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Tag: children

  • A Teaching Moment with a Slash

    Sunday afternoon was pretty quiet. The boys had just finished watching some gospel-oriented shows while Jad and I took a little nap on the couch. Then, Casey and Rigel went upstairs.

    Casey came downstairs not long after, and told me that Rigel was making a card for his friend (we’ll call him Bob) that had his friend’s brother’s name (we’ll say his name is Will) on it crossed out. That didn’t sound good, so I went upstairs to talk to Rigel.

    I asked him what he was doing, and he didn’t admit to anything. I then turned over the papers and saw the drawings. I told him to come into my room so we could talk.

    He sat on the bed with me, and I stayed calm as I asked him why he had done that. Rigel explained that Will isn’t nice to him. I said I was sorry about that, and asked for examples of when he was mean. Rigel could only give one example from a while back, but said that Bob says Will is mean at home.

    Staying calm, I explained to Rigel that we don’t judge others based on hearsay.  I tried to tell him there are always two sides (or more) to every story, and we should base our judgments solely on how someone treats us directly. I also gave the suggestion that maybe Will was mean that one time because he was jealous of Rigel’s and Bob’s strong friendship.

    If that weren’t the case, and Will really was being a bully, I made sure Rigel understood that just because someone may be a bully to us, that doesn’t give us a right to be a bully back. If we don’t like being bullied, why would we try to make others feel the way we hate to feel?

    As part of our conversation I asked, “Would Jesus draw what you drew, Rigel?” He sighed and said “no.” I explained that Jesus would try to love and understand that person, and if He had a problem or concern with him, He would approach him and respectfully express it in hopes of reconciling.

    I also felt the need to talk to Rigel about family. Bob and Will are brothers – pulling them apart is not good for either one of them. To illustrate my point, I wrote Rigel’s name on the paper and crossed his name out just as he had done to Will’s name. I then asked him how he would feel if one of Kamren’s friends gave Kamren a card that looked like that. He admitted he would be sad, and I added that Kamren would be sad too.

    I reminded him that nobody in this world should be more important to him than his family. I want he, Casey, Kamren, and Eve to be close forever. I don’t want any of his friends to try to pull them apart, and I know that Bob’s mom doesn’t want anyone trying to pull her sons apart either.

    I asked Rigel what he could do that would help Will. He wasn’t sure what to say because he was uncomfortable playing with Will, so I told him that it didn’t have to include being around him if that was too hard right now. I then gave him the suggestion to pray for him, to wish him well, and to encourage Bob to be close to Will, even if he might never be.

    Rigel seemed to understand what I was saying, and we ended our conversation with me snuggling him, and telling him how much I loved him and what a good, loving boy he was. It was a special moment, and I am grateful I had the opportunity to influence him for good.

    That’s what parenting is all about. I hope I can continue to have these calm, sweet teaching experiences with my children.

    *Click here for a conversation I had with Casey about bullying four years ago.

     

  • Must They Grow Up?

    As the thunder roared and shook our house Sunday night, my husband went to check on our little Eve, who is two months shy of turning two years old.

    She was, as he suspected, frightened by the storm. He lovingly brought her to our bed, snuggled with her for a bit, and then left her to fall asleep peacefully.

    This is actually a photo of her sleeping in our bed a few nights before. She was sleeping in nearly the same position Sunday night too.

    As we went upstairs later to get ready for bed ourselves, I asked soon Jad if he wanted to put her back in her bed. He was sitting next to her on the bed just staring at her, and said that he just wanted to enjoy her for a while longer because these moments wouldn’t last forever.

    I don’t know why, but his comments hit me like a ton of bricks. I got emotional to the point that I started weeping.

    Eve is my fourth, and most likely last, child. She is my only daughter, and the love I have for her is indescribable.

    All of my babies have been like therapy for me – their softness, their innocence, their playfulness, their hilarious idiosyncrasies – everything about them brings me to life.

    I guess it hit me in that moment that all the things I love about having babies would someday be going away, never to be replaced by the appearance of another little one.

    I cried and cried for a while. I couldn’t explain it, but I did ask Jad, “What if when she grows up, she doesn’t remember? What if she doesn’t love me the way she does now? What if we don’t have the bond we do now? What if she never realizes all that I have done for her and how much I love her?”

    At that moment, I caught a glimpse of what parents of adult children may go through sometimes, and I appreciated my parents even more. They loved me so much that they raised me from infancy to adulthood. There is very little love that comes close to the love of parents for their children.

    Another thought came to me the next day – that even though I cherish each moment with my squishy, perfect, baby girl, if she stayed young forever I would miss out on so much. I would never get to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her, or comfort her when she had a bad day, or give her advice about a hard situation. I would never be able to teach her how to read, how to cook, or how to flirt with boys. I would never be able to help her make and grow her testimony of Jesus Christ. I would never be able to see her marry her sweetheart or have a baby of her own. I would never be able to truly have a best friend in her, which is what I  want more than anything.

    I took these photos of her Monday morning as all my thoughts were still fresh in my mind. She looked so beautiful to me in those moments.

    I am still struggling with the idea of her growing up. She brings a joy to our family I could never describe. She is absolutely perfect for me, and for our family, from her hair, to her smile, to her love of cleaning,to her interesting food choices, to her sassiness. We can’t imagine life without her.

