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  • Gratitude can change your life for the best

    I shared this talk in my church congregation on December 17, 2006, not long after the hardest experiences I have ever had in my life up until that point, and probably ever in my life, until now.

    The talk’s topic was gratitude. I always thought that it was an inspired topic, for through studying it was I able to find some peace and a greater awareness of all of the gifts Heavenly Father has given me.

    I came across this talk today for the first time since 2006, and I thought that it might help someone who has been going through tough times, and is having a difficult time seeing God’s hand and feeling His love.

    Talk on Gratitude
    Doctrine and Covenants 59:21 reads, “And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none
    is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.” President James E. Faust said that this is “more than a social courtesy; it is a binding commandment.” Lastly, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reads, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”
    These statements are very clear. We must show gratitude for every occurrence and aspect of our lives.
    Much of this total gratitude includes our blessings. All of us are different and come from different backgrounds, but nevertheless all receive and have received countless blessings in our lives. Doctrine and Covenants 46:32 reads, “And ye must give thanks to God in the Spirit for whatsoever blessing ye are blessed with.”
    We have so many things to be thankful for. The well-known and beautiful primary song, “My Heavenly Father Loves Me,” illustrates gratitude for nature and our senses.
    Whenever I hear the song of a bird, or look at the blue, blue sky.
    Whenever I feel the rain on my face, or the wind as it rushes by.
    Whenever I touch a velvet rose, or walk by a lilac tree,
    I’m glad that I live in this beautiful world Heavenly Father created for me.
    He gave me my eyes that I might see the color of butterfly wings.
    He gave me my ears that I might hear the magical sound of things.
    He gave me my life, my mind, my heart, I thank him reverently
    for all his creations of which I’m a part. Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me.
     
    In addition to nature and creations, some of our greatest blessings in life include the people that we love and respect, such as family, friends, teachers, mentors, and leaders. Without our relationships, we would be empty souls, hungry for love, acceptance, guidance, and companionship. The hymn “Each Life that Touches Ours for Good” perfectly reflects the positive impact of strong relationships with others. The first verse reads:
    Each life that touches ours for good, reflects thine own great mercy, Lord.
    Thou sendest blessings from above through words and deeds of those who love.
    In this church, we are also especially grateful for the gospel and the resources we have to help us better learn of Christ and our Father in Heaven. We have the scriptures, beautiful hymns, missionaries, a wonderful prophet and general authorities, temples, church magazines, and there are so many other resources that we enjoy. We must
    ask ourselves where we would be without the knowledge that Jesus Christ is our Savior, that the Father sent him down to earth to atone for the sins of the world, that we may be forgiven of our sins and receive eternal life.
    At this time of year we reflect on Jesus’ birth. John 3:16 reads:
    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,
    that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
    President Hinckley declared,
    We love him. We honor him. We thank him. We worship him. He has done for each of us and for all mankind that which none other could have done. God be thanked for the gift of his Beloved Son, our Savior, the Redeemer of the world, the Lamb without blemish who was offered as a sacrifice for all mankind. Christ was the ultimate gift and blessing, and there are countless other blessings that we as individuals enjoy, including health, prosperity, education, accomplishments, and freedoms, along with many others.
    It is easy to see our blessings and have grateful minds when our lives are going well.  There are times, however, when we go through intense and difficult trials. During these times we may waver about our faith, see only the negative, complain, criticize, and place blame. At these times in our lives, it is difficult to have positive attitudes, least of all to feel grateful to our Lord for our blessings. Our problems seem to much outweigh any goodness in our lives. There is hope for these feelings of doubt and despair. We can still be happy despite our trials.
    One way to do this is to have a positive attitude; see the beauty in the darkness. President Monson
    offers this excellent insight:
    We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues.
    Some recognition of blessings will come during the course of the trial, and other recognition may come after the trial as you notice its positive outcomes.
    I think this talk was meant for me because this year of my life was the hardest that I have ever had to bear. This year I got divorced from my eternal companion, moved across the country, had to start my life completely over with friends, work, living arrangements, not to mention that I lost my in-laws and friends. That sounds pretty bad, and it is if you look at if from a negative perspective. But, even though my marriage failed, I am glad for the experience that it brought to my life. I have my beautiful son, who I love more than anything in the world. When I look at him, I see God’s divine hand in my life. During my two years of marriage I also had security, wonderful people to call my in-laws, my beautiful primary children whom I would not have taught if I hadn’t of been married and in a family ward.
    The most important thing I got out of my marriage was growth as an individual. I strengthened myself in ways of tolerance, forgiveness, communication skills, enduring to the end, hard work, love, and devotion. I went through my divorce during my last semester at SUU. That was a very difficult semester, but I did receive many blessings during that time. The sheer fact that I was able to graduate from college with high honors when I had a baby, family, work, church, and a divorce to worry about on top of school was a miracle in itself.
    My life since I have moved to North Carolina has been hard too, but I have had so many blessings. I have a loving family who helps me with everything I need, even though  I know sometimes Casey and I are a hardship; my ex-husband and I are friends and we keep in contact; I have made many friends in this ward, and I am so grateful for how many of you have opened your hearts to Casey. I am grateful that even though I will soon have to put my son in someone else’s care while I work, that he will be with a loving caregiver who has a son his age. Everything is going to be okay in my life. I just need to focus on the positive.
    The song “Count your Blessings” helps us to change our attitude and build our faith of enduring trials. The first two verses read:
    When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed, when you are discouraged thinking all is lost,
    count your many blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
    Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
    Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly, and you will be singing as the days go by.
     In the field of communication there is a theory dealing with costs and rewards. When a relationship brings more costs than rewards to our lives, we will end the relationship. But I testify to you today that no matter how many trials we have to face, in our relationship with the Savior, the rewards will always be higher than the costs. So, coming to the Lord in prayer, asking for help in your trials is perhaps the best way to have the strength to live life positively and
    with a grateful heart.
    Alma 37:37 reads:
    Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good;
    yea, when thou liest down at night, lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep;
    and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God;
    and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.
    We shall be exalted if we come unto Christ and thank him for all that he does for us in our every day lives. There is nothing greater for which we can be thankful.
    To show God how much we love him, we should serve others. These kind acts will also help us to overlook our own struggles by helping others with theirs. You could be the answer to someone else’s prayer and not even know it. You can stimulate gratitude in others through pure love and service. To show our gratitude to our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ we should be mindful of our brethren just as they are mindful of us. Then we can find joy in our sometimes dreary lives.
    We now know that we must be grateful for all things and thus we need to show this gratitude. The simplest way is just to say it. President Hinckley said:
    There are two little words in the English language that perhaps mean more than all others.
    They are “thank you.”
    President Monson counsels:
    “Think to thank. In these three words is the finest capsule course for a happy marriage, a formula for enduring friendship, and a pattern for personal happiness.”
    In Luke 17 we read about the ten lepers. Christ showed them the way to be healed, and only one of the ten lepers came back to thank him. Jesus said to the Samaritan:
    Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine? There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger. And he said unto him, Arise and go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole.
    The man who expressed his gratitude received Christ’s blessing, and the others’ ingratitude resulted only in disappointment.
    We can express our gratitude to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in our prayers, and also in our actions.
    President Monson offers this plea:
    Let us follow Him. Let us emulate his example. Let us obey His word.
    By so doing, we give to Him the divine gift of gratitude.
    Jesus himself said in John 14:21:
    He that hath my commandments and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me.
    We should also use the gospel resources that we have been given, such as studying the scriptures, praying, sustaining church leaders, paying our tithing and fast offering, singing hymns, going to the temple, and doing family history.
    We should show our gratitude to those who serve us on the earth. We can write thank you notes, make phone calls, show affection, and spend time with people. Remember, that even if someone does something for you that may not be exactly what you wanted, still show excitement and gratitude because that person worked really hard to make you happy. Also try not to take those who serve you for granted. Say thank you to your family, friends, and all others for everything, even the small things.
    I’d like to leave you with two quotes. The first was given by President Harold B. Lee:
    Life is God’s gift to man. What we do with our life is our gift to God.
    Doctrine and Covenants 78:19 reads:
    And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious;
    and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.
     What a promise. Just showing gratitude can bring about so many wonderful blessings. I am thankful so much for this ward and for your kindness to Casey and me. I hope that we can all remember Christ and his infinite love for each of us.

