”
    Speaking well of your spouse is a way to strengthen his soul. What about when disagreements and irritations come?
    Jad and I don’t have that many arguments or fights. When we do, though, it can be hurtful for the both of us.
    Our problems mostly lie with wanting to be right, wanting to win, not wanting to admit fault, but rather finding fault in the other (why do you do this to me?), and  not wanting to be the first to apologize.
    I call this cleaving to myself. This is selfishness. That is the opposite of unity.
    Sometimes our spouses do things that are hurtful. In my relationship, my husband is a good husband. He isn’t abusive. However, sometimes the way we say things can hurt. I can choose to get offended and explode and fume out every issue I have ever had with him, or I can breathe, tell him how I feel, and tell him I know he didn’t mean to hurt me.
    I don’t think my husband ever hurts me on purpose. I don’t ever want to hurt him either. However, my temper sometimes gets the better of me. I may yell, I may call names, I may curse, I may roll my eyes, I may be sarcastic…there are many other worse things one can do too.
    Does any of that help? No, it adds fuel to the fire and a simple argument can turn into a war.
    When you start to feel like steam is going to come out of your ears, it is time to take a step back, and remember that you love your spouse and you are on the same team. It can help in that moment, and help repair your marriage.
    When you do something wrong, apologize as soon as you recognize it. Don’t justify it, for “shattering a soul” through your choice of communication is never justified.
    Make the important decisions together.
    There are many ways to make decisions, and some decisions to be made are more crucial than others. However, when a decision to be made, whether big or small, affects your family’s lives and well-being, you and your spouse should discuss and make those decisions together.
    Obviously both of you will have an opinion. You could get argumentative, and push until you get your way. Or, you could come up with a compromise, which would leave each of you partly satisfied.
    There is an even better way, and that is to seek out God’s will for your family, for what seems right to you may not actually be right. Study your scriptures together. Pray, even fast, together. Leave it up to God’s will. When you receive an answer, you will both be completely satisfied because you will know it is what God wants for you, even if it wasn’t what you originally thought.
    Jad and I have had to make many important decisions in our marriage. One of the first was what we were going to do when we had our first child together, Rigel. I had been working full time for four years at a company I loved. I was making good money, with excellent benefits, great coworkers, and definite potential to move up in the company. Jad had been the co-owner and manager of a convenience store in Kinston for many years, travelling several days a week. He made less money with no benefits, and his store wasn’t in the safest area.
    Looking at it in my perspective, I kind of wanted to keep working. I felt my job would have been better for our family in the long run. I didn’t like the idea of being away from Casey and Rigel (I had absolutely hated putting Casey in
    daycare a few years before), but I would have been okay with it if Jad stayed home with them. Jad was such a fun dad, it would be great.
    Jad didn’t agree with me at all. He felt because he was the man, it was his responsibility to take care of the family. He had also put so much work into his business, he didn’t want to give it up and leave his uncle hanging.
    It was tough. We couldn’t very well compromise on that one. I had looked into working part time, but was told that wasn’t an option.
    So, we decided to fast and pray about it. It didn’t take long for us to feel very peaceful about me quitting my job and staying home to raise my sweet boys. My decision surprised some who thought of my success, but didn’t surprise others who knew of my values. It was hard to leave, very hard, but I have never once regretted the decision.
    Because Jad and I chose to take the road God wanted for us, we were happy with the difficult decision we made. And we are still so happy.
    This decision-making method has blessed our lives so many times. We also feel more spiritually united, and come closer to God each time we earnestly reach out to him.
    Live by “What is yours is mine and what is mine is yours.”
    If we really live by this, than we know we will cleave to each other rather than our material possessions. This also brings equality to the marriage.
    I am a stay at home mom. I don’t work outside the home anymore. My husband is the breadwinner. However, the money he brings home is OUR money. He never tells me I can’t spend it. He trusts me to use it as I see fit for the family.
    The only things we really consider “mine” would be our toothbrushes and clothes. We share just about everything else.
    Because we share our financial and other temporal resources, we are respectful of each other’s opinions on how best to use them. We stay on the same page on how to budget money, what we need and what we can wait on, and what we choose to keep or discard as we consolidate.
    We don’t worry so much about small purchases or purges, but we definitely discuss the bigger things together.
    This saying of what is yours is mine can apply to anything, even heartaches, accomplishments, and joys. When my husband is discouraged or sad, I am too. When I am excited about something, he is too. We won’t always feel the same way, but when we do, we still help and support each other.
    Jad getting his citizenship was as much of a joy to me as it was to him.
    Put each other first.
    When you are married, your spouse’s needs, wants, and happiness should be as important to you as your own.
    One way to do this is to learn about and support your spouse’s interests and hobbies.
    I love acting and performing. My husband always supports me when I want to be in a show or sing in the choir. He never complains either.
    Jad loves to come up with ways to landscape our yard. I give him free artistic license to create our garden, move things around, paint, and plant.
    I have tried to immerse myself in Arabic culture as much as possible, with the food, clothes, music and dancing. It is important to me because it is a part of him.
    He reads all of my blog posts and comments on them because he wants me to know he is proud of me and is uplifted by my words.
    Another way to put each other first is to do nice things for each other, like write love notes, plan a surprise, do something without being asked, show affection often, give a massage, be the one to get up and do something when you are both tired.
    If you give what you want to receive, your spouse will feel your love and want to do likewise.
    To put your spouse first, it is important to be sensitive to moods, desires, energy levels, and work load. That way, you can discern each other’s needs better.
    For example, perhaps you had planned for you and your spouse to do a particular activity that evening, but you see your spouse is really tired or overwhelmed. You willingly and graciously discuss a new plan with your spouse, without being resentful.
    Jad is really good at giving me breaks when I am really tired after a long day with the kids. Sometimes he will suggest I get out of the house for a while. If I decline the offer, he will just invite me to relax on the couch while he cleans
    up the dishes and plays with the kids.
    Sometimes, even if I haven’t seen Jad all day, I will give up time with him if he feels like he really needs to study. This way he will feel more prepared for his upcoming exam, and feel less anxiety.
    It is also important as spouses to stop what we are doing and just listen. Be interested in how your spouse’s day was. Talk about it. Offer comfort and support. Give needed hugs and kisses.
    There may be days when your spouse comes home from work or another activity, where it is really tempting to vent about how awful your day was, and how you are so upset. Instead of doing that, which can provoke guilt in your spouse, try to keep a positive attitude so that he can keep a positive outlook on the he had.
    Help each other with responsibilities. It could be tempting to say that it is his job, so I shouldn’t have to help. By getting up and helping wash dishes, or fold laundry, or organize the closet, your spouse can feel that you enjoy being
    with him regardless of what you are doing.
    If you see a need, do it rather than wait for your spouse to do it. This will be a load off of him, which will make you happy.
    By putting your spouse first, you grow together in love, and you both stay humble, and as President Spencer W.
    Kimball     promised: “. . . If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions.”
    Love God above all else.
    This may seem contradictory to the concept of cleaving to your spouse. It isn’t!
    I looked up all the verses in the scriptures that use the word “cleave.” Not only does God command that we cleave to our spouse, He also commands:
    “Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good” (Romans 12:9).
    “Ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him” (Deuteronomy 13:4). 
    Jacob, a prophet in the Book of Mormon adds a beautiful truth to the command to cleave unto God. He says: “…cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you.”
     
    Moroni, another prophet in the Book of Mormon, counsels us to “cleave unto charity,” which is the “pure love of Christ,” because “charity never faileth” (Moroni 7:46-47).
    Elder John A. Widtsoe said, “True love of man for woman always includes love of God from whom all good things issue.”
    All good things come from God. For a marriage to be strong, it needs the Lord’s blessings.
    If I love God, I want to keep His commandments. More importantly, I want to be like Him. If I am like Him, I will be a kind, compassionate, forgiving, humble, gentle, righteous, giving, understanding, patient, loving spouse.
    Isn’t that what we all need to be happy? There are many desirable qualities in a spouse, but the ones that matter most are the ones that mirror the Savior.
    Loving God above all else is the journey of a lifetime. Jad and I are working hard to cleave to God. We pray to Him sincerely night and day. We study our scriptures and the words of the prophets daily. We do our best to keep Jesus’ commandments. We attend church every Sunday, and willingly do our church responsibilities. We serve others every chance we get. We love our friends and family. We teach our children to love God and keep His commandments. We attend the temple as often as we can, and we strive to keep the covenants we have made with our Father in Heaven. We share the gospel of Christ with others. When we fall short, we repent and seek forgiveness from God and each other.
    We can always do more, and as we are spiritually united, we can help each other in the pathway to perfection.  Jad and I want to live with God eternally, and we want to be together forever as husband and wife.
    President Spencer W. Kimball promised:  “If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have . . . great happiness.”
    I know that Jad and I are most happy with each other when we are spiritually in tune, and living righteously.
    The Lord has commanded that husbands and wives to cleave to each other. This commandment is meant to help us be united in righteousness, providing us with the greatest joy we could ever imagine. I love my husband, and I promise to always do my best to cleave to him, from now and through all eternity. As the Lord said, “where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Jad is one of my greatest treasures, and I thank God for him every day.
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  • The Pathway to Perfection

    President Harold B. Lee taught that: “Christ came not only into the world to make an atonement for the sins of mankind but to set an example before the world of the standard of perfection of God’s law and of obedience to the Father. In his Sermon on the Mount the Master has given us somewhat of a revelation of his own character, which was perfect,… and in so doing has given us a blueprint for our own lives.”

    The Sermon on the Mount is found in Matthew, Chapters 5-7 in the New Testament, and is filled with invaluable counsel from our Savior on how to live righteous lives, and to be more like Him.

    I wish to focus on the beatitudes, which are blessings we can receive if we come unto Christ. President Lee said that the beatitudes embody the “constitution for a perfect life.”

    The beatitudes are interrelated and progressive in their arrangement, each one building on the others. We can receive the blessings of each as we choose to come unto Christ.

    1. Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    When thinking of the poor in spirit, I first think of people who are sad, depressed, lonely, and without hope.

    President Lee explained that the poor in spirit, “means those who are spiritually needy, who feel so impoverished spiritually that they reach out with great yearning for help.”

    The Lord gave this invitation, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

    Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught: “This reliance upon the merciful nature of God is at the very center of the gospel Christ taught. I testify that the Savior’s Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair… Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, “Come unto me,” He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way…If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened. If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.”

    2. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

    It may at first glance seem strange that one who is feeling such a deep loss is considered blessed. However, through such loss, our hope of the resurrection is strengthened, we come to a greater understanding of the eternal perspective, and we become more aware that, as Elder Russell M. Nelson has said, “Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death.”

    Robert E. Wells of the first quorum of the 70, taught,”When we can see the Lord’s purposes fulfilled in that which gives us sorrow, the Holy Ghost can give us full consolation, and the atonement and resurrection truly become to us the cornerstone of our faith. In the midst of mourning one discovers deeper dimensions of love, friendship, and brotherhood…It is in the midst of mourning that one discovers the personal closeness of his Heavenly Father and his Savior Jesus Christ and the comfort of the Holy Ghost… We will be blessed in mourning and be comforted as we reflect on eternal marriage, eternal families, eternal values.”