    A part of me really wishes she could stay little forever, and then another part of me is excited for the future. As I sit here typing with a stray tear rolling down my cheek, I am mostly sad about the idea, but I know that it will be okay. God will fulfill that part of me in other ways, and I will be able to help raise my beloved daughter into the young woman she has the potential to become.

    My dearest Eve, if you ever read this, just know that you are one of my greatest gifts and joys. I look forward to our years together.

  • Savior, May I Love My Brother (And Sister)

    Sometimes we hurt. We have feelings of loneliness, frustration, confusion, embarrassment, defeat, or ostracism, all wrapped up in a bow of harsh judgments.

    It is heart-wrenching, and it leads to headaches, depression, and lots of crying.

    Sometimes the tears are from those who have been wronged, and sometimes the tears are from those who were judged harshly of doing wrong when they meant no harm.

    I have found more and more that Satan doesn’t just prey on us, tempting us to sin. No, quite often, he feeds on our emotional weaknesses, tempting us to be overly offended, unforgiving, critical, and on the other side, so downtrodden and defeated that we can’t shine our light anymore.

    The latter strategy of Satan is growing in intensity, and it is so sly and brilliant of him, seeing as how the two greatest commandments are about love – loving God, and loving each other, including ourselves:

    Mark 12:30-31And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

    And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

    Without love, there cannot be peace. Christ is the Prince of Peace. Satan wants to destroy our peace, and he is doing a good job of it, isn’t he?

    One of my favorite hymns at church is Lord, I Would Follow Thee.

    1. Savior, may I learn to love thee,

    Walk the path that thou hast shown,

    Pause to help and lift another,

    Finding strength beyond my own.

    Savior, may I learn to love thee–

    Lord, I would follow thee. 

    2. Who am I to judge another

    When I walk imperfectly?

    In the quiet heart is hidden

    Sorrow that the eye can’t see.

    Who am I to judge another?

    Lord, I would follow thee.

    3. I would be my brother’s keeper;

    I would learn the healer’s art.

    To the wounded and the weary

    I would show a gentle heart.

    I would be my brother’s keeper–

    Lord, I would follow thee.

    4. Savior, may I love my brother

    As I know thou lovest me,

    Find in thee my strength, my beacon,

    For thy servant I would be.

    Savior, may I love my brother–

    Lord, I would follow thee.

    This song is all about loving and serving our fellow brothers and sisters, and thus loving, following and serving our Lord.

    This song always brings the Spirit into my heart. It is Truth. This is how we need to be to be like Him.

    There is a reason why the Lord loves the little children so much, why He taught us to be like them. It is because they love unconditionally. That love doesn’t change when you make a mistake or when you hurt their feelings. That love is strong and constant, and they are always discerning of how you feel, wanting to make you feel better. They hug and kiss with such tenderness that you are certain that they love you – you never have to second guess. They also want to make things right when they hurt you – they don’t blame you for their wrongdoings. They genuinely want you to be pleased with them, and so they apologize and try to be better.

    We all need to be like that. It is really hard, though, because our natural selves want to be right, want justice, want others to be hurt the way we have been hurt, and don’t like apologizing or finding out truth beyond our own perspectives.

    I know this can be overcome. This is the best way to become like Christ. This is how we attain true charity for one another.

    I have a long way to go to reach this too. I certainly am not perfect. But, I do try very hard to forgive and not hold grudges, even when it would be so easy and seemingly justified to do so.  For me, the way to get through these hurts has always been to try to see them as God sees them, and as they could be, not what a snapshot of their life has shown me.

    Back to me not being perfect. It has come to my attention that recently I offended some people by something I said in church. It breaks my heart to know that, and I am genuinely and deeply sorry. I can say with full sincerity that no offense or criticism was meant. It was just me following advice that though it worked well for some audiences, apparently did not work well for the one I was in. It was an ignorant misjudgment, but there was no ill intent. Again, I am sorry, and I would be more than happy to discuss it with anyone who was offended. I can promise you that your perceptions of that one moment are not who I am. I would give anything to take that moment back, but since I can’t, I want to make it right going forward. Please allow me that second chance. I would be so grateful to you.

    There are always two or more sides to a story, and the side of the person deemed as the offender often goes overlooked. Talking directly to the person who hurt you can help so much. The worst that can happen is that  that person doesn’t apologize or take responsibility, but the best that can happen is that wounds can be healed and friendships mended and strengthened. Since most of us are trying to live good lives and be good people, my hope would be that the best would happen more often than the worst.

    I have so much love in my heart for God and for my fellow brothers and sisters. I am a very tender-hearted person though, so my hurts run very deep, sending me sometimes into a depression. It takes me time to process and heal, and realize that I can rise above and be the person God knows I am. I am not my mistakes, whether they are intentional or unintentional. I am not unloved, though I may feel that way. Even if nobody else in the whole world loved me, my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ always will. The Holy Spirit loves me too – He is the one who brings that beautiful reminder to my heart.