  • Are Mormons Christians: A question that can only be answered by a Mormon

    I remember like it was yesterday sitting in my 9th grade history class. We were studying different Christian religions and my teacher brought up Mormons. A boy in class, one I happened to have a crush on at the time, shook his head and said, “Mormons aren’t Christians. They wrote their own book.” I, a 14-year-old Mormon girl, was too afraid to raise my hand and correct him. I will never forget that day.

    To make up for it now, I would like to write about how Mormons are truly Christian people.

    What is a Christian? Well, a Christian is a person who believes in the divinity of Jesus Christ as the son of God and Savior of the world, and who strives throughout his/her life to follow Christ’s teachings and example.

    Since I was a little girl, I have grown up believing in Jesus Christ as my Savior. My whole life I have been taught how to follow Christ, and each day I try to do that more and more. For those of you who don’t know much about Mormons, I would love to expound upon how we are Christians:

    • Jesus Christ is the head of our church and the center of it.

    The Prophet Joseph Smith taught, “The fundamental principles of our religion are … concerning Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended into heaven; and all other things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it.”

    Lord Jesus Christ, Our Savior
    • The name of our church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
    • Mormon meetinghouses, homes and temples are adorned with pictures of Christ.
    • Each Sunday, in our church congregations, Mormons administer and partake of the Sacrament (Communion) to remember Christ’s body and blood. We promise to always remember Him.
    • We pray to Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ. We pray before every meal, before every church activity, every morning and every night. We also strive to always have a prayer in our hearts.
    • Mormons are baptized by immersion in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. The immersion symbolizes Christ’s death and resurrection, and represents the end of one’s past life and the beginning of one’s new spiritual life. When we are baptized, we promise to take upon us the name of Christ, bear one another’s burdens, and stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places.
    • Mormons believe in loving all people as children of God, which includes finding good in all people, forgiving others, being kind to others, and not judging others. We also spend much of our lives in service to our neighbors, friends and families.
    • Our church has a very large humanitarian aid program. Since it started keeping track in 1985, it has donated more than $1 billion in cash and material assistance to 167 different countries in need of humanitarian aid.
    • Many members of our church choose to serve missions around the world where they spread the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Though not all members serve official missions, all members strive to share the gospel of Jesus Christ from day to day, through example and in natural conversation.
    • Mormons study and read the Bible throughout their lives, and copies of the Bible can be found in our churches, homes and temples.
    • Mormons strive throughout their lives to keep God’s commandments – not just the ten commandments, but the higher law Christ taught.  We know that to truly love God and to live with Him again, we must follow all of His commandments.
    • We seek forgiveness throughout our lives for our sins through the atonement of Jesus Christ and strive throughout our lives to be more like Him. We know that He is the only way to have eternal life with our Father in Heaven.

     Now, what about this book that my high school friend said Mormons wrote? Well, he was referring to the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. It is true that Mormons read, study and ponder this book along with the Bible our entire lives. It is true that Mormons believe this is the truest book on earth. We don’t believe it is the truest book on earth because an expert in Christianity wrote it. Joseph Smith actually only had a third grade education. No, we believe that it is actual scripture written by prophets living in ancient America, starting 600 years before Christ. In one of the books in the Book of Mormon, the resurrected Jesus Christ appears to the people there and preaches what He had taught in his mortal ministry. You can read more about the Book of Mormon here, request a free copy here, or read the book electronically here. In its more than six thousand verses, the Book of Mormon refers to Jesus Christ almost four thousand times and by over one hundred different names. Please refer to my blog post about the Book of Mormon, and 100 things it has taught me here.

    I mentioned a man named Joseph Smith. Some believe Mormons worship Joseph Smith. This is not the case, though we highly revere him. He was the first prophet of our church. The story of how our church came to exist, as well as how the Book of Mormon came into existence, is a long one. I cannot tell it as well as Joseph Smith himself.

     

    Joseph Smith, we believe, was a prophet of God. A prophet of God leads our church today. His name is Thomas S. Monson, and we believe that he receives revelation from God to lead His church on the earth. We believe that our church is the same church that existed when Christ was on the earth. Just as in Christ’s time, we have prophets, apostles, temples, and the priesthood.

     

    Based on the definition of what a Christian is, Mormons are definitely Christians. However, we have additional doctrines and practices not familiar to other Christian churches. This is why many Christians say we are not Christians. I will not personally address these issues, but if you would like to read about them, you may find these articles of interest:

    There is also an official statement written by Mormon apostles and prophets regarding our beliefs about Christ.

     

    As for me, I love Jesus Christ with all of my heart. I am grateful for Him. I know that He was born of a virgin in the most humble beginnings. I know He led a perfect life of love, kindness, forgiveness, and service. He truly taught us the way to live to return to our Father in Heaven. I know He suffered for our pains and sins in the Garden of Gethsemane. There He paid the price for all of us. Because He suffered, we wouldn’t have to, but instead, through Him, could repent of our sins and become clean.  His atonement is infinite and we can use it all our lives, not only for repentance, but also for healing when we go through difficult times, and for spiritual strength to press forward in an increasingly wicked world. I know that Jesus died on the cross and rose on the third day. Because he died and was resurrected, we can all be resurrected to our perfect form. I know Jesus knows my name, and your name. I know He loves us all equally and wants all of us to succeed. He, along with Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost, are united in helping us attain eternal life. I know if I remain faithful in my heart, in my words and in my deeds, this can be so.

    Yes, Mormons are Christians. Out of all hats we wear, out of all things we define ourselves by, most importantly, we are children of God.

    Much love,
    Mandy Al-Bjaly

    http://mormon.org/me/5RNJ

  • 100 Things the Book of Mormon Has Taught Me

    Last week I completed my fourth and final semester studying the Book of Mormon, along with other sisters who I have come to love dearly. The first two semesters, I was blessed to be taught by a wonderful sister. Then the last two semesters, I had the blessed responsibility of teaching the class. In both roles, I grew as a person and as a daughter of God. I also learned to love the Book of Mormon more than I ever had before in my life.

    I want to share with you 100 beautiful truths from the Book of Mormon that have helped, and continue to help me, in my journey to be more like my Savior.

