My name is Mandy Al-Bjaly. I was not born with this last name, but it is a name I chose to take upon myself in March of 2010 when I married Jad Al-Bjaly.
Jad and I on our wedding day.
I wrote the story of our courtship and marriage on our fifth wedding anniversary. It was very detailed with lots of pictures, but it wasn’t the whole story. Speaking of our courtship, I said that we had “little rough patches along the way but never doubted how much [we] cared about each other.”
Today I want to fill in those blanks by talking about those rough patches. Jad has given me his blessing to share a very important part of our lives that we have been very cautious to share for a long time. God has told me it’s time to tell this story:
Jad Al-Bjaly grew up in Amman, Jordan. He and his brother were raised for most of their lives by a loving single mother who worked multiple jobs to be able to take care of them. For most of Jad’s life, his family lived with his grandparents and other aunts and uncles in tight quarters. They were poor his whole life and life was hard, but Jad was a cheerful, quiet, mostly obedient young boy who found happiness among his family and friends.
Images of Jad and loved ones during his childhood in Jordan.
Jad first ventured to the United States in 2001 after he was approved for a student exchange (J1) visa. This J1 visa allowed him to get a temporary US social security number and work permit. Jad wanted this visa because after his first year in college his mom could no longer afford to pay for his schooling. Jordan is not like the US where you can get school loans and pay for school after you graduate. Instead, school had to be paid up front. Had Jad stayed in Jordan to work, it would have taken him a long time to save up enough money to go back to school.
It was not easy to get approved for the IEEE Global Student Exchange program. It was very competitive, with many requirements for approval. Jad had to find a host family in the US, pass a basic English test, get a sponsor in his home country of Jordan, have a job already secured in the US, pass a background check, prove he was a college student, pay the fees for the IEEE program, and interview at the US embassy in Jordan.
Jad and his best friend both got J1 visas. The bottom photo was at the Queen Alia airport before they flew to the US for the first time.
The J1 visa was only valid for six months at a time. Jad had to reapply each time he wanted to go back to the US to work. He was able to use this visa as long as he was a student. When he was in the US during those times, he was in Florida working for his uncle, who had a furniture business. He also worked a part time as a carpet installer. He did his best to work on his English too, as he spoke very limited English before ever leaving Jordan.
Jad in Florida the first and second years he went.
Jad finished his last two college classes in 2004, and had already been offered a job in Jordan that would have paid him about $150 dinar a month, which is just a little over $200 in American money. He had previously made more than that in the US in a week. So, Jad got a B2 visa (a travel visa good for six months) in hopes that he could find a way to stay in the US and work towards citizenship. It was not easy to leave his family, especially his mom, not knowing when he would be back.
Top photo: Jad in Petra before leaving Jordan for good. Bottom photo: Jad and his mom before leaving Jordan for good.
So, back to Florida he went. Jad helped his uncle with his business for free (he wasn’t supposed to have a job on the B2 visa) while his uncle provided him with food, clothing, and shelter. Jad met many undocumented immigrants while he was in Florida, and they were very nice people who worked hard. He loved Florida. Unfortunately, not long after Jad was there, his uncle’s business was having major problems. Jad’s best friend then told him about a business opportunity at a convenience store in Kinston, NC. Neither he nor his friend had money to invest in the business, but they were able to get help from family to start running it. So, Jad moved to NC.
Photos of Jad with friend/family during his time in Kinston.
It was getting pretty close to the 6-month mark of his visa, so Jad was looking more carefully into how to stay in the country. He found out that he either had to go back home to Jordan and apply through an immediate family member who was a permanent resident or citizen of the US, or marry a citizen of the US. The first option wouldn’t be possible for a long time because he didn’t have an immediate family member who was a permanent resident or citizen (his mom was currently working towards residency). So, instead, Jad began looking for a romantic relationship. As he worked at the business and tried to find a girlfriend, his visa expired and his overstay began.
One day, the FBI came to his store looking for the previous owner’s family member regarding a case. They spoke to Jad, but he did not konw where the past owners had moved. Then the agents started to question Jad and asked for his ID. Jad nervously gave it to them and then they went outside for a few minutes. They soon came back into the store and told Jad that they knew all about him. They knew where he was from, the visa he had, and that he was overstaying. Much to Jad’s relief, they said there were not there for him and would let him go. They told him not to run away but to continue living and working where he was. Otherwise, they would find him and deport him. Jad decided to do as the FBI said and stay where he was while continually looking for a woman he could love and marry.
As time went on, Jad decided he wanted to go back to school to earn a master’s degree (he already had a bachelor’s degree from Jordan). He went to ECU to apply, and before he could go home, his car burned up and stopped running . He sadly had no money or phone to help him get home to Kinston. He was dirty and sitting sadly on the stoop outside a store. A young woman approached him and offered to help him get home. They stayed in touch, and he grew in admiration for her. He didn’t really love her romantically, but when she offered to marry him so he could apply for citizenship, he agreed. They married in 2005 and he moved to Greenville to live with her.