    If you are like me and are feeling hurt, for whatever reason, I know that love is the answer. Love can be found in the teachings of Jesus Christ. Satan wants to win – he wants to steal your joy. Don’t let him. And don’t let him tell you that others are unworthy of your love either – everybody on this earth is worthy of love, even the most difficult and unkind people of all.

    My heart reaches out in love and pleading to any I have hurt. Please forgive me. I love you and I know God loves you. I know that we can make it through and find goodness in each other.

    Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive. Let us truly be our brother’s and sister’s keeper. It will change our lives and the world.

  • A Trip Just for Me

    My husband and I started an ecommerce business called PB and Apple Jelly a little over four months ago. It has been a ton of hard work with successes here and failures there, with a lot of learning and frustration in between.

    A little over a month ago, Fred Lam, the 29-year-old multi-millionaire entrepreneur who created the system we use to operate our store, announced that he would be choosing up to 25 people to come to an elite training in February to really scale up their businesses. It sounded great, and Jad and I thought it would be a good idea to fill out the application just in case. But, there were a lot of issues with the sign-up page, and we thought our opportunity was gone. Over a hundred people had already signed up before us, after all.

    But the page was fixed the next day and we were able to fill out the application and sign up for a phone interview. Long story short, the phone interview went very well, and the elite member I interviewed with said he was very impressed with our story and our store and wanted us to have the opportunity to go to this workshop. It would come with a cost, though. It was a BIG cost.

    I talked to Jad about it, and with thought, prayer, and reflection on what it really takes to make a business grow, we decided to go for it. There were preparations to be done. As the day drew upon us for me to leave the kids, it was really hard for me. I was afraid to drive to Maryland by myself, and I was worried about how Eve would do since I had never left her. I left my family on the morning of January 31 with many kisses and hugs, and got in the car to go to this Elite workshop.

    My day ended up being so wonderful. Here is my account:

    Today has been quite a day! I said goodbye to my babies and husband this morning so I could drive up to Maryland to do a four-day elite training workshop to help me scale up my little store. I hated saying goodbye to them, and I was very nervous about driving by myself up there, but Jad gave me a blessing and I found myself calm and at peace as I made the 4.5 hour trek.

    I decided to go to the Washington DC Temple before I headed to my hotel. I first spent some time in the beautiful visitors center where I got to watch two very spirit-filled videos about Oliver Cowdery and David Whitmer. Their stories are full of miracles and they truly had great missions to fulfill in the restoration of the gospel of Christ.

     

    Then I went to the temple. I was last there at my cousin’s wedding, but hadn’t done an endowment session there since I did my own in 2003. It was a very different experience being in such a huge temple, but everyone was so helpful. The beauty and spirit in the House of the Lord is unparalleled. I felt the presence of the Holy Ghost more strongly today than I have felt in a long time. I turned to a passage of scripture after my session that brought clarity to me, and gratitude. I didn’t want to leave the temple.

    I could have stayed there forever, but it was getting dark and I had to get to my hotel. Driving to Gaithersburg from Kensington was very scary. There was major traffic, blinding lights, and unfamiliar roads. I sang hymns all the way to the hotel and prayed in my heart that I would be safe. I was, and I am so grateful.

    I took a walk alone by the lake and shopping mall behind the hotel after checking in. It felt lonely, but I was able to reflect on my many blessings. I miss my family, but I know that this trip will be for my and my family’s good. I thank my Heavenly Father for His hand in my life.

    Here is the scripture I read in the temple:

    Mosiah 3:19 from the Book of Mormon: For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

    The part that stood out to me the most was ‘willing to submit to all the things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him…’

    The clarity came that I need to always submit to the Lord’s will, and accept and find peace in the trials that come my way instead of fighting them and being frustrated or impatient or downtrodden. If I am living righteously, then I must trust that all things that come my way, joyful or sorrowful, are for my benefit.

    It’s pretty cool to me that the hotel chosen for this training was a Marriott, and every Marriott hotel has a Bible and Book of Mormon in the bedside table drawer.

    I went to bed that night nervous about the next day, but filled with joy and peace. I made sure I made it to breakfast right at 8. There weren’t that many people there, but those that were already there told me about the assigned seats. I found my name tag, a notebook, and a white journal. I introduced myself to those there already, and we all admitted we were nervous and didn’t know what to expect. Breakfast was delicious. Finally, right before 9, Fred Lam came in. It was amazing to see him. He was a short man, but I knew how powerful he was.

    At the beginning of the day, after breakfast, an elite member named Jedi, got up and asked us to write down what was holding us back from being successful in our businesses. He told us to write in great detail and then rip it out of our books. Then he asked us to follow him outside. He had a bowl and asked us to put our papers in the bowl. He set the papers on fire. The ashes flew all around him and us, and then blew away with the wind.

    That exercise immediately helped us all calm down, find a way to connect with each other, and have the mindset that we can accomplish anything. Nothing can hold us back if we don’t let it.

    That first day was full of tons of hard work, and though we were supposed to be done by 5, most of us didn’t leave until almost 6. We were exhausted and overwhelmed.

    I was hungry and decided to get some dinner. I walked all around the huge strip mall behind our hotel, and found a diner. The food was delicious, but I knew I had to get back to work. So much for having relaxing evenings. Oh well.