    This is one way that we mourn in this life. Elder Spencer J. Condie of the 70 also reminds us that we should mourn, especially for our sins, as “godly sorrow worketh repentance tosalvation.” This is an important step in our journey to perfection.

    3. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

    When I hear the word meek, I always think about Christ, for that is how he was described. He was gentle, submissive, kind, selfless and humble.

    Elder Neal A. Maxwell said that “one cannot develop those other crucial virtues—faith, hope, and charity—without meekness…Meekness…is more than self-restraint; it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness, reflecting certitude, strength, serenity, and a healthy self-esteem and self-control. Without meekness, the conversational points we insist on making often take the form of “I”—that spearlike, vertical pronoun.”

    If we do most often only think about ourselves, like Elder Maxwell warned, we are not humble. President Spencer W. Kimball said that to be meek one must be humble. He asked, “How does one get humble? To me, one must constantly be reminded of his dependence. On whom dependent? On the Lord. How remind one’s self? By real, constant, worshipful, grateful prayer.”

    4. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.


    If I hunger or thirst for something, that means I desire it, and I need it for my health. Those who desire righteousness, consistently look for opportunities to do good so they can stay spiritually healthy. They work hard to find ways to be more like Christ, who is the bread of life and the living water.

    Sheri L Dew explained: “Hungering and thirsting translate to sheer spiritual labor. Worshiping in the temple, repenting to become increasingly pure, forgiving and seeking forgiveness, and earnest fasting and prayer all increase our receptivity to the Spirit. Spiritual work works and is the key to learning to hear the voice of the Lord.”

    The Lord promises us that if we do these things we will be filled with the Holy Ghost. I know I have felt an abundance of the Spirit when I do these things, and I would also add studying my scriptures, serving others, and sharing the gospel with others.

    With this gift, comes great responsibility. Elder Robert D Hales counseled that “We who have the gift of the Holy Ghost must be true to its promptings so we can be a light to others. “‘Let your light so shine before men,’ said the Lord, ‘that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.’”

    5. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

    When I think of being merciful, I think of being kind to someone who isn’t kind back. I think of, instead of judging someone or disliking someone, trying to see into their hearts, and realize we don’t know all that people go through. I think of turning the other cheek, rather than seeking revenge, when you have been wronged.

    From the scriptures, I think of Captain Moroni, who commanded the Nephite army to stop slaying the Lamanites, and rather call a truce, when he saw their terror at being surrounded on all sides. I think of the good Samaritan, seeing only a person in need, and not taking thought to his race, culture, or background. I think, most of all, of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, who have provided a way for we imperfect people to be clean and return to live with God again.

    President Dieter F. Uchtdorf reminds us that …”that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. …How can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven? Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive.”

    I know that as I have chosen to let go of grudges and judgment, that I have been able to really see God’s love for others, and also for imperfect me. I have seen His tender mercies in my life the more compassionate I am to others, whether it be giving to the poor and needy, helping someone who doesn’t show me appreciation, or just choosing not to be offended, but rather to forgive.

    6. Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

    When I think of being pure in heart, I think of having “no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.” I think of “[shaking] at the appearance of sin.” I think of having a strong conviction that there is no other option but to do what is right.

    Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin defines being pure in heart this way: “To be without guile is to be pure in heart, an essential virtue of those who would be counted among true followers of Christ. … “If we are without guile, we are honest, true, and righteous. Those who are honest are fair and truthful in their speech, straightforward in their dealings, free of deceit…Honesty is of God; dishonesty of the devil, who was a liar from the beginning. Righteousness means living a life that is in harmony with the laws, principles, and ordinances of the gospel.”

    L. Whitney Clayton of the 70 added that “The condition of our heart determines how much evidence of divinity we see in the world now and qualifies us for the eventual realization of the promise that the pure “shall see God.” Ours is a quest for purity.”

    President Joseph Smith said that if we strive for this purity, we “will be able to more perfectly understand the difference between right and wrong—between the things of God and the things of men; and [our] path[s] will be like that of the just, which shineth brighter and brighter unto the perfect day.”

    7. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

    Within His sermon, Jesus warns us against anger, which is of the Devil. He instead councils us to love our neighbors, and even love our enemies – to pray for them and do good for them. This makes sense, for we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. That is the golden rule.

    In a recent news conference on religious freedom and nondiscrimination, Elder Holland wisely said: “Every citizen’s rights are best guarded when each person and group guards for others those rights they wish guarded for themselves.”

    A large part of being peacemakers is being merciful to our fellow citizens, neighbors, friends, and family.
    There is more being a peacemaker, though. Elder Bruce R. McConkie said that “only those who believe and spread the fulness of the gospel are peacemakers within the perfect meaning of this Beatitude. The gospel is the message of peace to all mankind.”

    When I first read this quote as I taught Institute, my testimony of missionary work grew exponentially. Elder Dallin H Oaks said that “…peace can only come through the gospel of Jesus Christ.” President Joseph F.Smith added to this truth, saying that to bring peace, the gospel must be “understood, obeyed, and practiced by rulers and people alike.”

    What an essential mission we followers of Christ have. He trusts us to help bring peace to our homes, communities, and even the world. I can only hope I can always be worthy of that sacred trust.

    8. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    If we are being true peacemakers and sharing the light of the gospel, we will be persecuted, for as Elder Lawrence Corbridge said, “The truth will always be opposed.”

    We know this is true. Jesus brought the Truth to the world – He was the Truth – and he was rejected, betrayed, scourged, abandoned, crucified.

    Christ was persecuted more than we will ever be, but he still loved and forgave those who hurt him. He endured the persecution without retaliation, but rather turned the other cheek.

    Elder Hales said that when our beliefs are criticized, we need to follow the Savior’s example. He said, “Some people mistakenly think responses such as silence, meekness, forgiveness, and bearing humble testimony are passive or weak… But to “love [our] enemies…takes faith, strength, and, most of all, Christian courage.”

    Elder Holland counseled, “Defend your beliefs with courtesy and with compassion, but defend them. In courageously pursuing such a course, you will forge unshakable faith, you will find safety against ill winds that blow, even shafts in the whirlwind, and you will feel the rock-like strength of our Redeemer, upon whom if you build your unflagging discipleship, you cannot fall.”

    This promise brings me so much peace. I will continue to defend my faith throughout my life, with as much courtesy and compassion as I can. I am grateful that if I do this, the Lord will not let me fail.

    Just as President Lee said that the beatitudes embody the constitution for a perfect life, Christ, in His sermon asked us to “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”

    President James E. Faust explained that “Perfection is an eternal goal. While we cannot be perfect in mortality, striving for it is a commandment which ultimately, through the Atonement, we can keep.”

    I thank my Savior for giving us the course we need for perfection. I know that as we strive to follow the principles in the beatitudes, and utilize the Lord’s atonement for forgiveness and spiritual strength throughout our lives, that we will receive the blessings God has promised us, most importantly, a place in His kingdom for all eternity.









  • The only way to have a friend is to be one

    I have been thinking about the idea of friendship the past few days. I went through a time not so long ago where I felt really down. I felt like I didn’t have a really close friend- best friend – who I could talk to or hang out with any time.

    I felt sorry for myself that I moved into a neighborhood with several families that I knew, expecting to become best buddies with all the women, and not seeing it happen instantaneously like I hoped it would. 

    I just felt kind of alone, and unwanted, like I wasn’t good enough for anyone to want me as a good friend. 

    I have always been kind of shy of meeting new people, and I feel very uncomfortable in large group settings where I have to be social. That is one of the reasons I longed for a best friend so that if I were in a social setting, I could just spend time with her and not worry about anyone else. No awkward situations required.

    I actually did have someone I considered a best friend several years ago, before I remarried. She and I would hang out at all the church Young Single Adult activities, go to the dances together, go shopping together, go out to eat together, talk on the phone late at night, talk about boys and look at engagement rings for fun – you know, normal best friend stuff.

    I was heartbroken when she moved away and decided not to remain my friend. I have never known why, and have reached out several times to try to reconcile. Nothing worked, but ever since that awesome friendship, I had hoped to find another such best friend.

    That is understandable, right? One day, when I was really down about it, I posted this on Facebook: 

    October 19, 2012 

    Does anyone else wish they had a best friend? I feel like I haven’t had one of those in years. It’s not for lack of trying because I try really hard to genuinely be kind to everyone and help everyone, not to mention get to know people whenever I can by inviting them over. I never seem to get past the friendly acquaintance or friends when we have time stage. What I need more than anything is someone I can call any time I want to talk (and it can be about anything), or want to hang out, and it will be welcomed with enthusiasm and joy. I want someone to see me that way too. We would actually do the things we say we want to do together (make an actual plan) – we wouldn’t dream of letting it slide. Forgive the self-pity. I’m just really feeling it today. I hope I am the only one that feels this way, because it really stinks. If you are in the same boat at me, just know I am happy to be your friend.

    When I posted this, nearly 20 women responded to me saying they knew how I felt, because they were there, or had been there, too. It touched me, and saddened me at the same time, that so many women were feeling like me.

    After I saw that I wasn’t the only one, that gave me strength, and I started to pray for help to make friends, and to be a better friend myself.

    I don’t know how those lovely women are feeling now, but I want to make an update to my feelings from almost 2 1/2 years ago.

    My problems aren’t over. I am still so uncomfortable in large social settings. I still don’t have someone I can call my best friend. However, I have been blessed as the Lord has answered my prayers and brought understanding to my tender heart. Here are some of the things that I have learned:

    1. Though having a best friend is a really beautiful thing, I personally cannot grow as well as a person if I cling on to one best friend. Because I am sometimes socially awkward, I need to be stretched and pulled out of my comfort zone.

    2. As adults, especially with spouses and kids, we are really busy. We are pulled in so many directions, and our priorities are different than they were when we were younger. However, it is possible to care deeply about someone even if we don’t have time to talk on the phone or spend time together on a regular basis.

    3. It is a good thing to befriend as many people as you can, and touch as many lives as possible. I have felt so blessed to be given the desire to have different people in my home for dinner, play dates, and girls nights. I have come to know so many wonderful women this way. I can call all of them my friends, and I hope they know that I am there for them when they need me.

    4. You can have special friends of all ages, races, religions, political affiliations, cultures, and personalities. As long as we respect one another, our differences make us uniquely able to build each other up.

    5. I have a husband, and he can fulfill most of the criteria for a best friend. In the areas he can’t, I have my other friends.

    6. Your parents, siblings, in-laws, and children can be some of your closest friends because they know you the best and need you the most.Make them a top priority.

    7. I have, just like each of you have, special gifts that I can share with others to help their days be a little brighter. I don’t have to be called someone’s best friend to be admired, appreciated, and loved. If I do my part to bring joy to others, they will call me friend.