    1. The Lord provides a way for us to follow His commands (1 Nephi 3:7).
    2. The Lord can do all things for us, that are His will,  if we have faith in Him (1 Nephi 7:12).
    3. Sometimes the Lord commands us to do things for a purpose we don’t understand (1 Nephi 9:5).
    4. If we listen to the word of God, and follow it, the devil can’t overpower us (1 Nephi 15:24).
    5. We receive strength as we obey God’s commandments (1 Nephi 17:3).
    6. Regardless of our afflictions, we should praise God and not murmur (1 Nephi 18:16).
    7. Jesus Christ offered himself as a sacrifice for sin. Only through His mercy and grace, can those who believe return to God’s presence (2 Nephi 2:6-8).
    8. Everything must have its opposite. You cannot have one without the other (2 Nephi 2:11-13).
    9. We all have our free agency to choose to follow Christ or the devil (2 Nephi 2:27, 2 Nephi 10:23).
    10. Those who trust man instead of God are cursed (2 Nephi 4:34).
    11. The Lord admonishes us to listen to Him and not be afraid of men, for they die. The Lord and His righteousness are forever (2 Nephi 8:7-8, 12).
    12. The Lord will bless you and give you knowledge if you are humble. He despises those who  value riches and knowledge of men more than His counsel (2 Nephi 9:28-30, 42).
    13.  We are saved by grace after all we can do (2 Nephi 25:23).
    14. People will say they have a bible and don’t need another bible. The Lord answers by saying He loves His people all over the world and He will visit all nations after His resurrection. A written testimony of two nations is a witness of Him, and that He remembers all nations (2 Nephi 29:-78).
    15. The Lamb of God was holy, yet He was baptized to fulfill all righteousness. We who are unholy, must be baptized to show obedience to God and His commandments (2 Nephi 31:5-7).
    16. After we are baptized, we still have work to do to receive eternal life. We must stay faithful, love God and our neighbors, follow the word of Christ, etc. (2 Nephi 19-20).
    17. After we are baptized and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, we can speak by the power of the Holy Ghost. As we study our scriptures, we will know what we should do (2 Nephi 32:2-3, 5).
    18. Pray always. Don’t do anything unto the Lord without praying first for help (2 Nephi 32:9).
    19. Seek for the kingdom of God before you seek for riches. If you do obtain riches, use them to do good to others, for we are all precious to God (Jacob 2:18-21).
    20. When we serve others, we are serving God. If we praise, thank and serve God all our lives with our whole souls, we will still be unprofitable servants. All we have to do is keep His commandments, and we are blessed. We will always be indebted to Christ, and have no reason to ever boast of ourselves (Mosiah 2:17, 20-24).
    21. We must be like little children and put off the natural man, else we are an enemy to God (Mosiah 3:18-19).
    22. God created all things, has all wisdom, and all power. We can’t comprehend what He can (Mosiah 4:9).
    23. We should teach our children to keep God’s commandments and to love and serve others. We should not withhold our help from those who need it, saying they deserve what they get. We are all beggars and rely on God for all (Mosiah 4:14-19).
    24. We must watch our thoughts, words and deeds, and keep God’s commandments, else we will perish (Mosiah 4:30).
    25. When we are baptized, we make a covenant to be obedient to all of God’s commands, all our lives. When we make this covenant, we are called the children of Christ. We must remember Him always. How can we know Him if we do not serve Him and keep Him in our hearts? (Mosiah 4:5-13).
    26. When we are baptized, we promise to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places (Mosiah 18:9).
    27. The Lord will forgive those who repent. We should forgive each other as well. If we don’t, then we will not be forgiven of our sins (Mosiah 26:30-31).
    28. The judgments of God are always just, but the judgments of man are not (Mosiah 29:12).
    29. Alma asks many questions to see if his people are prepared for salvation. These are great questions to ponder and see how you are doing in your path of righteousness (Alma 5:14-32).
    30. The word of God must be fulfilled, regardless if people reject it (Alma 5:58).
    31. To walk blameless before God, we must be humble, gentle, patient, grateful, etc (Alma 7:23-24).
    32. Christ has loosed the bands of temporal death. All will be resurrected (Alma 11:43-44).
    33. Those with soft hearts receive more of God’s word than those who harden their hearts (Alma 12:10).
    34. This life is a time to prepare to meet God (Alma 12:24).
    35. Do not procrastinate the day of your repentance, but instead watch and pray continually and have faith, and a hope of eternal life. (Alma 13:27-30)
    36. Who can glory too much in the Lord? (Alma 26:16).
    37. God is mindful of all people and is merciful unto them (Alma 26:37).
    38. What profit is it to labor in a church if you don’t get paid? It is to rejoice in the joy of others (Alma 30:34-35).
    39. All things denote there is a God (Alma 30:44).
    40. The Lord provides strength, comfort and patience to those who suffer afflictions, as long as they pray in faith (Alma 31:30-38).
    41. It is better to humble yourself because of God’s word than to be compelled to be humble (Alma 32:12-16).
    42. Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge, but a hope for things which are not seen, which are true (Alma 32:21).
    43. Faith begins with a desire to believe. Alma the younger, a prophet, compares the word of God unto a seed and explains how it can grow and bring forth fruit to you (Alma 32:27-43).
    44. By small and simple things God brings about great things, including the salvation of souls (Alma 37:6-7).
    45.  The Lord keeps His promises, and always has (Alma 37:17).
    46. If you counsel with the Lord, He will direct you. Those who pray daily and have hearts filled with gratitude daily will be lifted up at the last day (Alma 37:37).
    47. You cannot hide your crimes from God. You must repent of your sins (Alma 39:8).
    48. Do not seek after riches, for you can’t take them with you (Alma 39:14).
    49. Wickedness never was happiness. Those who do not follow God cannot be happy (Alma 41:10-11).
    50. Christ’s atonement has brought about the plan of mercy and appeases the demands of justice by allowing us to repent of our sins (Alma 42:13-15).
    51. War is justified to protect families, lands, rights and religion (Alma 43:46-47).
    52. God will preserve the faithful. The Lord will not allow a people to be destroyed unless they fall into transgression and deny their faith (Alma 44:4).
    53. Captain Moroni’s character is explained, and then it issaid that if all people were like him, the devil could have no power over anyone (Alma 48:11-13, 17).
    54. If you do not doubt, God will deliver you from your enemies (Alma 56:47-48).
    55. Joy  and pureness of heart comes from humility and giving your heart to God (Helaman 3:35).
    56. If you build your foundation on the rock of Christ, the devil cannot drag you  down into misery and despair. Those who build a sure foundation cannot fall (Helaman 5:12).
    57. Samuel, a Lamanite prophet, prophesies that the night before Christ is born, there will be no darkness, but a day and a night and a day of only light. A new star will arise and signs and wonders will come from Heaven (Helaman 14:3-6).