    I won’t tell you about every single detail about every day because I know you don’t care. But, there are a few things I want to share that mean so much to me.

    I can’t remember exactly what day it was, but we were asked to write down our “perfect day,” a day that would exist when our businesses are thriving and money is no longer an issue. I surprised myself as I reflected and wrote. My perfect day looked very much like any other day. The difference was that Jad was with us, that we could do what we wished together without worrying about money, and that we could serve others around us, thinking first about their joy, and not about the financial burden. The end of my perfect day was Jad and I planning our family trip to Jordan. It amazed me just how much that means to me, to visit my husband’s homeland and have my children learn and appreciate the culture and history. That was my perfect day – not fancy vacations or going to the spa or shopping all day  – it was having a full, joyous day with the people I love most.

    Each day we had different motivational moments to help us get into different mindsets and know what is really most important to us. These moments were the smallest moments, but some of the sweetest.

    One day, we were shown an image with words starting at the bottom and going up. It read like this:

    Light=Reality

    Gravity

    Thought

    Feeling

    Acceptance

    I Am

    “I Am” refers to what I want for myself. The “Acceptance” is  knowing this can happen. The “Feeling” part is related directly to the “Thoughts.” If we think back to times where we had joy and prosperity, our thoughts will be positive and will weigh upon us so much that it can become our reality.

    This exercise, and others like it, were not religious in nature at all. In fact, most of our visuals and videos were incredibly scientific in nature, but each and every time, I thought of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. With this visual, I thought about the fact that “I am a daughter of God.” As I accept this, I know that with God nothing is impossible for me. When I thought of my most joyous moments, my thoughts went to the day my husband and I were sealed in the temple, and I thought about the day each of my babies were born. I felt the Spirit so strongly so often during my trip.

    On another day, we had to write why we really want to be successful in our E-Commerce business. Once we wrote that, we had to keep asking ourselves why the previous statement was important until we drilled down to the heart of our “why.”  This exercise was so important to me and to others in the group. As many of us shared, I got teary-eyed. We came from so many different backgrounds and experiences, but our final “whys” were so similar most of the time. We aren’t doing our businesses because of money, cars, or big houses. Most of us deep down want to help others or spend more time with who matters most.

    Here are my “whys:”

    1. We needed more money. It was my husband’s idea after great research. He prayed about it and felt good about it. I wasn’t on board at first, but because I trusted him, I prayed about it too. I felt good about it as well, so we started. I put so much work into it, I wanted to succeed.
    2. The previous statement is important to me because I have faith in answers to prayer and because I love my husband and family. I also do not like to fail.
    3. I believe in God and that He loves me and my family and wants us to be happy. I believe I was given talents and skills for a reason.
    4. God gives me purpose to my life and I know He has a plan for me.
    5. If He has a plan for me, then He will tell me what it is and I will need to follow it.
    6. God has already given me answers in my life because of how I have already been blessed and have been able to bless others.
    7. I am kind, compassionate, hard-working and service-oriented, and through this endeavor, I can bless more lives through my store, and through the funds we get, we can help the poor and needy by helping them find success and joy in their lives. I want my children to be involved in blessing others so they can be the best they can be.

    None of this is about the money. It is about fulfilling my mission on this earth. It is about being like Christ and bearing one another’s burdens.

    Jedi, our motivational speaker each day, presented to us a “power move” that he does when he gets an order. He asked us to do his with him, and it felt great. The next day, the last day, he asked us to come up and do ours. I never went up because if I were to do one, it would be very different than what he was looking for. I told a colleague later that night that if I were to do a power move, it would be me looking up and thanking my Heavenly Father for this blessing. I get my power from Him.

    This trip did so much for me. I needed it, and God knew that. I was able to:

    • Remember good points of my childhood as I passed Kings Dominion, Potomac Mills, and see the temple.
    • I was able to have a wonderful time visiting my brother, Aaron, on Saturday. We had dinner, saw The Greatest Showman, and talked. We laughed a ton, and also had many poignant conversations.

    •  I was able to really miss my family. It made me love them more.
    • I had time alone to focus and to reflect on my life. I didn’t do much vegging like I thought I would, but then, that wasn’t what I needed.
    • I was able to learn from the best of the best. Fred Lam was very down-to-earth, and so easy to talk to. He answered all my questions, was very encouraging and patient, and celebrated each person’s victories as they happened. I never expected him to call me a “Ninja,” compliment my store and my children, or give me a big hug the last night.

    • I saw goodness in myself as I always acknowledged everyone with a “Good morning” and a smile. I talked to and complimented the food staff and other staff as much as I could, always being grateful. I was very aware of that gift in myself, and I am so grateful for it. The smiles from everyone meant so much to me.

    • I made new friends and had so many valuable conversations. Sometimes it was just about the job – helping people with their ads, etc. But I also got to encourage others, talk about parenting, memories, and most importantly, Heavenly Father. I had so many opportunities to talk about faith with other people, and I absolutely loved the experience.
    • I felt the presence of the Holy Ghost so abundantly when I was gone. I read my scriptures twice a day and prayed more. I am sure that helped me a lot. And when we did meditation exercises, I was just filled with light. It permeated through my body as I thought about my family, my blessings, and about my loving Heavenly Father, and my Savior, Jesus Christ.