    8. People are put into your life for a reason. Instead of feeling sorry for myself that I don’t have a best friend, I should feel honored that God loves me enough to put special people in my path, and trusts me enough to put me in theirs. I may not be close friends with everyone I meet, but we have something we can give to each other. 

    9. It is much more fun to have many women to call my friend. There doesn’t have to be special rules around what makes a friend. If you welcome me into your home, you are my friend. If you exercise, bake, go to movies, chill with me, you are my friend. If you love my kids, you are my friend. If you listen to me and give me advice, you are my friend. If you give me a smile and a hug, you are my friend. If you laugh with me and cry with me, you are my friend. If you help motivate me to be a better person, you are my friend. If you appreciate my gifts and talents, and help me feel good about myself, you are my friend. If you share your love of God with me, you are my friend. If you do any of these things, you are my friend. 

    10. Whenever I feel sad or alone, I always have Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father as my true friends who love me, are there for me, and want what is best for me.

    The only way to have a friend is to be one

    To all of you reading this, you are my friend. Thank you for your support. 

  • Childhood in a Church

    The weekend after Christmas, we went to visit family in Virginia, where I grew up. On that Sunday morning, Jad, the kids and I attended The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on Bailey Bridge Road, the church building I attended for most of my childhood up until I went to college.

    I hadn’t stepped foot in that building in 12 years. When we drove up, I immediately was overcome with emotion. I spent so much time in that building growing up, with some of the best friends I ever had.

    We sat in the chapel for Sacrament meeting with my cousin, Lisa, and her mom, Emiko (I call her Emi), who came to that service just to see us. I hadn’t seen Emi in years either, and it was so wonderful to hug her and talk to her again. She was a very special aunt to me growing up. It is always a pleasure to see Lisa, as well, and as often as possible (I had seen her the night before too).

    This is Lisa, Emi, the kids and I in front of the church after Sacrament Meeting. 

    I also saw Richard, someone who was a very huge part of my life and that of my siblings and parents. I believe he entered my life when I was about 10. He was my dad’s best friend, and he came to every birthday party and family gathering. He babysat us, drove us to church activities, came on vacations with us even. I hadn’t seen him since my first wedding reception in 2003. He still looks the same, and sounds the same, and has the same laugh and gives the same hugs. He has a beard instead of a mustache, though.

    This is Richard, Teresa and I after Sacrament Meeting.

    I would talk to both Emi and Lisa, and Richard and his wife, Teresa (who I had only met once or twice), more later on, after Sacrament Meeting. During the meeting,though, Kamren got fussy, so I took him out into the hall.

    Normally I really dislike staying out in the hallway when I could be being spiritually uplifted, but this time I ended up being grateful to be in the hallway. I got to walk up and down the whole building, poking my head into the classrooms… and remembering my youth.

    I want to share with you a few memories that came to my mind as I wandered those halls with my little one.

    The chapel

    I have so many memories of the chapel. My family always sat on the left side of the chapel, about halfway back. For many years my Nana was the chorister and my Granddad was the organist. I always loved hearing her operatic voice and sensing his emotional ties to the music. My favorite song he played was”Come, Come Ye Saints” because on the last verse he would get very quiet and slow, and then end the song with volume and vigor. Nana usually stayed up in the stand during the meeting, but sometimes I remember Granddad sitting with us. I loved holding his hand.

    My first specific memory of the chapel was when the congregation sang “I am a Child of God” the Sunday after my baptism. I remember that I started to cry. I asked my mom why I would be crying, and she said I was feeling the Holy Ghost. That was a very special realization to me that I really had the gift of the Holy Ghost.

    Other memories of the chapel are when I was up in the stand singing a musical number, accompanying a friend singing a musical number, like Lauren, sharing my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, or even giving a talk in church. I remember one Sunday I had invited a good friend from school, named Scott, to come hear me speak, and I was so disappointed he didn’t come. 

     I remember my Dad sitting up in the stand while he was in the Bishopric. Sometimes he would nod off a bit.

    I also remember doing piano recitals in the chapel, most specifically the one where I played from memory “Memory” and “The Music of the Night.”

    At the beginning of my Senior year of high school, when we were about to start studying the Book of Mormon in seminary, our stake did a big program in the chapel where many youth sang songs from the musical From Cumorah’s Hill. I remember my friends Kristy and Lauren singing, and I did as well. A video also played of different youth sharing their testimonies of the Book of Mormon. I, as well as many of my friends, were also a part of that. It was a special day. I believe we did a similar program at the end of the year at Seminary graduation. I sang the same song again at that program. It’s a beautiful song called “I Never Stand Alone.”

    I remember being a new member of the Singles Ward when I graduated high school, and seeing a familiar face, Michael, that made me feel more comfortable.

    I remember singing in a huge Christmas concert as a member of the Richmond Mormon Chorale, where my uncle Danny was the pianist.

    I remember announcing my engagement from the pulpit. That was one of my last memories in that room.

    The couch outside the chapel.

    Just so you know, the couch, chairs, lamp and picture are all the same as they were when I was a kid. It was so cool to walk in from the parking lot and see that it hadn’t changed a bit.

    A lot of conversations happened on that couch. It was also a place where noisy, rambunctious children would have to sit until they calmed down and could go back to Sacrament Meeting. Sometimes that might have been me or my siblings.

    That foyer area was a great place to sit and wait for your parents, talk to friends, or people watch.

    The Primary Room

    This room is where children sing and learn more about Jesus and His gospel. My newest memory of this room (which was probably 13 years ago) was taking my little sister, Mariah, to Primary.

     My oldest and most fun memories include learning the words to Primary songs I still love today, like “My Heavenly Father Loves Me” and “A Child’s Prayer.”

     I also remember giving talks and reciting scriptures in that room. The Primary Room was always a happy place.

    This is me standing in front of the baptismal font.

    See where I am standing? Those doors behind me open up to reveal a baptismal font – not just any baptismal font, but one that is very special to me, for on June 21, 1992, my father baptized me in that very font. Seeing that location through the glass of the door brought tears to my eyes. Being baptized was one of the best decisions I ever made. I still have a little framed poem that an older girl I admired, Amy, gave to me, as well as a bright yellow journal I got from a Primary leader.

    The Young Women room bulletin boards, and the classroom for the young women ages 16-18 (Laurels).
    I remember playing the piano in that room as another friend led the music. I remember the bulletin boards. I always liked to read the little spiritual messages on them. 
    I also remember that part of the room because in that section, when I was 16-18, my mom taught my class. We had a lot of good lessons and discussions in there. I remember one story she read about bears and cake. I believe the moral of the story was to avoid temptation. 
    The small hallway with two rooms.

    I will never forget this hallway. It is so strange because it is short, and it has two rooms directly across from each other right by the Exit door. I once had a Sunday school class in the room on the right.

    The gym

    A lot of great times happened in that gym, mostly of a competitive nature. When I was a teenager, I played basketball with other girls in my ward. Though we worked really hard, we almost always lost our games. I think we won once against a team of four, and barely won at that. We always tried to have fun, though, and we did our best. Not all games would be played in that gym, but we did always practice in this one. I was a forward, and I was pretty good at defense. I was also good at shooting, but not under pressure.

    In addition to basketball, we would play other sports like volleyball (especially when I was a young single adult), kickball, and broom hockey. The teenage boys and girls would do joint activities about once a month, and my favorite one was by far broom hockey. I remember once I shattered a broom on a guy named Brad’s, leg. I remember feeling really tough that day, and a little concerned, but mostly tough.

    We didn’t always play sports. Sometimes youth would be able to conduct the activities. Once I had the group play a game I loved from theater class called 1776. I was really good at that game, and always loved playing it. I wonder if my peers liked the game as much as I did…

    We even did a fund raiser for girls camp one year where we did a dinner/dance for the adults and auctioned cakes off. 

    We also did really fun Halloween activities in the gym and surrounding classrooms.

    I was Princess Leia at our church’s Halloween party when I was 14.

    Also in that gym we would have youth dances, and when I was older, young single adult dances. 

    Can you tell this was an 80s-themed dance? I was 18.

    As a youth and young single adult, I participated in talent shows in the gym. I remember one of them happened during a youth conference. I am pretty sure I sang something from  Jekyll and Hyde. Another year when I was a young single adult, I sang “I Never Knew His Name” from The Civil War. My friend Jared suggested I sing that instead of “The Music of the Night” because it was a lot less scandalous. I remember saying that it was one of the most beautiful songs I had ever heard, and even now, that song, and the musical it comes from, bring me to tears and fill me with chills.

    The gym was a place for really fun times.

    The stage

    I remember five distinct occasions of using this stage as an actual stage. One memory was when our stake did a road show. Our ward’s performance was in the form of a talk show. Prince Charming was in a chair with Soaprah Winfrey, if I recall correctly. He was recounting his experiences with many princesses, and how they didn’t work out. I was Sleeping Beauty. Apparently, when I woke up to his kiss, I thought he was ugly and moved on. By the end of the show, Prince Charming meets Dorothy Gale, played by my friend, Rachel, and realizes she is the one for him. We got an award for best commercial, where the girls sang and danced about Mr. Sandman bringing us a ring. I was really annoyed by that award because we were the only show with a commercial.

    Another memory is when I was in charge of a youth activity on modesty. I planned a fashion show where the participants would model modest clothing. Boys and girls were included in it. I was the host  for the show. I remember how hard it was to get material from some of the boys so that I could announce their ensembles. It actually turned out to be a fun, and even spiritual night, as one of my friends gave a little talk on the importance of modesty after the fashion show.

    For a youth conference one year, youth were invited to perform a skit of the Good Samaritan. That skit was performed on this stage. I was one of the men who beat up the good Samaritan. I remember wanting to be a larger role (of course) but I couldn’t make the commitment because I worked often at CVS. I remember coming to one of the rehearsals on my lunch break even.

    The Good Samaritan cast, one being my friend, Courtney

    When I turned 18, I started going to the Singles Ward. At one of my first (or even my first) activities, we divided into groups and acted out different stories from the Bible. My group got the story of Hannah, Eli and Samuel. I  honestly and surprisingly don’t remember who I played. I do remember that my good friend, Shelly, was Hannah, and that Frank, who I met that night and was the first person I ever fell in love with (see the phone story), played Eli.

    Also while I was in the Singles ward, we did a talent show. I was fresh out of high school and still in my actress mode. I not only sang, I did a monologue before my song (that I think I made up), and I did it in costume. What did I sing? My favorite musical at the time was The Scarlet Pimpernel. I am pretty sure I sang “I’ll Forget You,” and I even did it acapella. Yeah, I am pretty embarrassed by that now. I went a little overboard.

    The stage was also a fun place to take pictures with good friends.

    Kate Reynolds, me, and Shelly Witt

    The water fountain and bathrooms.

    It might seem silly to have a picture of this little area, but when you have church for three hours each week, you are bound to stop by the bathroom and/or water fountain. Many good conversations with friends (I am recalling one with my friend, Becca) would happen right there. 