    58. Jesus must die so that the dead can be resurrected. His death redeems mankind and, through repentance, allows all to enter back into the presence of God (Helaman 14: 15-18).
    59. Samuel prophesies that upon Christ’s death, there will be darkness until He is resurrected. During this period of darkness, there will be terrible natural disasters, changing the face of the whole earth, above and beneath (Helaman 14:20-27).
    60. The words of the prophets are fulfilled every whit (3 Nephi 1:20).
    61. Christ extends His mercy to all who come to Him (3 Nephi 9:14).
    62. Heavenly Father speaks to the Nephites in the land Bountiful, and testifies of His beloved son. Jesus descends out of heaven and stands in their midst. He speaks of his atoning sacrifice and invites the multitude to thrust their hands into His side, and feel the prints in His hands and feet (3 Nephi 11:7-15).
    63. Jesus instructs the prophet Nephi on how baptism should be done – in His name, having proper authority, and by immersion (3 Nephi 11:21-26).
    64. Contention and anger are of the devil (3 Nephi 11:29-30).
    65. Jesus speaks the Beatitudes to the Nephites, just as He did at the Sermon on the Mount (3 Nephi
    12:3-12).
    66. The Father knows what you need before you ask Him (3 Nephi 13:8).
    67. If you first seek the kingdom of Heaven, you will be blessed with your temporal needs (3 Nephi 13:33).
    68. Do not judge others. First look at yourself and what you need to change before you point out others’ faults (3 Nephi 14:1-5).
    69. Only those who do the will of the Father will enter the kingdom of Heaven (3 Nephi 14:21).
    70. When Christ told the Jews that He had other sheep which were not of this fold, they thought He meant the Gentiles. However, Jesus tells the Nephites that this is not so; that the other sheep are them and other people around the world that He would visit after His resurrection  (3 Nephi 15:16-24).
    71. Just as in His mortal ministry, Jesus, full of compassion, heals the sick. He then blesses the children one by one and prays for them. Angels descend out of heaven and minister to the little ones (3 Nephi 17:6-25).
    72. Jesus ordains a disciple with power to bless and administer the bread and wine to all those who are baptized in His name. Partaking of the bread and wine shows Heavenly Father that we remember Jesus and keep His commandments. He promises that if the people remember Him, they will always have His Spirit to be with them. Those who partake worthily of these emblems are built upon His rock (3 Nephi 18:5-12).
    73. Jesus commands us to watch and pray always to avoid temptation. Satan want to overtake us. Anything we ask the Father in Christ’s name will be given to us as long as we ask in faith and it is God’s will. Jesus commands us to pray in our families (3 Nephi 18:15-21).
    74. Jesus says to meet together often and to accept all people into the congregation of the church. Pray for them. Set an example for them, as He has set for us (3 Nephi 18:22-24).
    75. The words of Isaiah are great, and all things that he prophesied have been and shall be (3 Nephi 23:1-3).
    76. Jesus Christ’s church should bear His name, and should be built upon His gospel, or else it be another man’s church (3 Nephi 27:3-8).
    77. All will be judged by Jesus Christ according to their works. All who repent, are baptized, and endure to the end will be held guiltless before the Father on judgment day (3 Nephi 27:13-17).
    78. We should do what Jesus would and did do. We should be like Him (3 Nephi 27:21, 27).
    79. The way to eternal life is strait and narrow. Few will find it (3 Nephi 27:33).
    80. The judgments of God will overtake the wicked. (Mormon 4:5).
    81. The Book of Mormon shall be hidden until the Lord sees fit for it to be brought forth. Its purpose will be to persuade the House of Israel that Jesus is the Christ, the son of God (Mormon 5:12-14).
    82. God has all power, and at His command anything can come to pass (Mormon 5:23).
    83. Mormon invites the Lamanites of the latter days to repent, to be baptized and to take hold of the gospel of Christ, set forth in the Bible and the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon is written to help people believe in the Bible. If you will believe the Bible, you will believe the Book of Mormon too (Mormon 7:8-9).
    84. Moroni prophesies about the coming forth of the Book of Mormon. It will only be able to come forth by the power of God by one whose eye is single to His glory. It shall come forth in a time where people no longer believe in miracles, when churches and teachers are lifted up in pride, when there are wars and rumors of wars, great pollutions and sin upon the earth, etc. (Mormon 8:14-33).
    85. Miracles have not ceased. Because God is the same yesterday, today and forever, miracles still happen for the faithful. They only cease for the wicked (Mormon 9:15-21).
    86. The promised land (the Americas) will be free from bondage from all other nations as long as its people serve Jesus Christ (Ether 2:9-10, 12).
    87. Anything that persuades to do good is from God (Ether 4:12).
    88. Do not say something doesn’t exist because you can’t see it or have proof. You will not receive a witness until after your faith is tried  (Ether 12: 6).
    89. Miracles only occur when one first has faith in the son of God (Ether 12:12-18).
    90. God gives us weakness so we will be humble. If we are humble and have faith, God will make our weaknesses strengths (Ether 12:27).
    91. In the church of Christ, members will fellowship each other and help each other keep the faith. They will meet often to fast, pray, help each other, and to partake of the Sacrament in remembrance of the Lord, Jesus Christ (Moroni 6:4-6).
    92. A good person will do good things. When offering a gift or praying, we must do so with real intent to do good (Moroni 7: 5-10).
    93. All things of God invite one to do good. We all have been given the light of Christ, which helps us discern between good and evil. The devil never persuades anyone to do good (Moroni 7:12-17).
    94. We must have charity. It is the pure love of Christ, and never fails. We must pray to the Father to be filled with His love, and be like Christ (Moroni 7:45-48).
    95. Little children are not capable of committing sin. They are not accountable and need no repentance. Thus, they do not need to be baptized. They are alive in Christ (Moroni 8).
    96. Perfect love removes all fear (Moroni 8:16).
    97. As we are forgiven of our sins, we become more gentle and not easily offended. With these traits, we are filled with the Holy Ghost, which brings hope and perfect love. This love can endure through diligent prayer (Moroni 8:26).
    98. Moroni promises that those who ask Heavenly Father in sincere, faithful prayer if the Book of Mormon is true, will receive an answer through the Holy Ghost, who testifies of all truth (Moroni 10:4-5).
    99. God has given us many different spiritual gifts. They are manifested to us by the Holy Spirit to help us and others draw closer to Christ (Moroni 10:8-18).
    100. If we come unto Christ and deny ourselves of all ungodliness, loving the Lord with all our hearts, we can be perfected and made holy through His grace (Moroni 10:32-33).