    Saying goodbye to everyone Sunday night before retiring to my room was so hard. I had met some absolutely wonderful people from all around the world, such as Australia, Dubai, Canada, Africa, and more. At my table all week were Scott, Relfe and Ricardo. I had some great heart-to-heart conversations all week with them. I also had some lovely conversations with others (like Julie, Michael, Sanja) about God, about parenting, how to find joy in your life, and more. I feel so incredibly blessed to have met all of these people. Many people came up to me, even those I hadn’t really talked to much, saying how much I inspired them and how my story, enthusiasm, and success bring them hope. It touches my heart so deeply to think that my actions and words could really affect others so much.

    Yesterday morning, I got up very early and left the hotel a little after 6AM. The parking lot was very icy and it was incredibly cold outside. It was nerve-wracking to leave in the dark in these conditions. But, I said a heart-felt prayer. For a long time while I was driving in the dark through the huge cities, I kept singing one song over and over. It has always been a favorite, but now it is my absolute favorite and has brought me so much peace. It is called A Child’s Prayer and goes like this:

    1. Heavenly Father, are you really there? And do you hear and answer every child’s prayer?

    Some say that Heaven is far away, but I feel it close around me as I pray.

    Heavenly Father, I remember now, something that Jesus told disciples long ago:

    ‘Suffer the children to come to me.’ Father, in prayer I’m coming now to thee.

     2. Pray. He is there. Speak. He is listening.

    You are his child. His love now surrounds you.

    He hears your prayer. He loves the children.

    Of such is the kingdom – the kingdom of Heav’n.

    This song may be written for children, but it applies to us all. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Heavenly Father is really there. I know he answers my prayers. I truly felt Heaven all around me on my trip. His love filled my heart and soul, and permeated from my body. I felt God’s love for me and for His children. He helped me truly love others that I just met, and helped me have an even greater eternal love for my husband and children.

    I think they felt it too, as we had a very sweet am emotional reuniting.

    This trip was for business. Its purpose was to help me become more successful in my store. It already has, and will continue to as I apply the new knowledge and resources I have. But, what is more important to me is how it has changed my heart and changed my life for the better. I pray I always remember this experience.

  • A Man I Want to Be Like

    Tears are streaming down my face. I haven’t blogged in quite some time due to having no time, but I have felt that I needed to write a little about President Thomas S. Monson. He was the beloved President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for nearly 10 years, until his spirit left his body on January 2, 2018.

    I am crying because I just watched a short clip about him and his life. I loved this man. I never met him, but I loved him. I loved his example, his teachings, his amazing stories, and his loving and fun personality. He lit up every room and brought a smile to anyone around him.

    Watch the video and read more about him so you can feel his love surrounding you. I truly believe that he loved all of God’s children, whether he met them or not, because he truly loved God.

    By now, most people have heard that the New York Times obituary for President Monson was very unkind and disrespectful. It did not emulate who he was at all, and members of the LDS faith have been very saddened and upset by this display. Many have signed a petition for an apology to be written – I have also signed it.

    But, something I want to say is that no matter what a journalist at the NYT thinks, no matter what anyone who reads that obituary thinks, it doesn’t change who this great man was. It doesn’t change the love that his friends, family, and church family feel for him. It does not change the fact that He was a humble, devoted, ever-faithful servant to His Heavenly Father and to His Savior, Jesus Christ. And it certainly does not change or affect his eternal destiny in any way.

    Our beloved President Monson has been reunited with his beloved Frances. He is continuing his work on the other side, and he is happy.

    I don’t believe that President Monson would want us to vilify this journalist, either. He would instead offer us this gentle reminder:

    Those of us who love him don’t have to worry. The Lord’s church will continue to roll forth, despite misconception, hate and lies. The Lord has already won, and we must remember what our Savior said in the Sermon on the Mount:

    Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Matt. 5:10.)

    It will be alright. I know it will. I know that as members of our faith truly live as Christ lived – humbly and obediently with love, mercy, compassion and forgiveness, that the true nature of our religion and those good men who lead and guide our church, will be brought forth to those who are searching and willing to hear.

    Take this example of President Monson and apply it to your own life. People may think unkind things of you. They may even persecute you, but always remember that God loves you no matter what. Remember that you have nobody to answer to except Him. You are a Child of God with individual worth, and a divine destiny to fulfil. Nobody you know, or don’t know, can take that away from you, even if they are powerful members of society.

    Thomas S. Monson’s legacy will live on, and his life will continue to touch others for many years to come. I pray that I can be half the person that he was, and still is.

    The last message he was able to give to the people of the church and the world was this:

    My family has always studied the Book of Mormon each night, but since April 2017, we have begun our study with a prayer. We know it has blessed our family, and we will continue to do it forever.

    I love and sustain those that the Lord calls to lead and guide His church, and I will strive to emulate their example. I will not let negativity take away the joy and peace I feel at President Monson’s memory, or anyone else who I revere.

    God be with you ’til we meet again, dear President Monson!

     

     

  • A Full Plate

    I think I am a “too much on my plate” kind of person. Is that crazy to say?