    The bathroom mirror.
    I would spend a lot of time fixing my hair and lipstick in this mirror, either so the boys wouldn’t have any reason to make fun of me, or so I would look extra good for the boys at the dances or activities.

    On a more serious note, I remember one day getting to church late when I was a teenager. I ran into the bathroom, trying to fix my hair. I had bangs then, and because of standing in the rain, they had parted down the middle awkwardly, and started to curl in random places. That had been a scary morning. My Nana and Granddad had picked my siblings and me up for church. There was a sharp curve not long after turning right out of my neighborhood. A car was driving in our lane, so my Nana moved into the left lane to avoid hitting the person, while at the same time the other driver moved back into his lane. That resulted in us driving into someone’s front yard. My Granddad, who was in early stages of Alzheimer’s, was pretty shaken up. I can still hear him crying out “Oh, oh” in worry. That was a sad day, but we were all okay.

    A fun memory of the bathroom was when I brought a whole bunch of costumes (many of them being my mom’s dresses from the 70s) to the church for the young women to try on so we could all get our pictures taken by a wonderful photographer in the ward, Brother Clay. We all had to make sure we looked beautiful in the mirror before we got our pictures taken.

    My little glamour shot. 

    The changing table.

    This is kind of a weird thing to have a memory about. However, the young women always used that table, and the area underneath, to store their purses for dances. I can remember girls always being crowded around that area to grab their brushes or powder to fix themselves up after dancing too hard and getting sweaty.

    The phone with the insanely long cord.

    That long corded phone is still there after all these years, and is the hallway just yonder of the bathrooms. I don’t have any stories about it, other than maybe calling a guy I was crazy about, Frank, who didn’t show up for a Singles activity. It was always in my view, though, for years as I wandered the halls of my church. Occasionally it would ring, and people passing would be confused, not knowing whether to answer it or not.  We didn’t get callers often.
    The kitchen

    This was a really fun room. When I was in Young Women’s, we would do a lot of activities in here. Imagine a bunch of girls together in one kitchen talking, laughing, and baking all at the same time. I remember decorating gingerbread houses once. We also did candy-making, and even served food for the ladies in the Relief Society when they had dinners.

    The Relief Society Room
    Everything looked the same to me when I peered in that Sunday.  I spent a lot of time being spiritually uplifted in that room as an early adult. We had Sunday School and Relief Society in there. I remember one Sunday sitting next to Frank, that boy I was head over heels for. I tried to get him to hold my hand, and he refused. He said, “Not a chance.” A little background information is that he and I were dating, but he would not show any affection in public.I didn’t like that much.
    Going back a few years, as an 11-year-old, I remember having a daddy-daughter dance in this room. I had made a t-shirt for my dad that said “Really Cool Dadn’t.” My dad used to say things, and then say “Unt” after it to show that he was kidding. I didn’t know how to spell it then, so I did it as a contraction. That was a really fun night with my dad.

    We always did our Activity Days in this room from age 8-11. The daddy-daughter dance wasn’t the only fun activity we did. I also remember one time learning how to do Spanish dances in big skirts from Sister Alarcon, and there were many other good times.  

    The Young Women always had their New Beginnings nights and Night in Excellence nights in this room too. These nights were for reviewing our values, displaying our accomplishments, eating good food, and dressing up nice with our parents. 

    A lot of other activities would happen in this room  when I was a single adult, like crocheting lessons (I still can’t crochet after going to a bunch of these type lessons) and Pictionary. 
    The Relief Society piano
    This piano is special to me because my first calling (church responsibility) I ever had as an adult was being the Relief Society pianist. I remember playing prelude before class started. More than once our Relief Society president would tell me to play more quietly. That was hard for me because I loved playing the hymns. One funny memory I have was of playing the introduction to “The Spirit of God.” I love playing that song, so I played the introduction way faster than we would ever be able to sing it. The chorister chuckled and said she would try to lead the song that fast. Everyone had a good laugh over that. I did too, while my face got really red. 

    One other memory I have of this piano is watching my good friend, Jared, play by ear. He had been called to be a pianist for another group, and he told me that he couldn’t even play the piano. He and I always had great conversations.
    The random water fountain.
    I don’t remember why seeing this water fountain again made me chuckle and smile, but it did. It must have significance. 🙂
    Jad and Rigel in the church hallway.
    It was so cool to have my husband and children walk the same halls I did for so many years.

    I really do love this church building. I hope I can visit more than once ever decade or so. It will always hold some of my most cherished childhood memories. 

    The church has grown a lot since then, so many of the people I went to church with on Bailey Bridge Road attend a different church building now. When I visited that Sunday, I actually only recognized a few people, like the Crowthers, who were an important part of my youth. 

    For those of you I grew up with, or became a young single adult with, I miss you. I hope you all are well and happy. Much love!

  • Christmas is all about a Gift

    I have been pondering a lot about gifts this Christmas season. That is the first thing many of us do once Thanksgiving comes to a close – we frantically start looking for gifts to buy our loved ones. We spend the month of December shopping, buying, wrapping, and often stressing.
    I personally have been spoiled with gifts for myself and my family this month. We have been receiving gifts for the past 12 days from secret “Jolly Friends.” We have also received an abundance of candy, cookies and fudge from other friends.
    It feels good to get gifts because it shows that people love us, care about us, and appreciate us.
    I feel good giving gifts too. I have baked, my husband has made white stockings, we have written Christmas cards, printed up family pictures to share, and bought gifts that our kids and friends would enjoy.
     I also have been helping the poor quite a bit this season, and I appreciate all the help I have received from my friends in this effort. Knowing that you can help bring the necessities of life to someone is so rewarding, and helps you realize just how blessed you really are.
    Have you wondered why we give gifts at Christmas? Up until this year, I have always attributed it to the three wise men who gave the young Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh.
    Some of us give gifts because that is what everyone talks about in December. That is what the stores are telling us to do, and that is what kids expect Santa to bring.
    Regardless of why we personally choose to give Christmas gifts, we put a lot of effort into making or buying them.
    For some of us, we use the time leading up to Christmas as a way to scare our kids into being good. Do we ever tell our kids they will only get their gifts, and Santa will only come if they are good? Do we tell them they have to earn their gifts, that they have to deserve them?
    I’ll admit I have often done that in the past, and it usually works, at least for a minute. I saw a quote on Facebook about a month ago, though, that stopped me in my tracks. I wish I could find it again, but in essence it said that we don’t give gifts to our children because they deserve them, but because we love them.
    It pierced my heart to read that. Telling my kids they don’t deserve gifts is like telling them they don’t deserve my love.
    Anything my kids do wrong, I probably do something else just as wrong. I am not anymore deserving of their love than they are of mine, yet we love each other just the same.
    What is even more humbling is that even though I, and you, and everyone, are imperfect and do things that aren’t right, we are always loved by the greatest of them all:
    “Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there.” – President Thomas S. Monson
     
     
    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
    Why do we give gifts at Christmas? It isn’t because of the wise men or Santa. It is because Heavenly Father gave us each His son. Jesus Christ was the first Christmas gift.
    We may go through some years when we can’t afford to buy gifts for our children and other loved ones. It is hard and can be sad, but the truest most everlasting joy and cheer comes from remembering that little baby who was born in a stable, and laid in a manger.
    That baby grew up to teach a higher law, set an example of love, forgiveness, hope, service, and selflessness, suffer for the sins and pains of all mankind, die a painful death on the cross, and rise again glorious on the third day. Jesus lives, and He is in Heaven with His and our Heavenly Father.
    Jesus, like Heavenly Father, loves each of us unconditionally. He smiles when we smile and weeps when we weep. He is always our friend and advocate. He knows how we feel. He wants to bless us. He wants us to return to live with Heavenly Father again. He has provided the way.
    We may not always have tangible gifts tied with pretty paper and ribbons, but we will always have the everlasting gift of our Savior. He will bring us everlasting life if we but follow Him.
    Luke 2:6–7, The virgin Mary with baby Jesus
    Merry Christmas to all. May we always keep the spirit of Christ in our lives.

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 4 – What Mormons Believe

    In the last post I confirmed to you how I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. In part, it was because he translated and brought forth The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ.