    This is by no means an all-inclusive list. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of precious truths we can pull from this perfect book. Throughout it, we read of  prophets of God who were courageous, bold, true, always obedient, filled with love for their brethren, all having a pure love of God and a desire to share His light and gospel with others.

    The most perfect example from the Book of Mormon is Jesus Christ Himself. The words he spoke to the Nephite people, whom He visited in the Americas following His resurrection, are of supreme value.

    As I went through the Book of Mormon’s 531 pages, making this list, I was overwhelmed with how often Jesus Christ is mentioned, praised, prophesied of, and reverenced. The Book of Mormon truly is a companion to the Bible – another testament of Jesus Christ.


    I know it is true. I invite you to read it and to pray about it to see if it is true for yourself. Let the Spirit of the Lord work within you, and testify to you of its truthfulness.

    You can read it online here or you can request a free hard copy here.

    Of all the self-help books you could ever choose to read, choose The Book of Mormon.

    ***This post is featured in my new book, Likening the Book of Mormon War Chapters to Your Life: A Study Journal. Like this post, my book was inspired in part by the class that I was blessed to facilitate so many years ago. If you would like to learn more about my book, you can do so here. You can purchase it here.

  • Reminiscing about a miracle

    Since yesterday my mind has been filled with memories of my youngest baby, who is one year old today. I have felt sad that he is growing up so fast. I have also felt excitement about celebrating this wonderful milestone today. Mostly, though, I have felt an overwhelming gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the miracles surrounding Kamren’s birth. I know from that experience, and others, that God knows me. He loves me. He is aware of me. I also know that sometimes we go through trials so He can remind us of His presence in our lives, if we only turn to Him.

    Happy birthday to my beautiful baby, and much love and gratitude to my Heavenly Father for this miracles He has bestowed to me and my family.

    Please read below about the miracles that happened on May 5, 2013.

    To my cousin earlier in April I said: “Lisa, don’t you want to wait until closer to the time Kamren is due to come visit? If you come the weekend of the 4th, he won’t be born yet.”

    To many family members and friends throughout April up until even May 4 I said: “I don’t think I’m going to have this baby early. If he’s like Casey and Rigel, he will most likely be late.”

    To my Relief Society President, Lisa Hagan, around 8:30 PM on May 4 I said: “No, I haven’t had the baby yet. Thanks for checking up on me, though. I am doing fine.”

    No, I never in a million years expected what was going to happen to me a few hours after going to bed the night of Saturday, May 4. I went to bed tired, but it had been a very productive day of yard-saleing, spending time with family at the Hibachi Buffet and then at my house, having barbeque ribs at our neighbors’ house, and even taking a walk before putting the kids to bed.

    Before we said our personal prayers for the night, Jad said he hadn’t been able to think of a good personal reason to fast for Fast Sunday the next day. I told him that it would be a good idea, since Kamren would be born sometime this month, for him to fast that Kamren would have a safe and healthy delivery and birth. Nothing could have been more appropriate and important to fast for that night.

    We went to bed around 11 or so, just a little while after my cousin, Lisa, got to our house. After just a few short hours of sleep, I awoke sometime between 1:30 and 2 AM. I felt terrible, like I had awful indigestion. I told Jad how I was
    feeling, and he immediately turned on the light and asked if we were going to have a baby tonight. I reassured him that no, that wasn’t going to happen, and asked him to get me some Tums.

    I took the Tums and drank some water, thinking I would feel better. I tried to go back to sleep, but then I felt what seemed to be a contraction. I asked for my phone, and Jad again asked me if we needed to go to the hospital. I didn’t want to come to any rash conclusions, so I said I didn’t think so, but I had a contraction and wanted to time any others that came. I felt another two contractions, and they were a minute or less apart. If you know anything about
    labor, you know that when contractions are that close together, the baby is coming pretty soon.

    I must have still been in denial though, because I did not feel a need to freak out or tell Jad how far apart they were.
    I focused instead on how I still felt I needed to go to the bathroom. I tried to go, and this time I felt my water break, but it was weird because it was almost like the water was pouring down around something, rather than in a gush
    straight down. Jad noticed blood in the water, and I finally decided it was time to call the midwife pager.

    The midwife, Stephanie, called back in a minute or so (around 2:10). I told her what had happened and she told us to come on to the hospital. Time was going in slow motion for me and I had a very hard time making decisions. I knew I wanted to take a shower. I was a lot less hurried than Jad, who got dressed in seconds and was ready to go.

    I suddenly felt an incredibly strong urge to go to the bathroom, and in a high pitched, frantic voice, I told Jad to leave so I could do so, and that I couldn’t go to the hospital until I did.

    Jad left the room like I asked and went to ask Lisa about staying with the children while we went to the hospital. When Jad was with Lisa, I felt like I had no control over my bowels and that I had to push hard. I did so, and I started to scream loudly I am sure because of pain, but mostly because I felt something very large start to emerge from my body. It scared me to death.

    Immediately reacting to my scream, Jad ran into the bathroom. I didn’t know this at the time, but he saw the crown of Kamren’s head, with all its dark hair. While I was continuing to scream loudly enough to wake the neighbors, he started to run the bath water. I remember wondering why he felt the need to do that. He later said it was because he thought I might be able to have the baby in the bathtub.

    As I was screaming, I continued to push because that was all my body wanted to do, and Jad started to yell for my cousin to come help us. She told us later she was really scared and didn’t know what to do at first. She heard Rigel wake up and decided to calm him down as she determined she could do the most good with him.

    Very soon, Jad saw Kamren’s head in its entirety. At this point, I knew for a fact I was going to have my baby right then in my bathroom. I was so afraid, and I kept crying out ‘’My baby, my baby.”  I really had no idea what would happen to him or me once he was born.

    At this point, Jad, who was also quite scared, came to me as he was calling my mom, who didn’t answer. It turns out that my mom’s phone got a voicemail with me screaming ‘My baby, my baby.’ She didn’t notice it until later. I am kind of afraid to listen to it even now.

    Though I have no recollection of how often I pushed, I apparently pushed one more time, and once Jad saw the beginning of his shoulder, the baby fell quickly out of my body at 2:15 AM. (To get some perspective, everything that happened after the midwife called up until the birth happened in only five minutes.)

    In an instant I saw my baby’s head looking up at me in between my legs in the bloody toilet bowl. He let out a little cry and I lost it. I think I was nearly hyperventilating as I screamed over and over again, “Oh my God.” I had to pray
    to Heavenly Father later to apologize for using his name in vain.

    You may wonder how the baby ended up head up in the toilet, rather than head down. Jad said when he came out, his body slid up the contour of the bowl and then the bottom half of his body fell in the water.

    While I was freaking out, Jad immediately took Kamren out of the bowl. He noticed that the umbilical cord was tugging at his belly button, and realized the placenta had also emerged already. He lifted up the placenta out of the toilet and placed it on top of the baby. He took Kamren, along with the placenta to the bathtub to clean up his eyes and nose. Blood was dripping all over the place, so much so that we later compared our bathroom to a murder scene.

    I screamed out that we needed to call 911. Jad did so, but soon got frustrated and said the call wasn’t going through. He said, “I’m dialing 919. Why isn’t it working!?” Though that seems funny now, it wasn’t at the time, and I frantically said, “No, it’s 911!”

    I ended up dialing 911 while Jad called my mom and told her to dial 911 and tell the operator that the baby was here. I found out later she had no idea the baby was born (she just thought I was in labor), but found out from the operator upon dialing 911.

    When the 911 operator answered my call, I worriedly told her that I had just had a baby in my house and didn’t know what to do.

    She asked for my address and then said to clean the baby’s nose and mouth, which Jad had already done.  Then she told us to wrap him in a clean, dry towel. I momentarily inwardly panicked because I didn’t have a clean dry towel near me and going out to the linen closet would be a messy ordeal. So, I chose my towel since I figured it was cleaner than Jad’s. We wrapped the baby in it and Jad cleaned off his nose and mouth again.

    The operator asked about the placenta and if I had delivered it yet. Since I had, she asked that it be wrapped up as well. Jad grabbed my nightgown off the floor without hesitation and wrapped the bloody glob in it.

    Next she told Jad to find a shoelace to tie around the umbilical cord, about six inches from the baby’s belly button. She said not to pull on the placenta. Luckily, our closet was right by the bathroom. Jad handed me the baby for the first time and then grabbed a shoelace out of one of his nice church shoes.