    I have been thinking about it, and even though people I care about tell me I do too much and need to slow down, I just can’t imagine myself ever doing that. I love to be busy, and I love to accomplish things. I love to help others, and I love to use my talents.

    If I have a prompting to bring someone a meal or to call someone, I do it. If someone asks me to help with something, I do it. If I have my own idea of something that would be fun or rewarding to do, I do it. If I feel bad that I haven’t done enough for someone or something, I do more.

    Why I am like that, I do not know. Sometimes I wish I weren’t like that because I am so stressed and tired so much of the time. When I am those things, I get more emotional too.

    But, I really think that God made me that way, to be someone who can persist, work hard, think on her feet, and go, go, go. I see it as a strength more than a weakness, even though it is really hard sometimes.

    I think of what I have chosen to put in my life beyond the obvious (husband, kids, friends, faith), and I can’t think of much I would want to take out. Singing in church choir, singing in Messiah in Mebane, babysitting or bringing meals to others, spending time with friends who need someone to talk to, directing a Christmas pageant, owning and operating a business, volunteering to speak and do a musical number at another church – these are things I wouldn’t go back and change or take out of my life. I see so many blessings from singing praises, doing service, and using the talents God has given me.

    I like to bring people together. I like to see people smile. I like to help others see their worth. I like to work to be better than who I am now.

    Jad and I were sitting in the backyard last night  drinking cocoa and watching the fire crackling, and I said, “Maybe our lives are supposed to be full of sacrifices to appreciate all that God has done for us.” Jad is just as busy as I am – we are both so busy, and we are trying to also spend as much time as we can with our kids and each other, keeping our eye on what matters most. That is hard in itself, but as we read scriptures as a family last night, we talked about how if we remember why we are on earth, and make our choices to help us be worthy to meet God again, we will be doing everything we should be.

    We aren’t perfect. Life is really hard, but I think that Jad and I are a great match of two people who add a lot to our plates, not so we can hoard all the goodness, but so we can share that goodness with others.

    We want to help anyone who needs it however we can. We feel called to do that. And we will do our very best each time.

    With all that being said, though, how do we get rid of the feelings of being insanely busy, too busy for a good night’s rest, too busy to keep a clean house, too busy to truly relax?

    Well, there must be things we can remove from our lives to help. The thought occurred to me that I can cut down on social media. That will help me pay closer attention to what is going on around me, and keep my mind clear. I deleted myself from some Facebook groups, that though they are well-meaning, take up way too much of my time.

    And then the other thought I had was to have weekly date nights with Jad. We are going to try to plan that somehow. We know that to feel better about our busy lives, we need more quality time together where we can really be ourselves and not worry about anything.

    So, we will probably make these small changes and that’s it! We feel that being super busy all the time is just our life. What we can change is how we handle it.

    Honestly, being busy is probably most people’s life, and it is hard for all of us! What is important to us will look different, just as what causes us stress will look different. Perhaps the best thing we can do is figure out if we are at a good busy, or just a busy for busyness’s sake busy, or a bad busy, and then make adjustments accordingly amidst sincere personal reflection. Sometimes that does mean removing a significant amount of things out of our lives or just learning to say “no.”

    I know that my family and God should be my top priorities, and if I do my best to serve my family, God, and His children, then He will help me endure all that I must go through in this life, whether it is a little stress or a heartbreaking trial.

    God gave us all gifts and talents for a reason, gifts that will bless those around us. We meet people for a reason. We are in the places we are at the time we are for a reason. Let’s focus on the reason, and our full plate will surely become a great blessing in our lives!

  • I may not be your friend right now, but I still love you

    Those of you who know me well know that I love people. I want to be friends with everyone I meet, and I do care what people think of me. I try to be honest, kind and service-oriented.  If you need anything, I will do my very best to help, and if I can’t, I feel bad about it and want to make it up to you. I am not perfect, but if I do something wrong, I will apologize.  The idea of someone thinking badly of me breaks my heart.

    I have many faults, but this is one area where I have strength.

    There have been a couple instances in my life where I have lost a friend. One I still don’t know why. I miss her and wish we could be friends again. I have reached out to her multiple times over the years without any type of explanation. It saddens me.

    In the other instance, I chose to end the friendship, at least temporarily. This person and I have been friends and have had great experiences together since we met several years ago. She said and did hurtful things multiple times in those years, but I always forgave her and moved on. However, a few months ago, she laid heavy accusations and unkind words at the feet of someone I love very much. This person was confused and upset by these accusations, and did not deserve them in any way.

    Due to this, I had to choose between one loved one and the other. I chose the one who was blameless, but said that if my friend would apologize and make things right, I would happily be her friend again.

    Unfortunately, since that time several months ago, this good friend of mine has said very unkind things about me on Facebook and to others. She has also contacted my husband many times with passive aggressive comments about me and my family.

    Most recently, she said that she forgave my loved one for what she did wrong. Perhaps this made me the most upset of all, as the whole reason why we stopped being friends is because she accused my loved one of doing something she absolutely did not do, and called her horrible names.

    I have tried very hard to forgive this person, and honestly, I want nothing more than to be her friend again. I love her, and I do think back to the wonderful interactions we have had, and the service we have rendered to one another. But, I can’t bring myself to be a friend with someone who thinks I am a hypocrite, talks about me behind my back, and continues to believe something about my loved one that isn’t true.