    As a prophet, Joseph did so much more. He also received numerous revelations from Jesus himself. Christ gave him the absolute truth as to how His church was to be organized, and what His people must do to obtain eternal life.
    We know that Joseph was martyred at the young age of 38. Did prophets once again leave the earth, leaving us without answers? No, there have been many prophets called since Joseph Smith, and there are prophets and apostles on the earth today.
    Thomas S. Monson, President and Prophet of the LDS Church
    The members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe that prophets speak directly to Christ, and receive counsel and instruction from Him for the benefit of His people, and for the world. That is why we love, sustain, and follow the counsels of the Lord’s prophets and apostles.
    That is also one of the reasons why we so look forward to General Conference twice a year.
    One of our church’s Articles of Faith is: We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God.
    Yes, God is still speaking, and will continue to speak and give instruction until He comes again.
    All of the doctrines, beliefs and practices in the LDS church come from this revelation to the Lord’s prophets. I think I owe each of you the answers to the questions I asked in Part 2 of this blog series.
    As you read the answers I write, imagine that there are prophets on the earth, and they are in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If this is true, the answers below are the absolute truth as prescribed by Jesus Christ.
    The Commandments:
    1. Keep the Sabbath Day holy (Exodus 20:8) – The Sabbath Day is the Lord’s Day. We should attend church, yes, but we should also make the Sabbath a day of rest, a day of service, and a day of spiritual feasting. We should avoid causing others to have to work on the Lord’s day.
    2. Be baptized of water and of the Spirit (John 3:5) –
    a. Baptism of water: Baptism is essential to enter into the kingdom of God, as it shows our commitment to keeping God’s commandments and trying to become like Him. It must be done by someone with priesthood authority. Baptism must be done by immersion. Babies and young children do not sin and do not need to be baptized. Only when they reach the age of eight or older are they tempted by Satan and sufficiently know the difference between right and wrong.
    b. Baptism of the spirit: This means receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, an ordinance performed by the laying on of hands by one with priesthood authority. Once baptized, one receives this gift, which is a constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, dependent on one’s faithfulness.
    c. Baptism for the dead: Baptisms for the dead were performed during Paul’s time, and are done in the LDS church in temples. Since all people must be baptized to be saved, baptisms by proxy give the deceased an opportunity to have that saving ordinance, and then choose to take upon them the name of Christ.
    3. Do not commit adultery and flee fornication (Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:28, 1 Corinthians 6:18) – It is still a commandment to remain sexually pure until marriage, and then to maintain full loyalty to your spouse after marriage.
    4. Love one another (John 13:34)- Love one another means that we are kind, tolerant and nonjudgmental, and that we serve others. It does not mean that we condone or advocate for sinful behavior. Loving God means keeping His commandments. We should never purposely break commandments, or encourage others to break commandments in the name of loving one another.
    5. Let your light so shine (Matthew 5:14-16) – We should set good examples, and also share the gospel of Christ with others. Those of us who have been baptized have covenanted to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places. We should defend our beliefs, and declare them in love.
    6. Throw away the things that make you sin  (Matthew 5:29-30)- The abominations spoken of in the Bible are still abominations to Christ. His higher law is still valid today. Modern day prophets have revealed to us the Lord’s will regarding what is and is not sin as new technologies and practices are created. The definition of sin is not based on society’s acceptance of any practice.
    7. Pray to the father (Matthew 6:5-13)- You should pray to Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ. There is nobody else that you should pray to. Prayers should be done as a family and individually morning, night, and before meals. Prayers can be said aloud or in silence. They can be said anytime, anywhere. There are no prayers that need to be recited, except for prayers done for sacred ordinances, such as the Sacrament or baptism. Heavenly Father wants us to speak from the heart in sincere prayer. He wants us to talk to Him, to thank Him for our blessings, tell Him our fears, and ask Him questions.
    8. Partake of Christ’s body and blood in remembrance of Him (Luke 22:19-20) – When partaking of the emblems, you are not literally eating and drinking Christ’s body and blood. It is symbolic. When you partake, you are promising to remember Christ always. It does not matter what is used for the emblems, so long as you remember Christ. Mormons use bread and water. The emblems should be blessed and passed by those having priesthood authority. Only those who are worthy should partake.
    The Doctrines:
    1. The truthfulness of the Bible – The Bible is holy and true. It contains the word of God as given to His prophets and apostles. The Bible is one book with the word of God. The Book of Mormon is also the word of God, and the Lord still speaks truths to prophets today to bring peace and clarity in a changing, and increasingly wicked, world.
    2. The nature of God – Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are three separate and distinct beings. Heavenly Father and Jesus have bodies of flesh and bone, while the Holy Ghost is a spirit. They are all one in purpose and mission, and they all love us, but they are not one being.
    3. Salvation – The Lord commands that we follow Him and be baptized in His name. However, to be saved, this is not all we must do. When we make mistakes, we must repent. We must also keep God’s commandments, and work hard to become more like Him in word and in deed throughout our lives.
    4. The Second Coming – Jesus will come again in power and great glory. Nobody knows when it will happen. When He comes, the righteous will be caught up to meet Him.
    5. Life after death – When a person dies, his body and soul separate. Only little children who die will go straight to Heaven. Everyone else will go to the Spirit World to await the Lord’s second coming, the resurrection, and final judgment. Instruction occurs in the Spirit World. Those who did not have a chance to learn about Jesus Christ and His gospel will be taught it, and be given the opportunity to accept Him. After the final judgment, the Lord will assign each of us to a kingdom of glory in Heaven based on our faithfulness, or to Outer Darkness for the most wicked. Paul saw a third Heaven because there are three degrees of glory in Heaven (the many mansions Jesus spoke of).
    6. The priesthood – The priesthood is the authority to act in God’s name on the earth. Worthy males may be ordained to the priesthood, and receive it through the laying on of hands.
    Though not everyone holds the priesthood, everyone is blessed by it.
    The Practices:
    1. Abortion – Human life is a sacred gift. Abortion should not be promoted or encouraged. In most cases it is a practice contrary to the will of God, and is only acceptable in the rarest of circumstances. Even in cases when deemed acceptable, counseling and prayer should precede the decision to have one.
    2. Suicide and Euthanasia – Because of the sanctity of human life, suicide and euthanasia are both wrong. However, in the case of suicide, only the Lord can judge if a person is responsible for his/her actions.
    3. Contraception – Husbands and wives who are physically able have the privilege and responsibility to have children and rear them in righteousness. However, it is up to the spouses to determine when they wish to have children and how many they wish to have. Birth control is not discouraged, so long as children are not being postponed for selfish reasons.
    4. Death penalty – This is a matter that should be decided by civil law.
    5. War and military service – Peace is always the ideal. However, sometimes war is necessary to preserve life, liberty, and family. Citizen should follow the laws of the land regarding war.
    6. Eating of meat – For health reasons, meat should be eaten sparingly, but it is not wrong to eat it. In fact, animals were created for the use of humans, for food and for clothing.
    7. Marriage – The family is central to Heavenly Father’s plan. All children deserve to be born in a family with a mother and a father, and marriage should be between a man and a woman. Priests are not forbidden to marry.
    8. Divorce – Marriages are sacred contracts, and should not be taken lightly. Divorce, though not encouraged, is sometimes a necessary action. One who is divorced is able to remarry, and still remain in full fellowship in the church.
    As you read these answers, some may have made perfect sense to you, though you didn’t have a previous stance. Some you may already agree with because you have also been taught it. Others you may totally disagree with because of political/social views. There may be some that you just don’t understand or think are too complicated.
    Mormons feel very strongly about the safety and peace that comes from following the prophet. If prophets truly do speak to the Lord, then they will always convey the Lord’s will and truths. However, it is not always easy to understand or accept all doctrines and practices.
    That is where faith comes in. Heavenly Father has given us free agency. The truth is revealed, but it is up to each individual person to exercise faith in that truth, and find out through study and prayer if it be right. Nobody in the LDS faith is forced to do anything. Everyone is encouraged to build their own convictions, and doubts and questions are normal.
    I am grateful to have choice, but also to know the consequences of actions I may take and positions I may hold.
    I don’t understand everything, but little by little, my faith and testimony grow as I am prepared and willing to receive more light and knowledge.
    I have a strong testimony that Heavenly Father and Jesus love us. They love me and they love each of you. They wish for everyone to have eternal life. All we must do is follow the doctrines and commandments that Jesus has set forth.
    I share the gospel as I know it so passionately and lovingly because it means the world to me, and I am such a better person because of it. I would love to clarify anything I have written about thus far, or talk about something you have heard about Mormons that I haven’t addressed. I am here to help.
    I am a Christian and a disciple of Christ.

     

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 2: Why Are There So Many Churches?

    Have you ever wondered why there are so many Christian churches? Has that ever bothered you? Why would that be anyway? All Christians have access to the Bible. All (well, most) Christians believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ and accept Him as their Savior; yet, there are countless denominations, and even non-denominations.

    light-of-the-world-jesus-christ-1301483-gallery

    Some of you may say that it doesn’t matter which Christian church you go to, or what doctrines it teaches, because all that matters is loving Jesus and being kind to others. The rest is up to your personal feelings.

    The two greatest commandments are in fact to love God with all your heart, mind, might and strength, and also to love your neighbor as yourself.

    However, Jesus said that if we love Him, we will keep his commandments. Which commandments is he talking about? There are the ten commandments, of course, and the higher law for those commandments. There are also countless others.

    Do all Christians keep all the commandments? Do they agree on how to keep those commandments? Are there any Christians out there who think some commandments are outdated? Here are some examples of commandments Christians churches follow/don’t follow differently:

    1. Keep the Sabbath Day holy (Exodus 20:8) – Does this just mean go to church? Does this just mean think about Jesus more? Does it mean that you spend the whole day a little differently than every other day? Is this commandment even valid anymore?

    2. Be baptized of water and of the Spirit (John 3:5) – What age should people be baptized? Do little children need to be baptized? Should baptism be done by sprinkling or by immersion? What must we do to be worthy of baptism? Who has the authority to baptize? How does one get baptized of the Spirit? Is baptism really even necessary for salvation? What was Paul talking about when he spoke of baptism for the dead?

     

     

    3. Do not commit adultery and flee fornication (Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:28, 1 Corinthians 6:18) – Most Christians agree on not committing adultery, but what about fornication? It has become more and more common for Christian people to live together and engage in sexual relations before marriage. Is this an outdated commandment, or is it still valid?

    4. Love one another (John 13:34)- This one should be easy, but it isn’t. Does ‘love one another’ mean that we accept all behaviors around us, even if we don’t believe in them? Can we still love one another but not agree or condone or vote for causes that go against our beliefs, or does that mean we don’t love our neighbor? Does this commandment trump keeping the other commandments God has set?

    5. Let your light so shine (Matthew 5:14-16) – Does this just mean that we are good people, or does this mean that we share the gospel of Christ with others? Should we be vocal about our beliefs, or be quiet about them so as not to offend those who do not share our beliefs?

    6. Throw away the things that make you sin  (Matthew 5:29-30)- Well, what things are sins? Does the definition of sin change as times change or are all the abominations spoken of in scripture still abominations?

    7. Pray to the father (Matthew 6:5-13)- Should we only pray to the Father, or is it also acceptable and encouraged to pray to Mary? How often should we pray, and should we recite prayers, or speak from the heart?

    8. Partake of Christ’s body and blood in remembrance of Him (Luke 22:19-20) – Are we literally partaking of Christ’s body and blood, or is it symbolic? What are we promising to do when we do this? How often must we do this, and does it matter what we use as representation of the body and blood? How should the body and blood be blessed and passed?

     

    Each of these commandments, and many, many others, are interpreted and kept in diverse ways in the hundreds of Christian denominations in the world. It is not only the commandments, but also doctrines which are disagreed upon. Here are just a few of the doctrines that Christians do not agree upon:

    1. The truthfulness of the Bible – Is it inerrant, or is it just a book full of good ideas? Does it tell us everything we need to know, or are some parts no longer relevant due to the changes in the world? Did all the Bible stories actually happen, or are they just ways to teach us a message?

    2. The nature of God – Are God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost three separate beings or one being? Does God have a body or not?

    3. Salvation – If we accept Jesus and are baptized, are we guaranteed salvation, or can we lose it based on our deeds? Do we have to keep the faith? Do our works help us be saved? How does repentance work? How do we know if we are forgiven, or are we just automatically forgiven?

    4. The Second Coming – Is it going to happen? Will there be a rapture? What will happen if Christ comes again?

     

    5. Life after death – Will we really be resurrected? Do people go straight to Heaven or Hell after death, or is there a resting place before the final judgment? Is there even a Hell at all? Will everyone who didn’t accept Jesus on this earth go to Hell? What is the third Heaven that Paul saw?

    6. The priesthood – What is the priesthood? Are there guidelines as to who should be ordained to the priesthood? How is one conferred the priesthood? What does one with the priesthood do?

     

    It is true that there are many  doctrines that Christians generally agree on, such as the divinity of Christ, that he was born of a virgin, that he lived on earth and died for our sins, and was resurrected. These other doctrines are essential to know, however, because our understanding of them can completely change the way we live, how we interpret scripture, and how our churches function.

    Even in the early days of Christianity, Paul chastised the people for moving away from the doctrines of Christ. He said to the Galatians (1:1-6):

    I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel: Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ. But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed. For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man. For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.

     

    Unfortunately, I have only begun to scratch the surface of the differences in Christian denominations. Some other differences are how Christians feel about:

    1. Abortion – Even if we don’t agree with it, should we vote for it to be banned, or vote to give a woman choice?

    2. Suicide and Euthanasia – Is this the equivalent of murder or is it sometimes acceptable? Is it forgivable?

    3. Contraception – Is birth control always wrong to use, or is it okay in some or all circumstances? What kinds of contraception are acceptable?