    The operator told me to stay on the line with her until the ambulance came. At this point, Rigel had calmed down, so Lisa decided to come over to the bathroom to see if we needed help. She said as she walked into our bedroom, she could smell the blood and expected a mess to say the least.  I don’t remember us saying much, just kind of looking at each other with little, weak smiles. I’m glad she didn’t look freaked out. She actually thought I looked great for just having had a baby and that she felt comfort that all would be well with us.

    Jad asked Lisa to unlock the door so the EMTs could come in when they arrived.

    A couple minutes later, two men walked into my bathroom. Imagine how you would react seeing a bathroom covered in blood. I thought of that and apologized for the mess, also being embarrassed about being mostly naked sitting on a toilet seat. One of them said it was okay and that these things happen. I think I felt a little better after that.

    Just then, a couple women came with a wheelchair and other equipment. They asked me to sit down in the chair. They understood my embarrassment at standing up without pants, so they had a blanket ready to wrap around me, thank goodness. I gave Kamren back to Jad, which I am sure I didn’t like doing, and sat in the chair. I was wheeled down the hall and carried down the stairs. That was kind of scary.

    On the front porch was a stretcher. Somehow I was put on it and rolled to the ambulance, but all I remember thinking was, are my neighbors peeking out their windows looking at me right now? At the time, it seemed like there was more than one ambulance, but Jad told me later there was only one, just that the red light was reflecting off the truck. I must have been really out of it.

    I didn’t know this, but Jad told me that they put an oxygen mask on Kamren as Jad carried him to the ambulance.

    When I was put in the ambulance, I told the EMTs we needed our bags. I am glad I said that or otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten any pictures of the beginning of Kamren’s life. While all this was happening, my mom, brother and sister had hopped in the car and driven to Mebane. They followed the ambulance from Sheetz to the hospital.

    On the way to UNC Hospital, I held Kamren close while one of the male EMTs rubbed him vigorously with warm towels. I remember being worried about him. He was so blue/gray and not moving much. I was glad whenever he let out a little cry.

    The EMTs monitored my baby’s little heart and took my blood pressure. One of them tried to put an IV in my hand, which hurt terribly, but then after all that, he was unsuccessful. I was irritated about that. I wish he had just asked me where a good vein was.

    Other than that moment of slight annoyance, I think I was pretty much in a daze. Jad said he was feeling really happy everything was okay. He actually videotaped our trip to the hospital.

    When we got there, I was rolled to a room. I remember feeling very unsafe on the stretcher and held on very tightly to my baby.

    When we got to the room, a nurse took Kamren and put him under a warming lamp. I was given the task of moving from the stretcher to the hospital bed, which was actually very difficult.

    I was in a lot of pain, especially in my back and my lower abdomen. It also hurt terribly to get sewn up, even after getting numbed with the huge needle. I don’t think the numbing process even helped. I said “ow” way more than I wanted to. This was the first time I felt myself being sewn up after having a baby.

    During this whole experience, I am sure I wanted to cry. I never did, though, until after I was already in the hospital. I don’t remember exactly when it was, but I know it was during a time when it was quiet and Jad, my wonderful husband and hero, was standing next to me.

    It was so nice of my mom, brother and sister to come to the hospital to make sure Kamren and I were all right. They stayed for a little while to get some details about the birth and to see the baby.

    After I was put in my recovery room, Jad left for a while. His clothes were all bloody and he wanted to clean the bathroom (and other effected areas) and take a shower.

    Jad was in the middle of cleaning vigorously when Casey woke up that morning.  Lisa had a note ready for him saying I had had the baby. She spoke to him about it, and he didn’t believe Kamren was here because in Casey’s mind he was supposed to be born the following Sunday. It took some convincing, but finally he believed Lisa. I am sure he was excited, because when he first met Kamren, and held him, he was totally in love with him. It was so sweet to see them together.

    After the adventure I had early Sunday morning, my two days in the hospital were pretty normal. I enjoyed ordering as much hospital food as I wanted (the milkshakes were fabulous); I visited with family; I cuddled and nurtured my little one, who was safe and mostly healthy; and I reflected often on the blessings of the whole experience:

    1. Jad was home for the labor. Many of you know that he works out of town three days a week. Had he not been home for the delivery, I don’t know how I would have made the appropriate phone calls, and done all the procedures while holding the baby, especially since I had just had a very traumatic experience.
    2. My cousin, Lisa was there. Because she was at my house, we didn’t have to worry about what to do with the
      children. She was able to take care of them for us, for which we will always be grateful.
    3. Casey didn’t wake up when I was screaming. I think he would have been traumatized had he heard me, and even more so had he come to the bathroom and seen anything. Rigel did wake up, but Lisa was able to get to him and calm him down so he didn’t know what had happened.
    4. My labor was short. Because it was so short, my pain was also short. I think because of not having an epidural, my recovery has also been much faster this go around.
    5. We did not rush to the car. It was a great blessing I was a little indecisive about whether to go to the hospital,
      or what to do, because if we had rushed, I would have had the baby in the car.
    6. I felt birth for the first time. I got an epidural with my other two boys, and though I probably would do so again
      if I had the choice, I feel blessed that I was able to experience natural childbirth.
    7. I don’t remember the pain. I remember how it felt to push him out. I remember the shock and fear of it all. I do not remember how painful it was. I know it was excruciating because of how loud my screams were, but I do not remember feeling the pain.
    8. Kamren didn’t fall head first into the toilet. It didn’t make sense that he didn’t go head first since he was
      delivered head first. I believe that this was not an accident, but divine hands led him safely out.
    9. We made it to the hospital. I am so glad the ambulance came so quickly and that Kamren and I were able to be
      transported safely and healthy enough.
    10. Kamren didn’t have any really bad injuries. He did have a large bump on his head from the pressure, very
      bloodshot eyes from ruptured blood vessels (again from the pressure), bruising on his face, and some jaundice, but he had no broken bones or anything that caused the pediatrician major concern.
    11. Jad and I got this new respect and love for each other. We looked at each other with so much love after we made it to the hospital. To me, he was a hero, and to him I was. I love my husband so much and I am so glad that he and I were able to share this miracle together.
    12. We will always have a very special memory, one of love, survival and faith. Kamren will always be our miracle.

    “God was with you that day,” said my friend, Maria. She was right. I know that, just as I know He is with us every day. It was only refreshed in my mind from that experience. I was in the less than 1% of women who have unplanned home births. Why me? I don’t know, but I will always be grateful.

     

     

     

  • Mommies, what matters?

    A friend of mine asked on Facebook yesterday, “Mommies, what matters?”

    She said that one of her friends was told she was a bad mother because her kids wear hand-me-down clothes.
    Everyone who responded to this post completely disagreed with the thought. I am not surprised we all disagreed, but then I thought about it some more.

    First off, I am not planning on judging the person who made this comment. If you think about it, the world in which we live is obsessed with money and having the newest, best stuff. Often our feelings of self-worth are impacted by how we look, what we have, and how much money we make.

    Kids, especially teenagers, are really bombarded with this false reality. They get teased for how they are dressed, or for really anything about them that isn’t defined by their peers as cool. Perhaps that is why this person told this mother she was a bad mother. Who knows?