After their marriage, they started the legal process for citizenship. Jad was in a protected status at that point and could not be deported. Their relationship was fine for a while, but then she decided to go to school instead of him. She wanted to quit her job and rely on his income. Jad, being a kind and giving person, agreed. But then the water, heat, and phone, and credit card bills started getting really high.
One day his wife wanted them to go church with her mom. She did not drive with them but said she would come later because she had to take a shower. Well, she never showed up to church. As soon as Jad got back home, he saw a man leaving the driveway. He was suspicious but didn’t say anything. Eventually, he decided to investigate by looking in her car. He was shocked when he found drugs. He realized she had been spending his money on them, which disgusted him.
Jad told his lawyer what had happened and felt he needed to get a divorce even though it would end his citizenship proceedings. Jad really wanted to marry for love and be happy. He was willing to go back to Jordan if he had to. His lawyer was very compassionate and kind and did the divorce papers for free. Jad and his wife were divorced in 2006.
Jad moved back to Kinston and focused on working. He knew he really needed to go back home to Jordan, but another way to stay in the US came up. Someone in his family told him about a single, young woman from his aunt’s husband’s family who lived in Wisconsin. They wanted to set Jad and her up in an arranged marriage. Because she was a citizen, Jad decided to at least try to make it work. He traveled back and forth to see her a few times, even on an airplane more than once. He was always scared to fly but nobody from TSA ever stopped him. The young woman was nice, but all of his interactions with her were awkward. There was no attraction. They also were not allowed to go on dates or show any physical affection, leaving little opportunity to develop a relationship.
In 2007, Jad asked permission from her father, and then proposed to her even though he did not love her. Now that they were engaged, he could hug her and hold her hand. That did not help with the chemistry between them unfortunately. But, as traditionally done in Jordanian culture, Jad paid for a large engagement party in addition to the engagement ring.
Half of Jad’s engagement photo. He cut her out later on.
Once, while engaged, Jad went to visit her. He said he wanted to visit her at college and meet her friends. She snapped at him and refused. Jad felt that she was ashamed to share him with her friends. That day he knew for sure she wasn’t the right one for him. He started the journey back home. During a flight layover, Jad called her dad and asked to talk to her. He said it wasn’t working out and told her to take the ring off, breaking off the engagement. Her dad tried to smooth things over by speaking ill of his daughter’s maturity and then and promising that love would come later. Jad didn’t believe that and stood his ground.
Jad was taking a huge risk breaking off yet another chance for becoming a permanent resident and then citizen, but he knew it wasn’t right. Some members of his family were unhappy with the decision, especially his extended family from his aunt’s husband’s side, but he knew he was doing the right thing.
What was next for Jad? This whole time Jad knew it was wrong to overstay his visa, but he also loved the US and knew that if he went home, he wouldn’t be able to come back. After thinking about it, he felt like he needed to stay in NC to support his best friend in their business as well as help his uncle who needed help at that time. Jad also felt like there was a reason he shouldn’t go home, but he didn’t know why yet. Life was really hard at that time. He really missed his mom and was feeling lost. He called her to share how he felt. She told him to try going to church again. He took his mom’s advice and tried different churches, as well as dated a little off and on. After a time, he found a church that he would eventually join in the summer of 2008: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You can read about that journey here.
Jad with two of the missionaries who taught him.
He was dating a young lady at the time who turned against him when she found out he had joined the LDS church. Jad found himself single again, but life was at least feeling better. He had a strong faith and a church family. He had also acquired another business (a gas station), which was successful. Jad finally felt hope and joy.
And then he met me at a church dance in the spring of 2009. Little did we both know then how much our lives would change because of each other. In case you didn’t get a chance to read it earlier, you can read about our love story here.
I met Jad at a church dance. This is not a picture of him from that night, but this is how I remember him looking, very stylish and handsome.
Our first date and first picture together.
I didn’t know and didn’t feel any reason to ask Jad about his immigration status in the United States as we got to know each other. I just knew that I loved his company, and I felt very drawn to him. I fell in love with him and wanted to marry him. I felt that God had sent him to me.
As shared in my blog post about our courtship, Jad had come to Virginia to be with my family for Christmas in 2009.
Pictures from Christmas 2009 in VA.
One evening during that trip, I took him to my old elementary school to show him around and so we could just have some time together. I remember talking to him about my hopes for our future. I mentioned the possibility of him going back to school while I worked and supported our family. These ideas for the future prompted Jad to tell me that he wasn’t eligible to go to college here because he was no longer eligible to be here. I never wrote down this conversation or experience in order to protect him, but I do remember being surprised but not undaunted or disgusted. I knew he loved me and that we were meant to be a family. Nothing was going to change that, and I had faith that all would be well. I didn’t tell anybody about our conversation because it was all going to work out. We talked a lot more about his status and our feelings about it and our future in a later phone call.
We continued to visit each other, taking turns traveling nearly every weekend. Jad asked me to marry him (finally) on February 6, 2010 at Duke Gardens, and it was a magical day. I was so happy and felt so blessed to be given a second chance at true, eternal love.