    4. Death penalty – Is the killing of others for a crime committed ever justified? Should we be able to make that call?

    5. War and military service – Should war be avoided at all costs, or is it sometimes the right thing to do to defend our freedoms, lands, and families?

    6. Eating of meat – Is it murder to eat animal flesh, or is meat a gift from God for His children?

    7. Marriage – Should marriage be between only a man and a woman, or should any consenting adults be allowed to marry? Should priests remain celibate or be allowed to marry?

    8. Divorce – Is divorce ever acceptable? If one is divorced, can he/she remarry and remain part of the body of Christ?

    I am by no means the first person to realize the vast differences between Christian denominations. I read many articles discussing it. Most of these articles say that we should respect all Christians, regardless of disparity, and learn how to love each other. The people writing these articles usually also show sympathy that other Christians don’t know the full truth like they do.

     

    I totally agree that we should respect all Christians. However, look around. Do Christians really love and respect each other? Many do, yes. However, I am saddened at the flat out bashing and judging that goes on because of the differences Christians have. I read all the time where Christians call out other Christians and say they must not be true Christians, because Jesus wouldn’t think or do what they are thinking and doing.

    Most Christians believe they have the full truth, and they most closely follow the Lord, Jesus Christ. I fully and wholeheartedly believe there must be absolute truth in Christianity. There must be. All of the things we have discussed must have a true answer from God. He does have an answer for all the differing opinions of men and women. There is a pure doctrine. None of the doctrines I listed can be more than one way. There must be one answer. To be acceptable in the Lord’s eyes, we must keep his commandments as He intended for us to keep them. We must know the truth. How do we find it?

    The answer most commonly given amongst Christians is to use the Bible. Well, don’t most Christian denominations (and non-denominations) use the Bible? They definitely use it, and yet there are countless combinations of beliefs in Christianity. This doesn’t make sense. Don’t get me wrong –  I believe with all my heart that the Bible is true. Those who have a conviction of this are right.

     

    I have studied the Bible many times in my life, and it is a book I treasure. I know it is the word of God. To say there is not confusion, though, would be a lie. There are many verses in the Bible which are very difficult to comprehend, and many concepts are introduced but not elaborated upon. Have you ever come across a scripture you didn’t understand? The book of Revelation is incredibly difficult to fathom… there are many others as well.

    Did you know  there are over 100 English translations of the Bible? I definitely haven’t read all of these translations, but I do know from looking  at a few different ones that if you compare a scripture passage in different Bibles, often you will find that the meaning is not the same. Even more astonishing is that I have read interpretations of the same scripture from the same translation that didn’t match – in fact, they were opposites.

    An example of that is Luke 24:39:

    Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.

    I have seen religious articles that use this verse to prove that the resurrected Christ is a spirit, and in contrast, to prove that He has a body.

     There are also passages of scripture in the Bible that make perfect sense, but appear to be contradicted in other passages. Christian denominations tend to hold fast to a verse and make it part of doctrine, but do not always acknowledge the other verses that seem to say the opposite. Here are two examples of many:

    The Nature of God

    1. John 8:16-18, 28-29

    And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me. It is also written in your law,
     that the testimony of two men is true. I am one that bear witness of myself, and the Father that sent me beareth witness of me.

    Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these
     things. And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.

    2. John 1:1

    In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

    The Means of Salvation

    1. James 2:20-26

    But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead? Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar? Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God. Ye see then how that
    by works a man is justified, and not by faith only. Likewise also was not Rahab the harlot justified by works, when she had received the messengers, and had sent them out another way. For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

    2. Romans 10: 9 -10

    That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth
     unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
    There are also many positions and practices amongst Christians of all faiths that are not mentioned in the Bible at all. Individuals and denominations have had to infer God’s will based on their interpretations of the Bible – e.g. contraception, abortion. Then there are things that are condemned in the Bible, but are thought by some to now be irrelevant due to changing times – e.g. chastity, modesty, divorce, traditional marriage. There are others, though, that hold strong to what the Bible says. Who is right?
    Yes, the Bible is true, but alone it has not brought Christians together in one Lord, one faith, one baptism (Ephesians 4:5).

    Here is a scripture verse I want you to consider in the same chapter of Ephesians (vs 11-15):

    And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;

     For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
    Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:
    That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
    But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

    Is Paul talking about himself and the other apostles following Christ’s resurrection? He could be, but most Christian religions strive to follow the words of these apostles as found in the New Testament. Nearly 2000 years later, Christians still do not have a unity of faith, and are nowhere near accomplishing it.

    I have done a lot of reading on what Christians believe about prophets. I have read articles where individuals really want to believe in prophets, and feel they are needed. They just don’t know where to find them.

    There is an even stronger conviction, though, that prophets no longer exist, that they were no longer called after the twelve original apostles died, and will never be called again. After Christ gave the higher law, and completed his work on the earth, He stopped speaking to the world. All of His word is in the Bible, and no other word is ever needed to help His children live Christ-like lives.
    For those of you who do believe there could be prophets, you might be worried about the Lord’s caution to beware of false prophets. Many Christians believe that because the Lord said that, that means all men professing to be prophets in these days must be frauds. That would especially be true if Christ no longer speaks, and there is no further revelation to bring forth.
    There are Christian churches that believe their spiritual leaders, though not prophets, do receive inspiration for interpreting God’s word as in the Bible. Thus, their interpretations would be the correct ones.
    We run back into the same question again: Which church is true, and how can we tell? Let me tell you a story of someone who had this question.

    In 1820, in Manchester, New York, a 14-year-old boy was looking for truth. In his town, the Methodist, Baptist and Presbyterian churches were promoting their religions, looking for followers. They were all very convincing, but spoke harshly of each other. They tried everything to denounce the other religions.

    This boy was a believer in God, and he wanted to align himself with one of these Christian faiths. He was overwhelmed, and uncertain of which church to join, as each church interpreted the Bible so differently. He said,

    What is to be done? Who of all these parties are right; or, are they all wrong together? If any one of them be right, which is it, and how shall I know it?

    This boy started looking for an answer. One night, as he was studying his Bible, he found this verse in James 1:5-

    If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.


    This verse pierced him to the very soul, and he knew that if anyone needed wisdom from God, it was him. He decided that if James was right, he could receive his answer through prayer.

    Up until this point, the boy had never prayed vocally. He chose a beautiful, clear day in the Spring of that year to go out into the woods to pray aloud to God, and hopefully receive the answer he most desperately sought.

     

    The rest of the story is best told in his words:

    After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.

     But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being—just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.
     It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!


    My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)—and which I should join.

    I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: “they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof.

    My friends, this 14-year-old boy was Joseph Smith. He had a question and he asked of God. He asked with all the energy of his soul, yearning for an answer, willing to do what the Lord would ask of him. He received his answer – an answer he never expected, in a way he never would have dreamed. If Joseph, this poor, uneducated, farm boy, really did see God and Jesus Christ standing side by side, then Christianity could become one step closer to absolute truth, and to unity of faith, for the question of the nature of God was now answered. It was answered by Jesus Christ himself. I read through the most common Christian creeds, such as the Nicene Creed and the Apostolic Creed. They all claim the oneness of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. If untrue, those statements would be an abomination in the eyes of Christ and His father, though unbeknownst to the devout followers of Christ who lived by them.

    If this vision really happened, it shows a love of God and Christ for all people on the earth, that they want all people to be united, to know the full truth as God intended, and to bring forth  more knowledge to bring clarity, rather than continuous confusion.

    Joseph’s vision was not just for him. It would bring him great responsibility, as well as tremendous oppression and persecution for the remainder of his days. His name would be known for good and evil throughout the world, and still is to this day.

     

    Joseph Smith was called to be a prophet of God and to bring the fullness of Christ’s gospel to the world.

    This is the testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and mine. I do not ask you to believe it; I just ask you to open your minds to the fact that there could be prophets on the earth today. I believe God is a loving God and He does not want us to live in confusion. Christians today live in confusion, and often worry about how to respond to an increasingly wicked, godless world. Christians are not yet united in faith. The world is not yet united in faith.
    May God bless you in your search for truth.

  • You Aren’t Weird, but Your Beliefs Are Part 1: My Life as a Mormon

    Many of my friends are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS church) just like me. However, I also have many treasured relationships with people not of my faith. For those of you who aren’t a part of my faith, but who know me well, you may have asked yourself at one time or another why I would be a part of such a religion. I know what people say about Mormons, and I know what preachers teach about them. You may have looked at me and thought, “Mandy is a smart, kind person. She has a good family life. I just don’t get how she is a member of such a church that believes such weird things.”

     I can appreciate that, and now,  I want to respond to this paradox by first telling you about my life as a Mormon.

    I was born to two parents who were both members of my church, so since birth, I have attended the LDS church. You may be interested to know, however, that my father joined the church in his early adulthood, while my mother grew up with parents who were members (though one of her parents also joined the church later in life).

    blessing day
    This is my mother and me when I was two months old, on the day my father gave me my baby blessing at church.

    My earliest memories of attending church include going to a wonderful place called Primary each Sunday, where we would sing songs about Jesus, prayer, Heaven, and sometimes even popcorn popping on the apricot tree. We learned lessons from teachers about many different things, such as prophets, families or the fact that we are all children of God. We, the kids, also sometimes got to go in front of the microphone and speak to the other kids about a topic like this. We had classes for our age groups, where we would learn scripture stories or ways to be more like Jesus. Primary was so much fun, but also helped me learn that I was special and that God loved me.

    baptism
    This is me on my eighth birthday right before my baptism.

    When I was eight years old I made the decision to be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My dad baptized me. I remember him taking me out into the hallway to practice how he would put me under the water. I actually had to be baptized twice because my foot came up a little the first time. My dad was also the one who laid his hands on my head and gave me the gift of the Holy Ghost.  I remember feeling so happy that day, and enjoying the loving attention I got from family, teachers and friends for my decision.

    The next day in church, we sang a hymn called I Am a Child of God. I had sung it many times before in Primary. That day, though, as I sang it, tears fell gently down my face. I asked my mom why I was crying, and she said it was because I was feeling the Holy Ghost.

    As a member of the church, I grew up praying before each meal, as a family, and on my own before bed. We read our scriptures around the table every night after dinner. We did family nights called Family Home Evening, where my parents would teach us a gospel lesson and then we would do a fun activity, like the “tasting game,” and would sometimes have a dessert. We also loved celebrating holidays together. Dressing up for Halloween was always so much fun. We gave special focus, though, to Christmas and Easter, so we could not only have fun, but remember our Savior.

    mary and joseph
    My brother, Aaron, and I pretending to be Mary and Joseph.

    Our family had so much fun spending time together. Sure, we as kids annoyed each other, and we didn’t always listen to our parents. But, we loved each other and made family a priority. I have many fond memories of going to the movie store and getting ice cream, playing make believe, having “school” on the chalkboard, riding bikes, and going to Nana’s house.