    Teasing is always going to be an issue. It will be hard to stop it. However, I know that we can raise our children in a way that teasing and bullying will not bother them. They will know who they are, how special they are, whose opinions really matter, and what things make a difference in their lives.

    How do we do this? Well, there are many experts who have their own opinions. I personally use the expertise of the one who created us. I use the scriptures, the word of God.

    How should I react when someone treats me badly?

    Matthew 5:44 – But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.

    Luke 6:35 – But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.

    This is something all of us can do, whether we are a child getting teased, a mother being insulted, etc. Praying for someone who has hurt us can bring a lot of peace, for instead of hatred or bitterness or fear, we can feel compassion and mercy. We can feel the love that God has for that person, regardless of behavior.
    They think they are better than me because I don’t have what they have. Is that true?

    Matthew 5:45 –  …for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

    Acts 10:34 – Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons.

    Proverbs 22:2 – The rich and poor meet together: the Lord is the maker of them all.

    Regardless of earthly wealth and prestige, each of us is a child of God. He created all of us. God loves everybody unconditionally with a love we cannot even fathom, whether we follow Him or not.

    Is having the best stuff and looking the best really what makes people happy? Is it what we should want? Does it define who we are?

    1 Samuel 16:7 – But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

    Proverbs 22:1 -A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.

    Matthew 6:19-21 –  Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

    1Timothy 6:10 –  For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

    Doctrine and Covenants 18:10 –  Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.

    The Lord counsels against the love of money, favor, and physical appearance. What matters is the richness of one’s soul and heart.

    If having lots of money and things aren’t important, what is?

    1Timothy 6:11 – But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

    Matthew 6:33 –  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

    John 14:6 – Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

    Just as Jesus said in Matthew 6, lay up treasures in Heaven. This life is short. We can’t take our money, nice clothes, and fancy electronics with us. Our character, our faith, our love, our knowledge, we can take with us. As we try to be like Jesus and follow His perfect example, we will be blessed. What really matters is outlined beautifully in the beatitudes (Matthew 5:3-12). Any blessing the Lord gives to us is infinitely more valuable than anything we can acquire on earth.

    Based on all this, “Mommies, what matters?”

    Mosiah 4:14-15 – And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness. But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.
    3 John 1:4 – I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth

    Isaiah 54:13 –  And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

    Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live…Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).

    J.KNOWLES HARE Lithograph-DEAR TO HER HEART-Mother Hugging Child
    My final thought is that only God needs judge if we are good mothers or not. It is not our place to worry about others’ choices. We need only worry about ourselves and what we teach our children by word and example.
    Mommies, you are doing better than you think you are. God loves you. He is on your side. He is with you. He trusts you with His precious children. May we all follow the word of the Lord as we teach our children in the way they should go.

  • Parenthood: Change for the harder, but truly for the better

    My name is Mandy. I am 29 years old and I am the mother of three boys ranging from almost 1 to almost 9.

    I am not going to lie to you – there are days when I just want to fold into myself and cry. Life as a parent is really hard.

    Despite this, I loving being a mom, and I even want to have more kids. Am I crazy for wanting this? I don’t think so.

    silly boys

    Yes, things change when you become a parent, many times for the harder, but with all my heart I say, not for the worse. Let’s talk about some of those difficult changes. I promise that with all of these difficulties come blessings. See if I am right after you keep reading about my life.

    Cleanliness of the Home… and the people in it

    I am someone who loves a clean, organized house. At this time in my life, it is pretty far from that description. At the end of any given day, there are toys strewn all over the floor, crumbs comparable to the sands of the sea under the kitchen table, kids with food stains all over their clothes and faces, and an at least one pile of laundry  spilling off the couch.

    It doesn’t only seem this way, but it is true, that my husband or I clean up and five minutes later there is another mess. Sometimes we think, why clean at all? Then we face reality and start cleaning, often after the kids are in bed.

    What could be good about this? Well, I can be grateful that I have food to feed my kids. Crumbs show they are fed. I can be grateful my kids have toys so they can have fun and play together. I can be grateful that my kids are curious and want to touch everything. This means they are learning.

    I used to apologize every time someone would come over to my house and it wasn’t perfectly clean. I have learned over time that true friends and loving family are coming over to see my family and me, not my clean house. They understand, and they usually want to help.

    A friend of mine told me about a wall plaque that says, “Yes, we do live here.” I love that. It’s not just that we sleep in this house either, but it’s that we have joy here. We live in our house, and happily so. That is what makes it a home.

    Physical Appearance

    There have been times in my life when I have been really concerned with how I looked. I wanted to make sure my makeup, hair and clothes all looked fabulous. I wanted to look great all the time.

    Having kids changed this for me. Hey don’t get me wrong, I don’t all of a sudden want to be smelly and gross. It’s not like that. I still have a desire to look good, and I have even had self-confidence issues due to my weight after having kids. However, I no longer make the way I look my top priority. I am not going to lie – sometimes I don’t take a shower until noon or later. I only put on makeup and fix my hair if I have time, but mostly just when I go to church or spend the day out. I don’t wear fabulous clothes that often either, but that is probably smart. I would have spit up, snot and food all over them at the end of the day anyway.

    Not focusing so much on my physical appearance has helped me in many ways. I have learned to see myself as more than my outward appearance. My insides – my character, my mind, my spirit – have become so much more important to me.

    I have learned to put others’ needs before my own. I do this by making sure my kids have the clothes they need, that their faces and hands are clean, that their noses are wiped, that their bums are clean. Putting others before myself has made me happier and more humble than ever before.

    The icing on the cake is that there is no better smell than freshly washed baby. It is beyond heavenly.

    Privacy and Free Time

    Once you have kids, you are really lucky to go to the bathroom on your own or sit down and eat a meal peacefully.

    When you are on the phone, your kids are the loudest and craziest. When you want a quiet moment with your spouse, your kids run in and jump all over you. When you think you might be able to get a nap, your baby wakes up from his nap just as your head hits the pillow.

    Not only do you have little privacy as a parent, you also have very little free time. I know I go all day every day because my kids always need something. Each day I look forward to when the kids go to sleep so I can relax a little. Earlier in the day, when the little ones nap, assuming they actually nap at the same time, I have to make a choice. Do I catch up on chores, take a nap, or do something fun like watch a movie? Actually, I usually choose to do something responsible, like pay bills or work on a lesson.  All this work can be really tough because I still have hobbies and interests and friends.

    This concept of less free time and privacy has taught me many things. I have learned to multitask and to survive on less sleep. I have been able to see what in my life isn’t important and get rid of it.

    I have pondered on what is the most important. There are many things that are important in my life. Some I have time to do now; others will have to wait. What I do know, though, is there is nothing more precious than my time with my husband and my kids. So, though I don’t get a lot of time alone, that time alone I would not cherish as much as my time with those I love most.

    Romance

    When you have kids, you are really busy. They take up most of your time. Even when you and your spouse are both at home with the kids, there is always a never-ending list of things to do. By the time the kids are all in bed, quite often my husband and I are exhausted. We have struggled with having enough time together to keep our marriage strong.

    We are still working on this, but a good thing that has come from it is that we are planning things to do with each other. We have goals we are working on. It has been rewarding to talk together about what we want and need, and how to do that. It is helping our communication.