The day Jad proposed to me.
And then one day, just a few weeks later, Jad called me and told me that Immigration was searching for him. They had come to his apartment when he wasn’t there. A member of his family told him what had happened and told him he needed to get away from his home and town to avoid possible deportation. He had gone home quickly to grab some clothes and then started driving towards me without a plan but hope that my family would help him.
I was worried. This was not how things were supposed to be. Because Jad and I were not married yet, he and I did not feel right about him staying with me. That evening we went to my parents’ house, sat them down, and told them what was going on. We needed their help and hoped that they would let him stay there for a while until we could figure things out. It was a difficult spot to put my parents in, and I regret having to put them in that position of discomfort and worry. My dad was initially worried about repercussions of them helping Jad. But ultimately, my parents loved me and loved Jad and didn’t want me to lose the man I loved. They wanted us both to be happy, so they were willing to make that sacrifice for us. Their counsel was for us to get married as soon as possible, which was absolutely the right thing to do, even if it was sad.
We had to rush around for days trying to figure things out, with the first course of action to apply for a marriage license. At first I thought we would have to get married at the courthouse, which made me very sad. I tried to find a nice dress to wear instead of my wedding dress, but ultimately, Jad’s family helped him plan a small wedding for us. A week or two after Jad came to stay with my parents, we were able to be married surrounded by our families under the same pavilion he had proposed to be under exactly one month before. It was a beautiful, simple wedding, even though it was not what I was hoping for. We are so grateful for our church’s stake president who agreed to marry us on very short notice without knowing the full context. He told us later he felt very strongly he should marry us, even though he didn’t know why.
Our wedding day.
Despite all these challenges, I was so happy to finally be married to the man I knew for months was supposed to be my husband and raise my young son alongside me. People wondered why we got married so quickly after engagement, and it was hard to only be able to give partial truths rather than the whole truth, but protecting Jad was our top priority.
It would have been nice if marrying me was enough to protect Jad from deportation. It was not nearly that simple. We went through a long, expensive, frustrating, and sometimes worrisome process. We were so grateful for the $1000 Jad’s cousin Husam gave us as a wedding gift to help us get started. In the early months of our marriage, it was very difficult because I was much more cautious about him going back to work in Kinston than he was. But, we carried on through the immigration process, making memories along the way.
Our family growing throughout the early years of our marriage.
More sweet photos of Jad with me and our children.
It took until September of 2013, for my husband to become a citizen of the United States—three and a half years after we were married. It was such a joyful day for our family. The road had been long and certainly not easy. But now we could breathe and feel relief that this difficult part of our journey together was finally over.
Finally a citizen of the USA!
Some of you reading may be thinking that my husband made a huge mistake by overstaying his visa and that he deserved to be deported. Perhaps Jad did, and perhaps he should have been, but I thank God that He had a merciful plan for him and for me.
Had things gone differently:
- Jad never would have found the answers to the spiritual questions he had had his whole life and never would have joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
- Had that never happened, he never would have stopped drinking, and had he never stopped drinking, he would have died of echinococcus long before he or any doctors knew he had it.
- He never would have met me. We never would have fallen in love, married, and had our four beautiful children. My oldest son never would have experienced being raised by this good man who adores him.
- Jad never would have been able to touch the lives of so many people at work, church, and in the community. People love his cooking, his laughter, his willingness to serve, and his encouraging nature. He wants everyone to succeed and he will happily help others in their journeys with school, work, spirituality, and much more.
But because he did stay here, Jad found spiritual nourishment. He married someone who had prayed for him for years and changed her life for the better. He survived a parasite that had eaten up his liver for 10 years because he lived in North Carolina with the best infectious disease doctors and surgeons. He has fathered five children, who love him with all their hearts. He has served others in so many ways. He is a wonderful man. I know that God has protected Jad throughout his life and that He has a plan just for Jad that has been made evident so many times before he met me and after. There are countless miracles and tender mercies that God has bestowed upon us, more than I can write about today.
The Al-Bjaly Family, Summer of 2024
Why did I write all this? Why does the story of one man matter? Well, I believe that God wanted me to write Jad’s story to put a human face, heart, and soul to an unauthorized immigrant. Often called “illegals” or “illegal aliens,” they have stories of their own where if we listened to them, our hearts would most often swell with mercy, compassion, love, and hope for them.
I encourage us all to pray for the courage to tell our stories. Any time we can use a difficult experience for good, it blesses us and those who are touched by hearing about them. Please share this post if you feel inspired to do so.
May God bless those who see and honor the humanity of all people.
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Note: If you have read all this and still feel a lot of negative feelings about undocumented/unauthorized immigrants, here are some factual resources that may help you with your perspectives:
Tax Contributions | American Immigration Council
Debunking the Myth of Immigrants and Crime | American Immigration Council
Dispelling 10 Common Myths About Immigrants and Refugees – International Institute of New England
And if you are a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you may enjoy this statement that came out last week: Church Reaffirms Immigration Principles: Love, Law and Family Unity