     

    12
    This is 12-year-old me on my first Sunday as a Young Woman.

    When I turned 12, I no longer attended Primary. I started a new program, called Young Women. I was in that program until I turned 18. It was a program where I learned how to love myself and love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Each Sunday we would stand as a group and recite something called the Young Women Theme. In it, we spoke of our knowledge that we are daughters of God and that he loves us. We promised to stand as his witnesses at all times and in all things and in all places. Then we would recite values we promised as Young Women to live by. There were many, but some of my favorites were individual worth, choice and accountability, good works and integrity. Throughout all my years as a young woman, I did assignments, projects and activities to help me learn more about, appreciate, and act upon these upstanding values.

    This is me with a group of young women, dressed up to perform the Parable of the Good Samaritan.

    Each year all the girls from a large geographical area would come together at a girls’ camp. Girls’ Camp was one of my favorite times of year. We were each secret sisters, and would do nice things for another girl each day. We did many activities and lessons to help us learn how to take care of ourselves physically and spiritually. We ate great food. We got to know each other better. Most importantly, we felt closer to our Savior as we bore testimony of Him.

     

    jesus

     

    I remember one year we followed a path through the camp site. We stopped at different areas where someone would speak to us. I don’t remember what they said, but I remember the final destination –  a tent. Inside that tent was a picture of Jesus Christ. I remember tears streaming down my cheeks. I knew the man in that picture really was my Savior and Redeemer, and through Him, I could be clean, and I could stand have the strength to always stand up for what was right.

    Additionally, once a year from age 14-17, I went to something called Youth Conference, meant for Young Women and Young Men. For a few days, we would come together as a large geographical group and focus on our spirituality. I always loved this time of year too. I left loving Christ a little more, and having a greater desire to do good.

     

    yc
    My friend, Kate, took this picture of my in our dorm room our second year of youth conference at SVC, now SVU.

    During all four of my high school years, I attended a class called Seminary. It was held at 6AM each morning before school. Each year we studied different books of scripture. It sounds crazy to get up at 4:30 in the morning to go to a spiritual class, doesn’t it? Why not sleep in a little more? I can tell you that Seminary was one of the best things I ever did as a youth. I learned and grew so much. I understood the scriptures better, I felt a desire to do what was right, and I felt the Spirit on a daily basis. I will always be grateful to my Seminary teachers who worked so hard to  prepare those lessons for us, and teach them so early in the morning, when they too, could have been sleeping.

    As a child, we sang a song in Primary called I Love to See the Temple. I always loved that song, and in the Young Women program, we focused so much more on the temple. We learned that our decisions and our chosen paths should lead us to the temple. In the temple, we make covenants with God and receive instruction for our spiritual benefit. As a Young Woman, I knew that I wanted to be married in the temple, for marriages in the temple were not just until death do us part, but rather, for all eternity. I knew I wanted nothing less.

    washington-dc-temple-spring-1160328-gallery
    The Washington, DC Temple

    I have such special, spiritual memories of attending the temple as a Young Woman. We would go to the temple in Washington, D.C. as a group of youth and perform baptisms on behalf of those who had died without having that ordinance. The Spirit was always so strong there. I knew that was the Lord’s house and that we were blessing lives.

    All of the things I have mentioned helped ground me in the gospel of Christ. Life wasn’t always easy in middle school and high school, because my friends were doing things I knew to be wrong, whether legally or morally. I knew I was supposed to have integrity. I didn’t always make the right decisions, though. Sometimes I gave in to peer pressure, and sometimes I wasn’t completely honest about my faith for fear of rejection. However, I always knew deep down in my soul what was right and what was wrong, and what the Lord wanted from me and for me.

    grad
    My family and me at my high school graduation.

    As I graduated from high school and entered my adulthood, I felt spiritually prepared for what the world had in store. All those years of spiritual education and experience had given me great faith, and a conviction to remain a member of the LDS church even after I left my parents’ home and went off on my own.

    vegas
    Mom and Nana went with me out West to get me settled at SUU. This is us visiting Las Vegas for a day.

    About six months after high school, I left home to attend Southern Utah University. It wasn’t that difficult to stay an active member of the LDS church there, since so many people were members, but it was still an every day challenge to stand as a witness and keep God’s commandments. That challenge has never gone away, and never will.

    This is me with some of my college friends at a park in Cedar City in 2003.

    One thing that helped me stay a strong member of the church, without my parents, was becoming a member of  the world’s oldest and largest organization for women: the Relief Society. It is a place for sisterhood, charity,  faith-building, strengthening families, and  finding joy in our divine nature as daughters of God. Throughout the years, my love and appreciation for this great organization has increased, and my love for my fellow sisters has grown exponentially.

    dance
    A group of friends at a dance. My date later became my husband.

    While I was at school, I fell in love, and at age 19 and a half, I was married in the temple of God. The previous day I had made special covenants with the Lord in preparation for my marriage. Those two days I felt the Spirit of the Lord so strongly. I knew, as I had as a youth, that the temple was the house of the Lord. I knew that it was a sacred place, and I knew that if my husband and I stayed faithful, our marriage would last for eternity.

    Most of you know that my marriage did not last, for my husband did not stay faithful to the Lord. He did not put God and his family as a priority, but rather his own lusts. That was a very difficult time of life for me as a young divorcee and mother. However, I was able to get through it. It took me longer than it should have, and I know that is because I wallowed in self pity, and  I had forgotten the things I knew so well – that Heavenly Father loves me and knows my name. I am his daughter and he wants me to be happy. I can be happy and endure my trials if I pray to Him for help. My worth does not change as my circumstances change. Jesus Christ, who felt and suffered every sin, pain, sickness, and trial anyone on this earth would ever experience, can lift me up because He knows what I have been through. I always have a friend, and I am not alone. When I finally remembered and enveloped myself with these truths, and remembered that I was still so blessed, I was able to move on and be happy again with my little son.

    This is Casey and me in the fall of 2006.

    My marriage ended, but my membership in my church did not dwindle. My entire adult life I attended the LDS church every Sunday. I have never been one to skip church, and I can tell you that the times in my life when I have missed due to sickness, I have felt like something was missing. I have always longed to be there amongst my fellow brothers and sisters, to receive spiritual nourishment.

    There has only been one time in my life when I have questioned my faith. It was during a time when I put my own personal desires above God’s will, and above keeping His commandments. I was dating someone I shouldn’t have been dating, doing things I shouldn’t have been doing. I justified it by saying that I was sharing my faith with him, and that maybe he would join my church someday. You see, I still believed that marriage between and man and a woman was eternal. I still wanted to marry in the temple, but I couldn’t if I was dating someone not a member of my faith. Beyond that, he did not share in many of my values. I kept going on with it, though, because I was in love.

    One day, we were talking on the phone, and I was talking to him about my church. He suddenly threw out all these “facts” in my face, trying to prove that my church wasn’t true – that everything I had held dear my ENTIRE LIFE was a lie.

    I remember getting off the phone with him shaking. I could feel evil all around me,like a deep, dark cloud, and I wept. I can’t explain exactly how I felt, but it was definitely not the Holy Spirit. I truly questioned – is my church true? Is it?

    Through mighty prayer, reflection on my life, reflection on this person’s intentions, and reflection on my past and how my faith had guided me all those years, I learned what I already knew – that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is  and always will be true.

    I stayed a member, and I had to repent for sins I had committed. I had to get myself back on track. As I did that, and as I remembered what was truly important, the Lord brought Jad into my life, someone who just the year before had found his way into the LDS faith. He and I were married, and a year later, we were sealed in the temple. We know that if we are faithful throughout our lives, that our marriage and our family will be eternal.

    This is Jad, Casey and me on March 6, 2010, the day Jad and I were married.
    This is Jad, Rigel and me at the Raleigh, NC LDS Temple on March 12, 2011.

    We have been so blessed, and thank our Heavenly Father every day for all He does for us. Our lives are not perfect, though. In our family, we still have sickness, disagreements, financial trouble, etc., just like every other family.

    We do have a strong faith in Jesus Christ, and in the church we belong to. My oldest son, Casey has been the first of our children to make the decision to be baptized, a decision he is grateful for and finds joy in each day.

    This is Jad, Casey and me at our church on June 15, 2013, the day of Casey’s baptism.

    In the past few years I have made it a goal to share the gospel of Jesus Christ every day of my life. I strive to be a good example, a good friend, a good wife and mother, and a good missionary. I am stronger than ever in my faith.

    As a family, we do our Family Home Evenings, we study our scriptures, and we pray often. We have fun together, and show love for each other and our neighbors.

    This is my life. Does is sound weird? As I look at my life, maybe it is weird because I devote the vast majority of my life to my family and to Christ. The world around us tells us to follow self-serving pursuits, and do what feels good, what is comfortable, what is convenient. In that case, yes, I  and all the members of my church are indeed peculiar.

    You may be thinking, but what about your beliefs, though? Your life isn’t too weird, but some of your beliefs are.

    Think about this a bit, and I will talk about those beliefs and why they may not be so weird after all, in part two of this blog post. Much love!

  • One Step Enough for Me

    Last Saturday I went to Women’s Day, an annual event put on by my church, for women living in this area. Each sister that was there was able to sign up for three different classes of her choosing. I thoroughly enjoyed all of my classes, and am anxiously awaiting next year’s Women’s Day.In one of my classes, we learned about ways God speaks to us, how we receive the answers, how to recognize the answers, and what to do if we don’t think we have gotten an answer. It was such an uplifting class for me.

    As we went through these different points, my mind kept going back to a memory – an experience that happened to my family almost exactly a year ago. My husband had gotten a new job opportunity, which we felt was an answer to our prayers. We quickly realized, however, in just a short month’s time, that it was not the right path.

    For a while, we were confused. We thought we had received a spiritual prompting that Jad was supposed to take that retail management position.

    In class we talked about how sometimes we listen to our emotions, and assume it is the Holy Ghost speaking. I think in some ways this may have been the case with us. We didn’t do enough research on the job, and just blindly assumed everything would be  fine because we were so excited about the opportunity for change.

    In other ways, though, we really felt like the Lord brought that opportunity to Jad. He had been applying for jobs for years, and this was the first time he was contacted by a company (that wasn’t a sales company), was interviewed, and offered a job that fit his experience, with an ability for growth in the company.

    But it was the wrong decision, though…

    I learned a couple things in this class at Women’s Day that go along perfectly with this experience:

    The first is a quote by Elder Richard G. Scott, an apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who said, “When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, Go will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision”(Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer, Ensign, May 2007).

    It was true. Jad and I felt very strongly after his first day of work (after a month of training), that this job was not right. We felt prompted that he should quit. We thank the Lord for giving us that prompting, and giving Jad the strength to listen to it.

    So, why did the Spirit tell Jad to take the job if it wasn’t right? Well, we watched this beautiful video in  class called Wrong Roads, a true story from the life of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, another apostle in my church. Watch the video for the full spiritual message, but in essence, he said that sometimes the Lord takes us in a direction that isn’t right so that we can quickly discern what is right.

    It’s true. We learned so quickly that retail was not the path Jad should go down. We stopped applying for retail manager jobs after that experience, and instead, researched different career paths Jad could take.