    Why am I telling you all this? Well, perhaps one of you have felt down-trodden due to something similar, where someone you care about has betrayed your friendship or trust, where someone puts hear-say or pride above truth and love.

    I feel for you. It is a horrible feeling. It is especially difficult when you cannot avoid that person’s presence.

    This whole situation eats at me, and I really want to make it right. Sometimes you can’t, though. When someone has made up her mind about you irrationally, what can you really do to change it?

    What I have to do is remember that the names I am called do not describe or define me. My conscience is clear and my intent true. I must defend what I know is right, and the ones I love.

    The Lord has commanded us to always forgive, and I will continue to forgive. This does not require me, however, to rebuild a relationship that will only cause harm to me.

    I felt that I must get this off my chest, and if any of my readers and friends needs to talk to someone about something similar, please feel free to contact me. I will do my best to listen and to reach out with love and encouragement.

    I do feel it is important for me not to condemn and judge this person with finality. I am still open to being her friend again, as I know that change can happen for anyone through the atonement of Christ. My door is always open if one chooses to knock gently.

    Each of us is a child of God and is of infinite value to Him. We all need friends and we all need love. We must choose our friends wisely, and for those who hurt us, may we pray for them and wish them understanding, comfort, and a softened heart.

    To this friend, I say that I love you, and have never stopped.  I am frustrated and hurt, but that can change if you wish it to.

  • A joyful but difficult year

    I remember the day I turned 22. It was only a couple months after my divorce was finalized, and a month after I had moved to North Carolina to live with my parents (along with my nearly 1-year-old son, Casey). At that point, I had been attending the LDS Singles Ward (congregation) in Chapel Hill, and had made a handful of friends. Some of them took me for ice cream that night, and I remember saying that I felt old being 22. As ridiculous as that sounds, I think I must have felt old because of all that had happened to me in my life up until that point.

    That year was one of the hardest of my life, trying to figure out who I was again, seeing where I fit in and who would accept me, and looking for the path that would lead me out of my current, difficult situation.

    I didn’t remember at that time that I was a beloved daughter of God, that He loved me no matter my circumstances, that I should be grateful for my experiences, and that I was indeed blessed. It took me a lot of time not to define myself by things I couldn’t control.

    I may have felt old at age 22, but since then, as I have aged, I haven’t concentrated on getting older, but rather, getting wiser.

    I am 33 today. Eleven years ago, I would have freaked out about turning this age. Honestly, though, these last 11 years have included some of the most important, difficult, and miraculous experiences of my life: finding an excellent job, dating and getting remarried, quitting the job I loved after having our first child together, having faith that my husband would survive a surgery that would remove a huge mass of his liver, buying our first house, bearing a son early and unexpectedly in the master bathroom at home, taking a leap of faith and taking steps for my husband to completely change careers by going back to school, and finally having our baby girl, though prematurely.

    Those are only some of the experiences I will never forget for the rest of my life that have happened in the last 11 years. I can’t express how much each of those experiences means to me. They have each strengthened my faith in Christ, and helped me remember how much God loves me, and how much His hand guides my life, and the lives of my family members.

    That being said, though, this past year has also been one of the hardest of my life. First, though, I must express how it has been one of the most joyful at the same time: I had the pleasure of planning for a baby girl to arrive in my home, and I got to deliver her, bond with her in the hospital, and then take her home and enjoy raising her. Eve has brought so much joy to our home, joy that we all truly needed. She has brought a tenderness to my boys that I didn’t realize they had.

    Why was year 32 so hard, then? Well, during pregnancy, I gained more weight than I ever have, while trying very hard not to do so. Since having Eve, I have tried to lose weight, and was successful in losing 20 pounds, only to find out I just gained nearly all of it back on vacation. It has been so hard for me to lose my baby weight, and I often feel so gross. My confidence has been low. For a while, I gained some confidence back after finding a clothing line I felt beautiful in. But then, I found myself buying way too much, and that turned into a temporary shopping addiction that I had to work really hard to overcome. Thankfully, I have.

    I also haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep at all this past year, not to mention I have also been busier than I have ever been in my life (hence why I never blog anymore). Having four kids is no joke, especially when you have two boys that fight all the time, and a baby girl, though precious, who wants you to hold her and give her attention all day long.

    Being busy and sleepy leads to more eating as a way to cope with stress, doesn’t it? Well, at least it does for me. I think that is why I am having such a hard time getting healthy again.

    I have been down quite a bit this year. I have never been one to be depressed. I am usually the type of person who is there cheering other people up and having a positive outlook on life. I can be that person still, but sometimes I find myself saying things I know aren’t true (like, I am the ugliest person on earth, for example) and I sometimes just cry and can’t deal with everything around me. Yes, life is hard right now.

    The good thing is, that in moments of peace and clarity, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that I will eventually get healthy again, as I always do. I know that as my kids continue to get older, that they will grow out of some very frustrating stages. I know that my husband loves me (even when I irrationally think otherwise), and that he will be there for me through it all. Most of all, I know what I learned years ago, that I am a beloved daughter of God, that He loves me and wants me to have joy.