    We want to be married forever, so we know we have to keep our marriage at the forefront. We want to, but we also know our kids aren’t going to be living with us forever.

    Sometimes we have moments when we look at each other and just smile with love and adoration. Those moments come when we see each other loving, playing with, and teaching our children, and when we see our children do something amazing that touches us to the core.

    We recognize for a few short years we may not have as much time together, but we are growing in love and adoration for each other each day as we see each other develop into a better spouse because of trying to be a better parent.

    Sleep

    I mentioned sleep earlier, but it merits mentioning again. Reasons for staying up late and the definition of sleeping in change drastically when you are a parent. It is rare you stay up late for fun. You instead stay up late so you can clean the house, do other chores, and possibly spend a little time alone, or with your spouse. The amount of sleep you get changes too. Eight hours? What’s that? Try five or six hours – and those five or six hours often are interrupted.

    Through enduring this difficult challenge for so long, I find I don’t need as much sleep as I used to. I can feel totally fine on way less than eight hours of sleep, on the good fortune that it is uninterrupted. I also feel way more grateful for sleep than I ever used to. Naps are a luxury and a good night’s rest a reason to celebrate.

    Timeliness

    When you have kids, it is a huge struggle to get anywhere on time. It doesn’t matter what time of the day it is or when you started getting ready. It seems like right before we go somewhere, someone either needs a diaper change, needs to go potty, has forgotten something, or just isn’t cooperating.

    That is my life. I have found that I am most impatient and yell at my kids the most when I am in a hurry. Sometimes it is due to my lack of preparation, but most of the time it’s just the way it is.

    I am still trying to master the skills I am learning from this. I do think surviving on less sleep helps sometimes. What I really need to work on is my temperament. I need to be more patient. I need to be more compassionate. I need to keep my voice gentle. These skills would be helpful in so many aspects of my life, and this is an avenue for me to develop those skills.

    I also have learned that being a little late or exactly on time won’t make the world end. Life will go on. Do I want to care more about getting somewhere on time, or about how my kids feel about me when life gets tough? I know that the way I act in these situations is how they will act in those situations.

    Noise

    Peace and quiet doesn’t really exist in a house full of kids. Kids use their imaginations very loudly. My toddler imitates just about everything we say, in his adorable and LOUD voice. My baby cries when one of his brothers knocks him over by accident, or when he really doesn’t want to take a nap or be spoon-fed. My two oldest like to pretend to fight each other, but they also really just don’t get along sometimes. Expressing that frustration is very noisy and whiny.

    The only times it is really quiet are when the kids are asleep. To get some peace, sometimes as parents, we must get away – a quick trip to Wal-Mart for me, washing the car for you, an occasional date for us. You know what the funny thing is, though? After a date with my husband, or after going out on an errand without the kids, I welcome the noise with open arms. I always miss the laughter and the craziness, even after a few hours.

    Focus/Thoughts

    Ever heard of mommy brain? It’s real. Because of increased stress and lack of sleep, many times we moms are inarticulate, forget where our stuff is, forget what we are talking about while we are talking about it, forget regular vocabulary, go into a room having no idea why – wait, what am I talking about?

    Are there good things about this? Perhaps other people learn to be more patient with us? I do know I have learned to laugh at myself more. It also keeps me humble, which is always a good thing.

    Budget

    With kids come extra reasons to spend money: food, clothing, diapers, toys, school supplies, field trips, gifts for holidays and birthdays, etc., etc., etc. What might have been spent on concerts or new clothes now goes to caring for your children. Honestly, I see this as a great blessing. Having to think more about what we spend money on has helped us purge out unneeded expenses. It is also so rewarding to pay for a field trip, knowing my child will have fun and learn. Buying clothes for my kids, especially the little ones, is so enjoyable. I also love buying toys and books for my children in anticipation of their excited, lit up faces.

    Food and Entertainment

    I have noticed that the food I eat, the music I listen to, the movies and shows I watch, the books I read, the activities I do outside of the house, are so different than they used to be. When we go to restaurants as a family we make sure there is a good kids’ menu. I watch a lot of Pixar, Disney and Dreamworks. I read books with pictures far more often than I read novels. I listen to whatever my kids want to listen to over, and over, and over. My kids use my phone more than I do it seems, playing games or watching clips from “Frozen” on YouTube. When planning family activities, or family
    vacations, my husband and I focus on what our kids will enjoy.

    Do I miss my old forms of entertainment? Sometimes, but not really. A lot of the stuff I used to watch, read and listen to wasn’t uplifting, and sometimes inappropriate. As far as activities go, sometimes I do wish my husband and I could go swim with dolphins or do a romantic dinner cruise, but we know there will be a time when we can go on vacations alone. Periodically we will, but we know right now, our first priority is making sure our kids enjoy their childhood. What an amazing responsibility. It is one I hold dear.

    Pain

    There are very few times in life we voluntarily go through pain. Any woman who decides to be a mother goes through some of the most intense pain she will ever go through as she bears her children. Many mothers, including myself, keep on having kids even after going through nine months of discomfort and then intense labor/delivery pains. Some mothers also go through grave emotional stress and depression after having children.

    Do you know why we do it? I don’t know about all mothers, but as for me, as soon as I hold my baby in my arms for the first time, I forget all about the pain I just went through. I forget about everything but the overwhelming love I have for my little angel from Heaven.

    Another thing happens as we have kids. We see them go through pain – emotional and physical. When babies get hurt or are upset, what calms them down? Mommy nursing them or cuddling them. When toddlers get a booboo, what do they say through their little tears? They say, “Kiss it, Mommy.” When you kiss it, they know it is all better.

    When our older kids go through bullying, or not understanding their worth, it is up to us to stand up for them, to help them know just how precious they are.

    Enduring pain with our children helps our family grow in love. We know we can do anything as long as we have each other.

            *************************************************

    These are just a few of the major ways having kids makes life harder. I hope I convinced you that these harder things are actually for our good.

    There is so much more, though! There are so many things about parenthood that are nothing short of amazing. Let me highlight some of those!

     

    We get more excuses to act like kids.
    We come together as an extended family to celebrate our kids.
    We get to see ourselves in our kids.
    We find many more opportunities for laughter.
    We get to share our talents with our kids.
    We are surrounded by cuteness all the time.
    We get and give a lot more kisses.
    We always have great stories to tell.
    We find more reasons to be creative.
    We rejoice in our children’s accomplishments.
    We find joy in the small things.
    We get to see little imaginations at work.
    We get to make special one-on-one memories to strengthen our bonds.
    We get to see our children grow in love towards each other.
    Most importantly, we find divine purpose and ultimate joy in the journey.

     

    God, our Father, has entrusted precious little ones to our earthly care. To
    them may we teach prayer, inspire faith, live truth, and honor God. Then we
    shall have heavenly homes and forever families. For what higher gift could we
    wish? For what greater blessing could we pray? None!
    Thomas S. Monson

     

    You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today’s world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms.

    Neal A. Maxwell

     

    For these, and countless other reasons, my greatest joy and calling in life is being a parent. Even at the end of those days when I want to cry, I am blessed beyond compare. I really do hold tomorrow in my arms, and there is nothing more magnificent or valuable in all the world.
    boys