    We also learned other wonderful lessons from him taking and quitting that job, two of which were to be grateful for what we have, and to make more quality use of our time as a family.

    The lesson doesn’t end there, though. We learned which path wasn’t right, but it took us almost a year to find out which path was right. Why so long?

    Elder David A. Bednar, another apostle in my church, said something that makes it all make sense: “Most frequently, revelation comes in small increments over time and is granted according to our desire, worthiness, and preparation” (The Spirit of Revelation, Ensign, May 2011).

    Heavenly Father wants us to be patient, to trust Him, to keep His commandments, and to continue to pray to Him earnestly.

    He also wants us to do our own work and research. In modern scripture to Joseph Smith, the Lord said, “But behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right” (Doctrine and Covenants 9:8).

    Jad and I had to do all of these things, and when we were ready, Heavenly Father prompted Jad on the next steps in his career.

    Retail wasn’t the answer, and getting another Bachelor’s degree wasn’t the answer. The answer Jad received was to go into the IT profession, in the field of networking. He searched out schools, and felt at peace with My Computer Career.

    It was a leap of faith, though. It is an expensive school. We had to take out a hefty loan. He had to figure out how to go to school but still run his store, knowing that he would not stay there much longer. He had to deal with family disgruntlement and lack of support. He and I knew, though, this was the right choice.

    Jad  has now been attending My Computer Career for two weeks. This is going to be at least a one-year schooling journey. It has been hard – the information has been coming quickly, and is a bit overwhelming for him. He is home much less and it is affecting time with our kids, and  with us as a couple. We are both much busier than ever before.

    There is a difference this time, though. In contrast with his retail position where we never saw any light ahead of us, we definitely know in this case that the Lord is there and lighting our way.

    In a video entitled Patterns of Light: Spirit of Revelation, Elder Bednar talked about three different patterns of light we receive as we get revelation. As Jad is in school, I can see that our pattern is that of a foggy day. There is just a little light ahead of us. If we just keep taking a few steps, though, the light will help us see far enough ahead that we can continue to press forward.

    We can’t see the end result yet. We don’t know when Jad will get an IT job, where, how much money, how it will affect our lives, etc., but we trust the Lord wholeheartedly that he will guide us in the right direction. We are so excited to see where this path leads our family.

    If you would like to read all about Jad’s retail management journey from 2013, read below:

    Have you ever called someone a quitter who left a job
    instead of sticking it out? Have you ever seen a messy store and assumed it was
    because of lazy employees and management? Have you ever thought badly about
    someone because of what someone else tells you? Well, I have a very interesting
    story to tell you about my husband, Jad.

    Ever since we have been married (four years next March), Jad
    has traveled out of town at least three days a week to work at his convenience
    store in Kinston. Though he has always been off work the other four days of the
    week, our family has found this arrangement very difficult, for several reasons.
    Because of this, for years we have prayed for another job to come along where
    Jad could have benefits and be home every night with his family.

    Well, in July and August, our dreams started to unfold.  Jad had an interview with a popular retail
    store to be the assistant manager at its Chapel Hill location. His interview
    process moved forward, and on August 12, he was offered the job. We prayed
    about it, and it just didn’t feel quite right. It wasn’t going to be quite
    enough money, and we thought his skills exceeded that of assistant manager.
     
    Jad told the district manager that he wasn’t going to take
    the job, and we were both surprised and excited when the district manager
    offered Jad to be the store manager of the Reidsville store. He told Jad that
    it was a large, lucrative store, full of loyal employees, and the best office
    manager around. Jad would be paid plenty of money as a manager, would have
    benefits, and would learn great skills he had not yet had the privilege of
    learning. We prayed about it and felt good about Jad accepting this job. So, he
    did.

    During the month of September, Jad trained to be a store
    manager in the Chapel Hill location. He was overwhelmed much of the time,
    worried he wouldn’t be trained in time. We didn’t see him much during
    September. We also couldn’t communicate with Jad during the day, but had to
    wait for him to call us and talk to us for maybe five minutes. We noticed both
    of us having less and less sleep, and less time together as a family. It wasn’t
    so bad, though, because Jad saw us each day, at least for a little while.
    Sometimes he only saw Casey for a few minutes before he went to school. The
    house got increasingly messier.  

    We kept reassuring ourselves it was going to be a raise and
    a good opportunity. Jad ended up needing an extra week to train. He completed
    his training successfully October 4.

    During the weeks Jad trained, we did not know how much money
    he would be paid once becoming a store manager. We didn’t know if he would be
    able to work with the retiring manager at the Reidsville store. We didn’t know
    what his schedule in Reidsville would be like. We didn’t like how we didn’t
    know these things in advance. At the conclusion of training, Jad was told that
    he would have one day with the newly retired manager and then the Reidsville
    store would be his starting the 8th of October.

    On the morning of the 7th, we were all excited
    for Jad to start his new job. I waited for him to call me all day to talk to me
    about it.  When he didn’t call me, I
    texted him instead. He said his day wasn’t going very well – that it was just
    too much. I encouraged him, saying I knew he could do it.
    That evening, I made his favorite dessert, knafeh, to
    celebrate. To my surprise and sadness, it was not a celebratory dessert after
    all, but more of a therapeutic one. The rest of the evening was filled with
    tears and sadness as we discussed the day’s events.

    Jad told me that the whole way home he just wanted to cry.
    The store was filthy beyond belief, with boxes everywhere, a disgusting carpet
    that wasn’t going to be replaced, a horrendous back room, no Christmas items
    set out, and a mess that would take weeks to clean up.

    At work, when the district manager for Reidsville walked him
    around the store, he pointed all these things out, all the while putting down
    the manager who just retired. Jad agreed there was much to be done, and felt
    confident he would be able to fix everything. Then, he talked to the manager
    himself. He got a different story.

    The newly retired manager told him how happy he was to be
    leaving that store. He said that he worked over 60 hours a week and worked hard
    all the time, but there weren’t enough employees to get anything done. Only a
    small percentage of store profit can go to Payroll, and the numbers are
    strictly enforced. Several of the employees at the Reidsville store have been
    there many years, and thus, make much more money than most cashiers would. Because
    of this, no extra help can be hired. Despite this, the retired manager had the
    same expectations put upon him, with no leniency or compassion of any kind.

    Jad got a different outlook then. After talking to the
    retired manager, he realized that this manager had to clean bathrooms and run a
    register, amongst other non-manager duties because there weren’t enough
    employees to do those things. A salary-paid employee gets paid the same no
    matter how many hours he works. Jad figured out that based on how many hours he
    would have to work, he’d only be making maybe $9 an hour. He’d also have to
    work at least two Sundays a month.
    In addition to working at least 60 hours a week (managers
    are only supposed to work 48-52 per week), he would have nearly an hour drive
    back and forth each day. Plus, he would only get a total of three days off
    during November and December each year, and would have no paid vacation until
    after his first year.

    Jad and I had a very long discussion about this whole
    situation. I told him he had to quit. As we kept talking, I knew that was what
    had to be done, and kept reiterating it. He was relieved, and told me he was
    worried that I would tell him to stick it out because of the money.

    It really wasn’t even an option for him to stay with this
    company. Jad wouldn’t be able to fulfill his church responsibilities – not his
    calling nor his home teaching. The kids and I would basically never see him.
    He’d miss out on all school and church activities. The house would stay messy
    forever… no, this was not going to work.

    We did consider the cons of him quitting. The only thing we
    could think of was how people would think about him for doing it. People might
    gossip. We decided that was not a good enough reason to stay with the company.

    Jad got excited about quitting. The next day was actually a
    big meeting with all the managers of his district, the district manager, and the
    district trainer. He said he would go to the meeting, get a final feel for if
    this job could work by talking to the district manager, and then quit if
    necessary.

    He left for Greensboro early Tuesday morning. On my way to
    the church class I teach, I got a phone call from Jad. He told me he was
    shaking from the inside and that he thought he caused a big stir. I asked him
    what happened. He then started to tell me of the morning’s events.

    When Jad first got to the meeting, he noticed all the
    managers were older. He found this peculiar. He had been told that he would
    have an opportunity for promotion. If that were the case, all the people in
    this room should have been promoted by now.

    After the first hour and half of the meeting, Jad felt
    prompted to start asking his fellow managers questions. He asked each of them
    how long they had been working at the company and how many hours they worked
    per week. On average, they had been working as managers for 15-20 years and
    were working about 60 hours a week or more. Jad asked them if they liked their
    job. Not one person said yes; they just looked at each other.

    One manager, who was a little younger, said she is at work
    more than she is at home. She has not been able to spend quality time with her
    children for 15 years.

    Jad went outside then to speak to the district manager. He
    asked the DM for 15% to use towards payroll or a significant pay increase. The
    DM said no, so Jad asked to speak to the whole group inside.

    He boldly stood up in front of everyone and said that he
    would not be working for this company because he would be a slave. He said he
    would rather spend time with his family than work all the time for more money.
    Throughout his speech, he told the managers to stop him if he said something
    wrong.

     Jad wasn’t afraid to
    tell everyone that this company wasn’t run in the right way.  There weren’t enough hours to give the employees,
    so the managers had to work for basically $9-$10 an hour.
    Jad firmly testified that money is not important. After we
    die, we only take our family and knowledge with us. His relationship with his
    family was much more important than any job. He reiterated that he would not be
    working for the company. He said it was nice to meet all of them, apologized
    for the trouble, and stated his name before handing the district manager the
    keys and heading to his van to come home.

    As he looked around the room before departing, he noticed
    the faces of those around him. He was surprised that the only person who looked
    upset was the district manager. Most of the other people had looks of
    understanding, or eye-opening awareness. One female manager even smiled at him
    and told him to go home to his family.

    I was proud of him, and we were both relieved for him to be
    going back to the job we so desperately wanted him to leave.

    Later we talked about all this. Why did we have to go
    through this experience? Why go through all that training just to quit a job
    after one day? Well, we actually learned much from this and are grateful we
    went through it:

    1.
    The grass isn’t always greener on the other
    side.
    2.
    What we had was actually good in many ways, and
    we should have acted more grateful instead of complaining. Jad’s work
    arrangement of going to Kinston three days a week is still not perfect, but we
    will be much more positive about it now.
    3.
    Quality family time is so important. Getting
    more money is not an excuse to take that away.
    4.
    Do sufficient research on what you are accepting
    before taking a job. Don’t just take someone’s word for it.
    5.
    Be careful of listening to the “flattering
    words” of others.
    6.
    Get both sides of all stories. Things are not
    always as they seem.
    7.
    When we thought we would not be spending much
    time together anymore, we thought of ways to spend more quality time as a
    family, and we will continue to implement those ideas.
    8.
    Only someone who was about to quit a job could
    speak so boldly as Jad did. Perhaps his words will influence a change in the
    company, or at least in the hearts of some who work there.


    Jad
    and I both thank our Heavenly Father for knowing what we need and how we need
    to be taught.