    I pray that age 33 gets a little easier, but if it doesn’t, I know the Lord will help me endure what comes. I also know that through the lessons I learn, I can help others. I try to focus on the positives as much as I can. I have my beautiful family, my husband moving up in his career, loving friends and extended family, a good home and all the necessities of life, and most importantly, the gospel of Jesus Christ.

    If any of my friends or family is struggling right now, just know that though I am also struggling, I am here for you. I am always willing to lend an ear, a hand, or an embrace.

    Here is to another year. I look forward to what it will bring, good and bad. I know I can do anything with the Lord’s help, as can you.

  • Tender Mercies on a Trip

    A little over a month ago, we went on a little family vacation to Williamsburg, VA. We had a lot of fun, as we always do, but what will be most memorable to me this time, are the tender mercies of the Lord that we saw all throughout our trip.

    In case you don’t know what tender mercies are, Elder David A. Bednar, one of the twelve apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, defined them as thus:

    “…the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.”

    As I read that definition, tears came to my eyes at the love that my Savior has for my family and me. Some things just aren’t coincidences. Let me speak to you about some of the tender mercies we felt strongly on our last vacation:

    Friday, March 31

    Tire – One day before we left on vacation, Jad went to Sheetz to fill up the van tires with air. One of the tires was low on pressure. It was 7pm, and he was wondering if there was still time to get the tire checked out. He had a feeling something might happen. It was too late to take the van anywhere, but Jad made sure the spare tire was full of air. The next day, Jad had a feeling before we got to Virginia that something was going to happen with the car –  it had been running a little weird. When we got to a toll near Richmond, Jad had a sudden feeling that the tire would soon blow up. He drove slowly after the toll. Not even a minute after that, the left rear tire blew up. We were about 100 feet from a bridge. Jad drove slowly under the bridge and stopped. It was pouring down rain, so he was able to stay dry while putting the spare tire on. While we were stopped, I was able to nurse Eve in just the right amount of time. And we were actually quite close to a Sam’s Club, where we were able to get all of the tires replaced for a good price. We had lunch, looked around, and got some books, etc. with a gift card we got as a deal for replacing all four tires. We were at Sam’s for a long time, but everything worked out.

    Bounce House – There is a fun bounce house place in Williamsburg.  The kids were having a blast. We had brought the baby carrier in to make it easier to carry Eve around. Jad volunteered to carry her around. At one point, he went to sit down in a plastic reclining chair. The chair must have had a crack in it, because he suddenly crashed to the ground with Eve. She cried out of fear, but was she was okay! Thank goodness she was strapped to her dad, or else who knows what could have happened.

    Saturday, April 1

    Deal – This was the day we went to Busch Gardens. We knew before we went to Williamsburg that we wanted to go to Busch Gardens, but because of price, I knew we needed to find a good deal. I looked for quite some time before our trip. At one point, there was a $20 off coupon per person online. I tried to get tickets that way, but the transaction didn’t go through. I am glad it didn’t, because a couple days later, a 50% off Groupon appeared!

    Traffic – That morning was a slow morning, and we ended up leaving the resort later than we needed to. To add to that, there was awful traffic getting in. We waited for about 30 minutes to get into the park. Because we were going so slow, though, I was able to nurse Eve. We also scored free parking, which normally costs $15  (everyone got it to speed up entrance into the park). We were meeting my cousins there. I had been stressed out because they had gotten to the park way before us. We were quite surprised when we ended up parking at the same time in the same parking lot just a few rows from each other.

    We were so happy to have them with us, and even though there was a ton of traffic going in, overall, the lines and crowds were not bad, and we had a great day!

    The right place at the right time – Because of where we parked, we ended up on a different side of the park than usual. This ended up working perfectly, for when it was dark, we ended up at Sesame Street, where the kids were able to ride some of their favorite rides over and over again without lines.

    Sunday, April 2

    Nap – We missed the LDS General Conference sessions the day before, so were really happy to be able to watch the sessions this day. I was a little worried about watching conference with four kids, including a baby. Well, though Eve hardly ever naps, she actually napped all through the first session of conference. As a bonus, the boys were actually pretty good during both sessions.

    Monday, April 3

    Meeting someone new – Monday morning we went to eat at a restaurant for breakfast. I had chosen it based on reviews and location. Interestingly, we ended up being seated next to an LDS family. We could tell because the dad was wearing a BYU shirt. Of course, we had to ask if they were Mormon, and of course they were. We promptly started talking. We found out that they were from Wyoming, and also that they knew the family that were the main characters of The Cokeville Miracle, a movie Jad and I watched just the night before. “That’s just too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence (a popular line from the movie, and so true in this experience).” We had a great conversation with them and were so happy we got to meet them. Imagine if we had gone to a different restaurant or had come at a different time. Some things are meant to be.

    Even though I had very little time to plan this trip, it turned out great and we did everything we had wanted to do. That was a first for us.

    I hope you can see some of these experiences as true tender mercies. I know for sure that they were, and Jad agrees with me whole-heartedly. I know God loves His children, and I know that He cares about our joys and safety, even in the smallest of ways. I am grateful we had these marvelous experiences all in a row on this trip to Williamsburg!